[Toy Review] Tracy’s Dog Craybit Pro Rabbit Vibrator

I confess that I have been puzzling over the name of this toy almost as much as I puzzled over the name of this company the first time I worked with them. (In case you were wondering, Tracy’s Dog is so called because it hopes its toys will become a loyal and faithful companion, like… well. Like a dog. Why this Tracy’s Dog rabbit toy is called the Craybit Pro, though, remains a mystery.)

Baffling name aside, let’s take a look at the Tracy’s Dog Craybit Pro. First, though, the team wanted me to tell you all about their Valentine’s Day promotion. Here’s what you need to know:

  • Use the code LOVE12 to get 12% off all products from February 5th to February 14th
  • If you use my exclusive discount code coffee15, you can enjoy 15% off your purchase
  • Both new and existing customers can choose either the LOVE12 code or my exclusive code
  • These codes can be used in conjunction with other promotions, such as: $10 off orders over $100 (Feb 5 – Feb 9), $30 off orders over $150 (Feb 10 – Feb 14)
  • Additionally, enjoy up to 59% off on sale products

What is the Tracy’s Dog Craybit Pro?

The Craybit Pro is a rabbit style vibrator with an insertable shaft and two flexible ears to stimulate the clitoris. It measures around 8.5″ in total length, and 4.5″ in insertable length. The diameter is 1.59″ at the widest point.

Craybit Pro Tracy's Dog rabbit vibrator

The Craybit Pro is made from purple body-safe silicone with an ABS plastic handle and buttons. It is IPX6 waterproof, meaning it can withstand powerful jets of water but is not submersible. In other words, it’s probably fine for use in the shower and for washing under the tap, but don’t take it in the bath or dunk it in a sink full of water to clean it.

The Craybit Pro has three motors and something called “Chord and Riff Technology”, which combines high-frequency “buzzy” vibrations with low-frequency “rumbly” vibrations. The motors are located in the head, in the lower portion of the insertable shaft, and in the clitoral stimulator respectively.

What I Liked About the Craybit Pro

With so many rabbit vibrators on the market, it can be overwhelming trying to choose one. They’re all designed to do basically the same thing: stimulate the vagina/G-spot and clitoris at the same time. However, they’re all slightly different and each model comes with pros and cons.

Craybit Pro Tracy's Dog rabbit vibrator packaging

Let’s start by looking at what the Tracy’s Dog Craybit Pro does well:

  • It came nicely packaged in a stylish cardboard box with a storage bag included.
  • I like the flexibility of both the insertable arm and the clitoral stimulator. This makes it easier to position the toy for a comfortable fit for your body.
  • The long, soft and flexible rabbit ears are great for keeping the stimulator in constant contact with my clit during use.
  • You can control the two motors in the shaft with one button, and the clitoral stimulator with another, allowing you to use the internal and external vibrations either separately or together.
  • The buttons are easy to press and the controls are simple and easy to learn.
  • The light-up buttons make them easy to see in low light.
  • The curved shaft is excellent for targeted G-spot stimulation.
  • Perhaps most importantly, at least some of the vibrations are actually good! All of the motors are reasonably strong, and the vibrations in the shaft are satisfyingly rumbly.
  • Your toy comes with a two-year warranty and a five-year quality guarantee.

Noise-wise, the Craybit Pro is fine. It’s not impressively silent but it’s also not annoyingly loud.

You can also use the Craybit Pro with the free Monster Party app (yet another baffling name, honestly.) I had more luck with this toy than I did with the Surreal, Tracy’s Dog’s other app-controlled toy, but I’m just not sure the app really adds very much for me. It gives you a little customisability of the three motors and another way to control your toy if you prefer to use your phone rather than manual controls, but I find it more hassle than it’s really worth. This toy works perfectly fine without the app, so it’s definitely an optional add-on rather than an essential.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Craybit Pro Tracy's Dog rabbit vibrator

I do also have a few complaints about the Craybit Pro. Namely:

  • A charge of two hours only gives you around an hour of runtime, which isn’t great.
  • The clitoral stimulator has a very buzzy motor compared to the internal motors. Though you do get some of the rumbles passing through to the clit stimulator when the shaft is switched on, it would be nice if the separate motor was much more rumbly. Say it with me: clit stimulation is the main event, not an afterthought!
  • The two motors in the shaft are controlled by the same button. This means you cannot control them independently.
  • When using the toy manually, there are only single-directional controls. This means you have to scroll through all the settings to go back a step.
  • The seam between the silicone portion and the plastic portion is quite hard to clean and can harbour fluids and bacteria if you’re not careful.
  • It’s surprisingly heavy!

I think the shaft is slightly too wide to be completely ideal for me. I tend to prefer slimmer insertable toys, particularly when pairing them with clitoral stimulation. This isn’t really a gripe with the toy itself, of course, just an acknowledgement of why it’s not totally perfect for my body.

Craybit Pro Tracy’s Dog Rabbit Vibrator: Verdict

Craybit Pro Tracy's Dog rabbit vibrator

Overall, I think the Tracy’s Dog Craybit is a decent-ish though not amazing rabbit vibrator. I’d recommend it most to people who enjoy strong and rumbly internal vibrations as part of dual stimulation. If buzzy clitoral vibrations are a dealbreaker for you, skip this one. With a better clitoral motor, this toy could be far better than it currently is.

The Craybit Pro retails for £59.04 or $54.99 at the time of writing.

Thanks to the company for sending me this Tracy’s Dog rabbit vibrator to review and for sponsoring this review. All views and writing, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] Nothosaur “MOOM” Custom Dildo

You know what’s even more fun than shopping for sex toys? Creating one to your specifications! I recently told you all about Nothosaur’s custom dildo and custom fantasy toy service, which allows you to apply a dizzying variety of customisations to the company’s designs to create a piece that is entirely yours.

As part of our ongoing partnership, Nothosaur kindly let me customise a toy from their range to try and to tell you all about. After a lot of deliberation, I chose the MOOM dildo. Keep reading to learn what I like about this one and which customisations I chose.

What is the MOOM and Why Did I Choose It for My Custom Dildo?

