Holiday Gift Guide 2017

It’s that time of year, folks! Whatever you’re celebrating this winter, it’s likely you’ll have cause to give gifts to your loved one(s.) For your romantic or sexual partners (or friends with whom you have that kind of relationship) why not give them a sexy gift they’ll really love?

And, of course, don’t forget that YOU are someone you love! Whether you’re partnered this festive season or not, why not treat yourself to something special too?

To give you plenty of time to get your sexy shopping in, here’s my specially curated gift guide for 2017.

A couple of quick notes:

1: I have deliberately avoided gendered language in this post. I talk about vulva-owners and penis-owners because people of all genders can have all kinds of genitals and too many of us feel alienated by aggressively gendered toy marketing.

2: Links here are affiliate links unless otherwise stated. If you buy from an affiliate using my links, I will make a small commission which helps me to keep doing this work. As always, I only partner with companies I trust and I promise to NEVER recommend an unsafe product, or one I’m uncertain as to the safety of.

DISCOUNT JUST FOR ‘COFFEE & KINK’ READERS! Get 15% off EVERY gift guide item available at Lovehoney when you use the links in this post. Prices listed here DO NOT include the discount.

Top Picks: Vibrators
The Doxy Original, a purple wand style vibrator with a grey head, held on an upturned palm.

 

The Queen of vibrators and one of my favourite things in the whole world, the super-powerful Doxy Massager will always be top of my list. My Doxy is the only toy that always lives next to my bed, and it remains the best gift a lover has ever given me. £89.99 from Lovehoney.

The Doxy Die Cast, a deep purple wand vibrator with a large black silicone head.

 

 

If you love the Doxy, there’s also the newer, smaller-but-heavier Die Cast version,  with a beautiful aluminium and titanium body and body-safe silicone head. £149.99 from Lovehoney.

 

 

The We-Vibe Tango, a small blue bullet vibrator. For a review post.
Small but mighty, the We-Vibe Tango was one of my favourite discoveries this year. Discreet, small, easy to use and POWERFUL AS ALL FUCK, this one’s a sure winner for the power queens out there – and anyone who likes their vibes portable. Unlike many pocket-sized vibes, it’s also really rumbly. Check out my review. £54.99 from Lovehoney.

The Rocks Off Bamboo, a small lipstick shaped rose gold vibrator.

For those on a budget, the Bamboo vibrator by Rocks Off is my favourite low-priced vibe discovery this year. Body-safe, pretty, quiet and powerful-ish, this is a really solid little toy for the price. £16.99 on Lovehoney.

Top Picks: Dildos

The Idee du Desir Orchid 1001 Nights dildo for a review post. Pictured with an orchid flower.
The Idee du Desir Orchid 1001 Nights dildo is a really beautiful luxury wooden dildo that I completely fell in love with this year. With its subtle gold shimmer, it’s the height of classiness, and those gentle ridges feel divine. €90 from Idee du Desir (not an affilitate)


A line of Effulgence Ambit silicone dildos in a range of shimmery colours.I discovered Godemiche this year at Eroticon and I am in love with their beautiful, unique silicone toys – each one is hand poured and they come in all kinds of beautiful colours. The Effulgence Ambit range, pictured, is my favourite because GLITTER. £35-47 from Godemiche (not an affiliate.)

The Tantus Vamp Super Soft, a midnight purple dildo with a realistic head and flared base.

Tantus make beautiful silicone dildos that feel absolutely divine. My favourite is the Vamp Super Soft (in midnight purple, obviously!) With a flared base, it’s perfect for vaginal or anal use and can even be paired with your favourite harness for the ultimate strap-on experience. $69.99 from Tantus Inc.

 

A curved glass g-spot dildo from Lovehoney

 

Glass dildos have long been a love of mine. I like to insert them and then juuuust barely wiggle them against my G-spot. They’re so rigid that even this slight movement provides a world of blissful sensation. Try the curved sensual G-spot glass dildo from Lovehoney, £24.99.

Something A Bit Different

The Zumio, a purple sex toy with a small plastic tip. Shaped a bit like a toothbrush.
There’s been a lot of buzz (sorry) about the Zumio this year. I hate the claim that it is guaranteed to give any woman an orgasm in 60 seconds or less because BODIES DO NOT ALL WORK THAT WAY, but the product itself is genuinely innovative and has received overwhelmingly positive reviews. For lovers of direct, pinpoint clitoral stimulation, this is the one. £134.99 from Lovehoney.

 

The Eroscillator, a purple sex toy that looks a bit like a toothbrush. Pictured with 6 attachments.I was lucky enough to try the Eroscillator as a friend’s place recently. (Yes, I have excellent friends.) Despite looking like what Kate Sloan describes as a “steampunk toothbrush” (yes) it’s amaaaazing. Because it oscillates rather than vibrates, it somewhat mimics the sensation of fingering, only faster. It also comes with six (count them!) attachments. Perfect for lovers of the kind of clit stim that brings you to a deliciously slow-build orgasm. £199.99 from Lovehoney.

 

I just got my paws on this cutie for a review and it’s brilliant! The straps hold it against the vulva for hands-free use and it’s operated with remote control, making it super ergonomic to use solo AND suitable for delicious partnered play. Try wearing it and giving your lover the remote to take control of! It has 8 patterns and 12 speeds. £74.99 from Lovehoney.

