[Toy Review] Blush Novelties Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator

It feels a bit sacrilegious to say this, but I think I’ve found a bullet vibrator I like more than the hallowed We-Vibe Tango. And it’s an unassuming little thing from Blush Novelties that retails at the shockingly reasonable price of $32 (about £24 for my Brit readers). Meet the Exposed Nocturnal “lipstick bullet,” sent to me by Peepshow Toys, excellent purveyors of body-safe toys for all budgets.

Details and Dimensions

The Exposed Nocturnal lipstick buillet vibratorThe Exposed Nocturnal bullet is 4″ long in total and has a dimension of 0.9″. It’s shaped, as the advertising copy implies, like a lipstick – a cylindrical body leading to a gently tapered tip with one flat edge. I really like this shape for clitoral vibrators, because it gives you so many options. You can use the tip, the flat edge or the whole shaft, depending on how pinpoint you like your vibrations.

The Exposed Nocturnal is waterproof, submersible, and USB-rechargeable. It comes in four colour-ways, three of which can be described as variations on “pink,” and the fourth (called “Sugar Plum”) is purple. The colours are sort of shimmery in quality, which is really attractive.

Functionality & Interface

The Exposed Nocturnal lipstick bullet vibrator.The Exposed Nocturnal bullet has a simple two-button user interface built into the base (which is also where the magnetic charging points are). You hold down the + button to switch on, use the + and – buttons to navigate the various settings, and hold down the – button to switch off.

This is one of the areas where this toy really comes out ahead of the Tango, as well as most of the lower priced toys on the market – you can cycle either way through the settings! Gone up a notch and decided it’s too intense? No worries, you can skip straight back down again without cycling all the way through.

My only real complaint, and it’s a minor one, is that the buttons and markings on them are so small that it can be hard to see which is which in low light. I would also have liked a travel lock, but you can’t have everything.

Body-Safe and Easy to Clean

The Exposed Nocturnal bullet is made of body-safe ABS plastic, which is non-porous and non-toxic. I really enjoy hard plastic as a toy material, because it’s so firm that it doesn’t dampen down the strength of the vibrations at all.

This toy is also a breeze to clean. Use a body-safe medical wipe, or some gentle soap and warm water – it’s fully submersible! Oil-, silicone- or water-based lubes are all fine with ABS plastic toys.

For extra protection if you’re sharing your toys, pop a condom over it or clean it thoroughly between users.

In Use: Power for Days!

Power is always the crunch point for me, when it comes to whether I like a toy or not. Basically, I want power and lots of it! And ohhhh boy, did the Exposed Nocturnal bullet deliver in this area.

It has 10 settings: five constant speeds and five patterns. Mr CK was stunned when I switched this toy on to show him its power, then said “and that’s the LOWEST setting!” It’s got less pure rumble than the Tango, but no less power. (If the Tango is a 9 on a 1-10 scale of rumbliness, this toy is about a 7.5). Starting out at a low rumble and building up to what I can only describe as a tiny power tool, make no mistake: this baby is extremely powerful. I can come reliably, in only a few minutes, with this toy on the lowest setting – which is practically unheard of for me.

I should mention that it’s a little on the louder side. The volume isn’t unreasonable for the level of power, but it’s not a good choice if you need near-silent. (It does, however, pass the “can Mr CK hear Amy wanking from downstairs when she’s in the bedroom with the door closed?” test. He could not).

In conclusion: the best bullet I’ve ever tried.

And I do not say this lightly! This toy is in-fucking-credible for the price. If you need power but you’re on a limited budget, or if you’re looking for a discreet little vibe to take on your travels with you, look no further.

Let me say it again: This. Toy. Is. $32. Next time anyone tells you that you can’t get a body-safe product without shelling out hundreds, point them to this post.

Thanks to Peepshow for sending me the Blush Novelties Exposed Nocturnal lipstick bullet to review. It will feature next month in a piece on the best body-safe vibrators under $40. Links in this post are affiliate links and if you use them, I will make a small commission. As ever, all opinions my own, and please don’t steal my photos!

[Toy Review] Mantric Rechargeable Vibrating Penis Masturbator

I’ve discussed before how difficult it is to find toys for people with penises which use truly body-safe materials. There’s a lot of TPE/TPR and other porous materials out there, including the extremely popular and well-rated Tenga and Fleshlight products. This means that they will harbour bacteria, degrade over time, and ultimately not last all that long. So I was really pleased to see that, like the whole Mantric range, this penis masturbator offering from Lovehoney is made entirely of silicone.

The Mantric penis masturbator on a white bed sheet.Let’s take a look…

The Mantric penis masturbator is cylindrical, open at one end and closed at the other. The outside is black and features a subtle geometric pattern. Inside, the silicone is the dark pinkish-red that characterises the Mantric range, and is gently ribbed – presumably, to enhance pleasure. On one side of the internal wall is a small hump. This is where the motor sits and the vibrations are concentrated. The total internal length is only about 3 inches. This toy is very light and sits comfortably even in my very small hand.

The Mantric masturbator is USB rechargeable, with a use time of about 90 minutes for a 100 minute charge. It retails for £49.99 at Lovehoney UK ($64.99 in the US.)

