[Lingerie Review] Lovehoney Fifty Shades of Grey Captivate Bra Set

I don’t think it’s a secret to anyone that I’m not a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey. At alllll. But, as I said a long time ago, a lot of people are – and if they’re going to look for sexy products based on that franchise, I want them to at least get decent quality stuff for their money.

With that said, I was excited to receive three items of lingerie to review from Lovehoney’s new Fifty Shades inspired line in time for Valentine’s day. Today, we’re looking at the Black and Gold Captivate Bra Set.

First impressions…

This set is a bit of a departure from my usual tastes. I don’t normally wear anything yellow/gold (not even yellow gold jewellery.) It just doesn’t really fit with my aesthetic.

With that said, I did immediately think how pretty this set was when I took it out of the packaging. It’s a two-piece bra-and-knickers set, black and decorated with embroidered gold roses. It’s elegant and it adds a different and unusual twist to your standard black lingerie.

Woman wearing black and gold lingerie Captivate Bra Set

The bra is a pretty straightforward full cup, longline underwired bra. A detachable satin strap leads from between the cups up to the attached choker, which is made of the same black lace with gold roses. The high-waisted knickers feature strappy sides and back for an unusual and sexy bondage-inspired look, plus more little roses at the point where the butt meets the lower back.

Womans butt in black and gold thong

The Captivate line is at the higher end of Lovehoney’s price range, with this Captivate Bra Set retailing for £59.99. There are a lot of gorgeous pieces in the collection, so do take a look!

Comfort and Fit

I have encountered, yet again, the eternal lingerie problem of My Boobs Just Don’t Fucking Fit.

I’m a size 14 and I ordered the large as recommended. The knickers fit me super well, and every strap is adjustable so you can get the best fit for you.

The bra though… yeah.

I understand why these lines are done in simple S/M/L sizes to make them more affordable, but it’s a real gamble whether the corresponding cup sizes will work for any individual wearer. If I had to guess, I’d say maybe the large would fit a D or DD cup? My poor G cups don’t stand a chance and just ended up feeling squished and stabbed by wires, with folds of boob spilling out every time I stand up or move.

The bra back band and straps are adjustable, so that’s a plus. But be aware of the sizing issue if you have boobs that are much bigger or smaller than the average (whatever that means) for your body size.

Look and Materials

The Captivate Bra Set is made of black satin with black lace and gold embroidery accent. The fabrics are high-quality and luxurious, and feel lovely and soft against my skin. Its clear to me that these pieces are well-made and, with the right care, should last a good long time.

Woman posing in Lovehoney lingerie Captivate Bra Set

I think this set is objectively very pretty, but I’m not sure it looks great on me. The shape of the knickers is flattering and enhances my curves and butt, but I’m not convinced the yellow/gold is a great colour on me.

Verdict

I’ll almost certainly wear the knickers again, because they fit well and I love the shape. The bra, sadly, is a complete no-go for me and I’ll probably pass it on to someone else with a smaller cup size.

A lovely set for the right wearer, but not a big winner for me.

Check out the range.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this set in exchange for an honest review. All views, as ever, are my own. Using my affiliate links supports the blog at no extra cost to you.

Christmas Giveaway 2020!

It’s the 12th and final day of #12DaysofLovehoney and, as I’ve been teasing for the last couple of weeks, it’s time for a very special Christmas giveaway.

The Prize

Christmas giveaway 2020 Lovehoney sex toys bundle

The prize is a No Silent Nights limited-edition festive sex toy bundle (pictured), courtesy of my friends at Lovehoney. The bundle includes:

  • Mini metallic wand vibrator (small version of this)
  • Shine On bullet vibrator
  • 5 function vibrating cock ring
  • Basics spiral butt plug (Amy’s note: this is made of a porous material, so pop a condom over it for safe play!)
  • Head Master double texture stroker
  • Oh! Cherry orgasm balm
  • Set of 3 foreplay dice

The whole set is worth £107.89 at retail price, so this is a fabulous prize to keep you entertained through the cold (and socially-distanced) winter months.

How to Enter the Christmas Giveaway

a Rafflecopter giveaway

T&Cs

  • The giveaway is open NOW and finishes at 11:59pm (GMT) on Friday 18 December 2020.
  • UK only on this occasion (sorry, international fans!)
  • The prize will be shipped directly to the winner by Lovehoney in discreet packaging.
  • I will email the winner and they have 48 hours to respond. If I don’t hear back, I’ll redraw a new winner.

Good luck!

