What is a BDSM Starter Kit and How Can It Help You Explore Kink?

“I’d love to start exploring BDSM, but all the gear is so expensive!” is a complaint I hear from new and curious kinksters all the time. “I don’t even know what I like yet, how can I get started without dropping hundreds of pounds on things I might not enjoy?”

And I hear you, budget-conscious newbie. Perhaps you’ve perused your local fetish market and picked up artisan floggers, hand-dyed natural fiber ropes, or vintage violet wands, then shuddered at the price tags.

I absolutely love beautiful, unique, one-of-a-kind kink items and I believe we should all be supporting our favourite indie creators within the community. Once you know you enjoy impact play, for example, that buttery soft leather flogger with a hand-turned handle might be a worthwhile investment that will serve you well for many years. But when you’re just starting out, that can be a prohibitive amount of money to drop on a “well, that might be fun…”

Budget constraints and curiosity sometimes lead new kinksters to improvise. Some pervertables are fine, of course, but in other cases using household items for kink can be dangerous.

This is where a BDSM starter kit can help you.

What is a BDSM Starter Kit or Bondage Kit for Beginners?

A BDSM starter kit might also be called a “bondage kit.” In short, it’s a collection of kink items bundled together in a package designed to help you explore.

Some of the items you might find in a beginners’ BDSM or bondage kit include:

  • Impact toys such as floggers, crops, or paddles
  • Restraints such as handcuffs, wrist ties, or bondage tape
  • Rope
  • Gags
  • Blindfolds
  • Collars and/or leashes
  • Clamps and clips (e.g. for nipples)
  • Sensation play items such as strokers or ticklers
  • Sex toys such as vibrators, cock rings, dildos, or strap-ons
  • Wax play candles
  • …and more!

Every BDSM starter kit is slightly different. You’ll need to choose the best one for you depending on your needs, budget, and interests.

How Can a Beginners’ Bondage Kit Help You to Explore?

What is it that interests you about bondage, kink, or BDSM?

If I asked this question to ten different newcomers to the world of kink, I would probably get ten very different answers. That’s because BDSM is a vast and varied world, encompassing all kinds of activities from impact play to power exchange, shibari to sensation play, and so much more.

This vastness is exciting, but can also be overwhelming and confusing. Investing in a BDSM starter kit can be a great place to start for several reasons.

Variety Without the Price-Tag

A kit allows you to try several different things at an affordable price. Perhaps you think you might be into pain, but you also fancy the idea of getting tied up… ooh, and that “wax play” thing sounds exciting, too! A good BDSM starter kit gives you an entry point for several different kinks.

This way, when you find something you like, you can explore it further. And if you find something isn’t for you, then you’ve learned something valuable about your desires without having spent a lot of money on a toy that will languish in the back of the bedroom closet.

Easy and Convenient

A beginners’ bondage kit or BDSM kit takes the guesswork out of kinky shopping. When you’re new, you don’t always know what you don’t know, and trying to buy toys can be confusing at best. A kit gives you an easy, one-stop place to get started.

Staying Safe

As I touched on above, improvising your kinky toys can be dangerous. Spanking your partner with a wooden spoon is likely fine, but did you know that tying someone up with a silk scarf is actually much less safe than using proper bondage rope?

Bondage kits sold by reputable retailers include products specially designed for kinky play that will help you to stay safe as long as you observe basic precautions and practice RACK (that’s Risk Aware Consensual Kink, FYI.)

Get Inspired

It’s a cliché, but a truism, that the brain is the body’s biggest and most important sexual organ. The real magic of BDSM isn’t just the feel of a flogger across your back or cuffs tightening around your wrists, but what’s happening in your mind – and in your dynamic with your partner(s) – as those things happen.

Your BDSM kit might contain items you’ve never thought to use before, and this can spark all kinds of ideas, fantasies, and inspiration.

Choose the Best Bondage Kit for You

Ready to dive in? Here are a few things you’ll want to take into consideration in choosing the best bondage kit for you.

Budget

A BDSM starter kit can cost you under £20 for the most basic kit, up to £150 or more for a comprehensive kit with all the bells and whistles.

Interests

Think about the aspects of kink that interest you the most, and prioritise. If your primary interest is in restraint, you’ll want a kit that includes ropes and/or cuffs. If you’re more interested in pain, choose a kit that comes with paddles, floggers, or crops.

