[Toy Review] Satisfyer Power Flower

I came home from my holiday a couple weeks ago to several parcels. One of which was an unexpected treasure-trove from Satisfyer, containing not one, not two, but SEVEN (7) new vibrators. My cup, or something, runneth over. Anyhow. It seems Satisfyer have moved on from just creating suction-based toys, and are now doing a line of more classic vibrators too.

Given the lackluster nature of Satisfyer’s other recent offering (I say lackluster as if I myself didn’t refer to this product as “the worst designed sex toy I have ever had the misfortune to encounter,”) I wasn’t altogether hopeful when it came to testing these out.

That’s why the Power Flower, the first one I pulled out to test on account of its interesting shape, was SUCH a surprise.

This toy is fucking awesome, folks.

Let’s back up a bit and look at some specifics…

The Power Flower is a red silicone vibrator, with a split tip that divides into three “petals”. Like a flower, get it? These petals “flutter” when the vibe is turned on.

The Satisfyer Power Flower viewed from above.

The Power Flower boasts an ergonomic loop-style handle, which fits really well with my small hands. The loop size is 1″ x 1.3″, and I can comfortably fit 2 fingers through it. The toy is 7.5″ in total length (4.75″ insertable, should you choose to do that), and 1.5″ wide at the widest point. It’s fully waterproof and USB rechargeable.

It operates on a simple three-button interface: On/Off, Up, Down. There are six levels of intensity and six different patterns. The buttons are easy to press and the interface is intuitive. The ability to click up or down through settings (rather than having to loop all the way around) is very much appreciated.

The buttons of the Satisfyer Power Flower

Keeping things clean & safe…

This toy is, of course, completely body-safe. The shaft and petals are made entirely of smooth, phthalate-free, non-porous silicone, and part of the handle is made of ABS plastic (also a body-safe material).

The one downside of this shape is the difficulty that cleaning it can present. Bodily fluids and bacteria can easily get trapped between the petals or in the little “dip” between them. So take extra care when cleaning your Flower! This toy is waterproof, so you can either dunk it in a 10% bleach solution or use a sterile medical wipe, followed by warm water and gentle soap, to get it clean.

Due to its shape, you also can’t really effectively use a barrier with this toy. So if you’re sharing it with a non fluid-bonded partner, please make sure it gets a really thorough clean between uses!

The Power Flower in use…

I honestly cannot overstate how much I loved this toy!

I was a bit intimidated to use it with no warm-up (my clit is picky and easily over-stimulated!) So I warmed up with a standard vibrator (a lovely offering from Rocks Off, since I know you were wondering – review coming soon!) and then got down to business with the Power Flower.

Friends, I orgasmed in less than a minute and immediately took to Twitter to be like “FUCKING HELL BUY THIS TOY.”

Okay, let’s back up a bit and talk about how it actually felt. Remember that “Nuzzle Tip” attachment I gushed about months ago? Well, this is sort of like a somewhat gentler version of that. The petals surround your clitoris and, well, flutter against it as they vibrate. As someone who finds direct and very pinpoint clitoral contact uncomfortable (hence why I didn’t like the famed Zumio,) this was an incredible sensation for me. Because it gets the hood, sides and whole area surrounding the clit, it basically encases the whole area in pleasure.

If you’re into very pinpoint stimulation, this toy may not do it for you. But if something a little more indirect is your jam, get your hands (and bits) on one of these!

Great for cocks too!

This toy came out for a second go during a play session with Mr CK. (Having your partner use this toy on your clit during penetrative play – recommend!) He had the bright idea to see how it worked on a cock.

He literally placed the end of the toy over the head of his penis so that the petals were surrounding the head (they’re quite flexible so you can do this!) The reaction when he turned the toy on was… intense and immediate. So, though this toy is designed for vulvas, it’s also a great option if vibrations around the head of your penis are a pleasurable thing for you.

Mr CK did not orgasm from this toy on this occasion but says he feels as though he probably could, with sufficient warm-up.

So do I recommend it?

Oh my god, yes. This toy has gained one of the rare and coveted “basically lives by my bed” spots.

The Power Flower retails for $49.99 and is available from Peepshow Toys or SheVibe. I have not yet found a UK-based company stocking it.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this toy to review. All opinions are, as ever, my own. Please use the affiliate links contained in this post, which sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you!

Fuck You, 2018 (A Surprisingly Positive Year-End Wrap Up)

A lot of things sucked about 2018. A lot. Two people in our lives passed away far too young.  Politics continues to be a fucking farce. It was generally a bit of a trash-fire.

But there were good things this year. Small good things sometimes, true, but good things nonetheless. So, in time-honoured fashion, here’s a top three round-up before we say goodbye to this hellscape of a year.

3 awesome new sex toys

  1. Blush Exposed Nocturnal Bullet. This little $32 powerhouse was probably the biggest surprise in this year’s reviewing. It’s small, powerful as hell, rumbly, has controls that actually make sense, and is ridiculously affordable. Now we just need a UK retailer to start stocking them.
  2. Womanizer Premium. At the other end of the spectrum, this was the most expensive toy I tried this year. Simply, nothing else quite mimics the sensations this thing produces. And the cool extras such as the Smart Silence feature really pushed it into the “worth the price” bracket for me.
  3. Sola Cue. A surprisingly strong and rumbly mid-priced vibe that I just keep coming back to again and again. A great in-between when a bullet is too pinpoint but a wand is too broad.

3 proudest achievements

  1. Making spot 6 on Molly’s Daily Kiss’ Top 100 Sex Blogs list. Holy fuck.
  2. Making just over £5000 from my blog this year.
  3. Raising £1100 for Abortion Support through Smutathon 2018: #SmutForChoice edition.

