[Wearable Review] Lovehoney “Lustre” Quarter Cup Body Harness

Sometimes I get offered items for review and my internal response is “ugh, fine, I guess” if I’m not blown away by something but I think my readers will like it. Other times, I get offered something for review and I take one look and go “I NEED IT.” The Lustre range by Lovehoney was the latter.

Two categories of product that I’m eternally obsessed with are Things That Are Purple and Things That Are Shiny. Lustre is both.

After perusing the collection, I ended up choosing the Quarter Cup Body Harness to try. This is partly, let’s be honest, because I’m lazy and I enjoy one-piece items of clothing for that reason. But it’s also because the Body Harness is the only item in the range not to have full bra cups, and my typical experience with adjustable/one-size lingerie is that my boobs simply don’t fit. Ordering something where they’re meant to spill out seemed like a neat solution to this problem.

Model wearing the Lustre Quarter Cup Body Harness from Lovehoney

Let’s see how I got on, shall we?

TW: mentions of sizeism, please skip if that’s going to be difficult for you.

Initial Impressions

My first impression, when I took my Lustre Body Harness out of the packaging, was that I am simply in love with the colour! The lace is a gorgeous, rich purple and has a lovely, subtle shine to it that catches the light every time you move.

What I’m not so into is the “frayed edge” aesthetic of the lace. I understand what they’re going for here but I think it takes the elegant edge off the range and frankly looks a bit, well, scruffy. Of course, this is a personal preference and others may love it.

Getting into it…

My #LazyFemme tactics came back to bite me, here. One-piece this thing may be, but easy to get into (or out of) it is certainly not! Because everything – the collar, bra, mid-section and suspenders – is all joined together, the Lustre Body Harness is straps and straps and straps galore! It took me a couple of attempts to get into it. I kept being afraid I was going to rip something! I certainly won’t be wearing it on any occasion where getting out of and back into clothing might be an issue, such as a play party. Which is a shame because play parties are the main occasions where I tend to wear lingerie.

Model wearing the Lustre Quarter Cup Body Harness from Lovehoney

A couple of pro tips garnered through trial and error:

  1. Loosen all the adjustable straps first. It’s much easier to get into the garment then tighten them to fit you than trying to struggle into it and adjusting them as you go.
  2. Get into the harness feet-first, rather than trying to pull it over your head. But be careful as you ease it up over your body and into place. You don’t want to damage the delicate lace.

A word of warning: the Lustre Body Harness has build-in suspenders which are not removeable, so you’ll need to get some suitable stockings to wear with it.

Fit

Lingerie manufacturers everywhere, listen to me: I love you but can you all PLEASE STOP making things in “one size?”

This piece ostensibly fits a size 8-16. However, I wear a size 14 and I had most of the straps as extended as they’ll go, and it was still a bit on the small side. There is zero chance this item is going to fit someone who’s a size 16, and it’s really not ideal for anyone who is bigger than maybe a 12.

Instead of endlessly adjustable “one size” items, I’d love to see lingerie manufacturers just making things in a wider range of sizes. There are two plus size pieces in the Lustre range but this, unfortunately, is not one of them.

Once again, I feel that this piece was made with thin bodies in mind and the rest of us are left trying to squeeze ourselves into something which, though it might technically fit (just,) really wasn’t made for us.

Comfort

The lace isn’t exactly soft, but I didn’t find it excessively scratchy or irritating either. The straps are a soft and stretchy material which feels nice against the skin.

The bra cups are the worst thing about this item, comfort-wise. Because they’re rigid and have underwires, they will only work well for a certain sub-section of bodies. They are far too small for my probably E or F cup boobs. (I don’t actually know what size I am but I was a DD a decade ago and they’ve definitely grown since then). The wires cut into my ribcage in a way that was first uncomfortable and then, after a while, became painful.

How did I feel wearing it?

This piece has grown on me over the several times I’ve tried it on. I love a lot of things about it: the way it leaves my back almost completely exposed, the way the middle section emphasises the curve of my waist and stomach, the fetishy look of the lace collar. I definitely feel hot when I look in the mirror wearing this one!

Unfortunately, because of the issues with the fit I don’t see myself wearing it regularly and certainly not for any length of time.

Final thoughts

This one has so much potential! The design and aesthetic is absolutely gorgeous. If you’re a size 12 or smaller, I’m happy to recommend this piece. For those of us like me who are curvier, though, the problems with the fit are too great for me to be able to wholeheartedly recommend it.

The Lustre Quarter Cup Body Harness retails for £39.99 but at time of writing is on sale for £23.99.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this piece in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post. Images are courtesy of Lovehoney and reproduced with permission.

[Wearable Review] Lovehoney “Free Spirit” Bra Set

I’ve had this set for quite a while, but have been struggling to know what to say about it. Lingerie is, in some ways, much harder to review than other products such as sex toys or kink gear. What we individually find aesthetically pleasing in clothing, and what fits each of our wonderful and unique bodies, is so infinitely variable that it’s often hard to know how to review lingerie in a way that is likely to be helpful to anyone. With that said, let’s take a look at this offering from Lovehoney’s Free Spirit lingerie line.

