“Monogamy, in this economy!?” has become a bit of a meme or running joke in the polyamorous community recently. The idea, of course, is that amidst a cost of living crisis it can be more cost-effective to live in a household of multiple adults. Taking on this theme, Laura Boyle (author of Ready For Polyamory and creator of the Ready For Polyamory blog) brings us her new book: Monogamy, In This Economy? Finances, Childrearing and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory.
Obviously this is very tongue-in-cheek. No-one would seriously suggest mass polyamory as a long-term solution to one of the worst financial crises in living memory. However, it also speaks to a real truth: some polyamorous people choose to live together and combine finances out of genuine desire, others do it out of economic necessity. And honestly, for most people (regardless of relationship style), the choices we make around nesting, money and childrearing are probably driven by a combination of those two factors.
Monogamy, In This Economy? What’s It About and Who Is It For?
The subtitle pretty much says it all. Stepping away from the “Polyamory 101” and “how to have healthy polyamorous relationships” style of guidebook that is so prolific, Boyle has instead chosen to focus on the practicalities of actually living a polyamorous family life in a world designed for monogamy. How do polyamorous people live together, and where? What if you want to live with your partner but can’t stand your metamour? How do polyamorous families manage finances? What about the children? All these, and more, are questions that countless polyamorous people have been asked and have asked ourselves. Boyle aims to tackle them and many more here.
In preparation for writing Monogamy, In This Economy?, Boyle interviewed over 400 polyamorous people. These people live in virtually every permutation of “three or more adults in one household” that you can imagine. I’m frankly in awe of the research that has gone into this book and the hours it must have taken.
Boyle is US-American, and her book does naturally have a slant in that direction. Some of her research participants are located outside the US, though. Those individuals’ and families’ experiences provide useful insights into how geography, local laws and cultural norms can have an impact on polyamorous families.
Overall, you will probably find this book to be of the most practical benefit if you live in the US. However, there’s also plenty there for those of us doing polyamory in the rest of the world. In short, it’s for anyone who is polyamorous (or poly-curious) and wants to learn about how polyamorous people navigate the realities of 21st Century life.
What’s Covered in the Ready For Polyamory Author’s Second Book?
Boyle begins Monogamy, In This Economy? by briefly introducing polyamory, the concept of polyamorous families, and the methodology behind her survey in chapter 1. In chapter 2, she explores the different formats that polyamorous households can take as well as the challenges that issues such as property zoning and limitations presented by mortgage and leasing laws. Chapter 3 is all about the sometimes-thorny (and emotive) issues of beds and bedrooms, as well as adjacent issues around closet space, household chores, and bathrooms.
Chapter 4 addresses preconceptions about polyamory and the ways they can impact polyamorous families. It also tackles problems in relationships and the ways these can spill over to impact the entire network, and the unique challenges that living in small spaces can present. Chapter 5 covers making your home your own, with tips on how to ensure that everyone feels welcome and at home in the shared family space. I found the insights around understanding how your family actually uses space to be particularly insightful. Chapter 6 is all about metamours, from scheduling conflicts to navigating privacy in shared spaces. It also covers managing jealousy when you all live together.
In chapter 7, Boyle delves into all things money. She discusses navigating finances as a polyamorous family, learning how to talk about money openly, and coming to agreements about non-essential spending. Chapter 8 is all about children and childrearing, including talking to your kids about polyamory and your nesting plans, understanding and dividing up parenting responsibilities, and the additional challenges that arise as children grow into teenagers and young adults. The parenting theme continues in chapter 9, which covers issues such as family planning and unplanned pregnancies in a polyamorous context as well as polyamorous situations where not all partners are parents.
Chapter 10 of Monogamy, In This Economy? is about break-ups, denesting, and ending or de-escalating cohabiting relationships. And finally, chapter 11 continues the break-ups theme but switches the focus to breaking up or deescalating while coparenting.
You can either read the book cover to cover for a comprehensive overview of some of the many ways to navigate the practicalities of life while being non-monogamous (and an intriguing insight into the many ways other people do it), or you can dip in and out to the bits that are most pertinent to your current situation and needs.
Writing Style
Like her first book Ready For Polyamory, Boyle’s writing style in Monogamy, In This Economy? is chatty, accessible, and non-judgemental. She validates common concerns and normalises problems that polyamorous families may face.
Monogamy, In This Economy? is not a blueprint or an instruction manual. Instead, it explores the various different options available to multi-adult households. Boyle doesn’t tell you what to do, but offers insights into some of the many potential solutions to common challenges.
All the way through, Boyle’s insights are peppered with real-life stories from some of her hundreds of interviewees. These bring the theory to life and show some of the real-world challenges, joys, and problem-solving that takes place in polyamorous families.
I found this book to be a fairly quick read, with mostly relatively short chapters. Plenty of subheadings break it up into bite-sized chunks. They also make it easy to find the exact information you’re looking for. Boyle covers a hell of a lot of ground in this relatively concise book. She also signposts to other resources where appropriate.
Verdict & Where to Buy Monogamy, In This Economy?
I’m so glad that this book exists! Whether you are living together with multiple partners or metamours already, considering doing so, or are just curious about some of the possible solutions that are available, this practical and accessible guide will help you to navigate the inevitable challenges.
Well-researched, pragmatic, and reassuring are some of the words that come to mind to describe Laura Boyle’s second book. I currently only nest with one partner and have no plans to change that, and I’m not having children, so you could say it isn’t really for me. However, it’s still given me a huge amount to think about.
Monogamy, In This Economy? will be released on 21 August 2024. Support my work at no additional cost to you by ordering from Bookshop using my links. You can also ask your local indie or LGBTQ+ bookstore to order it in for you.
Thanks to Laura Boyle and her publisher for sending me an advance review copy of Monogamy, In This Economy? Check out her blog Ready For Polyamory and her first book of the same title. All views are, as always, my own.
