[Toy Review] Oh-Moji Emoji Vibrator, Because Why the Fuck Not?

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Sex, as I have long held, is hilarious. It’s also many other things, of course – hot, sweet, loving, occasionally healing and transformative. But often we get so caught up in the notion of Sex As Serious Business that we forget fucking is meant, first and foremost, to be fun.

So, even though I entirely am here for beautiful toys and plain-but-functional toys and hyper realistic toys, I am also occasionally here for silly, funny and plain ridiculous toys. Enter the Oh-Moji.

Just for fun, I’m using emojis instead of title headers for this piece. Because I can.

😍😘😜

My friends at Lovehoney offered me a sneaky peek at their new toy line ahead of its release, and how could I say no to that? The new line, it turns out, consists of three Emoji-themed mini wand vibrators: heart eyes (the one I have,) blowing a kiss, and tongue-out.

These vibes are silly and cute, and clearly marketed towards younger consumers. I have mixed feelings about this; it does seem to be playing into stereotypes about young people and students. However, if a vibrator with an amusing, irreverent design is what it takes to get a young person to buy their first toy and start exploring their sexuality, I’m good with that.

Each Oh-Moji is a petite 5″ long, with a white-and-yellow handle decorated with the Lovehoney heart logo, and a yellow wand head with one flat side, where the emoji face is printed. They are USB rechargeable, and you get about an hour of continuous use from a two-hour charge. I do wish rechargeable toy batteries would last longer, in general!

The Oh-Moji has 11 settings; 3 constant speeds and 8 patterns. It is operated via a simple one-button interface, which you press to change through the settings. This does mean that if you find one you like and skip past it, you have to go allllll the way back through again.

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The Oh-Moji is NOT waterproof, so please don’t let it get wet or try to use it in the bath! Luckily, the silicone head is removable which makes for easy clean-up after use. You can, of course, also do a quick clean with a toy wipe or medical wipe (I buy mine in bulk from a medical supplies site). The Oh-Moji is a little small to use with a condom, though you could if you really needed to – and a dam would work just as well to avoid unwanted fluid exchange if you’re sharing the toy without sterilising it first. As ever with silicone toys, please use a good quality water-based lube.

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There are several things I like about these product. The design makes me giggle, and I like how small and innocuous they are.

I also, obviously, love that they’re body-safe. So many cheap vibrators and other toys are made of crappy, unsafe jelly/rubber/PVC materials which can be porous or even toxic. No such worries with this one, as the head is pure silicone. People who cannot afford to buy expensive, high-end toys also deserve body safe products and I’m really glad that Lovehoney are trying to cater for a particular corner of the likely-to-be-low-income demographic.

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So what didn’t work for me with the Oh-Moji?

Primarily, the level of power. I am a self-confessed power queen and a lot of weaker vibrators just aren’t enough for me. Unfortunately, this one fell into that category. I persevered, but it simply wasn’t strong enough to get me off. The vibrations were very buzzy, too, whereas I much prefer rumbly.

I also did not like how flexible the neck is. I like to be able to press a vibe into my vulva when I’m using it, and the bendy neck just makes it impossible to do this without pushing it away.

πŸ‘/πŸ‘Ž?

Possibly not a bad choice for a first vibrator, especially if you’re looking for something on the gentler side. It’s body-safe and not too expensive (Β£29.99 at full price, currently on sale for Β£19.99). However, I do not recommend this product to anyone who likes rumblier vibrations or a higher level of power. Overall, I like them much less than I liked Positive Vibes, Lovehoney’s last cheap, cute-design, body-safe offering.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Oh-Moji in exchange for an honest review. If you purchase from them using my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission which helps me keep doing this work. Photos are by me and not to be used without permission.Β 

Masturbation Monday: “Through a Crack in the Door…”

The house is quiet. At first, I think there’s no-one home. He must have gone out to work. But then, at the end of the corridor, I notice the bedroom light on. The door is slightly ajar.

A picture of Edge Ecstatic, a naked white man damp from the shower, pictured from hips to shoulders.I shut the from door silently behind me, grinning to myself, knowing what my husband must be up to. I creep down the hall towards the bedroom.

Through the slightly open door, I have the perfect view of the bed – and the perfect view of him. He’s lying on his back in all his gorgeous, naked glory, eyes closed, right hand slowly stroking up and down his erect cock. I love watching him play with himself. I love the completely different way it lets me see his pleasure and his body. But somehow it’s even hotter when he doesn’t know I’m watching. It’s so natural. So… un-staged.

I watch his chest move up and down as his breathing quickens in time with the hand jerking his cock. A little gasp escapes from his lips. A drop of pre-come beads on the end of his shaft and slowly trickles out.

He’s close now. I can tell by the way his grip tightens, his hand moving faster and faster. I realise that I am holding my breath, and that my own cock is rock solid beneath my jeans. His hips are lifting up off the bed, thrusting his cock into his own hand the way he does into mine when I wank him off.

