I’ve only ever been called an “influencer” once and to be honest, friends, it made my teeth itch. I never set out to be an influencer, and ultimately the only thing I want to “influence” anyone to do is to have healthier, happier sex lives and more fulfilling relationships. That may or may not include buying quality sexual wellness or pleasure products. And today I’m going to be deinfluencing you from buying a bunch of shit you don’t need.
Settle in, get comfy, and grab a beverage, because this one got long.
I’m tremendously grateful, of course, to all the brands and business owners that have trusted me to test, review, and promote their products and to everyone who has ever used my affiliate links to make a purchase. Those deals and the money I make from them help me to keep the site going and pay my bills But my first duty is and will always be to my readers.
I promised right at the beginning of Coffee & Kink that I would never lie, deliberately omit pertinent information, or promote things I hadn’t tried or didn’t believe in. I’m proud to have stuck to that philosophy for more than 8 years.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this “deinfluencing you” trend that I’m seeing all over the various social media platforms, particularly Instagram and TikTok. In a nutshell, deinfluencing is all about the things you don’t need to buy. It’s about encouraging people to be more mindful about the products they buy, avoiding both overhyped nonsense that doesn’t work and micro-trends that will be used a handful of times and end up in landfill by this time next year.
Done right, deinfluencing can help to reduce overconsumption, reduce waste, and save money.
What I haven’t seen yet, though, is any deinfluencing content specifically related to sexual wellness products. So I thought I’d create some.
Deinfluencing You: 6 Sexual Wellness and Pleasure Products You Do Not Need
First, a quick disclaimer: this is ultimately my opinion. If you’ve bought any of these products and found that they changed your sex life for the better, you do you! I’m happy for you. The point of this isn’t to say these products are inherently bad (though some of them are). The point is to get you to look past the marketing hype and consider whether they’ll actually be beneficial to you.
So what pleasure and sexual wellness products do you not need? Here are six I’d like to deinfluence you from buying.
Sex Toy Cleaner
Dedicated “toy cleaner” for sex toys is a scam, and an expensive one at that. Simply put, it probably won’t hurt you but you definitely don’t need it. There’s nothing special, magical, or unique about sex toy cleaner. It’s literally a body-safe (sometimes) antibacterial spray or liquid, that’s it. If you’re using non-porous, body-safe toys, you don’t need it. If you’re using porous or toxic toys, it won’t help you.
You can safely skip the toy cleaner and save money by learning how to clean your toys quickly and easily without it. Here’s the TL/DR version of a few ways to do it:
Boil silicone, glass, or stainless steel non-motorized toys in a pot of water on the stove for 10 minutes.
Clean ABS plastic toys and water-resistant motorized toys with some warm water and a gentle antibacterial soap.
For everything else, or for a quick clean-up between uses, a body-safe sterile wipe (the kind you can buy in bulk designed for cleaning medical instruments) is a great option.
Anything to Change How Your Genitals Taste, Smell, or Look
Though no-one is immune, these types of products and services are disproportionately marketed at people with vulvas. There is an enormous and hugely profitable industry out there designed to make you feel bad about the appearance, smell, or taste of your genitals. This category covers everything from sprays, creams, douches, and intimate washes through to supplements and even extreme solutions such as cosmetic surgeries.
But here’s the thing: pussy is supposed to smell and taste like pussy. Not flowers or honey or fucking cookies. And healthy, normal genitals come in numerous shapes, sizes, colours, textures, levels of symmetry, amounts and types of hair, and more. I want to deinfluence you not just from buying bogus products, but from thinking there is a single thing wrong with your beautiful, perfect genitals exactly as they are.
At best, anything designed to change the smell or taste of your genitals is unlikely to work for longer than a few minutes. At worst, these products can be actively dangerous. Many of them contain harmful ingredients which can disrupt the delicate balance of bacteria, throw off your pH levels, and lead to discomfort or even infection.
The amazing thing about the vagina is that it’s self-cleaning. You don’t need to – and shouldn’t – put any products inside it at all. The external vulva needs nothing more than a daily wash with some warm water to keep it clean. Some experts say to use a gentle and unperfumed soap, others say to avoid soaps entirely.
Short of surgery, you also can’t change how your genitals look. And you don’t need to! Your bits don’t need to be bigger, smaller, tighter, plumper, skinnier, neater, or any other bullshit you’ve been fed. They’re perfect exactly as they are. Anyone who shames or criticises you for the normal look, feel, taste, or smell of your genitals doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near your glorious body.
Scented or Flavoured Lube (Especially Seasonal Flavoured Lube)
I’m a big fan of lube. I probably have about ten or fifteen bottles of the stuff scattered around my bedroom, in my party kit, in my various travel bags for visiting my long-distance girlfriend, and in my “to be reviewed” pile. I believe lube can help to make mediocre sex good, and good sex great.
Flavoured lube, though?
No. That stuff can fuck off.
Flavoured lube is often packed with ingredients such as glycerin and other sweeteners, flavourings and fragrances. All of these can be really bad for vulvovaginal health. It also tends to have an unpleasant sticky texture.
And again: genitals are meant to smell and taste like genitals. Not strawberry. Not bubblegum. And certainly not any “seasonal” flavours, like that caramel latte stuff I reviewed once and then forgot about and ultimately threw away two years later because, even though it was less gross than many such products, I still don’t actually want my/my partners’ bits to taste of coffee and sugar.
While I’m deinfluencing you from buying flavoured lubes, I think we also need an honourable mention for flavoured condoms.I can sort of see the appeal of them if you’re someone who uses barriers for oral sex. Latex tastes nasty, after all. But in my considered opinion, those horrible artificial flavours taste worse. Pro tip: choose non-latex condoms made from materials like polyurethane (PU) condoms, and go for the non-lubricated variety, to minimise the taste and smell.
Libido or Arousal Supplements
Libido-boosting supplements and arousal supplements are big business. Manufacturers of these products make lofty claims, but do they work? Probably not, says Harvard Medical School. Some of these products may contain ingredients for which there is some evidence base, but at best they’re a helping hand, not a magic solution. Often, they’re pure pseudoscience.
Sometimes, libido supplements they can even be dangerous. They can cause unforseen side effects, allergic reactions, or interactions with other prescription or over-the-counter medication. If you’re going to try one, always consult a healthcare professional first. My ultimate recommendation, though, is to avoid these products unless you’re specifically directed to take one by your doctor.
Why? They’re a neat and easy “solution” to a complex issue which may or may not even be a problem at all.
Sexual desire (it’s not a drive!) is complex. Many people do not experience spontaneous desire (that “out of the blue” horniness or desire for sex, without any kind of sexually relevant stimulus) at all. Others experience it rarely, or find that its frequency declines with age. And some experience it all the time! All of these experiences are normal and healthy.
If your sexual desire is low, whether it’s always been low or has dipped recently, you don’t need scammy pills and potions. Instead, you need to take the time to understand what’s going on for you. Factors such as ageing, hormonal changes, pain, disability, stress, mental health problems, pregnancy and parenting, caring responsibilities, relationship challenges, and bereavement are just a few of the things that can impact sexual desire and sexual response. You might also be on the asexual spectrum or just a person with naturally low sexual desire. If your level of desire or lack thereof is not causing a problem for you, then… it’s not a problem!
Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Areand its accompanying workbook is an unbeatable resource for anyone who is struggling with sexual desire. It’s primarily about the experiences of cis women and other people with vulvas, but Nagoski’s insights and the science underpinning them can be transformative for anyone. It’ll cost you a lot less than a packet of “libido-boosting supplements” and it’ll likely help you a hell of a lot more. (I might be deinfluencing you from buying crappy sexual wellness products, but I’m very happy to influence you into reading and internalising the brilliance of Dr. Nagoski!)
Note: what I’m not talking about in this section is pleasure balm, clitoral stimulation cream and so on. You apply these topically and they contain ingredients that stimulate blood flow or provide a pleasurable tingling sensation. I’m a big fan of these products and to the best of my knowledge, believe them to be safe.
Numbing Lubes, Sprays, and Creams
Numbling lubes, as well as other products such as sprays and creams, contain desensitising ingredients such as lidocaine or benzocaine. They’re particularly popular for anal sex. Some people also use them to delay ejaculation.
This is another product that isn’t just bad and a waste of money, it’s dangerous.
Never, ever, ever use a numbling agent for any kind of penetrative sex, whether anal or vaginal. Sex should not hurt. Yes, including anal sex – this is one of the biggest and most harmful anal sex myths there is. Yes, including the first time you have penetrative sex. If sex is painful, something is wrong. You might not be sufficiently aroused or lubricated. You might be tense or worried. Or there might be an underlying medical cause.
Regardless of the reason, numbing the area so you don’t feel the pain isn’t the answer. Pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong. Without its vital signals, you literally won’t be able to tell if damage is happening to your delicate tissue. Sex should never be something you have to push through or numb your body to get through.
Though it’s not as dangerous, I’d also like to deinfluence you from using numbing agents to delay ejaculation. Firstly, they reduce pleasure, which is likely one of the main reasons you’re having sex in the first place. Some people experience unwanted side effects such as redness, irritation, or even an allergic reaction. They can also transfer to your partner during penetrative sex, numbing or causing irritation to their vagina or anus.
If you’re tempted to reach for the numbing lube or spray, whether to deal with painful sex or to manage ejaculation that’s faster than you would like, seek support from a qualified medical professional such as a doctor or psychosexual therapist instead.
Yoni Eggs, Quartz Wands, and Other Crystal Sex Toys
Remember those “jade eggs” that Gwynneth Paltrow’s company, Goop, was selling a few years back? The company ended up paying $145,000 in fines for “unsubstantiated” marketing claims. Goop claimed that its jade eggs and quartz eggs could correct all kinds of medical issues, from hormonal imbalances to irregular mentrual cycles. Spoiler: they couldn’t.
Yoni eggs are egg-shaped pleasure products, designed to be inserted into the vagina. They’re usually made from gems such as jade or rose quartz. Other, similar products include quartz wands, which are basically dildos made from rose quartz. Proponents claim that these products have an array of impressive benefits, from altering hormones to healing sexual trauma. Spoiler: they don’t.
Some claims about crystal sex toys are readily disprovable with, you know, science. Others are so vague and wishy-washy as to be functionally meaningless. “As for ‘female energy’… I’m a gynaecologist and I don’t know what that is,” quips the amazing Dr. Jen Gunter.
Say it with me: crystals look pretty but they have absolutely no other powers or properties. Sorry pals, but I’m here to tell you that these things are absolute, solid gold, grade A bullshit. It’s pure woo nonsense made up to sell you things. And if you put crystals inside your body, they can also be dangerous.
Firstly, crystals are often porous. This means they will harbour bacteria and never get truly clean, leading to issues such as infections. This is a particular risk for products such as yoni eggs, which are designed to be worn inside the vagina for hours at a time. Some gynecologists have even identified them as a risk for toxic shock syndrome, which can be fatal.
Stones and crystals vary widely in both their porosity and their overall quality. Because the sex toy industry is largely unregulated, it can be hard to be sure that what you’re getting is what the manufacturer claims it is. That’s why writers, educators, and advocates like me are constantly banging on about how you should only buy from reputable retailers. This risk goes up massively when you’re dealing with things like crystals.
Crystal mining can also be harmful to the environment and to the people who actually dig these stones out of the ground. According to solicitor Rebecca Swan, writing for UK law firm Leigh Day, crystal mining can come with a steep human cost: injury, death, child labour, and economic exploitation. According to Tess McClure, writing for The Guardian, crystal mining is contributing directly to rainforest destruction and threatening the survival of endangered species. Some activists have even called crystals “the new blood diamonds.”
Not so “healing”, huh? If these facts don’t deinfluence you from being tempted by crystal pleasure products, I don’t know what will.
Leave the crystals alone. Your body and the planet will thank you.
