On my last call with the lovely Francesca, who owns The Pleasure Garden inclusive sex shop, we discussed which strap-on compatible dildos I might want to review in some companion pieces to my Spareparts Joque review. I asked for the gayest, girliest, sparkliest items the store had in stock. And friends, as the kids say, she understood the assignment.
Along with the lesbian pride dildo I reviewed last week and a gorgeous sparkly one I’ll be talking about next week, I received another Blush dildo: this spectacular confetti-filled glow in the dark creation, the Neo Elite Hanky Panky.
What is the Neo Elite Hanky Panky?
The Neo Elite Hanky Panky is a glow in the dark dildo by Blush Novelties. It measures 8″ in total length, around 6.5″ in insertable length, and 1.5″ in diameter at the widest point.
The Neo Elite is made of clear/translucent silicone filled with little confetti-style flecks in pink, purple, blue and green inside. Yes, it’s possible to get body-safe clear sex toys! You don’t need to resort to toxic jelly materials to enjoy this unique aesthetic.
The Best Things About This Blush Dildo
One of my hottest takes as a queer femme is that enjoying pretty things just because they’re pretty is not frivolous, but tremendously important. Beauty is not frivolous. Enjoying things, as a queer person in a world that wants to tear us down and drown us out, fucking matters. Pleasure is political.
And that’s just as true whether we’re talking about eating delicious food in defiance of diet culture or fucking my hot girlfriend with the gayest cock I can find in defiance of societal homophobia.
All this to say: I like this toy because it’s cute, colourful, and playful as fuck.
There are other great things to say about it too, of course. The shape is fabulous, with a medium curve and a prominent head. The silicone is pretty firm and dense, with minimal “squish”, but the shaft is flexible enough to enable comfortable positioning.
I particularly like the pronounced ridge on the underside of the head, which is ideal for both G-spot and prostate stimulation as well as stimulating the sensitive nerve endings around the vaginal/anal opening on insertion and removal. Otherwise, the shaft is smooth, making it a great choice for people who don’t enjoy the sensation of textured toys. It’s also the same width all the way down.
The large suction cup is strong, and also makes the toy anal-safe and harness compatible.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
The only thing to be aware of is that this toy’s silicone is very matte. This means it can feel “grabby” and doesn’t glide as smoothly as some softer silicones do, which some users can find uncomfortable. You can overcome this by adding tonnes of water-based lube; just be aware you’ll probably need more lubrication than usual.
Neo Elite Hanky Panky Blush Dildo: Verdict
If you love beautiful, playful aesthetics and don’t mind a more matte texture, this is a fantastic toy. It has a great shape and design, is versatile enough for different kinds of play from solo masturbation to strap on sex to anal, and is a relatively rare example of a clear/translucent toy made from a body-safe material.
Thanks to The Pleasure Garden for sending me this Blush dildo to review. All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping with them sends me a small commission at no additional cost to you.
Way back in 2018, in the early days of this blog (wow that was a different time!) I reviewed my first Avant Pride toy, the P1 rainbow dildo. I followed this up with reviews of the P4 leather pride butt plug later that year and the P8 bi pride dildo in 2021.
I still really like the P8, but I’m not so sure I identify as bisexual any more. Since entering my 30s I’ve slid further and further down the Kinsey Scale to… well, not quite a Kinsey 6, because that wouldn’t account for Mr C&K. Maybe a Kinsey 5-and-a-half? Anyway, the terms I most often use to define my sexuality now are sapphic and homoflexible, the latter meaning (to me) “basically a lesbian but with very very occasional exceptions.”
Sexuality is complicated, y’all.
You know what isn’t complicated, though? How damn good this dildo is.
Smooth Segue, Amy! So Tell Us About the Avant Pride P3 Beauty
The P3 Beauty is another of the Avant Pride range of sex toys from Blush Novelties. It is a small suction cup dildo measuring 5″ in length and 1.1″ in diameter. Its design is fairly realistic, with a pronounced head and subtle vein texturing along the shaft. The colours are based on the pink, white and orange stripes of the lesbian pride flag.
The Avant Pride P3 is made of body-safe and easy-clean silicone. It also has a suction cup, making it ideal for hands-free use and strap-on sex.
What I Liked About the Avant Pride P3 Beauty Small Suction Cup Dildo
My favourite thing about this toy, apart from the gorgeous and vibrant pride-inspired colours, is its small size. Large and oversized toys can be fun on occasion, but often when I’m craving penetration what I actually want is something a little smaller. I also like that the girth is more or less the same all the way down.
I very rarely do anal play at the moment but if you’re interested in a dildo for pegging or anal sex, a slimline toy like this one is an ideal place to start.
The Avant Pride P3 has some of the softest silicone I’ve felt in a long time. Its texture is so delightfully velvety that I’ve been absentmindedly stroking my hand over it in between typing up this review. It has a medium density with a little squish, plenty of flex, and a very slight curve. In other words, it’s comfortable to use and easy to position in the way that works for your body.
I like that the suction cup is quite wide, relative to the diameter of the toy. This makes it stick down really firmly to any flat surface, and also makes it easy to use with my favourite strap-on harness without it slipping out or coming loose.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
No? This is a genuinely excellent toy and I can’t find a single fault with it. If you prefer larger insertables it might not be big enough to satisfy you, but for many of us a bigger dildo is not necessarily a better dildo.
