Men: Her Orgasm Is Not About Your Ego

This is my third post of #Smutathon2018: #SmutForChoice Edition. Please donate to our page for Abortion Support Network, and don’t forget to leave your email address or Twitter handle so we can enter you into the raffle to win some awesome sex toys!

Dear Well-Meaning Cishet Man,

This one’s for you.

You’re a good guy, right? You care about your sexual partner’s pleasure, and her orgasms. You even eat pussy! When DJ Khaled’s comments surfaced about “different rules” for men re. oral sex, you probably tweeted furiously “I’M A GUY AND I LOVE EATING PUSSY”.

A man and woman kissing. For a post about ego and sex.Well, okay. But slow down. I want you to read this with an open mind, and try not to feel attacked. That’s not my aim.

However, please – please – stop making your female partners’ orgasms about your ego! Let me explain.

When I started having partnered sex in my mid and late teens, my boyfriend compelled me to tell him I’d never had an orgasm before I met him. He’d decided this was the case.  Telling him it wasn’t seemed like it wouldn’t achieve anything but bruising his ego. He was very into the fantasy of me as the perfect innocent. So I went with it.

I think a lot of young women have similar experiences. Their (also young and often inexperienced) boyfriends want to feel like sex gods who introduce them to a world of pleasure they never knew existed before. They don’t want to hear “I’ve been having orgasms by myself for years”. This narrative is a big part of the Fifty Shades of Grey fantasy. Ana has not only never masturbated or had an orgasm. She’s never even thought a sexual thought until Christian “I-Don’t-Make-Love-I-Fuck-Hard” Grey deigns to deflower her.

How this played out for me was thus: he didn’t really know what I liked. I knew what I liked, but couldn’t tell him because then he’d known I’d – gasp – had sexual feelings and even touched myself before he showed up. So a long time was spent with him trying to get me off, and either getting pissed off that it took so long (when I got there at all) or me faking it because dude, it’s been two hours, my clit is rubbed raw. 

This is, of course, a sex education problem. We don’t teach young women that exploring their bodies is okay. We don’t teach boys that girls masturbate and hey, she might know a thing or two about her own body! Instead, we glorify this notion of “I’ve never felt anything like this before!” even when you’ve totally felt something like that before… a lot.

A big part of the problem, though, is that these attitudes don’t really change as we get older! I remember reading in a glossy magazine (it was probably Cosmo?) advice along the lines of “when he whips out a new move in bed, tell him you’ve never done that before, even though you totally did that with your ex”. (That’s how Cosmo speaks, right?) The point is that women are still supposed to coddle our male partners’ egos to the point of straight-up lying to them, in order to pretend they’re the only person who has ever unlocked our sexuality.

This also plays out in other ways. I hang out on the Sex Toys forum at Reddit and also similar groups on Fetlife, and time and again men will post: “looking for a sex toy for my partner, but it needs to not be too big or powerful. Don’t want it to replace me!” But what if that big dildo or power-tool vibrator could give their partner the best, most explosive orgasms of her life? I guess it doesn’t matter – what they’re thinking about is not her pleasure, but being upstaged.

Men: women’s sexuality does not exist to stroke your ego! If your partner has a rich and fulfilling erotic life with herself, and/or had a rich and fulfilling erotic life with other partners before you came along, this doesn’t imply anything about you! When she uses toys, she’s not replacing you!

If you want your partner to never have masturbated (or to pretend she’s never masturbated,) or if you want your partner to have never had good sex with anyone else until you came along, you are not being sex positive. You are not being a good lover. You’re making your partner’s sexuality a receptacle for your ego.

And this brings me on to the Great Pussy Eating Debate of 2018, and the problems I see with it. Obviously, what DJ Khaled said was gross, as are all the other ridiculous things straight men have said about going down on people with vulvas. However, a lot of the responses pissed me off too. A lot of men felt the need to weigh in on how THEY always go down on their partners. Which… might seem harmless but is actually indicative of a particularly insidious form of virtue signalling that often comes into play around (particularly heterosexual) sex.

Prioritising your partner’s pleasure isn’t something to brag about. It’s the bare fucking minimum.

The other place I see this kind of ego-tripping manifest is around the issue of whether or not a woman orgasms during a sexual encounter with a man – and how that orgasm happens, if indeed there is one.

Too often, I hear “I want to make her come from intercourse, no clitoral stimulation, what am I doing wrong?”.  What you’re doing wrong, my dude, is prioritising your fucking ego over her fucking orgasm. The vast majority of people with vulvas don’t experience orgasm from penetration alone. This is normal. What you need to do is realise you don’t actually have a problem that needs solving. Talk to your partner, and stimulate her fucking clit the way she likes.

Basically: sex is much better when you take your ego out of it. I promise.

[Toy Review] The Humdinger from Lovehoney

I’m working on a post at the moment about the best clitoral toys under £30/$4o. I’ve been reaching out to my contacts at the different toy companies I work with and oh boy, have these guys delivered! You’ll have to wait a little longer for the final post (I’m still deliberating over one or two of the entries!) but today I wanted to tell you about one of the products I’ve tested and am really impressed by.

