Tag: masturbation month

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How to Get Rid of Shame and Guilt After Masturbating

Published on by Amy

Did you know that May is Masturbation Month? This month, aimed at celebrating all things jerking off, started life with the first National Masturbation Day on 7 May, 1995, declared by sex shop Good Vibrations in honour of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders (who was fired by President Bill Clinton a year earlier for suggesting that masturbation should be part of the sex education curriculum. Yes, really.)

It will not come as a surprise to anyone who reads my writing that I believe masturbation is a wonderful thing. (What else would the woman who owns over 150 sex toys say!?) Unfortunately, it’s still a highly stigmatised and under-discussed topic in society generally. This is particularly true when it comes to the subject of masturbation for women and people with vulvas, though all genders can be and are impacted.

I couldn’t find any reliable statistics on how many people feel shame and guilt after masturbating. However, based on anecdotal evidence, I am willing to bet it’s a significant number. So what can you do if you’re one of them? I don’t have any easy answers, because this stuff is complicated, but I do have a few suggestions for you. As always, take the ones that work for you and leave the ones that don’t.

Figure Out Where the Shame is Coming From

If you feel shame or guilt after masturbating, those feelings have come from somewhere. None of us are born with an inherent sense of shame about our bodies and our sexuality.

Often, it’s religion. Unfortunately, repressive religious teachings about sexuality have a lot to answer for. These teachings tend to be utterly unrealistic (“never have a single sexual feeling until you get married, then have amazing sex with your spouse right out of the gate”, anyone?) They are often laced with all kinds of factual inaccuracies. They’re also wildly hypocrital, because A) as we’ll see, most people masturbate, including those who rail against it, and B) sexually repressive religion is an absolute hotbed of sexual abuse and violence.

I’m a committed atheist and I’m certainly not going to tell you what your relationship with religion or God should look like. But I invite you to consider this: do you really think that, considering *gestures at the entire world being on fire in all of the ways*, God’s biggest concern is whether you enjoy some self-induced orgasms? Religious sexual shame is primarily a mechanism of control, particularly of women and women’s bodies.

Or perhaps your feelings come from a time when someone else shamed you for touching yourself. This shame might have come from parents or other adults in your life when you were young, from peers and friends, from regressive sex education, or even from sexual partners.

It’s also possible that you have had none of these experiences, and have simply internalised some societal messaging about masturbation. That happens to so many of us. It’s also possible that a collection of experiences have led you to where you are now.

Once you understand where your guilt after masturbating stems from, you can start addressing it. Whatever it was, start by hearing this: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.

Get Educated

Ask yourself what you learned about masturbation when you were growing up, if anything. Where did those messages come from? Chances are they came from a place of stigma and misinformation, not facts. The absolute best way to combat misinformation you’ve been fed is so arm yourself with accurate info instead. That means it’s time to get educated on all things self-pleasure.

Some of the resources I recommend include the classic Sex For One by Betty Dodson, The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex by Jenny Block, Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation by Jayme Waxman, Bang!: Masturbation for People of All Genders and Abilities by Vic Liu, and V: An Empowering Celebration of the Vulva and Vagina by Florence Schechter (a more general book about vaginas and vulvas that includes a section on masturbation.)

You know what? Let’s get started right now. Here some facts for you:

  • The vast majority of people of all genders masturbate at some point in their lives, and many do so frequently.
  • There is no “normal” amount to masturbate. Whether you do it multiple times a day, once in a while, or not at all, that’s all healthy and good as long as it is what works for you.
  • It is also normal to go through periods of masturbating more or less frequently. Hormones, physical or mental health and illness, age, disability, stress levels, pregnancy and birth, trauma, body image issues, relationships, living situations, medications, and overall happiness or life satisfaction are just a few of the factors that can impact how often a person masturbates… or if they do at all.
  • Huge numbers of people feel guilt after masturbating, but this is because of societal stigma, not because there is anything wrong with masturbation itself.
  • There is no clinical diagnosis of “masturbation addiction” and it is not recognised as addictive by the American Psychological Association. Some experts believe it can occasionally become “compulsive”, but unless your masturbation habits are seriously impacting other areas of your life, such as work, school, relationships, friends, hobbies, or health, it is highly unlikely that they are in any way problematic.
  • Masturbation is not physically harmful in any way. It will not cause you to go blind (do people still believe that one?), cause you to grow more body hair, cause your penis to shrink, or lead to infertility. If you have a vulva, masturbation will not “permanently stretch” your vagina or otherwise damage your genitals.
  • Masturbation is also not emotionally harmful in any way. (Though shame around it can be emotionally damaging – but that’s why we’re working on getting rid of that shame, not getting rid of masturbation!)
  • In fact, masturbation can have some positive health benefits! It can help you to sleep, boost your mood, relieve stress, relieve pain (especially menstrual cramps), and improve your self-esteem. For people with penises, a 2004 study showed that more frequent ejaculation correlated with a decreased risk of prostate cancer!
  • It is still okay, healthy, and perfectly fine to masturbate when you’re in a relationship. Any partner who tells you not to isn’t someone you should be with.
  • It is impossible to tell from physical genital appearance whether or not a person masturbates.