Aesthetic

Yes, it matters! BDSM is a very personal thing, and different aesthetics resonate with different people. If you’re after a darker, more atmospheric mood, an all-black set might suit you. If, on the other hand, you prefer a more colourful and playful feel, you might like reds, pinks or purples. Then there are completely offbeat options, like this denim set!

This post was kindly sponsored by Whipple Tickle. You can shop bondage kits as well as sex toys, lingerie, kink gear, and more at their site. All views and writing are, as always, mine.

[Kink Product Review] Liebe Seele Fairy Collection

Something that often bugs me about kink and BDSM is the way that the aesthetic is, broadly speaking, so damn similar everywhere you look. There’s nothing wrong with black leather cuffs or PVC catsuits or red and black suede impact toys, of course, but it does all get a bit samey after a while. That’s why I’m so drawn to kink products that offer something a little bit different, such as the Liebe Seele Fairy collection.

For a femme such as myself, I don’t always want my BDSM vibe to be dark and serious. Sometimes I want it to be pretty, pastel, and fun! That’s what these items represent.

Liebe Seele Fairy Collection

Liebe Seele is a Japanese brand selling quality leather BDSM gear, sex toys, fetishwear, and more. Fun fact: “Liebe Seele” translates to “dear soul.”

Their “Fairy” collection is a range of 5 products: wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, blindfold, collar and leash, and ball gag. Each item is available in either pink and white or green and white. I received the blindfold and ankle cuffs in green, and the collar/leash and wrist cuffs in pink (no ball gag because I don’t use them.)

All of the products are handcrafted in real leather, and some have gold or bronze-coloured metal accents such as buckles and fastenings

General First Impressions

My Liebe Seele products arrived beautifully packaged. Each item comes in a sturdy box and is sealed with an inner wrap and branded sticker. The presentation gets absolute top marks. I will say there’s quite a lot of unnecessary single-use plastic, though, so I would like to see that go.

Liebe Seele leather handcuffs for BDSM in their box

Liebe Seele bondage gear inner packaging

At first glance, the leather looks and feels of high quality. It’s lovely and soft, and has that beautiful unique leather smell.

Let’s look at each of the items in turn.

Liebe Seele Blindfold

A blindfold is one of the first basic BDSM items I recommend people get when they’re building a toybag. These versatile toys can be great for sensory deprivation, for getting into a headspace and switching your mind off, or for playing out all kinds of fantasies.

Liebe Seele green leather blindfold for BDSM

The Liebe Seele fairy blindfold has 9 holes, making it highly adjustable and wearable by just about anyone. It’s comfortable to wear, particularly after a couple of uses once the leather is starting to wear in. I particularly love getting a nose full of leather smell – a highly erotic scent to me, because I might be a vegetarian but I am also a giant hypocrite – when I’m wearing it.

It comes with a branded drawstring storage bag.

If I have a criticism of this blindfold, it’s that the actual mask part is slightly too small. When it’s on, it still lets a good amount of light in. Making it just half an inch wider over each eye would likely solve this problem.

The Liebe Seele Fairy Blindfold retails for $28.75.

Liebe Seele Wrist Cuffs

The Liebe Seele wrist cuffs have five holes to fit different wrist sizes. I have fairly small wrists and I find them most comfortable on the fourth setting (i.e. the second tightest.)

Liebe Seele leather handcuffs for BDSM

These cuffs are so, so comfy to wear! The leather is soft and supple immediately, and only gets more so as you wear it in. They feel sturdy and secure, but also sensual and sexy. Each cuff has a small D-ring and they come with a separate double-ended clip chain, allowing you to fasten the wearer’s hands together if you want to.

No notes. A near perfect set of handcuffs for BDSM.

The Liebe Seele Fairy Wrist Cuffs retail for $57.70.

Liebe Seele Ankle Cuffs

Like the wrist cuffs, the Liebe Seele ankle cuffs come with a D-ring on each cuff and a detachable double-ended clip chain. You can clip the ankles together… or combine them with the wrist cuffs for a basic hogtie position. (Read up on how to do this safely before you start!)

Liebe Seele green leather ankle cuffs for BDSM

Again, the cuffs are ultra soft and beautifully made. They feel sturdy enough for harder play, in that I can pull against them without worrying that they’re going to break!

