Ten Things I’m Taking TO Eroticon

Many of you may remember last year’s Ten Things I Took Home From Eroticon blogging meme started by the lovely Jenny. Well, I decided to turn it on its head and, with just a week and a half to go until this year’s ‘Con, tell you a little about ten things I’m planning on taking with me this year.

1. My name

Last year’s Eroticon, I wasn’t Amy Norton yet. I was using a haphazard mix of my kink scene name, a diminutive of my legal name, and just ‘Coffee&Kink’/’CK’. I’d toyed with different names but none of them felt quite right.

This year, though, I’m comfortably sitting in this identity (so much so that select people in my offline life now call me Amy, and I love it).

Hi. I’m Amy. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

2. A schedule

Last year, I pretty much went in blind to Eroticon. I’d glanced over the schedule, but being a newbie I decided to mostly go with the flow and go to whatever felt right in the moment.

This time, though, I’ve got a much more curated workshops plan in order to get what I want the most out of the ‘Con. In case you were wondering, it is as follows:

Saturday:
Taboo (Remittance Girl)
Making Money from Your Blog (Kayla Lords)
Legal Tips for Sex Writers (Neil Brown)
Podcasting Panel (Kayla Lords & John Brownstone)
Different Approaches to Sex Toy Activism (Emmeline Peaches)
KinkLab

Sunday:
Is There a Book in Your Blog? (Cressida Dowling)
Getting It Up (Fetish.com)
Shocking the System (Kendra Holliday)
How to Give Responsible Sex Advice (panel)
Financial Wizardry for Sex Bloggers (Sarah Bryn Holliday & Sarah Jane)

Naturally, I’ll also be attending the Friday evening pre-drinks and the Saturday evening social. Other plans include a pre-‘Con run with Emmeline, dinner with Sarah, and food and recording a podcast with Kayla and John of Loving BDSM. Of course, my planned schedule is flexible if I find I’m really not in the mood for something at the time, but this is a good cross-section of stuff I want to learn plus all the workshops I consider ‘unmissable’ this year!

3.The signature kitty ears

I wasn’t expecting these to be such a hit last year! To be honest, I wasn’t even expecting to be the only person in feline-themed headwear! I just wore them because they make me feel more confident and they help me to tap into my kinky, sexy, sparkly self. But I got so many compliments on them and people remembered me for them (I literally pitched an article to Girl on the Net with an email that included a sentence along the lines of ‘if you don’t remember me, I was the one with the ears’.)

Yeah, they’re definitely coming with me again this year. I might even pack a couple of different pairs. Yes, I have daywear ears and formal ears. Doesn’t everyone!?

4. The Catsuit of Joy

Remember this one? It was a review item/gift from my friends at Latex Leather & Lace and the cause of The Boobs That Made Straight Girls Question Their Heterosexuality.

Yes, I’m planning on wearing it on Saturday night. Yes, I will also be pairing it with the aforementioned signature ears. And yes, you have my full consent to stare at my chest as much as you like.

5. (Small) sex toys

I’m not interested in hooking up at Eroticon, but I did realise last year that hearing so much glorious smut during the day would inevitably lead me to needing to have a quick wank back in my hotel room before bed. Couple this with the fact that citalopram withdrawal has made my sex drive go a bit haywire this last week or so, and… yeah.

I’m gonna be short on packing space but I think the Tango and MiMi will fit nicely in my case.

6. Fabulous femme things

I can’t wait to get my femme on at Eroticon. I’m already planning makeup experiments of the kind I don’t normally attempt. There will be glitter, for sure, because I need to make the most of this opportunity as I am no longer allowed to wear glitter at home (you get it in the sofa ONE time…!) There will also be jewellery, made for me by my sweetie The Artist, getting its first outing that weekend.

7. A portable coffee mug and good coffee

Um, hey. Have you met me? I’m obsessed with coffee and would probably replace my blood with it if I wouldn’t die. I just ordered myself an awesome new travel mug, which is coming with me and will be filled permanently with coffee in order to keep me going at top capacity through the whirlwind of the weekend. I’ll probably also bring a stash of coffee bags, because I find the coffee most venues serve leaves a lot to be desired. (Yes, I’m a snob.)

8. My Fuck.com notebook

This was in the goodie bags at Eroticon 2017 and it’s still my favourite notebook to scribble smutty notes in. I’ll be frantically taking notes and story ideas and sound-bites and hanging on every word my favourite presenters have to say!

