[Toy Review] NS Novelties Purple Unicorn Tail

Thank you to the lovely folks at Latex Leather & Lace for gifting me this tail to review, since I nearly died of squee when I saw them at the shop opening.

The NS Novelties purple unicorn tail butt plug, boxed. For a product review.

What is it? Facts ‘n’ figures

It’s a silicone butt plug with a long wavy unicorn tail. The packaging, annoyingly, doesn’t say what the tail part is made from, but LLL helpfully inform us on their website that it’s polyester. It basically feels like doll hair.

The total insertable length is just shy of 4 inches, with a 4 inch circumference at the widest point. It’s not a tiny plug, so I wouldn’t suggest it for complete beginners, but it’s far from huge. As a somewhat experienced anal player, it’s a nice middle-range plug for me. I couldn’t keep it in all day, but I could probably wear it comfortably for an hour or two.

The NS Novelties purple unicorn tail butt plug on my desk. For a producr review.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The NS Novelties Unicorn Tail retails for £39.99 on Latex Leather and Lace’s site. It’s definitely on the higher end of price ranges I’ve seen for butt plugs, but much cheaper than other tails on the market.

Appearance: ★★★★★
It’s beautiful! Such a pretty purple colour (it also comes in pink, blue, and rainbow colours) and with a lovely long wavy tail. When the tail gets a little tangled, it’s easy to tidy it up with a hairbrush.

Feel: ★★★★
The silicone is super soft with a matte finish and feels wonderful. The plug is not too rigid, with that slight squish and flex that pure silicone has. My only gripe is that I would like the neck to be a bit longer and deeper. The gentle taper meant that I had to keep my butt muscles flexed to prevent the toy from sliding out when I was moving around with it inserted.

Care, Cleaning & Body Safety: ★★★★
Being pure silicone, the NS Novelties Unicorn Tail is completely body safe – free from phthalates, non-porous, hypoallergenic and all that good stuff. My only real concern is how to clean the tail portion, or if it’s even possible. Given its proximity to the insertable part, it will definitely pick up some butt-germs and lube. You could wash it in hot water with shampoo or a very gentle soap, but I am concerned this might damage it and I really don’t want to do that. We got around this issue by opting to use a condom, which covered the plug and the very top of the tail sufficiently as to not get any fluids or germs on it.

Overall score: ★★★★
A really nice little plug with a super cute tail – will definitely make the unicorn lovers out there squee!

Go get yourself one!

As a special treat for getting this far, here’s my bum!

Me lying face down with the NS Novelties Unicorn Tail plug inserted. For a product review.

All the images in this post are by me or my partner and are our property. Do not reproduce or copy them without our express permission.

Disclaimers: This product was provided to me in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, and will always be, my own. Links in this post are not affiliate links. If you would like to support me while shopping with Latex Leather & Lace, please click through using the banner below.

The Latex Leather and Lace company banner.

It IS [Mostly] All About the Sex

For today’s #KinkMonth post, it’s all about SEX! As you’ll have gathered (unless this is your first visit, in which case – welcome!) I’m doing posts inspired by Kayla Lords’ 30 Days of D/s. Today, Kayla asks:

Have you ever considered D/s without a sexual component? Would you be interested in something like it? How important is sex to your current or future D/s relationship?

A pair f black lace panties lying on the floor next to two condom packets, one torn open. For a post about people saying BDSM is not about sex

I do it because it gets me off.

For some reason, it seems to be a thing to deny that BDSM is mostly, or entirely, about sex. And for some people, this is probably true. But, if I’m completely honest, I’m a bit sick of it.

For me, kink and BDSM are, and always have been, overwhelmingly about sex. Yes, they’re means of connecting with people I love. They’re sometimes spiritual. But for fuck’s sake, the vast majority of the time, I do this stuff because it makes my cunt wet and gets me off.

People have tried to divorce BDSM entirely from sex. I am willing to entertain that there are some people – folks at the far end of the Ace spectrum, for example – for whom this is the case. But at its core, I do believe it’s fundamentally a sexual or sex-adjacent practice 99% of the time.

I don’t fuck everyone I scene with, but I do get turned on during pretty much any good kink interaction. It’s part of my pre-negotiation with new partners: “you don’t have to do anything about it, but you need to be okay with the fact that if we have a good scene, I WILL be aroused.”