3 favourite blog posts

  1. On Weight, Rope, and Grief for the Body I Wanted. This was probably the most painful thing I wrote this year, talking about being fat and not being okay with it and being unable to engage in some of the kinky things I want to do as a result.
  2. Me and My Fur: All About Body Hair. A love letter to my body hair, a tale of learning to love it, and a rant about the negative reactions it gets from society, all in one.
  3. Love Letters to People I’ll Never Fuck. A collection of mini love-letters for Valentine’s Day, celebrating non-romantic love – to my best friend, my metamour, the longest-standing friend I’m still in contact with, my childhood best friend who moved to Australia when we were 13, and a straight girl with whom I was once in unrequited love/a very emotionally complex friendship.

3 favourite publications elsewhere

  1. The Ethics of Age-Gap Relationships for Girl On The Net. Drawn heavily from my own experience in a relationship with a 20+ year age-gap, I discuss the ethical concerns to take into account if you want to date someone substantially older or younger than yourself.
  2. Sex Robots: The Next Frontier of Sexual Pleasure, or Damaging Rape Simulators? for Sex Tech Guide. I’ve been wanting to explore the topic of sex robots forever, and getting to dive deep into the consent implications of AI now and in the future was fascinating.
  3. Sex Blogging Saved My Soul for Hot Octopuss. A personal story of how this blog, and by extension this community, gave me hope and removed so much of my personal shame around sexuality.

3 favourite events

  1. Eroticon 2018, of course. This event changes my life a little bit for the better each year.
  2. My accidental-sex-party for my birthday.
  3. (Not a sexy event, but) my sibling’s wonderful wedding.

3 amazing books

  1. The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti. If you want to know what I mean when I say “virginity is a social construct invented to oppress women and girls,” read this book.
  2. Vibrator Nation by Lynn Comela. A fabulous history of feminist sex toy shops and how they did so much for the business and politics of sexual pleasure in America and beyond.
  3. Playing Well With Others by Mollena Williams-Haas and Lee Harrington. The book I wish I’d had when I was entering the kink scene a decade or so ago!

3 superstar humans (apart from my two romantic partners!)

  1. Kayla Lords of Loving BDSM, The Smutlancer and more. I never stop learning from this amazing woman (and her equally wonderful husband!) In particular, she’s done so much for me personally with regards to advising me as I launch my Smutlancing career and try to go full time as a professional writer.
  2. Quinn Rhodes of On Queer Street. Yes, you’ve probably gathered by now that we’re play-partners, but beyond and separately from that, in this remarkable woman I have found a true friend and a creative kindred spirit.
  3. My metamour Pippin. I’ve not always had the best experience with metamours, but they welcomed me with open arms into The Artist’s life and continue to be a wonderful friend. They introduced me to the concept of “radical cosiness” and being a part of this polycule continues to be one of the most profoundly healing experiences of my life.

3 goals for 2019

  1. Make £10,000 from my blog and associated Smutlancing activities this year.
  2. Significantly advance my vanilla writing work and income from this.
  3. Finish my damn novella.

And that’s it, folks. Everyone with me now: fuck you, 2018, you relentless garbage-fire of a year.

Thank God It’s Over.

[Toy Review] VeDO Izzy Clitoral Vibrator

Hey, have you seen that I’m now working with Peepshow Toys? They’re a fantastic company who are committed to only carrying body-safe (non-toxic AND non-porous) sex toys as well as quality lubes, BDSM gear, adult books and more. They also use non-gendered marketing – toys are categorised by type, and genders aren’t assigned to body parts. Peepshow also proactively work with bloggers and understand the value of our work to their business. Basically I love this company!

Peepshow are a US-based company and offer free US shipping on any order over $70, but will also ship to Canada, Europe, Australia, New Zealand and Japan. International shipping can be pricey, though, so if you’re an international customer you may want to bundle a few things together into a single order. (Stay tuned for more reviews of Peepshow products you should be considering)!

You can get 10% off by using code “coffee” at checkout!

Now without further ado, onto the review.

Meet “Izzy”

The Izzy, a small pink clitoral vibrator, sitting on top of its box on my desk.VeDO are a company who produce a wide variety of toys for all genital configurations, all of which are made from high-quality silicone with a seamless finish. The Izzy is one of their new line of products for 2018.

One thing I’m struck by with regards to VeDO toys is how affordable they are. The Izzy retails for $39.99 (about £29) which is, I have to say, ridiculously good value for the quality of product! Other VeDO products available through Peepshow range from $14.00 (£10) for their vibrating cock ring, up to $59.00 (£43) for their most expensive rabbit vibrator.

“Izzy” is a small vibrator – only 3.8″ in length and 1.1″ wide – designed for clitoral use. There’s a pronounced nub at the end of the shaft for more pinpoint stimulation. The curve and shape actually kind of reminds me of a small penis. It comes in “violet” (the colour I have) which can best be described as a purplish pink, and “turquoise” which looks super pretty and vibrant in the pictures.

The Izzy vibrator in my hand.
Pictured in my hand for scale.

The Izzy is USB-rechargeable and waterproof. It also has a travel-lock, so no need to worry about it accidentally turning on in your bag! As with all VeDO toys, it’s made of body-safe, non-porous silicone.

In Use

The Izzy is operated by a simple one-button interface which is built into the silicone. You press this once to switch it on, press it again to cycle through the various different settings, and hold it down to switch the toy off. I don’t love single-button interface toys, for the simple reason that if I’m playing with different settings, having to cycle allllll the way back through to get to the one I liked is really annoying. I’d have preferred up/down buttons.

The Izzy has 10 modes of vibration including 3 constant speeds. You’ll all know by now that I don’t really care for patterns – I’m much more a constant vibration girl. However, if you do like patterns, Izzy gives you a decent range to choose from.

The Izzy vibrator sitting on top of my blogging schedule diary with a pen.
Also pictured: my blogging schedule diary.

