[Toy Review] We-Vibe Chorus

There are a number of buzzwords and phrases, frequently used to describe sex toys, of which I am highly sceptical. One of these is “for couples”. Another is “hands free”. The We-Vibe Chorus claims to be both of these things. However, my experiences with We-Vibe over the years have been almost universally positive, so with my hopeful-but-ready-to-be-disappointed face firmly in place, I set out to test the new We-Vibe Chorus for you guys.

First impressions

The We-Vibe Chorus in its box

The We-Vibe Chorus comes attractively packaged in a sturdy box. Inside you’ll find the toy and remote, a USB charging cable, and a dock that functions as both travel case and charging station. There’s also a little instruction booklet and a free packet of water-based personal lubricant. (Second ingredient: glycerin. Ughhhhh.)

The We-Vibe Chorus comes in three colours, and mine is “Cosmic Pink.” It is OBNOXIOUSLY pink. (I asked for the purple, but I guess everyone probably asked for the purple. Ah well.) It’s sort of shiny-sparkly

The matte silicone is squishy and soft to the touch.

Shiny new tech! (Or: How is the Chorus different to previous We-Vibe models?)

The Chorus is the latest iteration of We-Vibe’s signature “wearable” vibrators, a line which also includes the Match, Unite and Sync. But how is it different?

The We-Vibe Chorus and remote

The most obvious upgrade, when we compare the Chorus to the Sync (its most recent predecessor,) is the introduction of the squeeze remote. The tighter you squeeze the remote, the more intense the vibration gets – and vice versa! This is a genuinely innovative touch that I haven’t seen anywhere else. You can turn squeeze control on and off with the small button at the top of your remote. When squeeze control is on, you use the +/- buttons to set the base intensity – that is, the lowest setting it will default to if you stop squeezing. We’ll get more into fun ways to play with this in a minute.

There’s also new touch-sense tech, which responds to your movements against the sensor, changing the intensity of the vibrations to match depending on which setting you’ve selected. You can turn touch-sense off through the We-Connect app, if you want to. I had a play with this function but the responsiveness was mixed. Overall, I found it too unpredictable to be pleasurable, and quickly turned it off. If I’m going to use touch-sensitive tech, I want to to actually be reliable. The We-Vibe Wand achieved this much better than the Chorus does.

The WeVibe Chorus and remote on the docking stand

Another significant upgrade to this model is that it is adjustable in two places. Not only can you adjust the distance between the two arms, you can also alter the angle of the internal arm for a more comfortable and stimulating fit. I can’t overestimate how appreciated this is! Bodies come in a wide range of shapes and sizes, and one size will never fit all. I find getting poked in the vaginal walls off-putting and the opposite of erotic, frankly, so being able to adjust the Chorus to actually sit comfortably in my body was a game-changer.

Finally, the Chorus is the first We-Vibe product to use a mix of AnkorLink and Bluetooth technology to connect it to the We-Connect app. The difference here was EXTREMELY noticeable – the connection was much more stable and the responses much more consistent.

In conclusion, the Chorus might superficially resemble We-Vibe’s previous offerings, but you get so much more bang for your buck.

The Chorus is waterproof (though the remote is only splash-proof). I got just shy of 90 minutes of playtime from a full (2 hour) charge.

Not just for couples!

Again, I find the notion of “toys for couples” annoying. Anything can be a couples’ sex toy if you use it with a partner! And many so-called couples’ toys can be used just as well for solo fun. The phrase “toys for couples” has come to be near-synonymous with “toys you use while having penis-in-vagina intercourse”. But lots of couples don’t have sex like that, or only have sex like that sometime… and of course, not all couples are cis-hetero! I vote we change the common terminology to “toys for PIV” instead of “toys for couples”.

Anyway, I digress. The We-Vibe Chorus is a great option if you’re looking for a toy to wear during PIV sex. The slender and adjustable internal arm makes for a comfortable fit regardless of your bodies’ shapes and sizes, and the external arm provides powerful clitoral stimulation – which 70 – 90% (depending on which study you believe) of vulva-owners need to reach orgasm.

But it’s so much more than that! I actually really like this style of toy for solo masturbation. Though I do need to use my hands (see below,) holding it against my body requires almost no strength or energy. It’s easy to use a dildo with it at the same time if I’m after more internal stimulation.

Other fun ways to play

Thanks to its innovative technology and design, this toy has so much potential beyond the obvious “wear during PIV” application.

If you’re into power-exchange games, you could give your partner the remote and have them use the squeeze function or buttons to control when and how you get pleasure. Or the person who is wearing the vibrator could be tied up with the remote in their hand, and their Dominant partner could instruct them on when to squeeze tightly (getting more stimulation) and when to release (getting less).

I really like playing edging games with this toy – squeezing tightly until I’m close to coming, then releasing the control to back off again.

Due to the improved app connection and functionality, this toy is also ideal for long-distance play. Wherever you are in the world, simply hook your toy up to your partner’s phone via the app, and you can give them control of your toy while you sext or exchange smutty pictures.

Not really hands-free

As ever, bodies are different and your mileage may vary. But I do not agree that the We-Vibe Chorus is a hands-free toy. However I adjusted it, I could not get it to stay firmly in place. Every time I moved slightly or changed the intensity of the vibrations, it would shift and move away from my clit. I ended up using one hand to hold it in place and the other hand to operate the remote.

Not a huge problem in the grand scheme of things, but if you’re looking for a truly hands-free experience you’ll want to be aware of this. (Also: if you find a sex toy that is actually, effectively, 100% hands-free, please let me know. This is up there with unicorns on the list of “things I am convinced do not exist.”)

Worth noting: the lovely Phallophile Reviews suggests that wearing tight knickers (such as Spanx) helps this toy stay in place. So that’s something to try!