Oh, and check out the rest of the review series while you’re here.

[Lingerie Review] Passion Flower Bra Set

The last 11 days have just flown by, and today is the last review of my #12DaysofLovehoney series! Do check back tomorrow, though, because I have a very special giveaway for you all. For now, though, it’s time to look at the Passion Flower Bra Set from Lovehoney’s Passion Flower lingerie line.

By the way: read the entire series while you’re here!

Purple Passion

I’ve adored the aesthetic of the Passion Flower range ever since it first popped up on the Lovehoney site earlier this year. So I was thrilled to be offered the Passion Flower Bra Set for review as part of this project.

Me wearing the Passion Flower Bra Set

Passion Flower is a range of purple lace lingerie with pink and white flowers. This set consists of three pieces: an underwired halter-neck bra, a thong, and a suspender belt.

It’s worth noting that the suspenders are NOT detatchable, so you’ll need to wear stockings to get the full effect. Of course, you can ditch the suspender belt and just wear the bra and thong if stockings aren’t your thing.

The bra features a little silver charm in the shape of the Lovehoney heart insignia, and both the suspender belt and bra feature cute pink criss-cross detailing.

First impressions? I like what I see. Let’s try it on…

Fit

The Passion Flower Bra Set comes in “one size” (to fit a UK 8-16) and plus size (to fit a UK 18-24.) If you’ve been reading my lingerie reviews for a while, you’ll know I’m not generally a fan of “one size” fits – bodies are just too diverse and varied for many people to get a reliable fit.

Me in the purple floral Passion Flower Bra Set

With that said, the Passion Flower Bra Set actually does a pretty admirable job of being suitable for a range of sizes. It is adjustable in multiple places, from the back band and halter tie of the bra, to the waistbands of the knickers and suspender belt, and even the length of the suspenders.

It’s pretty suitable for a range of bust sizes, too. Once I adjusted the band size appropriately, the underwires sat securely under my boobs and the soft lace cups actually contained my G-cups.

Woman in floral lace bra from Lovehoney lingerie set

The bra is a bit fiddly to get into. This is because the fastening mechanism isn’t a traditional bra clasp, but a simple suspender-style hook that’s pretty small. I found it easiest to put it on backwards, fasten it at the front, and then twist it to be on the right way.

Comfort-wise, the lace is very soft and a delight to wear.

Look

I adore the look of the whole Passion Flower range! The bright colour is eye-catching and the floral design is super fun and femme. I feel flirty and feminine when I wear this set.

Woman in purple thong and purple suspender belt

The wired cups and halterneck design also make it possible to get pretty epic cleavage out of this set, especially if you’re well-endowed in the boob department. The criss-cross detailing draws attention to the cleavage and waistline, while the sheer lace reveals tantalising hints of skin.

Pair with nude stockings for the complete look.

The Verdict

Playful yet elegant, stylish and striking… the Passion Flower Bra Set is an absolute win for me. I loved wearing it and it is definitely going to become a firm favourite.

An ideal addition to your bedroom/sex club wardrobe or a fun sexy gift for the femme in your life.

Get the set for a bargain £24.99 from Lovehoney.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Signing up to my newsletter and buying me a coffee are great ways to do that!

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Best Night Ever Couple’s Sex Toy Kit

It’s already day ten of the #12DaysofLovehoney project! After today, I have just one more review to publish and then the very special giveaway coming on Saturday. Today, we’re looking at Lovehoney’s “Best Night Ever” Couple’s Sex Toy Kit.

Oh, and while you’re here, check out the whole series!

What’s in the Box and Who Is It For?

The Best Night Ever kit is one of Lovehoney’s sex toy bundles. It includes five toys:

  • Vibrating silicone butt plug
  • Silver bullet vibe
  • Stretchy silicone cock ring that can be used with or without the bullet vibrator
  • Finger vibrator
  • Reversible penis stroker
Box of Lovehoney Best Night Ever sex toy kit for couples

This kit is designed for a couple consisting of a person with a penis and a person with a vulva. (The packaging and ad copy does, sadly, use gendered language along the “for him” and “for her” lines.) So bear that in mind as we proceed with the review. I’d love to see Lovehoney come out with some additional, similar kits that are geared at couples with two penis owners or two vulva owners!

Sex toys for couples in Lovehoney Best Night Ever kit

I thought I’d look at each item in turn, and then at the set as a whole.

Silicone Butt Plug

This is probably the best item in the kit from a quality point of view. It’s a little over 5″ in length, of which 4″ are insertable. It tapers to a narrow tip, making it comfortable to insert, and the silicone base makes it both body-safe and comfortable to wear for some time.