What’s wrong with sex anyway?

We live in a world where it’s pretty hard to admit that something we do is mainly or entirely about sex. Sex is not seen as a good enough reason to do something – there has to be a higher purpose, a better reason.

Confession I’m seriously not proud of time: pre-20, I was really judgy about people who have casual sex. “I only have sex when I’m in LOVE,” I proclaimed loudly, as if it made me better than other people. Thankfully, I 1) grew the fuck up and stopped being a judgemental bitch, 2) learned the awesomeness that is good casual sex.

A lot of polyamorous people – and yes, I used to be one of them, much to my embarrassment – go around saying “it’s about LOVE, not SEX!” This often goes hand in hand with, “we’re not SWINGERS!” The problem with this is that it implies being a swinger is a bad thing, that love is inherently superior to sex, and it neglects the fact that sex is a hugely important part of romantic love for a lot of us. In this way, people who are ostensibly part of the sex-positive community fall into sex-negative and sex-shaming patterns.

It’s easy to do and I sympathise with it. We’re taught, more or less from birth, that sex is bad. Dirty. Gross. That sex is only “when mummy and daddy love each other very much and want to have a baby.” A huge part of sex-positivity and the sex-posi movement, in my view, is about unlearning these toxic narratives and trying to do better.

Real talk: I don’t have an IUD to control my period (though that’s a nice side effect.) I have it for sex.

For evidence of pervasive anti-sex sentiment, see also: “I use birth control for reasons that have nothing to do with sex, like controlling my painful periods.” Again, for a lot of people with uteruses (uteri?), this is entirely true and it’s completely valid.

However, lots of us DO use birth control for sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Saying that it should be freely available BECAUSE it has uses that aren’t sexual is really problematic. It should be freely available because it’s a normal part of healthcare, and lots of people like sex while also liking not being pregnant.

Let’s all just admit that some things ARE about sex

My challenge to you, and to myself: next time you find yourself wanting to defend a part of your life or identity with “it’s not about sex!” …Stop. Think about it. And resist the temptation to jump to this defense. Because sometimes, it is about sex. And there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.

I’ll leave you with my favourite quote from the great Oscar Wilde: “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

Kinky item of the day: Condoms! If you engage in penetrative sex or share toys in non fluid-bonded relationships, you need condoms to keep things sexy and safe. Buy 2 packs for 20% off.

Heads up: this post contains an affiliate link.

The image featured in this post was offered for use via Creative Commons Licensing.

Keeping Your Sexy Going When Times Are Hard

We all go through difficult times in our lives. It’s part of being human. Today’s prompt from Kayla Lords’ 3o Days of D/s, which I’m working from for #KinkMonth, is all about maintaining kinky fuckery in a relationship when times are tough. She asks:

Does it surprise you that you might not maintain the same level of D/s during the stressful times? Do you think you know how you’ll handle your relationship when it does?

A white female-read person with long dark hair wearing a blue shirt. They have their hand to their forehead and a stressed expression on their face. For a post about sex in difficult times.

Now, I’m a person for whom sex is very important. I have (arguably, depending upon who you ask) an above-average drive and sex is a really important part of intimate relationships for me. This doesn’t change when times get stressful. It just means I have to be a bit more creative to make sure that I continue to prioritise sex in my life.

Here’s some things that have worked for me. Maybe they’ll help you, too, next time “life” gets in the way.

Make dates with your partner

If you have a partner or partners, schedule dates and stick to them. During this time, make a rule that you won’t answer your phones, check email or discuss the current stressful topic. Instead, whatever you enjoy doing together, do that: make some tasty food, order in, watch a film, take a walk, share a hot bath. Relax and practice being present with and grateful for each other. This is less about “scheduling time for sex” and more about carving out time for your relationship and making sure you stay connected to each other. Do this, and the sex should follow.

Make dates with yourself

Whether you have a partner or not, making time for yourself is important. Put “Me Time” in your Google calendar if you have to! A minimum of one four-hour block a week is ideal if you can do it. During this time, you should only do things that feel good to you: read a good book, watch your favourite TV show, surf the internet guilt-free, go for a run, cuddle your pet, write in your journal. Whatever feels good. During this time, give yourself permission to do things like watch porn, read erotica, fantasise and masturbate if you want to. Again, this isn’t about “scheduling time to jerk off” – it’s about freeing up time and space to focus on yourself and give yourself permission to feel good.

