Five Smutty Flash Fictions

Hey everyone! Smutathon 2020 is well underway, with writers from all over the world typing furiously for 12 hours to raise money for Endometriosis UK, a wonderful charity who deserve all your support.

I asked for one- or two-word prompts for smutty flash fictions on Twitter, and y’all DELIVERED. To that end, here are the first five inspired by your words.

More Tea?

(Prompt: “tea, please,” offered by @luminiferous)

It takes about 15 minutes before my knees and wrists start to ache. 25 minutes before “ache” turns to “pain”. Maybe half an hour before I can feel my muscles trembling with the sheer effort of holding me up.

Have you ever noticed how long half an hour is when your task is to stay very, very still in one position and not do anything?

I’ve been on all fours with the tea tray resting on my back for thirty one minutes, and my body and mind are engaged in a battle of wills. I know I could safeword if I had to, but I keep bargaining with myself to hold out for just another minute. Then just one more minute. And another. And another.

Sir and his friend are mostly ignoring me, except for occasionally reaching out a booted foot to caress me. I have long stopped listening to their conversation. I like doing this because I don’t have to talk, I don’t have to listen or think. Instead, I can let my mind go blissfully blank.

The feeling of Sir’s hand sliding across my naked ass sets my nerves tingling. Coupled with the challenge of staying still and in position, it takes all my concentration not to drop the tray.

I feel him pick up the teapot from the tray on my back.

“More tea?” he asks his friend.

Dessert

(Prompt: “hive mind,” offered by @jennkryst)

I don’t know how, but it seems that all this time, they were both thinking exactly the same thing as me. When I got the text message – “dinner at ours on Friday night?” – I allowed my mind to wander into a delicious fantasy realm for just a moment.

Dinner was delicious, of course – Kate is a chef and everything she makes is incredible. What I didn’t realise until part way through the meal, when their flirtation switched from “plausibly deniable” to “too obvious to ignore,” is that they had something very special in mind for dessert – me.

The way they laid out their proposition, seeming almost nervous for the first time all evening, might have been sleazy coming from anyone else. But from my two dearest friends, married for over twenty five years, it was both sweet and incredibly enticing.

From there, it happened with all the fluidity of long-term lovers coupled with the excitement of a brand new partner. First she ate me out while I sucked his cock, then he fucked me from behind while I went down on her until she squirted in my mouth. Later, they spit-roasted me, her strap-on filling my cunt while his cock filled my mouth until I came so hard I saw stars.

Hours later, and I’m the filling in a sweaty, exhausted, but very happy human sandwich in their big bed. “How did you know I wanted to fuck you both?” I ask them.

Their eyes meet over me and they both grin.

“Just a feeling,” Joe says.

“Call it the hive mind of thirty years of friendship,” Kate adds.

Bake Sale

(Prompt: “cookie,” offered by @ayalamoogsigan)

My wife is up shortly after dawn, making cookies for the church bake sale. Chocolate chip, lemon, peanut butter, oatmeal and raisin. She can’t decide which variety of her famous treats to bake, so she makes them all.

To my surprise, when I wander into the kitchen to get my morning coffee, she’s rolling out dough completely naked except for an apron. She flashes me a wicked grin as I pour coffee, my eyebrows raised in a silent question.

“Well, I only get flour all over my clothes otherwise,” she says. I lean against the counter and sip my coffee, watching her. She slides a tray of perfect, golden-brown chocolate chip cookies out of the oven and replaces it with a new tray of neat balls of dough.

She unties her apron, takes it off and hangs it on the peg on the door. “These take 8 minutes to bake so if you want to fuck me, you’d better do it quickly,” she says. I almost spit out a mouthful of coffee in shock. In eleven years of marriage I don’t think I’ve ever heard my shy, demure wife use the word “fuck” to describe sex. My cock, already half erect from the sight of her gorgeous mostly-naked body, springs fully to life. We haven’t connected much sexually in the last few months, and I have no idea where this new version of her has come from. Still, I have no complaints.

When I bend her over the kitchen sink and slide my hand between her legs, she’s already dripping wet. I push two fingers inside her but her hips thrust back against me, seeking more. My cock quickly replaces my fingers inside her, harder than I can remember it being in a long time.

She moans deeply and I feel her cunt clench around my cock. The gutteral noise I make involuntarily encourages her and she does it again and then again.

“Fuck… I’m not going to be… able to hold off… much longer if you keep doing that!”

“Don’t hold back, then,” she says, squeezing her vaginal muscles around me again. “Come in me, my love.”

The invitation and a couple more of those delicious squeezes is all I need to tip me over the edge. As I come down from my orgasm, I hold her close with one arm, while my other hand finds her clit. I’m wondering if I can get her off before…

Fuck. The oven alarm goes off to indicate the cookies are ready.

My wife extricates herself from my embrace and plans a kiss on my lips before retrieving the apron. “Later,” she says.

Commuter Train

(Prompt: “tickets please,” offered by @witteringwench1)

The jostling of the commuter crowd and the rattling of the train makes me very, very aware of the plug filling my ass. I feel it with every movement, just a little too big to be comfortable. Stretching me. Reminding me, with every step I take all day, that I’m hers.

“Are you going to be a good little slut and wear this for me all day?” she asked this morning when she slid the well-lubed plug into my ass. I know her well enough to understand that the question was rhetorical. She wanted it, so of course I would do it.

I didn’t complain, just like I don’t complain when she spanks my ass until I cry, just because seeing me in pain amuses her. Just like I don’t complain when she brings me to the edge of orgasm, laughs at my frantic whimpers, and then stops and tells me to go and make dinner. She expects obedience, and I willingly give it.

The train pulls into my stop. Only nine more hours of this to go.

First Light

(Prompt: “what time,” offered by @polyladyincali)

“What time is it?” she asks sleepily. I glance at the green digits on the bedside clock.

“Early enough.” We have exactly thirty seven minutes before I need to get up and start getting ready to go to the airport. I wrap my arms around my girlfriend from behind, burying my face into her hair and breathing in the faint scent of her strawberry shampoo.

After a minute or so of blissful, naked cuddling, she reaches behind her and slides her hands between our two bodies. Her fingers quickly find my clit and I shudder as she strokes it in that perfect way that only she can. I bite my lip, a gasp escaping.

She shifts, positioning herself between my legs. She looks up and her eyes meet mine for a moment, before she wraps her lips around my clit.

“Fuck!” I gasp. We’ve been dating for three years but every time we have sex, the skill with which she pulls the responses from my body astounds me. She alternates between sucking my clit into her mouth and pulling back to draw circles around it with the tip of her tongue.

I never squirted until I met her, but she can coax it from me with surprising ease. When I come, I gush, flooding her mouth and soaking the sheets beneath us.

She grins and kisses the inside of my thigh. The first light of morning is seeping around the edges of the curtains, and I know we’ll soon have to go.

“Something to remember me by,” she says. “Until next time.”

So there you have it, folks! Did you enjoy these five little smutty flash fictions? If so, please donate to Endometriosis UK using the link above! And stay tuned for more #Smutathon2020 content.

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Chorus

There are a number of buzzwords and phrases, frequently used to describe sex toys, of which I am highly sceptical. One of these is “for couples”. Another is “hands free”. The We-Vibe Chorus claims to be both of these things. However, my experiences with We-Vibe over the years have been almost universally positive, so with my hopeful-but-ready-to-be-disappointed face firmly in place, I set out to test the new We-Vibe Chorus for you guys.

First impressions

The We-Vibe Chorus in its box

The We-Vibe Chorus comes attractively packaged in a sturdy box. Inside you’ll find the toy and remote, a USB charging cable, and a dock that functions as both travel case and charging station. There’s also a little instruction booklet and a free packet of water-based personal lubricant. (Second ingredient: glycerin. Ughhhhh.)

The We-Vibe Chorus comes in three colours, and mine is “Cosmic Pink.” It is OBNOXIOUSLY pink. (I asked for the purple, but I guess everyone probably asked for the purple. Ah well.) It’s sort of shiny-sparkly

The matte silicone is squishy and soft to the touch.

Shiny new tech! (Or: How is the Chorus different to previous We-Vibe models?)

The Chorus is the latest iteration of We-Vibe’s signature “wearable” vibrators, a line which also includes the Match, Unite and Sync. But how is it different?

The We-Vibe Chorus and remote

The most obvious upgrade, when we compare the Chorus to the Sync (its most recent predecessor,) is the introduction of the squeeze remote. The tighter you squeeze the remote, the more intense the vibration gets – and vice versa! This is a genuinely innovative touch that I haven’t seen anywhere else. You can turn squeeze control on and off with the small button at the top of your remote. When squeeze control is on, you use the +/- buttons to set the base intensity – that is, the lowest setting it will default to if you stop squeezing. We’ll get more into fun ways to play with this in a minute.

There’s also new touch-sense tech, which responds to your movements against the sensor, changing the intensity of the vibrations to match depending on which setting you’ve selected. You can turn touch-sense off through the We-Connect app, if you want to. I had a play with this function but the responsiveness was mixed. Overall, I found it too unpredictable to be pleasurable, and quickly turned it off. If I’m going to use touch-sensitive tech, I want to to actually be reliable. The We-Vibe Wand achieved this much better than the Chorus does.

The WeVibe Chorus and remote on the docking stand

Another significant upgrade to this model is that it is adjustable in two places. Not only can you adjust the distance between the two arms, you can also alter the angle of the internal arm for a more comfortable and stimulating fit. I can’t overestimate how appreciated this is! Bodies come in a wide range of shapes and sizes, and one size will never fit all. I find getting poked in the vaginal walls off-putting and the opposite of erotic, frankly, so being able to adjust the Chorus to actually sit comfortably in my body was a game-changer.

Finally, the Chorus is the first We-Vibe product to use a mix of AnkorLink and Bluetooth technology to connect it to the We-Connect app. The difference here was EXTREMELY noticeable – the connection was much more stable and the responses much more consistent.

In conclusion, the Chorus might superficially resemble We-Vibe’s previous offerings, but you get so much more bang for your buck.

The Chorus is waterproof (though the remote is only splash-proof). I got just shy of 90 minutes of playtime from a full (2 hour) charge.

Not just for couples!

Again, I find the notion of “toys for couples” annoying. Anything can be a couples’ sex toy if you use it with a partner! And many so-called couples’ toys can be used just as well for solo fun. The phrase “toys for couples” has come to be near-synonymous with “toys you use while having penis-in-vagina intercourse”. But lots of couples don’t have sex like that, or only have sex like that sometime… and of course, not all couples are cis-hetero! I vote we change the common terminology to “toys for PIV” instead of “toys for couples”.

Anyway, I digress. The We-Vibe Chorus is a great option if you’re looking for a toy to wear during PIV sex. The slender and adjustable internal arm makes for a comfortable fit regardless of your bodies’ shapes and sizes, and the external arm provides powerful clitoral stimulation – which 70 – 90% (depending on which study you believe) of vulva-owners need to reach orgasm.

But it’s so much more than that! I actually really like this style of toy for solo masturbation. Though I do need to use my hands (see below,) holding it against my body requires almost no strength or energy. It’s easy to use a dildo with it at the same time if I’m after more internal stimulation.

Other fun ways to play

Thanks to its innovative technology and design, this toy has so much potential beyond the obvious “wear during PIV” application.

If you’re into power-exchange games, you could give your partner the remote and have them use the squeeze function or buttons to control when and how you get pleasure. Or the person who is wearing the vibrator could be tied up with the remote in their hand, and their Dominant partner could instruct them on when to squeeze tightly (getting more stimulation) and when to release (getting less).

I really like playing edging games with this toy – squeezing tightly until I’m close to coming, then releasing the control to back off again.

Due to the improved app connection and functionality, this toy is also ideal for long-distance play. Wherever you are in the world, simply hook your toy up to your partner’s phone via the app, and you can give them control of your toy while you sext or exchange smutty pictures.

Not really hands-free

As ever, bodies are different and your mileage may vary. But I do not agree that the We-Vibe Chorus is a hands-free toy. However I adjusted it, I could not get it to stay firmly in place. Every time I moved slightly or changed the intensity of the vibrations, it would shift and move away from my clit. I ended up using one hand to hold it in place and the other hand to operate the remote.

Not a huge problem in the grand scheme of things, but if you’re looking for a truly hands-free experience you’ll want to be aware of this. (Also: if you find a sex toy that is actually, effectively, 100% hands-free, please let me know. This is up there with unicorns on the list of “things I am convinced do not exist.”)

Worth noting: the lovely Phallophile Reviews suggests that wearing tight knickers (such as Spanx) helps this toy stay in place. So that’s something to try!

Power play

Importantly, how does the We-Vibe Chorus stack up in terms of power? Frankly, if I’m going to spend close to £200 on a toy, it’d better knock my socks off, power-wise!

We-Vibe have long been known for using excellent, powerful motors in their toys and the Chorus is no exception. For its small size, it packs a punch. The vibrations are strong, rumbly and – in case this is important to you – surprisingly quiet.

The gentle, lay-on contour of this toy, plus the rumbly vibes, feel fucking phenomenal against my clit.

Final thoughts

If you’re looking for the ultimate “wear during PIV” toy, this is it. I’m seriously impressed with the Chorus! But I also really love this toy for solo play. It’s on the pricier end at £179.99 ($199 US) but you get so many nifty features for your money. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

A gem. We-Vibe have done it yet again.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Chorus in exchange for an honest review. We-Vibe’s other new release, the Wand, will feature in my Valentine’s Day Gift Guide, coming out tomorrow, so stay tuned for that! Header image is by Lovehoney and used with permission, all other images by me. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Men: Her Orgasm Is Not About Your Ego

This is my third post of #Smutathon2018: #SmutForChoice Edition. Please donate to our page for Abortion Support Network, and don’t forget to leave your email address or Twitter handle so we can enter you into the raffle to win some awesome sex toys!

