[Toy Review] Bodywand Vario

People with clitorises have wildly different preferences when it comes to how we like to have them stimulated. For some people, only the lightest touch will do, while others prefer a lot of pressure. Intense, rumbly vibrations do it for some, while a light buzz works best for others. Then, of course, there’s the broad vs. pinpoint stimulation question.

For those who prefer very pinpoint sensations, toys like the Zumio are ideal. For those who enjoy all-over vulva stimulation, wands are the way to go. But what about if you’re looking for a little of both, or even just aren’t sure what you like yet? That’s where the Bodywand Vario comes in.

This is only the second Bodywand toy I’ve ever tried, so I was intrigued to get started and see how it shaped up. Let’s take a closer look.

Bodywand Vario: Details

The Bodywand Vario is a double-ended vibrator. At one end there’s a narrow flexible silicone tip with a ball shaped end for clitoral stimulation, and at the other there’s a curved insertable vibrating shaft.

Bodywand Vario dual stimulation vibrator

It is made of 100% body-safe silicone in white with rose gold coloured ABS plastic accents. For some reason, white silicone toys always make me think of medical devices. Which, you know, can be fun if that’s your kink!

The Vario’s insertable length is around 4″ and the diameter is 1.2″ at the widest point, so if you’re looking for a large insertable this isn’t the way to go. End to end, it measures just over 7″ in total.

The Bodywand Vario is USB rechargeable via the included cable. You’ll get 60-90 minutes of use from a full two hour charge depending on which settings you’re using. It is splashproof, so you can use it in the shower or wash it with soap and running water but should not submerge it in water (for example, in the bath.)

Bodywand Vario In Use

The Bodywand Vario offers 7 vibration settings (3 speeds and 4 patterns) in the insertable end and 10 settings (3 speeds and 7 patterns) in the clitoral stimulator.

The Vario’s two-button interface is fine, though the buttons are small and blended into the white silicone body. This makes them pretty hard to see, especially in low light. You can use both ends of the toy simultaneously, though I can’t imagine any reason you’d want to. As ever, I would prefer two-way controls so that you can scroll both ways through settings.

Bodywand Vario dual stimulation double ended vibrator with box

Holding this toy is a little awkward when you’re using the insertable end. You end up with your hand wrapped around the flexible tip, which isn’t the most intuitive or comfortable.

The Vario’s vibrations are pretty good! I wasn’t sure what to expect, but this thing’s level of power genuinely impressed me. The vibrations in the insertable end feel more rumbly to me than those in the clitoral end. I can’t work out if it’s actually a different motor or if the vibrations just feel different because they’re distributed across a broader area.

I tested out the intertable end briefly, and it’s fine though not really my thing as I don’t like the sensation of internal vibrations. Its shape is good, though, with a nice curve and just enough flex. The firm ridge on the underside will appeal to those who enjoy texturing on their toys.

The Bodywand Vario really comes into its own as a clitoral vibrator, though. I absolutely love the shape and size of the precision tip. It’s not as small or firm as the Zumio (the most obvious point of comparison for a toy like this,) so it doesn’t cross that narrow threshold from “so intense it’s amazing” to “so intense it’s painful.”

Pro tip: the matte silicone is smooth and soft, but given the small size of the tip you’re going to want plenty of lube for this one.


I had a feeling I was going to like the Bodywand Vario, and it exceeded my expectations with its excellent design and powerful motors.

The Vario retails for £125.99. It’s a somewhat pricey product but – if you enjoy both clitoral and internal stimulation – you’re really getting two toys in one.

Thanks to my affiliate partners and former site sponsors Jessie’s Boutique for sending me this product to review. All views, as ever, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and using them sends me a small commission at no extra cost to you.

New Suction Toy Launch: Introducing the Suck-o-Saurus

Despite the date, I promise you that this is a real product that actually exists! Mine is sitting next to me on my desk as I’m typing out this review.

You might remember Velvet Brands from the review of their Velvet Thruster Sex Machine that I published about a year ago. Well, they are back and proud to announce their new toy which is hitting the market today. Meet the Little GOO dinosaur sex toy, also lovingly known as the Suck-o-Saurus.

It looks a little something like this:

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur sex toy clit sucker

What is the Suck-o-Saurus?

The Little GOO, AKA the Suck-o-Saurus, is a clitoral suction toy shaped like a little green dinosaur. It uses a patented reciprocating motion technology to deliver suction-like stimulation to the clitoris. The suction part is located in the base, not in the end of the dinosaur’s face as I assumed it would be!

It is rechargeable via the included magnetic cable, fully IPX7 waterproof and submersible, and made of body-safe silicone. There’s a simple one button interface to turn it on and off and change the setting. It offers six constant speeds (no patterns). The nozzle is also removable for easy cleaning.

The Suck-o-Saurus measures a petite 4″ in height and is small enough to hold comfortably. It’s got more weight to it than I was expecting, and is very firm. Despite the unusual shape, I didn’t have any problems with positioning or comfort while I was using it.

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur clitoral suction toy

The Suck-o-Saurus retails for an incredibly affordable $35. Compared to many suction toys on the market, which can go for $100 or more (occasionally a lot more,) this is frankly a steal. If you’re on a budget or looking for something to try out suction toys without committing to a more expensive purchase, it’s a great place to start. And if something goes wrong it’s under a 1-year no-questions-asked warranty, so you can purchase with confidence.

Okay But… Why?

We’ve had sex toys shaped like rabbits for decades. In recent years we’ve also had penguins, whales, mushrooms, lipsticks, emojis, birds, peaches, and more. So why not dinosaurs as well?

I often think that sex is too serious and should be more fun and playful, and this extends to the toys we use. There’s a time and a place, of course, for beautiful and sensual toys. But there’s also a time and a place for silly and fun toys. Laughter as part of a sexual relationship can help to diffuse tension or awkwardness, break the ice, and help everyone to feel more relaxed.

