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Header image for Tantaly Candice 2.0 review featuring the doll on a pink and green background

[Toy Review] Tantaly Candice 2.0 Sex Doll

Published on August 26, 2024August 26, 2024 by Amy

Sometimes, I step back and realise how actually bonkers my job is. One of those moments was when a comically enormous parcel arrived on my doorstep last week. I don’t think I will ever forget the expression on my nesting partner’s face when I explained “it’s a sex doll!” To be exact, it was the Tantaly Candice 2.0 sex doll.

I have wanted to review a sex doll for a very long time, so thank you to Tantaly for giving me the opportunity.

I’ll say this for Tantaly: despite the conspicuous nature of the box’s size, the packaging was completely discreet. There was nothing on the box or external packaging to indicate what was inside. All Tantaly dolls now also come with a black PVC and polyester zip-up bag. This makes it easier to carry the doll around (no easy task, as we’ll address below!) and also offers a handy storage solution.

Tantaly Candice 2.0 Upgrades

Tantaly Candice 2.0 torso sex doll from behind wearing green lingerie

Tantaly Candice 2.0 torso sex doll from front

The Tantaly Candice was a hugely popular sex doll, and the Candice 2.0 is an updated and revised version. (All Tantaly’s sex dolls have names, I’m not sure who chooses them or how!)

The Candice 2.0 is different from the Candice original in two key ways. The first upgrade “improved the appearance of the labia and skin texture, realistically replicating the shape of the human pubic area”, and the second upgrade introduced the hilariously-named “Tantabosom”, a unique gel formula which claims to make the doll’s breasts softer and more lifelike.

Tantaly also fixed some issues customers identified in this iteration of the Candice doll. These included repositioning the anus to reduce tearing during use and transporation, enhancing the feel and appearance of the butt with (you guessed it) “Tantabutt”, and making the vaginal tunnel slightly wider.

Sex Doll Look & Feel

The Candice is a torso sex doll weighing 42lb (or around 19kg.) That doesn’t sound all that huge, right? Trust me, when you’re lugging it up the stairs in its case, it feels huge. Yes, this doll is seriously heavy, and it’s not even close to the largest in Tantaly’s range. Of course, the size and weight is part of the appeal of sex dolls to some users as it makes them more lifelike. Just be ready for the physical task of moving it. Or have a supportive partner/roommate who can help you.

Tantaly sex doll storage and transportation bag — Tantaly’s doll storage/travel bag

Initially, I was sceptical about the claim that this doll is “life size”, so I got the measuring tape out. The Tantaly Candice measures around 22″ in length from the vulva to the base of the neck. This is a pretty realistic size for a short-ish woman (I measured the same area on my 5’5″ frame for comparison and it was around 25″.) So yes, it actually is a petite lifesize!

Please note that, though pictured wearing lingerie, your sex doll does not come with any clothing. You can, of course, dress it up in anything you like yourself. On the product page, Tantaly notes that TPE dolls can stain easily so it is best to avoid dark fabrics or anything with dyes that might run.

The Tantaly Candice 2.0 is clearly designed to adhere to a very specific and normative idea of female beauty. It has a narrow waist, flat stomach, large breasts, and a vulva that looks straight out of mainstream porn. However, with that said, I am glad that it does not have the cartoonishly unrealistic proportions of some sex dolls out there. (No-one has a 20″ waist and J-cup breasts naturally. They just don’t.)

I’ve said before that I find sex dolls with faces a little creepy in an “uncanny valley” sort of way, but this torso-only design avoids that problem. Mr C&K mentioned that the entire concept felt a little too “disembodied” for him in a way that he found really offputting. There’s no objective answer here – it’s totally a matter of preference.

The Tantaly Candice is ultra soft to the touch. Thankfully, it also doesn’t have that weird smell that some TPE sex toys do. I was left with some slight residue on my hands from the powdered packaging, so I recommend giving it a really good wash before you actually use it for the first time. Interestingly, the material doesn’t really conduct much heat, so it tends to be quite cool to the touch even in a very warm room.

Inside, I was also impressed at how realistic the vagina and butt feel. They feature incredibly detailed layers of texturing internally. The vagina even has a G-spot! And if a boob person, you’ll definitely enjoy the lifelike breasts and semi-realistic nipples.

Is the Tantaly Candice 2.0 Sex Doll Body Safe?

This doll is made from thermoplastic elastomer, or TPE. TPE is a type of plastic that has been refined and treated to turn it into a flexible, rubber-like material. In the world of sex toys, TPE is often used as a cheaper alternative to silicone.

So is TPE body-safe?

Crucially (and giving it an advantage over many other common sex toy materials such as jelly), TPE does not typically contain phthalates. These common plasticisers are endocrine disrupters and possibly carcinogenic. In this way, TPE is unlikely to be harmful.

However, a downside of TPE is that it is a porous material. This means that it has microscopic holes which can harbour bacteria, bodily fluids, and more.

I’m a lot less critical of TPE use in penis toys (such as strokers and, yes, sex dolls) than I am of its use in insertable toys, such as dildos and butt plugs. This is because the way that penis toys are used means that the risk of harm and infection is far lower than with insertables.

Ultimately, my recommendation regarding TPE sex dolls? You’re probably fine as long as you follow some basic hygiene precautions. However, you should not share the doll (or if you must, use a condom) because doing so significantly increases the risk of both infection and STI transmission. You should also care for your doll according to the manufacturer’s instructions and check it regularly for tears, cracks, mold, and material degredation.

Care and Cleaning of Your Sex Doll

Tantaly recommends storing your sex doll inside the protective styrofoam packaging it arrives in. This protects it from dust and the elements as well as helping it to retain its shape for longer. They also recommend oiling it 3-4 times per year depending on usage, and applying corn starch if it is going to be in storage for a long period.

It’s important to thoroughly clean your sex doll promptly after use. There’s a full guide here on how to clean, store, and care for your doll. In short though, after each use:

Thoroughly wash the areas of the doll that you have used (an enema kit is an easy way to clean the inside of your doll) with warm water and a gentle antibacterial soap.
Dry the doll as thoroughly as you can using a soft, clean cloth.
Use a drying stick, tampon, or similar to dry out the internal parts. It’s really important not to leave these wet as this can be a breeding ground for bacteria.

You can significantly extend the lifespan of your doll, and keep things more hygienic, by using a condom. Cleanup is definitely a bit of a faff, which is always going to be a downside to sex dolls.

How long will your doll last? That depends on a number of factors so it’s hard to say. Some users in Tantaly’s on-site reviews say they have had their doll for several years and it’s still in good condition.

9 Things to Do With a Sex Doll (Besides the Obvious)

The obvious basic use for a sex doll is, well, to have sex with it. And if you’re buying a doll for that purpose, the Tantaly Candice is a great choice. But beyond that, what are some fun things you can do with a sex doll like this one? To start you off, I’ve compiled a list of 9 options. As always, take the ones that resonate with you and leave the ones that don’t!