Verdict
This is such an easy to use dildo! A simple yet effective design, refreshingly petite size, gorgeous queer colourway, and high quality material. It’s also versatile, anal-safe, and harness compatible. What more could you need in a basic dildo? And on top of all that, it retails for just £32.
Thanks to The Pleasure Garden for sending me the Avant Pride P3 to review. All views, as always, are mine! Affiliate links appear in this post.
As recently as a couple of years ago, readers would ask me for recommendations for giant toys that didn’t cost hundreds of dollars and I would be at a loss on where to send them. Historically, the vast majority of the extra large toys on the market were made of unsafe or porous materials such as rubber, PVC, or TPE/TPR. Those that were made of silicone tended to be tremendously expensive. Fortunately, things are changing and you can now get a body-safe, extra large fantasy dildo without breaking the bank.
Wildolo’s range of silicone monster dildos includes an array of the weird, wonderful, bizarre, and ultra-colourful for all your fantasy fucking needs. They kindly sent me this extra large silicone fantasy dildo from their collection to test and review.
About the Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo
This toy is made of body-safe matte silicone (more on the texture below) in a green, blue and purple marbled effect, and features a tapering shaft with a series of bulges that get progressively wider from top to bottom. As it is single-density silicone, the entire shaft has the same density all the way through (i.e. there is no firm “core” and soft outer layer.)
It comes in two sizes, and I received the medium, which measures 10.49″ in length (8.98″ insertable) and weighs in at a hefty 0.95kg or just over 2lb. Its diameter tapers from a fairly average 1.35″ at the top, down to 2.87″ at the bottom. Yes: this toy is fucking huge. There’s also a larger version, which measures an enormous 14.76″ in total length and over 4″ in diameter at the widest point.
The Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo features raised texturing on the head, vein detailing on the shaft, and a decorative monster/demon face insignia part way down.
The Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo also has a large suction cup for affixing it to a flat surface. This features decorative detailing, too.
What I Liked About This Toy
The Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo is a relatively budget-friendly option in the scheme of body-safe and extra large fantasy toys, retailing for $75 or around £61.50. It also has a number of great features to recommend it.
Namely:
The pictures don’t really do justice to how pretty the shimmery, glittery swirls of green, blue and purple are. When it catches the light, the effect is almost irridescent.
Speaking of its physical appearance, the fantasy aesthetic – such that it is – is fairly subtle. If you’re looking for a way to ease into fantasy toys without going straight for something that looks like a tentacle or an alien or a killer plant from outer space, this is a great place to start.
I like the tapered design. When using larger toys, it’s really important to build up slowly to ensure a safe, pain-free, and pleasurable experience. Tapered toys build this in, allowing you to gradually increase the size to the point that you feel comfortable.
The textured tip is excellent for additional G-spot stimulation. Presumably it would also work well for a prostate for much the same reason.
This toy is surprisingly flexible for its size. When it comes to very large toys, particularly for those who are newer to them, some flexibility can make all the difference in ensuring comfortable insertion.
The firm, dense silicone will be great for anyone who likes plenty of intensity and not too much squish for their insertable toys.
The suction cup is reasonably strong, particularly given the size of the toy. The large surface area of the suction cup helps to hold the toy firmly to a surface for as long as you want it to stay there.
The extra large base means it is anal-safe. However, I feel duty-bound to advise you to proceed extremely carefully if you’re thinking of inserting anything of this size anally.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
The finish on the Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo is very matte. This means that it feels pretty grabby, which can be a downside especially for a toy this large. You’ll need to add lube, lube, and yet more lube for this one. (That was true anyway, given the size, but the grabbyness of the silicone makes it even more essential.)
The sheer size of this toy does make it a challenge to hold and manipulate for long periods of time. Its weight is something you’ll want to be aware of if you suffer from hand or wrist pain (or just, like me, have annoyingly tiny hands.)
I’ve said before and I will say it again that I just don’t think I’m really the target market for extra large insertables. I look at them and my body doesn’t go “ooh,” it goes “hahaha nope!” Realistically, I can use the top third of this dildo, maybe the top half if I’m feeling really brave. This isn’t really a criticism of the product, just an acknowledgement that it’s not one I will be reaching for on a regular basis.
Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo: Verdict
Even though I don’t think it’s particularly ideal for my body, the Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo is a well-designed and body-safe toy at a good price for the quality. If you’re into fantasy toys or looking to add something large to your collection without spending a lot, this is a great choice.
Thanks to Wildolo for sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, my own.
You know what’s even more fun than shopping for sex toys? Creating one to your specifications! I recently told you all about Nothosaur’s custom dildo and custom fantasy toy service, which allows you to apply a dizzying variety of customisations to the company’s designs to create a piece that is entirely yours.
As part of our ongoing partnership, Nothosaur kindly let me customise a toy from their range to try and to tell you all about. After a lot of deliberation, I chose the MOOM dildo. Keep reading to learn what I like about this one and which customisations I chose.
What is the MOOM and Why Did I Choose It for My Custom Dildo?
