Tag: kink and BDSM

Header image for Tracy's Dog review of silicone bondage restraints set

[Kink Product Review] Roomfun Silicone Bondage Restraints Set

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

When you think of BDSM restraints, what material do you think of? Probably rope, leather, or possibly faux leathers, right? Though I’ve used countless silicone sex toys and even a (very ouchy) silicone paddle, I’d never really considered silicone as a material for restraints before. But why not? It’s a strong, versatile, and body-friendly material – in other words, many of the properties that are ideal for kink gear.

The good folks at Tracy’s Dog (remember their OG Pro2 I reviewed last year?) just sent me this Roomfun Silicone Bondage Restraints set to try out.

Roomfun Silicone Bondage Restraints

The Roomfun Silicone Bondage Restraints set arrived packaged in a simple cardboard box with the company name and logo on it, and with a decorative outer cardboard sleeve with information about the product.

Tracy's Dog silicone bondage restraints set

This is admittedly a bit nitpicky, but the copy on the box desperately needed proofreading. There are three glaring typos and the overall syntax is really off – it looks like someone ran it through Google Translate and then didn’t bother to get it checked. While this doesn’t impact the actual quality, for a product that costs $129.99 I don’t think “readable product copy” is too much to ask.

Roomfun silicone bondage restraints set

Inside the box, a plastic divider tray holds the items. The set consists of:

  • Collar
  • 2 x wrist cuffs
  • 2 x ankle cuffs
  • Leash
  • O-ring
  • 4 double-ended connector clips

All the pieces are made of black silicone with gold-coloured metal accents. It’s unclear what the metal is but I’d be willing to bet it contains nickel, so be very cautious if you have an allergy.

I immediately thought this set was really pretty. The gold-on-black is striking, but understated enough to go with almost any outfit. Aesthetically, it doesn’t really lean strongly towards either a masculine or femme look.

Fit and Comfort

I wasn’t at all sure how I’d find silicone restraints, comfort-wise. As someone who has a few sensory struggles, comfort is a very high priority for me when it comes to anything that’s going to go on my body. Silicone varies wildly in terms of how soft it is as well as how “grabby” it is against skin.

  • Silicone handcuffs
  • Silicone wrist cuffs

The Roomfun Silicone Bondage Restraints set, fortunately, is made of lovely soft matte silicone. It’s smooth enough to glide along my skin without any uncomfortable grab, and it feels beautifully smooth to the touch. Mr CK did note that the silicone can be a bit grabby if you use it on areas with a lot of body hair.

The only real downside I noticed was that when I wear the collar for a lengthy period of time, my neck underneath it gets really hot and sweaty. This is because silicone really isn’t breathable at all. If you’re wearing it for long periods, consider taking it off occasionally to let your skin breathe. This means that I wouldn’t recommend this set if you’re looking for a “wear 24/7” type collar.

Silicone collar and leash for BDSM for Tracy's Dog review

In terms of sizing, this set is highly adjustable. With 7 holes on each wrist cuff, 5 on each ankle cuff, and 8 on the collar, it’s likely to fit the vast majority of wearers comfortably.

Construction and Useability

The pieces feel well-built and sturdy. Wearing and using them, I feel confident that I can pull and struggle if I want to (because that can be hot!) and they won’t break. The metal pieces are also sturdy. I’ve tried some restraint sets where I feel like they’d fall apart with one good tug. That’s not the case here.

Interestingly, the clip on the leash is smaller than the other clips, leading me to believe it might be less strong. Obviously you shouldn’t be tugging hard on something around someone’s neck, so it’s probably not a big deal with regards to functionality, but it’s something to be aware of.

You can use the different pieces in a variety of ways thanks to the clips. Attach your partner’s hands behind their back, clip them to restraints attached to your bed or a St Andrew’s Cross, or use the clips and ring to form a hogtie shape. Mix and match, try things out, and see what’s the most fun for you and your partner(s).

Silicone BDSM hogtie

Since silicone is non-porous and easy to clean, this set is also ideal if you like to get messy during play… or if you have multiple partners and want to use the same restraints with different people safely. I wouldn’t get it soaking wet as the metal might tarnish, but you can wipe it down with a warm damp cloth and some gentle soap or use antibacterial wipes to keep the silicone clean.

