[Toy Review] Lovehoney Metallic Classic Magic Wand

I’m definitely not above acquiring a new version of a sex toy that I already own, if the company re-releases it in better colours. Look, I’ve got to live up to my #Sparklefemme goals, okay!? So when I first saw Lovehoney’s new twist on their Classic Magic Wand vibrator way back in summer, I knew I needed it in my life. Thankfully, my pals at Lovehoney HQ were able to hook me up.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

The Classic Wand… but SHINY!

The Metallic Classic Magic Wand is a new spin on Lovehoney’s bestselling Classic Wand. It’s a mains powered (UK plug!) multi-speed wand vibrator. It’s visually gorgeous. You all know I’m not super into pink toys, but the pink-fading-to-purple is definitely an aesthetic I can get behind.

Like most wand toys, it’s pretty hefty. The Metallic Wand is 32 inches in total length, with a 7.5″ circumference head. That said, it’s not excessively heavy for its size and level of power. The cable is a useful 1.8m long, so plugging in isn’t an issue if you don’t have outlets right next to your bed.

That scroll wheel tho!

One of the things I’ve always appreciated about the Lovehoney wands over other designs is the scroll-wheel control. It makes it so easy to change the vibration speed really quickly, with no annoying button pressing. It also means you can be super precise about the level of power you want.

This simple and easy user interface is something other toy designers could learn from. Also, bonus: this toy has no “patterns”! Just simple, steady vibration. Bliss.

New silicone head!

Apart from the aesthetic, this is the main change this version of the Classic Wand has gone through as far as I can tell. The head is now silicone! (Previously it was PVC, which was a bit grey-area for me in terms of body safety). I’m so glad they’ve made this change – silicone is none-porous, phthalate-free and 100% body-safe, so you can use your wand with confidence.

Clean your wand head with a body-safe sterile wipe and then a warm damp cloth. Being mains-powered, it is not waterproof and should not get wet! You can stretch a large condom over the head of your wand if you want to be extra cautious, or if you’re sharing in a non-fluid-bonded relationship. Water-based lube is recommended.

Did it match up, power wise?

You all know by now that I fucking love mains-powered wands. They’re my favourite types of toy, hands down. I love them because they’re just so damn powerful compared with literally anything else. Though this wand isn’t the absolutely most powerful on the market (that honour goes to the Doxy) it’s still very impressively strong and will be powerful enough to satisfy the vast majority of users. I can get off with it quickly and efficiently. The vibration is a little buzzy at higher settings, so I prefer it a speed or two below maximum.

The only downside is the noise

This isn’t the noisiest toy on the market by any stretch. However, the noise it makes is less of a low rumble and more of a higher-pitched whirr, which for some reason I found super distracting! I managed to mitigate the issue somewhat by using it under the blanket, but it’s definitely something to be aware of if you’re sensitive to noise. Wand vibrators are never going to be whisper-quiet, but the type of sound this one made was bothersome to me.

So do I recommend it?

Yeah, I really do. Wands are for everyone! They’re so often lumped in the category of “for women” but actually they’re great regardless of gender or anatomy. They’re obviously brilliant for clits but that’s not where the fun stops. Penis owner? Press your wand against the underside or head of your cock, or invest in a simple attachment for all-over buzz. Wands are also great for partnered sex – place it between you during P-in-V intercourse, or take turns getting each other off with it. You can even use it to give each other sensual back or full-body massages. And don’t forget you can get all kinds of attachments for your wand, making it a truly versatile investment.

The Metallic Classic Magic Wand retails for £49.99 ($69.99), putting it at the more affordable end of the spectrum for a body-safe, powerful wand.

What are you waiting for? Go buy one for the femme in your life. Even if the femme in your life is you!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Metallic Classic Magic Wand to review. All opinions, as ever, my own. Buying through my affiliate links sends me a small commission at no extra cost to you and helps keep the blog going. Images are by me. 

The Best Black Friday/Cyber Monday Sex Toy Deals

I have mixed feelings about Black Friday, which will perhaps not surprise many of you who know my general feelings towards capitalism. However, I love a bargain as much as the next person – and I love love love people being able to get sexy things that they might not be able to afford at full price.

Scrabble letters spelling out "Black Friday." For the discounts, deals and offers page.

To that end, I’ve pulled a brief round-up of some of the very best Black Friday deals on sex toys, lingerie and more.

I’ll also be tweeting out any particularly awesome deals that come onto my radar this weekend, so keep an eye on my Twitter for updates!

Please note: this post contains affiliate links and if you buy through them, I make a small commission. I promise to only ever recommend companies I stand behind.

[Masturbation Monday] The Halloween Party

“Halloween is the one night a year when a girl is allowed to dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it!” – Mean Girls

A close up on a pair of red painted lips, half in shadow, for a Halloween erotica postThere was no getting away from it – my Halloween outfit was very slutty. Of course, that’s how I like it. I love my body, all 215lb of it, and any excuse to show it off to consenting viewers is alright by me.

My “Vampire” costume from Lovehoney was little more than a net dress that covered precisely nothing, and a cute little vamp cape to tie around my neck. I’d added some ceramic fangs, a generous dash of crimson lipstick, and a careful trickle of red food-colouring along my neck. Perfect.