They have 7 hole settings for different sizing, and I personally find the middle one the most comfortable.

The Liebe Seele Fairy Ankle Cuffs retail for $59.80.

Liebe Seele Collar and Leash

Collars are hugely personal and can mean many different things. Whether you’re choosing one that you’ll just wear in a scene for fun, or one that you’ll wear as a symbol of a committed D/s relationship, it’s important to choose one[*] that feels like “you.” While I’m not sure the Liebe Seele Collar is really me, it is objectively an absolutely gorgeous piece even so.

Liebe Seele pink leather collar for BDSM, BDSM collar and leash

This collar has 9 different sizing settings. Collars shouldn’t be fastened too tight – as a rule of thumb, you should be able to slide two fingers between the collar and the neck with minimal difficulty. Its 3 D-rings offer a variety of play and restraint options (as with anything involving the neck, do your research and be VERY careful. Never do anything that may restrict the wearer’s breathing.) The accompanying leash is completely detachable, so you can use them either separately or together.

It’s comfortable to wear and soft enough that I could happily wear it all evening for a party or scene.

The Liebe Seele Collar and Leash Set retails for $55.20.

[*] Or several. I think I own about 10 collars at this point that I wear in various contexts and with varying degrees of regularity.

Verdict

Gorgeous! I’m obsessed. The Liebe Seele Fairy collection pieces are such fantastic quality and, if properly cared for, will last for many years. They’re functional as well as aesthetically beautiful.

These pieces are also super affordable for the quality. You can get the full set (everything I’ve reviewed here plus the gag) for under $250/£200, or you can mix and match to get the pieces you want in your choice of colour.

Thanks to Liebe Seele for sending me these items to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are, as always, mine.

How to Keep Long Term Chastity Play Fun and Exciting

Long term chastity play is an incredibly common sexual fantasy and, for some, a kinky reality. Chastity, in a BDSM context, refers to locking the genitals away in a device such as a cock cage or chastity belt in order to prevent stimulation, orgasm, or even erection.

People are into chastity for all kinds of reasons. Some enjoy the stronger eventual orgasm that a build-up of sexual tension and arousal brings about. Others enjoy chastity as part of a power dynamic or D/s relationship. Some find a sense of satisfaction from the physical and mental challenge. All of these reasons, and so many more, are equally wonderful and valid.

What constitutes “long term chastity” is a highly personal question. Some people stay locked up for weeks or months at a time (be aware of the safety implications if you go down this route!) For others, hours to days is their happy place. The only correct length of time is what works best for you and your partner(s.)

One mistake that new chastity players often make is to treat this kink as “set and forget.” But it’s not (usually) enough to simply lock yourself or your submissive in a chastity device. That’s a recipe for boredom and a lacklustre experience at best, and feelings of neglect or resentment at worst. Whether you’re going for a week, a month, or a year, here are four fun ways to keep your long term chastity play fun and exciting.

Do Edging and Denial Scenes

One of the most fun aspects of wearing a chastity device is how sensitive the genitals are when it comes off. You can use this to your advantage by incorporating edging and denial sessions into your chastity play.

Edging just means taking yourself or your partner almost to the point of orgasm, and then stopping. You can do this once, or many times. An extended edging session followed by being locked back into a cock cage or chastity belt can be exquisitely torturous for a chastity submissive.

Depending on your mindset, edging can be its own reward… or its own punishment. Some submissives love it, and others hate it.

Incorporate Other Types of Kinky Play

One of the wonderful things about chastity is that it pairs so well with many different kinds of kinky play. Almost any other activities you can think of can be combined with chastity to create a fun and sexy scene.

If you’re into impact play, for example, you can spank or flog your submissive while they are wearing their chastity device. Some submissives enjoy teasing or humiliation about (for example) how aroused they are getting from the pain, their inability to get hard in their chastity cage, or the fact that the impact play is the only stimulation they will get.

Long term chastity also makes every part of the body more sensitive. This means that even gentle sensations can feel more intense than usual. Sensation play, from stroking with feathers or soft fabric up to playing with scratchers or pinwheels, can be amazing here.

Rope and other forms of restraint can be used to enhance all kinds of chastity-based scenes, from edging to impact play. They can also be a scene in and of themselves.