The base product you choose will determine the shape and design of your toy. When Nothosaur offered me a custom dildo to review, I spent a long time looking around the site to decide which of the many options on offer felt right for me. Ultimately, I picked the MOOM. The basic product looks like this:

Nothosaur MOOM base product for custom dildo design
Image: Nothosaur. Colourway: “Streaming VioletBlue”

The shape of the toy really called to me. Its shaft consists of a series of long and elegantly intertwining vines, rising up to a pronounced head, and the broad base has those aforementioned little spikes. The MOOM’s shaft is relatively slimline, which tends to work well for my body – I do like girthy insertables sometimes, but they take a lot of warm-up. This is very much an “insert and go” toy, which can be an advantage sometimes.

The MOOM is based on one of Nothosaur’s many fantasy creature creations, a creature that makes its home in the jungle, collects pine cones and fruits, enjoys poems and stories, but also possesses a series of sharp thorns that help to keep it safe. I enjoy the combination of softness and fierceness in this characterisation, and in the combination of long, sweeping lines and the spiked base that make up the toy’s design.

I also just thought it was super pretty, fun, and unexpected, and I don’t own anything else like it.

My Customisation Choices

I went for the medium size MOOM dildo. I’m not a size queen by any stretch (heh) of the imagination, so at 5.9″ in total length and about 4″ in insertable length – the MOOM in medium is a fairly perfect size dildo for me. If you prefer a very small toy, choose the mini or small sizes. If you want more, opt for the large or extra large.

Next up was choosing the firmness. I ultimately went for the soft silicone because I don’t have many super-soft toys in my collection, so I thought it would be fun to get something a bit different. I also tend to like flexible toys, and I assumed the soft silicone would have more flex to it.

Finally, it was time to pick the colours for my custom dildo. I looked at the suggested colourways for the MOOM and, though they were all super pretty and creative, none of them felt like quite what I was looking for. Ultimately, inspiration struck and I settled on a marbled combination of bright orange, bright pink, and white that reminds me of the lesbian pride flag.

Nothosaur custom sex toys colour selection example
Nothosaur’s extensive colour selection

The MOOM in medium comes with a suction cup base by default, which works for me. This allows me to use it with a strap-on harness as well as making it convenient to hold. If you opt for the MOOM in a large or extra large size, you can add a vac-u-lock hole and adaptor for a fucking machine if you like.

What I Love About My Custom Nothosaur MOOM

And with all those decisions made, it was time to sit back and wait for my custom dildo to arrive. Which, in a couple of weeks, it did. The finished toy is so, so bright and femme and colourful! I mean, just look at it:

Nothosaur MOOM custom dildo

The website pictures really don’t do justice to just how bright and vibrant these colours are. The design is also even more beautiful and intricate close up than the images show. I feel like I notice some new detail every time I look at it.

The MOOM dildo has the perfect level of texturing for me. The “vines” along the shaft are pronounced enough to feel and to be satisfying, but not so much that it tips over into uncomfortable.

I’m also really glad I opted for the soft silicone for this one. I think it’s possible that the intensely ridged head and the textured shaft would have been too intense in a firmer silicone. But at this level, it’s absolutely perfect. The ultra-flexible softness also means that I can angle the head perfectly to brush against my G-spot.

Nothosaur MOOM custom dildo

The MOOM’s suction cup is strong, and its broad base makes it ideal for strap-on sex.

Finally, can we talk about those spikes on the base? They, too, are super soft and when the dildo is fully inserted, they tease and tickle my vulva every time I thrust or twist the toy. Amazing.

Get Your Own Custom Dildo

It’s safe to say Nothosaur knocked it out of the park with my MOOM custom dildo. The result is something beautiful, unique, and totally “me.” I love it.

Nothosaur MOOM custom dildo

Want your own? Head over to Nothosaur’s store, find the design you like, and get customising! A medium MOOM in 3 colours retails for $94.99, but prices vary according to the style and customisations you choose.

Thanks to Nothosaur for gifting me this toy and sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] AcmeJoy Ramsdell Mouth Vibrator

I think I’ve said before that, the longer I do this work, the harder it gets to find anything I haven’t tried before. Sure, I can still get excited about a really good bullet vibrator or a suction toy that doesn’t suck, but it’s rare to come across a sex toy that makes me go “huh… I’ve never seen one of those before.” AcmeJoy’s Ramsdell mouth vibrator, though, elicited exactly that reaction.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

I mean. Look at it! Of course I had to request this one when AcmeJoy invited me to review one of their products.

What is the AcmeJoy Ramsdell Mouth Vibrator?

The AcmeJoy Ramsdell – or to give it its full title, the Ramsdell 10 Biting Modes & 10 Vibrating Speeds Stimulate Nipple Clitoral Women Vibrator (no I’m not kidding) – is a handheld sex toy designed to look like a pair of lips with a tongue poking out.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

The Ramsdell measures 4.65″ in total length, and the mouth is 2.1″ wide at the widest point. It is made of body-safe red silicone with a rose gold plastic accent panel for the buttons. (Confusingly, the product page claims it is silicone and then later says it is TPE! I think this is a mistake as – based on the look, feel, smell, and flame test results – it definitely appears to be silicone.)

The Ramsdell is IPX6 water-resistant, AKA splashproof. This makes for easy cleaning but does mean the toy can’t be fully submerged in water (you’d need IPX7 waterproof for that.) It is also rechargeable, with a two hour charge giving around an hour of runtime.

When it’s switched on, the Ramsdell makes what I can only describe as a biting motion, with the mouth moving up and down. I turned it on and immediately stuck my finger in there, and this thing has quite a bite to it! Fortunately, as you’ll see below, it doesn’t really “bite” your genitals when it’s actually in use. The tongue can also vibrate, if you like. I think the overall effect is supposed to simulate oral sex, which – as anyone who has read my numerous rants on the subject knows – isn’t really possible with the current toy technology we have available to us.

According to the site, it can stimulate my “A & G & U” all at the same time. I’m assuming that stands for anus, G-spot, and urethra, which is wildly untrue (there’s no way this thing is getting anywhere near the G-spot and it’s certainly not stimulating three different areas at the same time.) Companies, take note: it’s fine for a sex toy to just do one thing, if it does it well. You don’t have to claim otherwise, especially when it’s so demonstrably not true.

What I Liked About the AcmeJoy Ramsdell

When it comes to the aesthetic of this toy, I don’t really have strong feelings either way. I can imagine if you’re someone who is extremely into mouths or lips, a mouth vibrator could be kind of hot. I can also imagine it might squick you out if you find a disembodied mouth offputting! (I’ll say this for it, though, it’s a hell of a lot sexier than that awful disembodied tongue thing I once tried.)

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

From my perspective? It’s fine. It doesn’t turn me on to look at it, and it kinda makes me giggle, but it doesn’t actively make me go “ew, no” either.