Dear Well-Meaning Cishet Man,

This one’s for you.

You’re a good guy, right? You care about your sexual partner’s pleasure, and her orgasms. You even eat pussy! When DJ Khaled’s comments surfaced about “different rules” for men re. oral sex, you probably tweeted furiously “I’M A GUY AND I LOVE EATING PUSSY”.

Well, okay. But slow down. I want you to read this with an open mind, and try not to feel attacked. That’s not my aim.

However, please – please – stop making your female partners’ orgasms about your ego! Let me explain.

When I started having partnered sex in my mid and late teens, my boyfriend compelled me to tell him I’d never had an orgasm before I met him. He’d decided this was the case.  Telling him it wasn’t seemed like it wouldn’t achieve anything but bruising his ego. He was very into the fantasy of me as the perfect innocent. So I went with it.

I think a lot of young women have similar experiences. Their (also young and often inexperienced) boyfriends want to feel like sex gods who introduce them to a world of pleasure they never knew existed before. They don’t want to hear “I’ve been having orgasms by myself for years”. This narrative is a big part of the Fifty Shades of Grey fantasy. Ana has not only never masturbated or had an orgasm. She’s never even thought a sexual thought until Christian “I-Don’t-Make-Love-I-Fuck-Hard” Grey deigns to deflower her.

How this played out for me was thus: he didn’t really know what I liked. I knew what I liked, but couldn’t tell him because then he’d known I’d – gasp – had sexual feelings and even touched myself before he showed up. So a long time was spent with him trying to get me off, and either getting pissed off that it took so long (when I got there at all) or me faking it because dude, it’s been two hours, my clit is rubbed raw. 

This is, of course, a sex education problem. We don’t teach young women that exploring their bodies is okay. We don’t teach boys that girls masturbate and hey, she might know a thing or two about her own body! Instead, we glorify this notion of “I’ve never felt anything like this before!” even when you’ve totally felt something like that before… a lot.

A big part of the problem, though, is that these attitudes don’t really change as we get older! I remember reading in a glossy magazine (it was probably Cosmo?) advice along the lines of “when he whips out a new move in bed, tell him you’ve never done that before, even though you totally did that with your ex”. (That’s how Cosmo speaks, right?) The point is that women are still supposed to coddle our male partners’ egos to the point of straight-up lying to them, in order to pretend they’re the only person who has ever unlocked our sexuality.

This also plays out in other ways. I hang out on the Sex Toys forum at Reddit and also similar groups on Fetlife, and time and again men will post: “looking for a sex toy for my partner, but it needs to not be too big or powerful. Don’t want it to replace me!” But what if that big dildo or power-tool vibrator could give their partner the best, most explosive orgasms of her life? I guess it doesn’t matter – what they’re thinking about is not her pleasure, but being upstaged.

Men: women’s sexuality does not exist to stroke your ego! If your partner has a rich and fulfilling erotic life with herself, and/or had a rich and fulfilling erotic life with other partners before you came along, this doesn’t imply anything about you! When she uses toys, she’s not replacing you!

If you want your partner to never have masturbated (or to pretend she’s never masturbated,) or if you want your partner to have never had good sex with anyone else until you came along, you are not being sex positive. You are not being a good lover. You’re making your partner’s sexuality a receptacle for your ego.

And this brings me on to the Great Pussy Eating Debate of 2018, and the problems I see with it. Obviously, what DJ Khaled said was gross, as are all the other ridiculous things straight men have said about going down on people with vulvas. However, a lot of the responses pissed me off too. A lot of men felt the need to weigh in on how THEY always go down on their partners. Which… might seem harmless but is actually indicative of a particularly insidious form of virtue signalling that often comes into play around (particularly heterosexual) sex.

Prioritising your partner’s pleasure isn’t something to brag about. It’s the bare fucking minimum.

The other place I see this kind of ego-tripping manifest is around the issue of whether or not a woman orgasms during a sexual encounter with a man – and how that orgasm happens, if indeed there is one.

Too often, I hear “I want to make her come from intercourse, no clitoral stimulation, what am I doing wrong?”.  What you’re doing wrong, my dude, is prioritising your fucking ego over her fucking orgasm. The vast majority of people with vulvas don’t experience orgasm from penetration alone. This is normal. What you need to do is realise you don’t actually have a problem that needs solving. Talk to your partner, and stimulate her fucking clit the way she likes.

Basically: sex is much better when you take your ego out of it. I promise.

Masturbation Monday: The Wedding

[For today’s Masturbation Monday, I was given the prompt “ex’s wedding.” Okay then! The set up is kind of long, but I hope the sexy pay-off is worth it.]

A room and table setting for wedding reception. For a Masturbation Monday post about an ex's weddingI didn’t want to go to this fucking wedding. This is kind of out of character for me, as normally I love weddings. I’m usually the first one to cry at the speeches and the last one still on the dance-floor at the end of the night. But who the fuck wants to see their ex get married? And most especially who wants to see the ex who cheated on them get married to a 5’11” blonde marathon runner?

As well as my ex, though, Sam is also the son of my parents’ oldest friends. And it’s not like I still have feelings for him. (She says, trying to convince herself). We were over years ago. So here I am, uncomfortable in my too-tight green dress, bored out of my mind, and taking full advantage of the open bar.

I’ve been glancing over at her all day. Pixie-cut dark hair, curves to die for, the swish of that floaty emerald dress every time she moves… I don’t know who she is but she’s definitely my type. She’s sitting on her own right now, nursing a glass of champagne and with a forced smile on her face as she watches the dancing. Yep. Time to make a move.

“Hi, I’m Rob. What’s your name?” She jumps as though startled from a reverie. Close up, I can appreciate the soft hazel of her eyes. She smiles. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you!”

Well, hello! Even in my funk, I can see that this man is attractive. The grey suit looks good on him and contrasts nicely with the artfully unshaven face and dark ponytail.

“Hi Rob. I’m Sophie”.

Without being invited, he plonks himself down in the seat next to me. “I fucking hate these things, don’t you?” he asks.

“Normally I love weddings, but…” I trail off. Reign it in, Soph! I sip from my champagne. I must have drunk a hundred quid’s worth of the stuff today already, fucking hell.

“How do you know the happy couple?” he asks. God, this is such cliched wedding talk it’s not even funny. And there was me thinking he might be coming over to hit on me.

“Sam and I used to go out,” I find myself saying.

“No kidding. Ex’s wedding? That’s rough.”

I shrug. “Eh, it’s no big deal, really. Our parents are friends. We grew up together. Went out from when we were fifteen until we were twenty-two. He cheated on me. I don’t blame him. We weren’t right for each other in the long run”.

