Satisfyer started out making pressure wave toys, bringing products like the excellent Satisfyer Pro 2 and the famously adorable Pro Penguin to market. After that, they branched out into vibrators, some of which I loved… More
This is the first post in a two-part series. Since the Grind Rings come in four different textures (and I hear there may be others in the works), I decided to review them in two sets of two rather than one epic post.
In their Twitter bio, Godemiche – the UK toy company made up of powerhouse married duo Adam and Monika – state that their goal is “not to break the mold, but recolour it.” I firmly believe that their Ambit is the most perfect dildo I have ever encountered, and their array of body-safe dildos, plugs, strokers, and gags are available in a dizzying array of colours and combinations. But despite this stated aim, their latest product, the Grind Ring, really does break a few molds.
In a world of endless knock-offs and derivatives, it is so refreshing when I see sex toy designers doing something genuinely new and innovative. And I have never come across anything quite like the Grind Ring before.
But what is a Grind Ring, how does it work, and – most importantly – is it good?
What is the Godemiche Grind Ring?
The Grind Ring is a toy (or actually a series of toys) designed for folks who enjoy clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex.
Godemiche describe it thus: The Grind Ring is a soft textured piece of body safe silicone that’s shaped like a pizza slice with a bulge for grinding, dare we say it, it’s also more enjoyable then a pizza slice too and way fucking dirtier.
And yeah, that’s a pretty perfect description. Here’s what they look like:
Since I typically default to getting everything in purple when I’m choosing sex toys, I decided to go for something a bit different this time. Pictured above are the Bubbles ring in Reefs Water, and the Spikes ring in Dragon’s Breath. The colours are as gorgeously vibrant as ever, and the silicone has this lovely marbled swirly effect that’s just so, so pretty:
So How Does it Work?
Like the dutiful sex toy testers we are, my partner Mr CK and I initially tested the Grind Ring in the way it was intended to be used. After trying a few different positions, we concluded that by far the most effective way to use this toy was the me-on-top position. This meant I could effectively grind my vulva against the textured surface while he was inside me.
It also worked pretty well in the him-on-top position. Basically, any position that involves a lot of close, face-to-face bodily contact is probably going to work well. When we tried having sex with him standing and me lying on my back on the bed, this presented the opportunity for him to use his hand to stimulate my clit with the ring, which was also extremely fucking hot.
Since most people with vulvas need sustained clitoral stimulation to orgasm, Grind Rings are a great way to achieve that during penetrative sex (if you want to) and to experiment with different textures. While using a Grind Ring did not give me a clitoral orgasm during sex, it did up the intensity and add a whole bunch of additional hotness and pleasure to the experience.
Other Ways to Use the Grind Ring
The fun thing about sex toys is that you don’t have to just use them in the way they were originally designed to be used. Wand vibrators on penises or clitoral suckers on nipples, anyone?
The Grind Ring is no different. Girl on the Net posted a brilliant piece about using it “wrong” (there’s obviously no such thing!) and I was inspired to try her “textured Doxy wank” idea. And oof, yes, this is highly, highly recommended. I’ve also found that using the Grind Rings as an addition to hand sex, either solo or partnered, is fucking excellent. One of these and plenty of lube between my/my partner’s hand and my vulva is currently one of my favourite ways to get off.
Another option is to place the Grind Ring over a suitable firm surface, such as a couch arm, sex position wedge, or particularly firm pillow, and grind on it that way.
And don’t forget, of course, that if you or your partner don’t have a penis you can also use the Grind Ring with any dildo or strap-on.
Texture 1: Bubbles
The Bubbles Grind Ring looks like this:
This was actually the first one we tried as an addition to penetrative sex. I wasn’t sure the texture would be noticeable enough to do anything but it really, really is.
Out of all the Grind Ring textures, Bubbles is by far my favourite as an addition to hand sex. It’s textured enough to offer something distinctive and different, but not so intense as to be too much. The smoothness, when coupled with plenty of lube, is divine when I or my partner rub it across my clitoral hood.
Texture 2: Spikes
The Spikes Grind Ring looks like this:
My first thought when I saw this texture was “eek”. I know silicone is pretty soft, but even so, this looked like it might be too intense for my sensitive clit.
And it is… sometimes.
I have to be in a specific mood for the Spikes Grind Ring. And that mood is “extremely horny” and “in the mood for something so intense it’s almost too much”. It’s not painful, as the silicone is indeed very soft and squishy. It’s just… a lot. Of course, if you do find it painful, you could use it to indulge in a little consensual clitoral pain play if you like that sort of thing.
I did discover one absolutely amazing way to use this ring. If I lay it across my vulva and use a powerful vibrator over the top of it, the tips of the spikes transmit the vibrations in VERY interesting ways. You’re welcome!
These things are a revelation in sensation, particularly the Bubbles ring. They’re effective for their intended purpose but also super versatile if you get a little creative.
Godemiche Grind Rings retail for £34.99 each and are hand-made to order in whatever combination of colour and texture you choose. Stay tuned for part 2 – “Waves” and “Bumps” – coming very soon!
Thanks to Godemiche for sending me these products in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. If you use them to make a purchase, I’ll make a small commission at no extra cost to you. All commissions help fund C&K’s continued existence and keep me well-stocked with coffee!