Surprisingly Powerful for the Price

I’ve been disappointed by so many clitoral vibrators – even those claiming to be “super powerful” – that I rarely expect much from them at this point. This is especially true when they’re at the lower end of the price range.

As soon as I turned my Izzy on, though, I knew this one was going to be a winner for me. The vibrations are strong, sit pleasantly in the middle of the buzz/rumble scale, and feel delicious at all levels.

The Izzy is also relatively quiet for the level of power. My partner was in the next room and didn’t realise I’d been masturbating until he walked in to find me in bed with a post-orgasmic glow. A good choice for those who want power but have housemates/kids/family to worry about!

Wonderful orgasms

Those who have been reading my work for a while will know that I am a proud power-queen and that my clit can be a little finicky when it comes to vibrators. However, the Izzy brought me to orgasm in the space of a few minutes and it was a deep, satisfying climax. The nub on the end of the shaft is a real winner for me here – it feels divine against my clit and took this toy from “nice” to “WOW”.

Care and Cleaning

The Izzy is, as I mentioned, waterproof – this means you can submerge it in water to clean it. Being silicone, it won’t harbour any bacteria or other nasties as long as it’s cleaned properly. In between more thorough washes, I recommend cleaning it with a body-safe sterile wipe – those you can buy in bulk super cheaply from medical suppliers are perfect. If you’re sharing with a non fluid-bonded partner without sterilising between users, you can easily pop it into a condom or use it with a dam against the vulva.

So – do I recommend it?

Yes, definitely. I’m thrilled with the quality of product vs the affordable price point. I think Izzy is going to join a couple of my other favourites (We-Vibe Tango and Je Joue MiMi spring to mind!) as vibes I reach for when I’m in need of some serious clit play but can’t be bothered with the heftiness of a wand.

You can get yours from Peepshow, and if you use my affiliate links to buy anything from their store, I will make a small commission to help me keep bringing sexy product reviews to you, my gorgeous readers!

Thank you to Peepshow for sending me this product to review. All opinions are, and will always be, my own. Images were taken by me and are not to be used without express permission.

The Big Damn Wands Comparison Post

I’m obsessed with wands.

I love them. I love the size and weight of them, the intense rumble of the vibrations. And I fucking love the way they rip orgasms from by body, sometimes taking me from cold to coming in as little as a couple of minutes.

All seven of the wand vibrators I own lying on my bed on a white sheet.

Whether you use them on a clit, a dick, or on your sore muscles, wands are fucking great.

“But which wand should I buy?” people often ask me. And my answer is… it depends. It depends what you’re looking for. So here I want to look at some of the most popular wands on the market that I’ve tried, and the pros and cons of each to help you make an informed decision.

The One That Started It All: The Magic Wand Original (AKA “Hitachi”)

The Hitachi Magic Wand Original, lying on a blue notebook covered in bi pride stickers.I reviewed this just yesterday! It’s the most famous wand vibrator of all, popularised in the 1960s by the amazing and inimitable Betty Dodson. In use, I found it decent but not world-rocking. Your mileage may vary, of course, and it’s popular for a reason!

Quick facts: Plastic body; PVC head; 2 settings; mains powered.

Pros: The most famous and original wand vibrator; trusted for over 50 years; VERY powerful; mains powered so will never run out of charge.

Cons: Only 2 settings; porous head; very flexible/bendy neck; almost impossible to source legitimately outside of North America; not particularly visually attractive; needs to be plugged in to use.

Get yours: SheVibe or TooTimid. Retail price anywhere between $60 and $120.

The Rechargeable One: Desire Luxury Rechargeable Magic Wand by Lovehoney

Good rechargeable wands are really hard to find. Those in the US and Canada have the Magic Wand Rechargeable at their disposal if they can afford it, but what are the rest of us to do? I’m pleased to say that Lovehoney’s Desire Wand really delivers in this regard.

Quick facts: plastic body; silicone head; mains rechargeable; 20 patterns and 5 levels of intensity.

Pros: completely body-safe; LOTS of settings so extremely customisable; rechargeable – no need for a plug socket; 3 hours running time on a 3 hour charge; travel lock; comes with an attractive faux-leather case; visually beautiful.

Cons: Pretty heavy; less rumbly than some other wands; you can only scroll one way through the pattern settings, so if you skip over the one you like you have to go allllll the way back through; risk of batteries running out mid-wank.

Get yours: Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney EU, Lovehoney Canada. RRP £99.99, currently on sale for £69.99 in the UK.

The Budget Option: Lovehoney Classic Mains Powered Wand

A white female hand holding the Lovehoney Classic Wand, a white wand vibrator decorated with a little red heart.

I initially didn’t expect much from this one, given the cheaper price-tag compared to luxury wands, but I was quite pleasantly surprised! I haven’t actually done a stand-alone review of this one yet but I will. With some caveats (see below) I’m happy to recommend it as a lower budget option for a wand.

Quick facts: Plastic body; rigid PVC-coated head; variable speeds controlled with a sliding wheel; mains powered.

Pros: Affordable; VERY powerful for the price; mains powered so no risk of running out of battery; easy slider control.

Cons: No pattern settings; somewhat porous head (using a condom is recommended); needs to be plugged in to use; one of the louder models.

Get yours: Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney EU, Lovehoney Canada. RRP £49.99.

The Extremely Light One: Pink BOB Allure Wand

The Pink BOB Allure Wand, a pink wand style vibrator.I reviewed this one recently and overall liked it more than I expected to. It’s never going to be a top go-to wand recommendation in general, but some people struggle with the weight of some heavier wands and this is a good bet in that regard.

Quick facts: plastic body; silicone head cover; 20 speed/pattern settings; mains powered.

Pros: Body-safe; extremely light compared to all other models; very versatile with so many settings; mains-powered so no risk of running out of battery; solid level of power for the price.

