[Lube, Cosmetics & Massage Products Review] Bijoux Indiscrets Bubblegum Play Kit

One of the fun things about being both a femme and a sex blogger at this time of year is seeing all the sweet, cutesy, pink-and-hearts-and-flowers themed products that companies are putting out for Valentine’s Day. Bijoux Indiscrets were kind enough to send me this year’s Valentine’s offering from their range: the Bubblegum Play Kit.

Bijoux Indiscrets Bubblegum Play Kit

The Bubblegum Play Kit contains three products: a warming massage oil, a full-body massage gel that doubles as a water-based lube, and a lipgloss. Each one is scented and flavoured like bubblegum. All three products, like everything in Bijoux’s range, are vegan.

Bijoux Indiscrets bubblegum play kit

The kit came packaged in a cute pink box with a heart on the front, much like the packaging you might get on a gift set of cosmetics or bath products. The overall effect, like the products themselves, is sweet to the point of saccharine. But how did the contents stack up? Let’s take a closer look at each item.

Warming Massage Oil

Bijoux Indiscrets bubblegum massage oil

This isn’t really an oil in the true sense of the word. As far as I can tell, it doesn’t actually contain any oil at all. It’s really a water-based gel that warms as you massage it in. Still, we’ll call it “massage oil” to distinguish it from the other massage product in this kit.

For me, it takes about a minute to feel the massage oil warming on my skin. You’ll get a more intense warming sensation if you blow gently on it.

I found that it didn’t really blend or get fully absorbed into the skin the way some massage oils do. Instead, it tends to linger on the surface. This can be a good thing, as a little bit goes a long way and there’s no need to keep reapplying it. However, it can also be a problem if you don’t enjoy the feeling of having oil or gel lingering on your skin.

This is by far the nicest tasting of the three products. It’s very, very, very sweet, so you’ll want to know that going on. That sweetness is likely due to its first ingredient: glycerin. Due to the glycerin, I found that my hands and skin felt quite sticky after using it and I wanted to wash it off.

Stickiness aside, though, this is a fine massage gel and the sweet bubblegum taste and pink aesthetic gives it a fun and playful vibe.

You can buy this gel separately for €22. It’s also available in caramel & sea salt and strawberry & honey flavours.

Full Body Massage Gel/Lube

Bijoux Indiscrets bubblegum massage gel/lube

According to Bijoux Indiscrets, this water-based massage gel can double up as an intimate lubricant. It has quite a long list of ingredients, so you’ll want to review it carefully to make sure there’s nothing you’re sensitive to.

I can’t see anything alarming in the ingredients, but I’m also not enough of an expert to declare them all definitely fine. At the very least this gel/lube contains no glycerin or parabens, though it does contain “Aroma” (artificial fragrance/flavour) which is not very specific and can include any number of things.

I do quite like the feeling of this one. It’s somewhere between a thick liquid and a thin gel, and it spreads across the skin nicely and lasts well. However, unlike the massage oil, this gel tastes really unpleasant to me. Instead of sweetness, it’s got a horrible chemical-y taste. I’m quite sensitive to artificial sweeteners and I can really, really taste them in this.

I probably won’t finish this one, honestly. I’m “meh” on flavoured lubes to begin with and this isn’t a nice tasting one.

Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss

Bijoux Indiscrets bubblegum lipgloss

This lip gloss is more subtly flavoured than the other two products in the set, but still has a distinctive bubblegum flavour. It’s not quite as sweet as the massage oil (which is probably a good thing for a product that goes directly on your mouth!)

After you apply it, you start getting a tingling sensation thanks to the peppermint oil it contains. I think, based on the name, the idea is that you put it on and then perform oral sex with it. I haven’t had the opportunity to try that but I did try putting a bit on my vulva, just to see what the effect would be. It gave a kinda pleasurable tingly, warming feeling a bit like a warming lube or menthol pleasure balm. So that effect might translate if you used it during oral?