 

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation, a suction based sex toy that looks like a little penguin wearing a pink bow-tie. For a review post.

Suction based toys are all the rage right now and my favourite is the Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation, which I reviewed recently. Don’t let the cuteness put you off – aside from literally looking like a little penguin in a bow tie (because obviously!), this baby gives me orgasms so powerful my partner can hear them from the other end of the house. £69.99 from Lovehoney.

Favourites for Couples

The We-Vibe sync, a wearable purple C-shaped vibrator. Pictured with the remote control and a mobile phone.

We-Vibe created the original wearable vibrator for couples, and the Sync is the newer and improved version of their classic. Worn during intercourse, the internal piece stimulates the penis and G-spot, while the outer arm stimulates the clitoris. It’s remote controlled, so no worries if you want to adjust the speed while you’re wearing it, and the app functions make your experience super customisable. £159.99 from Lovehoney.

 

A black strap on aet with silicone dildo and another smaller dildo pictured to the side. From Lovehoney. I love strap-on play, especially pegging (where a vulva-owner penetrates a penis-owner anally with a strap-on.) This set is great value. I love it because the harness is really adjustable to fit a wide range of bodies, and you can use it with any dildo with a decent base. I like using the 5 inch slimline dildo it comes with for pegging, and swapping out for the bigger size or my Tantus if fucking another person with a vagina. £44.99 from Lovehoney.

 

The Feeldoe, a purple double ended v-shaped vibrating dildo.

The Feeldoe has become a classic for good reason. The shorter end is inserted into the vagina of the giving partner, and they use the longer end to fuck the receiving partner. Somewhat more advanced than a basic strap on, but with the huge added bonus of direct internal stimulation for the fucker. Plus, it’s made from lovely body-safe silicone and even has an inbuilt vibrating bullet. From $124.99 from Tantus.

 

Top Picks for Dicks

Note: this section is somewhat out of my area of expertise. These recommendations come from extensive reading of reviews and help from some of the wonderful dick-owners in my life!

 

I can’t have a section on toys for dicks without mentioning Fleshlight, the original and best-selling masturbator. Flight by Fleshlight comes highly recommended. One reader commented that he likes that it’s less obviously anatomical looking than some penis toys. £44.99 from Lovehoney.

The Pulse III Solo, a black three-quarter sleeve style toy for penises.

 

I adore Hot Octopuss. Their toys are so innovative and their #SexNotStigma campaign is brilliant. (Check out the sponsored post I wrote for them a little while ago!) Their Pulse III uses oscillating Pulse Plate technology, which is – get this – medically proven to bring about ejaculation. The Solo is designed for – unsurprisingly – solo use, while the Duo boasts a vibrating underside to stimulate a vulva during partnered play. £79.99 (Solo) or £99.99 (Duo) from Hot Octopuss, with 10% off when you use this link and code CK10.

The Tenga Black Flip Hole, a black male masturbation sleeve with buttons on the side, held in a female hand.

 

The Tenga Flip Hole masturbator boasts “multiple asymmetrical textures and buttons that enable you to manually tailor pressure anywhere along your shaft.” This is a far cry from “just stick your dick in and fuck it” penis toys, and allows for an amazing range of different sensations. Bonus: it pops open for easy and thorough cleaning. £69.99 from Lovehoney.

The Tantus C-Sling, a red silicone cock ring with a contoured tongue.

Cock rings are brilliant! They restrict flow of blood from the erect penis, giving a stronger erection and keeping the dick harder for longer. The C-Sling from Tantus works in basically the same way, with the added bonus of the contoured tip which gently stimulates the perineum during play. $34.64 from Tantus.

 

Anal Fun

The We-Vibe Ditto, a purple silicone butt plug. Pictured with the remote control and a mobile phone.

The We-Vibe Ditto is We-Vibe’s first and long-awaited anal toy. It’s relatively small – the insertable length is only about 3 inches – and uses We-Vibe’s signature powerful vibrations. It’s remote- or app-controlled and has 10 different vibration modes. The Ditto is even waterproof if you want to get your sexy on in the shower. £109.99 from Lovehoney.

 

A glass butt plug from Lovehoney.

 

Did I mention I LOVE glass toys? Well, that goes for anal toys too. Mr CK bought me this beauty from Lovehoney for my birthday and it is one of the most perfect plugs to ever go up my butt. £19.99 from Lovehoney.

 

The Rocks Off Naughty Boy, a curved reverse C-shape black prostate vibrator.

 

I love Rocks Off! Their Naughty Boy is a slimline vibrating prostate stimulator with a gentle curve to perfectly hit those sweet spots. It has 7 different functions and is powered by a removable RO80 bullet. £49.99 from Lovehoney.

 

The Aneros MGX, a white curved prostate stimulator with a curly base.

 

This one comes to the list courtesy of my friend, fellow blogger and sometimes co-creator Exhibit A, who describes it as “the other love of [my] life!” (One assumes the first love is his awesome wife Livvy!) The Aneros MGX is a plastic (body-safe!) prostate massager works with the sphincter muscles for hands-free fun, and stimulates both the prostate and perineum. £39.99 from Lovehoney.