Books on polyamory are a mixed bag. From classics like The Ethical Slut to last year’s psychology-driven Polysecure, there’s a lot of good stuff out there. There are also texts that encourage or enable harmful behaviours, as well as those that are fine but promote a very specific agenda or relationship style.
You might think that, as someone who has been doing various forms of consensual non-monogamy for about 13 years at this point, I’d be at the point where I no longer have need for the books. You’d be wrong, though. Sure, the 101-level texts aren’t really for me any more, but even then they often introduce me to a useful concept or framing I hadn’t previously considered. And the more advanced, specific, or in-depth works that are now available are incredibly valuable, no matter how long I do this.
All this to say that when Laura Boyle of the Ready for Polyamory blog asked me to read and review her new book of the same name, I was only too happy to agree.
Ready for Polyamory by Laura Boyle
Coming in at a hefty 231 pages, Ready for Polyamory is a guidebook to many of the different aspects that go into having happy, healthy, and functional consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships. It is divided into four sections:
- Basic Information is a kind of polyamory 101 – what it is, a very brief history of the term and the communities surrounding it, and the kinds of relationship agreements that tend to work well (and don’t).
- Find Your Flavor of Polyamory unpacks popular terms such as “Kitchen Table polyamory”, “parallel polyamory”, and “relationship anarchy”, discussing how each one works and exploring the pros and cons of the various models.
- Conversations to Have and Mistakes to Avoid delves deeply into some of the language that can help you, your partners, and prospective partners to talk about your relationships and your needs. It also explores some productive and destructive ways of behaving in relationships, as well as including a pretty comprehensive chapter on sexual health.
- The Big Feelings covers all those big, scary, overwhelming, and even wonderful emotions – jealousy, compersion, and cultivating chosen family through your polycule and intentional relationships.
Like many books in this genre, it’s very much a dip-in-and-out structure. If you’re brand new or looking for a comprehensive resource, I do recommend reading it cover to cover (which I did!) But if you’re looking for information on a specific area of CNM – for example, sexual health, setting boundaries, or cultivating compersion – you can easily just turn to the chapters that speak to you.
Ready for Polyamory is written in a chatty, conversational tone. Reading it feels a little like sitting in a room with the author, sharing a cup of coffee and listening to her talk. If you read the blog and enjoy the accessible language and friendly tone, you’ll probably enjoy the book, too.
Choose Your Own Adventure (With the Help of Some Hard-Won Wisdom)
While I don’t agree with absolutely everything Boyle says in this book (which would be hard, because there’s a lot of information here!), I often found myself nodding along to her insights and underlining key passages to come back to later.
Throughout the book, she uses a recurring metaphor that really stuck with me: polyamory as a choose-your-own-adventure story. Instead of prescribing a specific way of operating or insisting on One Twue Way, she offers an array of options and trusts the reader to use the information wisely to make the choices that are best for them and their partners. In a community that is becoming increasingly dogmatic in really concerning ways, this was deeply refreshing.
This is also why I particularly appreciated the inclusion of the Find Your Flavor of Polyamory section. Many people feel very strongly that their way of doing things is the best and right way (“parallel polyam is only for when you hate your metamours!” “Relationship Anarchy is the only ethical relationship structure!”) Boyle shares experiences and lessons from her own life and the lives of people she knows, and leaves you to make your own mind up.
As an experienced polyam person, I found myself wryly nodding along to a lot of the sections about common mistakes and pitfalls. Because society is so heavily set up for the cishetero monogamous default, there are virtually no cultural scripts for polyamory yet… and those that do exist tend to be pretty dysfunctional. As a result, most of us start our non-monogamy journey from a well-intentioned place, but end up hurting ourselves and others along the way, often with the same set of mistakes.
Boyle presents compassionate and experience-based arguments for why many of the most-made polyam mistakes – from the One Penis Policy to unicorn hunting – create problems, and she offers alternatives to help readers make better decisions.
A Pragmatic Guide
Ready for Polyamory‘s subtitle is “A Pragmatic Guide to Consensual Non-Monogamy”, and I think that’s a good summary. Boyle avoids making judgements, slapping down moral absolutes, or prioritising ideological purity. As a result, this book feels like – for want of a better description – a polyamory guide for the real world. A world in which feelings are messy, people mostly mean well but inevitably screw up, and sometimes pandemics throw a huge spanner in the works of your dating life.
Overall, Ready for Polyamory is smart, accessible, and practical. If you’re dipping a toe into CNM or just considering opening up, this book deserves a place on your reading list.
This review was sponsored, meaning I was paid to read the book and provide a fair and honest review. All words and views are, as always, mine. Affiliate links appear within this post but do not include the Amazon links to Ready for Polyamory.
When my girlfriend first asked me to fuck her with a strap-on, I wasn’t at all sure about it. I don’t consider myself dominant or toppy, and Rosie is the first AFAB person I’ve dated, so I don’t exactly have a lot of experience.
“I don’t know, babe,” I said when she brought it up. “I’m just not sure it’s really my thing.”
“No pressure,” she said. “Just let me know if you ever change your mind.” She didn’t mention it again, and over the next few months we explored all kinds of other things together. She was the first woman I went down on, the first person to fist me, and we even begun to experiment with tying each other up.