Tantaly Candice 2.0 sex doll in blue and pink bikini

Play out cuckolding or cuckqueaning kinks. In short, this is where someone is “made” to watch their partner have sex with someone else. It is often, but not always, tied in with D/s dynamics and humiliation kinks.
Experiment with exhibitionism and voyeurism. Into the fantasy of watching or being watched during sex? You can fuck the doll while your partner watches… or put the doll in the corner and have it “watch” you masturbate or have sex.
Practice techniques. Want to improve your cunnilingus, fingering, or strap-on sex skills? Practicing on a doll isn’t perfect because it can’t give you feedback, but it can be a useful way to nail those physical skills.
Try out group sex fantasies without the risk. Group sex strikes a chord with many people as a fantasy, but not everyone can or wants to make it a reality. Using a sex doll allows you to play out some aspects of your group sex fantasies without the emotional risk that doing so for real can entail.
Make some sexy content. Many adult content creators use sex dolls to shoot images or videos. If you’re a creator, a sex doll can be a great addition to your repertoire. If not, you can still enjoy making some sexy content for your partner(s) or even just for yourself.
Tie it up. I’ve been really getting into bondage and shibari as a Top in the last few months or so. My immediate thought when I opened my Tantaly Candice sex doll was that it would be an amazing practice bottom for when I don’t have a human partner available. The weight does make this tricky, though.
Spank it. I’d be hesitant to suggest using impact toys on a TPE sex doll as they could damage the material. A good old fashioned hand spanking, though? Have at it.
Dress it up. If you’re into lingerie, latex, corsetry, or any other type of sexy clothing, your sex doll can be the perfect model for trying out different looks.
Have long-distance sex. If you and your partner are apart, activities like phone sex, cyber sex and sexting are great ways to maintain a sexual connection. App-controlled toys were created for just this purpose! Another option, though, is to use a doll. Slip into a hot fantasy with your lover by voice or text, and use the doll to act out the things you’re talking about doing and bring the fantasy to life.

Verdict

I was initially unsure what I was going to do with this product, once I’d written up this review. Not being in possession of a factory-installed penis, I am not exactly the target market. However, I’m glad I own it and I suspect it will be getting utilised in several of the ways listed in the above section.

The Tantaly Candice is a well-designed and well-made torso doll with impressive attention to detail, particularly in this latest iteration. If you’re in the market for a realistic (but faceless) sex doll, and the weight, maintenance, and storage requirements don’t bother you, the Tantaly Candice is a great choice.

The Tantaly Candice torso sex doll retails for $499.

Thanks to Tantaly for kindly sending me this product and sponsoring this review. All views and writing, as always, are mine. Product images courtesy of Tantaly.

Header image for a review of the Nothosaur Audrey II ovipositor toy

[Toy Review] Nothosaur Audrey II Ovipositor Dildo

Published on July 31, 2024July 31, 2024 by Amy

One of the coolest things about being a sex writer is that I get to discover new things I’m into that I would never have thought to try. Another super cool thing about it? I get to discover new things I’m not into that I would never have thought to try. This week I have learned that I am not into ovipositor toys, or egg-laying dildos.

This revelation isn’t entirely surprising to me, to be fair. I can’t say the idea, in itself, is ever something that has sparked fantasies or even that I have thought about very much at all. But, when Nothosaur asked me if I would test out one of their ovipositor dildos and write about it, I was curious enough to give it a go. Naturally, being a huge musical theatre nerd, I had to pick the one called “Audrey II.”

What is an Ovipositor Toy and Why Are People Into Them?

In nature, an ovipositor is a tube-like organ that some animals use for laying eggs. In the world of sex toys, it’s a hollow dildo that “lays eggs” inside the user.

Ovipositation kinks often come along with impregnation fetishes, though they can also exist separately as their own thing. I’m far too legitimately afraid of pregnancy to eroticise it, personally, but it’s a super common kink. The reasons why people might be into ovipositation are many and varied. Some enjoy the physical sensation of having the eggs deposited inside them, or of “laying” them out again. For others, it’s a natural extension of a monster-fucking or alien-fucking fetish. Some connect it to consensual non-consent (CNC) fantasies, humiliation kinks, fear play, dehumanisation or animal roleplay kinks, and many more.

Ovipositor dildos have a hollow cavity through the middle into which users can insert eggs, which they can then pop out inside their vagina or anus.

Important Things to Know About the Audrey II Ovipositor Toy

If you’re into the idea of fucking an alien plant tendril, then look no further. The Nothosaur Audrey II is a beautifully made and intricate ovipositor toy with an impressive level of detailing. It is made of body-safe matte silicone and the various ridges and bumps add not just aesthetic appeal but also additional internal stimulation in use. The standard green colourway with hints of red adds to the “scary alien plant” vibe, but you can also get it in your choice of custom colours if you prefer.

You can’t really use the Audrey II as a regular dildo without the eggs unless you’re into VERY soft and flexible toys. Due to the hollow interior, it’s ultra squishy to the point that it is hard to even insert. It has a suction cup base, though I’m not sure how much use this would be to anyone using the toy for its intended purpose.

You can order the Audrey II ovipositor toy with or without eggs, known at Nothosaur as OGGs and available in a range of sizes. You can also order OGGs separately if you decide you want to add them on later or if you want to add more to your collection. The eggs are genuinely super pretty and come in a range of random colourways.

Your other option is to make eggs yourself using the included molds. The Audrey II comes with 3 egg molds in different sizes. Nothosaur has also provided handy instructions on how to make eggs. In a nutshell, you’ll need gelatin powder, very hot water, a syringe, and your fridge or freezer. I did some research into this and the general consensus seems to be that gelatin is safe to use in the vagina or anus as long as you’re not allergic. Use plain gelatin with no sugars, dyes, or any other additives, as introducing these things into your body can disrupt your vaginal health and be a breeding ground for infection.

If you want to use the Audrey II ovipositor anally, it’s important to only use gelatin eggs which will dissolve inside you. Never, ever put the silicone eggs inside your butt. They could get lost or stuck, which can be dangerous. The gelatin will go all melty and goopy pretty quickly, so it’s best to allow some time for clean-up. Put a towel down if you don’t want to risk staining your sheets.

Inserting the eggs takes a little practice but is easy once you get the hang of it. You’ll need plenty of lubricant (water-based or oil-based is ideal) and to use the provided plastic booster to push the eggs up inside and through the toy.

The Audrey II’s squishiness helps to enable eggs to pass through the dildo more easily. Be careful where you’re squeezing, though. They can pop out of the bottom of the toy if you’re not careful.

Actually getting the eggs to come out took me a couple of attempts to get the hang of. It takes a little more pressure than you think it will. Pro tip: clean your hands if they’re covered in lube from setting things up, otherwise you’ll just end up with things slipping out of your hands and flying everywhere.

I ordered the small size Audrey II, which measures 7″ in total length and around 5.5″ in insertable length. Its 1.8″ diameter makes it comfortable to use and not too girthy.

Verdict

I have learned that this definitively isn’t my kink. But it’s a pretty common one, as I learned in the course of researching this post, so it might well be yours! And if so, this is an excellent product. The Audrey II ovipositor is thoughtfully designed and beautifully made. Nothosaur’s product presentation and customer service are both excellent, too. I received several fun extras with my toy, including a cute branded storage bag, some stickers, and a cock keyring.

I’ll just leave you with this, courtesy of my nesting partner Mr C&K:

Him: “Audrey II didn’t lay eggs.”
Me: “No, it ate faces… I’m putting that in the review.”

The Audrey II ovipositor dildo starts from $75.99 for the smallest size. Larger sizes, custom colours, and adding silicone eggs will all increase the price. When you use my links and my code COFFEE at checkout, you can get 10% off your entire purchase.

Thanks to Nothosaur Toys for sending me this product to review and for sponsoring this post. All views, as always, are mine. Check out their full range of ovipositors and other fantasy dildos.

Header image for Mr Hankey's Toys review of Monster Dildo

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo

Published on July 15, 2024July 15, 2024 by Amy

I don’t think I (or my vagina) was feeling particularly brave when I ordered the Mr Hankey’s Monster Dildo from the website, because I chose the smallest of four available sizes. Even so, I took it out of the box and my immediate reaction was “wow, this thing is huge!”

As with the Mr Hankey’s Perfect Penis, I cannot get my entire hand around this toy’s shaft.