Hours later, dancing at the party, I was glad that I was basically close to naked – fifty bodies in a house that’s really only big enough for ten gets very sweaty, very quickly. Not that I was complaining. Fifty of my sexiest friends (plus a few strangers) all crammed in very close proximity with each other? Yum. My outfit wasn’t even the sluttiest one there! Our host, Laura – sixty if she was a day – wore nothing at all but towering heels, a kitten-tail butt plug, and leather cat ears.

My wife, Beth, is less of an exhibitionist than me. Not the type to get her tits out in public. Even so, she looked ravishing in a corset, floor-length fishtail skirt, and a fascinator resembling a witch’s hat. She pressed her body close to me as we danced, occasionally leaning in to plant a kiss on my lips, hers becoming more and more stained with my ridiculous lipstick each time.

Emboldened by a glass of wine and the knowledge that it was the sort of environment where getting it on with my very sexy wife in semi-public wasn’t going to upset anyone, I slid my hand down the front of her skirt. She gasped and I watched her dark eyes widen.

Kissing her to swallow the moan, I slid two fingers all the way into her and curled them slightly, rubbing her G-spot. Breaking the kiss, she snaked her arms around my waist and threw back her head, eyes closing. The music covered her little noises of pleasure, but no-one who was looking could mistake the look on her face. My body pressed against hers, I fingered her deeply and slowly, in just the way I know she loves. In just the way I know makes her come uncontrollably. I felt her hips bucking slightly against my hand and another rush of wetness from her pussy. She came a moment later, kissing me and pushing her tongue into my mouth as she did. She tasted of red wine and sweat. God, I love you.

Her eyes sparkled as I licked her wetness from my fingers.

“My lipstick is all over your face,” I told her with a grin.

“Babe?” she said sleepily, much later, her head on my shoulder in the taxi home.

“Yes, love?”

“Did I mention I fucking love that outfit on you?”

Today’s Masturbation Monday is brought to you by Lovehoney’s Halloween range! Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me a piece to try. Grab yours now – with one day delivery, it’ll be here in time for the party! Affiliate links are contained within this post and purchasing through them sends a small commission my way.

Masturbation Monday is created and owned by Kayla Lords. Click the logo to see what everyone is getting off to this week!

Plus-Size Lingerie and Body Love [A Review, of Sorts]

This post contains frank descriptions of body image issues and weight loss (no numbers) and discusses external and internalised fatphobia. Please look after yourselves and skip this one if this is likely to be difficult for you. This one is quite vulnerable for me – please be kind. Thank you.

A pretty curvy woman in the Rendezvous plus-size lingerie set from LovehoneyI am currently fatter than I have ever been in my life. And I am not, truth be told, okay with this.

To be honest, I feel bad even writing that. I don’t know if I am allowed to complain that I experience fatphobia at this size – where I never have before. Plenty of people who are bigger than me experience far worse. But there we are. These things exist on a spectrum. And many people, from men who might want to fuck me to service staff, treat me noticeably worse now than they did 50lb ago.

A pretty curvy woman in the Belle Amour plus-size lingerie bra set from LovehoneyEven though I’m frequently attracted to gorgeous babes of all sizes, fat and thin and everywhere in between, I really struggle with seeing my body like this. I have to be in a lot of photos at my day job, and I’ve often ended up going to the loos to have a sneaky cry after seeing a photo of myself. It’s probably fair to say I currently hate my body most of the time.

I’m on a long journey right now of getting back to the weight where I felt good about my body, while also trying to love it as it is on the way. Part of the problem is that a lot of my clothes, and especially a lot of the clothes I used to feel good in, don’t fit me at the moment. This includes all the gorgeous lingerie I’ve accrued in two years of sex blogging. (Small mercies, I can still get into the catsuit of joy, but just barely.)

So when my pals at Lovehoney announced they were launching two new lines of plus-size lingerie, I agreed to try it out. Still at a place of being reluctant to call myself “plus-size,” I nervously selected a couple of pieces and waited for them to arrive. They then sat on the sofa for several days, staring at me. Making me feel guilty for not trying them and scared to try them in equal measure. What if they looked awful? If they didn’t fit? If I ended up just hating my body even more?

Eventually I did try them, when I was alone in the house and there was no-one but me and the mirror to judge me. (Not that my sweethearts would ever negatively judge me, but internalised fatphobia is strong, y’all).

Meet Belle Amour & Rendezvous

Belle Amour and Rendezvous are Lovehoney’s two new lines of plus-size lingerie. Unlike their other offerings, these ranges are exclusive to Plus and cover sizes 18-28 (that’s UK sizes).

“Belle Amour” is a red-themed range (two of the sets also have black accents) which is bright, bold and sexy as hell. The two “Rendezvous” pieces are inspired by fetishwear and characterised by black fabrics, gold studded collar and belt, and fishnet lace. Woof.

The pieces I chose & my experience

I decided to go for one basque and one bra set, to get the best overall sense of the range. I chose the Rendezvous Studded Fishnet Basque and the Belle Amour Longline Bra Set.

When I first got lingerie from Lovehoney, I was really pleasantly surprised at the quality. Unlike what you get from a lot of sex shops and online retailers, this stuff is fantastically made and uses real high-quality materials. These pieces were no exception. The satin looks anything but cheap, and the lace is unbelievably soft.

I tried on the Rendezvous set first. I’m a big fan of fishnet and I love the floral pattern interspersed with the netting – it gives the set a gorgeous kinky/femme edge. The studded belt is my favourite part, though. I love how it accentuates the curve of my waist.

Sexy lingerie is not designed for comfort, so I won’t pretend it was the most comfy thing in the world. But the material is soft and non-scratchy enough that I could wear it for a few hours at an event without too much trouble.