The best thing about being with Rosie was that she never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want to do. She was far more experienced than me in the beginning, and she’s filthy as hell in the best possible way, but if I wasn’t up for doing something she always dropped it immediately.
I’d half forgotten our early conversation about strap-on sex until I stumbled upon a porn scene by chance. Rosie was out for the evening and, bored and horny, I got out my favourite bullet vibrator and pulled up Crashpad Series on my laptop. After scrolling through a few scenes, looking for something that would hit the spot, one video thumbnail caught my eye. A grinning woman lay on her back, sporting a bright purple strap-on dildo, which her partner was enthusiastically sucking.
I hit play, suddenly intrigued. Truthfully, I’d never seen the appeal of strap-on sex before. The person wielding the dick couldn’t actually feel it, after all, so why not just use a dildo by hand? But now, watching this gorgeous and joyful queer porn scene, I got it. My eyes remained glued to the screen, transfixed, as the woman wearing the dildo flipped her partner over and slid it into their cunt from behind. I watched the way their bodies moved together, grinding and thrusting, my own cunt growing wet at the sound of their moans. When I switched the vibrator on and pressed it to my clit, I came in less than a minute.
“So about the strap-on thing…” I said to Rosie later, when we were curled around each other cosily in bed. She gave me a curious look but said nothing, waiting. “I think I might want to try it. I’m a little nervous, but I think it could be really hot to fuck you that way. You know, if you still want…”
She kissed me. “Yes, I still want. Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“What got you curious?” she asked.
“One of the scenes on that website you sent me,” I said, a little bashful.
A smile spread over her face. “Well, okay then.”
Three days later, and we were standing together before a wall of harnesses in Rosie’s favourite feminist sex shop. It made me giggle that she was on first-name terms with half the sales staff.
“Can’t I just use your harness the first time?” I’d asked when she suggested this shopping trip. She’d showed it to me, along with the rest of her impressive sex toy collection, back at the beginning of our relationship.
“No,” she said. “Strap-ons are very personal. We need to find you one that feels like you.” I didn’t really understand what she meant, but she was the expert, so I ran with it.
“I don’t know where to start,” I said. “There are so many options.”
“Just see what speaks to you,” she said.
I ran a hand along the shelf, touching supple black leather and thick nylon straps, harnesses that looked like pairs of boxer shorts and harnesses adorned with pretty floral lace. Some of them would be quite hot on the right person, I thought, but not on me.
Then my eyes fell on it.
“Now this,” I said, gently tugging one off the rack to show Rosie, “this I could see myself wearing.” It was made of soft leather in the brightest shade of pink I’d ever seen.
My girlfriend grinned at me. “That’s just about the most femme strap-on I’ve ever seen. It’s perfect for you.”
After much deliberation, we selected a curved silicone dildo in a gorgeous, pearlescent pink-and-white swirl effect to go with the harness. On the way to the counter, Rosie also grabbed a bottle of lube. I blushed deeply as our purchases were rung up, bagged, and handed to us.
I put the harness on in the bathroom by myself, still not sure how I’d feel once it was attached to me. The bright pink leather had looked pretty under the shop lights, but how would it look on my body, in our bedroom? I slid it up over my hips and adjusted it for size, then slipped the dildo through the O-ring and secured it in place. At last, I dared to look at myself in the mirror.
I’d thought I might feel silly, or possibly sexy, or a combination of both. What I had not expected to feel was – there was only one word for it – powerful. One glance at my reflection, and I knew that the pink leather harness had been the perfect choice. Yes. I looked hot as hell, and me and my hot pink cock were going to fuck my beautiful girlfriend.
Back in the bedroom, Rosie was lying on the bed in a tank top and a pair of black knickers. When I emerged, her eyes swept over my body. There was a moment of silence while we took each other in, and then,
“Fuck,” she breathed.
“You like?” I asked.
“That’s just about the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Get over here.”
I climbed onto the bed and crawled over to my girlfriend. She sat up and I knelt, my legs straddling hers, and kissed her deeply. I broke the kiss just long enough to pull her top off over her head then, my mouth still on hers, brought my hands to her breasts. She moaned into my mouth. I kissed my way down her neck and collarbone then down her body, pausing to suck one perfect nipple and then the other. As I continued the trail of kisses down her stomach and towards her pubic mound, I stole a glance at her face. Her eyes were closed in bliss and she had a little smile on her face.
When I reached her cunt and pulled off the knickers, she was already soaking wet. My tongue found her clit, sucking it into my mouth and inhaling the scent of her from her curls of dark pubic hair. I knew from experience that giving her a clitoral orgasm was the best way to get her ready for penetrative play. Forgetting my nerves for a moment, I threw all my energy into giving her pleasure. It did not take long before she was writhing beneath me, and then I felt the telltale rush of wetness as her cunt gushed against my eager mouth.
I kissed her as she came down from her first orgasm of the night, loving the feeling of her body trembling. She knelt over me. “Can I suck your dick?” she asked. Unexpectedly, the question sent a pulse of arousal to my cunt. I nodded. Holding eye contact, she slid down and closed her lips over the strap-on dildo. She slid her beautiful mouth up and down its length, swirling her tongue around the tip and then closing a hand around the shaft, stroking and sucking and stroking and sucking. Even without being able to exactly feel what her mouth was doing to the pink and white silicone, the image was almost unbearably erotic.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” I asked her, suddenly feeling bold.