With that said, let’s look at the things I liked about this product.

  • Does it feel like cunnilingus? No it does not. But does it feel good? Amazingly, yes, it really does! With plenty of lube on both the toy and my body, the mouth’s up-and-down motion is shockingly pleasurable. Despite the description and my first impression, it does not (thankfully) feel like someone biting my clit! It’s more like someone rubbing it in a very consistent pattern.
  • I particularly like that this toy can stimulate the entire clitoral area, not just the tip of the glans.
  • It also feels pretty good on nipples, if you’re into that.
  • You can control the mouth movements and the tongue vibrations separately. Want one without the other, or to use different settings? No problem. There are 10 “biting” modes and 10 vibration modes to choose from and use in any combination.
  • The buttons are well-positioned and easy to press, and the controls simple to understand and use.
  • At $31.97 USD (about £26), it’s budget-friendly.

I was surprised at how good this toy felt and how close it got me to orgasm. It didn’t make me come on this occasion, but I think it’s entirely possible it could get me off in the future, if I was sufficiently turned on to start with.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator with Sliquid lube

I do also have a couple of complaints with the Ramsdell mouth vibrator.

  • The noise. It’s not that it is particularly loud, just that the up-and-down mechanism kind of squeaks in a way that hurts my neurodivergent and sound-sensitive soul.
  • The vibrations are tremendously buzzy and not particularly strong. They’re kinda okay as an accompaniment to the mouth movements, but they start making my clit feel numb pretty fast if I use them for too long.
  • If I press it too hard against my body, the up-and-down motion stops working. This is something to be aware of if you’re someone who likes lots of pressure when you use toys.
  • I would have preferred the silicone on the lips to be slightly softer and squishier. It’s not bad as it is, but this would enhance comfort and pleasure during use.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell: Verdict

Significantly better than I expected!

I am somewhat surprised to say that as a concept for a toy, this works. I would like to see some changes made to improve it – notably, softening up the “lips” and making the motor in the tongue more powerful and rumbly. I’d happily pay more for a better version of this basic design. Overall, though? Not bad at all. It’s something new and different, and a creative twist on the enduringly popular “tongue toy” theme.

Get it from AcmeJoy. It will also soon be available from Seekheart DE and AcmeJoy Germany.

Thanks to AcmeJoy for sponsoring this post and sending me this product to review! All views and experiences, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] Tracy’s Dog Swirlii Rotating Vibrator

Before we get into today’s review of another Tracy’s Dog toy, the Swirlii rotating vibrator, the company have asked me to let you all know about their seasonal specials that have now launched for Christmas.

Naughty or Nice? Tracy’s Dog Makes Your Nights Bright!

Have you been naughty or nice this year?  No matter your answer, Tracy’s Dog is here to make your holiday nights a little brighter—and a lot more fun. With their exclusive “Naughty or Nice” campaign, they’ve got everything you need to treat yourself or someone special this season.

Up to 60% Off: Holiday Sale You Can’t Miss

Right now, Tracy’s Dog is offering up to 60% off their popular products! From bold and adventurous to soft and romantic, their Naughty and Nice collections are designed to match any mood. Ready to explore? Check out the Tracy’s Dog’s website and find your perfect match today.

There will be several fun seasonal activities available in the Tracy’s Dog app, which you can use with many of their bestselling toys including the OG 2 & 3, the Surreal, and the Beta:

  • Find your Christmas vibe with the Naughty vs. Nice Voting Showdown
  • Find out who’s on Santa’s naughty list with a fun ranked event
  • Share your funny and sexy Christmas secrets anonymously
  • Join the “Elf on the Shelf” Remix meme challenge

Hot new products are 10% off, and the highest discount allows you to enjoy up to 59% off! Plus you can use my exclusive code “coffee10” for 10% off your entire basket.

With that said, let’s dive into today’s review of the Swirlii rotating vibrator.

Tracy’s Dog Swirlii

Tracy's Dog Swirlii rotating vibrator

The Tracy’s Dog Swirlii is a wearable rotating vibrator designed to be worn inside your underwear for hands-free pleasure. It features a main insertable shaft which sits inside the vagina and rotates in a circle, a flexible small appendage that vibrates, and an external part with a raised bump that stimulates the clit. This external arm also helps to anchor the toy in place. At first, I wasn’t sure what the little flexible appendage was for or where to put it. Eventually I realised that it is meant to go inside along with the main inserable arm.

The Swirlii comes with a remote control as well as a drawstring storage bag. It is USB rechargeable with the included magnetic charging cable, and IPX7 waterproof (i.e. completely submersible.)

The Swirlii measures around 4.5″ in length and 5″ in height. Its insertable portion measures 3.5″ in length and around 1.4″ in diameter at the widest point. It is made of body-safe lilac silicone.

What I Liked About the Tracy’s Dog Swirlii

Tracy's Dog Swirlii rotating vibrator

The Swirlii rotating vibrator is such an unusual design, and I was curious to try it out. First let’s look at all the things about it that I liked.

  • It came attractively packaged in a smart and sturdy box, and the inclusion of a storage bag is a nice touch.
  • The colour is really pretty! I love lilac and it’s a more unusual colour for a sex toy than a brighter or darker purple.
  • The silicone is soft and smooth.
  • The flexibility of the external arm means that you can position it in a few different ways depending on what works for your body.
  • At first glance, I was really confused about the shape of the insertable shaft. I couldn’t work out why it’s almost scoop-shaped rather than just rounded. Eventually I realised it’s so that it kind of hugs the vibrating appendage (sorry, I can’t think of a better term for it!) against the front wall of the vagina – i.e. where the G-spot is for most bodies – when it’s in use. This initially baffling design is actually pretty clever!
Tracy's Dog Swirlii remote

  • I love the rotating motion! As someone who doesn’t really enjoy internal vibrations, this is such a fabulous change.
  • The user interface is simple, with a single button on the toy itself and then two buttons on the remote control. Learning how to use it is a breeze.
  • Sound-wise, it’s fairly quiet. I’m not truly convinced it’s quiet enough to wear in public (unless you’re in a very noisy space like a nightclub) but the inevitable whirring noise you get with rotating toys isn’t anywhere near as bad as many I’ve tried.
  • On the higher levels, the vibrations are pretty powerful.
  • The remote’s responsiveness is good and works up to 10m away.
  • Using the remote control, you can choose to use the vibrations and the rotation together or separately. You can also scroll through the settings – 10 vibration modes and 3 rotation modes – of each motor completely independently of the other.
  • When worn with underwear, it stays in place pretty well, allowing for hands-free use.
  • At £48.15, its price point is pretty reasonable.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Tracy's Dog Swirlii rotating vibrator

There were also a few things about the Swirlii that didn’t work so well for me.