I think this one is coming out at the next kink event we go to…

Next up was the Belle Amour set. I was initially less sure about this one. For starters, it shows off my stomach which isn’t a part of my body I am particularly fond of.

But the longer I wore it, the more I loved the shape it gives to my breasts and the way the garter belt hugs the curve of my hips. I also think the long line bra style, which hits just at the top of my waist, is a super flattering cut for me. The whole aesthetic is delightfully femme.

This is definitely the more comfortable of the two – again, I cannot overestimate how soft this lace is!

Now I just need to get me some wonderful stockings to complete the look…!

Some reactions:

I think it’s safe to say the reactions from my partners and sexy friends were overwhelmingly positive.

“Woof!” – anonymous friend

“*heart eyes emoji*” – other anonymous friend

“So ridiculously hot.” – the Artist

*Drags me into the bedroom for immediate sex* – Mr CK

A note on sizing

As ever, femme clothing sizing continues to be a mystery. Lovehoney’s plus-size lingerie comes in three sizes: 18/20, 22/24, and 26/28. However, each basque and bra has three rows of hooks-and-eyes and some stretch, making them adjustable to a reasonable degree.

Regardless of what size I’ve been at, I have always had disproportionately large boobs compared to the rest of my body. I don’t normally do bras so I haven’t had a measurement done in years. But at a guess I’m probably an E or F cup right now. This means I often have to go a size up in tops and anything with a built-in bra.

I requested these pieces in size 18/20. I’m wearing a 16 in most things at the moment, occasionally an 18 on top thanks to the aforementioned tits. However, on the tightest hook setting these pieces fitted like a dream. Even the cups were a perfect size and actually covered my nipples properly! All the straps are adjustable, from the bra straps to the pieces that attach the collar to the basque. The collar, though not adjustable, is stretchy enough that I can pull it over my head so it will fit the vast majority of neck sizes.

The knickers on both pieces were very, very slightly big on me but really nowhere near enough as to be problematic.

Care and Cleaning

Unfortunately, these pieces – as with most sexy lingerie – are hand-wash only. We actually do put them through the washing machine, in a net bag on the most gentle cycle and they’ve been absolutely fine, but your mileage may vary.

The Verdict

I love both of these sets, and these whole ranges! Interestingly, both my partners agreed that the red set was their favourite, but the black feels like more “me” when I wear them. Perhaps I’m just not very used to bright colours! Black feels much more comfortable, much more… safe?

More than anything, I want to emphasise how goddamn sexy I feel in these pieces. I cried when I’d finished trying them. The whole experience reminded me how it feels to love what I see in the mirror. That’s been… a while.

So what now?

Whatever size you are, if you’re struggling with how you see your body, I recommend getting something to wear that you feel absolutely gorgeous in. This might be lingerie or it might not – what makes us feel good is very personal.

This experience has not cured my body-image issues by any stretch of the imagination. I’m not sure that’s entirely possible. We live in a society that hates fat bodies, that encourages women to hate themselves, and that profits off insecurities and imperfections the media has convinced us we have.

But putting on this this gorgeous plus-size lingerie, taking photos and letting my lovers tell me how sexy I am, has reminded me that my body can still be hot and desirable and perfect, exactly as it is right now. And that has to be worth something.

Thanks to Lovehoney for providing me with these pieces to try. As ever, all opinions are my own. If you purchase through my affiliate links, you send a small commission my way at no extra cost to you. Professional product photos are property of Lovehoney and used with permission. Other images are mine – do not steal them.

[Kink Product Review] Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit

I often groan at the idea – and the reality – of sex toy kits. Too often, they’re lots of cheap and bad quality things shoved together in a pretty box and sold for a premium. If pressed for an opinion, I’ll nearly always tell my readers to forego a kit and spend a bit more on just one or two quality items. However, I try to keep an open mind, and occasionally something surprises me. The Take Control Bondage Kit from Lovehoney pleasantly surprised me.

Through the eyes of a beginner…

I’m practically a kinky veteran at this point. I’ve been practicing BDSM for about a decade and have accrued a sizeable collection of toys – expensive leather floggers, my fabulous vegan leather collar, the gorgeous hand-made whip I gave Mr CK last Christmas, our electro-play kit, and more. So beginner kits are not something I would ever normally buy for myself. Therefore, I am trying to step back in time ten years or so and view this kit through the eyes of someone who is just starting out in their kinky explorations.

Inviting and Fun Packaging…

The Take Control Bondage Kit comes in one simple box, with all the products clearly displayed on the front so you know exactly what to expect. The packaging is bright and fun, which I suspect is a deliberate choice to make it non-intimidating to the new and nervous.

There’s a LOT of information on the box, too. I really like the way that there’s a brief description on how to use each item on the back, and also that they pay attention to safety and consent! The box reminds you to use safewords, never leave a bound person alone, and have a non-verbal safe signal if someone is gagged. In this regard, I’m really impressed. It’s pretty 101 stuff, but safety/consent 101 is exactly the information that the target market for this kit needs. A+ for that.

The unboxing…

I wasn’t delighted with the way the box was packed – everything was just sort of piled in, each item wrapped in a cellophane wrapper. It would have been nicer to have an inner tray with slots for everything. Some little storage bags for the items would also be a welcome addition. Assuming you don’t want to throw everything back in the box when you’re done playing, it’s not an ideal storage solution.

