My Scene Went Wrong, What Now? – A Guide to Getting Back on Track

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Sometimes, play sessions or scenes will go wrong. Mishaps, mistakes, and even the occasional genuine crisis can happen to all of us. It’s an unfortunate fact of this thing we call kink, sex or play, and we would all do well to learn better how to handle it when they do. Anyone who has been playing for any length of time and tells you they’ve never had a scene go wrong is either astoundingly lucky or lying.

A woman turned away from the camera looking upset. For a post about scenes going wrongI’ve had three scenes go wrong in relatively quick succession (a period of about 3 weeks). The first time, the equipment we were using at the club malfunctioned and dropped me. Thanks to Mr CK’s quick reflexes, we were both shaken but there were no injuries. The second time, there was somebody else at the party who I hadn’t expected to see, and who makes me feel profoundly unsafe. I tried to play in the main party space anyway, thinking I shouldn’t let him ruin my good time, but unfortunately I badly misjudged my own mental state. The third time, I let my head convince me that a situation that was actually most likely completely safe wasn’t.

To be clear, none of these was a disaster (though the first could have resulted in much more serious consequences than it did). Even so, they were all unpleasant and left both of us rattled. The after-effects could be felt for the next few days, both individually and in our interactions together. Luckily, we managed to have a spectacular play session a few days ago and I feel much better about it all as a result.

So let’s look at some techniques to get things back on the rails after something goes wrong.

In the immediate aftermath

I’m assuming that, at this point, you’ve moved away from the play area to somewhere safe if possible, and that anyone who is injured has received appropriate medical attention. I am also assuming good faith from all parties and that there were no malicious intentions or consent violations.

First of all, both/all players involved are likely to be shaken up. This is a really good time to be very kind and gentle to both yourself and each other. Sit somewhere comfy. Drink a glass of water, cup of hot tea or other comforting beverage. Maybe have a snack to get your blood sugar back up. Have a massive fucking cuddle, if you’re in the kind of relationship where you cuddle.

Don’t beat yourself up. If the problem was because of a mistake you made, you can and should apologise, but one genuine apology is much better than self-flagellation. This should go without saying, but if there was fault on the other person’s side, don’t be mean to them about it! You can absolutely say what you perceive happened and what you wish they’d done differently, but don’t harp on it more than is necessary and try to gracefully accept an apology, if one is offered. Again: be kind. This is a great time to reaffirm that you still love/like/fancy the pants off each other.

Don’t feel the need to discuss what happened in depth there and then if you don’t want to. You can, if you’re both up for it, but it’s often better to focus on caring for yourselves and each other initially. The debrief is often more productive if it comes an hour or two later, or even the next day.

Later that day/the next day

Check in with the other person. Ask them how they’re doing and be prepared to offer what comfort or support you can. Be honest about how you’re doing and ask for their support in return.

This can be a great time to have the debrief conversation: you’re over the initial shock/upset, but still close enough to the incident to analyse it effectively. Discuss what went wrong, your respective headspaces (and physical states, if relevant) at the time, the factors that contributed, and what controls you’ll put in place to try to mitigate the risk of a similar incident next time. This is also a good time to discuss what you need in the aftermath: do you need some cuddle time, verbal reassurance, some hot sex? Or just some alone time to process? Ask for it! If you can, give your partner what they ask for.

When it comes to processing, if you’re struggling with difficult feelings following the experience, this is a great time to consult a kink-friendly therapist, reach out to other kinky friends, or write in your journal.

It’s also worth remembering that you might experience sub-drop or Dom-drop. Even though you didn’t finish your scene, when something goes wrong you’re yanked out of your headspace very quickly and abruptly, which can actually be worse. Check out my list of self-care tips to try if drop, depression or anxiety hits.

Try to view a scene gone wrong as a learning experience. It doesn’t need to spell disaster for your relationship, your future as a kinkster, or even necessarily your night/day/week!

Next time you play

Re-acclimating to your partner and your play together after a scene gone wrong can be a challenge. It’s a good idea, before you next play, to touch base with regards to where you’re both at emotionally and physically following your incident. It can also be wise to negotiate your next scene or two very explicitly in advance, especially if miscommunication or misunderstanding contributed to the problem. This also applies in very long term relationships where you know each other incredibly well. It’s not a failure to spell things out upfront if relying on your knowledge of each other and nonverbal cues doesn’t feel safe right now.

Sometimes, verbally affirming consent can be really reassuring the next time you play, too. Our first really good scene after the string of issues started with Mr CK asking me to very explicitly state my consent to what we were going to do.

You can also ease back in slowly! You don’t have to go straight to a 10 on the intensity scale if a 4 feels more comfortable right now. Even if you were hanging upside down from the rafters when something went awry, you can dial it back to a gentle spanking next time you play. The only thing that matters is that you play at a level that’s comfortable for you both. A less intense scene isn’t a failed scene. The only criteria for success is that you are both safe, gave free and enthusiastic consent, and had fun.

Final thoughts

There are basically three main things I want you to take away from this post. When a scene goes wrong, remember:

  1. Practice kindness, patience and forgiveness. To yourself as well as to your partner.
  2. It happens to everyone sometimes and does not mean you failed as a kinkster, Dom, sub or partner.
  3. You CAN move past it, learn from it, and use the experience to strengthen both your skills and your relationship.

And if you’re reading this because you went Googling in a panic after your scene went wrong? You’ve got this. I believe in you. It’s okay.

[Podcast Review] The Ersties

A cartoon cover image from The Ersties podcastAnyone who knows me will know that I love podcasts. I drive a lot for my day job, so listening to podcasts (and the occasional audiobook) is how I entertain myself and make the most of my driving time. I have learned so much from the various shows I listen to, and I’m always looking for new ones. So I was thrilled when the lovely folks at The Ersties Podcast reached out to me and asked me to work together.

Ethical Porn and Fascinating Women

Ersties is an ethical, feminist porn site. They describe their work as a “…natural exhibition of our sexuality; all natural girls in all natural situations with no scripts, demands or expectations!” Run by women, they are committed to respectful treatment of their performers, fair payment and genuine passion in their scenes.

The Ersties podcast, hosting conversations about all aspects of sexuality, sex positivity and the adult industry, is an obvious progression of this ethos. The four co-hosts are Paulita Pappel, Lina Bembe, Olivia and Pandora. Each of them has extensive experience in various areas of the adult industry including performing, directing, producing, editing ad more. Each of the four women brings their unique lived experiences and voice to the show. The chemistry between the team is a huge part of what makes it all work so well. They’re friendly, funny and open. Really, it’s like sitting down for coffee with four of your best sex positive friends!

What it’s all about…

Most episodes contain a mix of general chat about their lives and adventures in the world of feminist porn, and discussion around a specific topic of the month. Occasionally, there are also listener questions. The second episode, for example, featured a fascinating discussion inspired by a reader question on sex positivity (or lack thereof) in the communities the presenters grew up in – they all live in Germany now, but come from a diverse mix of backgrounds.

A new episode comes out on the first Friday of each month. Topics covered so far include BDSM, polyamory, why you should pay for your porn, and censorship in the UK. The team obviously have a well-connected network of experts to call upon, and these voices add nicely to the conversations. I particularly enjoyed Censorship Part 1 (The Great British Firewall) where they interviewed “Obscenity Lawyer” extraordinaire, Myles Jackman, and the amazing Blake of Dreams of Spanking. I’m really excited to see what they come out with next and which other experts they talk to.

Give it a listen!

The world needs more open, honest conversations about sex. It also desperately needs more ethical, feminist porn. The Ersties Podcast team are doing their bit to address these needs and to further the conversation on sex positivity, porn literacy, sexual freedom, anti-censorship and more. I can’t wait to see what this fantastic team of women do next!

