[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo

I don’t think I (or my vagina) was feeling particularly brave when I ordered the Mr Hankey’s Monster Dildo from the website, because I chose the smallest of four available sizes. Even so, I took it out of the box and my immediate reaction was “wow, this thing is huge!”

As with the Mr Hankey’s Perfect Penis, I cannot get my entire hand around this toy’s shaft.

So how did I get on with this monster of a realistic dildo? This is the third in my series of reviews for Mr Hankey’s Toys, who are also one of my site sponsors, winner of tonnes of adult industry awards, and all-round purveyors of stellar sex toys in both the fantasy and realistic categories.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo

Mr Hankey's Toys Monster Dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo in size medium measures 9.13″ in total length, 7″ in insertable length, and 2.46″ in diameter at the widest point. Again: this is the smallest size! The remaining sizes measure 11.38″, 13.5″, and 15.75″ in total length respectively, with corresponding girth increases. If you want serious size and lots of it, you’ve come to the right place.

This toy is made of body-safe silicone and available in an array of colours from skin tones to brights, metallics, and even UV-reactive shades. You can also choose different firmness levels, from very soft to extra firm, and add a vac-u-lock hole if you wish.

In terms of firmness, 75% firmness or medium will suit most users. 75% firm is supposed to resemble a bio-cock that is 75-80% erect, and many Mr Hankey’s customers report that it feels the most lifelike of the options. Medium is closer in firmness to a fully erect penis.

What I Liked About the Monster Dildo

Mr Hankey's Toys Monster Dildo

I found this toy challenging to use. And that’s fine – sometimes a challenge can be fun! I do prefer girth over length (hitting my cervix = ow, bad pain!) though so I’d be more inclined to reach for a girthy toy like this one if I was in the mood for a large insertable. Overall, the girthy design is excellent for those who enjoy the sensation of a stretch, but don’t desire or enjoy excessive length.

This one takes a lot of warm-up and lube for me to use it comfortably. And even then, as I said, I’d describe the experience as challenging and seriously, seriously intense.

Let’s look at some of the specific features of the Monster Dildo that I enjoyed.

  • I really love the shade of purple and the shimmery effect from the metallic colourway.
  • This is a highly realistic toy, down to the skin texturing of the balls and the detailing around the head and foreskin. It was apparently life-cast from a real penis owned by a person simply known as “The Jackpot.”
  • At least at this size, it stands up on its own due to the size of the base. If you want to use the toy hands-free, this makes it easier to do so as you can simply put it on a firm surface and then “ride” it.
  • The gentle curve is ideal for targeting your G-spot or prostate. When I’m able to get the toy inside me, it presses firmly against my G-spot in a very enjoyable way.
  • At the firmness level I chose (75% soft or the second softest), it’s fairly squishy and flexible. For a toy of this size, that’s going to be essential for a lot of users. If you like a lot of flex, go softer. If you prefer more rigid toys, go firmer.
  • The large base makes it anal-safe, if that’s your thing. There was no universe in which this thing was going in my butt, but it can safely go in yours if you’d like. (Obligatory disclaimer: if you’re putting something of this size in your butt, go S L O W L Y. Use even more lube than you think you need. To be fair, that actually applies to vaginal use as well, but the butt isn’t self-lubricating so you’ll need to be even more careful.)

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Mr Hankey's Toys Monster Dildo

Personally, I don’t like the pronounced ridge on the underside of the Monster Dildo’s shaft. Even with plenty of lubrication, I consistently found it made insertion uncomfortable. Once the toy was fully inserted, I could still feel the ridge in a way that was pretty distracting.

Like the other Mr Hankey’s Toys I’ve tried, the silicone is very matte. I would have preferred a smoother silicone for a toy of this size. With that said, a smoother silicone would lessen the realistic effect of the toy’s appearance, so it’s a trade-off. As you can probably see in the photos, it also gathers lint and dust.

The texturing can make the Monster Dildo take a little longer to clean. This isn’t really a problem, just something to be aware of. You’ll want to make sure you’ve got all bodily fluids and lube out of the little creases.

Due to its size, the Monster Dildo is also pretty heavy. It’s just about manageable at this size but I have to imagine that the larger versions could be quite difficult to hold and manipulate in use.


Honestly, the final analysis is that even in the smallest size this toy is bordering on too large for me. And that’s fine – I am not really the target market for very large toys. But you might be, and this is an excellent choice if so! So many large toys are not body-safe, so it is nice to have somewhere to point my readers for oversized toys that are also safe and well-made.

And make no mistake, this is a beautifully designed toy. The attention to detail is excellent and the array of colours and effects on offer means that you can truly make it your own.

I like having this in my collection but I don’t think it will be going in my body very often. I can enjoy it occasionally, but it’s going to be a once-in-a-while thing and probably revolve around enjoying the challenge as part of a kink dynamic.

The Monster Dildo’s pricing begins at $140.95 for the size Medium in a standard colourway. Going up in size, adding effects, and adding a vac-u-lock hole all add to the price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Good Vibes Toys Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo

Anyone who knows me knows that I love sparkly things. So of course, when Good Vibes Toys offered me their Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo to test, I was all over it. This is probably going to be a fairly short and sweet review today, but we’ll see.

Pixie Dildo glow in the dark dildo from Good Vibes Toys

The Pixie Dildo measures 6.5″ in total length, just under 6″ in insertable length, and 1.67″ in diameter at the widest point. It is made of body-safe silicone and features a suction cup base.