The base product you choose will determine the shape and design of your toy. When Nothosaur offered me a custom dildo to review, I spent a long time looking around the site to decide which of the many options on offer felt right for me. Ultimately, I picked the MOOM. The basic product looks like this:
The shape of the toy really called to me. Its shaft consists of a series of long and elegantly intertwining vines, rising up to a pronounced head, and the broad base has those aforementioned little spikes. The MOOM’s shaft is relatively slimline, which tends to work well for my body – I do like girthy insertables sometimes, but they take a lot of warm-up. This is very much an “insert and go” toy, which can be an advantage sometimes.
The MOOM is based on one of Nothosaur’s many fantasy creature creations, a creature that makes its home in the jungle, collects pine cones and fruits, enjoys poems and stories, but also possesses a series of sharp thorns that help to keep it safe. I enjoy the combination of softness and fierceness in this characterisation, and in the combination of long, sweeping lines and the spiked base that make up the toy’s design.
I also just thought it was super pretty, fun, and unexpected, and I don’t own anything else like it.
My Customisation Choices
I went for the medium size MOOM dildo. I’m not a size queen by any stretch (heh) of the imagination, so at 5.9″ in total length and about 4″ in insertable length – the MOOM in medium is a fairly perfect size dildo for me. If you prefer a very small toy, choose the mini or small sizes. If you want more, opt for the large or extra large.
Next up was choosing the firmness. I ultimately went for the soft silicone because I don’t have many super-soft toys in my collection, so I thought it would be fun to get something a bit different. I also tend to like flexible toys, and I assumed the soft silicone would have more flex to it.
Finally, it was time to pick the colours for my custom dildo. I looked at the suggested colourways for the MOOM and, though they were all super pretty and creative, none of them felt like quite what I was looking for. Ultimately, inspiration struck and I settled on a marbled combination of bright orange, bright pink, and white that reminds me of the lesbian pride flag.
Nothosaur’s extensive colour selection
The MOOM in medium comes with a suction cup base by default, which works for me. This allows me to use it with a strap-on harness as well as making it convenient to hold. If you opt for the MOOM in a large or extra large size, you can add a vac-u-lock hole and adaptor for a fucking machine if you like.
What I Love About My Custom Nothosaur MOOM
And with all those decisions made, it was time to sit back and wait for my custom dildo to arrive. Which, in a couple of weeks, it did. The finished toy is so, so bright and femme and colourful! I mean, just look at it:
The website pictures really don’t do justice to just how bright and vibrant these colours are. The design is also even more beautiful and intricate close up than the images show. I feel like I notice some new detail every time I look at it.
The MOOM dildo has the perfect level of texturing for me. The “vines” along the shaft are pronounced enough to feel and to be satisfying, but not so much that it tips over into uncomfortable.
I’m also really glad I opted for the soft silicone for this one. I think it’s possible that the intensely ridged head and the textured shaft would have been too intense in a firmer silicone. But at this level, it’s absolutely perfect. The ultra-flexible softness also means that I can angle the head perfectly to brush against my G-spot.
The MOOM’s suction cup is strong, and its broad base makes it ideal for strap-on sex.
Finally, can we talk about those spikes on the base? They, too, are super soft and when the dildo is fully inserted, they tease and tickle my vulva every time I thrust or twist the toy. Amazing.
Get Your Own Custom Dildo
It’s safe to say Nothosaur knocked it out of the park with my MOOM custom dildo. The result is something beautiful, unique, and totally “me.” I love it.
Want your own? Head over to Nothosaur’s store, find the design you like, and get customising! A medium MOOM in 3 colours retails for $94.99, but prices vary according to the style and customisations you choose.
Thanks to Nothosaur for gifting me this toy and sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, my own.
Here’s a fun fact about me that tends to surprise new lovers: I’m much more of a strap-on top than a strap-on bottom. In other words, most of the time I prefer to be the person doing the fucking rather than the person being fucked. Unfortunately, gender stereotypes and outdated ideas about power dynamics mean that those of us who fall on the femme end of the gender spectrum and/or the submissive end of the power exchange spectrum are often assumed to be bottoms by default. Well, nope! I’m a femme and a submissive-leaning switch, and I also love strapping it on and fucking my partner.
So naturally, I love getting to try out a new strap-on harness. The Pleasure Garden was kind enough to send me the hugely popular SpareParts Joque harness to try, and my girlfriend[1] was kind enough to help me test it out.
[1] Yes, I’m in a new relationship! She’s amazing. I’m very lucky and very happy.
What is the SpareParts Joque Harness?
The SpareParts Joque is a harness for strap-on sex. It comes in two sizes (A fits a belt size of 20-50″, while B fits 35-65″) and two colourways, black or purple. Both sizes feature an O-ring (that’s the ring the dildo goes through to anchor it in place) that stretches to accommodate dildos between 1.25″ and 2″ in diameter.
The Joque is made of a combination of nylon and spandex, which is both comfortable and strong as well as moisture-wicking. Though these materials are not biodegradable or sustainable, they are durable and easy to clean. This means that, with a little care, your harness should last you a lifetime and never need replacing. These synthetic materials are also suitable for those who want to avoid animal materials such as leather.
The Joque features a wide, comfortable belt that sits around the hips. There are also two leg straps that hug the upper thighs and bottom of the butt cheeks. It fastens with velcro, meaning that you can make micro-adjustments so that it fits you perfectly. It also comes with a mesh bag for washing and storage.
