Who am I?
Hello! I’m Amy, also known as Coffee & Kink (CK for short.) I used to say that the person who writes here was an alter-ego, but I have come to realise that’s inaccurate. What you’ll read here is the truest reflection of me – my heart, my mind, my desires, what makes me angry and what makes me tick.
I cannot always be myself out in the world. Here, I can be real.
I’m a twenty-something, queer cis British girl. I define myself as femme-ish (it’s complicated,) polyamorous, an intersectional feminist and a submissive switch. I’m also a swinger-ish (also complicated,) mentally ill, a Gemini and an INFP if you care about either of these things, and a writer above all.
I like my sex like I like my coffee: hot and several times a day.
Why a sex blog?
Because I find sexuality endlessly fascinating and I think sex has the power to change the world. The sex education most of us receive is woefully lacking – if we get any at all – which means we have generations of grown adults who don’t understand their bodies and live under the weight of massive sexual shame.
I want people to talk openly about sex. I want accurate, pleasure-focused information for everyone, and I want informed, enthusiastic consent to become a minimum standard. Coffee & Kink is my small attempt at being the change I wish to see in the world.
Sex is literally the only topic I never run out of things to say about. For every article, review, rant or story I post, there are at least five more dancing around in my head. A year or so ago, my writing was getting some attention over on Fetlife, so I thought, hey, some people actually care what I have to say! I opened up a free WordPress account, and Coffee & Kink was born.
What I initially envisioned as a small side-project has become so much more. This blog, and my sex writing more generally, is now a brand, a business and a passion.
What to expect here.
You’ll find reviews of sex toys, books, kinky items and more. You’ll find articles, personal essays and opinion pieces on all aspects of sex and relationships, with somewhat of a focus on BDSM and responsible non-monogamy. There will be occasional personal story from my own sex and love life. On odd occasions, there will also be pictures of or by me (no face, sorry!) and erotic fiction.
Coffee & Kink is set up to be an accessible and inclusive space for people to read, learn, expand their horizons and start having conversations. It is run on an explicitly feminist ethos with consent, pleasure, education and safety as the core values.
Respectful debate and discussion is encouraged, but sexism, racism, homo-/bi-/transphobia, classism, ableism, kink shaming, body shaming and any other bigotry will not be tolerated. I moderate all comments and will not allow hateful ones through, and I will block repeat offenders. Basically, don’t be a dick.
Again, this is an 18+ space. If you are under legal age to access adult materials where you live, then please leave immediately. You can find accurate information about sex and relationships at Scarleteen or Bish.
Cast of Recurring Characters
- Amy/CK – Yours Truly. (She/her)
- Mr CK – My primary partner and the love of my life. An excellent and feminist mainly-straight cis dude. (He/him)
- The Artist – My secondary partner since early 2017. Genderqueer male-presenting. Artist, as the name implies. (He/him or they/them)
- The Minstrel – The Artist’s primary partner. Genderqueer. My metamour and very dear friend. (They/them)
- Evil Genius – My fuckbuddy since mid-2015, dear friend for much longer. (He/him)
- Fondlebeast and Twistergirl – My couple. Primary partners with each other. Dating/sexfriends of mine since 2009. (He/him and she/her)
Where to start?
If you’re new to all this and just doing your research, try the Good for Beginners category.
To see a small selection of my best work, have a read of some of these:
- The Tyranny of No Rules: In Defence of Polyamorous Hierarchy
- Sex Not Stigma: Using My Sexuality to Manage My Mental Health
- I’m Looking for Baggage That Goes With Mine
- “Pretty” is Not My Success: On Being a Swan
If you’re a social media person, feel free to connect with me on Twitter or send me a friend request on Fetlife (no message required, but feel free to send one if you have a question, some feedback, or just want to say hi and/or tell me I’m amazing.) I hate Facebook, I can’t be arsed with Instagram, and I am way too old for Snapchat. So Twitter and Fetlife are where I live.
And finally, to dive in wherever fate takes you, try today’s ‘Random Post’ in the right hand sidebar.
I invite you to brew yourself a hot cup of coffee (or whatever your poison is,) open your mind, read around, explore… and enjoy.