Good Vibes Toys Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo: Positives

Pixie Dildo glow in the dark dildo from Good Vibes Toys

  • The first thing I noticed about the Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo by Good Vibes Toys is that it’s cute as fuck. The two-tone blue and pink silicone reminds me of the colours of the trans pride flag, and is infused with glitter. It’s fun, femme, and a departure from the more realistic styles that not everyone enjoys.
  • I love the flexible shaft. This is just a toy that’s so easy to use, and I appreciate that about it. I don’t need tonnes of warm-up to enjoy it, just a little lube and it slips straight in comfortably. A worthy addition to my “lazy masturbation” collection.
  • Though the silicone of the shaft has a slight ripple that my fingers can detect, my vagina cannot. This is, for all intents and purposes, a smooth toy. I can’t always deal with too much texture, which can be overwhelming to the point of uncomfortable, so I appreciate this.
  • The very slightly curved tip is nice for G-spot or prostate stimulation that isn’t too intense.
  • The suction cup is strong and holds the toy in place well.
  • It’s a great strap-on dildo. The Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo’s suction cup holds it in place well in a harness, and it’s light enough to wield comfortably.
  • It also serves well as an anal dildo, having just the right level of squish and flex for comfortable insertion and a relatively slim shaft.
  • As the name implies, it glows in the dark! This isn’t a feature I need my dildos to have, but it’s sort of whimsical and fun.

Any Downsides?

Pixie Dildo glow in the dark dildo from Good Vibes Toys

Any negatives with this product are pretty subjective. It’s objectively a decent toy, but bodies are all different and everyone has unique preferences. So here are some things you’ll want to be aware of.

  • It’s fairly slimline, which won’t satisfy all users. I tend to prefer small to medium insertables, so it’s a positive for me, but if you prefer longer or girthier toys you’ll want to look elsewhere.
  • It may be too soft and flexible for some users. If you prefer a firmer toy, this won’t be for you.
  • The matte silicone is a little grabby. This issue can be overcome with plenty of water-based lube. In a totally ideal world I prefer a softer and less grabby silicone, but it’s not a dealbreaker.
  • The straight-ish shape and very gently curved tip won’t work for people who prefer more pronounced curves in their toys.
  • It’s kinda expensive, at $69.99 (about £55) for a cute but otherwise fairly basic silicone dildo. Get it if you love the aesthetic, but there are cheaper options available if you’re just looking for something simple, safe and functional.

In short, this is a simple product that does what it does pretty well. Its main unique selling point is its gloriously sparkly and colourful appearance.

Shop Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo and other products in the range from Good Vibes Toys.

Thanks to Good Vibes Toys for sending me this product to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are mine, as always.

[Toy Review] Godemiche Wand Attachments

Anyone who has read my work for any length of time will know about my obsession with both wand vibrators and things with interesting textures. So combining the two? Yes, hello, I’m listening! Godemiche, purveyors of all kinds of colourful silicone goodness, have recently added wand attachments to their product roster and I received a set of them to try.

What Are Wand Attachments and Why Use Them?

Doxy magic wand vibrator with Godemiche wand attachment

Wand attachments are removeable covers that fit over the head of a wand vibrator. They are usually made of a soft and flexible material such as silicone or TPE.

Attachments are a fantastic addition to wand vibrators, allowing you to explore different sensations and ways of using your wand. For example, an attachment can turn your wand into a rabbit, penis masturbator, or G-spot vibe, concentrate the vibrations into a smaller area, or add texture.

They can also lower the intensity of a wand for those who find the strong vibrations to be too much. And, if you’re sharing your toy with a partner, swapping out toppers between users is a quick and easy way to minimise your risk of STI transmission without having to pause to sterilise the toy itself.

Godemiche Wand Attachments: 2 Sizes, 3 Textures

Godemiche wand attachments in four textures and colours

Godemiche’s wand attachments are currently available in two sizes. One is designed to fit the Doxy (Original or Die Cast), and the other to fit the Vibratex/Hitachi Magic Wand. Though you probably could use them with some other wand brands, they are only officially recommended for the Doxy or Hitachi and therefore you risk damaging the toppers if you use them outside of these recommendations.

These attachments are made of body-safe silicone and available in a dizzying array of colours. You can choose your own or ask the company to surprise you. Since they are silicone and non-powered, you can clean them with warm water and antibacterial soap and sterilise them with a body-safe medical wipe or by boiling.

Godemiche’s wand attachments currently come in three textures: Waves, Ridges, and Bubbles. I received all three to try out. I also received a prototype of a fourth texture somewhat between the “Bumps” and “Pills” textures that are available on other Godemiche products, but I haven’t reviewed that one here since it is not out on general sale yet.


Godemiche wand attachment in purple in "waves" texture

I was the most excited about this one because the Waves is one of my alltime favourite textures from Godemiche’s increasingly extensive range of grinding toys.

I’ve always found this one works best with a firm surface underneath because I want to grind against it hard. So putting it on a wand topper is genius because it allows you to apply as much pressure as you like and move it in different motions. A back-and-forth motion with the vibrator on a low or medium setting feels like having dozens of little tongues flicking over your clit.

Get this one if… you’re looking for continual clitoral stimulation that’s soft and flexible, yet still moderately intense.


Godemiche wand attachment in gold in "ridges" texture

This one is best suited to those who prefer more intense stimulation. It feels a bit like the Waves, only “more” – the ridges are firmer and have less give to them, but you still get that continuous back-and-forth stimulation.

I absolutely adore this one, particularly in combination with the vibrations. I’ve also found that this one works really well if I put the vibrator down on a surface (such as the bed, a sex pillow, or a wand mount) and then grind against it.

Get this one if… you prefer a more intense rubbing sensation, or have enjoyed the Waves texture but wished it was a little firmer.


Godemiche wand attachment in pink in "bubbles" texture

I don’t reach for my Bubbles Grind Rings that often because they’re slightly too gentle for me. When I want texture, I generally want a little more than this subtle design can provide. It’s fine for a warm-up or when I’m already feeling very sensitive, but by itself it doesn’t do a huge amount for me.

With that said, this will work really well for some people and might be a good choice for those who are trying textured wand toppers for the first time.

Get this one if… you prefer a gentler sensation or find too much extreme texture overwhelming or uncomfortable.


Obsessed. Ob. Sessed.

A way to make my beloved Doxy even better? Fuck yes. I adore these things and will be yelling about them to every wand vibrator fan I know.