9. Hugs to give out

There are so many people I want to cuddlepounce the fuck out of next weekend. I will be coming with my best hugging arms and ready to wrap them around anyone who consents.

10. Realness

Last night, I was panicking that I haven’t achieved all of the things I wanted to achieve ahead of this year’s Eroticon. I haven’t lost 50lb, or finished my novella. I haven’t quit my job to spend my days writing about dildos (okay, that one is a pipe dream rather than an actual plan) or completely weaned myself off my antidepressants. Hell, I haven’t even finished my PhD application!

But then I realised: it doesn’t matter. I can bring my realness to Eroticon. I can be a hot mess in all my hot, messy glory, and it will be okay. These are my people and this is my community and I can be both a fabulous, smut-loving sparklefemme AND an anxious wreck with a hefty dose of imposter syndrome. Both of these things can be true. It will be okay.

I think  the theme of this Eroticon for me will be: I am.

If you’re there too, come say hello!

I’m very friendly. Talk to me about BDSM, sex toys, smashing the patriarchy, what you’re reading lately, musical theatre, coffee, sex ed reform, feminist fiction, femme identity or non-monogamy. Or just tell me about your work and I’ll lap it up.

If you want to support my work and help me keep attending conferences like Eroticon, which are the highlight of my year but also expensive, you can buy me a virtual coffee, shop with my affiliates in the right-hand sidebar, or become a Sexy Patron to access some exciting bonus content. (I’m considering audio clips for Patreon supporters, so there’s that to look forward to!) Thank you to Oliver, my newest Patreon supporter.

Ten Lessons from One Year of Sex Blogging

I started my blog late in the evening on 31 December 2016. Can you believe I’ve been at this game for a whole year already? Time flies when you’re having fun, banging various sexy people, and accumulating a collection of sex toys bigger than you reasonably have storage space for.

A white mug from Girl on the Net with the text "No-One Does Whar You Do Quite Like You." For a post about things I've learned in a year of blogging.

And oh what a year it’s been! This little side project – and the community I’ve met as a result – has changed my life, and changed me, in deep and fundamental ways. I’m a better person, and a better writer, than I was a year ago thanks to this little adventure. I’ve placed in the top 100 sex bloggers, won a Newcomer Award, and been paid for my work. I’ve worked with great companies like Hot Octopuss and Lovehoney. And I’ve met some of the most awesome people I’ve ever had the privilege to know.

So, in the spirit of reflecting on the past year – it is New Year’s Eve, after all! – I wanted to share with you ten lessons I’ve taken away from this first year.

1. I can experience pleasure and orgasm in ways I never imagined.

I hardly ever bought sex toys before I started this little adventure and started getting sent things to review. They’re pretty expensive and my vulva is fussy – it knew what it liked (this baby, mainly) and though I was curious about other toys, I couldn’t quite bring myself to spend upwards of £50-100 on things that may or may not work for me.

Well, I’ve now tried oscillating toys, suction toys, dual-stimulation toys, ride-on toys, great vibrators, terrible vibrators, mediocre vibrators, dildos in interesting materials, and even sex toys shaped like penguins. And if you’ll pardon the pun, FUCK ME it turns out my experience of pleasure is diverse. Not only can I get off in all these different ways, but each gives me a subtly (or sometimes wildly) different variety of orgasm.

Bodies are cool, y’all.

2. Sex writers are the best community.

I cannot overstate the extent to which the sex writing community has changed my life for the better. At events like Eroticon, Lube & a Laptop, and even the recent sex blogger Christmas party, I feel profoundly seen, deeply understood, and radically accepted in a way that I have never quite encountered anywhere else.

This community is so open, so generous with time and support and knowledge and friendship and a helping hand up, that I want to cry with joy every time I think about it. You, reading this? Yes, you. I love you.

3. I have the power to take my ideas and make them real.

This whole “sex blog” thing was just a bit of a side project a year ago; a bit of fun that I thought would keep me busy during a difficult transitional period and maybe entertain a handful of people. Now, though? Now it’s so much more. It’s my genuine passion project AND a source of additional income.

That didn’t happen by accident. That happened because I had an idea and ran with it. It happened because I put in the hours (and hours and hours) at the computer screen, tap-tap-tapping away; because I invested what I could, money-and-time-wise, into things like going to Eroticon; because people like Girl on the Net, Kayla, Molly and Michael, and Sarah generously shared their wisdom and I was smart enough to shut up and listen and learn from them; frankly, because I worked my ass off for it. I still do every day.