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur sex toy

On a more serious note, some users – particularly first timers and those newer to the world of sex toys – can find it quite intimidating to choose and use a toy. If choosing something playful – especially if it’s body-safe too – helps those people to feel safer and more comfortable in exploring, I’m all for it.

Over the last few years, thanks to a viral TikTok sensation and some hilariously worded reviews (I’m still laughing at “My legs shot out like one of those little goats that get paralyzed when they’re scared,”) everyone has been obsessed with rose sex toys. That trend, though understandable, has probably just about run its course with virtually every sex toy company I can think of coming out with their own iteration of “the rose.” Will dinosaur sex toys be the next big thing to replace them?

Is the Suck-o-Saurus Any Good?

I’m hoping to work with Velvet on a full review of this product later in the year, so I won’t go into too much depth here, but I know you’re all dying to know whether this whimsical little toy is actually any good.

Well, I’m pleased to tell you that it is! The nozzle is on the smaller side, so this is something to be aware of if you have a larger clitoris or prefer the nozzle to surround more of your clit when you use a suction toy. Its power is good and manages not to be too buzzy, even on the higher settings. The button is easy to press and, since there are only 6 settings, the single button interface doesn’t annoy me as much as they usually do!

When I see cute, quirky or silly sex toy designs, I often worry they are going to be nothing but gimmick. In this case, though, Velvet have released a legitimately good budget clit sucker… that just happens to look like a dinosaur.

Bonus: it also makes a hilarious desk mascot that makes me giggle every time I look at it.

Thanks to Velvet Brands for sponsoring this post. All views and writing are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder

Tentacle toys, and fantasy sex toys in general, are a massive and hugely popular category. Readers are always asking me for recommendations and, until recently, I’ve been pretty stuck for what to suggest. I don’t share this particular kink, so I’ve never really sought out tentacle toys, alien toys, and so on for their own sake.

However, I’m now thrilled to have discovered the lovely folks at Uncover Creations and their fabulous all-silicone, body-safe, UK-made products. They were kind enough to send me three of their clit grinder toys to try. Today we’re looking at the third: the Tentacle Grinder.

(I suppose I should have probably reviewed the original Tentacle Grinder before the Tentacle Grinder II, but I loved the latter so much that I couldn’t wait to tell you all about it!)

Uncover Creations’ Tentacle Grinder

Tentacle Toys from Uncover Creations purple tentacle clit grinder

The Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder was one of the company’s first forays into tentacle toys and it seems to be standing the test of time for good reason! This clitoral grinder is a swirly mass of coiled tentacles, each lined with dozens of little suckers. I’m hugely impressed with the intricacy and detail of this toy. If you’re into tentacles for their own sake, you’ll love the fluid, almost moving sense you get from this toy’s aesthetic.

My Tentacle Grinder is a lovely lilac colour – looking at the colour guide, I think it’s the one called “Denim.” You can choose from a range of colourways including single colour, fade, and marble effects, or you can save a little money on your order by letting the company choose and surprise you.

The Tentacle Grinder is made of body-safe matte silicone. If you prefer things extra smooth, you can get the “Silky Smooth” upgrade which uses a special additive made from Durian tree nuts. There are other customisation options, too – you can add a hole for a bullet vibrator, add a vibrator to your order, or choose from different colours for your straps.

Back view of the Uncover Creations tentacle toys grinder

The toy measures 7″ in length, 4.9″ across, and 1.77″ in depth at the tallest point. It comes with a set of straps measuring 70cm (2.5 ft), allowing you to attach it to a surface, toy mount, or body part if you want to. Though, since it weighs in at a chunky 440g, it will stay in place on any flat surface without the need for the straps.

Tentacle Grinder In Use

The Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder is texture for days. The curves of the various tendrils, plus all the little suckers, means I get so much stimulation that it’s almost overwhelming in the best possible way. Given all that texturing, though, you’ll really need lots of lube to get the best experience from this one.

Since it’s relatively large and wide, you can get incredible all-over vulva stimulation from this toy. The stimulation is also continuous and constant. No matter how you move against it, at least one of the tentacles and all its suckers will be in contact with your clit at all times.

As with the other Uncover Creations tentacle toys I’ve tried, the height of this grinder is one of its main and best selling points. Its relatively tall design makes it so easy to get into a comfortable position and grind against it, even while lying down.

The firmness is excellent, too. Though the company calls this blend of silicone “super soft”, there’s still plenty of firmness and substance to grind against. If you prefer your toys much firmer, you can always ask for a custom toy in the “medium” blend.

Tentacle grinder from Uncover Creations in purple

The only downside to this toy is that it’s a bit of a nightmare to clean. Bodily fluids and lube can get stuck between the various tentacles and in all the little folds. I recommend boil-sterilising it regularly to make sure you’ve got it really clean as well as washing it thoroughly between uses.

Tentacle Toys + Vibrations

My Uncover Creations grinders came with the premium bullet option, which is the Nu Sensuelle Bullet Point. This surprisingly excellent and powerful bullet (which costs just £35 to add to your order) is waterproof, rechargeable, and offers 10 constant speeds and 10 vibration patterns.

You can also use your own favourite bullet vibrator with your grinder if you prefer, of course. Whatever you use, though, lube it up before you insert it into your grinder. Trust me, you don’t want to be trying to get it out afterwards without lube.

Nu Sensuelle bullet point bullet vibrator

Like the Tentacle Grinder II, the original Tentacle Grinder doesn’t really need the bullet. It’s just so excellent on its own. Even so, sometimes it’s nice to mix things up and if you want a little extra stimulation or something a bit different, the bullet is a nice addition. The thickness of the silicone on this one does dampen the vibrations a bit, making them slightly buzzy. Still, combined with the texture of the grinder, they’re more than enough for me.