Since this set consists of quite a few separate pieces, I recommend keeping the box and divider and using them to store it all between play sessions. There’s nothing more annoying when you’re trying to set up a scene than having to rummage through your kit bag for that one cuff you can’t find!

Verdict

This set is genuinely high quality and well-made! I’m really impressed with its look, feel, comfort, and useability, and I feel confident that it’ll get plenty of use. A really solid buy if you’re new to restraints and looking for a safe, effective set, or if you’re an experienced player and looking for a change from rope or leather.

The Roomfun Silicone Bondage Restraints kit retails for $129.99 from Tracy’s Dog.

Thank you to Tracy’s Dog for sponsoring this post, which means they paid me to write an honest and unbiased review. All opinions and experiences are my own.

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How to Vet a Dom Before You Play

Published on by Amy1 Comment

I meet a lot of new and curious submissives through this blog and events in my local kink community. The questions they ask me most often tend to centre around how to find a Dom. But finding someone is just the first step. It’s also essential to vet a Dom before you play with them. Vetting helps to ensure the person is who they say they are, and that they’re a safe person for you to play with, date, or give your submission to.

Here are five strategies you can use to help you vet a Dom before you get too invested in them.

Meet in a public place first

If you’re meeting someone in person for the first time (say, if you’ve met them online) then always have your first meeting in a public place like a bar, restaurant, or coffee shop. Even if you’ve met at an event such as a munch or rope workshop, having a date in a public place the first time you meet one-to-one is a good idea. This lets you get to know them as a person in a safe and low-pressure environment. It also ensures you can leave relatively easily if things go sideways.

If a prospective Dom balks at meeting in public, that’s a glaring red flag. At best, it might suggest they’re cheating on a spouse or otherwise not being upfront about themselves and their situation. At worst, it can indicate seriously bad intentions.

Ask around

If your prospective Dominant has been in the community for a while, others will know them and have an opinion on them. Try asking around some regulars in your local scene to see what they can tell you about this person. If in doubt, the organiser of a munch they attend regularly is a good place to start.

When vetting, it’s best to get a range of opinions if you can. One person’s view can be clouded either positively or negatively, but patterns of data are far more useful. Of course, if you hear anything really damning (such as that the person has a history of behaving abusively), pay very close attention to that.

Kinksters are used to people vetting each other and generally support it. Your local community leaders shouldn’t think it’s weird if you say “hey, I’m thinking of playing with X and I wondered if you have any insight on what they’re like as a person?”

Pay attention to small things

If you look closely, you can learn a lot about a person from the way they interact with you, others, and the world around them. Remember that a BDSM relationship is still a relationship first and foremost.

For example, do they generally speak to others with respect and courtesy? Or do they immediately assume they can be disrespectful to anyone who identifies as a submissive? If you go out for coffee or a meal, how do they treat the waitstaff? Do they have hobbies, interests, and friends that they can talk about? Do they ask for consent as a matter of course (for example, before touching or hugging you for the first time)?

Here’s a trick a friend taught me: set a small boundary early on. Do they respect and honour it? How a Dom responds to a clearly stated boundary tells you an enormous amount about them and how they’ll treat you if you continue in a relationship.

Introduce them to your friends

Friends can sometimes spot things that we can’t when we have a crush on someone (or are deep in sub frenzy). Introducing your potential Dom to some of your trusted friends early on can give you a new perspective on them. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for their honest opinions and be prepared to listen to them!

I’ve had friends introduce me to their new partner or prospective partner and immediately felt like “eurgh, there’s something off about this guy”, even if I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what (I call this Getting The Vibes). Sometimes it’s more obvious, such as if the person insults or demeans my friend in front of me. Other times in this situation, I’ve thought “my friend seems so happy and relaxed around this person”.

Play at an event first

Not everyone likes kinky events or play parties, or has access to them due to finances or geography. But if this is an option for you, it can be a safer way to play with a new Dom for the first time. Reputable kinky play events usually have staff, such as organisers and Dungeon Monitors (DMs), who will keep an eye on what’s happening and step in if necessary. For example, many events have “house safewords” but in practice a DM will pay attention to anything that sounds like a withdrawal of consent. This means that, even if you’re in a vulnerable position such as being restrained, you’ll have someone looking out for you.

People can still fool you

Unfortunately, some people are good at seeming fine while hiding nefarious intentions. You might do everything you can to vet a Dom, and still end up getting hurt. If you do, I really don’t want you to feel as though any of this is your fault or you didn’t do enough. If a person chooses to harm you, the fault is always and exclusively theirs.

