2019 Round-Up: Best New Sex Toys

2019 has been a garbage fire from beginning to end. So in lieu of an actual end-of-year post, which will just make me cry, I wanted to do a quick rundown of the best sex toys I’ve tried this year (plus a quick honourable mention for the worst, just for fun.)

Let’s dive in, shall we?

Rocks Off Chaiamo

Coming in 5th place is the Chaiamo by Rocks Off, a little gem of a classic vibrator with a tapered tip and a surprisingly powerful motor.

RRP: £39.99 / $54.99.

Available from Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney USA and Shevibe.

The Rocks Off Chaiamo vibrator in black

Godemiche Offbeat

4th place goes to the Offbeat by Godemiche, a brilliant simple masturbator for penis-owners brought to us by everyone’s favourite purveyors of beautiful, colourful silicone creations.

RRP: £20 (small) or £25 (large)

Available from Godemiche.

The Godemiche Offbeat on the side of a bath, around a purple dildo

Satisfyer Power Flower

Satisfyer have churned out a real mixed bag of products this year. My far and away favourite, thought, and taking third place in this year’s round-up of best toys goes to the Power Flower, a strange fluttering thing that brought me to orgasm in less than a minute.

RRP: $49.99

Available from Peepshow Toys or Shevibe.

Womanizer/Lovehoney Pro40

Taking second place this year is this collaboration between adult industry powerhouses Lovehoney and Womanizer. The Pro40 is an intuitively-designed clitoral suction toy that feels absolutely incredible and has become a nightstand staple for me this year.

RRP: £99.99 / $119.99

Available from Lovehoney and Lovehoney US.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

Zumio S

The top spot this year is probably the biggest surprise to me of all! After failing to get on with the Zumio Original, I was absolutely blown away by the new S model with its softer, slightly wider tip. A very deserving winner of Amy’s Top Toy 2019!

RRP: $140

Available from Zumio or Shevibe

And the worst…

Just before we go, let’s have an honourable mention for the worst product that has landed on my desk and genitals this year…

Satisfyer Multifun

I don’t know how Satisfyer manage to absolutely knock it out of the park with amazing products like the Power Flower and my enduring favourite, the Pro Plus Vibration… and then somehow also make this. This absolute inexplicable mess is literally no good for any purpose I could find and continues to simply confound sex bloggers by being bafflingly, bizarrely awful. A worthy winner of Worst Sex Toy 2019, I’m sure you’ll agree.

What were your favourite products this year, babes?

This post contains affiliate links. All views are, as ever, completely my own. If you’d like to support me in continuing to bring sex positive content to you and review sex toys in 2020, please buy me a coffee.

[Toy Review] Zumio S

Those of you who have been reading my work for some time may remember that I tried the original Zumio last year. I’d had extremely high hopes for it, as it was touted as The Ultimate Clitoral Toy and, well, clit stimulation is my jam. But I loved it much less than I hoped/expected to, and ultimately it’s sat in my sex toy stash drawers unused for the last year. I just didn’t get on with it

Therefore, when Zumio approached me to review their new S model – designed for those who are more sensitive or didn’t enjoy the intensity of the original model – how could I say no?

S is for… Stats

The Zumio S follows broadly the same model as the original Zumio. It features the trademarked SpiroTIP, a very small head which works not by vibrating, but by spinning very fast in tiny circles. The idea is that many people with vulvas enjoy fast circular motion on their clitoris. The Zumio can achieve this more intensely and for longer than a finger. As sex toys go, it was a genuinely innovative idea. I know a lot of people who loved the original toy.

The Zumio S is a slightly lighter shade of purple than the original. It comes with a cap to protect the fragile tip when not in use. The overall aesthetic can best be described as a slightly futuristic electric toothbrush.

The Zumio S is a rechargeable toy and comes with a little charging cup that you stand the toy in, as well as a cable which you can plug into any USB adapter. According to the copy, the charging time from low battery to full charge is a slightly ridiculous SIXTEEN HOURS. But honestly I found four quite sufficient. The battery life from a full charge is around 4 hours, depending on intensity of use.

This toy is waterproof up to a depth of 0.5 metres, should you wish to take it into the bath or shower. It also has a travel lock, so you can prevent it turning on by mistake in your bag! (Always awkward. Ask me how I know.)

S is for… Safety

The Zumio S is made of ABS plastic with a silicone cover over the plastic SpiroTIP. This means it is completely body-safe. A generous slather of water-based lube will greatly enhance your experience with this toy and reduce any risk of discomfort from the sheer intensity of it.

As the Zumio S is waterproof, you can wash it in warm water with some gentle soap. To sterilise it, sit the tip in a 10% bleach solution for ten minutes then rinse thoroughly, or use a body-safe medical wipe. Click here for a more in-depth guide to cleaning your sex toys.

S is for… Settings, Power and Controls

The Zumio S features 8 levels of intensity and – praise whatever deity you believe in – no fucking annoying patterns!

This toy features a simple 3-button interface, with a small on/off button and the up/down power buttons set in a figure-8 shape just above. The buttons have raised edges, making them easy to feel for without needing to pause to look for them. I did find the power buttons a little fiddly and sometimes had to press them more than once before the setting changed, which was annoying.

I should say, for the benefit of fans of the Zumio Original, that the S is definitely gentler. But “gentler” is also relative and this toy still packs a serious punch.

S is for… (Some of) My Experience

I’ll be honest: my Zumio S hasn’t left my bedside since I first tested it. I really, really like this toy! The slightly wider and silicone-covered (and therefore softer) tip really solves the “so intense it’s painful” experience I had with the original model. And what’s left is just… the glorious kind of intensity.

If I’m sufficiently warmed up, the Zumio S can bring me to orgasm in less than five minutes. For me, that’s very fast. On the other hand, if I’m in the mood for a slower and more involved play session, I like to start out with the S on the lowest setting and slowly build up and up and up.

One thing to note is that this is definitely a “first orgasm” or a “one orgasm” toy for me. I tried using it to get myself off a second time, and found the type of stimulation was all wrong for that. Once I’ve come once, I need broader and deeper stimulation for subsequent orgasms. (Doxy time, anyone!?) As with anything in sex, your mileage may well vary.

S is for… So what’s the verdict?

If you are a fan of intense and focused clitoral stimulation, get yourself one of these! If, like me, you tried the original Zumio and found the tip too small or too hard, the S might just surprise you. A couple of small annoyances notwithstanding, Zumio have absolutely knocked it out of the park with this one.

The Zumio S retails for $140 at Shevibe. I’ve not been able to find a UK stockist outside of Amazon yet, but I’m hoping Lovehoney will get it in stock soon!

Thank you to Zumio for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. As ever, all views are my own. Images are property of Zumio. Affiliate links are contained within this post.