love not war Archives - Coffee & Kink

Sex Toy Companies That Don’t Use Gendered Marketing

Published on January 24, 2024April 30, 2024 by Amy

Gendered marketing is one of my biggest bugbears in the sex toy space, and it’s almost impossible to get away from. Everywhere you look, you’ll see sex toys categorised as “for men” or “for women.” But we should all know by now that body parts don’t define gender. Not everyone with a vulva is a woman, not everyone with a penis is a man, and myriad genders exist between and beyond those two binary options.

(If you think gender is binary or that physiology alone defines gender, then erm… you’re probably in the wrong place.)

And look, I even understand why companies do this, up to a point. For many, it’s primarily an SEO concern. “Sex toys for men” gets almost half a million Google searches per month at the time of writing, while “sex toys for women” gets close to 100,000. “Sex toys for penis” and “sex toys for clit” get a relatively paltry ~5000 and ~500 searches, respectively (and “vulva” doesn’t even get a look-in, but that’s a rant for another day.)

Even so, though, continuing to aggressively gender sex toys contributes directly towards exclusion and inequality in an industry that is already… not great on those things a lot of the time.

With that in mind, I wanted to tell you about some of my favourite adult retailers and manufacturers that do not use gendered marketing.

SheVibe

I love SheVibe’s playful, comic book-inspired aesthetic, and I love their gender-neutral approach even more. Toys are categorised by type and body part, not by gender. So you’ll find categories like “vibrators”, “dildos”, and “penis toys”.

SheVibe has a huge and extensive product catalogue so whatever you’re looking for, you’ll find something for you here.

Godemiche

This small, UK-based purveyor of colourful silicone sexiness categorises their toys by type – dildos, hump toys, masturbators, and so on – rather than by gender. The Grind Ring products (some of my all-time faves!), for example, are described as being for “anyone with a clitoris.”

If you’re looking for quality body-safe silicone sex toys in a bigger range of colours and blends than you’ve ever seen in your life, then look no further.

Peepshow Toys

Peepshow Toys has been a major player in the body-safe sex toys space for a long time now, and their extensive range just keeps going from strength to strength.

They divide their toys by type and then sub-divide them below that. So for example, you’ll see “dildos” then sub-categories of “realistic”, “non realistic”, “suction cup”, and so on. It’s easy to find exactly what you want with no gendered marketing to be seen.

Arosum

I’ve only recently started working with Arosum, and I’m a big fan. They categorise their toys by body part (vulva, penis, or anus) then sub-categorise them by type (“clitoris vibrators,” “masturbators,” etc.)

Arosum puts the LGBTQ+ community front and centre and designs their products with us in mind. It’s so refreshing to see diverse images of smiling queer people and blog content covering topics like the history of Pride and LGBTQ+ workplace discrimination.

The Pleasure Garden

The Pleasure Garden is a small business and the UK’s inclusive sex shop. They believe that everyone deserves pleasure and they only stock body-safe products. Products are categorised variably by type and by body part (“vibrators”, “cock and ball toys,” and so on.)

They even have a separate “gender expression” category filled with products designed specifically with trans and non-binary people in mind!

Le Wand

Le Wand understand that wand vibrators are for everyone, and sell wands (and their attachments) without gendering them. Their blog posts and guides are de-gendered for the most part, too – you’ll see topics like “Anal Play for Vulva Owners.”

In 2019, they were even awarded “Progressive Company of the Year” at the Xbiz awards.

Love Not War

Love Not War is an innovative sustainable sex toy company selling quality silicone vibrator heads that all work with the same interchangeable battery base. This means you only need one set of electronics to enjoy all their toys. They use FDA-grade silicone, recycled aluminium, and eco-friendly packaging.

Love Not War doesn’t gender their toys, instead indicating what body part they are most suited to – the clitoris or G-spot, for example.

Stockroom

Stockroom is actually primarily known as a BDSM gear supplier, but also offers an impressive array of sex toys in their catalogue. You’ll see wording like “cock and ball toys” rather than “toys for men.”

Annoyingly, some of their kink gear – most notably their extensive range of chastity devices and suction pumps – is categorised by gender rather than body part. For this reason, I debated whether or not to include them. But their sex toys, at least, are de-gendered.

FYI: this post contains affiliate links.

[Toy Review] Love Not War Maya

Published on July 31, 2023November 1, 2023 by Amy

Variations on the trusty bullet vibrator are a dime a dozen these days. This simple and classic design is popular for a reason but, though countless retailers and manufacturers of sex toys have churned out their own version, good bullets are still not the easiest things to find.