The warming and tingling is really noticeable on my lips, to the point that it becomes uncomfortable if I use too much. You really only need a little bit of this one.

This lipgloss lasts well and gives a nice glossy shine. It’s a little sticky, which wasn’t a problem once it was on but made applying it with my fingers annoying. A brush or wand would be better than the pump top bottle.


I generally liked two out of the three products in this kit and will definitely finish them. However, at €60 it’s pretty pricey for what it is. For that reason I don’t think I’d buy it again.

If you have a femme in your life who really likes pink things and bubblegum, though, it could be a cute and sensual Valentine’s Day gift.

Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me this product to review! All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Massage Products Review] Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex Massage Candle

You may recall that I reviewed a series of products from Bijoux Indiscrets’ Slow Sex range almost two years ago. Since then, new items have been added to the line and a few of them arrived for me to test this week.

First up: the Slow Sex Massage Candle. This little candle in a tin comes attractively packaged in a Slow Sex-branded box.

Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex massage candle in box


I’m always curious about the ingredients in products like this, so let’s take a close look at everything that’s in the Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex Massage Candle.

  • Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis oil: A carrier oil extracted from almond seeds, used as an emollient (skin softener) and for moisture retention.
  • Cocos Nucifera oil: AKA coconut oil, which is well known for its skincare benefits and can even be used as a lubricant.
  • Stearic acid: A fatty acid derived from both plant and animal fats (Bijoux is an all-vegan company, so uses plant-based stearic acid.) Functions as an emollient and emulsifier (stabiliser) as well as a texture enhancer.
  • Butyrospermum Parkii butter: AKA Shea butter, an emollient and a powerful moisturiser that’s particularly great for dry skin
  • Aroma: This is what’s added to the product to makes it smell nice.
  • Glycine Soja oil: AKA soybean oil, this non-fragrant plant oil is an emollient and an antioxidant which can help skin to stay hydrated.
  • Squalene: An oil compound found in some fish oils but also in some vegetable oils and which is an excellent skin hydrator.
  • Glyceryl Stearate SE: A stabiliser, emulsifier, and emollient. SE stands for “self-emulsifying,” which means it blends with water without the need for additional emulsifying ingredients.
  • Tocopherol: A pure form of Vitamin E, with many skincare benefits including hydration, moisturising, and antioxidation.
  • Beta-sitosterol: A fatty acid derived from plants that’s a great moisturisor and can sooth irritated or damaged skin.

In short, nothing but body-safe, skin-friendly, and plant-based ingredients.

In Use

Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex massage candle in its box

The Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex Massage Candle melts quickly once you light it. On the first use, I had plenty of useable oil within less than a minute. When I wanted to top up on oil mid-massage, it took no more than 10-15 seconds of the candle being lit to get the amount I needed. The box says to light it for 15 minutes but honestly, unless you want the entire thing melted, that’s not even close to necessary. Any oil you don’t use will just harden again as it cools, ready for next time.

Both my girlfriend and I loved the subtly coconutty scent of this candle. It’s distinctive without being obstrusive or overpowering, and helps to create a lovely romantic, relaxed vibe as it permeates your space.

Our skin felt wonderfully soft and moisturised after trading massages, and I still kept catching little whiffs of the scent hours later.

I often struggle with oily sensations for sensory reasons, but the Bijoux Indiscrets Massage Candle’s oil doesn’t leave my skin feeling unpleasantly greasy because it soaks in so well. An oil-based product that doesn’t have me running to wash it off my hands? That’s an achievement in itself.

Because there’s no wax in this candle, you can also use it as a moisturiser or as a fragrant addition to a bath if you like.

Is this the Same as a Wax Play Candle?


Well, it’s similar insofar as you light the candle and then drip it onto your partner’s body as it melts. However, the melting point of the oils in this candle is lower than that of paraffin or even soy wax, meaning that – even if you drip it from very close to your partner’s skin – you’ll get a pleasant warmth rather than an “ouch.”