Godemiche wand attachments retail for £39.99 for a surprise colourway, £47.99 for a single colour of your choice, and £53.99 for a dual colourway of your choice.

Thanks to Godemiche for providing me with these products to review. All opinions are, as always, mine. Affiliate links appear in this post!

[Toy Review] Lovense Dolce

Lovense pioneered the world of app-controlled sex toys, and remains perhaps the biggest name in that particular field. I’ve been really enjoying doing a series of reviews of some of their bestselling products recently. Following my recent reviews of the Flexer and Nora (and my ages-ago reviews of the Ferri, Domi 2, and Lush 2), next up is my Lovense Dolce review.

What is the Lovense Dolce?

Lovense Lush review product image - C-shaped pink wearable vibrator

The Lovense Dolce is a dual stimulation clitoral and G-spot vibrator. With its body in the familiar C-shape that we see on many similar toys, the Dolce is designed to be wearable and to be used hands-free. The idea is that the wider of the two arms sits inside the vagina, while the other arm rests against the clitoris.

This toy is bendable, meaning that you can adjust the central hinge to position it in a way that works for your body. It offers an insertable length of around 3″, and the clitoral stimulator is around 3.5″ in length. The insertable diameter is 1.4″ at the widest point.

Product image for Lovense Dolce Review showing the toy's bendable central hinge

The Dolce is made of body-safe matte silicone (very matte – plenty of lube required with this one!) It is IPX7 waterproof, or completely submersible for up to 30 minutes. A full charge with the included USB cable takes 70 minutes and gives you up to 2 hours of runtime. It also comes with a storage pouch.

Lovense Dolce Review: The Good

I’ve had mixed experiences with wearable dual stimulation toys over the years. Some have worked pretty well for me, while others have been total failures. How did the Dolce stack up? First let’s look at the things about it that I did like.

Lovense Dolce product image close up on ribbed underside of the toy
(Please ignore my horrible ratty nails – they desperately need redoing!)

  • It offers clitoral stimulation! I have to admit I have never really understood the seeming obsession so many people have with the Lovense Lush – a toy that provides no clit stimulation at all, which most people with vulvas need in order to orgasm. If you enjoy the Lush but want to get your clit involved too, or if you haven’t bothered with it because you need clit stimulation with your G-spot vibes, then the Dolce might be the toy for you.
  • The Dolce’s bendable design is fantastic. One of the eternal problems with dual stimulation toys is that they simply do not fit everyone’s anatomy. You can adjust the Dolce’s hinge until it sits correctly for your unique body shape. It won’t suit all bodies, of course – no toy can do that – but it will work for far more than a fixed shape toy would.
  • The vibrations are seriously strong. This is by far the most powerful wearable dual stimulation vibrator I have ever tried. I’m not sure I would go as far as to describe them as rumbly – there’s definitely more buzz at the higher levels, in particular – but they’re powerful enough to get the job done.
  • I love the ribbed texture on the underside of the clitoral stimulator.
  • It has dual directional controls! I feel like I bang on about this all the time, but I am so sick of toys with one button interfaces. Being able to move through the inbuilt settings (3 speeds and 7 patterns) in both directions is a refreshing change.
  • It actually stays in place well for hands-free/minimal-hands use.
  • Like most Lovense toys, the app adds a tonne of new options and levels of functionality. You can control the two motors independently, add or create new patterns, or sync your toy to music. You can also hand over control remotely (either to a partner or anonymously via a link – a lot of cam performers like Lovense toys for this reason.)
  • The app connectivity and responsiveness is excellent. I delved into the details of the Lovense app in more detail in some of my previous Lovense reviews, so check those out so I don’t just repeat myself!
  • It’s not too loud. I wouldn’t use it out in public unless you were in a space with a lot of noise, like a nightclub, but for general use its noise is pretty unobtrusive.

Lovense Dolce Review: The Bad

Close up of Lovense Dolce buttons

There were also a few things about the Dolce that I didn’t enjoy so much. Namely:

  • The goddamn neon pink colour again. It’s so so so bright. It practically hurts my eyes to look at it! I wouldn’t mind so much if the toys were available in literally any other colour, but the fact that so many of Lovense’s vulva toys are only available in bright neon pink has weird gendered connotations that I do not like.
  • The controls on the toy itself are kind of confusing. The “up” button is also the on/off button, and once you get up to the 7th setting it does not cycle back around to the first if you tap the up button again.
  • The options are pretty limited without using the app. In particular, you can’t control the two motors independently using the manual controls.
  • Though you can control the two motors separately through the app, the toy transmits a lot of vibrations throughout. This means you’re always going to feel at least some vibes in both ends even when only one motor is switched on. Honestly, there were times when I wasn’t even 100% sure which of the two motors I had running.
  • It’s heavy enough that I wouldn’t feel confident standing or walking around with it in for very long. The weight also makes it challenging to wear for more than a few minutes at a time.


If you’re looking for a seriously powerful dual stimulation wearable vibe, look no further. I would recommend the Dolce to anyone who enjoys strong internal and external vibrations together, as long as you are able to comfortably wear a moderately heavy insertable.

With that said, the Dolce is pretty expensive. I can only really recommend it if the app features, long distance functionalities, or hands-free options are important to you. If not, you can get toys that will do much the same thing for a fraction of the price. Overall, though, an excellent product.

The Dolce retails for £210 but is currently on sale for £109 in the Lovense Pride month sale!

Thanks to the company for supporting this Lovense Dolce review by sending me the product free of charge. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] Lovense Flexer

I’m really enjoying creating this Lovense review series. Lovense have been a giant in the world of app controlled sex toys since creating the very first ones – the Max and Nora – in 2013, and their toys are consistently amongst the best reviewed in the industry. This week, it’s time for a Lovense Flexer review. (I’ve also got a Dolce review coming up soon, so look out for that.)

What is the Lovense Flexer?

