I think most of us know how I feel about Fifty Shades of Grey as a cultural phenomenon by now, don’t we? In case you don’t, here’s a quick primer: it romanticises domestic abuse, gets BDSM dangerously wrong, and is utterly horribly written considering how much money it made. So it might, reasonably, surprise you to see me reviewing a Fifty Shades of Grey vibrator.

However, I’m also a realist. I know that the Fifty Shades genie is out of the bottle, so to speak. People are going to come to sex positivity, get involved in BDSM, and get curious about sex toys via these books and films. As a kinkster, sex positive educator, and pleasure product expert, I think those of us already in these communities have a big responsibility to these newcomers. And that responsibility is to welcome them. To provide resources. To be there for them and to show them that while Fifty Shades might be a fun fantasy (if you like that sort of thing), the reality is so much cooler, safer, and more exciting.

That’s why I’m glad that, when the inevitable Fifty Shades of Grey vibrators, other sex toys, and lingerie emerged in the form of Lovehoney’s official Fifty Shades range, they were at least body-safe and of a half decent quality. Today we’re looking at the Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator from this range.

Fifty Shades of Grey Vibrator: Sensation Flickering Tongue

The Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator measures 4.5″ in length, and tapers from a wide base to a narrow, pointed tip. When switched on, this tip “flickers” against the clitoris as the toy vibrates. The toy is made of smooth and matte black silicone, which is non-porous and body-safe. It’s also submersible, should you want to use it in water (this also makes cleaning easier.)

In the box, you’ll find the toy as well as a USB charging cable and a storage bag made from REPREVE® recycled plastic (yay for sustainability!)

Sensation-al?

After some recent positive experiences with tongue vibrators, I was hopeful that the Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator would be another surprising gem. Unfortunately, that wasn’t to be. This Fifty Shades of Grey vibrator didn’t work for me and I believe it has some pretty major design flaws. Here’s why.

The first problem is the pointy tip. While I sometimes enjoy pinpoint clitoral stimulation, the Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator’s silicone tip felt more like something jabbing my clit than stimulating it. (I mean, maybe that’s your thing? If so, live your best life! But it’s not mine).

It was a little better when I turned the toy sideways and used it on or over my clitoral hood, but with the slightest wrong move, the pokey sensation was back.

The second problem is that the motor is not very strong, and buzzy as hell to boot. After ten minutes or so of vainly chasing pleasure, I was grumpy and closer to a numb clitoris than an orgasm.

Finally, let’s talk about the user interface. The Fifty Shades of Grey Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator has a single button interface and a whopping 20 vibration patterns and settings. This means that if you want to turn the power down a notch, or return to a previous pattern, you’re left scrolling all the way back through. I don’t know about you, but having to press a button 20 times just to get the setting I want seriously impedes my getting-off game.

Also, when are sex toy designers going to get the memo that hardly anyone actually likes patterns? Include three to five if you must, but 20 is ridiculous.

One good point, because credit where credit is due: the Fifty Shades of Grey Sensation Vibrator is quiet. That and its body-safe material, though, are about the only good things I can say about it.

Verdict

Overall, I found the Fifty Shades of Grey Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator disappointing. With a stronger and rumblier motor, it could be fine for people who like very pinpointed stimulation. With a stronger motor, a less pointy tip, and a better button system, it could be excellent. But the current product is poorly thought through and badly executed.

Skip it and get a good bullet vibrator or the incredible Fun Factory Volta instead.

The Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator retails for £36.99 UK/$44.99 US at Lovehoney.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. All views, as always, are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.