He groans loudly as he reaches his climax. Come splashes onto his stomach. I am overcome with the desire to crawl onto the bed beside him and lick it from his sweat-damp skin. Instead, I back away without making a sound, back down the hall towards the door. I wait a few seconds, then open the door and slam it loudly.

“Hi honey! Are you home?”

Masturbation Monday is created and owned by Kayla Lords. Click the logo to see what’s getting everyone off this week.

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Image is of the gorgeous EdgeEcstatic.

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Hummer Penis Masturbator Wand Attachment

There are things that are a given when it comes to “being in a relationship with Amy”. You must have coffee in the house. I will make puns at you. And now, it seems, I will ask you to put strange things on your genitals so that I can overshare about it on the internet.

Thankfully, my stunt cock Mr CK is a good sport, so he agreed to try out the Hummer wand attachment so I could bring this review to you all.

The Hummer clear male masturbator wand attachment sitting on my laptop.

A note about terms: this toy is listed as “male masturbator attachment”. However, I have chosen to use the language of “penis masturbator,” because not everyone with a penis is a man and not all men have penises! I would like to invite all sex writers and sex-positive retailers to consider their language in this area and not ascribe genders to body parts unnecessarily.

With That Out of the Way, Let’s Take a Closer Look at the Hummer…

The Hummer penis masturbator wand attachment on the Lovehoney Classic Wand on a white sheet.The Hummer is a wand attachment for people with penises. It’s essentially a tube, lined with ridges and little nodules. You put it over the head of your wand and insert your penis into the tube, which then transmits vibrations all along your shaft.

It will fit the majority of wand vibrators. We used it with my Lovehoney Classic Wand and it was perfect, but it will also fit the Magic Wand Original, Doxy Original or Die Cast, and most standard-sized wands. The circumference is 7 inches, and it’s very stretchy.

Materials, Care and Cleaning

This attachment is made of TPE (thermoplastic elastomer). TPE is technically considered non-toxic in that it doesn’t contain harmful plasticisers like phthalates, but it is porous. This means it will harbour mold and bacteria, can only be cleaned at surface level, and cannot ever be fully sterilised. The material is also unstable and WILL break down over time.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of penis masturbators are made of TPE. At time of writing, I have only been able to find one wand attachment for penises made of silicone. (Know others? Let us know in the comments!)

I’m less against TPE for penis toys than I am for insertable toys, simply because the outer skin of the penis is much less likely to pick up an infection than a mucous membrane such as the inside of the vagina or anus. However, I still advise approaching TPE products with caution and always choosing silicone instead where options exist.

If you get a TPE wand topper or masturbator like this one, you should clean it with gentle soap and warm water (do not boil) and allow it to dry thoroughly, and check it for mold/black spots/damage to the material before every use. With infrequent use, it might last a year. If you’re using it more often, though, I recommend replacing every 3-6 months. You can probably extend its life slightly by using a condom, but ultimately this is a product that simply won’t last. TPE sex toys should DEFINITELY not be shared.

Our Experience

In terms of experience, this one was an absolute hit with Mr CK. We used it after having penetrative sex for a while, so he was already quite turned on.

Mr CK is on the larger-than-average side, as cocks go, and I did initially look at the size of the tube on the Hummer and go “LOL NO that’s not gonna fit”. However, the Hummer is super stretchy and so, with a very generous helping of lube, he slid into it comfortably. The material is quite grabby, so regardless of penis size I recommend with this attachment. Water-based in best for TPE toys.

I switched on the wand and I was immediately impressed with the strength of his reaction. People often forget that vibrators are not just for vulvas! Lots of penis owners seriously get off with vibrations, and a tube-style wand attachment like this one is a great way to distribute vibrations evenly along and around the shaft of the penis.

Suffice to say he came very hard and very fast. In terms of user experience at least, we declared this one a winner.

“Surprisingly effective!” – Mr CK

“Felt like a wrap-around Doxy!” – Mr CK

So Do We Recommend It?

Mixed.

I’m really loathe to wholeheartedly endorse a TPE toy. I really, really want someone to create a version of this made of silicone. That said, we really enjoyed using it and it gave my partner an amazing orgasm.

If you’re willing to replace it every few months, have at it. If you want something that’ll last you forever, this unfortunately isn’t it.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Hummer and a collection of other wand attachments for review. Check out the wand attachments tag for all reviews in this series. If you buy using my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission. All views are, and will always be, my own. Pictures are by me and not for use without express permission.

[Toy Review] Wand Essentials Nuzzle Tip Wand Attachment

This is the second in a serious of wand attachment reviews. I’m always getting asked about the best attachments for wand vibrators, so I thought it’s past time I tried some out and let y’all know what I thought. Because putting strange things on my genitals for science is what I do.

Up today: the Nuzzle Tip wand attachment by Wand Essentials.

