[Toy Review] Satisfyer Wand-er Woman

Satisfyer started out making pressure wave toys, bringing products like the excellent Satisfyer Pro 2 and the famously adorable Pro Penguin to market. After that, they branched out into vibrators, some of which I loved and some of which were just okay. So I suppose it was inevitable they’d make a wand eventually.

The good folks at EroticFeel, an online sex shop selling an extensive range of products from sex toys and lingerie to BDSM gear, were kind enough to send me the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman to try out.

Wand-erful First Impressions?

The Wand-er Woman arrived discreetly in plain packaging and inside, the toy was presented in an attractive blue/pink/purple box with information about the toy and line drawings of nude women. I have to say that I don’t like this product’s name. It’s a cute pun, sure, but it’s really unnecessarily gendered since wand vibrators are for everyone.

Satisfyer Wand-er Woman wand vibrator

My other first impression of the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman is that it’s LARGE. Measuring 34cm (13.4″) in length and weighing in at 647g, this is not a small toy. I’m not necessarily opposed to large toys, but they can be challenging to hold and manipulate and are inaccessible for some people. I actually found the thickness of the Wand-er Woman’s handle to be more of a problem than its weight alone. I have fairly small hands, but the thickness of this toy’s handle combined with its weight made it challenging to hold for long enough to have a decent play session with it.

Woman holding magic wand vibrator by Satisfyer

The Wand-er Woman is available in three colourways: black, white, or purple. I received the white version, which has lilac buttons and a silver decorative bad at the top of the handle. The Wand-er Woman is rechargeable via the included cable, and completely waterproof. The body and head are coated in soft, body-safe matte silicone and the silicone cap is removeable from the head, which allows for easier cleaning.

In Use

The Wand-er Woman boasts ten vibration settings (constant vibration plus 9 patterns) and 5 speeds, for an impressive total of 50 possible combinations. The three-button interface is simple and intuitive, and the buttons are easy to press. I appreciated being able to scroll through the speeds by simply holding the plus or minus buttons down, without needing to press repeatedly. The Wand-er Woman’s neck has a little flex, which is useful for positioning.

Satisfyer Wand-er Woman magic wand vibrator buttons

The Wand-er Woman is not quite as powerful, nor as rumbly, as many of the corded wands in my collection. It doesn’t deliver the eyeball-shaking, whole-room-rattling intensity of some of my all-time faves. It also doesn’t quite match up in terms of deep, penetrating rumbles.

Satisfyer Wand-er Woman wand vibrator

That’s not to say it isn’t powerful, though! All but the most discerning Power Royalty will still be able to get plenty of pleasure out of this toy. It’s not exactly buzzy, either, just… somewhere closer to the centre of the buzz/rumble spectrum. I need the highest setting to get off, but not everyone’s clit is as demanding as mine. I also don’t particularly care for patterns – I tried them all for the sake of being thorough, and because I keep hoping to meet a vibration pattern that changes my mind about vibration patterns, though I haven’t yet.

The cordless design is useful, as I don’t always wand power cords trailing across my bedroom (and, in environments like play parties, there isn’t always an outlet available). The battery life is good. Noise-wise, it’s fine. Interestingly, I’ve seen some users complain of their Wand-er Woman being excessively loud, but mine just makes a persistent hum at the kind of volume you’d expect for a toy at this power level. It’s not silent but it doesn’t sound like a power tool, either.

Verdict

One of the key selling points of the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman is its relatively affordable price point. Retailing for £44.95 at full price, it’s less than half the price of many of its main competitors. If you’re willing to cope with the downsides, such as the toy’s weight and the width of the handle, and you’re not expecting the same power you’d get from a pricy corded toy, it’s a perfectly fine option. Folks on a budget, or beginners wanting to try out wands without splashing out £100 or more immediately, might find it’s perfectly adequate for their needs.

I don’t think I’ll be reaching for it regularly, but I’m glad it exists!

Thanks to EroticFeel for sending me this product to review. All views are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Godemiche Grind Ring “Waves” and “Bumps”

This is the second part of a two-part series on the Godemiche Grind Ring! You can read part 1 here.

In the first part of this series, I decribed the Godemiche Grind Ring as a “revelation in sensation”. Having now tried the other two textures in the range – known as “waves” and “bumps” – I’m standing by that assessment and excited to gush even more about how much I love these genuinely amazing toys.

So What is a Grind Ring, Again?

A Grind Ring is a piece of silicone shaped a bit like a pizza slice, designed to fit around the penis or dildo during penetrative sex and provide extra external stimulation to a person with a clitoris. Each Grind Ring has a raised bulge and one of four textures. It can also be used in a whole bunch of other ways: combine it with a vibrator, put it on a sex position wedge or pillow and grind against it, or use it as an accompaniment to hand sex. Or, you know, whatever other creative ideas you can come up with!

Grind Rings are body-safe and easy to clean with soap and water (or a pot of boiling water).

The Toy for Smut Writers (and Readers!)