Use Sex Toys

Even if you are doing a form of chastity play that does not allow for direct stimulation of the genitals, there are still lots of ways you can use sex toys to enhance your play. For example, if your submissive enjoys anal play, having them wear a butt plug can be a fun way to remind them of their arousal all day long.

If you’re doing edging and denial scenes as part of your chastity play, sex toys can be a great addition. Why not allow your submissive to “earn” minutes with their favourite sex toy in exchange for tasks, favours, or good behaviour?

Finally, if you’re an exhibitionistically-inclined dominant, masturbating with toys in front of your submissive while they’re locked up is a delicious tease.

Involve Other People

If your relationship allows for it, involving other people in your play can bring a new kind of excitement and add an extra edge (pun entirely intended) to your chastity kink.

There are numerous different ways to do this. If you’re part of the kink community or have kinky friends, you could approach a friend to do a “double-domming” scene with you. Another way to realise this fantasy is to work with a professional Dominant, or Pro Dom/Domme. Serving two Dominants is a fantasy for many kinky submissives.

If you enjoy exhibitionism or voyeurism, why not go to a kink club and play in the semi-public space it affords? This might include doing a scene in front of other people, or simply having your chastity device on show in the space. There may be the opportunity to play with other people if you want to, but there should be no expectations.

Some people enjoy combining chastity with cuckolding or cuckqueaning. This involves the dominant partner having sex or playing with others while their submissive watches. It might include the enjoyment of feeling “left out” or the eroticising of normally negative emotions such as jealousy. It can also simply be about enjoying a sexy show, feeling horny, and then not getting release. Cuckolding and cuckqueaning can be very emotionally intense. Negotiate thoroughly beforehand and plan to give each other plenty of aftercare and reassurance.

Don’t forget about the potential for involving others online, too. This might include engaging with others on chastity forums or accepting “tasks” from fellow players online. Some online sex workers and Pro Doms/Dommes even offer online-only scenes through text, audio chat, or video call.

One thing you should not do is involve others in your kinky scenes without their explicit consent. This includes doing anything in public that is obvious or where you could reasonably get caught. It also includes making others (including members of the public, serving staff, and your friends or family) uncomfortable. Consent always comes first.

Today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity. They manufacture and sell high quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories, which you can check out through the links included! All views and writing are, as always, entirely my own.

5 Awesome LGBTQ-Owned Businesses You Should Know About This Pride Month

Happy Pride Month, beautiful readers! As I’m writing this, I’ve got a progress pride flag hanging out of my window facing my very conservative street and no doubt pissing off my very conservative neighbours. We love to see it. I was thinking about what to do to mark Pride Month on the blog this year, when this idea came to me: I want to share some amazing LGBTQ-owned businesses with you all.

Rainbow Capitalism is a real problem at this time of year. Companies turn their logos rainbow coloured and stick pride flags on all their merch for 30 days and think they’ve done enough, while totally failing to actually support the LGBTQ community in any real way.

One easy way you CAN support the LGBTQ community, whether you’re one of us or an ally? Spend your money with queer-owned businesses where you can. Here are a few you might want to know about!

Scarlet in Chains

Scarlet in Chains logo

I adore Scarlet in Chains and always love seeing them at my favourite fetish market. I own two of their pieces, a gorgeous collar with a purple crystal and a limited-edition rainbow one from a previous Pride collection.

Scarlet in Chains creates jewellery and accessories from stainless steel chain. Their work is strong enough for kink, and allergy-friendly thanks to hypoallergenic 304 and 316 stainless steel chain. As everything is handmade, they are fully inclusive – no matter your shape, size, or mobility, they will adapt their designs to suit your needs. 

Scarlet in Chains is owned by couple Sophie and Drew, and started its life when Drew designed the Valkyrie collar as an everyday piece for Sophie. The chain bra soon followed, and friends started seeing the designs and wanting their own. “Now we get to take our stall to amazing places like Download Festival, which I was going to as a jewellery student back in my teens… never in my wildest dreams did I think 30-something me would be back with my own stall with my wonderful wife and the best festival crew in our amazing friends Krystal Peeks and Noctifera Creations!” says Sophie.

As a trans woman and intersex woman couple, Sophie and Drew have a unique perspective on how to design for a variety of body types and how to assist in affirming and enhancing the identity of the wearer. “We also regularly consult with our customers of different identities, too, so we can see how our designs can help them feel more themselves,” Sophie says.