I love the Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder. When I want intensity from a grind toy, this is the one I reach for. If you like a lot of texture, this is the toy for you.

The basic Tentacle Grinder with black straps in a random colour retails at £60. Optional extras such as custom toy or strap colours, the vibrating bullet hole, a vibrator, and the “silky smooth” finish add to the cost.

Thanks to Uncover Creations for sending me three of their tentacle toys to review. All views are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Uncover Creations Synstyl Grinder

The grinder toy market has exploded in the last couple of years, with numerous manufacturers bringing out their own versions. These textured toys are designed primarily for people with a clitoris, though they can of course be used by anyone. The idea is that you grind against them and the friction plus the texture provides stimulation.

If you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you’ll know that I’m pretty obsessed with grinders. Today I’m reviewing the second of the three grinder toys that Uncover Creations recently sent me: the Synstyl Grinder.

Uncover Creations is a small UK-based business founded by two friends and focusing on providing body-safe pleasure products, mostly in the fantasy toys genre.

Synstyl: A Grinder Toy with Serious Texture

Uncover Creations Synstyl clit grinder toy

The Synstyl Grinder, like all of Uncover Creations’ products, is made of 100% body-safe silicone. It comes with a set of straps measuring 70cm (2.5ft). You can use these to attach it to a surface, body part, toy mount, or whatever you care to grind against!

It measures 6.7″ in length, 5.1″ in width, and around 1.5″ in height at the tallest point. This relatively tall design is a major advantage – it makes it so much easier to grind against the toy from a comfortable position, such as lying down.

This toy’s design is inspired by a flower, though to me it really looks like a vulva! It’s perhaps the most intricately textured toy I’ve ever tried. The Synstyl Grinder is undoubtedly beautiful. Even the base is decorated with similar texturing, which isn’t necessary from a sensation perspective but makes the toy even more gorgeous.

You can order all Uncover Creations grinders in a vast array of colours and combinations. I think mine is “Kingfisher”, based on the colour guide, which is a lovely vibrant shade of blue. You can choose your own colour or ask the company to surprise you, and you can choose between a solid colour, a marbling effect, or a fade of two colours.

The customisation options don’t stop there, either! You can choose to include a hole in the back of your grinder for a vibrating bullet, and even purchase a basic or premium bullet vibe with it if you like. You can change the colour of your toy’s straps from basic black to one of four other options. And if you prefer things extra-smooth, there’s a “Silky Smooth” additive derived from Durian tree nuts that can be added to your toy. In other words, you can craft your ideal custom grinder.

The Synstyl Grinder In Use

When I first looked at my three Uncover Creations grinders, I thought the Synstyl would likely feel the most intense due to all the little flaps, curves and ridges. Imagine my surprise, then, when it actually turned out to be the least intense of the three!

Snystyl clit grinder toy from Uncover Creations

The Synstyl Grinder’s silicone is extremely soft and, for me, almost too yielding. I kept finding myself wanting more pressure from it. All those little petal-like folds were just a little too flexible. Uncover Creations do offer their grinder toys in medium firmness as well as the standard “super soft”, and I feel like that might have been a better option for me for this one.

Don’t get me wrong, the Synstyl Grinder still feels great in use. It’s just not quite enough for me from a pressure and intensity perspective. I’ve found that I tend to reach for it when I’m looking for a warmup toy, though it doesn’t usually make me orgasm by itself unless I’m having an extremely sensitive day.

After a couple of tests of the Synstyl Grinder by itself, I thought it was time to try it with the included bullet vibrator.

Synstyl Grinder + Bullet Vibrator

My grinders came with the premium bullet vibrator option, which happens to be the Nu Sensuelle Bullet Point. This excellent basic bullet vibrator is made of ABS plastic, which transmits vibrations well even through a thick silicone grinder toy like the Synstyl Grinder. It has 10 constant speeds and 10 patterns, a single button interface, and surprisingly rumbly and strong vibrations for its £35 price-point. I do wish it had a remote control, though. It’s pretty difficult to change the settings manually without completely dismounting when you’re riding the toy!

Back view of the Uncover Creations Synstyl Grinder

Of course, if you already have a favourite bullet vibrator you can use that with your grinder instead! Whatever you choose, though, use some lube to insert the vibrator into the grinder. Otherwise it will be difficult to get in and even more difficult to get out (ask me how I know.)

When I tried the Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II, I commented that it really didn’t need the bullet vibrator. The Synstyl Grinder, on the other hand, does – at least for me. I tend to prefer more intensity, and the grinder plus vibrator gives me what the grinder on its own lacks. On its higher settings, the vibrator makes the toy’s petals sort of quiver and flicker, which feels amazing.


I like the Synstyl Grinder, even though it’s less intense than I expected it to be. This one really comes into its own when you add the vibrator, so I recommend doing so if you can. If you’re looking for a softer and slightly less intense grinder toy, the Synstyl Grinder might be perfect for you.

The basic Synstyl Grinder with black straps retails for £60. That price goes up as you add various customisation options.

Thanks to Uncover Creations for sending me samples of several of their grinders to try. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II

Readers are constantly asking me for recommendations for good fantasy sex toys. And I’m often stuck for what to recommend, because tentacles and aliens and monsters and things just aren’t really my kink. You know what is my kink, though? Quality and body-safe sex toys made and sold by small businesses. (Also grinders. I fucking love grinders.) Enter Uncover Creations, who recently sent me their Tentacle Grinder II (as well as two other products – reviews coming soon!) to test for you all.

Uncover Creations is a small business based in the UK and started by two friends who were sick of seeing the same boring, repetitive sex toy designs again and again. All their toys are made from high-quality, body-safe silicone and hand poured to order in a huge range of colours and styles. To say I was excited to try out their stuff would be an understatement!

Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II

Even though I don’t actually have a tentacle kink, I’ll say this for the Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II: it’s a beautiful looking toy. There’s a central raised and textured tentacle with two rows of “suckers” that tapers to a tongue-like point. The base of the toy is also decorated with swirly patterns and aquatic motifs.

Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II fantasy sex toy

It comes with a set of straps that you can use to attach the toy to a pillow, toy mount, partner’s leg, or any other suitable surface you can think of. The straps measure around 70cm or 2.5ft and are removeable for convenience when you’re not using them.

My Tentacle Grinder II is a gorgeous shade of turquoise. I think it’s “Strong Mint,” based on the colour guide. You can choose a solid colour, a fade of two colours, or a marbling effect. You can also allow the company to surprise you with one colour or a blend.

Optionally, you can choose for your Tentacle Grinder II to have a hole in the back where you can insert a bullet vibrator. There’s also an option to add a “Silky Smooth” upgrade, which is a finish made from durian tree nuts. I chose not to go for this because my vulva is pretty sensitive and I wasn’t sure this additive would agree with me.

Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II fantasy sex toy from the back

The Tentacle Grinder II measures 7.5″ in length and 5.5″ in width. The central tentacle is raised by 1.77″ at the highest point. It weighs in at a hefty 440g but, since this isn’t (typically) a toy you have to hold in your hand during use, its weight won’t be a problem for most people.

In Use

I knew I was going to love this toy the moment I looked at it. It’s got so many things I like: a raised section, soft and squishy silicone, and plenty of texturing.

Here’s what I didn’t expect: it is by far the closest a sex toy has ever come to mimicking cunnilingus for me. No, I didn’t see that coming either!

I thought that the highest point in the middle of the tentacle was going to be my favourite part of this toy. However, I soon realised that if I grind against it just right, the tongue-like tip of the tentacle flicks back and forth over my clit like… well, like a tongue. With plenty of lube, it’s a surprisingly good approximation of cunnilingus.

Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II from fantasy sex toys range

The orgasms I have from this toy are less like the orgasms I have from other grinders and more like the orgasms I have from a partner going down on me.

I always thought that, if a toy ever did actually get close to feeling like receiving oral sex, it would be a suction toy. Many claim to do this, though none have yet succeeded. I did not expect that it would be a grinder shaped like a tentacle. But there you have it – if I want something that kinda feels like a partner going down on me and I don’t have a willing partner available, this is what I’m reaching for.

The other great selling point of the Tentacle Grinder II is its height. With some lower grinders, I’ve found myself struggling to get into the right position or having to use a pillow or mount to bring the toy closer to my body. No such problems here. I can simply place it under me in a lying position and grind against it comfortably.

Tentacle Grinder II + Bullet Vibrator

Confession: the first couple of times I used this toy, I completely forgot to try it with the bullet vibrator. That’s because it is so damn good even without it. Still, I thought I’d better test it both with and without the vibrator to give you all the fullest possible review.

I opted for the premium bullet option, which is the Nu Sensuelle Bullet Point. This plastic bullet is waterproof, rechargeable, and has 10 constant speeds and 10 patterns. For its price-point (it costs just £35 to add one of these to your Uncover Creations order), this is a shockingly good bullet vibrator. It’s powerful and surprisingly rumbly! Of course, you can also use any bullet vibrator you already own, if you prefer.

Nu Sensuelle bullet point bullet vibrator

I wasn’t sure how well the Tentacle Grinder II would transmit the bullet’s vibrations given the thickness of its silicone. But it actually does so incredibly well and I can still get plenty of sensation from the bullet even through the thickest part of the grinder.

It is a shame the bullet isn’t a remote control one, because having to manually change the settings when you’re riding the toy can be quite annoying and fiddly. It also has one of those annoying one-button interfaces.

Overall, I’m glad I got the bullet with my Tentacle Grinder II as it provides some different stimulation options. But it’s also not strictly necessary because this toy performs so damn well on its own. Since I got it, I’ve used the vibrator less than half the times I’ve used the grinder.

Pro tip: make your life much easier by applying a bit of lube to the bullet before you insert it into the grinder. Trust me, it’ll go in and come out so much more quickly and easily if you do.


At this point it doesn’t even matter that I’m not into tentacles for their own sake. Because I am so, so, so into this thing specifically! I do not say this lightly, because I have reviewed around 200 toys at this point and tried hundreds more: the Tentacle Grinder II is one of the best sex toys I have ever tried.

The basic Tentacle Grinder II begins at £60 and comes with a set of black straps. Optional customisations such as custom colours, different strap options, a vibrating bullet hole, an included vibrator, and the “silky smooth finish” come with additional costs.

Thanks to Uncover Creations for sending me the Tentacle Grinder II to review. Affiliate links appear in this post and all reviews are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Womanizer Next

Can you believe it’s 10 years since Womanizer released their first Pleasure Air clitoral stimulator into the world? That product brought a whole new category of sex toys into popular consciousness and launched a thousand copycats. To celebrate 10 years, the company has released their latest offering: the Womanizer Next.

How does it stack up? Let’s take a look, shall we?

Womanizer Next Clitoral Suction Stimulator: What’s New?

The Womanizer Next is the latest in Womanizer’s long line of clitoral suction stimulators based on their patented “Pleasure Air” technology. If you’re not familiar with this type of toy, they feature a nozzle that goes over your clit and then stimulates it with rapid air pulses.

The Womanizer Next comes in sleek and sexy packaging that adds to the overall luxury vibe of the product. In the box you’ll find the toy, the charging cable, a storage bag, a spare nozzle, and an instruction leaflet.

Womanizer Next in its packaging

This toy is rechargeable with a full charge taking around 2 hours and giving you about the same in battery life. It’s also IPX7 waterproof (submersible in up to 1 metre of water).