  • Inserting two different pieces inside me can be tricky and uncomfortable unless I get the angle exactly right. It also makes the actual insertable diameter wider than will be comfortable for some users. A lot of lubrication is essential with this one. A couple of sachets of lube were included, but I won’t use them because they contain ingredients such as glycerin, propylene glycol, and disodium EDTA.
  • The vibrations are very buzzy. The result is that they make my clit feel numb and tingly long before I get close to coming.
  • I would have preferred dual-directional controls, preferably on the toy itself but at least on the remote control.

This might be petty, and admittedly isn’t a gripe with the toy itself, but this bit of the marketing copy also really bugs me: “Put on your sexiest lingerie, grab Swirlii and put it right into your panties. Call up your partner and hand him a remote.” Why are we assuming my partner is a “him”? I literally work in this industry and I still find this kind of assumed heteronormativity so so offputting and alienating.

Verdict

There were a lot of things about the Swirlii that I liked. Overall, though, I unfortunately have to conclude it’s not one for me due to the diameter of the insertable portions and the buzziness of the vibrations. I still think it’s a well-designed product and will work very well for many people, especially those who are comfortable with wider insertables and who enjoy strong but buzzy vibrations.

I’m glad it exists, but I think I’ll likely be passing it along for someone else to enjoy.

The Swirlii retails for £48.15 at full price. Get it direct from Tracy’s Dog and don’t forget: “coffee10” at checkout for 10% off.

Thanks to Tracy’s Dog for sponsoring this review and sending me the Swirlii rotating vibrator to test. All views are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Juliet Toys Vortex Large Anal Beads

Regular readers of my work may have noticed a new site sponsor in the right hand sidebar. Juliet Toys is a large retailer selling hundreds of products across dozens of categories, from classic vibrators and dildos to fantasy toys, BDSM gear, anal toys, and much more. I’m thrilled to have them on board as a C&K sponsor. They also invited me to review for them, and I received their Vortex Large Anal Beads to try out.

What is the Juliet Toys Vortex?

Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

The Vortex by Juliet Toys is a kind of combination between large anal beads and a long butt plug. It’s available in three sizes: small, medium, or large. I received the small, which measures 9.5″ in total length. Due to the nature of the toy, that’s basically all insertable length except for maybe a quarter inch of base. The three beads measure (in ascending order from smallest to largest) 1.4″, 1.6″, and 1.7″ in diameter.

Now, this is more than big enough for me. There is, frankly, no universe in which I would consider 9.5″ of insertable length to be “small.” My butt isn’t that brave, and super huge anal toys have never really been my thing. But they might be yours! If so, you might like the medium (which has a total length of 11.4″ and a widest bead diameter of 2.3″) or the large (total length of 13.2″, widest bead diameter of 2.7″.)

Yes, whichever way you look at it, this is a large toy.

Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

The Vortex is made of 100% body-safe silicone. It begins in a narrow spiral shaft down from a tapered tip, then the lower portion is made up of the three “beads.” It ends in a flared base, which is an absolutely essential safety component for an anal toy. This base is also a suction cup.

This toy has no motor, so it’s easy to clean (the boiling method is what I recommend) and fine to use in the bath or shower, if you like.

What I Liked About the Vortex

Once I got over my initial reaction to the Vortex (“good lord it’s enormous!”), I found that there are a lot of things I like about it. Namely:

  • It’s a really pretty colour! Specifically, an attractive burnt orange-gold shade. This is an unusual colour for sex toys and also kind of shimmers. I’m here for it. I really believe aesthetics matter for sex toys, so going that extra step to make something pretty will always impress me.
  • The silicone is fairly soft and really squishy.
  • I think, for people who enjoy challenging anal toys, this is an excellent design. It starts off relatively gently with the small head and the slim spiral tip, allowing you to get used to having something inside you before attempting the larger size of the beads.
  • Due to the slowly increasing size as you move further down the toy, it’s ideal for people who want to play with anal training or anal stretching. Going slowly is really key here, not just to ensure you have a good time but also to keep things safe.
Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

  • It’s entirely possible to use just a part of the toy, if you prefer. It lends itself well to exploring slowly, finding out what you like. Even if you end up deciding that super deep penetration or very girthy toys aren’t for you, the top portion of the toy is still entirely usable.
  • It’s very, very flexible. I can imagine this might be a downside for some users, but it will be a plus for many more including me. When it comes to larger toys, flexibility can help with insertion and comfort. It also allows for more flexibility in positioning. And, if you’re trying to target a particular spot (such as the prostate, if you have one), the flexibility can make that easier.
  • If you have a vagina, you can also use the Vortex as a vaginal toy. It’s great for G-spots for exactly the same reasons it’s great for prostates. And, if you prefer a slower warm-up or a slimmer toy for vaginal penetration, this is perfect for that. Remember: a toy that has been inside a butt should never go inside a vagina without first being sterilised. At an absolute minimum, put a condom over it.
  • The suction cup is seriously strong and stays in position well on any flat, firm surface.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

On a personal level, I think this toy is just too big for me to realistically use it as an anal toy with any kind of regularity. When I use butt toys at all, which really isn’t that often, I usually stick to smaller ones. But that’s purely a matter of my body’s preferences and I can’t find any significant criticisms of the Vortex as a product in general.

Juliet Toys Vortex Large Anal Beads: Verdict

The Vortex is an excellent toy for its target audience: people who enjoy (or want to experiment with) long anal toys, large anal beads, or other kinds of large anal insertables. And, if you try it and find that’s not for you, there are also numerous other ways to enjoy it.

The Vortex is well-designed, well-made, body-safe, and versatile. What more could you want from a toy?

Please remember that if you’re doing any kind of anal play, adequate lubrication is essential. Always use more than you think you need, and reapply it regularly. For a silicone toy, I recommend a good water-based lube.

The Vortex retails for $39.90 for the small size, $49.90 for the medium size, and $59.90 for the large size. All in all I’d say it’s very good value for the size and quality of product.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sponsoring this review and sponsoring the site! Affiliate links appear in this post and I will make an additional small commission if you use them. All views, as always, are mine.