I hope this has given you pause for thought if you were considering buying any of these products, which vary from “unnecessary and expensive” to “actively dangerous.” If I think of other sexual wellness and pleasure products you definitely don’t need, I might follow this up with a part 2.
Looking for pleasure products that are good for your body from companies you can trust? Check out my favourite retailers in the right hand sidebar or read my sex toy reviews for an unbiased and informed perspective.
It’s that time of year again when I do a day-by-day unboxing of the Lovehoney Advent Calendar for couples! Lovehoney UK is offering three advent calendars this year: a 12-day version and a 24-day version in partnership with Womanizer, as well as the Amorana Deluxe 24-day calendar which contains over £1100 worth of products. In the US, the 24-day version is the only one currently available.
I received the Lovehoney x Womanizer 24-day advent calendar. Straight away, I will say that I like the presentation of this Lovehoney advent calendar much more than previousiterations. The products are packaged in little individually labelled cardboard boxes in festive red and gold, rather than the tear-off doors that start to look a little scruffy when you’re a few days in. There’s also no plastic inner tray, cutting down on single-use plastic to make the whole thing more eco-friendly.
For the next 24 days, I’ll open one door each day and tell you a little about the item inside in a mini review with product info, pros and cons.
Without further ado, let’s dive into Day 1, shall we?
Day #1: Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
Like previous iterations of the Lovehoney Advent Calendar, this one begins with a rechargeable bullet vibrator. This time, it’s a pretty rose gold colour with black button and Lovehoney insignia.
Light and compact – ideal for sliding between bodies during partnered sex or throwing into your bag for a sexy date
Surprisingly decent level of power for its size and price-point, and the hard plastic transmits the vibrations well
Versatile – designed for clits but great for penises, balls, nipples, and all kinds of other erogenous zones too (don’t use it anally, though, as it doesn’t have a suitable base)
Cons
Unlike many Lovehoney toys, it does not arrive with any charge so you’ll need to plug it in before you use it. This can ruin the mood if you’re aiming for an “unbox and use straight away” vibe.
A little more buzzy than I would prefer
Single button interface is kind of annoying when there are so many settings
Verdict
Once again, a solid basic bullet vibrator to kick things off. I would prefer it to be a bit more rumbly, but for the size and price-point it’s decent.
Day #2: Lube and Toy Wipes
Door #2 contains two items: a 60ml tube of Womanizer water-based lubricant and a packet of 10 Lovehoney toy cleaning wipes.
Pros
The biodegradable wipes are eco-friendly
The handy travel sizes are ideal for taking with you on a date or weekend away
Both products are compatible with all toy materials including silicone
The lube has a nice, fairly thin and runny consistency that flows and spreads well
The lube is virtually scent-free and flavourless
Cons
The lube contains glycerin as the second ingredient. Experts believe that glycerin can damage the vagina’s mucus membranes and raise the osmolality of a lube, increasing the risk of irritation or even infection. Claims that glycerin contributes to yeast infections are somewhat controversial and hotly debated. However, experts at Stanford OB/GYN and the Cleveland Clinic believe there is a risk. Personally, I avoid glycerin-containing lubes for the sake of my vaginal health. They also tend to have an unpleasant sticky or tacky feeling after a while.
The toy wipes will clean your toy and should not be taken as a substitute for properly sterilizing it, especially if you are sharing it with a partner or partners.
Verdict
I like this combination of two miniature products together, but I would like to see the lube swapped out with one that doesn’t contain glycerin.
Day #3: Silicone Textured Dildo
Today’s box revealed a bright red silicone dildo with a curved shaft, gentle rippling texture on the underside, and slightly pronounced head. It also has a suction cup base and a hollow space where you can insert the bullet vibrator from Day 1.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Scarlet red
Body safe? Yes, silicone is body-safe and non-porous
Waterproof: Yes, there is no motor and the material is non-porous so you can safely use this toy in water
Size: 6″ length, 1.2″ diameter at widest point
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Sterile wipe, warm water and antibacterial soap, or boiling
Lovely curve, ideal for targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation
Large base makes the toy anal safe
Works with or without the bullet vibe from Day 1 (or any suitably sized bullet in your collection)
Texturing adds additional internal stimulation
Cons
Bullet vibe has a tendency to get stuck and be hard to remove (pro tip: lube it first!)
Base is too small for the toy to be harness-compatible
Verdict
A great basic textured dildo! These kits are really aimed at people who are newer to toys/sexual exploration, and this item’s thoughtful design and small-ish size make it ideal for a first dildo. I would like to see a slightly larger base to make it harness-compatible, though.
Day #4: TPE Penis Stroker
Day 4’s box contains a TPE penis stroker, complete with a slot along the side to add the bullet vibrator from Day 1 (or any other bullet in your collection) if you want to.
Body safe? Ish. TPE is generally non-toxic but it is porous, which means it will harbour bacteria and cannot be fully sterilised. Don’t share it and don’t expect it to last forever. I recommend upgrading to a silicone stroker when you can.
Waterproof: Yes, you can use this toy in water safely, though it may damage the material more quickly.
Size: 4″ length but stretchy
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Warm water and antibacterial soap. Dusting the toy with a little cornstarch after cleaning and drying may help to extend its life.
A decent introduction to strokers if you’ve never used one before
Ability to use with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, transforming it into a vibrating stroker
Very stretchy to accommodate most penis sizes
Nice internal texturing that hugs and stimulates the entire shaft of your penis
Cons
Weird powdery texture that feels horrible on my hands
Material cannot be fully sterilised
Unlikely to last long
Verdict
It’s fine for what it is, but I would much prefer it were made of a non-porous material like silicone. Again: if you like the sensation, upgrade to a silicone stroker for a toy that will last you a lifetime and be far more hygienic.
Day #5: Kink Blindfold
Sensory deprivation can be a lot of fun to play with. By taking away one or more of the senses (such as sight) you heighten the others (such as touch). It can also be a great way to enhance anticipation, play with power and control, or otherwise explore whatever aspects of kink and BDSM appeal to you.
Today’s advent calendar box contains a kink blindfold. Made of polyester and with a pretty black and rose gold pattern, this blindfold measures 7″ across and 2.5″ top to bottom. A similar item retails for £7.99 if bought separately.
Pros
Stretchy elastic means the blindfold will fit most users
Plushy padded backing is comfortable to wear
Pretty black and rose gold design
Doubles as a sleep mask (I have several of these now and as a seasoned kinkster I rarely use them for BDSM as I have better blindfolds, but I always take one with me when I travel to help me sleep)
Cons
Not quite big enough – it blocks most of the light effectively but I can still see around the edges a bit if I keep my eyes open
Cheap fabric is starting to pull at the edges and look less attractive after just a few wears
I’m not sure how well it would survive washing
Verdict
A perfectly serviceable basic blindfold if you just want to play but aren’t looking for complete sight deprivation. It would be better if it was slightly wider. If you enjoy playing with this, then it’s easy to upgrade to a better kink blindfold that will last you longer and block more of your vision.
Day #6: Crystal Butt Plug
Box #6 contains an aluminium metal butt plug with a sparkly red crystal-look base.
Product Info
Material: Aluminium
Colour: Rose gold body with a red gem base
Body safe? Generally yes; aluminium is a non-toxic and non-porous metal that is safe for use in sex toys. However, some aluminium can contain traces of nickel so I’d be very cautious if you are allergic.
Waterproof: Yes, you can use this toy in water with no issues.
Size: 3″ in total length, 1.1″ in diameter at widest insertable point
Cleaning: Sterile wipe, 10% bleach solution, or warm water and antibacterial soap. I wouldn’t boil this one or put it in the dishwasher as it might damage the glue holding the gem in place.
RRP if bought as a single item:This similar toy retails for £22.99
Pros
Surprisingly light – aluminium is a lot lighter than stainless steel, making it a more accessible entry point for metal toys
The rose gold body and red crystal colour scheme is really pretty
Great for temperature play – just pop it in the fridge or run it under some warm (not hot) water right before use
Small size likely to make it suitable for more users
Cons
In general, I think a metal anal toy in a set aimed at beginners is a bold choice. I might have gone for silicone instead.
The firm rounded base might dig in after you’ve been wearing it for a while and could be uncomfortable
Verdict
A nice little metal plug; personally I would have gone for silicone if I were designing this kit, but as entry-level metal anal toys go this is a decent one. The pretty colour and sparkly crystal make it super cute, too.
Day #7: Vanilla Massage Oil
Day 7’s box contains a 30ml bottle of Lovehoney’s vanilla massage oil. Massage can be a great precursor to sex, a way to connect intimately and show love and affection to a partner without getting your genitals involved, or a form of aftercare. For those in kinky dynamics, it can also be a fun form of service!
Product Info
This vanilla massage oil contains just four ingredients:
Ethylhexyl palmite: A common and safe emollient and carrying agent which can soften and smooth the skin.
Caprylic/capric triglyceride: Derived from coconut oil and glycerine, this antioxidant also smooths the skin and helps to bind other ingredients. It is safe for topical use unless you have a coconut oil allergy.
Isopropyl myristate: An emollient with low viscosity which softens, smooths, and moisturises the skin and is safe and beneficial for most users. It may cause skin irritation in a small minority of people, usually those with existing skin conditions.
Parfum (aroma): This is a weird one. “Parfum” isn’t actually an ingredient but a concoction that could contain any of over 3000 ingredients designed to make a product smell good. Some people recommend avoiding products with this mystery mix, others say it’s probably fine as long as you don’t have an allergy or sensitivity. Personally I don’t worry about it too much for products for occasional topical use (such as massage oils), but your risk tolerance may vary.
This oil is also sold separately under Lovehoney’s Fifty Shades of Grey branded products and retails for £11.99 for 30ml.
Pros
Nice vanilla smell, distinctive but not overpowering or too “chemically”
Glides on smoothly and has a pleasant skin feel
Cons
Dries out quickly and doesn’t last particularly well, meaning you might need to reapply it regularly
May be unsuitable for those with fragrance sensitivities or certain skin allergies
Leaves a slight oily feeling on my hands after use
Verdict
Not my favourite massage oil, but it’s fine. I wouldn’t likely buy this again as there are other massage products I like a lot more.
Day #8: Wrist Restraints
Today’s box contains a pair of velcro-shut wrist cuffs with plastic hardware. The cuffs are black, and the hardware is rose gold, matching various other items in this set. I’ll say this for Lovehoney and Womanizer, they have their aesthetic cohesion down.
Pros
I will say straight away that these are a huge step up from the 2021 calendar’s “wrist restraints” (glorified ribbons and frankly pretty dangerous) and from 2022’s uncomfortable rough cuffs. These ones are made of a soft material that feels nice against the skin.
Other pros include:
Velcro fastenings come undone in seconds, enhancing safety and making them beginner-friendly
Very adjustable so will fit just about anyone
Attached clips allow you to cuff someone’s hands together or clip them to something else
Cons
Clips are tiny, so what you can fasten them to is pretty limited
Not particularly strong – the hardware feels like it would break if you pulled against them too hard
When you fasten them tighter, there’s nowhere for the spare velcro to be tucked so it just sort of… dangles
Verdict
You might be sending a theme in my overall impression of this kit: these cuffs aren’t amazing, but they’re fine. If you want to play with light bedroom bondage or try out getting restrained for the first time, they’re ideal. If you’re looking for something a bit more heavy-duty, though, you’ll probably want to upgrade to leather cuffs (or vegan equivalent) or go to a dedicated kink gear maker.
Day #9: We-Vibe Sync Lite
The We-Vibe Sync Light is a wearable vibrator designed to be inserted into the vagina during penetrative sex, with an external arm that provides clitoral stimulation. Of course, as always, there are lots of different ways to use toys and the suggested way is just one of them!
