There is No Time Limit

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.
– J.B. Priestley

I often receive questions from readers who are wondering if it is “too late” for them to have a particular experience or learn a particular thing. Whether they haven’t yet had sex in their 20s, or are thinking about branching out into consensual non-monogamy or exploring kink in their 40s, 50s or beyond, the implication is “is this just a thing for young people?”

Today I want to tell you that there is no time limit. You can have amazing sex at any age or stage of life, including if you’re a “late bloomer”. You can find love after the age of 35. Polyamory, swinging, kink, and all those other yummy things aren’t just for youngsters.

Honestly, sometimes it can be really good to have a bit of life experience behind you.

In many ways, I’m grateful that I discovered polyamory and kink at the ages of 18/19. The timing meant I had literally my entire adult life to explore and play in these spaces. However, what people often don’t understand is there were downsides, too.

Being a young woman and a newcomer to the scene when you’re still very young means you might as well walk around with a sign on your head saying “FRESH MEAT”. This is especially true if you are a submissive. I spent my first few years on the scene fending off unwanted aggressive advances from men old enough to be my father (or occasionally, grandfather).

I don’t regret those years for a second. They taught me a lot. Amidst a lot of crap, I had some incredible adventures and met some wonderful people. But would I trade it for where I am now? Not a chance. Being the hyper-desired young thing is kinda fun until it isn’t. Being a little older, a lot wiser, and having dispensed with enough of your fucks that you can tell creepers where to go? THAT’S where the really good stuff is.

So when people come to these spaces later and wonder if it’s too late for them, I want to tell them this: there is no too late.

We all have a finite amount of time on this planet. But as long as we’re still here, there’s no time limit on learning, exploring, adventuring, experiencing.

Tomorrow is always a new day. You can always wake up and decide that you want to do something differently, try something new, chase some new dream.

Sex, relationships, love, kink – they’re for everyone who wants them. You don’t have to have had your first sexual experience by 18, met your life partner by 25, married by 30, or discovered kink while you’re still young enough to attend the “under 35” munch.

Life doesn’t always follow a neat trajectory. We all come to things at different stages and for different reasons. Wherever you are in your journey and whatever your reasons, it’s valid and wonderful.

So come on in. There is no time limit. We’re waiting to welcome you.

The Quote Quest badge, for a post about how there is no time limit on sex, kink, etc.

This piece was inspired by this week’s Quote Quest, a new blogging meme from Little Switch Bitch. It’s also part of my #SexEdSeptember series.

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[Wearable Review] Moonlight Wine Crotchless Plunge Body by Lovehoney

I am not a lingerie person. Like, at all. I go braless basically all the time. My first choice of underwear is boxer shorts. I owned one basque from Ann Summers and passed it on to Mr CK after deciding that, in his very occasional bouts of cross dressing, he looks better in it than I do. This is how NOT a lingerie person I am. (#LazyFemme.)

Even so, when the lovely folks at Lovehoney offered me something from their new Moonlight range to try, I thought it might be fun to broaden my horizons and see what the appeal is. After much deliberation and some consulting with Mr CK, I went for the Crotchless Plunge Body in this gorgeous shade known as “wine.”

Despite the fact that I am most emphatically Not A Lingerie Person, I loved the look of the Moonlight range straight away when I saw some samples at the September affiliate event. The black and red-purple colour scheme and the luxurious fabrics spoke to me of a classiness that is mostly missing from the bits of cheap lace and fake leather I’ve had ill-fated relationships with in the past.

Even so, it was with some trepidation that I tried on this garment. I have a complex relationship with my body-image at the best of times and I am currently in a very frustrating plateau in the midst of a long weight-loss journey. I felt worried that it wouldn’t fit or that I’d just look ridiculous and about as sexy as a blob.

But I needn’t have worried. The moment I felt the satin and lace against my skin, I started to feel transported into a sexy space. Really good clothing can take me to a different place. In a well-tailored dress and heels, I’m ready to take on the business world. In the perfect floor-length gown, I can swoosh around a charity ball with people much richer than me and act like I belong there. And, it seems, in really good lingerie I go from zero to sex-kitten in moments. When I’ve got this piece on, I just want someone to stick their fingers through the convenient access hole in the crotch. I feel babely as all hell, and I love it.

A couple of extra things of note: this piece is hand-wash only. All the pieces in the Moonlight range come in equally-gorgeous Plus Sizes (up to approx. UK 24). Unlike many companies, Lovehoney do not charge more for Plus Size.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★★
This piece retails at £34.99 and items in the Moonlight range go up to £39.99. Considering that you can easily pay as much for a half-decent bra, and that comparable basques and bodies at some high street stores can retail for upwards of twice as much, these prices are really reasonable for the quality.

Appearance: ★★★★★
I really can’t overestimate how gorgeous this body is. The shade (well-named, it really is close to the colour of red wine!) is stunning, the cut is really flattering, and the lace and ribbon accents are stylish and eyecatching without being “too much.” The satiny ribbon around the middle is a really nice touch that completes the look for me – I love how it accentuates my waist, which is one of my best features.

