Tag: satisfyer

Every time I review or indeed use a Satisfyer toy now, I end up with “Satisfied” from Hamilton going around in my head. I still really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Anyone want to write this for/with me?

This is really not the review I was expecting to write. A few months ago, I tried the original Satisfyer Pro 2 and I really didn’t get on with it at all. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I was just doing it wrong (for the value of “wrong” that means “in a way that didn’t work for my body”) or if the Next Generation model is THAT great of an improvement on the original. Either way, I tried the Pro 2 Next Generation and I loved it!

If you’re not familiar with Satisfyer toys, they boast what they call “pressure wave stimulation”. Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris and the stimulation comes from rapid air pulses. Some vulva-owners say it makes them come in less than a minute. Others describe it as like having the orgasm forcibly ripped from their body. For me, it’s neither. Instead, both times I’ve used it, it was a slow build to a gradual but hyper-intense orgasm that left me with jelly legs for the next half an hour.

Some people describe these toys as “oral sex simulators,” but I can’t feel the resemblance at all. This isn’t a bad thing (oral is fun and all, but rarely gets me off) but you might want to reconsider if getting an authentic oral sex-like experience is important to you.

The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a bigger nozzle than the Pro Penguin, which I recently tested and also enjoyed, so if you’ve got a bigger clitoris or like a slightly larger area stimulated, the Pro 2 would be a better choice over the Penguin (whereas I’d recommend you choose the Penguin if you prefer a bit more of a pinpoint sensation.)

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation retails for £44.99 at Bondara or $54.99 at SheVibe. It’s also cheaper Satisfyer’s main competitor, Womanizer (whose products start at £84.99.) It’s at the lower priced end of Satisfyer’s range.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle, which is the only bit that makes direct contact with the vulva, is silicone, which is body safe, non toxic and non-porous. (Yay silicone!) The body is ABS plastic.

Appearance: ★★★★
The Pro 2 Next Generation is a lovely rose-gold colour, with the name of the company embossed on the body.

Ease of Use: ★★★
Definitely takes some practice to get it in the spot that will work for your body. One of the most noticeable improvements to the Next Generation model is how much easier the buttons are to press! I found the original Pro 2’s buttons frustratingly difficult and they often stuck, but this newer model has done away with that issue almost entirely.

The other issue they’ve fixed – YESSSSS – is the issue of having to cycle through all 11 settings to get back to the previous one. On the Pro 2 Next Generation, the simple up/down controls mean you can dial it back a speed if you want to, without having to cycle all the way through (which I found threw me totally off my rhythm.) I’m delighted with these improvements. The Pro 2 Next Generation is quite heavy, so I don’t recommend it for people who like or need very light toys.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The nozzle is detachable and you can purchase replacements if you need extras or spares. Being pure silicone, you can wash the nozzles with soap and hot water or boil-sterilise them. I would have upped this rating to four stars if they’d included a spare nozzle or two with the toy.

Though it isn’t possible to boil sterilise the whole toy, the Pro 2 Next Generation is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning, and I recommend you to this as the head is likely to trap lube and sex fluids.

This is a toy that you cannot realistically use with barriers of any kind. For this reason, I would recommend only sharing with a partner you’re fluid bonded to, or giving it a good thorough wash and changing the head between users.

Versatility: ★★★
You can really only use it in one way, but that’s okay for a toy that does what it does well. The Pro 2 Next Generation has eleven different speed settings and is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower. (Not being an underwater wanker, though, I have no idea how that would feel. Would it change the sensation!?)

Intensity: ★★★★
My initial reaction to any Satisfyer, when I turn it on, is “this is too weak to do anything.” (Power Queen over here, #SorryNotSorry!) However: I really can’t grade it in the same way because it doesn’t function in the same way as a straightforward vibrator. The type of stimulation is completely different.

Notably: the Pro 2 Next Generation and Pro Penguin Next Generation are the only toys currently in my collection that I DON’T just ramp up to max and leave there. Even the lower settings are quite pleasurable. A final note: another improvement on the original Pro 2 model is that this one is noticeably quieter. It’s not silent, but when it’s pressed against the body you’d struggle to hear it in the next room unless your walls are made of paper.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Some major issues with the original model ironed out, Satisfyer have delivered a lovely toy that delivered deliciously intense orgasms. A great choice if you’re interested in trying a suction-based toy.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as always, my own. Purchasing through the affiliate links in this post helps to support the blog.

After my less than “Satisfying” go with the original Satisfyer Pro 2 a few months back, I approached the Pro Penguin Next Generation with a healthy degree of skepticism. This is probably why it’s been sitting on top of my pile of “to review” sex toys in the living room for the last week until today it eventually guilted me into testing it.