With that said, I was immediately pretty impressed with what was inside. Some (many) beginner BDSM kits are filled with things that are dubiously even safe, let alone of good quality.

Let’s take a look at what’s inside, shall we? Just for fun, I’ve included a fun tip or an idea to try with each item.

1: Blindfold

This blindfold is super comfy. It’s nice and thick and padded, and I couldn’t see a thing when it was on. The band is stretchy, too, so it should fit most people comfortably.

Pro kink tip: blindfold your partner and stroke different things across their body – a silk scarf, a piece of velvet, the tails of your flogger – and make them guess what each item is.

2. Nipple suckers

I really liked these! They’re a great gentle introduction to nipple play, and perfect if you want some sensation but without the pain of clamps or clothes pegs. I have pretty small nipples on fairly large breasts, and I found these stayed in place very nicely once I’d suctioned them onto my chest.

If you flick or hit them too hard, they will fly off, but they can withstand some gentle playing and wiggling.

Pro kink tip: tell your partner to fetch you something from another room with these on. They’ll have to move carefully… they’ll be spanked if one falls off!

3. Ball gag

Full disclosure: I hate ball gags. I fucking hate them. They make my jaw hurt, they make my face contort into an expression that no-one could possibly find attractive, they make me drool, and I can’t kiss my partner when I’m wearing one. I. Hate. Them.

With that said, this is a good one if you like that sort of thing. The holes make it breathable, and being silicone it’s non-porous which makes it hygienic. The holes do make it somewhat of a pain to clean, so take extra care when you’re cleaning it. Warm water and gentle soap is the best way to go here.

I also like how adjustable this gag is. With 9 buckle holes, it will fit most people comfortably.

Pro kink tip: make your submissive try to repeat words back to you (try phrases like “I’m a dirty little slut”) while gagged.

4. Flogger

This is a stingy little bastard! Don’t let the small size fool you, it can pack a wallop. The falls are made of thin rubber, which delivers a vicious sting when you put some force behind it. If pain isn’t your thing, you can drag it sensually across the skin for a gentle tickle. I would have liked the handle to have a bit more width and weight to it.

Pro kink tip: Try – gently – flogging the vulva or penis if your partner is up for it. Remember to clean your flogger thoroughly afterwards.

5. Wrist and ankle cuffs

These were the weakest part of the kit by far, for me. They’re quite thin and made of nylon, with no padding, which means they chafe if you put any pressure on them at all. They’re fine for exploring the feeling of being restrained, but if you’re into rough play and would be wanting to pull against them, they’re not a good option for that.

Try restraint with these, by all means, to see if you like it. But then ditch them and get some proper cuffs. And I hope it goes without saying that you should never, EVER suspend from wrist or ankle cuffs. These are not designed to take any real weight.

Pro kink tip: Restrain your partner then make them watch you masturbate in front of them.

6. Under-bed restraints

These are great, except for the tiny detail that they don’t fit on our bed! We have a Super King bed (which is the best thing ever, seriously. I always tell Mr CK that my relationship with him and the bed is polyamorous in itself.) Turns out these restraints fit up to King Size. So they’ll be fine for the vast majority of people, but if you have a ridiculous bed like us, they may not fit.

That said, they’re still a great addition to the kit. They’re strong, durable, and easy to set up… and tuck out of sight when you’re done, if you want to. The little clips mean you can easily add different cuffs to them, so when you ditch the rubbish cuffs in this set and get some better ones, you can still use them with this restraint system.

Pro kink tip: when your partner is restrained, run a cube of ice along their body… or drip candle wax onto their skin (read up on how to do wax play safely first, of course!)

7. Silicone suction-cup dildo

Do my eyes deceive me, or… no, it’s actually a body-safe dildo in a BDSM kit! With an insertable length of 6 inches and a diameter of 1.5″, it’s perfect for vaginal play. It’s possibly a bit ambitious for first-time anal sex or pegging, but most people could easily work up to it with a bit of time and warm-up.

The slight curve makes this dildo feel delicious for G-spot or prostate stimulation, and the silicone is super soft and silky. The suction cup is also a nice addition and makes this toy more versatile.

It’s even got a convenient hollow in the base where you can slip the bullet vibe that comes with this kit to turn your dildo into a G-spot vibrator!

Remember to use water-based lube with your silicone dildo for the best experience.

Pro kink tip: tease your lover’s entrance with just the tip of the dildo. If they want it inside, they have to thrust on to it!

8. Strap-on harness

This is actually the same harness that I bought as part of a pegging kit a few years ago. I’ve used it many, many times to top for both vaginal and anal penetration, and it’s still my favourite harness. It’s comfortable, the dildo stays in place well during thrusting, and the rings are interchangeable so you can use it with any dildo with a flared base.

Pro kink tip: If you have a vulva, put on a wearable vibrator before you put on your harness, so that you get some clitoral pleasure while you fuck your partner.

9. Wired bullet vibrator

This was the biggest surprise in the kit for me. I was fully expecting it to be awful. While it’s not the strongest vibrator in the world, it’s not a bad little bullet for the size. I was able to orgasm with it quickly and easily. It has a number of patterns as well as steady vibration speeds.

I didn’t love the wire element, but you cannot expect to get a wireless bullet for this price-point. It’s long enough for one partner to comfortably have control of the remote while the other holds the vibrator against their genitals.

Pro kink tip: switch it off just when your lover is on the edge of orgasm. Make them beg for release.