Power play

Importantly, how does the We-Vibe Chorus stack up in terms of power? Frankly, if I’m going to spend close to £200 on a toy, it’d better knock my socks off, power-wise!

We-Vibe have long been known for using excellent, powerful motors in their toys and the Chorus is no exception. For its small size, it packs a punch. The vibrations are strong, rumbly and – in case this is important to you – surprisingly quiet.

The gentle, lay-on contour of this toy, plus the rumbly vibes, feel fucking phenomenal against my clit.

Final thoughts

If you’re looking for the ultimate “wear during PIV” toy, this is it. I’m seriously impressed with the Chorus! But I also really love this toy for solo play. It’s on the pricier end at £179.99 ($199 US) but you get so many nifty features for your money. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

A gem. We-Vibe have done it yet again.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Chorus in exchange for an honest review. We-Vibe’s other new release, the Wand, will feature in my Valentine’s Day Gift Guide, coming out tomorrow, so stay tuned for that! Header image is by Lovehoney and used with permission, all other images by me. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Wearable Review] Lovehoney “Lustre” Quarter Cup Body Harness

Sometimes I get offered items for review and my internal response is “ugh, fine, I guess” if I’m not blown away by something but I think my readers will like it. Other times, I get offered something for review and I take one look and go “I NEED IT.” The Lustre range by Lovehoney was the latter.

Two categories of product that I’m eternally obsessed with are Things That Are Purple and Things That Are Shiny. Lustre is both.

After perusing the collection, I ended up choosing the Quarter Cup Body Harness to try. This is partly, let’s be honest, because I’m lazy and I enjoy one-piece items of clothing for that reason. But it’s also because the Body Harness is the only item in the range not to have full bra cups, and my typical experience with adjustable/one-size lingerie is that my boobs simply don’t fit. Ordering something where they’re meant to spill out seemed like a neat solution to this problem.

Model wearing the Lustre Quarter Cup Body Harness from Lovehoney

Let’s see how I got on, shall we?

TW: mentions of sizeism, please skip if that’s going to be difficult for you.

Initial Impressions

My first impression, when I took my Lustre Body Harness out of the packaging, was that I am simply in love with the colour! The lace is a gorgeous, rich purple and has a lovely, subtle shine to it that catches the light every time you move.

What I’m not so into is the “frayed edge” aesthetic of the lace. I understand what they’re going for here but I think it takes the elegant edge off the range and frankly looks a bit, well, scruffy. Of course, this is a personal preference and others may love it.

Getting into it…

My #LazyFemme tactics came back to bite me, here. One-piece this thing may be, but easy to get into (or out of) it is certainly not! Because everything – the collar, bra, mid-section and suspenders – is all joined together, the Lustre Body Harness is straps and straps and straps galore! It took me a couple of attempts to get into it. I kept being afraid I was going to rip something! I certainly won’t be wearing it on any occasion where getting out of and back into clothing might be an issue, such as a play party. Which is a shame because play parties are the main occasions where I tend to wear lingerie.

Model wearing the Lustre Quarter Cup Body Harness from Lovehoney

A couple of pro tips garnered through trial and error:

  1. Loosen all the adjustable straps first. It’s much easier to get into the garment then tighten them to fit you than trying to struggle into it and adjusting them as you go.
  2. Get into the harness feet-first, rather than trying to pull it over your head. But be careful as you ease it up over your body and into place. You don’t want to damage the delicate lace.

A word of warning: the Lustre Body Harness has build-in suspenders which are not removeable, so you’ll need to get some suitable stockings to wear with it.

Fit

Lingerie manufacturers everywhere, listen to me: I love you but can you all PLEASE STOP making things in “one size?”

This piece ostensibly fits a size 8-16. However, I wear a size 14 and I had most of the straps as extended as they’ll go, and it was still a bit on the small side. There is zero chance this item is going to fit someone who’s a size 16, and it’s really not ideal for anyone who is bigger than maybe a 12.

Instead of endlessly adjustable “one size” items, I’d love to see lingerie manufacturers just making things in a wider range of sizes. There are two plus size pieces in the Lustre range but this, unfortunately, is not one of them.

Once again, I feel that this piece was made with thin bodies in mind and the rest of us are left trying to squeeze ourselves into something which, though it might technically fit (just,) really wasn’t made for us.

Comfort

The lace isn’t exactly soft, but I didn’t find it excessively scratchy or irritating either. The straps are a soft and stretchy material which feels nice against the skin.

The bra cups are the worst thing about this item, comfort-wise. Because they’re rigid and have underwires, they will only work well for a certain sub-section of bodies. They are far too small for my probably E or F cup boobs. (I don’t actually know what size I am but I was a DD a decade ago and they’ve definitely grown since then). The wires cut into my ribcage in a way that was first uncomfortable and then, after a while, became painful.

How did I feel wearing it?

This piece has grown on me over the several times I’ve tried it on. I love a lot of things about it: the way it leaves my back almost completely exposed, the way the middle section emphasises the curve of my waist and stomach, the fetishy look of the lace collar. I definitely feel hot when I look in the mirror wearing this one!

Unfortunately, because of the issues with the fit I don’t see myself wearing it regularly and certainly not for any length of time.

Final thoughts

This one has so much potential! The design and aesthetic is absolutely gorgeous. If you’re a size 12 or smaller, I’m happy to recommend this piece. For those of us like me who are curvier, though, the problems with the fit are too great for me to be able to wholeheartedly recommend it.

The Lustre Quarter Cup Body Harness retails for £39.99 but at time of writing is on sale for £23.99.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this piece in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post. Images are courtesy of Lovehoney and reproduced with permission.

Six Ways to Be More Fierce

“And though she be but little, she is fierce!”
– William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

This is possibly my favourite quote in all of Shakespeare, but what does it mean to be fierce? I took to Twitter and asked my brilliant followers what they thought. The answers were, as always, brilliantly insightful and brilliantly diverse. The themes that came up again and again were power, confidence, sass, self-love, and taking no shit.