So how did I get on with this monster of a realistic dildo? This is the third in my series of reviews for Mr Hankey’s Toys, who are also one of my site sponsors, winner of tonnes of adult industry awards, and all-round purveyors of stellar sex toys in both the fantasy and realistic categories.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo in size medium measures 9.13″ in total length, 7″ in insertable length, and 2.46″ in diameter at the widest point. Again: this is the smallest size! The remaining sizes measure 11.38″, 13.5″, and 15.75″ in total length respectively, with corresponding girth increases. If you want serious size and lots of it, you’ve come to the right place.

This toy is made of body-safe silicone and available in an array of colours from skin tones to brights, metallics, and even UV-reactive shades. You can also choose different firmness levels, from very soft to extra firm, and add a vac-u-lock hole if you wish.

In terms of firmness, 75% firmness or medium will suit most users. 75% firm is supposed to resemble a bio-cock that is 75-80% erect, and many Mr Hankey’s customers report that it feels the most lifelike of the options. Medium is closer in firmness to a fully erect penis.

What I Liked About the Monster Dildo

I found this toy challenging to use. And that’s fine – sometimes a challenge can be fun! I do prefer girth over length (hitting my cervix = ow, bad pain!) though so I’d be more inclined to reach for a girthy toy like this one if I was in the mood for a large insertable. Overall, the girthy design is excellent for those who enjoy the sensation of a stretch, but don’t desire or enjoy excessive length.

This one takes a lot of warm-up and lube for me to use it comfortably. And even then, as I said, I’d describe the experience as challenging and seriously, seriously intense.

Let’s look at some of the specific features of the Monster Dildo that I enjoyed.

I really love the shade of purple and the shimmery effect from the metallic colourway.
This is a highly realistic toy, down to the skin texturing of the balls and the detailing around the head and foreskin. It was apparently life-cast from a real penis owned by a person simply known as “The Jackpot.”
At least at this size, it stands up on its own due to the size of the base. If you want to use the toy hands-free, this makes it easier to do so as you can simply put it on a firm surface and then “ride” it.
The gentle curve is ideal for targeting your G-spot or prostate. When I’m able to get the toy inside me, it presses firmly against my G-spot in a very enjoyable way.
At the firmness level I chose (75% soft or the second softest), it’s fairly squishy and flexible. For a toy of this size, that’s going to be essential for a lot of users. If you like a lot of flex, go softer. If you prefer more rigid toys, go firmer.
The large base makes it anal-safe, if that’s your thing. There was no universe in which this thing was going in my butt, but it can safely go in yours if you’d like. (Obligatory disclaimer: if you’re putting something of this size in your butt, go S L O W L Y. Use even more lube than you think you need. To be fair, that actually applies to vaginal use as well, but the butt isn’t self-lubricating so you’ll need to be even more careful.)

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Personally, I don’t like the pronounced ridge on the underside of the Monster Dildo’s shaft. Even with plenty of lubrication, I consistently found it made insertion uncomfortable. Once the toy was fully inserted, I could still feel the ridge in a way that was pretty distracting.

Like the other Mr Hankey’s Toys I’ve tried, the silicone is very matte. I would have preferred a smoother silicone for a toy of this size. With that said, a smoother silicone would lessen the realistic effect of the toy’s appearance, so it’s a trade-off. As you can probably see in the photos, it also gathers lint and dust.

The texturing can make the Monster Dildo take a little longer to clean. This isn’t really a problem, just something to be aware of. You’ll want to make sure you’ve got all bodily fluids and lube out of the little creases.

Due to its size, the Monster Dildo is also pretty heavy. It’s just about manageable at this size but I have to imagine that the larger versions could be quite difficult to hold and manipulate in use.

Verdict

Honestly, the final analysis is that even in the smallest size this toy is bordering on too large for me. And that’s fine – I am not really the target market for very large toys. But you might be, and this is an excellent choice if so! So many large toys are not body-safe, so it is nice to have somewhere to point my readers for oversized toys that are also safe and well-made.

And make no mistake, this is a beautifully designed toy. The attention to detail is excellent and the array of colours and effects on offer means that you can truly make it your own.

I like having this in my collection but I don’t think it will be going in my body very often. I can enjoy it occasionally, but it’s going to be a once-in-a-while thing and probably revolve around enjoying the challenge as part of a kink dynamic.

The Monster Dildo’s pricing begins at $140.95 for the size Medium in a standard colourway. Going up in size, adding effects, and adding a vac-u-lock hole all add to the price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, my own.

[Better Sex Products Review] For Play Couples’ Chocolate

Published on July 7, 2024July 7, 2024 by Amy

Whenever I encounter a sex-related thing I haven’t tried before, I immediately want to try it (and tell my readers all about it, obviously.) That’s why, when For Play Couples’ Chocolate came across my social feed recently, I immediately fired off an email to founder Victoria to enquire about featuring them on my blog.

She was kind enough to send me some samples of her company’s products to try. We decided to publish this review today in celebration of World Chocolate Day.

Sex and chocolate are, after all, two of life’s greatest pleasures.

So What is For Play Chocolate?

For Play Chocolate came about when Victoria – a former CMO with an MBA – began to research the issue of sustaining intimacy in a long-term relationship. Drawing on research from an array of experts including Dr Karen Gurney and Emily Nagoski, PhD, she decided to create a product to “remind couples to make time for intimacy and play.”

Known variously as couples’ chocolate, sex chocolate, horny chocolate, and aphrodisiac chocolate, For Play Chocolate kits are designed to help couples to connect, get in the mood for romance, and enjoy greater levels of intimacy.

Each box of For Play Chocolates comes with six chocolates (three for each partner) and six “Play Cards”. The cards offer suggestions for erotic experiences to try, from taking a sexy shower together to experimenting with food play. There are also question prompts you can use to help you connect, reflect, and learn more about each other and your relationship.

The chocolates are labelled “His” and “Hers”, and there are boxes available for same-gender or different-gender couples. I’d love to see a non-binary or genderless version added to the range in the future, if possible.

They come beautifully packaged in sleek and stylish boxes in either pink, purple, or green. The chocolates themselves are beautiful, too, decorated with pink and bronze edible shimmer. The overall first impression is of luxury and high quality.

For Play’s products are vegan and made using ethically sourced 62% Ecuadorian dark chocolate. Their supplier is Original Beans chocolate, rated as a leading company by Chocolate Scorecard for environmental, sustainability, and labour practices.

How Does It Work?

For Play’s chocolate is super delicious, combining the sweet-bitter combo of quality dark chocolate with the infusion of subtle, natural botanical flavours. It melts smoothly in the mouth and the popping candy leaves a fun tingling sensation in its wake.

But how does it work?

Mr C&K had a long chat about this when we sampled our chocolates, and we came to the conclusion that this product works in two main ways. I’m going to call them “direct” and “indirect.”

The Direct Effects: The Science Bit

The direct way that For Play Chocolate works is through its botanical and adaptogenic ingredients. To understand this better, we need to delve into the science a little bit.

An aphrodisiac, in the most basic sense, is “a food or drug that arouses sexual instinct, brings on desire, or increases sexual pleasure or performance” (Healthline.) Numerous foods, from oysters to strawberries and even hot chilli peppers, have been alleged to be aphrodisiacs throughout history.

Another common food thought to have aphrodisiac properties? Dark chocolate.

Little to no concrete scientific evidence directly links most common aphrodisiac foods to an increase in sexual desire. However, this doesn’t mean there is nothing to the concept at all. Experts have attempted to explain aphrodisiacs’ apparent benefits through various means, from simple placebo to the sensual pleasure of consuming delicious things, the “luxury” status that society affords some of these foods, and the impact on bodily functions that play a role in sexual activity and desire (such as blood flow and dopamine release.)