Silicone butt plug from Lovehoney couples sex toys kit

The silicone butt plug takes 1 AAA battery, and offers 3 vibration speeds and 7 patterns. The vibrations are mediocre in strength and fairly buzzy, but the plug itself is of great quality. If you’re looking for a basic, slimline plug, the Best Night Ever kit has got you covered.

Silver Bullet Vibe

As far as I can tell, this is near identical to the silver bullet vibe that Lovehoney sells as a separate product… and that was the first sex toy I ever bought at the tender age of 18!

It’s made of hard ABS plastic and takes one AAA battery. Like the butt plug, it features 3 speeds and 7 patterns. I think it’s the same motor that’s in the butt plug, but the vibrations feel a little stronger. That’s probably because hard plastic doesn’t dampen the vibrations in the same way that silicone does.

Still not super powerful and still pretty buzzy, but overall not a bad first vibe for someone who doesn’t need very intense stimulation to get off. My first little Lovehoney bullet vibe served me well for a good couple of years!

Cock Ring

This silicone cock ring can be used by itself or with the bullet vibe. It features two rings, one to go around the penis and one behind the testicles. The rings are very slim and stretchy, allowing them to fit snugly but comfortably around most penises.

Silver bullet vibrator and silicone cock ring

The purpose of a cock ring is to restrict blood flow out of the penis, making the wearer’s erection harder and longer lasting. At first glance, I wasn’t sure this ring would do anything. However, it’s stronger than it looks!

Using it with the bullet vibe can provide some gentle additional stimulation which can be pleasurable for both the wearer and their partner.

Finger Vibe

The finger vibrator is the weakest aspect of this kit, for me. For one thing, the ring you use to put it on your finger is ridiculously small. I have pretty tiny hands and found it too tight and uncomfortable on any but my little finger.

Finger vibrator from Lovehoney sex toys couples kit

Second, the vibrations are truly pathetic. I didn’t know it was possible for something to be so buzzy it makes my clitoris itch, but here we are. There’s no way this would ever do anything for me except numb me out and make me grumpy.

Reversible Stroker

The reversible stroker provides two different sensations. It’s tight but stretchy, so whatever size your penis is you can expect a snug and pleasurable fit. You’ll need to use plenty of lube both inside the stroker and on the penis, or it could be uncomfortable.

The reversible stroker is made of a TPE style soft plastic which, while not toxic and safe for external play, is a porous material. That means it will degrade over time. You’ll probably get a few months out of it, but I recommend investing in a silicone stroker once you’ve established that you like the sensation!

Best Night Ever Kit: Overall Contents & Value

The Best Night Ever sex toy kit is a mixed bag. The items are of decent quality and made of body-safe materials. However, where it really falls down is in the strength (or lack thereof) of the motors.

Best Night Ever sex toys for couples kit

That being said, this kit retails for a pretty affordable £39.99, which is cheaper than buying all the products separately. If you’re new to toys and just trying things out to see what you like, this kit could be a good place to start. For people who are just looking for a few basic staples, it will probably serve your needs, too. If you’re after more powerful toys, though, skip the kit and invest in one powerful vibrator instead.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Signing up to my newsletter and buying me a coffee are great ways to do that!

[Toy Review] Clone a Willy

Have you ever wanted a lifesize, silicone replica of your own (or your partner’s) penis? Well, you’re in luck! Clone a Willy is a company that makes kits that allow you to make a replica dick at home. There’s also now a Clone a Pussy, by the way! Lovehoney kindly sent me the Clone a Willy kit for Day 9 of #12DaysofLovehoney, and Mr CK and I had quite the adventure making it.

Clone a Willy Kit
Image credit: Lovehoney

Let’s see how we got on, shall we? Oh, and check out the whole review series here.

What’s in the Clone a Willy Kit?

The Clone a Willy kit comes packaged in a plastic tube, which also serves as the molding tube. Inside, you’ll find:

  • Instruction leaflet
  • Packet of molding power
  • 2 tubs of silicone
  • Mini thermometer
  • Single speed plastic vibrator
  • Stirring stick
Some of the contents of the Clone a Willy Kit

It’s worth noting that the kit doesn’t include every single thing you need. Fortunately, everything else you need is likely something you already have. You’ll need to have to hand:

  • A mixing pot to mix the molding powder (we used a plastic jug to make pouring easier)
  • A large wooden spoon
  • A disposable container to mix the silicone in (we used a well-cleaned plastic takeaway tub)
  • Means of measuring water in precise quantities
  • A way of keeping time (we used the timer function on my smartphone)
  • A square of scrap cardboard
Two pots of liquid silicone mix

How Does it Work?