So let’s explore some ways you can bring more fierceness into your life.

Strive to give fewer fucks what people think

Living true to yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in life. If other people don’t like it, fuck them. Are you striving to be a decent person, operating with compassion and consideration for others? Then go do your thing! People will always find something not to like. You don’t have to dwell on it. That’s a them problem.

Stop apologising

Many people, especially women and those socialised as women, have a deeply ingrained tendency to apologise when they really shouldn’t. When something is actually your fault? Sure, apologise then. But in all other situations, and especially where someone else has actually caused you harm or inconvenienced you? Stop fucking apologising. When an apology is about to fall out of your mouth, pause and count to five and ask yourself if it’s really, truly warranted. 99 times out of 100, it won’t be.

Take up space

Whether it’s physical space with your body, emotional space with your thoughts and feelings, or air space with your voice, you deserve to take up space. You deserve to exist in the world without having to make yourself smaller for anyone else’s comfort.

Call people on their bullshit

Calling someone on their shit is one of the most liberating things you can do. I don’t mean start yelling at people for every perceived infraction. But if someone does something that legitimately pisses you off, stand up for yourself and say “no.”

Don’t let someone talk over you

If you’re talking and someone cuts you off or tries to talk over you, speak up if you can. That annoying dude in the meeting who always tries to butt in when you’re making your point? Shut that shit down! Practice the phrase “Bob, I was still speaking” in advance if you have to.

Wear something that makes you feel like a badass

Whether it’s lingerie, a super sharp suit, head to toe latex, your favourite t-shirt or nothing at all, give yourself the gift of putting on clothing that makes you feel your most amazing, powerful, fierce self. Even if you’re not going anywhere, you could snap a few amazing sexy selfies.

What makes you feel fierce?

Today’s post was brought to you by Lovehoney‘s new Fierce collection, gorgeous lingerie and fetish-wear for every body from a size 6 to a size 26. This post contains affiliate links.

#IWillBeFierce

[Toy Review] Womanizer Starlet 2

Before we dive in: did you see I’ve revised my Patreon? There are new reward tiers, better perks, and more ways to get involved! Go check it out and maybe support me – every single dollar really does help.

Despite saying I was going to do substantially fewer product reviews, interesting things to try out keep finding their way to me! Remember when I said I’d been wanting to get my hands on a Womanizer toy for ages and hadn’t had the opportunity? Well, my cup runneth over, so to speak – as I have yet another new Womanizer product to tell you all about!

Suction Toys

I wrote recently about whether or not I think all suction-based clitoral stimulators are basically variations on the same theme. The conclusion I came to was… sort of. The sensation provided by these toys is remarkably consistent across models and even across brands. However, unique design features can really make or break each specific model. Read on to find out whether I thought the Starlet 2 was a hit or a miss.

A little more down-to-Earth…

After the high-end luxury with price tags to match that defines the Womanizer Premium and Duo, the Starlet 2 is a simpler product – more aimed at the everyday consumer, rather than at serious toy enthusiasts with serious money to spare. The Starlet 2 retails at the much more affordable £69.99 (that’s $79.99 to my American friends!) and is an upgrade of the original Starlet model.

It’s a petite toy, only 5 inches in total length, and very light. I have tiny hands and would have preferred the body of the toy to be slightly longer for ease of use, so bear that in mind if you’re a person with big hands. However, for those who find holding larger or heavier toys difficult, the compact nature of this model could be an advantage for you.

The Starlet 2 is USB rechargeable, requiring 30 minutes’ charge for 30 minutes’ playtime. I’m really not impressed with the battery life here. 30 minutes, for me, is often not even long enough to reach orgasm – and the same is true for a lot of people with vulvas. When other toys can do two or three hours on a full charge, this is a major negative in my view.

The Starlet 2 is also fully waterproof, if playing in the bath is your thing. It comes in two colours – a pinkish-orange called “coral”, and a deep blue.

Body-safety, care and cleaning

The Womanizer Starlet 2 sex toy in coral resting on a white sheet

The Womanizer Starlet 2 is made of hard ABS plastic with a silicone nozzle. Like all Womanizer products, this makes it completely body-safe.

The silicone nozzle is removable, so you can remove it and sterilise it in the usual ways – boiling water or a 10% bleach solution. You can also buy replacement nozzles, which are your best bet if you’re going to be sharing the toy with a partner, as it’s not really possible to use a suction toy with a barrier.

Pro tip: swirl a bit of water-based lube around the rim of the nozzle, and put some on your clit too. Lube makes everything better!

Controls & Settings

The Starlet 2 has four possible speeds. This is far fewer than the higher-end models: the Classic has 8 speeds, and the Premium has a massive 12.

The Womanizer Starlet 2 sex toy in coral on a white sheet

Honestly, I think for most people, 4 speeds is probably enough? They’re not as finely graded as they could be, true, but they allow for a steady increase in intensity. But I’m aware I am saying that as someone whose usual play-style with toys is “whack it on the top setting and leave it there.”

The controls are two simple buttons: On/Up and Off/Down. No complaints here – they’re sensibly located in the centre of the main body of the toy, and they’re easy to press. If anything, the Off/Down button could do with being a bit bigger – it’s smaller than the Up button and I see no good reason for this. Overall, though, I’ll give the Starlet 2 points for simple and sensible controls.

So was the Starlet 2 a rising star?

I had high hopes for this toy after my amazing experiences with the Premium and the Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40. Unfortunately, it just really missed the mark for me in practice.

Due to the shape, and how little the nozzle sticks out from the body of the toy, I found it almost impossible to get the right angle against my body. I tried holding the toy in multiple different ways, but all of them either left a gap between part of the nozzle and my body (thus meaning my clit got much less stimulation) or required contorting my hand/arm in uncomfortable ways. A longer handle and a more pronounced nozzle would go a long way to mitigating this issue.

