Tag: silly

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New Suction Toy Launch: Introducing the Suck-o-Saurus

Published on by Amy

Despite the date, I promise you that this is a real product that actually exists! Mine is sitting next to me on my desk as I’m typing out this review.

You might remember Velvet Brands from the review of their Velvet Thruster Sex Machine that I published about a year ago. Well, they are back and proud to announce their new toy which is hitting the market today. Meet the Little GOO dinosaur sex toy, also lovingly known as the Suck-o-Saurus.

It looks a little something like this:

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur sex toy clit sucker

What is the Suck-o-Saurus?

The Little GOO, AKA the Suck-o-Saurus, is a clitoral suction toy shaped like a little green dinosaur. It uses a patented reciprocating motion technology to deliver suction-like stimulation to the clitoris. The suction part is located in the base, not in the end of the dinosaur’s face as I assumed it would be!

It is rechargeable via the included magnetic cable, fully IPX7 waterproof and submersible, and made of body-safe silicone. There’s a simple one button interface to turn it on and off and change the setting. It offers six constant speeds (no patterns). The nozzle is also removable for easy cleaning.

The Suck-o-Saurus measures a petite 4″ in height and is small enough to hold comfortably. It’s got more weight to it than I was expecting, and is very firm. Despite the unusual shape, I didn’t have any problems with positioning or comfort while I was using it.

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur clitoral suction toy

The Suck-o-Saurus retails for an incredibly affordable $35. Compared to many suction toys on the market, which can go for $100 or more (occasionally a lot more,) this is frankly a steal. If you’re on a budget or looking for something to try out suction toys without committing to a more expensive purchase, it’s a great place to start. And if something goes wrong it’s under a 1-year no-questions-asked warranty, so you can purchase with confidence.

Okay But… Why?

We’ve had sex toys shaped like rabbits for decades. In recent years we’ve also had penguins, whales, mushrooms, lipsticks, emojis, birds, peaches, and more. So why not dinosaurs as well?

I often think that sex is too serious and should be more fun and playful, and this extends to the toys we use. There’s a time and a place, of course, for beautiful and sensual toys. But there’s also a time and a place for silly and fun toys. Laughter as part of a sexual relationship can help to diffuse tension or awkwardness, break the ice, and help everyone to feel more relaxed.

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur sex toy

On a more serious note, some users – particularly first timers and those newer to the world of sex toys – can find it quite intimidating to choose and use a toy. If choosing something playful – especially if it’s body-safe too – helps those people to feel safer and more comfortable in exploring, I’m all for it.

Over the last few years, thanks to a viral TikTok sensation and some hilariously worded reviews (I’m still laughing at “My legs shot out like one of those little goats that get paralyzed when they’re scared,”) everyone has been obsessed with rose sex toys. That trend, though understandable, has probably just about run its course with virtually every sex toy company I can think of coming out with their own iteration of “the rose.” Will dinosaur sex toys be the next big thing to replace them?

Is the Suck-o-Saurus Any Good?

I’m hoping to work with Velvet on a full review of this product later in the year, so I won’t go into too much depth here, but I know you’re all dying to know whether this whimsical little toy is actually any good.

Well, I’m pleased to tell you that it is! The nozzle is on the smaller side, so this is something to be aware of if you have a larger clitoris or prefer the nozzle to surround more of your clit when you use a suction toy. Its power is good and manages not to be too buzzy, even on the higher settings. The button is easy to press and, since there are only 6 settings, the single button interface doesn’t annoy me as much as they usually do!

When I see cute, quirky or silly sex toy designs, I often worry they are going to be nothing but gimmick. In this case, though, Velvet have released a legitimately good budget clit sucker… that just happens to look like a dinosaur.

Bonus: it also makes a hilarious desk mascot that makes me giggle every time I look at it.

Thanks to Velvet Brands for sponsoring this post. All views and writing are, as always, my own.

Row of cocktails, header for a post on the people you'll meet at a BDSM munch

Eleven People You Might Meet at a BDSM Munch

Published on by Amy

I’ve got so many posts in drafts right now, many of them intensely personal and emotionally loaded. I want to tell you all about that time I got an STI, why casual sex feels complicated for me even as it’s something I also really desire, and my reflections on fifteen years of relationships that exist off the map of societal norms.

