Munch: a social gathering of BDSM enthusiasts, usually in a setting such as a pub or restaurant.
Today, think about whether you think you’ll find a munch, a club, or a party. Have you done it in the past? What was your experience? Are you nervous or shy? Explore your feelings and consider whether the local community is a viable option for you.
Kinky communities are awesome! I’m thankful constantly for all the things that BDSM community has brought to my life – “finding partners” really being the least of it. So today, in no particular order, six things you’ll find when you venture out into your local kink community.
You’ll make friends
Everyone likes friends! I’ve got friends I think will probably be lifelong who I first met at munches. Kinksters, generally, are a friendly bunch and we love helping newbies find their feet.
The key here is to treat it like you would any other situation with new people. Ask people about themselves, their work and hobbies, even whether they’ve seen any cool films or read any interesting books lately! Be prepared to share a little of yourself, too. Overly intrusive sexual questions are not acceptable, even at a munch, but you may find the conversation goes into sexy or kinky territory quicker than it might at a different kind of gathering. Take your cues from the room.
You’ll build a solid reputation
So much of kinky social standing is built on reputation. People want to play with, and be friends with, people who are well thought of. Be friendly, be kind, be open and honest, respect others, respect consent in all things, and be a safe player! All these things get noticed and the next time that cute person at the Club wants to play with you, they’ll ask around and be told you’re a solid person who others trust.
You might get invited to better parties
The key to getting invited to the awesome private parties is to make friends with people, and be a genuinely cool person who others want to be around. This one isn’t going to happen overnight, but be your shiny self and make friends, and you may soon have an awesome new kinky social life
It’s a safer way to vet people
If you’ve met someone you might like to play with, meeting at a munch or going to one together is a safe, low-pressure way to get to know someone. And if you haven’t met anyone but would like to, getting to know people on the scene gives you a pool of local people to ask if your Mr or Ms or Mx Right really is as great as they seem!
You’ll learn things
They won’t even all be kinky things! Broadly speaking, kinksters are a smart bunch and geekier than your average bear. We love to enthuse about our “thing” and share our knowledge. Open your mind, listen, and you might just have some amazing conversations.
Kink-wise, too, a munch is a great place to access a wealth of information from your fellow kinksters. If someone mentions something they’re into or knowledgeable about, and you’re intrigued or curious or just exploring that thing yourself, ask them about it!
It’s a safe place to be yourself
As kinksters, we often live on the fringes, which means we’re super accepting by and large. With us, you don’t need to hide your geekery or your nerdy hobbies or your slight social awkwardness or your passion for XYZ niche topic or even your penchant for getting suspended upside down and flogged!
You can wear whatever you want (within reason – keep it acceptable for public!) and present your gender and sexuality however you like. You can be you, and you’ll be accepted.
What have you found to be the benefits of kinky community, dear readers?
Kinky item of the day: A subscription to Loving BDSM! It’s a fantastic community and you’ll be supporting an amazing educator and activist at the same time.
The image featured in this post was offered for use via Creative Commons Licensing.
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