Coffee & Kink Valentine’s Day Gift Guide 2020

I understand intellectually that Valentine’s Day is a made-up holiday… and I love it anyway. I’m a soppy hopeless romantic at heart, and a day to celebrate love is fine by me! Of course, I think this should include all forms of love, not just sexual and romantic relationships.

As the Day of Love is fast approaching, I wanted to share with you a few of the products I’ve tried recently and that I think would make ideal gifts, if giving sexy/romantic gifts is something you do in your relationship.

For new partners or nervous beginners: Feeling Foxy Gift Box

The Feeling Foxy subscription box, for a Valentine's 2020 gift guide

What is it? Feeling Foxy is a new gift box subscription service. You sign up initially for 12 months (though you can cancel at any time) and receive a box bi-monthly. Your box is a surprise and will contain a mix of items such as dildos, vibrators, bondage gear, lube and more. Check out my unboxing thread to see what I got in my box.

Who is it good for? These boxes are ideal for people who are just exploring. Whether you and your partner are new to each other, looking to spice things up but not sure where to start, or they’re interested in trying toys but feeling overwhelmed, a subscription box gives you lots of different things to try out. Perfect for figuring out what you like!

Cost: £45 for the “Play Time” box (4+ items,) £85 for the “More Play Time” box (6+ items.)

For power queens and clit-stim connoisseurs: Wand by We-Vibe

The We-Vibe Wand, for a 2020 Valentine's Day gift guide

What is it? Did anyone else let out an actual squee when they heard We-Vibe were releasing a wand? Yeah, me too! Simply named Wand, this toy combines We-Vibe’s signature strong, rumbly motors and app connectivity with nifty new innovations such as Smart Silence touch-sensitive tech, all packaged in the classic wand style we know and love. It even comes with two awesome attachments for more versatile play.

Who is it good for? People who love POWER POWER POWER! Wand by We-Vibe is the most powerful cordless toy on the market right now.

Cost: £159.99 UK, $170 US.

For whimsical romantics: Hot For You colour changing underwear

Plus size model wearing the Hot For You lingerie from Lovehoney. For 2020 Valentine's gift guide

What is it? Hot For You is Lovehoney’s 2020 Valentine’s range. The little heart or flame motifs change from black to red as your body temperature rises.

Who is it good for? This is a cute, inexpensive gift ideal for those who love a touch of playful sillyness with their romance.

Cost: £19.99 for the bra and knickers set (also available in plus size!) or £14.99 for the thong for cock-owners.

For luxurious lingerie lovers: Wild Blooms

A white female-bodied person wearing the Lovehoney Wild Blooms embroidered body. For Valentine's gift guide 2020

What is it? This brings a whole new meaning to giving your lover flowers! Wild Blooms is an absolutely stunning range of beautiful lingerie by Lovehoney. The pieces are made of a soft black mesh and embroidered with colourful flowers. I’m absolutely in love with my Wild Blooms body – it’s always coming out at play parties.

Who is it for? A sensual and sexy treat for the femme in your life. The aesthetic is both elegant and feminine. Perfect for a Valentine’s night in… or out!

Cost: RRP £44.99 but currently all pieces are reduced to £18 – mega bargain!

For penis owners: The Hot Octopuss Pulse III

Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo. For a 2020 Valentine's gift guide
Hot Octopuss Valentine's Day sale banner 2020

What is it? I know I never stop banging on about this toy but I am absolutely convinced it’s the best toy for dicks on the market. (Not having a dick myself, I am basing this on the many excellent reports I’ve heard!) The Pulse III is a toy for penises which is based on actual medical science. It uses oscillations to stimulate and induce orgasm, and can be used from hard or flaccid.

Who is it for? Great for anyone with a penis who is looking to try a different type of stimulation, change up their masturbation routine, or just get off in a new way!

Cost: £89 for the basic model, £129 for the enhanced Lux model. But all Hot Octopuss toys are buy-one-get-one-half-price until the end of Monday 10 February!

For proud queerdos: Godemiche Pride Ambit

Bi Pride flag dildo. For 2020 Valentine's gift guide

What is it? Godemiche’s Ambit might be the most perfect dildo known to exist (at least for my body!) The shape and curve is just perfect, and they come in a huge array of colours and styles. I own three of them and frankly I want more. (Especially the one called “Sparkly Bisexual” because: MOOD.) Their Pride collection Ambits are styled after a variety of pride flags: Gay/LGBTQ+, bisexual, transgender, genderqueer, pansexual, polysexual and lesbian.

