Masturbation Monday: “Charity Dinner”

[Inspired by Exhibit A and his suit-porn.]

A man's body in a suit and tie. For a masturbation monday post about a charity dinnerHe looks so fucking hot in his suit.

Truth be told, I hate these stuffy, fancy dinners. Disgustingly wealthy people bidding huge amounts of money for shit they don’t actually want (just donate the fucking money, Bob, God) and food that is always mediocre at best, considering the price-tag. But this is Richard’s work, and I know it’s important to him, so I put on the flouncy cocktail dress and curl my hair and play the dutiful wife, hanging on his arm and sipping Prosecco and charming people I don’t care about who bore the knickers off me.

Well, they would if I was wearing any.

The one good thing about all this, as I said, is that my husband looks fucking gorgeous in his suit. From our wedding to nights out at sex clubs (because what good upstanding Finance Director doesn’t have a sordid secret life!?) to these dinners we occasionally have to endure, whenever he puts it on, I just want to swoon into a puddle at his feet.

I decided in the shower that I was going to make this evening a bit more interesting. So no-one knows that, underneath my demure dress and stockings – below the knee, not too sheer – I’m not wearing panties and I’ve got kegel balls shoved inside my cunt. No-one except my husband, of course. And something tells me he’ll be taking full advantage before the night is up.

He whispers in my ear as we take our places for dinner.

“Every time I squeeze your leg or your hand, you’re going to squeeze your cunt around those balls. Got it?” I nod, my face impassive. “Good. Don’t let on.”

We’re seated. There’s small-talk. I’m introduced to some important client or other, sitting across the table.

“My wife, Kate.” As I reach out to shake hands, Richard’s hand slips under the tablecloth and gives my leg a little squeeze. I clench my cunt against the balls filling me up, making sure I keep my face neutral. Fuck. It feels so good.

Starter is served. Squeeze. Clench. He does it every few minutes, just enough to keep me desperately aroused but nowhere near enough to bring me close to any sort of release. I try not to squirm in my seat and to concentrate on the conversation going on around me. I keep my eyes mostly on my food, pretend I’m shy. I’m not shy, I’m just too fucking horny to concentrate on anything else?

“More wine, Kate?”

Squeeze. Fuck.

I proffer my glass, trying to keep it steady as Richard’s boss refills it, and squeeze my cunt obediently against the damn balls.

Main course comes. He’s fully toying with me now, this sadistic beautiful man by my side, never pausing from his conversation even as he reduces me to a flustered mess next to him. My cunt’s dripping. I worry I’m staining the chair beneath me.

By the time dessert appears in front of me, I think I’m going to scream if I don’t get my release soon. It takes all my strength not to start humping the air like the ridiculous horny slut I am. Richard is now holding my hand on the table and surreptitiously squeezing it every few seconds. Bastard.

I hit the edge. A few more seconds and I’ll come, right here at this table in front of these suited strangers. Fuuuuuck. I drop my dessert fork and it hits the floor with a loud clatter, causing everyone on the table to look at me. I blush bright red and start to duck under the table to retrieve it, but a waiter has already rushed over with a new one for me.

“You’re so clumsy, darling,” Richard says. “Have you had too much wine?” To everyone else it looks like gentle, loving ribbing. But I see the flash in his grey eyes and I know exactly what he’s thinking. He’s got me right where he wants me.

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. I look at him pleadingly. Please don’t do this. A harder squeeze, telling me to be good, to not let him down now.

I clench as hard as I can. It’s enough. I come, my cunt spasming around the hard silicone balls. I cross my legs, feeling the gush of wetness running out of me, biting my tongue to hold in the moan and trying not to make my squirming too obvious.

Richard leans forward to better hear the conversation on the other side of the table. No-one but me can read the self-satisfied smirk playing around the corner of his lips. He’s pleased with me. And I know that as soon as we get home, the kegel balls in my cunt are going to be replaced by his cock.

Masturbation Monday is created and owned by Kayla Lords. Click the link to see what’s getting everyone off this week.

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Image sourced through Pixabay.

 

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation

Every time I review or indeed use a Satisfyer toy now, I end up with ‘Satisfied’ from Hamilton going around in my head. I still really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Anyone want to write this for/with me?