Vetting is a tool that helps to keep us safe. It’s far from perfect, but it’s still worth doing.

Do you have any ways you vet a Dom (or sub) that I haven’t discussed? Drop them in the comments if so!

[Kink Product Review] Lovehoney Tiger Lily Lace Cuffs and Eye Mask Set

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

For today’s mini review, we’re looking at another product from Lovehoney’s 2022 Valentine’s Day lingerie. The Tiger Lily range consists of six designs. I’ll also be reviewing the bodysuit next week, so keep an eye out for that! Today, though, we’re looking at the Tiger Lily Lace Cuffs and Eye Mask Set.

The Lace Cuffs and Mask Set consists of two wrist cuffs and one eye mask, all made of the same bright red floral lace and mesh and fastening with tie-up red ribbons. The colour is gorgeous and the lace is super pretty. I particularly like that there’s tiny flecks of silvery thread in the lace so it catches the light and shimmers when you move.

Lovehoney Tiger Lily red lace cuffs set

Each cuff is elasticated around one opening, and the eye mask is elasticated along the top, meaning they’ll stretch to fit many wearers. The fit is comfortable, though I’ve found that the cuffs do tend to ride up after a while, meaning I need to readjust them periodically. If you’re in a bigger body, I’d hesitate to recommend these cuffs. I’m a size 12 and the elastic digs into my forearm just enough to be… not exactly uncomfortable, but definitely noticeable. The fabric is soft and doesn’t scratch or irritate my skin.

Tiger Lily red lace eye mask bondage blindfold

The Tiger Lily Lace Cuffs and Eye Mask Set is really more about aesthetics than function. The eye mask really doesn’t block the light or obstruct vision very much at all. It’s more “masquerade ball” than “sensory deprivation”. I’d recommend a padded blindfold if you’re after the latter. And while the cuffs’ ribbons make them ideal for tying together (say to restrain your lover’s hands behind their back, for example), I wouldn’t use them for tying someone to the bed or any other kind of more intense bondage activity. They’re just too delicate and I’d be worried about ripping them. If you want to actually tie someone up or get tied up, consider a set of safe bondage cuffs instead.

  • Lovehoney red lace cuff from Tiger Lily Valentine's Day lingerie range
  • Lovehoney bondage cuff red lace cuffs

The Tiger Lily Lace Cuffs and Eye Mask Set is beautiful, but I’m hesitant to call it functional. And that’s not really a criticism – as a femme, I’m very in favour of beauty for the sake of beauty. So if you want to engage in actual sensory deprivation or bondage play? I’d look elsewhere. They really are very pretty, though…

The set retails for £9.99. It makes a lovely stand-alone Valentine’s gift, and also pairs beautifully with any of the other pieces in the Tiger Lily range. Another option? Wear it with a set of black lingerie to add a touch of fun and colour to your ensemble.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Tiger Lily Lace Cuffs and Eye Mask Set to review! All views, as always, are mine.

Header image for a guest post about being a submissive with ADHD by Redridingbrat

[Guest Post] Being a Submissive with ADHD by Redridingbrat

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

While I don’t have an actual diagnosis of ADHD, I’ve long felt that it’s something I very likely have at least to some degree. Whenever I see any ADHD content, from medical information to memes, I find myself going “yep, it me”. So I wasn’t altogether surprised when I also found this piece from my friend Redridingbrat (she/her) deeply relatable.

I feel very strongly that kink is for all consenting adults who want to engage in it. Many of the images we see online and in the media are reductive, exclusionary, and harmful. That’s why it’s so important to me to represent a diversity of experiences on this blog. To that end, I’m thrilled to bring you this piece from RRB on ADHD and submission.

As always, you can help me to pay more lovely guest writers by chipping in via the tip jar.

Amy x

Being a Submissive with ADHD by Redridingbrat

What comes to mind when you think of the perfect submissive?

Perhaps it is someone who is entirely focused on their Dominant, able to follow the rules and pre-emptively do whatever their Dominant might desire.

How does this change when you have ADHD?

ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is a medical condition that affects the way a person thinks and acts. This often presents as someone being inattentive, hyperactive, and impulsive – three things that can often clash with the pop culture view of submission. As a submissive with ADHD, I have had to work with my Dominant to make sure that my submission isn’t adversely affected by my ADHD.