Product image of pink dual stimulation panty vibrator for Lovense Flexer review

The Lovense Flexer is an dual stimulation app-controlled wearable, hands-free vibrator, also called a “panty vibrator.” It is designed to mimic a fingering sensation (does it succeed? Go to the next section to find out!) The insertable portion measures 4″ in length and 1.4″ in diameter at the widest point, and the clitoral arm measures just under 2″ in length.

It has two vibrating motors, one for the clit and one for the G-spot, as well as a third motor controlling a “come hither” motion. The internal part moves gently back and forth against the G-spot, while the external part does the same against the clit. If you’re struggling to envision what I mean, check out the little video on the product page.

The Lovense Flexer is made of body-safe silicone. It is IPX7 waterproof (submersible for up to 30 minutes) and USB rechargeable. It also comes with a drawstring storage bag.

Lovense Flexer Review: What I Liked

I approach insertable toys, particularly those that claim to be hands-free, with a healthy degree of scepticism and low expectations. They often just don’t work particularly well for my body. However, the Flexer was a pleasant surprise which blew my expectations out of the water in many ways.

Product image of pink dual stimulation panty vibrator for Lovense Flexer review

The many things I liked about it include:

  • It actually moves when it’s inside me! I have tried some toys that claim to have come-hither motions but, once inserted, basically don’t move. This is not that.
  • For me, the level of intensity from the come-hither motion is just about perfect. It’s fairly gentle – it certainly doesn’t feel like someone pounding me with their fingers as hard as they can! – but still enough to be felt. Yes, excellent, top marks.
  • It actually works hands-free! Anyone who has seen me talk about “hands-free” toys before knows what a feat this is. But yes, I can use this toy with minimal to no use of my hands. This presents a bunch of fun possibilities for potential ways to use it. [1]
  • It fits my body well. Dual stimulation toys in a fixed shape are always a bit of a gamble because all our bodies are built differently, but this one can sit comfortably inside me and make reliable contact with my clit.
  • Speaking of which, a wearable vibrator that actually offers good clitoral stimulation! Wow! This shouldn’t be a novel concept, given that the overwhelming majority of people with vulvas require clit stimulation to orgasm, but somehow it still is.
  • When the toy is inside me, the external arm sort of moves back and forth against my clit. Which feels, if I may be blunt, fucking incredible.
  • Some reviewers have expressed a wish that this toy was softer, but I actually enjoy the firmness in this case.
  • You can control the vibrations and the come hither motion separately. So if you’re in the mood for one and not the other, no problem.
  • The charging-time-to-battery-life ratio is pretty good. A one-hour charge will give 1.5-2 hours of use, depending on settings.

[1] Pro tip: if you struggle with using this toy hands-free, try a few different positions. It works particularly well for me in a face-down position, but your mileage may vary. It also works really well in a sitting position. Potentially one for the erotica writers who get turned on while they work!

What I Didn’t Like

Product image of pink dual stimulation panty vibrator for Lovense Flexer review

Despite an overall very positive experience with the Flexer – honestly, far more positive than I was expecting – it does have some problems and downsides.

  • The silicone is very matte, to the point of being quite uncomfortable to insert and wear if it’s not adequately lubed. Unfortunately, too much lube means it is likely to fall out! There’s a fine balancing act with this one, and getting the lube quantity slightly wrong really hampers the experience.
  • It also tends to fall out if I stand up and walk around while wearing it.
  • There doesn’t seem to be any way to control the two vibrating motors separately, even in the app. This can be a problem if, like me, you enjoy external vibrations much more than internal ones.
  • The interface on the toy itself (i.e. without the app) is really minimal, just one button with 7 preset options (3 speeds and 7 patterns.)
  • I hate the colour. I’m not against pink in general but this is like… eye-hurtingly neon pink.
  • The noise. I am yet to find a come-hither toy that DOESN’T do this, to be fair, but it squeaks in a way that is really, really distracting and kind of a sensory nightmare. It’s also fairly loud and distinctive so honestly, I wouldn’t recommend using this one out and about unless you’re in a place with a LOT of background noise (like a nightclub.)

How is the App Functionality?

I’ve had a mixed experience with Lovense toys in that some really need the app to get the most out of the product, while others function fine without it. The Flexer is definitely in the former camp.

The Lovense app offers both long-distance and close-range control for the Flexer. The close range function works over 20-30 feet (depending upon obstacles and signal, presumably) and the long distance function can operate from anywhere in the world with Bluetooth and an internet connection.

I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot with the Lovense app as it’s broadly much the same over all toys in the range, so suffice to say that the connectivity is quick, the connection is stable, the responsiveness is excellent, and there are tonnes of options – from syncing your toy with music to connecting with various adult camming platforms. There’s also interactive content, games, and the ability to send someone an anonymous “control link” for a set period of time.

The app is also what enables you to control the vibrations and the come hither motions separately, and to hand over control to your partner if you want to. (They will also need the app and a decent Bluetooth connection.)

Unlike many toy companies, Lovense allows you to add more than one partner in its app without removing anyone. This is a small thing, but it really does make a difference to those of us who are non-monogamous.

Honestly, I mostly use the app in its most basic way – controlling the motors while masturbating with the toy solo. But it does the job, and it does it well.

Lovense Flexer Review: Verdict

I would not recommend buying this toy unless you are comfortable with using the app pretty much whenever you use the toy. Without it, the functionality just isn’t there to justify the price tag. I also wouldn’t recommend this one if you’re looking for a toy for discreet public play. Both the volume and the type of noise this toy produces make it likely it will be audible, and involving people in your play without their consent isn’t okay.

The sensation this toy offers, though, is fantastic. It’s also not exactly like any other product I’ve tried.

The Lovense Flexer retails for £159 but is currently on sale for Pride month at just £89.

Thanks to Lovense for sending me this product to review. This Lovense Flexer review contains affiliate links and buying through them sends me a small commission at no extra cost to you.