(What? Yes, I keep a pile of sex toys in my living room. Doesn’t everyone?)

Cute little thing, isn’t he? (“It looks like a penguin!” said Mr CK, when I showed him the toy without telling him what it was called.)

So how did I get on?

Like all Satisfyer toys, the Pro Penguin Next Generation uses a suction nozzle and pressure waves of air to create stimulation to the clitoris which feels sort of like vibration only… different. Basically, the idea is that the waves stimulate the clit without actually touching it. This means you get none of the numbness or tingling that can occasionally accompany use of more traditional vibrating toys.

So, I applied a little water-based lube to the nozzle, applied it to my clit, opened up the porn and set to, erm, work.

My first reaction upon switching the Penguin on was that it’s a little loud. But the sound is dampened a lot (read: almost entirely) once the nozzle of the toy is against the body.

To begin with, I must admit I was underwhelmed. Pleasant sensations one second became too intense – so intense as to be painful – remarkably quickly. It’s so precise that the slightest shift in position threw me off my game. This is definitely a toy that takes some practice.

Today I discovered something cool. Turns out I can masturbate with my legs nearly closed, which is far from my usual choice of position! At least, that’s how the Pro Penguin Next Generation worked for me. I don’t quite know why – maybe something to do with bringing all those yummy sensitive bits closer together under the suction cup instead of having them spread out? But it turns out that applying it GENTLY to my clitoral area with my legs almost completely closed was the magic button for me. Once I’d found this, the Penguin brought me to a slow-build, sheet-clutching, oh-my-godddddd orgasm that Mr CK could hear from several rooms away.

Ooof. I guess this suction toy thing can work for me after all. Who knew?

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Penguin retails for £58.95 at The Pleasure Garden and $49.99 at SheVibe. This will be out of budget for some, for sure, but it’s not an obscene price for a luxury and well-made toy. Satisfyer have consistently lower prices than their main competitor, Womanizer, whose toys start at £84.99.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle piece which makes contact with the genitals is silicone, and the main body is smooth coated ABS plastic. This makes the Pro Penguin entirely body-safe as well as a pleasure to hold.

Appearance: ★★★★
It looks like a little penguin, which is cute and all but also… a bit baffling? I really wish I’d been a fly on the wall of the Marketing meeting where someone went, “we’ve got this brilliant new sex toy technology. You know what would make this product even better? Let’s make it look like a PENGUIN”. Still, the sheer adorableness makes it non-threatening, it’s not pink, and it has a little bow-tie which I find hilarious, so let’s go with it.

Ease of Use: ★★
As outlined above, it definitely takes some work to figure out exactly the right spot to place it for your particular body. My advice when using a suction toy, especially if you’re new to them, is to try to throw out preconceptions about what your body likes and where/how you like stimulation. These toys might feel superficially a bit like vibrators, but they’re actually quite different.

The Pro Penguin Next Generation is small and not too heavy. The shape of the body means it fit nicely into my much-smaller-than-average hand. The main button on the front switches the toy on and off as well as controlling the speed, and is nice and easy to press. A really nice feature this toy has, which was lacking in the original Pro 2, is the ability to turn it down as well as up without cycling through all the settings.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The silicone nozzle tip is removable, which is useful. That meant I could simply wash it with hot water and soap in the bathroom. I did get some sex fluids on the end of the body of the toy, but that was easy to clean with a sterile wipe. It’s possible that the open nozzle could harbor bacteria, so be extra thorough when cleaning it. It is waterproof so could be submerged for a more thorough cleaning.

The Pro Penguin cannot be used with a condom or any kind of barrier, but the nozzle ends are changeable and you can buy extras. It would be easy to swap them if sharing with a non fluid-bonded partner. One thing that would have been nice would be to have a couple of spare nozzles included with the toy.

Versatility: ★★★
It basically does one thing, but that’s okay because it does it well! You can easily ramp the intensity setting up and down to suit. The toy is waterproof which means it can be used in the bath or shower. (Not being a bath-wanker, though, I have no idea how well this works or if the water affects how the pressure waves feel.)

Intensity: ★★★★
When I first turned the Pro Penguin Next Generation up to max, I thought, “this thing isn’t going to do anything“. (Remember, I’m obsessed with extremely powerful toys.) I was wrong. Remember: it’s not a vibrator, not as such. It works differently. Even at the lower speeds the sensation was meaningful. When I turned it up to maximum speed it delivered a lovely, intense-but-sensual kind of stimulation. I’ve heard some people say it resembles oral sex and I still really don’t understand this comparison, but it might be something to do with the way that this thing caresses your clitoris.