At first glance, the Womanizer Next and Womanizer Premium bear a strong resemblance. They also retail for a similar price: £179.99/$199 for the Premium and £189.99/$219 for the Next. But what’s special about the Next and how is it similar and different from the Premium?

Womanizer Premium and Womanizer Next
The Womanizer Next (right) with the Womanizer Premium

Womanizer Next vs. Premium: Similarities

  • The two toys are the same basic shape, design, and interface, though the Next is slightly larger than the Premium.
  • Both feature a soft, silicone-coated body and body-safe silicone interchangeable nozzles.
  • Both offer 14 intensity settings.
  • Both come with Smart Silence technology (which means the toy will only operate when it’s in close contact with the body) and an Autopilot mode which guides you through a pre-set sequence of stimulation levels.

Womanizer Next vs. Premium: Differences

This is where things get interesting! The Womanizer Next offers an array of new features alongside those old favourites from the Premium.

  • The latest technology enhancement, 3D Pleasure Air, allows you to control not only the speed/intensity of the suction but also the “depth.” With 14 intensity settings and 3 depth settings – controlled by a separate button – it’s highly customisable.
  • The “Afterglow” function allows you to immediately switch to the lowest setting after orgasm.
  • The new, redesigned motor provides slower pulses than previous Womanizer toys and a “linear, up-and-down movement”. Supposedly this provides a more realistic sensation that more closely mimics oral sex (which… we’ll pick apart later.)

Overall, if you’re choosing between the two products, I’d advise you to go for the Next. You’re only paying £10/$20 more, and you get several great new features for that small price difference.

The Next also comes in two new colourways, Sage and Dark Purple, as well as black.

Womanizer Next: Pros

I had high expectations for the Womanizer Next. I’ve tried many Womanizer products over the years and, despite some occasional missteps, there have been far more hits than misses.

Womanizer Next back view

So what were the best things about this one?

  • That depth function! It’s perfect for ramping things up just at the moment when you need a tiny bit more. Each of the three depth settings feels noticeably different on all the toy’s speeds.
  • The Afterglow feature is genuinely brilliant. Many people, including me, find that their clit gets over-sensitive immediately after orgasm. Being able to switch to the lowest setting and continue enjoying a level of stimulation that’s comfortable is a game-changer.
  • The two nozzles provided are slightly different sizes, making the toy suitable for more bodies. The slightly larger one works best for me.
  • I love the slower air pulses, which give a gentler level of stimulation to start with. Great for warm-up or just for high sensitivity days.
  • I can easily use it hands-free just by kinda holding it between my thighs. This is unusual, but suction toys often work best for me with my legs closed rather than spread. I suspect it’s because so much of the focus is on the head of the clit and this position kinda brings everything closer together.
  • The Smart Silence feature isn’t particularly useful to me – I share a house with a partner who knows all about my masturbation habits! – but may be highly useful to those who need to be more discreet.
  • The button placement is intuitive and the interface is simple to use despite the toy’s many features.
  • It works beautifully in water, creating a kind of “swirling” feeling that is absolutely divine.
  • Most importantly, this thing got me off hard and fast. I’ll say this for Womanizer: they’re reliable when it comes to inducing leg-shaking, sheet-soaking, neighbour-scaring orgasms.

Womanizer Next: Downsides

With all of those great things said, was there anything I didn’t like about the Womanizer Next?

  • I still can’t say I see the point of the Autopilot feature. I guess it’s a little more like receiving stimulation from a partner because the toy changes intensity without input from you? However, unlike a partner, the toy cannot respond to your reactions so the changes are essentially random. And if it shifts down at the wrong moment, that seems like a recipe for ruined orgasms and frustration. (Of course, that might be your kink. In which case have fun.)
  • The buttons are not as clicky or easy to press as on previous Womanizer models.
  • I’m annoyed by the “designed for multiple orgasms” marketing. Not everyone can have multiples! Not everyone WANTS to have multiples! Stop being prescriptive. This is less egregious than “orgasm guaranteed” but it’s still… not great.
  • It is not, despite the packaging and product listing’s claims, “noiseless.” Yes, it’s very quiet on the lower settings. However, on the higher settings (and particularly once the top depth settings get involved) I would say it’s average-to-loud.

No, It Still Doesn’t Feel Like Cunnilingus

I’m calling it: it is not possible, with the technology we currently have available, to design a sex toy that accurately and realistically replicates the feeling of receiving cunnilingus.

Yes, using a clit sucker is much closer to cunnilingus than other forms of stimulation (e.g. masturbation with fingers or vibrators.) It kinda sorta resembles the “sucking” motion that a partner might make on your clit. It’s the closest way for me to scratch that particular itch if I’m craving cunnilingus and do not have a willing partner available. However, it cannot replicate the warmth, wetness, or overall feel of a mouth.

I really wish companies would stop marketing toys in this way, because it just feeds unrealistic expectations. This is a great product, but it is not in any meaningful way an “oral sex simulator.” I am sure such a thing will exist one day, but it doesn’t yet.


The Womanizer Next is, like many of its predecessors, seriously pricey. However, it does offer a lot of bang for your buck (so to speak) in terms of features, functionality, and effectiveness. It’s a great next generation of an already excellent product and a worthy celebration of Womanizer’s 10th anniversary!

The Womanizer Next is available from Lovehoney UK* and Lovehoney US*, and of course Womanizer themselves.

[*] Use code coffkink10 to get 10% off

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product, which features in their top sex toys for Valentine’s Day! Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are, as always, mine.

[Toy Review] Promescent Rabbit Vibrator & Bullet Vibrator

If you’ve been around for a while, you might remember my last Promescent review from almost three years ago where I introduced you to their collection of lubes. Well, this company has now released a bunch of new products since then and their team were kind enough to send me two of them, so I think it’s time for another Promescent review, don’t you?

Today I’m looking at Promescent’s two new sex toys for vulva owners: a rabbit vibrator and a bullet vibrator. This new range also includes a cock ring.