[Toy Review] Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro

When a company offers me toys to review and gives me free rein to choose products from their catalogue, as Funzze did recently, it becomes an increasingly complicated decision the longer I do this work. There are, after all, only so many variations on the basic vibrator, dildo, or stroker out there in the world, and I do like to keep things interesting. I tend to select review products, therefore, in one of three ways:

  1. Choose the thing I think might actually get me off
  2. Choose something with an intriguing name or description
  3. Choose the most bonkers and unhinged stuff I can find

On this occasion, I went with a combination both options #1 and #2, which is how the amusingly-named but intriguingly-designed Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro came to be in my possession.

What is the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro?

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator

The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro is described as a “high frequency clit stimulator.” It tapers up to a point, ending in a rounded tip which rotates at high speeds when the vibrations are switched on. It is made of body-safe silicone with an ABS plastic accent band above the handle.

The Orgasm Monster also comes with two additional removable silicone tips, one shaped like a little tongue and the other shaped like a pair of bunny ears.

The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro is USB rechargeable and fully waterproof (submersible.) It also comes with a storage bag, which is a nice touch you don’t usually get for toys at this price-point. In terms of battery life, I got a couple of hours out of mine on a full charge.

What I Liked About This Toy

I found a lot to like about the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro, particularly given its very affordable price (we’ll talk about that more in a minute.) So what did I like about it?

  • Perhaps most importantly, it lived up to its name. It gets me off, and it does so pretty reliably.
  • I love the inclusion of the additional heads! This simple little extra adds so much more bang for your buck, do to speak. It also makes the toy an appealing choice for those who are new to clitoral toys. Having options allows you to experiment with a few different sensations to find out what you like. Each of the three options (no head, bunny ears head, or tongue head) provides a distinctive experience.
  • The stimulation this toy offers is very, very pinpoint. Of course, this isn’t everyone’s thing. It’s not even my thing all the time – I have to be in the mood for it! But when that’s what I’m after, this toy delivers. If you are looking for seriously pinpoint clitoral pleasure, you’ll find it here.
  • I absolutely love the bunny ears attachment. The soft and flexible ears flicker back and forth, and – in my experience – feel particularly good when positioned on either side of my clit from above, stimulating it from the sides.
  • The tip offers a good mix of firmness and flexibility. The “ball” at the top is pretty firm, but the neck leading to it has some give. This means that you can enjoy intense stimulation but, for me at least, without it tipping over into “so intense it’s painful.”
  • It’s pretty powerful, particularly when used without either of the attachments! I can sometimes orgasm with this toy without even turning it onto the most powerful setting, which is pretty impressive (and, honestly, pretty rare.)
  • It is not “silent”, despite what the marketing copy says (there is literally no such thing as a silent vibrator. It does not exist.) However, at under 50dB it’s also not too loud and its noise level and type is fairly unobtrusive.
  • The handle is comfortable to hold and only minimally transmits vibrations into my hand.
  • Its single button is easy to press, well positioned, and sufficiently raised that you can feel for it without needing to look.
  • It retails at just $35.99. That’s about £28 for my UK readers. There’s also a one-year warranty included should you have any problems.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator

Overall, I like the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro quite a lot. There were a few things that didn’t work so well for me, though:

  • I really don’t like the tongue attachment. Despite the promising flicking motion when I switched it on, the flicking completely stops as soon as I actually apply it to my body. The result is the sensation of being poked in the clit by the surprisingly pointy little tongue. Your experience may vary, of course, as this is really a matter of personal preference.
  • This is probably unavoidable, but the tips do dampen the vibration transmission quite a bit. I found this more noticeable with the tongue attachment than the bunny ears one, but with both it significantly reduced the intensity.
  • I don’t love the one-button interface. It’s easy to use, but only being able to scroll one way through the settings and patterns is annoying. For a toy this intense, it would greatly improve the user experience to be able to go down a setting without having to scroll all the way back through.
  • The vibrations, though decently strong, are pretty buzzy. I personally find that less problematic on a pinpoint toy than a broader one, for some reason, but it’s something to be aware of.


This is a surprisingly good little clitoral toy at a very affordable price! Whether you’re on a budget or just looking to experiment with pinpoint clitoral toys, it’s a good pick and holds its own against many of its much pricier competitors. I probably need to reevaluate my cynicism about cheaper toys, honestly. They really do seem to be getting better and better all the time. This one impressed me more than I expected it to!

The Orgasm Monster Pro is available directly from Funzze.

Thanks to Funzze for sponsoring this post. This means they paid me to write an honest and unbiased review. All opinions and writing are, as always, mine.

[Toy Review] Nothosaur Toys ALLA

Nothosaur Toys only recently came onto my radar, when they reached out and asked about sponsorship. But I’ve already begun recommending them to readers who ask me about fantasy toys. With an impressive collection including alien dildos, tentacle dildos, dragon dildos, fantasy grinders, and much more, they have all sorts of great offerings for fans of the weird and wonderful.

Nothosaur were also kind enough to send me a product from their range to review. Meet the ALLA.

What is the Nothosaur Toys ALLA?

Nothosaur Toys ALLA, a long pink and blue tentacle dildo

The Nothosaur Toys ALLA is a tentacle dildo based on sources such as the Kraken sea monster mythology and the Cthulhu science fiction/horror stories. And it is literally a giant tentacle. It features a large heavy base and two rows of suckers along a flexible shaft. The long shaft tapers gently to a point.

The ALLA is available in several colourways. I chose the light pinkish-purple with blue accents known as “Redemption”, which is super pretty. For a small additional cost, you can also request a custom colourway of your choice.

The ALLA is available in six sizes, ranging from XS (11.8″ in total length) up to “Legendary” (41″ in total length.) Pay close attention to the size chart when you’re ordering, because if you’re not careful you’ll end up with something a lot bigger than you expected! I ordered the ALLA in a medium, which measures 22″ in total length and 1.1″ in diameter towards the top of the tentacle. The sheer idea of one that’s almost twice as large again makes my eyes water, but you might be a lot braver than me!