Cons: EXTREMELY PINK; not the finest quality silicone; gets hot after more than 3o minutes’ use; “Battery Operated Boyfriend” as a brand-name.

Get yours: TooTimid. RRP $69.95.

The ‘Mid Budget, High Quality’ One: Lovehoney Deluxe Extra Powerful Mains Powered Wand

The Lovehoney Deluxe Wand, a black magic wand vibrator decorated with a little grey heart.I JUST tried this one last night and haven’t even reviewed it yet. Bear with me, though – I definitely will! In short I really like it and I’m growing more and more impressed with what Lovehoney are doing with their own-brand luxury toys.

Quick facts: Plastic body; silicone head; 10 speeds and 20 pattern settings; mains powered.

Pros: Body-safe; really good price for a luxury toy; mains-powered, so no risk of running out of charge; dozens of speed/pattern combinations so extremely versatile; sleek and attractive design; impressive level of power.

Cons: Pretty heavy; less rumbly than some other wands; you can only scroll one way through the pattern settings, so if you skip over the one you like you have to go allllll the way back through; needs to be plugged in to use.

Get yours: Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney EU, Lovehoney Canada. RRP £79.99.

The Tiny But Mighty One: Doxy Number 3

A white female upturned hand holding the Doxy Number 3, a small silver wand vibrator with a black head.

Mr CK rolled his eyes at me when I brought this one home. “Surely you don’t need another Doxy?” Yes, friends, I definitely did. This baby is a POWERHOUSE, despite its small size. It’s the only wand I own that can make me come, through underwear, in less than a minute pretty reliably.

Quick facts: Aluminium body; silicone head; multiple graded settings and an escalating pulsation mode.

Pros: Body-safe; RIDICULOUSLY POWERFUL; rumbly vibrations; removable silicone head for easy cleaning; by far the smallest wand with this level of power on the market; mains powered, so no risk of running out of charge; sleek and attractive design; fantastic, ethical company with brilliant customer service.

Cons: Expensive; weighty for its small size, needs to be plugged in to use.

Get Yours: Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney EU, Shevibe. RRP £119.99.

The Most Beautiful One: Doxy Die Cast

The Doxy Die Cast, a deep purple wand vibrator with a large black silicone head.

I don’t actually own one of these! (Any companies or generous readers want to send me a present? 😉 ). But I’ve tried out a friend’s one and it’s pretty divine.

Quick facts: Aluminium and titanium alloy body; silicone head; mains powered; multiple graded settings and an escalating pulsation mode.

Pros: Body-safe; RIDICULOUSLY POWERFUL; rumbly vibrations; mains-powered; the most beautiful wand on the market hands-down; fantastic, ethical company with brilliant customer service.

Cons: The most expensive on this list; only 1 “pattern” setting; very heavy; needs to be plugged in to use.

Get Yours: Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney EU, Lovehoney Canada, Shevibe, The Pleasure Garden. RRP £149.99.

My Favourite One: Doxy Original

The Doxy Original, a purple wand style vibrator with a grey head, held on an upturned palm.What can I say!? I’m a loyal girl. Mr CK gave me one of these for my birthday our first year together, and I’m only about 10% joking when I say that’s when I knew he was a keeper.

Quick facts: Plastic body; non-porous, medical-grade PVC head; mains powered; multiple graded settings and an escalating pulsation mode.

Pros: Body-safe; RIDICULOUSLY POWERFUL; rumbly vibrations; mains-powered, so no worries about it running out of charge; comes in several different colours including purple, pink and white; fantastic, ethical company with brilliant customer service; has come down in price and is now really good value for the quality.

Cons: Only 1 “pattern” setting; needs to be plugged in to use.

Get Yours: Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney EU, Lovehoney Canada, Shevibe, The Pleasure Garden. RRP £89.99.

IN CONCLUSION

No-one except you can say with any certainty what the right wand for you will be… or even if wands are the right toys for you at all. They’re not for everyone. But I hope this post will have given you an insight into the pros and cons of various models I’ve tried, and why I think they’re great (or not so great).

Happy shopping, and you can always email me or hit me up on Twitter for a personalised recommendation!

Affiliate links are used in this post. Shopping with them sends a small kickback my way and helps me keep doing this work. Thanks to TooTimid and Lovehoney for providing me the toys required to do this post. Images are either by me, or property of the featured retailers, and must not be reproduced without express permission.

[Toy Review] Desire Luxury Rechargeable Magic Wand

Update 01.01.2020: This product has been discontinued. Dead links have been removed but I’ve left the post up for reference purposes.

Hey everyone! So I’m trying a new way of writing toy reviews. My previous format worked well for a while, but I want to change things up a bit. So let me know how this works for you, ‘kay?

This review isn’t actually the primary purpose I requested this toy. I’m currently working on a big guide to all the wand vibes currently on the market that I’ve tried. However, I need to wait for my Magic Wand Original to ship from the US, so I’m sitting on it until then. In the meantime, my friends at Lovehoney sent me this one to feature and I couldn’t wait to try it out.

Desire is Lovehoney’s luxury own-brand toy range. I’ve tried a couple of their products before and am generally a fan. I’m so pleased to have finally got my paws on this particular item, because you all know that I am a big ol’ Wand Queen.

“The design delivers on the luxury promised by the line’s name.”

The Desire Luxury Rechargeable Magic Wand arrived in Lovehoney’s standard discreet packaging (plain brown box). Inside, the toy is presented in an attractive box with the Desire branding and colours – black and purple. I was super impressed to see that this wand comes with its own storage case, a sleek and discreet black zip-up in faux leather and with a little hole through which to stick the charger to plug the toy in. Major points for presentation and for including a case.

The toy itself is hefty – 13.5 inches long and with a fair bit of weight to it. For comparison, it’s lighter than the Doxy Die Cast, but a fair bit heavier than the Original. If weighty toys are difficult for you, you might want to give this one a miss – or invest in a wand mount such as those offered by Liberator.

The Desire Wand is mains-rechargeable with a charging time and constant-use time of about 180 minutes each. Being mains chargeable, it is NOT waterproof, so take care when cleaning it and don’t use it in wet environments like the bathroom.

The design is gorgeous. This toy is in my absolute favourite shade of purple, and decorated with the signature Lovehoney heart logo. The head is lovely, smooth matte silicone, which is body-safe, odorless and silky soft on the skin. The design really does deliver on the luxury promised by the line’s name.

The Desire line of toys are on the pricier end for own-brand products, and this wand is the most expensive of the bunch with a RRP of £99.99. However, based on the ones I’ve tried, it’s also far and away my favourite toy in the range. £100 isn’t an outrageous price for a really good toy and I’m happy to say this is value for money if you can afford it.

Pro tip: wand vibes are designed for clitoral use, but they’re great for dicks too!

The user interface is simple – a “on/speed up” button, a “off/speed down” button, and a “change pattern” button. The Desire Wand boasts a massive 20 different patterns, each of which can be used on 5 different levels of intensity. Those who have read my work for any length of time know I’m not really a fan of patterns. I tried a few of them out, and they were okay… but I much (much!) prefer constant vibrations. If you’re a pattern fan, though, then this might be the wand for you. Annoyingly, you can only scroll one way through the pattern settings. So if you find one you like then click away from it, you need to hit the button another 20 or so times to get back to it.

Safer sex wise, the smooth silicone head is easy to sterilise with a body-safe medical wipe, which is my recommendation for any toy you can’t submerge in water to clean. The wand shape is condom-compatible if you’re using it on multiple partners without sterilising in between.

“Absolutely, far and away, the most powerful rechargeable vibe I have ever used.”

Arguably the most important single factor of any toy for me is its level of power. The power offered by the Desire wand is pretty impressive and, for me, falls about half way along the rumble/buzz spectrum. It’s less rumbly than I would ideally like, especially on the top setting, but nowhere near buzzy enough to cause me numbness or itching. I came really easily, twice in a row, with this toy on the top setting. It is absolutely, far and away, the most powerful rechargeable vibe I have ever used – for that, I cannot fault it in the least.

Recommended for: power Queens, anyone after a rechargeable alternative to mains-powered wands, pattern lovers.

This post contains affiliate links. Buying toys from Lovehoney or my other affiliates in the right-hand sidebar sends a small commission my way and helps me keep doing this work. All opinions are, and will always be, my own.

Images are courtesy of Lovehoney and reproduced Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Desire Rechargeable Wandwith permission.

[Toy Review] Je Joue MiMi

If you’ve been reading my reviews for any amount of time, you will understand that I am a power queen. It’s really hard for a toy to score well with me on intensity/power level, because, well… my clit thinks vibrations can go big or fuck off.

I’ve heard Je Joue’s line of toys referenced on multiple occasions as being good picks for power fans, but this is the first time I’ve got to try one out for myself. My new friends at The Pleasure Garden shop generously sent me the MiMi to review.

As soon as I turned it on in the palm of my hand, I knew I was going to be impressed with this toy. Even on the lowest setting, the vibrations are deep and rumbly. But first, let’s take a look at some facts.

The Je Joue MiMi is a small (8.2 x 5cm) pebble-shaped silicone clitoral vibrator. It’s rechargeable via a magnetic USB cable, so you can plug it in to either the wall or your computer to charge. It has 5 vibration patterns and 5 levels of intensity, starting with that low rumble I mentioned and building up to some impressively powerful higher settings.

The MiMi came beautifully packaged in a stylish purple box. Inside that is another black box which doubles up as ideal storage for the toy. Top marks for presentation.

But how did it function?

I tried out this baby during some sleepy afternoon sex with Mr CK. I was ready for a good hard clitoral orgasm, so of course – because he’s an evil bastard – he made me put the toy on my clit on the lowest setting, knowing that wouldn’t be enough to get me off. And it wasn’t, but… it was pretty damn effective at warming me up and getting me closer to the edge.

By the time he finally relented and allowed me to turn it on full, it took me less than a minute to come really hard. That’s no easy feat for me, even when I’m really horny. That’s testament to how good this toy is!

Another thing you’ll know if you’ve been reading my work for any length of time is that I don’t like vibration patterns. I find them offputting and annoying at worst, and “meh” at best in 95% of cases. The patterns the MiMi offers are better than some, but still not really for me. The constant vibration setting, though, I really can’t fault.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The MiMi retails for £65. This price point will make it inaccessible to some, but it’s also much better than many even higher-priced toys I’ve tried. Really good value for money if you can afford it (and comes with a 1 year warranty.)

Materials: ★★★★★
The entire toy is lovely matte silicone, which is beautifully soft to the touch as well as non-porous and body safe.

Appearance: ★★★
I don’t love that it’s pink – but that’s a matter of personal preference. It’s at least a nice rich pink, not that horrible neon colour of some cheap toys. It does also come in lilac, purple and black if one of those colours is more your style.

In its favour, it’s small and cute. Pleasure Garden describe it as “shaped like a smooth river pebble,” which is pretty accurate.

Ease of Use: ★★★★
Did I mention this toy is tiny? I have really small hands and it still sat neatly in my palm. It’s very light, too – only 78g. This means the vast majority of people won’t have any trouble holding and using it.

The interface is intuitive – three buttons: on/up, off/down, and change pattern. I like that you can cycle through the speeds really easily. The only disavantage I can find is that the buttons are so small that you need to look closely to make sure you’re pressing the right one. This could be a problem for those who have visual impairments.