Are you a smutty writer? Do you, like me, sometimes find yourself getting turned on by your own words? Or do you just enjoy sitting at your desk and reading filthy words? If so, consider putting the Grind Ring on your desk chair and grinding against it as you read/write. The firm surface helps to keep it in place and provide some delicious pressure. I just discovered this possibility a few days ago and I can’t get enough of it. Thank goodness I finally have curtains back up in my office…

With that said, let’s look at the two remaining Grind Ring textures that I haven’t yet talked about: “Waves” and “Bumps”.

Godemiche Grind Ring silicone sex toy in Bubbles and Waves
Feat. “Bumps” in Aquamarine and “Waves” in Pastel Pearlescent Green

Texture 3: “Waves”

Just this morning, I told Mr CK I was writing up this review, and he asked me which of the Grind Ring designs I liked best overall. After thinking about it for a moment, I declared Waves my favourite.

Godemiche Waves Grind Ring clitoral sex toy

The Waves ring was also perhaps the biggest surprise. After feeling how soft the silicone ripples are, I wasn’t sure how much I’d be able to feel them. But when I ground against them, especially when they had a firm surface underneath, they felt like a series of continuous licks from little silicone tongues. Since the waves are so close together and flex as you rub against them, it’s a continuous sensation.

If I’m aroused and using plenty of lube, I can orgasm easily just by grinding my clit into the Waves Grind Ring.

Texture 4: “Bumps”

The Bumps Grind Ring is the perfect middle ground when I want something more intense than the Bubbles but less intense than the Spikes. The bumps are quite small and quite close together so whichever way I move against them, several of them are always making contact with my clit from various angles.

Godemiche Bumps Grind Ring sex toy for clit

I like to use the Bumps ring before moving on to the Waves or Spikes. It’s just the right level of intensity for a hot warmup. With that said, I could probably come on it with some perseverance and a little time. I’ll have to try – you know, for science.

Verdict

Now that I’ve tried out all four Grind Ring textures, I’m even more impressed and maybe even a little obsessed. They’re amazingly versatile and a brilliant way to experiment with different sensations to see what works for you.

If you have a clitoris, I can’t recommend Grind Rings highly enough. If you’ve tried them, which texture was your favourite?

Grind Rings retail for £34.99 each.

Also: there’s a new texture out! “Pyramid Spikes” has just hit the Godemiche website. If I can get hold of one, I’ll report back with a review. Stay tuned…

Thanks to Godemiche for sending me four Grind Rings in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post and if you use them, I make a small commission. All commissions help me to keep C&K going!

[Toy Review] Godemiche Grind Ring “Bubbles” and “Spikes”

This is the first post in a two-part series. Since the Grind Rings come in four different textures (and I hear there may be others in the works), I decided to review them in two sets of two rather than one epic post.

In their Twitter bio, Godemiche – the UK toy company made up of powerhouse married duo Adam and Monika – state that their goal is “not to break the mold, but recolour it.” I firmly believe that their Ambit is the most perfect dildo I have ever encountered, and their array of body-safe dildos, plugs, strokers, and gags are available in a dizzying array of colours and combinations. But despite this stated aim, their latest product, the Grind Ring, really does break a few molds.

In a world of endless knock-offs and derivatives, it is so refreshing when I see sex toy designers doing something genuinely new and innovative. And I have never come across anything quite like the Grind Ring before.

But what is a Grind Ring, how does it work, and – most importantly – is it good?

What is the Godemiche Grind Ring?

The Grind Ring is a toy (or actually a series of toys) designed for folks who enjoy clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex.

Godemiche describe it thus: The Grind Ring is a soft textured piece of body safe silicone that’s shaped like a pizza slice with a bulge for grinding, dare we say it, it’s also more enjoyable then a pizza slice too and way fucking dirtier.

And yeah, that’s a pretty perfect description. Here’s what they look like:

Two Godemiche Grind Ring silicone sex toys

Since I typically default to getting everything in purple when I’m choosing sex toys, I decided to go for something a bit different this time. Pictured above are the Bubbles ring in Reefs Water, and the Spikes ring in Dragon’s Breath. The colours are as gorgeously vibrant as ever, and the silicone has this lovely marbled swirly effect that’s just so, so pretty:

Back of Godemiche Grind Ring clitoral stimulators showing pretty marbled silicone pattern

So How Does it Work?

Like the dutiful sex toy testers we are, my partner Mr CK and I initially tested the Grind Ring in the way it was intended to be used. After trying a few different positions, we concluded that by far the most effective way to use this toy was the me-on-top position. This meant I could effectively grind my vulva against the textured surface while he was inside me.

It also worked pretty well in the him-on-top position. Basically, any position that involves a lot of close, face-to-face bodily contact is probably going to work well. When we tried having sex with him standing and me lying on my back on the bed, this presented the opportunity for him to use his hand to stimulate my clit with the ring, which was also extremely fucking hot.

Since most people with vulvas need sustained clitoral stimulation to orgasm, Grind Rings are a great way to achieve that during penetrative sex (if you want to) and to experiment with different textures. While using a Grind Ring did not give me a clitoral orgasm during sex, it did up the intensity and add a whole bunch of additional hotness and pleasure to the experience.

Other Ways to Use the Grind Ring

The fun thing about sex toys is that you don’t have to just use them in the way they were originally designed to be used. Wand vibrators on penises or clitoral suckers on nipples, anyone?