Some foods and edible compounds, therefore, may play a role in sexual functioning in various ways. Let’s look at the active ingredients in For Play’s couples’ chocolate and what the research has to say about them.

Dark Chocolate

Dark chocolate is rich in both antioxidants and caffeine, both of which can improve blood flow. It also contains L-arginine, which may enhance sexual responsiveness. A 2021 systematic review suggested that “l-arginine, as part of a combination product, may be considered for the treatment of women with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, regardless of age.” (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder or HSDD is, broadly, a lack of sexual desire or very low desire that causes distress or negatively impacts your life.) Consuming chocolate also triggers the release of chemicals such as endorphins and dopamine, which are associated with feelings of happiness and wellbeing.

Maca

Maca, which comes from the Peruvian maca root plant, has long been thought to boost fertility and sex drive. One 2002 study indicated an improvement in self-perception of sexual desire in men after 8 weeks of maca use. Another pilot investigation also indicated that treatment with maca extract increased sexual desire amongst male athletes. Maca is only in For Play’s “For Him” chocolates, as there is currently more evidence for its effectiveness in (cis) men.

Ashwagandha

Ashwagandha is a herb that originated in India and has been utilised in various ways for centuries. A 2015 pilot study showed that ashwagandha root extract could improve sexual functioning in otherwise healthy cis women. Another 2022 study indicated that treatment with ashwagandha provided a “statistically significant improvement” in sexual functioning amongst women with HSDD. Ashwagandha is in For Play’s “For Her” chocolates.

Fenugreek

Fenugreek, a clover-like herb that belongs to the pea family, finds use in both cooking and herbal medicines. One study found that “Sexual function analysis for all women… found that treatment with fenugreek resulted in reported increases in sexual arousal and desire in women” (Tester, 2015.) Another double-blinded and placebo-controlled 2021 study found that fenugreek “offered significant beneficial effects to sexual problems” amongst its female participants.

Korean ginseng

Ginseng is a vasodilator, or something that opens the blood vessels. By increasing blood flow in this way, it can have sexual benefits such as helping with erectile dysfunction. A small 2002 study and a 2008 systematic review found “suggestive evidence for the effectiveness of red ginseng in treating ED.” Likewise, a placebo-controlled double blind 2010 study found that “Oral administration of KRG extracts improved sexual arousal in menopausal women.”

In a Nutshell…

A product like For Play Chocolate is a helping hand, not a magic bullet. If you’re stressed out, angry at your partner, or suffering from the sexual side effects of health problems or medication, it isn’t going to magically override all that and make you horny. No food or substance can, because human sexuality is way more complicated than that.

What its ingredients can do, though, is give your body a natural nudge in the right direction. Combined with creating the right conditions for pleasure and intimacy – which we’ll discuss more in the next section – these adaptogenic ingredients can work with your body to enhance intimacy and pleasure.

For Play notes that you should seek medical advice before using their products if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or taking any medications. And, of course, you should avoid this product if you are allergic or sensitive to any of the ingredients.

The Indirect Effects: Finding New Ways to Stay Connected

The indirect way that For Play Chocolate works is all about creating the time, space, and physical and emotional context for greater intimacy in your relationship.

Sex, after all, is mental at least as much as physical. In her life-changing book Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski writes extensively about the devastating impact that life stress, mental health challenges, lack of trust, lack of emotional safety, and feelings of pressure can have on sexual desire. To connect better with our partners and ourselves, we need to reduce stress, feel safe and seen, and make space for desire and pleasure.

Staying connected and keeping intimacy, passion, and sex going in a long-term relationship can be challenging. New relationship energy (NRE) naturally fades over time into the more comfortable, cosy warmth of long-term love. This is particularly true when you’re married or nested, your lives are very entangled, or you’re raising children together.

It is important for couples to set time aside to focus on each other and their relationship. Exploration, adventure, and trying new things can all help to keep the spark of novelty alive. With those things and a little effort, the long haul can be where the really good stuff is. There’s nothing like completely knowing someone and them knowing you inside and out, and choosing each other every day.

Using a product like For Play Couples’ Chocolate can help you to create that all-important time together. It can facilitate the conditions needed for intimacy of all kinds – including sexual, physical, and emotional – to flourish.

For Play Couples’ Chocolate is really a date night in a box. You get to set aside dedicated time for your relationship, enjoy some tasty treats together, and explore new ways of connecting. There are even some suggested Spotify playlists to help set the mood.

I found the question cards particularly great for this aspect of the experience. The question prompts sparked some interesting discussions and also plenty of laughter. Even seemingly simple questions (“What does intimacy mean to you?” was my favourite) can get you thinking and talking about things in a different way.

Verdict

I really enjoyed this product, which is far more than just a gimmick. A lot of thought and care has gone into the formulation and creation of For Play’s kits. The quality of the chocolate, ethical credentials, and beautiful presentation really elevates them, too.

For Play Chocolates retail for £28 per kit. That’s less than you’d pay for a meal in a mid-range restaurant or about what you’d pay for a couple of drinks in a nice bar. Since you only need one chocolate each time, you’ll get three experiences out of one box. And, of course, you can continue to use the cards for as long as you like.

A thoughtful (and tasty) romantic gift or a cute way to set aside a little “us time” with your partner. There’s also a 30 day satisfaction guarantee with your purchase.

Shop For Play Couples’ Chocolate here.

Thanks to For Play Chocolate for sending me this product to test and sponsoring this review. All views are, as always, mine. Professional product images by For Play and reproduced here with permission.

Header image for Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro review

[Toy Review] Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro

Published on June 18, 2024June 18, 2024 by Amy

When a company offers me toys to review and gives me free rein to choose products from their catalogue, as Funzze did recently, it becomes an increasingly complicated decision the longer I do this work. There are, after all, only so many variations on the basic vibrator, dildo, or stroker out there in the world, and I do like to keep things interesting. I tend to select review products, therefore, in one of three ways:

Choose the thing I think might actually get me off
Choose something with an intriguing name or description
Choose the most bonkers and unhinged stuff I can find

On this occasion, I went with a combination both options #1 and #2, which is how the amusingly-named but intriguingly-designed Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro came to be in my possession.

What is the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro?

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator

The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro is described as a “high frequency clit stimulator.” It tapers up to a point, ending in a rounded tip which rotates at high speeds when the vibrations are switched on. It is made of body-safe silicone with an ABS plastic accent band above the handle.

The Orgasm Monster also comes with two additional removable silicone tips, one shaped like a little tongue and the other shaped like a pair of bunny ears.

The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro is USB rechargeable and fully waterproof (submersible.) It also comes with a storage bag, which is a nice touch you don’t usually get for toys at this price-point. In terms of battery life, I got a couple of hours out of mine on a full charge.

What I Liked About This Toy

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator with rabbit ears head

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator with tongue head

I found a lot to like about the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro, particularly given its very affordable price (we’ll talk about that more in a minute.) So what did I like about it?