Reframe Masturbation in Your Mind

Now that you’ve identified the source of your shame or guilt after masturbating, it’s time to start reframing the act in your mind.

Instead of viewing masturbation as something shameful or dirty, how about seeing it as an expression of self-care and self-love? For many people, it can also be tremendously empowering. Think about it: you’re enjoying your body on your terms, no-one else’s input or participation required, and you can give yourself such incredible pleasure.

You might find your mind drifting back to those thoughts of shame and guilt. That’s totally normal. Reframing your thoughts and feelings takes time! When this happens, try to gently and non-judgementally notice the feelings and consciously guide your mind away from them.

Think about the other things you do to look after and pamper yourself. Perhaps you like to take hot baths, practice yoga, go to the spa, get a massage, eat your favourite foods, or just snuggle under a blanket in your comfiest clothes. Masturbation is no different. It’s a sensual and sensory experience that you do because it makes you feel good.

It can also help to focus on all the positive benefits you get from masturbation. Aside from the obvious – pleasure, perhaps orgasm – it might help you to feel happier and calmer, to be less stressed, or to sleep better.

In other words, this is all about teaching yourself – through repetition, affirmation, and positive reinforcement – that masturbation is normal, good, healthy, and absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Touch Yourself in All Kinds of Ways

When we talk about masturbation, we are typically referring to touching your own genitals for the purposes of pleasure and possibly orgasm. While this is wonderful, it can also be pleasurable and healing to touch yourself in all kinds of different ways. Why not try giving some love to your balls, labia, nipples, breasts or chest, or any other erogenous zones you have instead of going straight for your penis, clit, or vagina?

You can also get a lot of pleasure from touching yourself in non-sexual ways. Try stroking your own body, experimenting with different kinds of touch. Do you prefer a lighter or a firmer touch? Do certain areas feel good while other areas feel unpleasant to touch? All of this is such valuable information that you can take forward into both solo or partnered sexual adventures.

You could give yourself a massage (with or without a sexy massage oil), or experiment with solo sensation play toys and techniques such as ice, hot wax, Wartenberg wheels, vampire gloves, clips or clamps, sensory deprivation, or stroking with different textured materials.

Watch Others Masturbate

No, not in a creepy or “peeping Tom” way!

Again: the vast majority of people masturbate. Seeing other people do it, and observing the beauty and sensuality and hotness of it, can help to not only normalise masturbation and shed feelings of shame around it, but also to open up different avenues of pleasure that you may not have thought of.

The easiest way to do this, of course, is porn. If you go down this route, please seek out ethical and consensual content and pay for it. Buying directly from the performers is usually best where possible. Some people suffer from increased guilt after masturbating if they use porn. Please remember, though, that – as long as you are not watching content that is stolen or non-consensual – there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.

If porn isn’t your thing, how about a series of educational videos showcasing real masturbation techniques? I’m really into the content at Climax, particularly the videos about self-pleasure for vulvas. You can subscribe for a monthly fee to get access to the full library of content, or buy and keep the individual programmes you want. OMGYes is another hugely popular resource, though I haven’t tried it myself.

If you live in a location where such things are accessible and legal, you could even attend a hands-on masturbation class such as the world-famous Bodysex series of workshops.

Finally, if you have a partner or partners, you could experiment with masturbating in front of one another. This can be not just extremely hot, but also have that validating and normalising effect I mentioned above.

Visit a Feminist, Pleasure-Positive Sex Shop

If you’ve never visited a sex shop before, take a second to think about your idea of one. Do you envision something seedy, hidden away down a back alley and frequented by creeps? Think again! Many of today’s sex shops are erotic boutiques that are welcoming, inclusive, non-threatening, and pleasure-focused.

Visiting a good sex shop, whether to buy a toy or just to browse, can be a profoundly validating and healing experience if you deal with shame around masturbation. You’ll see a huge variety of toys, apparel, kink gear and more on display, showcasing all the different ways people like to get off and get it on (with themselves and with others.)

Some of my favourite UK-based sex shops are Sh! and Coco de Mer in London and She Said in Brighton. US-based readers have places like Good Vibrations’ nine retail outlets, Portland’s SheBop, and Babeland in Seattle and New York. In Canada, there’s Come As You Are and Good For Her in Toronto, and Venus Envy in Halifax and Ottawa. A quick online search will help you find your nearest feminist sex shop.

Can’t get to one or prefer to shop from the comfort of your couch (or bed)? My favourite online feminist sex shops include The Pleasure Garden and SheVibe.