One of the ways inattention in ADHD can affect a D/s dynamic is forgetfulness. Forgetting rules, forgetting tasks, forgetting where things have been placed… not something that is in the picture-perfect view of a “sub”! Thankfully, this is something this can be easily accommodated. Having the rules written up and displayed somewhere is a straightforward way of not relying on the memory. Having things placed in see through or open containers lets you quickly see where they are. A long-term solution is to have your Dominant help you create habits, so you do not need to remember a thing.

Another annoying symptom of ADHD is being prone to distraction. Sitting in a corner with no stimulation is my personal idea of hell. It isn’t just me who can suffer as a result of this, though; losing interest in an activity halfway through a scene can very quickly make a Dominant feel like they failed at a scene, and make the submissive then feel guilty for not being able to concentrate. This does not have an easy fix but there are things that help. Doing shorter activities can do wonders, as this gives less chances for the brain to wander off. Sensory deprivation can also help as it can force the submissive to focus on their other senses. The biggest things that can help are open communication and being self-aware. By letting your Dominant know when you are having a bad day focusing, you can reassure each other that neither is at fault when focus issues arise.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, another symptom of ADHD is hyperfocus; getting so consumed by a task that everything else is ignored. When a task is interrupted by something else, it can be extremely hard to bring yourself out of the task and into the new thing, regardless of how urgent it may be. In extreme cases, this can lead to ignoring the need to drink or use the toilet for hours on end. One thing my Dominant has found to help with this is simply asking “when will this be done?”, helping me to verbalise what done looks like as well as giving me a subconscious queue to start bringing myself out of the task. Having a set routine and structure also helps with this as it ensures that my body becomes accustomed to performing certain activities at certain time, with an external check (my Dominant) making sure it is adhered to.

Another symptom of ADHD that is often overlooked is internal motivation. I can often sit in “standby mode”, endlessly scrolling social media whilst given tasks go unfulfilled. Part of this is that a larger task can be overwhelming if not broken down into smaller steps, making it physically uncomfortable to get started. Something that can really help prevent situations like this is breaking a large task down into multiple smaller parts, while also being clear about what signifies completion of each part. For example, “make yourself presentable for me” can be broken down into: “Go shower, style your hair into a high ponytail, put on a full face of makeup with red lipstick, and wear the red underwear. I want these tasks to be complete by 5pm”. Rewards-based dynamics are also excellent for those who require the internal motivation to be turned external. Extra orgasms for doing a large task? Yes please!

Whilst I have spoken at length about the challenges of having ADHD, it does come with a number of positives too. Those of us with ADHD often excel when in “crisis mode”, meaning we can be very good if something goes wrong in a scene. ADHD folks are also creative in our problem solving, making us the perfect people to do puzzle-based tasks or mend broken toys. And ADHD people can also be more adventurous, making us the perfect partner for trying new activities in the bedroom.

ADHD can make submission hard. It breaks many of the pre-conceived notions of what a “good submissive” looks like. Someone who is forgetful, distractable, and hard to self-motivate is not the “ideal” that is written about in popular literature. However, there are things that can help overcome the barriers that may come up in a D/s dynamic. The main thing to remember is that D/s is not one size fits all. You can customise and change how your relationship looks. You are not a failure if it does not look like the glamorised novels. Anyone can be a submissive. All you need to do is identify as one and find someone who adores you and your style.

Redridingbrat is a switchy brat who loves nothing more than to engage her submissive side. Her main experiences involve rope, D/s and discussions surrounding disability within the kink community.

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Kink in Public: Is it Okay and How Can You Do It Safely?

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

A lot of people have exhibitionism kinks, meaning they get off on the idea (or reality) of doing sex and/or kink things in front of other people. But is this something you can do? Is it something you should do? The short answer is yes, but you need to be careful and considerate if you do choose to go for it.

Consent Matters

Consent to sex and BDSM extends to anyone who will witness it. And this means that random members of the public should not be seeing your activities, since they have not consented to do so.

In some spaces, such as swing clubs and kink dungeons, consenting to be there means consenting to see certain activities that fall within the rules of the space. So if you want to get your exhibitionist on, consider going to one of these spaces so you can do so in a safe, controlled, and consensual way with enthusiastically voyeuristic participants.