[Toy Reviews] Funzze 3-in-1 Sucking & Flapping Thrusting Triple Stimulator

We might be coming to the end of Black Friday/Cyber Monday weekend, but the sex toy deals aren’t over yet! Funzze, who have kindly sponsored this post, have a series of discounts that increase depending on how much you spend:

  • 40% off orders $80+ with code: BF40
  • 30% off orders $50+ with code: BF30
  • 20% off orders $30+ with code: BF20
Funzze 2024 Black Friday banner
Banner: Funzze

In all cases, just enter the code at checkout to get your discount up until 2 December.

With that said, let’s get into today’s review of Funzze’s 3-in-1 triple stimulator vibrator/sucker/thruster.

What is the Funzze 3-in-1 Triple Stimulator Vibrator?

The Funzze 3-in-1 Sucking & Flapping Thrusting Vibrator (hereafter the Funzze 3-in-1 for the sake of brevity) is a triple stimulator that offers three different ways to use it. Its head end features a clitoral suction stimulator on one side and, on the reverse side, this same motor allows the flat surface to make a “tapping” motion. At the other end, the toy’s handle is also an insertable dildo with a thrusting mechanism.

Funzze triple stimulator official product picture to show clitoral suction and tapping motions
Image: Funzze

The Funzze 3-in-1 is made of body-safe silicone and available in either purple or green. It is IPX-6 waterproof (suitable for use in the shower and for cleaning under the tap, but not fully submersible) and USB rechargeable. It measures around 7.5″ in total length, 3.5″ in insertable length.

Funzze triple stimulator 3-in-1 vibrator shown in purple and green
Image: Funzze

What I Liked About the Funzze 3-in-1

There’s a common problem with sex toys that try to do too many different things: they do none of them particularly well. Happily, this isn’t the case with the Funzze 3-in-1. Let’s talk about the things I liked about this triple stimulator.

  • The clitoral suction part performs well. It is moderately intense on the lowest setting and very intense on the higher ones. One thing to be aware of is that the nozzle is on the smaller side, so if you have a larger clit that might be something to be aware of. But if you enjoy serious focused clitoral stimulation, this toy will likely work well for you.
  • The tapping function is genuinely excellent. The stimulation it provides offers the depth and intensity of very rumbly vibrations. Even the lowest speed feels surprisingly intense, particularly for a toy at this price-point.
  • The construction of the toy feels sturdy. I can press it firmly against my body and get plenty of pressure without feeling like I’m going to damage it.
  • I kind of like that the suction and tapping functions operate off the same motor. This means you can switch between the two in a second, just by turning it around.
Funzze triple stimulator 3-in-1 vibrator in purple with buttons illuminated in blue

  • The two motors – suction/tapping and thrusting – are controllable separately. They can also be used together, though I can’t think of any reason you’d want to that doesn’t defy the laws of physics!
  • The controls are simple and intuitive, and the buttons are easy to press.
  • The thrusting part has quite a short “length” – only maybe an inch or two of thrust. This won’t work for everyone, of course, but for those who (like me) enjoy penetration but often find deep thrusting more painful than pleasurable, it’s a great choice.
  • With 10 thrusting speeds and 10 sucking/tapping intensity levels, it’s a truly customisable experience with numerous options for different users and different preferences.
  • It comes with a storage bag included.
  • The retail price of $42.99 (that’s around £34) is exceptional value for the quality.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

There’s one main thing I don’t like about the Funzze 3-in-1 triple stimulator: the noise. Whichever way you’re using it, this thing is loud. Both the loud buzz of the head end and the back-and-forth squeak of the thruster are really offputting and grating to me. Which is a shame in a product that I otherwise liked so much.

Funzze triple stimulator 3-in-1 vibrator

My other criticism is the lack of dual-directional controls. Whichever of the toy’s three functions I’m using, it would be nice to be able to scroll through the speeds in either direction.

Funzze 3-in-1 Triple Stimulator: Verdict

Overall, the Funzze 3-in-1 is a much better product than many of the “multiple things in one” options on the market. The clitoral suction stimulator does its job well, and the thrusting function is gentle enough that I can actually use it. It’s that glorious tapping function, though, that really elevates this one for me.

A surprising winner. Good job, Funzze!

The Funzze 3-in-1 triple stimulator retails for $42.99.

Thanks to Funzze for sponsoring this review! This means they paid me to test the toy and write an honest account of my experience. All views, as always, are mine.

[Toy Reviews] Tracy’s Dog Toys: Beta & Elatia

Since going viral with their OG Sucking Vibrator thanks to a hilarious Amazon review back in 2019, the oddly-named but highly successful Tracy’s Dog have added an array of new products to their range. This month, I received two new Tracy’s Dog toys to try: the Beta (full name the Beta Rabbit 3-in-1 Sucking Swing Vibrator) and the Elatia (full name the Elatia Clitoral Tickling Vibrator.)

Tracy's Dog toys Beta & Elatia

The company asked me to create a single post covering both of these products, so it’s time for a duo of mini reviews of two Tracy’s Dog rabbit toys.

Tracy’s Dog Beta: Details

Let’s start with the Beta.

Tracy's Dog rabbit vibrator Beta

The Tracy’s Dog Beta is a rabbit-style vibrator with a clitoral suction arm rather than the more traditional clitoral vibrator. The vibrating internal arm makes a come-hither back-and-forth motion designed to mimic the movement of a lover’s fingers against your G-spot.

This toy is made of body-safe silicone in dark purple, with a pink plastic accent panel on the back. It measures around 9.5″ in total length, 5″ in insertable length, and 1.4″ in diameter at the widest point.

The Beta is USB rechargeable and you’ll get around an hour of battery life out of a full charge. It is IPX5 waterproof, which means it can withstand jets of water but not submersion. In other words, you can clean it under the tap but don’t use it in the bath.

The Tracy’s Dog Beta retails for £59.28 at time of writing. Let’s look at what I liked and disliked about it.

What I Liked About the Beta

  • The flexibility of both shafts is excellent, meaning that it will work for a wider range of bodies.
  • I love the come-hither motion, which feels fantastic.
  • The internal arm and the clitoral stimulator can be controlled separately, and even used independently of one another.
  • When I can get it positioned properly, the clitoral stimulator is reasonably pleasurable on the highest setting.
  • Its noise level is pretty quiet, particularly the whirring sound made by the come-hither motion.
  • The curved handle makes the toy easy to hold and the buttons are well positioned and easy to press.