Let’s ignore the silly name for a minute…

My hand holding the Humdinger vibrator(Why do sex toys so often have silly names anyway!?) The Humdinger by Lovehoney is a clitoral vibrator with a cup-shaped tip. The idea is that this tip fully encompasses the clit and surrounds it with vibrations. If you turn it over, there’s also a small, rigid nodule which can be used straight on the clit if you’re after more pinpoint stimulation. Though it’s a clitoral toy primarily, you could use it internally if you were so inclined – the bump might feel nice against your G-spot.

The Humdinger measures 7.6″ in total length, and about an inch in diameter. It is battery powered (you’ll need 2 AA batteries, not included) and fully waterproof. I do wish, as a rule, that companies would send their toys with batteries – but understand this pushes the price up for them, which would be passed on to the consumer. Pro tip from this sex toy lover: always keep a pack or two of AA and AAA batteries in your toy box!

As always, this toy arrived in a discreet parcel. It comes packaged simply in Lovehoney’s signature white box with a picture of the toy and some info about it on the outside. Don’t expect fancy packaging or anything at this price point, but honestly as an eco-conscious girl I’m all for simple packaging that means less we have to throw away or recycle.

Body-safe doesn’t need to mean expensive!

Also feat. a “Death Before Decaf” coaster because I am nothing if not painfully on brand.

The Humdinger retails for £14.99 at full price ($19.99 in the US) which is an absolute steal. It’s also currently on sale at just £1o, so this is a great time to grab a bargain!

This toy is fully body-safe. The material is smooth coated hard plastic, which is non-toxic and non-porous. It’s super easy to clean – a toy wipe or body-safe medical wipe will do a quick clean-up, and it’s submersible so you can wash it thoroughly with warm water and gentle soap. Your Humdinger should be condom compatible, but watch that the little pointy nodule doesn’t tear your condom!

Water-based or silicone-based lubes are fine with hard plastic toys.

The Humdinger vibrator on my desk.In use: a simple interface and nice rumbly vibrations

The Humdinger operates on a simple twist mechanism in the base. I really like twist controls on toys because it means you can control the intensity quite finely, and easily decrease or increase without having to press loads of buttons. The wavy body is ergonomic and comfortable to hold. It’s not the lightest toy,

While the Humdinger is not the strongest toy I’ve tried (including when measured against other toys at a similar price point,) it sports a reasonable level of power. The vibrations are also decently rumbly, so there is none of that horrible surface-level buzz that plagues so many cheaper toys.

It also has – joy of joys – NO PATTERNS! (I hate patterns 99% of the time.) Just solid, rumbly vibrations.

I really like the shape of the Humdinger’s tip. Having vibrations all the way around and over my clit was delicious and more than made up for the fact that I would have liked a tad more power. (Then again, when wouldn’t I like a tad more power?) The unique shape and the sensation of having my clit surrounded by vibrations really made this one for me.

All in all a good little toy for the price

I’m very happy to recommend this product! It’s cheap, body-safe, mid-range on power, and rumbly. An ideal pick for a beginner or anyone looking for quality clit stimulation on a budget.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Humdinger to test and review for you all! Shopping via my affiliate links sends a small commission my way and helps me keep doing this work. If you enjoy my work, please consider becoming a Patron!

[Toy Review] Oh-Moji Emoji Vibrator, Because Why the Fuck Not?

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Sex, as I have long held, is hilarious. It’s also many other things, of course – hot, sweet, loving, occasionally healing and transformative. But often we get so caught up in the notion of Sex As Serious Business that we forget fucking is meant, first and foremost, to be fun.

So, even though I entirely am here for beautiful toys and plain-but-functional toys and hyper realistic toys, I am also occasionally here for silly, funny and plain ridiculous toys. Enter the Oh-Moji.

Just for fun, I’m using emojis instead of title headers for this piece. Because I can.

😍😘😜

My friends at Lovehoney offered me a sneaky peek at their new toy line ahead of its release, and how could I say no to that? The new line, it turns out, consists of three Emoji-themed mini wand vibrators: heart eyes (the one I have,) blowing a kiss, and tongue-out.

These vibes are silly and cute, and clearly marketed towards younger consumers. I have mixed feelings about this; it does seem to be playing into stereotypes about young people and students. However, if a vibrator with an amusing, irreverent design is what it takes to get a young person to buy their first toy and start exploring their sexuality, I’m good with that.

Each Oh-Moji is a petite 5″ long, with a white-and-yellow handle decorated with the Lovehoney heart logo, and a yellow wand head with one flat side, where the emoji face is printed. They are USB rechargeable, and you get about an hour of continuous use from a two-hour charge. I do wish rechargeable toy batteries would last longer, in general!

The Oh-Moji has 11 settings; 3 constant speeds and 8 patterns. It is operated via a simple one-button interface, which you press to change through the settings. This does mean that if you find one you like and skip past it, you have to go allllll the way back through again.

💦🍆🛀

The Oh-Moji is NOT waterproof, so please don’t let it get wet or try to use it in the bath! Luckily, the silicone head is removable which makes for easy clean-up after use. You can, of course, also do a quick clean with a toy wipe or medical wipe (I buy mine in bulk from a medical supplies site). The Oh-Moji is a little small to use with a condom, though you could if you really needed to – and a dam would work just as well to avoid unwanted fluid exchange if you’re sharing the toy without sterilising it first. As ever with silicone toys, please use a good quality water-based lube.

🙂😀😌

There are several things I like about these product. The design makes me giggle, and I like how small and innocuous they are.