Consider Seeing a Sex-Positive Therapist

Shame is an incredibly powerful feeling, and you might be struggling to vanquish it by yourself. If you are struggling to get rid of guilt after masturbating, it’s time to see a sex-positive therapist. You might go down the route of psychosexual therapy (sometimes just called “sex therapy” for short) or seek out a regular psychotherapist who is sex-positive and experienced in supporting clients with issues surrounding sex, masturbation, and sexual shame.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting some professional support. These issues are complex and you don’t have to tackle them alone. Be gentle with yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Have you ever suffered from shame or guilt after masturbating? How did you handle it and do you have any tips or strategies to share that may help others dealing with the same thing?

This post contains affiliate links as well as non-affiliated resource recommendations. Image by Deon at Let’sTalkSex.

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Masturbation Monday: Five Places I’ve Masturbated

Published on by Amy2 Comments

Backstory: I’ve lived in my current home for over 4 years. (It was Mr CK’s home before we met, and I moved here to live with him.) Shortly after I moved in, we converted the box-room into a study for me. And we just finally, as of this weekend, put up curtains in my study.

Obviously this led to jokes about masturbating in there, which got me thinking about some of the different places I’ve masturbated over the years. So I thought I’d share a little quickie with you all today about some of them.

In bed

Duh, right? Yes, I know it’s traditional, but wanking in bed will always be my top choice. It’s comfy, it’s warm, all my sex toys are within reach in the easy access basket that lives at the foot of the bed, and I can drift straight into a post-orgasmic snooze if I want to.

In my desk chair, at my computer

This is one of the earliest ways I learned to masturbate after I got my own computer for the first time. Having no real interest in porn at the time, I did however accidentally discover the joys of internet erotica.

Once I started reading and learning what all the different tags meant and where to find the good stuff, I often masturbated at my desk. I hadn’t done that for years, until this week, but now the possibility is open to me again…

On the sofa

Sometimes, if I’m too restless to sleep and don’t want to wake my partner, but not yet ready to start my day, I decamp to the sofa with a book or my phone. Scrolling through my Twitter feed on one such morning recently, I found an incredibly hot little story shared by a fellow blogger.

My sex drive has been incredibly up and down recently, so whenever it pokes its head out I like to take advantage of it. And that’s how I had a lovely slow, teasing orgasm in the early morning light before drifting off back to sleep.

In the car

No, not while I was driving! (Don’t do that.) On a couple of occasions, my partner has been at the wheel and has instructed me to touch myself while we drive somewhere together. I’ve never been able to orgasm like this, but the combined humiliation and excitement for what might happen when we get where we’re going is hot as fuck.

In a hot tub

One of my good kinky friends has a hot tub at his house, and there’s one particular jet that is known fondly as the “orgasm jet.”

I’ve never been able to actually orgasm from this kind of stimulation (believe me, I’ve tried the shower head too) but god, it feels so fucking good. I’ve spent many a happy moment positioning myself just right against this particular jet during sex party hot tub time.

Tell me some interesting places you’ve masturbated?

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The Masturbation Monday meme is run by Kayla Lords. Click the logo to see what everyone else is getting off to this week, and please buy me a coffee if you find my work useful! Plus don’t forget it’s #MasturbationMonth and I’m working with Lovehoney to bring you sexy content all month long.

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[Toy Review] Womanizer Starlet

Published on by Amy

People often ask me which clitoral suction toy they should start with if they’ve never tried one before and aren’t sure if they will like it. Well, you could do a lot worse than the Womanizer Starlet!

Hey, did you know it’s Masturbation Month? I’m partnering with Lovehoney to bring you sexy content and reviews, of which this is one. Let’s dive in…

The Womanizer you know and love, but in miniature

The Womanizer Starlet is part of Womanizer’s range of PleasureAir stimulators. These toys stimulate the clitoris via gentle suction and rapid pulses of air. There are quite a number of toys in the Womanizer range at this point, but the Starlet (not to be confused with the Starlet 2) is by far the smallest.

The Womanizer Starlet Clitoral Stimulator

In fact, the Starlet is only 3.5 inches in total length. Yes, that’s the whole toy!

The Womanizer Starlet is USB rechargeable (cable included). You only get around 30 minutes’ run time on a full charge, so that will be a downside for those who like their masturbation sessions to last longer. This is a significantly shorter battery life than other toys in the range. It is also splashproof, rather than waterproof.

Finally, the Starlet has only 4 speed settings (some Womanizer products have as many as 12, plus separate vibrating functions.)

In other words, the Womanizer Starlet is a pared-down and simplified version of the company’s signature toy in more ways than just size.

But how did it measure up in use?

Smaller in size, no less satisfying!

I was enamoured with the Womanizer Starlet straight away. The beauty of this pared-down version is it just fulfils its purpose, and does it well, without any gimmicks or unnecessary extras.