What I Didn’t Like About the Beta

  • I wish it was possible to use the come-hither motion without the vibrations. Like a lot of people, I don’t find internal vibrations pleasurable and they can even be actively uncomfortable.
  • The vibrations themselves are super buzzy.
  • No matter how I positioned it, I couldn’t get the clitoral stimulator to make a good connection with my clit without having to angle the internal part in a way that was painful.
  • I wish the clitoral stimulator had more settings. The internal arm has an impressive ten, but the suction part only three. To me, this speaks to an ongoing problem with the design of these types of toys: it views clitoral stimulation as an afterthought or add-on, rather than the main event.
  • A toy that retails for almost £60 really should be properly waterproof.

Let’s move on to the Elatia.

Tracy’s Dog Elatia: Details

The Elatia is one of the newest Tracy’s Dog toys, and another rabbit style toy with a difference.

Tracy's Dog rabbit vibrator Elatia

It is also made of dark purple silicone, and has a gold plastic accent around the button panel. This one features two internal “ears” that move back and forth in an alternating motion, and a “tickling” clitoral stimulator made up of lots of little flexible strands.

The Elatia measures around 10″ in total length, 5.5″ in insertable length, and 1.3″ in diameter at the widest point.

The Elatia is USB rechargeable, and again you’ll get about an hour of use from a full charge. This toy is IPX6 waterproof, meaning it is protected from powerful jets of water. This one is likely fine for shower play and washing under the tap, but again should not be submerged.

The Elatia retails for £56.46 at the time of writing.

What I Liked About the Elatia

  • The shape and construction of this one works well for my body. It is easy to insert it and then position the external stimulator over my clit without needing to contort into any weird positions!
  • It has 10 different vibration modes, 7 tickling modes, and 6 come-hither modes. Considering you can use them in any combination, this is hundreds of possible mix-and-match combos to figure out what works for your body.
  • The almost “tapping” sensation you get from the internal ears is really interesting and different. Personally I only like it on the lowest setting, as anything more becomes too intense, but your mileage may vary.
  • All three motors are controllable completely independently. Want clit tickling and vibrations without internal movement? Want the come-hither motion without vibrations? All three at once? You got it.
  • The clit tickler is truly excellent. It’s more gentle than a traditional vibrator, and I’m not sure I could ever orgasm from it, but as either a warm-up or an addition to internal stimulation it’s amazing. I kind of want a clitoral toy that just does that now, to be honest!
  • The clitoral stimulator’s motor is good – it’s strong and not buzzy.
  • Like the Beta, its noise level is relatively quiet and unobtrusive compared with many similar toys I’ve tried.

What I Didn’t Like About the Elatia

  • The shaft is completely rigid, meaning that positioning options are limited. The shape of this one actually works reasonably well for my body, as mentioned above, but the rigidity means it won’t work for a lot of users.
  • All those little silicone fronds and the space between the ears are a nightmare to clean.
  • The internal vibrations have a decent level of power, but they’re so buzzy that all the benefits of that power are lost.
  • Again, a toy at this price point really should be submersible.

Tracy’s Dog Toys: Which One Did I Like Best?

This probably isn’t going to surprise anyone who has noted the disparity in the likes/dislikes lists, but of these two Tracy’s Dog rabbit toys I far prefer the Elatia. It works much better for my body from a positioning perspective, has an actually-good clitoral stimulator, and has completely independent controls for the three motors.

I don’t think the Beta is a bad product. I just don’t think it’s one for me.

Thanks to Tracy’s Dog for sponsoring this review and sending me these two products to try! All views are, as always, my own. Check out my other Tracy’s Dog toy reviews and peruse their catalogue for more.

[Toy Review] Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo

Funzze is a relatively new brand on my radar, having only previously tried one of their toys at the time of writing. However, they do have some interesting things in their catalogue, so I was happy to agree to doing another set of reviews.

This week, we’re looking at the Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo.

Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo Details

The Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo is described as “a stainless steel G spot dildo with a sinuous shape, equipped with 2 insertable ends that offer different sensations.” That’s a pretty accurate summary. (Sinuous, FYI, means “having many curves and turns” and is just a very pleasing word to say.)

Funzze double-ended stainless steel dildo

One end of the dildo is a smooth curve with a bulbed head, and the other end has four rippling beads. The Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo measures 8.5″ end to end and a slimline 1.5″ in diameter at the widest part of the beads.

In terms of comparisons, it’s somewhat similar to the famous Njoy Fun Wand. However, the curve is less pronounced, the bulbs flow together rather than being completely distinct and separate pieces, and the head is a different shape. As such, I feel comfortable calling this a similar design rather than a copycat or a ripoff. At the end of the day, there are a lot of similar toys out there from different manufacturers and true innovation is rare in this industry.

Let’s Talk About Stainless Steel for a Minute

This toy is made of 304 grade stainless steel, which is a hardwearing, non-porous, and body-safe material. You can use it in water, boil-wash it to sterilise, and use it with any kind of lube you like.

304 is a cheaper alternative to 316 stainless steel, which contains higher levels of the element molybdenum. Molybdenum increases the corrosion resistance of stainless steel as well as increasing its heat resistance at high temperatures, neither of which are likely to be particularly relevant for sex toy use under normal circumstances.

Both 304 and 316 stainless steel contain some amount of nickel, a common allergen. Interestingly, according to the Nickel Institute, there’s a sex difference in play here. This organisation says that 15-16% of women but only around 4-5% of men suffer from nickel allergic contact dermatitis (NACD).

So is 304 stainless steel safe if you have a nickel allergy? The information I could find on this one was mixed. Some sources state that 304 and 316 stainless steels are effectively hypoallergenic. The Nickel Institute says:

For example, nickel-containing stainless steels are used by high quality watch manufacturers. Such high quality stainless steels contain 9% to 28% nickel but do not release sufficient amounts of nickel to cause a nickel allergy.

Some additional sources agree that the risk is minimal. Others, however, state that stainless steels can cause an allergic reaction in people with a nickel allergy. The sources I consulted were even mixed on whether or not 304 and 316 stainless steels were safe for use in body piercing.

Ultimately, you will need to decide on your own safety profile and level of acceptable risk. Personally, given that it will be inserted into highly sensitive areas of the body and make contact with mucus membranes, I wouldn’t risk using a stainless steel dildo if you have a nickel allergy. If you feel comfortable with the risk or know from experience that these toys are okay for you, though, have at it.