Buttons & Settings

The Mantric masturbator has an extremely simple The Mantric penis masturbator on a light wooden floor.one-button interface. You press the button once to switch one, then again to cycle through the settings, and you hold it down for two seconds to switch off. The simplicity of this type of interface is, as always, undermined by the annoyance of only being able to scroll through the settings on one direction. Up/down buttons on toys, people – please!

There are five settings in total – constant vibration and four different patterns. The other cool feature this toy has is a travel-lock. So you don’t need to worry about it switching on in your bag!

The Mantric penis masturbator from above.Care and Cleaning

I was worried about how difficult it might be to clean this product. Thankfully, it’s fully waterproof and submersible. This means cleaning it is… if not the easiest, at least much easier than I expected. I used warm water, a clean cloth and my index and middle fingers to clean the inside thoroughly, and then left it out to dry thoroughly. For a quick in-between clean, wiping it out with a sterile medical wipe should be fine. Being silicone, you can be assured of a full clean and not worry about it going moldy or holding on to any yucky bacteria.

In Use

I was really excited to use this product. Mr CK very much enjoys vibrations on his penis, so I thought it would be a great toy for him. Unfortunately, it really fell down in practice.

I can’t tell you this without it coming across as an #explanabrag, but it is honest-to-God true – his cock didn’t really fit! The diameter of the inside canal is only about 1.5″. This is far too narrow for anyone who is even slightly above average in the penis department.

We used a metric fuck-tonne of lube, both on his cock and inside the toy, but he had to really force to get even part way inside. An extremely tight squeeze is not, contrary to what ridiculous virginity-fetishists would have you believe, conducive to a fun or sexy time! He described it as uncomfortable-to-painful.

The other thing, and I’m giggling remembering this as I write the review, is that whenever he tried to insert his cock into this toy it made… um, a rude-sounding noise. Yeah, it sounded like a super loud fart noise. A+ for making us fall about laughing, but significantly less points for actual functionality.

This toy might work for people with cocks on the smaller side (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with!) But if you’re even slightly above average, there’s a decent chance your penis simply won’t fit inside it properly.

Our other complaint was that the vibrations are not very strong. Now, it’s possible that Mr CK has been spoiled by my using the Doxy on his cock, but penis shafts have less nerve endings than clitorises (and they’re less concentrated) so many penis-owners find stronger vibrations are better. Even if he’d been able to get his cock in properly, the vibrations are too weak to lead to orgasm.

Overall, a great concept and I absolutely applaud Lovehoney for making a penis toy out of pure silicone. Unfortunately, the functionality just isn’t quite there yet.

What should you buy instead?

I really wanted to recommend this product. There are so few silicone penis masturbators on the market that to negatively review one feels awful. Unfortunately, for most people I cannot recommend this toy. If you’re after a vibrating toy for your penis, try the Hot Octopuss Pulse III, which is extraordinary – or get a wand vibrator and a penis wand attachment. We really like the Hummer attachment (which comes with a wand in this great-value set!) – though we wish it was silicone, as the TPE is porous and will degrade over time. The O-Wand O-Gasm attachment is the only good silicone option I know of.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Mantric masturbator in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as ever, entirely my own. I have used affiliate links in this post, and all images are by me and not for use without permission.

[Toy Review] Avant Pride P4 Power Play Silicone Butt Plug

Pride month may now be over, but Blush’s Avant Pride line lives on! Besides, it’s never a bad time of year to plaster your favourite pride flag all over everything, including your sex toys. As well as the Power Play plug, they also make the same plug style in genderqueer and genderfluid pride colours, as well as rainbow, trans pride and lesbian pride dildos.

The Power Play butt plug in white blue black and red, lying on an open diaryThe leather pride flag, designed in 1989, was originally primarily used by the gay leather community. In recent years, however, it has come to represent leather culture – and general BDSM community – more widely. The flag features horizontal lines of black, blue and white, and a small red heart in the upper left. The Avant “Power Play” plug‘s colour scheme is based upon this flag. The effect is striking, with a lovely masculine-of-centre aesthetic that is quite different from anything else in my collection.

Specs ‘n’ Stats…

The Power Play plug is quite large in size. With 4.75 inches in total length (4.25″ insertable) and a 1.5″ diameter at the widest point, it’s not a plug for total beginners to anal play. If you’re brand new, I suggest looking at something like the Temptasia silicone crystal plug in a small or the Tantus Little Flirt to start you off. (Look out for my upcoming post on the best toys for anal play novices, too!)

My hand with the Power Play black white blue and red butt plug

Instead of the more traditional round base, the Power Play plug has a wide, t-bar shaped base. It also has a short and wide neck, which is only a little narrower than the biggest part of the plug and wider than the top.

The Power Play plug retails for $30 (about £23). I stand by my previous statement that I can’t believe the value of this whole range. Never believe anyone who tells you that you can’t have safe and quality toys on a budget!

The body-safe goodness you’ve come to expect

You know that if Peepshow are stocking it, it’s going to be a quality and body-safe product! The Power Play plug is silicone, which is non-porous. (Whyyyyyy do companies make any toys, but especially anal toys for fuck’s sake, out of porous materials)!? It’s also non-toxic. As it has no motor, the best way to clean your plug is to toss it in a pan of boiling water for ten minutes or so.