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: No – toy is IPX-4 splashproof but should not be submerged
Middling power vibrations – they’re not knock-your-socks-off, but they’re decent
Flexible middle between the two arms allows you to position the toy in whatever way is most comfortable for your body
App controls! I did not expect to find an app-controlled toy in this kit but I am very pleasantly surprised. We-Vibe’s app is free from the Android or iOS stores and allows you to connect at close range or remotely from anywhere in the world.
Cons
No remote control, which is a downside if you don’t want to use the app
Single button interface on the body of the toy is kind of annoying
Not waterproof
In my experience, these toys don’t generally stay in place well during partnered sex without someone holding them in position
Verdict
This is a really impressive addition to the kit! These types of toys are normally seriously pricey, so this is a great introduction for those who are curious about trying one. The app controls are also a really nice extra, particularly for couples who want to connect sexually over long distance.
Day #10: Silicone Cock Ring
Today’s item is a basic silicone thick cock ring. Cock rings are worn around the base of the penis, restricting blood flow outwards to help the wearer maintain a stronger erection for longer. Some also say they heighten sensation and intensify orgasm.
According to Healthline, cock rings are safe for the vast majority of wearers as long as you listen to your body, wear a ring of a suitable size, and follow some basic precautions, such as using lube and not leaving the ring on for more than 30 minutes at a time.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes – silicone is non-porous and non-toxic.
Waterproof: Yes, this toy is non-porous and has no motor so can safely be used in water
Size: 1.5″ diameter but stretchy
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Boiling, a 10% bleach solution, a sterile wipe, or warm water and antibacterial soap
May be uncomfortably tight on those with very girthy penises
Verdict
Not much more to say on this one – a great basic cock ring that is also body-safe and should be durable and long-lasting.
Day #11: Spanking Paddle
Today’s item is a mini spanking paddle with a pretty black and rose gold design matching other items in the kit. It’s made of silky satin on one side and faux leather on the other, and has a ribbon wrist loop. It measures 9″ in total length.
Very safe as an intro toy for impact play beginners – you’re very unlikely to do anyone real damage with this
Slightly different sensation from each of the two sides (the leather side is a little more stingy)
Impressive slappy noise which is hot to some people
Cons
Unlikely to satisfy anyone who enjoys more than very mild pain
Loud noise may be problematic if you have to keep your play discreet
Not particularly robust, will probably fall apart after a bit
Verdict
This is a perfectly okay spanking paddle for total beginners. It’s gentle enough to be safe and non-threatening, and might be a decent way to figure out if impact play is something you enjoy. It’s unlikely to satisfy serious BDSM enthusiasts but honestly, serious BDSM enthusiasts aren’t the target market for this kit anyway.
Today it’s literally the card game “Snap” but as a sex position card game. Is the idea that you play the game and then when you get a “snap”, you have to have sex in that position? Because YKINMKBYKIOK and all, but that doesn’t sound sexy to me.
Also, they should really rename this as “Sex Position Card Game For Very Athletic Straight People.” Because seriously, look at them. They all assume, to a greater or lesser extent, a cisgender man and woman having penetrative vaginal sex. Some of them are fine, if fairly generic. Some are potentially doable, if you’re very fit, like “The Wheelbarrow”:
Others are… well, this:
Stop it, Lovehoney. You’re being silly now.
Pros
Potentially a fun, goofy and low-pressure way into exploring new positions, I guess?
Calls to mind this scene from The Bold Type in which our three bestie protagonists test out a new sex position for Scarlet Magazine.
Some of these, at least, could potentially work for strap-on sex or anal sex (at least if you made some minor adjustments) as well as vaginal sex.
Cons
A lot of these are just fairly standard positions that most people who have penetrative sex likely already have in their repertoire.
The others are, as we have identified above, anything from “improbable if you’re not an athlete” to “physically im-fucking-possible.”
Extremely cishetero and gendered
Verdict
You might get a little inspiration from this, or at the very least you’ll have a laugh trying out some of the more challenging positions. Overall, though, I don’t know why we’re still pretending that contorting yourself into all kinds of weird shapes is superior to or hotter than good old missionary, doggy style, or over-the-edge-of-the-bed fucking.
Day #13: G-Spot/P-Spot Massager
Today’s product is a G-Spot/P-Spot Massager. In other words, a penetrative toy that can be used to stimulate either the G-spot or the prostate. It has an optional slot to insert a bullet vibrator such as the one from Day 1.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes (though if you’re using a vibrator with it, make sure that’s waterproof too!)
Size: 4″ insertable length, 1.4″ diameter at widest point
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, boiling, or gentle antibacterial soap and water
RRP if bought as a single item: N/A – not available
Pros
Suitable and safe for both vaginal and anal use
Can be used with or without a vibrator
Very flexible, which can help with insertion and comfortable positioning
Bulbed head for precision stimulation of the G-spot or prostate
Narrow neck allows it to sit comfortably once inserted
Beginner-friendly size
Cons
None that I can see!
Verdict
This is a lovely item and a great inclusion in the kit. It’s good to see items that are suitable for people regardless of their body or genital type, the shape and curve are excellent, and the size isn’t too intimidating for those who are new to anal play.
Day #14: Menthol Pleasure Balm
Today’s item is a 7g tin of Lovehoney’s menthol pleasure balm. This item isn’t sold separately in this form but it’s pretty similar to the Bliss Orgasm Balm, which I love and use regularly.
Product Info
In a nutshell, pleasure balm or orgasm balm is designed to be applied to the external genitals, especially the clitoris. The ingredients provide a tingling sensation and may encourage blood flow, promoting greater sensitivity.
The Menthol Pleasure Balm contains a pretty long list of ingredients, but most of them give me no cause for concern. It does contain propylparaben, and some people like to avoid parabens entirely for understandable reasons. However, according to a report by the Scientific Committee on Consumer Safety, “the SCCS has concluded that propylparaben is safe when used as a preservative in cosmetic products up to a maximum concentration of 0.14%.” I’m not a scientist, of course, but I would conclude from this data that the tiny amount in this product is unlikely to do you any harm.
Unfortunately this balm contains beeswax, so it is not vegan.
Pros
7g doesn’t sound like a very big tin, but you really don’t need a lot to get the effects so you’ll get a good few uses out of this
Genuinely works! I have had several tins of this stuff over the years and I love it. It really does enhance sensitivity (it’s not a magic orgasm spell, though, so keep your expectations realistic!)
Some of the plant-based oils and other ingredients may have beneficial properties for skin
Cons
Not vegan due to beeswax
Oily consistency can make clean-up a bit annoying
Strong minty scent may be unpleasant to some people
Verdict
I still really like this stuff, though I think personally I’ll be sticking to the vegan, paraben-free version.
Day #15: Plastic Massager
Today’s item is a handheld plastic massager. It’s red and sparkly, and has a central handle and then four arms each with a spherical bulb on the end to get deep into all those muscles and knots. On its own, this item retails for £5.99.
Pros
Light weight and ergonomic design make it comfortable to hold and use
Great way to give a deeper massage, especially if your hands or wrists get tired or sore
Flexible options – use one, two, or all four ends at once for different sensations
Really good for getting properly into sore muscles!
Basically zero maintenance – just wash off excess massage oil after use and you’re good to go
Cons
Because it’s hard plastic, you need to be a little bit careful – you could possibly hurt someone if you press too hard. We’re not talking “serious injury” here, but maybe “nasty bruise.”
Verdict
I really like this one. And it’s sparkly, which never hurts my opinion of a product!
Day #16: Micro Wand Vibrator
Today’s product is a micro wand vibrator. Look how tiny it is!
Product Info
Material: Plastic body. I thought the head material was probably silicone but wasn’t 100% sure, so I flame-tested it and based on what I know about deciphering flame test results I think I’m correct
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes, assuming it is indeed silicone
Waterproof: No
Size: 4.5″ in total length
Speeds/patterns: 3 speeds, 7 patterns
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Wipe the head with a body-safe sterile wipe (do not submerge this toy in water)
Easy user interface and satisfyingly clicky buttons
Cons
Requires batteries, which are not included (2 x AAA)
Not waterproof
Vibrations not particularly powerful
Buzzy as fuck
Verdict
I think people see “wand vibrator” and assume that it’s going to be powerful. But this isn’t a wand in any meaningful sense. This is a wand. This tiny little thing, though, is just a crappy vibrator with a weak and buzzy motor designed to look like a micro version of a wand.
I already have something very similar from a previous calendar, and it’s often within reach because it does wonders for my sore neck when I’ve been sitting at the computer for too long. Partners have also really enjoyed having it used on them.
Day #17: Dice Sex Game
Today’s box contains a simple dice sex game. One dice includes pictures of items from the calendar (stroker, bullet vibe, paddle, mini wand, dildo, and massager). The other contains timeframes ranging from 1 minute to 15 minutes, plus a “free” option.
Pros
Can be a fun, low-pressure way into exploring with a partner if you are new and nervous about using toys or experimenting sexually
You can use the dice in different ways. I’m immediately thinking of a game where you roll the “implement” die three times and then have to come up with a quick scene that incorporates all three elements.
Cons
Things can end up feeling unbalanced if you follow the game too rigidly. If one person gets 15 minutes of something then the other rolls one minute, it’s probably not going to feel very mutual. Of course, you can get around this by creating “house rules” or just ensuring everyone gets roughly equal time (or whatever they want/need) even if you’re switching between different activities.
Verdict
Not really my thing, but perfectly fine for its intended audience.
Day #18: Ankle Restraints
Remember those velcro-fastening wrist cuffs from Day 8? Well, today’s box containd the matching set of ankle restraints. These, too, are black with rose gold hardware and come with a clip to fasten them together.
Pros
Like the wrist cuffs, they’re a huge step up from the rough nylon cuffs and those unsafe ribbon things from previous years
Soft and comfy to wear
Safe and beginner-friendly as you can unfasten them in a second
Very adjustable sizing
Cons
The clips are tiny and not very strong
Annoying dangling velcro strap when they’re on
Mostly, I’m just annoyed that these were a separate item. All four cuffs should have been in the same box as they’re clearly a set.
Verdict
Exactly like the other half of this matching set (sensing a pattern here?) these are far from amazing, but they’re fine. They do the job if all you want to do is experiment with light bondage. If you find you enjoy it, you can always splash out on some properly made kink ankle cuffs later on.
Day #19: Kegel Balls
Day 19’s box contains a set of kegel balls, AKA ben-wa balls. Kegel balls are interesting, because there are a lot of lofty claims out there about them. They’ll solve incontinence! They’ll make your orgasms better! They might even make it easier to orgasm if you struggle!
Is any of this true?
Eh. Maybe. Check out my past posts on kegel balls and kegel exercisers, especially this one, to learn more about what the current research does and does not say.
In this post I will be approaching kegel balls solely as a sex toy designed for pleasure, not as any sort of health or wellness device.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Red balls with black casing
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ insertable length, 3.5″ tail, 1.1″ diameter across each ball
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Boiling is best as this will kill all bacteria even in hard-to-reach places
RRP if bought as a single item:This similar set retails for £12.99
Pros
Small enough for beginners
Long and strong silicone cord for easy removal
Removeable sling makes cleaning easy
Cons
None that I can find – these are great.
Verdict
An ideal introduction to kegel balls for anyone who has never tried them before.
Day #20: Rabbit Cock Ring
Day 20’s box contains a silicone cock ring with rabbit ears. This can be used with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, or on its own. When combined with the bullet vibrator, the ears can provide clitoral stimulation to the receptive partner during penetrative sex as well as stimulating the wearer. On its own, it still gives you all the benefits of using a cock ring.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 1.5″ ring diameter, 1″ ears
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Boiling, soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution
RRP if bought as a single item: Not available but this similar item retails for £24.99
Pros
Versatile toy suitable for use during masturbation or partnered sex, and with or without a vibrator
Adds clitoral stimulation, which a large majority of vulva-owners need to orgasm and which is not always forthcoming during p-in-v sex
Wide band for comfortable fit
Stretchy to accommodate different sizes
Cons
May not fit people with very girthy penises comfortably
Verdict
Realistically, this toy is not something I’m likely to use. My experience has been that vibrating cock rings during penetrative sex don’t tend to do much for me as the stimulation they provide isn’t consistent enough. But everyone’s different and it’s a perfectly fine item, just not really for me.