This post was kindly sponsored by The Ersties Podcast. All views are, and will always be, my own. If you sign up to a membership using my affiliate link, I will make a small commission – and you’ll be supporting ethical porn, which is so important in the age of free tube sites and censorship. You can listen to The Ersties podcast for free wherever you get your podcasts. Image is property of The Ersties Podcast.

Masturbation Monday: “Vanilla”

I don’t often write about vanilla sex. Let’s see how this goes…

A women wearing black knickers straddling a nude man, for a Masturbation Monday post about vanilla sexSometimes I don’t need pain. Sometimes I don’t need a hand on my throat, threats whispered in my ear, or to be called the kinds of horrible names that make me drip. I love all those things, of course. But sometimes, I don’t need an imbalance of power between us.

Sometimes all I want is your lips on mine. In these moments, all it takes to make me gasp and tremble is the softest stroke of a hand across the small of my back. All it takes to send me soaring is the grounding, anchoring reality of the feel of your skin, the smell of your body spray, the desire blossoming out from the point where our tongues meet and entwine.

I grind my cunt against your thigh, a gesture that says, I am yours. My hands circle your hips and pull you closer, a gesture that says, you are mine. When you push your cock inside of me, it’s because we have reached the silent understanding that we can no longer bear to have a breath of space between us. My body takes you in, warm, inviting, holding you tightly at the point where we meet. You swallow my gasp, which escapes unbidden as you touch that place deep inside me that needs you so much. I am undone. Lost. When I pull back from your lips long enough to look into your face, your eyes wear that expression, the one where you communicate your love without saying a word.

I kiss you as though I will drown. I kiss you as though we are the only two people in the world. Because for right now, we are. Here and now, you are everything. You fuck me as though making me come is the only thing that matters.

Sometimes, afterwards, I cry. Not because I am unhappy; no. But because this intimacy cracks me open, exposing every vulnerability and every place that is scared and small and hurts. Making love to you pulls me apart and puts me back together, a little more whole than before.

Masturbation Monday is created and owned by Kayla Lords. Click the link to see what’s getting everyone off this week.

If you enjoyed this story, you can get bonus erotic fiction with #BonusSmutTuesday, every single week by signing up to my Patreon page at any level.

Image sourced through Pixabay.

 

Five Books That Changed My (Sex) Life

You will be unsurprised to know that, as a writer, books hold an extremely important place in my life. There are many things I am grateful to my mother for (she’s a pretty awesome lady) but one of the biggest is instilling a love of books in me when I was very young. Through the toughest points in my life, I’ve turned to reading for information, for comfort, for that priceless feeling of not being alone.

But this is, after all, a sex blog. So today I want to tell you a little about five of the books that profoundly impacted my sex life.

A shelf of books
Image by me, feat. one of my many bookshelves.

Come As You Are – Emily Nagoski

I read this one on a flight to Italy. Goddess knows what the people around us thought, when I kept reading out interesting snippets to Mr CK!

Nagoski’s message is, in brief, that we are all normal and we are all fine exactly as we are. She explores concepts such as spontaneous vs responsive desire, and the congruence gap between reported mental desire and genital response. (If you haven’t watched her recent TED talk on this very thing, please do so, it’s fucking brilliant).

Come As You Are taught me how to stop worrying so much about being “normal”. It taught me how to stop saying “I should feel X,” and start saying “I feel Y, and that’s okay”. And perhaps most important, it approaches these concepts through actual, hard science that cannot be argued with. It’s a warmfuzzy affirmation of your deepest desires wrapped up in a blanketof irrefutable evidence, and it’s perfection.

“Even if you don’t yet feel that way, you are already sexually whole and healthy. The science says so. I can prove it.”

Get your copy now.

The New Topping Book & The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy

Okay, I’ve cheated here because these are actually two books. But I kind of conceptualise them as two halves of one whole, so they’re getting a shared entry.

These were the first two books I ever read about BDSM, when I was barely nineteen and only just coming to the realisation that I wasn’t the only person in the world who got aroused from being spanked and verbally degraded.

As a new submissive, I devoured The Bottoming Book. I absorbed all its lessons on how to get horrible things done to me by wonderful people in a safe and respectful way. I credit it, in large part, with quelling the rising sub-frenzy and preventing me from spiraling too quickly down a path I was ill-equipped to handle. Even now, I throw it at new and young submissives frequently. I’ve lost count of how many people have borrowed my copy.

I’ve actually read The Topping Book twice. Firstly, from a purely academic perspective – as a submissive, I wanted to understand the Dominant perspective better. It fascinated me, but I didn’t feel any pull to do those things. Much later, when I started exploring my switchy side, I read it again with a more practical application in mind.

These books are, even all these years after their initial release, still the best 101 guides on the market, bar none.

“We bottom in order to go to places within ourselves and with our partners that we cannot get to without a top. To explore these spaces, we need someone to push us over the edge in the right ways, and to keep us safe while we’re out there flying.”

rel=”nofollow”Get The New Topping Book.
Get The New Bottoming Book.

Trauma and Recovery – Dr Judith Herman

I debated long and hard about including this one. It is not actually a book about sex, kink or any of that good stuff. But actually, it had such a profound impact I couldn’t not include it.

I first approached this book, a dense academic text, at twenty-one and barely out of my first long term abusive relationship. I’ve since referred back to it countless times, especially over the last three years as I try to recover from the worst abusive dynamic of my life.

What this book taught me is that my response to the trauma I’ve suffered is normal. It reassured me that I’m *allowed* to struggle with PTSD even though I’m not a military veteran or childhood sexual abuse survivor. It spoke so profoundly to what was going on in my head, and in my life, that I was frequently reduced to sobbing reading it. I usually couldn’t read more than a few pages at a time. Through Dr Herman’s words, I learned that I could recover with time and the proper support… but that it was and is 100% okay to not be fully “there” yet.

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure no one listens.”

Get your copy.

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino

There are a lot of how-to books on polyamory on the market now. However, amidst all of them, Opening Up stands out to me as the most rational, sane, compassionate and balanced of them all.

What I love about this book, which I read when I was relearning how to do polyamory after escaping an abusive situation, was how many options Taormino presents the reader with. She doesn’t dictate, as so many how-to books do, that Relationship Anarchy and The Church Of No Rules is the only way to do things right. Instead, she treats relationships as a create-your-own-adventure story, and offers us a smorgasbord of possibilities to pick and choose from. Amidst all this, there are practical tips on time management, communication skills, jealousy busting, and more.

This book came into my life at the perfect time. What it taught me is that I do not have to live up to anyone else’s idea of The Perfect Poly Person, no matter how many books they’ve sold or how many events they’ve spoken at. Instead, all I need to do is collaborate with my partners to create something that works for us.

“Nonmonogamous folks are constantly engaged in their relationships: they negotiate and establish boundaries, respect them, test them, and, yes, even violate them. But the limits are not assumed or set by society; they are consciously chosen.”

The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti

Ah, virginity. Has there ever been a topic to provoke so much judgement and angst and stigma? A long time ago, the man who I first had PIV sex with (I don’t believe “losing one’s virginity” is a meaningful concept) made it clear that my value was in my “purity”. I was precious to him because no-one else had touched me, like an expensive work of art you keep behind a glass case lest anyone else get their dirty fingerprints on it. A while later, the second man I had PIV sex with berated me for not having “waited for him,” because – being the youngest woman he’d ever fucked – I represented the closest he’d ever come to “taking a girl’s virginity”. A right, he believed, that I had denied him by shagging someone else three years before I met him.