What I Liked About the Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo

Funzze double-ended stainless steel dildo

With all of that said, it was time to dive into trying out the Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo. Let’s look at the things I liked about it first.

  • The double-ended design means that this stainless steel dildo is essentially two toys in one. As such, it offers a variety of different sensations to explore.
  • I love the slim shaft. Due to their hardness, stainless steel toys can be seriously intense, even for experienced users. Too much girth would make this toy either uncomfortable or just unusable for me, so the slender design is perfect.
  • The pronounced head on the smoother end is ideal for targeting the G-spot or prostate, while the rippled end is fantastic for lovers of texture. (Pro tip: if thrusting with this toy is too intense for you or feels uncomfortable, try either wiggling it very gently or just holding it in place and allowing your body’s muscles to contract around it.)
  • The weight! One of the things that makes stainless steel so irresistible for sex toys is the sheer heft it offers. While this can make use more challenging for some, it also offers amazing pay-off in terms of how the toy feels. If you want intensity and lots of it, you’ve come to the right place.
  • Stainless steel conducts temperature better than almost any other sex toy material. Want to play with some different sensations? Run your toy under warm water or pop it in the fridge for a few minutes before playing.
  • It arrived in cardboard packaging (recyclable and minimising single-use plastic) and comes with a storage bag included.
  • It’s quick and easy to clean.
  • It retails for $69.99 (around £54), which is super good value for a stainless steel toy of this size.

Inevitably, I’m going to be asked if this toy is anal-safe. I’m a little torn on this one, because it does not technically have a large flared base. So after much deliberation, I’m settling on “probably.” It’s most likely fine as long as you use one end as a handle and insert no more than 50% of the toy at a time. Realistically, it’s also large and heavy enough that the entire toy isn’t going to get sucked up inside you without some serious effort. However, due to the shape, I advise against doing very deep penetration with this one.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

I really have no major criticisms of this product. Overall it’s a great design, excellent value, and a pleasure to use.

The finish on this dildo isn’t as perfectly smooth and shiny as you’ll find on some of the higher end stainless steel toys on the market. However, it’s also quite significantly less expensive than the prices that some of the more well-known and premium brands charge.

In a perfectly ideal world I would have preferred a slightly more pronounced curve, particularly to the smoother end of the dildo. This would make it more effective for very targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation. However, this is really more a matter of personal preference than a criticism of the toy. Bodies are all different, and this toy’s gentle curve will be ideal for some users.

Verdict

When I initially saw this toy, I was a little sceptical due to the relatively low price. However, the Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo is an excellent product and an affordable alternative to some of those high-ticket toys that are out of reach for many would-be users.

The Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo retails for $69.99.

Thanks to Funzze for sending me this product and sponsoring this review. All views, as always, are mine. Product images by Funzze.

[Toy Review] FusyFun WAVE Anal Toy for Two

Dual stimulation toys for people with vulvas, from rabbit vibrators to wearable toys and much more, have been abundant for a long time. However, there are far fewer dual stim toys for those with penises out there. That’s why, when FusyFun reached out to me, I was excited to check out their “WAVE” dual stim (and shareable) anal toy.

What is the FusyFun WAVE?

The FusyFun WAVE is a vibrating toy designed for anal and penis stimulation. However, it’s a bit of a misnomer to call this a “dual stim” toy; in certain configurations, it can also stimulate the perineum and the balls, making it a triple or even quadruple stimulation toy!

FusyFun WAVE in box with remote control and cable

It has four main parts: an egg shaped bulb with some gently rippled texturing, a raised textured ridge, a stretchy ring, and a long tail with a rigid vibrating nub at the top. It measures 14.88″ in total length, with the insertable bulb measuring 2.56″ in length and 1.3″ in diameter.

FunyFun WAVE laid flat with remote control

The WAVE is made of body-safe silicone in dark blue. It also comes with a plastic remote control.

There’s a little “how to” video on the product page which can help if, like me, you initially struggle to envision how this toy is supposed to work when you unbox it. It covers both solo and partnered use. (The video also covers consent and communication, as well as use of condoms and lube for safer sex, which was a nice unexpected touch!)

The FusyFun WAVE is USB rechargeable, with a 90 minute charge giving around 60 minutes of use time. Its remote requires one CR2032 battery, which is included. The toy is IPX6 waterproof, meaning that it can withstand jets of water but should not be submerged. In other words, it’s fine to wash it under the tap and it’s probably fine to use it in the shower. Don’t take it in the bath (/pool/any other large body of water you might be having sex in) though! The remote control is also not waterproof.

How the WAVE Works

In a nutshell: the bulb end goes into your anus. The stretchy ring can then sit around either your penis or balls, holding the long thin tail and vibrating tip against either the top or underside of your penis.

FusyFun WAVE how-to image
Image: FusyFun

If you like, you can penetrate your partner with your penis and the toy’s tail, adding a little extra girth as well as some internal vibrations for their prostate or G-spot (depending on what type of body they have.) The instructions are weirdly gendered but they don’t need to be; regardless of whether you’re penetrating a vagina or an anus, the toy works in pretty much exactly the same way.

Things I Liked About This Toy

FunyFun WAVE

The most obvious thing I like about this toy is that its design is something new and innovative that I haven’t seen before. In a world of endless reiterations of the same basic toy designs, I always get excited when I see something a bit creative and different. The FusyFun WAVE is a really creative approach to stimulating multiple erogenous zones at the same time. In particular, I love that it allows for stimulation of the perineum, an underrated and potentially highly pleasurable area of the body on folks of all genders.

I also love the versatility of the FusyFun WAVE. Not only is it suitable for both solo and shared play, there are also several different ways to use it in each configuration. You can experiment with different positions, and even use the different parts of the toy entirely differently from the “standard” ways if you like.

Some of the other key things I liked about this toy included:

FunyFun WAVE cock ring close up being stretched

  • It came packaged in an attractive and sturdy branded box. It also comes with a storage bag.
  • The matte silicone is lovely and soft, and feels high quality.
  • The main motor is really good! It’s strong and fairly rumbly.
  • The bendable tail stays in whatever position you put it in. This allows you to position it in exactly the right way for your body, and it won’t move until you want it to.
  • If you position it right, you can use this toy hands-free, keeping your hands available to do other things.
  • The texturing, both on the insertable bulb and the perineum stimulator, is excellent. It’s at the perfect level, in my opinion: pronounced enough to feel it, but gentle enough so as not to be uncomfortable.
  • The super-stretchy ring will accommodate most penis and testicle sizes.
  • The insertable bulb is small enough to be non-intimidating and accessible to newer anal players.
  • The buttons are easy to press and the toy is highly responsive to the remote controls.
  • It is fairly quiet in use, particularly once the bulb end is inside the body.
  • The $75 price point is very reasonable for the quality.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Along with all the things I liked about the FusyFun WAVE, there were also a few small things I didn’t like so much.