The Important Stuff

The Wand Essentials Nuzzle Tip attachment on the Lovehoney Classic Wand, lying on a white sheet.
Also feat. Lovehoney Classic Wand

The Nuzzle Tip is manufactured by US-based company Wand Essentials, who make wands of various kinds as well as dozens of different attachments. However, the Nuzzle Tip does not need to be used with a Wand Essentials wand – which is good, because I don’t own one! This attachment fits perfectly over the Magic Wand Original, Doxy Original or Die Cast, Lovehoney Classic, Deluxe and Desire wands, and will fit many others. The circumference is 7 inches and the silicone is just slightly stretchy. When in doubt, measure the head of your wand before buying.

The Nuzzle Tip features a tongue-like appendage, covered on the underside in little nodules. The advertising copy says it’s good for internal or external stimulation, but I really can’t see it being long enough to do much internally (there’s no way you’re reaching a G-spot with this thing!) It’s really a clitoral stimulation attachment.

I wish it wasn’t pink or at least came in other colour options, but you can’t have everything.

A Note on Safer Sex, Care and Cleaning…

The Wand Essentials Nuzzle Tip on top of a pile of books, mainly about sex.
Also feat. part of my extensive book collection.

This attachment is made entirely of silicone, which is phthalate-free and non-porous. This means I am happy to recommend this attachment as 100% body-safe.

If your wand happens to have a porous head (some unfortunately still do, including the famed Magic Wand Original), using a silicone attachment is a great way to make it fully body-safe. Likewise, if you’re sharing your wand between partners and you’re not fluid-bonded, using attachments and swapping them out between users is an easy way to protect yourselves from unwanted fluids and potential STI transmission.

You can clean this attachment with a toy wipe or sterile medical wipe (I buy mine in bulk from medical suppliers,) and throw it in a pot of boiling water/a 10% bleach solution/the dishwasher to sterilise thoroughly.

Remember: this attachment is waterproof, but your wand probably isn’t!

So How Does It Feel?

The Wand Essentials Nuzzle Tip lying on a fuck.com notebook.
Also feat. Notebook from Fuck Dot Com.

When you switch on your wand, the effect is that the tongue on the Nuzzle Tip sort of flicks up and down very fast with the vibrations. This results in very intense and fairly pinpoint clitoral stimulation. The silicone dampens the strength of the wand a little bit, but really not very much.

I actually find I can come more quickly with this attachment with the wand on a lower setting than I can with the wand on full power but without an attachment.

It feels divine, folks. The flicking motion is intense and delicious. I can come in 2-3 minutes easily with this attachment.

One word of caution: without enough lubrication, this kind of stimulation can feel so intense it’s painful, so I always recommend a generous blob of water-based lube.

I’m not ashamed to say I have used this attachment for every single purely-for-fun, not-testing-anything-for-review wank since I received it. I never thought anything could make me love wands even more, but this baby has done it.

So Do I Recommend It?

Yes! I cannot tell you enough how much I love this attachment. If you want intense clitoral stimulation or crave the power of a wand with more pinpoint precision, the Nuzzle Tip is for you.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this and other wand attachments for review. Check out the wand attachments tag for all reviews in this series. If you buy using my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission. All views are, and will always be, my own. Pictures are by me and not for use without express permission.

[Toy Review] Chrystalino Blue Glass Double-Ended Dildo

Chrystalino are a new brand to me. But when my new friends at Peepshow Toys included them in a list of review products for me to choose from, I just couldn’t resist the gorgeous blue glass! I went for the double-ended dildo as I did not previously have any double-ended toys in my collection.

The Chrystalino blue glass double ended dildo lying on top of its box on a brown chair seat.
This toy also comes in an attractive box.

A Touch of Glass…

I love glass toys. One of the first dildos I ever bought was my Icicles No. 5, which I used all the time until it sadly met its end on a tiled floor during a photoshoot.

Glass is hard and unyielding. It’s so smooth and so firm. You can warm it up or cool it down.

Specs ‘n’ Stats

My hand holding the Chrystalino double-ended blue glass dildo against a while background.
Hand model: me

The Chrystalino Double-Ended Dildo is a curved toy, 7″ in total length, making an insertable length (whichever way around you use it) of a little over 5″. The diameter is 1.3″ at the widest point. One end has a single large, bulbous head, and the other end has two smaller tapering bumps.

The material is handblown Borosilicate glass (which used to be what the common brand-name Pyrex represented, though apparently isn’t any more!) Borosilicate glass is non-toxic, non-porous and shatterproof, which makes this toy completely body-safe.

This double-ended dildo retails at Peepshow Toys for $35.99 (about Β£26.50), which is an absurdly good price for the quality. Peepshow currently carry six products from the Chrystalino range and they’re all between thirty and forty dollars. “Affordable AF!” as Phallophile Reviews notes.