Remote Control Sex Toys

One way to play subtly in public spaces is to use wearable, remote control vibrators such as the Lovense Lush or We-Vibe toys. These toys are generally quite quiet, meaning that you can safely use them in spaces with a decent level of ambient noise. Plus if people hear something vibrating with no other context, they’ll likely assume it is a mobile phone ringing.

Obviously, you’ll need to keep your facial expressions and responses under control if you want to do this.

Check out my Lovense Ferri review, We-Vibe Chorus review, and Lovense Lush review for some inspiration for remote control sex toys you can use.

Subtle Protocols

Many kinky and D/s couples continue their dynamic in public – without violating anyone’s consent – by implementing protocols that people would not associate with kink without additional context. Easy examples include the submissive always walking on a particular side, the submissive carrying the Dominant’s belongings for them, or the submissive going to the bar to fetch the drinks as an act of service.

These are just a few ideas. Use your imagination and come up with subtle kink protocols that work for you.

Day Collars

I have mixed feelings on the subject of wearing obvious BDSM collars in public. On the one hand, we all get to wear the things we like on our own bodies, and many collars could plausibly pass for simple chokers. On the other hand, a collar can still be a fairly obvious symbol of a power exchange dynamic. You must decide for yourself where you fall on this. I used to wear my collar in public when I was in my former 24/7 relationship, but I probably wouldn’t do so now.

Fortunately, you can get subtle or completely vanilla-looking day collars. Mine used to be a bracelet with a little lock and key charm. Some look like simple necklaces. Your “day collar” can be a necklace, bracelet, ring, or something else entirely. I even know people who have a tattoo as their day collar, though obviously this requires an enormous degree of commitment and certainly!

Wear Something Your Dominant Chose

An easy way to feel submissive all day long? Ask your Dominant to choose your outfit for the day (or even an aspect of it, such as your underwear). Kayla Lords has written before about having her Dominant partner choose her panties for the day when they were long distance, and I think this is a great idea!

Receiving Tasks by Text

If you’re out and about away from your kinky partner, why not experiment with sending and receiving tasks by text (or email, messaging app, or communication system of your choice). These tasks can be sexual (“next time you go to the bathroom, take your knickers off and put them in your bag”) or completely vanilla (“drink a glass of water in the next half hour”). This is a great way to feel connected as you go about your days, and does not risk involving any non-consenting participants in your dynamic.

This post was written as part of Smutathon 2021! You can check out all our work and learn more about the challenge on the Smutathon website. Please consider donating to this year’s charities, Gendered Intelligence and Trans Lifeline.

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Five Filthy Post-Covid Fantasies

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

This post was shamelessly inspired by Exhibit A’s 24 Hours posts.

Even though the pandemic isn’t over, many of us are starting to enjoy the perks of vaxxed life. That includes the ability to date, hook up, go to sexy events, and more. I’m currently taking a break from dating new people (for the reasons explained here) but that doesn’t mean I’m not fully embracing some recurring filthy fantasies. Here are five thoughts and fantasies that are occupying my sex brain at the moment.

The culmination of long-held sexual tension

How long have we been lusting after each other from afar at this point? Years? Sexual tension is delicious, but I fantasise about the moment we finally get to rip each other’s clothes off. A frantic fuck in a hotel room, the look on his face when he finally sees me naked for the first time in the flesh, the way my breath will catch when he pushes me against the wall and kisses me.

A kiss with a stranger

I don’t know their name, and I don’t want to. I want us to connect through looks and body-language, pressing close to each other on the dance-floor where it’s so loud we couldn’t really talk even if we wanted to. Our lips will meet in the dark and I’ll press just close enough to feel their cock through their jeans, to feel how much they want me. It won’t go any further, and it doesn’t need to. Just knowing they’ll be thinking about me when they get themself off later tonight is enough.

A spanking party

Spanking was my gateway drug, the first fetish I explored in my first sexual relationship, long before I had any real concept of what BDSM was or that it was a thing that millions of people are into. Though I’ve been to plenty of general BDSM events, I’ve never been to a specific spanking-themed party and I would love to. In this fantasy, I usually end up co-bottoming to a group of lovely, lightly sadistic Tops who want to be just the right level of horrible to me.