Day #21: Beginner Nipple Clamps
Day 21’s box contains a pair of nipple clamps. They’re made of rose gold plastic, with a little decorative lightning bolt charm and red silicone tips. The slider design allows you to loosen or tighten them as desired.
They’re cute; I like the colour and the lightning charm is a fun touch
Easy to put on and take off quickly
Adjustable to fit different nipple sizes and tightness preferences
Very gentle, which makes them suitable beginner nipple clamps
Cons
That beginner-friendly gentleness means they’re unlikely to be enough for wearers who prefer any significant pressure or intensity
Won’t fit people with larger nipples
The slider starts to rub off the coloured plating after a few uses
They don’t stay on particularly well and fall off at the slightest tug
Verdict
These are fine if you’re just after a pair of purely decorative nipple clamps or want to try something very gentle for your first time. However, they’re neither particularly functional nor particularly durable for anything more than that. If you like them or want to experiment more with nipple clamps, get a more robust pair of adjustable clamps or try clover clamps.
Day #22: Finger Vibe Sleeve
Box 22 contains a finger vibe sleeve. There’s a space to insert a bullet vibrator (such as the bullet vibe from Day 1, or any other bullet in your collection that fits) and a loop for your finger.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Red
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes (but the bullet vibrator you use with it may or may not be, so check first!)
Size: 2.5″ long sleeve for bullet, 0.5″ diameter finger loop
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Boiling, soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution
Pairs with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, allowing yet another way to use it
Offers a fun new way to explore fingering and hand sex, which I believe are wildly underrated sex acts and should be explored far more
Gentle texturing on the underside offers additional clitoral stimulation
Can reduce the physical effort of the giving partner during hand sex, which is useful if you suffer from pain or fatigue in your hands
Cons
The finger loop is tiny! It was snug on me, and I have small hands. Someone with larger hands doesn’t stand a chance using this
If your bullet vibrator isn’t super powerful, the silicone dampens the vibrations
Texturing could do with being a bit more pronounced
Verdict
This is a really nice addition to the kit at least in theory. However, it feels to me like the design was a bit rushed and basic things – is the finger loop large/stretchy enough to be comfortable, is the texturing pronounced enough to be felt by most users? – were missed.
Day #23: Under-Mattress Restraints
Today’s item is a set of under-mattress restraints with clips to attach cuffs at each corner. These four-way restraints are designed to fit under your mattress, which then anchors them in place. Use in conjunction with the wrist cuffs from Day 8 and the ankle cuffs from Day 18 for a full set of restraints.
Adjustable to use with all bed sizes, including my fabulous super-king
Great way to try bedroom bondage if you want to tie someone to the bed but don’t have a metal bed frame or other suitable hard points.
Easy to tuck them out of sight quickly if you need to without dismantling the whole set-up
Strong and sturdy material
Safe and easy introduction to bondage
Pairs with the cuffs in this set or, if you prefer, you can upgrade to better cuffs and continue using the restraint kit
Cons
I feel like the under-mattress restraints and pairs of cuffs should have been ONE item in the advent calendar, not three. Otherwise, no complaints.
Verdict
Overall, this is a great addition for the second-last day of the advent kit. I’m also pleasantly surprised to learn they will work with my giant bad, having assumed they wouldn’t. For people who are brand new to playing with bondage and restraint, they’re a safe and accessible place to start.
Day #24: Womanizer Liberty 2
Day 24’s box contains the second of this kit’s two premium products (the first being the We-Vibe Sync Lite from Day 9!) Namely, the Womanizer Liberty 2, a petite clitoral suction stimulator in a neat little travel case.
Product Info
Material: Plastic body and case, silicone nozzle
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes, IPX 7 waterproof
Size: 4.5″ total length
Speeds/patterns: 8 intensity levels
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Soap and water or a 10% bleach solution, or remove the nozzle and boil-sterilise the nozzle only
Petite size makes it light and comfortable to hold
Removeable nozzle is easy to clean
Quieter than comparable models at the highest speeds
Two-way controls
5 year warranty should anything go wrong
Cons
Buttons are not always as responsive as they could be – sometimes I have to press twice to get the speed to change
Verdict
Yes yes yes yes. This is an excellent product and a great note to finish on! Honestly, as long as you like at least a few of the other things at least somewhat, this toy kinda makes the value of the entire kit.
Phew. And we’re done! Will I do this again next year? Probably! Until then, I’ll return you to the regular C&K content you know and love.
The Lovehoney Advent Calendar 2024 (24 Day) retails for £149 at Lovehoney UK and $199 at Lovehoney US, and contains £457/$530 worth of products! Move fast if you want one – these usually sell out by mid November.Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the this set to review. All views are mine (with occasional input from Mr C&K!) Affiliate links appear in this post.
In a nutshell, a clitoral stimulation cream (/gel/balm/oil/etc.) is a substance that you apply to the clitoris and surrounding area. The ingredients work to enhance pleasure, create additional sensations such as tingling and warming, and boost sensitivity. They’re a great tool for people who struggle with arousal difficulties or loss of sensitivity, or just for anyone who wants to experience heightened arousal or more pleasure. They also have some great potential applications in kink and BDSM scenarios, particularly around orgasm control and forced orgasm.
Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream: What’s In It?
Image: Shevibe/Vibeology
You probably know by now that when it comes to any product that goes directly on the genitals, the first place I look is the ingredients list. So what’s in Vibeology Clitoral Stimulation Cream and is it safe and body-friendly?
Purified water
Aloe Barbadensis (Aloe Vera) leaf juice: A natural and safe ingredient which also has positive skincare benefits such as hydrating and irritation-reducing
Dimethiconol: A silicone-based liquid polymer that is used as a skin conditioner and to improve viscosity in silicone-based products. As it is a large molecule, it does not penetrate the skin and is likely a safe ingredient.
Polysorbate 20: A surfactant and emulsifier which studies have determined to be safe.
Squalane: Squalene (note the spelling) is an oil that is traditionally taken from shark livers but can also be derived from plant sources. It has been a popular ingredient in skincare products for many years thanks to its hydrating and anti-inflammatory properties. Squalane is just a slightly different form of squalene. Animal-based squalane is not only cruel, but also environmentally unfriendly and unsustainable. I reached out to Vibeology’s team and their development chemist confirmed that they use plant-based squalane from olives.
Hydroxyethylcellulose: A plant-derived gelling and thickening agent that seems to be safe.
PEG-16 Macadamia glycerides: A liquid emollient derived from macadamia nut oil and considered to be safe for cosmetic use.
Mentha Piperita (peppermint) leaf oil: An essential oil derived from the peppermint plant and safe in small quantities. Provides a cooling and tingling sensation, which is why you so often see it in this type of product.
Bisabolol: A safe plant-based skin soothing extract, primarily from chamomile.
Tocopherol acetate: A pure form of Vitamin E that is safe and commonly appears in skincare products.
Zanthoyxlum Bungeanum extract: An extract from Sichuan peppers that finds use in both food and skincare and does not appear to have any negative effects.
Cucumis Sativus extract: An extract from the cucumber plant that can be soothing to the skin and also adds to the product’s scent.
Citric acid: A preservative that is harmless in small quantities.
I have no concerns about Vibeology Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream from a body-safety perspective.
Sensory Properties
Vibeology Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream comes in a small and easy-to-use pump top bottle.
This product has a noticeably lighter scent than many of the similar products I’ve tried. Some of them are almost overwhelmingly minty. So if you are sensitive to scents, this might be a good alternative to consider. It’s still minty, but it’s light and pleasant.
Initially, I really loved the feel of this cream. It feels silky-smooth and massages into my skin easily. However, I quickly noticed that it was feeling pretty sticky. After I’d applied it I was left with a tacky, oily residue on my fingers that I needed to wash off quickly.
This stuff also tastes vile. Most of the arousal gels, creams and oils I’ve tried have had a distinctive but not unpleasant taste (except that one that tasted like inhaling perfume!) For some reason, though, Vibeology Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream has a really nasty, chemically taste that I couldn’t get out of my mouth. Don’t use this for oral, is what I’m saying here.
So far, so… not great. But did it achieve the desired effect?
Does It Work?
For me? Not really.
I’ve used quite a few products like this, and they have varying levels of effectiveness. This one produced a slight tingling, but very little else and its effects wore off very quickly. I applied more, and the same thing happened. Overall, really disappointing.
Vibeology’s website claims this product is “compatible with pleasure objects,” by which I assume they mean sex toys. The presence of dimethiconol, a silicone, makes me hesitant about using it with silicone toys. With the tiny quantities you need, it’s probably fine, but I recommend doing a patch-test first so you don’t accidentally ruin your favourite silicone toy.
Due to the various oils, don’t use this one with barriers such as condoms or dams as it can degrade or damage them.
Verdict
Meh. I was underwhelmed by this one, especially after liking Vibeology’s lube so much. Unfortunately, it just… didn’t really work. I’ll be publishing a full buying guide to clitoral stimulation creams, gels and oils in the coming months, but in the interim I suggest Lovehoney Bliss Balm as an affordable and effective alternative.
Thanks to Shevibe for sending me this clitoral stimulation cream to test and review! All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping with them sends me a small commission at no additional cost to you.
Whenever I encounter a sex-related thing I haven’t tried before, I immediately want to try it (and tell my readers all about it, obviously.) That’s why, when For Play Couples’ Chocolate came across my social feed recently, I immediately fired off an email to founder Victoria to enquire about featuring them on my blog.
She was kind enough to send me some samples of her company’s products to try. We decided to publish this review today in celebration of World Chocolate Day.
Sex and chocolate are, after all, two of life’s greatest pleasures.
So What is For Play Chocolate?
For Play Chocolate came about when Victoria – a former CMO with an MBA – began to research the issue of sustaining intimacy in a long-term relationship. Drawing on research from an array of experts including Dr Karen Gurney and Emily Nagoski, PhD, she decided to create a product to “remind couples to make time for intimacy and play.”
Known variously as couples’ chocolate, sex chocolate, horny chocolate, and aphrodisiac chocolate, For Play Chocolate kits are designed to help couples to connect, get in the mood for romance, and enjoy greater levels of intimacy.
Each box of For Play Chocolates comes with six chocolates (three for each partner) and six “Play Cards”. The cards offer suggestions for erotic experiences to try, from taking a sexy shower together to experimenting with food play. There are also question prompts you can use to help you connect, reflect, and learn more about each other and your relationship.
The chocolates are labelled “His” and “Hers”, and there are boxes available for same-gender or different-gender couples. I’d love to see a non-binary or genderless version added to the range in the future, if possible.
They come beautifully packaged in sleek and stylish boxes in either pink, purple, or green. The chocolates themselves are beautiful, too, decorated with pink and bronze edible shimmer. The overall first impression is of luxury and high quality.
For Play’s products are vegan and made using ethically sourced 62% Ecuadorian dark chocolate. Their supplier is Original Beans chocolate, rated as a leading company by Chocolate Scorecard for environmental, sustainability, and labour practices.
How Does It Work?
For Play’s chocolate is super delicious, combining the sweet-bitter combo of quality dark chocolate with the infusion of subtle, natural botanical flavours. It melts smoothly in the mouth and the popping candy leaves a fun tingling sensation in its wake.
But how does it work?
Mr C&K had a long chat about this when we sampled our chocolates, and we came to the conclusion that this product works in two main ways. I’m going to call them “direct” and “indirect.”