Aesthetically, the Joque is perhaps a little more androgynous-leaning-masc than I would go for in a totally ideal world. Requesting the purple one made it feel a lot more like “me,” though. I can also, of course, femme things up by using the girliest dildos imaginable. (Which, naturally, I did. Before our date, I literally texted my girlfriend a picture of an array of dildos to pick from, all of which were some variation of brightly coloured, sparkly, or covered in little hearts.)[2] And ultimately, functionality is always going to be more important than anything else when it comes to strap-on harnesses.
[2] Since I know you’re wondering, I ultimately paired my Joque harness with my Lovehoney Galaxy Dildo on this occasion.
What I Liked About the Joque
Retailing for £120, the Joque is not a cheap option. However, for the quality I really believe it is more than worth the price. I’ve wanted one of these for ages, and now that I’ve tried it I can understand the hype entirely.
Here are a few of the things I liked about the SpareParts Joque.
It is super easy to set up, put on, and adjust. From unboxing it to being ready to use it took me maybe one to two minutes.
The ultra-adjustable velcro waistband means that even if my body size changes (which it tends to do quite a lot), the harness will still fit me. It also means that, if you and your partner have different body sizes but both want to top for strap-on sex sometimes, you don’t need to buy two.
It’s so comfortable! I love the wide waistband, which hugs my hips rather than cutting uncomfortably into them like harnesses with narrower straps tend to do. As a curvy gal, this is tremendously important to me. This harness is often advertised as a great choice for people who want to pack, and I can understand why. It’s comfortable and unobtrusive enough to wear under your regular clothes, if you like.
A fabric flap separates the dildo from the wearer’s body. This makes a big difference to comfort, particularly if you’re going to be playing for a while. It prevents uncomfortable rubbing or chafing. However, you can also move it aside if you prefer – for example, if you want to use the harness with a double-ended toy.
There are two small pockets, above and below the O-ring, where you can insert a bullet vibrator if you like. This provides additional stimulation to the wearer. You’ll need a tiny bullet vibe for this – something around 6cm or shorter is ideal.
It’s washable. Simply handwash it in some cool water, or throw it in the washing machine on a gentle cycle. (I recommend using the included mesh bag to protect it.) We all know that we should be sterilising our dildos between uses, but many people forget that their harnesses can also hold onto bodily fluids and bacteria. This is particularly important if you have anal sex or if you use the same harness with multiple partners.
Most importantly of all, the SpareParts Joque is simply a highly usable harness. With many strap-on harnesses, I have to hold the dildo in place or keep readjusting the straps. Not so with the Joque harness. It stays exactly where I put it and keeps the dildo perfectly positioned so that I can fuck my partner and keep my hands free. This allows me to touch and pleasure them in other ways at the same time (or to keep my balance in more challenging positions!)
Anything I Didn’t Like?
The only significant downside I wanted to flag with the SpareParts Joque harness is that the O-ring does not appear to be interchangeable. This probably won’t be an issue to most people due to its flexibility – I’m certainly not likely to be using dildos larger than 2″ in diameter – but if you like to use very girthy toys with your strap-on harness, it’s something to be aware of.
I also didn’t find the vibrator pockets to be ideally positioned. When I use this harness with a bullet vibe, it doesn’t really directly stimulate my clit. It still feels nice, and ultimately it’s not a big deal as I’m more focused on my partner’s enjoyment when I’m topping anyway. But if clitoral stimulation while you’re having strap-on sex matters to you, it is a downside.
SpareParts Joque Harness: Verdict
This is, simply put, the most functional and fully featured strap-on harness I’ve ever used. It is ultra-comfortable, it allows for numerous different styles of strap-on play, and it is easy to wear and use. I think newcomers to strap-on sex sometimes feel put off because harnesses appear to be so complicated and fiddly. But that doesn’t need to be the case. Turns out you just need a harness designed by someone who understands how strap-on sex actually works.
The SpareParts Joque harness does its job, and it does it damn well.
Thanks to The Pleasure Garden for sending me the Joque harness to try out! All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.
What does your perfect fantasy sex toy look like? You might have ideas about the shape and design, size, softness or firmness, colour, and more. Nothosaur, who have already featured on the site several times previously, offer custom sex toys with various options across their fantasy range, helping you to craft the perfect dildo or other toy for your desires.
For something a bit different today, they have invited me to check out and review their customisation process.
Why Choose Custom Sex Toys?
Custom sex toys are generally more expensive than their off-the-shelf counterparts, so why would you choose a custom toy? In short, because this way you can get exactly what you want from a product.
How many times have I written a review in which I say “this toy would be perfect if only…” [“…it were shorter/girthier/softer/firmer/more flexible/etc.”]? I imagine you’ve thought the same about toys in the past. A custom toy allows you to have complete control over all those factors.
Some people enjoy having a toy that is one-of-a-kind, knowing that no-one else has one quite like it. This can be particularly true for people who view a toy as a kind of extension of their body; for example, if you’re someone who has strap-on sex, your dildo might essentially become your penis while you’re using it. It follows that you’d want to get something that really feels like you.
A custom sex toy can also make an amazing gift for a partner or lover. If you know the person and their preferences well enough, you can get something perfectly crafted just for them. Alternatively, why not spend a fun and sexy date night designing and ordering your perfect toy together?
Custom Sex Toys with Nothosaur
Creating a custom dildo, butt plug, grinder, or other toy with Nothosaur is easy. You just need to go through four simple steps, which we’ll look at in detail in this section.