I also really noticed the relative lack of power at the higher settings, compared to other suction toys.

I tried this toy three times, and was not able to orgasm with it on any occasion.

So do I recommend it?

Unfortunately I don’t. I was hopeful about the Starlet 2, but it didn’t live up to expectations for me at all. It’s not egregiously bad or anything, but I was left unimpressed and I doubt I’ll use it again. I recommend splashing out another £30 if you can and getting the Womanizer/Lovehoney Pro40 instead, which is just so much better.

Thanks to Womanizer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are my own and images are by me. Please use the affiliate links within this post if you want to make a purchase; commission helps to keep this site going!

[Toy Review] Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 Clitoral Stimulator

A quick PSA before we start: I’ve revamped my Patreon! There are new tiers (named after types of coffee because of course,) new rewards, and plans for lots of exciting content in the near future! Please check it out and support me if you can.

Many of you may remember from a a while back that I am a Womanizer convert! The Premium was just so damn good. So when I heard that Womanizer had teamed up with Lovehoney to produce a toy together, how could I resist giving the Pro40 a go?

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

Are all suction-based simulators broadly the same?

I’ve been wondering this as I try more of them. And my answer is… sort of. All the air suction based clitoral toys I’ve tried have been, in many ways, remarkably similar. Each one has slightly different features, of course, and some certainly work better for my body than others. But if you like one you’ll probably like a lot of them, and if you hate the sensation of one then you’ll (probably) dislike most of them. They’ve certainly got better over the years (the first time I tried one I did not see what all the hype was about!)

But broadly speaking, one suction-based clitoral stimulator feels very similar to the next. Luckily, the sensation they provide is one that I absolutely love. My clit gets overstimulated easily with direct contact, so the gentle caressing sensation is perfect for me. These things, if I’m in the right headspace, can give me full body, clutching-at-the-sheets-and-trying-not-to-wake-the-neighbours orgasms.

With that said, how did the Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 stack up?

The Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 is a one-off collaboration between these two companies. It uses Womanizer’s signature Pleasure Air technology, which stimulates the clitoris via rapid pulses of air. These types of clitoral stimulators can be a godsend for those who find that vibrators often make them feel numb. (They do not, however, feel like oral sex! Whatever the hype says, I will die on this hill.)

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy in my hand on the background of a white bedsheet.

I’ll be honest: a lot of the time I’ll try a suction toy, review it, and then shove it in a drawer and not bother with it again for months. I fucking love this one, though. I’ve been reaching for it again and again lately, long after all the necessary testing sessions for this review were complete. It’s just really, really good.

Important bits…

The Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 has an ABS plastic body and uses silicone nozzles. This makes it completely body-safe. The nozzles are also removable, which is convenient when it comes to cleaning. Just pull the nozzle off, sterilise it in boiling water or a 10% bleach solution, pop it back on and you’re good to go! You can also buy replacement heads , should you need to.

You can’t really use a barrier with a suction toy, so I suggest swapping out the heads between users if you’re sharing with a partner. As ever, water-based lube is recommended – I find swiping a bit of lube around the rim of the nozzle makes the whole experience feel so much better.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

The Pro40 is fully waterproof, and is rechargeable via the included USB cable. The battery life is great – I’ve had over 3 hours use out of a single charge.

Price and Aesthetics

The plastic body of the Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 is a pretty mix of black and rose-gold. (The latter of which seems to be VERY trendy for sex toys right now.) It comes packaged in Lovehoney’s distinctive style, with just a shade of Womanizer luxury thrown on top. This toy, and its packaging, lacks the high-end feel of some of Womanizer’s other recent products, but nontheless has a sleek, stylish vibe.

At £99.99, it’s far from a cheap toy, but is more wallet-friendly than the pricier Classic, and the eye-wateringly expensive Duo and Premium.

Ease of use

The Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 is around 6.5 inches long and pleasingly light to hold. Ergonomics-wise, this one is a huge win for me. I have found some suction-based toys cumbersome to hold or difficult to position, but this one feels comfortable in my small hand and fits against my body like a dream. It helps that the nozzle also sticks out a good distance from the body of the toy, making it much easier to angle it effectively against my clit.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

It also has easy, intuitive controls. There’s an on/off button, and +/- speed buttons and… that’s it. The buttons are easy to press, sensibly located on the main body of the toy, large enough, and well spaced out. The only thing that could improve the controls would be to have the +/- signs on the buttons raised, so that the user could easily feel which was which without having to look.

Settings & volume

The Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 has six levels of intensity. It also has – praise the sex toy gods – No Fucking Patterns!

This toy is pretty quiet on the lower levels, but does get quite loud when you turn it up to full power. Not as loud as a wand, but definitely louder than your average vibrator. So you’ll want to bear that in mind if discretion is important to you.

Overall, do I recommend it?

Yes. I adore this toy! I was so surprised by how good it was, and how well it stacked up against more expensive models. Fully endorsed with the C&K Stamp of Approval.

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links are used within this post and send a small commission my way if you make a purchase. Images are by me.

[Toy Review] The Godemiche Offbeat

I’ve been sitting on this one for a long damn time, in part because it took us so long to get to actually testing it. But after giving it a second trial run this morning, I am ready to tell you all about the Offbeat, from Godemiche.

It’s no secret that I fucking love Godemiche. This UK-based team run by husband-and-wife duo Adam and Monika have been making gorgeous, hand-poured silicone dildos for a number of years now… and now they’ve branched out into penis toys as well! (And yes, their marketing copy refers to the Offbeat as a “toy for the penis”, not a “toy for men” – hooray! I wish all companies would go this inclusive route).

The Godemiche Offbeat sitting on a red laptop keyboard.