She released the dildo – my cock – from her mouth. “Please.”
I reached for the bottle of lube and added a generous amount to the dildo, which was already slick from the blow job she’d just given me. “What position do you want to be in?”
She lay down on her back, her legs parted. “Like this.”
I positioned myself over her in an approximation of the missionary position. Despite its reputation as the most vanilla of sex positions, I always thought it was deeply underrated.
“Ready?” I asked her, guiding the tip of the dildo to her entrance. She nodded with such enthusiasm it made me smile. I kissed her again and, at the same time, slid the length of the dildo into her cunt.
The gasp as I slid into her was replaced by a moan as my cock made contact with her G-spot. She wrapped her arms around me and, with her hands on my ass, pulled me against her in a steady rhythm. Her sounds and the way she moved under me were making me wetter than I could remember being in a long time.
“You’re so fucking hot,” I murmured in her ear, moving my hips in small circles against her with my cock deep inside her.
“If you keep doing that, I’m going to come,” she gasped. In answer, I ground against her harder. I watched in wonder as she began to tremble, taking in the look on her face as her orgasm rose and crashed over her. When she came, she pulled me to her and buried her face in my shoulder.
“That… was fucking incredible,” she gasped when she could speak again.
I kissed her. “You’re incredible.”
I snuggled close to my girlfriend, revelling in her body against mine, the warmth of her and the feeling of her hair tickling my nose.
“I love you,” she said.
This post was written as part of Smutathon 2021! You can check out all our work and learn more about the challenge on the Smutathon website. Please consider donating to this year’s charities, Gendered Intelligence and Trans Lifeline.
A lot of people have exhibitionism kinks, meaning they get off on the idea (or reality) of doing sex and/or kink things in front of other people. But is this something you can do? Is it something you should do? The short answer is yes, but you need to be careful and
Consent to sex and BDSM extends to anyone who will witness it. And this means that random members of the public should not be seeing your activities, since they have not consented to do so.
In some spaces, such as swing clubs and kink dungeons, consenting to be there means consenting to see certain activities that fall within the rules of the space. So if you want to get your exhibitionist on, consider going to one of these spaces so you can do so in a safe, controlled, and consensual way with enthusiastically voyeuristic participants.
Remote Control Sex Toys
One way to play subtly in public spaces is to use wearable, remote control vibrators such as the Lovense Lush or We-Vibe toys. These toys are generally quite quiet, meaning that you can safely use them in spaces with a decent level of ambient noise. Plus if people hear something vibrating with no other context, they’ll likely assume it is a mobile phone ringing.
Obviously, you’ll need to keep your facial expressions and responses under control if you want to do this.
Many kinky and D/s couples continue their dynamic in public – without violating anyone’s consent – by implementing protocols that people would not associate with kink without additional context. Easy examples include the submissive always walking on a particular side, the submissive carrying the Dominant’s belongings for them, or the submissive going to the bar to fetch the drinks as an act of service.
These are just a few ideas. Use your imagination and come up with subtle kink protocols that work for you.
I have mixed feelings on the subject of wearing obvious BDSM collars in public. On the one hand, we all get to wear the things we like on our own bodies, and many collars could plausibly pass for simple chokers. On the other hand, a collar can still be a fairly obvious symbol of a power exchange dynamic. You must decide for yourself where you fall on this. I used to wear my collar in public when I was in my former 24/7 relationship, but I probably wouldn’t do so now.
Fortunately, you can get subtle or completely vanilla-looking day collars. Mine used to be a bracelet with a little lock and key charm. Some look like simple necklaces. Your “day collar” can be a necklace, bracelet, ring, or something else entirely. I even know people who have a tattoo as their day collar, though obviously this requires an enormous degree of commitment and certainly!
Wear Something Your Dominant Chose
An easy way to feel submissive all day long? Ask your Dominant to choose your outfit for the day (or even an aspect of it, such as your underwear). Kayla Lords has written before about having her Dominant partner choose her panties for the day when they were long distance, and I think this is a great idea!
Receiving Tasks by Text
If you’re out and about away from your kinky partner, why not experiment with sending and receiving tasks by text (or email, messaging app, or communication system of your choice). These tasks can be sexual (“next time you go to the bathroom, take your knickers off and put them in your bag”) or completely vanilla (“drink a glass of water in the next half hour”). This is a great way to feel connected as you go about your days, and does not risk involving any non-consenting participants in your dynamic.
This post was written as part of Smutathon 2021! You can check out all our work and learn more about the challenge on the Smutathon website. Please consider donating to this year’s charities, Gendered Intelligence and Trans Lifeline.
This post was shamelessly inspired by Exhibit A’s 24 Hours posts.
Even though the pandemic isn’t over, many of us are starting to enjoy the perks of vaxxed life. That includes the ability to date, hook up, go to sexy events, and more. I’m currently taking a break from dating new people (for the reasons explained here) but that doesn’t mean I’m not fully embracing some recurring filthy fantasies. Here are five thoughts and fantasies that are occupying my sex brain at the moment.