Choosing Your Base Toy
The first step is to choose your base product, which you can then customise. Nothosaur’s extensive range includes tentacle dildos, ejaculating dildos, ovipositors, dragon dildos and other fantasy creature designs, and much more.
You might already have a clear idea of what you’re after, or you might not be sure. Pay attention to things like overall shape, texturing, and any additional features that are important to you (such as a large base, harness compatibility, or an ejaculation tube.) Aesthetics matter, too, but ignore colours for now because we’re going to customise those later in this process! Instead, think about what overall look or vibe speaks to you.
Though I’m not an Astrology Queer, my personal faves right now are the Zodiac collection just for how pretty and unusual they are.
Choosing Your Size
Once you’ve selected your base toy, it’s time to choose your size. Most Nothosaur toys come in a range of sizes, with anything from two to six options to pick from.
One unfortunate but pervasive belief about sex toys (like penises) is that bigger automatically equals better. This just isn’t true. Now perhaps giant toys are your thing! In which case, go nuts and pick the biggest size available. On the other hand, you might find very large insertables uncomfortable, painful, or just plain impractical to use. If so, choose a smaller product.
All Nothosaur toys have exact measurements for all sizes listed in the image gallery on the product pages. I highly recommend getting out a tape measure or ruler and checking the sizes before you make your selection so that you don’t end up with something far larger or far smaller than you expected.
Pro tip: pay at least as much attention to girth as to length when you’re choosing an insertable toy. If a toy is too long for you, you can just use part of the shaft. If it’s too wide, though, you might not be able to use it at all.
Choosing Your Firmness Level
Next, you need to choose the firmness level of your toy. Not all Nothosaur toys have customisable firmness (ovipositors don’t, for example, as they are hollow) but the majority do. Most are available in soft, medium or firm, while some are available only in medium or firm. Nothosaur ships medium firmness toys by default, unless you choose a different option.
Ultimately, the firmness you choose is a matter of preference. Do you like your toys soft and squishy, or firm and rigid? Softer toys will generally be easier to use and insert than firmer toys, so can be a good choice for beginners. Smaller toys generally feel softer than larger ones, and those that are very girthy will also feel harder. For toys that stand up on their own, choosing medium or firm will give them a more stable base.
Nothosaur recommends soft or medium firmness if you’re wanting to do depth training with your toy for safety reasons.
Choosing Your Custom Colourway
Now we get to the really fun part: making your toy look pretty!
Each Nothosaur toy has a default suggested colourway (or several), which you can choose. There are also an array of pre-set colour schemes available across many products. Personally I think “fairy” is probably the prettiest.
None of them quite calling to you? Then you can select “custom mode” and transform your toy to look exactly the way you want it to. You have seven types of custom colourways to choose from:
Solid:a single colour
Covered: an effect with one colour layered over another
Fade 2 colour: the top colour fades gradually into the bottom colour
Marble 2 colour: 2 colours swirled together
Marble 3 colour: 3 colours swirled together
Split 2 colour: the top is one colour, the base another
Split 3 colour: the top, middle, and base are each a different colour
There are 56 colours to choose from in total. Depending on the style you choose, you’ll then be prompted to select one, two, or three colours.
Example colour selection for “Fade 2 colour” style
Some very quick phone maths tells me that with these seven colourway options and 56 colours, that gives you over 18,000 possible combinations. And that’s without including Nothosaur’s suggested colourways or any of the other customisation options. In other words, your toy is sure to be unlike anyone else’s.
Some Nothosaur toys (and some sizes) have additional customisation options available. For example, many of the products allow you to add a vac-u-lock hole and/or adaptor so that you can use your toy with a sex machine. Alternatively, you can stick with the default suction cup base, which allows you to affix your toy to any firm flat surface.
Finally, you can add any extras to your purchase, such as a bottle of lube or a drawstring storage bag for your toy.
And you’re done! It’s time to check out and wait for your custom toy to arrive. Make sure you triple-check everything before you pay, as custom orders are final and non-refundable once production of your toy has started.
How easy was that?
Thanks to Nothosaur for sponsoring this post. All views, as always, are mine. I’ll be back in January with a review of a custom toy I’ve designed using this process!
Despite its immense popularity in many queer circles, I’m really not much of an astrology person. I don’t read my horoscope regularly. I think the ways in which the traits attributed to my sign relate to me are broadly coincidental. And I certainly don’t rely on birth charts to tell me whether someone I’m dating is a good fit for me or whatever. (Though I once did one with a woman I was seeing just for fun. The chart told us we were far more compatible than we actually ended up being! Go figure.)
Even so, lots of people are super into astrology and I think it can be fun and harmless as long as you don’t take it too seriously or rely on it exclusively as a way to make important decisions.
But what about picking a sex toy based on your sign? Nothosaur has recently introduced a range of Zodiac-inspired sex toys to their range and, even for a cynic like me, they’re absolutely gorgeous. Each one is based around a mythical character or some aspect of this mythological fantasy world Nothosaur has created, with traits corresponding to the relevant sign.
Products are available for 10 of the 12 signs. So you’re stuck on what toy to pick, why not let the stars guide you? There are currently no products in the range for Sagittarius or Gemini. Hopefully these will be added in due course!