Let’s go OffBeat…

The OffBeat is a tube-shaped silicone masturbator sleeve. Inside it has a simple bobble texture, while the outside has a gentle ripple. Each one has the company name stamped along the rim at the bottom, and the “G” Godemiche logo on the side. Each OffBeat comes in its own little storage tub – it looks like a miniature poster tube. This useful addition makes for easy and hygienic storage.

The Godemiche Offbeat lying on my desk

Sizes and colours and customising, oh my!

OffBeat comes in two sizes: Grande is 5cm in length, and Venti is 10cm in length. (And those who understand will know why these size names made me laugh!) Both sizes are 3cm in diameter. We received the longer Venti version for review. Even this larger size is compact and lightweight. Easy to throw in your bag for a date or a filthy weekend away!

Which size you pick is up to your preferences. If you prefer plenty of concentrated stimulation around the head of your penis, I suggest going for the smaller Grande. Godemiche point out that the Grande is also a great companion to oral sex. Simply tease the head of the penis for a while, then slide the Grande down the shaft and use it to stimulate the base of the penis while giving your partner head, simulating the feeling of a deeper blowjob. The longer Venti, on the other hand, is ideal if you prefer longer strokes and plenty of up-and-down motion. If you’re looking for something that comes closer to simulating penetration, you definitely want to go for the Venti.

The Godemiche Offbeat on a green carpet

One of my favourite things about Godemiche is the sheer variety of colours and styles on offer. Whatever colour toy you want, they can probably make it for you! I have a one-of-a-kind bi pride Ambit that I bought in a charity auction and it’s one of my favourite toys ever. I also bought a gorgeous red Adam in their last sale and I’m lusting HARD after this turquoise glittery Ambit.

The OffBeat currently comes in 6 standard colours, 8 fabulously bright UV colours, and 12 gorgeous pearlescent colours. Ours is pearlescent gold and it’s absolutely beautiful.

A refreshing body-safe offering

Sex toy options for people with penises are often woefully lacking. This is gradually changing as awesome companies like Hot Octopuss, Fun Factory and now Godemiche start offering brilliant cock toys. Unfortunately, most of the strokers on the market are still made of porous and sometimes toxic materials such as jelly, rubber, PVC, TPE/TPR and the notoriously vague “Realistic Feel”.

So of course I am delighted that the OffBeat is made of 100% silicone. This means it is completely body-safe: non-toxic and non-porous.

The Godemiche Offbeat on a purple dildo sticking to some black bathroom wall tiles
Featured Stunt Dildo is the Lovehoney 7 Inch Suction Cup Silicone Dildo

To clean your OffBeat after use, turn it inside out and wash it thoroughly with warm water and gentle soap. Take extra care to ensure that no fluids remain trapped between the bobbles. You can also sterilise your stroker by sticking it in a pan of boiling water for 10 minutes, or running it through the dishwasher in the top rack.

If you want to share the toy with a non fluid-bonded partner, it’s easy to give it a wash between uses or you can just wear a condom, which shouldn’t impede the toy’s performance in any way.

For maximum comfort and pleasure, use a good quality water-based lube. I recommend slathering plenty of lube inside the stroker and also putting some directly on your penis.

So how does it feel?

Now, obviously I don’t have a dick, so I turned to my trusty stunt-cock Mr CK to help me out with this one. His reaction when I lubed up the toy and slid it onto his cock was instantaneous. Apparently the bobbles on the inside of the toy provided a good amount of friction and sensation without needing to grip very hard at all. This may make it a good choice for people who find gripping hard during masturbation difficult, such as those who suffer from pain in their hands. I certainly found it made pleasuring him for a decent length of time easier.

The Godemiche Offbeat on the side of a bath, around a purple dildo

Mr CK also explained that one of the things he likes about this toy is that it is so simple but really makes masturbation feel substantially different from usual. He likened it to the difference between wanking with your dominant vs non-dominant hand, or the difference between masturbating yourself and having someone else do it for you. Basically, if you’re looking to change up your usual masturbation routine, grab yourself one of these!

The gentle ripple shape of the outside of the sleeve means it sits comfortably in the hand, a finger in each dip. We also tried the toy with me pleasuring him with it, and found this was equally true whichever of us was doing the work.

Size-wise, this is a flexible toy. It stretches well and then “hugs” the penis once it’s inside, so would suit a wide variety of penis lengths and girths.

An absolute hit. I think this one is going to live in the “easy access basket” for things we use all the time.

(The Easy Access Basket just needs its own damn post, doesn’t it?)

Do we recommend it?

We really like this toy! It’s simple, highly effective, body-safe, affordable and should suit a wide range of bodies.

OffBeat retails for £25 for the Venti size directly from Godemiche. The smaller Grande size is £20.

Thanks to Godemiche for sending us the OffBeat in exchange for an honest review. All views in this post are our own and images were taken by me. This post contains a couple of affiliate links, which send a small commission my way when you buy from them. Links to Godemiche are non-affiliated.

[Toy Review] Womanizer Duo

Did you know that some of my sex blogging work is funded through my wonderful patrons on Patreon? Joining me there now to get some cool perks. Now on to the review…

I am very, very picky when it comes to dual stimulation toys. (That is, toys that stimulate the clitoris and G-spot at the same time – rabbit vibes are the most classic example). Most of them simply don’t work that well for me. But just occasionally, one will come along that blows my expectations out of the water. Enter Womanizer Duo.

Double the Fun?

The Womanizer Duo in its box

Womanizer are a high-end sex toy brand with high-end prices to match. The absolute cheapest model, the Womanizer Starlet, will set you back £59.99. This model, their most expensive yet, retails for £179.99 (or $219 for my American friends!) Due to cost, I never bought a Womanizer product – I wasn’t willing to drop that kind of money on a toy that I wasn’t sure would work for me. But then Womanizer kindly sent me their new Premium model to review, and I was a total convert. So I jumped at the chance to try the Duo.