The process of casting your penis isn’t all that difficult, but it takes a bit of precision and care.

First, you’ll need to cut the tube to size. It should be half an inch longer than your erect penis. Next, you’ll need to measure out 1 3/4 cups (that’s 414ml) of lukewarm water and let it cool to exactly 90F (32C). That’s what the thermometer is for. Be aware that this can take longer than you think!

Once the water is at the right temperature, you mix the molding powder in and stir it for exactly 45 seconds. Pour the mix into the tube, insert your erect penis, and hold it still until the mix starts to set. The instructions say 1-2 minutes, but this wasn’t quite enough. All in, it took around 4 minutes.

Voila, you have a mold! Then all you have to do is mix up the silicone, pour it into the mold, add the vibrator, and leave it to set for 24 hours.

How Hard is It?

The tricksy part of this whole process is the precision – getting the right amount of water, making sure it’s exactly the right temperature, and stirring for the right amount of time. Once the molding power goes in the water you have to act quickly, so make sure the dick being cast is erect and ready to go before you start mixing! (Staying hard is also a challenge when your dick is in lukewarm molding mix, I’m told. Have some porn or a sexy naked partner to hand!)

Mr CK has quite a lot of body hair, so we applied a generous amount of vaseline before we started casting. If you’re on the hairy side, I highly recommend this approach, otherwise you might end up getting an unwanted wax job!

The other thing to bear in mind is that this process can get messy! You have to hold the tube full of liquid against your groin for several minutes in a slightly upward-tilted angle, and some WILL spill out. Put a towel or an old sheet down before you start, and don’t do this in a carpeted area if you can possibly help it.

Clean-up isn’t too difficult. The molding mix washes off skin easily. Pro tip for cleaning your utensils and mixing bowl: wait for the leftover mix to completely dry, and then it will just peel away.

The molding is by far the hardest bit. Once that’s sorted, mixing up and pouring the silicone is a breeze. The one thing to be aware of is that you have to mix the silicone for several minutes (we did about 8 minutes) and then pour it as slowly as possible.

So how did it turn out?

We got a very promising mold from our dick casting! And the silicone is the most gorgeously bright and vibrant colour:

Silicone mix from the Clone a Willy Kit

As per the advice, we decided to leave the mold to set overnight and then pour the silicone the next morning. As such, the final product is currently setting and I’ll add some photos tomorrow. Watch this space!

Clone a Willy Kit in progress setting

The Outcome

Ta-da!

Finished purple silicone dildo made with Clone a Willy Kit

After this adventure, I have a newfound appreciation for folks who make beautiful dildos. This came out pretty well for a first go – its structurally sound, useable, and actually a pretty good likeness to its, erm, source material.

But it’s still a far cry from what the professionals can do. Support your favourite lovely dildo-makers, people!

(But also clone your/your partner’s dick at home with one of these kits, because it’s fun!)

Final Verdict

This whole experience was messy, awkward, and absolutely hilarious. You’ll need a good sense of humour if you want to make a Clone a Willy, but we had tonnes of fun making ours!

The Clone a Willy kit retails for £34.99 from Lovehoney.

I’ll just leave you with this:

Me: “What do you think people do with their cloned dick if they have a really bad breakup?”
Him: (beat) “Will it blend?”

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Signing up to my newsletter and buying me a coffee are great ways to do that!

[Lingerie Review] Lovehoney Empress Body

Today is the first of two lingerie reviews that will be featured in my #12DaysofLovehoney series. I first received pictures of the Empress collection quite a while ago, and I was smitten from first sight! It was hard to choose the piece I liked most, but I eventually settled on the Empress body.

Let’s dive in, shall we? Oh, and while you’re here, check out all the posts in this series.

Empress Body: First Impressions

Empress is a line of black and red lingerie from Lovehoney. The line features four different styles, and all are also available in plus size variations.

The Empress Body is a one-piece black lace body with red satin detailing. It features a plunging neckline, high-cut leg, and low back. There are also removeable suspenders, so you can wear it with matching stockings or by itself. Here’s how it looks on the model:

Lovehoney model wearing the Empress Body

My first impression when I took the Empress Body out of the packaging was of quality and luxury. The materials feel lovely and it’s obviously beautifully made. I couldn’t wait to try it on and see how it looked.

