[Toy Review] B.O.B. Pink Allure Wand

Anyone who knows me knows that I love wands. I’m pretty much obsessed with them. No other toys hit my sweet spots in quite the same way. So I was pretty excited when TooTimid offered me the Pink BOB Allure Wand vibrator to review.

I’ve got to be completely upfront and state that I hate this manufacturer name with a vengeance. BOB stands for Battery Operated Boyfriend and this just upsets me on a ridiculous number of levels.

Say it with me now: toys are not replacements for partners! Sex toys and partners occupy completely different spaces and functions in one’s life!

That said, once I finished raging at the name, how did the Allure Wand actually stack up?

My first impression of the Allure Wand when I took it out of the packaging is that it’s really, really light. Like, ridiculously so for its size. This could be a really significant plus for those who find the heavier models too cumbersome.

The Allure Wand is mains powered and the cord is a massive 9ft long. It’s about 12″ long and the classic “magic wand” shape. It boasts 20 different speeds and pattern settings.

In use, I found it… okay?

The Allure Wand does not match the higher-end wands on the market. At all. Do not be fooled into thinking you’re getting something comparable for a much cheaper price, because you’re not.

I can get off with the Allure Wand if I ramp it up to the top setting, but I wouldn’t say I found it particularly enjoyable or pleasurable to use. The vibrations are strong but they’re pretty buzzy and after a while by bits felt semi-numb and tingly. It took me about 40 minutes to orgasm with it, which is a pretty poor show for a wand.

The noise level is reasonable – wands are never going to be silent toys, but my partner couldn’t hear it through the floor the way he can with some toys.

I did notice the head got a little warm after about 30 minutes of continuous use, so you might want to bear this in mind if you like to use your wands for long periods of time without a break.

I didn’t have to struggle to get off with this one! And for that, it is to be commended.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price:
The Allure Wand retails for $79.95 at TooTimid (around £60.) This is ludicrously expensive for the low quality. It’s the same price as the Magic Wand Original!

Materials: ★★
The head has a silicone cap, which is body-safe. (It’s definitely silicone, it passed the flame test.) It’s really weird silicone, though – it feels kind of rough and grainy. Under the silicone cap are foam inserts, for some reason!? I suspect this is a money-saving technique but it’s kind of cheap and gross, not to mention unsanitary. The body is ABS plastic.

Appearance:
You all know how I feel about pink! (Spoiler: I’m kinda sick of it). The Allure Wand is actually slightly less obnoxiously pink in real life than it looks on the pictures. The real colour is slightly darker and less in-your-face. It’s still very pink, though, and I’m not here for that. The grainy texture of the silicone cap just makes the whole thing look really cheap and slapdash.

Ease of Use: ★★★★
Again: this wand is ridiculously light for the size and level of power, which is one of the things I really love about it. It’s mains powered, so needs to be plugged in to use, but the 9ft cord makes this easy – even if your socket is on the other side of the bedroom, it’s got you covered.

It operates on a simple two-button interface. One button turns the toy on and off and changes the pattern, while the other adjusts the speed. It does have that annoying problem of so many toys, wherein you can’t change down a speed or go back to the previous pattern without cycling allllll the way through. Seriously, when are manufacturers going to figure this out?

On the plus side, the buttons are intuitively placed, press easily, and make a nice satisfying “click”. The flexible neck is really annoying to me because I like to be able to press a toy hard against my vulva. But for others it might be a nice touch, as some “give” can enable more precise placement to the right spot.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★
The silicone head makes clean-up relatively easy, though I am always a bit wary when it comes to cleaning mains-powered toys as they can’t be submerged in water. It’s best to clean them with a sterile wipe – I like to use the ones you can buy in bulk from a medical supply store. There is a seam around the head which could trap bacteria, so be extra thorough when cleaning that area. And, again, those foam inserts are bacteria traps from hell. For toys like this, I always advise popping a condom over it if you’re going to share with a non fluid-bonded partner.