This candle also doesn’t actually contain any wax. The oil will start to harden again as it hits the body, but as soon as you run your hands over it, it’ll melt again and start to be absorbed into the skin as you massage. This means that, unlike with wax play, there’s no cleanup afterwards. You won’t even need to shower if you don’t want to, and leaving the oils on your skin for longer means you can keep enjoying their skincare benefits as well as the gorgeous scent.

Any Downsides?

Due to the oils it contains, this massage candle is not compatible with latex or polyisoprene (though it’s okay with polyurethane.) This means you’ll need to be careful if you’re using barriers such as condoms or dams.

I also didn’t love the slight black residue you get on the inside of the tin and across the top of the candle when it’s been burning a few minutes. It doesn’t really get on your skin in any noticeable way, but it looks a bit yuck.

Bijoux Indiscrets Massage Candle after use, showing black burn residue on the candle and edge of the tin

How Long Will It Last?

Depending on how generous you like to go with your oil, you’ll probably get 4-5 massages out of one candle. You could make it last a little longer by going lighter on your coverage, but more is definitely more here in my experience!


At €20/£18, the Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex Massage Candle is a little pricey. But it’s also a lovely luxurious little treat which makes a great addition to trading massages with your partner. When it runs out, I’d seriously consider spending money on getting another one.

Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me this product to review. All views, as always, mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Lube & Massage Products Review] Bloomi Massage Oil & Water-Based Lubricant

I’ve decided to couple these two mini-reviews into one post since they’re both from the same company and same range. Bloomi is a lovely US company I’ve recently started working with. Sexologist-led, their products all meet something called the Clean Standard:

Based on academic research and input from top sexual wellness experts, we created the only industry standard to ensure toxic ingredients don’t touch your intimate areas.

– Bloomi Clean Standard

This means that you can feel assured that Bloomi’s products do not contain any of the nasty ingredients that are far too common in sexual wellness products: glycerin, parabens, artificial fragrances, phthalates, sulfates, and so on. And, since everything is plant-based, they’re also vegan and cruelty-free! Even the packaging is made from recycled, recyclable, and sustainable materials.

I received the Relax Body & Massage Oil and the Smooth Water-Based Lubricant to try out.

Relax Body & Massage Oil

Bloomi massage oil

I’ve recently rediscovered the joy of giving (and receiving) massages. Massage is such a wonderful, intimate way to touch a partner and you can use it in so many different ways. It can sooth a headache or a bad back, act as a kind of foreplay or precursor to sex, serve as aftercare, be an act of service from a submissive to a Dominant, or just be a way to connect physically without necessarily getting your genitals involved. And that’s just for starters. Like any kind of touch and intimacy, massage is what you make of it.

Both my girlfriend and I loved the gorgeous lavendar scent of Bloomi Relax Body & Massage Oil. It’s distinctive without being overpowering and lavendar can invoke feelings of calm, relaxation, and overall wellbeing.

The Relax Body & Massage Oil blends smoothly into the skin and does not leave any unpleasant residue. It leaves the skin feeling soft, moisturised, and healthy. So much so that you can use it as an everyday body oil/skin moisturiser as well as a massage oil, if you like.

Bloomi’s Relax Body & Massage Oil retails for $20 for a 3oz/90ml bottle. And since a little goes a long way (you only need a few pumps to get really good coverage), it should last you a while.

Please be aware that, like most oils, this product is not compatible with latex. Don’t use it (or be sure to wash it off first) if you are planning to use latex safer sex barriers such as condoms and dams, as it can degrade them and make them more prone to breakage.

Smooth Water-Based Lubricant

Bloomi water-based lube

Those of you who have been reading my work for a while will know that I am extremely choosy about the lubricants that I will use and recommend. Too many lubes are filled with ingredients such as parabens (which have been shown to be endocrine disrupters) and glycerin (a type of sugar which can cause issues such as yeast infections and Bacterial Vaginosis.) And don’t even get me started on the nasty shit you’ll find in “warming”, “tingling”, or “numbing” lubes!

That’s why I am always seeking lube options that are gentle, body-friendly, and planet-friendly. Smooth by Bloomi contains only gentle plant ingredients, including hydrating green tea extract and Sodium Hyaluronate (hyaluronic acid), which may help to relieve vaginal dryness.

Bloomi’s Smooth Water-Based Lubricant is well named. It has quite a thin consistency compared to some of the more gel-like lubes I’ve tried, and is satisfyingly smooth and slippery. I find it lasts quite well, so you don’t have to reapply it as often as with some water-based products. I particularly like it for high-friction activities such as using my Godemiche Grind Rings or silicone dildos with more “grabby” textures.

Smooth Water-Based Lubricant’s formulation has a pH of 4.0-4.5. The normal pH of the vagina can range from 3.8-5.0, so this lube shouldn’t cause any issues there. It isn’t sticky, and doesn’t leave any residue behind on either my skin or my sheets. It also has only the mildest scent and virtually no discernible taste.

Apparently Smooth isn’t suitable for use with polyurethane condoms, so bear that in mind if you’re using non-latex barriers. It’s fine for use with latex or polyisoprene barriers, though.

Smooth Water-Based Lubricant retails for $12 for 3oz/88ml. Again, a little goes a long way here.

Thank you to Bloomi for sending me these products to review. All views are, as always, my own. This post contains affiliate links and purchasing through them sends me a small commission at no extra cost to you! Check out Bloomi’s full range here.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Day #16: Body Massager

It’s the time of year where I get a Sex Toy Advent Calendar (this year, Lovehoney and Womanizer’s 2022 couples’ calendar) and review the items behind each door. Check out the whole series here, and please support the blog by using my affiliate links if you decide to make a purchase.

Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 16: Body Massager

Plastic body massager

Product Info

A purple (with gold glitter) plastic body massager shaped like a five-pointed star. It measures 6″ in total length and each point is approximately 2″ in length.


  • Very light
  • Ergonomic design makes it comfortable to hold
  • A great way to give massages without tiring your hands or wrists (particularly good for those who experience pain in those areas)
  • Versatile: use all five points at once, or one at a time for a more focused sensation
  • Feels AMAZING. I keep reaching for mine to get the knots out of my back after spending too long working on my computer
  • Sparkles!


  • None – I actually really love this one.


If you like the kind of deep tissue massage that sort of hurts a little bit but also feels really good, you’re going to love this one. Massage can be a great way in to sex, or a wonderful and sensual activity by itself. Combine this with the massage oil from day 12 if you like!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Day #12: Vanilla Massage Oil

We’re half way through already! That’s right, it’s Day 12 of my review series of Lovehoney and Womanizer’s 2022 Sex Toy Advent Calendar . Check out all the reviews here. And again, if you decide to buy this or anything else from Lovehoney, using my affiliate links sends me a small commission at no additional cost to you!

Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 12: Vanilla Massage Oil

Lovehoney vanilla massage oil

Product Info

A small (30ml) bottle of vanilla-scented massage oil. It contains the same 4 ingredients as in last year’s calendar, which I discussed in detail in that review.


  • Distinctive and pleasant vanilla smell
  • Nice sensory properties – glides on smoothly and doesn’t leave skin feeling greasy


  • Dries out quickly so needs reapplying often
  • May be unsuitable for those with fragrance allergies/sensitivities


This is a perfectly nice massage oil with a distinctive (but not overpowering) scent. It’s pleasant to use and left my skin feeling soft and healthy. Massage can be a fun precursor to sex or a lovely activity in its own right. If you enjoy using it, you can grab a bottle of Lovehoney’s Oh! Vanilla Massage Oil for £5.99 when this one runs out

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.

[Massage & Better Sex Products Review] Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex Part 2

As a quick reminder, Slow Sex is a range of lubes, gels, and other “better sex” products by Bijoux Indiscrets. They are beautifully packaged in stylish boxes and include zero gendered terminology on either the packaging or the website. With the exception of the oral sex strips, they’re all scented with coconut.

Collection of Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex products

If you missed part 1 of my review of several items from the Slow Sex range, check it out! Otherwise, I’m so glad you’re back for part 2! Let’s go.

Slow Sex Oral Sex Balm

Slow Sex Oral Sex Balm

I was highly sceptical about the Slow Sex Oral Sex Balm, as was Mr CK. But we kept an open mind and decided to give it a fair chance. It comes in a 10ml tube and I was expecting a liquid or thin gel, but it’s really more of a thick paste. I had to massage it between my fingers to get it to melt enough to use.

The packaging suggests applying Oral Sex Balm to your lips right before giving a blow job, or applying it directly to the penis. To get the full effect, we did both. I’m not sure most people would feel much if you only did the former.

First, the good: it definitely had an effect! My partner described it as a cooling sensation, which is likely caused by the menthol it contains. When you’re doing oral sex, the contrast between this cooling and the warmth of a mouth can be very interesting. He also reported that it did increase sensitivity slightly, and that it felt like sensation continued after the point of orgasm. So that was cool! It’s reasonably easy to wash off with warm water and soap.

Then the less-good: Since this is an oil-based product, it’s not suitable for use with any latex barriers. And given that I wouldn’t want several of the ingredients in my vagina, it also means it’s not really possible to go from oral to vaginal sex without cleaning up in between. I really dislike the sensation of anything oily or sticky on my hands, so I had to wipe this off with a tissue immediately after applying it.

Also worth noting: the coconutty/minty smell and taste is VERY potent. It’s certainly not unpleasant but if, like me, you like to experience the scent and taste of your partner’s body, this is definitely going to mask that.

Overall, a mixed experience but definitely more positive than we were expecting.

Slow Sex Oral Sex Balm retails for €14.95.

Slow Sex Full Body Massage Gel

Slow Sex massage gel

The Slow Sex Full Body Massage Gel comes in an attractive glass bottle. With 50ml in the bottle, it definitely feels like one of the more substantial Slow Sex products. This oil-based gel is designed for all-over massage.

The packaging says you can use it “anywhere and everywhere” and the website describes it as genital-compatible, so if your massage turns erotic you’re good to go. Again, I’d recommend that you keep it external only. This massage gel is also suitable for use in water and is compatible with silicone sex toys and latex barriers.

This is probably my favourite product in the entire Slow Sex range. It is slick without being sticky, and does not leave any nasty residue behind. As a bonus, it leaves my skin feeling lovely and moisturised (and coconut scented!) It also lasts ages, as a little bit goes a long way once it’s on the skin.

I also love that it comes in a pump bottle, which is much more user-friendly and less spillage-prone than the bottles massage oils usually come in.

Slow Sex Full Body Massage Gel retails for €19.95.

Slow Sex Oral Sex Strips

Bijoux Indiscrets oral sex strips

If you’re asking “what on earth is an oral sex strip?”, well so was I! Turns out they’re little paper-thin minty strips that are designed to go on your tongue and then melt while you’re performing oral sex. Like the Oral Sex Balm, they have a strong minty flavour (spearmint oil is one of the main ingredients.) They taste like something you’d use to brush your teeth or freshen your breath.

The sensation is… interesting. Much like the Oral Sex Balm, the main appeal is that they provide a contrast between the cooling sensation and the warmth of a mouth. However, they melt very quickly so the intense effect only lasts for maybe a minute or so. You do get some of the effect for a while afterwards as the mint lingers on your body, but you only get maybe a maximum of 5 minutes out of each strip.

They were fine, but I wasn’t blown away. I did find that they heightened sensitivity somewhat, but not to such an extent that they can make or break the experience. And to be honest, I’m going to repeat something I said above – if I’m going down on a lover, I want to taste them, not a mouthful of mint.

Slow Sex Oral Sex Strips retail for €4.95 for 7.

Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me these products to test in exchange for an honest review.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Door #21: Massager

Update 04/03/22: this product is seasonal only and has been discontinued. Individual components may still be available.