The culmination of long-held sexual tension
How long have we been lusting after each other from afar at this point? Years? Sexual tension is delicious, but I fantasise about the moment we finally get to rip each other’s clothes off. A frantic fuck in a hotel room, the look on his face when he finally sees me naked for the first time in the flesh, the way my breath will catch when he pushes me against the wall and kisses me.
A kiss with a stranger
I don’t know their name, and I don’t want to. I want us to connect through looks and body-language, pressing close to each other on the dance-floor where it’s so loud we couldn’t really talk even if we wanted to. Our lips will meet in the dark and I’ll press just close enough to feel their cock through their jeans, to feel how much they want me. It won’t go any further, and it doesn’t need to. Just knowing they’ll be thinking about me when they get themself off later tonight is enough.
A spanking party
Spanking was my gateway drug, the first fetish I explored in my first sexual relationship, long before I had any real concept of what BDSM was or that it was a thing that millions of people are into. Though I’ve been to plenty of general BDSM events, I’ve never been to a specific spanking-themed party and I would love to. In this fantasy, I usually end up co-bottoming to a group of lovely, lightly sadistic Tops who want to be just the right level of horrible to me.
A strip club
I’ve wanted to go to a strip club for years (I actually tried to organise an outing to one a couple years ago for my birthday, but the one we were intending to go to closed down in the interim). I’ve received lap-dances a couple times in my life, in the context of private events, and both times the experience was incredibly hot. I’d love to experience it in the full strip club setting.
A swing resort
It’s long been a fantasy and ambition of mine to go to a swinging and nudist resort, and specifically to make it to the “Swingset Takes Desire” takeover in Cancun. This feels like a pipe-dream much of the time, because escaping to Mexico requires a high degree of logistical wrangling and is hella expensive, but someday we’ll make it happen.
I want to get naked in the sun, to run around in a space with others who understand my particular form of non-monogamous weirdness, flirt and dance and drink and fuck and just for a week, escape from the world into paradise.
What post-Covid fantasies are you harbouring, friends?
This post was written as part of Smutathon 2021! You can check out all our work and learn more about the challenge on the Smutathon website. Please consider donating to this year’s charities, Gendered Intelligence and Trans Lifeline.
I know tonight is goodbye. I didn’t let myself think about it as I drove over here this morning, or I knew I would crumble and compromise on my needs just to keep the relationship afloat for a little longer. We have given it a damn good go, me and him, but we have come to the end of the road. This road we have been walking together has forked, and we have to go in different directions.
I didn’t plan to end up in bed with him after all the hours of talking. After the conclusion that there really is no way forward. At best, I expected a bittersweet hug and a tearful farewell. At worst, I envisioned slamming doors, screamed grievances, scorched earth. There’s none of any of that. Just the wistful sadness that comes with an inevitability you’ve both been putting off for far too long.
The disentangling will begin in earnest tomorrow. Tonight, though, we will say goodbye in the only way we know how. People talk a lot about first time sex. First time ever, first time with a new person. First time with a person of a particular gender, or trying a particular act. We don’t talk anywhere near as much about last times. But that’s what this is.
I don’t want him to be gentle with me. This isn’t a tearful what-could-have-been, but a last hurrah. We both understand the urgency without needing to say it. He reaches for me, and I for him, and we devour each other as though we are each trying to imprint ourselves forever on the other’s memory. His three-days-unshaven face is scratchy against my cheek when we kiss, and his fingernails claw at my skin as he pulls my jeans and then my panties off.
He wraps his arms around my legs and pulls me to him, burying his face in my vulva and inhaling the scent of me. His tongue finds my clit, circling and flicking at it in exactly the way that makes my toes curl and my eyes roll back in my head. There’s nothing like sex with someone who has known you, your body, and all its quirks for years.
He slides a finger, and then two fingers, inside me, curling them to push against my G-spot. I hear myself make a sound somewhere between a whimper and a growl.
I reach for him. “Fuck me,” I plead. “Just fuck me.” I need to feel him inside me. One more time. He reaches for a condom from the nightstand and hands it to me. I tear it open and unroll it over his hard cock the same way I’ve done thousands of times before. Then his hands are on mine, pinning me beneath him, and his cock is sliding into my cunt. I squeeze my muscles around him, relishing his moans and the way his eyes flash with desire. We hold each other’s gaze and his hand slips into mine.
“Rub your clit,” he commands, bending to kiss me. My hand slips down between our bodies and a gasp escapes my lips as my fingers find the right spot. For a short, blissful time – maybe a minute, maybe five, I don’t know – there is nothing but sensation, nothing but him and me and this moment.
The memories unspool like a roll of film. The first time he went down on me. That time we decided to try swinging, but quickly realised it wasn’t really our scene. The mutual discovery of how much we both loved it when he spanked me. Our experimentations with pegging and double penetration and fisting. All the years of experiences and experiments, of love and lust and laughter, all come down to this. This last time.
In the moment before I orgasm, I remember the way he cupped my face in his hands the first time he kissed me. My climax tips him over the edge, too, and I feel his heartbeat pulsing through his cock as he comes inside me. Neither of us says anything. What use are more words now?
I let myself cuddle with him just long enough for our hearts to steady, then extricate myself from his arms and his bed and his life.