The Direct Effects: The Science Bit
The direct way that For Play Chocolate works is through its botanical and adaptogenic ingredients. To understand this better, we need to delve into the science a little bit.
An aphrodisiac, in the most basic sense, is “a food or drug that arouses sexual instinct, brings on desire, or increases sexual pleasure or performance” (Healthline.) Numerous foods, from oysters to strawberries and even hot chilli peppers, have been alleged to be aphrodisiacs throughout history.
Another common food thought to have aphrodisiac properties? Dark chocolate.
Little to no concrete scientific evidence directly links most common aphrodisiac foods to an increase in sexual desire. However, this doesn’t mean there is nothing to the concept at all. Experts have attempted to explain aphrodisiacs’ apparent benefits through various means, from simple placebo to the sensual pleasure of consuming delicious things, the “luxury” status that society affords some of these foods, and the impact on bodily functions that play a role in sexual activity and desire (such as blood flow and dopamine release.)
Some foods and edible compounds, therefore, may play a role in sexual functioning in various ways. Let’s look at the active ingredients in For Play’s couples’ chocolate and what the research has to say about them.
Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate is rich in both antioxidants and caffeine, both of which can improve blood flow. It also contains L-arginine, which may enhance sexual responsiveness. A 2021 systematic review suggested that “l-arginine, as part of a combination product, may be considered for the treatment of women with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, regardless of age.” (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder or HSDD is, broadly, a lack of sexual desire or very low desire that causes distress or negatively impacts your life.) Consuming chocolate also triggers the release of chemicals such as endorphins and dopamine, which are associated with feelings of happiness and wellbeing.
Maca
Maca, which comes from the Peruvian maca root plant, has long been thought to boost fertility and sexual desire. One 2002 study indicated an improvement in self-perception of sexual desire in men after 8 weeks of maca use. Another pilot investigation also indicated that treatment with maca extract increased sexual desire amongst male athletes. Maca is only in For Play’s “For Him” chocolates, as there is currently more evidence for its effectiveness in (cis) men.
Ashwagandha
Ashwagandha is a herb that originated in India and has been utilised in various ways for centuries. A 2015 pilot study showed that ashwagandha root extract could improve sexual functioning in otherwise healthy cis women. Another 2022 study indicated that treatment with ashwagandha provided a “statistically significant improvement” in sexual functioning amongst women with HSDD. Ashwagandha is in For Play’s “For Her” chocolates.
Fenugreek
Fenugreek, a clover-like herb that belongs to the pea family, finds use in both cooking and herbal medicines. One study found that “Sexual function analysis for all women… found that treatment with fenugreek resulted in reported increases in sexual arousal and desire in women” (Tester, 2015.) Another double-blinded and placebo-controlled 2021 study found that fenugreek “offered significant beneficial effects to sexual problems” amongst its female participants.
Korean ginseng
Ginseng is a vasodilator, or something that opens the blood vessels. By increasing blood flow in this way, it can have sexual benefits such as helping with erectile dysfunction. A small 2002 study and a 2008 systematic review found “suggestive evidence for the effectiveness of red ginseng in treating ED.” Likewise, a placebo-controlled double blind 2010 study found that “Oral administration of KRG extracts improved sexual arousal in menopausal women.”
In a Nutshell…
A product like For Play Chocolate is a helping hand, not a magic bullet. If you’re stressed out, angry at your partner, or suffering from the sexual side effects of health problems or medication, it isn’t going to magically override all that and make you horny. No food or substance can, because human sexuality is way more complicated than that.
What its ingredients can do, though, is give your body a natural nudge in the right direction. Combined with creating the right conditions for pleasure and intimacy – which we’ll discuss more in the next section – these adaptogenic ingredients can work with your body to enhance intimacy and pleasure.
For Play notes that you should seek medical advice before using their products if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or taking any medications. And, of course, you should avoid this product if you are allergic or sensitive to any of the ingredients.
The Indirect Effects: Finding New Ways to Stay Connected
The indirect way that For Play Chocolate works is all about creating the time, space, and physical and emotional context for greater intimacy in your relationship.
Sex, after all, is mental at least as much as physical. In her life-changing book Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski writes extensively about the devastating impact that life stress, mental health challenges, lack of trust, lack of emotional safety, and feelings of pressure can have on sexual desire. To connect better with our partners and ourselves, we need to reduce stress, feel safe and seen, and make space for desire and pleasure.
Staying connected and keeping intimacy, passion, and sex going in a long-term relationship can be challenging. New relationship energy (NRE) naturally fades over time into the more comfortable, cosy warmth of long-term love. This is particularly true when you’re married or nested, your lives are very entangled, or you’re raising children together.
It is important for couples to set time aside to focus on each other and their relationship. Exploration, adventure, and trying new things can all help to keep the spark of novelty alive. With those things and a little effort, the long haul can be where the really good stuff is. There’s nothing like completely knowing someone and them knowing you inside and out, and choosing each other every day.
Using a product like For Play Couples’ Chocolate can help you to create that all-important time together. It can facilitate the conditions needed for intimacy of all kinds – including sexual, physical, and emotional – to flourish.
For Play Couples’ Chocolate is really a date night in a box. You get to set aside dedicated time for your relationship, enjoy some tasty treats together, and explore new ways of connecting. There are even some suggested Spotify playlists to help set the mood.
I found the question cards particularly great for this aspect of the experience. The question prompts sparked some interesting discussions and also plenty of laughter. Even seemingly simple questions (“What does intimacy mean to you?” was my favourite) can get you thinking and talking about things in a different way.
Verdict
I really enjoyed this product, which is far more than just a gimmick. A lot of thought and care has gone into the formulation and creation of For Play’s kits. The quality of the chocolate, ethical credentials, and beautiful presentation really elevates them, too.
For Play Chocolates retail for £28 per kit. That’s less than you’d pay for a meal in a mid-range restaurant or about what you’d pay for a couple of drinks in a nice bar. Since you only need one chocolate each time, you’ll get three experiences out of one box. And, of course, you can continue to use the cards for as long as you like.
A thoughtful (and tasty) romantic gift or a cute way to set aside a little “us time” with your partner. There’s also a 30 day satisfaction guarantee with your purchase.
Thanks to For Play Chocolate for sending me this product to test and sponsoring this review. All views are, as always, mine. Professional product images by For Play and reproduced here with permission.
I love reviewing sex toys, of course, but sometimes I find I want to do something a bit different. To that end, you’ll be seeing a few more wide-ranging reviews coming out over the next few weeks and months, starting with today’s.
I recently received a shipment from products from Aphrodisia, Bijoux Indiscrets‘ new range of scented products that includes (amongst others) a massage candle, a body mist, massage gels, and this “clitoral arousal balm” or orgasm enhancer.
What is Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer?
An orgasm enhancer is a balm or gel that you apply to your genitals – in this case, the clitoris – to increase sensitivity. At least in theory and for some people, they can improve the likelihood, speed, frequency, and intensity of orgasms.
The Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer is a water-based product that contains a long list of primarily plant-based ingredients. I Googled the ones I’m not familiar with, and they are all generally regarded as safe for cosmetic use. (Though I don’t love the use of “parfum”, which is non-specific and can refer to any combination of over 3000 ingredients. This is standard practice for cosmetics and personal care products, unfortunately.) If you have allergies or sensitivities, always check the ingredients list carefully.
In terms of active ingredients, I suspect the menthyl lactate is doing a lot of the work in this product. Derived from menthol, this ingredient is commonly used as a cooling agent in cosmetics and provides a tingly sensation when applied to the skin. This effect is particularly strong on sensitive areas much as the genitals, and the clitoris in particular.
All the products in this range are so beautifully packaged, with a black and gold colour scheme and floral motifs. Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer comes in a small tube that resembles a lipgloss or mascara and has a pump top applicator.
Like all of Bijoux’s products, the Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer is vegan.
A Word About Expectations
It’s worth pointing out that an orgasm enhancer is not a magic bullet. The right one can boost sensitivity and responsiveness and can help you to experience more intense sensations. There might even be a little bit of a placebo effect going on: you think the balm is going to help, so it does.
However, an orgasm enhancer (no matter how good) cannot overcome many of the issues that can get in the way of pleasure and orgasm – stress, anxiety, depression, body image struggles, physical pain or discomfort, lack of trust or safety in a relationship, poor communication, or sexual acts that simply don’t work for you.
All this to say, go in with realistic expectations. An orgasm enhancer isn’t going to cure all your sexual woes. What it might be able to do is help you to experience more pleasure, transform a good experience into a great one, or give you that little extra push to get over the edge of climax.
Smell, Taste and Feel
Bijoux Indiscrets’ Aphrodisia range has a distinctive scent that all the products share. I’ll be delving into this in more detail next week when I review the Body Mist from the same range. It’s a pleasant, floral-yet-sexy scent made up primarily of rose, ylang ylang, and jasmine.
I have mixed views about using something perfumed on my genitals. I’m generally averse to doing so because a lot of the ingredients that go into scents aren’t necessarily the healthiest for a vulva. You only need a tiny amount of Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer to get the effects though, and it’s only used externally, so it is probably fine. I have used it several times now and haven’t experienced any irritation or other issues.
The scent lingers long after application, so you might want to have a bath or a wash afterwards (or, honestly, just go around smelling of flowers all day – the scent is lovely enough that you absolutely can, and no-one who caught a whiff of it would know it was a sex product.)
The Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer is white in colour and has a thin texture that reminds me of water-based lube. It’s not oily or sticky, and once it is massaged in it doesn’t leave any unpleasant tacky feeling or residue.
I will say that you probably don’t want to use this stuff for oral sex. You know when you spritz on perfume and then breathe in at the wrong moment or realise your mouth was open a bit and you can sort of taste it? Yeah, it tastes like that.
So… Does It Work?
I tried the Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer at a time when I was kind of desiring pleasure and orgasm, but really struggling to actually access these things (trying to have sex or masturbate while getting through the worst heartbreak of your life is a fucking ride, y’all.)
When I applied Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer to my clit, I started noticing its effects almost immediately. Within 30 seconds there was a noticeable warming, tingling sensation. The sensation was enjoyable and pulled my attention straight to my clit. It’s not exactly a magical “instant horny” contoction, but it took my arousal level from “I feel like an orgasm might be nice in theory but I’m not sure I can be bothered” to “yes I would like to cum now please.”
The effect lasted well, meaning I did not need to reapply it. If you were having a lengthy sex or masturbation session, you might want to top it up occasionally, but you only need a little bit to get the effect.
In terms of the effect it had on my orgasm, the Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer definitely worked! It boosted my sensitivity and made me even more eager to be touched. I also found it helped me to get wet, which has been a challenge recently.
Was it a miracle cure for the intrusive thoughts that keep popping into my head when I’m trying to get off? No, of course not. But did it help me to push through and get out of my head and into my body at least a little bit. It also helped me to reach orgasm more quickly than I’ve been able to recently.
Pro tip: I find that Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer pairs particularly well with clitoral suction toys!
Verdict
If you don’t mind the noticeable floral scent, this stuff is excellent! Clitoral balms have a pretty much permanent place in my easy grab-basket of sex supplies, and this is a worthy addition to the collection.
Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me the Aphrodisia Orgasm Enhancer to try. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.
One of the fun things about being both a femme and a sex blogger at this time of year is seeing all the sweet, cutesy, pink-and-hearts-and-flowers themed products that companies are putting out for Valentine’s Day. Bijoux Indiscrets were kind enough to send me this year’s Valentine’s offering from their range: the Bubblegum Play Kit.
Bijoux Indiscrets Bubblegum Play Kit
The Bubblegum Play Kit contains three products: a warming massage oil, a full-body massage gel that doubles as a water-based lube, and a lipgloss. Each one is scented and flavoured like bubblegum. All three products, like everything in Bijoux’s range, are vegan.