You can, too.  You just need an idea, some determination, and the willingness to put in the hard work to see it through.

4. Sometimes, the best way to get what you want is just to ask.

Sending off my first pitch was so scary that I needed to celebrate a little bit having done so. Actually getting it accepted? Well, that was something I’d never imagined! That first time someone believed in my work enough to pay me for it, even a little, was like a shot of pure confidence straight to my anxiety-riddled brain. But I never would have got it if I hadn’t faced down my fears and just asked.

Writing to Hot Octopuss a couple months ago on a whim, going “hey we’ve got some common interests here want to sponsor a post?” felt ridiculous. Presumptuous. Why would a big and successful company want to work with a nobody like me? But they said yes. They liked my idea and they paid me for it and I’ve worked with them again since!

These little victories would never have come my way if I hadn’t bitten the bullet and just asked the damn question.

5. Rejection can tear you down, or it can propel you forward.

Rejection happens in any creative industry. It’s just a fact of life. I’ve been rejected plenty of times, both as a sex writer and in my vanilla writing life. My first novel probably got rejected 30 times before I decided to e-publish. I got rejected from an OxBridge Masters programme at the final interview stage. I’ve spent days, weeks, crafting a perfect contest entry and not placed. I’ve sent pitches off and never heard back.

What I learned this year, though, is how to channel rejection into determination and forward momentum. I’ve honed my pitching style and my approaches. I’ve looked again at a rejected piece with fresh eyes and revamped it. And I’ve taught myself how to view all experience, even rejections, as valuable and as opportunities for growth. All writing experience is good writing experience.

6. Whatever weirdnesses I have, I’m definitely not alone.

Whatever bizarre fetish or kink I might be into, someone else is into it too.

When I think I’m the only person in the world whose body responds to a certain stimulus in a certain way, someone will go “me too!”

When I’m struggling with an emotion or a fear or a trip into the darkest depths of my psyche, sometimes what keeps me going is just knowing that someone else sees me, that they understand what I’m going through, and that they came out the other side – and I will too.

7. I have workaholic tendencies.

Okay, so I had a hunch about this one already, but it’s become apparent to me in the last year just how true it is. When I’m really into something, I am in real danger of becoming completely consumed by it.

In October, writing every single day for my Kink Month challenge was stressful and thrilling in equal measure. Since then, I’ve forced myself to take half a step back to recharge as my day job workload explodes over the festive period, but I still feel twinges of guilt if I go more than three or four days without blogging.

This passion and the way it eats at me until I sit down and do the work is a blessing, in large part, and occasionally a curse too. Sometimes the best thing my loved ones can do for me is give me space to work, and sometimes the best thing they can do is force me to take a break, eat some snacks and watch a terrible movie with them. Often, though, I need to take a good look at how I’m really doing in order to communicate which of these things I need.

8. People HATE being told the truth.

Whether it’s that their jelly dildo is riddled with toxic gunk, that shoving 2lb of marbles up their ass is a really bad idea, or that their favourite toy company hired a known abuser as a spokesperson, people really cannot deal with facts and information if it conflicts with their view of The Way Things Are. What’s more, sometimes these people will come at you with name-calling, personal attacks and even threats of physical violence when you speak the truth.

Block early, block often, my friends.

9. How not to take shit from companies.

I don’t work for other people/companies for free, unless:

1) You’re a charity I really, deeply believe in, OR
2) You’re a personal friend and I’m either doing you a favour or we’re doing some kind of work exchange.

Even so, the number of companies who have approached me wanting me to write for them for nothing – or “for the exposure!!!” – is fast approaching levels of bullshit I never knew existed. Add this to seriously shady requests like “talk up our product but don’t let on to your readers that we sponsored you for this,” and I’m left shaking my head at the audacity of some people. This year, I’ve learned to value my work properly and not accept flattery or “exposure” as forms of currency. I’ve learned to stand up for my worth, to hold firm with my boundaries, to put my foot down, so say “no”.

You love what I do and REALLY REALLY want to bring my voice to your readers? Perfect. I’m flattered. Now pay me.

10. No-one Does What I Do Quite Like Me

I’m just gonna finish off with this gem of wisdom from Girl on the Net, a phrase which adorns the mug (pictured) that I drink my coffee from every morning. Because it’s true.

Happy new year, you beautiful lot. Here’s to 2018.

Image by me.