The Womanizer Duo is looks a bit like a classic rabbit vibrator, only instead of the rabbit “ears”, the smaller arm sports one of Womanizer’s patented Pleasure Air clitoral simulators.

The Womanizer Duo in its box

At 9 inches in length, this is a pretty hefty toy. However, the insertable length is a more manageable 5″ and the widest part is 1.4″ in diameter. The toy is fully waterproof, and rechargeable via USB. You get around 2 hours play for a 2 hour charge, so not a bad battery life. The Womanizer Duo comes in two colours, black or a lovely dark red they call “bordeaux” (fancy!) Both have a gold coloured accents at the base.

What’s in the box?

I’ll say this for Womanizer, they really go for it with the “luxury” feel to their toys. Even the packaging looks and feels expensive, stylishly designed with an image of billowing black fabric on the box. It kind of reminds me of the kind of packaging you get on high-end perfume!

Inside, you will find:

  • Your toy, of course
  • Two silicone heads for the clitoral stimulator, different sizes to suit different bodies
  • The magnetic charging cable
  • A useful satin storage bag, which is also super cute – it has a little mini flogger on the drawstring and a gold coloured Womanizer charm.
  • An instruction booklet in various languages
Accessories that come with the Womanizer Duo
The Womanizer Duo's storage pouch

Once you’ve taken this all out you’ll realise there’s a LOT of packaging to throw out, but at least it’s all recyclable!

Safety First

The Womanizer Duo is made of smooth silicone, which is super soft and luxurious to the touch as well as being phthalate-free, non-porous and body safe. Yay silicone! It is the greatest sex toy material, bar none, and this is the hill I will die on.

Clean your toy using gentle soap and warm water – as it’s waterproof, you can submerge it. You can also sterilise it more thoroughly with a sterile medical wipe or a 10% bleach solution.

If you’re sharing your toy, you can use a condom over the internal arm. I really, really like that Womanizer include changeable nozzles with their toys – not only does it make clean-up a breeze, it also means you can simply switch nozzles if different people are using the toy in a single session. You can also buy replacement nozzles if you happen to lose one or just think it’d be useful to have spares.

As ever, use a good quality water-based lube. Pro tip: as well as using lube on the internal arm, dab a bit on the nozzle of the clitoral stimulator.

Settings & Functions

A relevant piece of information about me when it comes to my experience with this toy: I do not like internal vibrations. At all. I find them uncomfortable, unpleasant and occasionally even painful. I am willing to concede that there may be an internal vibrator I like, but I haven’t found it yet. This is why I like dual-stim toys that have a thrusting mechanism or a “come hither” motion.

With that said, let’s have a look at the Womanizer Duo’s different settings.

The Womanizer Duo has six buttons in total. The on/off button is located at the base of the toy towards the back, just above the magnetic charging pins. The other five buttons are located on the front of the toy, below the clitoral stimulator. The top middle of these buttons changes the vibration pattern, then there are two pairs of buttons. The top set controls the vibrating internal arm, and the bottom set controls the clitoral stimulator, with “increase” and “decrease” options for each.

I won’t lie, the control mechanism takes a little getting used to, simply because there are six separate buttons and a lot going on. However, the buttons are easy to press and in an intuitive position: I hold the toy in my left hand and use my thumb to press the controls when I use it.

Remember what I said just now about not liking internal vibrations? Well, the saving grace of this product for me is the fact that the internal vibrator and the clitoral stimulator are controlled completely separately! This means the internal arm can fill me up and press against my G-spot (good!) while the clitoral stimulator works its magic, and I don’t have to deal with the unwanted vibrations!

The Womanizer Duo has 12 levels of intensity for each arm, and the internal vibrator has 10 different patterns as well. This means that hundreds of different combinations are possible and you can tailor your experience to exactly what you want.

This toy, like the Womanizer Premium, also has the very cool “smart silence” feature. This means that the toy will only switch on when it close contact with your body. In other words, if someone barges in on you, just lift the toy off your body and…. no sound! It also means there is zero chance of this toy accidentally switching itself on in your luggage.

How did I like it?

It took a bit of experimentation to get this toy to work for me. As I said, the controls are a little complex until you get the hang of it. But once I’d got that sorted and found a setting that worked for me… goddamn, I love this toy!

It is NOT a “get off very quickly then go to sleep” type of toy. This one is definitely a “slow and sensual build up” product. But sometimes that’s exactly what you want. Every single time I’ve used this toy, I’ve had a long, delicious build that has led to an incredible orgasm.

So do I recommend it?

Yes. But…

This toy is, let’s be honest, very expensive. Which is absolutely fine – I’m very pro luxury toys if you can afford the price tag. I wouldn’t suggest the Womanizer Duo as either your first dual stimulation toy or your first suction toy, for one simple reason: dual stim toys don’t work for everyone, and suction toys don’t work for everyone. So try cheaper versions of these types of products before you splash out nearly £200.

Try the Womanizer Starlet for a more affordable introduction to suction toys, and a Happy Rabbit to see if dual-stim toys are your jam.

But if you like suction, and you like dual stim, go for it – this lovely toy is the best of both worlds!

Thanks to Womanizer for providing me with this product to review. All views are, as always, my own. Shopping using my affiliate links helps me to keep doing this work by sending a small commission my way.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Power Flower

I came home from my holiday a couple weeks ago to several parcels. One of which was an unexpected treasure-trove from Satisfyer, containing not one, not two, but SEVEN (7) new vibrators. My cup, or something, runneth over. Anyhow. It seems Satisfyer have moved on from just creating suction-based toys, and are now doing a line of more classic vibrators too.

Given the lackluster nature of Satisfyer’s other recent offering (I say lackluster as if I myself didn’t refer to this product as “the worst designed sex toy I have ever had the misfortune to encounter,”) I wasn’t altogether hopeful when it came to testing these out.