Also Pretty AF

Apparently Chrystalino designs are “inspired by the Venetian glassmakers of Murano, with the beautiful art of lovemaking in mind“.Β  They’re all made of the same signature blue glass, which just screams luxury. They’re truly beautiful pieces of glass art as well as feeling wonderful. I would display this thing in my house!

So how did it feel?

The Chrystalino blue glass double-ended dildo on my kitchen counter with a "Coffee is My Love Language" mug.
Also pictured: “Coffee is My Love Language” mug by Kayla Lords. (https://www.redbubble.com/people/LovingBDSM/shop)

Mr CK and I tested this dildo together during a play session. I had my butt plugged (stay tuned for that review coming later!) and was lying on my front, and he slid the slimmer end of the dildo into me with the curve pointing toward the front of my body to press against my G-spot.

I cannot take a lot of hard thrusting with very solid toys. My vaginal opening gets sore and my cervix starts to complain. So what we’ve discovered works well with glass toys is this: slide it in, and then just wiggle it very slightly or tap on it lightly with a couple of fingers. This provides the necessary G-spot stimulation without making me sore. It’s less “pounding” and more “pressure”, and it feels incredible. I came five times in as many minutes just from this, until I had to safeword out and take a bit of a break.

After I’d recovered, I flipped over onto my back and we tried the thicker end of the toy. I’m pretty sure the noises I made when that bulbous head pressed against my G-spot scared the neighbours! With my sweetheart gently wiggling the dildo and me holding a wand to my clit, we brought me to another explosive orgasm.

This wand feels divine. The curve is perfect, the opportunity to work up from the smaller to larger ends is perfect, the shape of the heads is perfect.

Some more ideas for ways to use your Chrystalino glass toy

We didn’t use it anally, but this wand is designed to be safe for vaginal or anal use, so you definitely could.

Insert it and press a wand vibrator against the free end. The vibrations will travel all along the toy and feel wonderful.

Share it with a partner! I’m dying to use this toy with another vulva owner, one end inside each of us.

Heat it up or cool it down. The safest way to do this is run it under warm (not hot!) or cool water for a minute prior to play.

Some Notes on Cleaning

In most cases, as it’s non-porous, cleaning your Chrystalino dildo with a body-safe sterile wipe and some hot water and gentle soap will be more than sufficient.Β  However, Borosilicate glass is resistant to severe temperature changes (which is why it’s so often used in high-quality cookware!) – which means you can safely use boiling water to sterilise it if you want to.

Beware, though: not all glass sex toys are created equal, and some are made of soda-lime glass, which is still basically body-safe but cannot withstand boiling water or extreme temperature changes. This piece by Dangerous Lilly has more information.

Glass is condom-compatible, if you’re sharing it with a partner and concerned about potential STD transmission.

So do I recommend it?

Wholeheartedly. I adore it. Apart from possibly wishing it came with a storage bag (I’m always a bit scared of glass toys getting chipped in storage) I have absolutely no complaints.

This dildo and others in the Chrystalino range can be purchased from Peepshow Toys. If you use my affiliate links, I will make a small commission which helps me keep bringing honest adult product reviews to you. And don’t forget you can get 10% off by using code “coffee” at checkout!

Images are by me and not to be used without express permission. Thank you to Peepshow for providing me with this product in exchange for an honest review.

[Toy Review] Pocket Pulse Remote by Hot Octopuss

The Pocket Pulse has been looking at us guilt-inducingly from the nightstand for the last week or so. Amidst our sexy times, there just never seemed like a good time to try it. So I was delighted when Mr CK let me know that he’d tried it during a wank session while I was at work, enabling me to finally write this review.

A banner ad for sex toy company Hot Octopuss, who sponsored a post on sex and mental healthThis is my first stab at reviewing a toy designed for people with penises, so please bear with me. This review is the result of a lot of talking with my partner about his experience as well as my own observations from the time we tested the toy together.

One thing I love about Hot Octopuss is their dedication to smashing sexual stigma. They do this with their #SexNotStigma campaign. They do it when they use their blog to talk about sex and mental health (which I’ve written for them about on three separate occasions). And they do it by creating genuinely new and revolutionary toys for people with penises, at a time when the notion of penis-owners – and particularly cis men – using toys is still often regarded with suspicion.

But how did the Pocket Pulse shape up?

Let’s take a closer look…

First, I want to give a major shout-out to HO’s marketing and packaging. Their toys always come in these gorgeous, black-and-gold boxes and they use such a brilliant range of gorgeous people of all different genders, ages, abilities, races and body-types. It’s just sexy and swanky as hell and I adore the whole aesthetic of this brand.

