Tag: covid-19

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What are the Best Vibrators for Long Distance Play?

Published on by Amy

I’m not in a serious long distance relationship at the moment (though I do have a lovely long distance play partner). But until a few months ago, I had a partner who lived in a different city. We saw each other about once a month, and kept in touch using various methods in between. We texted, sexted, had virtual dates, and – yes – occasionally played with remote vibrators.

Sales of high-tech, remote-capable sex toys boomed in the first months of the Covid-19 pandemic. Whether you’re temporarily separated by travel restrictions, one of you is travelling for work, or you currently (or permanently) live apart, you can enjoy sex from anywhere in the world with the right remote sex toy.

This is just one of the use-cases for the large, and growing, market for sex toys that can be controlled over long distances. If you enjoy the thrill of wearing a sex toy out and about and handing control to your partner, a long-distance vibrator can also be a good investment. They tend to be much more reliable than the ones with short-range handheld remotes.

Remote sex toys are now available in just about every iteration you can think of, from the common wearable toys to strokers, rabbits, clitoral suction toys, and more. There are even app-controlled chastity devices, believe it or not!

Another popular use-case for long-distance vibrators is for those who do online camming. Say you’ve set up your custom Chaturbate profile and built a loyal following, what’s next? Many performers find that using a remote vibe, and allowing fans to take control of it in exchange for tips, is a fun way to boost their earnings. Lovense toys are specifically designed with this functionality in mind.

But what are the best vibrators for long distance couples, cam models, and anyone else who needs a toy with remote control capability? Turns out that’s not a simple question to answer. Here are a few things you might want to consider to help you choose the best long-distance sex toy for YOU.

What’s Your Budget?

App-controlled and long distance sex toys are becoming more accessible, price-wise, as more and more companies are making them. You might say that sex tech has gone mainstream! Even so, there are products available at a wide range of price points. Lower priced products in this category tend to start at around the $80 mark, but you can easily spend hundreds of dollars for high-end products from some brands.

Before you start shopping, decide on your budget. You might need to compromise on some features, depending on how much you want to spend. Which brings us to…

Which Features Matter Most to You?

You should also consider which features you want your toys to have and what matters the most to you. For some people, the most important feature will be the toy’s level of power. Though there are exceptions, many people who use sex toys tend to prefer strong, rumbly vibrations over weaker, buzzier ones.

App reliability is another big factor to consider. You don’t want the connection to keep dropping in the middle of your hot virtual sex date! And if you’re into the idea of semi-public play (or live with family/roommates), the volume of the toy might also be important to you.

When it comes to power, volume, and app connectivity, the best thing you can do is read honest reviews like the ones you’ll find here and on other sex blogs. Good sex toy bloggers test things robustly and call it as we see it when we give our verdict on a product.

Some app-controlled sex toys are more feature-rich than others. At the most basic level, app control will allow your partner to switch the toy on and off and scroll through a pre-set range of speeds and patterns. More advanced products have all kinds of fancy bonus features. For example, some toys allow you to draw your own vibration patterns, sync the vibrations to music, or even use your wearable toy as an alarm.

The Lovense Connect app
App: Lovense Connect

If you’re non-monogamous or do (for example) camming or phone sex, the option to give control to different people at the touch of a button might be important to you. Some toys only let you add one partner to their apps at a time. This means that you have to delete and re-add every time you’re playing with a different person.

The Most Powerful App-Controlled Toys

Two of the biggest players in app-controlled sex toys right now are Lovense and We-Vibe. These products are popular for a reason – they are, in the main, high quality, reliable, and powerful vibes. But they are far from the only options on the market. Other options include Lovehoney’s Desire range as well as products from brands like Kiiroo, Svakom, and Lelo. I strongly suspect that over the next few years, most of the major sex toy brands will start bringing out app-controlled toys, if they haven’t already.

From a personal perspective, I have found We-Vibe’s products to be the most consistently powerful app-controlled toys I’ve tried. Lovense products are also generally pretty powerful. Interestingly, however, I found their most iconic and popular product (the Lush) rather lacklustre in the power department.