Well, we’ve reached the end of week three in my quest to review every item in the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” advent calendar. It’s been a mixed bag, with some hits and a few misses… so what’s behind Door #21?

Door #21: Massager

Lovehoney massager from sex toy advent calendar

The 21st door contains a star-shaped plastic massager, presumably designed to be used with the massage oil from two days ago (the ordering here is a little weird. I’d have put them on consecutive days, but okay). It’s red with silver glitter, tying in with the festive theme of this whole set.

The massager measures 6″ across from point to opposite point, and each arm is around 2″ in length. It’s very light, and the shape makes it easy and comfortable to hold. If you enjoy giving massages but find that your hands or wrists get tired, a massager like this can help. You can use all five points at once for an all-over massage, or tilt it and use one end to focus on a smaller area.

This one is a surprising winner for me. It’s sitting on my desk at the moment and I’ve found myself reaching for it to get the knots out of my temperamental neck and shoulders and relieve my I-spend-too-long-sitting-at-a-computer upper back pain. The rigidity allows you to get deeply into those sore muscles. With this thing, I can get the kind of deep tissue massage that is sort of painful but in a really good way.

Lovehoney massager for couples review

Exchanging massages can be a lovely way to connect physically with your partner, whether or not they lead to sex. Massage can also be a great way to show love to someone whose love language is physical touch.

The Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar retails for £120 and contains around £370 worth of products. You can get 10% off this product or any other Lovehoney order if you use my code “coffkink10” at checkout.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Door #19: Vanilla Massage Oil

[Update 04/03/22: this product is seasonal only and has been discontinued. Individual components may still be available.]

It’s Day 19 of my series on the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” advent calendar, where I’m reviewing the contents one day at a time. Check out the whole series if you haven’t already.

Meanwhile, let’s open up Door #19.

Door #19: Vanilla Massage Oil

Lovehoney vanilla massage oil

Door #19 contains a bottle of vanilla-scented massage oil. This simple formula contains just four ingredients:

  • Ethylhexyl palmite, a common skincare ingredient that functions as an emollient, solvent, and fragrance fixative, according to The Derm Review.
  • Caprylic/capric triglyceride, which is derived from coconut oil and glycerine according to The Soap Kitchen and is widely recognised as safe for topical use.
  • Isopropyl myristate, a thickening agent or moisturiser commonly found in cosmetics. Reports suggest it can cause skin irritation in a minority of people (usually those with existing skin conditions) but is widely considered safe for cosmetic use.
  • Parfum, a mysterious concoction of synthetic fragrances designed to make the product smell good. Many people recommend avoiding products with this “ingredient” (actually potentially a mix of ingredients) as we don’t know exactly what’s in it. I can’t tell you whether to avoid these products or not. I generally use them without too much concern and have never had a problem, but your mileage (and tolerance for long-term risk) may vary.
Lovehoney vanilla massage oil ingredients

You get 30ml in this little bottle of vanilla massage oil. You only need a few drops to get decent skin coverage, but it does dry out quite quickly once you start massaging. You’ll get maybe 3-4 massages out of this bottle, depending on how generously you want to apply it.

The scent is very strong and distinctively vanilla. It’s a little artificial, but not unpleasant. Be aware that the scent really lingers on your skin so unless you’re going to take a shower straight after, you might smell of vanilla for the rest of the day.

By the way: make sure the lid is on properly when you’re done! Ask me why there’s massage oil all over my desk…

Massages can be a fun precursor to sex, a form of aftercare, or even a way to connect physically and intimately with your partner without involving your genitals. A nice scented massage oil can add a little extra sense of indulgence to the experience.

If you like this massage oil, you can get a bottle of Lovehoney’s Oh! Vanilla Massage Oil for £5.99 when this one runs out. The Oh! oil seems to contain more natural ingredients and nothing mysterious like the above-mentioned “parfum”. The Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar retails for £120 and contains £370+ worth of products. You can get 10% off your entire Lovehoney order by using my code “coffkink10” at checkout.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!