The Womanizer Starlet Clitoral Stimulator

The four power settings are more than enough to provide a good range of sensation, and the highest setting is no less powerful than that of the higher-priced Womanizer toys. I actually appreciated only having 4 settings to scroll through to find the one I liked, rather than having to click through 8 or 10 or 12. Toy manufacturers take note: more isn’t always better!

I got off quickly and easily with the Womanizer Starlet. There’s a reason these products are so popular – they feel amazing. (They do not, however, feel like oral sex and I will die on this hill.) This little beauty gives me clutching-at-the-sheets, trying-not-to-wake-the-neighbours orgasms.

User-friendly and intuitive

The Starlet is, perhaps unsurprisingly, very light. This makes it accessible for those who struggle to hold or manipulate heavier or bulkier toys. I found it comfortable to hold in my smaller-than-average hand.

It’s also well shaped – the suction nozzle sticks out far enough from the main body of the toy that it’s easy to angle and hold in place. This is a big deal as too many suction toys are really poorly designed in this regard, meaning you need to hold them really awkwardly to get them to properly make contact with the clit.

The Womanizer Starlet Clitoral Stimulator

The Starlet’s single button interface, located at the base of the body, couldn’t be simpler to use. The button is easy to press, and large enough to feel for and push with your fingers without needing to look. I’m not even going to complain about the lack of up and down controls. Honestly with just four settings they’re not necessary.

Care and Safety

The Womanizer Starlet, like all products in the Womanizer range, features a silicone nozzle. The body is hard ABS plastic, making the entire toy completely body-safe.

As this toy is not waterproof, you cannot submerge it to clean it. However, the nozzle is removable so you can sterilise that separately in a 10% bleach solution or by boiling. You can also buy spare nozzles, which is useful if you want to share the toy with a partner.

As always. water-based lube is recommended. Pro tip: add lube to both the rim of the nozzle and directly to your clit before play.

So do I recommend it?

Small but mightly, I was really impressed with the Womanizer Starlet. Retailing for £69.99/$79.99, it’s one of the most affordable entries to suction toys – perfect if you’re on a budget or just want to see if you even like the sensation!

It’s easy, intuitive and comfortable to use. I found the pleasure and sensations every bit as satisfying as those provided by much larger and more expensive models. In fact, the only complaint I can find is the less than stellar battery life.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as ever, my own! Affiliate links feature in this post, and using them supports my work at no extra cost to you.

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Five Ways to Mix Up Your Masturbation Routine

Published on by Amy

If, like me, you masturbate regularly, you might sometimes feel like your masturbation routine is getting a bit stale. That just means it’s time to change things up! The good news that there are loads of things you can do to keep your solo sex time interesting.

Try some of these suggestions…

Experiment with different kinds of touch

Do you always touch yourself in much the same way? Try experimenting with touching yourself in different places, in different ways, and at different speeds and levels of pressure.

Don’t just go straight for your genitals. Try touching your nipples, inner thighs, stomach, arms or anywhere else that feels good.

Take your time, and pay attention to your body’s authentic responses.

Read some new erotica or watch some new porn

No judgement if you always gravitate to the same scene or the same story to get yourself off! But trying out some new erotic stimulus can be a great way to keep yourself out of a masturbation rut.

Try joining a feminist porn site or checking out some new sexy erotica. Keep an open mind and you might be surprised what turns you on!

Treat yourself to a new sex toy

Do you always masturbate with your hands or with the same toy? If you can, treat yourself to a new toy that intrigues you. Sex toys are one of the best ways to experience a world of different sensations all by yourself.

Try a powerful wand, a rumbly bullet, a silicone stroker or a prostate massager… or whatever most takes your fancy!

Try a new lube

If you’re not already using lube for your masturbation, give it a go! Lube isn’t just for partnered sex and it isn’t just for people who struggle with dryness. Lube keeps everything slippery wet and friction-free, making for a more fun and pleasurable experience. It can also add different sensations, keeping your masturbation routine varied.

I recommend a high quality water-based lube for beginners, but you can also experiment with silicone lube (don’t use this with silicone toys), oil lube (not latex barrier compatible), or warming and tingling lubes.

Have phone or cyber sex

If you have a lover you don’t live with, this one is easy. But if you’re single and feeling brave, there are chat sites, cam sites and phone sex lines you can use to enjoy sexy chat with another person while you get yourself off.

Remember: tip well if you’re using a paid site, and never give out any personally identifying details!

What have you done to mix up your masturbation routine?

The Masturbation Monday logo, for a post about mixing up your masturbation routine

The Masturbation Monday meme is run by Kayla Lords. Click the logo to see what everyone else is getting off to this week, and please buy me a coffee if you find my work useful! Plus don’t forget it’s #MasturbationMonth and I’m working with Lovehoney to bring you sexy content all month long.

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[Lingerie Review] Lovehoney Brand X A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set

Published on by Amy

[Update 11/03/24: this set and range have been discontinued but I have left the post up for reference.]