That’s why the Power Flower, the first one I pulled out to test on account of its interesting shape, was SUCH a surprise.

This toy is fucking awesome, folks.

Let’s back up a bit and look at some specifics…

The Power Flower is a red silicone vibrator, with a split tip that divides into three “petals”. Like a flower, get it? These petals “flutter” when the vibe is turned on.

The Satisfyer Power Flower viewed from above.

The Power Flower boasts an ergonomic loop-style handle, which fits really well with my small hands. The loop size is 1″ x 1.3″, and I can comfortably fit 2 fingers through it. The toy is 7.5″ in total length (4.75″ insertable, should you choose to do that), and 1.5″ wide at the widest point. It’s fully waterproof and USB rechargeable.

It operates on a simple three-button interface: On/Off, Up, Down. There are six levels of intensity and six different patterns. The buttons are easy to press and the interface is intuitive. The ability to click up or down through settings (rather than having to loop all the way around) is very much appreciated.

The buttons of the Satisfyer Power Flower

Keeping things clean & safe…

This toy is, of course, completely body-safe. The shaft and petals are made entirely of smooth, phthalate-free, non-porous silicone, and part of the handle is made of ABS plastic (also a body-safe material).

The one downside of this shape is the difficulty that cleaning it can present. Bodily fluids and bacteria can easily get trapped between the petals or in the little “dip” between them. So take extra care when cleaning your Flower! This toy is waterproof, so you can either dunk it in a 10% bleach solution or use a sterile medical wipe, followed by warm water and gentle soap, to get it clean.

Due to its shape, you also can’t really effectively use a barrier with this toy. So if you’re sharing it with a non fluid-bonded partner, please make sure it gets a really thorough clean between uses!

The Power Flower in use…

I honestly cannot overstate how much I loved this toy!

I was a bit intimidated to use it with no warm-up (my clit is picky and easily over-stimulated!) So I warmed up with a standard vibrator (a lovely offering from Rocks Off, since I know you were wondering – review coming soon!) and then got down to business with the Power Flower.

Friends, I orgasmed in less than a minute and immediately took to Twitter to be like “FUCKING HELL BUY THIS TOY.”

Okay, let’s back up a bit and talk about how it actually felt. Remember that “Nuzzle Tip” attachment I gushed about months ago? Well, this is sort of like a somewhat gentler version of that. The petals surround your clitoris and, well, flutter against it as they vibrate. As someone who finds direct and very pinpoint clitoral contact uncomfortable (hence why I didn’t like the famed Zumio,) this was an incredible sensation for me. Because it gets the hood, sides and whole area surrounding the clit, it basically encases the whole area in pleasure.

If you’re into very pinpoint stimulation, this toy may not do it for you. But if something a little more indirect is your jam, get your hands (and bits) on one of these!

Great for cocks too!

This toy came out for a second go during a play session with Mr CK. (Having your partner use this toy on your clit during penetrative play – recommend!) He had the bright idea to see how it worked on a cock.

He literally placed the end of the toy over the head of his penis so that the petals were surrounding the head (they’re quite flexible so you can do this!) The reaction when he turned the toy on was… intense and immediate. So, though this toy is designed for vulvas, it’s also a great option if vibrations around the head of your penis are a pleasurable thing for you.

Mr CK did not orgasm from this toy on this occasion but says he feels as though he probably could, with sufficient warm-up.

So do I recommend it?

Oh my god, yes. This toy has gained one of the rare and coveted “basically lives by my bed” spots.

The Power Flower retails for $49.99 and is available from Peepshow Toys or SheVibe. I have not yet found a UK-based company stocking it.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this toy to review. All opinions are, as ever, my own. Please use the affiliate links contained in this post, which sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you!

[Wearable Review] Lovehoney Elixir Luxury Lingerie Set

[Update 30/01/20: the Elixir lingerie ranges have now been discontinued. I have removed dead links but this post is left up for reference.]

Has anyone else noticed that Lovehoney are on fire with their awesome lingerie offerings lately? I’m not surprised after meeting their wonderful and skilled designer at the recent blogger day – she makes it her mission to find the most beautiful fabrics and use them to create gorgeous pieces for all bodies.

The suspender belt from the Elixir lingerie setI originally asked for this set in black, but they didn’t have any black sets left for review. Bright red and gold feels a bit much for me, being the shy retiring creature that I am [1]. Still, it’s good to get out of one’s comfort zone, isn’t it? So red it was.

[1] Except when the catsuit of joy comes out.

There’s a lot of pieces to this one…

The Elixir set is four separate pieces:

  • A long-line bra, with padded cups and velvety straps and framing detail.
  • Crotchless knickers.
  • A suspender belt with four velvety suspender straps.
  • Wrist cuffs joined with a delicate gold chain.

Note that stockings are not included, so you’ll need to buy those separately. I recommend these red thigh-highs. Perhaps pair with killer heels to complete the look?

Glamour and luxury

I was put off red lingerie years ago because so much of what’s out there is just so… tacky? This is not that.

The fabric is a bright, luscious red and shot through with flecks of gold. The gold just makes the whole set feel so luxurious and high-end – it really feels like it should be much more expensive than it is. Each piece is also adorned with a cute little charm in the shape of the Lovehoney heart logo.

I also love the slightly kinky aesthetic that comes from the cuffs. They are purely for decoration – the chain is extremely thin and the lace is delicate. Don’t try to pull against them or use them for restraint as you’ll damage them.

How does it fit?

Fit is always a bit difficult when it comes to lingerie, because we all have such different proportions. Lovehoney provide handy sizing charts on all their lingerie so you can work out which size is best for you. And if you’re, say, a medium on top but a large on bottom, just get in touch and they’ll help you out if they can.

The Elixir set is available in S/M/L and also in Plus Size, so will fit anyone from size 6 to 24.