All the toys in the Zodiac range, like all Nothosaur toys, are made of premium quality body-safe silicone. Most are available in a range of sizes, customizable firmness levels, and colourways.
Let’s have a look at each of them in turn.
♈ Aries (Ram): March 21–April 19
According to believers, people born under Aries tend to be confident, passionate, energetic, and loyal. They are natural leaders but can also be impulsive and hot-headed.
Nothosaur’s Aries character is desribed as a sincere and honest shepherd who is also hot and full of passion. His penis is like a sculpture, based around the ♈ Aries symbol turned upside down. Wider at the bottom, the Aries dildo is richly textured with curves and swirls based on Aries’ horns, rising to a bulbous head at the top.
♉ Taurus (Bull): April 20–May 20)
Tauruses are thought to be stable, dependable, and mature as well as highly sensual. However, they can also be jealous and materialistic.
Nothosaur’s Taurus is described as “a sexual gladiator who flaunts his lust in the Colosseum”, proud yet also charming. The Taurus dildo features a bulging shaft that widens to a broad head adorned with several ring piercings. In the recommended gold shade, and with the coins around the base, it suggests wealth, success, and status.
♋ Cancer (Crab): June 22–July 22
The sign of Cancer is associated with emotionality, nurturance, creativity, and sensitivity. Cancers are thought to be romantics, highly loyal but also prone to rapid changes in mood.
Nothosaur’s Craboo, based on the sign of Cancer, is a “loyal and rambunctious sea prodigal” known for its sincerity and loyalty. The two-pronged Craboo toy, with one fixed and one flexible arm, represent the claws of a crab and offer unparalleled dual insertable stimulation. Ideal for those looking for a combined vaginal/anal toy.
♌ Leo (Lion): July 23–August 22
Leo, or the lion constellation, is associated with traits such as confidence, generosity, enjoying the limelight, and a fiercely protective streak towards loved ones.
Nothosaur’s Leo is a hunter who seeks out not food, but sex. Long and flexible, the Leo toy is based on this creature’s tongue. Adorned with bumps and lifelife vein detailing, this one-size toy is long but relatively slender, perfect for those who prefer girth over length and prefer some flex to their insertable toys.
♍ Virgo (Virgin): August 23–September 22
Astrology believers describe Virgos as perfectionist, detail-oriented, and analytical. Described as helpful and modest, Virgos are also thought to have tendencies towards being overly critical, stubborn, and uptight.
Nothosaur’s Virgo range includes three toys. The Virgo dildo is inspired by Persephone, the goddess of youth, and consists of several pairs of overlapping folded angel wings. Virgo’s Throne is a masturbator that wraps the user’s penis in these folds, while Virgo’s Gaze is a clitoral grinder based on their texture.
♎ Libra (Balance): September 23–October 23
The sign of Libra is all about balance, fairness, and harmony. Libras are describes as fair-minded, diplomatic, and natural peacemakers, though they can also be indecisive and hesitant.
Nothosaur’s Libra is a catlike creature, handsome but prone to overthinking. The Libra dildo, like the sign it is based on, is all about balance. Girthy towards the centre then slimmer towards the top, it is also heavily textured on one side and smoother on the other. It has a slight curve and some flexibility. Perfect for those who want the best of all words.
♏ Scorpio (Scorpion): October 24–November 21
Scorpios are described as passionate people who feel their feelings intensely. Resourceful, brave, and independent are some of the positive words associated with them. The negatives include jealousy, stubbornness, and a tendency to keep secrets.
Nothosaur’s Scorpio is a secretive and passionate man who wants to be loved but isn’t afraid to use his stinger to defend himself if necessary. The curving shaft of the Scorpio dildo, based on this stinging tail, features a hard exterior adorned with a unique bumpy texture. The four protruding “muscles” add a little extra friction during use.
♑ Capricorn (Goat): December 22–January 19
Some describe Capricorns as hard-working, ambitious, and practical. They are known for being honest, sensitive, and committed, but also pessimistic and proud.
Nothosaur’s Capricorn is a creature with the head of a gazelle, and a body resembling a fish. Seductive and sexual, he is also a symbol of creativity, music and poetry. The Capricorn dildo is based on a horn, descending down to a fishtail with scale detailing towards the base. The small hooked tip make insertion easy, while the gentle knot in the centre provides a light feeling of pleasurable stretching.
♒ Aquarius (Water Bearer): January 20–February 18
The ultimate water sign, Aquarians are thought to be clever, analytical, innovative, and honest. They are also said to be progressive, and to trend towards a rebellious nature.
The Aquarius toy is based on the waters surrounding Nothosaur’s fantasy world where its mythical creatures live. Like the water sign it is based on, the silicone of the Aquarius dildo seems to flow, giving an almost liquid appearance. The bumps along the shaft mimic rising waves, and the top of the fountain spills over with stimulating ripples.
♓ Pisces (Fish): February 19–March 20
Last but not least in the Zodiac sex toys line-up, we have Pisces. Pisces are described as passionate, intuitive, and creative, fast to forgive and quick at making friends. Their negative traits are said to include being moody, closed off, and indecisive.
The Pisces dildo is inspired by Aphrodite, the goddess of sexuality, and with a texture based on rippling ocean waves. With its thick shaft, scales, and protruding seaweed finger, the Pisces offers numerous different sensations to explore.