Scarlet in Chains has a Pride range available all year round. “We like to think our work helps people celebrate who they are all year round, so our Pride range is always available… and if we don’t have your flag, just ask and we will do our best to create it!”

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Bosk and Blossom

Bosk and Blossom logo

Bosk and Blossom is a kinky woodworking business dedicated to “bringing a unique new aesthetic to people’s toy collections.” Owner L makes wooden spanking paddles and play knives by hand in a light, airy style with beautiful colours and often decorated with floral and plantlife motifs.

“The kinky toybag is almost stereotypically dark, heavy, intimidating colors and materials. I have nothing against that – my own toybag is all black and dark red tones, thick leathers and dark woodstains or steel, and I’ve got some gorgeous pieces – but that meant there was an opening I could explore for people who aren’t necessarily attracted to that aesthetic,” says L. “There are a few niches in kink that allow for items that might be considered cutesy, frilly, colorful, dainty, elegant, soft, etc, but impact and edge play aren’t usually those places, so I decided to go there.”

Bosk and Blossom paddles are made of a light wood that is then white-washed even further, and finished off with a colorful floral design burned in.  The play knives are a mix of various wood species in a spectrum of colors. They have a convincing edge and point, but are much safer than real knives.

Bosk and Blossom’s customers say that they love the look of these pieces that are more typically feminine and whimsical than the traditional “old boys club” kink aesthetic with all its associated cisheteronormativity and toxic masculinity. “I think of my work as challenging a cishet masculinity status quo in kink,” says L. “I love knowing there are people of all sorts with all different aesthetic styles entering their dungeons, swinging around paddles covered in pink and purple flowers and getting the exact same results as if they stuck to the traditional styles and colored within the lines of gender norms to make sure they look “tough.””

Personally, I’m desperate to get hit with a pretty paddle with a flower engraved into it. Sign me up!

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The Radical Celebrant

Radical Celebrant logo

Have you ever felt as though your lovestyle wasn’t represented in the types of celebrations and ceremonies traditionally available to you? Vicky, AKA The Radical Celebrant, provides celebrant-led ceremonies where “poly love and family is recognised and celebrated, where kink or BDSM lifestyle ceremonies are understood, and where queer love of all kinds is centred.”

Whether you’re after a wedding, commitment ceremony, collaring ceremony, memorial or celebration of life, or naming ceremony (either for a child or for a trans or non-binary adult reintroducing themselves to their family), your ceremony will be unique and built from the ground up to reflect who you are.

“I’ve been a celebrant for a while, but found that it was hard to see poly, kink and BDSM, and alternative or less mainstream queer relationships centred in the wedding (and funeral) industries,” says Vicky, who came out as queer at 17 and has been an activist and ally for as long as she can remember. “Why shouldn’t our relationships shouldn’t have the opportunity to be centred in the same way? Why should we have to settle for fudging and hiding our relationships and identities to fit into a prescribed mould
for these things?” The Radical Celebrant was born from this desire to offer celebrant-led ceremonies
for people whoever they are and however they live and love.

“I believe that I should be doing this year round, and in every month and not just in June. Pride in ourselves, our identities, our relationships and out love is at the heart of what I do – every day of the year!” Vicky says. The Radical Celebrant is offering naming ceremonies for trans and enby people free of charge at the moment, and dreams of setting up a “ceremony tent” at Pride one of these days!

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The Gay Glass Stall

gay glass stall logo

If you read my recent post about the fabulously femme things I wore to Eroticon, you’ll have seen my gorgeous sapphic pride necklace from The Gay Glass Stall. This company, run by owner V and her sister, sells handmade fused glass items (coasters, jewellery, homewares, and decorations) in an astonishing 40+ different LGBTQ pride flag colours. They’re constantly expanding their range and can even custom-make things for you.

“Our coaster stands all carry a 2-3 sentence explanation of the meaning of each flag,” says V. I absolutely love it when people thank us for educating them and leave knowing far more than they did when they
arrived. Seeing their faces light up when they find ‘their’ flag is also lovely.” She adds, “one recent occurrence impressed on me just how important a stall such as this is. A lady came up to the stall, saw a particular flag and burst into happy tears saying, “I thought it was just me, I didn’t know that how I feel is
actually a real thing.” Moments like that make all the hard work (and punctured fingers) worth it!”

The Gay Glass Stall started life as a ‘vanilla’ glass business. After adding some LGBTQ+ flag themed items to the stock, people started requesting pieces in their own flags. The business was named by the local LGBTQ+ young people in V’s hometown of Rochester in Kent, who started referring to it as “The Gay Glass Stall.”

The Gay Glass Stall believes that pride in one’s identity should be a constant thing, not just for June. They’re appearing at many Pride events throughout the summer and also trade regularly at fetish markets such as the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar.

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Snake Shed Art

Snake Shed Art logo

This one is really different and fun! At Snake Shed Art, owner AJ makes jewelry and decor using real snake shed. This doesn’t hurt the snake and is something that pet snake owners usually just throw away when they clean out their snake’s enclosure. All AJ’s shed comes from pet snakes and every piece is labeled with the name and species of her snakey co-artist.

AJ started doing snake shed resin art back in 2016. She was volunteering for an exotic animal shelter at the time, and they wanted unique items that visitors could take home in exchange for a donation. The shelter closed in 2019, but AJ loved making the snake shed pieces so much that she decided to open her own Etsy shop. She now makes ornaments, pendants, pins, earrings, and many more.

Snake Shed Art releases a Pride collection every year at the beginning of June, but the shop is stocked with Pride items all year long. AJ tries to represent a wide range of identities and finds that items with the asexual flag are particularly popular.

The 2023 Pride collection has just been released. This year’s new items include pronoun rainbows and super-cute polyam heart keychains as well as pendants, earrings, and more. There’s currently a 20% off sale on all Pride items, including custom order requests in case your preferred Pride colors or pronouns aren’t in stock.

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5 Myths About Chastity Devices and Chastity Kink

A quick note on terminology: this post refers primarily to chastity play and chastity devices for a person with a penis (often called “male chastity”, though obviously not everyone with a penis is a man!) Chastity play for people with vulvas is, unfortunately, much more challenging and less practical.

What do you think of when you hear the word “chastity?” Do you think about medieval women forced to wear metal belts to protect their virginity? (Which probably never happened, by the way.) Do you think about religious doctrine urging you not to have sex until marriage? Or perhaps you think about your favourite kink.

In the BDSM and kink world, chastity play refers to having your genitals locked away in a device, preventing pleasure, masturbation, and orgasm. There are no reliable statistics that I could find about how prevalent this kink is, but anecdotal data (and the prevelance of porn and erotica centered on it) implies it’s very, very common indeed.

And as with any popular kink, there are a number of myths about chastity devices and chastity play. Let’s debunk some of them now!

Myth: Chastity Cages Are All the Same

Many new players make the mistaken assumption that one chastity cage is much the same as another. This can result in them purchasing inexpertly made and cheap devices, which may be poorly constructed or even unsafe. It’s always best to buy a device designed and made by chastity kink experts, such as those at Total Chastity.

Even once you’ve found a reputable chastity device retailer, all devices are not the same. They come in different sizes (to accommodate different penis sizes and sensation preferences), different materials (such as plastic, metal, or silicone), different colours, and different levels of security.

There are lots of factors to consider when choosing a chastity device. You’ll need to know your measurements and comfort needs, as well as having an idea of the kind of aesthetic that appeals to you. Take your time and don’t be afraid to shop around.

Myth: Chastity Cages Are Painful

Wearing a chastity device can be uncomfortable at times. For many participants, that’s part of the appeal of a chastity kink! However, your device should not hurt, and if it does that’s a problem.

If your chastity device is painful, you should stop wearing it immediately. Pain is your body’s signal that something is wrong, and ignoring it can cause serious harm. A painful chastity device may be caused by issues such as pinching the skin, compressing a nerve, or restricting blood flow, all of which can be dangerous if not dealt with.

You might experience pain if you are wearing a small chastity cage, have your device on too tight, have put it on incorrectly, or have chosen a material that doesn’t work for your body. Adjusting your device, or trying a different device, may be the answer.

Even if you’re practicing long term chastity, it’s important to let your penis out of its cage at least once in a while. You should also get to know what’s normal for your genitals and check regularly for any changes. If you have any health or safety concerns, speak to your doctor.

Myth: Permanent Chastity Needs to Be the Goal

Many people assume that the eventual goal of chastity play is to accomplish longer and longer periods locked up, perhaps leading to permanent chastity in which the device wearer is locked up 24/7/365. However, this isn’t realistic or even desirable for many people.