This isn’t any of those posts. I’ve tried to finish and publish them all this week, but they’re either currently feeling too vulnerable or just not quite coming together in the way I want them to. So you’ll have to wait for those, sorry!

Instead, because I went to my local one last night, you’ve got my slightly snarky reflections on the people you’re likely to meet at a BDSM munch. For those who don’t know, a BDSM munch is a social gathering of kinky people (typically in a vanilla location such as a pub, bar, or restaurant) for the purposes of making friends and building community.

Obligatory disclaimer: this is an attempt at humour and should be read in a slightly tongue in cheek fashion. Your observations and experiences may vary.

The Host

I hope you meet this person, because if you don’t they’re probably not doing their job.

Any good BDSM munch has an active host (or team of hosts). They’ll be the people who booked the venue, advertised the event online, and maybe answered your questions if you messaged them beforehand.

Their job is to welcome newcomers, facilitate the space, maintain any rules or code of conduct, and ensure that everyone feels safe and has a good time. It’s also their responsibility to sort out any problems such as attendees overstepping consent boundaries or behaving inappropriately.

The Regulars

For these people, going to a munch is just like going to the pub with friends because the attendee list is basically their social circle. Might be heard asking after each other’s spouses, jobs, kids, dating adventures, and other Real Life Shit.

The Creep

Usually a cis man and usually a Dominant, though there are exceptions, this person gravitates towards Nervous Newbies (see below) like a moth to a flame. May particularly target new, young submissive women.

They might try to pick you up, assert a D/s dynamic where none exists, touch you, or get in your personal space without consent. Best avoided. If they overstep a line or make you uncomfortable, speak to the host or a regular.

The Ostentatiously M/s Couple

They didn’t get the memo that this is a vanilla space. Perhaps the s-type kneels at their Master or Mistress’s feet on the sticky pub floor. Perhaps the Owner bends their pet over a table and spanks them in full view of the people trying to have a quiet after-work pint at the next table. The s-type probably either speaks exclusively in the third person (“this slave is pleased to meet you”) or isn’t permitted to speak at all.

Don’t be these people unless you want to be responsible for getting the munch kicked out of the bar. Wearing a discreet collar is likely fine, full-on play in public is not.

The Social Butterfly

Hi, I’m this person!

The Social Butterfly loves people and wants to chat to EVERYONE. You’ll get their undivided attention and be the only person in the room they see… for about four minutes. But so will everyone else.

They’ll probably bounce up and give enthusiastic hugs when their friends walk in, and be one of the first people to introduce themselves to anyone they don’t recognise. Imagine a particularly sociable puppy with ADHD and you’ve got this person.

The Nervous Newbie

Maybe this is you?

They’re attending a BDSM munch for the first time and they’re not sure what to expect. Depending on their personality, they might hang back and observe or dive right in. Relax – outside of a few simple ground rules there’s no right or wrong way here. Just learn basic munch etiquette, be yourself, and if in doubt speak to the host and let them know you’re new and nervous.

The Venue Owner/Event Organiser/Pro Who is Mostly There to Plug Their Stuff

I’m calling myself out here, I might also be this person a little bit on occasion.

They run a party or conference, have their own dungeon, or work as a Pro Dom/Domme, and they’re here to network! They might be seen wearing a branded t-shirt, handing out flyers, or proudly extolling the virtues of whatever it is they’re promoting. They’ve got their spiel down to the point that it sounds totally natural and unrehearsed… until you hear them reciting it twenty more times.

The Unicorn Hunters

Almost inevitably a male Dominant with a female submissive (likely decades younger than him), these two are on the hunt for additional submissive women for the dude’s “stable.”

She will be used as bait and she might not even be into women, but just performing a safe and male-gaze-centric form of bisexuality for his entertainment. There’s a One Penis Policy (of course!) and anyone who isn’t interested in what they’re offering will be derided as a “fake.” They’ll probably come to about four events, then leave in a huff when they don’t find anyone to be their live-in housekeeper-slash-sex-doll.

The Wise Elder

They’ve been kinky since before half these attendees were born but they won’t tell you that unless you ask directly how long they’ve been in the lifestyle. And yes, they’ll probably call it The Lifestyle unironically.

They have a wealth of knowledge to impart, but they’re humble about it. They reject the label of “expert” and believe we’re all just imperfect humans learning as we go. This person has a lot they could teach you. Listen to them.