The kit came packaged in a cute pink box with a heart on the front, much like the packaging you might get on a gift set of cosmetics or bath products. The overall effect, like the products themselves, is sweet to the point of saccharine. But how did the contents stack up? Let’s take a closer look at each item.
Warming Massage Oil
This isn’t really an oil in the true sense of the word. As far as I can tell, it doesn’t actually contain any oil at all. It’s really a water-based gel that warms as you massage it in. Still, we’ll call it “massage oil” to distinguish it from the other massage product in this kit.
For me, it takes about a minute to feel the massage oil warming on my skin. You’ll get a more intense warming sensation if you blow gently on it.
I found that it didn’t really blend or get fully absorbed into the skin the way some massage oils do. Instead, it tends to linger on the surface. This can be a good thing, as a little bit goes a long way and there’s no need to keep reapplying it. However, it can also be a problem if you don’t enjoy the feeling of having oil or gel lingering on your skin.
This is by far the nicest tasting of the three products. It’s very, very, very sweet, so you’ll want to know that going on. That sweetness is likely due to its first ingredient: glycerin. Due to the glycerin, I found that my hands and skin felt quite sticky after using it and I wanted to wash it off.
Stickiness aside, though, this is a fine massage gel and the sweet bubblegum taste and pink aesthetic gives it a fun and playful vibe.
You can buy this oil separately for €22/£20. It’s also available in caramel & sea salt and strawberry & honey flavours.
Full Body Massage Gel/Lube
According to Bijoux Indiscrets, this water-based massage gel can double up as an intimate lubricant. It has quite a long list of ingredients, so you’ll want to review it carefully to make sure there’s nothing you’re sensitive to.
I can’t see anything alarming in the ingredients, but I’m also not enough of an expert to declare them all definitely fine. At the very least this gel/lube contains no glycerin or parabens, though it does contain “Aroma” (artificial fragrance/flavour) which is not very specific and can include any number of things.
I do quite like the feeling of this one. It’s somewhere between a thick liquid and a thin gel, and it spreads across the skin nicely and lasts well. However, unlike the massage oil, this gel tastes really unpleasant to me. Instead of sweetness, it’s got a horrible chemical-y taste. I’m quite sensitive to artificial sweeteners and I can really, really taste them in this.
I probably won’t finish this one, honestly. I’m “meh” on flavoured lubes at best to begin with and this isn’t a nice tasting one.
Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss
This lip gloss is more subtly flavoured than the other two products in the set, but still has a distinctive bubblegum flavour. It’s not quite as sweet as the massage oil (which is probably a good thing for a product that goes directly on your mouth!)
After you apply it, you start getting a tingling sensation thanks to the peppermint oil it contains. I think, based on the name, the idea is that you put it on and then perform oral sex with it. I haven’t had the opportunity to try that but I did try putting a bit on my vulva, just to see what the effect would be. It gave a kinda pleasurable tingly, warming feeling a bit like a warming lube or menthol pleasure balm. So that effect might translate if you used it during oral?
The warming and tingling is really noticeable on my lips, to the point that it becomes uncomfortable if I use too much. You really only need a little bit of this one.
This lipgloss lasts well and gives a nice glossy shine. It’s a little sticky, which wasn’t a problem once it was on but made applying it with my fingers annoying. A brush or wand would be better than the pump top bottle.
Verdict
I generally liked two out of the three products in this kit and will definitely finish them. However, at €60/£54 it’s pretty pricey for what it is. For that reason I don’t think I’d buy it again.
If you have a femme in your life who really likes pink things and bubblegum, though, it could be a cute and sensual Valentine’s Day gift.
Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me this product to review! All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.
I recently received Lovehoney’s Ultimate Sex Position Enhancer Set, a two-piece set comprising a sex position wedge and ramp. Instead of doing a straightforward review, I thought I’d do something a little different and tell you about a few different ways you can use items like this.
Sex furniture and sex position aids are having a moment in a big way, and I’ve been wanting to try some for ages. Turns out they are both enormous (Mr C&K when this thing arrived in a comically huge box: “Amy, where on EARTH are you going to keep it!?”) and surprisingly versatile.
Lovehoney Ultimate Sex Position Enhancer Set
This set consists of two pieces, a wedge and a ramp, that can be used together or separately. Both are 24″ wide, with the ramp measuring 34″ in length and 12″ in height and the wedge measuring 14″ in length and 7″ in height. Again: I did not fully grasp how huge these things are. Think very carefully before purchasing if you live in a tiny apartment or don’t have anywhere to store them!
The cushions are made of a firm and supportive foam, and covered with a micro-velvet cover that is fluid proof, removeable, and washable. So if you get sex fluids or lube all over it, just whip the cover off and wash it on a normal cycle in the washing machine. The exterior is also soft and non-slippery. I wish they came in a colour other than grey, but at least it’s fairly unobtrusive and will blend in with your decor.
This is perhaps the most obvious use for a piece of sex furniture such as a sex position wedge. It is, presumably, what they were originally designed for. But whether you’re having penis-in-vagina, anal, or strap-on sex, a sex position wedge or ramp can make it easier and more comfortable to get into all kinds of positions.
I hear they can be particularly good for missionary position vaginal sex, raising the receiver’s hips to allow for deeper penetration and more precise G-spot stimulation. They’re also great for legs-up positions and for cushioning the knees during receiver-on-top positions.
Make Oral Sex Easier
Do you love going down on your partner for hours but find that neck strain is an issue for you? Yeah, me too (I often use the edge of the bed for this reason, which can work well.) But a positioning aid can be a game changer in this area.
A sex position wedge under the receiver’s hips can make their genitals more accessible and make it more comfortable for the giver. That way, you can lick or suck for as long as you like in absolute comfort.
Get Comfy During Masturbation
Do you ever find it difficult to get comfortable in one position while you’re masturbating, particularly during a long session or if it takes you a while to get off? If so, try using your sex position wedge or ramp to experiment with different positions.
Personally, I find reclining on the ramp while using the wedge to prop up my upper back and neck supremely comfy. Your mileage may vary, of course.
Have Sex on the Floor… In Style
Sometimes you just want to get all primal and fuck on the floor… but then find the idea is better in theory than in practice. Carpet burn or hard wooden floors against your knees? No thanks. But get the ramp and wedge out, and suddenly you’ve got a ready made sex couch wherever you want to put it!
Use It as a Toy Mount
If you enjoy grinding toys, a sex position wedge can make an ideal toy mount. I find the wedge works particularly well with my Godemiche Grind Pads and Vibe Pads. Just fasten them to the wedge with the straps provided, position it underneath you, and you’re good to go.
Of course, you can also get creative with all kinds of sex toys. If you can find a way to hold it in place (I recommend those same straps or a length of rope,) the wedge also works brilliantly as a wand mount.
Bonus: Use It For Totally Unsexy Things
Mine is currently propping up a wet mattress in my guest room while it dries out. It’s… a long story.
Thanks to Lovehoney for supplying me with the product featured in this post to share with you all. All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post. Product images: Lovehoney.
Once again, my lovely pals at Lovehoney have sent me their advent calendar for couples, this year created in partnership with Womanizer. And once again, I’m going to be opening a door a day and telling you about the products inside.
This kit, as the name implies, is aimed at “couples”, which assumes one penis-owner and one vulva-owner. There are several other adult advent calendars for couples in the range including 12 day toy calendars for different types of bodies and a 7 day lingerie calendar.
I’m going to try a slightly different format this year as I review this kit: giving you some basic product info, some pros and cons, and a quick final verdict on each product.
Day 1: Bullet Vibrator
Product Info
Material: ABS plastic
Colour: Shiny gold with a black Lovehoney heart insignia.
Small enough to slide between bodies during penetrative sex other activities
Versatile and suitable for a wide range of body parts
Cons
A little more buzzy than I would like
Only one button, making it a little annoying to select the pattern you want
Verdict
A decent, basic bullet vibrator. Unlikely to satisfy serious power fans or those who really need rumbles, but otherwise perfectly serviceable and does what it says on the tin.
Day 2: Ribbed Penis Stroker
Product Info
Material: TPE, I think
Colour: Translucent white
Body safe? Kinda. TPE isn’t toxic but it is porous and will harbour bacteria
Waterproof: Yes, submersible
Size: 4″ in length, very stretchy
Lube compatible: Yes, water-based only
Cleaning: Gentle soap and warm water. Please note that TPE can be washed but cannot be sterilised
Pros
Small pocket in the side, allowing you to insert yesterday’s bullet vibrator (or any bullet vibe of your choice)
Soft, squishy feeling material
Very stretchy, making it suitable for the vast majority of dick sizes
Nice internal texturing
Cons
Material cannot be fully sterilised due to its porous nature
Material is already starting to tear around the holes
Likely only good for a few uses
Verdict
An okay stroker for a few uses, or for a beginner to find out if this is a sensation they enjoy. It won’t last long, though, so if you enjoy using it I recommend upgrading to a silicone stroker ASAP.
Day 3: Wrist Restraints
Product Info
Material: Polypropylene with plastic hardwear
Colour: Black with gold clips
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: No
Size: Each cuff is 14″ in total length
Cleaning: Wipe clean if necessary
Pros
Highly adjustable to fit the vast majority of people
Velcro fastenings are quick to undo, making them safe and beginner-friendly
Can be clipped together using the attached gold clips
Cons
Material isn’t particularly soft so not very comfortable for long-term wear
Not very strong so only suitable for light bondage activities
Verdict
These are a very basic set of cuffs. They’re serviceable for complete beginners and very light bondage, and may help you to discover whether being restrained or restraining your partner is something you enjoy. If you do, though, consider upgrading to a set of proper bondage cuffs if you can.
Day 4: Mint Orgasm Balm
This product, very similar to Lovehoney’s Bliss Orgasm Balm (a surprising winner and a fave I return to again and again) is designed to be applied to external erogenous zones such as the clit and nipples. The menthol provides a cooling, tingling sensation that brings additional bloodflow to the area and increases sensitivity.
Product Info
Packaging: A small gold tin with black detailing
Body-safe? Yes, as long as you’re not allergic/sensitive to any of the ingredients
Vegan? Unfortunately not, as it contains beeswax
Safe for use in water: Yes
Clean-up: You’ll need to use plenty of soap and warm water as this is an oil-based product
Pros
Really does enhance pleasure – the extra sensitivity is glorious
Great for an all-day tease or kinky edging/orgasm control games.
A little goes a long way
Cons
Oily consistency makes clean-up a little annoying
Strong minty scent can linger even after washing
Verdict
Having tried variations on this product previously (including in last year’s calendar), I’m not at all surprised to say that today’s item is a hit. I really love this stuff.
Day 5: G-Spot Dildo
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Purple
Body safe? Yes, silicone is phthalate-free and non-porous
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 5″ insertable length, 1.59″ diameter at widest point
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Lovely curve, ideal for targeting the G-spot
Soft silicone with a firm head
Has a slot in the base to insert the bullet vibe from day 1 (or any bullet vibrator)
Flared base for anal safety
Cons
Bullet can get kinda stuck if you accidentally wedge it in too far
Base isn’t quite wide enough to use with a harness
Verdict
This is a lovely little dildo. Body-safe, a non-threatening size (suitable for the less experienced toy users this calendar is really aimed at), and suitable for use with or without a vibrator. If I was going to make one change, I’d make the base a little wider to make it harness-compatible for strap-on sex.
Day 6: Thick Cock Ring
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes, silicone is phthalate-free and non-porous
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Soft, body-safe silicone
Thick cock ring design makes it comfortable to wear
Super stretchy to accommodate the vast majority of penis sizes
Comes with a useful (multilingual) safety guide
Cons
None – this is a great basic toy.
Verdict
An excellent basic cock ring. No criticisms here; it’s body-safe, will fit the vast majority of users, and should last for years if you look after it.