Who is it for? Make your favourite LGBTQ+ person’s Valentine’s by getting them a dildo in the relevant pride flag. What could be more romantic than a gift that says “I see and love who you are… AND I want you to have awesome orgasms?” Plus, £10 of the purchase price will go to support an LGBTQ+ charity.

Cost: £45.99.

What are you hoping to get for Valentine’s Day this year, loves? And what are you giving your sweeties?

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. Images are either by me or property of the respective retailers and used with permission. All views, as ever, my own.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration Masturbator

Satisfyer are really churning them out lately, aren’t they? A few weeks after receiving the now-infamous shipment of 7 new toys for vulvas, I received a parcel the other day containing two new penis toys. They seem very similar, so I got rid of one via a Twitter giveaway, and kept the other one to test make Mr CK test. Meet the Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration Masturbator (hereafter ‘Satisfyer Men Heat’).

Keep your gendered marketing

I’m opposed to gendered marketing of sex toys. Not everyone who has a penis is a man, and not all men have penises! Trans and nonbinary people exist! Unnecessarily gendering toys not only makes trans and NB folks feel ignored and sidelined, it’s also just bad business. Why would you want to alienate a part of your potential customer base? So I was already a bit “ugh” about this product just from the name. But I tried to keep an open mind, I really did.

“A stylish playmate for modern guys”

This is how the Satisfyer Men Heat is described in their marketing copy. I mean… okay, I guess? The colour scheme is black and silver, a minimalistic and stereotypically masculine aesthetic. At first glance, the toy looks like a cross between a portable coffee cup and a torch. One end is closed, and the other is a hole where you insert the penis. The outer is made of ABS plastic, and the fuckable end (sorry, I can’t think how else to describe it) is lined with soft, squishy silicone.

Fuck it, describing this toy is hard, here’s a visual.

The Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration on a white sheet

The Satisfyer Men Heat features a heating function, which warms the toy to three possible levels, the highest being 104F (about 40C, or slightly over normal body temperature). This is designed to make the experience “breathtakingly realistic” which, one assumes, means “it feels like a vagina”. Then there’s “like a blowjob… but BETTER!” as the box claims. I’m skeptical to say the least, but let’s move on.

Size-wise, it’s got about 2.75″ of penetrable depth (so if you like really deep penetration, this isn’t going to be for you). It’s about 3″ wide, and the hole that you penetrate is around 1.5″.

Close up of the Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration

The Satisfyer Men Heat is USB rechargeable and fully waterproof.

Settings & controls

The Satisfyer Men Heat has 4 buttons set into a control panel on the front of the toy. The on/off button is at the top and also changes the vibration pattern. Then you have the +/- buttons to change the speed, and lastly the temperature control button. You can set the toy warming without the vibrations being on, so you might want to give it a few minutes to warm up before playing. It starts getting warm very quickly and the instructions say it comes to temperature in five minutes.

This control panel is really where the problems started. The buttons are not raised at all, so you cannot feel for them with your fingers without a visual. They’re also not clearly marked – thin grey markings on a black background! This means it’s basically impossible to see the buttons properly during use unless you’re in very good light and have perfect vision. In low light, forget it. Mr CK also pointed out that this makes the toy really inaccessible to those with any kind of visual impairment.

Additionally, though you are supposed to be able to adjust the heating function, there is no discernible way to tell which heat setting it’s on. You just get the flashing thermometer icon to indicate that the warming function is on.

This toy boasts “70 different vibration combinations”. I’m not sure how the maths works here, given that by my count it has 8 possible speeds and 6 patterns, making a total of 48 possible options. But what do me and my D in GCSE maths know!?

Care and cleaning

About the best thing I can say about this product is that it is body-safe, which is still shockingly rare for penis toys. Standard masturbators like Fleshlights are all made from porous materials such as TPE, which harbour bacteria and are impossible to get completely clean. Fortunately, silicone is non-porous, phthalate-free and 100% safe. At least Satisfyer got THAT right.

As the Satisfyer Men Heat is waterproof, you can clean it with warm water and gentle soap. It’s a bit of a pain to get clean given the shape, but it can be done with a bit of extra care. If you want to share this toy with a non fluid-bonded partner, you can use it while wearing a condom. As always, I recommend water-based lube – and you’re going to need PLENTY of it if you attempt to use this thing.

So how did it work?

The Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration on a white sheet

“Badly” is, unfortunately, the short and sweet answer. Mr CK was able to fit his penis into the toy with the help of plenty of lube, but he found it uncomfortable. Anyone with a larger than average penis, especially if you’re quite girthy, should avoid this product – you just won’t fit or it’ll hurt! Despite the squishyness of the silicone, it doesn’t have much “give” to make extra room – and one side is completely rigid. This is really a “one size” toy, which doesn’t work at all because penises are so infinitely and gloriously varied. It also makes a squelching noise when you penetrate it, which – while giggle-inducing – is not sexy.