As a result of these experiences, I’ve dealt with a lot of shame around my level of sexual experience. I fuck a lot of people, and have a lot of casual sex, and 90% of the time I’m more experienced than my sexual partners regardless of their gender. This book showed me how the “cult of virginity” has been manufactured by the patriarchy in order to control women’s bodies, and by extension women’s lives. It showed me that virginity is a medically meaningless concept, and that the only value it has is that imbued by sex-negative, patriarchal, anti-woman culture.

Valenti’s book gave me the permission to go “yeah purity is a bullshit concept”. It helped me to fully embrace my sexual experiences, past and present, as part of the rich tapestry that make me who I am. As a feature, if you like, not a bug.

“The idea at play here is that of “morality.” When young women are taught about morality, there’s not often talk of compassion, kindness, courage, or integrity. There is, however, a lot of talk about hymens.”

Get your copy.

What books had a profound impact on YOUR sex lives, friends?

If you enjoyed this post, please consider supporting me on Patreon or buying me a virtual coffee! It helps me keep doing what I’m doing and bringing fabulous content to you all.

[Toy Review] Avant Pride P1 Dildo

A "support me on Patreon" buttonHey friends and fans. I want to take a second to talk money – a boring subject, I know, but bear with me. I do this work, sex education and writing and reviewing, primarily for the love of it. But I’m also trying more and more to make it a part of my regular living – the goal, eventually, is to give up my day job and write full time. But for that, I need your help! If you enjoy my work, please consider throwing a dollar or two my way each month on Patreon to access some exciting bonus content including exclusive erotic fiction shorts every Tuesday! If you can’t commit to a monthly amount but still want to support me, you can buy me a virtual coffee. Click the appropriate buttons above to support. If you can’t afford financial support right now, that’s absolutely fine and I love you and value your readership so much! It’s super easy to support me and all your favourite sex writers and creators without it costing you anything by sharing our work on the social media of your choice. Thank you! Now on to the review.

A rainbow dildo lying on a white notebook with a unicorn on the cover.
Ridiculous unicorn notebook courtesy of Amy’s impulse-shopping in The Works.

You know what I love about Pride season, among other things? RAINBOWS ON FUCKING EVERYTHING. Seriously, I love it.

The Avant Pride line of toys are manufactured by Blush Novelties and stocked by the wonderful Peepshow Toys, who sent me this product to review. They come in a bunch of different colour schemes based on different pride flags – mine is the rainbow gay/LGBTQ+ pride dildo, but there’s also a lesbian pride dildo, a transgender pride dildo, a genderfluid pride butt plug, a genderqueer pride butt plug, and a leather/BDSM pride butt plug.

They’re a gorgeous line and I adore them. I am, though, sad there’s no bisexual pride product. I’m trying really hard not to read into this as bi erasure. It’s hard, though, when so many of the other letters of LGBTQ+ are represented. Come on, Blush, give us bisexuals some representation!

A rainbow dildo standing next to a glass full of coloured pencils.Facts ‘n’ Figures

The Avant Pride P1 is a fairly petite little thing. It measures only 6 inches total length, with 5.25″ insertable, and has a diameter of 1.4″ at widest point. It also has a distinctly curved shape and a bulbous head, ideal for G-spot or prostate pleasure.

It’s made of very soft, squishy and extremely bendy matte silicone. The base is a strong suction cup (seriously, you should try peeling this thing off a desk – it sticks!) This means you can use it hands-free by sticking it to a floor/desk/chair/shower stall, and it also makes it harness-compatible in case you want to wear it and fuck your lover with it.

Lab-Certified Body-Safe

I’m not really sure what this actually means, as so few sex toys are ever lab tested! I assume it means the company has run the appropriate tests to meaningfully certify their material as body-safe… but, given the sex toy industry is unregulated, it could also just be words.

Even so, the Pride P1 is made of 100% silicone which ensures it definitely is, in fact, body-safe. As it has no motor or anything, it’s also boilable – you can sterilise your pure silicone dildos/plugs by throwing them into a pot of water on the stove, bringing to the boil, and leaving for 10-15 minutes. This is the best way to kill any and all lingering bacteria, and is especially important if you want to share your toy or use it vaginally/orally after having used it anally.

As ever, you can give your toy a quick clean with a body-safe sterile wipe of the kind you can buy in bulk from medical suppliers, and if you’re sharing it without sterilising you should use a condom. Use water-based lube with silicone toys.

Bend and Flex

A rainbow dildo standing on a stack of books about sex.
Also feat: some of my sexy book pile.

This toy, though it feels great in use, is actually a little too bendy for me. When I tried to thrust hard with it, the super-flexible shaft meant that it kept bending in the wrong direction rather than hitting my G-spot accurately. Though lack of a suitable partner being available means I have not had the chance to try it in my harness, I suspect that this issue would also prevent it from being an ideal dildo for vaginal fucking or pegging.

What I do love about this one, though, is the shape. When that wide, rounded head presses into just the right spot… mmmfff. What I have concluded is that this toy is much better as an “insert and leave it in while I do clitoral play” dildo than a “hard and fast fucking” dildo. And that job it performed admirably.

A good cheap, safe option

The Pride P1 dildo retails for $3o, and the whole range are between $26 and $30. This is a really good price for a pure silicone toy, and rivals a lot of the unsafe products available on the cheaper end of the market in affordability.

Do I recommend it?

Reserved yes. I would be happy to recommend these toys to anyone wanting a less rigid dildo, something slimline, or something for leave-in-and-play purposes. I’d be a lot more hesitant to recommend it for strap-on or hard thrusting play. (For that, you’re better off with something like the Silk or the D1). But all around, a solid little toy for the price.

Thanks to Peepshow Toys for sending me the Pride P1 to review! If you buy anything from their site, use my code COFFEE for 10% off at checkout – including the awesome current PrideNJoy sale. This helps me to keep doing what I’m doing. As ever, all opinions are my own and all photos are by me and not to be used without permission. 

Amy and Exhibit A on… Group Sex!

One of the best things about being a creative person who is friends with other creative people is the opportunity to co-create! This is the third piece I’ve done with Exhibit A (we’ve also covered pegging and penis size!) and it was enormous fun to discuss group sex with him. The ever-so-slightly edited transcript of our Q&A/discussion is below. 

Buckle in and get some coffee for this one, folks – it’s over 4000 words long! (Are you surprised two of your favourite opinionated sex writers had a lot to say!?) Now without further ado, here we go… 

A bed with dim lighting and rumpled sheets. For a post on group sexEA: Right, let’s doooooo this. Where do you want to start?

CK: Yessss. I guess a good place to start is… why group sex? It’s clearly a thing we’re both very into. And I think it holds a lot of fascination for a lot of people. But what’s the appeal? What’s so great about it?

EA: Phew, that’s a huge topic to kick off with! I could write 10,000 words on that last question alone. Short answer though? It’s more. More of everything. More cocks and/or cunts, more arses and boobs, but also more sensation and emotion and connection and chemistry. More combinations of different people and different body parts. For those of us who self-identify as greedy, it’s a no-brainer!

CK: I love that. And I am definitely also in the camp of “greedy.”

EA: How about you? What would be your group sex ‘elevator pitch’?

CK: Hmm. I think it’s a lot about the possibilities it opens up for me. Like, there are things you just can’t do with only one other person, like certain sex configurations or especially certain kink dynamics/scenes. Two people offers a huge number of possibilities, but with three or more it’s pretty much infinite. Plus, honestly, I get to embrace the power of “both” – if I want both cock and cunt, I can have both. If I want to both Dom and sub, I can do both.

EA: Yes, and even when there are things you can do with just two of you (spit-roasting, for example, using cock and toy or toy/toy), it’s so much easier and more fluid with a third pair of hands.

CK: Absolutely! When you first experienced group sex, was it like you expected it to be in fantasy?