The buttons press easily and make a satisfying “click”. With the toy being so small, it’s easy to operate the buttons during use without breaking your flow or moving positions.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★★
The MiMi is smooth silicone and is waterproof, which makes clean-up a breeze. You can wipe it with a sterile medical wipe, or use warm water for a more thorough cleaning. You could pop it into a condom or use with another barrier if you’re sharing it between partners without sterilising. As ever, water-based lube is recommended.

Versatility: ★★★★
The MiMi has 5 patterns and 5 different speeds to mix and match, making for a really customisable vibe. It’s also waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower too. One of the things I love about Pleasure Garden is that they don’t gender the marketing of their toys – and quite correctly point out that though this toy is designed for clits, it will also work really well for dicks, perineums, nipples… or even shoulders!

Intensity:
★★★★★
I’m really, really impressed on this score. The only other toy I’ve tried that comes close in terms of vibration strength against small size is the We-Vibe Tango (another long-time favourite!) It is rare I can orgasm in less than a minute from something that fits in the palm of my hand. A perfect little powerhouse.

Overall Score: ★★★★★
It’s a five out of five from me, because the downsides are few but the pros are many. If you have a clitoris, or any body part, that enjoys strong and rumbly vibrations that aren’t too pinpoint, I don’t hesitate to recommend the MiMi.

Thank you to the lovely folks at The Pleasure Garden for sending me the MiMi to review. Buying toys from them supports a small, ethical, feminist business – which is something we all need more of in the world! – and also supports the blog as I receive a small commission through my affiliate links. This doesn’t affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own.

Image is property of The Pleasure Garden and reproduced here with permission.

[Toy Review] Godemiche Be My Valentine Ambit

I’ve been a Godemiche fangirl ever since I first encountered their beautiful, unique, colourful and fun dildos at Eroticon last year. So imagine my delight when they, via the always-wonderful Molly, offered me and my bits an early peek at their new Be My Valentine design.

The Be My Valentine Ambit is white and purple, and sparkly with little hearts. I squealed so hard when I took it out of the delivery box and ran upstairs to show it to Mr CK, who was quite bemused at how delighted I was.

Facts ‘n’ Figures

The toy’s diameter is about 1.6″ at the widest point, and the total insertable length is about six inches. It’s got a large, round base which makes it harness-compatible and also anal-safe. (Can we just talk for a minute about how much I want to put this into my strap-on and fuck another cute femme with it!? Because seriously.)

My ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★★
The Be My Valentine Ambit is a limited-edition toy and will be retailing for £35, which is an absolute steal for a hand-poured silicone dildo of this quality!

Appearance: ★★★★★
My inner femme is squealing with delight at this toy. Look at it! It’s glittery with little purple hearts! I love it so much I want to put it out as a display item almost as much as I want to stick it in my genitals.

Feel: ★★★★★
The Be My Valentine Ambit is made of beautiful matte silicone, which is nice and soft as well as flexible. The curve of the shaft and bulge at the head somewhat mimics a bio-cock. The tip’s angle is just right to deliver glorious pressure to my G-spot.

I also found this dildo to be the perfect size for me. I’m not much of a size-queen, especially where length is concerned (my entire genital area will pack up and go “NOPE” if anything hits my cervix) but I like to feel pleasantly full, and the Be My Valentine Ambit delivered in that regard. Combined with my Doxy on my clit, it gave me an explosive orgasm.

Ease of Use: ★★★★★
The base fits neatly in my hand, making it super easy to hold and manipulate. It slid in smoothly with just a coating of water-based lube and is delightfully simple and comfortable to use.

Care, Cleaning & Body Safety: ★★★★
All Godemiche dildos are made from premium quality silicone, which is non-toxic and non-porous, meaning it’s completely body safe and should last for years if properly cared for.

Clean-up is easy. You can wash silicone dildos with soap and water, wipe them clean with a sterile medical wipe, or boil them in a pan of water for a few minutes to sterilise completely. Being basically penis-shape, it’s the perfect shape to use with a condom if you’re sharing it. Silicone is safe to use with both latex and latex-free condoms.

Overall score: ★★★★★
From my perspective at least, this toy is basically perfection in dildo form. If you are (or if you know) a #SparkleFemme then you need this in your life.

Thank you to Godemiche for sending me this toy in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, and will always be, my own. Please support small businesses like Godemiche by buying their products, and if you’d like to support my work I will gladly take a virtual coffee.

Photo is by Godemiche and reproduced with permission.

2017 “Top 5” Roundup

Apart from my 1 Year Anniversary post on New Years’ Eve (which is written and ready to go,) this will probably be my last post of 2017. In that vein, I wanted to end the year with a roundup post of sorts, some Top 5 lists from the year.

I hope you are all having a wonderful festive season and I can’t wait to keep the conversation about all things sex and kink going with you in 2018.

Top 5 New Sex Toys

#1Doxy Number 3, simply one of the most perfect things to ever have graced my bits.
#2We-Vibe Tango, the only bullet I will ever need.
#3Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation, the toy that made me like suction toys.
#4Come Hither Rabbit, the only rabbit vibrator I’ve ever enjoyed.
#5The Ruby Glow, a revelation in ride-on fun.

Top 5 Sex Blogging Inspirations

#1Kayla Lords
#2Girl on the Net
#3Molly Moore
#4Kate Sloan
#5Emmeline Peaches

Top 5 Awesome Events

#1Eroticon 2017, the one that started it all.
#2 – Autumn CM/nf, where I get to be naked and ogle pretty men in suits.
#3 – Lube & a Laptop, a fun summer social with other sexy writers and creators.
#4 – BiCon 2017, where I got to teach my workshop on “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex Toys” for the first time (while extremely hung over.)
#5 – Sex Blogger Christmas, a super fun (and boozy) event hosted by the wonderful EA and Livvy.