Other things to note

  • The bullet takes 2x AAA batteries, not included.
  • There is no real leather in this kit, making it entirely vegan-friendly.

Overall Verdict: do I recommend it?

On the whole, a very solid kit for the price. I wouldn’t recommend it to folks more experienced in kink and BDSM, but for those of you who are new and looking to explore different sensations and types of power-play, this kit is a great starting point.

The Take Control kit retails for £79.99 ($109.99 US) which is a reasonable price for the quality and variety. As you get more into your kink and discover what you like, I’d encourage you to drop more money on single items if you can – a quality, handcrafted whip or flogger will last you a lifetime, perhaps, or some really high quality natural fibre rope? But to get you started? Look no further.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Take Control Bondage Kit in exchange for an honest review. If you choose to purchase this or anything else from Lovehoney, please buy through my affiliate links – it supports the blog at no extra cost to you!

 

[Toy Review] Womanizer Premium

I’ve been wanting to get my hands on a Womanizer for SO long, you guys. I think I missed the buzz (heh) when they first launched as the first few models were already old news when I started my blog, so I was delighted to see that A) there are new models out, and B) Lovehoney were kind enough to provide me with one to review for you all.

The Womanizer Premium on a wooden floor.Now, for those who don’t know, Womanizer were the first company to create clitoral suction toys of the kind that are now made by a whole host of companies. Many sex toy experts hold them up as the original and best, while others say they’re overpriced and the much more affordable Satisfyers do just as good a job. I’m not here to compare these toys today (though I will at some point) but felt that little bit of context was relevant.

Stats & Things

The Womanizer Premium on a wooden floor.The Womanizer Premium is the latest in Womanizer’s line of toys utilising what they call “Pleasure Air Technology”. Essentially, the nozzle creates a seal around the clitoris and the toy provides stimulation via rapid pulses of air.

This toy operates off a simple interface of 4 buttons. The bottom button just above the charging point switches the toy on and off; the one with a little wave pattern on it switches in and out of Auto Pilot mode; and the +/- buttons adjust the speeds. The buttons are easy to press, and well positioned to change the speed when in use without breaking your flow.

It’s USB rechargeable, completely waterproof, and ergonomically designed to fit comfortably in the user’s hand.

Premium Product, Premium Packaging… Premium Pricetag

The Womanizer Premium black box.The Womanizer Premium lives up to its name before you even take it out of the box. The packaging is elaborate and decorated in a style which makes me think of perfume or high-end make-up, with a clear section where you can see the toy. Included with the toy is the charging cable, a convenient storage bag, and two nozzles of different sizes (so you can swap them out depending on what suits your body).

The Womanizer Premium box openNow this toy screams luxury to me. The velvety soft premium silicone (available in three  colours and, praise be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, none of them are pink!) and subtle gold-coloured accents add to the luxurious feel.

This product does, though, come with a premium price-tag. It retails for £169.99 ($198.99 US). Do I think it’s worth it? Eh… maybe. It’s a damn good product from a trusted company, and if you can drop this kind of money on a toy it’ll be an investment that will last you for years. On the other hand, if money is tighter you can forego some of the special features (more on that later) you can get the Classic model or a much cheaper Satisfyer without losing a tonne of functionality. This toy does have some distinct advantages over cheaper models, but whether they’re worth the extra cost is a personal choice.

Body-Safety and Cleaning Concerns

The 100% silicone (apart from the ABS accents) of this toy make it completely body-safe. As it’s completely waterproof, you can submerge it to clean it all over. As an extra hygiene precaution, I recommend taking off the nozzle and sterilising it in boiling water or a 10% bleach solution after every few uses. In between, a sterile medical wipe will do the job just fine.

Sharing suction toys can be an issue, as they are not barrier compatible. Fortunately, this toy comes with two nozzles (and you can buy extras) so I recommend just swapping nozzles between partners if more than one person is going to be using it.

As ever, I recommend water-based lube.

Special Features

The Womanizer Premium has three defining features which set it apart from the lower priced models.

Firstly, it boasts a massive 12 speed settings (the Classic model has only 8), with the lowest setting lower and the highest setting higher than ever before.

Second, it has a super nifty body-sensor feature they call Smart Silence, which means the toy turns itself off automatically when it’s not in contact with the body, and then back on again (on the same setting) when contact is reestablished. It’s really cool and I like it a lot. No more fumbling with buttons if your roommate knocks on the door or your child barges in at an inopportune moment!

And finally, there’s the Auto Pilot mode. I hate this, because it’s basically a glorified pattern, but I think a lot of people will love it. In Auto Pilot, the intensity moves automatically between speeds (within a range of 4, which you can turn up or down). Personally, I want to be in control – it can ruin my chances of orgasm if the stimulation changes suddenly when I’m getting close – but others may love this. It could be fun to utilise as part of an edging or orgasm control game?

So how does it actually feel?

Short answer: amazing.

Long answer: it feels like it’s caressing your clit with a fierce determination to rip an orgasm from you whether you want it to or not, and when it does it’s the kind of orgasm that drenches the sheets and wakes the neighbours.

…At least that was my experience.

After a lackluster first try or two last year, I’m a serious suction toys convert. The differences between each model of suction toy are fairly subtle, but I’d describe this one as gentler than some others – even at the higher settings. If you’ve got a super sensitive clit and other toys of this type have been too intense for you, the Womanizer Premium on the lower settings might be the perfect choice.

Anything I Didn’t Love?