I also, obviously, love that they’re body-safe. So many cheap vibrators and other toys are made of crappy, unsafe jelly/rubber/PVC materials which can be porous or even toxic. No such worries with this one, as the head is pure silicone. People who cannot afford to buy expensive, high-end toys also deserve body safe products and I’m really glad that Lovehoney are trying to cater for a particular corner of the likely-to-be-low-income demographic.

😒😐🙁

So what didn’t work for me with the Oh-Moji?

Primarily, the level of power. I am a self-confessed power queen and a lot of weaker vibrators just aren’t enough for me. Unfortunately, this one fell into that category. I persevered, but it simply wasn’t strong enough to get me off. The vibrations were very buzzy, too, whereas I much prefer rumbly.

I also did not like how flexible the neck is. I like to be able to press a vibe into my vulva when I’m using it, and the bendy neck just makes it impossible to do this without pushing it away.

👍/👎?

Possibly not a bad choice for a first vibrator, especially if you’re looking for something on the gentler side. It’s body-safe and not too expensive (£29.99 at full price, currently on sale for £19.99). However, I do not recommend this product to anyone who likes rumblier vibrations or a higher level of power. Overall, I like them much less than I liked Positive Vibes, Lovehoney’s last cheap, cute-design, body-safe offering.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Oh-Moji in exchange for an honest review. If you purchase from them using my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission which helps me keep doing this work. Photos are by me and not to be used without permission. 

[Toy Review] Sola Cue

Am I allowed to say I was ambivalent about a toy when I used it for its intended purpose,    bv but loved it when I repurposed it a bit? Because that’s how I feel about the Sola Cue, which was kindly sent to me by my friends at Peepshow Toys. (Use code COFFEE to get 10% off any purchase, including sale).

Right on Cue… Let’s Look Closer

(You knew there were going to be puns, right?)

The Sola Cue blue vibrator lying on a red and black laptop keyboard.

The Sola Cue is a multi-function vibrator designed for penetration and g-spot stimulation. It’s 7.5″ long (about 5″ insertable), 1.5″ across at the widest point, slightly curved, and pale blue in colour. I really quite like the blue – it’s an unusual colour for a sex toy compared to the more common pink/purple/red, and I’m here for it.

The Cue is USB-rechargeable via a magnetic charging point. You get about an hour of use out of a full charge, which was disappointing to me – a satisfactory masturbation session can often last that long or longer for me!

The Cue is fully waterproof, and also comes with a nice drawstring storage pouch which is more than big enough to hold the toy and charging cable with plenty of room left over. I’ve actually been using it to store a couple of other toys alongside the Cue. (As an aside, manufacturers, PUT STORAGE BAGS WITH YOUR TOYS PLEASE). They barely cost anything to add and they’re such a nice touch. The packaging was also classy and attractive. So far, this product and its presentation lives up to its luxury price point.

Join the Cue…  Cleaning, Safety and Sharing

The Sola Cue is coated entirely in silicone, making it body-safe and a breeze to clean. Just wipe it down with an antibacterial wipe and then give it a wash in some warm (not hot) water with gentle soap or toy cleaner.

Due to the shape, it’s easy to use this toy with a condom if you’re sharing it with a partner without sterilising it fully first. As ever, water-based lube is recommended.

Also: the Cue does not have a flared base, so don’t use it anally, please!

Shot by Cue-pid’s Bow…

The Sola Cue blue vibrator lying on a black pillow.I adore this toy.

“But Amy!” I can hear you saying if you read me often enough to be intimately familiar with my toy preferences[1], “you don’t like vibrations inside your vagina!” No, friends, I do not. So I assumed I wasn’t going to get on super well with the Cue, however well designed and well reviewed it is. (And it is both!)

Even so, like the good reviewer I am, I tried it for the purpose for which it is intended. And, yeah… I don’t like internal vibrations. They’re either pointless or uncomfortable for me, and at no point pleasurable in any meaningful way. I could feel, intellectually, that this was a really high quality g-spot vibrator. I just fundamentally do not like having my g-spot vibrated. Stroke it, pound on it, or leave it alone. Thanks.

However, as I was testing the Cue, I couldn’t help but notice two things:

First, this toy makes a wonderful dildo when the vibrations are off. The curve, the slight flex, the bulge where the head gets to its widest point, and the soft silicone combine to make it feel absolutely wonderful.

Second, the vibrations are strong and rumbly as fuck.

So I did the only thing an enterprising sex blogger could reasonably do, and stuck it on my clit. I had an amazing orgasm a few minutes later. The sensation is less broad than a wand, for example, but less pinpoint than a bullet – perfect for those in-between lovers. And because the vibrations are so rumbly, I can use it to bring myself to a second and even third orgasm without any annoying buzzing numbing my clit. This is the best new clitoral toy I’ve tried in ages, and it’s not even designed as a clitoral toy!

So do I recommend it?

Yes, wholeheartedly. If you like strong, rumbly vibrations on either your clitoris or g-spot, this toy may well have something wonderful to offer you. You can get yours from Peepshow, where it retails for $79.50. Don’t forget to use code COFFEE at checkout for 10% off this toy or any order!

Thanks to the lovely folks at Peepshow for sending me the Sola Cue in exchange for an honest review. As ever, affiliate sales help me keep the blog going, and all opinions are and will always be my own. Images are by me and not to be used without permission.

