[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit

The first time I tried a rabbit toy, I simply didn’t get what the hype was all about. I found it cumbersome to use, lacking in the kind of clitoral power I needed, and it was ugly to look at. As it turns out, though, I don’t actually hate all rabbit toys. I just hate a lot of them.

(#NotAllRabbits)?

I am pleased to report that I was very pleasantly surprised by the Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit. Given my general ambivalence to vibrations on my G-spot and the fact that my cunt is way too picky and fickle for most dual-stim toys, this is an achievement in itself.

Let’s take a look…

The shape of the Satisfyer G-Spot Rabbit is very much like a typical rabbit style vibrator, only instead of vibrating “ears,” it’s got one of Satisfyer’s signature suction-nozzle pressure wave clitoral stimulators. It’s white silicone with a rose gold button and a tiny rose gold accent around the clitoral arm.

The clitoral arm is rigid, while the insertable arm is flexible and tapers to a gentle point. The whole toy is about 9 inches in length, with an insertable length of 5 inches and a diameter of about 1.6 inches at the widest point. It’s  USB rechargeable and fully waterproof.

How did I find it?

Short version: I enjoyed it.

Long version: I loved it, BUT…

…This is not a “quick wank before bed” toy. It took me nearly an hour to get off with it (I measure this from cold to orgasm). But the whole experience was so pleasurable that I didn’t mind too much. It was a genuinely enjoyable slow build, rather than the sadly too common experience of trying to eke an orgasm out of a toy that I’d really rather just throw across the room.

I don’t think I’ll be using it frequently, but it’ll be a toy I might reach for when I’ve got some time and want to treat myself to a long, slow session with a delicious orgasm at the end of it.

I will say that I came so hard I think I woke the neighbours.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Satisfyer G-spot Rabbit is currently retailing for £53.99 at Bondara. This is about in line with Satisfyer’s typical price point. Sadly, it will be too expensive for some budgets, but you’re really paying for quality (and a 10 year manufacturer’s warranty!) so I am happy to recommend it as good value for money if you’re in the position to splash out for a toy.

Materials: ★★★★★
The material is lovely matte silicone, which is beautifully soft to the touch as well as non-porous and body safe. The accents and on/off button are plastic.

Appearance: ★★★
It’s white, y’all! White! I have literally never owned an almost-entirely-white sex toy until now. I kind of like it just for being so unusual. The accents are rose gold, as I mentioned above. The whole aesthetic is quite stylish in a minimalistic sort of way.

For some reason, it being white and so plain kind of makes me think of a medical device, which… yeah, that hits some kinks for me, but it might not work well for everyone.

Ease of Use: ★★
It’s not the lightest toy out there, so that’s something to be aware of if you struggle with heavier toys. The shape is ergonomic and the handle sat neatly and comfortably in my hand.

The buttons take some getting used to. The bottom gold button controls the internal arm, cycling through the speeds and the various patterns of vibration. Unfortunately you can only scroll through one way, which is far too common as a thing in general and always pisses me off. The second white button, situated above the gold one, controls the clitoral stimulator, which has various speed settings. Thankfully, this one turns down as well as up.

The white button is easy to press. The gold one has to be pushed a bit more firmly. I found the buttons well-placed during use of the toy.

The biggest difficulty in use is getting the clitoral stimulator to stay in place without jabbing yourself in the cervix with the G-spot arm.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The Satisfyer Pro Rabbit is silicone and is waterproof, which makes clean-up a breeze. You can wipe it with a sterile medical wipe, or submerge in water for a more thorough cleaning.

Unfortunately, though you can put a condom over the internal arm, it’s pretty much impossible to use a barrier with the clitoral stimulator. However, the nozzle tip is removable for easier cleaning, so you can sterilise it or even swap it out between partners for extra safety.

Versatility: ★★★
This toy has three possible constant speed settings on the and 7 different patterns of vibration. There’s also 11 speeds for the clitoral stimulator. What I really love about this toy is that you can control each of the two arms completely independently of each other.