She looks surprised at herself, as if she didn’t mean to blurt out the whole story. I feel for her, of course. I know something of how she feels. Caitlyn invited me to her wedding two years ago, and I tore the invitation into a dozen pieces before I’d allowed myself to even consider going. No point torturing yourself, after all.

I watch Sophie sip her champagne. Her hands – I always have a thing for hands – are beautiful. Long fingers and perfect skin contrasts with the unmanicured nails. I allow myself, just for a moment, to think about how those fingers would feel wrapped around my cock.

Her eyes meet mine as she catches me looking. Apart from a thin rim of eyeliner, I notice she’s not wearing any makeup. There’s no doubt about it, this girl – this woman – is gorgeous.

She drains her glass and sets it down on the table. Fixes me with a penetrating stare. “Want to get out of here?” she asks.

“I… what?” He looks as though he’s not sure he has heard me correctly.

“You just said you hate weddings, and I’m sick of watching the man I always assumed I would marry arm-in-arm with Perfect Fucking Tiffany, telling everyone about their Perfect Fucking Honeymoon to the beautiful tropical islands of wherever. Why are we torturing ourselves? Want to go bang in my hotel room?”

Maybe it’s the alcohol giving me bravery, or maybe it’s the shitty day I’ve had. I don’t know and right now, I don’t care. All I know is that me and this beautiful man could have a much nicer time in the privacy of my Super Deluxe Plus room – a treat to myself in exchange for sitting through this stupid wedding.

Rob opens his mouth and then closes it again. He’s surprised. To tell you the truth, I’m surprised at myself. I watch his face and, in the five seconds it takes him to reply, convince myself that he’s going to laugh and brush me off.

“You’re sweet, but I’ve got a girlfriend”. “It’s a nice offer, but I prefer to move slowly”. “You’re attractive, but you’re not my type”.

Instead, he grins broadly at me and says, “okay!”

We sneak out of the ballroom like teenagers sneaking around behind their parents’ backs. Not that anyone is paying any attention to us at all. She takes my hand and leads me down the long corridor to the stairs, then up one floor, then along another corridor until we stop outside her room. Number 70.

“I wish it had been one number lower,” she says, with a mischievous raise of an eyebrow. She slips her key card in the lock, stands back to let me in, then clicks the door shut behind us. I flip the light on, and see she’s already fumbling with the zip on the back of that gorgeous dress. A second later, she drops it, steps out of it and kicks it to one side. And this woman I met not fifteen minutes ago is standing in front of me in just her cream lacy knickers – no bra. Fucking hell! However I thought tonight was going to go, this was not on the cards at all. 

“What do you want?” I ask her. She steps forward, reaches up her hands to loosen my tie – which she does clumsily, probably as a result of all the champagne – and presses her lips to mine. Inside the tight suit trousers my cock, already at half-mast, springs fully to life. I kiss her back, sliding one hand around to the small of her back to pull her closer, and using the other to unbutton my shirt.

“I want you to fuck me,” I tell him. “None of that go down on me for half an hour first because you feel like you have to stuff, I hate that. Just fuck me”. I successfully get the tie loose enough to pull it off over his head, and he slips out of his shirt too and tosses it aside. His chest is perfect: not too muscular, covered in dark hairs. I run my hand through it and then kiss him again.

I slide my hand down and unbutton his trousers. Slipping my fingers into them and under the waistband of his boxers, I can feel that his cock is fully hard already. I stroke it a few times as we make out, listening appreciatively to the way that he moans, adjusting the speed and pressure according to his reactions. Somehow, we move together until we’re by the big King bed, and he pushes me gently towards it. It’s not really a shove – I could easily keep my balance if I wanted to. But I let myself fall backwards onto the bed, wanting him on top of me, wanting him inside me.

In a second, he sheds the trousers and underwear and pounces on me again. He kisses me harder, and one hand moves between my legs and presses firmly against my cunt. The flimsy lace of my knickers is already soaking. He rubs my clit experimentally a few times. The sensation is nice, but I’ve never been much of a clitoral girl – I really just want things inside me. Fingers, toys, cocks. That’s how I get off.

“Put your fingers in me,” she moans. Well, okay then! I do love having sex with a woman who knows what she likes and can give clear instructions. I hook my fingers under the elastic of her knickers and she obligingly lifts her ass so I can peel them off. A shame, really, as she looked so pretty in them – but underneath, her cunt is even more beautiful. The curly wisps of black pubic hair are so inviting.

She parts her legs more, inviting me in. I thrust two fingers inside her, marveling at how wet and ready she already is. I slide them slowly in and out while she writhes beneath me, face and chest flushed, beads of sweat already appearing on her brow.

Finding her G-spot, I press my fingers against it. Gently at first – I’ve been with women who found hard thrusting painful. I rub it with my two fingers and watch her reaction.

“Harder…” she moans. I increase the speed and pressure, until I’m properly fucking her with my fingers. Her perfect fingers clutch a handful of the sheet and she throws her head back.

“Going to come…!”

I double down on my efforts. She lets out of half moan, half yelp of pleasure and I feel her cunt tense around my fingers, squeezing them. Her whole body relaxes as I slowly withdraw them. I notice there’s a wet spot on the sheet beneath her. So she’s a gusher.

“Oh, fuck yeah, that was good,” I murmur, catching my breath. I pull him in to kiss me. “Want to fuck me? I’m ready for your cock now”. The beautiful thing about being multi-orgasmic is that the first one just makes me hungry for more.

“Oh hell yes. Do you have a condom?” he asks. So responsible! I love it when they bring it up first and I don’t have to ask (/beg/plead/cajole) them to wrap it up.

“Nightstand. Top drawer.”

I hear the telltale rustling of a packet. A moment later, he’s positioned back between my legs, cock still fully hard and now coated in latex.

“You want this?” he asks, teasing my entrance. Oh yes, I fucking want this. In answer, I bring my hips up to meet him. In one thrust, he’s inside of me. I gasp at the exquisite pleasure, my cunt already sensitive from the orgasm just moments ago.

He fucks me perfectly. Long, slow thrusts at first, building up to hard and fast pounding. It takes less than a minute for me to come again, and then again, around his cock. He moans each time I come, and I wonder if the muscles of my cunt are squeezing him hard enough to add to his pleasure too. I hope so.

God, her cunt feels incredible. I’m not going to last long at this rate! I marvel at the ability of the vulva to produce orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. Is there a limit to how much she can come? I feel the trickle of fluid each time she does, and am sure the mattress beneath us is soaked by now.

As I feel her cunt spasm with the fifth (sixth? I’ve lost count) orgasm, I start to feel the telltale build up of pressure, my pleasure reaching towards its climax.

“You feel so fucking good,” I tell her. “I’m not going to be able to hold off much longer.”