Well, that stupid Auto Pilot setting, but it’s easy to forget that exists. It’s also not the quietest, even when pressed against the body. For reference, my partner could hear it in the next room. It’s quieter than a wand but definitely louder than a bullet.

Otherwise, I can’t think of a single thing I didn’t enjoy about this toy.

So do I recommend it?

Yes, if you can afford to drop close to £200 on a toy and want something really luxurious that will last you for many years!

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me the Womanizer Premium to review. All views are, as ever, entirely my own. If you buy through my affiliate links I make a small commission. Thank you for supporting my work when you buy your sex toys! All images are by me and not to be reproduced without permission.

[Toy Review] Happy Rabbit Thrusting Realistic Rabbit Vibrator

This review is my first post of #Smutathon2018: #SmutForChoice Edition. Please donate to our page for Abortion Support Network, and don’t forget to leave your email address or Twitter handle so we can enter you into the raffle to win some awesome sex toys! Now on to the review…

A Thrusting Vibrator?

I have a complicated relationship with rabbit vibrators – I occasionally find one I love, often find one I hate, and am frequently quite indifferent to this whole category of toys. The main reason for my struggle with dual stimulation toys is that I just don’t like vibrations inside my vagina. My G-spot, as I have mentioned previously, either wants to be pounded, caressed or left alone – never vibrated. (Coming up later will be a guide to choosing a rabbit, so look out for that!) So when I saw that Lovehoney’s new line of Happy Rabbit vibrators includes a rabbit with a shaft that thrusts rather than vibrates, I simply had to try it out.

The Thrusting Happy Rabbit standing up on a wooden dresser.Bunny Bits ‘n’ Bobs

The Thrusting Happy Rabbit is one of seven toys in Lovehoney’s new Happy Rabbit range. It’s quite a large toy at 9 inches in total length, 4.75″ of which is insertable, and a diameter of 1.5″.

There are two control buttons, one to control the thrusting motion and one to control the clitoral vibrations in the ears. The one-button control for the vibrations is annoying, as you have to scroll all the way through in order to go back to a previous setting. Toy designers: up and down buttons, please!  I do also wish it wasn’t quite so pink.

The Thrusting Rabbit is fully waterproof, and is USB rechargeable, giving a decent 120 minutes play time from a 150-minute charge.

A hopping good time

A gif of the Thrusting Happy Rabbit in action.I admit I looked at this toy and gulped – I normally need a good amount of warm-up to take something this size internally. Thankfully, apparently “haven’t had an orgasm in a few days” + “lube” = sufficient warm-up.

What surprised me even more was that it brought me to orgasm in under five minutes!

The thrusting motion feels amazing. There are three different speeds of thrusting motion to choose from. I preferred the slowest speed, but as ever your mileage may vary.

The “ears” are thick and firm, and have a massive fifteen different vibration settings. They’re not the most powerful vibrations you’ll ever find, but they were more than sufficient to get me off. The clitoral arm has some flexibility, so you can maneuver it to fit with your body.

The main downside in this toy, for me, is the sound. It’s not exactly loud – my partner couldn’t hear it from the next room with the door shut – but the thrusting motion sort of… squeaks? It wasn’t distracting enough to stop me enjoying all the good points of this product, but if you’re very sensitive to sounds (particularly higher pitched sounds) it’s something to be aware of.

Materials & Cleaning

The entire Happy Rabbit range are made from body-safe, non-porous, phthalate-free silicone. A far cry from the horrible jelly things that everyone went mad for after that episode of Sex & the City aired 20 years ago!

As the Thrusting Rabbit is completely waterproof, clean-up is a breeze. Just use some warm water and gentle soap for a thorough clean. For a quick clean between uses, a body-safe sterile wipe will work just fine.

A word of caution on cleaning: due to the creases in the thrusting mechanism, germs and bacteria can easily get trapped in there. Take extra care around these folds to make sure you get all bodily fluids and lube out.

The insertable part of this toy is condom-compatible. As ever, water-based lube is recommended.

So did the Thrusting Rabbit make me happy?

Yes! If, like me, you enjoy dual stimulation but don’t want internal vibrations, this toy is a great choice for you.

It is on the pricier side, retailing for £79.99 ($119.99 US.) However, it’s cheaper than Fun Factory, probably the most popular thrusting vibes on the market right now, and much cheaper than a fucking machine. So if you want a good quality thrusting toy, this is a really great option.

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me the Thrusting Happy Rabbit in exchange for an honest review. If you purchase through any of my affiliate links, I make a small commission – however, any affiliate income made this weekend (Saturday 11/Sunday 12 August) will be donated to Abortion Support Network!

[Toy Review] The Humdinger from Lovehoney

I’m working on a post at the moment about the best clitoral toys under £30/$4o. I’ve been reaching out to my contacts at the different toy companies I work with and oh boy, have these guys delivered! You’ll have to wait a little longer for the final post (I’m still deliberating over one or two of the entries!) but today I wanted to tell you about one of the products I’ve tested and am really impressed by.

Let’s ignore the silly name for a minute…

My hand holding the Humdinger vibrator(Why do sex toys so often have silly names anyway!?) The Humdinger by Lovehoney is a clitoral vibrator with a cup-shaped tip. The idea is that this tip fully encompasses the clit and surrounds it with vibrations. If you turn it over, there’s also a small, rigid nodule which can be used straight on the clit if you’re after more pinpoint stimulation. Though it’s a clitoral toy primarily, you could use it internally if you were so inclined – the bump might feel nice against your G-spot.