Consider Privacy

I am far from a digital privacy expert. I do know that some people with far more knowledge than me have expressed legitimate concerns over the privacy aspect of app-connected sex toys. Ultimately, you must do your own research and decide your level of acceptable risk. If you’re concerned, read the privacy policy of the company you’re considering buying from. You can also check out reviews from sex tech experts to see what they have to say about the privacy aspect.

A Few Specific Recommendations

As you can see, it’s not easy to give a blanket answer to the question “what are the best vibrators for long-distance sex?” Ultimately, what’s best for you will depend on your personal preferences and the various factors I’ve discussed in this piece.

But from a personal perspective, here are a few of the app-controlled sex toys that I like the most:

  • Lovense Ferri, a fabulously powerful-yet-discreet knicker vibe.
  • Lovense Domi, a genuinely brilliant wand. You don’t see app-controlled wand vibrators very often, which makes this one even more appealing.
  • We-Vibe Nova 2, an app-controlled rabbit vibe with a fantastic clit-friendly design.
  • We-Vibe Chorus, designed for clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex but also ideal for hands-free long-distance play.
  • Hot Octopuss x Kiiroo Pulse Solo, a high-tech update to the innovative masturbator inspired by medical technology.

This post was sponsored by Designurbate, a tool that allows you to customize your Chaturbate profile and stand out from the crowd. All writing and views are, as always, my own.

A woman in black lingerie smiling and sexting a partner

A Love Letter to the Art of Sexting

Published on by Amy3 Comments

I don’t know if anyone has done any actual studies on this, but my totally unscientific hypothesis is that people have been sexting more than ever over the last year. With much of the world forced into lockdown (fuck you COVID), we’ve had to resort to virtual methods for everything from our work to our friendships… so why not our sex lives, too?

I’ve said before that I believe that sexting can, in and of itself, constitute a real sexual relationship. It’s one of the first ways that Mr CK and I connected before we ever had physical sex. And it’s certainly one of the ways that The Artist and I have kept our connection alive over the last year of not being able to see each other (again: fuck you, COVID.)

It probably isn’t a surprise to anyone that I am a very wordy person. I am a writer, after all. Words of affirmation are my primary love language. And I fucking love sexting.

I won’t say that it’s as good as in-person sex. It’s not. Nothing can beat the touch and smell and warmth of a lover’s body against mine. But when we can’t have that, for reasons of distance or illness or the plague, it’s the next best thing.

There’s an art to good sexting, though. I’m lucky in that my current partners are amazing at it. But I’ve certainly had more than my fair share of bad sexting in the past. The worst sexting tends to be overly dick-focused, one-sided, and

No, good sexting isn’t as simple as typing a bunch of increasingly flowery euphemisms. Like good physical sex, it’s a conversation, a dance, a push and pull between two (or more) people who are deeply attuned to one another. It involves listening and responding. A good sexter can make me drip without ever touching me. A truly great sexter can make me submit with just words.

At its best, sexting can be a way to explore fantasies and even discover new ones. Many times over the years, a partner has said something to me in a sexting session that has left me like “well I didn’t know I was into that, but oof!” Sexting can build a connection, maintain it over distance and time, and be a deeply intimate bonding experience.

Thanks to technology, virtual sexual connections are easier than ever. We no longer have to stick with just words on a screen (though that can be fun, too.) We can now trade pictures, video chat, and even control a lover’s sex toy over tens or hundreds or thousands of miles.

It’s been hard to be a slut over the last year. So many of the things I love, from regular dates with my non-nesting partner to outings to sex clubs and dungeons, have been impossible.

(Yes, I know perspective is important and not being able to slut it up on the regular is a very trivial concern compared to *waves wildly at everything.* I’m still allowed to miss it.)

For many of us slutty types, sexting has been one of the things that has kept us at least somewhat connected with our slutty selves. It’s a reminder that the world is still out there, and brimming with sexy adventures waiting to be had when it’s safe to do so. And I think that’s something to celebrate.