 

Let’s Get Kinky

If you’re into impact play, how about treating yourselves to the most beautiful floggers you’ll ever own? Kabunza is a small business, headed up by designer, maker and teacher Aemilia Hawk. Not an affiliate, I just love them forever. Every creation is unique and you can even custom-order. Various prices.

A pair of silver "Clover" nipple clamps held in a female hand.

 

I’m a big fan of nipple clamps, and clover clamps are my favourites of all! They are quite pinchy and tighten when you pull on them. Not recommended for beginners to nipple play! This is the set we have, from Bondage Boutique. They’re so affordable and have lasted us two years and are still going strong. Remember… they hurt more coming off! £8.99 from Lovehoney.

A coil of violet dyed hemp rope from Twisted Monk

 

Bondage enthusiasts understand the sensual and aesthetic appeal of beautiful rope. If you love natural fibres in beautiful colours, get your hands on some of Twisted Monk’s hand-dyed hemp. The violet, pictured, is my favourite. Not an affiliate. $35.99 for 30ft from Twisted Monk.

 

Luxurious Lingerie & Foxy Fetishwear

 

The Lovehoney Moonlight Wine Crotchless Basque, a deep red one piece of lingerie, modelled by a pretty white woman with dark wavy hair.I The Lovehoney Moonlight plunge babydoll, made of red wine satin and black lace. Modelled by a pretty dark haired woman.am completely in love with Lovehoney’s brand new Moonlight range. The black lace and red-wine satin oozes sophistication. My favourite pieces, pictured, are the plunge babydoll set and the crotchless body. Perfect for cosy winter nights in with your lover. I’ve just received a review piece (look out for that!) and it makes me feel like a total babe. Every piece comes in plus sizes, too, so everybody can look and feel gorgeous. £34.99 from Lovehoney. My favourites are included in the offer, or you can check out the whole range and take advantage of 25% off when you buy any two pieces.

 

A black PVC full body catsuit, modelled by a pretty white woman with blonde hair.

 

My new favourite is this sexy catsuit from Latex, Leather & Lace. I tried one on in their new store and it was love at first meow! (Watch out for my full review, coming soon). Pair with some sexy black boots (like those below, perhaps?) and you’ll be “feline” gorgeous all night long. £64.99 from Latex, Leather & Lace.

 

 

A black leather overbust corset modelled by a dark haired white woman running her hand through her hair.

 

I adore real leather. The feel, the warmth, the smell… oh god, the smell. Mmmff. That’s why I am lusting HARD after this Lady Anne corset by Allure Leather, and I’m sure you will be, too. £160.99 from Latex, Leather & Lace.

 

 

Pleaser 1020 black high heeled lace up boots
I hate most things about winter. What I do love, though, is that it’s BOOTS SEASON! I can’t even remotely walk in heels without breaking myself, but I do enjoy wearing them to feel sexy once in a while. This winter I’m lusting after these Pleaser beauties. The high-heel wearer in your life is bound to love them too! £70.95 from Latex, Leather & Lace.

 

 

All pictures in this post are property of the respective retailers and are reproduced here with their permission.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation

Every time I review or indeed use a Satisfyer toy now, I end up with ‘Satisfied’ from Hamilton going around in my head. I still really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Anyone want to write this for/with me?

This is really not the review I was expecting to write. A few months ago, I tried the original Satisfyer Pro 2. I really didn’t get on with it at all. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I was just doing it wrong (for the value of “wrong” that means “in a way that didn’t work for my body”) or if the Next Generation model is THAT great of an improvement on the original. I might need to go back and re-test the original and possibly revise my opinion. Or not. For now, let’s just go with: I tried the Pro 2 Next Generation and I loved it!

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product review

If you’re not familiar with Satisfyer toys, they boast what they call “pressure wave stimulation”. Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris and the toy provides “touch free orgasms” via rapid air pulses. Some vulva-owners say it makes them come in less than a minute. Others describe it as like having the orgasm forcibly ripped from their body. For me, it’s neither. Instead, both times I’ve used it, it was a slow build to a gradual but hyper-intense orgasm that left me with jelly legs for the next half an hour.

Some people describe these toys as “oral sex simulators,” but I can’t feel the resemblance at all. This isn’t a bad thing (oral is fun and all, but rarely gets me off) but you might want to reconsider if getting an authentic oral sex-like experience is important to you.

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product review

The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a bigger nozzle than the Pro Penguin, which I recently tested and also enjoyed, so if you’ve got a bigger clitoris or like a slightly larger area stimulated, the Pro 2 would be a better choice over the Penguin (whereas I’d recommend you choose the Penguin if you prefer a bit more of a pinpoint sensation.)

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★
It retails on LoveHoney for £69.99, which is not a horrendous price for a high-end sex toy. It’s also cheaper than the Womanizer toys (which start at £84.99.) That said, it’s a lot of money for a toy that doesn’t necessarily work for every vulva. But I suppose you take that risk with anything new! Lovehoney, incidentally, have a fantastic returns policy.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle, which is the only bit that makes direct contact with the vulva, is silicone, which is body safe, non toxic and non-porous. (Yay silicone!) The body is plastic.

Appearance: ★★★★
Satisfyer’s toys are usually quite pretty (except the Penguin, which is just plain CUTE.) The Pro 2 Next Generation is a lovely rose-gold colour, which I think is fast becoming the new pink. (I’m fully on board with this, if I never see another neon pink sex toy it will be too soon.)