[1] Good God, does anyone read me that much!? You deserve a prize if you do.

[Toy Review] Pocket Pulse Remote by Hot Octopuss

The Pocket Pulse has been looking at us guilt-inducingly from the nightstand for the last week or so. Amidst our sexy times, there just never seemed like a good time to try it. So I was delighted when Mr CK let me know that he’d tried it during a wank session while I was at work, enabling me to finally write this review.

A banner ad for sex toy company Hot Octopuss, who sponsored a post on sex and mental healthThis is my first stab at reviewing a toy designed for people with penises, so please bear with me. This review is the result of a lot of talking with my partner about his experience as well as my own observations from the time we tested the toy together.

One thing I love about Hot Octopuss is their dedication to smashing sexual stigma. They do this with their #SexNotStigma campaign. They do it when they use their blog to talk about sex and mental health (which I’ve written for them about on three separate occasions). And they do it by creating genuinely new and revolutionary toys for people with penises, at a time when the notion of penis-owners – and particularly cis men – using toys is still often regarded with suspicion.

But how did the Pocket Pulse shape up?

Let’s take a closer look…

First, I want to give a major shout-out to HO’s marketing and packaging. Their toys always come in these gorgeous, black-and-gold boxes and they use such a brilliant range of gorgeous people of all different genders, ages, abilities, races and body-types. It’s just sexy and swanky as hell and I adore the whole aesthetic of this brand.

The Pocket Pulse is a smaller, more compact (3.5 x 2.5 inch) answer to the hugely popular but quite bulky Pulse III. It doesn’t only differ in side, though. Where the original Pulse III uses oscillating motion with HO’s patented PulsePlate technology, the Pocket Pulse houses more straightforward vibrating motors. It is essentially a vibrating stroker which fits around the penis via a somewhat-flexible ring. Like so:

The Pocket Pulse remote, a grey and black stroker toy for penis owners, with its remote.It can be operated either by the + and – buttons on the main body of the toy, or through the remote control. This remote makes it easier to change settings mid-wank with your free hand without interrupting your flow, and it also adds possibilities for interesting D/s and power exchange games! Try putting it on and then giving your partner control of the remote…

Given the flexibility of the band, the Pocket Pulse will fit a wide range of penis sizes. You can even use it from flaccid, which is really cool! Mr CK is on the larger side and said he found it fairly comfortable and not pinchy or overly tight, though he did acknowledge that on the next go he’d use lube with it. Anyone who reads me regularly will know that I always advocate lube! (Water-based, glycerin-and-paraben-free, please). Anyone with a much thicker than average penis might want to approach with caution, though – girth being much more relevant than length with this toy.

Safety, Care and Cleaning…

The Pocket Pulse is made of silicone and ABS plastic, making it completely body-safe (another point in favour of Hot Octopuss is that I feel 100% confident in recommending all of their products as safe).

It’s also waterproof, which not only means you can use it in the bath or shower, but also makes it a breeze to clean. I recommend a sterile wipe for a quick clean and warm water with a very gentle soap for a more thorough wash. Mr CK did point out that the raised buttons could present an issue in terms of harboring bacteria, so do take extra care cleaning those areas.

So how did he find it?

I was disappointed here, because I wanted so much to rave about this product and tell you it revolutionised my partner’s masturbation. Unfortunately, though, his overall impression was “underwhelming”.

Some direct quotes:

“It felt nice, but I don’t think it made my wank or my orgasm any better than just using my hand would have been with just my hand”.

“Not turned off by it, but no particular desire to use it again”.

“I didn’t really feel anything until it was on the top setting”. (So, uh, my partner might be as much of a power-queen as I am…)

Essentially, his impression was that he found it (at worst) much more of a hindrance than a help when it came to getting off, and (at best) okay-but-meh. And, it’s worth noting, this is a man who definitely enjoys vibrations on his penis! A wand on his cock can get him off more quickly than anything else at times.

I don’t want anyone to read this as us saying the Pocket Pulse is a bad toy. It’s not! It’s high quality and genuinely innovative. But all toys will not work for all bodies, and this toy didn’t work for this body in this circumstance. Which is unfortunate, as we both really wanted to love it, but it’s just the way it goes sometimes.

“I can see it’s a well-made product that will probably work for loads of people. But my body didn’t care for it”. – Mr CK

In conclusion

Even though this one didn’t rock our world, I’m still happy to recommend Hot Octopuss products in general.

I’d suggest giving the Pocket Pulse a go if you enjoy vibration sensations on your penis but find a wand too intense, or if you’re looking for a toy you can use from flaccid.

The Pocket Pulse Remote retails for £75 from Hot Octopuss directly. If you use my affiliate links to buy anything from them, I will make a small commission. You can also buy the non-remote version from Lovehoney, and US/Canada readers can buy either version from Peepshow Toys or Shevibe.

Image property of Hot Octopuss and used with permission.

[Toy Review] Lovehoney “Positive Vibes” Vibrators

I get a *lot* of requests for affordable yet good quality vibrators from folks on a limited budget. Unfortunately, it can be quite hard to find safe toys, strong vibrations and an affordable price-tag for a lot of people. The vast majority of the toys I own I wouldn’t have been able to afford if I hadn’t been given them to review. That’s why I’m so pleased about Lovehoney’s new Positive Vibes range!