Top 5 Books About Sex

#1Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
#2How a Bad Girl Fell in Love by Girl on the Net
#3Approaching the Swingularity by Cooper S Beckett
#4Enjoy Sex (How, When and IF You Want To) by Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock
#5The Myth of Sex Addiction by Dr David Ley

Top 5 Podcasts

#1Loving BDSM, where Kayla and John bring their unique brand of humour, opinions and adorableness to speaking and educating on all aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. #CricketCrew4Lyf
#2The Dildorks, “dorky discourse on sex, dating and masturbating,” with the wonderful Kate Sloan and Bex Caputo.
#3The Guilty Feminist, which makes me cry with laughter and feel better about all the times my life choices don’t fully match my highest feminist ideals.
#4Polyamory Weekly, a very long-standing favourite about all aspects of unconventional love.
#5Life on the Swingset, the swinging and polyamory podcast.

Top 5 Blog Posts

#1The Tyranny of No Rules: In Defense of Polyamorous Heirarchy
#2I’m Looking for Baggage that Goes with Mine
#3“Pretty” is Not My Success – On Being a Swan
#4#SexNotStigma: Using My Sexuality to Manage my Mental Health
#5“Bring the Collar” – The True Story of a D/s Breakup

Top 5 Accomplishments

#1 – Winning the New Voices Award from Molly’s annual list of the best sex bloggers.
#2 – Placing as one of Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes.
#3 – Starting to earn Actual Money from writing about sex.
#4 – Organising Smutathon 2017 and raising £2,000 for Backlash and Rape Crisis.
#5 – Doing #KinkMonth/30 Days of Ds and writing a post every single day for the month of October.

Top 5 Goals for 2018

#1 – Start a PhD programme.
#2 – Cut down to 4 days a week on my day job and make up the additional income from writing.
#3 – Place in the Top 50 of the Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes list.
#4 – Have a piece of erotic fiction published, either in an anthology or as a stand-alone.
#5 – Finish my sexy novella set at a BDSM convention.

So there you have it, friends! What were your Top 5s of 2017?

Affiliate links are used within this post. All opinions my own.

[Toy Review] The Queen Bee by Hot Octopuss

I’ve been wanting the Queen Bee from Hot Octopuss (who I love), ever since I saw the prototype last Eroticon. With the Queen Bee, HO have created a toy for vulvas using the same “PulsePlate” technology as their revolutionary Pulse for penis-owners.

In their words: “Unlike conventional sex toys, the Queen Bee uses a ‘piston’-type mechanism in order to generate extremely deep and rumbly oscillations.” Basically, it oscillates rather than vibrates.

Now, I am a lover of broad clitoral stimulation – pinpoint does it for me sometimes, but I have to be careful with it as it can cross into being painful really quickly. Toys with big heads that stimulate the whole clitoris and vulva are really where it’s at for me. There’s a reason the original Doxy is my favourite thing in the world, folks.

My experience with the Queen Bee each time I’ve used it was one of a slow-build orgasm. This isn’t a “get me off in 2 minutes from cold so I can sleep” toy, but more of a “luxurious, long, slow session that ends with an orgasm so explosive my partner can hear it from the other end of the house” toy. I love it. It’s staying in the little pile of toys I reach for regularly.

The Hot Octopuss Queen Bee, for a review post

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★
The Queen Bee retails for £119 from Hot Octopuss directly. I do think it’s quite expensive and generally struggle to justify the cost of toys that are over £100. Don’t forget you can use my exclusive code, CK10, for 10% off before the end of December!

Materials: ★★★
The material is TPE, which I will admit put me off initially as this tends to be a porous material. However, Hot Octopuss uses medical-grade, non-porous TPE that can be thoroughly sanitised. When I asked my contact about this, they provided a handy info-sheet which is really thorough and reassuring. This transparency, combined with Dangerous Lilly’s endorsement, gives me full confidence to say that this toy is made of a body-safe material.

It doesn’t have quite the sensual smoothness of silicone and it’s reasonably firm. The material is unfortunately a little grabby against the skin, so a spot of water-based lube really enhances the experience. (Then again, when DOESN’T lube make something better?)

Appearance: ★★
No pink in sight! The Queen Bee is a dark steely grey and looks a bit like a hairbrush. It’s not a beautiful or even a pretty toy. The whole look of this toy just screams “I MEAN BUSINESS, I AM NOT HERE TO BE DECORATIVE.”

Ease of Use: ★★★★
Opinions in the blogosphere vary over this one, but I find the Queen Bee reasonably easy and intuitive to use. It has 4 buttons in a line: On/Off, pattern change, speed up and speed down. They’re easy to press and I found it easy to change the setting mid-use without breaking my flow.

What I really liked about using the Queen Bee is that I didn’t have to press it hard against my vulva to get the most out of the stimulation it provides. In fact, the sensation was much stronger and more satisfying when I held it lightly against my body.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The Queen Bee is fully waterproof, making it easy to clean with soap and warm water for thorough sanitising. You can also clean it with a body-safe sterile wipe (I buy mine in bulk from medical suppliers.) 

The Queen Bee does have a huuuuuuuge seam where the oscillating plate joins the rest of the toy. Fluids and bacteria could easily get trapped here, so be extra thorough around this area when cleaning it. For this reason, I’d hesitate to share it without a barrier in a non fluid-bonded relationship. You could use it through a dam or other barrier, but I can only imagine that would dampen the intensity of the oscillations.

Versatility: ★★★
The Queen Bee has six different settings – constant and five different patterns – as well as multiple speed options to choose from. I found even the lower speeds quite rumbly and satisfying, though it did take the top speed to get me off. The Queen Bee is also waterproof, if taking your toys in the bath or shower with you is your thing.