I really like feeling full but don’t much care for vibrations on my G-spot, so it worked best for me when the insertable arm was inside me but switched off. Your mileage may vary, and the beauty of this toy is that you can mix and match the settings in whatever ways work for you. It’s also waterproof so you can take it in the bath or shower if that’s your thing.

Intensity:
★★★
The clitoral stimulator is about the level of intensity I expect from Satisfyer products, which is plenty. Any more intense and it would probably be painful! The strength of the vibrations on the G-spot arm are mediocre and quite buzzy. This wasn’t a problem for me (again, I don’t like vibrations inside so I just switched the damn thing off and used that arm like a dildo). But if you like strong internal vibrations, you might want to skip this one.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Overall a good toy which I very much enjoyed using. To get a higher score it would need stronger vibrations and better buttons. If you enjoy suction-based toys and enjoy dual stimulation, this might work for you.

Support me by buying your Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit from Bondara.

Satisfyer sent me this toy in exchange for an honest review. I use affiliate links within the post. If you buy through them, I make a small commission which helps me to keep doing this work. All opinions are, and will always be, my own.

Image is courtesy of Satisfyer and used with permission.

2017 “Top 5” Roundup

Apart from my 1 Year Anniversary post on New Years’ Eve (which is written and ready to go,) this will probably be my last post of 2017. In that vein, I wanted to end the year with a roundup post of sorts, some Top 5 lists from the year.

I hope you are all having a wonderful festive season and I can’t wait to keep the conversation about all things sex and kink going with you in 2018.

Top 5 New Sex Toys

#1Doxy Number 3, simply one of the most perfect things to ever have graced my bits.
#2We-Vibe Tango, the only bullet I will ever need.
#3Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation, the toy that made me like suction toys.
#4Come Hither Rabbit, the only rabbit vibrator I’ve ever enjoyed.
#5The Ruby Glow, a revelation in ride-on fun.

Top 5 Sex Blogging Inspirations

#1Kayla Lords
#2Girl on the Net
#3Molly Moore
#4Kate Sloan
#5Emmeline Peaches

Top 5 Awesome Events

#1Eroticon 2017, the one that started it all.
#2 – Autumn CM/nf, where I get to be naked and ogle pretty men in suits.
#3 – Lube & a Laptop, a fun summer social with other sexy writers and creators.
#4 – BiCon 2017, where I got to teach my workshop on “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex Toys” for the first time (while extremely hung over.)
#5 – Sex Blogger Christmas, a super fun (and boozy) event hosted by the wonderful EA and Livvy.

Top 5 Books About Sex

#1Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
#2How a Bad Girl Fell in Love by Girl on the Net
#3Approaching the Swingularity by Cooper S Beckett
#4Enjoy Sex (How, When and IF You Want To) by Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock
#5The Myth of Sex Addiction by Dr David Ley

Top 5 Podcasts

#1Loving BDSM, where Kayla and John bring their unique brand of humour, opinions and adorableness to speaking and educating on all aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. #CricketCrew4Lyf
#2The Dildorks, “dorky discourse on sex, dating and masturbating,” with the wonderful Kate Sloan and Bex Caputo.
#3The Guilty Feminist, which makes me cry with laughter and feel better about all the times my life choices don’t fully match my highest feminist ideals.
#4Polyamory Weekly, a very long-standing favourite about all aspects of unconventional love.
#5Life on the Swingset, the swinging and polyamory podcast.

Top 5 Blog Posts

#1The Tyranny of No Rules: In Defense of Polyamorous Heirarchy
#2I’m Looking for Baggage that Goes with Mine
#3“Pretty” is Not My Success – On Being a Swan
#4#SexNotStigma: Using My Sexuality to Manage my Mental Health
#5“Bring the Collar” – The True Story of a D/s Breakup

Top 5 Accomplishments

#1 – Winning the New Voices Award from Molly’s annual list of the best sex bloggers.
#2 – Placing as one of Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes.
#3 – Starting to earn Actual Money from writing about sex.
#4 – Organising Smutathon 2017 and raising £2,000 for Backlash and Rape Crisis.
#5 – Doing #KinkMonth/30 Days of Ds and writing a post every single day for the month of October.