Lovehoney's Positive Vibes banner showing 4 colourful vibrators and the words "Positive Vibes - Be Sextraordinary"

Positive Vibes is a range of 4 vibrators. Each one has a different “look,” but otherwise they’re functionally identical, hence reviewing them as a range. I have two – the Rainbow design and the “I only fuck with magic” design.

Two Positive Vibes vibrators lying side by side on my desk.I loved these toys straight away for how fun and quirky they are. Seriously, HOW CUTE is that rainbow pattern? I don’t love the “Vibes Before Guys”personally (I have FEELINGS about anything that compares sex toys to partners, inadvertently or otherwise) – but I can see it as being a potentially empowering slogan for, say, a woman coming to appreciate her singleness or someone just out of a relationship and learning to embrace their own sexuality. All the designs totally appeal to my #SparkleFemme aesthetic (except for “fuck with magic,” which takes me back to my goth days in the best possible way).

A closer look…

Two Positive Vibes vibrators standing side by side on my desk.Positive Vibes come packaged in really cute sleeves with night sky designs on them. As always, Lovehoney send everything in discreet plain brown boxes.

Positive Vibes are made of ABS plastic. Therefore they’re rigid, but also really smooth to the touch. Perfect for people who like harder materials – the advantage of plastic over softer materials like silicone is that it doesn’t dampen vibrations at all. They operate from two ‘C’ batteries (not included) which you insert by twisting off the base. The insertable length is 6.5″ and the circumference is 4.2″ (making a diameter of 1.3″).

The user interface is simple: a single twist mechanism at the base which turns the intensity of vibrations up and down. Being so finely graded means you can easily select the exact level of stimulation that suits you. (Is anyone surprised that for me it was “the highest one”?)

In use…

Okay, the vibrations on these babies was a really pleasant surprise. I usually don’t expect much from cheaper vibes in terms of vibration quality/strength. But as soon as I turned this on in my hand, I was impressed by the strength – and not just the strength, but the rumble, too! The vibrations are deep, penetrating and really satisfying – none of that horrible surface buzz you often get in lower-priced toys.

I don’t like vibrations on my G-spot, so I use these vibrators entirely externally for clitoral stimulation. Your mileage may vary, of course, and they’re safe for internal play if that’s your jam. Please don’t use them for anal play, though, as they don’t have a flared base! For clitoral play, I really enjoyed the gently tapered tip, ideal for pinpoint stimulation. If you like broader stimulation, though, it also feels good with the shaft held flat against the clit and vulva.

Noise-wise, they’re reasonable for the level of power. I doubt you’d hear it through a closed door or a wall unless it was really paper-thin. A pro tip from Lovehoney’s site: when you insert the batteries, leave the plastic sleeve provided in (around the batteries). Taking it out, as I did initially, makes it a lot more rattly and therefore louder.

Care and cleaning…

Positive Vibes are not waterproof, so you can’t submerge them to clean them. (And please don’t try to use them in the bath!) They’re splashproof, though, and ABS is non-porous, making them easy to clean. Wipe carefully with a warm wet cloth and some mild soap, or use a sterile body-safe medical wipe. I buy these from medical suppliers really cheaply. Being non-porous, the toys shouldn’t harbour any bacteria as long as you clean them after each use, but if you’re sharing them and want to be extra careful, they’re the ideal shape to pop a condom over.

Value for money… 

A really good, simple vibrator. Positive Vibes retail at £16.99, though they’re currently on a special offer where you can get two for £20.

So do I recommend it?

Yes, absolutely. If you’re looking for decent rumbly vibrations on a budget, Positive Vibes has got you covered. One of the best toys for this price-point I’ve ever tried.

Image result for four and a half star rating

Ideal for: those on a budget; fans of rumbly vibrations; fans of harder materials; anyone who likes quirky, fun designs on their toys.

My left hand - 3 nails have purple sparkly polish and the ring finger has a blue sky and Rainbow design like on the Positive Vibes toy.[I got my nails done at the Positive Vibes launch party! How cute are these? Thanks to Jessica at Wah Nails, Soho, for the lovely work.]

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me these toys for review! LH links in this post are affiliate links and if you buy from them, I make a small commission. All opinions are, as ever, my own. All images are taken and owned by me, except the top banner ad which is property of Lovehoney. Images not to be reproduced without permission.

[Toy Review] Desire Luxury Rechargeable Magic Wand

Hey everyone! So I’m trying a new way of writing toy reviews. My previous format worked well for a while, but I want to change things up a bit. So let me know how this works for you, ‘kay?

This review isn’t actually the primary purpose I requested this toy. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be creating a biiiiig guide to all the wand vibes currently on the market that I’ve tried. However, I need to wait for my Original Hitachi to ship from the US, so I’m sitting on it until then. In the meantime, my friends at Lovehoney sent me this one to feature and I couldn’t wait to try it out.

The Lovehoney Desire Wand, a large purple magic wand style vibrator.Desire is Lovehoney’s luxury own-brand toy range. I’ve tried a couple of their products before and am generally a fan. I’m so pleased to have finally got my paws on this particular item, because you all know that I am a big ol’ Wand Queen.

“The design delivers on the luxury promised by the line’s name.”

The Desire Luxury Rechargeable Magic Wand arrived in Lovehoney’s standard discreet packaging (plain brown box). Inside, the toy is presented in an attractive box with the Desire branding and colours – black and purple. I was super impressed to see that this wand comes with its own storage case, a sleek and discreet black zip-up in faux leather and with a little hole through which to stick the charger to plug the toy in. Major points for presentation and for including a case.