“Come in me,” she tells me, a blissful smile on her face. Her short hair is now sticking to her face with sweat. 

That does it. The invitation, her eagerness for it, pushes me over the edge. I press my lips to hers again, kissing her hard as my own orgasm pulses through my whole body. Damn. I haven’t come this hard in a long time.

I love the moment where they come in me. Watching a man’s pleasure as he surrenders to it and loses control, knowing it’s me who has had that effect on him… it’s intoxicating.

I don’t love so much what usually comes next. The extricating of bodies, the quick dressing, the awkward goodbye at the door, the do I give him my number or will that seem too needy? calculation. I love casual sex, but sometimes I’d like to feel like the men I fuck care about me after they’ve come as well.

“Will you stay for a bit?” I ask Rob, aware that I now sound very different from the confident girl who invited him to – what was it? – bang in my hotel room an hour ago. “I wouldn’t mind the company”.

He rolls over and grins at me, as if he’d just been waiting for the invitation. “Want to cuddle and watch crap TV and order room service? I think we missed dessert and I could murder a massive slice of cheesecake right now.”

Masturbation Monday is created and owned by Kayla Lords. Click the logo to see what’s getting everyone off this week.

If you enjoyed this story, you can get bonus erotic fiction with #BonusSmutTuesday plus other fun perks every single week by signing up to my Patreon page at any level.

Image sourced through Pixabay.

 

[Toy Review] Avant Pride P1 Dildo

A "support me on Patreon" buttonHey friends and fans. I want to take a second to talk money – a boring subject, I know, but bear with me. I do this work, sex education and writing and reviewing, primarily for the love of it. But I’m also trying more and more to make it a part of my regular living – the goal, eventually, is to give up my day job and write full time. But for that, I need your help! If you enjoy my work, please consider throwing a dollar or two my way each month on Patreon to access some exciting bonus content including exclusive erotic fiction shorts every Tuesday! If you can’t commit to a monthly amount but still want to support me, you can buy me a virtual coffee. Click the appropriate buttons above to support. If you can’t afford financial support right now, that’s absolutely fine and I love you and value your readership so much! It’s super easy to support me and all your favourite sex writers and creators without it costing you anything by sharing our work on the social media of your choice. Thank you! Now on to the review.

A rainbow dildo lying on a white notebook with a unicorn on the cover.
Ridiculous unicorn notebook courtesy of Amy’s impulse-shopping in The Works.

You know what I love about Pride season, among other things? RAINBOWS ON FUCKING EVERYTHING. Seriously, I love it.

The Avant Pride line of toys are manufactured by Blush Novelties and stocked by the wonderful Peepshow Toys, who sent me this product to review. They come in a bunch of different colour schemes based on different pride flags – mine is the rainbow gay/LGBTQ+ pride dildo, but there’s also a lesbian pride dildo, a transgender pride dildo, a genderfluid pride butt plug, a genderqueer pride butt plug, and a leather/BDSM pride butt plug.

They’re a gorgeous line and I adore them. I am, though, sad there’s no bisexual pride product. I’m trying really hard not to read into this as bi erasure. It’s hard, though, when so many of the other letters of LGBTQ+ are represented. Come on, Blush, give us bisexuals some representation!

A rainbow dildo standing next to a glass full of coloured pencils.Facts ‘n’ Figures

The Avant Pride P1 is a fairly petite little thing. It measures only 6 inches total length, with 5.25″ insertable, and has a diameter of 1.4″ at widest point. It also has a distinctly curved shape and a bulbous head, ideal for G-spot or prostate pleasure.

It’s made of very soft, squishy and extremely bendy matte silicone. The base is a strong suction cup (seriously, you should try peeling this thing off a desk – it sticks!) This means you can use it hands-free by sticking it to a floor/desk/chair/shower stall, and it also makes it harness-compatible in case you want to wear it and fuck your lover with it.

Lab-Certified Body-Safe

I’m not really sure what this actually means, as so few sex toys are ever lab tested! I assume it means the company has run the appropriate tests to meaningfully certify their material as body-safe… but, given the sex toy industry is unregulated, it could also just be words.

Even so, the Pride P1 is made of 100% silicone which ensures it definitely is, in fact, body-safe. As it has no motor or anything, it’s also boilable – you can sterilise your pure silicone dildos/plugs by throwing them into a pot of water on the stove, bringing to the boil, and leaving for 10-15 minutes. This is the best way to kill any and all lingering bacteria, and is especially important if you want to share your toy or use it vaginally/orally after having used it anally.

As ever, you can give your toy a quick clean with a body-safe sterile wipe of the kind you can buy in bulk from medical suppliers, and if you’re sharing it without sterilising you should use a condom. Use water-based lube with silicone toys.

Bend and Flex

A rainbow dildo standing on a stack of books about sex.
Also feat: some of my sexy book pile.

This toy, though it feels great in use, is actually a little too bendy for me. When I tried to thrust hard with it, the super-flexible shaft meant that it kept bending in the wrong direction rather than hitting my G-spot accurately. Though lack of a suitable partner being available means I have not had the chance to try it in my harness, I suspect that this issue would also prevent it from being an ideal dildo for vaginal fucking or pegging.

What I do love about this one, though, is the shape. When that wide, rounded head presses into just the right spot… mmmfff. What I have concluded is that this toy is much better as an “insert and leave it in while I do clitoral play” dildo than a “hard and fast fucking” dildo. And that job it performed admirably.

A good cheap, safe option

The Pride P1 dildo retails for $3o, and the whole range are between $26 and $30. This is a really good price for a pure silicone toy, and rivals a lot of the unsafe products available on the cheaper end of the market in affordability.

Do I recommend it?

Reserved yes. I would be happy to recommend these toys to anyone wanting a less rigid dildo, something slimline, or something for leave-in-and-play purposes. I’d be a lot more hesitant to recommend it for strap-on or hard thrusting play. (For that, you’re better off with something like the Silk or the D1). But all around, a solid little toy for the price.

Thanks to Peepshow Toys for sending me the Pride P1 to review! If you buy anything from their site, use my code COFFEE for 10% off at checkout – including the awesome current PrideNJoy sale. This helps me to keep doing what I’m doing. As ever, all opinions are my own and all photos are by me and not to be used without permission. 

[Toy Review] Atom Cock Ring by Hot Octopuss

Remember that terrible cock ring I reviewed (read: made fun of mercilessly) a few months back? This is… not that.

I adore Hot Octopuss. Their innovative products, their anti-stigma work and their community-minded stance all put them firmly in my “Amy’s Favourite Companies” list**.

I’ve previously reviewed their Queen Bee and Pocket Pulse, and was thrilled to receive the new Atom Cock Ring to test.

Let’s Take a Look, Shall We?

My hand holding the black Atom cock ring. The purpose of cock rings is to keep blood in the penis in order to make a person’s erection harder and bring about a stronger climax. Vibrating rings have the added bonus of providing clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex. It’s a simple premise, but one that is so often executed really badly.