Day 7: Blindfold
Product Info
Material: Polyester
Colour: Black with gold detailing
Waterproof: No
Size: 7″ across, 2.5″ top to bottom
Cleaning: Not washable – wipe clean only
Pros
Plushy padding makes it comfortable to wear
Stretchy elastic to fit most users
Super pretty gold-on-black “night sky” design
Doubles nicely as a cute sleep mask
Cons
Cheap fabric that starts to pull at the edges after a couple uses
Not quite big enough to completely block vision
Verdict
This is okay as a very basic blindfold. If you’re brand new to this sort of play or just wanting something you can pop over your/your partner’s eyes for a kinky twist without aiming for complete sensory deprivation, it’s fine. But it could do with being slightly bigger (to better block the light). Though the design is pretty, the cheap fabric and inability to wash it means it’s unlikely to last particularly long.
Day 8: Sandalwood Scented Candle
Product Info
A small (40g) sandalwood-scented candle in a little gold and black tin.
Pros
Lovely, earthy sandalwood scent – ideal for setting the mood for a romantic night in
Cons
Not suitable for wax play
May be unsuitable for those with fragrance sensitivities as the scent is quite strong when lit
Verdict
It’s a nice extra if you’re someone who likes to light candles during sex (or just enjoys using scented candles to make your space smell nice.
Unlike last year’s candle, I don’t feel at all confident suggesting that this one is suitable for wax play. Its melting point is not clear and the addition of scents can sometimes make candles burn much hotter so, since it is not specifically stated as a wax play-safe candle, I wouldn’t take the risk. Choose a wax play candle or massage candle if you want to apply the wax to your skin.
Day 9: Crystal Butt Plug
Product Info
Material: Aluminium and acrylic
Colour: Gold with a purple jewel
Body safe? Yes, aluminium is a body-safe metal for sex toys as long as you are not allergic/sensitive to this metal
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ total length, 2.5″ insertable length, 1.1″ diameter at widest point
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution. Do not boil or put in the dishwasher as this may cause the glue holding the gem in place to melt
Pros
Super pretty and with a purple gem – my favourite colour!
Small, non-threatening size makes it friendly for beginners
Rigid material means you get a lot of sensation from a small toy
Can be warmed up or cooled down for versatile, temperature-based play
Cons
Rigid base can dig in after a while, making it uncomfortable (and unlikely to be suitable for all-day wear)
There was already a little damage on the gem when I unboxed it, cheapening the overall look
Verdict
A cute, beginner-friendly crystal butt plug ideal for anyone curious about using metal toys for the first time. Its body-safe material and flared base mean you can enjoy it with confidence. Pro tip: if anal play feels really intense, coupling it with stimulation of your clitoris or penis can massively enhance the pleasure.
Day 10: Mini Wand Vibrator
Product Info
Material: ABS plastic body, silicone head
Colour: Black with a gold Lovehoney heart insignia
Body safe? Yes, silicone is fully non-porous and non-toxic
Waterproof: It doesn’t specify, so I assume not
Speeds/patterns: 3 speeds, 8 patterns
Size: 5″ total length, head 1.3″ diameter at widest point
Lube-compatible: Yes, any kind of lube
Cleaning: Clean the head using a body-safe sterile wipe or an antibacterial toy cleaning spray – don’t get the whole thing wet
Pros
Very light and highly portable
Flexible neck for easy positioning
Ideal for penises, nipples, and other erogenous zones as well as clits
Cons
Vibrations are only middling strength and quite buzzy
Unlike Day 1’s bullet vibrator, this one does not come pre-charged so you’ll need to charge it up before you play
Only 1 button, making it a little annoying to find the speed/pattern you want if you like to change between them
Verdict
This is a mediocre vibe. The vibration strength isn’t terrible but it’s not great either, and the overall effect is far more “buzz” than “rumble.” As a warmup toy or one for those who prefer weaker vibrations, it’s fine (the body-safe materials and flexible neck give it some points) but as a more experienced toy user I got very little out of it and I’m unlikely to use it again.
Day 11: Nipple Clamps
Product Info
Material: Plastic with silicone tips
Colour: Gold with purple tips
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ in length
Cleaning: Wipe clean if necessary
Pros
Really cute gold-and-purple design with festive star decals
Comfortable to wear and not too pinchy
Adjustable via a simple slider mechanism
Cons
Not likely to fit anyone with large nipples
Adjustment slider scratches the gold plating off the clamps
They don’t stay on very well and pop off at the slightest tug
Verdict
These nipple clamps are really pretty and cute, but I don’t think they’re very high quality. The slider scratching off the plating means they won’t retain their appearance for very long and they don’t stay on for very long. They’ll be fine for a few wears if you just want them to look pretty, but don’t expect much more than that from them.
Nice sensory properties – glides on smoothly and doesn’t leave skin feeling greasy
Cons
Dries out quickly so needs reapplying often
May be unsuitable for those with fragrance allergies/sensitivities
Verdict
This is a perfectly nice massage oil with a distinctive (but not overpowering) scent. It’s pleasant to use and left my skin feeling soft and healthy. Massage can be a fun precursor to sex or a lovely activity in its own right. If you enjoy using it, you can grab a bottle of Lovehoney’s Oh! Vanilla Massage Oil for £5.99 when this one runs out.
Day 13: Tickler
Product Info
A purple feathery tickler (made from polyester and nylon) on a black velcro ring, designed for running over your or your partner’s body.
Pros
Feels nice and soft
Works well with other items from the kit, such as the blindfold and cuffs, to create a fun sensation play scene
Adjustable loop means you can wear it on your fingers like a ring or just hold it in your hand
Cons
No easy way to get it clean – if you get bodily fluids on it, consider it bonded to that person
Verdict
A nice little addition to the kit. Sensation play can be a great way into exploring BDSM and kink, or enjoying intense sensation if pain isn’t your thing. Remember that it can still be intense, and tickling in particular can be edge play or even a hard limit for some people. As with anything else, ALWAYS check in with your partner and get consent.
Day 14: Textured Stroker
Product Info
Material: TPE
Colour: Translucent white
Body safe? Sort of. TPE isn’t toxic, but it is porous and will harbour bacteria.
Waterproof: Yes, submersible
Size: 6″ long and 4″ wide when flat
Lube compatible: Yes, water-based is recommended
Cleaning: Gentle soap and warm water. Please note that TPE can be washed but cannot be sterilised.
Pros
Nice ribbed and dotted texturing
Flat wrap-around design makes it suitable for all penis sizes
Cons
Weird powdery texture that makes my sensory issues unhappy
Material cannot be properly sterilised due to its porous nature
May only last a few uses
Verdict
This is an interesting design; I like that it’s flat and wrap-around rather than the usual tube shape, and the texturing is excellent. Due to it being made of porous TPE, which will start to break down after a while, it’s probably only going to last a short time. Grab a silicone stroker if you enjoy this sensation and want a longer-lasting toy!
Day 15: Ankle Cuffs
Product Info
Material: Polypropylene with plastic hardwear
Colour: Black with gold clips
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: No
Size: Each cuff is 14″ in total length
Cleaning: Wipe clean if necessary
Pros
Go with the wrist restraints from Day 3 to make a full 4-way restraint set
Highly adjustable to fit the vast majority of people
Velcro fastenings are quick to undo, making them safe and beginner-friendly
Can be clipped together using the attached gold clips
Cons
The wrist and ankle restraints should really have been ONE day in the calendar, not 2 separate ones
Material isn’t particularly soft so not very comfortable for long-term wear
Not very strong so only suitable for light bondage activities
Verdict
Like the matching wrist restraints, these are a very basic set of ankle cuffs. They’re a fine introduction to bondage for complete beginners and will work fine if light restraint is all you want to do. If you’re interested in exploring restraint in a more intense way, though, consider upgrading to a set of proper bondage cuffs if you can.
Day 16: Body Massager
Product Info
A purple (with gold glitter) plastic body massager shaped like a five-pointed star. It measures 6″ in total length and each point is approximately 2″ in length.
Pros
Very light
Ergonomic design makes it comfortable to hold
A great way to give massages without tiring your hands or wrists (particularly good for those who experience pain in those areas)
Versatile: use all five points at once, or one at a time for a more focused sensation
Feels AMAZING. I keep reaching for mine to get the knots out of my back after spending too long working on my computer
Sparkles!
Cons
None – I actually really love this one.
Verdict
If you like the kind of deep tissue massage that sort of hurts a little bit but also feels really good, you’re going to love this one. Massage can be a great way in to sex, or a wonderful and sensual activity by itself. Combine this with the massage oil from day 12 if you like!
Day 17: Anal Beads
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes, silicone is non-porous and non-toxic, making it fully body-safe
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 6″ total length, insertable length 5″, widest bead 1.2″ in diameter
Lube-compatible: Yes, water-based only
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Can be used with the bullet vibe from day 1
Super soft silicone
Flexible for comfortable insertion and wear
Cons
Quite long – may feel intimidating to beginners
Verdict
A lovely set of anal beads. They score top marks for body-safe materials, flexible shaft with firm beads, and the ability to turn them into a vibrating toy by adding the bullet vibe from this kit (or any other bullet in your collection.)
Day 18: Finger Vibe Sleeve
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Purple
Body safe? Yes, silicone is both non-porous and non-toxic, making it an ideal safe sex toy material
Waterproof: Yes
Size: Just over 2″ total length
Lube-compatible: Yes, water-based only
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Pairs with the bullet vibe from day 1
Super soft silicone
Fun way to bring something new to hand sex (either solo or partnered)
Cons
Silicone dampens the vibrations somewhat
Smallish finger loop may mean it won’t fit those with larger hands/fingers
Couldn’t feel the texturing in use
Verdict
Finger vibes can be a fun add-on to hand sex, particularly clitoral play. I like the basic design of this finger vibe, but it’s let down by the lacklustre texturing. It needs to be much more pronounced to have any effect for any but the most sensitive of clits. But if you find the bullet vibe too intense by itself or prefer the softer feeling of silicone over hard plastic, this is a nice addition to the kit.
Day 19: Sex Dice
Product Info
A pair of dice, one listing acts (such as “kiss”, “nibble”, etc.) and one listing body parts. The idea is that you roll them together and then do the act stipulated.
Pros
Can be a fun way to explore different sensations
Sex is best when there’s laughter, and this guarantees plenty of that
Not gendered
Cons
Occasionally baffling combinations (no, I do not want you to suck my back, thanks!)
Verdict
I don’t have anything against the concept of sex dice, but I think they’re just not really for me. I prefer sex to be fluid rather than gamified and I’d rather just communicate and do what feels good in the moment. So while I think these would probably be great for some people (I’ve particularly found that sex games like this can be a fun icebreaker in group sex scenarios), I don’t think I’m one of those people.
Day 20: Spanking Paddle
Product Info
A mini spanking paddle decorated with a pretty black and gold design in silky fabric on one side, and plain black faux leather on the other side. The paddle measures 9″ in total length.
Pros
A fairly non-scary beginner paddle that delivers a gentle sting rather than anything more painful
Pretty aesthetic
Slightly different sensations from each side
Loop handle makes it easy to hold and store
Cons
Loud noise can be problematic if you have family or roommates at home
Not particlarly robust
Verdict
This is a nice enough beginner spanking paddle. It’s gentle enough to be suitable for complete BDSM novices, though unlikely to do much for fans of more intense pain play. It might not last very long if you’re doing anything more than very gentle play with it, but it’s fine for figuring out if spanking and impact play are things you enjoy.
Day 21: Sexy Snap Position Cards
Product Info
A set of cards featuring various sex positions, plus instructions for two different games to play with them.
Pros
Quite inclusive; many of the positions will work for either vaginal or anal sex with their a bio cock or a strap-on.
Fun, playful and non-threatening way to try out new positions.