Top 5 Goals for 2018

#1 – Start a PhD programme.
#2 – Cut down to 4 days a week on my day job and make up the additional income from writing.
#3 – Place in the Top 50 of the Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes list.
#4 – Have a piece of erotic fiction published, either in an anthology or as a stand-alone.
#5 – Finish my sexy novella set at a BDSM convention.

So there you have it, friends! What were your Top 5s of 2017?

Affiliate links are used within this post. All opinions my own.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation

Every time I review or indeed use a Satisfyer toy now, I end up with ‘Satisfied’ from Hamilton going around in my head. I still really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Anyone want to write this for/with me?

This is really not the review I was expecting to write. A few months ago, I tried the original Satisfyer Pro 2 and I really didn’t get on with it at all. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I was just doing it wrong (for the value of “wrong” that means “in a way that didn’t work for my body”) or if the Next Generation model is THAT great of an improvement on the original. Either way, I tried the Pro 2 Next Generation and I loved it!

If you’re not familiar with Satisfyer toys, they boast what they call “pressure wave stimulation”. Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris and the stimulation comes from rapid air pulses. Some vulva-owners say it makes them come in less than a minute. Others describe it as like having the orgasm forcibly ripped from their body. For me, it’s neither. Instead, both times I’ve used it, it was a slow build to a gradual but hyper-intense orgasm that left me with jelly legs for the next half an hour.

Some people describe these toys as “oral sex simulators,” but I can’t feel the resemblance at all. This isn’t a bad thing (oral is fun and all, but rarely gets me off) but you might want to reconsider if getting an authentic oral sex-like experience is important to you.

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product reviewThe Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a bigger nozzle than the Pro Penguin, which I recently tested and also enjoyed, so if you’ve got a bigger clitoris or like a slightly larger area stimulated, the Pro 2 would be a better choice over the Penguin (whereas I’d recommend you choose the Penguin if you prefer a bit more of a pinpoint sensation.)

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation retails for £44.99 at Bondara or $49.95 at SheVibe. It’s also cheaper Satisfyer’s main competitor, Womanizer (whose products start at £84.99.) It’s at the lower priced end of Satisfyer’s range.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle, which is the only bit that makes direct contact with the vulva, is silicone, which is body safe, non toxic and non-porous. (Yay silicone!) The body is ABS plastic.

Appearance: ★★★★
The Pro 2 Next Generation is a lovely rose-gold colour, with the name of the company embossed on the body.

Ease of Use: ★★★
Definitely takes some practice to get it in the spot that will work for your body. One of the most noticeable improvements to the Next Generation model is how much easier the buttons are to press! I found the original Pro 2’s buttons frustratingly difficult and they often stuck, but this newer model has done away with that issue almost entirely.

The other issue they’ve fixed – YESSSSS – is the issue of having to cycle through all 11 settings to get back to the previous one. On the Pro 2 Next Generation, the simple up/down controls mean you can dial it back a speed if you want to, without having to cycle all the way through (which I found threw me totally off my rhythm.) I’m delighted with these improvements. The Pro 2 Next Generation is quite heavy, so I don’t recommend it for people who like or need very light toys.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The nozzle is detachable and you can purchase replacements if you need extras or spares. Being pure silicone, you can wash the nozzles with soap and hot water or boil-sterilise them. I would have upped this rating to four stars if they’d included a spare nozzle or two with the toy.

Though it isn’t possible to boil sterilise the whole toy, the Pro 2 Next Generation is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning, and I recommend you to this as the head is likely to trap lube and sex fluids.

This is a toy that you cannot realistically use with barriers of any kind. For this reason, I would recommend only sharing with a partner you’re fluid bonded to, or giving it a good thorough wash and changing the head between users.