What I Like About the ALLA

Nothosaur Toys are gaining a great reputation in the world of fantasy sex toys, and it’s easy to see why. The ALLA is the first of their products I have tried, and there are plenty of things about it that I really like. Namely:

  • The Nothosaur Toys ALLA is a beautifully designed dildo. If you have a tentacle kink, I don’t think you could do much better! The detailing is impressive and the use of the two silicone colours adds both depth and an ethereal, otherworldly quality which can be tremendously appealing to lovers of fantasy toys. The Nothosaur dragon insignia is stamped into the base.
  • The silicone is body-safe and looks and feels to be of a high quality. So many fantasy toys are still being made from unsafe jelly materials or porous TPE/TPR. It’s great to see more and more silicone options coming onto the market. The ALLA’s silicone is very matte, and the suckers can be a little grabby, so using plenty of water-based lube is essential.
  • “Depth play” and “depth training” – gradually training your body to take longer toys safely and comfortably, either vaginally or anally – isn’t my thing as I find it far more painful than pleasurable. However, it is a fairly popular kink and relatively few body-safe toy options for this purpose have been available. The ALLA, with its softness and long, tapered body, is perfect for those who want to focus on depth of penetration in their play.
Nothosaur Toys ALLA tentacle dildo, close up of suckers

  • That texture! Oh my goodness, that texture! The ALLA’s suckers provide incredible additional stimulation when you use it internally. And there’s another possibility, too: repurposing the ALLA as a grinding toy for clitoral play. Seriously, try it and thank me later.
  • Thanks to the large base and lengthy shaft, the ALLA is anal-safe if that’s your thing.
  • Its suction cup holds it in place well despite its large size and significant weight. Some reviewers have commented that they can hang the entire toy from the ceiling with the suction cup!
  • The toy arrived quickly, and was discreetly packaged with no indication of what was inside.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Nothosaur Toys ALLA tentacle dildo, shown in full length

When I tried to use it for (presumably) its intended purpose of penetration, I found the ALLA to be slightly too floppy and flexible to be truly satisfying. I was able to insert it with plenty of lubrication and warm-up, but it took a few attempts because it kept bending away from my body when I applied pressure rather than slipping inside. If you enjoy very soft, flexible and gentle toys, this might be a good thing for you. For me, though, I found I wanted a little more rigidity.

I ordered the ALLA in medium firmness (the firmer of the two available options, the other being “soft.”) So keep this in mind if you’re looking for a firmer penetrative toy. I’m actually not convinced I’d be able to use it anally for this reason. All bodies are different, though, so your mileage may vary.

Due to its design, the ALLA can also be a bit of a pain to clean. All those little suckers can harbour bodily fluids, which can breed bacteria if not properly cleaned. For that reason, I really recommend boil-sterilising your toy after each use to ensure that it is completely clean. It just has too many creases and crevices for me to feel confident recommending any other method.


The ALLA is totally different from anything else in my collection, and I kind of love it. I am unlikely to use it as a penetrative toy again (as I said, it’s a little too flexible for me and ultra lengthy toys aren’t really my thing.) However, I will definitely be making plenty of use of the clitoral stimulation possibilities afforded by all those fabulous little suckers!

If you’re looking for a fantasy-style depth trainer or just have a kink for tentacles, you’ll love this toy.

The ALLA’s retail price depends upon the size and customisation options you choose. It begins from just $79.99 for the XS size in a standard colourway, up to $379.99 for the Legendary size. With the smaller options surprisingly affordable and the larger options reasonably priced considering the materials and skill that go into crafting these toys, I am happy to call the Nothosaur ALLA a great value product!

You can also use coupon code COFFEE for 10% off your entire Nothosaur Toys order.

Thanks to Nothosaur Toys for sending me the ALLA and sponsoring this honest and unbiased review. All views and writing, as ever, are mine. Don’t forget to check out the rest of the Nothosaur catalogue including the limited-edition Pride range!

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo

In my first Mr Hankey’s Toys review last month, I noted that I was kinda blown away by the sheer size of the toy in front of me. That theme continues in this, the second of three Mr Hankey’s reviews: today, we’re looking at the descriptively-named Unicorn Dildo.

When the Mr Hankey’s Toys gave me pretty much free rein (heh) to pick a selection of toys from their site, I couldn’t possibly resist this one. I mean, just look at it!

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn dildo pink unicorn horn dildo

Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo is available in four sizes, ranging in total length from 12″ up to 18.38″, in insertable length from 7″ up to 12″, and in diameter at the widest insertable point from 1.51″ up to 2.7″. I requested the second smallest size (“Medium”), which measures 14″ in overall length, 8″ in insertable length, and 1.83″ in diameter at the widest insertable point. Once the decorative base is factored in, this is a large toy.

This toy is made of 100% body-safe silicone.

It is also available in four firmness levels: 40% soft (the softest), 75% soft, medium firm, and extra firm. You can get it in any of 24 different colourways, including a white/gold two tone. I requested bubblegum pink because I was feeling extra femme that day and it seemed somehow appropriate for this toy. There’s also the option to add a vac-u-lock hole.

Things I Like About the Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn dildo bent in the middle to show its flexibility

I mean, the entire design of this toy is just so whimsical and delightful. When you’ve tested and reviewed as many sex toys as I have, one vaguely penis-shaped piece of silicone starts to blend into the next. (Figuratively. Silicone toys do not melt together in storage and I wish this stupid myth would die already. But that’s a rant for another day.)

But a toy that looks like a unicorn horn? Yeah, that’s new and novel. The detailing is impressive and gives a fun and playful feel that makes me smile every time I see its silly face and ginormous horn on my desk, where it is currently functioning as a particularly “extra” paperweight.

I chose the 75% soft option, which is the second softest. In this shape, that means the horn part is very squishy, bendy, and flexible. According to the company, this softness level mimics a bio-cock at 75-80% of full erection, but on this product it definitely seems softer and more flexible than that. If you want anything other than serious squish and flex, go for one of the firmer options. If, like me, you tend to prefer less intense insertable toys, the 75% soft is a great choice.