The Humdinger measures 7.6″ in total length, and about an inch in diameter. It is battery powered (you’ll need 2 AA batteries, not included) and fully waterproof. I do wish, as a rule, that companies would send their toys with batteries – but understand this pushes the price up for them, which would be passed on to the consumer. Pro tip from this sex toy lover: always keep a pack or two of AA and AAA batteries in your toy box!

As always, this toy arrived in a discreet parcel. It comes packaged simply in Lovehoney’s signature white box with a picture of the toy and some info about it on the outside. Don’t expect fancy packaging or anything at this price point, but honestly as an eco-conscious girl I’m all for simple packaging that means less we have to throw away or recycle.

Body-safe doesn’t need to mean expensive!

Also feat. a “Death Before Decaf” coaster because I am nothing if not painfully on brand.

The Humdinger retails for £14.99 at full price ($19.99 in the US) which is an absolute steal. It’s also currently on sale at just £1o, so this is a great time to grab a bargain!

This toy is fully body-safe. The material is smooth coated hard plastic, which is non-toxic and non-porous. It’s super easy to clean – a toy wipe or body-safe medical wipe will do a quick clean-up, and it’s submersible so you can wash it thoroughly with warm water and gentle soap. Your Humdinger should be condom compatible, but watch that the little pointy nodule doesn’t tear your condom!

Water-based or silicone-based lubes are fine with hard plastic toys.

The Humdinger vibrator on my desk.In use: a simple interface and nice rumbly vibrations

The Humdinger operates on a simple twist mechanism in the base. I really like twist controls on toys because it means you can control the intensity quite finely, and easily decrease or increase without having to press loads of buttons. The wavy body is ergonomic and comfortable to hold. It’s not the lightest toy,

While the Humdinger is not the strongest toy I’ve tried (including when measured against other toys at a similar price point,) it sports a reasonable level of power. The vibrations are also decently rumbly, so there is none of that horrible surface-level buzz that plagues so many cheaper toys.

It also has – joy of joys – NO PATTERNS! (I hate patterns 99% of the time.) Just solid, rumbly vibrations.

I really like the shape of the Humdinger’s tip. Having vibrations all the way around and over my clit was delicious and more than made up for the fact that I would have liked a tad more power. (Then again, when wouldn’t I like a tad more power?) The unique shape and the sensation of having my clit surrounded by vibrations really made this one for me.

All in all a good little toy for the price

I’m very happy to recommend this product! It’s cheap, body-safe, mid-range on power, and rumbly. An ideal pick for a beginner or anyone looking for quality clit stimulation on a budget.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Humdinger to test and review for you all! Shopping via my affiliate links sends a small commission my way and helps me keep doing this work. If you enjoy my work, please consider becoming a Patron!

[Toy Review] Mantric Rechargeable Vibrating Penis Masturbator

I’ve discussed before how difficult it is to find toys for people with penises which use truly body-safe materials. There’s a lot of TPE/TPR and other porous materials out there, including the extremely popular and well-rated Tenga and Fleshlight products. This means that they will harbour bacteria, degrade over time, and ultimately not last all that long. So I was really pleased to see that, like the whole Mantric range, this penis masturbator offering from Lovehoney is made entirely of silicone.

The Mantric penis masturbator on a white bed sheet.Let’s take a look…

The Mantric penis masturbator is cylindrical, open at one end and closed at the other. The outside is black and features a subtle geometric pattern. Inside, the silicone is the dark pinkish-red that characterises the Mantric range, and is gently ribbed – presumably, to enhance pleasure. On one side of the internal wall is a small hump. This is where the motor sits and the vibrations are concentrated. The total internal length is only about 3 inches. This toy is very light and sits comfortably even in my very small hand.

The Mantric masturbator is USB rechargeable, with a use time of about 90 minutes for a 100 minute charge. It retails for £49.99 at Lovehoney UK ($64.99 in the US.)

Buttons & Settings

The Mantric masturbator has an extremely simple The Mantric penis masturbator on a light wooden floor.one-button interface. You press the button once to switch one, then again to cycle through the settings, and you hold it down for two seconds to switch off. The simplicity of this type of interface is, as always, undermined by the annoyance of only being able to scroll through the settings on one direction. Up/down buttons on toys, people – please!

There are five settings in total – constant vibration and four different patterns. The other cool feature this toy has is a travel-lock. So you don’t need to worry about it switching on in your bag!

The Mantric penis masturbator from above.Care and Cleaning

I was worried about how difficult it might be to clean this product. Thankfully, it’s fully waterproof and submersible. This means cleaning it is… if not the easiest, at least much easier than I expected. I used warm water, a clean cloth and my index and middle fingers to clean the inside thoroughly, and then left it out to dry thoroughly. For a quick in-between clean, wiping it out with a sterile medical wipe should be fine. Being silicone, you can be assured of a full clean and not worry about it going moldy or holding on to any yucky bacteria.

In Use

I was really excited to use this product. Mr CK very much enjoys vibrations on his penis, so I thought it would be a great toy for him. Unfortunately, it really fell down in practice.

I can’t tell you this without it coming across as an #explanabrag, but it is honest-to-God true – his cock didn’t really fit! The diameter of the inside canal is only about 1.5″. This is far too narrow for anyone who is even slightly above average in the penis department.