Hot Octopuss describes Atom as “the next generation in cock rings”. It retails for £69 (heh) directly from the manufacturer.

The Atom is a stretchy black silicone ring, with a large contact area with a raised nub to sit against the clitoris. It is adorned with a simple metallic-coloured ABS band with the company’s crown logo, on which the up/down speed buttons sit. The company name is also stamped into the silicone. The aesthetic is minimalist, masculine, and sexy as hell. Also provided is a useful little drawstring storage pouch.

The Atom is rechargeable via a USB cable, and completely waterproof – useful if shower sex is your thing! It is controlled via three simple buttons, and has six settings in total – constant vibrations and five different patterns. Each one of these can be adjusted up or down in intensity.

A word for the girthier penis-owners: you’re gonna need lube, friends! This ring’s diameter is only about 1.5″ so, though it is nice and stretchy and should sit comfortably once it’s on, you should be sure to use plenty of lube to slide it into place without discomfort. As ever, use water-based lube with silicone toys.

Body-Safe and Easy to Clean

The entire surface of the Atom is coated in super soft, silky silicone. The decorative band is ABS plastic. This means it both feels lovely and is completely body-safe and non-porous. As it’s waterproof, it is also easy to clean with warm water and some gentle soap. For a quick clean, as ever I recommend toy wipes or body-safe sterile wipes (I buy in bulk from medical supply sites).

When it comes to cleaning, the only issue is the seam where the band connects to the main body of the toy. This area could be a germ trap, so take extra care when cleaning it.

Oh, and a quick note on matte silicone: as a material, it picks up lint and fluff like nobody’s business. Expect to have to give your toy a quick rinse before use if it’s been in storage for a while. It’s generally a good idea to do this anyway.

What We Loved

The Hot Octopuss Atom on a white and purple dildo with little hearts.
Feat. Ambit by Godemiche dildo, because obviously this very masculine cock-ring needed to be paired with the most femme dildo I own.

The Atom boasts by far the strongest vibrations I have ever felt from a cock-ring. They are powerful, rumbly and on all levels, immensely satisfying. My limited experience with vibrating cock-rings in the past has been that they are so weak as to be either pointless or annoying. No such problems here! The vibrations are more than strong enough for even my power-queen clit. Finally, Hot Octopuss have made a cock-ring that will actually give the clitoris-owner some pleasure when used during PIV sex!

It was also tight enough to actually have the desired effect of giving my partner a stronger, harder and longer-lasting erection.

Of course, I also love that it’s body-safe, well made, and from a company whose ethics and business practices I trust.

What We Didn’t Love

The biggest problem with this toy from my perspective is in the placement of the buttons. They are, as I mentioned, situated on either end of the ABS band across the top of the toy. (The on/off/change pattern button is separate, and is embedded into the silicone just below the “down” control). This button placement means that changing the settings during sex is difficult and will almost certainly interrupt your flow. We had to pause to look more closely at which button was which, and then to change between the settings. The single biggest improvement Hot Octopuss could make to this toy, should they bring out a second edition, would be to include a remote control.

There are no other major issues. We do have the issue that Mr CK likes patterns while I like constant vibrations, but that’s definitely an us problem (/excuse for him to torment me, because I have a teasing and denial kink).

Atom or Atom Plus?

Hot Octopuss actually released two cock-rings last year, the Atom and the Atom Plus. I have not tried the Plus personally; however, I will tell you what I know about it so that you can make an informed choice about which to get.

Whereas the Atom features one motor primarily designed for clitoral stimulation, the Plus has two. (“The world’s first cock-ring to house dual integrated motors,” according to Hot Octopuss. Exciting!) The second motor offers intense stimulation of the perineum, the area between the testicles and anus which is extremely pleasurable for many people. So if you’re into this kind of stimulation, you might want to get the Plus. If you’re not fussed, you can stick with the Atom. The Atom is worn just around the shaft of the penis, whereas the Plus goes around both the penis and balls. The Plus is, of course, physically bigger and more expensive – it retails for £89.

So do we recommend it?

Yes, we do. It’s really hard to find quality, body-safe toys with good motors for people with penises. Hot Octopuss are ahead of the curve in redressing that balance. If you’re a fan of cock-rings and looking for something to take your sex to the next level, or if you’re after clitoral stimulation for you or your partner during penetrative sex, you can’t go wrong with the Atom.

In Mr CK’s words: “hands down the best cock-ring I have ever used!”

A banner ad for sex toy company Hot Octopuss, who sponsored a post on sex and mental healthThank you to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Atom cock-ring in exchange for an impartial review. I am an affiliate with Hot Octopuss and if you buy any product from them directly using the affiliate links in this post, I will make a small commission. The Atom (and Atom Plus) are also stocked by SheVibe and Peepshow Toys, for my non-European readers. Thanks also, as always, to Mr CK and his extremely patient Stunt Cock for allowing me to do things to his genitals in the name of journalism. 

Pictures of product by me, other graphics by Hot Octopuss. Not to be used without express permission. 

[** Ooh – post idea? Maybe.]

[(Not a) Toy Review] Here’s What Happened When We Tried a Terrible Cock Ring

From whence it came I do not recall. It must have found its way into my freebie bag at one sexy event or another. But somehow, this monstrosity came into my possession:

The Skins Vibe Ring, a clear jelly rubber cock ring with a small bullet vibe, sitting on its box. For a review.Because Mr CK is a very indulgent partner, and supportive of my penchant for putting strange things on my genitals and then oversharing about it on the internet, we decide we’d test it. Just for fun.

Well, it was… something. I’m not sure fun is quite the word.

This “Vibe Ring” vibrating cock ring by Skins (better known for making condoms) looks and feels like something you’d buy for £3 from a machine in a seedy nightclub. It’s made of some kind of jelly rubber (the packaging is mysteriously quiet about its actual material) and just from handling it for a couple of minutes I can see its porous as fuck. Sweat and oils from my hands have leached into the rubber, turning its clear appearance opaque, and the squishy texture and dodgy chemical smell coming off it are dead giveaways for phthalates.

As a cock ring, it’s worse than useless. A cock ring is designed to restrict blood flow away from the penis, creating a stronger and longer-lasting erection. A lot of penis-owners report that this can be very pleasurable and give them stronger orgasms. This thing, though?

“I literally can’t feel it!” Mr CK declared when it was around his cock. It’s too stretchy and flimsy to do anything. Still, we were determined to give it a fair hearing, so we turned the little vibrating bullet on and I  hopped on board and started fucking him. In the me-on-top position, I could at least feel the vibrations – if you can call them that – against my clit. But, unsurprisingly, they were too weak and too buzzy to give me anything that I could define as pleasure. Mr CK reported that he could just barely feel the vibrations through his shaft but they were nowhere near to being pleasurable for him either. (And this is a man who definitely enjoys vibrations!)