Ease of Use: ★★★
Definitely takes some practice to get it in the spot that will work for your body. One of the most noticeable improvements to the Next Generation model is how much easier the buttons are to press! I found the original’s buttons frustratingly difficult and they often stuck, but this newer model has done away with that issue almost entirely.

The other issue they’ve fixed – YESSSSS – is the issue of having to cycle through all 11 settings to get back to the previous one. On the Next Generation, the simple up/down controls mean you can dial it back a speed if you want to, without having to go all the way through (which I found threw me totally off my rhythm.) I’m delighted with these improvements. The Pro 2 Next Generation is quite heavy, so I don’t recommend it for people who like or need very light toys.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The head is detachable and you can purchase replacements (which, incidentally, come in two subtly different designs!) Being pure silicone, you can wash them with soap and hot water or boil for complete sterilising. The nozzle is bound to trap some lube and fluids. Though it isn’t possible to boil sterilise the whole toy, it is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning. This is a toy that you cannot realistically use with barriers of any kind. For this reason, I would recommend only sharing with a partner you’re fluid bonded to, or giving it a good thorough wash and changing the head between users. I would have given this section an extra star if they’d included a spare head or two with the toy.

Versatility: ★★★
You can really only use it in one way, but that’s okay for a toy that does what it does well! It has eleven different speed settings and is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower. (Not being an underwater wanker, though, I have no idea how that would feel. Would it change the sensation!?)

Intensity: ★★★★
My initial reaction to any Satisfyer, when I turn it on, is “this is too weak to do anything.” (Power Queen over here, #SorryNotSorry!) However: I really can’t grade it in the same way because it doesn’t function in the same way as a straightforward vibrator. The type of stimulation is completely different. Notably: the Pro 2 Next Generation and Pro Penguin Next Generation are the only toys currently in my collection that I DON’T just ramp up to max and leave there. Even the lower settings are quite pleasurable. A final note: another improvement on the original Pro 2 model is that this one is noticeably quieter. It’s not silent, but when it’s pressed against the body you’d struggle to hear it in the next room unless your walls are made of paper.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Some major issues with the original model ironed out, Satisfyer have delivered a lovely toy that delivered deliciously intense orgasms. A great choice for anyone who is into suction/air-wave based toys.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This post contains an affiliate link to Lovehoney and if you buy through it, I make a small commission. This does not affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own.

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Tango Bullet Vibrator

Hi, I’m Amy and I’m addicted to sex toys.

Mr CK and I found ourselves in a sex shop over the weekend, thanks to going to our local Peer Rope session (see my latest Sinful Sunday pic for evidence of our adventures there.) I was browsing some toys and found the Leaf Fresh on special, which I was considering getting. I asked the lovely sales woman how powerful it was, and she pretty much dragged me to the other end of the store, going, “if you want power you NEED the Tango!”

Friends, she was right.

The We-Vibe Tango, a small blue bullet vibrator. For a review post.The We-Vibe Tango, a small blue bullet vibrator, boxed. For a review post.

Meet this tiny powerhouse of joy

The Tango by We-Vibe is known for being the strongest bullet vibrator currently on the market anywhere. It’s small, only 3.5 inches in length and about 0.75 inches in diameter. It’s a standard bullet shape with a small flattened edge at the top leading to a point. This is great if you like really pinpoint stimulation. It is USB rechargeable, waterproof and operates on a single-button interface which takes you through 8 settings. It comes attractively packaged (see above pic) like all We-Vibe products, and comes complete with a cute little satin drawstring storage bag.

My first toy was a bullet vibe, but I haven’t really gone near bullets in years, apart from that ill-fated testing of a crappy freebie. They’re typically just not strong enough to do anything for me. I get frustrated and yearn for something bigger and more powerful. Well, I am pleased to report that the Tango is the delightful exception.

I came home very tired and late but determined to have a wank before bed, and it gave me a fabulous orgasm in under 10 minutes – a feat rarely achieved. The best thing? How rumbly the vibrations are. None of the horrible buzz you get with so many smaller toys. It’s not the quietest, but the volume isn’t at all bad when compared to the strength.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
This toy retails on Lovehoney for £54.99. It’s definitely at the top of the price range for a bullet vibe, but I think it’s worth it. It’s just so superior in quality to the overwhelming majority of superficially-similar toys on the market. It also comes with a one-year warranty, so there’s no worries of it breaking after three uses!

Materials: ★★★★★
It’s made of hard ABS plastic, which is body-safe, non-porous and free from phthalates. This won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I don’t recommend it if you prefer softer toys, for example, as this is very rigid. What I really like about it is that the hard plastic doesn’t dampen down the vibrations At All. (If you prefer your vibrations to be somewhat calmed by a layer of silicone, the Touch is a great option!)

Appearance: ★★★★
It’s cute and tiny, which makes it non-threatening to people who are put off by huge or bulky toys. My lovely affiliates Lovehoney only carry it in pink, but it also comes in blue – which is what I went for, being generally anti-pink. Blue is a slightly less common sex toy colour, which I appreciate.