Perhaps most importantly, it lived up to its name. It gets me off, and it does so pretty reliably.
I love the inclusion of the additional heads! This simple little extra adds so much more bang for your buck, do to speak. It also makes the toy an appealing choice for those who are new to clitoral toys. Having options allows you to experiment with a few different sensations to find out what you like. Each of the three options (no head, bunny ears head, or tongue head) provides a distinctive experience.
The stimulation this toy offers is very, very pinpoint. Of course, this isn’t everyone’s thing. It’s not even my thing all the time – I have to be in the mood for it! But when that’s what I’m after, this toy delivers. If you are looking for seriously pinpoint clitoral pleasure, you’ll find it here.
I absolutely love the bunny ears attachment. The soft and flexible ears flicker back and forth, and – in my experience – feel particularly good when positioned on either side of my clit from above, stimulating it from the sides.
The tip offers a good mix of firmness and flexibility. The “ball” at the top is pretty firm, but the neck leading to it has some give. This means that you can enjoy intense stimulation but, for me at least, without it tipping over into “so intense it’s painful.”
It’s pretty powerful, particularly when used without either of the attachments! I can sometimes orgasm with this toy without even turning it onto the most powerful setting, which is pretty impressive (and, honestly, pretty rare.)
It is not “silent”, despite what the marketing copy says (there is literally no such thing as a silent vibrator. It does not exist.) However, at under 50dB it’s also not too loud and its noise level and type is fairly unobtrusive.
The handle is comfortable to hold and only minimally transmits vibrations into my hand.
Its single button is easy to press, well positioned, and sufficiently raised that you can feel for it without needing to look.
It retails at just $35.99. That’s about £28 for my UK readers. There’s also a one-year warranty included should you have any problems.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Overall, I like the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro quite a lot. There were a few things that didn’t work so well for me, though:

I really don’t like the tongue attachment. Despite the promising flicking motion when I switched it on, the flicking completely stops as soon as I actually apply it to my body. The result is the sensation of being poked in the clit by the surprisingly pointy little tongue. Your experience may vary, of course, as this is really a matter of personal preference.
This is probably unavoidable, but the tips do dampen the vibration transmission quite a bit. I found this more noticeable with the tongue attachment than the bunny ears one, but with both it significantly reduced the intensity.
I don’t love the one-button interface. It’s easy to use, but only being able to scroll one way through the settings and patterns is annoying. For a toy this intense, it would greatly improve the user experience to be able to go down a setting without having to scroll all the way back through.
The vibrations, though decently strong, are pretty buzzy. I personally find that less problematic on a pinpoint toy than a broader one, for some reason, but it’s something to be aware of.

Verdict

This is a surprisingly good little clitoral toy at a very affordable price! Whether you’re on a budget or just looking to experiment with pinpoint clitoral toys, it’s a good pick and holds its own against many of its much pricier competitors. I probably need to reevaluate my cynicism about cheaper toys, honestly. They really do seem to be getting better and better all the time. This one impressed me more than I expected it to!

The Orgasm Monster Pro is available directly from Funzze.

Thanks to Funzze for sponsoring this post. This means they paid me to write an honest and unbiased review. All opinions and writing are, as always, mine.

Header image for Nothosaur Toys ALLA review featuring a purple stylised tentacle

[Toy Review] Nothosaur Toys ALLA

Published on June 17, 2024June 17, 2024 by Amy

Nothosaur Toys only recently came onto my radar, when they reached out and asked about sponsorship. But I’ve already begun recommending them to readers who ask me about fantasy toys. With an impressive collection including alien dildos, tentacle dildos, dragon dildos, fantasy grinders, and much more, they have all sorts of great offerings for fans of the weird and wonderful.

Nothosaur were also kind enough to send me a product from their range to review. Meet the ALLA.

What is the Nothosaur Toys ALLA?

Nothosaur Toys ALLA, a long pink and blue tentacle dildo

The Nothosaur Toys ALLA is a tentacle dildo based on sources such as the Kraken sea monster mythology and the Cthulhu science fiction/horror stories. And it is literally a giant tentacle. It features a large heavy base and two rows of suckers along a flexible shaft. The long shaft tapers gently to a point.

The ALLA is available in several colourways. I chose the light pinkish-purple with blue accents known as “Redemption”, which is super pretty. For a small additional cost, you can also request a custom colourway of your choice.

The ALLA is available in six sizes, ranging from XS (11.8″ in total length) up to “Legendary” (41″ in total length.) Pay close attention to the size chart when you’re ordering, because if you’re not careful you’ll end up with something a lot bigger than you expected! I ordered the ALLA in a medium, which measures 22″ in total length and 1.1″ in diameter towards the top of the tentacle. The sheer idea of one that’s almost twice as large again makes my eyes water, but you might be a lot braver than me!

What I Like About the ALLA

Nothosaur Toys are gaining a great reputation in the world of fantasy sex toys, and it’s easy to see why. The ALLA is the first of their products I have tried, and there are plenty of things about it that I really like. Namely:

The Nothosaur Toys ALLA is a beautifully designed dildo. If you have a tentacle kink, I don’t think you could do much better! The detailing is impressive and the use of the two silicone colours adds both depth and an ethereal, otherworldly quality which can be tremendously appealing to lovers of fantasy toys. The Nothosaur dragon insignia is stamped into the base.
The silicone is body-safe and looks and feels to be of a high quality. So many fantasy toys are still being made from unsafe jelly materials or porous TPE/TPR. It’s great to see more and more silicone options coming onto the market. The ALLA’s silicone is very matte, and the suckers can be a little grabby, so using plenty of water-based lube is essential.
“Depth play” and “depth training” – gradually training your body to take longer toys safely and comfortably, either vaginally or anally – isn’t my thing as I find it far more painful than pleasurable. However, it is a fairly popular kink and relatively few body-safe toy options for this purpose have been available. The ALLA, with its softness and long, tapered body, is perfect for those who want to focus on depth of penetration in their play.

Nothosaur Toys ALLA tentacle dildo, close up of suckers

That texture! Oh my goodness, that texture! The ALLA’s suckers provide incredible additional stimulation when you use it internally. And there’s another possibility, too: repurposing the ALLA as a grinding toy for clitoral play. Seriously, try it and thank me later.
Thanks to the large base and lengthy shaft, the ALLA is anal-safe if that’s your thing.
Its suction cup holds it in place well despite its large size and significant weight. Some reviewers have commented that they can hang the entire toy from the ceiling with the suction cup!
The toy arrived quickly, and was discreetly packaged with no indication of what was inside.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Nothosaur Toys ALLA tentacle dildo, shown in full length

When I tried to use it for (presumably) its intended purpose of penetration, I found the ALLA to be slightly too floppy and flexible to be truly satisfying. I was able to insert it with plenty of lubrication and warm-up, but it took a few attempts because it kept bending away from my body when I applied pressure rather than slipping inside. If you enjoy very soft, flexible and gentle toys, this might be a good thing for you. For me, though, I found I wanted a little more rigidity.

I ordered the ALLA in medium firmness (the firmer of the two available options, the other being “soft.”) So keep this in mind if you’re looking for a firmer penetrative toy. I’m actually not convinced I’d be able to use it anally for this reason. All bodies are different, though, so your mileage may vary.

Due to its design, the ALLA can also be a bit of a pain to clean. All those little suckers can harbour bodily fluids, which can breed bacteria if not properly cleaned. For that reason, I really recommend boil-sterilising your toy after each use to ensure that it is completely clean. It just has too many creases and crevices for me to feel confident recommending any other method.

Verdict

The ALLA is totally different from anything else in my collection, and I kind of love it. I am unlikely to use it as a penetrative toy again (as I said, it’s a little too flexible for me and ultra lengthy toys aren’t really my thing.) However, I will definitely be making plenty of use of the clitoral stimulation possibilities afforded by all those fabulous little suckers!

If you’re looking for a fantasy-style depth trainer or just have a kink for tentacles, you’ll love this toy.

The ALLA’s retail price depends upon the size and customisation options you choose. It begins from just $79.99 for the XS size in a standard colourway, up to $379.99 for the Legendary size. With the smaller options surprisingly affordable and the larger options reasonably priced considering the materials and skill that go into crafting these toys, I am happy to call the Nothosaur ALLA a great value product!

You can also use coupon code COFFEE for 10% off your entire Nothosaur Toys order.

Thanks to Nothosaur Toys for sending me the ALLA and sponsoring this honest and unbiased review. All views and writing, as ever, are mine. Don’t forget to check out the rest of the Nothosaur catalogue including the limited-edition Pride range!