The Pocket Pulse is a smaller, more compact (3.5 x 2.5 inch) answer to the hugely popular but quite bulky Pulse III. It doesn’t only differ in side, though. Where the original Pulse III uses oscillating motion with HO’s patented PulsePlate technology, the Pocket Pulse houses more straightforward vibrating motors. It is essentially a vibrating stroker which fits around the penis via a somewhat-flexible ring. Like so:

The Pocket Pulse remote, a grey and black stroker toy for penis owners, with its remote.It can be operated either by the + and – buttons on the main body of the toy, or through the remote control. This remote makes it easier to change settings mid-wank with your free hand without interrupting your flow, and it also adds possibilities for interesting D/s and power exchange games! Try putting it on and then giving your partner control of the remote…

Given the flexibility of the band, the Pocket Pulse will fit a wide range of penis sizes. You can even use it from flaccid, which is really cool! Mr CK is on the larger side and said he found it fairly comfortable and not pinchy or overly tight, though he did acknowledge that on the next go he’d use lube with it. Anyone who reads me regularly will know that I always advocate lube! (Water-based, glycerin-and-paraben-free, please). Anyone with a much thicker than average penis might want to approach with caution, though – girth being much more relevant than length with this toy.

Safety, Care and Cleaning…

The Pocket Pulse is made of silicone and ABS plastic, making it completely body-safe (another point in favour of Hot Octopuss is that I feel 100% confident in recommending all of their products as safe).

It’s also waterproof, which not only means you can use it in the bath or shower, but also makes it a breeze to clean. I recommend a sterile wipe for a quick clean and warm water with a very gentle soap for a more thorough wash. Mr CK did point out that the raised buttons could present an issue in terms of harboring bacteria, so do take extra care cleaning those areas.

So how did he find it?

I was disappointed here, because I wanted so much to rave about this product and tell you it revolutionised my partner’s masturbation. Unfortunately, though, his overall impression was “underwhelming”.

Some direct quotes:

“It felt nice, but I don’t think it made my wank or my orgasm any better than just using my hand would have been with just my hand”.

“Not turned off by it, but no particular desire to use it again”.

“I didn’t really feel anything until it was on the top setting”. (So, uh, my partner might be as much of a power-queen as I am…)

Essentially, his impression was that he found it (at worst) much more of a hindrance than a help when it came to getting off, and (at best) okay-but-meh. And, it’s worth noting, this is a man who definitely enjoys vibrations on his penis! A wand on his cock can get him off more quickly than anything else at times.

I don’t want anyone to read this as us saying the Pocket Pulse is a bad toy. It’s not! It’s high quality and genuinely innovative. But all toys will not work for all bodies, and this toy didn’t work for this body in this circumstance. Which is unfortunate, as we both really wanted to love it, but it’s just the way it goes sometimes.

“I can see it’s a well-made product that will probably work for loads of people. But my body didn’t care for it”. – Mr CK

In conclusion

Even though this one didn’t rock our world, I’m still happy to recommend Hot Octopuss products in general.

I’d suggest giving the Pocket Pulse a go if you enjoy vibration sensations on your penis but find a wand too intense, or if you’re looking for a toy you can use from flaccid.

The Pocket Pulse Remote retails for Β£75 from Hot Octopuss directly. If you use my affiliate links to buy anything from them, I will make a small commission. You can also buy the non-remote version from Lovehoney, and US/Canada readers can buy either version from Peepshow Toys or Shevibe.

Image property of Hot Octopuss and used with permission.

[Toy Review] The Zumio

As a lover of intense clitoral stimulation, I’ve wanted a Zumio ever since I first learned about them. But they’ve always been in the category of toys I would never buy at full price –Β  they’re expensive and I had no idea if they would actually work for me.

The Zumio, for those who don’t know, is a new type of clitoral stimulator. It looks a bit like a purple electric toothbrush, and has a very thin, plastic rod tip – known as a SpiroTIP – which “whirls around in tiny circles”. It’s designed to mimic the movement of a finger circling the clit, only… more, faster and harder. Observe:

The Zumio, a purple sex toy with a small plastic tip. Shaped a bit like a toothbrush.Anyone who has been reading my work for any length of time knows that I am frequently annoyed by sex toy marketing claims. Zumio created some waves in the blogosphere by claiming that this toy will make a person with a clitoris come in 60 seconds or less. Dangerous Lilly, blogger and reviewer extraordinaire, has covered in detail why this is problematic, so I don’t feel a need to go into it in depth. However, I will admit to really hoping this toy would finally be the answer to getting me off clitorally very quickly… and being disappointed/wondering if I’m “broken” when it inevitably didn’t.

But let’s back up a minute and take a closer look…

The Zumio is made of ABS plastic and silicone. The bit that makes direct contact with the body is plastic. Therefore it’s body safe, non-porous and non-toxic. It also happens to be waterproof, if wanking in the bath or shower is your thing. It’s charged via USB and comes with a little charging stand that makes it remind me even more of a toothbrush.

The user interface is 3 simple buttons – an on/off switch, one to turn the speed up, and one to turn the speed down. There are 8 speed settings in total, and no “patterns” or any of that silliness. (I hate patterns).

The Zumio retails for Β£134.99. It’s an expensive product, so I recommend buying from a retailer with a solid returns policy in case it doesn’t work for you. (Lovehoney are great in this regard).