Versatility: ★★★
You can really only use it in one way, but that’s okay for a toy that does what it does well. The Pro 2 Next Generation has eleven different speed settings and is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower. (Not being an underwater wanker, though, I have no idea how that would feel. Would it change the sensation!?)

Intensity: ★★★★
My initial reaction to any Satisfyer, when I turn it on, is “this is too weak to do anything.” (Power Queen over here, #SorryNotSorry!) However: I really can’t grade it in the same way because it doesn’t function in the same way as a straightforward vibrator. The type of stimulation is completely different.

Notably: the Pro 2 Next Generation and Pro Penguin Next Generation are the only toys currently in my collection that I DON’T just ramp up to max and leave there. Even the lower settings are quite pleasurable. A final note: another improvement on the original Pro 2 model is that this one is noticeably quieter. It’s not silent, but when it’s pressed against the body you’d struggle to hear it in the next room unless your walls are made of paper.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Some major issues with the original model ironed out, Satisfyer have delivered a lovely toy that delivered deliciously intense orgasms. A great choice if you’re interested in trying a suction-based toy.

Buy yours from Bondara or SheVibe.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as always, my own. Purchasing through the affiliate links in this post helps to support the blog.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation

After my less than “Satisfying” go with the original Satisfyer Pro 2 a few months back, I approached the Pro Penguin Next Generation with a healthy degree of skepticism. This is probably why it’s been sitting on top of my pile of “to review” sex toys in the living room for the last week until today it eventually guilted me into testing it.

(What? Yes, I keep a pile of sex toys in my living room. Doesn’t everyone?)

Cute little thing, isn’t he? (“It looks like a penguin!” said Mr CK, when I showed him the toy without telling him what it was called.)

So how did I get on?

Like all Satisfyer toys, the Pro Penguin Next Generation uses a suction nozzle and pressure waves of air to create stimulation to the clitoris which feels sort of like vibration only… different. Basically, the idea is that the waves stimulate the clit without actually touching it. This means you get none of the numbness or tingling that can occasionally accompany use of more traditional vibrating toys.

So, I applied a little water-based lube (Sliquid, always and forever the only lube I will unreservedly recommend to everyone!) to the nozzle, applied it to my clit, opened up the porn and set to, erm, work.

My first reaction upon switching the Penguin on was that it’s a little loud. But the sound is dampened a lot (read: almost entirely) once the nozzle of the toy is against the body.

To begin with, I must admit I was underwhelmed. Pleasant sensations one second became too intense – so intense as to be painful – remarkably quickly. It’s so precise that the slightest shift in position threw me off my game. This is definitely a toy that takes some practice.

Here’s a thing you should know about me: I always, always, always wank lying on my bed, either flat on my back or slightly propped up against some pillows, with my legs spread wide. I wank left handed (shout out to my fellow lefties!) and depending on the toy I’m using, I usually use my right hand to spread my labia to enable easier application of a toy to my clitoris – or more accurately, the hood or underside, as direct contact on my clitoral glans is usually painful for me. So naturally, I went to this trusty position. The problem, then, was positioning the toy so that it caught the right area without catching the “so intense it hurts” area.

But today I discovered something cool. Turns out I can masturbate with my legs nearly closed! At least, that’s how the Pro Penguin Next Generation worked for me. I don’t quite know why – maybe something to do with bringing all those yummy sensitive bits closer together under the suction cup instead of having them spread out? But it turns out that applying it GENTLY to my clitoral area with my legs almost completely closed was the magic button for me. Once I’d found this, the Penguin brought me to a slow-build, sheet-clutching, oh-my-godddddd orgasm that Mr CK could hear from several rooms away.

Ooof. I guess this suction toy thing can work for me after all. Who knew?

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Penguin retails for £49.99 at The Pleasure Garden and $49.95 at SheVibe. This will be out of budget for some, for sure, but it’s not an obscene price for a luxury and well-made toy. Satisfyer have consistently lower prices than their main competitor, Womanizer, whose toys start at £84.99.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle piece which makes contact with the genitals is silicone, and the main body is smooth coated ABS plastic. This makes the Pro Penguin entirely body-safe as well as a pleasure to hold.