Many people don’t think of this, but butt plugs are actually an ideal shape to be condom-compatible. You don’t need to use a barrier if you’re not sharing the toy or have sterilised it between uses, but if you’re sharing it with a partner you’re going to want to cover it up. Smaller size condoms are best for most butt plugs. As ever, I only recommend water-based lube with silicone toys, and I’m going to take this opportunity to give a little plug to my favourite anal lube of all time – Sliquid Sassy.

In Use

This toy is on the challenging side for me. I’ve taken toys this size and even a little bigger in the past (as well as having done anal sex with an above-average bio cock,) but it takes some working up to take something this size in my ass.

I used it after warming myself up with a clitoral orgasm (thanks to the trusty love of my life for that!) With plenty of lube, it went in reasonably comfortably. The thing I love the most about this toy is the feel of the material. The silicone is really soft, squishy and malleable, which feels wonderful and is super comfortable in use. I don’t think I’ve ever used a body-safe plug as squishy as this one. If super rigid toys turn you off, the Power Play plug could be a really good choice for you.

I really like the shape of the base. If you spin it the right way around so that the t-bar base sits parallel with your butt crack, it’s super comfortable. One of the most challenging things about plug wear, for me, is the chafing of the edges of a round base against my butt cheeks. No such problem with this one.

Unfortunately, there was one big issue with this plug that I couldn’t seem to solve: it won’t stay in! Whatever position I was in, even when it was inside as far as it could possibly go, the moment I removed my hand it just slipped out. I am inclined to attribute this to the shape of the neck, which is too short and too wide to clench around sufficiently to keep the plug in. The beauty of a more traditionally shaped butt plug neck is that your ass takes in the toy and then effectively closes around the plug’s neck, keeping it inside.

Do I recommend it?

Depends what you’re using it for. If you’re looking for a plug for keeping in, unfortunately I cannot recommend this one. I suggest you look for something with a longer and more pronounced neck for this purpose.

However, if you’re looking for a plug to thrust with, or to use as part of a play session where you won’t need to leave it in (building up to a penis or larger dildo, perhaps) then I can heartily recommend this one for its super soft squishy silicone, excellent price, and cute design.

Thank you to Peepshow for sending me the Avant Pride P4 Power Play Plug to review. If you purchase through my affiliate links, I make a small commission. As ever, I promise to only recommend products I stand behind. All views are and will always be my own. Pictures are by me – do not reproduce them without permission.

Smutathon 2018: #SmutForChoice (plus: win sex toys!)

A mug of coffee, notebook and pen on a wooden surface. For a post about Smutathon 2018What is Smutathon?

Many of you will remember #Smutathon2017, a mad idea I had in the middle of the night and which some of my wonderful writing friends were kind enough to go along with. It was essentially a 12 hour writing marathon challenge. We raised £2000 for charity, which we split evenly between Backlash and Rape Crisis England & Wales.

Well, Smutathon is back for 2018, and it’s bigger and better than ever! This year, we’ll be holding the main event at a Mystery Location… okay, it’s not actually a mystery, it’s a large Air B’n’B in Cheshire. It’ll be taking place on Saturday 11 August between 10am and 10pm, where we will write our hearts out for 12 hours and ask you to please sponsor us.

The Participants

Smutathon 2018 participants are:

The in-person event is now at capacity, but we welcome remote participants from all over the world! You can even adjust the time to suit your timezone, if you want. All you need to do to get involved is let us know, share the fundraising page, and write!

#SmutForChoice: Our chosen charity

This year we’re fundraising for Abortion Support Network. Chosen in honour of the recent “Repeal the 8th” campaign in the Republic of Ireland, ASN is an amazing organisation that supports people who need to travel from Ireland or the Isle of Man to England in order to access abortion. They, like us, believe that abortion should be free, safe and legal. From their website:

“ASN is not a campaigning or lobbying organisation. While other organisations campaign for much needed law reform, our volunteers work hard to provide immediate, practical support to women who are unable to access safe and legal abortion in their own countries.”

So… tell us about winning sex toys?

Yes! We decided to hold a raffle this year to boost our fundraising and we’ve got some amazing prizes for you. Unless marked below as UK only, all prizes can be shipped anywhere in the world. If we draw your name for a UK only prize, we will randomly assign you a different prize that we can send.

The Prizes

How To enter

There are two ways to enter the Smutathon 2018 raffle. Entries are £2 each, you can enter as many times as you like, and the draw will be done (and shared live on Twitter!) at the main event on Saturday 12 August 2018.

  • ENTER VIA JUSTGIVING: donate to our JustGiving page and put “raffle” + your Twitter handle or email in the message/ comment box. If you don’t want this info available publicly, contact me to let me know the name you paid with so I can record your entry.★★★Very important:★★★ if you are entering the raffle via Justgiving, do not tick the box when asked if you would like to Gift Aid your donation. Raffle entries cannot be Gift Aided. This is a legal requirement and if you do tick the Gift Aid box, your entry will not be counted.
  • ENTER VIA PAYPAL: Paypal your entry money (multiples of £2) to coffeeandkink69 (at) gmail (dot) com. (Please select the “friends/family” option so neither of us get hit with extra fees!)

How else can I help?