I do not let the tears fall until I am driving down the motorway at 70 miles per hour, the breakup playlist I preemptively made blasting at full volume.
This strange little piece of smutty-ish fiction was written as part of Smutathon 2021! You can check out all our work and learn more about the challenge on the Smutathon website. Please consider donating to this year’s charities, Gendered Intelligence and Trans Lifeline.
Those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that I recently ended my relationship with the person I referred to as The Artist. As with the ending of any long-term relationship, the reasons were complex and I won’t be going into them here. Please respect my/our privacy and don’t ask me to spill details, because I won’t. Please don’t make assumptions or demonise them, even under the guise of being supportive.
When you end a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, it inevitably leaves empty spaces behind. People think that us polyamorous folks can just brush off a breakup. “You have other partners, right? So what’s the big deal?” they ask. To that, I want to say this: if you lose a dear friend, do you just shrug it off because you still have other friends? Of course you don’t.
Yes, I’m in the fortunate position of not being alone. Yes, Mr CK has been an absolute fucking rockstar in all this, supporting me through making an incredibly difficult decision and caring for me through my heartbreak. But you know what? I broke up with someone I loved. It still hurt like absolute fuck.
When you love an artist, you inevitably accumulate a collection of their work over the years. The choker-definitely-not-a-collar they made for me is still hanging on the back of my office door as I write this, wondering what the hell to do with it now. There are empty picture hooks on my wall where the paintings they did for me used to hang. I took them down and packed them away because looking at them was a visceral reminder of the loss and grief in the immediate aftermath. Memories shoved into a closed drawer, maybe to be revisited someday when the pain is less immediate. Empty spaces, a fitting metaphor for the total obliteration of everything we had.
After I finished taking the paintings down, I automatically picked up my phone and scrolled through messages, my fingers tingling with unsaid words. That little green bubble by their name showing they’re online, and the do-it-don’t-do-it battle not to send the message. I still love you. I’m sorry. I wish I’d had any other choice. Typing and untyping, writing and deleting, imagining them seeing the little dot-dot-dot next to my name, all the things we both said and didn’t say and probably should have said and definitely shouldn’t.
I have had a tendency, in the past, to jump from one serious relationship directly into another. Though this hasn’t always gone badly (Mr CK and I hooked up very soon after I left my abuser, after all,), I don’t think it is a healthy pattern overall. The result is that I end up basing my worth and my sense of self on my romantic relationships.
That’s why, in the wake of this most recent breakup, I decided to take a long break from dating new people. I don’t know yet quite how long this break will last or what it will look like. At the moment, I’m tentatively considering getting back on the dating apps after the new year. But right now, even thinking about it is exhausting. The idea of sitting across the table from a stranger and trying to figure out if there is any chance of us fitting together, the idea of having to disclose that I’m a survivor and have a history of mental illness and oh by the way I have a sex blog, fills me with dread.
So I’m hitting the pause button.
As a polyamorous ethical slut, there’s sometimes an internalised sense that I should always be dating new people or at least open to dating new people. Isn’t closing myself off to new connections just a holdover from monogamous culture? Well, no.
I need to get to know these empty spaces inside me that I have filled or attempted to fill with one relationship after another after another since I was fourteen.
I’m still a polyamorous person. Just having the one serious partner (as well as a couple of casual or not-sure-yet-it’s-early-days connections) doesn’t negate that part of my identity. Just like being bi isn’t dependent on the gender of my partners, being polyam isn’t dependent on the number of them there are.
I’m just doing things differently this time. Instead of trying to fill the empty spaces with another new relationship that is probably not a great fit in the long run, I’m filling them with other things that nourish me. With hobbies and friends, with self-work and self-compassion, with therapy and writing and fitness and literally anything else.
I’m lucky to be able to do this from the position of having a secure, stable nesting relationship as a base, and I am immeasurably grateful to Mr CK for providing that base. But the ending of any relationship still leaves empty spaces behind, and I am both excited and terrified to explore those spaces and see what I want to fill them with next.
I’ll think about dating again when doing so fills me with excitement.
Long-time readers might remember my Womanizer Premium review from way back in 2018. Well, did you know that there’s a new Womanizer clitoral stimulator on the market? Enter the new, upgraded Womanizer Premium 2.
Womanizer Premium vs. Premium 2: What’s the Difference?
The Womanizer Premium 2 has a lot in common with the original Womanizer Premium. It’s the same size (6.5″ in length) and the same basic design and structure. It features the same tapered body, coated in silky-smooth, body-safe silicone, and the same removable nozzle.
There are two main differences, as follows:
- The Womanizer Premium 2 offers 14 speed settings (the Premium has an already-impressive 12).
- The “autopilot” mode has been improved and upgraded for the Premium 2.
Surprisingly, they retail for the same price: £169.99.
The Womanizer Premium 2 comes in 5 colourways. Mine is a gorgeous midnight blue with a silver accent. It is fully waterproof, and rechargeable via the included cable, with a full charge giving you over two hours of use.
What’s in the Box?
The Womanizer Premium 2 comes in beautiful, elegant packaging that is reminiscent of the sort of box high-end perfume might come in. If you’re buying the toy as a gift (or a gift to yourself), it definitely has that “luxury” feel.