This is really not the review I was expecting to write. A few months ago, I tried the original Satisfyer Pro 2. I really didn’t get on with it at all. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I was just doing it wrong (for the value of “wrong” that means “in a way that didn’t work for my body”) or if the Next Generation model is THAT great of an improvement on the original. I might need to go back and re-test the original and possibly revise my opinion. Or not. For now, let’s just go with: I tried the Pro 2 Next Generation and I loved it!

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product review

If you’re not familiar with Satisfyer toys, they boast what they call “pressure wave stimulation”. Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris and the toy provides “touch free orgasms” via rapid air pulses. Some vulva-owners say it makes them come in less than a minute. Others describe it as like having the orgasm forcibly ripped from their body. For me, it’s neither. Instead, both times I’ve used it, it was a slow build to a gradual but hyper-intense orgasm that left me with jelly legs for the next half an hour.

Some people describe these toys as “oral sex simulators,” but I can’t feel the resemblance at all. This isn’t a bad thing (oral is fun and all, but rarely gets me off) but you might want to reconsider if getting an authentic oral sex-like experience is important to you.

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product review

The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a bigger nozzle than the Pro Penguin, which I recently tested and also enjoyed, so if you’ve got a bigger clitoris or like a slightly larger area stimulated, the Pro 2 would be a better choice over the Penguin (whereas I’d recommend you choose the Penguin if you prefer a bit more of a pinpoint sensation.)

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★
It retails on LoveHoney for £69.99, which is not a horrendous price for a high-end sex toy. It’s also cheaper than the Womanizer toys (which start at £84.99.) That said, it’s a lot of money for a toy that doesn’t necessarily work for every vulva. But I suppose you take that risk with anything new! Lovehoney, incidentally, have a fantastic returns policy.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle, which is the only bit that makes direct contact with the vulva, is silicone, which is body safe, non toxic and non-porous. (Yay silicone!) The body is plastic.

Appearance: ★★★★
Satisfyer’s toys are usually quite pretty (except the Penguin, which is just plain CUTE.) The Pro 2 Next Generation is a lovely rose-gold colour, which I think is fast becoming the new pink. (I’m fully on board with this, if I never see another neon pink sex toy it will be too soon.)

Ease of Use: ★★★
Definitely takes some practice to get it in the spot that will work for your body. One of the most noticeable improvements to the Next Generation model is how much easier the buttons are to press! I found the original’s buttons frustratingly difficult and they often stuck, but this newer model has done away with that issue almost entirely.

The other issue they’ve fixed – YESSSSS – is the issue of having to cycle through all 11 settings to get back to the previous one. On the Next Generation, the simple up/down controls mean you can dial it back a speed if you want to, without having to go all the way through (which I found threw me totally off my rhythm.) I’m delighted with these improvements. The Pro 2 Next Generation is quite heavy, so I don’t recommend it for people who like or need very light toys.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The head is detachable and you can purchase replacements (which, incidentally, come in two subtly different designs!) Being pure silicone, you can wash them with soap and hot water or boil for complete sterilising. The nozzle is bound to trap some lube and fluids. Though it isn’t possible to boil sterilise the whole toy, it is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning. This is a toy that you cannot realistically use with barriers of any kind. For this reason, I would recommend only sharing with a partner you’re fluid bonded to, or giving it a good thorough wash and changing the head between users. I would have given this section an extra star if they’d included a spare head or two with the toy.

Versatility: ★★★
You can really only use it in one way, but that’s okay for a toy that does what it does well! It has eleven different speed settings and is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower. (Not being an underwater wanker, though, I have no idea how that would feel. Would it change the sensation!?)

Intensity: ★★★★
My initial reaction to any Satisfyer, when I turn it on, is “this is too weak to do anything.” (Power Queen over here, #SorryNotSorry!) However: I really can’t grade it in the same way because it doesn’t function in the same way as a straightforward vibrator. The type of stimulation is completely different. Notably: the Pro 2 Next Generation and Pro Penguin Next Generation are the only toys currently in my collection that I DON’T just ramp up to max and leave there. Even the lower settings are quite pleasurable. A final note: another improvement on the original Pro 2 model is that this one is noticeably quieter. It’s not silent, but when it’s pressed against the body you’d struggle to hear it in the next room unless your walls are made of paper.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Some major issues with the original model ironed out, Satisfyer have delivered a lovely toy that delivered deliciously intense orgasms. A great choice for anyone who is into suction/air-wave based toys.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This post contains an affiliate link to Lovehoney and if you buy through it, I make a small commission. This does not affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own.