It’s rare I find a piece of sexy lingerie I could describe as “reasonably comfy, actually.” It’s also rare I find a piece of sexy lingerie that actually contains my boobs. Finding both of these things in one item? Well, that’s a rarely-seen miracle! The A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set, from Lovehoney’s new Brand X collection, is one such piece.

X Marks the Spot

Brand X is a new line of lingerie and fetishwear from Lovehoney, designed by a team of professional Dominatrixes. The range features 24 lines in a mixture of standard and plus sizes, from harnesses to dresses to body-stockings and more. Everything in the range is black, and made from a combination of wet-look PVC and fishnet.

The A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set from Lovehoneys Brand X range

I received the A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set. This two-piece set contains a longline bra which zips up at the front, and a hair of high-waisted knickers with zip running all the way around.

First Impressions

I loved this set from the moment I took it out of the packaging. The fetish-inspired design and fishnet decoration is just so my style. I’m actually completely in love with this whole range and might need to see if I can get my hands on some more pieces to review for you guys.

The A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set from Lovehoneys Brand X range
The A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set from Lovehoneys Brand X range

The other thing I thought when I opened up this set was “holy shit, my boobs might actually fit in that!”

Read on to find out what I thought when I actually put it on…

Comfort and Fit

Fetishwear is not often associated with comfort, and for good reason. Sky-high heels, stomach-sucking corsets and boob-sculpting underwires are hardly the epitome of cosy.

The A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set from Lovehoneys Brand X range
The A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set from Lovehoneys Brand X range

So I was delightfully surprised by how comtortable the A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set is. The wide elasticated bands and stretchy fabric means it sits comfortably and clings to your body like a glove. As there are no wires or boning, there’s nothing digging in painfully or contorting your body into uncomfortable shapes.

I also really love the easy-on nature of this set. I didn’t even have to unzip anything – I could just pull it on, adjust it into place, and go. This means I’d be likely to wear this set to a date or event where I was planning to play. It’s super easy to take off if necessary for playtime, and then put back on afterwards.

Similarly, the fact that the bra closes at the front is likely to make it more accessible and friendly to those who cannot manage back-fastening garments by themselves. No fiddling with clasps – just zip and go!

The fit, in my experience, is true to size. I wear a size 14 and received the L/XL set, which is recommended for sizes 14-16. It fits pretty much perfectly and, because it has some stretch, accommodates for a range of the bodies that sit within those clothing sizes. The S/M will fit a size 10-12, while the plus size versions cover sizes 18-24.

Finally, joy of joys, my boobs actually fit! I so often find I’m falling out of lingerie that is ostensibly my size, that finding something I don’t have to adjust every 15 seconds is a small miracle.

Aesthetics

I feel sexy as fuck when I wear my A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set! I think the idea is that the style is meant to say “Dominatrix,” but you all know that’s a thing I am definitely not. I’m pretty close to exclusively submissive these days. And actually, wearing kinktastic lingerie that makes me feel really sexy helps me tap into that headspace. (See also: the Catsuit of Joy.)

I feel like this set really flatters my curves – by which I do not mean minimises them, but flaunts them unapologetically. The band of the longline bra hits in just the right place to show off the curve of my waist, and the high waisted knickers show off my full hips and my finest feature of all – my fabulous butt.

I especially love the cut out section between the top of the main bra cups and the decorative fishnet panels and straps. Something about this hint of skin, when the rest of the breasts are thoroughly covered, is just unspeakably sexy to me.

The zips also add an extra sizzle of sexiness and potential. You can unzip just a little bit to tease your lover, or they can tie you up and then unzip you…

So do I recommend it?

Oh my goodness, Lovehoney have knocked it out of the park with Brand X! I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that a team of kinksters would know how to design wonderful fetishwear.

Brand X is sexy as fuck, comfortable enough to actually play in, and will look fabulous on a wide range of bodies.

The A Rider Zip-Up Bra Set retails for a very reasonable £34.99/$42.99. Other pieces in the Brand X range retail from £19.99 up to £39.99.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this set in exchange for an honest review. I’m partnering with them throughout Masturbation Month to bring you sexy content and product reviews! This post features affiliate links. All views, as always, are mine.

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

Published on by Amy

My shipment of review products from Lovehoney for Masturbation Month contained not one but TWO glass toys! (I reviewed the first a few days ago, check it out). I love glass sex toys and I really don’t know why I didn’t own more of them until now, considering how affordable they are. Let’s take a look at the Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo…

Handblown for your pleasure

The Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

The Lovehoney Beaded Glass Dildo is a gently curved, handblown class toy, made up of 6 pronounced bulbs, getting smaller from the bottom to the top. It’s made of clear glass and sports the Lovehoney heart insigna stamped on the largest bead at the bottom.

Can I use glass sex toys safely?

I’m going to keep banging on about this: yes! Properly made glass sex toys are made of borosilicate glass, which is annealed to be extremely strong. It’s the same stuff that glass cookware is made of. Your glass dildo is not going to break inside you.

The Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

A word of caution: if you drop your toy on a hard surface, retire it even if it looks okay. There might be cracks you can’t see which make it less safe.

But otherwise, glass sex toys are phthalate-free, non-porous, easy to sterilise, and totally body safe. So go for it and don’t stress.

Tips for using your Beaded Glass Dildo comfortably and safely…

I have to admit I was a little daunted by the Beaded Glass Dildo when I took it out of its packaging. It’s bigger than you think it’s going to be! It is 9 inches in total length, 7 inches in insertable length. The widest point of the insertable shaft is 1.35 inches wide.

This might not sound huge, but it’s a fair size when you remember that glass is completely rigid. Unlike silicone, it has no give at all. Therefore you’ll want to make sure you’re proberly warmed up before you use your Beaded Glass Dildo.

I’ve found that I need to work up to this toy. Starting out with a silicone dildo means that I can warm up, get everything stretched out, and make sure my body is receptive and ready to take this things’s bulk.

The Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo
Please ignore my horrible nails!

The other thing I’ve learned about glass toys is that they’re not really optimal for thrusting with. If I try to “fuck” with a glass dildo, it just hurts, and may people report similar experiences. (This is especially true if, like me, you HATE having anything hit your cervix.) Instead, I like to insert my Beaded Glass Dildo and then just wiggle it gently against my G-spot. It’s so hard that even the smallest movement gives a delicious pressure which is super pleasurable.

Remember: when you’re using a rigid toy, it’s really important to use plenty of lube. I always recommend a good quality, natural water-based lube like Sliquid Sassy! But silicone-based or oil-based is fine too, if that’s your preference.

You might find the sensation strange if you’ve never used a glass toy before. That’s really normal. If anything is painful, though, you should stop. Pain is your body’s way of indicating that something is wrong!

Can I use it anally?

Yup! The large bead at the bottom of the dildo acts as a sort of base, meaning it’s safe for butt play. Many people with prostates particularly find that stimulation with glass toys can be really pleasurable, but it can be fun for anyone.

As with all anal play, listen to your body and use more lube than you think you need. No, more lube than that. And a bit more still!

So how does it feel?

Oh my god, I love this dildo!

The bulges of the beads give an amazing full feeling, the curve is just at the perfect angle for reaching all the right spots, and the pressure of that bulb against my G-spot… mmmmffff. Honestly, this thing is near perfection. I can’t praise it enough!

What other fun things can I do with a glass dildo?

I feel like I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating!

  • If you enjoy internal vibrations, either vaginally or anally, press a powerful vibrator against the base of your Beaded Glass Dildo when it’s inside you. The glass will transmit the vibrations to all your sensitive spots. A wand is best for this.
  • Glass dildos are made for temperature play! Pop your dildo in the fridge for 20 minutes before play, or run it under warm (not hot!) water for a minute or two.

So do I recommend it?

Yes! The Lovehoney Beaded Glass Dildo is a great buy. Safe, versatile, feels amazing, and it’s even pretty to boot. At a ridiculously affordable £29.99/$39.99, I heartily recommend adding one of these to your collection.

Good work, Lovehoney!

I‘m partnering with Lovehoney, who kindly sent me this toy to review, to bring you #MasturbationMay content all month long! Shopping through the affiliate links in this post supports my work at no extra cost to you. All views, as ever, are my own.

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[Toy Review] Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

Published on by Amy

I love a glass sex toy! Ever since I first held a glass dildo in my hands at a fetish market sometime circa 2010 and knew I just had to buy it, I’ve had a huge thing for them. Glass is brilliant for a number of reasons. It’s body-safe (more on that in a minute). It’s rigid, unyeilding and just insistent. And it’s just so pretty! So it was lovely to find the Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug in my package of Masturbation Month goodies from Lovehoney.

The Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

Important facts ‘n’ figures

The Pure Pleasure Plug is a classic glass butt plug. It’s smooth, gently tapered, and has a good sized flared base (which is very important for anything going in your butt!)

The Pure Pleasure Plug is 4.5 inches in length, of which just over 4 inches are insertable. It is made of clear glass and has the Lovehoney heart insignia stamped on the base.

The Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

It also comes with a little black velvety storage pouch with a pink drawstring. This is both cute and helps to keep your toy safe in storage.

Is it safe to use a glass butt plug?

Yes!

Glass sex toys are made of borosilicate glass, which is annealed to make it very tough and hardwearing. The chances of your glass butt plug breaking in use are near zero.

If you drop it on a hard surface, though, you should retire it – even if it looks fine. This can damage the glass in ways that aren’t immediately visible, compromising its safety.

Clean your Pure Pleasure Plug with warm water and gentle soap, a sterile medical wipe, or a 10% bleach solution. I’m squeamish about sharing anal toys, but it is safe to do so as long as you completely sterilise it between users. The Pure Pleasure Plug is condom-compatible.