Ease of Use: ★★★★
Being so small, it’s really light and fit neatly into my tiny hand. The button on the base is easy to press. This single button cycles through the settings as well as being the on/off switch.

It does have the slight annoyance of only being able to cycle through settings one way (i.e. if you change up, you can’t change back down again without going through all of them first). But also it has the super cool feature of a memory function, meaning that whatever setting it’s on when you turn it off, it will restart to that same setting. This is great for me as I pretty much only use it on one mode. The only real issue – and this is common to all bullet vibes – is that the vibrations travel through the whole toy, meaning my hand gets vibrated as much as my cunt during use.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★★
The Tango can be easily cleaned between uses with a sterile wipe, and is waterproof so you can use hot water for a more thorough cleaning. It could be popped inside a condom or used with another barrier without much impact on the quality of vibrations, if you’re sharing it in a non-fluid-bonded relationship.

Versatility: ★★★★
The Tango has 8 different settings – 4 constant speeds and 4 patterns – so whatever form you like your vibrations to take, there will be a setting for you. It’s waterproof, so if you want some bathtime fun, that’s an option too.

It’s advertised as “for solo play,” which it’s definitely great for, but it also works really well with a partner – for me, a strong vibrator on my clitoris during penetrative sex with a penis-owning person is a sure way to get me off, and the Tango is perfect for this as it’s so small (much as I love my Doxy, it’s a bit hefty for this purpose!) The Tango is definitely only a clitoral toy – it’s too small for internal vaginal use (and no flared base, so please please please don’t use it anally!)

Intensity:
★★★★★
Yes yes yes yes. Power queens everywhere, rejoice! This is the bullet toy we’ve been waiting for! The vibrations are strong, rumbly and delicious. The level of power is seriously impressive for something so small. And, again, the hard plastic material doesn’t dampen the intensity at all.

Overall Score: ★★★★★
I now understand why so many people rave about this toy. It’s going to be my go-to vibe for when I’m traveling, want some clit stimulation while fucking, or simply can’t be arsed to use something as big and heavy as my Doxy. I cannot overstate how much I freaking love this toy. Go get yourself one and don’t forget to use code COFFKINK10 at checkout for 10% off.

Note: I bought this toy for myself and did not receive anything in exchange for this review. This post does contain affiliate links and if you buy through one, I make a small commission. This does not in any way affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation

After my less than ‘Satisfying’ go with the original Satisfyer Pro 2 a few months back, I approached the Pro Penguin Next Generation with a healthy degree of skepticism. This is probably why it’s been sitting on top of my pile of “to review” sex toys in the living room for the last week until today it eventually guilted me into testing it.

(What? Yes, I keep a pile of sex toys in my living room. Doesn’t everyone?)

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation, a suction based sex toy that looks like a little penguin wearing a pink bow-tie. For a review post.

Cute little thing, isn’t he? (“It looks like a penguin!” said Mr CK, when I showed him the toy without telling him what it was called.)

So how did I get on?

Like all Satisfyer toys, the Pro Penguin Next Generation uses a suction nozzle and pressure waves of air to create stimulation to the clitoris which feels sort of like vibration only… different. Basically, the idea is that the waves stimulate the clit without actually touching it. This means you get none of the numbness or tingling that can occasionally accompany use of more traditional vibrating toys.

So, I applied a little water-based lube (Sliquid, always and forever the only lube I will unreservedly recommend to everyone!) to the nozzle, applied it to my clit, opened up the porn and set to, erm, work. My first reaction upon switching the Penguin on was that it’s a little loud. But the sound is dampened a lot (read: almost entirely) once the toy is applied to the body.

To begin with, I must admit I was underwhelmed. Pleasant sensations one second became too intense – so intense as to be painful – remarkably quickly. It’s so precise that the slightest shift in position threw me off my game. This is definitely a toy that takes some practice.

Here’s a thing you should know about me: I always, always, always wank lying on my bed, either flat on my back or slightly propped up against some pillows, with my legs spread wide. I wank left handed (shout out to my fellow lefties!) and depending on the toy I’m using, I usually use my right hand to spread my labia to enable easier application of a toy to my clitoris – or more accurately, the hood or underside, as direct contact on my clitoral glans is usually painful for me. So naturally, I went to this trusty position. The problem, then, was positioning the toy so that it caught the right area without catching the “so intense it hurts” area.

But today I discovered something cool. Turns out I can masturbate with my legs nearly closed! At least, that’s how the Pro Penguin Next Generation worked for me. I don’t quite know why – maybe something to do with bringing all those yummy sensitive bits closer together under the suction cup instead of having them spread out? But it turns out that applying it GENTLY to my clitoral area with my legs almost completely closed was the magic button for me. Once I’d found this, the Penguin brought me to a slow-build, sheet-clutching, oh-my-godddddd orgasm that Mr CK could hear from several rooms away.

Ooof. I guess this suction toy thing can work for me after all. Who knew?

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
It’s currently retailing at Simply Pleasure for £59.95. This will be out of budget for some, for sure, but it’s not an obscene price for a luxury and well-made toy. Satisfyer have consistently lower prices than their main competitor, Womanizer, whose toys start at £84.99.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle piece which makes contact with the genitals is silicone, and the body is coated in the same material. This makes the Pro Penguin Next Generation entirely body-safe as well as a pleasure to hold.