The toy itself is hefty – 13.5 inches long and with a fair bit of weight to it. For comparison, it’s lighter than the Doxy Die Cast, but a fair bit heavier than the Original. If weighty toys are difficult for you, you might want to give this one a miss – or invest in a wand mount such as those offered by Liberator.

The Desire Wand is mains-rechargeable with a charging time and constant-use time of about 180 minutes each. Being mains chargeable, it is NOT waterproof, so take care when cleaning it and don’t use it in wet environments like the bathroom.

The design is gorgeous. This toy is in my absolute favourite shade of purple, and decorated with the signature Lovehoney heart logo. The head is lovely, smooth matte silicone, which is body-safe, odorless and silky soft on the skin. The design really does deliver on the luxury promised by the line’s name.

The Desire line of toys are on the pricier end for own-brand products, and this wand is the most expensive of the bunch with a RRP of £99.99. However, based on the ones I’ve tried, it’s also far and away my favourite toy in the range. £100 isn’t an outrageous price for a really good toy and I’m happy to say this is value for money if you can afford it. At time of writing (March 2018) it’s also on a massive half-price sale, so grab one now for an absolute bargain.

Pro tip: wand vibes are designed for clitoral use, but they’re great for dicks too!

The user interface is simple – a “on/speed up” button, a “off/speed down” button, and a “change pattern” button. The Desire Wand boasts a massive 20 different patterns, each of which can be used on 5 different levels of intensity. Those who have read my work for any length of time know I’m not really a fan of patterns. I tried a few of them out, and they were okay… but I much (much!) prefer constant vibrations. If you’re a pattern fan, though, then this might be the wand for you. Annoyingly, you can only scroll one way through the pattern settings. So if you find one you like then click away from it, you need to hit the button another 20 or so times to get back to it.

Safer sex wise, the smooth silicone head is easy to sterilise with a body-safe medical wipe, which is my recommendation for any toy you can’t submerge in water to clean. The wand shape is condom-compatible if you’re using it on multiple partners without sterilising in between.

“Absolutely, far and away, the most powerful rechargeable vibe I have ever used.”

Arguably the most important single factor of any toy for me is its level of power. The power offered by the Desire wand is pretty impressive and, for me, falls about half way along the rumble/buzz spectrum. Less rumbly than I would ideally like, especially on the top setting, but nowhere near buzzy enough to cause me numbness or itching. I came really easily, twice in a row, with this toy on the top setting. It is absolutely, far and away, the most powerful rechargeable vibe I have ever used – for that, I cannot fault it in the least. Go get yours!

Verdict: ★★★★★

Recommended for: power Queens, anyone after a rechargeable alternative to mains-powered wands, pattern lovers.

This post contains affiliate links. Buying toys from Lovehoney or my other affiliates in the right-hand sidebar sends a small commission my way and helps me keep doing this work. All opinions are, and will always be, my own.

Images are property of Lovehoney and used with permission.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration

Spoiler: in my eyes (and cunt) at least, this toy is pretty dang close to perfection.

Hello darlings! It’s time for another installment of “Amy puts things on her junk and then writes about it,” AKA a sex toy review.

After a rocky start with the original Pro 2, I’m now a big fan of Satisfyer’s products. I wasn’t sure they could top what they’ve already done with the newest line, but I was ready to be surprised… and surprised I was. You may remember their G Spot Rabbit, which I reviewed recently. Well, now it’s time for the next new offering: the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration.#

The Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration, a white banana shaped sex toy with rose-gold accents.

The Pro Plus Vibration boasts the Satisfyer suction wave stimulation we know and love… but with this iteration, they’ve added vibrations into the mix. And ohhhhh godddddd, y’all. I love it. I love it so much.

Before I gush too much, let’s take a closer look…

The Pro Plus Vibration is a curved toy, shaped a bit like a banana and about 6 inches long. It has 11 suction intensity settings as well as 10 vibration settings (3 constant speeds and 7 patterns). These are controlled independently with two separate buttons.

It works by creating a kind of vacuum around the clitoris with a silicone nozzle, and stimulating it via rapid pulses of air. The difference with this version is that the nozzle also vibrates.

The Pro Plus Vibration is fully waterproof and uses a magnetic USB charger.  It is unfortunately a little loud, but my partner said he couldn’t hear it from the next room when the door was closed.

Okay. Can I gush now?

The first thing to note is that this latest offering from Satisfyer brought me to orgasm much quicker than any of their previous lines. Yes, the vibration really does make that much difference.

I don’t think my clit has ever been quite so happy in my life, except possibly the first time I introduced it to the Doxy. I came so hard I’m pretty sure I woke the neighbours.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Pro Plus Vibration retails for £79.99 at full price, which is in line with the rest of Satisfyer’s range. Despite the slightly higher price point, they’re great value for money and come with a 10-year manufacturer’s warranty for peace of mind.

Materials: ★★★★★
The whole toy is coated in smooth, silky silicone, which is both body-safe and lovely to the touch. The accents are plastic.

Appearance: ★★★★★
I love the white-with-rose-gold-accents aesthetic of the new Satisfyer line. They’re minimalistic and classy, as well as standing out by virtue of being so unusual. This one REALLY reminds me of a medical device, even more than the last one did, which… yeah, I have some Kink Feelings about that.