A strip club

I’ve wanted to go to a strip club for years (I actually tried to organise an outing to one a couple years ago for my birthday, but the one we were intending to go to closed down in the interim). I’ve received lap-dances a couple times in my life, in the context of private events, and both times the experience was incredibly hot. I’d love to experience it in the full strip club setting.

A swing resort

It’s long been a fantasy and ambition of mine to go to a swinging and nudist resort, and specifically to make it to the “Swingset Takes Desire” takeover in Cancun. This feels like a pipe-dream much of the time, because escaping to Mexico requires a high degree of logistical wrangling and is hella expensive, but someday we’ll make it happen.

I want to get naked in the sun, to run around in a space with others who understand my particular form of non-monogamous weirdness, flirt and dance and drink and fuck and just for a week, escape from the world into paradise.

What post-Covid fantasies are you harbouring, friends?

This post was written as part of Smutathon 2021! You can check out all our work and learn more about the challenge on the Smutathon website. Please consider donating to this year’s charities, Gendered Intelligence and Trans Lifeline.

Header image for a post on gentle femdom and praise kink by Katherine Pierce

[Guest Post] Adventures in Gentle Femdom by Katherine Pierce

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Today’s guest post comes from Katherine Pierce (she/her), who is writing for C&K for the first time. I loved this heartfelt piece on her explorations into gentle femdom and praise kink, and what it means to her and her partner.

Amy x

Adventures in Gentle Femdom by Katherine Pierce

My partner and I have been together for six months, and recently we began exploring kink. He’d never experimented with kink before, and my previous experiences of it were quite negative: my last partner didn’t let me explore my own desires and treated me as a permanently submissive player in his fantasies, which he often wasn’t good at distinguishing from real life. I consider myself a switch, but wasn’t interested in the very aggressive style of dominance my ex enjoyed, and assumed I would never find a way to explore that dominant part of myself.

When my current partner and I first started going out, we were focused on understanding each other sexually. He hadn’t had a lot of past sexual experience, and each time we slept together we uncovered new things about both of us. Our first find was his praise kink and his love of cuddling and tenderness after sex.

Soon after, he began to show me that something he really enjoyed was following instructions and knowing he was pleasing me. He enjoyed not having to be in control. I, meanwhile, loved the fact that I was in a dominant position, but one completely different to what I had seen before. Giving him attention, affection and love after our sex was really fulfilling for me. I decided that this would be a great opportunity to start introducing kink into my sex life again.

We did a bit of research together, and discovered something that seemed to sum up what we already did and what we were interested in trying: gentle femdom.

What is gentle femdom?

Gentle femdom is a style of dominance where a woman is in charge, often but not always of a male partner. However, unlike more aggressive styles of dominance, it focuses on gentleness, tender words, soft aesthetics and lots of aftercare.

A gentle femdom is a nurturing and caring figure, one who supports her sub and gives them space to please her, follow instructions and be rewarded for their good behaviour. She might dress her sub up, give them baths or makeovers, penetrate them in different ways, or a whole host of other activities.

Gentle femdom also doesn’t tend to use pain or punishment as a significant part of its modes of play. Whilst a little spanking for sexual pleasure might be included, there is no hardcore pain infliction. Humiliating or demeaning dirty talk isn’t often used, either. Sexologist Carol Queen said that sometimes subs “feel that it is easier to feel loved and cared for in such a scene”. What kind of sex could work better for a dom interested in being gentle and a sub with a praise kink and longing for affection?

Trying it out

As soon as my partner and I heard about this, we thought it sounded perfect for us. We started small, doing our usual sex acts but with a slightly altered dynamic. I guided him verbally and physically through doing the things we were used to, gave him lots of praise and instructions, sometimes wore lingerie or fancy outfits for our sex together. When we had sex focused on gradually introducing kink, he called me mistress.

I liked having him listen to me, seeing his eagerness to follow instructions. Gradually we began to introduce new elements to our sex, with me guiding him all the way. We’re a very verbal couple, and instructions, dirty talk, and gentle commands are a great part of our sex life which help us both settle into the kinky roles we enjoy.

I placed him in more open and vulnerable sexual positions, and we tried rimming and fingering for the first time, which we both loved. We’ve also recently started trying butt plugs and have bought a strapon, although we’re working up to using it. The tenderness and slow pace of gentle femdom has helped so much with our explorations of kink. It’s also given us a brilliant opportunity to learn more about each other emotionally.