Overall Score: ★★★★
A fun and playful toy that requires some experimentation, but with perseverance delivered a great orgasm. I enjoyed it a lot and am happy to give it a strong endorsement.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This does not in any way affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own. Please support the blog by buying through the affiliate links in this post.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly: I wrote this review with “Satisfied” from Hamilton going around in my head and now I really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Someone get on this, please and thank you?

[Update 24/12/2019: the Satisfyer Pro 2 has been discontinued in favour of the Pro 2 Next Generation. Which, as you will see from my review, is a huge improvement on this product!]

With that out of the way: this is not the review I wanted to write. I really, really wanted to say that all the hype was deserved, that the Satisfyer Pro 2 (the latest edition to the Satisfyer range of toys) gave me the “screaming orgasm in under a minute” I’d been promised. Alas, it was not to be.

For those not in the know, the Satisfyer Pro 2 (and others in the range) are essentially  copycats of the much-hyped and more expensive Womanizer toys, which boast patented PleasureAir technology for “touch free orgasms.” Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris to create a kind of seal, and the toy provides stimulation via rapid air pulses.

Being one for new and exciting things, I couldn’t wait to try it. However, I just couldn’t get any meaningful stimulation from it! Somehow, this much-lauded toy did absolutely nothing for me.

I like to think I gave it a good go – I tried it on three separate occasions in all. With lube and without. From cold, and when I was already turned on and half way to orgasm. On the low settings and the high settings. In the end, after my second session of over forty minutes, I threw the damn thing aside in frustration and reached for my trusty Doxy to finish the job.

I nearly didn’t write this review at all, as these toys are so popular and to say I didn’t like it feels a bit blasphemous. But different views are important, so there it is. I fucked a Satifyer and I didn’t like it.

So what didn’t I like about it?

Firstly, I couldn’t get it to stay in place! In my experience, once you’ve got it on the right spot and angled it just correctly, you pretty much can’t move at all – which doesn’t work for a girl like me who likes to move her hips and buck against a toy.

Secondly, the actual stimulation didn’t feel like anything special at all. To me, it just felt like an annoyingly weak and buzzy vibrator. (I am utterly baffled by the descriptions of Satisfyer and Womanizer toys as “oral sex simulators.” Not any oral sex I’ve ever had, I can assure you.) And after a while, having the nozzle stuck around my clit started to hurt.

Thirdly, this thing is fucking LOUD. Seriously, it sounded like a swarm of bees around my clitoris, which is not a sentence I ever thought I’d type and not something I find even remotely appealing. Not one for you if you’ve got nosy roommates, kids asleep in the next room, or any embarrassment about other people knowing you’re wanking.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★
The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation retails for £44.99 at the time of writing, which is a pretty standard price for a mid-range toy and a lot cheaper than the similar Womanizer toys (which start at £84.99 for the most basic.)

Appearance: ★★★★
It’s quite pretty, I’ll give it that! The body is a lovely rose-gold colour, which is stylish and a step away from endless, endless neon pink.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle, i.e. the only bit that actually makes direct contact with the genitals, is silicone. The body is ABS plastic. This makes the whole toy body-safe and non-porous.

Ease of Use: ★
The Satisfyer Pro 2 is quite bulky and surprisingly heavy for its small size. The buttons are a pain to press. At least 50% of the time I had to press the “off” button more than once to turn it off. As I mentioned above, it’s also really difficult to hold in place if you’re a person who moves a lot while being pleasured. Worst of all, the settings are SO ANNOYING. It has eleven speeds but once you’ve gone up a speed, you have to cycle all the way through – there is no “turn down” option other than going through all 11 settings. Distracting and offputting to say the least.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The head is detachable and you can purchase replacements, which makes this part at least easy to keep hygienic. However, the nozzle is bound to trap some lube, sex fluids and germs. That said, it is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning. You cannot put a condom on a suction toy or use it with any other barrier protection. For this reason, I would recommend ideally only sharing this toy with a partner you’re fluid bonded to – or change the head between users.

Versatility: ★★
It can really only be used in one way. It does have different speed settings, which is something, and is advertised as waterproof so could be used in the bath or shower if that’s your thing.

Intensity: ★
As mentioned above, this thing just felt like an annoyingly light and buzzy vibrator. Even on the highest settings, it was too weak to get me anywhere near to coming.

Overall Score: ★★
Sadly, much as I wanted to love it, the results for Satisfyer Pro 2 just didn’t live up to the hype (or the price point.)

A note: This is not exactly a bad toy. It has some significant flaws but it’s body-safe and well made. All bodies are different and suction toys clearly work really well for lots of people, which is brilliant. When considering a toy, particularly an expensive one, please look at lots of reviews and don’t base your choice on just one. I have a pretty small, fairly hidden away but VERY sensitive clitoris, and certain toys will suit my anatomy while others won’t. And that’s okay.

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