Appearance: ★★★★
It looks like a little penguin, which is cute and all but also… a bit baffling? I really wish I’d been a fly on the wall of the Marketing meeting where someone went, “we’ve got this brilliant new sex toy technology. You know what would make this product even better? Let’s make it look like a PENGUIN”. Still, the sheer adorableness makes it non-threatening, it’s not pink, and it has a little bow-tie which I find hilarious, so let’s go with it.

Ease of Use: ★★
As outlined above, it definitely takes some work to figure out exactly the right spot to place it for your particular body. My advice when using a suction toy, especially if you’re new to them, is to try to throw out preconceptions about what your body likes and where/how you like stimulation. These toys might feel superficially a bit like vibrators, but they’re actually quite different.

The Pro Penguin Next Generation is small and not too heavy. The shape of the body means it fit nicely into my much-smaller-than-average hand. The main button on the front switches the toy on and off as well as controlling the speed, and is nice and easy to press. A really nice feature this toy has, which was lacking in the original Pro 2, is the ability to turn it down as well as up without cycling through all the settings.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The silicone nozzle tip is removable, which is useful. That meant I could simply wash it with hot water and soap in the bathroom. I did get some sex fluids on the end of the body of the toy, but that was easy to clean with a sterile wipe. It’s possible that the open nozzle could harbor bacteria, so be extra thorough when cleaning it. It is waterproof so could be submerged for a more thorough cleaning.

The Pro Penguin cannot be used with a condom or any kind of barrier, but the nozzle ends are changeable and you can buy extras. It would be easy to swap them if sharing with a non fluid-bonded partner. One thing that would have been nice would be to have a couple of spare nozzles included with the toy.

Versatility: ★★★
It basically does one thing, but that’s okay because it does it well! You can easily ramp the intensity setting up and down to suit. The toy is waterproof which means it can be used in the bath or shower. (Not being a bath-wanker, though, I have no idea how well this works or if the water affects how the pressure waves feel.)

Intensity: ★★★★
When I first turned the Pro Penguin Next Generation up to max, I thought, “this thing isn’t going to do anything“. (Remember, I’m obsessed with extremely powerful toys.) I was wrong. Remember: it’s not a vibrator, not as such. It works differently. Even at the lower speeds the sensation was meaningful. When I turned it up to maximum speed it delivered a lovely, intense-but-sensual kind of stimulation. I’ve heard some people say it resembles oral sex and I still really don’t understand this comparison, but it might be something to do with the way that this thing caresses your clitoris.

Overall Score: ★★★★
A fun and playful toy that requires some experimentation, but with perseverance delivered a great orgasm. I enjoyed it a lot and am happy to give it a strong endorsement.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This does not in any way affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own. Please support the blog by buying through the affiliate links in this post.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 2

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly: I wrote this review with ‘Satisfied’ from Hamilton going around in my head and now I really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys.

[NOTE added 24/12/2019: the Satisfyer Pro 2 has been discontinued in favour of the Pro 2 Next Generation. Which, as you will see from my review, is a huge improvement on this product!]

With that out of the way: this is not the review I wanted to write. I really, really wanted to say that all the hype was deserved, that the Satisfyer Pro 2 (the latest edition to the Satisfyer range of toys) gave me the “screaming orgasm in under a minute” I’d been promised. Alas, it was not to be.

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product reviewFor those not in the know, the Satisfyer Pro 2 (and others in the range) are essentially  copycats of the much-hyped and more expensive Womanizer toys, which boast patented PleasureAir technology for “touch free orgasms.” Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris to create a kind of seal, and the toy provides stimulation via rapid air pulses.

Being one for new and exciting things, I couldn’t wait to try it. However, I just couldn’t get any meaningful stimulation from it! Somehow, this much-lauded toy did absolutely nothing for me.