EA: Funnily enough, the first time I had what you’d call group sex (a threesome that I wrote about here), it features far less in my fantasies than it does now. So my expectations were…hmm, open-ended, I guess. I’d talked about it a lot in advance with the couple in question, but it was a completely new thing for all three of us, so I guess we kind of figured it out as we went along, rather than relying on set ideas about what might happen. Since then, threesomes and moresomes have ranged from entirely aligned to my fantasies, on the one hand, to wildly divergent on the other. But that’s sex in general, right?

CK: That makes sense. My first time was completely the opposite in a way – entirely unplanned, just happened in the spur of the moment). My early experiences tended to go like that, whereas now there is usually – not always, but usually – at least a bit of pre-planning that goes into it. And sometimes things come out as planned/fantasised about, sometimes they don’t.

EA: Where do you stand on pre-planning group sex? I can see arguments in favour and arguments against, but I’m aware that a) you have more experience in this department, and b) you guys have a more structured approach than we do in general to involving other people in your relationship (in whatever context), so I’m curious to get your perspective.

CK: I’m still torn about it, really, and it very much varies depending on circumstances. I do like the planning/scheming/idea-sharing (and, let’s be real, wild sexting) that comes in the lead-up to a planned session. However, I do feel like it can end up with everyone feeling undue pressure – like it’s going to be a big failure if it doesn’t come off or doesn’t come off in the right way? I tend to thing the pros of pre-planning outweigh the cons, in general, especially because you can easily discuss boundaries, limits, safer sex protocols and all those other important things while everyone’s still got their clothes on. But I have had spontaneous fun that was wonderful, too. The reality for me is most of it has to be somewhat planned – I live in a tiny town with no scene, live with my Primary partner but all my/our other lovers are at least a drive away, and so we have to make plans for people to visit/for us to visit them/to go to the club or a kink event.

EA: All that makes sense! Again, there’s a lot of overlap with general sex considerations – the bit about discussing boundaries, limits etc can apply to any sexual situation, especially one with a new partner. I can see that the importance of those discussions is elevated slightly by the fact that three (or more) people are involved – and that in a lot of cases you’re talking about an established couple inviting a new person into their bed.

CK: Yes, absolutely. A lot of it is general sex concerns, amplified because more people.

EA: The whole porn/erotica trope of something just happening, spontaneously and without any prior indication that you might all end up in bed together, sounds great…but I imagine is pretty rare. It takes a certain amount of boldness to say to someone (or to a couple) “heyyyy…shall we all fuck now?”, unless you’re pretty damn sure they might say yes!

CK: Hah! I have literally never had that happen. My spontaneous group sex has always either been “more than one person I’m already banging happens to be in the same place” or “we’re at a sex party and everyone is here for precisely this.”

EA: Actually, that leads nicely into a question we had from someone on Twitter…

CK: Ooh, go for it!

EA: “Assuming the “couple +third” paradigm, who typically initiates, the couple or the third, and how can folks manage the additional pressure of being approached by or approaching two people?”

CK: Based on my experience, it’s a lot more common for it to be the couple who initiates – like, couples looking for a third is so much of a thing that it’s become a stereotype (“unicorn hunting,” anyone?) But I have been approached, as part of a couple, by a third person wanting to play with both of us. A couple of times actually. It’s always surprising but awesome. Has that been your experience too?

EA: Yes, while you were typing I was thinking back through my experiences, and it’s pretty much always been the couple who’ve initiated things. Though it’s not necessarily one or the other! There’s been at least one occasion when I’ve discussed it separately with my partner and the third person, before my partner and I have then suggested moving things forward. As you said, there’s a lot of fun sexting to be had around group sex, and I suspect it’s not uncommon for two (or even all three) sides of the triangle to have independent, exploratory conversations about all fucking each other. And that’s great actually, because then you at least know you’re all on the same page before someone sticks their neck out and asks the question.

CK: With regards to the additional pressure thing, it’s definitely a concern. If I’m on the initiating-as-part-of-a-couple side, I try to make it very clear that whatever answer the other person gives is A-Okay and there’s never pressure from us to do anything they’re not comfortable with. But I’ve certainly had experiences where I’ve found it harder to say no to two people than I would to say no to one. Especially when I’ve been in their space. What I’ve also noticed is that the couple+third dynamic is VERY different to a couple+couple dynamic.

EA: See I’ve only ever done couple + third, or just general mass of bodies (SO good). We’re yet to play with another couple outside a sex party, so I’m interested to know what you think the main differences are.

CK: Mmmm, mass of bodies… ANYWAY. It feels easier to make the approach with another couple, for me, because there’s a sense of balance that isn’t often there with couple + third. But actually, despite the even number, I’ve found it harder to navigate a situation that makes everyone involved happy when there’s 4 people as opposed to 3. Maybe it’s just more people’s preferences at play all at once? We’ve had so many couples approach us where, essentially, the other husband wants a live lesbian sex show starring me and his wife, and just assumes my partner will be into that too. Which is… fine but not really what we’re after!

EA: That makes sense to me. You’re also talking about two relationships, with all the attendant emotions, history, kinks, interests, and – yes – jealousy that might be involved with them. Of course it would be more complicated.

CK: Yes! Which leads me nicely onto the often asked question of jealousy… does it come up? How do we handle it if it does?

EA: I’ve been lucky enough not to experience jealousy as an issue in the group sex I’ve had – any time I’ve been part of a/the couple, we’ve both been pretty clear in our minds about what the other person is into, what they want, and what might turn them off or trigger jealousy/trauma of some kind. I feel like we say this in every one of these chats, but that’s where good communication is SO important.

CK: Huh, interesting! I’ve never had it come up for me in a group sex situation either, though I have had a partner’s jealousy come up.

EA: Really? What happened and how did you deal with it – at the time and afterwards?

CK: I’m specifically thinking of a time very early on in our relationship where another guy, who I had been into for a while but this was the first time we’d played, asked if he could have penetrative sex with me. My partner had some jealous feelings come up and decided he couldn’t handle that at that moment. It was fine – we reassured him his boundaries mattered, we weren’t upset, and there were hugs, then we continued to do other things. And the next time we played with that guy, there was penetration and it was absolutely fine. We talked in private later, of course, about what he’d been feeling and what had caused it. But that was very early on and it hasn’t come up for either of us in a really long time. I think a big part of it is we’ve got good at checking in with each other during, even non-verbally, to make sure we’re still having a good time. Sometimes just a “hey, I’m here” squeeze of the hand can be all you need.

EA: YES! That’s a really good point! I can’t emphasise enough the importance of non-verbal communication during a group sex scenario, actually.

CK: Absolutely – when you know your partner really well, you can say SO much with just a look or a touch, and it can be so reassuring.

EA: Which makes absolute sense. You’d instinctively/unthinkingly offer that same reassurance in so many situations with your partner, especially one you have a close/longstanding relationship with. Of course you’d do the same thing during sex

CK: I see a lot of people asking if they should have a threesome/swing to please their partner when they don’t actually want to, and my answer is always an emphatic NOPE DO NOT DO THAT THING. Everyone has to be into the idea, otherwise it is almost guaranteed to go awry.

EA: Oh god, yes. Again, true of just about everything, but maybe even more true of something where you’re involving other people. Not fair on them and definitely not fair on yourself.

CK: Definitely. When I wrote my post about being a good couple to have a threesome with, I think the most important point I made was the “have your house in order first.” (link here). So I had an interesting question from a reader…

EA: Shoot.

CK: They ask: what if you’re in a group scenario but you don’t want to have sex with everyone in that group, or only do certain things? (The example they gave was, say, happy being spanked by anyone but don’t want to have genital contact with everyone?) Is that a thing you can navigate? And this also ties in to some thoughts I had about mixed orientations within group settings.

EA: Do you want to dig into those thoughts while I have a go at answering the main question?

CK: Sure! I mean, I’m in a mixed-orientation relationship. I’m bi while my partner is, for all intents and purposes, basically straight (a little bit flexible but that’s usually neither here nor there.) This is quite useful in group scenarios in a way, especially given the high percentage of bi/pan women within non-monogamy. But it’s also something to be careful with… we’ve had a situation with a queer woman and straight man, and both of them were trying to get their hands on me, which led to my partner feeling left out. But I’ve also played in group scenarios with straight or mainly-straight women, and it’s been fine. Sometimes there’s kissing/fondling/light play, sometimes nothing at all, depending on her comfort levels. But that could be a problem for some people if a priority for them in group sex was getting their needs for the-sex-that-their-primary-partner-isn’t-into met.

EA: Regarding your reader’s question, I don’t know that I can give a satisfying solution to this one! The more people you add to any scenario, the greater the level of social complexity – partly because there’s a heightened expectation that you’ll all just muck in. If a stranger approached you in a bar, no-one would expect you to have a conversation with them – if you’re at a cocktail party, where everyone knows someone, and that same stranger tries to engage you, it would seem far ruder just to ignore them. So in a group scenario I can see why that same pressure would be there! But…

CK: That’s a really good point, and I think it is quite dependent on the people involved and their social dynamics. I think it’s mainly important (again!) for everyone to be honest about where they’re at and what they’re trying to get out of the scene.

EA: You just have to be firm and clear about what you want. And look, this is a hard one to simplify, because a (larger) group scenario can be constructed in so many ways. Are you on your own or there with a partner? Are you at a sex club, a private party, or in a hotel room with a bunch of people you know? The answers to those questions will clearly determine how you approach the situation, and how much other people are already likely to know about your intentions. But the basic principles apply: no means no, only do what you’re comfortable doing, and no-one has a right to do anything to/with your body. The clearer you are with people about what kind of fun you’re up (and not up) for having, the less likely you are to run into any awkwardness.

CK: Yes! It all comes back to consent is the bottom line. And, again, I think it’s best if everyone can be really honest going in. “I’m up for anyone spanking me but please ask before you touch my genitals, as I may or may not be up for that” is a fine and useful thing to say.

EA: Ok, let’s spice things up a bit here. What’s your favourite kind of group sex scenario – and/or, what’s been your hottest group experience? Alternatively/additionally, what haven’t you done yet, but would really like to?

CK: Ah, my favourite question! My favourite scenario is a toss-up between “switch-in-the-middle” (usually a man who is more dominant than me and a woman who is more submissive than me) or “co-subbing to two or more people” where I pretty much get ganged up on and they do evil shit to me. The one I REALLY want and haven’t done yet is a gang-bang. Just endless cocks… factory-installed or silicone, I don’t care, just LOTS of them. I’m seriously considering a gang-bang for my 30th birthday in a couple of years if I haven’t done it by then.

EA: “My name’s Amy and I’m #greedy”

CK: I mean… yeah, accurate! Same questions to you?

EA: It’s funny, in theory my favourite is MMF with a guy who’s either bi or at least into some same-sex stuff going down (heh)…and when I’ve done that it’s generally been great…BUT I have to say I’ve probably enjoyed MFF threesomes even more in reality, because they’ve always involved awesome people (whereas the other guy in each of my MMF encounters has been a stranger to me, pretty much). That’s made it much easier to relax and let go of any remaining inhibitions, especially when the focus has been on my pleasure. Having two women suck your cock at the same time sounds (and is) great, but in a weird way it’s also a lot of pressure! It helps to know they’re both lovely.

CK: Hah! That makes sense. It does (often) help if there’s already some connection with the other people. What’s on your group sex bucket list? (Fuck-it list?)

EA: As for what’s at the top of my group sex fuck-it list… ha! Snap! A really hot, no-holds-barred (no-holes-barred?) night with another couple is right up there. Or an MMF threesome where I get fucked by the other guy too – or by a strap-on while I suck his cock. Y’know, little things like that.

CK: Yum on all counts! Any single hottest experience so far stand out for you?

EA: I’d say the threesome we had with a fellow Eroticon delegate after the Saturday social last year! It was sort-of planned, in the sense that she came back to ours when she had accommodation arranged elsewhere, but then it all unfolded really organically and spontaneously once we got here. Fucking her from behind while she went down on Liv was just…hnnnngh… You?

CK: One that really stands out for me is when my partner was dating his last secondary girlfriend and she came over one evening. He and I had discussed that we were up for it if she was, and apparently she’d said she was up for it if I was, and… it all just sort of happened. We went from cuddling to snogging to pinning her down and making her come with the Doxy (and then falling about laughing when she recovered from her orgasm and declared “I’M GETTING ONE.”) And it all just flowed from there.

EA: The chill-out time after a good threesome, when you’re all still high on the endorphins, is definitely one of the best things about them.

CK: Oh, so much! And the three- (or more-) way snuggles are just…. mmm. Yes. Have you ever had a group sex experience go badly that you’re willing to talk about?

EA: Happily both the short and the long answer is no – I’ve been very lucky in that sense. There have been times when group sex has been discussed (or hinted at) and it hasn’t panned out, but I’ve never been in a situation that’s got out of hand in a bad way…or just failed to deliver.

CK: That’s really good! (And probably not a very common experience, I imagine?)

EA: I was going to ask about the voyeuristic element of threesomes with your partner. Is that an active part of the appeal for you? If so, what is it that appeals to you about watching someone you’re in a relationship with fuck someone else?

CK: Funnily enough I was thinking about/discussing this with my partner this weekend. It’s definitely a big part of it for me. When I feel secure in a relationship I feel compersion quite strongly, so watching my partner having fun just fills me with joy in a way that isn’t even immediately sexual. But I am also a huge voyeur, so I guess the appeal is watching two or more people I’m wildly attracted to getting it on. (And knowing I get to join in too just makes it even better!)

EA: Yes, that last bit is definitely something I get too. The anticipation of watching things heat up between two people you really want to fuck…and knowing that at some point you’re going to, y’know, fuck them…is SO good.

CK: Oh yes! What do you think are some of the biggest myths around group sex that people tend to believe?

EA: There’s an odd but pervasive assumption that any threesome involving two cis men and a woman is just going to end up as a bro-tastic spit roast with as little physical or eye contact between the guys as possible. That’s not been my experience of MFM, and certainly there are a lot of self-identified straight men out there who are just as curious and experimental about M/M plat as our various cultural norms would have you believe straight women are about F/F.

CK: Oh, absolutely. In the swinging and non-monogamy communities there seems to be a really pervasive assumption that men are all straight and women are all bi, which is not the case at all!

EA: I think there’s also a belief that threesomes always have to be these big, high pressure ‘Events’ – that they’re somehow different to just regular ol’ sex. And sometimes that’s true! As this chat has made clear, there are considerations with group sex that don’t always apply to sex with just one partner. At the same time, though, there are downsides to putting ant kind of sexual activity on a pedestal – namely that it ends up looking really daunting to people who maybe aren’t that confident or experienced.

CK: I think it also sets people up for disappointment – if threesomes/group sex are held up as this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime thing that represent the pinnacle of sexual achievement, how can the reality ever match up to the hype?

EA: Yep. Threesomes can also feel really easy and natural, or like an extension of the fun and intimacy you have with an existing partner. They don’t have to be a huge deal, and they do sometimes evolve organically, without the need for endless discussion/negotiation beforehand, and without feeling like anything especially significant. Those experiences are 100% valid too, and they maybe get overlooked or downplayed a bit. Next question for you: any practical tips to make sure no-one feels left out during a threesome?