We’ve experimented with a bit of gender play too, and dressing my partner up in my lingerie brought a subversive element to gentle femdom, especially because it made him feel more submissive and pretty. I love that telling my partner he’s beautiful is now a specific, dedicated part of sex.

Aftercare is one of my favourite parts of gentle femdom, especially because it builds on intimacy my partner and I already enjoyed. He sometimes feels fragile or nervous after sex. Having a specific, dedicated time for taking care of him and making him feel safe has made our sex even hotter. Researching aftercare and thinking of new things to do together after sex – having bubble baths, snacking on chocolate – expands our intimacy and gives it a comforting framework.

Gentle femdom has given me an opportunity to explore a side of myself I’ve always wanted to know, as well as making sex a tender and emotionally open space. I’ve been able to learn more about my partner and take care of him in a way which brings us even closer together, and we’ve tried some really hot things along the way.

As always, you can support the blog by chipping in via the tip jar (tips help to pay a small fee to my lovely guest writers) or by buying through the affiliate links that appear in this post.

Lovehoney Best Sex of Your Life sex toy advent calendar header image

[Review] Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” Sex Toy Advent Calendar

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Update 04/03/22: this product is seasonal only and has been discontinued. Individual components may still be available.

We made it! I reviewed every single item in the Lovehoney Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar over the last 24 days. Before I call it a wrap on this project, I wanted to provide a final review where I share my thoughts on the set as a whole.

Lovehoney Best Sex of Your Life sex toy advent calendar
Image: Lovehoney

Who is the target market?

The Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar is aimed at couples, and specifically assumes a cisgender, heterosexual couple. I’m not a fan of gendered language or assumptions in sex toy marketing, since body parts don’t have inherent genders and products certainly don’t.

In the future, I’d like to see these calendars marketed according to what body parts they work with, rather than gendering things, which can be alienating for trans and non-binary people. I’d also like to see versions available for couples made up of two vulva-owners or two penis-owners.

Gendering aside, this set is very clearly designed to provide sex toys for beginners. Many of the items are super basic, which is mostly fine for its intended purpose.

What’s inside?

In case you’ve forgotten, here’s a rundown of what you’ll find in your Best Sex of Your Life sex toy advent calendar:

A mixed bag, I’m sure you’ll agree. And that’s definitely a plus. This set is aimed at people who are new to exploring sex toys and different ways to connect intimately, so offering lots of different options and ideas is a great thing.

Best and worst of

The quality of the items in this set is wildly variable. There are a few things that are genuinely great quality and will probably last many years, like the silicone toys. A few that are fine for a use or two, but won’t last long, like the strokers. Some that are fine for complete beginners but “meh” for anyone with an iota of experience, like the kink gear. And the odd one that made me go “aaaaaahhhhh, no!”

So here’s my best and worst of roundup:

Best item: This is easy – definitely the Womanizer Classic from Day #24, a genuinely excellent clitoral suction toy that retails for £119.99 by itself.

Honourable mention: The bullet vibe from Day #1. Reasonable power, versatile (it pairs well with many of the other items in this set), and rechargeable.

Worst item: That damn penis sleeve from Day #22. Unsafe, unsanitary, and just overall not something I would ever recommend anyone puts near their genitals.

Honourable mention: The wrist ties from Day #13. Not only are they glorified basic satin ribbons, they also work in a way that is very dubiously safe for any but the lightest bondage.

So is it worth it?

Whether or not this kit is worth the money very much depends on what you want to get out of it. If you’re an experienced player looking to expand your sex toy collection, skip it and get one or two really good quality toys instead (might I suggest a Doxy or a We-Vibe Tango?)

If you and your partner are brand new to toys and looking to explore some basic things together, you might get a lot out of this set. Despite the variable quality, it offers possibilities and a kind of permission to try things out. And if something doesn’t work for you? No big deal, there are 23 other things to try.

If you’re specifically after a Womanizer Classic and think you might enjoy a few of the other items too, the Best Sex of Your Life set is a no-brainer. The Womanizer costs literally the same as this entire set, so you might as well snag a bargain.

You do get £370+ worth of products for £120 (and can get a further 10% off with my code “coffkink10”). So if you think there are at least a few things you’ll enjoy, it’s a good deal.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!

Header image for Lovehoney adjustable nipple clamps review

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Door #14: Adjustable Nipple Clamps

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Update 04/03/22: this product is seasonal only and has been discontinued. Individual components may still be available.