I also like the gently tapered design a lot. Coupled with the flex, this makes it ideal for targeted but not-too-intense G-spot stimulation.

The texturing of the horn is lovely, too. A lot of textured insertable toys are too much for me. They can be so intense that they become uncomfortable or even painful. The Unicorn Dildo, though, has a subtle rippling, twisted texture that is pronounced enough to be felt but also gentle.

Thanks to the bottom-heavy design, the Unicorn Dildo stands on its own. The company does warn that not all firmness levels and sizes will necessarily do this, though, so be aware of that if this feature is important to you. It does mean that putting it down on a firm surface and using it hands-free is potentially an option for users who are so inclined.

This large base also means that the Unicorn Dildo is totally anal-safe, if that’s your thing.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn horn dildo

As with the Perfect Penis dildo I reviewed last month, my only real complaint with the Unicorn Horn dildo is that it’s heavy. The large and solid base really adds some weight and heft to this toy, meaning that it can be a challenge to lift and manipulate if you struggle with holding heavy objects.

The silicone is perhaps a little more matte than I would ideally prefer, which means it can be quite grabby. For large toys like this one, that’s very noticeable. However, it’s nothing that you can’t solve with plenty of water-based lube. It also picks up quite a lot of lint and dust in storage, so you’ll want to give it a quick wash or wipe before each use.

Due to the grooves and ridges of the detailed design, I recommend boil-sterilising your Unicorn Dildo to ensure that it’s not harbouring any bacteria in those hard-to-clean areas.

Otherwise? No complaints at all.


I love this product! Even in the second smallest size, it’s probably a little too large and hefty for me to actually use it super often, though it’ll definitely get the occasional outing for its intended purpose. It is playful and unique, the insertable part is genuinely well-designed, and when I’m not using it I’ll probably keep it on display anyway because it makes a fun ornament in the sex-positive den of chaos that is my office.

I love that Mr Hankey’s Toys are offering very large dildos made exclusively of body-safe materials. I often receive requests for large toy recommendations. Unfortunately, many of the manufacturers making them are still using unsafe and porous materials. Mr Hankey’s Toys products aren’t cheap, but you’ll get some serious quality for your money. With a little care, one of these toys could last years if not decades.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo starts from $134.95 for the smallest size in a basic colourway. Prices increase as you go up in size and add customisations.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. This means they paid me to write a fair and honest review. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Funzze Super Powerful Massager

It’s no secret that I love wand vibrators. I don’t even know how many I own at this point – it must be at least a dozen, possibly closer to 20. Yet, whenever I get offered the chance to review one, I jump at it. They’re a classic for a reason, after all, and have stood the test of time ever since Betty Dodson taught women how to masturbate with the Hitachi Magic Wand in the living room of her New York apartment back in the 1970s. (What a legend that woman was.)

I’m pleased to be bringing you another wand vibrator review today courtesy of Funzze, who kindly sent me the Funzze Super Powerful Massager, their take on the wand vibrator, to try out and review for you all.

Funzze Super Powerful Massager

Funzze Super Powerful Massager wand vibrator

The Funzze Super Powerful Massager is a wand style vibrator with a long handle and a large head, measuring a total of 13.5″ in length. Its head is made of body-safe silicone and the body is ABS plastic. The button panel, located in the middle of the handle, is also silicone. The only colour it comes in is black.

This toy is USB rechargeable. You’ll get anything from an hour to 2 hours of use (depending on settings) out of a full charge, which takes around 3 hours.

The Funzze Super Powerful Massager arrived in discreet packaging, with the toys packed in simple branded cardboard boxes. It also comes with a drawstring storage bag.

What I Like About the Funzze Super Powerful Massager

Funzze Super Powerful Massager wand vibrator bent to show the flexible neck

In short, I am really impressed with how well the Funzze Super Powerful Massager holds up, even compared to much more expensive products. Let’s have a look at all the specific things I liked about it.

  • First and most importantly: those vibrations! The Funzze Super Powerful Massager really lives up to its name – its power level is seriously impressive. Even better, the vibrations are fairly rumbly. This means that you get deep, satisfying stimulation rather than a numbing buzz. It gets the job done, and it gets it done quickly and reliably.
  • The firmness of the head. This makes it easy to get a good amount of pressure, and it transmits the vibrations well.
  • The flexible neck. This allows you to position the toy exactly where and how you want it. However, it’s not so flexible that it’s impossible to get any pressure. This can be a difficult balance to strike, but this toy does it well.
  • There are 8 speed settings and a massive 20 different patterns, which can be used in any combination.
  • It is compatible with many standard wand attachments. Want to add texture or turn your wand into a penis masturbator or rabbit vibe? Just add a topper and you’re good to go.
  • It’s fairly light for its size, weighing just over 300g.
  • The buttons are easy to press, well placed, and the controls are intuitive. There’s an on/off button, a button to change the pattern, and a button to change the speed. The buttons are raised and large enough that it’s easy to press them without looking.
  • An on/off button that you just press and don’t have to hold down. This might sound like a small thing, but it really makes a difference to my experience using a toy.
  • The inclusion of a storage bag is a nice touch, particularly for such an inexpensive product.
  • The super affordable price point! The Funzze Super Powerful Massager retails for a bargain $29.99. It also comes with a 1-year warranty should anything go wrong.

Any Downsides?

Funzze Super Powerful Massager wand vibrator buttons

With all of those good things said, there were a few small things about the Funzze Super Powerful Massager that didn’t work so well for me.

