I haven’t taken part in Kink of the Week for some time but, when I saw that this week’s theme was cuckolding, I decided to write this post I’ve been mulling over for some time. I fantasise about cuckqueaning – but do I ever want to actually do it?
First, a quick definition: what is cuckqueaning?
Cuckqueaning (which stems from cuckolding) is essentially a woman watching her partner have sex with someone else. But unlike typical group sex scenarios like threesomes or swinging, cuckolding/cuckqueaning generally involves a degree of humiliation, submission, or degredation as part of the fun.
Another variation on the “watching” theme is your partner going out and fucking someone else, then coming home and telling you all about it. A less common variation but one I’ve seen in porn is the submissive partner listening from the other room while their partner has sex with the third party.
The idea is that you’re being “made” to watch your partner with someone else (or listen to it, or hear about their adventures afterwards.) This plays into the submissiveness and humiliation of the scene. Obviously, the “force” is only pretend and all parties must be enthusiastically consenting to it all!
What is it about this kink that appeals?
Cuckqueaning appeals to me on a few different levels in a fantasy context. First and perhaps most obviously is that it hits my submissive buttons. What could be more submissive than watching passively while my partner gets it on with another hot person?
I love humiliation and degredation when it’s done well by someone I trust. It’s emotionally edgy, but that’s part of what I enjoy about it. Exploring those dark places is something I find healing and cathartic as well as hot and fun.
Cuckqueaning also ties deeply into my orgasm control/tease and denial kink. Something about (the idea of) watching my partner pleasure someone else while I’m on the sidelines is extremely hot to me in this specific way. Being wet and aroused and not able to touch myself or be touched is… well, very much my jam. At least in theory.
I fantasise about cuckqueaning a lot of the time when I’m masturbating. It’s one of my most often-used search terms on porn sites and Literotica. I dirty-talk about it with partners sometimes. It turns me the fuck on and it also scares the hell out of me.
Eroticising a deep fear
I firmly believe that at least some of the time, kinks emerge from eroticising the things we’re afraid of. For me, this is certainly true when it comes to my cuckqueaning fantasies.
One of my deepest, darkest, biggest fears is around my partner leaving me for someone else. This has happened to me in the past, in a relationship I thought was secure, and it was fucking devastating. It really broke me for a long time and left me with lasting trust issues, even though I know it was ultimately for the best.
I’m much more secure than I used to be (I’ve done a lot of work on myself in this area!). But, when I’m feeling at my lowest or my mental illness is kicking my ass, that fear is still the dark place I return to in my mind.
So surely cuckqueaning would hit that button in a bad way? Well… yes and no.
I’ve learned to work through that fear enough to have a happy and functional polyamorous relationship. Is there any reason I couldn’t work through it to realise my cuckqueaning kink, too?
I think a few criteria would have to be met for me to act on this fantasy in the real world. I’d need to be in a good place with my body image, feeling secure and confident. I’d need to trust not just my partner, but the third party as well, a whole hell of a lot. And I’d need a lot of aftercare and reassurance after the scene. I would need to know that my partner still really loves me and doesn’t really “prefer” (to whatever extent those comparisons are even meaningful outside of a consensual kink space) the other person.
Cuckqueaning scares the shit out of me. And yet I can’t stop finding the idea of it so fucking hot.
Because if I’m completely honest, poking the fear is also part of the appeal. It’s like dragging the biggest, scariest monster out from under the bed and facing off against it, but in a sexy way. I don’t know if I want to be cucked in spite of the fact that it terrifies me, or because it terrifies me.
So do I actually want to do it?
That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? Is this a fantasy that should STAY a fantasy, or is it one that I might bring out of my head and into my actual bedroom some day.
I’m truly not sure.
Acting out a fantasy in real life can be incredible if it lives up to expectations. Trying something you’ve wanted to try for years is a very powerful thing. I think it’s also valid and wonderful to have fantasies we enjoy, wank to, return to again and again… but never actually act out.
Which category is cuckqueaning in for me? I really don’t know. Time will tell.
FYI: I’m taking a short vacation next week, so the blog will be quiet. Normal service will resume the week beginning 5th July.