Appearance: ★★★★
It looks like a little penguin, which is super cute but also a bit baffling. I really wish I’d been a fly on the wall of the Marketing meeting where someone went, “we’ve got this brilliant new sex toy technology. You know what would make this product even better? Let’s make it look like a PENGUIN”. Still, the sheer adorableness makes it non-threatening, it’s not pink, and it has a little bow-tie which I find hilarious, so let’s go with it.

Ease of Use: ★★★
As outlined above, it definitely takes some work to figure out exactly the right spot to place it for your particular body. My advice when using a suction toy, especially if you’re new to them, is to try to throw out preconceptions about what your body likes and where/how you like stimulation. These toys might feel superficially a bit like vibrators, but they’re actually quite different.

The Pro Penguin Next Generation is small and not too heavy. The shape of the body means it fit nicely into my much-smaller-than-average hand. The main button on the front switches the toy on and off as well as controlling the speed, and is nice and easy to press. A really nice feature this toy has, which was lacking in the original Pro 2, is the ability to turn it down as well as up without cycling through all the settings.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The silicone nozzle tip is removable, which is really nice. That meant I could simply wash it with hot water and soap in the bathroom. I did get some sex fluids on the end of the body of the toy, but that was easy to clean with a sterile wipe. It’s possible that the open nozzle could harbor bacteria, so be extra thorough when cleaning it. It is waterproof so could be submerged for a more thorough cleaning.

The toy cannot be used with a condom or any kind of barrier, but the nozzle ends are changeable and you can buy extras. It would be easy to swap them if sharing with a non fluid-bonded partner. One thing that would have been nice would be to have a couple of spare nozzles included with the toy.

Versatility: ★★★
It basically does one thing, but that’s okay because it does it well! You can easily ramp the intensity setting up and down to suit. The toy is waterproof which means it can be used in the bath or shower. (Not being a bath-wanker, though, I have no idea how well this works or if the water affects how the pressure waves feel.)

Intensity: ★★★★
When I first turned the Pro Penguin Next Generation up to max, I thought, “this thing isn’t going to do anything”. (Remember, I am the world’s biggest Power Queen.) I was wrong. Remember: it’s not a vibrator, not as such. It works differently. Even at the lower speeds the sensation was meaningful. When I turned it up to maximum speed it delivered a lovely, intense-but-sensual kind of stimulation. I’ve heard some people say it resembles oral sex. Not any oral sex I’ve ever had, but I can kind-of-sort-of see what they’re getting at. This thing caresses your clitoris.

Overall Score: ★★★★
A fun and playful toy that requires some experimentation, but with perseverance delivered a great orgasm. Recommended to anyone who wants to try a suction-based toy, especially those new to them.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This does not in any way affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own. This post contains an affiliate link.

A Girl and Her Doxy: A Love Story

It’s hardly a secret to anyone at this point that I’m madly in love with my Doxy massager and will wax lyrical to anyone who will listen about how it’s the best sex toy in the universe, hands down, bar none.

For the remaining three people on the internet who don’t know what a Doxy is, it’s a large, wand-style vibrator that plugs into the mains. It’s a great big beast of a thing with vibrations more powerful than any I’ve felt anywhere else. In my opinion, and die-hard proponents of the original may disagree, it’s everything that was good about the Hitachi Magic Wand… only better. It looks a little something like this:

The Doxy Massager, a purple wand style vibrator

I own a lot of sex toys – a perk of being a blogger and also generally a bit obsessed. But I still find myself reaching for this one time and time and time again whenever it’s I don’t have to review anything, I just want a nice orgasm time.

So why do I love this toy quite so damn much?

1. It was a gift from my beloved.

My Doxy was the first gift Mr CK ever gave me. He got it for me for my 25th birthday, which was the month after we started dating. He gave it to me at a CM/nf event we went to a few days before my birthday. At that same event, while we sat on the squishy pouffe things in the social space, enjoying aftercare and snacks, he asked me to be his life partner.

Yeah, this thing has some of the best memories attached to it.

2. It’s powerful as fuck.

Once more for those in the back: I have never found vibrations this good and this powerful anywhere else. Capable of up to 9,000 RPM, the Doxy provides a nice deep penetrating vibration with varying speeds (though anyone who has been lucky enough to see me use mine will be aware that I ramp it up to top speed immediately and keep it there until I’ve come.)

3. It’s body-safe.

The head of the Doxy original is made from “non-porous medical grade PVC” (which contains no pthalates or other nasties) while the newer Die Cast model has a silicone head, which you will know is always my preferred toy material. And despite the shape and size of the head, it actually works very well with a condom. I always advise using a barrier if you’re sharing the toy with someone who is not a fluid-bonded lover.

4. Their customer service is amazing.

After about a year we experienced a slight issue with the motor in my Doxy. Mr CK wrote to the company and they immediately replaced the toy with a new one, which also happened to be a slightly upgraded model. No problems at all. They genuinely care about their customers, and get A-pluses all around for service.

5. It’s reliable.

This toy is literally the only thing, including my own fingers, that can give me an explosive clitoral orgasm more-or-less every single time I use it. (I think I need to do a post on the difference between clitoral and G-spot based orgasms.)