The Grind Ring is no different. Girl on the Net posted a brilliant piece about using it “wrong” (there’s obviously no such thing!) and I was inspired to try her “textured Doxy wank” idea. And oof, yes, this is highly, highly recommended. I’ve also found that using the Grind Rings as an addition to hand sex, either solo or partnered, is fucking excellent. One of these and plenty of lube between my/my partner’s hand and my vulva is currently one of my favourite ways to get off.

Another option is to place the Grind Ring over a suitable firm surface, such as a couch arm, sex position wedge, or particularly firm pillow, and grind on it that way.

And don’t forget, of course, that if you or your partner don’t have a penis you can also use the Grind Ring with any dildo or strap-on.

Godemiche Ambit with Spikes Grind Ring
Feat. the Godemiche Bi Pride Ambit

Texture 1: Bubbles

The Bubbles Grind Ring looks like this:

Godemiche Grind Ring silicone clitoral stimulator in Bubbles

This was actually the first one we tried as an addition to penetrative sex. I wasn’t sure the texture would be noticeable enough to do anything but it really, really is.

Out of all the Grind Ring textures, Bubbles is by far my favourite as an addition to hand sex. It’s textured enough to offer something distinctive and different, but not so intense as to be too much. The smoothness, when coupled with plenty of lube, is divine when I or my partner rub it across my clitoral hood.

Texture 2: Spikes

The Spikes Grind Ring looks like this:

Godemiche Grind Ring clitoral stimulator in Spikes

My first thought when I saw this texture was “eek”. I know silicone is pretty soft, but even so, this looked like it might be too intense for my sensitive clit.

And it is… sometimes.

I have to be in a specific mood for the Spikes Grind Ring. And that mood is “extremely horny” and “in the mood for something so intense it’s almost too much”. It’s not painful, as the silicone is indeed very soft and squishy. It’s just… a lot. Of course, if you do find it painful, you could use it to indulge in a little consensual clitoral pain play if you like that sort of thing.

I did discover one absolutely amazing way to use this ring. If I lay it across my vulva and use a powerful vibrator over the top of it, the tips of the spikes transmit the vibrations in VERY interesting ways. You’re welcome!

Verdict

These things are a revelation in sensation, particularly the Bubbles ring. They’re effective for their intended purpose but also super versatile if you get a little creative.

Godemiche Grind Rings retail for £34.99 each and are hand-made to order in whatever combination of colour and texture you choose. Stay tuned for part 2 – “Waves” and “Bumps” – coming very soon!

Thanks to Godemiche for sending me these products in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. If you use them to make a purchase, I’ll make a small commission at no extra cost to you. All commissions help fund C&K’s continued existence and keep me well-stocked with coffee!

[Toy Review] Womanizer Premium 2

Long-time readers might remember my Womanizer Premium review from way back in 2018. Well, did you know that there’s a new Womanizer clitoral stimulator on the market? Enter the new, upgraded Womanizer Premium 2.

Womanizer Premium vs. Premium 2: What’s the Difference?

Womanizer Premium 2 clit sucker

The Womanizer Premium 2 has a lot in common with the original Womanizer Premium. It’s the same size (6.5″ in length) and the same basic design and structure. It features the same tapered body, coated in silky-smooth, body-safe silicone, and the same removable nozzle.

There are two main differences, as follows:

  • The Womanizer Premium 2 offers 14 speed settings (the Premium has an already-impressive 12).
  • The “autopilot” mode has been improved and upgraded for the Premium 2.

Surprisingly, they retail for the same price: £169.99.

The Womanizer Premium 2 comes in 5 colourways. Mine is a gorgeous midnight blue with a silver accent. It is fully waterproof, and rechargeable via the included cable, with a full charge giving you over two hours of use.

What’s in the Box?

The Womanizer Premium 2 comes in beautiful, elegant packaging that is reminiscent of the sort of box high-end perfume might come in. If you’re buying the toy as a gift (or a gift to yourself), it definitely has that “luxury” feel.

In the box, alongside the stimulator, you’ll find:

  • Magnetic USB charging cable
  • Cotton storage pouch
  • An extra nozzle in a different size (you can also buy extras!)
  • A quick-start guide
  • A set of safety instructions

The inclusion of a storage bag is appreciated, and the extra nozzle (presented in a little packet rather fetchingly decorated with vulva drawings!) is a nice inclusion and a nod to the fact that bodies come in different shapes and sizes.

Womanizer Premium extra nozzles in bag with vulva drawing

Womanizer Premium 2 in Use

The Womanizer Premium 2 is a delight to handle and use. It is comfortable to hold, and the buttons are intuitively placed and easy to push. You might need to try different ways of positioning it to see what works best for your body. For me, I hold it upside down (so with the tapered end facing towards my face) to make contact with my clit from above, but some people find that the other way around, or even a side-on approach, works best. The only right way is the way that works for you!

Womanizer Premium 2 buttons

Thanks to its enormous 14 levels of power, the Womanizer Premium 2 offers very small and incremental speed increases, from the lowest purring rumble to the rip-the-orgasm-from-your-body top setting. If you’re very sensitive, this can be a good way to explore different levels of intensity without getting overstimulated. For me, the sweet spot was between about level 9 and level 13. Anything lower wasn’t intense enough, but the very top was a little too much.