Promescent review: Rabbit vibrator (left) and bullet vibrator on a grey blanket

Promescent Rabbit Vibrator

The Promescent Rabbit Vibrator looked promising to me straight away, and I’m saying that as someone who is very picky about rabbit vibrators and doesn’t get much out of most of them. The flexible, curved clitoral stimulator, in particular, caught my eye.

This toy measures 8″ in total length, 4″ in insertable length. Its slim shaft is 1.2″ in diameter at the widest point. It is made of 100% body-safe silicone in a lovely, rich shade of blue/purple (fun fact: a very similar colour to my hair!) The material, it has to be said, is absolutely lovely. It’s ultra-soft and feels gorgeous to the touch.

Promescent rabbit vibrator in a woman's hand

The Promescent Rabbit Vibrator is waterproof, USB-rechargeable, and comes with a drawstring storage bag. You’ll get around 2 hours running time from a 2 hour charge.

In Use: Pros & Cons

Let’s start with the good and talk about what I liked about this toy.

  • Its shape is excellent. The insertable portion has a gentle curve and a pronounced tip which is ideal for G-spot stimulation.
  • The flexibility is a huge perk for a rabbit toy like this. It makes it comfortable to insert and easy to move around to get the best possible angle. Since all bodies are different, this will make the Promescent Rabbit accessible to far more users.
  • The clitoral arm is curvy and flexible enough that it actually stays in contact with my clit when I thrust with the toy or change positions! This is rare in rabbit vibrators, and I love it.
  • The buttons are easy to press and the controls are simple, intuitive, and responsive. Plus and minus buttons allowing you to switch between settings in both directions are a big advantage.
  • The button placement is sensible and comfortable to use.
  • It has three patterns and a constant vibration setting, all of which you can use on three different speeds. (That’s 12 settings in total.)
  • It’s pretty quiet.
Promescent rabbit vibrator buttons close up

So with all those good things said, was there anything I didn’t like?

  • When I turned the Promescent Rabbit Vibrator on, the intensity of the vibrations felt promising. Unfortunately, in use, they felt weaker than I expected them to, particularly in the clitoral stimulator. Companies continually design rabbit vibrators with the stronger motor in the internal section and, given that the overwhelming majority of people with vulvas orgasm primarily from clitoral stimulation, this is going to be the wrong way around for the vast majority of users.
  • The vibrations are buzzier than I would ideally like.
  • The buttons are small and hard to see in anything but bright light. Larger or lit buttons would make the toy more accessible.
  • I would have preferred the ability to control the two motors independently. Many users, including me, don’t always like the same level of stimulation internally as externally.

The Promescent Rabbit Vibrator retails at $109.99.

Promescent Bullet Vibrator

The Promescent Bullet Vibrator is made of the same soft, silky, blue/purple silicone as the rabbit. It measures a petite 3.5″ in total length, about the same as a lipstick.

Promescent review: purple bullet vibrator in a woman's hand

It’s USB rechargeable, giving about 90 minutes of runtime for a 2 hour charge, and waterproof. You’ll find the charging cable and a drawstring storage bag in the box alongside the toy.

In Use: Pros & Cons

Once again, let’s start with the things I liked about the Promescent Bullet Vibrator.

  • The twist towards the base makes it so easy and comfortable to hold. This is such a simple but brilliant design feature!
  • Like the Rabbit, the Bullet’s silicone is super soft and silky.
  • The large button on the base is easy to locate and press, even in dark environments.
  • I really love the lipstick-style shape, which gives you the option of broad stimulation (using the side), pinpoint stimulation (using the edge), or a middle ground (using the flat top part.)
  • It has 9 settings, which are really the same three – constant vibrations and two patterns – on three different speed levels. That’s enough for variety, but not enough to get unwieldy with a one-button interface.
  • It’s powerful enough that I can usually cum with it unless I’m having a particularly low-sensitivity day.
  • It’s very quiet.
Promescent bullet vibrator button

Anything I didn’t like about this one?

  • The only real complaint I can make about this toy is that I would have liked the motor to have a little more rumble. It’s reasonably powerful, but it’s also quite buzzy.
  • A two-button interface with up/down options would be a nice addition, but it’s not critical.

The Promescent Bullet Vibrator retails at $69.99.


Overall these are two well-made and solidly designed toys! The bullet is the winner for me personally out of the two, though the Rabbit also has plenty to recommend it, particularly in terms of its physical shape and design. Both toys came attractively boxed and were delivered in discreet packaging. They’re reasonably priced for what they are, too.

Promescent also offers a 60-day guarantee. If any product doesn’t do it for you, you can return it within 60 days for a full refund.

This Promescent review was sponsored, meaning I received a fee to write an honest and unbiased review of these products. All views, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] Lezovibes 6-in-1 Thrusting Heating Telescopic & Squirming Dildo

Happy new year, my friends! I hope you’ve had a relaxing holiday season and new year, no matter what you celebrate or don’t. I’m back at work now, which means it’s time to start ploughing through my review queue.

First up, the Lezovibes 6-in-1 Thrusting Heating Telescopic & Squirming Dildo, which was kindly sent to me recently. Considering the absolute mouthful of its full name, I’m gonna just call it the Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo from here on out. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Lezovibes 6-in-1 Thrusting Dildo

This realistic dildo measures 8.6″ in total length (6.3″ insertable) and offers a thrusting extension of an additional 1.5″. It measures 1.59″ in diameter at the widest point.

The “6-in-1” refers to its 6 key features: thrusting, heating, vibrating, swinging, rotating, and remote-controllability. There’s also a suction cup and large “balls” base, making it harness-compatible if you like.

Lezovibes thrusting dildo heating dildo

The Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo is made of body-safe and non-porous silicone and passes a flame-test. The silicone is extremely matte, so don’t forget to add plenty of water-based lube particularly if you’re using the thrusting function.