Fit & Comfort

The Empress Body fits me really well! The waist band is stretchy and the bra style clasps at the back have three settings. The shoulder straps and suspenders are also highly adjustable.

Me wearing the Lovehoney Empress Body

It even contains my boobs reliably unless I lie down on my side (in which case they do whatever they damn well please and I am get to find the garment that can stop them!) It’s nice to have an item of lingerie I can walk around in without feeling as though I’m having to tuck my nipples back into it every few seconds.

I wear a size 14 and I ordered the large as recommended, which ran true to size.

Me wearing the Lovehoney Empress Body

The Empress Body is even reasonably comfortable. The lace is soft and feels nice against my skin, and there are no uncomfortable wires or pinchy/scratchy bits.

Another nice touch is the popper fastenings on the crotch. My partner appreciated being able to pop them open and says they give the Empress Body an extra few points from him!

Look & Materials

The Empress Body is just absolutely gorgeous! The scalloped lace is luxurious and elegent, while the red detailing is super striking.

Me wearing the Lovehoney Empress Body

I particularly love the shape of this piece. The red band sits at the narrowest part of the waist and creates a gorgeous hourglass silhouette. And the plunging neckline emphasises the breasts and creates phenomenal cleavage!

I feel so sexy in this item. It’s been a long time since a piece of lingerie made me feel this good.

Final thoughts

I absolutely adore this piece – I’m so, so impressed with it! I hope we can go to sex clubs again sometime in the not too distant future so that I can wear it and show it off. I think it would pair wonderfully with some ruby red sky-high heels.

The Empress Body retails for £29.99 – a steal for a piece of this quality! It’s a new favourite.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Signing up to my newsletter and buying me a coffee are great ways to do that!

[Lube Review] Lovehoney Caramel Latte Flavoured Lubricant

It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed a lube! But the #12DaysofLovehoney campaign is giving me an opportunity to try a few things I might not normally get to. Today, we’re looking at a special limited edition product for the festive season: Lovehoney’s caramel latte flavoured lube!

Oh, and check out the rest of the series while you’re here.

Festive Flavour

Lovehoney’s caramel latte lube is a new seasonal release. It’s a water-based formula that comes in a 100ml (3.4 fl oz) pump bottle. It is the latest edition to Lovehoney’s growing flavoured lubes line.

Lovehoney caramel latte flavoured lube

The bottle bears the signature bubbles design that features on various Lovehoney lubes. In this case, the bubbles and product name are… well, caramel coloured.

Ingredients

This is a water-based lube, and so it is unsurprising that water is the first ingredient on the list.

Let’s take a quick look at the other main ingredients:

  • Sorbitol. This is a sugar alcohol which is generally recognised as safe (including for consumption) in small quantities. However, it’s worth being aware that sugar can cause yeast infections, so exercise caution and maybe avoid this lube if you’re prone to them.
  • Potassium sorbate. This is a preservative that is generally considered safe and is a much better alternative to parabens.
  • Polysorbate 20. This is a non-toxic emulsifier that is added to many water-based cosmetics and skincare products.
  • Diazolidinyl urea. This is an antimicrobial preservative used in many cosmetics. The answer to “is it safe?” seems to be “maybe.” According to The Skincare Chemist, it can cause an allergic reaction. Be careful if you have allergies or sensitivities.
  • Citric acid. This natural preservative is extremely common and is broadly safe, though has been known to cause irritation to some very sensitive people.
  • Sucralose. This common artificial sweetener is essentially a form of sugar. That means it’s another risk for yeast infections if you’re prone to such things.

So what’s the verdict? There’s nothing in here that makes me go “oh hell no!” off the bat, but I’d recommend exercising caution if you have allergies, sensitivities, or are prone to infections.

To be fair, the bottle does specify that the lube is for external use only. For that reason, I recommend keeping it for oral sex only, and keeping it away from any internal areas. If you’re using it for oral, take a minute to rinse off before doing any penetrative play. Switch to a gentle water-based lube for anything involving penetration.

Lovehoney Caramel Latte lube

By the way: this lube is also completely vegan-friendly, as it contains no animal-derived or animal-tested ingredients.

How Does It Taste?

Honestly, not bad!

I wasn’t at all convinced I’d like the caramel latte flavoured lube. I don’t always get on well with anything with artificial flavourings and I find a lot of fruity lubes are either too sickly sweet or just taste like chemicals.

But this one was a pleasant surprise! It’s sweet but not overly sickly, and you only need a little bit to get the flavour. It also actually tastes like a caramel latte!