We’ve reached the end of the second week! After today, there are only ten days left to go. If you’re just catching up, I have been reviewing the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” sexy advent calendar, which has so far included sex toys, anal play items, bondage gear, and more.

Let’s find out what we’re closing week 2 with…

Door #14: Adjustable Nipple Clamps

  • Lovehoney adjustable nipple clamps in sex toy advent calendar

Behind Door #14 we have a set of nipple clamps. This set is a limited edition colourway version of the Lovehoney Tease Me Adjustable Nipple Clamps (RRP £12.99). They are gold in colour with red silicone tips, and finished with little charms shaped like the Lovehoney heart insignia.

My first reaction on opening this window was “oooh, they’re cute!” And they are. The red and gold is a pretty colour combination of the sort that I can see myself wearing to a very adult Christmas party! But how functional are they?

Lovehoney nipple clamps

These clamps are easy to put on and take off. Simply move the slider down to open them up, pop them into position, and move the slider up again to secure them in place.

The point of adjustable nipple clamps is to fit a wide range of nipple sizes (and offer variable pressure levels). But these really won’t work for anyone with large nipples. My nipples are on the smaller side, considering that I have G-cup boobs, and I still had to open the clamps all the way to get them on.

They stayed on reasonably well when I was just moving around normally, but they pop off with the slightest tug. So if you like the idea of your partner pulling on them during sex, look elsewhere.

Lovehoney adjustable nipple clamps for beginners

As far as how they feel, these clamps are going to be very, very gentle for the vast majority of wearers. And that might be exactly what you want! Wearing clamps purely for decoration or a very slight squeezing sensation is totally valid. But if you’re looking for a more intense pinch or for that rush of delicious pain when the clamps come off, these are likely to disappoint.

The quality also isn’t great. I’ve tried these clamps just a couple of times and already, some of the gold-coloured plating is starting to come off.

Cute, yes. But they’re not especially functional and they won’t last very long. They’re fine for a night or two of wear in the bedroom or out at the club. But if you’re looking for something more intense or durable, you might want to consider tweezer clamps or clover clamps instead.

The Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar retails for £120 and is a limited edition product! Get 10% off your entire purchase at Lovehoney when you use my code “coffkink10” at checkout.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!

Header image for Lovehoney ribbon wrist restraints review

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Door #13: Wrist Restraints

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Update 04/03/22: this product is seasonal only and has been discontinued. Individual components may still be available.

We’re over half way now! It’s Day 13 of the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar, which I’m unboxing and reviewing day by day.

Door #13: Wrist Restraints

Lovehoney wrist restraints for bondage

Behind Door #13, we have a set of black ribbon wrist restraints. They seem to be a slight variation on the Lovehoney Oh! Silky Bondage Restraints (RRP £8.99).

They’re… glorified ribbons, honestly. Each one has a little loop at each end to make restraint easier and is decorated with a red and gold Lovehoney heart, but other than that they’re just black ribbons of the sort you’d find in any craft store.

Lovehoney bondage restraints

Tying people up with silky items like ribbons, ties, and scarves is a divisive subject amongst kinksters. Some say it’s fine, but many educators believe it’s dangerous. This is because these materials can easily tighten when pressure is applied, making them harder to untie if you’re using knots or even cutting off circulation if they’re left on for long enough.

If you want to use these restraints for a light BDSM or roleplay activity like tying your partner to the bed, that’s probably fine if you follow some basic safety protocols:

  • Tie them loosely. You should always be able to get at least two fingers between the ribbon and the skin.
  • Don’t use them for any kind of weight-bearing activity (the bound person shouldn’t pull hard against them, either).
  • Keep a pair of safety shears to hand in case you need to cut them off.
  • Never, ever leave a bound person alone. No, not even for a minute.
Lovehoney bondage restraints for kink and BDSM

Honestly, though, if restraint is your thing just get some proper cuffs or some bondage rope and learn how to use it safely (via online tutorials, books, peer rope sessions, or classes with reputable teachers).

This one’s a miss for me. Packaging up lightly branded basic ribbons as “bondage restraints” (and dubiously safe ones at that) just doesn’t sit right with me.

The Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar retails for £120 but contains around £370+ worth of products (most of them better than these!) You can also get 10% off your entire order of anything at Lovehoney by using my code “coffkink10” at checkout.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!