The Four Archetypes of my Submission

It’s the penultimate day of my adventure through Kayla Lords and John Brownstone’s 30 Days of D/s programme, and today is all about exploring what kind of submissive or Dominant you are. Are you a slave, a pup, a kitten, a brat, a little, or something else?

Two rubber ducks, one red and decorated like an angel, and one black and decorated as a devil. For a post on submissive archetypes.

I can be lots of different things when I’m submitting. It depends on the mood, the activity, the partner I’m with… all kinds of factors are at play. There are definitely some themes which crop up again and again, though – and today I wanted to share the archetypes I tend to embody when I’m in my submissive role.

The Good Girl

This is where my service submissive gets to go to her happy place. Fundamentally, when I’m in Good Girl mode, I want to please the person I’m submitting to. I want to be praised and given verbal and non-verbal affirmation that I’m doing a good job.

What to say when I’m in this mood: “You’re such a good girl. Sir is so proud of you.” What not to say: “That’s not good enough, I am disappointed.”

The Victim

This is where the darker side of my kinks comes out to play. This is the place for consensual non-consent, fear play and all those other delightful dark, twisted corners of my fantasies. In this mood, I want to be taken. I want to be victimised. I don’t want softness or concern or mercy… I want to be an object for the other person’s desires.

What to say when I’m in this mood: “Shut up, I’m going to do it to you whether you scream or not.”
What not to say: “Is that okay? Do you want me to go gentler?” (Unless said in a sarcastic/mocking tone, maybe. I have a safeword if it’s not okay!)

The Willing Sex Slave

This is the space where I just want to sexually service my partner and get fucked. This is definitely the most purely sexual of my submissive archetypes. It’s where I’m not so fussed about pain or sensation or roleplay, I just want you to use my body to get yourself off. (And maybe give me a few dozen orgasms in the process.) I want to suck you off and hear you moan about what a good fucktoy I am. I want to have my legs spread and feel your fingers probing into my cunt while you make fun of my wetness.

What to say when I’m in this mood: “You’re going to suck my cock for as long as I like and if you’re lucky, I might fuck you afterwards.”
What not to say: “I suppose we can get you off if you really want.” (Clue: acting like my pleasure is a chore = not sexy.)

The Brat

I love bratting occasionally. It doesn’t come out very often, but mostly when I’m in a very silly or playful mood. When I’m in this space, I want to be tamed into submission by someone who takes the brattyness as a challenge. I want them to pin me down while I’m giggling and struggling and trying to run away. I want them to try to intimidate me into telling them where I’ve hidden their favourite whip. (Not that I would EVER do this. Honest!)

What to say when I’m in this mood: “If you don’t start behaving I’m going to take off this belt and beat you into submission.”
What not to say: “Ugh, I hate brats, why can’t you be a proper submissive?”

How about you, dear friends? Which submissive archetypes do you embody when you play?

Kinky item of the day: NeonWand! I love electro play. It can be painful, sensual, teasing, sexy or any combination of things. And as long as you follow the instructions carefully and communicate, these kits make it a lot safer than you might think. This Kinklab kit is a good alternative to an original Violet Wand, which can run to hundreds of pounds for even a basic model.

The image featured in this post was reproduced under Creative Commons Licensing.  

How to Put Me in Subspace

I have to admit, I’m starting to be glad this #KinkMonth thing is nearly over. Posting every day no matter what is fucking exhausting, y’all! Still, the show must go on, and today’s prompt from Kayla’s awesome 30 Days of D/s is all about subspace!

She says:

“Subspace or top/dom space isn’t a guarantee every time you get kinky or in every D/s relationship. The feeling comes from the endorphins, dopamine, and other feel good chemicals our brain produces in a really intense scene.”

A woman's upper body and bottom from the back, with her hands cuffed behind her back. Black and white. For a post about subspace

I’ve learned my own subspace triggers over the years. I’m always discovering new ones, and the ones listed here won’t work every single time, of course. But the following are the most reliable ways I’ve discovered to get me there.

[Disclaimer: don’t do any of these to me without consent. Obviously.]

Stroke the insides of my wrists

Yesssss. This area of my body feels super vulnerable to me, partly for trauma-reasons. It’s also hyper-sensitive. This means that only very trusted partners get to touch me there. For some reason, probably for reasons of the aforementioned vulnerability, having my inner wrists stroked is a pretty powerful way to push me down the subspace rabbit-hole.

Pull my hair

Mmmfff. I love hair-pulling. Grab a handful and give it a (GENTLE-ISH) tug. I don’t want to feel like you’re trying to pull it out, but I want to feel like you’re using it to control me and put me exactly where you want me.

Call me a “good girl”

I’m at least somewhat of a service-sub. I want to please the person I’m submitting for. Don’t just throw this out willy-nilly – it won’t work – but when I’ve done something to deserve it, a well-timed “good girl” will make me melt into a puddle at your feet.

Call me slut, whore, bitch or girl

Mild humiliation of this kind gets my cunt wet and sends my subby desires into overdrive. I don’t see them as insults when they’re said to me in the context of a scene with a person I know actually likes me. Think phrases like, “are you going to suck my cock like a good little slut?” or “Get on your knees, girl.”

Grab my throat

Fair warning: if you do this without consent, I may assume you’re trying to kill me and act accordingly. In a consensual scenario, though, I love love love a hand on my throat. Not squeezing (breath-play is a hard limit except occasionally with Mr CK,) just… holding. Firmly. In a way that says, “you’re mine and I will do what I want with you.”

Look at me over your glasses

In a sexy, stern teacher kind of way? Please?

Woof. I need a cold shower now. What gets YOU into subspace or Domspace, dear readers?

Kinky item of the day: Clingfilm/plastic wrap! I was once fastened to a post, off the ground, using nothing but pallet wrap. A super cheap and easily accessible tool which you can use for mummification and restraint. Disclaimers: NEVER wrap the face or neck. Keep safety shears handy. Read up on safety protocols before you experiment.

The image featured in this post was offered for use via Creative Commons Licensing.

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