Feel and Clean-Up

The caramel latte lube can get a little sticky if you leave it for too long. I guess that’s due to the sugar-based ingredients. However, it lasts fairly well and I didn’t need to keep re-applying it, which I appreciated.

Hand with caramel latte lube on fingers

As it’s water-based, the caramel latte lube is a breeze to clean up. Just rinse off with some warm water. It also won’t stain your sheets. Water-based lube is compatible with all body-safe sex toy materials including silicone, glass, ABS plastic, stainless steel, and wood.

Do I Recommend It?

I wouldn’t suggest the caramel latte lube as a bedside staple to use every time you play. For the reasons I’ve mentioned, it’s really only suitable for external use (though oral sex is the entire point of flavoured lubes anyway.) But if you’re not sensitive to any of the ingredients and enjoy a sweet, slightly coffee-ish flavour, it can be a good sexy stocking stuffer or a fun way to change up your oral sex routine once in a while.

The Lovehoney caramel latte lube retails for £7.99.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Signing up to my newsletter and buying me a coffee are great ways to do that!

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Glow-in-the-Dark Dildo

Here we are, already half way through the #12DaysofLovehoney project! It’s been super fun bringing a mixed bag of reviews to you lovely folks over the last few days, and I’m excited for the next six. I’m also in the process of setting up reviews for 2021, which is already looking super exciting. Subscribe to my newsletter to make sure you don’t miss any updates!

Let’s dive into today’s review. Check out the rest of the series, too!

A glow-in-the-dark dildo? Why!?

Why not, that’s why.

That’s right – today, we’re looking at Lovehoney’s new glow-in-the-dark dildo! (Described in the product copy as a “dazzling disco stick,” which I find hilariously charming.)

It’s a clear silicone dildo with strip of blue glow-in-the-dark material inside (it also comes in pink, if that’s more your colour.) It is semi-realistic in design, with a veined shaft, prominent head that mimics a circumcised bio cock, and balls at the base. The total length is 7.5″, the insertable length is 5.5″, and the shaft is 1.5″ in diameter.

It is, unusually, made with a translucent silicone. At first glance, it looks a bit like some of the jelly toys I’ve seen over the years, so I wanted to be sure it was really silicone. Don’t worry – it definitely is. That means the glow-in-the-dark dildo is completely body-safe and you can use it with confidence.

The Lovehoney glow-in-the-dark dildo

The glow-in-the-dark dildo features a suction cup, so you can stick it to the wall/floor/window/shower for hands-free play. The suction cup is impressively strong and stays put very well. This dildo will also fit nicely in many strap-on harnesses (you’ll need a 1.5″ O-ring.) Thanks to the balls and suction cup base, it’s even safe for anal play. (Never use anything anally that doesn’t have a large or flared base!)

Does it actually glow?

Yep!

Don’t ask me how, because I do not understand the science behind glow-in-the-dark things. But yes, it does, and it’s impressively bright. The instructions say to keep the dildo in the light for a short while before taking it into a dark space. I sat it next to my daylight lamp for 15 minutes, before taking it into my darkened bedroom to see the glow.

Here’s the result:

The Lovehoney glow-in-the-dark dildo
It is very difficult to get a good picture of something in the dark!

How does it feel?

The glowing is a fun touch and makes this toy a bit different from all the millions of other great silicone dildos out there. But does it actually do its job?

Fortunately, the glow-in-the-dark dildo isn’t all gimmick and no substance. It is also perfectly functional basic dildo that’s fun and pleasurable to use. The shaft is very flexible, making it easy to angle it just right to hit your preferred internal spots. It’s soft, squishy, and not too girthy. If I’m just after some penetration to accompany clitoral stimulation or warm me up for p-in-v sex, it’s perfect.

The Lovehoney glow-in-the-dark dildo

Some reviewers have reported finding the veins pleasurable, but the inside of my vagina isn’t really sensitive enough to notice them. What does feel great is the pronounced, realistic head, which is ideal for targeting the G-spot.

Bonus: the balls make a convenient handle for thrusting purposes!

One thing to be aware of is that the silicone is very matte in texture and therefore feels quite “grabby”. You’ll want to use plenty of lube for comfortable play. A gentle water-based lube is ideal with silicone toys.

So do I recommend the glow-in-the-dark dildo?

This is a decent quality silicone dildo at a great price! It retails for £29.99 at Lovehoney. If you’re after a functional all-rounder, the glow-in-the-dark dildo is a great pick. Even better if you like a little fun and whimsy your toys!