Explore erotic energy without penetration, or orgasm, necessarily being the goal

When was the last time you and your partner just had a heavy make-out session that didn’t necessarily lead to any kind of genital contact? What about the last time you shared a sexy shower, gave each other massages, or even just casually hung out naked because you could? Erotic, sexual and intimate energy can take many forms and we’re so accustomed, once we get into sexual relationships, to rushing straight into genital-focused sex with orgasm as the assumed end goal. When times are hard, it can be the ideal time to explore other types of touch, connection and intimacy. If your brain won’t switch off long enough to let you reach climax, or your cock isn’t getting hard when you want it to, this can be a beautiful way to maintain a sexual connection with your partner and yourself.

Biology comes first

This is so basic, but don’t underestimate the power of trying to sleep 8 hours per night, drink plenty of water, eat well, and get plenty of exercise and fresh air. These simple rituals of taking care of yourself can completely transform how you feel. None of us can have sizzling sex when we’re exhausted or malnourished.

Get a change of location for stressful subjects

I have been known to do it at times, but generally I really prefer not having conversations about difficult topics or current stresses in mine and Mr CK’s bedroom. This is because our room, for me, is a place for cuddles, restful sleep, and… sex. I understand being able to do this is a privilege and not everyone has that ability. For me, though, a change of location – ideally to a pub, coffee shop or even just taking a walk – for talking things through can help to keep the stress out of our sexy space. Even having difficult conversations in the living room instead of the bedroom can be useful.

Give yourself permission to NOT want sex

This might sound counter-intuitive, but it’s actually really, really important. Nothing will kill your libido faster than beating yourself up for the times when you DON’T want to have sex! It’s okay to not want to have sex sometimes, whether that’s due to tiredness or work stress or depression or the fact that you’d really rather just watch Netflix. Beating yourself up makes the very idea of sex into a stressful and painful topic. Giving yourself permission to not want sex sometimes also gives you permission for the times you do want it.

I hope some of these ideas will be useful to you the next time you’re having a difficult time but would like to keep getting your sexy on. You’ve got this. I believe in you.

Kinky item of the day: Gags! I adore gags. What about this large ball gag, which is silicone – meaning it’s non-porous and will stay hygienic for longer?

FYI, the above is an affiliate link. If you buy through it, I may make a small commission. This does not affect my opinions which are, and will always be, my own.

The image featured in this post was offered for use via Creative Commons Licensing.

Building Your House Together: Using Rules for Good

Hey, I’m pro-rules in relationships. (Related, I’m also pro-hierarchy in polyamory – yes, even when I’m not the one on top of the heap. Read this to find out why.)

A close up of a section of red brick wall, for a post about rules

Did you see that I’m celebrating #KinkMonth by writing posts inspired by Kayla Lords’ 30 Days of D/s project?

Join the discussion on Twitter or sign up for the project yourself – it’s FREE and can be used any way you like. Today’s prompt is all about rules. Kayla and John simply ask:

Do you know what kind of rules you may want or need?

A note about this post: it doesn’t contain much in the way of practical tips. I will do one soon with some more concrete advice on setting positive and useful relationship rules. This one is more a primer on my personal philosophy on the concept of rules/agreements in romantic relationships.

What’s wrong with rules?

A lot of non-monogamous people are against rules in relationships. The thinking goes: if you need rules to keep your partner from hurting you, the relationship is already doomed. I kind of agree with that sentiment, in so far as it goes. But I think it presents an unhelpfully pessimistic view on the role of rules in adult relationships.

Mr CK and I have rules in our relationship. They include things like always using condoms with lovers outside of our dyad, STI testing every 3 months, not having sex with someone new until the other has met the person, and not engaging in ongoing (i.e. longer than a scene) D/s dynamics with other people.

The rules don’t exist to keep either of us in line or prevent us from running amok over each other’s feelings. If we were going to do that, no rules would stop us, in the same way that the “rules” of traditional monogamy won’t stop somebody who is determined to cheat.

We have them because they keep us, and our relationship, happy and healthy.

A better framework

Used properly, rules aren’t a tool to bash your partner over the head with or keep them in line against your will. Used properly, they’re are the walls you build – collaboratively – to contain the house of your relationship.