No other suction toy has ever gotten me off as quickly as this one does. The first time I tested it, it took me from zero to orgasm in less than ten minutes. Subsequent attempts have more or less replicated that experience. Of course, it’s possible to drag it out by using lower settings or just backing off from the edge.

I also love Womanizer’s “Smart Silence” feature. This simply means that when the toy is on, the motor only activates when it’s actually against your body. If discretion or being able to stop your toy instantly is important to you, this is a nice feature. I just like it because it means that the toy doesn’t keep buzzing away next to me when I’m grabbing lube or finding a porn clip to watch.

The main downside of the Womanizer Premium 2 in use is that it’s a little noisy. It’s quieter than some of my power-tool mains wand vibrators, but definitely significantly louder than my trusty go-to bullet.

About that Autopilot Feature

I didn’t care for the Womanizer 2’s autopilot feature at all, and I’m afraid my assessment still stands. One of the biggest benefits of masturbation is knowing exactly what your body needs and being able to adjust accordingly. Autopilot removes that, and the result is random changes in stimulation that can seriously disrupt

When I tried the autopilot mode, I soon ended up frustrated and annoyed. I switched the toy back to manual mode as soon as I felt I’d given autopilot a fair shot for the sake of writing up this review. Is it better than the original Womanizer Premium’s autopilot feature? Yes. Do I still kind of hate it? Also yes.

Your mileage may vary, of course. If you love unpredictability and being surprised by changes in intensity, the autopilot mode may be a great feature for you. It’s not bad, it’s just not right for me.

Verdict

The Womanizer Premium was an excellent clitoral suction toy, and the Premium 2 is a worthy update to that original design. The two extra settings are much appreciated, and the autopilot is noticeably better even if I don’t actually like it.

This is a seriously pricy toy, though you do get bang for your buck (so to speak). If £169.99 is a bit steep for you, the Womanizer Classic (priced at £119.99) is a great alternative, offering the same sensations, just with fewer settings and no Smart Silence.

Thanks to Womanizer for sending me this product to review. All pictures and all views, as ever, are mine. If you buy through the affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Door #24: Womanizer Classic

We’ve made it! I have successfully tested and reviewed every item in Lovehoney’s “Best Sex of Your Life” advent calendar. And what a ride it’s been. There will be an overview of the entire set coming out tomorrow. For now, though, it’s time to open Door #24!

Door #24: Womanizer Classic

If you were expecting something big and exciting for Day 24, Lovehoney did not disappoint! Behind Door #24 is a Womanizer Classic, one of the newer additions to the famed Womanizer line of clitoral stimulators. Let’s start with the basic rundown:

  • Material: ABS plastic body, silicone nozzle.
  • Colour: Pink body, white nozzle.
  • Body safe? Yes, completely. ABS plastic and silicone are both 100% body-friendly and non-porous.
  • Power: Rechargeable via the included magnetic cable.
  • Waterproof: Yes, submersible. Suction toys offer a very different sensation underwater, so it’s worth trying to see if it works for you.
  • Size: The body is 6″ in total length. The nozzle opening is 0.7″.
  • Lube compatible: Use water-based or oil-based lubes with this one.
  • Cleaning: Wipe the body clean with a sterile wipe. Clean the removable nozzle by boiling it or popping it into a 10% bleach solution.

The Womanizer Classic is shaped very similarly to the Womanizer Premium, which you may recall I adored. The Classic model has slightly fewer features (none of the fancy Smart Silence or Auto Pilot stuff, and only 8 speeds instead of 12). But otherwise, it’s broadly much the same.

Womanizer Classic suction sex toy for Womanizer Classic review

Most importantly, it delivers those slow-build, leg-shakingly intense orgasms I’ve come to expect from Womanizer toys.

These toys all use patented “Pleasure Air” technology. The nozzle surrounds your clit and delivers stimulation through rapid air pulses. Sound too gentle? It’s not. It’s amazing.

The Womanizer Classic has three intuitively placed buttons: an on/off, and buttons to turn the speed up or down. They’re easy to press, and they’re different sizes so you can feel for the right one without needing to break your flow to look.

The only thing to be aware of is that it’s pretty loud at the higher settings. It gets a little quieter when the nozzle has a proper seal against your body, but it’s still got a distinctive sound. I don’t really care about discretion (“Goodnight, honey, I’m going for a wank” is a commonly used sentence in my house!) but your mileage may vary.

Womanizer Classic sex toy clitoral suction vibrator

One thing to be aware of as a beginner, is that suction sex toys do take a little getting used to. The sensations are quite different to a traditional vibrating toy, and it can take practice to figure out how it works best for you. So if you don’t get on with it the first time, I recommend

Yes, the Womanizer Classic is a winner and a worthy final prize in this set! It also retails for £119.99, which – considering the Best Sex of Your Life set retails for £120 – means you’re getting a pretty incredible deal. You can also use my code “coffkink10” at checkout to get 10% off this or any other purchase at Lovehoney.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Door #11: Mini G-Spot Vibrator

Welcome back again for another installment of “Amy reviews Lovehoney’s “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar. Each day, I’m opening up a door and telling you guys about what’s inside. It’s been an interesting mixed bag so far, so let’s see what Day 11 has in store.