A cute way to bring some glow to your bedroom, or a fun stocking stuffer for a lover.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Buying me a coffee is a great way to do that!

[Game Review] “Bondage Seductions”

There are a number of things that are consistently more appealing in theory than in reality. One such concept? Sex games. Buckle in, folks – it’s #12DaysofLovehoney Day 5, and we’re looking at Bondage Seductions, a sex game by Kheper Games. (Check out the whole series here.)

Dear God, where to start?

Bondage Seductions is a sex game for couples. It retails for £19.99 at Lovehoney. The game arrives in a small square box, and inside you’ll find:

  • 36 game cards
  • A pair of silky “ties” (lengths of ribbon)
  • 2 dice
  • A red elasticated blindfold
  • A mini rubber flogger
Bondage Seductions sex game box

The quality of these items is… Not Great. The flogger looks shoddily made and the materials of the ties and blindfold look and feel cheap. The cards are contain the same copy in four languages (English, German, French, and Spanish.) I can’t speak for any of the other languages, but the English passages are poorly written and feature frequent typos and weird syntax.

Not a great first impression, but let’s keep going.

How it’s played

The rules are simple: roll the 2 dice, and choose the corresponding numbered card (they are numbered 1-1 through 6-6 – the red die indicate the first number, the black die the second number.)

Contents of Bondage Seductions couples sex game

Cards in red are “for her to read,” and cards in black are “for him to read” (more on that in a minute.) You read your chosen scenario and then act it out, using the included props as appropriate.

How is it problematic? Let me count the ways…

First, this game gets its terminology all wrong. Which might seem like a small thing, but is actually a big deal.

“Bondage” is not a synonym for “BDSM” or “kinky sex”. Bondage is one specific kink: restraining other people and/or being restrained. This game should be called “Kinky Seductions” or something, because most of it doesn’t involve bondage. Again: stop using “bondage” and “BDSM” interchangeably. They’re different things.

The game also continually uses the word “whip” to describe a flogger. Again, they’re completely different implements! The two words are not synonymous! This is a whip. This is a flogger. The item in this game is (an admittedly shit excuse for) a flogger. Terminology matters in kink, because we can only negotiate and talk about our desires and limits effectively if we use the right language. If someone says they like whips but they actually mean floggers… you see how that could lead to some really troublesome miscommunications? (It also, even more inexplicably, refers to the flogger as a “paddle”. This is a paddle.)

Secondly, this game is lax to the point of being irresponsible when it comes to safety. There are cards that explain what safewords are and how to use them, which I guess is something. There’s also a mention of consent and only going as far as you want to go in the instructions. But that’s it – and that’s not enough.

Several of the activities listed can be dangerous either physically (e.g. spanking) or psychologically (e.g. non-consent roleplay) if done incorrectly. While I appreciate that game creators can’t give an essay on safety for every activity, some context is essential.

I was horrified to see one card suggesting that you flog your lover’s back, without making any distinction between hitting the upper back and shoulders (generally fine) and hitting the lower back, kidney area, and spine (incredibly dangerous and absolutely NOT fine.)

We can’t just nudge total newbies into impact play or non-consent roleplay scenes without telling them how to do so and emerge unharmed. This is grossly irresponsible.

Unnecessary gendering like whoa

This game takes unnecessary and aggressive gendering to the next level. It begins from the premise of assuming the players are a heterosexual, cisgender couple. There was absolutely no reason to do that! The cards could easily have been split by Top/bottom rather than male/female, or even just included a bunch of scenarios and left it to the players to decide who would take which roles.

Bondage Seductions kink game cards

It’s also not just cisheteronormative, but incredibly sexist. Here are a few choice quotes (all genuine, all copied down verbatim):

“Doesn’t he know you’d have an orgasm on the spot if he’d lift a finger and do the dishes for once in his life?”

“Perhaps he’d chatting with his mother when he should be asking about your day? Or worse yet… screaming at other drivers when he should be offering you compliments about your new hairdo!”

“Men are visual, and women are more sensitive to touch.”

“Don’t you wish sometimes that he would just shut up?”

This game was designed by people who don’t have a very good opinion of either men or women. It also seems to carry the assumption that people in heterosexual partnerships kinda hate each other. And honestly, I just find that sad.

ALSO. There are two cards titled “Safe Word For Her” and “Safe Word for Him.” Apart from the pronouns, these two cards are identical. There is literally zero point to this. Just have one safeword card or explain the concept in the rules! Seriously, this takes “gendering things that have no reason to be” to the next level.

