Season 4 of Netflix’s Bridgerton, based on the book series of the same name by Julia Quinn, focuses primarily on the love story between Benedict Bridgerton and Sophie Baek. However, the subplot follows Francesca Bridgerton and her new husband, John Stirling, as they navigate sexual challenges in their marriage. Specifically, Francesca experiences orgasm difficulties: she’s unable to climax and she never has.
Fair warning: this post contains spoilers for Bridgerton, including the recently-dropped first half of Season 4.
Francesca, who has been married and trying for a baby for several months, doesn’t even know what an orgasm (or “pinnacle,” as they euphemistically call it) is. I found this storyline refreshing in a series that has given us a lot of “zero-to-fucking-in-ten-seconds” and “all simultaneous orgasms from penetration all the time” sex scenes.
People who have never experienced challenges with pleasure or been unable to climax might write this off as a product of the times. But if, in relatively sexually liberated 2026, you related to Francesca’s difficulties with orgasm? You’re not alone.
What Francesca’s Orgasm Difficulties Says About Sex Education
A recurring theme in the Bridgerton universe is women entering married life without a single clue about sex or their bodies. From Simon lying to Daphne about his “inability” to have children (when he’s actually just using the notoriously-unreliable pull-out method) to Eloise and Penelope wondering how an unmarried woman could become pregnant so that they can prevent it from happening to them, the naivety of these characters may be exaggerated for television but points to something real: in many times and places throughout history, a lack of basic knowledge about sex and their bodies helped to keep women in a place of powerlessness.
Things are no longer so bleak for young women, of course, and not just because we’re no longer being married off when we’re barely out of our teens. Most of us receive at least some education about the physical mechanics of sex, however incomplete and heteronormative that education may be. If all else fails, we can turn to the internet with questions like “how does a lady come to be with child?” (Love you Eloise.) But in a different way, misinformation and a lack of comprehensive sex education is still harming people of all genders.
How much time did your sex education curriculum dedicate to pleasure? If it was anything like mine, very little if any at all. In my school, the boys learned about female masturbation but the girls didn’t. Make that make sense. (Hint: it’s misogyny.) The messaging the girls received? That boys would pressure us for sex and it was our job to say no. That sex meant unwanted pregnancies and STIs, not pleasure. It wasn’t quite “don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant… and die,” but it wasn’t far off.
Mention of the clitoris? Completely absent. I learned of its existence from a slightly older friend who talked very openly about her masturbation habits. I have to assume we weren’t taught about women’s pleasure for one of two reasons: either it wasn’t considered important, or there was a fear that it would make us want to have sex, undermining the “don’t do it” messaging.
But when we don’t learn about pleasure, we don’t know how to get it. More importantly, we don’t internalise the message that we deserve it. This insidious messaging leads people, and especially people with vulvas, to endure unsatisfying sex, feel obligated to fake orgasms, and minimise pain during sex.
Orgasm Difficulties Are Super Common
Very few people will come every time they have sex. Not being able to get there occasionally is not, generally, a cause for concern. But anorgasmia, or the persistent inability to reach orgasm even with extensive sexual stimulation, is far more common than you might think.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, up to 15% of cis women report never having had an orgasm (primary anorgasmia) and far more struggle with orgasm at least some of the time. The numbers for cis men are lower, with around 10% reporting orgasm difficulties according to San Diego Sexual Medicine. One study suggested that around 1.5 men in 1000 suffers from primary anorgasmia.
For trans women and trans men, rates of orgasm difficulties were 29% and 15% respectively according to one study. I haven’t been able to find any reliable statistics on non-binary people specifically.
What Causes Anorgasmia or Struggles with Orgasm?
The short and perhaps unhelpful answer is “it depends.” In no particular order, some of the possible causes can include:
- Insufficient stimulation or the wrong kind of stimulation
- Many medications including SSRI antidepressants and blood pressure medications
- Hormonal changes (for example, due to menopause, pregnancy, or breastfeeding)
- Physical health conditions (including both acute and chronic illness)
- Pain during sex (which itself has many potential causes)
- Mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and stress
- Relationship issues such as conflict or lack of trust
- A history of sexual abuse or assault
- A strict, restrictive upbringing
- Poor self-esteem or body image
- Substance use
- Fatigue
- Ironically, too much pressure to get there (either from yourself or your partner)
What’s Wrong with Me If I’m Unable to Climax!?
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
One of the most touching scenes in Bridgerton Season 4 is when Francesca confides in John that not only did she just fake an orgasm, but she’s never had one. My heart broke for her when she blamed her lack of orgasm for their fertility struggles, saying “forgive me, I do not know what is wrong with me.” Sweet and supportive man that he is, he reassures her that there’s nothing wrong with her and that she, and their relationship, are already just right.
So in case you need to hear the same, I’ll say it again. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken. You’re just struggling with something that is actually incredibly common.
Do Orgasm Difficulties Mean There’s Something Wrong with My Relationship?
Not necessarily!
Many people believe that sexual problems in a relationship mean that there’s something inherently wrong with the relationship itself. But this often isn’t the case. As we established already, anorgasmia and orgasm difficulties can happen for all kinds of reasons. Relationship difficulties are one possible cause, and something you might want to examine if your orgasm problems started during a challenging time for your relationship. But there isn’t necessarily a correlation and even if you determine that there is, it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed.
If I’m Unable to Climax, Does It Mean I Don’t Really Fancy My Partner?
Again, no, not necessarily.
In Bridgerton, Francesca has been set up as a queer character who has feelings for her husband’s cousin, Michaela (this change was made for the TV series; in the original book, Michaela was Michael.) However, this doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t feel love or attraction for her husband. She could very well be somewhere under the bisexual or pansexual umbrella. In fact, the showrunners have explicitly stated that viewers shouldn’t interpret Francesca’s orgasm difficulties as related to her sexuality.
Of course, problems with sex and orgasm do lead some people to realise they’re not attracted to their partner. This could be because their sexuality is different than they assumed, or because that particular relationship has run its course. But being unable to climax is really common even amongst people who are wildly physically and sexually attracted to their partners. In and of themselves, orgasm difficulties don’t say anything about your attraction to your partner.
So What Now?
If Francesca’s story struck a chord with you… me too. I’ve had plenty of orgasm difficulties throughout my sexual history, from stress-induced loss of desire to pressure-induced faking it to medication-induced anorgasmia.
Bridgerton is not a series that aims for realism. At its heart, it is pseudo-Regency softcore smut, and that’s fine. None of us are watching it for a history lesson. But truth is often wrapped in fiction, and Francesca’s storyline this season highlighted something many of us will relate to.
I’m going to write another post soon about practical strategies for dealing with orgasm difficulties. This one, though, is just to reassure you that if you’re unable to climax (sometimes or always), you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you’re just right, just as you are.