Versatility: ★★★★
The Allure Wand has so many settings! I love how you can use any of the patterns with any of the different speed settings, so the combinations are endless. It’s designed for clits, but would work nicely for dicks too. 

Intensity:
★★★
The power level is decent, though still not what I’d expect for the price. And the vibrations are really buzzy, which makes the toy far less enjoyable and leaves my bits feeling numbed out and pissed off.

Overall Score: ★★
My overall impression is “unimpressed.” This toy is way too expensive for the quality and though it uses body-safe materials, it’s shoddily made and feels like it might fall apart any second.

Safe to say it didn’t rock my world.

Thanks to TooTimid for commissioning this review! All views are, and will always be, my own. Image is courtesy of TooTimid and reproduced with permission.

[Toy Review] Sexy Liberation Lipstick Bullet Vibe

I absolutely love the idea of Sexy Liberation, a company that not only sells sex toys but also offers a small selection for free (for those outside the US, you have to pay shipping, but it’s pretty reasonable.)

They say:

“Many people don’t have access to or haven’t been exposed to the exciting world of sexual exploration, we want to help people, especially women, by being a stepping stone. Personal experimentation with sex aids can help women discover and embrace their own sources of pleasure.  And a woman who knows herself sexually will feel more confident talking honestly with her partner about her needs and desires. If you are woman in a relationship that is having trouble getting off, we are here for you.”

And for that, they are to be applauded.

Unfortunately, there’s little point giving out free toys if the toys themselves are absolute crap. This fucking thing is laughably weak, annoyingly buzzy, aesthetically stupid (I don’t need my sex toys to look like a fucking lipstick!) and overall just completely pointless. Not to mention it kept popping open and the battery falling out!

Honestly, even if it’s free, just don’t bother. You deserve better! Your genitals deserve better! Get a basic vibrator from Lovehoney on one of their sale days instead. I persevered through several attempts to get myself off with this useless thing, even watching some super-hot porn, but in the end me and my numbed-out, pissed off clit just had to give up.

The Sexy Liberation Lipstick Bullet Vibe, a small bullet vibrator designed to look like a pink lipstick.
Plus points: it’s discreet, it’s quiet, it’s ostensibly waterproof, and it was free.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price:
If you don’t qualify to get the toy for free, it’s $12.99 (about £10.) But even this small amount of money is way too much to spend when weighed against how useless it is. You could spend the same or even slightly less and have a chance of getting something that might actually get you off.

Materials: ★★★
It’s pretty clearly ABS plastic, but for some reason is described on the site in the vaguest and most uninformative terms possible. It’s described as a “firm, non-silicone plastic.” What the fuck does that mean? ABS plastic is at least non-porous and non-toxic, but Sexy Liberation are losing points here for not

Appearance:
It looks like a lipstick in a horrible colour. For saying this company is supposedly about “liberation,” the lipstick thing to me just screams of “you need to be ashamed of owning sex toys and disguise them to look like other things!” I’m not here for it. Also it’s pink.

Ease of Use: ★★
It’s super light and operates on a simple on-off twist motion. Unfortunately, if you turn it too far or just very slightly wrong, the battery pops out.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★
The Lipstick Bullet can be wiped clean – I recommend a body-safe sterile wipe from medical suppliers. It’s apparently waterproof (not sure how far I’d trust that claim though, given the overall lack of structural integrity and tendency to fall apart in my fucking hand.) Luckily, you won’t need to clean it as the odds of anyone using this thing more than once are frankly close to zero.

Versatility:
This toy has exactly two functions: on and off. The lipstick shape means you have a narrow edge for precision stimulation and a wider side for more general vibrations, but honestly it’s so small and weak enough that I can’t bring myself to care about pinpoint or broad stimulation.

Intensity:
Pathetic to the point of useless. Buzzier than an entire hive of bees. If my clitoris could talk, it would be yelling “WHAT IS THE GODDAMN POINT OF THIS!?”

Overall Score:
Unfortunately, though I love the idea of this scheme, I am going to throw this toy straight in the trash as soon as I’ve stopped yelling on the internet about how terrible it is.

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