CK: The left out thing is really interesting because I’ve never actually experienced it either from myself or from a partner. I suppose the tips are obvious – make sure everyone in the situation is actually comfortable with everyone else, take turns to be the centre of attention (this can flow very organically!) and as much as possible, come up with configurations that all 3 (or more) can engage in at the same time. Final question from me before we wrap up: what advice would you give a person or couple before they experience group sex for the first time?

EA: I’d tell them to read our awesome Q&A! I dunno – preparing for any exciting/scary new thing is such an individual thing that I’d be loathe to give much super-generic advice. For every person who would benefit from talking through the whole scenario in advance with the two (or more) other parties, there’ll be someone else who needs it all to feel spontaneous and organic. Even saying ‘make sure you really want it before you do it’ feels a little disingenuous: I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely leapt feet-first into new sexual experiences before, without giving them much thought, and not regretted it – sometimes you need to suck it and see (so to speak) before you know whether a particular kink or activity is for you. I guess maybe I’d tell them to practice self-care (whatever that means for them), keep an open mind, and be clear about both their limits and their preferences. You can’t go far wrong doing those things!

CK: Hah! Yes. Our advice is “this entire post!” I’ve definitely leapt into things without being entirely sure or having much of a plan before, too – usually I’m a planner but occasionally spontaneity has been fun! Practicing self-care is a really good tip because that can encompass to many different things, so people can do whatever that means to them. The only other thing I would add is COMMUNICATE DURING! It can be quick, it can be nonverbal, it can even be sexy – but please just fucking communicate.

EA: Thanks, this has been really great! I didn’t think we’d have any shortage of things to say about group sex, and 4,000+ words later, it turns out I was right. Till next time!

[Toy Review] Atom Cock Ring by Hot Octopuss

Remember that terrible cock ring I reviewed (read: made fun of mercilessly) a few months back? This is… not that.

I adore Hot Octopuss. Their innovative products, their anti-stigma work and their community-minded stance all put them firmly in my “Amy’s Favourite Companies” list**.

I’ve previously reviewed their Queen Bee and Pocket Pulse, and was thrilled to receive the new Atom Cock Ring to test.

Let’s Take a Look, Shall We?

My hand holding the black Atom cock ring. The purpose of cock rings is to keep blood in the penis in order to make a person’s erection harder and bring about a stronger climax. Vibrating rings have the added bonus of providing clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex. It’s a simple premise, but one that is so often executed really badly.

Hot Octopuss describes Atom as “the next generation in cock rings”. It retails for £69 (heh) directly from the manufacturer.

The Atom is a stretchy black silicone ring, with a large contact area with a raised nub to sit against the clitoris. It is adorned with a simple metallic-coloured ABS band with the company’s crown logo, on which the up/down speed buttons sit. The company name is also stamped into the silicone. The aesthetic is minimalist, masculine, and sexy as hell. Also provided is a useful little drawstring storage pouch.

The Atom is rechargeable via a USB cable, and completely waterproof – useful if shower sex is your thing! It is controlled via three simple buttons, and has six settings in total – constant vibrations and five different patterns. Each one of these can be adjusted up or down in intensity.

A word for the girthier penis-owners: you’re gonna need lube, friends! This ring’s diameter is only about 1.5″ so, though it is nice and stretchy and should sit comfortably once it’s on, you should be sure to use plenty of lube to slide it into place without discomfort. As ever, use water-based lube with silicone toys.

Body-Safe and Easy to Clean

The entire surface of the Atom is coated in super soft, silky silicone. The decorative band is ABS plastic. This means it both feels lovely and is completely body-safe and non-porous. As it’s waterproof, it is also easy to clean with warm water and some gentle soap. For a quick clean, as ever I recommend toy wipes or body-safe sterile wipes (I buy in bulk from medical supply sites).

When it comes to cleaning, the only issue is the seam where the band connects to the main body of the toy. This area could be a germ trap, so take extra care when cleaning it.

Oh, and a quick note on matte silicone: as a material, it picks up lint and fluff like nobody’s business. Expect to have to give your toy a quick rinse before use if it’s been in storage for a while. It’s generally a good idea to do this anyway.

What We Loved

The Hot Octopuss Atom on a white and purple dildo with little hearts.
Feat. Ambit by Godemiche dildo, because obviously this very masculine cock-ring needed to be paired with the most femme dildo I own.

The Atom boasts by far the strongest vibrations I have ever felt from a cock-ring. They are powerful, rumbly and on all levels, immensely satisfying. My limited experience with vibrating cock-rings in the past has been that they are so weak as to be either pointless or annoying. No such problems here! The vibrations are more than strong enough for even my power-queen clit. Finally, Hot Octopuss have made a cock-ring that will actually give the clitoris-owner some pleasure when used during PIV sex!

It was also tight enough to actually have the desired effect of giving my partner a stronger, harder and longer-lasting erection.

Of course, I also love that it’s body-safe, well made, and from a company whose ethics and business practices I trust.

What We Didn’t Love

The biggest problem with this toy from my perspective is in the placement of the buttons. They are, as I mentioned, situated on either end of the ABS band across the top of the toy. (The on/off/change pattern button is separate, and is embedded into the silicone just below the “down” control). This button placement means that changing the settings during sex is difficult and will almost certainly interrupt your flow. We had to pause to look more closely at which button was which, and then to change between the settings. The single biggest improvement Hot Octopuss could make to this toy, should they bring out a second edition, would be to include a remote control.

There are no other major issues. We do have the issue that Mr CK likes patterns while I like constant vibrations, but that’s definitely an us problem (/excuse for him to torment me, because I have a teasing and denial kink).

Atom or Atom Plus?

Hot Octopuss actually released two cock-rings last year, the Atom and the Atom Plus. I have not tried the Plus personally; however, I will tell you what I know about it so that you can make an informed choice about which to get.

Whereas the Atom features one motor primarily designed for clitoral stimulation, the Plus has two. (“The world’s first cock-ring to house dual integrated motors,” according to Hot Octopuss. Exciting!) The second motor offers intense stimulation of the perineum, the area between the testicles and anus which is extremely pleasurable for many people. So if you’re into this kind of stimulation, you might want to get the Plus. If you’re not fussed, you can stick with the Atom. The Atom is worn just around the shaft of the penis, whereas the Plus goes around both the penis and balls. The Plus is, of course, physically bigger and more expensive – it retails for £89.

So do we recommend it?

Yes, we do. It’s really hard to find quality, body-safe toys with good motors for people with penises. Hot Octopuss are ahead of the curve in redressing that balance. If you’re a fan of cock-rings and looking for something to take your sex to the next level, or if you’re after clitoral stimulation for you or your partner during penetrative sex, you can’t go wrong with the Atom.

In Mr CK’s words: “hands down the best cock-ring I have ever used!”

A banner ad for sex toy company Hot Octopuss, who sponsored a post on sex and mental healthThank you to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Atom cock-ring in exchange for an impartial review. I am an affiliate with Hot Octopuss and if you buy any product from them directly using the affiliate links in this post, I will make a small commission. The Atom (and Atom Plus) are also stocked by SheVibe and Peepshow Toys, for my non-European readers. Thanks also, as always, to Mr CK and his extremely patient Stunt Cock for allowing me to do things to his genitals in the name of journalism. 

Pictures of product by me, other graphics by Hot Octopuss. Not to be used without express permission. 

[** Ooh – post idea? Maybe.]

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Hummer Penis Masturbator Wand Attachment

There are things that are a given when it comes to “being in a relationship with Amy”. You must have coffee in the house. I will make puns at you. And now, it seems, I will ask you to put strange things on your genitals so that I can overshare about it on the internet.

Thankfully, my stunt cock Mr CK is a good sport, so he agreed to try out the Hummer wand attachment so I could bring this review to you all.

The Hummer clear male masturbator wand attachment sitting on my laptop.