Reminds me of this scene from The Bold Type where Jane, Kat and Sutton test out one of Sage’s sex positions to “verify it’s physically possible.” I’m always happy to be reminded of my favourite show
Cons
Some of them require ridiculous core strength, upper body strength, or just indestructible furniture to pull off
Verdict
To be honest, my approach to penetrative sex has typically been “find two or three positions that work and just rotate them depending on mood and energy levels.” I imagine this is fairly normal, especially in long-term sexual relationships. If you’d like to try something new, this game will give you some inspiration. Just don’t be put off by the fact that some of these positions are not going to be physically possible for everyone.
Day 22: Under-Mattress Restraints
Product Info
A set of 4-way restraint straps which fit under your mattress and feature loops at each corner to attach cuffs and restrain your partner by all 4 limbs.
Pros
Suitable for almost all bed sizes as they are highly adjustable
Easy to tuck out of sight if necessary
Pair them with the cuffs from Day 3 and Day 15 or with any other set of cuffs you own.
Quick, safe, and non-threatening introduction to bondage
Cons
None – this is a really nice inclusion.
Verdict
I’ve been after a set of these for ages but always assumed they wouldn’t fit my giant bed. Happily, I was wrong! These are strong, easy to set up, and safe to use as long as you observe some basic safety protocol (e.g. never leaving a bound person alone and always playing with a safeword.) These might be among my favourite items in the whole kit!
Day 23: Couple’s Cock Ring
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Purple
Body safe? Yes, silicone is both non-porous and non-toxic, making it a completely body-safe sex toy material
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ total length, with a 1″ “tongue” for clitoral stimulation
Lube-compatible: Yes, water-based only
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Pairs with the bullet vibe from day 1 (or any other bullet in your collection)
Soft silicone
Stretchy to fit most penis sizes
Nice texturing on the clitoral stimulator
Cons
Vibrations feel very weak once transmitted through the silicone
Clitoral stimulator is too flimsy to really be satisfying
Verdict
I have long come to the conclusion that vibrating cock rings are better in theory than in practice, at least for me. This one seems well designed on the surface, and I do like that it’s designed to fit a wide range of bodies and that the clitoral stimulator portion is textured. Unfortunately, in practice, it’s too flimsy and flexible to provide any kind of pressure or sustained stimulation.
Day 24: Womanizer Liberty
Product Info
Material: ABS plastic body with silicone nozzle
Colour: Purple with white nozzle and buttons
Body safe? Yes, ABS plastic and silicone are both body-safe and non-porous
Waterproof: Yes., submersible
Size: 4″ total length
Speeds/patterns: 6 speeds
Lube-compatible: Yes, water-based lube is best with silicone toys
Cleaning: Remove the nozzle and clean with a body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, by boiling, or in the dishwasher. Wipe the body clean if necessary.
Pros
Comes with a little case, making it discreet and travel-friendly
Suitable for use in the bath or shower
Light and comfortable to hold
Easy to clean due to the removable nozzle
Feels AMAZING
Cons
A little loud at the top speeds
Verdict
I had a feeling the Womanizer Liberty might turn out to be the crowning glory of the set and I was right. Once again, Womanizer – the original purveyors of suction-based clitoral stimulators – have knocked it out of the park. This amazing little stimulator is easy to hold and use, powerful, and feels incredible. On top of all that, it’s travel-friendly and waterproof. Top marks.
See you next year!
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Advent Calendar for Couples, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!
As a quick reminder, Slow Sex is a range of lubes, gels, and other “better sex” products by Bijoux Indiscrets. They are beautifully packaged in stylish boxes and include zero gendered terminology on either the packaging or the website. With the exception of the oral sex strips, they’re all scented with coconut.
If you missed part 1 of my review of several items from the Slow Sex range, check it out! Otherwise, I’m so glad you’re back for part 2! Let’s go.
Slow Sex Oral Sex Balm
I was highly sceptical about the Slow Sex Oral Sex Balm, as was Mr C&K. But we kept an open mind and decided to give it a fair chance. It comes in a 10ml tube and I was expecting a liquid or thin gel, but it’s really more of a thick paste. I had to massage it between my fingers to get it to melt enough to use.
The packaging suggests applying Oral Sex Balm to your lips right before giving a blow job, or applying it directly to the penis. To get the full effect, we did both. I’m not sure most people would feel much if you only did the former.
First, the good: it definitely had an effect! My partner described it as a cooling sensation, which is likely caused by the menthol it contains. When you’re doing oral sex, the contrast between this cooling and the warmth of a mouth can be very interesting. He also reported that it did increase sensitivity slightly, and that it felt like sensation continued after the point of orgasm. So that was cool! It’s reasonably easy to wash off with warm water and soap.
Then the less-good: Since this is an oil-based product, it’s not suitable for use with any latex barriers. And given that I wouldn’t want several of the ingredients in my vagina, it also means it’s not really possible to go from oral to vaginal sex without cleaning up in between. I really dislike the sensation of anything oily or sticky on my hands, so I had to wipe this off with a tissue immediately after applying it.
Also worth noting: the coconutty/minty smell and taste is VERY potent. It’s certainly not unpleasant but if, like me, you like to experience the scent and taste of your partner’s body, this is definitely going to mask that.
Overall, a mixed experience but definitely more positive than we were expecting.
The Slow Sex Full Body Massage Gel comes in an attractive glass bottle. With 50ml in the bottle, it definitely feels like one of the more substantial Slow Sex products. This oil-based gel is designed for all-over massage.
The packaging says you can use it “anywhere and everywhere” and the website describes it as genital-compatible, so if your massage turns erotic you’re good to go. Again, I’d recommend that you keep it external only. This massage gel is also suitable for use in water and is compatible with silicone sex toys and latex barriers.
This is probably my favourite product in the entire Slow Sex range. It is slick without being sticky, and does not leave any nasty residue behind. As a bonus, it leaves my skin feeling lovely and moisturised (and coconut scented!) It also lasts ages, as a little bit goes a long way once it’s on the skin.
I also love that it comes in a pump bottle, which is much more user-friendly and less spillage-prone than the bottles massage oils usually come in.
If you’re asking “what on earth is an oral sex strip?”, well so was I! Turns out they’re little paper-thin minty strips that are designed to go on your tongue and then melt while you’re performing oral sex. Like the Oral Sex Balm, they have a strong minty flavour (spearmint oil is one of the main ingredients.) They taste like something you’d use to brush your teeth or freshen your breath.
The sensation is… interesting. Much like the Oral Sex Balm, the main appeal is that they provide a contrast between the cooling sensation and the warmth of a mouth. However, they melt very quickly so the intense effect only lasts for maybe a minute or so. You do get some of the effect for a while afterwards as the mint lingers on your body, but you only get maybe a maximum of 5 minutes out of each strip.
They were fine, but I wasn’t blown away. I did find that they heightened sensitivity somewhat, but not to such an extent that they can make or break the experience. And to be honest, I’m going to repeat something I said above – if I’m going down on a lover, I want to taste them, not a mouthful of mint.
“No fiction, no acting, no judgements, no comparisons, no fear, no guilt nor shame” – so begins the Bijoux Indiscrets “Slow Sex” manifesto, which adorns the packaging of each product in the Slow Sex range of better sex products. And it’s a message I can get behind.
Of course, sex is complicated. Fear, judgement and shame are very real for too many of us. I experience them all the time, even (especially?) as someone who makes a living talking openly about sex on the internet. And it’s going to take far more than a fun hashtag or a range of products to fully tackle the deep, systemic issues that allow sexual shame to run rampant.
Even so, in a world where so many companies (even purportedly sex-positive companies) profit from shame and stigma, I’m glad to see an adult retailer encouraging people to move away from these destructive ideas and towards more authentic pleasure.
I received a selection of items from the Slow Sex range to try out. So I can give each product the focus it deserves, I’m going to tackle these mini reviews in two posts.
Slow Sex Range: General Impressions
I received 5 full-size Slow Sex products, plus a couple of sample sizes. Each full-size item comes nicely presented in cardboard packaging (points for minimising single-use plastic!) The packaging is beautifully designed, featuring artistic close-ups of body parts (mouths, fingers, nipples) and sometimes floral motifs.
The Slow Sex range also doesn’t use any gendered marketing! Each product is described by referencing body parts and sex acts, without ascribing gender to them. It sounds like a small thing, but simply writing “the clitoris” instead of “her clitoris”, or “use it on your partner” rather than “use it on your man”, makes sexuality product marketing so much more inclusive. Other retailers, take note!
With the exception of the oral sex strips, all the Slow Sex products I tried have a strong and distinctive coconut aroma. I enjoy the smell and taste of coconut, so this was fine. But if you don’t, it’s something to be aware of as the scent is pretty noticeable and does tend to hang around after you’ve finished playing!
Slow Sex Clitoral Balm
The Slow Sex product I was most excited to try was the clitoral balm, so naturally that’s where I went first.
The Slow Sex Clitoral Balm comes in a little 10ml tube. Since you really only need a little bit to get the effect, a small tube will last you a while.
Slow Sex Clitoral Balm contains a pretty long list of ingredients, so check it carefully if you’re allergic or sensitive to anything. There’s nothing in the ingredients that immediately strikes me as problematic (e.g. parabens). I did some Googling of the ingredients I wasn’t familiar with, and found nothing concerning. It does contain glycerin, but for an external-only product that you use in tiny amounts, that won’t be a problem for most people.
Honestly, I was underwhelmed by the clitoral balm. I really wanted to love it, especially as I’ve tried and loved various similar products in the past, but it just didn’t do much for me. I got a slight warming sensation, which was pleasant enough, but it didn’t really enhance sensitivity or give me any noticeable increase in pleasure. If you enjoy warming lubes, this is a slight step up from that, and you might enjoy it.
I’ll probably finish this tube, but I’m unlikely to buy it again.
Slow Sex Clitoral Balm retails for £15. According to Bijoux, it’s compatible with all toy types and with latex barriers.
Slow Sex Finger Play Gel
The Slow Sex Finger Play Gel is basically a water-based lube designed for external use, particularly for fingering or hand-jobs. It contains just a few ingredients, of which the main ones are glycerin, water, and aloe vera leaf juice. Given the high glycerin concentration, don’t use this one inside your vagina, as this can cause yeast infections.
The Finger Play Gel is a lovely, thick lubricant. It lasts well, and a little goes a long way. Its thick texture and slipperiness make it perfect for hand sex. Due to the glycerin, it does feel a bit sticky after a while, but it’s easy to clean up with warm water and soap. After use, my skin felt soft and moisturised, probably thanks to the aloe. It has a pleasant, subtly sweet taste.
Slow Sex Finger Play Gel retails for £15. With just 30ml in a tube, it’s pretty pricey, but it should last you a while. Slow Sex Finger Play Gel is condom-compatible and suitable to use with all toy materials.
Slow Sex Nipple Play Gel
The Slow Sex Nipple Play Gel comes in a little 10ml glass tube with a roller ball applicator. Simply apply a little to your nipples, and then play as you normally would. The gel gives a subtle cooling, tingling sensation.
I found that the Nipple Play Gel slightly heightened sensitivity. When I applied it then went about my day, it made me more aware of my nipples – and particularly the feel of them against my clothing – than I’d normally be. Potentially fun if you want to heighten your arousal throughout the day. I found that one application lasted about an hour.
It also increases sensitivity if you’re doing nipple play with hands, toys, or clamps. But this stuff really comes into its own when combined with oral nipple stimulation. The cool gel combined with a warm mouth makes everything feel much more intense. And since the gel has a sweet taste, it’s not unpleasant for the giver, either! (Assuming they like coconut.)
The Slow Sex Nipple Play Gel is water-based and does not contain any ingredients that are toxic or problematic for topical use. It’s easy to wash off when you’re done and leaves a gentle coconutty smell on the skin.