  • Donate, of course, and/or enter the raffle.
  • Share this post and our fundraising page on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or whatever your favourite social media is.
  • Donate a prize to the raffle. Body-safe sex toys, lube, lingerie, kink gear and event tickets are all very welcome.
  • Volunteer for or support Abortion Support Network in any way you can.

Thank you for joining us on this adventure for the second year in a row. Follow along using our official hashtags, #SmutForChoice and #Smutathon2018!

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples

Hey, did you see I have a newsletter now? Sign up for a bi-weekly delivery of latest posts, stories of my adventures, sex toy deals and filth straight to your inbox! Now on to the review. 

I try really hard not to be prejudiced against a toy before it’s even been anywhere near my bits. But I have to admit there was a part of me that hated the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples on sight. Perhaps that’s why it’s languished at the bottom of my “to be reviewed” pile for six months. My bias is a little bit because I get pissed off when “for couples” is used interchangeably with “to be used during penis-in-vagina intercourse,” is if that’s the only type of sex couples have. It’s a little bit because I hate the late-nineties text-s  peak tweeness of “4” instead of “for”. And it’s a lot because I looked at this fucking thing and went “there is no way that’s gonna be effective”.

Facts ‘n’ Figures

The Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples lying on my laptop keyboard.

The Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples is one of the models in Satisfyer’s new generation line, which also includes the G Spot Rabbit (which I quite enjoyed) and the Pro Plus Vibration (which I adored). It’s V-shaped, clearly vaguely modeled after other wearable-during-intercourse vibes such as the We-Vibe Sync (which I recently reviewed for Sex Tech Guide). It utilises Satisfyer’s signature contactless stimulation via rapid pulses of air or “pressure waves”.

There’s a large bulky part which sits against the vulva and houses the pressure wave/suction clitoral stimulator. The second arm is shorter, very slim and flexible, and is designed to sit inside the vagina and vibrate.

This toy boasts two separate motors. The clitoral stimulator has 11 different levels of intensity, and the internal arm has 10 vibration patterns. They are controlled by separate buttons and can be used together or independently.

The Pro 4 Couples is fully waterproof and USB rechargeable. It retails for $99.99 on Lovehoney USA. At time of writing it is not available through the UK site.

Care & Cleaning of Your Satisfyer…

Like all Satisfyer products, the Pro 4 Couples is body-safe. The exterior is matte silicone, the buttons are plastic, and the silicone nozzle end is removable for easier cleaning. Being waterproof, you can submerge it to clean it fully, or use a medical wipe for a quick clean-up. It’s not really condom/barrier compatible.

As always, I recommend water-based lube for silicone toys.

The Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples lying on a white lined notebookGood Points

No toy is all bad. (Scratch that: some toys are all bad). It would be unfair not to acknowledge the Pro 4 Couples’ good points, even though the overall product didn’t work for me.

I really like the air pressure technology Satisfyer use for their clitoral stimulators. It provides intense pleasure without numbing, and this toy is no exception.

I also liked that you can control the clitoral arm and the internal arm separately. I hate vibrations inside my vagina, so being able to turn them off was a godsend.

What I didn’t like

Literally everything else?

Though I’m sure it will work for some people, this product just feels really badly designed to me. For one thing, it doesn’t stay in place! I struggled to get it to stay on my clitoris without using my hands when I was using it solo and staying very still. There is absolutely no way this thing would remain in position during any sort of thrusting..

Secondly, I found the internal arm not only provided no pleasure but was actually painful! This is quite a feat considering how small it is. It tapers to a point for some reason, and when I put the toy in the right position so that the suction nozzle was over my clitoris, this pointy end poked painfully into the wall of my vagina.

Third, there’s no way I could get a penis inside me alongside this toy. I tried valiantly with a dildo (a small dildo!) and it just made the painful poking feeling worse.

Finally, the internal vibrations are buzzy as fuck. I tried them on my clit, just for fun, and I was going numb within a few seconds.

I’m willing to accept that this toy might work well for some people as a solo toy, if their vulva happens to be shaped in exactly the right way to fit with it, but as a toy for wearing during intercourse it’s simply not fit for purpose.

Needless to say, I don’t recommend it. But what should you get instead?

If you’re looking for a pressure wave clitoral stimulator for solo use, get the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration. For dual clitoral suction and G-spot stimulation, get the G-Spot Rabbit. Or for a toy to use for clitoral pleasure during intercourse, get the We-Vibe Sync.

I can see what Sayisfyer were going for with the Pro 4 Couples, but it just misses the mark in so many different ways. A really disappointing offering from a manufacturer I usually like.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All opinions mine, etc. If you want to support me, please become a Patron, buy me a coffee, or shop using the affiliate links in this post and the right hand sidebar.

[Toy Review] Luxe Madonna Straight Seven Vibrator

A "support me on Patreon" buttonDo you enjoy my toy reviews? Then please consider becoming a Patron! Supporters get bonus content every single week and will receive the first chapter of my new erotic novella by email on signing up.

Peepshow Toys, one of my newest affiliates, already have a track record of sending me great products to review. Did you know that EVERYTHING they stock is body-safe, too? This means not only that the toys are free from phthalates and other toxic components, but also that everything is non-porous and the lubes they stock don’t contain nasty ingredients. Basically, you can buy with confidence from Peepshow!

Also feat. the most “me” notebook ever to exist.

