Yesterday morning, I posted on Twitter a screenshot of the email I sent to Kinkly asking them to remove my blog from their site and not include me on their “Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes” list again.
But I had more to say, so I thought I’d write an open letter.
This isn’t what I wanted to be writing today. I don’t enjoy using my blog in this way. All things considered, I’d much rather be writing hot smut or dildo reviews or literally fucking anything else.
However, I am in a privileged position in this situation. I am a cisgender person who is not directly harmed by transphobia. Therefore, I feel it is my responsibility to use my platform to make what difference I can.
Many people in the sex blogging community were dismayed to see what your “Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes” list, released last week, awarded prizes to bloggers who have perpetuated transphobic behaviour this year. I must stress here that we’re not talking about someone making a mistake in good faith. We’re talking about people who expressed support for a violently transphobic piece of writing. People who misgendered others deliberately. People who doubled down and attacked when asked to do better and stop hurting trans and non-binary people.
As a community, we gave you the benefit of the doubt when you published your list. We understand you can’t go through every single bit of social media interaction someone has ever had. That’s why the problem was brought to your attention calmly and politely.
We very much hoped that you would choose to do better. It wouldn’t even have been particularly difficult! All you needed to do was say “we’re really sorry, we didn’t know,” remove the bigoted people from your list, and make more of an effort to uplift marginalised voices in the future.
Instead, you chose to double down. The comments you posted on Twitter earlier this week cannot even really be described as a “non apology.” They weren’t even that. They amounted to “welp, not our problem.”
You could have chosen to own your mistake and support the most marginalised members of our community. Instead, you told us loudly and clearly that you don’t give a damn.
In a situation of injustice, you tried to remain neutral. In doing so, you sided with the oppressor.
I’m done, Kinkly. I’m out. I’ve already told you to remove my content from your platform and unless I see meaningful and substantive change, I will not consider supporting you again in any way – writing for you, sharing your content, engaging with you on social media, or allowing you to use any of my content on your site.
We spoke up, and you chose to ignore us. We asked you to do better, and instead you chose to turn away and continue to give bigotry a platform. At a certain point, all we can do is vote with our digital feet.
So that’s it. I’m out. I hope you will seriously consider the repercussions of your actions and the very real harm they have caused to trans and non-binary people, who are already marginalised in the rest of the world and deserve to find a safe space in our community. I hope you will reevaluate your approach to how you do your “Superheroes” list, should you continue to run it in the future. And I hope you’ll make some real, meaningful steps towards making amends. Might I suggest a genuine apology, removing the bigoted bloggers from your platform, and perhaps making a donation to a charity that supports trans people as a starting point?
I hope you’ll choose to do better, but I’m not holding my breath.
Want to cosign the letter? Just comment below to do so!
15 thoughts on “Dear Kinkly, I’m Out [An Open Letter]”
Heartily agree with you and co sign this letter gladly, though disappointed that such action is needed. I will always stand up for my trans and non binary friends and family.
I wholeheartedly support this letter!!
Co signed! Very well said.
I’m just so fucking tired.
It’s so sad that it is necessary to say this,but absolutely.
Refusing to condemn transphobia is implicitly to suggest it’s acceptable. It isn’t.
I co-sign this, and in fact, I’ve already been removed from Kinkly’s directory by making such a request myself yesterday.
I strongly support your stance. Smarten up Kinkly!
Cosigned. Kinkly removed me already as well. Thank you for writing this.
BIG TIME COSIGN. Have loathed Kinkly for years the way they turn the list into a popularity contest, requiring that you post x content x many times in a certain time frame as though we’re fucking robots.
Thank you for writing this open letter. This is my signature.
I’m with Amy on this. Trans folx need love and support, and how to take the high ground by apologizing and then making things right was clearly explained to you. It’s not to late! Make changes!