It’s advertised as having a “gentle warm up massage” sensation if you use the back of the toy (opposite the PulsePlate) but I think this is really a stretch – it didn’t do anything at all for me. Those with less Power Queen tendencies than me may enjoy it, though.

As it looks like a hairbrush, I kind of want to use it as a spanking tool, but I don’t recommend actually trying this as it might damage the oscillating mechanism.

Intensity:
★★★★
It’s difficult to compare the Queen Bee, an oscillating toy, against a conventional vibrator, so I am going to resist doing so. Let’s just say it’s pleasingly rumbly on the lowest settings and pretty intense on the higher ones! Again, it’s definitely a slow-build toy for me, but I enjoyed using it.

Overall Score: ★★★
Definitely won’t do it for everyone. If you like pinpoint stim exclusively, this isn’t the toy for you. But if you like broad, rumbly sensations and are looking for something a bit different to classic vibrations, give the Queen Bee a try.

One final thing of note: MY GOD this thing is loud! Now I don’t really mind about toys being loud, because I live with my intimate partner and have no housemates, kids or family at home. But if you live with other people and need a discreet toy, this is not it.

Thank you to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Queen Bee in exchange for an honest review. The Queen Bee is available directly from Hot Octopuss, as well as Lovehoney and Peepshow Toys. This post contains affiliate links.

Images courtesy of Hot Octopuss and reproduced here with their permission.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation

Every time I review or indeed use a Satisfyer toy now, I end up with ‘Satisfied’ from Hamilton going around in my head. I still really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Anyone want to write this for/with me?

This is really not the review I was expecting to write. A few months ago, I tried the original Satisfyer Pro 2 and I really didn’t get on with it at all. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I was just doing it wrong (for the value of “wrong” that means “in a way that didn’t work for my body”) or if the Next Generation model is THAT great of an improvement on the original. Either way, I tried the Pro 2 Next Generation and I loved it!

If you’re not familiar with Satisfyer toys, they boast what they call “pressure wave stimulation”. Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris and the stimulation comes from rapid air pulses. Some vulva-owners say it makes them come in less than a minute. Others describe it as like having the orgasm forcibly ripped from their body. For me, it’s neither. Instead, both times I’ve used it, it was a slow build to a gradual but hyper-intense orgasm that left me with jelly legs for the next half an hour.

Some people describe these toys as “oral sex simulators,” but I can’t feel the resemblance at all. This isn’t a bad thing (oral is fun and all, but rarely gets me off) but you might want to reconsider if getting an authentic oral sex-like experience is important to you.

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product reviewThe Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a bigger nozzle than the Pro Penguin, which I recently tested and also enjoyed, so if you’ve got a bigger clitoris or like a slightly larger area stimulated, the Pro 2 would be a better choice over the Penguin (whereas I’d recommend you choose the Penguin if you prefer a bit more of a pinpoint sensation.)

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation retails for £44.99 at Bondara or $49.95 at SheVibe. It’s also cheaper Satisfyer’s main competitor, Womanizer (whose products start at £84.99.) It’s at the lower priced end of Satisfyer’s range.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle, which is the only bit that makes direct contact with the vulva, is silicone, which is body safe, non toxic and non-porous. (Yay silicone!) The body is ABS plastic.

Appearance: ★★★★
The Pro 2 Next Generation is a lovely rose-gold colour, with the name of the company embossed on the body.

Ease of Use: ★★★
Definitely takes some practice to get it in the spot that will work for your body. One of the most noticeable improvements to the Next Generation model is how much easier the buttons are to press! I found the original Pro 2’s buttons frustratingly difficult and they often stuck, but this newer model has done away with that issue almost entirely.

The other issue they’ve fixed – YESSSSS – is the issue of having to cycle through all 11 settings to get back to the previous one. On the Pro 2 Next Generation, the simple up/down controls mean you can dial it back a speed if you want to, without having to cycle all the way through (which I found threw me totally off my rhythm.) I’m delighted with these improvements. The Pro 2 Next Generation is quite heavy, so I don’t recommend it for people who like or need very light toys.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The nozzle is detachable and you can purchase replacements if you need extras or spares. Being pure silicone, you can wash the nozzles with soap and hot water or boil-sterilise them. I would have upped this rating to four stars if they’d included a spare nozzle or two with the toy.

Though it isn’t possible to boil sterilise the whole toy, the Pro 2 Next Generation is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning, and I recommend you to this as the head is likely to trap lube and sex fluids.

This is a toy that you cannot realistically use with barriers of any kind. For this reason, I would recommend only sharing with a partner you’re fluid bonded to, or giving it a good thorough wash and changing the head between users.

Versatility: ★★★
You can really only use it in one way, but that’s okay for a toy that does what it does well. The Pro 2 Next Generation has eleven different speed settings and is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower. (Not being an underwater wanker, though, I have no idea how that would feel. Would it change the sensation!?)

Intensity: ★★★★
My initial reaction to any Satisfyer, when I turn it on, is “this is too weak to do anything.” (Power Queen over here, #SorryNotSorry!) However: I really can’t grade it in the same way because it doesn’t function in the same way as a straightforward vibrator. The type of stimulation is completely different.

Notably: the Pro 2 Next Generation and Pro Penguin Next Generation are the only toys currently in my collection that I DON’T just ramp up to max and leave there. Even the lower settings are quite pleasurable. A final note: another improvement on the original Pro 2 model is that this one is noticeably quieter. It’s not silent, but when it’s pressed against the body you’d struggle to hear it in the next room unless your walls are made of paper.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Some major issues with the original model ironed out, Satisfyer have delivered a lovely toy that delivered deliciously intense orgasms. A great choice if you’re interested in trying a suction-based toy.

Buy yours from Bondara or SheVibe.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as always, my own. Purchasing through the affiliate links in this post helps to support the blog.