Let’s meet Madonna…

The Luxe Collection Madonna, by NS Novelties, came in my latest shipment. It’s a straight insertable vibrator of 6.9″ in total length (about 6.5″ insertable). It’s round at the base and then flares into a slightly wider, gently ridged hexagonal shaft, ending in a smooth pointed tip. The Madonna is rechargeable via USB connection to a magnetic charging port on the base. It is fully waterproof, and comes with a storage pouch. I really appreciate when companies include storage bags with their toys and wish more would do so.

This toy is available in two colours, pink and purple. I’m not a fan of pink toys – there are too many of them, and to be they play too much into stereotypical narratives about femininity and “what women want”. I’m much fonder of purple, which is my favourite colour and also The Official Colour of Bisexuality.

The Madonna retails for $59.95, which puts it squarely into the bracket of a mid-priced toy. It’s well priced for the quality. And don’t forget you can get an extra 10% off this or any purchase at Peepshow by using my affiliate code “COFFEE” at checkout.

Body-safe and condom-compatible…

The Madonna is covered in smooth silicone, which is soft to the touch as well as non-porous and body-safe. Cleaning this toy is a breeze as it’s waterproof – just use warm water and gentle soap, and/or a body-safe sterile wipe. As the toy is seamless and smooth, there is nowhere for bacteria or nasties to hide.

The shape of this toy makes it condom-compatible, too, so if you’re sharing it without sterilising it first you can just pop a barrier over it for safety. As ever, I recommend a good quality water-based lube.

The Madonna does not have a flared base, and is therefore NOT anal-safe. Please do not ever put something inside your ass that doesn’t have a flared base or long handle, as it could get lost. At best, this is embarrassing and painful, and at worst it’s a serious emergency. Please just don’t take the risk. There are so many fabulous anal-specific toys to use.

In use…

As you’ll probably know by now, my G-spot does NOT like vibrations. I have stopped even testing vibrating toys against my inside bits, because there is simply no point – they won’t work for me and I cannot report on their merits with any objectivity. I did try inserting this toy with it switched off, but the texture and ridges of the shaft did not work for me. You’ll want to bear this in mind if you were considering this toy for internal use. Some people love ridges, bumps and textures, but for others they can be seriously uncomfortable.

However, where the Madonna really came into its own for me was – you guessed it – as a clitoral vibrator. As soon as I turned the Madonna on, I was surprised by the strength of the vibrations. Even in my hand, they felt extremely strong. It boasts three constant speeds and four patterns, and each one offers powerful and rumbly vibrations. This toy, paired with some of my favourite smut, quickly brought me to a deep and satisfying climax. I was even able to get some pleasure from the patterns, which are often a complete waste of time for me! I also didn’t get any of the horrible numbness or tingling that so often accompanies buzzy vibrations.

The pinpoint tip of this toy is really nice for precise stimulation. If you prefer broader or less focused vibration, laying the length of it across your vulva and clit is also extremely effective.

The Madonna operates via a simple one-button interface. You hold this button down to turn the toy on, press once to cycle through the patterns, and hold it down again to switch off. I do prefer toy interfaces where you can scroll both ways through the patterns and speeds (i.e. turning down as well as up). It’s reasonably quiet in use – if I switch it on in my bedroom, I can slightly hear it from outside the room with the door closed, but I cannot hear it at all in the next room.

Do I recommend it?

Yes, if… you’re looking for a rumbly vibrator for clitoral stimulation – or something for internal stimulation and you like textured or ridged toys.

I have to admit that I wasn’t expecting much from this one. Perhaps this is my bias showing, but I internally went “oh, another vaguely phallic-shaped generic vibrator with crappy power. Yawn”. But simple can sometimes be effective, if done well, and I’m really pleasantly surprised by the functionality of this toy. The level of power and the versatility between pinpoint and broader stimulation are the real selling points for me. Go get yours!

Thank you to Peepshow for sending me the Luxe Madonna Straight Seven vibrator to review. If you purchase through my affiliate links, I make a small commission. As ever, I promise to only recommend products I stand behind, and all views are and will always be my own. Pictures are by me – do not reproduce them without permission.

[Toy Review] Oh-Moji Emoji Vibrator, Because Why the Fuck Not?

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Sex, as I have long held, is hilarious. It’s also many other things, of course – hot, sweet, loving, occasionally healing and transformative. But often we get so caught up in the notion of Sex As Serious Business that we forget fucking is meant, first and foremost, to be fun.

So, even though I entirely am here for beautiful toys and plain-but-functional toys and hyper realistic toys, I am also occasionally here for silly, funny and plain ridiculous toys. Enter the Oh-Moji.

Just for fun, I’m using emojis instead of title headers for this piece. Because I can.

😍😘😜

My friends at Lovehoney offered me a sneaky peek at their new toy line ahead of its release, and how could I say no to that? The new line, it turns out, consists of three Emoji-themed mini wand vibrators: heart eyes (the one I have,) blowing a kiss, and tongue-out.

These vibes are silly and cute, and clearly marketed towards younger consumers. I have mixed feelings about this; it does seem to be playing into stereotypes about young people and students. However, if a vibrator with an amusing, irreverent design is what it takes to get a young person to buy their first toy and start exploring their sexuality, I’m good with that.