My Experience…

The Zumio is about as pinpoint as pinpoint stimulation can get. The tip is also hard. For that reason, I was nervous – direct contact to my clit is often too intense and painful for me. Even so, I dove in and started off on the lowest setting. I quickly discovered that my suspicions were correct. Even on the lowest setting, the hard plastic tip against my clit was intense to the point of painful.

No matter – that problem was solved by putting my knickers back on and using the toy through my panties. I don’t do this with any other toy (except very occasionally the Doxy 3) because I need a lot of stimulation to come. Through the underwear, I found this toy much more enjoyable and that was how I eventually got off with it. If you try it and it’s too intense, try with a layer of clothing between the tip and your clit.

Contrary to what is apparently the more common experience, Zumio is a slow-build toy for me. If I’ve got an hour or more to spend slowly teasing myself, ramping up through the speeds one at a time, and toeing the line between “so intense it’s blissful” and “so intense it’s painful,” the orgasm at the end of it is delicious. But pretty much the only thing that can get me off quickly is wands, so I might not be the person to trust on “quickness of orgasm” factors. All bodies are so different.

Care and Clean-Up

The Zumio comes with a little drawstring storage bag, big enough to fit the toy, docking stand and charging cable, which I appreciated. All sex toys should come with storage bags and so few do. Given how thin the tip is, I’m a bit nervous about it getting broken in storage. Be careful with how you store this toy – you probably don’t want to throw other things on top of it.

Clean-up is a pinch. The Zumio is waterproof, so you can wash it thoroughly with warm soapy water. You can also wipe the tip clean with a body-safe sterile wipe (I get mine in bulk from medical suppliers – much cheaper than toy cleaner).

You can’t use a condom with it, though you could use a barrier like a dam. But the easiest thing to do if you want to share it between partners is just to thoroughly clean the tip between users.

Do I recommend it?

Honestly, I personally loved it less than I was hoping I would. That doesn’t mean I don’t recommend it – I just recommend it to a very specific subset of people.

If you like extremely pinpoint clitoral stimulation, you’ll probably love it. But if you’re into broader stimulation it’s probably not for you. If you have a clit that likes very intense, very direct stimulation, Zumio’s got you covered.

Zumio is a genuinely innovative toy and different to anything else on the market. For that, it is certainly to be commended. So many toy companies claim to be innovative, and so few actually are.

You can buy your Zumio from Lovehoney or SheVibe.

Thanks to the good folks of Zumio for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. As always, all opinions are entirely my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Why I’m Doing “30 Day Orgasm Fun”

It’s April 1st! This means various things. Today is April Fools’ Day. It’s Easter Sunday. It’s one month ’til outdoor fucking starts. But most importantly, it’s the start of Tabitha Rayne’s 30 Day Orgasm Fun not-a-challenge!

A pair of red panties with black spots and a black vibrator lying on a red carpet. For a post about the 30 Day Orgasm Fun challenge.

I didn’t take part last year, mainly because I didn’t find out about it until it was too late, but this year I’m raring to go… as it were.

Here’s just four reasons why I’m taking part (and why I think you should considering doing so, too).

1. For mental health

There’s no two ways about it – orgasms are great for mental health. They flood the brain and body with happy chemicals and make you feel relaxed, de-stressed and ready to face the world. I’ve written before about using sex as a tool to manage my mental health, and I stand by it as the best natural antidepressant there is. I’ve had a shit mental health time recently, so I’m ready to boost my wellbeing with orgasms.

2. To see if I can

It’s a surprise to precisely no-one, I suspect, that I have an extremely high sex drive and tend to masturbate a lot. But every single day for an entire month? That is unprecedented, even for me. I’m partly doing this as a challenge to myself, to see if it’s actually possible and what happens when I do. #DoingItForScience.

3. To discover some new porn/erotica

If I’m going to be getting off every single day in April, I’m gonna need some new visual and literary stimulation. Anna at Frolic Me has kindly given me a subscription, so I’ll be exploring there and seeing what lovely “inspiration” I can find, as well as delving deeply into my favourite sections of Literotica and Tumblr porn. If anyone has any smutty stories or ethical porn favourites, send them my way! Particularly if they include female orgasm denial, cuckqueaning, humiliation, medical play, or any combination thereof.

4. To be an evil bitch

The thing about my orgasm denial kink is that, much as I love being denied orgasms myself, I also love teasing and denying other submissives. There’s someone lovely I’m currently hoping/tentatively planning to play with, who I think I will likely get to deny before this month is out.

The idea of saying “YOU can’t come, but I have to every day this month for the challenge, so get to work” is… quite fucking hot, to be honest.

So let’s go!

I’ve already had my first orgasm of the first day, though I don’t think it will be my last somehow. Incidentally, I’m keeping a spreadsheet of how the orgasm was achieved (toy/fingers/fucking etc) and any interesting facts, which I will publish at the end of the month.