Door #11: Mini G-Spot Vibrator

Lovehoney sex toy advent calendar description of G-spot vibe

This is the first vibrating toy since Day 1’s bullet vibrator. Exciting! Let’s start with a few basic stats:

  • Material: ABS plastic
  • Colour: Black.
  • Body safe? Yes. ABS plastic is non-porous and non-toxic.
  • Power: 1 AA battery (not included).
  • Waterproof: No.
  • Size: 5″ in length, 1″ in diameter.
  • Lube compatible: Yes, all kinds.
  • Cleaning: Body-safe sterile wipe.

This plastic G-spot vibrator features a straight handle and curved, gently tapered tip for precision stimulation. If you prefer girthy toys or very deep stimulation, it won’t do much for you, but for basic vibrating G-spot action it’s perfectly serviceable.

I don’t love that it requires a disposable battery, partly for environmental reasons (rechargeable toys are so much more eco-friendly) and partly because having to hunt around for batteries before a wank session is super annoying. But to be fair, if anyone reads the small print on the advent calendar’s box, it does warn you that you’ll need a battery for one of the items. Inserting and changing the battery is easy. Simply unscrew the top and bottom halves of the toy, pop your battery in, and screw it back up again.

How to open the Lovehoney mini G-spot vibrator

The controls are a simple twist mechanism. Turn until the little arrow on the side points to “on” or “off”. This vibe has only one speed. It’s actually reasonable, power-wise, for a one-AA-battery basic vibe, though much buzzier than I prefer. Volume-wise, it’s not too bad, though it does make a slight “rattly” noise when I press it hard against my body.

If, like me, you find that internal vibrations don’t do much for you, this G-spot vibrator also works well as a clitoral toy. Use the side of the shaft for broad stimulation and the tip for more precision. Of course, it’s also good for penises, balls, and anywhere else where vibrations feel good. (Not butts, though – this toy is not anal safe).

The Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar is available now and for a limited time. It retails for £120 but contains about £370 worth of stuff. You can get 10% off your purchase of this or any other items at Lovehoney by using my code “coffkink10” at checkout.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Door #1: Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator

I’m so excited to have received the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar for couples! This treasure trove of sexy goodies comes with 24 numbered windows, each containing a sex toy, kink product, or other sexy item.

This kit is geared towards couples where one person has a penis and the other has a vulva, but many of the items are flexible and unisex. Mr CK and I are going to be opening one door at a time for the next 24 days and sharing a mini review each day, then I’ll publish an overall review of the whole set at the end.

Let’s dive in and see what’s behind the first door…

Door #1: Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator

Sex toy advent calendar for couples door 1

Today we’re looking at Door #1, which contained a small bullet vibrator. Here’s a quick rundown of the details:

  • Material: ABS plastic
  • Colour: Shiny red with a gold Lovehoney heart insignia.
  • Body safe? Yes – ABS is non-porous and non-toxic.
  • Power: Rechargeable.
  • Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
  • Size: 3″ in length, 0.8″ in diameter.
  • Lube compatible: Yes, all kinds.
  • Cleaning: Gentle soap and warm water or a 10% bleach solution.

As far as I can tell, this vibrator is the Lovehoney Glow Up Bullet Vibrator in a new colourway. This means its RRP is £24.99.

Lovehoney Glow-Up Bullet Vibrator from Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar

The vibe comes with a USB charging cable and you get around 60 minutes use on a full charge. It operates on a one-button interface located in the base, and offers three constant speeds and seven patterns. To switch it on, you have to hold down the button until the light flashes, then give it another quick press. Press to cycle through settings, then press and hold to turn the toy off.

Power-wise, I’m significantly more impressed than I expected to be! This toy packs a decent punch, given its small size and low price point. It sits midway along the buzz-to-rumble scale, offering strong and non-numbing vibrations though not quite hitting that deep, penetrating rumble that so many people love. It’s a little loud, so bear that in mind if you live in a shared space or need to keep the noise down.

The target market for this set is primarily people and couples without much experience of sex toys, perhaps just exploring or looking to start their collection, so I’m approaching this review series through that lens. This is a great bullet vibrator for beginners, powerful enough to hit the spot but compact, non-threatening, and easy to use.

Red bullet vibrator for couples from sex toy advent calendar

If you enjoy penetrative sex, this bullet is small enough to slide between bodies for extra clitoral stimulation. And remember that vibes aren’t just for clits! You can also use your bullet vibrator on the labia, nipples, penis, balls, perineum, or literally any other body part that feels good. (Don’t insert it anally, though – it’s not safe for that as it doesn’t have a flared base).

Bottom line: it’s body-safe. It can get me off reliably. And it’s small and light enough to throw in my bag for a playdate or weekend away.

Door #1 is a hit. Check back to see what’s behind Door #2 tomorrow…

The Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar retails for £120, and you can get 10% off this or any other purchase at Lovehoney by using my code “coffkink10” at checkout. These calendars are limited in quantity, so don’t wait until December to get yours.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!