Each Oh-Moji is a petite 5″ long, with a white-and-yellow handle decorated with the Lovehoney heart logo, and a yellow wand head with one flat side, where the emoji face is printed. They are USB rechargeable, and you get about an hour of continuous use from a two-hour charge. I do wish rechargeable toy batteries would last longer, in general!

The Oh-Moji has 11 settings; 3 constant speeds and 8 patterns. It is operated via a simple one-button interface, which you press to change through the settings. This does mean that if you find one you like and skip past it, you have to go allllll the way back through again.

💦🍆🛀

The Oh-Moji is NOT waterproof, so please don’t let it get wet or try to use it in the bath! Luckily, the silicone head is removable which makes for easy clean-up after use. You can, of course, also do a quick clean with a toy wipe or medical wipe (I buy mine in bulk from a medical supplies site). The Oh-Moji is a little small to use with a condom, though you could if you really needed to – and a dam would work just as well to avoid unwanted fluid exchange if you’re sharing the toy without sterilising it first. As ever with silicone toys, please use a good quality water-based lube.

🙂😀😌

There are several things I like about these product. The design makes me giggle, and I like how small and innocuous they are.

I also, obviously, love that they’re body-safe. So many cheap vibrators and other toys are made of crappy, unsafe jelly/rubber/PVC materials which can be porous or even toxic. No such worries with this one, as the head is pure silicone. People who cannot afford to buy expensive, high-end toys also deserve body safe products and I’m really glad that Lovehoney are trying to cater for a particular corner of the likely-to-be-low-income demographic.

😒😐🙁

So what didn’t work for me with the Oh-Moji?

Primarily, the level of power. I am a self-confessed power queen and a lot of weaker vibrators just aren’t enough for me. Unfortunately, this one fell into that category. I persevered, but it simply wasn’t strong enough to get me off. The vibrations were very buzzy, too, whereas I much prefer rumbly.

I also did not like how flexible the neck is. I like to be able to press a vibe into my vulva when I’m using it, and the bendy neck just makes it impossible to do this without pushing it away.

👍/👎?

Possibly not a bad choice for a first vibrator, especially if you’re looking for something on the gentler side. It’s body-safe and not too expensive (£29.99 at full price, currently on sale for £19.99). However, I do not recommend this product to anyone who likes rumblier vibrations or a higher level of power. Overall, I like them much less than I liked Positive Vibes, Lovehoney’s last cheap, cute-design, body-safe offering.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Oh-Moji in exchange for an honest review. If you purchase from them using my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission which helps me keep doing this work. Photos are by me and not to be used without permission. 

Is This What They Meant by “Gay Sex Toys?” A Rainbow Round-Up for Pride

It makes me cringe when I see toys advertised as “gay sex toys” or “lesbian sex toys”. Toys do not have a sexual orientation or a gender! However, today I want to talk about a different type of queer toys – that is, those adorned in rainbows and pride flags and ridiculously bright colours!

An abstract of rainbow coloured smoke.Look, I acknowledge the problems with the way Pride celebrations have gone in recent years. I am, for the most part, firmly in the “Pride is a protest” camp. However, as a queer person living in a queerphobic world, I feel that it is my right to take joy and fun where I can get it – and one of the places I get it is through outrageous, brightly coloured, flagrantly queer-coded sex toys.

Therefore, for your reading and shopping pleasure, here is a round-up of some of my favourite “gay sex toys” currently on the market.

My left hand - 3 nails have purple sparkly polish and the ring finger has a blue sky and Rainbow design like on the Positive Vibes toy.Good (Rainbow) Vibes

I recently reviewed Lovehoney’s Positive Vibes line, one of which features a super cute rainbows-against-a-blue-sky design. There was even a mega-fun launch event during which I got my nails (pictured) done to match! These affordable as fuck vibrators are surprisingly strong and rumbly for the price point, especially considering they’re battery-operated.

Other good, affordable options for a fun and colourful vibrator are Rocks Off’s kaleidoscopic rainbow bullet, and this little cutie from Tokidoki.

 

Fuck the Rainbow

A rainbow dildo standing next to a glass full of coloured pencils.Rainbow insertables come in all different shapes, sizes and price-points, so there’s bound to be something to suit you whatever you’re looking for.

A good, affordable starter dildo is the Avant Pride P1 (pictured) which I reviewed yesterday. This also comes in trans pride and lesbian pride colourways, which is awesome. There’s also the always-popular Colour Pleasures Pride Edition, BS’s various rainbow dildos, and Lovehoney have a lovely wavy six-inch rainbow dildo.

Size queens of any gender should check out the Rivetor from Split Peaches, and serious texture fans will adore the Screw You from the same company.

Fancy yourself as part unicorn? You can now have sex with a rainbow unicorn horn.

Butt-ing In…

Anal toys are perhaps the most frequently coded as “gay sex toys”, which is clearly nonsense. Anyone can enjoy anal pleasure if they want to – it’s not an activity reserved for gay men! (And, straight dudes, listen up: liking having your ass played with means literally fuck all about your sexuality or masculinity).