I like to think I gave it a good go – I tried it on three separate occasions in all. With lube and without. From cold, and when I was already turned on and half way to orgasm. On the low settings and the high settings. In the end, after my second session of over forty minutes, I threw the damn thing aside in frustration and reached for my trusty Doxy to finish the job.

I nearly didn’t write this review at all, as these toys are so popular and to say I didn’t like it feels a bit blasphemous. But different views are important, so there it is. I fucked a Satifyer and I didn’t like it.

So what didn’t I like about it?

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product reviewFirstly, I couldn’t get it to stay in place! In my experience, once you’ve got it on the right spot and angled it just correctly, you pretty much can’t move at all – which doesn’t work for a girl like me who likes to move her hips and buck against a toy.

Secondly, the actual stimulation didn’t feel like anything special at all. To me, it just felt like an annoyingly weak and buzzy vibrator. (I am utterly baffled by the descriptions of Satisfyer and Womanizer toys as “oral sex simulators.” Not any oral sex I’ve ever had, I can assure you.) And after a while, having the nozzle stuck around my clit started to hurt.

Thirdly, this thing is fucking LOUD. Seriously, it sounded like a swarm of bees around my clitoris, which is not a sentence I ever thought I’d type and not something I find even remotely appealing. Not one for you if you’ve got nosy roommates, kids asleep in the next room, or any embarrassment about other people knowing you’re wanking.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★
The Satisfyer Pro 2 retails on Lovehoney for £69.99, which is a pretty standard price for a high-end toy and a lot cheaper than the similar Womanizer toys (which start at £84.99 for a basic model and go all the way up to £149.99.)

[EDIT 27.12.2019: Lovehoney have stopped carrying all Satisfyer models. However, the Pro 2 Next Generation retails for £44.99 at Bondara or $49.95 at SheVibe.]

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle, i.e. the only bit that actually makes direct contact with the genitals, is silicone. The body is ABS plastic. This makes the whole toy body-safe and non-porous.

Appearance: ★★★★
It’s quite pretty, I’ll give it that! The body is a lovely rose-gold colour, which is stylish and a step away from endless, endless neon pink.

Ease of Use:
The Satisfyer Pro 2 is quite bulky and surprisingly heavy for its small size. The buttons are a pain to press. At least 50% of the time I had to press the “off” button more than once to turn it off. As I mentioned above, it’s also really difficult to hold in place if you’re a person who moves a lot while being pleasured. Worst of all, the settings are SO ANNOYING. It has eleven speeds but once you’ve gone up a speed, you have to cycle all the way through – there is no “turn down” option other than going through all 11 settings. Distracting and offputting to say the least.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The head is detachable and you can purchase replacements, which makes this part at least easy to keep hygienic. However, the nozzle is bound to trap some lube, sex fluids and germs. That said, it is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning. You cannot put a condom on a suction toy or use it with any other barrier protection. For this reason, I would recommend ideally only sharing this toy with a partner you’re fluid bonded to – or change the head between users.

Versatility: ★★
It can really only be used in one way. It does have different speed settings, which is something, and is advertised as waterproof so could be used in the bath or shower if that’s your thing.

Intensity:
As mentioned above, this thing just felt like an annoyingly light and buzzy vibrator. Even on the highest settings, it was too weak to get me anywhere near to coming.

Overall Score: ★★
Sadly, much as I wanted to love it, the results for Satisfyer Pro 2 just didn’t live up to the hype (or the price point.)

A note: This is not exactly a bad toy. It has some significant flaws but it’s body-safe and well made. All bodies are different and suction toys clearly work really well for lots of people, which is brilliant. When considering a toy, particularly an expensive one, please look at lots of reviews and don’t base your choice on just one. I have a pretty small, fairly hidden away but VERY sensitive clitoris, and certain toys will suit my anatomy while others won’t. And that’s okay.

Was this review helpful to you? Please consider saying thanks with a virtual coffee. Affiliate links are contained within this post.