I’m currently wearing a UK 14/16 (and occasionally 18, it’s a bit brand-dependent) so after some deliberation I got the Large. The fit is not perfect but pretty good. The bra covers my 38DD boobs pretty well, and the knickers are a great fit. The suspender belt was a bit small on me and didn’t sit properly on my body as a result, but I’m an hourglass shape with big hips so this makes sense.

A question of comfort

I mean, it’s sexy lingerie. It’s not particularly supposed to be comfortable! That said, this set is designed with maximum possible comfort as well as aesthetic in mind. The lace is super soft – not scratchy at all. So though I wouldn’t wear it all day, it’s surprisingly comfortable when compared to other, similar items on the market. I could happily spend an evening out at the club – or in with my partner – wearing it!

Making you feel great

I struggle with body-image. I’ve written about this before, if you’d like to read (CWs for weight, body shame and diets in linked posts). In short, I really struggle to feel good about my body or to feel sexy – and a lot of the time, I hide behind jeans and jumpers and baggy loose clothes. I avoided lingerie for a long time out of the vague feeling that it’s not really for me or my overweight body.

Sex blogging has forced me to dip a toe in to trying lingerie – can’t easily write about it if I don’t try it, now can I? And Lovehoney’s pieces consistently make me feel gorgeous when I put them on. The designs work for a wide range of bodies, not just the proportions of a mainstream lingerie model, and they make a wide range of women and femme folks feel look and feel beautiful.

A great sexy gift?

Christmas is coming up! (As if you’d forgotten). Could this set be a lovely gift for the special femme in your life? Or just a special treat for yourself? The colour scheme is delightfully festive.

The entire Elixir range is currently on sale at 20% off, so you can pick up this gorgeous set for just £35.99. And, if you order before the end of 21 December, there’s still time for delivery before Christmas!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the red Elixir luxury lingerie set to review. All views my own. All pictures by me. If you make a purchase, please use my affiliate links and send some commission my way at no extra cost to you. 

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Metallic Classic Magic Wand

I’m definitely not above acquiring a new version of a sex toy that I already own, if the company re-releases it in better colours. Look, I’ve got to live up to my #Sparklefemme goals, okay!? So when I first saw Lovehoney’s new twist on their Classic Magic Wand vibrator way back in summer, I knew I needed it in my life. Thankfully, my pals at Lovehoney HQ were able to hook me up.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

The Classic Wand… but SHINY!

The Metallic Classic Magic Wand is a new spin on Lovehoney’s bestselling Classic Wand. It’s a mains powered (UK plug!) multi-speed wand vibrator. It’s visually gorgeous. You all know I’m not super into pink toys, but the pink-fading-to-purple is definitely an aesthetic I can get behind.

Like most wand toys, it’s pretty hefty. The Metallic Wand is 32 inches in total length, with a 7.5″ circumference head. That said, it’s not excessively heavy for its size and level of power. The cable is a useful 1.8m long, so plugging in isn’t an issue if you don’t have outlets right next to your bed.

That scroll wheel tho!

One of the things I’ve always appreciated about the Lovehoney wands over other designs is the scroll-wheel control. It makes it so easy to change the vibration speed really quickly, with no annoying button pressing. It also means you can be super precise about the level of power you want.

This simple and easy user interface is something other toy designers could learn from. Also, bonus: this toy has no “patterns”! Just simple, steady vibration. Bliss.

New silicone head!

Apart from the aesthetic, this is the main change this version of the Classic Wand has gone through as far as I can tell. The head is now silicone! (Previously it was PVC, which was a bit grey-area for me in terms of body safety). I’m so glad they’ve made this change – silicone is none-porous, phthalate-free and 100% body-safe, so you can use your wand with confidence.

Clean your wand head with a body-safe sterile wipe and then a warm damp cloth. Being mains-powered, it is not waterproof and should not get wet! You can stretch a large condom over the head of your wand if you want to be extra cautious, or if you’re sharing in a non-fluid-bonded relationship. Water-based lube is recommended.

Did it match up, power wise?

You all know by now that I fucking love mains-powered wands. They’re my favourite types of toy, hands down. I love them because they’re just so damn powerful compared with literally anything else. Though this wand isn’t the absolutely most powerful on the market (that honour goes to the Doxy) it’s still very impressively strong and will be powerful enough to satisfy the vast majority of users. I can get off with it quickly and efficiently. The vibration is a little buzzy at higher settings, so I prefer it a speed or two below maximum.

The only downside is the noise

This isn’t the noisiest toy on the market by any stretch. However, the noise it makes is less of a low rumble and more of a higher-pitched whirr, which for some reason I found super distracting! I managed to mitigate the issue somewhat by using it under the blanket, but it’s definitely something to be aware of if you’re sensitive to noise. Wand vibrators are never going to be whisper-quiet, but the type of sound this one made was bothersome to me.

So do I recommend it?

Yeah, I really do. Wands are for everyone! They’re so often lumped in the category of “for women” but actually they’re great regardless of gender or anatomy. They’re obviously brilliant for clits but that’s not where the fun stops. Penis owner? Press your wand against the underside or head of your cock, or invest in a simple attachment for all-over buzz. Wands are also great for partnered sex – place it between you during P-in-V intercourse, or take turns getting each other off with it. You can even use it to give each other sensual back or full-body massages. And don’t forget you can get all kinds of attachments for your wand, making it a truly versatile investment.

The Metallic Classic Magic Wand retails for £49.99 ($69.99), putting it at the more affordable end of the spectrum for a body-safe, powerful wand.

What are you waiting for? Go buy one for the femme in your life. Even if the femme in your life is you!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Metallic Classic Magic Wand to review. All opinions, as ever, my own. Buying through my affiliate links sends me a small commission at no extra cost to you and helps keep the blog going. Images are by me.