Additionally, the vibrations just didn’t measure up. Even at the highest setting, they’re pretty pathetically weak. Mr CK very quickly concluded that there was zero chance of this toy bringing him anywhere near to orgasm.

When the best your partner can manage is a shrug and an “it’s not… unpleasant?” you know you’re not on to a winning toy.

“But does it feel like fucking a vagina?” I asked. “No,” he said.

“And is it better than a blow job?” “No,” he said again. Never one to waste words.

The verdict

Unfortunately we cannot recommend this product. If you have a penis on the smaller side AND enjoy gentle vibrations, you might get something out of this toy – but otherwise we suggest you spend your money elsewhere. Check out the Godemiche OffBeat, the Hot Octopuss Pulse III or the Hummer wand attachment for some of my most often-recommended penis toys.

Sorry, Satisfyer – I still love you (you’ll have my heart for a while for that amazing flower thing) but seriously, please stop churning things out quite so quickly and develop them more rigorously first.

The Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration Masturbator retails for $59.95.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as ever, my own. Pictures are by me. Affiliate links contained within this post make me a small commission if you use them to make a purchase.

Ask Amy #8 – “When a Man Can’t Reach Climax”

It’s been a while since we had an Ask Amy column, hasn’t it!? Remember you can always send me your questions using any of the usual ways to get in touch.

I replied to today’s lovely reader privately, but he kindly gave me permission to reproduce his question for the column as I suspect there are lots of people who could benefit from this advice. He asks:

Any ideas for a guy who can’t reach climax? I experience a loss of sensation due to my ongoing illness and the medication I have to take. Sometimes using a high-powered vibrator like my wife’s Doxy helps, but only occasionally. I still enjoy sex and try not to worry too much about orgasm, but you can understand this is very frustrating. Sometimes I just don’t want to bother. There’s so much information out there about premature ejaculation, but not much about loss of sensation or inability to climax for men.

This is such a great question, and one that is so rarely talked about. As you correctly identified, there’s tonnes of information for cis guys who orgasm too quickly, but very little for those who struggle to get there in the timeframe they’d like… or at all.

First, I’m going to give you the obvious but necessary advice. Try, if possible, to relax and not stress about it. For a lot of people, making climax the express goal of sex or masturbation stresses them out so much that it makes it even MORE difficult to get there. And remember, you can still have loads of sexy fun without orgasm and even without a hard penis.

Secondly, if you haven’t already, please talk to your doctor. I don’t know what medication you’re on, but anorgasmia and difficulty orgasming is a hugely common and problematic side effect of many medications, including common antidepressants such as SSRIs. (Ask me how I know!) Sadly, many medical professionals don’t take sexual side effects seriously. But sex is an important part of life for many people, doctors need to take these side effects seriously. There may not be another medical solution, depending on the specifics and what your condition is. But it’s an avenue worth exploring if you haven’t already.

Third, I’m going to make a couple of toy suggestions for you. You mentioned using the Doxy wand can sometimes bring you to orgasm. How are you using it? If you’re just pressing it against your cock, that’s awesome for a lot of men but you might also wish to try using an attachment. My partner absolutely loves the Hummer. The advantage of an attachment like this is that it transmits the vibrations all over the penis, rather than concentrating them in the one spot where the toy is sitting.

I also highly recommend you check out the Pulse III by Hot Octopuss. Unlike the Doxy, this “guybrator” is actually not a vibrator at all. It uses PulsePlate technology, an oscillating mechanism based on proven medical research. It’s the same medical technology that is used to help men with spinal cord injuries to ejaculate. It can be used on either a flaccid or erect penis. Tests have shown that it can induce climax even while the penis is flaccid! Of course, no toy is perfect for everyone, but given that this one was based on devices designed for those with little or no sensation, I think there’s a very real possibility it will be a great option for you.

Hot Octopuss have kindly offered a limited time discount code for Coffee & Kink readers. Use code PULSE15 at checkout between now and 18th October to get 15% off the Pulse Solo or Duo.

This sounds like a really frustrating situation for you. I really hope some of this advice is helpful. I also really hope that seeking further medical advice specifically around the sexual side effects of your medication gives you some answers.

Today’s advice column is kindly supported by Hot Octopuss. Using any of the affiliate links in this post to purchase toys sends a small commission my way and helps support my writing and sex education work.