If you want to play with chastity long term, have at it! It’s important to learn about the health and safety implications to make sure you are engaging with this kink in a risk-aware fashion. I love this article, in which Dan Savage speaks to a certified urologist about the risks associated with long term chastity play and how to mitigate them.

But if you only want to do chastity play occasionally, or only for short periods of time, that’s equally valid. It’s not a competition and the only opinions that matter are yours and your partner’s. There’s nothing inherently better about staying locked up for half a year as opposed to half an hour. It’s all about what works for you!

Myth: Chastity is About Humiliation

Chastity is often associated with kinks such as sissification and forced feminisation, which tend to be humiliation based. This leads to the misconception that chastity play always has to be linked to humiliation.

Chastity play can be about humiliation, but it doesn’t have to be. It can also be lots of other things. You might choose to wear a chastity device as a symbol of devotion to your Dominant, as a way to test your self-control, or because you enjoy how much stronger your eventual orgasm is when you are denied first. Your attraction to this kink might revolve around submission, physical discomfort, a mental challenge, an increased libido, greater attentiveness to your partner’s sexual needs… or something else entirely!

The beautiful thing about sex and kink is that it’s a choose-your-own adventure situation. You can play with the bits that work for you, and leave the bits that don’t. If chastity appeals to you but humiliation doesn’t, then you get to play with this kink in exactly the way that turns you (and your partner) on.

Myth: You Need a Partner to Do Chastity Play

Perhaps you fantasise about a partner locking you in chastity, but you’re single or your partner isn’t into it. If you think this means you can’t enjoy your fetish, think again!

There are lots of ways to explore chastity play without a partner. You can lock yourself up, challenging yourself to last a certain amount of time (or just stopping when it stops being fun.) Places like Chastity Forums and r/Chastity on Reddit offer places where you can chat, share experiences, and connect with other people who share your kink.

You can watch chastity-based porn (don’t forget to seek out ethical content!) Another option is to seek out a professional Dominant (ProDom/me) – many professionals specialise in chastity play and keyholding. You can find ProDom/mes who work both online and in person, so you can choose what works for you.

In short, you don’t need a partner to explore chastity and you can have plenty of fun by yourself or by engaging with others through online chat, erotic content, or professional services.

FYI: today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity, purveyors of quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories. I’d like to thank them for their kind support of the site – check out their collections through the links included! All writing and views are, as always, my own.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Day #22: Under-Mattress Restraints

We’re on the home stretch now, with just 2 more days to go in my review series looking at Lovehoney and Womanizer’s 2022 Sex Toy Advent Calendar. You can read all the reviews so far here. And please remember to use my affiliate links to help out the site at no extra cost to you if you decide to make a purchase.

Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 22: Under-Mattress Restraints

Lovehoney under-mattress restraints

Product Info

A set of 4-way restraint straps which fit under your mattress and feature loops at each corner to attach cuffs and restrain your partner by all 4 limbs.

Pros

  • Suitable for almost all bed sizes as they are highly adjustable
  • Easy to tuck out of sight if necessary
  • Pair them with the cuffs from Day 3 and Day 15 or with any other set of cuffs you own.
  • Quick, safe, and non-threatening introduction to bondage

Cons

  • None – this is a really nice inclusion.

Verdict

I’ve been after a set of these for ages but always assumed they wouldn’t fit my giant bed. Happily, I was wrong! These are strong, easy to set up, and safe to use as long as you observe some basic safety protocol (e.g. never leaving a bound person alone and always playing with a safeword.) These might be among my favourite items in the whole kit!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Day #20: Spanking Paddle

Welcome back once again to my 2022 review series of Lovehoney and Womanizer’s Sex Toy Advent Calendar. You can read the whole series here. And if you decide to buy one (or anything else from Lovehoney), please help me out by going through my affiliate links!

Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 20: Spanking Paddle

Lovehoney mini spanking paddle from sex toy advent calendar

Product Info

A mini spanking paddle decorated with a pretty black and gold design in silky fabric on one side, and plain black faux leather on the other side. The paddle measures 9″ in total length.