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn dildo review header featuring a stylised image of a rainbow unicorn horn and ears

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo

Published on June 15, 2024June 15, 2024 by Amy

In my first Mr Hankey’s Toys review last month, I noted that I was kinda blown away by the sheer size of the toy in front of me. That theme continues in this, the second of three Mr Hankey’s reviews: today, we’re looking at the descriptively-named Unicorn Dildo.

When the Mr Hankey’s Toys gave me pretty much free rein (heh) to pick a selection of toys from their site, I couldn’t possibly resist this one. I mean, just look at it!

Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo is available in four sizes, ranging in total length from 12″ up to 18.38″, in insertable length from 7″ up to 12″, and in diameter at the widest insertable point from 1.51″ up to 2.7″. I requested the second smallest size (“Medium”), which measures 14″ in overall length, 8″ in insertable length, and 1.83″ in diameter at the widest insertable point. Once the decorative base is factored in, this is a large toy.

This toy is made of 100% body-safe silicone.

It is also available in four firmness levels: 40% soft (the softest), 75% soft, medium firm, and extra firm. You can get it in any of 24 different colourways, including a white/gold two tone. I requested bubblegum pink because I was feeling extra femme that day and it seemed somehow appropriate for this toy. There’s also the option to add a vac-u-lock hole.

Things I Like About the Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn dildo bent in the middle to show its flexibility

I mean, the entire design of this toy is just so whimsical and delightful. When you’ve tested and reviewed as many sex toys as I have, one vaguely penis-shaped piece of silicone starts to blend into the next. (Figuratively. Silicone toys do not melt together in storage and I wish this stupid myth would die already. But that’s a rant for another day.)

But a toy that looks like a unicorn horn? Yeah, that’s new and novel. The detailing is impressive and gives a fun and playful feel that makes me smile every time I see its silly face and ginormous horn on my desk, where it is currently functioning as a particularly “extra” paperweight.

I chose the 75% soft option, which is the second softest. In this shape, that means the horn part is very squishy, bendy, and flexible. According to the company, this softness level mimics a bio-cock at 75-80% of full erection, but on this product it definitely seems softer and more flexible than that. If you want anything other than serious squish and flex, go for one of the firmer options. If, like me, you tend to prefer less intense insertable toys, the 75% soft is a great choice.

I also like the gently tapered design a lot. Coupled with the flex, this makes it ideal for targeted but not-too-intense G-spot stimulation.

The texturing of the horn is lovely, too. A lot of textured insertable toys are too much for me. They can be so intense that they become uncomfortable or even painful. The Unicorn Dildo, though, has a subtle rippling, twisted texture that is pronounced enough to be felt but also gentle.

Thanks to the bottom-heavy design, the Unicorn Dildo stands on its own. The company does warn that not all firmness levels and sizes will necessarily do this, though, so be aware of that if this feature is important to you. It does mean that putting it down on a firm surface and using it hands-free is potentially an option for users who are so inclined.

This large base also means that the Unicorn Dildo is totally anal-safe, if that’s your thing.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

As with the Perfect Penis dildo I reviewed last month, my only real complaint with the Unicorn Horn dildo is that it’s heavy. The large and solid base really adds some weight and heft to this toy, meaning that it can be a challenge to lift and manipulate if you struggle with holding heavy objects.

The silicone is perhaps a little more matte than I would ideally prefer, which means it can be quite grabby. For large toys like this one, that’s very noticeable. However, it’s nothing that you can’t solve with plenty of water-based lube. It also picks up quite a lot of lint and dust in storage, so you’ll want to give it a quick wash or wipe before each use.

Due to the grooves and ridges of the detailed design, I recommend boil-sterilising your Unicorn Dildo to ensure that it’s not harbouring any bacteria in those hard-to-clean areas.

Otherwise? No complaints at all.

Verdict

I love this product! Even in the second smallest size, it’s probably a little too large and hefty for me to actually use it super often, though it’ll definitely get the occasional outing for its intended purpose. It is playful and unique, the insertable part is genuinely well-designed, and when I’m not using it I’ll probably keep it on display anyway because it makes a fun ornament in the sex-positive den of chaos that is my office.

I love that Mr Hankey’s Toys are offering very large dildos made exclusively of body-safe materials. I often receive requests for large toy recommendations. Unfortunately, many of the manufacturers making them are still using unsafe and porous materials. Mr Hankey’s Toys products aren’t cheap, but you’ll get some serious quality for your money. With a little care, one of these toys could last years if not decades.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo starts from $134.95 for the smallest size in a basic colourway. Prices increase as you go up in size and add customisations.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. This means they paid me to write a fair and honest review. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.

Funzze Super Powerful Massager review header image

[Toy Review] Funzze Super Powerful Massager

Published on June 5, 2024June 5, 2024 by Amy

It’s no secret that I love wand vibrators. I don’t even know how many I own at this point – it must be at least a dozen, possibly closer to 20. Yet, whenever I get offered the chance to review one, I jump at it. They’re a classic for a reason, after all, and have stood the test of time ever since Betty Dodson taught women how to masturbate with the Hitachi Magic Wand in the living room of her New York apartment back in the 1970s. (What a legend that woman was.)

I’m pleased to be bringing you another wand vibrator review today courtesy of Funzze, who kindly sent me the Funzze Super Powerful Massager, their take on the wand vibrator, to try out and review for you all.

Funzze Super Powerful Massager

The Funzze Super Powerful Massager is a wand style vibrator with a long handle and a large head, measuring a total of 13.5″ in length. Its head is made of body-safe silicone and the body is ABS plastic. The button panel, located in the middle of the handle, is also silicone. The only colour it comes in is black.

This toy is USB rechargeable. You’ll get anything from an hour to 2 hours of use (depending on settings) out of a full charge, which takes around 3 hours.

The Funzze Super Powerful Massager arrived in discreet packaging, with the toys packed in simple branded cardboard boxes. It also comes with a drawstring storage bag.

What I Like About the Funzze Super Powerful Massager

Funzze Super Powerful Massager wand vibrator bent to show the flexible neck

In short, I am really impressed with how well the Funzze Super Powerful Massager holds up, even compared to much more expensive products. Let’s have a look at all the specific things I liked about it.

First and most importantly: those vibrations! The Funzze Super Powerful Massager really lives up to its name – its power level is seriously impressive. Even better, the vibrations are fairly rumbly. This means that you get deep, satisfying stimulation rather than a numbing buzz. It gets the job done, and it gets it done quickly and reliably.
The firmness of the head. This makes it easy to get a good amount of pressure, and it transmits the vibrations well.
The flexible neck. This allows you to position the toy exactly where and how you want it. However, it’s not so flexible that it’s impossible to get any pressure. This can be a difficult balance to strike, but this toy does it well.
There are 8 speed settings and a massive 20 different patterns, which can be used in any combination.
It is compatible with many standard wand attachments. Want to add texture or turn your wand into a penis masturbator or rabbit vibe? Just add a topper and you’re good to go.
It’s fairly light for its size, weighing just over 300g.
The buttons are easy to press, well placed, and the controls are intuitive. There’s an on/off button, a button to change the pattern, and a button to change the speed. The buttons are raised and large enough that it’s easy to press them without looking.
An on/off button that you just press and don’t have to hold down. This might sound like a small thing, but it really makes a difference to my experience using a toy.
The inclusion of a storage bag is a nice touch, particularly for such an inexpensive product.
The super affordable price point! The Funzze Super Powerful Massager retails for a bargain $29.99. It also comes with a 1-year warranty should anything go wrong.

Any Downsides?