2017 “Top 5” Roundup

Apart from my 1 Year Anniversary post on New Years’ Eve (which is written and ready to go,) this will probably be my last post of 2017. In that vein, I wanted to end the year with a roundup post of sorts, some Top 5s from the year.

I hope you are all having a wonderful festive season and I can’t wait to keep the conversation about all things sex and kink going with you in 2018.

A fluffy tabby cat playing with a gold bauble handing from a Christmas tree. For a post about Top 5s of 2017.

Top 5 New Sex Toys

#1Doxy Number 3, simply one of the most perfect things to ever have graced my bits.
#2We-Vibe Tango, the only bullet I will ever need.
#3Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation, the toy that made me like suction toys.
#4Come Hither Rabbit, the only rabbit vibrator I’ve ever enjoyed.
#5The Ruby Glow, a revelation in ride-on fun.

Top 5 Sex Blogging Inspirations

#1Kayla Lords
#2Girl on the Net
#3Molly Moore
#4Kate Sloan
#5Emmeline Peaches

Top 5 Awesome Events

#1Eroticon 2017, the one that started it all.
#2 – Autumn CM/nf, where I get to be naked and ogle pretty men in suits.
#3Lube & a Laptop, a fun summer social with other sexy writers and creators.
#4 – BiCon 2017, where I got to teach my workshop on “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex Toys” for the first time.
#5 – Sex Blogger Christmas, a super fun (and boozy) event hosted by the wonderful EA and Livvy.

Top 5 Books About Sex

#1Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
#2How a Bad Girl Fell in Love by Girl on the Net
#3Approaching the Swingularity by Cooper S Beckett
#4Enjoy Sex (How, When and IF You Want To) by Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock
#5The Myth of Sex Addiction by Dr David Ley

Top 5 Podcasts

#1Loving BDSM, where Kayla and John bring their unique brand of humour, opinions and adorableness to speaking and educating on all aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. #CricketCrew4Lyf
#2The Dildorks, “dorky discourse on sex, dating and masturbating,” with the wonderful Kate Sloan and Bex Caputo.
#3The Guilty Feminist, which makes me cry with laughter and feel better about all the times my life choices don’t fully match my highest feminist ideals.
#4Polyamory Weekly, a very long-standing favourite about all aspects of unconventional love.
#5Life on the Swingset, the swinging and polyamory podcast.

Top 5 Blog Posts

#1The Tyranny of No Rules: In Defense of Polyamorous Heirarchy
#2I’m Looking for Baggage that Goes with Mine
#3“Pretty” is Not My Success – On Being a Swan
#4#SexNotStigma: Using My Sexuality to Manage my Mental Health
#5“Bring the Collar” – The True Story of a D/s Breakup

Top 5 Accomplishments

#1 – Winning the New Voices Award from Molly’s annual list of the best sex bloggers.
#2 – Placing as one of Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes.
#3 – Starting to earn Actual Money from writing about sex.
#4 – Organising Smutathon 2017 and raising £2,000 for Backlash and Rape Crisis.
#5 – Doing #KinkMonth/3o Days of Ds and writing a post every single day for the month of October.

Top 5 Goals for 2018

#1 – Start a PhD programme.
#2 – Cut down to 4 days a week on my day job and make up the additional income from writing.
#3 – Place in the Top 50 of the Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes list.
#4 – Have a piece of erotic fiction published, either in an anthology or as a stand-alone.
#5 – Finish my sexy novella set at a BDSM convention.

So there you have it, friends! What were your Top 5s of 2017?

Affiliate links are used within this post. All opinions my own. Image is courtesy of Pixabay.

[Toy Review] The “Wicked Game” Magic Wand by So Divine

The Wicked Game was a last-minute win at the end-of-Eroticon raffle, and I was excited to try it out as ‘wand’ style vibrators are always a firm favourite with me. This lovely little thing was no exception.

The So Divine Wicked Game, a purple magic wand style vibrator with a bulbous head and slightly curved body. Pictured boxed, left, and unboxed, right,

First, some facts…

It’s a small-ish wand compared to the heft of, say, a Hitachi or a Doxy. It measures about 9.5 inches from end to end, and has a gentle curve – that’s because it’s double ended, effectively making it both a clitoral wand and a G-spot vibrator in one. (Though, sadly, both cannot vibrate at the same time.) The head is about 1.5 inches across and the widest part of the insertable end is about the same, making it not super slimline but definitely not one for girth lovers. It’s waterproof and USB-rechargeable.