Pros

  • A fairly non-scary beginner paddle that delivers a gentle sting rather than anything more painful
  • Pretty aesthetic
  • Slightly different sensations from each side
  • Loop handle makes it easy to hold and store

Cons

  • Loud noise can be problematic if you have family or roommates at home
  • Not particlarly robust

Verdict

This is a nice enough beginner spanking paddle. It’s gentle enough to be suitable for complete BDSM novices, though unlikely to do much for fans of more intense pain play. It might not last very long if you’re doing anything more than very gentle play with it, but it’s fine for figuring out if spanking and impact play are things you enjoy.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Day #15: Ankle Cuffs

If you’ve just arrived, I am opening up Lovehoney and Womanizer’s 2022 Sex Toy Advent Calendar and bringing you a mini review of each item. You can read all the reviews here. If you decide to buy one (or anything else from Lovehoney) I’d really appreciate it if you would consider using my affiliate links. It sends a small commission my way at no additional cost to you.

Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 15: Ankle Cuffs

Lovehoney ankle cuffs

Product Info

  • Material: Polypropylene with plastic hardwear
  • Colour: Black with gold clips
  • Body safe? Yes
  • Waterproof: No
  • Size: Each cuff is 14″ in total length
  • Cleaning: Wipe clean if necessary

Pros

  • Go with the wrist restraints from Day 3 to make a full 4-way restraint set
  • Highly adjustable to fit the vast majority of people
  • Velcro fastenings are quick to undo, making them safe and beginner-friendly
  • Can be clipped together using the attached gold clips

Cons

  • The wrist and ankle restraints should really have been ONE day in the calendar, not 2 separate ones
  • Material isn’t particularly soft so not very comfortable for long-term wear
  • Not very strong so only suitable for light bondage activities

Verdict

Like the matching wrist restraints, these are a very basic set of ankle cuffs. They’re a fine introduction to bondage for complete beginners and will work fine if light restraint is all you want to do. If you’re interested in exploring restraint in a more intense way, though, consider upgrading to a set of proper bondage cuffs if you can.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Day #13: Tickler

We’re now officially into the second half of this year’s review of Lovehoney’s Sex Toy Advent Calendar . Check out the whole series here and please consider using my affiliate links if you decide to make a purchase. It sends me a small commission at no additional cost to you!

Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 13: Tickler

Feather tickler

Product Info

A purple feathery tickler (made from polyester and nylon) on a black velcro ring, designed for running over your or your partner’s body.

Pros

  • Feels nice and soft
  • Works well with other items from the kit, such as the blindfold and cuffs, to create a fun sensation play scene
  • Adjustable loop means you can wear it on your fingers like a ring or just hold it in your hand

Cons

  • No easy way to get it clean – if you get bodily fluids on it, consider it bonded to that person

Verdict

A nice little addition to the kit. Sensation play can be a great way into exploring BDSM and kink, or enjoying intense sensation if pain isn’t your thing. Remember that it can still be intense, and tickling in particular can be edge play or even a hard limit for some people. As with anything else, ALWAYS check in with your partner and get consent.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.

Lovehoney Sex Toy Advent Calendar Day #7: Blindfold

If you’ve just landed here (or you’re just back with my after my extended hiatus – hello!), I’m reviewing Lovehoney and Womanizer’s 2022 Sex Toy Advent Calendar day by day. Read the full series so far here, and if you decide to buy this calendar or anything else from Lovehoney, I’d really appreciate you using my affiliate links to send a small commission my way at no extra cost to you.

It’s lucky Day 7!

Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 7: Blindfold

Lovehoney black and gold blindfold

Product Info

  • Material: Polyester
  • Colour: Black with gold detailing
  • Body safe? Yes, silicone is phthalate-free and non-porous
  • Waterproof: No
  • Size: 7″ across, 2.5″ top to bottom
  • Cleaning: Not washable – wipe clean only

Pros

  • Plushy padding makes it comfortable to wear
  • Stretchy elastic to fit most users
  • Super pretty gold-on-black “night sky” design

Cons

  • Cheap fabric that starts to pull at the edges after a couple uses
  • Not quite big enough to completely block vision
  • Doubles nicely as a cute sleep mask

Verdict

This is okay as a very basic blindfold. If you’re brand new to this sort of play or just wanting something you can pop over your/your partner’s eyes for a kinky twist without aiming for complete sensory deprivation, it’s fine. But it could do with being slightly bigger (to better block the light). Though the design is pretty, the cheap fabric and inability to wash it means it’s unlikely to last particularly long.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.