Ease of Use: ★★★★
The “banana” shape is really ergonomic and fit neatly into my (tiny) hand. The buttons are super easy to press and the controls intuitive – you control the pressure waves with the main up/down button, and the vibrations with a separate smaller button. My only complaint here is that you can only cycle one way through the vibration settings. This isn’t a huge problem for me as I’m a “put it on high and leave it there” kind of girl, but it’s something to be aware of.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The Pro Plus Vibration is silicone and waterproof, so you can wipe it down with a sterile wipe (I recommend buying from medical suppliers) or submerge it in water to clean it thoroughly. The silicone nozzle tip also detaches from the part with the motor, so you could boil this piece separately to sterilise it completely.

Previous Satisfyer lines such as the Pro 2 have included spare nozzles, and I do wish they also put these in with the newer products. Being able to swap out nozzles would be a real plus in the safer sex department.  As with all suction toys, it’s not really possible to use them with a barrier.

Versatility: ★★★★★
The Pro Plus Vibration has 10 different vibration settings and 11 suction settings, which you can control independently of each other. It’s also waterproof, in case using toys in the bath is your jam.

Intensity:
★★★★★
Full disclosure: if this toy was only a vibrator, I might give it 3 stars for intensity. The vibrations alone aren’t super strong and are a little on the buzzy side on the higher settings. But the vibration is secondary to the suction stimulation, and is just the right level of intensity to be a nice add-on without distracting from the main event. The suction itself is the most intense I’ve yet experienced on any Satisfyer toy, and made my clit very happy indeed.

Overall Score: ★★★★★
Despite some very small flaws, I’m giving this toy five out of five because it just gave me one of the best damn orgasms I’ve had in a really long time.

Thanks to the folks at Satisfyer for sending me their new products in exchange for an honest review! Please support me by buying yours from Lovehoney or SheVibe with one of the affiliate links in this post. Image is property of Satisfyer and reproduced with permission.

How to Buy Your Lover a Sex Toy for Valentine’s Day

I kind of love Valentine’s Day. I know it’s a manufactured commercial holiday, but at its heart it is a celebration of love – and I am in favour of there being more love and expressions of love in the world.

Two red roses and three boxes wrapped in white gift paper. For a post about buying sex toys for Valentine's Day.

Flowers and chocolates might be more traditional, but I think that a sex toy they’ll really love is a super romantic gift for Valentine’s Day. Sex is a massive part of many loving romantic relationships, and we could all use more pleasure in our lives. Giving your partner the ideal sex toy is a great way to make them feel seen and loved and to show that you’re invested in their sexual fulfillment.

There is one huge, enormous caveats to this, namely:

ONLY DO THIS FOR ESTABLISHED SEXUAL PARTNERS. Don’t buy your office crush or that cutie who makes your coffee a sex toy. That’s creepy.

So how do you ensure your sexy gift lands right? Here’s some tips…

Most importantly, take note of their preferences, desires and fantasies.

Is your partner a girth lover? Do they really need intense clitoral stimulation to get off? Are they all about their cock, or super into anal play? Do they love dual stimulation, or do they prefer to focus on a single sensation at a time? You need to know these basic things about your lover’s body before you can successfully buy them a toy.

Aesthetic preferences matter here, too. For some people, something pink might go down brilliantly. Others hate the colour and want nothing to do with it. Case in point: I was already MEGA impressed when Mr CK bought me a Doxy for my birthday the first year we were together. The fact that it was purple, my favourite colour, just emphasised that he’d really been paying attention to my likes.

This stuff isn’t hard to pick up. You just need to be paying attention.

That’s THEIR preferences!

In order for this to be successful, you need to buy your partner a toy you think THEY will really love – which might not be the same thing as buying one that you really want to watch them use. There’s no use buying them a massive dildo if they’re all about clitoral stimulation, for example. However much you fantasise about watching them fuck themselves silly, the thing is just going to gather dust in a drawer if it doesn’t turn them on.

If you’re not sure: ask.

You can ask this overtly, if you want – “babe, I’d love to buy you a fabulous sex toy for Valentine’s Day. How does that sound? Anything you’ve particularly got your eye on?” But if you want it to be a surprise, you’ll have to do some subtler sleuthing. As part of a more general conversation about fantasies, desires and new things to try (you are having these conversations, right??) you can ask them if there’s any particular activities or toys they’d super love to try. If you ever visit sex shops together (do this, it’s a fab date activity) or browse products online together, see what they gravitate towards.

If you’re STILL not sure, let them choose!

Loads of stores, both brick-and-mortar and online, now offer gift vouchers to be redeemed on sexy purchases. Why not buy them a voucher for your local feminist sex shop and go together, or a Lovehoney voucher and spend a fun date evening browsing and choosing something together?

Pro tip: skip “gift bundles.”

Bundles of several toys together are tempting because they come with several items and seem really well priced. Unfortunately, they tend to be cheap because they tend to suck. It’s much better to buy one really good quality toy from a reputable retailer and with a decent warranty. “Gift bundles” are often full of jelly, phthalate-ridden crap with terrible motors that will break in five minutes. Give them a miss.