6. It’s versatile

Unlike its precursor, the original Hitachi Magic Wand, the Doxy has a wide range of intensity settings and can be set at whatever level the user desires. It’s clearly designed for vulvas but can be just as effectively used on people with penises. (Yes, many cock-owners get the hell off from vibrations!)

7. It comes in purple.

Purple, y’all. What’s not to love? (If for some reason you don’t like purple, it also comes in white, black and pink.)

This post contains affiliate links. If you’re in the USA or Canada and would like to support Coffee & Kink, please consider buying your Doxy or other luxury toy from Luxury Vibrators. If you’re in the UK, please buy from Lovehoney and use code COFFKINK10 for 10% off. All opinions are, and will always be, my own.

The image featured in this post was taken by me and is my copyrighted property. It must not be reproduced without express permission.

[Toy Review] Idee du Desir Orchid 1001 Nights Wooden Dildo

I love luxury toys. Like, really really love them. Stainless steel, glass, beautiful high-grade silicone… bring it on. What I hadn’t tried until now, though, was a wooden toy. So when I had the chance to buy this lovely piece from Idee du Desir from the lovely Brunette Reviews I obviously jumped at the chance.The Idee du Desir Orchid 1001 Nights dildo for a review post. Pictured with an orchid flower.
Unreservedly, I loved the 1001 Nights dildo. It looks and feels gorgeous. For my body at least, the curve is just right to hit my g-spot and get me the fuck off. I come really easily from good g-spot stimulation, but straight toys don’t always quite do the job. This, though? It’s wonderful. I smeared it with a little water-based lube and it slid in beautifully with no friction at all. I came three times in two minutes.

My ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
This is not a cheap toy. At €90 (about £78 at time of writing) it’s definitely at the higher end for a dildo. However, it’s so beautifully made and feels so lovely that I’m going to say it’s definitely worth the price if you can afford to splash out a bit.

Appearance: ★★★★★
Just look at it. It’s beautiful! Available in 3 different woods – walnut, birch or maple – each 1001 Nights dildo is finished with a gold powder which offers a subtle shimmer. This toy is the height of classy.

Feel: ★★★★★
The surface is perfectly smooth with no imperfections and the ridges on the head are the ideal depth – defined enough to feel but not bumpy enough to be painful when inserted. The curve is just right for G-spot pressure. The wood has the pleasing rigidity of glass or steel without the coldness that can accompany them. It delivers lovely pressure to my g-spot and is not too girthy (just under 4cm at the widest point,) which was ideal for me as I find a lot of girth combined with rigidity to be painful – if you’re a length person, this toy is perfect for you. If girth is important to you, it might not be for you.

Ease of Use: ★★★★
The 1001 Nights dildo is lovely to hold and extremely light – looking at it, you’d expect it to be heavy, but the whole thing weighs around 80g. This was a real perk for me but may be a downside for you if you prefer a heftier weight to your toys. The handle at the end makes it lovely and easy to hold, though I found it easier to wrap my hand around the handle rather than put my fingers through the holes as was presumably intended. To be fair, I do have freaky-small hands and someone with bigger hands would probably find it more convenient to stick their fingers in the holes. Mr CK has average hands and can hold it comfortably this way.

Care, Cleaning & Body Safety: ★★★★
I’m just going to take a moment here to bust some myths – n0, you cannot get a splinter from a properly-made wooden sex toy, and no, they’re not necessarily porous. They’re sanded down to within an inch of their life and then varnished. Idee du Desir use several layers of a hypoallergenic, food-grade varnish, making the toys totally body safe. Wooden toys are safe to use with any kind of non-toxic lubricant (I always recommend water-based.)

The 1001 Nights dildo can be washed with soap and water or a medical-grade sterile wipe. It’s a good shape to use with a condom so you can safely share it in a non-fluid bonded situation. The place this toy does fall down on safety is by having the company name inscribed upon the base. This makes it far too easy for lube or body-fluids to get into the inscribing, which is a nightmare to clean and really difficult to be sure it’s totally sanitised.

Overall score: ★★★★
Overall, the 1001 Nights dildo is an attractive, safe and pleasurable toy which was a joy to use. If you like slimline dildos, super light toys, rigidity or intense g-spot pressure combined with easy thrusting, this is for you. Again, if you want lots of girth or something with more weight, maybe skip it. Based on this item, I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend Idee du Desir items to anyone with a g-spot.

This post was the first of my Smutathon 2017 posts.

[Toy Review] The “Wicked Game” Magic Wand by So Divine

The Wicked Game was a last-minute win at the end-of-Eroticon raffle, and I was excited to try it out as ‘wand’ style vibrators are always a firm favourite with me. This lovely little thing was no exception.

The So Divine Wicked Game, a purple magic wand style vibrator with a bulbous head and slightly curved body. Pictured boxed, left, and unboxed, right,

First, some facts…

It’s a small-ish wand compared to the heft of, say, a Hitachi or a Doxy. It measures about 9.5 inches from end to end, and has a gentle curve – that’s because it’s double ended, effectively making it both a clitoral wand and a G-spot vibrator in one. (Though, sadly, both cannot vibrate at the same time.) The head is about 1.5 inches across and the widest part of the insertable end is about the same, making it not super slimline but definitely not one for girth lovers. It’s waterproof and USB-rechargeable.