This toy is IPX6 waterproof. This means it can withstand jets of water but is not submersible. In other words, clean it under the tap but don’t take it in the bath with you. The remote control is not waterproof.

The Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo is rechargeable via the included USB cable, and a full charge took around 2 hours and gives up to 60 minutes of runtime depending on the settings you’re using.

Things I Like About This Toy

Let’s start with the good. Retailing at a middle-of-the-road $69.99, the Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo does have several positive points to recommend it.

Lezovibes thrusting dildo in my hand

  • It does a lot of different things! If you’re newer to toys or just want to get something quite versatile, then a toy with lots of different features is a great choice for you. As mentioned, this thrusting dildo also vibrates, rotates, swings, and heats up. Pretty impressive array of options, there!
  • The outer layer of silicone is squishy and pliable, and the toy has a firm core. This gives a kind of “dual density” effect that more realistically mimics a bio-cock.
  • Speaking of realism, the lifelike aesthetic is great if you like that sort of thing, from the veined shaft to the textured balls and foreskin. To be entirely honest I don’t particularly like that kind of thing, personally. Hyper-realism isn’t really my vibe. However, it appeals to a lot of people and I’m continually getting asked for recommendations for realistic toys.
  • The thrusting function feels great in use. (The swinging function is really just a slight variation on the thrusting and I couldn’t feel much difference between them.)
  • The suction cup is strong and holds the toy firm on a surface, even when the various functions are switched on.
  • The heating function! A sex toy that warms up in use is one of those things you never knew you needed until you try it. I started feeling the warmth around 30 seconds after I switched the heating function on. It heats to 42°C.
  • It has ten different vibrating modes, and the motor is positioned so that the vibrations are concentrated in the head of the toy. For most users, that’s gonna be where you want them.
  • As it has a large base (thanks to the balls and suction cup), this toy is both vaginal-safe and anal-safe.
  • The rigidity makes it great for strap-on sex.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

There were also a few issues that let this toy down. They include:

  • The controls are needlessly complicated and confusing. I actually had to email the company because I COULD NOT get mine to work at all and I was convinced I had a dud one for a while. It did eventually start working, but the controls are still far more confusing than they need to be.
  • The button in the base is really, really hard to push in a way that’s extremely annoying. I literally have to use the thumbs of both hands, one on top of the other, to get it going or switch it off.
  • Like all thrusting toys, it makes a high-pitched mechanical whining noise in use. I can’t hold this against Lezovibes in particular, though – even at the premium end of the market, the technology just isn’t there yet to make silent thrusting toys.
  • The vibrations are weak and buzzy.
  • I can’t feel the rotating function at all so I’m not really sure what the point of this is.
  • The remote control’s responsiveness is variable. It responds about 75% of the time in my experience, but that’s a high enough failure rate to be intensely annoying.
  • It’s a little too straight for me. I would have preferred it to have a little more curve and flex.


Lezovibes thrusting dildo suction cup dildo attached to black shower tiles

With the acknowledgement that realistic dildos aren’t really my thing (but may well be yours,) I still found quite a few things to like in the Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo. Overall, it’s a mixed bag. Though the many different functions are a good way to explore new sensations, I think this toy is trying to do too many things. It’s better to do fewer things and do them really well than to try to cram every feature under the sun into a single toy.

More than anything, though, please sort out those controls. It’s so needlessly complicated to use and that means people will just end up not using a bunch of the functionalities that make up its main selling points.

Thanks to Lezovibes for sponsoring this review! All views, as ever, are mine.

[Toy Review] Godemiche Vibe Pad “Waves” and “Tall Pyramids”

This is the second installment of a two-part review series of Godemiche’s innovative new hump toys, the Vibe Pads. You can read part one here. I received these toys in four of the six available textures, and wanted to tell you a little about each texture as well as about the toys’ overall design.

Godemiche Vibe Pad hump toys with Rocks Off RO80 bullet vibrator

Vibe Pads: The New Generation of Hump Toys

Vibe Pads are the latest iteration of Godemiche’s line of grinding toys which began with the Grind Ring. Each Vibe Pad is a flat, rectangular piece of piece of silicone with a cylindrical raised area a few inches long in the middle. The raised part is covered in texturing and is hollow, and there’s a slit in the back where you can insert the included bullet vibrator. There is also an indent in the silicone where the vibrator button sits, allowing you to switch it on, off, or change settings without taking it out.

Back of the Godemiche Vibe Pad

The idea is simple: grind your vulva and clitoris along the toy. Vibe Pads come with removeable straps so that you can attach them to something (a pillow, the arm of a sofa, your partner’s thigh…) if you want to.

You can customise your Vibe Pad with your choice of one or two colours from over 60 options, your choice of strap colour from 9 options, and shorter or longer straps. There are currently six textures available, though I expect more will be added in due course.

The Vibrator: RO80

The RO80 provided with your Vibe Pad is a small silver bullet vibrator with 7 settings: 3 speeds and 4 patterns. I’m not blown away by it as a vibrator – it’s not particularly powerful and it’s quite buzzy. However, I mind this less than I expected to in this context. Because the vibrations are an addition to an already-excellent toy, rather than being the main event.

As I said in yesterday’s post, the vibrations are more effective with Vibe Pads that have more raised designs rather than flatter ones because they cause the raised areas to sort of flutter.

Of course, you do have the option to use the bullet vibrator of your choice instead. However, that could be more fiddly because the button(s) likely won’t be in the right place.

With that said, let’s take a closer look at the remaining two textures.

“Waves” Vibe Pad

If you remember way back when I reviewed the original Grind Ring range, you may recall that the Waves was my favourite. The silicone ripples are very soft and flexible, and close enough together to provide constant clitoral contact as I grind against it.