Funzze Super Powerful Massager wand vibrator buttons

With all of those good things said, there were a few small things about the Funzze Super Powerful Massager that didn’t work so well for me.

For some reason, when you switch on the Funzze Super Powerful Massager, it starts at the highest setting. This might not be a problem for those of us whose usual vibrator use pattern is “stick it on the most powerful speed and leave it there.” (Hello!) But if you prefer to start slowly and work up through the speeds, having to immediately switch down when you turn it on could be annoying.
The speed and pattern controls only scroll one way. So if you want to go back a step, you have to cycle all the way through all the settings to do so.
It’s not waterproof. Which is fair enough – most wand vibrators aren’t. This isn’t a big deal to me as I don’t generally use toys in water anyway, but if you like to masturbate in the bath or shower this is something to bear in mind. It also means it’s better to clean the wand with a sterile body-safe wipe rather than soap and water.
It’s moderately loud (companies: please stop claiming your toys are quiet when they demonstrably aren’t.) All wand vibrators are going to be loud to a certain extent, and it’s not egregious, but it’s certainly noticeable.
The single use plastic wrap around the toy inside the packaging box was unnecessary and is not very environmentally friendly.

Verdict

I’m often cynical about toys at very low price points, assuming they can’t possibly compete with their higher priced counterparts. I should probably reevaluate that assumption, though, because the Funzze Super Powerful Massager is so, so, so good for the price. Whether you’re on a budget and looking for a reliable staple or seeking an entry-level product to see whether wand vibrators work for you, this is a great option. Despite the small issues I identified, it’s an excellent toy that can easily compete with many of the pricier products in my collection.

You can buy this product directly from Funzze.

Thanks to Funzze for sending me this product and sponsoring this unbiased review. All writing and views are, as always, mine.

Green sparkles falling down a black background. Header image for Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis review

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis

Published on May 17, 2024May 17, 2024 by Amy

I arrived home to find my shipment of products from Mr Hankey’s Toys waiting for me (discreetly packaged) on my doorstep. My first thought when I picked up the box was “bloody hell, these things are heavy!” When I opened the box, I understood why, as I was greeted by three gigantic hunks of silicone. This is the first of the three.

I requested the Perfect Penis in the medium, which is the second smallest available size, because I am not a size queen by any stretch of the imagination. I’d read the dimensions, but apparently hadn’t fully grasped the meaning of them. So imagine my expression when I realised that:

This thing is the size of my fucking forearm.
I cannot get my entire hand around its shaft.
This is only the second of four sizes.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis: Details

Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis green silicone dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis in medium measures just under 11″ in total length and around 8″ in insertable length, with a circumference of 7″ (that’s a diameter of 2.2″.) There are various customisation options available for this toy. You can choose your size and level of firmness, whether or not to add a vac-u-lock hole, as well as a colour and colour effect.

As its name implies, the idea of this toy is that it is as close to a “perfect penis” as one can get. Mr Hankey’s Toys used AI to analyse an array of studies on preferred penis sizes and dimensions and create a range of dildos offering “the perfect balance of length and width.” The result is a realistic toy that includes a pronounced head, detailing such as a foreskin and frenulum, a textured shaft with veins, and realistic balls.

I can’t say I’ve ever had particularly strong opinions about penises, or indeed about what makes one perfect. I tend to be far more interested in the humans they’re attached to, and the actual shape and size of them is of far less interest to me. And, of course, what makes a body part perfect is inherently a subjective and personal question. Still, it was interesting to see this toy, the result of extensive analysis of folks’ penis preferences.

The Perfect Penis is made from body-safe matte silicone. I ordered mine in metallic green, just because I like green and I like unusual colours for my sex toys sometimes.

What I Like About the Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis is, objectively and by all measures, an excellent dildo.

I chose the 75% soft, which is the second softest of four available options. According to the company, this mimics a bio penis that is at around 75-80% erect. This was definitely the right choice. I enjoy firm toys sometimes, but for this kind of size, a soft and squishy texture was definitely called for. It’s great that you can customise the toy’s firmness to your preferences. For me, being able to go for a softer and more flexible option made this toy far more useable and enjoyable.

I also particularly like the pronounced head and the additional stimulation it offers as you insert the toy.

The Perfect Penis’s matte silicone gives a fairly lifelike skin texture, and the overall realistic detailing on the toy is excellent. Of course, you can choose one of the flesh tones available if you want to make your toy even more realistic. I prefer bright colours that don’t resemble actual dicks, but your mileage may vary.

Using this toy is a challenge for me, though it certainly won’t be for everyone. I generally prefer girth over length for insertables, because anything hitting my cervix is painful, so it works best when I use just the first three inches or so of the toy’s shaft. Even then, plenty of warmup and tonnes of lube is essential.

Because it’s so bottom-heavy, this toy actually stays put in an upright position very well by itself. So if putting it down on a firm surface and using it hands-free is your thing, you can do that.

Also thanks to this base, the Perfect Penis is anal-safe. I, however, am not that brave so I did not attempt this.

If you decide to try giant dildos like this one, remember to take things slowly and use even more lube than you think you really need. I’m going to write a piece on safely and comfortably using very large toys soon, so look out for that. In the meantime, taking your time and listening to your body are the most important things you can do.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

My only real difficulty with the Perfect Penis was its weight. Because it’s a giant piece of solid silicone, it’s got some serious weight to it. This is something you’ll want to be aware of if holding and manipulating heavy toys is difficult for you.

The only other downside is that I can’t use it for strap-on sex. The balls and base are far too big to make it harness-compatible. I suspect their might be a market for a body-safe, strap-on-friendly toy of these dimensions, though. Other reviewers have noted that the Perfect Penis in size small is great for strap-on play.

It’s also worth noting that the Perfect Penis’s silicone is very matte and quite grabby. This isn’t really a complaint as such, but it makes plenty of lube even more essential.

This is admittedly a small gripe, but I didn’t love that the toys came shrink-wrapped in single-use plastic. I understand this might be for hygiene reasons, but silicone is so easy to sterilise and I always recommend cleaning a toy thoroughly before you use it for the first time anyway. Reusable storage bags, or ditching the individual packaging entirely, would be more eco-friendly.

Verdict

Readers often ask me for recommendations for very large dildos, and I sometimes struggle to know what to suggest. Many companies offering huge toys make them out of unsafe and porous materials to save money. So I am pleased to have somewhere to point size lovers looking for quality and body-safe products.

As for me? The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis is definitely going to be a “once in a while”, not a “reliable staple”. But those can be fun too!

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis starts from $125.95 for the small size in a single colour, with prices going up as you move up the sizes and add customisations. But if size and more size is what you desire, you can’t go far wrong with this one.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. This means they paid me to write a fair and honest review. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.

FirmTech Tech Ring review featuring a man in business attire holding a question mark symbol over his crotch area

[Toy Review] FirmTech Tech Ring

Published on March 9, 2024April 30, 2024 by Amy

When you’re a sex writer, you occasionally send texts to your friends what would be objectively weird in any other context. I recently sent one to my dear friend SilverDom (who has kindly helped me with reviews before) that amounted to “hey, do you want to test a dick Fitbit for me?” Obviously he said yes, because who could resist such an offer? So with SD’s help, I’m pleased to be bringing you a review of the FirmTech “Tech Ring.”

What is a Tech Ring?

FirmTech’s Tech Ring was developed by Elliot Justin, MD, FACEP, an Emergency Medicine specialist, telemedicine expert and sex toy enthusiast. The Tech Ring is a cock ring with a difference: this high-tech device features various sensors which gather information about the wearer’s penis health. It then connects with an app on your smartphone, allowing you to review and interpret this data.

FirmTech Tech Ring on its charging stand

So yes: it’s like a fitness tracker… but for your penis. I will never stop getting joy from calling it the “dick Fitbit.”