In the box, alongside the stimulator, you’ll find:
- Magnetic USB charging cable
- Cotton storage pouch
- An extra nozzle in a different size (you can also buy extras!)
- A quick-start guide
- A set of safety instructions
The inclusion of a storage bag is appreciated, and the extra nozzle (presented in a little packet rather fetchingly decorated with vulva drawings!) is a nice inclusion and a nod to the fact that bodies come in different shapes and sizes.
Womanizer Premium 2 in Use
The Womanizer Premium 2 is a delight to handle and use. It is comfortable to hold, and the buttons are intuitively placed and easy to push. You might need to try different ways of positioning it to see what works best for your body. For me, I hold it upside down (so with the tapered end facing towards my face) to make contact with my clit from above, but some people find that the other way around, or even a side-on approach, works best. The only right way is the way that works for you!
Thanks to its enormous 14 levels of power, the Womanizer Premium 2 offers very small and incremental speed increases, from the lowest purring rumble to the rip-the-orgasm-from-your-body top setting. If you’re very sensitive, this can be a good way to explore different levels of intensity without getting overstimulated. For me, the sweet spot was between about level 9 and level 13. Anything lower wasn’t intense enough, but the very top was a little too much.
No other suction toy has ever gotten me off as quickly as this one does. The first time I tested it, it took me from zero to orgasm in less than ten minutes. Subsequent attempts have more or less replicated that experience. Of course, it’s possible to drag it out by using lower settings or just backing off from the edge.
I also love Womanizer’s “Smart Silence” feature. This simply means that when the toy is on, the motor only activates when it’s actually against your body. If discretion or being able to stop your toy instantly is important to you, this is a nice feature. I just like it because it means that the toy doesn’t keep buzzing away next to me when I’m grabbing lube or finding a porn clip to watch.
The main downside of the Womanizer Premium 2 in use is that it’s a little noisy. It’s quieter than some of my power-tool mains wand vibrators, but definitely significantly louder than my trusty go-to bullet.
About that Autopilot Feature
I didn’t care for the Womanizer 2’s autopilot feature at all, and I’m afraid my assessment still stands. One of the biggest benefits of masturbation is knowing exactly what your body needs and being able to adjust accordingly. Autopilot removes that, and the result is random changes in stimulation that can seriously disrupt
When I tried the autopilot mode, I soon ended up frustrated and annoyed. I switched the toy back to manual mode as soon as I felt I’d given autopilot a fair shot for the sake of writing up this review. Is it better than the original Womanizer Premium’s autopilot feature? Yes. Do I still kind of hate it? Also yes.
Your mileage may vary, of course. If you love unpredictability and being surprised by changes in intensity, the autopilot mode may be a great feature for you. It’s not bad, it’s just not right for me.
The Womanizer Premium was an excellent clitoral suction toy, and the Premium 2 is a worthy update to that original design. The two extra settings are much appreciated, and the autopilot is noticeably better even if I don’t actually like it.
This is a seriously pricy toy, though you do get bang for your buck (so to speak). If £169.99 is a bit steep for you, the Womanizer Classic (priced at £119.99) is a great alternative, offering the same sensations, just with fewer settings and no Smart Silence.
Thanks to Womanizer for sending me this product to review. All pictures and all views, as ever, are mine. If you buy through the affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission.
Sometimes, I know that an item is going to be a YES for me the moment I take it out of the packaging. The Diva Faux Leather Bustier Set from the Lovehoney Fierce range was one such piece.
Details and First Impressions
The Fierce Diva Faux Leather Bustier Set comes with two pieces: the bustier and a pair of crotchless thong knickers. As with the other Fierce pieces I’ve tried recently, I was immediately impressed by the shiny wet-look material. These pieces are a great alternative if you don’t like the animal origins (or price tag) of leather, or the care and complexity (or price tag) of latex!
The Fierce Diva Faux Leather Bustier is plastic-boned for light structuring, and has a plunging neckline with lace-up detail. It’s adorned with a floaty lace “skirt” and matching floral lace detail on the bodice. It comes with removable suspenders, so you can wear it by itself or pair it with some sexy stockings. The back piece is semi-transparent mesh, designed to show just a hint of the skin underneath.
The Fierce Diva Faux Leather Bustier is just really, really my style. The soft fetish aesthetic of the black faux leather and structured shape, combined with the flirty and femme lace detailing, is exactly my jam. I think it looks sexy as hell, don’t you?
Fit and Comfort
The Fierce Diva Faux Leather Bustier fastens with a row of hooks and eyes up the back. The easiest way to get it on is to put it on backwards and fasten these at the front, then twist it around and pull the shoulder straps up last. (You could also theoretically pull it on over your head, but be careful not to snag the soft mesh or lace if you do that!)
It’s fairly comfortable to wear, as the fabric is soft and the mesh at the back increases the breathability. Definitely a less hot and sweaty option than actual leather!
This bustier set is available in sizes small (UK 6-8) up to 5x (UK 26-28). I wear a size 10/12, and the medium fits me well. The hook and eye fastenings offer three different size options, and the material is quite stretchy, so it will accommodate different bodies within that size range well. The shoulder straps are also adjustable.