[Toy Review] Sohimi Rose Queen

I tend to come to cheap sex toys with a healthy degree of scepticism. Yes, there are amazing toys costing under £30 out there. But so many budget sex toys are poor in quality, made of unsafe materials, have shitty buzzy motors, or die after three uses. I say all this to illustrate how impressed I was with the Sohimi Rose Queen, a $37.99 (that’s about £27.50) dual purpose sex toy that absolutely blew me away.

A Rose Queen by any other name…

(Yes, there are going to be rose puns.)

The Sohimi Rose Queen is a dual purpose sex toy shaped like – you guessed it – a rose on a stem. Look how pretty it is!

Sohimi Rose Queen review product

The flower part of the rose houses a clitoral suction toy, while the handle is a vibrator that can be used internally or externally. Given that the rose head offers a form of flared base, you could even use it anally, if you wanted.

The Sohimi Rose Queen is made of soft and body-safe silicone in a bright shade of red. (Real silicone, not a weird blend or an unsafe gel material masquerading as silicone!) It is rechargeable, offering an hour’s run time and taking around two hours to charge via the included magnetic cable, and fully waterproof.

Sohimi Rose Queen clit sucking vibrator

This toy measures 8″ in total length, of which 6″ makes up the insertable handle and 2″ the rose head. The shaft measures 1.3″ in diameter at the widest point and is lovely and flexible.

Interface and functionality

The Sohimi Rose Queen features two buttons, located on the top of the shaft just below the rose head. The top button (with a lips icon) controls the suction functionality, while the bottom button (with a vibration waves icon) controls the vibrations in the shaft.

Sohimi Rose Queen double ended vibrator buttons

You can use both settings at once, though I’m not really sure why you’d want to.

The clitoral sucking rose head offers five settings: three constant speeds and two pulsing settings. The vibrating end, meanwhile, offers 10 settings: 3 speeds and 7 patterns. I’d have preferred two-way controls, as you have to scroll all the way through to find the settings you want, but we can’t have everything. Remember, this is a $38 vibrator.

Sohimi Rose Queen close-up of clitoral sucking vibrator

Volume-wise, the Rose Queen is acceptable. The vibrations are about what you’d expect for the level of power on offer. Unusually, the clitoral suction end actually gets louder when applied to the body. According to Sohimi, the toy’s highest volume is still under 30 dB, so it’s not egregiously loud or anything.

Rose to the occasion?

So how did the Sohimi Rose Queen fare in use?

The most important thing with any sex toy, ultimately, is “did it get me off?” And dear God, yes, the Rose Queen got me off!

The nozzle is wide enough to encompass a good portion of the external clit, and the silicone is soft enough to provide comfort during use, especially if you add plenty of lube to its rim.

Here’s something I’ve learned: if suction sex toys feel too intense for you, try applying the nozzle over your clitoral hood rather than directly to the glans itself. Many people find that this lowers the overwhelming intensity without reducing pleasure.

Sohimi Rose Queen flexible shaft vibrator

The shape of this toy is a real godsend. Many suction toys are difficult to hold or position in the way that works for my body, simply due to their shape. But the Sohimi Rose Queen’s flexible stem handle is not only comfortable and ergonomic to hold, but also makes it easy to manipulate the toy into my desired position and keep it there.

The vibrating end did less for me. I’m not a fan of internal vibrations, and the vibes are a little too buzzy to do much for me in the way of clitoral stimulation. However, the firm-yet-flexible silicone means it can be used as an insertable dildo for G-spot (or prostate) stimulation, if that’s your thing.

I doubt I’ll reach for the Rose Queen for internal use much, if at all. But that rose head end though? Yes, that’s going to see plenty of use!

Verdict

If you’re looking for an affordable, dual purpose sex toy that offers both vibrations and sucking action, then you’ve found it. The Rose Queen isn’t perfect, of course. The lack of two-way controls and the buzzy vibrations are notable downsides. But overall, it’s a great product that is made of quality materials and gets the job done.

I don’t usually care much about packaging, unless you count getting upset by excessive single-use plastics. But the Rose Queen came packaged in a lovely sturdy box with a rose design on the outside. If you’re on a budget but want to give your loved one a toy that feels special, this is a really nice touch that makes the Rose Queen ideal for gifting.

Get yours from Sohimi, who ship worldwide, and check out their other clitoral vibrators while you’re there.

This Sohimi Rose Queen review was sponsored. This does not impact my views of the product which are, and will always be, my own.

[Toy Review] Osuga Cuddly Bird

Osuga is a woman-owned sexual wellness brand founded in 2015 and based in Hong Kong. Their Cuddly Bird toy for people with vulvas has won awards including a Bronze IDEA Award (2020) and a Golden Pin Design Award (2019). So I was pretty excited to try it and see what all the hype is about.

The Osuga Cuddly Bird is so named, because… well, look at it!

Osuga clit sucking sex toy Cuddly Bird

It was posted discreetly and inside, the toy was packaged in a sturdy Osuga-branded box. In the box you’ll find the toy, its charging base and cable, a set of instructions, and a soft, velvety storage bag in the same colour as your toy.