How does it feel?

Mmmmmfff, I love this plug.

Let me clarify: I need to be warmed up well in order to comfortably use this plug. It works best after I’ve used a smaller plug in a softer material like silicone, been well warmed up with fingers, or had a clitoral orgasm already.

The Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

Glass toys have no give at all. Some people find them uncomfortable for this reason. Those of us who love them tend to enjoy the challenge of taking a solid, unyeilding toy.

As glass plugs go, this one is pretty comfy! The gentle taper makes insertion comfortable and means that nothing digs in anywhere it shouldn’t.

This is definitely a “play plug” for me. It’s too heavy and too solid to be practical for wearing for longer periods of time while I go about my day. A silicone plug works better for that purpose.

Some fun things to try with your Pure Pleasure Plug

One of the fun things about glass toys is that they can be used for temperature play. You can cool your glass butt plug by popping it in the fridge for 20 minutes before play, or warm it by running it under warm (NOT hot) water for a few moments.

I also enjoy the way that glass conducts vibrations. If you enjoy vibrations, try pressing a wand or other powerful vibrator against the base of your plug when it’s inside you. This is particularly pleasurable for many people with prostates, but can be enjoyed by anyone! People with vulvas may find that this indirectly stimulates the G-spot, which can be super hot.

So what’s the verdict?

This is a great little plug for the price! The Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug retails for just £19.99/$24.99 at Lovehoney. Don’t forget to grab some good quality lube to go with it!

I‘m partnering with Lovehoney, who kindly sent me this toy to review, to bring you #MasturbationMay content all month long! Shopping through the affiliate links in this post supports my work at no extra cost to you. All views, as ever, are my own.

Header image for a review of Bliss Orgasm Balm

[Better Sex Products Review] Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

Published on by Amy4 Comments

I admit that I am sceptical when it comes to products that aren’t sex toys but claim to boost the chances of orgasm. However, I am also a curious creature and willing to try most things once. So when this little tin of Bliss Orgasm Balm from Lovehoney appeared in my shipment of Masturbation May products, I thought it was high time I gave it a go.

Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

What is Bliss Orgasm Balm?

Bliss is a topical balm designed to increase sensitivity in the clitoris. It comes in a small heart-shaped tin and is white in colour and has a creamy consistency that melts onto your fingers – similar to a lip balm.

Bliss Orgasm Balm is infused with peppermint, menthol and essential oils. These ingredients stimulate the nerve-endings in the clitoris and encourage blood flow to the area, increasing sensitivity.

Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

Is it body-safe?

To answer this question, I took a closer look at the ingredients.

  • Argania Spinosa (Argan) Kernel Oil. A natural oil commonly used in cosmetics, make-up and skincare products. It has been shown to have beneficial properties for the skin and is considered safe.
  • Hydrogenated Olive Oil (and) Olea Europaea (Olive) Fruit Oil. We all know olive oil has health benefits when used in food, but it is also a common ingredient in skincare and cosmetics. These forms of olive oil were investigated by the Cosmetics Ingredients Review and declared safe.
  • Hydrogenated Jojoba wax. Jojoba oil and jojoba wax were investigated by the International Journal of Toxicology and proven safe for cosmetic use. (Warning: link contains mentions of animal testing.)
  • Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter). An incredibly common ingredient in skincare and cosmetic products. The Cosmetic Ingredients Review investigated shea butter and found it to be safe.
  • Menthol. Menthol is widely used for its distinctive minty fragrane and the cooling sensation it creates on the skin. The FDA has found it to be safe for these purposes and also in food.
  • Tocopherol. Tocopherol is a form of Vitamin E, typically derived from vegetable oils. The Cosmetic Ingredient Review and International Journal of Toxicology concluded that it is safe for topical use.
  • Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil. An essential oil derived from the peppermint plant, the Cosmetic Ingredient Review determined that peppermint oil is safe as long as the concentration of the compound pulegone does not exceed 1%.

In conclusion? Every ingredient in this little balm has been declared safe for topical (external) use by experts. Full marks, Lovehoney! Unless you’re allergic or sensitive to any of the ingredients, you can use Bliss Orgasm Balm with confidence.

How do you use it?

You may look at this tiny little tin and think, “is that all you get?” But believe me when I say you only need a little bit to make this stuff effective!

Dab a small amount onto your fingers and massage into your clitoral area. It can be quite intense, so start off cautiously – if you want a more intense sensation or aren’t getting the desired effect, you can always add more.

From there, continue to masturbate or have sex as you normally would.

Remember: Bliss Orgasm Balm is for external use only. Don’t put it inside your vagina or butt.

What does it feel like?

Have you ever used “cooling” or “tingling” lube? It’s a bit like that, only more intense! If you’ve ever put toothpaste on your genital area (which is something I don’t recommend, but a lot of people do) this is a similar sensation – and safer!