Materials: ★★★★★
It’s a mix of satin and lace, which look beautiful together and feel gorgeous against the skin. I particularly love how soft the lace is. I tend to shy away from lace because it can be so scratchy, and my skin is very sensitive to textures, but this doesn’t scratch at all. There’s definitely no corner-cutting by using cheap materials here. The fabrics carry off the luxurious first impression.

Fit: ★★★★
The Moonlight pieces run true to size, in so far as women’s clothing has consistency of sizing. I normally wear a size 12 and I ordered the medium, which is labelled as a 10-12 and fits me snugly but well. The only thing I will point out is that the cups run a bit small if you’re big-busted. I have DD boobs and the medium is a little small on them – at a guess I would say it’s maybe a C-cup. Just something to be aware of for those of us with an above-average bust for your size. The band size fit me well at a 36.

Overall Score: ★★★★★
I really wasn’t expecting to be as impressed with this piece as I am, given the price and my general ambivalence towards sexy lingerie as a thing. After this, though? I might be something of a convert.

I can’t wait to wear it for Mr in the bedroom!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! All views are my own. This post contains affiliate links. If you buy through one, I make a small commission which helps me to keep doing this work. 

The image in this post belongs to Lovehoney, and I have used it with their permission.

When You’re Exploring, Not Everything Will Work – and That’s Okay!

This one’s late! Sorry sorry sorry! I had a really bad mental health day yesterday.

Trigger warning: this post talks about consensual non-consent including rape fantasy.

I’d like to thank Sarah Brynn Holliday for becoming my latest sexy patron. You should check out her blog, she does brilliant work. If YOU’D like to support my work here, please visit my Patreon and pledge at any level. Even $1 a month means so much and you’ll get access to occasional exclusive content and get your very own shout-out here (with a link to your blog or Twitter if you have them.)

So, onto today’s topic which, credit where it’s due, was suggested by my sweetie The Artist when I messaged them going “heeeeeelp I’m not inspired”!

Today’s prompt from 30 Days of D/s (it’s nearly over, y’all!) is all about exploring your kinks together with a partner, in particular things you haven’t tried but would like to.

I’ve tried a lot of kinky shit over the years. Like, a lot. I’m not gonna say “name a kinky thing and I’ve probably done it,” because some of you have truly devious imaginations. But I’ve been doing this stuff for well over a decade. I have a lot of experience. At the start of our relationship, The Artist asked me what I hadn’t done and might like to try. I was just like “oh shit what have I not done!?”

Inevitably, perhaps, I’ve done some things that I do not care to do again. When you’re exploring an area as broad as kink and sex, you won’t like everything you try. That’s okay! Trying something and not liking it isn’t a failure. It’s a valuable learning experience.

I’m pretty big into consensual non-consent, or CNC – also known as “rape fantasy”. This is a really, really common kink especially among (people socialised as) women. I am nowhere near qualified to start delving into the reasons for that. Anyhow, I’m into it, and I practice it carefully with safe partners and safewords. Up until last year, my biggest fantasy was a group CNC scene, where several partners would ambush and ravish me. Um, to be honest, this is still one of my biggest fantasies.

But you know what happened when we tried to make it a reality? It didn’t work. Some combination of the time of night, my tiredness level, the people involved and my sense of disorientation combined to make it too much. I safeworded out and then spent the next two hours crying and apologising. What was wrong with me?

This was my fantasy, why hadn’t it worked for me?

The truth is there was nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with my partners, either – everything they did was 100% consensual! It was what we thought we all wanted! None of us did anything wrong. The scene just didn’t work out. Sometimes scenes don’t work, and that’s okay. Sometimes you can be absolutely sure you’ll like something… and then in reality, you won’t. That is also ten million percent normal and fine!

There’s an anecdote in, I think, one of Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton’s books. I’ve just spent an hour searching for it and can’t find it, which is really annoying me! Anyway, it tells of a woman who has always fantasised about receiving caning… until she finds she reality too painful. This is because fantasy isn’t accurate, realistic information. Fantasy is there first for fun and titillation. Yes, it gives you an insight into things you might like to try, but liking it in fantasy doesn’t mean you’ll like it in reality. You might, you might not. You might like a modified version. Either way, that’s completely okay!

I still have group CNC fantasies, and I may or may not try to act them out again at some point. If I ever do, I’ll use the information I learned from what went wrong last time to modify the scene. If I don’t, it’s still okay for me to enjoy the fantasy! Not wanting to do something for real doesn’t mean you can’t fantasise about it!

Even trying something and having it go wrong doesn’t have to be a barrier to continuing to enjoy your fantasies.

The key to exploring, I think, is to try not to attach too much to one particular outcome. This sounds ridiculously “zen,” and I appreciate it’s really difficult. But if you approach trying something new with the mindset of, “it might work, it might not, but we’ll learn something either way,” the pressure to have it be the best scene of your life lets up almost immediately.

Approach with an attitude of open exploration, communication and the goal of mutual pleasure and discovery. You might find your new favourite thing. You might also find out that some things are happier staying in your inner fantasy world – and that’s valuable too.

Kinky item of the day: Spreader bars! For me, there is very little sexier than being spread open and vulnerable in front of a Dominant lover. Especially if they’re also slapping my cunt and/or ripping an orgasm from me with the Doxy. Try this lovely adjustable bar from Sportsheets.

FYI, this post uses affiliate links!