You can use the word “agreements,” if you prefer, but in this framework they amount to the same thing. They’re limits, boundaries or modes of behaviour that you both (/all) agree to operate within, for the good of the relationship and everyone involved. Good rules should bring a sense of safety and security, like the solid, stable walls of your home. They’re not a prison.

If the agreements of your relationship are feeling like a cage, a conversation with your partner is in order. If your partner is arbitrarily imposing new ones without due discussion and buy-in from you, that’s a major red flag. (Incidentally, you obviously shouldn’t do this to your partner either!) To go back to the shared house metaphor, you wouldn’t just decide to build an extension or divide your living room in half without consulting your partner, would you? (If you would, umm, your relationship operates very differently from mine so please explain to me how this works for you!)

Build your house – together

I was once invited to move in by a partner and metamour. The further into “how will this work?” discussions we got, the more I came to realise a troubling fact. Namely, that their concept was that I would have little to no say in the running of the house. From the colour we’d paint the bathroom to the guests who were and weren’t allowed in the house, I would have very minimal input – while paying half the mortgage, naturally. I realise now, looking back, how fitting a metaphor this was for our relationship. They made the rules and I got no say, both in our trio and in my dyadic relationship with him. We weren’t building the metaphoric (or literal) house together – I was a permanent guest in theirs. I was caged.

I share this anecdote just to illustrate how a framework of rules can be really badly misappropriated. Contrast this with Mr CK and me, who thoroughly negotiate every agreement we make as equals. We leave them all open to discussion of renegotiation at any time, and always consider them with the best possible outcome for everyone involved in mind. Saying all rules (/agreements/boundaries) are inherently bad is like saying walls or doors or windows or grey tiling are inherently bad. They’re not. They’re elements you can pick and choose for your house – your relationship – to make sure it’s designed exactly the way you want it.

Keeping the house clean

You don’t build a house, move in, and expect to never do any work on it again. That’d be ridiculous. You have to sweep, do the dishes, repaint the odd wall and occasionally rip a piece out completely and spend loads of time fixing it. Maintaining the ‘house’ of your relationship is exactly the same. You don’t set the rules once and then you’re done. No. You have to tinker, negotiate

Build your perfect relationship the way you’d build your perfect house, with walls – agreements – to keep you cozy inside. That way, you can prevent the leaking roof of drama, and always have a safe home to retreat to and invite your loved ones into.

Kinky item of the day: Nipple clamps, for squeezy, pinchy fun! I looove clamps so much, both on my nipples and labia. (Pro tip: leave them on for more than 5-10 minutes, and they hurt like hell when they come off!)

This post contains an affiliate link. If you buy through it, I may make a small commission. Opinions are, and will always be, my own.

The image in this post was offered for use via Creative Commons Licensing.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation

After my less than ‘Satisfying’ go with the original Satisfyer Pro 2 a few months back, I approached the Pro Penguin Next Generation with a healthy degree of skepticism. This is probably why it’s been sitting on top of my pile of “to review” sex toys in the living room for the last week until today it eventually guilted me into testing it.

(What? Yes, I keep a pile of sex toys in my living room. Doesn’t everyone?)

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation, a suction based sex toy that looks like a little penguin wearing a pink bow-tie. For a review post.

Cute little thing, isn’t he? (“It looks like a penguin!” said Mr CK, when I showed him the toy without telling him what it was called.)

So how did I get on?

Like all Satisfyer toys, the Pro Penguin Next Generation uses a suction nozzle and pressure waves of air to create stimulation to the clitoris which feels sort of like vibration only… different. Basically, the idea is that the waves stimulate the clit without actually touching it. This means you get none of the numbness or tingling that can occasionally accompany use of more traditional vibrating toys.

So, I applied a little water-based lube (Sliquid, always and forever the only lube I will unreservedly recommend to everyone!) to the nozzle, applied it to my clit, opened up the porn and set to, erm, work. My first reaction upon switching the Penguin on was that it’s a little loud. But the sound is dampened a lot (read: almost entirely) once the toy is applied to the body.

To begin with, I must admit I was underwhelmed. Pleasant sensations one second became too intense – so intense as to be painful – remarkably quickly. It’s so precise that the slightest shift in position threw me off my game. This is definitely a toy that takes some practice.