  • For some reason, when you switch on the Funzze Super Powerful Massager, it starts at the highest setting. This might not be a problem for those of us whose usual vibrator use pattern is “stick it on the most powerful speed and leave it there.” (Hello!) But if you prefer to start slowly and work up through the speeds, having to immediately switch down when you turn it on could be annoying.
  • The speed and pattern controls only scroll one way. So if you want to go back a step, you have to cycle all the way through all the settings to do so.
  • It’s not waterproof. Which is fair enough – most wand vibrators aren’t. This isn’t a big deal to me as I don’t generally use toys in water anyway, but if you like to masturbate in the bath or shower this is something to bear in mind. It also means it’s better to clean the wand with a sterile body-safe wipe rather than soap and water.
  • It’s moderately loud (companies: please stop claiming your toys are quiet when they demonstrably aren’t.) All wand vibrators are going to be loud to a certain extent, and it’s not egregious, but it’s certainly noticeable.
  • The single use plastic wrap around the toy inside the packaging box was unnecessary and is not very environmentally friendly.


I’m often cynical about toys at very low price points, assuming they can’t possibly compete with their higher priced counterparts. I should probably reevaluate that assumption, though, because the Funzze Super Powerful Massager is so, so, so good for the price. Whether you’re on a budget and looking for a reliable staple or seeking an entry-level product to see whether wand vibrators work for you, this is a great option. Despite the small issues I identified, it’s an excellent toy that can easily compete with many of the pricier products in my collection.

You can buy this product directly from Funzze.

Thanks to Funzze for sending me this product and sponsoring this unbiased review. All writing and views are, as always, mine.

[Toy Review] Honey Play Box TICKLER

I’ve reviewed a few Honey Play Box products before, including the bestselling Oly and a pair of tongue vibrators. They offer a large catalogue of products including vulva toys, penis toys, kink and BDSM gear, app controlled toys, and more. I’m pleased to be back with another Honey Play Box review this week: this time, we’re looking at the TICKLER rabbit vibrator.

Honey Play Box TICKLER

Product image of TICKLER rabbit vibrator for Honey Play Box review

The Honey Play Box TICKLER (or the TICKLER Wiggling G-Spot Vibrator & Tapping Clitoral Stimulator, to give it its full and rather ostentatious title) is a rabbit style toy. The shaft features two round, firm balls that move up and down, and the clitoral stimulator features another ball that makes a rapid tapping motion. Its shaft also vibrates.

The TICKLER measures 8.9″ in total length (just under 5″ insertable) and 1.65″ in diameter at the widest point. It weighs around 270g.

The TICKLER is made of body-safe bright red silicone with ABS plastic accents and button panel. It’s also available in black. It is IPX6 waterproof (able to withstand powerful water jets, but not submersible) and USB rechargeable.

I will confess that upon unboxing the TICKLER, I immediately sent a picture to a friend with a joke about the balls on the shaft. On first glance, I found the design somewhat baffling and couldn’t work out quite how it would feel. I’ll give it this, though: it’s different. And toys that are a bit different, innovative or creative always spark my curiosity.

Things I Like About the TICKLER

Product image of TICKLER rabbit vibrator for Honey

Despite my initial scepticism, I did find a lot to like about the Honey Play Box TICKLER. I confess I find one standard rabbit vibrator much the same as any other, and often lacklustre (with a few notable exceptions). So encountering one that’s genuinely a bit different had me excited to try it out.

With that in mind, what did I like about the Honey Play Box TICKLER?

  • The silicone is lovely and soft. It’s quite matte, so plenty of lube is important, but it feels high quality and nice to the touch.
  • The shaft is well-designed for G-spot stimulation, with a slight curve, a gentle taper, and just enough firmness.
  • The clitoral stimulator is very flexible. This makes it easy to position the toy correctly for your anatomy and comfort.
  • Once the toy is correctly positioned, the moving internal balls actually feel really good. I’m not sure I would describe the sensation as the product copy does – “pinching and releasing.” But I might describe it as a kind of rolling internal massage.
  • I love, love, love the tapping clitoral stimulator! It feels somewhat like a very rumbly vibrator, but actually reminds me more of many of the oscillating toys I’ve tried. The stimulation it offers is deep, getting right down into the tissue of the internal clit, and deeply satisfying.
  • You can use any of the three settings – vibrations, clitoral tapping, and rolling balls – together, separately, or in any combination. This makes the toy far more versatile and allows people who only enjoy certain types of stimulation to enjoy it. (For example, many people do not find internal vibrations pleasurable.)
  • There are an impressive 10 vibration settings (3 constant speeds and 7 patterns), 10 clitoral tapping settings (4 speeds and 6 patterns), and 10 ball massaging settings (3 speeds and 7 patterns) to choose from.
  • The buttons are well placed and easy to press.
  • The toy was delivered discreetly packaged, and presented inside a sturdy box with a pretty design on it.

Overall? Excellent.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Product image of TICKLER rabbit vibrator for Honey

With all of those good things said, there were a few things about the TICKLER that didn’t work so well for me:

  • The battery life isn’t great. You’ll get around 1 hour of use out of a 2.5 hour charge.
  • The noise. The clitoral stimulator and vibrations are fine, but the massage balls make a horrible high pitched squeaking noise that’s intensely grating.
  • The vibrations in the shaft are very buzzy and numb me out quickly.
  • I wish the buttons were a bit bigger or a bit more clearly marked.
  • The shape and positioning of the balls makes it a bit of a nightmare to clean, especially as you can’t submerse it. I recommend using a body-safe sterile wipe to make sure you’ve got any bodily fluids out of all the creases and crevices, then rinsing it off with gentle soap and water.

TICKLER by Honey Play Box Review: Verdict

This strange little design is far more effective than I thought it would be on first glance! It has a lot to recommend it and is reasonably priced. If you enjoy rabbit vibrators and are looking for a dual stimulation toy with a little something different to offer, the TICKLER is a great pick.

The TICKLER retails for £59.99. You can use code COFFEE for 15% off this and any other product sitewide.

This Honey Play Box review was sponsored, meaning the company paid me to write a fair and honest review. Sponsorship helps to keep the site going and allows me to keep bringing you honest and sex-positive content. All views are, as always, my own.