A note about terms: this toy is listed as “male masturbator attachment”. However, I have chosen to use the language of “penis masturbator,” because not everyone with a penis is a man and not all men have penises! I would like to invite all sex writers and sex-positive retailers to consider their language in this area and not ascribe genders to body parts unnecessarily.

With That Out of the Way, Let’s Take a Closer Look at the Hummer…

The Hummer penis masturbator wand attachment on the Lovehoney Classic Wand on a white sheet.The Hummer is a wand attachment for people with penises. It’s essentially a tube, lined with ridges and little nodules. You put it over the head of your wand and insert your penis into the tube, which then transmits vibrations all along your shaft.

It will fit the majority of wand vibrators. We used it with my Lovehoney Classic Wand and it was perfect, but it will also fit the Magic Wand Original, Doxy Original or Die Cast, and most standard-sized wands. The circumference is 7 inches, and it’s very stretchy.

Materials, Care and Cleaning

This attachment is made of TPE (thermoplastic elastomer). TPE is technically considered non-toxic in that it doesn’t contain harmful plasticisers like phthalates, but it is porous. This means it will harbour mold and bacteria, can only be cleaned at surface level, and cannot ever be fully sterilised. The material is also unstable and WILL break down over time.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of penis masturbators are made of TPE. At time of writing, I have only been able to find one wand attachment for penises made of silicone. (Know others? Let us know in the comments!)

I’m less against TPE for penis toys than I am for insertable toys, simply because the outer skin of the penis is much less likely to pick up an infection than a mucous membrane such as the inside of the vagina or anus. However, I still advise approaching TPE products with caution and always choosing silicone instead where options exist.

If you get a TPE wand topper or masturbator like this one, you should clean it with gentle soap and warm water (do not boil) and allow it to dry thoroughly, and check it for mold/black spots/damage to the material before every use. With infrequent use, it might last a year. If you’re using it more often, though, I recommend replacing every 3-6 months. You can probably extend its life slightly by using a condom, but ultimately this is a product that simply won’t last. TPE sex toys should DEFINITELY not be shared.

Our Experience

In terms of experience, this one was an absolute hit with Mr CK. We used it after having penetrative sex for a while, so he was already quite turned on.

Mr CK is on the larger-than-average side, as cocks go, and I did initially look at the size of the tube on the Hummer and go “LOL NO that’s not gonna fit”. However, the Hummer is super stretchy and so, with a very generous helping of lube, he slid into it comfortably. The material is quite grabby, so regardless of penis size I recommend with this attachment. Water-based in best for TPE toys.

I switched on the wand and I was immediately impressed with the strength of his reaction. People often forget that vibrators are not just for vulvas! Lots of penis owners seriously get off with vibrations, and a tube-style wand attachment like this one is a great way to distribute vibrations evenly along and around the shaft of the penis.

Suffice to say he came very hard and very fast. In terms of user experience at least, we declared this one a winner.

“Surprisingly effective!” – Mr CK

“Felt like a wrap-around Doxy!” – Mr CK

So Do We Recommend It?

Mixed.

I’m really loathe to wholeheartedly endorse a TPE toy. I really, really want someone to create a version of this made of silicone. That said, we really enjoyed using it and it gave my partner an amazing orgasm.

If you’re willing to replace it every few months, have at it. If you want something that’ll last you forever, this unfortunately isn’t it.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Hummer and a collection of other wand attachments for review. Check out the wand attachments tag for all reviews in this series. If you buy using my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission. All views are, and will always be, my own. Pictures are by me and not for use without express permission.

Masturbation Monday: “Dining Alone”

Today’s Masturbation Monday comes from a prompt by Mr CK – “write about going to a restaurant and getting it on with the hot waitress.” Well okay then!

A woman sitting alone reading at a restaurant table. For a Masturbation Monday piece called "Dining Alone". I noticed her the moment I walked in. Long waves of red hair, barely contained by the sensible ponytail, curves filling the modest-yet-sexy knee length black dress, a smattering of freckles from the summer sun across the bridge of her nose, grey-green eyes. So my type it hurts.

So straight it hurts, I tell myself as she asks me where I’d like to sit and shows me to a quiet booth at the back of the restaurant. The girls you like always are. I’ve been on this business trip ten days and I’m sick of everything this boring little town has to offer – which isn’t much. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen since I stepped off the plane.

I order my glass of wine, my starter, my main course, and each time she comes to take an order or bring me something I try not to stare. The shape of her breasts in that dress – not to mention the fact that I haven’t had sex or even masturbated in weeks – has my cunt dripping into my knickers. I reach into my bag for my book, the book I’ve been secretly reading at night in my hotel room. Do I actually dare read it here, in public?

Fuck it, I think. No-one here is paying attention, and even if they do, they don’t know me.

Of course, the filth on the page just has me even wetter, reading about women doing filthy things to each other and imagining the beautiful waitress in those scenarios with me.

“What are you reading?” she asks, coming over to clear my starter plate away. I jump and look up guiltily, slamming the book shut and shoving it onto my lap under the table. To my disbelief, she reaches down and grabs it to take a look.

Best Lesbian Erotica,” she reads out loud, an eyebrow raised. Her gaze moves from the book cover to my now scarlet face. “Really now?”

“Research…” I stammer.

“Sure, babe.” She hands the book back to me. “More wine?”

“What? Oh. Uh. Yes. Please.”

She takes my glass and saunters away without another word. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was swinging her hips and ass deliberately to taunt me. Not knowing what else to do, I return to my book. When she brings my wine and, a few minutes later, my main course, I dare to flash what I hope is a flirtatious smile at her.

Judge me for reading porn in public, I dare you!

“Is everything okay?” she asks, appearing by my table again as I’m half way through my spaghetti alla carbonara. I nod, my mouth full. She pulls a pen out of her breast pocket, grabs the spare napkin from the unused place setting opposite me, scrawls a quick note and shoves it towards me. This all seems to happen in a single fluid movement, and she’s walking away again.

Shift finishes in twenty. When you see me go through the door in the far left corner, follow me – code is 1013. Don’t let my colleague see you. We won’t be disturbed. 

I nearly choke on my mouthful of spaghetti. Even as I’m telling myself that this is insane, I know that I will go. After all, when a beautiful woman summons you with such calm authority, what else can you do?

I keep my eyes on my food and occasionally glance at my watch as the ten minutes ticks down. At precisely one minute past ten, I watch out of the corner of my eye as she waves goodnight to her colleague and saunters to the back of the restaurant and out of sight.

Am I really going to do this? Do I dare? In a second, I decide. I throw down enough cash to cover my meal and a generous tip – a very generous tip – and head in the same direction, one eye on the other waitress, now the only person working. As she’s ringing up another customer, I seize my moment, punch in the code, and shut the “staff only” door behind me. I just have time to take note of that fact that we’re in a large and deserted commercial kitchen, all silver and chrome, when…

“I knew you’d come.”

She’s sitting on one of the shiny counter-tops, stockinged feet now free of her high-heeled shoes, sipping from a glass of what looks like whisky on the rocks.

“I don’t really know…”

I was going to say I don’t really know why I did, but she cuts me off. “Shush. You’ve been eye-fucking me since the moment you walked in. Lucky for you, I think you’re kinda cute too.” She hops down and comes towards me. She’s shorter than me without her tall shoes, but the confidence and power she exudes leaves me in no doubt who’s in charge.

My mind starts to race. Is she toying with me? Is this some kind of joke? What if someone walks in at any second? Then she presses her perfect, red, whisky-flavoured lips to mine, and I stop thinking about anything at all.

She pushes me back against the closed door, fingers twisting their way into my hair as we kiss. I think I moan, but the sound is swallowed by the kiss. I cannot remember the last time my cunt was so wet from nothing more than kissing and feeling someone’s body pressed up against mine.