However, despite this silly stereotype, there are a great number of brightly coloured anal toys that any of us can enjoy. BS have the rainbow BoBo, or the pink or blue Bingo which has a rainbow base. Avant’s Pride range has butt plugs in genderqueer, genderfluid and leather pride colours. Seriously! And if you’re into a bit of sparkle, Luxe have this lovely set of three plugs with colourful crystal bases.

A black butt plug with a fluffy rainbow tail.Hot on Your Tail

Want to be a queer-as-fuck pony, kitten, puppy or unicorn? You’re in luck, because this gorgeous BRIGHT fluffy tail (pictured) exists! And for a seriously luxurious treat, Crystal Delights do a beautiful multicoloured tail on a glass butt plug.

Not so much bi-furious as bi-annoyed-but-resigned

Are you surprised it was hard as fuck to find ANYTHING with the bi pride flag colours on it? No, me neither. It’s so fucking predictable I barely have the energy or fucks to be ragey about it. That’s why I’m bidding on the bi pride dildo from Godemiche in their pride month auction (well, that and the fact that it’s for a brilliant cause!)

Thankfully, the Official Bisexual Colour is purple (because, apparently, gayness is pink and straightness is blue and we’re a mix? I don’t fucking know, but it’s a good colour). And there are a LOT of purple sex toys out there. That’s why I hereby declare that all purple sex toys will now henceforth be coded as Bisexual Sex Toys.

Companies: rainbows are great, but get it together and make bi themed toys, please! In the meantime, it’s lucky the love of my life comes in purple really, isn’t it?

Happy Pride!

Affiliate links appear in this post. Using them sends me a small commission and helps me keep doing this work . Header image is from Pixabay. Other images are either my work or property of the retailers and used with permission. Don’t steal my pics, thanks. 

[Toy Review] Avant Pride P1 Dildo

A "support me on Patreon" buttonHey friends and fans. I want to take a second to talk money – a boring subject, I know, but bear with me. I do this work, sex education and writing and reviewing, primarily for the love of it. But I’m also trying more and more to make it a part of my regular living – the goal, eventually, is to give up my day job and write full time. But for that, I need your help! If you enjoy my work, please consider throwing a dollar or two my way each month on Patreon to access some exciting bonus content including exclusive erotic fiction shorts every Tuesday! If you can’t commit to a monthly amount but still want to support me, you can buy me a virtual coffee. Click the appropriate buttons above to support. If you can’t afford financial support right now, that’s absolutely fine and I love you and value your readership so much! It’s super easy to support me and all your favourite sex writers and creators without it costing you anything by sharing our work on the social media of your choice. Thank you! Now on to the review.

A rainbow dildo lying on a white notebook with a unicorn on the cover.
Ridiculous unicorn notebook courtesy of Amy’s impulse-shopping in The Works.

You know what I love about Pride season, among other things? RAINBOWS ON FUCKING EVERYTHING. Seriously, I love it.

The Avant Pride line of toys are manufactured by Blush Novelties and stocked by the wonderful Peepshow Toys, who sent me this product to review. They come in a bunch of different colour schemes based on different pride flags – mine is the rainbow gay/LGBTQ+ pride dildo, but there’s also a lesbian pride dildo, a transgender pride dildo, a genderfluid pride butt plug, a genderqueer pride butt plug, and a leather/BDSM pride butt plug.

They’re a gorgeous line and I adore them. I am, though, sad there’s no bisexual pride product. I’m trying really hard not to read into this as bi erasure. It’s hard, though, when so many of the other letters of LGBTQ+ are represented. Come on, Blush, give us bisexuals some representation!

A rainbow dildo standing next to a glass full of coloured pencils.Facts ‘n’ Figures

The Avant Pride P1 is a fairly petite little thing. It measures only 6 inches total length, with 5.25″ insertable, and has a diameter of 1.4″ at widest point. It also has a distinctly curved shape and a bulbous head, ideal for G-spot or prostate pleasure.

It’s made of very soft, squishy and extremely bendy matte silicone. The base is a strong suction cup (seriously, you should try peeling this thing off a desk – it sticks!) This means you can use it hands-free by sticking it to a floor/desk/chair/shower stall, and it also makes it harness-compatible in case you want to wear it and fuck your lover with it.

Lab-Certified Body-Safe

I’m not really sure what this actually means, as so few sex toys are ever lab tested! I assume it means the company has run the appropriate tests to meaningfully certify their material as body-safe… but, given the sex toy industry is unregulated, it could also just be words.

Even so, the Pride P1 is made of 100% silicone which ensures it definitely is, in fact, body-safe. As it has no motor or anything, it’s also boilable – you can sterilise your pure silicone dildos/plugs by throwing them into a pot of water on the stove, bringing to the boil, and leaving for 10-15 minutes. This is the best way to kill any and all lingering bacteria, and is especially important if you want to share your toy or use it vaginally/orally after having used it anally.

As ever, you can give your toy a quick clean with a body-safe sterile wipe of the kind you can buy in bulk from medical suppliers, and if you’re sharing it without sterilising you should use a condom. Use water-based lube with silicone toys.

Bend and Flex

A rainbow dildo standing on a stack of books about sex.
Also feat: some of my sexy book pile.

This toy, though it feels great in use, is actually a little too bendy for me. When I tried to thrust hard with it, the super-flexible shaft meant that it kept bending in the wrong direction rather than hitting my G-spot accurately. Though lack of a suitable partner being available means I have not had the chance to try it in my harness, I suspect that this issue would also prevent it from being an ideal dildo for vaginal fucking or pegging.