We changed positions, him standing and me on my back, legs spread, on the end of the bed. This was worse. With every thrust, the damn thing buzzed against me in its completely useless and mildly distracting way. It was low-level annoying in the way that a mobile phone vibrating in your pocket can be. Only, you know, less likely to give me an orgasm.

“Ooh, it made you come!” Mr commented as he felt my cunt muscles clenching around his cock.

“Nope. That was all your dick, babe.”

“Shall we take this thing off?”

“Yes, lets do that.”

We tossed it aside and finished our fuck, which was much more satisfying once the stupid ring was safely on the other side of our very large bed. Afterwards, we snuggled in the afterglow and laughed about how utterly terrible this ridiculous excuse for a sex toy was.

“It feels like it would fit around my head,” he said, stretching it experimentally.

“Try it!” I dared.

And that, my friends, is how a sex session finished with my partner and I taking turns to wear a cock ring like a head lamp. I hope you enjoyed that mental image. You’re welcome.

TL/DR: Do not buy this toy or any other cheap, rubbery “single use” cock ring. For a simple, high quality cockring, try the Tantus Ultra Premium silicone cock ring. If you’re after one that vibrates, try the Desire Rechargeable from Lovehoney

The image featured in this post was taken by me. Don’t steal my photos, please! Links above are affiliate links. Doing your sexy shopping with my affiliates helps support me to keep the blog going.

Six Things I Wish My Parents Had Told Me About Sex

Today’s 30 Days of D/s is all about being parents while being kinky. I’m stumped here, to be honest. I am lifelong childfree by choice. I made this decision at twenty and I’ve never wavered for even a moment.

For this one, I nearly wrote a post on why I choose not to be a parent. “My writing career is more important to me and I like freedom to go where I want, sleep until noon and fuck whenever I feel like it” would be a pretty short post, though. (But, um, there you go. That’s my answer.) So instead I thought I’d share with you a few things I wish my parents had told me about sex, in the hopes that it maybe helps some of the kinky parents among my readers.

To be abundantly clear: I have AMAZING parents. I love them to death and they’ve always loved and supported me unconditionally, even when they didn’t agree with my choices. We didn’t really talk much about sex in our house. When I was about fifteen and started going out with boys, I got the “don’t do it until you’re ready and not until you’re 16” talk. Which, to be fair, is solid advice. It’s also tremendously limited.

Here’s some knowledge I wish had been imparted to me when I was growing up. I wish this stuff got taught in sex ed, but that’s not going to happen any time soon. As it is, I think parents really need to be the ones to give their kids accurate information.

Girls desire sex just as much as boys

Seriously, why did NO-ONE tell me this? It wasn’t mentioned at home, and all I got at school was “boys want sex, girls should say no”. Not even a second of airtime for “sex is great and it’s totally normal for ANYONE to want it!”

Everyone masturbates

I knew boys masturbated by the time I was 11 or 12. But I had no idea it was a thing girls did too until I read about it in a magazine. (Though, for some reason, it was framed as “a thing girls sometimes do it the shower.”) I have literally never wanked in the shower in my life. I thought I was weird for doing it, then I thought I was weird for doing it in bed.

Most people watch porn, regardless of gender

I found some porn on my boyfriend’s computer when I was 15. I confided in my mum because I was so freaked out. Much respect to her, she basically said “did it involve children or animals? No? Then you’re good, it’s normal, all men do it”. While this is basically true (#notALLmen, obviously) I wish someone had told me that loads of women watch porn and read erotica and that’s normal too. When I discovered internet smut (FictionPress was my gateway drug, check it out, there’s some damn good porn on there if you look for it,) I felt like a freak.

It’s important to feel comfortable, but it doesn’t matter if the first person you have sex with isn’t the love of your life

I justified having sex when I was a teenager by telling myself, well, we’re not married yet but I’m obviously going to marry him! (I have no idea where I got the “wait until marriage” value from, as my parents certainly didn’t preach this and we didn’t go to church). What I was told, though, was to make sure I loved the first person I had sex with. Which is fine advice in so far as it goes, (uh, kind of – doing it casually is fine too as long as it’s freely chosen)! But I took this to mean I had to be absolutely sure he was the one and only person I would ever fuck.

If you’re doing hand-sex and oral sex, you ARE having sex

Can everyone please start teaching teenagers that “sex” is not synonymous with “P in V”? Seriously? I got so hung up on we’re not having SEX until I’m legal (we did it on my 16th birthday, FYI) that I didn’t realise I’d already been having actual, real, honest-to-Goddess sex for over a year.

If you’re having sex, you should expect and demand pleasure

I didn’t realise for ages that sex was a thing people did for mutual pleasure. All the toxic messaging from school had me convinced it was a thing girls put up with in order to make boys stay in relationships with them. I wish I’d been told that sex was as much for my pleasure as his. I wish I’d been told that my pleasure mattered -and that I should expect my lover to care about it as much as he did his own.

What do YOU wish you’d been taught about sex?

Kinky item of the day: feather ticklers! I’m all about sensation play. These can also be used for tickle-torture play if you’re into that.

Heads up: this post contains affiliate links.

It IS [Mostly] All About the Sex

For today’s #KinkMonth post, it’s all about SEX! As you’ll have gathered (unless this is your first visit, in which case – welcome!) I’m doing posts inspired by Kayla Lords’ 30 Days of D/s. Today, Kayla asks:

Have you ever considered D/s without a sexual component? Would you be interested in something like it? How important is sex to your current or future D/s relationship?

So when it comes to me and kink, there is one fundamental thing you need to understand:

I do it because it gets me off.

For some reason, it seems to be a thing to deny that BDSM is mostly, or entirely, about sex. And for some people, this is probably true. But, if I’m completely honest, I’m a bit sick of it.

For me, kink and BDSM are, and always have been, overwhelmingly about sex. Yes, they’re means of connecting with people I love. They’re sometimes spiritual. But for fuck’s sake, the vast majority of the time, I do this stuff because it makes my cunt wet and gets me off.

People have tried to divorce BDSM entirely from sex. I am willing to entertain that there are some people – folks at the far end of the Ace spectrum, for example – for whom this is the case. But at its core, I do believe it’s fundamentally a sexual or sex-adjacent practice 99% of the time.

I don’t fuck everyone I scene with, but I do get turned on during pretty much any good kink interaction. It’s part of my pre-negotiation with new partners: “you don’t have to do anything about it, but you need to be okay with the fact that if we have a good scene, I WILL be aroused.”

What’s wrong with sex anyway?

We live in a world where it’s pretty hard to admit that something we do is mainly or entirely about sex. Sex is not seen as a good enough reason to do something – there has to be a higher purpose, a better reason.