My experience…

I tried the Wicked Game out at the club with Mr CK, with him using it on me. For the purposes of full disclosure I should say I hadn’t had an orgasm for about 3 days before this session, but I’m not convinced that makes too much of a difference apart from possibly making me get off quicker than I would otherwise have. My cunt likes what it likes; it’s just a little more receptive when it’s been a while.

What I love about this toy is that it’s really versatile. Both ends vibrate (though not, as I mentioned, at the same time. You have to pick one or the other!) and one end is a traditional wand head while the other end is an insertable vibrating dildo. All in one toy! Nice, no? It also has ten different vibration modes – 3 constant speed settings and 7 pulsing patterns.

I don’t often like patterns of vibration – give me the constant setting any day! That said, some of the Wicked Game’s patterns are surprisingly enjoyable. My favourite is the pulse setting that ramps slowly up, hits a peak and then drops down again. I love being teased (or teasing myself) into a frenzy and this setting does exactly that. For a quicker orgasm, though, the highest of the 3 constant speeds is definitely my preferred setting.

Now this is where things get really interesting. Mr CK made me come with this toy – twice in an afternoon – really easily. Normally, someone else getting me to come is pretty difficult (possible, but difficult,) even if they’re using a toy I really love. Again: picky cunt. I love my Doxy more than life – it is my favourite toy and one of my favourite possessions, period. But I come a lot more reliably when I use it on myself than when someone else holds it. Yet the Wicked Game is less powerful, but for some reason seems much more effective in giving me orgasms when in someone else’s hands.

My theory is thus: the Doxy is SUPER CRAZY POWERFUL, to the point that if it’s in the wrong spot – even slightly – it can become unpleasant or even painful extremely quickly. When I’m holding it myself, I know exactly what my body needs and can react accordingly, but my partners – wonderful and attuned to me though they are – do not actually live in my head. Or my clitoris. The Wicked Game, though pretty powerful itself, is significantly gentler than the mains-powered wands and so I can squirm against it, adjust it if needed, and let my partner know if it needs moving to a different spot before it becomes painful or unpleasant and throws me off my ‘groove.’

In short, I think this toy might be the sweet spot where “powerful enough to make me come” meets “gentle enough to have someone else use on me without discomfort.” I would recommend this for any vulva-owning person who likes vibrations, and I would particularly suggest it as a perfect first vibrator because the experience is so very customisable. Don’t know if you like internal or external stimulation, hard persistent vibrations or soft pulsing? No problem – with this, you can try them all out with one toy.

Incidentally: it’s also one of those rare toys that advertises itself as quiet and is actually quiet. I gave up caring about people knowing I’m wanking years ago, but this feature might be of interest to those of you with roommates and/or family at home.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
At £54.99 RRP it’s not a steal and may be outside of some budgets, but it’s still cheaper than some of the really high-end toys on the market and with the amount of functions it comes with, it’s well worth the price. Weirdly enough, you can buy them from Ocado grocery delivery service in the UK, which just cracks me the fuck up. So Divine products come with a two-year warranty. I haven’t had any cause to use it, so I can’t speak for their customer service, but they get 4.5 stars out of 5 on Trustpilot, so I’m going to go ahead and say you can probably order from them with confidence.

Materials: ★★★★★
Lovely silicon. Soft, smooth and SAFE. Gorgeous.

Appearance: ★★★★★
It’s a lovely, classy and stylish looking toy that comes in pink or purple colour options. Mine, of course, is purple. (My understanding is that the pink version is called Sweetest Taboo instead of Wicked Game, but is functionally identical.)

Ease of Use: ★★★★
The buttons are a little hard to press – especially in the, uh, throes of passion – but apart from that, the controls are pretty intuitive. There is an on/off button and buttons to cycle through the settings and switch between the internal and external settings. Nice and simple. Plus it’s light, so easy to hold – a good choice for someone who wants a wand style toy but would find holding a really heavy one difficult.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★★
Easy to wipe clean between uses – I recommend a body-safe sterile wipe available in bulk from medical suppliers. It’s waterproof, too, so can be submerged in water for a more thorough cleaning. For safer sex purposes if you share your toys, it’s condom-friendly in shape and material.

Versatility: ★★★★★
The Wicked Game has two ends, one insertable and one external, and ten different settings – 3 speeds and seven pulse patterns. Totally versatile depending on what you like and what you’re in the mood for today. It’s also waterproof, if wanking in the bath is your thing. Pro-tip: though it’s designed for vulvas, many penis-owners really enjoy vibrations on the head or shaft of their cock. Mr CK heartily endorses this toy for that purpose!