Thanks to Nothosaur for sponsoring this post! You can buy all toys in the Zodiac range using my affiliate links in this post. All product images are by Nothosaur.
Funzze is a relatively new brand on my radar, having only previously tried one of their toys at the time of writing. However, they do have some interesting things in their catalogue, so I was happy to agree to doing another set of reviews.
This week, we’re looking at the Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo.
Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo Details
The Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo is described as “a stainless steel G spot dildo with a sinuous shape, equipped with 2 insertable ends that offer different sensations.” That’s a pretty accurate summary. (Sinuous, FYI, means “having many curves and turns” and is just a very pleasing word to say.)
One end of the dildo is a smooth curve with a bulbed head, and the other end has four rippling beads. The Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo measures 8.5″ end to end and a slimline 1.5″ in diameter at the widest part of the beads.
In terms of comparisons, it’s somewhat similar to the famous Njoy Fun Wand. However, the curve is less pronounced, the bulbs flow together rather than being completely distinct and separate pieces, and the head is a different shape. As such, I feel comfortable calling this a similar design rather than a copycat or a ripoff. At the end of the day, there are a lot of similar toys out there from different manufacturers and true innovation is rare in this industry.
Let’s Talk About Stainless Steel for a Minute
This toy is made of 304 grade stainless steel, which is a hardwearing, non-porous, and body-safe material. You can use it in water, boil-wash it to sterilise, and use it with any kind of lube you like.
304 is a cheaper alternative to 316 stainless steel, which contains higher levels of the element molybdenum. Molybdenum increases the corrosion resistance of stainless steel as well as increasing its heat resistance at high temperatures, neither of which are likely to be particularly relevant for sex toy use under normal circumstances.
Both 304 and 316 stainless steel contain some amount of nickel, a common allergen. Interestingly, according to the Nickel Institute, there’s a sex difference in play here. This organisation says that 15-16% of women but only around 4-5% of men suffer from nickel allergic contact dermatitis (NACD).
So is 304 stainless steel safe if you have a nickel allergy? The information I could find on this one was mixed. Some sources state that 304 and 316 stainless steels are effectively hypoallergenic. The Nickel Institute says:
For example, nickel-containing stainless steels are used by high quality watch manufacturers. Such high quality stainless steels contain 9% to 28% nickel but do not release sufficient amounts of nickel to cause a nickel allergy.
Some additional sources agree that the risk is minimal. Others, however, state that stainless steels can cause an allergic reaction in people with a nickel allergy. The sources I consulted were even mixed on whether or not 304 and 316 stainless steels were safe for use in body piercing.
Ultimately, you will need to decide on your own safety profile and level of acceptable risk. Personally, given that it will be inserted into highly sensitive areas of the body and make contact with mucus membranes, I wouldn’t risk using a stainless steel dildo if you have a nickel allergy. If you feel comfortable with the risk or know from experience that these toys are okay for you, though, have at it.
What I Liked About the Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo
With all of that said, it was time to dive into trying out the Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo. Let’s look at the things I liked about it first.
The double-ended design means that this stainless steel dildo is essentially two toys in one. As such, it offers a variety of different sensations to explore.
I love the slim shaft. Due to their hardness, stainless steel toys can be seriously intense, even for experienced users. Too much girth would make this toy either uncomfortable or just unusable for me, so the slender design is perfect.
The pronounced head on the smoother end is ideal for targeting the G-spot or prostate, while the rippled end is fantastic for lovers of texture. (Pro tip: if thrusting with this toy is too intense for you or feels uncomfortable, try either wiggling it very gently or just holding it in place and allowing your body’s muscles to contract around it.)
The weight! One of the things that makes stainless steel so irresistible for sex toys is the sheer heft it offers. While this can make use more challenging for some, it also offers amazing pay-off in terms of how the toy feels. If you want intensity and lots of it, you’ve come to the right place.
Stainless steel conducts temperature better than almost any other sex toy material. Want to play with some different sensations? Run your toy under warm water or pop it in the fridge for a few minutes before playing.
It arrived in cardboard packaging (recyclable and minimising single-use plastic) and comes with a storage bag included.
It’s quick and easy to clean.
It retails for $69.99 (around £54), which is super good value for a stainless steel toy of this size.
Inevitably, I’m going to be asked if this toy is anal-safe. I’m a little torn on this one, because it does not technically have a large flared base. So after much deliberation, I’m settling on “probably.” It’s most likely fine as long as you use one end as a handle and insert no more than 50% of the toy at a time. Realistically, it’s also large and heavy enough that the entire toy isn’t going to get sucked up inside you without some serious effort. However, due to the shape, I advise against doing very deep penetration with this one.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
I really have no major criticisms of this product. Overall it’s a great design, excellent value, and a pleasure to use.
The finish on this dildo isn’t as perfectly smooth and shiny as you’ll find on some of the higher end stainless steel toys on the market. However, it’s also quite significantly less expensive than the prices that some of the more well-known and premium brands charge.
In a perfectly ideal world I would have preferred a slightly more pronounced curve, particularly to the smoother end of the dildo. This would make it more effective for very targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation. However, this is really more a matter of personal preference than a criticism of the toy. Bodies are all different, and this toy’s gentle curve will be ideal for some users.
Verdict
When I initially saw this toy, I was a little sceptical due to the relatively low price. However, the Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo is an excellent product and an affordable alternative to some of those high-ticket toys that are out of reach for many would-be users.