Confession I’m seriously not proud of time: pre-20, I was really judgy about people who have casual sex. “I only have sex when I’m in LOVE,” I proclaimed loudly, as if it made me better than other people. Thankfully, I 1) grew the fuck up and stopped being a judgemental bitch, 2) learned the awesomeness that is good casual sex.

A lot of polyamorous people – and yes, I used to be one of them, much to my embarrassment – go around saying “it’s about LOVE, not SEX!” This often goes hand in hand with, “we’re not SWINGERS!” The problem with this is that it implies being a swinger is a bad thing, that love is inherently superior to sex, and it neglects the fact that sex is a hugely important part of romantic love for a lot of us. In this way, people who are ostensibly part of the sex-positive community fall into sex-negative and sex-shaming patterns.

It’s easy to do and I sympathise with it. We’re taught, more or less from birth, that sex is bad. Dirty. Gross. That sex is only “when mummy and daddy love each other very much and want to have a baby.” A huge part of sex-positivity and the sex-posi movement, in my view, is about unlearning these toxic narratives and trying to do better.

Real talk: I don’t have an IUD to control my period (though that’s a nice side effect.) I have it for birth control.

For evidence of pervasive anti-sex sentiment, see also: “I use birth control for reasons that have nothing to do with sex, like controlling my painful periods.” Again, for a lot of people with uteruses (uteri?), this is entirely true and it’s completely valid.

However, lots of us DO use birth control for sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Saying that it should be freely available BECAUSE it has uses that aren’t sexual is really problematic. It should be freely available because it’s a normal part of healthcare, and lots of people like sex while also liking not being pregnant.

Let’s all just admit that some things ARE about sex

My challenge to you, and to myself: next time you find yourself wanting to defend a part of your life or identity with “it’s not about sex!” …Stop. Think about it. And resist the temptation to jump to this defense. Because sometimes, it is about sex. And there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.

I’ll leave you with my favourite quote from the great Oscar Wilde: “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

Kinky item of the day: Condoms! If you engage in penetrative sex or share toys in non fluid-bonded relationships, you need condoms to keep things sexy and safe. Buy 2 packs for 20% off.

Heads up: this post contains affiliate links.

Four Things That Don’t Make You Less Dominant

It’s October, which means it’s Kink Month for my lovely affiliates, Lovehoney. (Don’t forget to use reader code COFFKINK10 for 10% off any purchase before the end of 2017!)

To celebrate, I’ve signed on for Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s programme, and am going to aim to write a post each day inspired by that day’s subject.

Day One’s prompt was all about Dominance. Kayla and John ask:

What does dominance in a relationship mean to you? What traits will a Dominant have? How should a Dominant behave?

There are a lot of stereotypes of Dominants (and indeed submissives, but that’s another day) out there. Most of them are, to put it in very crass and British terms, complete stark raving bollocks. One only has to peruse the depths of Kinky & Popular on Fetlife to see all the One True Way-ism at play, people who are absolutely convinced that their particular brand of Dominance (or submission, or Mastery, or slavery) is the only real and correct one and that we should all just follow their lead if we want to Do It Right.

“A REAL Master always…”

“A true Dominant would never…”

It. Is. Bullshit. Dominance, like masculinity, is only as fragile as the owner allows it to be. If you’re secure in your identity as a Dominant or sometimes-Dominant person, no-one can take that away from you, the One Twue[1] Way be damned.

So here are four things that seem to give (particularly but not exclusively new or inexperienced) D-types anxiety about their Domly credentials.

Giving oral sex does not make you less Dominant.

If I could smash one stereotype with a mallet the size of my head, this would be the one. The length of time I stayed in a relationship where I didn’t get oral sex because my partner believed it was inherently beneath them as my Dominant was… well, let’s just say it was far, far too long.

This has been a bugbear for me for a really long time and I just recently discovered that Kayla also wrote an article on this very subject, way back when. It’s great. Go read it.

We do this kinky shit because it’s fun. As it turns out, a lot of people enjoy getting their cunt eaten or their dick sucked. Giving this pleasure to your partner doesn’t make you any less Dominant. In fact, there are lots of ways to explicitly frame it in a Dominant manner if that’s something you’re looking to do.

[Don’t believe me? Try shoving your submissive down onto the bed and growling, “spread your fucking legs, I’m going to eat you out until I’m satisfied. And don’t come, it’s for my pleasure, not yours.” You’re welcome.]

Loving your submissive does not make you less Dominant.

Where did we get this idea that Dominants are all cold, unfeeling monsters who are incapable of love? (And, incidentally, can we burn the Fifty Shades trilogy to the ground for, amongst MANY other sins, perpetuating this stereotype?)

BDSM and D/s is often a relationship build on profound vulnerability, trust, affection and love – on BOTH sides of the slash.

I’ve been madly in love with Dominants who just viewed me as a toy to use and then throw away, and couldn’t have given fewer fucks about me if they’d tried. I don’t recommend it.

Now, though I’ll play submissive for casual partners, I won’t deeply submit to someone unless I’m absolutely sure they love me. And that love, when I feel it, and the protection and care I feel coming from them as a result? That doesn’t diminish their control over me. It increases it.

Switching does not make you less Dominant.

Look, lots of us enjoy both sides of the slash to a greater or lesser extent. Whether you’re primarily a Top who enjoys getting flogged or tied up occasionally, the mythical fifty-fifty-down-the-middle Switch, or primarily a bottom who just has Toppy feels towards one specific partner… it doesn’t matter.

I actually really love submitting to Switches. I love it because they’ve experienced what it’s like on the other side of the whip (so to speak). This often results in increased empathy for my experience… as well as, sometimes, some truly wicked ideas that they’ve learned via the things they’ve previously had done to them!

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that True Dominants or real submissives stay in their lane and never experience the other side. Switches can be really Dominant AND really submissive. We’re not a watered-down approximation of both.

Being penetrated does not make you less Dominant.

Obviously, everyone gets to choose the acts they do and don’t want to engage in, and not everyone is into penetrative sex. But when I hear of female Dominants who’d really like to get fucked but feel they can’t have P-in-V sex with their submissive because being penetrated undermines their Dominance, or male Dominants who love anal pleasure but feel they can’t possibly take something in their ass or it’ll make them submissive… well, it makes me really sad.

Order him or her to fuck you until you’re satisfied. Make them fuck you but don’t let them get off until you’ve had your fill. Order them to fuck you in exactly the position, speed and depth YOU want to be fucked. Receiving P-in-V-or-A sex can be Domly as fuck.

In conclusion:

If you identify as Dominant, always or sometimes or occasionally or only on Fridays during the full moon or just in this specific relationship, you’re a fucking Dominant. There’s no set list of required or prohibited activities. We do this shit because it’s fun. So go forth and have some kinky fun.

[1] Not a typ0.

Kinky item of the day: bondage tape for securing your lover to the bed while you ravish them thoroughly.

FYI: this post contains affiliate links and if you use them, I may make a small commission. The image featured in this post was offered for use under Creative Commons Licensing.