Need some inspiration? A few of my favourites to start you off…

My friends at Lovehoney have kindly offered a discount code on a few of my favourite items, including the Doxy Original in purple, the new and fabulous Doxy Number Three, the We-Vibe Tango, the Tantus Vamp Super Soft (in purple, of course!) and the Desire Butterfly hands-free vibrator. Check them out here and get 15% off!

Have a great Valentine’s Day. May you all be blessed with love and, if applicable, orgasms aplenty.

Affiliate links are contained in this post. Buying from my affiliates supports me and helps keep the blog going. All opinions my own, as always! Image courtesy of Pixabay. 

[Toy Review] Mantric Rechargeable Wand Vibrator

I love wands. They’re pretty much my favourite kind of toy. So of course, I jumped at the chance to test out the rechargeable wand from the new Mantric range. It looks a little something like this:

The Mantric magic wand, a black silicone wand style vibrator with an LED panel on the handle.

The Basics

The Mantric wand is on the smaller end for a wand, at only 9.5″ long and with a head circumference of 5.4″. It has 7 modes or patterns of vibration, and each one can work on any of five speed settings. The handle is slightly curved and it has a classic wand head. It is made of black silicone and features an LED light panel on one side of the handle which changes colour depending on which setting you’re on.

The box for the Mantric Wand vibrator - a simple cardboard box with a mandala logo and the word "Mantric" on the front.It is USB rechargeable, fully waterproof, has a travel-lock (because no-one wants their vibe turning on as you go through airport security!) and comes packaged in an minimalistic brown cardboard box – pictured left – with the Mantric branding on the front. (The mantric logo is a classy-looking mandala, then when you look closer you see it’s made of cocks and vulvas. Frankly, I am here for this).

My Experience

I tried this toy for the first time with Mr CK. He was Topping me, and using the toy on my clit while holding my vaginal opening shut with his fingers (because I am into chastity/denial play and this is my jam).

I’ve mentioned before that even though my Doxy is pretty much my favourite thing ever, it doesn’t actually lend itself super well to being used on me by a partner – it’s so intense that it quickly becomes painful if it’s even slightly in the wrong spot, and the head is so big that my partner struggles to see exactly where it’s sitting against my body. A toy with significant enough power to get me off but without the sheer intensity of the big wands is the sweet spot for me… and in that respect at least, this toy delivered.

Unusually, some of the patterns were quite enjoyable! It was still the always-magic constant vibration/high speed combo that tipped me over the edge, but the gentle wave setting and the quick, sharp bursts setting were surprisingly pleasant.

Overall, imperfect but enjoyable and did the job. Read on for the details…

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Mantric wand retails for £59.99, which puts it squarely into the realm of a mid-range toy. It’s a reasonable price for the quality.

Materials: ★★★★★
It’s almost entirely silicone (apart from the light panel and a slim band where the body joins the head). This makes it non-porous, body-safe and a delight to handle and use.

Appearance: ★★★★
Mr CK and I differed on this one! I like the sleek design and the fact that it’s black – which is refreshingly free of gendered connotations/assumptions. Plus, I think the LED light panel is a really fun, swanky touch. He’s more a functional type than me and thinks the LED panel is gimicky and pointless. The Mantric range toys are all either black or a dark pinkish-purple colour.

Ease of Use: ★★
Plus points: it’s very light, and the ergonomic handle and intelligent button placement makes it easy and intuitive to hold and manipulate during use.

Unfortunately, I do have a few gripes about the user-friendliness: Getting it to turn on is not intuitive. You have to press the middle of the three buttons, which puts it into “standby” mode, then press it again, then pick the setting you want. I’ll be keeping the instructions for this one because, if I don’t use it for a bit, I can see myself forgetting how to switch it on. The second annoyance is that you can only change the setting one way – so if you skip past the one you want, you have to cycle alllll the way back through again.  You can change the speeds up or down, which is a plus, but in terms of changing the pattern it’s up up up only.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The Mantric wand is completely waterproof, meaning you can submerge it into warm water for a thorough cleaning. You can also give it a quick clean between uses with a sterile medical wipe – remember to pick body-safe wipes!

There is a seam where the plastic band meets the head and handle,which could trap germs. Take extra care on this area when cleaning. This toy doesn’t come with a storage bag, which I would have liked. Individual storage bags help keep toys clean and dust-free between uses.

Versatility: ★★★★
The Mantric wand has 5 speeds and 7 settings, meaning it’s pretty versatile whatever type of vibration you like. It is pretty much a clitoral toy – you could insert the handle end, as it’s silicone, but I’d be worried about getting fluids and germs in the seam where the light panel joins the main body.  This wand is waterproof, so you could take it into the bath or shower if that’s your jam.

Intensity:
★★★★
More than adequate for the price-point and size! The vibrations are pretty rumbly at the lower levels, and a little buzzier at the higher ones. I’d recommend this vibe to someone who likes a good level of vibration intensity, but sometimes or always wants something less extreme than my favourite power-tool.

Overall Score: Image result for three and a half stars
A basically solid toy with some flaws. I enjoyed using it and will be using it again, though I don’t think it will go into the “reach for it every session” pile. I’d love to see a second edition released. With the user-friendliness issues ironed out, this would move from being a good toy to a great toy.

Buying your Mantric wand, or any toys, from Lovehoney using my affiliate links helps to support me and keep the blog going. Thanks to Lovehoney, who sent me this toy free of charge in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, and will always be, my own.