She nudges my legs apart with her hand, then brings her leg between mine, thigh pressing against my cunt. Even through my tights and knickers, I’m sure she can feel the heat and wetness. Shameless, now, I grind against her, desperate for more stimulation. God, how long has it been? Can a few short weeks of no sex really make me into such a wanton slut?

I gasp when the leg is moved and replaced by her hand, the ends of long, elegant fingers dancing ever-so-softly against my cunt through the two thin layers of clothing. She’s teasing me, because she can see how much I want it.

“Please…” I whimper against her mouth.

“Is this what you want?” she asks, slipping her hand under the waistband of my tights and into my knickers, making contact with my desperate cunt at last. My gasp of pleasure is the answer she needs. When her fingers make contact with my clit and begin to circle it, I cannot help my moaning.

“You have to be quiet,” she says. “Can’t have you getting me caught and in trouble. If you make too much noise I’ll have to stop.” Her calm dominance and her talented fingers have me weak at the knees, gladly wanting to do anything she says, anything to please her. Another rush of wetness coats my already soaked panties.

I’ve always been loud in bed. It’s just the way I am. Back in my university days, my housemates hated it when I brought this girl or that boy home for a night of passion (which was often) because it meant none of them were getting any rest that night. But I believe this beautiful woman when she tells me that she will stop fingering me if I make too much noise, and all I want in the world right now is for her fingers to keep going, keep pushing me towards bliss.

Her rubbing has changed. Faster now, and harder, my own juices providing all the lubrication we need. I bury my face in her shoulder, in her hair, to hold back my sounds. My clit feels harder than I can ever remember it being, and I’m thrusting my hips, humping her hand with my cunt. I’m so close! For some reason it comes to me to ask her permission.

“Please can I come?” I whisper frantically.

“Just from this little bit of attention? God, you really were gagging for it, weren’t you?”

The flush of embarrassment nearly pushes me over the edge. “Oh, god, please…”

“You can come if you can do it quietly.”

My mouth opens into a scream but no sound comes out. Somehow, holding the sound in makes my orgasm even more intense and I come, harder than I have ever come before, in this stranger’s hand.

As I grab at the wall to steady myself, she places a small kiss upon my lips and then withdraws her hand from my knickers and shoves her sticky fingers into my mouth.

“Clean your mess up,” she orders. I suck the fingers clean, the musky smell and taste of my own cunt making me realise how much I want to taste hers.

“Can I…?” I ask, already crouching before her and starting to push her dress up.

“No. My colleague will be in here any minute and you need to be gone by then.” I swallow my disappointment as my hopes of getting to bury my face between her perfect legs are dashed. Then, perhaps inspired by her, I have a flash of daring.

“Quick. Give me your phone.” She does. I punch in the name of my hotel and my room number. “I’m here two more nights. Come and find me and I’ll return the favour.”

It’s not until she’s kissed me once more and then shoved me out of the back door and into the night that I realise I never caught her name.

Masturbation Monday is created and owned by Kayla Lords. Click the link to see what’s getting everyone off this week.

If you enjoyed this story, you can get bonus erotic fiction with #BonusSmutTuesday, every single week by signing up to my Patreon page at any level.

Image sourced through Pixabay.

[Toy Review] Temptasia Bling Bling Silicone Butt Plug with Clear Crystal

I have a complicated relationship with anal sex. For years, it was the hardest of the hard limits – partly thanks to undue pressure put on me to engage in it when I had barely begin exploring my own sexuality. However, I gradually opened up to exploring it with my now-Primary-partner Mr CK. Now I love it. I’m not able to do it often, but when we do I always really enjoy it.

My collection of anal toys is steadily growing (largely thanks to my sweetheart buying them for me as presents when we started exploring anal play together). But it’s much smaller than my collections of dildos and vibrators. So I was delighted when Peepshow Toys offered me the Temptasia Bling Bling silicone butt plug with a crystal to try out.

The Nitty-Gritty

The Temptasia Bling Bling butt plug on a bathroom sink.The Temptasia Bling Bling plug is manufactured by Blush Novelties, who produce a huge range of toys (they’re behind the Gaia, Real Nude and Aria toy lines, among many others).

The plug is made from silky-smooth silicone, which feels wonderful in the hand and the butt as well as being completely body-safe. The base is heart-shaped and embedded with a clear, sparkly faux-gemstone (the gem is made of plastic).

This plug is available in 3 sizes, so whatever your ass is up for, there’s a sparkly plug for you. I chose the medium, which is 2.8″ in insertable length and 1.4″ diameter at widest point. The small is 2.6″ x 1″, and the large is 3.2″ x 1.75″. None of them are huge. If you crave really big things up your butt, they might not be for you.

Each of the plugs has a tapered tip for easy insertion and a slim neck for comfort, as well as a large enough base to make them anal-safe. (You wouldn’t believe the amount of toys I see marketed as “for anal play” that don’t have a decent base/handle. The golden rule is, if there’s nothing to stop it disappearing all the way inside, don’t put it in your butt).

The Temptasia Bling Bling plug retails for $11 (S), $13 (M) or $15 (L) at Peepshow (this equates to about £8/£9.50/£11). Honestly, they could cost twice as much and I’d still say they were good value. Peepshow’s selection is living proof that good quality, body-safe toys do not need to cost an arm and a leg. I wish all the companies selling unsafe products “because people want cheap things” would catch up.

In Use

We used this plug after quite a long break from any kind of anal play, so I was a bit nervous. (“Shit, should have asked for the small!”) I said on taking it out of the packaging. But with some deep breathing and a generous helping of my favourite anal lube, it slipped inside comfortably.

Once it was in, I found the size perfect. It was large enough that I could feel it every time I moved, but small enough so as not to cause any unnecessary stretching or pain.

I’m happy to say that this is one of the most comfortable plugs I’ve ever worn. The silicone is lovely and soft and there are no seams, ridges or imperfections to cause discomfort. The neck is long enough that it sat comfortably, and the base didn’t chafe or rub against my butt cheeks. I wore it for about an hour while we did other things (see this review for details of that session!) and I could happily have worn it for much longer.

It was just so comfortable, you guys.

I also love how pretty these plugs look in use. The heart shaped gem is super cute and just appeals massively to my #Sparklefemme aesthetic. I’m sure they will be a hit with femmes, babygirls and lovers of shiny things everywhere!

Some Notes on Care & Cleaning

Normally, I recommend that you clean silicone toys without motors – especially anal toys – by boiling them in a pan of water for a few minutes. Unfortunately, you cannot do that with toys like this. The boiling water will ruin the glue that holds the gem in place and cause it to pop out.

The best thing to do is this: Give it a rinse to get any obvious butt-gunk and lube off. Then soak it in a 10% bleach solution (9 parts water to one part bleach) for a few minutes. After that, give it a really thorough wash in warm water and gentle soap, dry thoroughly, and store.

The joining line where the gem is glued into the base could definitely be a home for bacteria to hide. For that reason I recommend fully sterilising this plug between uses even if you’re not sharing it with a non fluid-bonded partner, and taking extra care around that area.

So do I recommend it?

Yes. I particularly recommend this plug for those new to anal play. It’s a safe, quality product at such an affordable price. You could even buy all three and use them as a beginner training kit, if you’re interested in conditioning your ass to take bigger insertables. A great product at an absolute steal of a price.

Thanks to Peepshow Toys for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as ever, my own. If you buy this product or anything from Peepshow Toys, please purchase through the affiliate links contained within this post. And don’t forget you can get 10% off by using code “coffee” at checkout! This sends a small commission my way. This helps me to keep bringing adult product reviews to you all. Photos are by me and not to be used without permission.