The Bookshelf: Recommended Reading

  • All sections are ordered alphabetically by title.
  • Books I have read are are marked by a tick (√.) Any I haven’t read are endorsed by reviewers and/or other sex educators.
  • Books I particularly love are marked by a little heart (❤️)
  • I am aware this is only a small cross section of the available material. If there’s a text you love that isn’t on this list, or you have a compelling argument for one of the listed texts to be removed, just drop me a line and let me know.
  • Linked books are affiliate links, FYI.

BDSM – Theory

  • Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (Michael Makai)
  • Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic (Raven Kaldera)
  • Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM & Beyond (Lee Harrington)
  • Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns (Miller & Devon) √
  • The Control Book (Peter Masters)
  • The Loving Dominant (John Warren)
  • The S&M Feminist (Clarisse Thorne) √
  • The Ultimate Guide to Kink (Tristan Taormino) √❤️
  • Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink (Midori)

BDSM  – Good for Beginners

  • 50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM (Tristan Taormino)
  • 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink (Em & Lo)
  • How to Be Kinky: A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM (Morpheus)
  • Playing Well With Others (Mollena Williams-Haas & Lee Harrington)
  • SM-101: A Realistic Introduction (Jay Wiseman)
  • The Kinky Girl’s Guide to Dating (Luna Grey) √
  • The New Bottoming Book (Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy) √❤️
  • The New Topping Book (Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy) √❤️
  • The Ultimate Guide to Kink (Tristan Taormino) √❤️

BDSM – Impact Play

  • Flogging (Joseph W Bean)
  • Hot Crossed Buns: A Beginner’s Guide to Spanking (Tasha Lee)
  • The Toybag Guide to Canes & Caning (Janet W Hardy)

BDSM – Rope

  • Erotic Bondage Handbook (Jay Wiseman)
  • Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage (Midori)
  • Shibari You Can Use & More Shibari You Can Use (Lee Harrington)
  • Showing You the Ropes & Back on the Ropes (Two Knotty Boys) √
  • The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up (Evie Vane)
  • The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage (Midori)
  • The Toybag Guide to Basic Rope Bondage (Jay Wiseman)

BDSM – Power Exchange

BDSM – FemDom

  • A Keyholder’s Handbook:A Woman’s Guide to Male Chastity (Georgia Ivey Green)
  • Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders (Lucy Fairbourne)
  • The Mistress Manual (Mistress Lorelei)
  • The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners (Lady Green) √

BDSM – Other Practical Skills Guides

  • 21st Century Kinkycrafts (Janet W Hardy)
  • Fantasy Made Flesh: The Essential Guide to Erotic Roleplay (Deborah Addington)
  • The Human Pony: A Handbook for Owners, Trainers & Admirers (Rebecca Wilcox)
  • The Toybag Guide to Age Play (Lee Harrington)
  • The Toybag Guide to Chastity Play (Mistress Simone)
  • The Toybag Guide to Clips & Clamps (Jack Rinella)
  • The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies & Supplies (Jay Wiseman)
  • The Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay (Miranda Austen)
  • The Toybag Guide to Foot & Shoe Worship (Midori)
  • The Toybag Guide to High Tech Toys (John Warren)
  • The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax & Temperature Play (Spectrum)
  • The Toybag Guide to Medical Play (Tempest)
  • The Toybag Guide to Playing With Taboo (Mollena Williams)

Sex & Science

  • Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science & Sex (Mary Roach)
  • Come As You Are (Emily Nagoski, PhD) √❤️
  • Mating in Captivity: Sex, Lies & Domestic Bliss (Esther Perel)
  • Sex At Dawn (Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jetha)
  • The Myth of Sex Addiction (Dr David Ley)

Sex – History & Culture

  • Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy (Hallie Lieberman) √
  • Vibrator Nation: How Feminist Sex-Toy Stores Changed the Business of Pleasure (Lynn Comella) √❤️
  • Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All (Jaclyn Friedman) √❤️
  • Fucked: Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That’s Screwed (Corrine Fisher & Krystyna Hutchinson)


Sex – For Couples

Sex & Aging

Sex – Anal

Sex – Female Pleasure 

Sex – Male Pleasure

Sex – Lesbian/FF

Sex & Spirituality

  • Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century (Barbara Carellas)
  • Radical Ecstasy (Dossie Easton)