Intensity: ★★★★★
I’ve given this 5 stars even though it’s not as intense as I typically like my vibes, for the aforementioned reason of hitting the sweet spot between “meh, not intense enough” and “DON’T MOVE IT A MILLIMETRE OR IT WILL HURT.”

Overall Score: ★★★★★
Yeah, I love this vibe and, apart from wishing the head and shaft could vibrate at the same time, I can’t find any significant downsides. I think it’s going to become my favourite vibrator to use with a partner.

Go get yourself one.

Note: I won this toy and reviewed it because I was excited about it. I did not receive any payment or free products in exchange for this review and all opinions, as ever, are my own. If you’d like to support me, please consider becoming a sexy patron or buying me a virtual coffee.

[Offsite] Guest blog for Girl on the Net on Female Orgasm Denial

Today I am immensely proud and privileged to have had a guest blog accepted and published by Girl on the Net. This is a big deal for me for two reasons: first, I love GOTN’s work and I’m full of joy that she likes something of mine too. Second, this marks the first time I’ve been paid to write about sex. (Also, I was inspired – dared? – to send the pitch by GOTN’s amazing panel on pitching at Eroticon.)

Here’s the teaser (heh) of ‘Female Orgasm Denial (or: Why I Get Off on Not Getting Off)’:

‘Don’t stop… please don’t stop… I’m going to…’

‘No you’re not.’ The vibrator is yanked away. I cry out in frustration as my clit pulses with need and my cunt clenches in anticipation of the orgasm it’s been denied.

He does it again. And again. And fucking again. I am ready to cry with desperation, ready to promise anything in exchange for release.

Read the whole post here.

[Toy Review] The Ruby Glow

To begin with, there are two things you need to know about Yours Truly. The first is that I know what I like and, when it comes to sex toys, what I like is lots and lots of hard vibrations right on that spot on my clit. For this reason, I haven’t bought a new vibrator since my amazing partner gifted me a Doxy nearly two years ago. The second is that I am endlessly curious and a bit of a geek. If something is a bit quirky, a bit different, or a bit “ooh, I’ve never seen one of those before,” I have to try it, especially if it relates to sex. Is there any wonder, then, that when I encountered the new Ruby Glow (designed by Tabitha Rayne and made by the lovely folks at Rocks Off) at Eroticon 2017 I simply had to get one?

The Ruby Glow pink saddle-style sex toy, pictured in its box with another one in front of the box.

The Ruby is, essentially, a ride-on external vibrator. It’s hands-free, non-penetrative and can be used through clothing or directly on the body. It has ten different settings and dual motors to control the vibrating vaginal/perineal mound and the clitoral stimulator, which can be used together or separately.

The Ruby Glow sex toy, a pink saddle-style vibrator, labelled with the words "clitoris," "pubic bone" and "vagina/perineum" and marked as being 17cm long.

I first tried the Ruby Glow sitting on the edge of my (epic, super-king) bed at the end of a good fuck with my primary partner, Mr CK. There were some pleasant vibrations coming from the toy but nothing that was going to have be screaming in orgasmic bliss any time soon. The problem, we quickly identified, was that the surface of the bed wasn’t rigid enough for me to be able to grind against the toy in a satisfying way.

‘What if you tried it on my desk chair?’ Mr CK asked. And that’s exactly what I did. Laptop in front of me with some of my favourite smut open, I put the toy between my legs and set it going. I tried a few settings. My favourite, by far, is the highest of the 3 ‘constant vibration’ settings on both my clit and my vaginal opening – but, as with anything else in sex, your mileage may very well vary.

I readjusted the toy a few times to get it on my clit in just the right spot, but once it was in place I could grind against it and fuck it easily, without needing to use my hands – keeping them free to browse through the delicious porn on my screen..

I’m not, typically, a girl who comes quickly from clitoral stimulation, but I do have my biggest and most satisfying orgasms this way if I persevere. It took me about 25 minutes to get off with the Ruby Glow, and it was a deliciously slow and drawn out orgasm with a long build-up. Yum!