We used a metric fuck-tonne of lube, both on his cock and inside the toy, but he had to really force to get even part way inside. An extremely tight squeeze is not, contrary to what ridiculous virginity-fetishists would have you believe, conducive to a fun or sexy time! He described it as uncomfortable-to-painful.

The other thing, and I’m giggling remembering this as I write the review, is that whenever he tried to insert his cock into this toy it made… um, a rude-sounding noise. Yeah, it sounded like a super loud fart noise. A+ for making us fall about laughing, but significantly less points for actual functionality.

This toy might work for people with cocks on the smaller side (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with!) But if you’re even slightly above average, there’s a decent chance your penis simply won’t fit inside it properly.

Our other complaint was that the vibrations are not very strong. Now, it’s possible that Mr CK has been spoiled by my using the Doxy on his cock, but penis shafts have less nerve endings than clitorises (and they’re less concentrated) so many penis-owners find stronger vibrations are better. Even if he’d been able to get his cock in properly, the vibrations are too weak to lead to orgasm.

Overall, a great concept and I absolutely applaud Lovehoney for making a penis toy out of pure silicone. Unfortunately, the functionality just isn’t quite there yet.

What should you buy instead?

I really wanted to recommend this product. There are so few silicone penis masturbators on the market that to negatively review one feels awful. Unfortunately, for most people I cannot recommend this toy. If you’re after a vibrating toy for your penis, try the Hot Octopuss Pulse III, which is extraordinary – or get a wand vibrator and a penis wand attachment. We really like the Hummer attachment (which comes with a wand in this great-value set!) – though we wish it was silicone, as the TPE is porous and will degrade over time. The O-Wand O-Gasm attachment is the only good silicone option I know of.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Mantric masturbator in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as ever, entirely my own. I have used affiliate links in this post, and all images are by me and not for use without permission.

[Toy Review] Oh-Moji Emoji Vibrator, Because Why the Fuck Not?

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Sex, as I have long held, is hilarious. It’s also many other things, of course – hot, sweet, loving, occasionally healing and transformative. But often we get so caught up in the notion of Sex As Serious Business that we forget fucking is meant, first and foremost, to be fun.

So, even though I entirely am here for beautiful toys and plain-but-functional toys and hyper realistic toys, I am also occasionally here for silly, funny and plain ridiculous toys. Enter the Oh-Moji.

Just for fun, I’m using emojis instead of title headers for this piece. Because I can.

😍😘😜

My friends at Lovehoney offered me a sneaky peek at their new toy line ahead of its release, and how could I say no to that? The new line, it turns out, consists of three Emoji-themed mini wand vibrators: heart eyes (the one I have,) blowing a kiss, and tongue-out.

These vibes are silly and cute, and clearly marketed towards younger consumers. I have mixed feelings about this; it does seem to be playing into stereotypes about young people and students. However, if a vibrator with an amusing, irreverent design is what it takes to get a young person to buy their first toy and start exploring their sexuality, I’m good with that.

Each Oh-Moji is a petite 5″ long, with a white-and-yellow handle decorated with the Lovehoney heart logo, and a yellow wand head with one flat side, where the emoji face is printed. They are USB rechargeable, and you get about an hour of continuous use from a two-hour charge. I do wish rechargeable toy batteries would last longer, in general!

The Oh-Moji has 11 settings; 3 constant speeds and 8 patterns. It is operated via a simple one-button interface, which you press to change through the settings. This does mean that if you find one you like and skip past it, you have to go allllll the way back through again.

💦🍆🛀

The Oh-Moji is NOT waterproof, so please don’t let it get wet or try to use it in the bath! Luckily, the silicone head is removable which makes for easy clean-up after use. You can, of course, also do a quick clean with a toy wipe or medical wipe (I buy mine in bulk from a medical supplies site). The Oh-Moji is a little small to use with a condom, though you could if you really needed to – and a dam would work just as well to avoid unwanted fluid exchange if you’re sharing the toy without sterilising it first. As ever with silicone toys, please use a good quality water-based lube.

🙂😀😌

There are several things I like about these product. The design makes me giggle, and I like how small and innocuous they are.

I also, obviously, love that they’re body-safe. So many cheap vibrators and other toys are made of crappy, unsafe jelly/rubber/PVC materials which can be porous or even toxic. No such worries with this one, as the head is pure silicone. People who cannot afford to buy expensive, high-end toys also deserve body safe products and I’m really glad that Lovehoney are trying to cater for a particular corner of the likely-to-be-low-income demographic.

😒😐🙁

So what didn’t work for me with the Oh-Moji?

Primarily, the level of power. I am a self-confessed power queen and a lot of weaker vibrators just aren’t enough for me. Unfortunately, this one fell into that category. I persevered, but it simply wasn’t strong enough to get me off. The vibrations were very buzzy, too, whereas I much prefer rumbly.

I also did not like how flexible the neck is. I like to be able to press a vibe into my vulva when I’m using it, and the bendy neck just makes it impossible to do this without pushing it away.

👍/👎?

Possibly not a bad choice for a first vibrator, especially if you’re looking for something on the gentler side. It’s body-safe and not too expensive (£29.99 at full price, currently on sale for £19.99). However, I do not recommend this product to anyone who likes rumblier vibrations or a higher level of power. Overall, I like them much less than I liked Positive Vibes, Lovehoney’s last cheap, cute-design, body-safe offering.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Oh-Moji in exchange for an honest review. If you purchase from them using my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission which helps me keep doing this work. Photos are by me and not to be used without permission.