  • The controls are a little confusing until you get the hang of them. The button on the toy itself only seems to switch on and control the insertable vibrating bulb. The remote allows you to control the bulb and the small vibrating tip independently. You’ll need to remember which button controls which motor, though, or you risk turning the wrong one off at just the wrong moment.
  • The vibrations in the small tip are very weak and buzzy. This is a real shame considering how good the vibrations in the insertable part are! As it is, it feels like the second motor is a bit of an afterthought.
  • The vibrations that transmit to the perineum portion are pretty weak, too. An additional motor here would fix this issue.

FusyFun WAVE: Verdict

This toy really surprised me, in a good way! I was a little unsure about the concept, but it’s actually such a good design overall. Some tweaking to make the controls a little more intuitive and improving the smaller motor in the tip could easily turn the FusyFun WAVE from a really good product into a truly excellent one.

The FusyFun WAVE retails for $75.

Thanks to FusyFun for sending me this product and sponsoring this review. All views are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Tracy’s Dog Surreal App-Controlled Lipstick Vibrator

Even those who are nowhere near as deep in the world of sex toys as I am might have heard of Tracy’s Dog [1]. One Amazon user went slightly viral back in 2019 for her hilarious Tracy’s Dog review: of her experience using the OG Sucking Vibrator, the anonymous woman wrote: “My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared.”

Honestly, I should probably hang up my keyboard right now because I am literally a professional sex toy reviewer and yet nothing I ever write will be as succinctly, brilliantly descriptive and hilarious as that line.

As it is, however, I’m not going anywhere and I am back with my latest Tracy’s Dog review. This time I’m looking at the Surreal bullet vibrator. Did it match up to the lofty heights of the company’s previous viral sensation?

Tracy's Dog vibrator box

[1] Apparently this objectively incredibly strange name came about because the company wanted their toys to become “faithful and loyal companions” like… well, a dog.

Tracy’s Dog Surreal: What Is It?

The Tracy’s Dog Surreal is a lipstick-shaped bullet vibrator with app-controlled functionalities and a single control button on the toy itself. It measures just over 3.5″ in total length, weights a petite 197g, and has a broad base that enables it to stand up.

Tracy's Dog Surreal lipstick vibrator

This toy is made of body-safe silicone in bright red. It is USB rechargeable and waterproof, and offers 10 different vibration settings (3 constant speeds and 4 patterns.)

The Surreal works with an app, the bafflingly-named “Monster Party” which – as far as I can tell – appears to be a generic “interactive platform with adults” that connects up with various different sex toys.

What I Liked About the Surreal

Let’s start by talking about what I liked about the Tracy’s Dog Surreal – which, despite some issues I had with it that we’ll cover in the next section, is actually quite a lot!

  • The silicone is soft and the basic construction of the toy appears to be solid.
  • The lipstick design is cute and the bright red colour is vibrant and attractive.
  • It arrived attractively packaged in a sturdy box with a magnetic fastener and no single-use plastic.
  • I really like the shape. The broad shaft, flat end, and pinpoint tip of the lipstick design allow for different types of stimulation depending on what you enjoy and what you’re in the mood for.
  • The broad base makes it comfortable to hold and use, and its petite size and light weight will make it easy and manageable for most users.
  • The button is large, well-placed, and easy to press.
  • It comes with a plastic case that slides over the toy like the top part of a lipstick tube. This is great for travel and for keeping the toy hygienic in storage, preventing it from picking up dust and lint if it’s sitting in a drawer for a while. Honestly, if you prefer a more rigid surface to your toys and don’t mind the extra little bit of dampening to the vibrations, you can even use it with the plastic cover on.
Surreal lipstick vibrator for Tracy's Dog review

  • In theory (more on that in a minute) it has app-control functionalities. This means you can hand over control to a partner from anywhere in the world.
  • Being waterproof makes it bath/shower friendly as well as super easy to clean. Being waterproof seems to be becoming more and more of a standard in the sex toy industry. However, you don’t always see it on toys at this price-point so it’s a nice extra.
  • It retails for a budget-friendly £37.27 at the time of writing, which is incredibly affordable for an app-controlled toy.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Unfortunately, there were also a few problems I had with this toy.

Perhaps most worryingly, I could not get my toy to connect with the app at all. (Given that the app has less than two stars in the app store reviews, I can’t say I’m entirely surprised!) I followed the instructions, but nothing happened. I switched it off and back on again, and still nothing happened.

Monster Party app screenshot

In practice, I actually use sex toy apps very rarely. I’m glad they exist, but I mostly just use them to review products then forget I have them. But if you’re specifically looking for an app-controlled toy – and considering this is one of the major selling points of this product – it’s pretty bad.

My other significant complaint about the Tracy’s Dog Surreal is that its vibrations are just… okay. They’re neither particularly strong nor particularly rumbly. I knew the moment that I switched it on and turned it up to the highest speed that it had little to no chance of giving me an orgasm.

Finally, it has one of those one-button interfaces that always annoy me so much.

Tracy’s Dog Review: Surreal Verdict

This toy is about what I would expect for the price. It’s broadly fine, but it’s nothing to write home about. Honestly, even at this price point, there are better toys available. If you want the app functionality on a budget, and don’t need particularly strong vibrations, you might get on fine with it (if you can get the app to work! It’s possible, of course, that I was just unlucky with this but given the app’s rating I can’t believe I am the only one having this problem.)

Woman's hand holding Tracy's Dog lipstick vibrator

Despite the negatives I’ve pointed out, the Tracy’s Dog Surreal is a body-safe and easy to use offering. It might suit those who are newer to exploring toys, are looking for something cute and non-threatening in appearance, or prefer low-strength to mid-strength vibrations. It’ll be a great toy for some people, I just don’t think I’m one of them. As such, I will likely pass this one along so someone else can enjoy it.

Thanks to the company for sponsoring this Tracy’s Dog review. This means I was paid to write an honest account of my experience with the product. In addition, if you make a purchase through my links I will earn a small commission. All views are, as always, mine!