Here’s a thing you should know about me: I always, always, always wank lying on my bed, either flat on my back or slightly propped up against some pillows, with my legs spread wide. I wank left handed (shout out to my fellow lefties!) and depending on the toy I’m using, I usually use my right hand to spread my labia to enable easier application of a toy to my clitoris – or more accurately, the hood or underside, as direct contact on my clitoral glans is usually painful for me. So naturally, I went to this trusty position. The problem, then, was positioning the toy so that it caught the right area without catching the “so intense it hurts” area.

But today I discovered something cool. Turns out I can masturbate with my legs nearly closed! At least, that’s how the Pro Penguin Next Generation worked for me. I don’t quite know why – maybe something to do with bringing all those yummy sensitive bits closer together under the suction cup instead of having them spread out? But it turns out that applying it GENTLY to my clitoral area with my legs almost completely closed was the magic button for me. Once I’d found this, the Penguin brought me to a slow-build, sheet-clutching, oh-my-godddddd orgasm that Mr CK could hear from several rooms away.

Ooof. I guess this suction toy thing can work for me after all. Who knew?

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Penguin retails for around £69.99. This will be out of budget for some, for sure, but it’s not an obscene price for a luxury and well-made toy. Satisfyer have consistently lower prices than their main competitor, Womanizer, whose toys start at £84.99.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle piece which makes contact with the genitals is silicone, and the body is coated in the same material. This makes the Pro Penguin Next Generation entirely body-safe as well as a pleasure to hold.

Appearance: ★★★★
It looks like a little penguin, which is super cute but also a bit baffling. I really wish I’d been a fly on the wall of the Marketing meeting where someone went, “we’ve got this brilliant new sex toy technology. You know what would make this product even better? Let’s make it look like a PENGUIN”. Still, the sheer adorableness makes it non-threatening, it’s not pink, and it has a little bow-tie which I find hilarious, so let’s go with it.

Ease of Use: ★★★
As outlined above, it definitely takes some work to figure out exactly the right spot to place it for your particular body. My advice when using a suction toy, especially if you’re new to them, is to try to throw out preconceptions about what your body likes and where/how you like stimulation. These toys might feel superficially a bit like vibrators, but they’re actually quite different.

The Pro Penguin Next Generation is small and not too heavy. The shape of the body means it fit nicely into my much-smaller-than-average hand. The main button on the front switches the toy on and off as well as controlling the speed, and is nice and easy to press. A really nice feature this toy has, which was lacking in the original Pro 2, is the ability to turn it down as well as up without cycling through all the settings.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The silicone nozzle tip is removable, which is really nice. That meant I could simply wash it with hot water and soap in the bathroom. I did get some sex fluids on the end of the body of the toy, but that was easy to clean with a sterile wipe. It’s possible that the open nozzle could harbor bacteria, so be extra thorough when cleaning it. It is waterproof so could be submerged for a more thorough cleaning.

The toy cannot be used with a condom or any kind of barrier, but the nozzle ends are changeable and you can buy extras. It would be easy to swap them if sharing with a non fluid-bonded partner. One thing that would have been nice would be to have a couple of spare nozzles included with the toy.

Versatility: ★★★
It basically does one thing, but that’s okay because it does it well! You can easily ramp the intensity setting up and down to suit. The toy is waterproof which means it can be used in the bath or shower. (Not being a bath-wanker, though, I have no idea how well this works or if the water affects how the pressure waves feel.)

Intensity: ★★★★
When I first turned the Pro Penguin Next Generation up to max, I thought, “this thing isn’t going to do anything”. (Remember, I am the world’s biggest Power Queen.) I was wrong. Remember: it’s not a vibrator, not as such. It works differently. Even at the lower speeds the sensation was meaningful. When I turned it up to maximum speed it delivered a lovely, intense-but-sensual kind of stimulation. I’ve heard some people say it resembles oral sex. Not any oral sex I’ve ever had, but I can kind-of-sort-of see what they’re getting at. This thing caresses your clitoris.

Overall Score: ★★★★
A fun and playful toy that requires some experimentation, but with perseverance delivered a great orgasm. Recommended to anyone who wants to try a suction-based toy, especially those new to them.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This does not in any way affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own. Please support the blog by buying your Satisfyer toys from Lovehoney, SheVibe or The Pleasure Garden.