What I do love about this one, though, is the shape. When that wide, rounded head presses into just the right spot… mmmfff. What I have concluded is that this toy is much better as an “insert and leave it in while I do clitoral play” dildo than a “hard and fast fucking” dildo. And that job it performed admirably.

A good cheap, safe option

The Pride P1 dildo retails for $3o, and the whole range are between $26 and $30. This is a really good price for a pure silicone toy, and rivals a lot of the unsafe products available on the cheaper end of the market in affordability.

Do I recommend it?

Reserved yes. I would be happy to recommend these toys to anyone wanting a less rigid dildo, something slimline, or something for leave-in-and-play purposes. I’d be a lot more hesitant to recommend it for strap-on or hard thrusting play. (For that, you’re better off with something like the Silk or the D1). But all around, a solid little toy for the price.

Thanks to Peepshow Toys for sending me the Pride P1 to review! If you buy anything from their site, use my code COFFEE for 10% off at checkout – including the awesome current PrideNJoy sale. This helps me to keep doing what I’m doing. As ever, all opinions are my own and all photos are by me and not to be used without permission. 

[Toy Review] Sola Cue

Am I allowed to say I was ambivalent about a toy when I used it for its intended purpose,    bv but loved it when I repurposed it a bit? Because that’s how I feel about the Sola Cue, which was kindly sent to me by my friends at Peepshow Toys. (Use code COFFEE to get 10% off any purchase, including sale).

Right on Cue… Let’s Look Closer

(You knew there were going to be puns, right?)

The Sola Cue blue vibrator lying on a red and black laptop keyboard.

The Sola Cue is a multi-function vibrator designed for penetration and g-spot stimulation. It’s 7.5″ long (about 5″ insertable), 1.5″ across at the widest point, slightly curved, and pale blue in colour. I really quite like the blue – it’s an unusual colour for a sex toy compared to the more common pink/purple/red, and I’m here for it.

The Cue is USB-rechargeable via a magnetic charging point. You get about an hour of use out of a full charge, which was disappointing to me – a satisfactory masturbation session can often last that long or longer for me!

The Cue is fully waterproof, and also comes with a nice drawstring storage pouch which is more than big enough to hold the toy and charging cable with plenty of room left over. I’ve actually been using it to store a couple of other toys alongside the Cue. (As an aside, manufacturers, PUT STORAGE BAGS WITH YOUR TOYS PLEASE). They barely cost anything to add and they’re such a nice touch. The packaging was also classy and attractive. So far, this product and its presentation lives up to its luxury price point.

Join the Cue…  Cleaning, Safety and Sharing

The Sola Cue is coated entirely in silicone, making it body-safe and a breeze to clean. Just wipe it down with an antibacterial wipe and then give it a wash in some warm (not hot) water with gentle soap or toy cleaner.

Due to the shape, it’s easy to use this toy with a condom if you’re sharing it with a partner without sterilising it fully first. As ever, water-based lube is recommended.

Also: the Cue does not have a flared base, so don’t use it anally, please!

Shot by Cue-pid’s Bow…

The Sola Cue blue vibrator lying on a black pillow.I adore this toy.

“But Amy!” I can hear you saying if you read me often enough to be intimately familiar with my toy preferences[1], “you don’t like vibrations inside your vagina!” No, friends, I do not. So I assumed I wasn’t going to get on super well with the Cue, however well designed and well reviewed it is. (And it is both!)

Even so, like the good reviewer I am, I tried it for the purpose for which it is intended. And, yeah… I don’t like internal vibrations. They’re either pointless or uncomfortable for me, and at no point pleasurable in any meaningful way. I could feel, intellectually, that this was a really high quality g-spot vibrator. I just fundamentally do not like having my g-spot vibrated. Stroke it, pound on it, or leave it alone. Thanks.

However, as I was testing the Cue, I couldn’t help but notice two things:

First, this toy makes a wonderful dildo when the vibrations are off. The curve, the slight flex, the bulge where the head gets to its widest point, and the soft silicone combine to make it feel absolutely wonderful.

Second, the vibrations are strong and rumbly as fuck.

So I did the only thing an enterprising sex blogger could reasonably do, and stuck it on my clit. I had an amazing orgasm a few minutes later. The sensation is less broad than a wand, for example, but less pinpoint than a bullet – perfect for those in-between lovers. And because the vibrations are so rumbly, I can use it to bring myself to a second and even third orgasm without any annoying buzzing numbing my clit. This is the best new clitoral toy I’ve tried in ages, and it’s not even designed as a clitoral toy!

So do I recommend it?

Yes, wholeheartedly. If you like strong, rumbly vibrations on either your clitoris or g-spot, this toy may well have something wonderful to offer you. You can get yours from Peepshow, where it retails for $79.50. Don’t forget to use code COFFEE at checkout for 10% off this toy or any order!

Thanks to the lovely folks at Peepshow for sending me the Sola Cue in exchange for an honest review. As ever, affiliate sales help me keep the blog going, and all opinions are and will always be my own. Images are by me and not to be used without permission.

[1] Good God, does anyone read me that much!? You deserve a prize if you do.