The best way I can describe it is as a cool tingly sensation when the balm first goes on. Then, as your body gets used to it, the initial sensation fades but you’re left with a higher than usual level of clitoral sensitivity.

Does it work?

Yes – with caveats.

If you struggle to orgasm, don’t expect Bliss Orgasm Balm to be a cure-all. It isn’t. But it definitely does heighten sensitivity, which can absolutely help when it comes to inducing orgasm. I also suspect it might act as something of a placebo for some people – you expect the balm to help, so you feel more relaxed and less stressed, so having an orgasm is easier.

I absolutely recommend trying a product like this if you find orgasm difficult. But manage your expectations going in, yeah?

If you don’t generally struggle to orgasm but are just looking for some extra sensitivity or a fun way to play with sensations, you might well enjoy using Bliss Orgasm Balm.

Some extra fun ways to play…

As ever, there’s no right way to use sexuality products and you should do whatever works for you. But I found a few fun ways to use Bliss Orgasm Balm that might appeal to some of you.

  • Put some on before you get dressed in the morning to give you a little tingle of arousal as you go about your day.
  • Use it during oral sex and have your partner gently blow on your vulva. This will send cool minty tingles through you!
  • Put some on and then start watching porn or reading erotica and see how long you can wait before you simply have to touch yourself. (Or order your submissive to put some on and then not touch!)
  • Use it to increase clitoral pleasure during penetrative sex. This greatly enhances the chance of orgasm for most vulva owning people!

So do I recommend it?

I rate this product a lot more highly than I expected to! I really liked the tingly sensations, the extra level of sensitivity, and the fun variety it added to my solo playtime. I’m also seeing some great potential in it for kink and power exchange play and I’m looking forward to experimenting more with my partner.

At just £9.99/$12.99 for a 20g tin (which will last you ages – remember you only need a little bit) it’s a steal. Throw some in your next Lovehoney order!

Thank you to Lovehoney for sharing this product with me in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are, as always, my own. Pictures property of Lovehoney and reproduced with permission. I’m partnering with Lovehoney throughout May to bring you #MasturbationMay reviews and content!

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[Masturbation Monday] Wait, Masturbation Month!? Why?

Published on by Amy3 Comments

Did you know that May is officially Masturbation Month? Well, you do now!

You might be thinking, “a whole month dedicated to masturbation. Why!?” Well, because wanking is an awesome thing to celebrate! But there’s more to it than that. So what else is this Masturbation Month thing all about?

Right now, masturbation is the safest sex we can have

I mean, technically that’s always true. But it’s especially true in the time of COVID-19. Right now the only sex we should be having is with ourselves, with the partners we live with, or conducted via virtual means. (Not Zoom though, I beg you.)

Aaaaaand my blog goes back to being a Corona-free zone… now.

The fact remains, though: masturbation is the safest form of sex, both physically and emotionally.

Your only lifelong sexual partner is you

The one person you can always rely on to be there? YOU! So just as it makes sense to cultivate strong emotional self-reliance, the same is true sexually. Learning your own body, what makes you tick and what gets you off, is an incredible gift to yourself. It means you’ll always be able to have a banging sex life, regardless of access to (or interest in) partnered sex.

Masturbation is still ridiculously stigmatised…

This is still especially true for women and those assigned female at birth. The myths surrounding masturbation are often kinda bonkers!

Anti-masturbation sentiment also runs rampant in certain religious communities, with religious thinkers prescribing everything from showering with the door open to eating a snack every time you get horny to folding fucking laundry to curb the desire to masturbate.

But there’s also a secular community dedicated to the supposed evils of masturbation. The NoFap community is a bizarre corner of the internet where people who think they’re “addicted” to porn or masturbation go to discuss their attempts to give up masturbation.

…but it doesn’t need to be!

Here are the facts: masturbation, in the overwhelming majority of cases, is healthy, natural, and good for you. It has positive physical and mental health benefits. It is ONLY a problem if it is negatively interefering with other areas of your life.

Masturbation addiction (and sex addiction) are not real things.

Masturbation does not harm relationships, it is not cheating, and it doesn’t “ruin” you for partnered sex. In fact, it can make your partnered sex better!

We are all entitled to pleasure

We are all entitled to experience pleasure without shame, guilt or reproval. Masturbation is about pleasure, and Masturbation Month celebrates that. Our bodies are capable of giving us incredible pleasure. We are allowed to revel in it, to enjoy it, to celebrate it.

Happy Masturbation Month!

I’m partnering with Lovehoney to bring you Masturbation Month content all May long! I have some fabulous products lined up to share with you all over the coming weeks. Check out their curated selection of popular toys if you’re looking for some inspiration to get you started.

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This post also contains affiliate links, and shopping through them is a great way to support my work and the ongoing maintainance of this space. This post is part of the Masturbation Monday meme, owned and run by Kayla Lords. Click the logo to see what everyone’s getting off to this week!