This toy is perfect for me particularly because I like to read erotica (typically on a screen but occasionally in a physical book) while I masturbate. Anyone who has done this will understand the fine art that is balancing a book/laptop/other device in one hand, while keeping the other free for finger action or holding a toy. The Ruby Glow beautifully solves this problem. It’s also ideal for anyone who writes erotica and finds themselves getting turned on while working, anyone who engages in cyber sex and wants to wank and type at the same time, and anyone with joint or mobility issues that make using a hand-held toy difficult. In short, if you’re a person with a vulva who enjoys vibrations, I recommend you give this toy a try.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★★
At £39.99 it’s comparable in price to many of the far less luxurious – not to mention less safe – jelly and plastic toys on the market, and more affordable than many of their higher end counterparts.

Materials: ★★★★★
It’s made of absolutely gorgeous, silky soft, body-safe silicon.

Appearance: ★★★★★
It’s super pretty and it looks like a little saddle, which makes me giggle. And for someone new to sex toys, it looks a lot less threatening and scary than a giant wand or ‘rabbit’ style vibe. It even gets a pass on being pink (a bit of a bugbear for me) because it matches the name and it’s not an obnoxious, ouch-my-eyes neon.

Ease of Use: ★★★
It takes some experimenting to get the angle and setting that works for your body, and you may have to try it on one or two different surfaces or chairs to find out what works for you. Worth persevering, though!

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
Easy to clean with a body-safe sterile wipe available from medical suppliers, or some toy cleaner available from most sex toy shops (read the ingredients! Some of them contain nasties you don’t want on your sensitive areas.) It cannot be submerged as it’s battery powered, so cannot be fully sterilised with boiling water.

Versatility: ★★★★
With two individually-controllable motors and ten different speed and pulse settings, an easily customisable wank is yours with the Ruby.

Intensity: ★★★★
Full disclosure here: I like my vibrations intense. I’ve found myself even wanting to turn my beloved Doxy, “the world’s most powerful massage vibrator,” up one notch higher than it goes. For this reason I’m giving the Ruby 4★ instead of 5 on intensity, because I’d have liked a setting or two higher. I completely acknowledge this will not be everyone’s experience and it still gave me a glorious orgasm!

Overall Score: ★★★★
Cute, safe, innovative and effective! Could have done with a bit more power, and not the quietest, but I really have no other complains. A great addition to your collection. Get yours here!

(All pictures in this post used by kind permission of the Ruby Glow team.)

Ten Things I Took Home From Eroticon 2017

The amazing Jenny, who I met on the Sunday of Eroticon 2017, started this lovely meme and I just couldn’t resist taking part. In short: it was utterly wonderful and may even have changed my world a little bit.

So what did I bring home from Eroticon 2017?

My Swag Bag from Eroticon 2017. A purple tote bag with the Eroticon rainbow lips icon on the front.

1. SO MUCH SWAG

Thanks to the amazing sponsors, I came away with a bag full of fabulous free stuff including two mugs, two very NSFW t-shirts, a notebook that has already been heavily scrawled in, a goodly amount of condoms, and a pamphlet of mini erotic stories perfect for reading on the Tube.

2. Friendships

There were people at Eroticon 2017 I’d previously considered ‘internet friends,’ who are now real-life friends. People who were strangers on Friday and friends on Monday. People who I met only briefly, but who gave me so much. Conversation, advice, business cards, their beautiful words or even just a smile in the corridor. And there are people, many people, with whom I want to keep in touch and build on our new-found friendships.

3. A renewed sense of community

The thing I love the most about a good ‘Con is the sense, however fleeting, of being not alone. I often feel isolated. I live far away from almost all the people who really get me. Eroticon has reminded me that there are people like me out there. Miles separate us, but something much more powerful joins us together – Community. (And also Twitter a little bit.)

4. An exciting new toy (actually, two)

I picked up the new Ruby Glow this weekend. I’ve only tried it out very briefly so far but what I’ve seen (well, felt) I liked. I’m looking forward to settling down for a nice long wank with it and some good smut, and then reviewing it for the reading pleasure of all you lovely pervs. I was also lucky enough, right at the end of the ‘Con, to win a cordless Magic Wand from So Divine. I doubt any vibe will replace my beloved Doxy, but the cordless Wand will be perfect for when we’re playing at the Club or other places where there isn’t a power point nearby.

 5. A new name

I’m not quite ready to reveal it just yet, but after thinking long and hard (heh) about it, I’ve decided not to use either my kink scene name or my real name (duh, right?) as the name under which I will write and hopefully publish erotic fiction. I took some advice from the incredible Kayla to pick a name that feels right for me to use and answer to, and which has some kind of personal relevance, and I think I’ve found the one.

