It’s Valentine’s Day! However you feel about the Day of Love (and I know there’s a lot of feelings out there about it,) we can’t deny that it’s culturally ubiquitous and impossible to escape. This day has long been associated with hearts, flowers, chocolates, elaborate proposals and quintessentially romantic love.
Now, I love Valentine’s Day. I love it because I love love. But as a polyamorous person – and just as a human being with lots of important people in my life – I believe in not only many loves but many kinds of love.
So today I want to celebrate some of the most important non-romantic and non-sexual loves in my life. People I’m not fucking and not in hearts-and-flowers love with, but who have had a profound impact on my life in some way and to whom I can comfortably say I love you.
You are my best friend and I love you. People talk about an instant connection that then stands the test of time in a romantic context, but with you it was instead the kind of friendship that comes when you meet a kindred soul.
You’ve always been the person I know I can call in the middle of the night; the person I can confess the most personal things to without judgement; the person who has been there for me, through thick and thin, through university and work and moves across the country and bad decisions and terrible boyfriends. And you’re also the person I have more fun with than almost anyone. When we hang out, I can briefly be 19 again.
I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re one in a million, and I don’t even care how corny that is. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever known and had the privilege to call a friend.
You were a surprise. I’ve never clicked with a metamour as fast or as easily as I did with you, nor have I ever had such a profoundly positive relationship with one.
You make me feel welcomed and valued in a situation where my experience has usually been one of being pushed to the side, grudgingly tolerated at best, constantly reminded of my place at the bottom of the priority heap. You didn’t do any of that – you were the opposite.
I am in awe of your wisdom, your kindness, your generosity, your strength and your spirit.
One of the best things about the many great things about being in a relationship with The Artist is that I get to be metamours with you. Thank you for doing so much to restore my faith in this little thing we call “polyamory”.
You have the honour of “oldest friend I’m still actively friends with” at this point. I don’t know if I ever thanked you properly for everything you did for me when we were growing up. In a world that terrified me and a life I didn’t want to be in much of the time, you were one of the people who stood steadfastly by my side and didn’t really care that I was a socially unacceptable person to hang around with.
You were always wise beyond your years and kind beyond the life experiences you’d had.
We might have drifted into very minimal contact – unsurprising, I suppose, given 14 years (half my life, fucking hell) and 12,000 miles. But I haven’t forgotten a single minute.
You probably saved my life. Did I ever tell you that? I still believe we’ll meet again, though I don’t know when or where or how, but even if we don’t…
You’re with me like a handprint on my heart.
I don’t pretend to understand you – I spent years trying to puzzle you out, but eventually I realised that you’ll always be something of an enigma to me.
I was a little bit in love with you, once upon a time. Of course I knew it would never come to anything (that pesky “you being straight” thing was a hindrance if nothing else!) but it was never supposed to. You taught me how to love freely even from a place of complete confusion.
You drift in and out of my life, each time different and yet somehow always kind of the same. I rarely know what’s actually going on in your life any more, but whenever we do end up thrown back together there’s always nothing but love there. And for that, I am grateful.
So that’s me, folks. Tell me about your non-sexual loves this Valentine’s day?