There’s the market-leading We-Vibe Tango, of course. The £27 powerhouse from Blush that goes on every sex date with me because it gets me off so damn reliably. A few other decent options. But overall, there are a lot of weak and buzzy and just plain lacklustre bullet vibes out there, with price not always correlating to quality.

That’s why, when lovely sustainable sex toy brand Love Not War (purveyors of such excellent products as the Meile and Koi) reached out and asked me to write them a post for Orgasm Week, I immediately knew I wanted to try out the Maya bullet vibrator.

Love Not War Maya: Sustainably Sexy

Love Not War is a manufacturer dedicated to tackling the wastefulness of the mainstream sex toy industry and bringing more sustainable, planet-friendly alternatives to our bedrooms. All their products come with the same rechargeable battery base and heads you can purchase separately, meaning you only need one set of electronics to enjoy numerous different toys.

Love Not War use as few materials as possible, mostly FDA-grade silicone (with leftovers recycled or reused) and recycled aluminium. Even their packaging is eco-friendly, using natural brown card, soy ink, and environmentally friendly glue. And if something goes wrong, they’ll repair the toy if possible and recycle it if not. Pretty impressive, no? You can read more about Love Not War’s sustainability credentials here.

The Love Not War Maya is a bullet vibrator measuring 4.7″ in length and 0.88″ in diameter. It is made from aluminium which, yes, is a body-safe material! The metal gives it a nice weight (though much lighter than stainless steel, the other metal commonly used for sex toys.)

It is an attractive colour that is… not exactly rose gold, but that’s the closest thing I can think to compare it to. It’s stamped with the Love Not War logo. The brushed aluminium feels absolutely gorgeous in my hand, cool and sleek and smooth. It’s also perfect for temperature play. Just run it under warm or cold water before use (or pop it in the fridge for a few minutes.)

The Love Not War Maya is rechargeable (cable included), waterproof, and travel lockable. It comes with an included drawstring storage pouch, which is a nice extra.

In Use

The Love Not War Maya isn’t the smallest bullet vibrator in the world, so if a very petite size is important to you then you might want to look elsewhere. Due to its slightly larger size, though, I actually find it easier to hold and operate than many of its tinier counterparts.

The Maya’s single button is situated at its base. This button is easy to find with your finger and easy to press. Simply short-press to turn it on and to scroll through the ten settings, then long-press to turn it off. I don’t love a single-button interface, personally. Ten settings is a lot to scroll through to find the one you like! So that’s a little annoying.

It is, however, pretty much the only significant complaint I can make about this overall excellent toy. The Maya’s gently tapering tip is perfect for precision clitoral stimulation, while its body is wide enough for a satisfying all-over buzz if I lay it flat against my vulva. It’s unobstrusive enough to slide between bodies during penetrative sex, if that’s your thing.

Best of all, the Maya is powerful. Its vibrations don’t quite meet my definition of truly rumbly, but they are also far from buzzy. Its power rivals many vibrators that are both far bigger and more expensive. There are four constant vibration settings (the highest is absolutely dreamy) as well as six patterns to choose from. The Maya is also quiet enough to be non-distracting and discreet.

Verdict

I love this vibrator! The Maya is sleek, sexy, sustainable, and powerful. It’s easy to use and, while not the smallest, still easy to throw in my bag for a date night or weekend away. It’s going right on the list of the best bullet vibrators I have ever tried.

The Love Not War Maya retails for £69.99 but LNW are currently offering 40% off for Orgasm Week while stocks last!

Thanks to Love Not War for sending me this item to review. All opinions are, as ever, my own. This post contains affiliate links.

Header image for Love Not War sponsored post

5 Sexy New Year’s Resolutions I’m Making

Published on January 19, 2022March 12, 2024 by Amy

Belated happy 2022, folks! I completely failed to mark the occasion, but 31 December 2021 was the fifth anniversary of Coffee & Kink. What started out as a little passion project ended up completely changing my life. So whether you’ve been here since the beginning or you’re just joining me now, thank you so much for reading.

With the beginning of the year comes new challenges, new adventures, and – yes – new year’s resolutions. I don’t really believe in the “typical” resolutions, because I think they’re mostly built on false premises and values I don’t subscribe to.

What I do believe in, though, is taking any opportunity to focus on and improve our sex lives! Whether you’re planning to buy a vibrator for the first time, switch to eco-friendly sex toys (more on why this is one of mine in a minute!), or talk to your partner about trying BDSM, I hope you’ll take time for yourself and your pleasure this year.