 6. Story ideas

SO MANY STORY IDEAS, you guys. Article ideas too. And probably poetry ideas, but they won’t go any further than my notebook and possibly Fetlife page. (The poor unsuspecting world does not need my attempts at poetry unleashing upon it!) Seriously, I have like a whole page in my notebook just listing smutty stories I want to write, and another page listing possible article or blog post topics.

 7. Contacts

Two people from the weekend have already asked me to guest-write for their blogs (thank you Kayla and Exhibit A!) I’ll certainly be taking them up on these lovely offers and I’ve also come away with business cards, names of publishing imprints and more – in other words, contacts I hope I can utilise to get my work out there and hopefully, eventually, make some money in this game of ‘writing about sex.’

8. Revitalised ambition

There’s nothing like a weekend around other people on a similar path to kick-start your own ambitions. Mine have been sleeping recently, as I cope with the realities of a complicated relationship and a demanding day job. But now I’m feeling more motivated than I have in years and I’m ready to go out there, kick ass, take names and WRITE SOME SMUT. I don’t ever expect sex writing to be my full-time job (especially as my ‘vanilla’ (ugh) writing career is also really important to me,) but for the first time I’m looking at this as something that might be more than just a bit of fun and a way to entertain the three people who read what I post on Fetlife.

9. Confidence

This might be hard for you to believe of the girl bouncing around in kitty ears and a t-shirt with the word ‘FUCK’ emblazoned across it (thanks, Fuck.com) and reading porn on the Tube, but… I’m actually quite shy. Shy, plagued by anxiety and lacking in self-esteem, to be entirely honest. I went into this weekend jittery with nerves, not just at the thought of socialising with new people but also worrying I’d be seen as a fraud, a fake, an amateur, not a serious or ‘real’ writer. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Not only did the people who have read my work say absolutely lovely things about it, those who are much further on in their sex writing journey were also totally validating and amazing to those of us who are just starting out. I thought I’d find elitism, but I found a supportive and loving community.

 10. Words of affirmation

There were so many great things said over the weekend, and lots of the most quotable parts were live-tweeted (check out #Eroticon for just some of the fun!) But the pieces that really struck home for me, I scribbled in my notebook – partly for the joy of writing beautiful words by hand, and partly so I can come back to them any time to remind myself.

I leave you all with the words of affirmation, love and community and are immortalised in ink in my jumbled set of notes from the weekend:

You are not alone. You are not broken. (Formidable Femme)

RELAX. (Alix Fox)

No-one does what you do quite like you. (Girl on the Net)

Stand firm with your boundaries. (Sorry, I can’t remember who said this.)

See you all next year x

The image featured in this post was taken by me and I own the copyright. It must not be copied or reproduced without my express permission.

Eroticon 2017 – Virtual Meet & Greet

You guys! I’m going to my first Eroticon in London NEXT WEEK (zOMG.) I’m also tying (heh) in a visit to my best friend and a date with my FWB in the same trip. I haven’t even booked my hotel yet, so please bear with me if I’m a gibbering wreck by the time I make it to Arlington House.

Without further ado, Molly at Molly’s Daily Kiss has organised a lovely Eroticon virtual meet-and-greet. Here’s mine.

NAME (and Twitter if you have one?)
CK. @CoffeeAndKink on Twitter.

What are you hoping to get out of Eroticon 2017?
Mainly to make some friends and learn some stuff. I’ve been feeling somewhat isolated recently so I really want to meet other like-minded people and geek out about the glorious intersection of writing and sexuality.

This year’s schedule at Eroticon is pretty full on, but which 4 sessions do you already have marked down as ones you want to attend?
Sex Blogging as Feminism & Social Justice
Myles Jackman talking about the law (I am a fully paid up member of the Myles Jackman Fangirl Club – and you should be too!)
Pitching 101
Blogging 201

Tell us one thing about yourself that not many people know?
I learned how to have orgasms at the age of 14 after hearing some older girls at a sleepover talking about the “clit” and, being the curious creature I was, setting out to find this mysterious button. Happy times. (What!? It’s a sex blog!)

If you made the papers, what would the headline be?
Unicorn Spotted; Makes Daring Escape from Hunters

If you could have one skill for free (i.e. without practice/time/effort) what would it be?
Singing.

Complete the sentence: I love it when…
…I wake up late on the weekend next to the love of my life, and we make pancakes and have coffee and all is right with the world.

I can’t wait to meet you all!