The verdict

Bondage Seductions is just… really, really bad. It’s not just cheesy, cheap, and badly put-together. It encourages some really questionable – and even dangerous – practices and pushes overly rigid gender roles.

I can’t even say it’s good for people exploring BDSM for the first time, because it isn’t. It doesn’t help you to communicate your desires, explore things safely, or actually figure out what you like.

Seriously. Do not bother. This is awful.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Signing up to my newsletter and buying me a coffee are great ways to do that!

[Toy Review] Nouveau Rosy Gold Wand Vibrator

Welcome to day 3 of the #12DaysofLovehoney project, where I’ve partnered with Lovehoney to bring you a different review every day for 11 days… and then a super-special giveaway on the final day! Check out the entire series to get some ideas for your festive gift-giving. Today we’re looking at the Nouveau Rosy Gold Wand Vibrator, a new limited-edition rechargeable wand.

Nouveau Wand: First Impressions

The Lovehoney Nouveau Wand

The Nouveau Wand arrived in gorgeous black and gold art nouveau-style packaging. The immediate impression is of luxury and a high-end product. Inside the box you’ll find the wand, the magnetic USB charging cable, the user manual, and a cute little door sign that looks like this:

Funny door sign that came with the Nouveau Rosy Gold Wand Vibrator

The Nouveau Wand is 12 inches in length and is the classic wand shape first popularised by the (not actually Hitachi) Magic Wand. The body is a gorgeous rose gold colour and made of ABS plastic, while the head is black silicone. It features a flexible neck and a two-button user interface.

What sets this wand apart from the majority of full-size wand vibrators I’ve tried is that it’s completely waterproof. So if you’ve always wanted to play with your favourite wand in the tub or shower, you’re in luck! I’ve had over an hour of play on a full charge, and it’s still going strong, so the battery power is impressive.

So far, so good. But how did it fare in use?

Weight and Ease of Use

Considering its size, the Nouveau Wand is lighter than you might think from looking at it. The lightweight plastic body makes it much easier to hold than most of the other wands in my collection.

Sometimes, when I have a long session with one of my heavier wands, I find my hand and wrist end up stiff and sore by the time I’m done. The Nouveau did not present the same problem because it’s so much lighter. The handle is tapered and becomes narrower towards the bottom, which makes it comfortable and ergonomic to hold.

The Nouveau Wand Vibrator

The controls couldn’t be simpler. The smaller round button turns the toy on and off, while the larger button cycles through patterns and settings. (There are up AND down controls, praise the sex toy gods!)

The Nouveau Wand Vibrator buttons close-up

The flexible head makes it easy to position the toy in different ways against your body.

Fun pro tip for you: if you want to use wands but find the weight or bulk difficult, an orgasm belt can help some people. Another option is to pile the wand up on a couple of pillows and straddle it face down.

Packs a Powerful Punch

The Nouveau Wand is seriously impressive from a power perspective. I might go as far as to say it’s the most powerful rechargeable wand I’ve ever tried.

I exclaimed “FUCKING HELL” when I took it out of the box and turned it on, because I had not expected it to be so powerful. The Nouveau Wand basically has five speeds: medium, high, HIGH, oh-my-god, and holy-fucking-shit. Yeah, this thing is intense.

It also offers five vibration patterns, in case that’s something you care about.

The most important question, of course, is this: did it get me off? And the answer is, oh my goodness, a thousand times yes! The deep, penetrating rumbles made my clit very happy indeed.

The Nouveau Wand Vibrator

I’ll be packing the Nouveau Wand for sex club outings[1] when I want the power of a wand but might not have access to power outlets. I’m also likely to reach for it when I’m craving power but my hands can’t deal with the weight of a heavier mains-powered wand.

The one downside? It’s pretty loud. We certainly can’t expect wands to be silent, but be aware if discretion is important to you that this one sounds like somewhere between a lawnmower and a jet engine firing up!

[1]*sob* remember those?

Final thoughts

I’ve been a wand lover for a long time, and there’s a reason for that. They’re just so good. Wands aren’t discreet, they aren’t quiet, and they don’t pretend to be something else. A wand is a sex toy that says “I am here to kick ass and provide orgasms!”

I’m very happy to recommend the Nouveau Wand. It retails for £79.99 from Lovehoney and would make a lovely treat for yourself or a luxurious gift for a lover.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all toy review posts. Want to support the blog? Signing up to my newsletter and buying me a coffee are great ways to do that!