The Not So Wise Elder

They’ve been kinky since before half these attendees were born and they want you to know it. They’ll grumble about how “young people today just don’t know what REAL S&M is.” (And yes, they’ll refer to all kink as S&M unironically.)

They have a lot of knowledge to impart whether you want it or not, and most of it will be wrong. They will refer often and wistfully to The Old Guard or The Good Old Days. High likelihood that they and The Wise Elder have lowkey hated each other since the seventies.

The Dude Who is Definitely Cheating on His Wife

He’s got to be discreet. Very discreet, because he has a very important top secret job his wife definitely doesn’t know about his shenanigans. There will be a deep groove on the third finger of his left hand from a hastily-removed wedding ring. He’ll avoid any questions about his relationship status, if he doesn’t just outright lie about being single/separated/divorced/widowed/in an open marriage.

Wants to be your 24/7 Daddy Dom but can only see you from 3-5pm on alternate Thursdays because he’s very busy and important that’s when she thinks he’s playing golf with his old university roommate.

So there you have it, the people you might meet at a BDSM munch. Think I missed any? Recognise yourself in any of these? Let me know! FYI: this post contains an affiliate link.

Header image for a post about trying a terrible Skins cock ring

[(Not a) Toy Review] Here’s What Happened When We Tried a Terrible Cock Ring

Published on by Amy

From where it came I do not recall. It must have found its way into my freebie bag at one sex-positive event or another. But somehow, this monstrosity came into my possession:

The Skins Vibe Ring, a clear jelly rubber cock ring with a small bullet vibe, sitting on its box. For a review.

Because Mr CK is a very indulgent partner, and supportive of my penchant for putting strange things on my genitals and then oversharing about it on the internet, we decide we’d test it. Just for fun.

Well, it was… something. I’m not sure fun is quite the word.

This “Vibe Ring” vibrating cock ring by Skins (better known for making condoms) looks and feels like something you’d buy for £3 from a machine in a seedy nightclub. It’s made of some kind of jelly rubber (the packaging is mysteriously quiet about its actual material) and just from handling it for a couple of minutes I can see its porous as fuck. Sweat and oils from my hands have leached into the rubber, turning its clear appearance opaque, and the squishy texture and dodgy chemical smell coming off it are dead giveaways for phthalates.

As a cock ring, it’s worse than useless. A cock ring is designed to restrict blood flow away from the penis, creating a stronger and longer-lasting erection. A lot of penis-owners report that this can be very pleasurable and give them stronger orgasms. This thing, though?

“I literally can’t feel it!” Mr CK declared when it was around his cock. It’s too stretchy and flimsy to do anything. Still, we were determined to give it a fair hearing, so we turned the little vibrating bullet on and I  hopped on board and started fucking him. In the me-on-top position, I could at least feel the vibrations – if you can call them that – against my clit. But, unsurprisingly, they were too weak and too buzzy to give me anything that I could define as pleasure. Mr CK reported that he could just barely feel the vibrations through his shaft but they were nowhere near to being pleasurable for him either. (And this is a man who definitely enjoys vibrations!)

We changed positions, him standing and me on my back, legs spread, on the end of the bed. This was worse. With every thrust, the damn thing buzzed against me in its completely useless and mildly distracting way. It was low-level annoying in the way that a mobile phone vibrating in your pocket can be. Only, you know, less likely to give me an orgasm.

“Ooh, it made you cum!” he commented as he felt my muscles clenching around him.

“Nope. That was all you, babe.”

“Shall we take this thing off?”

“Yes, lets do that.”

We tossed it aside and finished our fuck, which was much more satisfying once the stupid ring was safely on the other side of our very large bed. Afterwards, we snuggled in the afterglow and laughed about how utterly terrible this ridiculous excuse for a sex toy was.

“It feels like it would fit around my head,” he said, stretching it experimentally.

“Try it!” I dared.

And that, my friends, is how a sex session finished with my partner and I taking turns to wear a cock ring like a head lamp. I hope you enjoyed that mental image. You’re welcome.

TL/DR: Do not buy this toy or any other cheap, rubbery “single use” cock ring. For a simple, high quality cockring, try this set. If you’re after one that vibrates, try the Desire Rechargeable from Lovehoney or Hot Octopuss’s Atom.

This post contains affiliate links. Doing your sexy shopping with my affiliates helps support me to keep the blog going.