To that end, here are five sexy new year’s resolutions I’m making in 2022.

Become a More Conscious Consumer

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my impact on the planet. I stopped eating meat several years ago, but I’ve started incorporating more vegan foods into my diet, buying locally where possible, and generally trying to approach food in a more sustainable way. I don’t have periods at the moment (praise Mirena!) but, if I start having them again, I’ve promised myself that I’ll try reuseable menstrual cups instead of pads or tampons. Of course, no-one is perfect and it’s impossible to completely mitigate one’s environmental footprint, but if we all make small steps they really can make a big difference.

One way to become a more conscious consumer, and one that is often forgotten, is in the realm of sexuality. And one of the most fun ways to do that? Buy eco-friendly sex toys!

I recently tried the Koi vibrator from Love Not War. Love Not War vibrators are made using as few materials as possible, and are constructed from silicone and recycled aluminium. There is no single-use plastic and the small amount of plastic that is necessary is recycled within the factory. It arrives in eco-friendly, brown cardboard packaging, and even the little storage pouch for your toy is made from environmentally friendly bamboo fabric. Best of all? The electronics unit works with all the interchangeable heads, which you can buy separately. So you can try lots of different sensations without needing to buy a new battery unit for each one.

Oh, and it’s a damn good vibrator, too. The Love Not War Koi is powerful, rumbly, and has a fabulous wide head for all-over vulva stimulation.

Other ways to make your sex life more environmentally friendly include switching to ethically-made lubricants with organic ingredients, buying lingerie made from sustainable and recycled fabrics, and avoiding products with tonnes of single-use plastic packaging. Buying glass, silicone, or stainless steel toys instead of hard plastic is another great option, as is choosing rechargeable toys rather than those powered by disposable batteries. Some manufacturers, such as Lovehoney, will also recycle old sex toys so they don’t end up in landfill.

Remember to Masturbate for Fun!

“So, what, you get paid to masturbate?” people say when I tell them I test and review sex toys for a living. And… yes, kind of, but not really. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I’m incredibly lucky that I get paid to try out some awesome and innovative sex toys. But it’s far more than just “being paid to masturbate”.

For every toy review that appears on this site, there are hours of testing, taking notes, and sometimes discussing the product with my partner. Then there’s writing it up, proofreading and editing, taking and editing photos, creating a header image, adding tags and categories, and then promoting the post on social media once it’s live.

I love my job, but it’s still my job. This year, I want to remember that self-pleasure is supposed to be about, well, pleasure. This means taking the time to masturbate just for fun, with the toys (or lack thereof) that I feel like using, without the pressure to write about it afterwards.

Start Dating Again

This one might be a little trickier, what with that ongoing pandemic thing, but I’m an optimist and I’m going to do my best!

Many of you may remember that I went through a truly terrible break-up in late 2021. As a result, I decided to take a long break from dating anyone except my nesting partner. This was unquestionably the right decision, as I needed time to process and heal from what happened. But I’m starting to feel like dating again might be a good thing for me.

I’m trying to keep my resolutions for 2022 squarely in the realm of “things I can actually control”. So I’m not going to promise to go on 15 dates this year, or have a girlfriend by December (if only…). But I am going to get myself back on some dating apps, flirt with some pretty humans, and maybe ask someone out if they seem like a good fit.

Take More Sexy Selfies

My body image has been a little all over the place recently. Perhaps unsurprising in these ongoing Covid times. As a result, I haven’t been taking many sexy pics recently except when I need them for lingerie reviews. I always get a good reaction when I do take them and send them to a lover, play partner, or long distance crush… and honestly, even if I don’t send them to anyone, taking them and looking at them makes me feel hot and desirable.

2022 shall be the year of the nude selfie!

Try a New Kink

What will that new kink be? I don’t know yet! But I recently read Kate Sloan’s fabulous book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, and it’s given me more than a few ideas.

One of the things I love the most about sexuality is its infinite variety. Just when I think I’ve seen it all, I come across a new kink or fetish I’ve never even heard of. So maybe this year I’ll try something that’s been on my bucket list for years, or maybe I’ll end up trying a kink I don’t even know exists yet. The point is less about the specific act itself, and more about committing to a state of ongoing openness, curiosity, and adventure.

What’s on your 2022 sexy resolutions list, lovelies?

This post was sponsored by the good folks at Love Not War, an eco-conscious and sustainable toy company that also happens to make gorgeous, powerful vibrators in a range of interesting shapes and styles. All opinions are, as always, completely my own. Images are by Love Not War and used with permission.