Design and Materials

The Osuga Cuddly Bird is really two toys in one, featuring an ordinary motor for use as a traditional vibrator as well as a nozzle with clitoral suction function.

The Cuddly Bird measures just a hair over 3″ in height. Its body circumference is 7″ (2.2″ diameter) at the widest point, and the clitoral nozzle is 0.5″ in diameter. It weighs in at 133g.

This toy is made of ultra-soft silicone which feels thick and plushy as well as being body-safe and hygienic. Aesthetically, it’s really cute and pretty. I got the mint green variation (my favourite colour aside from purple!) but you can also get it in pastel pink or yellow. The inclusion of a matching storage bag is a nice touch. I particularly enjoyed the charging port looking like a little bird cage:

Cuddly Bird clit sucking vibrator in birdcage charging port

Fun fact: the charging cage will stay lit up as long as it’s plugged in, even as the toy is removed, so you could double its function as a mini night-light if you wish. If the toy is attached, the light will switch off when the toy is fully charged.

The Cuddly Bird is somewhat waterproof. The website says it’s suitable for shower usage and the booklet advises not submersing it below 30cm. Run time is about 2.5 hours on suction mode or 80 minutes on vibration mode for a full charge.

User Interface

The Cuddly Bird has two buttons, one for each of its functionalities. The button with the circle icon controls the suction, and the button with the two wavy lines icon controls the vibration.

Sex toy control buttons

The buttons are sensibly located on the base of the toy and are easy to press. Simply press and hold the button for your desired function to switch it on, use the same button to scroll through the settings (three vibration speeds and one pattern on the vibrating side, three speeds on the suction side.)

Be aware that you can’t use the vibrations and suction at the same time. It’s easy to switch between them, but I would have appreciated the ability to try using them together.

Cuddly Bird in Use

I’ll start by saying that the vibration settings didn’t really do much for me. They’re pretty buzzy, and that isn’t a sensation that works well for my body. The power is also dampened a lot by the thick silicone. If you prefer gentler or buzzier vibrations, the Cuddly Bird may work well for you. But if you’re like me and prefer a deeper rumble, skip this toy’s vibrating mode.

The suction setting, though? Well, that is a different matter entirely!

I have a pretty small glans clitoris (that’s the external bit, for anyone who isn’t a sex ed nerd like me!) and this toy’s nozzle is just the right size to envelop it.

I found the shape of the Cuddly Bird easy and comfortable to hold. For me, the best angle was using it sideways on (so the toy at 90 degrees to my body, closing around my clit from the left hand side). Your mileage may vary and suction toys are notoriously different for every body, so experiment and see what works for you.

Cuddly Bird vibrator

Once I had the angle right, the Cuddly Bird delivered near-perfectly in terms of what I look for from a clitoral suction toy. It very quickly brought me to the point of orgasm. When I’d finished, my legs were shaking – always a sign of a good time!

Bonus: the Cuddly Bird is relatively quiet, maxing out at around 50dB. It easily passed my extremely scientific “door closed, under a blanket” test, and it’s quiet enough that I can comfortably watch porn or listen to audio smut while using it.

Top Tips for Choosing and Using Your Vibrator

I often say that sex education failed me and I believe it failed many of us. One of the most critical aspects of sexuality as a whole is… pleasure! And guess what didn’t get a mention in any of the sex ed I received? Yup, you’ve guessed it.

Like me, Osuga believes that “sex is a beautiful and natural experience” and wants everyone who desires it to have the best sex possible. What that looks like will be different for every person. But whether you’re monogamous or open, queer or straight, male or female or non-binary, you can use toys to enhance your sex life if you want to. Here’s a very quick rundown of my top tips for choosing and using a sex toy:

  1. Pay attention to what YOU like, not what you (or your partner, or society) think people with your body parts are “supposed” to like.
  2. Choose a body-safe product. There are so many affordable body-safe options on the market nowadays!
  3. If you’re new to using toys, aim for a versatile product that you can use to explore different sensations.
  4. Lube makes just about everything better. Choose a safe, water-based lube with as few ingredients as possible.
  5. Clean your toy between every use (see the next section for more info) to keep it hygienic.
  6. Consider experimenting with a toy on your own before introducing it into partnered sex.
  7. If you’re bringing toys into partnered play (which is awesome – yay!) make sure you communicate honestly about what’s working and what isn’t. Aim for exploration and mutual pleasure, not a specific goal.

Most importantly of all, remember that sexuality and sexual pleasure are endlessly, beautifully unique. There’s no right and wrong way to explore or use toys. If you’re staying safe and having fun, then you’re doing it right.

How to Clean Your Sex Toy

If there’s one question about toys I get asked more than any other, it’s probably “how do I keep my sex toys clean?” I actually wrote a whole article about this, but here’s an executive summary:

  • You can boil a silicone or stainless steel sex toy that doesn’t contain a motor (or pop it in the dishwasher on the top rack).
  • For toys with motors, like the Cuddly Bird, you can’t boil them as it will destroy the motor. Instead, use either a 10% bleach solution (9 parts water to 1 part bleach) or a body-safe sterile wipe (I get mine from a medical supplies website). Then rinse your toy and let it dry thoroughly before you put it away.
  • It’s safe to share non-porous toys like the Cuddly Bird, in general, but sterilise it between users unless you’re fluid bonded.

If you take care of it, a body-safe sex toy in a material like silicone will last you for years. A great investment in your pleasure, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Cuddly Bird: Verdict

(Bird-ict? No.)

The Cuddly Bird is a really fabulous little clit sucker. It was a pleasure to use, it got the job done, and the fact that it’s cute as hell and in one of my favourite colours doesn’t hurt, either!

The Osuga Cuddly Bird retails for £78.21 (around $110 for my US friends). You can get $40 off using my link and the code “Coffee”.

Thanks to Osuga for sponsoring this review. Please note that sponsorship does not guarantee a glowing review and that all opinions are my own!

[Toy Review] Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Vibrator

This week, I’ve got a couple of reviews coming out for products from companies I haven’t worked with before. First up is Funejoy, based out of Japan and the US. They kindly sent me their Clitoral Sucking Vibrator to try.

I don’t think it’s a secret that I am not a big fan of Amazon. The Bezos Behemoth has a number of very significant issues and downsides. However, it’s also the biggest and most convenient retailer in the world, and most people (including me) shop there from time to time.

Sex toys on Amazon are a notorious minefield. There are many people selling knock-off versions of high-end and brand-name toys, which will not be under warranty and may not even be safe. There are many others selling cheap toys made of unsafe materials. But since it’s so convenient, there will always be people buying sex toys on Amazon. To that end, it’s always a relief when Amazon-based retailers stock products that are precisely as advertised.

Let’s dive into a closer look at the Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Vibrator.

Funejoy Sucking Vibrator: Details & Design

The Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Vibrator is a toy for people with vulvas based around the enduringly popular “suction” style stimulation. Instead of vibrating in the traditional sense, these toys deliver intense clitoral stimulation via rapid air pulses.

Funejoy clitoral sucking vibrator in red silicone

Many people find this sensation intensely pleasurable and some say it induces near-instant orgasms. As ever, your mileage may vary.

It arrived in discreet packaging and inside, the toy was packaged in a sturdy box along with its charging cable and user manual. It’s made of 100% silicone (yes I flame-tested it, and yes it’s definitely silicone!) with a soft matte finish and in a bright shade of red.

The toy measures 4″ in total length and is shaped like a teardrop – flat on one end and tapering to a point on the other. The suction nozzle sits in the centre of the flat end.

red silicone suction vibrator

This toy is fully waterproof and submersible. Pro tip: suction toys can feel amazing underwater. If you’ve ever masturbated with a jacuzzi jet, the sensation is a little bit like that, only better! The Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Vibrator is rechargeable via the included USB cable and a magnetic charging port on the back.

Experience

To say I was pleasantly surprised by this toy would be an understatement. I always moderate my expectations when it comes to cheap toys (though let’s be real, high-end sex toys can be disappointing, too!) So I really wasn’t expecting the Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Vibrator to knock my socks off, so to speak… but it did.

Let’s start with the shape. I have really small hands and I found the teardrop shape ergonomic and comfortable to hold, even through long testing sessions.

Funejoy vibrator for clit stimulation

The positioning of the nozzle also worked really well for my body. With some suction toys, I have to do strange hand or wrist contortions to get them to sit right. But this one rests comfortably against my body and envelopes my clit and clitoral hood easily.

The user interface consists of a single button to cycle through the settings (three constant speeds and seven patterns.) I’d have liked a back button, in an ideal world, but I can live without it given the way I use this toy.

Buy sex toys on Amazon from Funejoy, like this red clit suction toy

As anyone who has read my previous reviews will probably guess, it’s all about the three constant speeds for me. I like to start with the lowest one and build up slowly, only switching to the highest constant speed when I’m very close to orgasm. Even the low speed has some intensity behind it, and the top speed packs a hell of a punch. The pulsing patterns are fine if you like that sort of thing, but they’re not really for me.

The bottom line: it’s easy to use, it feels incredible, and it can get me off quickly and reliably.

A Note on Volume

Be aware that the Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Vibrator is a little loud. Not egregiously so, and all suction toys tend to have some volume to them, but it’s definitely noticeable. It juuuuuust passes the “under a blanket, door closed” test in my house, but if you have thin walls or roommates, this is something you’ll want to be aware of.

Someone in one of the Amazon reviews states that you could use it in the office without anyone noticing and… unless your office is literally on a building site with power tools going off all day, that is laughably untrue. But don’t use sex toys in the office anyway, your colleagues didn’t consent to that and you could get fired!

Verdict

A really pleasant surprise that has left me genuinely impressed! If you’re looking for a clitoral sucking toy and you’re on a budget, this is a safe and quality option for the price.

The Funejoy Clitoral Sucking Vibrator retails for $34.99 (that’s about £25 to my fellow Brits.) You can get 50% off for a limited time using my code, DXTPF9AL.

Thanks to Funejoy for sending me this product and sponsoring this post, which means they paid me to write an honest review. All views, as always, are mine.