Access some exciting bonus content by supporting me on Patreon, or buy me a coffee to say thanks if you enjoy my work!

Image courtesy of Pixabay, a royalty-free stock photo site.

[Toy Review] Lovehoney “Positive Vibes” Vibrators

I get a *lot* of requests for affordable yet good quality vibrators from folks on a limited budget. Unfortunately, it can be quite hard to find safe toys, strong vibrations and an affordable price-tag for a lot of people. The vast majority of the toys I own I wouldn’t have been able to afford if I hadn’t been given them to review. That’s why I’m so pleased about Lovehoney’s new Positive Vibes range!

Lovehoney's Positive Vibes banner showing 4 colourful vibrators and the words "Positive Vibes - Be Sextraordinary"

Positive Vibes is a range of 4 vibrators. Each one has a different “look,” but otherwise they’re functionally identical, hence reviewing them as a range. I have two – the Rainbow design and the “I only fuck with magic” design.

Two Positive Vibes vibrators lying side by side on my desk.I loved these toys straight away for how fun and quirky they are. Seriously, HOW CUTE is that rainbow pattern? I don’t love the “Vibes Before Guys”personally (I have FEELINGS about anything that compares sex toys to partners, inadvertently or otherwise) – but I can see it as being a potentially empowering slogan for, say, a woman coming to appreciate her singleness or someone just out of a relationship and learning to embrace their own sexuality. All the designs totally appeal to my #SparkleFemme aesthetic (except for “fuck with magic,” which takes me back to my goth days in the best possible way).

A closer look…

Two Positive Vibes vibrators standing side by side on my desk.Positive Vibes come packaged in really cute sleeves with night sky designs on them. As always, Lovehoney send everything in discreet plain brown boxes.

Positive Vibes are made of ABS plastic. Therefore they’re rigid, but also really smooth to the touch. Perfect for people who like harder materials – the advantage of plastic over softer materials like silicone is that it doesn’t dampen vibrations at all. They operate from two ‘C’ batteries (not included) which you insert by twisting off the base. The insertable length is 6.5″ and the circumference is 4.2″ (making a diameter of 1.3″).

The user interface is simple: a single twist mechanism at the base which turns the intensity of vibrations up and down. Being so finely graded means you can easily select the exact level of stimulation that suits you. (Is anyone surprised that for me it was “the highest one”?)

In use…

Okay, the vibrations on these babies was a really pleasant surprise. I usually don’t expect much from cheaper vibes in terms of vibration quality/strength. But as soon as I turned this on in my hand, I was impressed by the strength – and not just the strength, but the rumble, too! The vibrations are deep, penetrating and really satisfying – none of that horrible surface buzz you often get in lower-priced toys.

I don’t like vibrations on my G-spot, so I use these vibrators entirely externally for clitoral stimulation. Your mileage may vary, of course, and they’re safe for internal play if that’s your jam. Please don’t use them for anal play, though, as they don’t have a flared base! For clitoral play, I really enjoyed the gently tapered tip, ideal for pinpoint stimulation. If you like broader stimulation, though, it also feels good with the shaft held flat against the clit and vulva.

Noise-wise, they’re reasonable for the level of power. I doubt you’d hear it through a closed door or a wall unless it was really paper-thin. A pro tip from Lovehoney’s site: when you insert the batteries, leave the plastic sleeve provided in (around the batteries). Taking it out, as I did initially, makes it a lot more rattly and therefore louder.

Care and cleaning…

Positive Vibes are not waterproof, so you can’t submerge them to clean them. (And please don’t try to use them in the bath!) They’re splashproof, though, and ABS is non-porous, making them easy to clean. Wipe carefully with a warm wet cloth and some mild soap, or use a sterile body-safe medical wipe. I buy these from medical suppliers really cheaply. Being non-porous, the toys shouldn’t harbour any bacteria as long as you clean them after each use, but if you’re sharing them and want to be extra careful, they’re the ideal shape to pop a condom over.

Value for money…Β 

A really good, simple vibrator. Positive Vibes retail at Β£16.99, though they’re currently on a special offer where you can get two for Β£20.

So do I recommend it?

Yes, absolutely. If you’re looking for decent rumbly vibrations on a budget, Positive Vibes has got you covered. One of the best toys for this price-point I’ve ever tried.

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Ideal for: those on a budget; fans of rumbly vibrations; fans of harder materials; anyone who likes quirky, fun designs on their toys.

My left hand - 3 nails have purple sparkly polish and the ring finger has a blue sky and Rainbow design like on the Positive Vibes toy.[I got my nails done at the Positive Vibes launch party! How cute are these? Thanks to Jessica at Wah Nails, Soho, for the lovely work.]

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me these toys for review! LH links in this post are affiliate links and if you buy from them, I make a small commission. All opinions are, as ever, my own. All images are taken and owned by me, except the top banner ad which is property of Lovehoney. Images not to be reproduced without permission.