My experience…

I tried the Wicked Game out at the club with Mr CK, with him using it on me. For the purposes of full disclosure I should say I hadn’t had an orgasm for about 3 days before this session, but I’m not convinced that makes too much of a difference apart from possibly making me get off quicker than I would otherwise have. My cunt likes what it likes; it’s just a little more receptive when it’s been a while.

What I love about this toy is that it’s really versatile. Both ends vibrate (though not, as I mentioned, at the same time. You have to pick one or the other!) and one end is a traditional wand head while the other end is an insertable vibrating dildo. All in one toy! Nice, no? It also has ten different vibration modes – 3 constant speed settings and 7 pulsing patterns.

I don’t often like patterns of vibration – give me the constant setting any day! That said, some of the Wicked Game’s patterns are surprisingly enjoyable. My favourite is the pulse setting that ramps slowly up, hits a peak and then drops down again. I love being teased (or teasing myself) into a frenzy and this setting does exactly that. For a quicker orgasm, though, the highest of the 3 constant speeds is definitely my preferred setting.

Now this is where things get really interesting. Mr CK made me come with this toy – twice in an afternoon – really easily. Normally, someone else getting me to come is pretty difficult (possible, but difficult,) even if they’re using a toy I really love. Again: picky cunt. I love my Doxy more than life – it is my favourite toy and one of my favourite possessions, period. But I come a lot more reliably when I use it on myself than when someone else holds it. Yet the Wicked Game is less powerful, but for some reason seems much more effective in giving me orgasms when in someone else’s hands.

My theory is thus: the Doxy is SUPER CRAZY POWERFUL, to the point that if it’s in the wrong spot – even slightly – it can become unpleasant or even painful extremely quickly. When I’m holding it myself, I know exactly what my body needs and can react accordingly, but my partners – wonderful and attuned to me though they are – do not actually live in my head. Or my clitoris. The Wicked Game, though pretty powerful itself, is significantly gentler than the mains-powered wands and so I can squirm against it, adjust it if needed, and let my partner know if it needs moving to a different spot before it becomes painful or unpleasant and throws me off my ‘groove.’

In short, I think this toy might be the sweet spot where “powerful enough to make me come” meets “gentle enough to have someone else use on me without discomfort.” I would recommend this for any vulva-owning person who likes vibrations, and I would particularly suggest it as a perfect first vibrator because the experience is so very customisable. Don’t know if you like internal or external stimulation, hard persistent vibrations or soft pulsing? No problem – with this, you can try them all out with one toy.

Incidentally: it’s also one of those rare toys that advertises itself as quiet and is actually quiet. I gave up caring about people knowing I’m wanking years ago, but this feature might be of interest to those of you with roommates and/or family at home.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
At £54.99 RRP it’s not a steal and may be outside of some budgets, but it’s still cheaper than some of the really high-end toys on the market and with the amount of functions it comes with, it’s well worth the price. Weirdly enough, you can buy them from Ocado grocery delivery service in the UK, which just cracks me the fuck up. So Divine products come with a two-year warranty. I haven’t had any cause to use it, so I can’t speak for their customer service, but they get 4.5 stars out of 5 on Trustpilot, so I’m going to go ahead and say you can probably order from them with confidence.

Materials: ★★★★★
Lovely silicon. Soft, smooth and SAFE. Gorgeous.

Appearance: ★★★★★
It’s a lovely, classy and stylish looking toy that comes in pink or purple colour options. Mine, of course, is purple. (My understanding is that the pink version is called Sweetest Taboo instead of Wicked Game, but is functionally identical.)

Ease of Use: ★★★★
The buttons are a little hard to press – especially in the, uh, throes of passion – but apart from that, the controls are pretty intuitive. There is an on/off button and buttons to cycle through the settings and switch between the internal and external settings. Nice and simple. Plus it’s light, so easy to hold – a good choice for someone who wants a wand style toy but would find holding a really heavy one difficult.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★★
Easy to wipe clean between uses – I recommend a body-safe sterile wipe available in bulk from medical suppliers. It’s waterproof, too, so can be submerged in water for a more thorough cleaning. For safer sex purposes if you share your toys, it’s condom-friendly in shape and material.

Versatility: ★★★★★
The Wicked Game has two ends, one insertable and one external, and ten different settings – 3 speeds and seven pulse patterns. Totally versatile depending on what you like and what you’re in the mood for today. It’s also waterproof, if wanking in the bath is your thing. Pro-tip: though it’s designed for vulvas, many penis-owners really enjoy vibrations on the head or shaft of their cock. Mr CK heartily endorses this toy for that purpose!

Intensity: ★★★★★
I’ve given this 5 stars even though it’s not as intense as I typically like my vibes, for the aforementioned reason of hitting the sweet spot between “meh, not intense enough” and “DON’T MOVE IT A MILLIMETRE OR IT WILL HURT.”

Overall Score: ★★★★★
Yeah, I love this vibe and, apart from wishing the head and shaft could vibrate at the same time, I can’t find any significant downsides. I think it’s going to become my favourite vibrator to use with a partner.

Go get yourself one.

Note: I won this toy and reviewed it because I was excited about it. I did not receive any payment or free products in exchange for this review and all opinions, as ever, are my own. If you’d like to support me, please consider becoming a sexy patron or buying me a virtual coffee.