Waves Vibe Pad hump toy by Godemiche

It’s a bit like having your clit licked by lots and lots of little silicone tongues. It’s also an ultra smooth sensation compared to many of the other textures. I like this one best when I grind down really hard against it.

“Tall Pyramids” Vibe Pad

The Tall Pyramids texture is a variation on the “Spikes” (part of the original Grind Ring range and also available on other hump toys including the Grind Pads and Vibe Pads.) At first glance, it looks a little scary. Who wants sharp-looking pointy things near their vulva!?

Tall Pyramids Vibe Pad hump toy by Godemiche

However, when you touch the tall pyramids you’ll realise that they are actually very soft and flexible. Depending on how hard you grind against the toy, you can get anything from a very gentle tickle up to quite an intense rubbing sensation. The pyramids glide around your vulva and flick over your clit, stimulating you all over at once.


I am, once again, totally obsessed with these toys and ready to evangelise about them to anyone who will listen! These two are definitely my favourite textures of the four, with the Waves coming out overall top by just a hair.

Vibe Pads start from £59.99. If you want to save money, choose “surprise me” to get a random colour. Custom colours, strap lengths, strap colours, and lube all cost a little extra. You can also get a bargain price on a bundle of 3 textures in the same colour for £134.99.

Thanks to Godemiche for sending me the Vibe Pads to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] Godemiche Vibe Pad “Jelly Bean” and “Ridges”

Since they first revolutionised my masturbation habits with their Grind Rings over two years ago, Godemiche have been adding more and more products to their range of grinding toys. The latest is the Vibe Pad, which I’m going to review in two batches of two since I received them in four different textures.

What is a Vibe Pad?

Godemiche Vibe Pads in "Jelly Bean" and "Ridges" textures

A Vibe Pad is a flat, flexible, rectangular piece of silicone with a cylindrical raised area a few inches long in the middle. This part is covered in texturing to stimulate the vulva and clitoris when you grind against it. The raised part of each Vibe Pad is hollow, with space for a bullet vibrator that can be put in or removed via the slit in the back of the toy.

Back of the Godemiche Vibe Pad

Vibe Pads also come with removable straps so you can attach them to a surface or body part (thighs work particularly well, #askmehowIknow!) if you want to.

Each Vibe Pad is totally customisable. You can choose one or two colours from over 60 choices, and choose the colour and length of your straps, as well as obviously selecting the texture you want.

At the time of writing, Vibe Pads are available in 6 different textures. Today we’re looking at two of them. Watch this space, though, as I strongly suspect more will be added to the range in due course.

“Jelly Bean” Vibe Pad

This texture is my least favourite of the four that I received. Even so, the fact that I still quite like it should tell you everything you need to know about how I feel about this range overall.

Jelly Beans is the gentlest of the four textures I’ve tried. As you grind, each of the little beans laps slightly against your… no, I’m not making that joke. It’s too obvious and I am ashamed of myself for even thinking it.

Godemiche Vibe Pad in "Jelly Bean" texture

This one definitely works best with the vibrations, which cause each of the little beans to flicker very slightly. I’m actually wondering, though, whether the Jelly Beans texture would work better if the beans lay horizontally rather than vertically. With them positioned vertically, a lot of that lovely “flicking” sensation is lost because you’re grinding with the texture rather than against it.

I enjoy using the Jelly Beans Vibe Pad as a warm-up toy. Overall, though, I find this one slightly too gentle and I haven’t been reaching for it anywhere near as much as the others. This would be a good one to start with if you’re new to hump toys or just prefer a less intense type of stimulation.

“Ridges” Vibe Pad

The Ridges texture is a bit like a slight variation of the “Waves”, which you’ll recall was my favourite from the original batch of Grind Ring textures, so I knew straight away that I was probably going to like this one.

Godemiche Vibe Pad in "Ridges" texture

The Ridges are perhaps more intense than the Waves if anything, as the tops of them are slightly firmer and they don’t move quite as smoothly. If you enjoyed the Waves texture, this is a great step up. You’ll really need adequate lubrication for this one, though. I like to add a little to the surface of the toy before I start, regardless of how wet I am.

The great thing about this texture is that the ridges are close enough together that, as you grind, you get a pretty much constant rubbing sensation along your vulva and clit. Of the new batch, this is the one that can most reliably make me cum.

Let’s Talk About the Vibrator

Your Vibe Pad comes with a vibrator included: the RO80 bullet by Rocks Off. This battery-operated mini vibe has a single-button interface and 7 different settings including 3 constant speeds and 4 patterns.

The Vibe Pads are cleverly designed with a “button” cut into the silicone right where the vibrator’s button sits. This means that you can turn it on, off, or change the setting during use without having to take the vibrator out. This is an excellent touch.

Used by itself, I don’t think I would find the RO80 anything particularly special. It’s not terrible, but it’s fairly buzzy and not that powerful. It’s definitely an enhancement to the Vibe Pad’s main function as a grinding toy rather than the main event.

You know what, though? That’s fine. These toys stand up so well on their own that I can happily use them with or without the vibrations.

The design of the Vibe Pad is such that the vibrations dissipate all the way across my vulva. In my experience, they definitely work best with the more “raised” designs than the flatter ones, as they make everything sort of quiver slightly. Try the “Spikes” with the vibe and thank me later!

Your other option, of course, is to use any bullet vibrator you prefer that fits within the slot. However, this will make operating it more fiddly unless your vibe of choice also happens to have a single button in exactly the same place.


Is anyone surprised that I absolutely love these toys? They’re a great evolution of the Grind Ring concept and I’m already a bit obsessed.

Vibe Pads start from £59.99 for a random colour, with optional extras including custom colours, strap lengths, strap colours, and lube available at an additional cost. You can also save by getting a bundle of 3 textures in the same colour for £134.99.

Thanks to Godemiche for sending me the Vibe Pads to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are mine.