Content warning: this review touches briefly on sizeism and clothing being made with thin folks in mind. Please feel free to skip if that’s going to be difficult for you!

Initial Impressions

“I hate pink,” I text my partner. But this isn’t fair – I don’t hate pink per se. It’s a perfectly attractive colour, taken in isolation. What I hate are the associations of pink. The way that anything that’s assumed to be “for women” (let’s not unpack all the problems with that right now) is plastered in it as if all 3.5 billion of us just go mad over this one specific colour. The fact that it’s used – along with blue – to aggressively gender infants before they are old enough to have any sense of who they really are. The fucking pink tax. But I digress.

The Free Spirit lingerie lines look pinkish-purple, almost lilac, on the website images. In real life, though, these pieces are most definitely PINK. Paired with the dark blue straps and detailing, the effect is quite striking, though I can’t say it’s really my aesthetic. For a certain type of femme look, though, it’s cute.

Model wearing the pink and blue Free Spirit lingerie bra by Lovehoney

My other first impression was “lol my tits are never gonna fit in that.” We’ll talk more about fit shortly.

My Free Spirit bra set came simply packaged in a transparent plastic wrap.

Getting into it…

Anyone who has seen me try on lingerie will know that it is not, typically, a sexy sight. It usually involves me getting tangled in straps, swearing, possibly falling over, and trying not to ruin some fancy lace with my unkempt fingernails. So I seriously appreciate that rarest of holy grails: lingerie that is easy to put on and take off.

The Free Spirit bra was a breeze – you adjust the band to fit, slip it over your head and into place, and tie it up. Be aware that the bra is a halter-neck style, so if you struggle to tie things behind you you’ll need to ask someone to help you fasten it up.

Back view of the model wearing the Free Spirit lingerie bra by Lovehoney

The knickers, though, are another story. As you can see from the images, they are straps and straps and straps galore! It took me a number of attempts to get into them properly, and then I kept finding one strap or another twisted and having to readjust. I’d never wear these to an event where I thought I might be having sex, because it would take me half an hour to get back into them afterwards!

Fit

This set is pitched as “one size fits most” but we all know that isn’t really a thing. I strongly suspect that the “one size” thing is a way to keep costs down, as this line is markedly cheaper than many other Lovehoney lingerie ranges. And it is extremely clear from the design of this set that, though it may be adjustable and ostensibly fit anyone up to a size 16, it was ultimately designed with smaller bodies in mind.

I currently wear a UK size 14 and I didn’t find these pieces to be a good fit. My boobs are… probably a E or F cup at this point? (I don’t really know, I haven’t had a bra fitting in like a decade.) And the Free Spirit bra really did not contain them at all. The adjustable band and tie-up halterneck worked well, but the one-size cups will be woefully inadequate for anyone above a C cup.

The knickers were more of the same. The waistband is adjustable, but the thin decorative straps, though stretchy, are not. They stretched uncomfortably over my stomach and pulled the whole piece out of shape. They dug in and kept twisting out of shape, and the thong was pulled so far up my butt that I felt like the damn thing was trying to cut me in half!

This set is supposedly for UK sizes 8 – 16, and there is a plus-size version for sizes 18 – 24. Interestingly, the plus-size version has different knickers which come without all the strappy bits, which I think proves my point that these knickers were designed with thin folks in mind.

If you are a size 8-10, this set may work well for you. If you wear a larger size or have larger breasts, I recommend looking elsewhere.

Comfort

The lace is not as soft as the lace Lovehoney use on some of their other lingerie pieces, though I suppose that is to be expected at this comparatively low price-point. It’s not horribly scratchy or anything, but don’t expect it to feel super luxurious either. The satin of the bands is soft and feels nice against the skin, though.

The poor fit was the real comfort killer, though, and I don’t see myself wearing this set again now that I’ve written this review.

How did I feel wearing it?

As you’ve probably gathered, this set didn’t work for me. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad design or there’s anything wrong with it as such, but it wasn’t a good fit for my body. It emphasised all the bits of my body I’m uncomfortable with, and made me feel inadequate because it was clearly not designed with people of my body-type in mind.

I want to wear lingerie that makes me look in the mirror and go “yes!” This was not that.

Final thoughts

Overall, I think this is the least strong of Lovehoney’s recent lingerie offerings. Moonlight and Wild Blooms blew me away, and some of their one-size body stockings and mini-dresses have worked well for me… but this range would really have benefited from being made in a wider array of sizing options.

I applaud Lovehoney for creating a lower-priced offering, but I’m underwhelmed by the execution.

The Free Spirit Bra Set retails for £19.99.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me these pieces in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post. Image is courtesy of Lovehoney and reproduced with permission.