The Tech Ring has a penoscrotal design, meaning that it it wraps around both the testicles and shaft of the penis. It provides light pressure on the urethra (which some people say makes their orgasms more intense.) With an incredible 8-10 hour battery life and comfort-focused design, it’s suitable to wear for several hours or even overnight. And, of course, you can also wear it during sex.

I thought it would be easiest to show you how the Tech Ring is designed to be worn. To that end, I took a picture with the assistance of my Valm Triple Density Silicone Dildo:

FirmTech Tech Ring cock ring wrapped around a bright orange and pink silicone dildo

The Tech Ring comes packaged in an attractive circular box. It’s not unlike the sort of packaging you’d expect a fancy smartwatch or piece of tech to come in. Inside, you’ll find the Tech Ring, its USB charger, an extra sleeve, a travel pouch, and an instruction manual.

The Tech Ring is not waterproof (though it is splashproof) and it is compatible with all water-based lubes. You can take the sensor out of the sleeve to clean it, but it’s really fiddly to get it back in and there’s also the risk of ripping the material so I wouldn’t recommend doing this any more often than you really need to.

Why Would You Need So Much Information About Your Penis and Erections?

Please note that I am not a doctor or any kind of medical professional. I am sharing the facts as I understand them based on the available data, but please do not take anything in this review as any kind of medical advice. If you have concerns about any aspect of your health (sexual or otherwise) or are not sure whether a product like the Tech Ring is right for you, consult your doctor.

According to FirmTech: “number of nocturnal erections a man[1] has during REM sleep is predictive of vascular health.” They also state that “There is a very strong link between erectile dysfunction and heart disease. Several studies have shown that if a man[1] has ED, he has a greater risk of having heart disease.”

Did you know that? Because I didn’t.

You’ll also be able to learn how various factors, such as medications, alcohol, recreational drug use, and exercise play a role in your erectile health. This can help you to make more informed decisions about your health and lifestyle.

In other words, understanding your erectile and penile health is one way into a broader understanding of other aspects of your health. Pretty cool. This product is also endorsed by various medical doctors and urologists, so I feel pretty confident in saying that it’s not just a gimmick and the science stands up to scrutiny.

Of course, if sex is important to you – as it is to most of us! – the Tech Ring can also give you a bunch of interesting information about your sex life and sexual wellness.

[1] I don’t love the gendered language here. Apparently it’s been used so as not to turn off older men from the product. I have a general policy against gendered language which is why I’ve used “penis owner”/”person with a penis” throughout this review.

How Does It Function as a Cock Ring?

On their most basic level, cock rings do one thing: they help to keep blood inside the shaft of the penis, allowing the penis-owner to maintain a firmer erection for longer. They can also be very pleasurable to wear. Many different iterations, including vibrating cock-rings and even remote control ones, are now available.

But how does the Tech Ring stack up as a cock ring?

The exterior of the Tech Ring is made of medical-grade elastomer. It’s unclear whether this material is porous – the information I could find online was conflicting – but it is body-safe for external use.

When I first published this review, I said that I couldn’t see why the product wasn’t silicone. However, I’ve since spoken again to a member of the team and it turns out there’s a great reason for this!

Silicone is too tight and inelastic a material to be worn for hours. That’s why, when you see ordinary cock rings for sale, the advice is typically to wear them for no more than 30 minutes. Silicone can also choke off the arterial flow into the penis, meaning that silicone rings should be put on when already erect. Trials were conducted with silicone but elastomer was found to be both far safer and more comfortable for overnight wear.

The material feels flimsy and gathers lint and dust something awful, meaning that it starts to look dull and dirty again moments after washing it. It also has a slightly gummy texture that I don’t find particularly pleasant. Unfortunately, elastomer just isn’t as durable as some materials and there is already an area on the back of my Tech Ring where it’s starting to degrade and split.

The FirmTech tech ring’s material is very stretchy and gives a light but noticeable pressure when worn. If you have a girthier penis, though, the Tech Ring may be too small for you. The site says that it will comfortably fit anyone “except above 95% in girth.” SD reported finding it too tight to wear for a long period of time.

If you want your Tech Ring tighter for sexual pleasure purposes, though, you can just use the loop or a twist to tighten it. Never do this for overnight or long-term wear.

This product is not primarily designed for pleasure, and it shows. And that’s fine – I would never advocate spending close to $300 on a simple cock-ring! But if you’re primarily looking for something to increase pleasure during sex, this isn’t it.

How’s the App Functionality?

The FirmTech app is free to download for Apple or Android. First you’ll need to set up an account. When you do this, the app asks for data such as your height, weight, and date of birth as well as whether you have certain health conditions, drink alcohol, or use recreational drugs. You can choose to skip these questions if you’d prefer.

Warning: if you input your weight and height, a BMI chart will pop up and tell you whether you’re “underweight”, “healthy,” “overweight”, or “obese.” I hate this. Not only because it can be really triggering to people who suffer with body image struggles or disordered eating (hello!) but also because BMI is a massively flawed system.

You can then do something called the “Sexual Health Inventory for Men” which consists of a few short questions and helps you to assess your erectile fitness and identify whether you have any current or potential erectile dysfunction issues. Then, once you start using the Tech Ring, you’ll get access to information such as a “firmness score”, your average number of nocturnal erections, and your total number of erections per week.

(Screenshot shared without any actual data for privacy.)

Once you’ve set up your account, it’s time to connect the toy. This should only take seconds. Simply turn on the toy by pressing the power button once and then select “pair” in the app.

SD reported some issues with getting the app to connect to the device. He says: “Once charged, I was initially unable to get the device to pair with my phone. The blue light came on to indicate it was ready to pair, but no connection was ever estabished. In the end, I had to delete and reinstall the app and everything worked as it should”. When I tried it on my end, it worked the first time.

The app is fast and responsive, and becomes more and more useful the more you use it. I also found it fairly straightforward and intuitive to use once I’d taken a few minutes to learn what all the different functions did.

Using the FirmTech Tech Ring During Sex

One of the main selling points of the FirmTech Tech Ring is that you can wear it during sexual activity, including partnered sex and masturbation. Before you begin, simply set your ring to record a “session” and then masturbate or have sex as you normally would.

You can then use this data to make comparisons and use it to inform your health decisions. If you experience firm nocturnal erections but struggle to stay hard during sex, for example, that indicates that the problem is likely psychological. A declining number of nocturnal erections, decreased firmness or decreased duration can all indicate potential health problems. (They don’t necessarily, though – so it’s important not to panic and to ask your doctor if you have concerns.)

The Tech Ring is small and unobtrusive enough to not get in the way during sex. In fact, if you’re wearing it correctly and it fits you properly, you’ll likely barely even notice you’re wearing it.

Verdict

Retailing for $275, the Tech Ring is a pretty expensive piece of kit. If you’re just looking for a cock ring, skip it and get something much (much) cheaper.

I don’t really think the Tech Ring is a sex toy, to be honest. I’m just categorising it in that way for ease of publishing this review in the absence of a better option. It’s actually really more of a wellness device or a health tracker.

As a sex toy, I can’t wholeheartedly recommend it. But as a health tracker, I actually think it’s pretty damn cool! As with any technology like this, you’d have to use it very regularly to enjoy its full benefits. But if you’re suffering from any kind of ED issues, want to keep track of your erectile health, or are just curious, it can offer you a wealth of data.

I’d love to see the next iteration drop the gendered language on the website and marketing materials. Also: this is an admittedly small gripe, but the print on the provided instruction flyer is tiny. I have near perfect eyesight and I still had to squint to read it.

Thanks to FirmTech for sponsoring this review and to SilverDom for helping out with the testing! All views are, as always, my own.