Fierce is probably the most big-boob-friendly range Lovehoney have done yet. The Fierce Diva Faux Leather Bustier contains my G-cup chest easily, and enhances my cleavage without making me feel as though I’m about to fall out of it. With no wires and adjustable lacing, this bustier will accommodate a wide range of breast sizes.
The accompanying knickers? Honestly, I just don’t think I like either thongs or crotchless underwear very much. They’re not made for people with pubic hair or for people who don’t like fishing a string out of their butt crack all night long. I’ll probably never wear them again, if I’m honest. Instead, I’ll team the bustier with either some lacy knickers for a night in, or a pair of faux leather trousers and some high boots for a night out.
Versatile and Sexy
The Fierce Diva Faux Leather Bustier sits in that middle ground between clothing and lingerie where it could feasibly be either. I’d wear this in the bedroom with my partner or to a play party, but I’d also wear it for an alternative club night or even as a more risqué Halloween costume.
Just absolutely beautiful. I’m going to get a lot of wear out of this one.
The Fierce Diva Faux Leather Bustier Set retails for £59.99.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this piece to review. Pictures and opinions are mine! Affiliate links appear in this post.
Today’s guest post comes from Katherine Pierce (she/her), who is writing for C&K for the first time. I loved this heartfelt piece on her explorations into gentle femdom and praise kink, and what it means to her and her partner.
Adventures in Gentle Femdom by Katherine Pierce
My partner and I have been together for six months, and recently we began exploring kink. He’d never experimented with kink before, and my previous experiences of it were quite negative: my last partner didn’t let me explore my own desires and treated me as a permanently submissive player in his fantasies, which he often wasn’t good at distinguishing from real life. I consider myself a switch, but wasn’t interested in the very aggressive style of dominance my ex enjoyed, and assumed I would never find a way to explore that dominant part of myself.
When my current partner and I first started going out, we were focused on understanding each other sexually. He hadn’t had a lot of past sexual experience, and each time we slept together we uncovered new things about both of us. Our first find was his praise kink and his love of cuddling and tenderness after sex.
Soon after, he began to show me that something he really enjoyed was following instructions and knowing he was pleasing me. He enjoyed not having to be in control. I, meanwhile, loved the fact that I was in a dominant position, but one completely different to what I had seen before. Giving him attention, affection and love after our sex was really fulfilling for me. I decided that this would be a great opportunity to start introducing kink into my sex life again.
We did a bit of research together, and discovered something that seemed to sum up what we already did and what we were interested in trying: gentle femdom.
What is gentle femdom?
Gentle femdom is a style of dominance where a woman is in charge, often but not always of a male partner. However, unlike more aggressive styles of dominance, it focuses on gentleness, tender words, soft aesthetics and lots of aftercare.
A gentle femdom is a nurturing and caring figure, one who supports her sub and gives them space to please her, follow instructions and be rewarded for their good behaviour. She might dress her sub up, give them baths or makeovers, penetrate them in different ways, or a whole host of other activities.
Gentle femdom also doesn’t tend to use pain or punishment as a significant part of its modes of play. Whilst a little spanking for sexual pleasure might be included, there is no hardcore pain infliction. Humiliating or demeaning dirty talk isn’t often used, either. Sexologist Carol Queen said that sometimes subs “feel that it is easier to feel loved and cared for in such a scene”. What kind of sex could work better for a dom interested in being gentle and a sub with a praise kink and longing for affection?
Trying it out
As soon as my partner and I heard about this, we thought it sounded perfect for us. We started small, doing our usual sex acts but with a slightly altered dynamic. I guided him verbally and physically through doing the things we were used to, gave him lots of praise and instructions, sometimes wore lingerie or fancy outfits for our sex together. When we had sex focused on gradually introducing kink, he called me mistress.
I liked having him listen to me, seeing his eagerness to follow instructions. Gradually we began to introduce new elements to our sex, with me guiding him all the way. We’re a very verbal couple, and instructions, dirty talk, and gentle commands are a great part of our sex life which help us both settle into the kinky roles we enjoy.
I placed him in more open and vulnerable sexual positions, and we tried rimming and fingering for the first time, which we both loved. We’ve also recently started trying butt plugs and have bought a strapon, although we’re working up to using it. The tenderness and slow pace of gentle femdom has helped so much with our explorations of kink. It’s also given us a brilliant opportunity to learn more about each other emotionally.
We’ve experimented with a bit of gender play too, and dressing my partner up in my lingerie brought a subversive element to gentle femdom, especially because it made him feel more submissive and pretty. I love that telling my partner he’s beautiful is now a specific, dedicated part of sex.
Aftercare is one of my favourite parts of gentle femdom, especially because it builds on intimacy my partner and I already enjoyed. He sometimes feels fragile or nervous after sex. Having a specific, dedicated time for taking care of him and making him feel safe has made our sex even hotter. Researching aftercare and thinking of new things to do together after sex – having bubble baths, snacking on chocolate – expands our intimacy and gives it a comforting framework.
Gentle femdom has given me an opportunity to explore a side of myself I’ve always wanted to know, as well as making sex a tender and emotionally open space. I’ve been able to learn more about my partner and take care of him in a way which brings us even closer together, and we’ve tried some really hot things along the way.
As always, you can support the blog by chipping in via the tip jar (tips help to pay a small fee to my lovely guest writers) or by buying through the affiliate links that appear in this post.