“Give me words that make my mind curl before my toes.”
– Rachel Wolchin

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I wrote this post as part of Quote Quest, a fun blogging meme by Little Switch Bitch. Each week there’s a new quote for inspiration. Click the logo to see what everyone else is writing this week! Oh, and if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee.

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I Need Noise!

Published on by Amy3 Comments

Say something – do it soon, it’s too quiet in this room
I need noise, I need the buzz of a sub
Need the crack of a whip, need some blood in the cut
– K Flay

Something I’ve heard multiple times throughout the pandemic is the assumption that introverts will be fine. After all, we like staying inside and keeping things low-key and not interacting with anyone… right?

Well, as it turns out, not really.

No-one, not even the most introverted introvert, is supposed to live like this for a year or more.

For me, once the initial tidal wave of panic and fear passed sometime in late March last year, the not-okayness has been a slowly rising fog. Some days it’s denser than others. Sometimes I almost think it’s almost cleared, then I’ll realise I can’t see a metre in front of my face. And one of the things that is driving me absolutely crazy is the relentless fucking quietness of everything.

As I recently told my friends, “I want to go clubbing. I don’t even really like clubbing any more, but I want to go.” I want to go to a packed London bar, the kind of place where you have to fight your way through a crowd just to get a drink. I want to dance shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers, make eye contact with a girl I’ll never dare approach, accept a drink thrust at me by a guy I’ll never fuck.

I want to be the first on the dancefloor at a sex club, shamelessly pulling my dress off over my head to reveal something extraordinarily black and tiny and lacy underneath. To take a spin around the pole before I’ve drunk enough to render it a bad idea. To blow a kiss to that cute couple and wonder if it’s their first time when they blush. I want to hear the music punctuated by whip cracks and squeals of blissful pain and moans of pleasure.

I want the kind of place where you have to shout to be heard. Where the music thumps so loud and heavy that I can feel it rising through the floor and throbbing in my legs, my stomach, my cunt. I want somewhere I can be anonymous, one of a crowd. Somewhere I can get out of my head. Somewhere that’s such an overwhelming assault on the senses that I couldn’t think clearly even if I wanted to.

It’s too fucking quiet and I can hardly stand it any more. I need noise. I need the kind of noise that silences what’s in my head. Now. Please.

So please check in with your introvert-identified friends as much as you do with the extroverts. Please don’t assume we’re fine. And please don’t make the jokes about how we’ve been training for this our whole lives – we’ve heard them all and they’re not funny anymore, if they ever were.

Who wants to go somewhere BUSY and LOUD when all this is over?

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[Quote Quest] Sex-Positive Spaces and Fragile Freedom

Published on by Amy2 Comments

“Raise a glass to freedom,
Something they can never take away.”
– Lin-Manuel Miranda (“The Story of Tonight” from Hamilton)

Despite everything I’ve achieved with this site and the work I do surrounding it, I don’t get to be quite so outspokenly sex-positive as I am on here out in my daily life.

I do what I can, of course. I’m unapologetically feminist and openly queer, and will call out shitty behaviour when it’s safe to do so. But there’s a level of inhibition that doesn’t exist in the same way when I’m Amy Norton, Sex Blogger and Sex Positive Badass Extraordinaire.

I miss sex-positive spaces

For obvious reasons (no, I’m still not saying that particular C-word on my blog,) I haven’t been in any physical sex-positives spaces in months. No dungeons, play parties, orgies, wild nights, or sleepy morning threesomes. I haven’t even seen my boyfriend in close to six months.

I miss the filthy sex, of course. I miss the naked bodies and the kisses and the fucking and the “ooh, whose hand is that!?” But more than that, I miss the cuddles. The flashes of a grin from across a bed, the catch of the eyes with my partner that means “our life is fucking awesome.”

I miss the safety most of all. The freedom. The ability to be completely and wholly myself, unapologetic and raw and real. A place where my queerness will be celebrated, not looked upon with suspicion. A place where being a kinky queer feminist submissive polyamorous slut is a beautiful thing, not a threat to fragile male egos or straight people’s marriages or the fabric of society itself.

So no, I don’t think it’s frivolous to be said that I haven’t been able to attend an orgy or a dungeon in months. Because what I’m really missing is something we all want: acceptance. Community. Connection.

Sexual freedom is fragile

Those of us who do work in this space have always known that, of course. There will always be far-right campaigners and religious fundamentalists and conversative politicians trying to take away the rights of consenting adults to do their thing.

Now more than ever, we cannot afford to take our sex-positive spaces for granted. We cannot take the freedom we have for granted. Losing access to those spaces for the last few months for public health reasons has thrown a new light on just how important – how essential – they are.

Our sex-positive spaces – our kink clubs, private parties, swinger socials, munches – give us the freedom to be ourselves. They give us a place where no-one thinks who we are and how we love is wrong. And that? That is worth fighting for.

I am glad I didn’t know that the play event I went to in March, where Mr CK and I played next to a gorgeous couple I’ve crushed on for ages, would be the last one for who-knew-how-long. I’m glad I have that memory of one last normal, kinky, filthy Sunday afternoon before everything went to shit.

I just hope we can have more of that soon.

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This piece was written for Quote Quest, a new weekly meme by Little Switch Bitch, and this week’s quote was submitted by Yours Truly. Click the button to see who else was inspired by it! And if today’s piece resonated with you, you can always buy me a coffee to say thanks!

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Five of the Best Virtual Date Ideas

Published on by Amy

I resisted writing this post for some time, because it felt too close to the whole “moving our entire lives online during COVID” theme I was trying to avoid. However, there are many reasons beyond lockdown restrictions and public health fears why people might need – or even want – to go on digital dates. Long-distance relationships, limited funds, and illness are just a few of the ones I can think of.

So I wanted to share five of my best virtual date ideas with you guys today. I hope you find something here to inspire you. And, of course, you’re always welcome to share your own in the comments.

Movie night

You can use an app like Watch Party to share a virtual movie night, but it’s just as easy to sync up and hit “play” on your Netflix or DVD player at the same time… or even both watch the same movie as it’s being shown on TV.

You can video, voice or text-chat while you watch, if you wish, or just call each other afterwards and talk about the movie.

Get some popcorn and dim the lights for the full cinematic experience!

Looking for movie recs? Check out my friend Livvy’s blog, Sex Love and Videotape, for some inspiration!

Virtual museum tour

Did you know that museums all over the world have virtual tours of their galleries and exhibitions available online? Meet online to explore a virtual museum and video or voice-chat while you wander around.

The Albertina in Vienna, the Art Institute of Chicago, and the London’s Natural History Museum are just some of the world-renowned museums offering online tours right now.

Night at the theatre

Prior to the last few months, many of us could only access live theatre if we could get to a major city and afford the exhorbitant ticket prices (or get to one of the handful of cinemas that showed live-streamed versions.) Since March, however, tonnes of productions have gone online.

Pick a show, sync up, and hit play. Bonuses of the virtual theatre: you can wear your pyjamas if you want to, your bed is probably comfier than an actual theatre seat, and the drinks are cheaper!

Timeout‘s theatre sections have listings that refresh every couple of days!

Cheese and wine party

If you’re feeling fancy, why not share an online cheese and wine tasting? Get some interesting cheeses on your next trip to the supermarket (or order them online.) Pick up a bottle of wine (or two.) Enjoy them and compare notes on your favourites while you video-chat.

To take it up a notch, dress in your most over-the-top fabulous outfits.

Hot virtual sex date

Of course I wouldn’t be me without saying that some hot online sex is one of the best virtual date ideas of all!

Set aside the time to completely focus on each other, and get lost in some deliciously hot phone sex, sexting, or cyber-sex. An app-controlled sex toy can put your pleasure in your partner’s hands, no matter where in the world they are.

This post contains affiliate links. All views, as always, are my own.