If you’re back again, welcome back. If you are just joining me now, I’m unboxing Lovehoney and Womanizer’s 24-day adult advent calendar. This set, aimed at couples, retails for £149 at Lovehoney UK and $199 at Lovehoney US and contains £457/$530 worth of products! You can read the entire series here.
For the next 24 days, I’ll open one door each day and tell you a little about the item inside in a mini review with product info, pros and cons.
This is Day 3.
Lovehoney Advent Calendar 2024 Day #3: Silicone Textured Dildo
Today’s box revealed a bright red silicone dildo with a curved shaft, gentle rippling texture on the underside, and slightly pronounced head. It also has a suction cup base and a hollow space where you can insert the bullet vibrator from Day 1.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Scarlet red
Body safe? Yes, silicone is body-safe and non-porous
Waterproof: Yes, there is no motor and the material is non-porous so you can safely use this toy in water
Size: 6″ length, 1.2″ diameter at widest point
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Sterile wipe, warm water and antibacterial soap, or boiling
Lovely curve, ideal for targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation
Large base makes the toy anal safe
Works with or without the bullet vibe from Day 1 (or any suitably sized bullet in your collection)
Texturing adds additional internal stimulation
Cons
Bullet vibe has a tendency to get stuck and be hard to remove (pro tip: lube it first!)
Base is too small for the toy to be harness-compatible
Verdict
A great basic textured dildo! These kits are really aimed at people who are newer to toys/sexual exploration, and this item’s thoughtful design and small-ish size make it ideal for a first dildo. I would like to see a slightly larger base to make it harness-compatible, though.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 24 day Lovehoney x Womanizer Sex Toy Advent Calendar to review. All views are mine (with occasional input from Mr C&K!) Affiliate links appear in this post.
Something I’ve noticed about alien dildos, tentacle dildos, and other fantasy sex toys is that they are often both enormously expensive and almost comically huge. Which is fine, of course, if size is your thing and you’re happy to drop a significant sum of money on a fantasy toy that meets that need. But what if you’re on a budget or just looking for something in a slightly more manageable size?
Introducing the Arbora Alien Dildos Range from Uncover Creations
Uncover Creations’ Arbora range of alien dildos comes in four different sizes, from extra small (5.1″ total length, 4.3″ insertable, 1.6″ diameter) up to large (10.2″ total length, 8.1″ insertable, 2.5″ diameter). They also range in price accordingly: £40 for x-small, £50 for small, £65 for medium, and £100 for large. Even at the largest size, this is a really competitive price compared to many other fantasy toy makers out there.
You can select your firmness rating, from medium-firm up to squishy soft, pick a colour/colour scheme or allow the company to surprise you, and add a vac-u-lock hole, suction cup, suction cup mount, or cum tube if you like. The resulting toy will be hand-poured to your selected preferences.
By the way: if you’re looking for some colourway inspiration, scroll down to the customer reviews section on the product page and you’ll see numerous happy customers showing off their creations.
The Arbora is a heavily textured fantasy dildo with a curved shape, a series of rippling ridges, a subtle “knot” towards the bottom of the shaft, and a tapered tip. All Arbora alien dildos are made from premium, body-safe and non-porous silicone.
What I Liked About the Uncover Creations Arbora
As soon as the UC team suggested it to me for my next review product, I had a feeling I was going to like the Arbora. Now it’s true that alien dildos and other fantasy creations aren’t really my kink, but I do enjoy trying out interesting shapes and textures. Here’s what I liked about the Arbora:
I requested the Arbora in a single surprise colourway, and the result did not disappoint. I received a lovely pearlescent pink that catches the light with a lilac-ish shimmer. Every toy I’ve had from this company has been truly beautiful, and I appreciate the extra effort they put into their presentation.
The texturing is just the right level. I’ve tried textured toys that were so intense they were painful, and textured toys where the texturing was so subtle I really couldn’t feel anything. The Arbora dildo is a happy medium – textured enough to be satisfying but not so over the top as to be uncomfortable.
The curved shape is perfect for getting that “come hither” motion.
When the toy is fully inserted, the two little “spikes” (I don’t really know what else to call them) protruding from the base provide a little additional external stimulation. They don’t really reach my clit, but they kind of tickle my vulva and labia.
The hooked tip provides precision G-spot stimulation.
The base is large and flat, meaning that the toy stands up by itself. If you want to position it on a surface and use it hands-free, this allows you to do that.
FYI if it’s your thing, you can also safely use the Arbora dildo anally.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
There really isn’t anything significant that I disliked about the Uncover Creations Arbora! One thing to be aware of, though, is that it’s firmer than I expected. I requested the “soft” firmness option but it’s still quite firm and doesn’t have much squish. If I was to order again, I’d probably go for “super soft” instead. If you’re not sure and you really need a softer toy, I recommend going down one firmness level.
It’s also worth noting that toys with heavy texturing can be a bit of a pain to clean. Due to all the little ridges and creases, I recommend using the boiling method to clean your Arbora alien dildos.
Verdict
Arbora is an excellent range of alien dildos with numerous customisation options available. I’d happy recommend them to anyone who enjoys textured or fantasy toys, and particularly to anyone who is looking for a fantasy toy in a smaller size and at an affordable price.