[Toy Review] Magic Wand Original AKA “The Hitachi”

Yep, I finally got my hands on one of these! I’m currently working on a wand vibrators comparison piece and I didn’t feel right in doing this without trying, as it’s so often described, ‘The Cadillac of Vibrators’. Thanks to my contact at TooTimid for hooking me up with this product, which is notoriously hard to come by in the UK.

The Magic Wand Original, previously known as the Hitachi Magic Wand or simply the Hitachi, is the toy that started it all when it comes to wand-style massagers. Originally sold as a ‘personal massager’ for sore muscles, it was Betty Dodson – masturbation connoisseur and vibrator peddler extraordinaire – who popularised the Magic Wand as a tool for masturbation. Since then, there have been countless copycats and imitations, plenty of them terrible and some of them even unsafe. But the Magic Wand still reigns supreme as the most famous and sought-after vibrator of them all.

The Hitachi Magic Wand Original, lying on a blue notebook covered in bi pride stickers.

Okay, enough with the history lesson. Let’s look at the product.

The Magic Wand Original comes packaged in a simple blue and white box with a picture of the product on the outside. This has changed remarkably little from the original packaging of the 1960s, except that the ‘Hitachi’ name has been removed. (The company removed their name from the product in 2013, though continued to manufacture it after persuasion from distributor Vibratex).

The wand is 12 inches long in total and weighs 540g. This puts it on the heavier side which might not be accessible or easily usable for everyone. I didn’t struggle with it in this regard, but I’m able-bodied. If you struggle to hold heavy things or have a condition such as arthritis, you may want to take the weight and size of the thing into account. A good option for those who want to use a powerful wand but struggle to hold or manipulate it is to use a wand mount such as those made by Liberator.

Materials

The body is made of plastic, and the head appears to be PVC, though some retailers list it as TPE. Either way, the material is unlikely to be toxic but is somewhat porous. This means it will harbour bacteria and is impossible to truly 100% clean. What this means, in practice, is that your Magic Wand probably won’t last forever. You will also want to use a barrier if you’re going to be sharing it with a partner. STIs can be transmitted via non-sterilised toys! One option is to buy an attachment or a replacement cap such as the Off With Your Head by Vixen, which are silicone and therefore non-porous and truly body-safe.

Also worth mentioning: if you upgrade to the Magic Wand Rechargeable model, the head is silicone.

I’ll say this, it’s powerful as fuck.

The Magic Wand Original has 3 settings: Off, High, and Holy-Fucking-Shit! Yes, if power is what you want, this toy delivers. There are no patterns and no finely graded settings, so if that’s what you need, avoid. But for pure power, it’s a solid bet.Β  The vibrations felt rumbly and penetrating. Even the lowest setting will be satisfying to all but the greatest of power queens. (Anyone who has met my clitoris will be entirely unsurprised to know that I whacked it onto the Holy-Fucking-Shit setting and left it there until I’d come three or four times). It’s loud, but most wands are. It’s not distractingly loud, from my perspective, but someone in the next room can easily hear it. So bear this in mind if you’ve got roommates/family/kids and are trying to be discreet.

Despite the power, though, I found myself annoyed by the softness of the head and the flexibility of the neck. When I’m playing with a really powerful toy, I want to be able to push it hard against my vulva and feel the vibrations everywhere.Β  The bendy neck made it difficult to get the level of purchase I really desired. In this regard, it loses out to the Doxy Number 3 with its rigid silicone head and less flexible neck.

User-friendliness and care

The Magic Wand Original is operated by a simple, one button interface which makes it really easy to use. It has to be plugged into the wall, but the cord is a decent 5ft long, so you can use it even if your bed (or wherever you wank, I make no assumptions!) is a ways away from the nearest socket.

When it comes to care and cleaning, this toy – as I mentioned above – is somewhat porous. It’s also not waterproof, so please don’t submerge it to clean (or try to use it in the bath)! I recommend wiping clean with a body-safe sterile medical wipe, using a condom if you’re sharing it, and considering investing in a silicone cap or attachment like those linked above.

So is it worth the hype/money?

The Magic Wand Original tends to retail for between $80 and $120 depending on the retailer. I’m going to say my verdict is a qualified “worth it”. It IS a reasonable quality and very powerful toy. However, if you’ve got that amount of money to throw at a wand vibe, the Doxy will always be my first recommendation.

My overwhelming impression from the Magic Wand Original is, “I enjoyed it just fine, but I was less blown away than I hoped/expected to be, given the hype”. I’ve given it 3 and a half stars, it would have been a solid 4 if the head was non-porous.

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Thanks to TooTimid for sending me this toy to review!Β  All opinions are, and will always be, my own. You can buy your Magic Wand Original from TooTimid. Some of the links in this post are affiliate links and buying from them supports my work. Enjoyed this review? Buy me a coffee to say thanks!

Picture is by me. Do not steal my images.