Header image for Love Not War Meile sex toy review of clit vibrator

[Toy Review] Love Not War Meile

Published on April 26, 2021September 2, 2024 by Amy

Sustainability is a major problem within many industries, and the sex toy industry is no exception. While there are ways to enjoy sex toys more sustainably – buying from ethical companies, using rechargeable rather than battery-powered products, choosing silicone over plastic, buying toys made to last rather than cheap ones that will die after a year – there are relatively few toys being made specifically with eco-friendliness in mind. That’s why I was excited to receive the Meile vibrator from Lovehoney’s new line in collaboration with Love Not War.

How is Love Not War Different?

Love Not War is a new innovative line of sustainable and eco-friendly vibrators. Their eco credentials come in several forms:

The materials: the base is made from recycled aluminium, which is one of the most sustainable metals (98% recycled worldwide.) The main part of the toy is made from silicone, which is more readily recyclable than plastic and plastic-derived materials. Even the storage bag that comes with your vibe is made from sustainbable bamboo fabric. Love Not War vibes use very small amounts of plastic, and the company recycles that plastic within the factory.

Interchangeable heads: you only need to buy one Love Not War electronics unit. You can then use it with any of the four interchangeable heads. This is obviously much more environmentally friendly than buying four identical electronics units to enjoy the different permutations of this toy. Unfortunately the heads don’t seem to be available separately at Lovehoney right now, but I’m going to follow this up to find out when they should be available.

The packaging: Your Love Not War vibe comes in recyclable cardboard packaging with a sugar cane tray and no single-use plastic.

The Love Not War Meile

Lovehoney Love Not War Meile vibrator for clit stimulation

I received the Love Not War vibe with the Meile head. This attachment features a ball-shaped tip, which I chose on account of it being a relatively unusual vibrator design. If you’re familiar with the Zumio, it’s similar in shape only broader. The attachment has a rigid shaft and the ball is relatively firm yet slightly squishy.

The whole toy (base + attachment) is 16cm (6.2″) in length. It is fully waterproof and features a travel lock.

To charge your Love Not War vibe, unscrew the base and plug it into a USB plug using the included cable. You’ll get around 1 hour of use on top speed from a 2 hour charge.

Fun fact: all the Love Not War vibe names come from words for “love” in various languages. Liebe is German, Amore is Italian, Meile is Lithuanian, and Laska is Czech.

In Use

I knew I was going to love the Love Not War Meile as soon as I handled it and switched it on. The soft silicone, the shape of the head, and the powerful vibrations all add up to a winner.

Love Not War Meile vibrator eco friendly sex toy

If you enjoy pinpoint clitoral stimulation, you’ll love the Meile. The ball shaped tip means you can get precise stimulation exactly where you want it. Unusually, I found that the head of this toy was soft enough to use directly on my clit. When I use more rigid toys, I have to use them through the clitoral hood or they’re too intense and end up being more uncomfortable than pleasurable.

If you prefer internal vibrations, the Love Not War vibe with the Meile attachment is long enough to reach the G-spot on many bodies.

The vibrations are impressive, too. They’re strong, not too buzzy, and concentrated in the right place – the tip of the toy. The top setting left me in a puddle of post-orgasmic bliss very quickly!

The Love Not War vibe is reasonably quiet (I wish marketing copy would stop describing things as “whisper quiet,” though. They never are.) It passes the “under a duvet, door closed” test in that I can’t hear it from outside my bedroom.

If I have one complaint, it’s the one button interface. The Love Not War vibe has four constant speeds and six patterns. Ten settings is a lot to scroll through with a single button to get back to the one you like!

As an added bonus, I also think these toys are really pretty. The base is a lovely muted rose gold and stamped with the Lovehoney and Love Not War insignias, while the attachments are a dark steely grey. The overall aesthetic is elegent and stylish. Function is far more important than form, of course. But I do love toys that do the job and look great while they’re doing it.

Final Verdict

Lovehoney and Love Not War have knocked it out of the park with this collaboration. The line actually addresses ecological concerns in the adult industry in a way that is more than just lip-service, and they’re gorgeous and effective, too.

Grab yourself a Love Not War vibe with your choice of head from Lovehoney with prices from £69.99 ($84.99 US). Don’t forget to use code AFF-COFFKINK10 at checkout for an additional 10% off!

Enjoy your eco-conscious orgasms.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Love Not War Meile for review. As ever, affiliate links appear in this post and all views are mine.