Sex – Toys & Masturbation

Polyamory, Swinging and Ethical Non-Monogamy

  • 8 Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory (Cunning Minx) √
  • Ask Me About Polyamory: The Best of Kimchi Cuddles (Tikva Wolf) √
  • Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships (Kathy Labriola)
  • More Than Two (Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert) √
  • Opening Up (Tristan Taormino) √❤️
  • Pagan Polyamory (Raven Kaldera)
  • Polyamory in the 21st Century (Dr Deborah Anapol)
  • Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits (Dr Deborah Anapol) √
  • Redefining Our Relationships (Wendy O Matik)
  • Rewriting The Rules (Meg-John Barker)
  • Stories from the Polycule: Real Life Polyamorous Families (Dr Elisabeth Sheff)
  • The Ethical Slut (Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy) √
  • The Jealousy Workbook (Kathy Labriola)
  • The Myth of Monogamy (David Philip Barash)
  • The Polyamorists Next Door (Dr Elisabeth Sheff)
  • The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory (Dedeker Winston) √
  • When Someone You Love is Polyamorous (Dr Elisabeth Sheff)


  • 50 Shades of Feminism (ed. Lisa Appignanesi, Susie Orbach, Rachel Holmes) √❤️
  • Against Our Will: Men, Women & Rape (Susan Brownmiller)
  • Ain’t I A Woman: Black Women & Feminism (bell hooks)
  • A Room of One’s Own (Virginia Woolf)
  • Bad Feminist (Roxane Gay) √
  • Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women (Elizabeth Wurtzel)
  • Cinderella Ate My Daughter (Peggy Orenstein) √
  • Colonise This! Young Women of Colour on Today’s Feminism (Daisy Hernandez)
  • Cunt: A Declaration of Independence (Inga Muscio)
  • Delusions of Gender (Cordelia Fine)
  • Enlightened Sexism (Susan Douglas)
  • Excluded: Making Feminist & Queer Movements More Inclusive (Julie Serano)
  • Fat is a Feminist Issue (Susie Orbach)
  • Feminism is For Everybody: Passionate Politics (bell hooks)
  • Full Frontal Feminism (Jessica Valenti)
  • Girl Up (Laura Bates) √
  • He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards (Jessica Valenti)
  • I Call Myself a Feminist (ed. Victoria Pepe, Rachel Holmes et al.) √
  • I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (Maya Angelou)
  • Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism (Natasha Walter) √
  • Men Explain Things To Me and Other Essays (Rebecca Solnit) √
  • Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters (Courtney E Martin) √
  • Sister Outsider (Audre Lorde)
  • The Beauty Myth (Naomi Wolf)
  • The Means of Reproduction: Sex Power & the Future of the World (Michelle Goldberg)
  • The Purity Myth (Jessica Valenti) √❤️
  • We Should All By Feminists (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)
  • Women Who Run With the Wolves (Clarissa Pinkola Estes)
  • Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power & a World Without Rape (Jaclyn Friedman)

LGBTQ+ Issues

  • Bi Any Other Name (ed. Lorraine Hutchins & Lani Kaahumanu) √
  • Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women & the Rest of Us (Kate Bornstein)
  • I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a Transgender Child (Cheryl B Evans)
  • Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender & Conformity (Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore)
  • Outlaw Marriages: The Hidden Histories of Same-Sex Couples (Rodger Streitmatter)
  • Purple Prose: Bisexuality in Britain (ed. Kate Harrad) √❤️
  • Queer: A Graphic History (Meg-John Barker & Julia Scheele)
  • Redefining Realness (Janet Mock)
  • The Letter Q: Queer Writers’ Notes to Their Younger Selves (ed. Sarah Moon)
  • Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Realities (Lee Harrington)
  • Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism & the Scapegoating of Femininity (Julie Serano)


  • Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure (Dr David Ley)

My Favourite Erotic Fiction

My Favourite Sexy/Sex-Related Memoirs

  • Call Me Elizabeth (Dawn Annandale) √
  • The Husband Swap (Louisa Leontiades) √
  • The Intimate Adventures & Further Adventures of a London Call Girl (Belle de Jour) √
  • How a Bad Girl Fell in Love (Girl On The Net) √❤️
  • My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging and Polyamory (Cooper S Beckett) √
  • Open (Jenny Block) √
  • The Game Changer (Franklin Veaux) √
  • True Lust (Tristan Taormino) √
  • Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? (Jeanette Winterson) √

And Some Randoms That Don’t Fit Anywhere Else!

  • Love You Two [Fiction] (Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli) √
  • The Big Book of Domination [Erotic Fiction] (D.L. King)
  • Twice The Pleasure: Bisexual Women’s Erotica (Rachel Kramer Bussel)
  • On Starry Thighs: Sacred & Sensual Poetry (Lee Harrington)
  • The Killer Wore Leather [Fiction] (Laura Antoniou)
  • Trauma & Recovery (Judith Herman) √
  • The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman)