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[Toy Review] Hismith Premium 4.0 Sex Machine

Published on August 4, 2026August 4, 2026 by Amy

I’ve wanted to do a Hismith review ever since they first came onto my radar, and I’m delighted to have received the Hismith Premium 4.0 sex machine to test. Now that Mr C&K have taken it for an extensive spin, I can tell you upfront that (spoiler alert) yes, it’s worth the money.

Let’s get into it.

Hismith 4.0: Details & Stats

The Hismith Premium 4.0 is a modular sex machine made from stainless steel and ABS plastic. It weighs 11.5kg and measures 18.03” x 17.67” x 10.23” when fully assembled.

Yes, this is a hefty piece of kit!

Along with the machine, the kit also contains:

The frame (comes in several pieces for assembly at home)
A power supply
A wired digital display controller
A set of anti-skid covers
A realistic silicone dildo measuring 8.3″ in total length (5.8″ insertable, 1.6″ maximum width)
A waterproof canvas storage and carry case
A dust cover
2 Allen wrenches for assembly

The Hismith Premium 4.0 runs on a 100W turbine motor. It has a massive 100 inbuilt speeds, with a maximum speed of 267 strokes per minute (that’s around 4.5 strokes per second!) The stroke length is also adjustable, from 1.3″ up to 5.03″. The included wired remote control has a 2.5″ digital display. You can also use the machine with the Hismith app, if you like.

The machine is highly adjustable, with a full 180° of range.

I received the Hismith Premium 4.0 in black to review, but it’s also available in purple.

Assembly

Hismith 4.0 sex machine with dildo attached

Everything you need to set up your Hismith Premium 4.0 sex machine is included, so you won’t need any additional tools. (Though you might find a tape measure or ruler handy to ensure the vertical bar is positioned centrally when secured to the horizontal bar.)

We found the instructions clear and the process straightforward.

It’s totally possible to set up the Hismith 4.0 by yourself, but it’s easier with two people. From unboxing the machine to plugging it in and switching it on, the process took me and Mr C&K about 30 minutes. But remember this is a one-time process. You can take your machine apart between every use, of course, but I don’t recommend it unless absolutely essential.

Close-up of Hismith sex machine mechanism

The Kliclok mechanism is secure, and makes it super easy to attach and detach a dildo or other toy. Swapping out your attachments takes literally seconds. It appears to be a proprietary design, so you won’t be able to use toys from other brands with your machine out of the box, but Hismith offers various adapters to make other toys compatible. Hismith also has an extensive catalogue of compatible dildos, masturbators, and anal toys available.

Once your machine is set up, adjusting the angle is easy thanks to quick-release locking mechanisms (no tools required, so you won’t need to break the mood if you need to adjust mid-session.)

Hismith 4.0 Sex Machine Review: In Use

It’s hard to know where to start with all the things I love about the Hismith Premium 4.0.

When we took it for a test run, the reason behind the Hismith 4.0’s weight and bulk became apparent. Even on a soft surface (our bed, in this case) it was able to stand on its own and remain in position on all settings. If you’re looking for a truly hands-free sex machine, this is it. I like that I can keep my hands available to touch my partner or hold a vibrator while I’m using the machine.

When I’ve tried cheaper sex machines and thrusting toys, one of the biggest problems has been that they simply… stop mid-use. They’re often no match for the clenching of a vagina (or a butt), particularly at the point of orgasm, causing them to get stuck or just cut out. Absolutely no such issues here. Even on the very slowest setting, the Hismith 4.0 keeps up a steady, smooth, and consistent thrust.

The adjustable stroke length is perhaps one of my favourite features of this machine. I’m someone who doesn’t always enjoy very deep penetration and, even when I do, it requires a lot of warm-up to get there comfortably. Being able to choose a short stroke length and gradually increase means I don’t have to risk getting painfully poked in the cervix.

The adjustable angles are also, of course, excellent. It means you can use the toy in all kinds of positions. Seated, standing, lying down, on your back, doggy style… truly endless possibilities.

These features, combined with an incredible 100 speeds, means you can create exactly the experience you want to have. And, of course, you can change things up as you go or do something different next time, if you like. Speaking of all the speeds: start low and work your way up. For the sake of the review, we tried every single one of the Hismith 4.0’s 100 speeds. Personally, I can’t go any higher than the 50s and still be having fun, but your mileage may vary. The roller wheel on the remote control makes it easy to change speeds rapidly if you need to.

There are also patterns to play with, and (particularly important if you’re using the higher speeds) a quick-stop button that turns the thrusting off immediately.

The included dildo is more or less perfect. While I would have preferred a less realistic aesthetic (the option to choose your own dildo or attachment would be cool!), I otherwise can’t fault it. The size is satisfying but not intimidating. It’s just flexible enough to be comfortable but just rigid enough that it doesn’t fall out or miss during use. And in some positions, the balls stimulate my clit when I have the machine set to a longer thrust length.

Hismith dildo close-up attached to 4.0 sex machine

Noise-wise, the Hismith 4.0 is also impressive. Nothing of this level of power is going to be silent, but it’s also not obtrusive. And, mercifully, it doesn’t make the horrible screeching/squeaking noise that many thrusting toys give out. (Story time: I was once at a sex club and I heard a noise from across the room that sounded, I kid you not, like a seagull squawking. I looked over and realised the noise was coming from a very squeaky fucking machine.)

Hismith sells a huge range of accessories and add-ons to make its machines more versatile. There are platforms and extenders to increase the height, leg rests, vibrator holders, and more. I appreciate that it comes with a storage case and a dust cover.

More Options with the Hismith App

I’ll be honest: app functionality isn’t really my thing. I try a lot of toy apps as part of this job, but I rarely (read: basically never) use them as part of my actual sex life outside of the testing and reviewing process. We all spend so much time on our phones anyway. I don’t really want to be using it during sex, too.

But if you’re a fan of toy apps, you can get even more functionality out of your Hismith sex machine with the Hismith app. It’s free to download, and allows you to choose a pre-programmed thrust frequency or create your own, hand over control to a partner (including long-distance), connect with other users via chat (and hand over control to them, if you like), and change your machine’s speed with the swipe of a finger.

Hismith 4.0 Sex Machine Review: Verdict

I can’t believe I’m telling you a toy that retails for £569/$599 is worth the money, but I am!

If you enjoy penetrative sex and you’re looking for a toy that will do the hard work for you, the Hismith Premium 4.0 is a brilliant investment.

This is an incredibly well-designed and well-made machine. I fully expect it to last for years. The app functionality, the option to add different attachments and accessories, and the exceptional versatility really take this one to the next level.

Great work, Hismith. You’ve converted me. I also invited my lovely metamour to try this machine and, in her words, “it’s raised the bar so much it’s ruined any other sex machine for me!”

You can buy this machine directly from Hismith. Coffee & Kink readers can get 10% off any order with code HISMITH10

Thanks to Hismith for sending me this product to test and review. All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Mr Hankey's Toys Scimitar review header image

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Scimitar

Published on March 27, 2026April 2, 2026 by Amy

Those who have read my sex toy reviews for a long time will know that I love a curvy dildo. That’s why, in my latest batch of review products from Mr Hankey’s Toys, I requested the Scimitar curvy dildo with ridges to try. Famous for giant toys, unique fantasy dildos, life-cast realistic toys, and more, Mr Hankey’s has come up with yet another unique concept. Let’s get into the review.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Scimitar: A Curvy Dildo with Ridges in Four Sizes

Mr Hankey's Toys Scimitar purple silicone curvy dildo with ridges down the back

The Scimitar dildo is based on “the sleek, dangerous curves of a scimitar blade,” a type of curved and convex sword. This dildo has a bulging middle section and curvy head, with a series of ridges along its back. The tip tapers to a semi-realistic penis head. Like many Mr Hankey’s toys, it has a large and bottom-heavy base.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Scimitar is available in four sizes, ranging from Small (6.25″ insertable length and 2.14″ in diameter at the widest point) up to XXL (10,5″ insertable length and 3.66″ in diameter at the widest point.) As I’ve said before, Mr Hankey’s “small” sizes might be called large in any other context!

The Scimitar is made of body-safe silicone. It comes in possible four levels of firmness ranging from 40% soft (super soft) up to “extra firm.” Like all Mr Hankey’s dildos, it is available in your choice of 25 colours with the option to add a metallic effect if you like. You can also choose to add a vac-u-lock hole to use your dildo with certain types of sex machines.

I received the Scimitar in size Large, which offers a hefty 9″ of insertable length and a diameter of 3.11″ at the widest point. I requested the toy in 75% soft silicone (the second softest option) and in purple.

What I Liked About the Mr Hankey’s Toys Scimitar Curvy Dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Scimitar is ideally designed for three types of users:

Those who enjoy large insertables but want the gradual, comfortable insertion afforded by a tapered toy
Those who love curvy dildos
Those who enjoy some serious texture

The Scimitar is narrowest at the top. Mine measures 2.3″ in diameter at the rim of the head, meaning it gains an additional 0.8″ in diameter from the top to the bottom of the shaft. For many users, including me, toys that taper from a large base to a narrow top can be more comfortable to use. This allows you to get used to the toy’s size at each stage before deciding if you want to go further.

Because the curve is concentrated in the top few inches, you can get plenty of G-spot or prostate stimulation by just using the head of the toy if the entire thing is too much for you. The flexibility of the softer silicone I chose helps with comfortable use and positioning. I also love the little bulge in the underside of the head, which targets my G-spot perfectly.

As well as its curvy head, the Scimitar dildo also has a bulge in the middle of the shaft. This, along with the ridges along the dildo’s shaft, stimulates the sensitive vaginal or anal opening as you move the toy in and out. Around the rest of the shaft, the texturing is deep yet smooth. It has long, flowing lines that remind me of the contours of muscles.

If you want to feel the curvy shape, texture, and ridges of this dildo more intensely, choose a firmer silicone. I prefer light to medium texturing, so I found the softer silicone made this toy more usable and comfortable.

Due to the large base that Mr Hankey’s uses on this and many of its toys, the Scimitar stands up on its own. This means that, if you wish, you can place it on a firm surface and ride it hands-free. Its weight gives it pretty good stability. If this is your main reason for choosing this toy, a firmer silicone will make it easier.

Things to Be Aware Of

As I’ve mentioned before, Mr Hankey’s tends to use pretty matte silicone for its toys. This means lots of lube is absolutely essential, especially given the size of these toys.

They’re also very heavy, especially in the larger sizes. I can’t really use most Mr Hankey’s toys by myself for more than a few minutes due to their weight. Having a partner use your toy on you, riding it hands-free, or pairing it with a sex machine are some of the possible ways you can overcome this if it’s an issue for you too.

Mr Hankey’s Scimitar Curvy Dildo: Verdict

Yes! This is an excellent toy. I love the curvy shape, tapered head, texturing, and soft silicone of the Mr Hankey’s Scimitar dildo. This toy is surprisingly easy to use, considering its size, with thoughtful design details that really elevate the experience. Another fantastic offering from Mr Hankey’s Toys.

The Scimitar curvy dildo retails for $159.90 for the small size in 75% soft or medium firmness. Larger sizes, different firmness levels, and various other customisations increase the final price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sending me the Scimitar dildo to review and for sponsoring this post. All writing and views are, as always, mine.

Header image for Funzze vibrating grinder review

[Toy Review] Funzze Ride-On Grind & Humping Vibrator

Published on March 10, 2026March 10, 2026 by Amy

Grinding toys have taken off in a big way in the last few years, and anyone who has been reading my work for a while will know about my enduring grinder obsession. Funzze recently sent me some of their toys to try, including this ride-on silicone vibrating grinder.

Funzze Ride-On Grind & Humping Vibrator: A Vibrating Grinder with Three Motors

The Funzze Ride-On Grind & Humping Vibrator is a vibrating grinder with an insertable dildo and three separate motors. Made of body-safe pink silicone, this grinder toy measures 9.06″ in total length. The dildo portion measures 4.3″ in insertable length and 1.26″ in diameter at the widest point.

Funzze silicone ride on vibrating grinder toy

It has two raised pads: the front one (for clitoral stimulation) has a height of 1.65″, and the back one (for anal/perineal stimulation) has a height of 1.15″. The dildo leans very slightly to the front to help it to target the G-spot in use.

The Funzze Vibrating Grinder is rechargeable, with a two hour charge giving around an hour of runtime. The packaging and site says it is waterproof (submersible), but the instruction manual says not to leave it in water for a long time. So that’s a little confusing. This toy comes with a wireless remote control and a storage bag.

Funzze Vibrating Grinder: What I Liked

I like the design of the Funzze Ride-On Grind & Humping Vibrator a lot. Its flat, flexible base means you can easily place it on any flat surface, and the bottom-heavy design helps it to stay in place. This plus the user’s body weight means it doesn’t slide around or move out of position during use.

Pro tip: if you want to use this toy in an upright kneeling position, pad your knees with cushions to stay comfortable. If this isn’t accessible or doesn’t feel good to you, you can also put the toy on a chair and straddle it, put it underneath you and lie on top of it, or use pillows or positioning wedges to create a configuration that works for your body.

Funzze vibrating grinder viewed from above

I appreciate that the Funzze Vibrating Grinder’s dildo isn’t particularly big. Many dual stimulation toys are designed such that getting any kind of clitoral contact requires uncomfortably deep penetration. However, the relatively short and slimline design of this vibrating grinder’s dildo means it will be comfortable for users who don’t enjoy large insertables (or don’t want to work up to them every time they use the toy.)

Positioning is pretty easy and comfortable, and I can actually get a good amount of clitoral stimulation with this toy. The silicone is super soft and smooth. The firm yet slightly squishy surface of the external humps gives an amazing “bouncy” feel as you grind against it. This is a great design for people who prefer lots of clitoral pressure. As I mentioned, the slight forward tilt also makes it easier to find and stimulate the G-spot with the dildo portion of the toy.

Most of the shaft has a firm core, while the top inch or so is soft and squishy. This feels like a good balance for this toy. Too flexible and it’d be hard to ride, too firm and it could be uncomfortable. As it is, there’s enough firmness for easy use and enough squish for comfort.

Funzze vibrating silicone grinder sex toy

The three motors have a pretty decent level of power. The vibrations feel more intense through the insertable dildo than either of the external stimulators, but I suspect this is just because the silicone is thinner so they’re less dampened.

The toy has 3 constant speeds and 10 patterns, and the remote control is a nice addition. The grinder’s single-button interface is situated on the front of the clitoral stimulator. This makes it possible to operate the toy this way while you’re using it, but the remote control is far easier. It also makes it easy to hand over control to your partner, or to keep your hands free to do other things.

Of course, you can also use this toy without the vibrations if you enjoy the grinding/penetration combo on its own.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Though I’m quite impressed with the motors’ power, this vibrating grinder is a little more buzzy than I would prefer. I also would have liked the motors to be independently controllable so I could switch off the internal vibrations while leaving the clitoral stimulator on. Dual-directional speed and pattern controls would also be good.

The Funzze Grinder gets significantly louder when it’s flat on a hard surface vs. when you hold it in your hand. If noise level is important to you, use a soft surface like a bed or chair. You can also cushion it with a blanket or towel to deaden the noise.

The third motor, designed for anal or perineal stimulation, didn’t really do anything for me. It’s fine, but I wouldn’t miss it if it wasn’t there. Then again, I’m not that into anal play for its own sake. It tends to work best for me as part of a kink scene or power dynamic. If you enjoy external anal stimulation, you might appreciate this feature more than I did!

Verdict

Funzze’s silicone ride-on vibrating grinder was a pleasant surprise; dual-stimulation toys are so often a miss for me. But this one is thoughtfully designed and enjoyable. Not perfect, but pretty damn good and a relatively affordable alternative to many more expensive products.

If you enjoy combined penetration with clitoral and external anal/perineal stimulation, this toy offers all three. And if you find that dual stimulation toys are often too large for you, or require weird positioning or uncomfortably deep insertion to stimulate your clit, you might get along better with this one. I certainly did.

Buy the Ride-On Grind & Humping Vibrator directly from Funzze for $55.99.

Thanks to Funzze for sponsoring this post and sending me the Ride-On Vibrating Grinder to review. All views, as ever, are mine.

Header image for Mr Hankey's Dildos & Dragons fantasy sex toy review

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Dildos & Dragons

Published on February 23, 2026April 2, 2026 by Amy

I sometimes feel like I am the only polyamorous person on the planet who doesn’t play Dungeons & Dragons. (I’m also ambivalent towards most board games. I know, I know, just revoke my polyamory card now!) Even so, given the reputation my community has for being utter nerds, how could I resist a DnD-themed fantasy sex toy? Mr Hankey’s Toys kindly sent me their Dildos & Dragons dildo to try out.

Dungeons & Dragons: A DnD-Themed Adult Toy

Dildos & Dragons dildo lying on black surface surrounded by D&D dice — Dice courtesy of Mr C&K

The Dildos & Dragons dildo by Mr Hankey’s is a fantasy sex toy made, like all Mr Hankey’s toys, from 100% quality and body-safe silicone. It features a large base and a gently curved shaft, with a pronounced head and some superbly intricate dragon scale detailing.

This dildo comes in four sizes, ranging from Small/Med (10.25″ in overall length, 2.38″ in diameter at the widest point) up to XXXL (15.6″ in overall length, 3.74″ in diameter at the widest point.) The Dildos & Dragons dildo is available in a choice of 24 colours, with the option to add a metallic effect. You can also choose from four firmness levels and add a vac-u-lock hole (for use with some fucking machines) if you wish. One reviewer noted in their post that this toy worked well with their mini sex machine.

Close up of scales on Mr Hankey's dragon adult toy

I requested the small/med size, medium-firm, in metallic blood red. It is, as I’ve come to expect from Mr Hankey’s toys, far from anything I would personally define as “small.”

Personally, I wish I’d opted for a brighter colour. The dark reddish-brown is striking, and felt thematically appropriate for this toy, but on reflection it isn’t really my style. Fortunately, you can get your dildo in any colour you want so you can customise it in whatever way feels right for you. Hot pink dragon? Bright orange dragon? Sure, why not?

Whatever colour you go for, I recommend adding the metallic effect. It gives the toy a gorgeous shimmer under the light. It adds nothing but aesthetic value, but aesthetics matter when it comes to fantasy sex toy choices.

Dildos & Dragons Fantasy Sex Toy: What I Liked

Mr Hankey's Dildos & Dragons fantasy sex toy

Every Mr Hankey’s fantasy dildo I’ve tried so far has blown me away with its sheer level of and attention to detail. The Dildos & Dragons is no exception. This dragon-themed dildo is simply gorgeous. From the feathering detail towards the base to the ridges up the side and the small scales decorating the head, every inch of this toy has been thoughtfully and intricately crafted.

If you want an immersive fantasy experience with your toys, Mr Hankey’s is consistently hard to beat.

The other thing that really drew me to the Dildos & Dragons dildo was its shape. The curve makes it ideal for targeting the G-spot (or prostate, if you prefer.) And, since the curve is primarily located towards the top of the shaft, you don’t need to insert the entire toy to enjoy it. Want to play with just the first few inches? Chances are, you’ll still be able to hit the good spots with this toy.

The head on this toy is pretty pronounced. If you enjoy the feeling of having the sensitive opening of your vagina or anus stimulated, you’ll likely enjoy the “pop” sensation this head gives you when you thrust the Dildos & Dragons dildo in and out. It also provides additional pressure against the G-spot or prostate, which many people find very pleasurable.

Finally, let’s talk about that texturing. It’s intense, but not overly so. Much of the detailing is fairly “flat” (i.e. there aren’t large bumps or ridges sticking out,) making it definitely noticeable in use without being so much that it becomes uncomfortable. The texturing is most noticeable around that aforementioned head ridge.

Dildos & Dragons Fantasy Sex Toy: Things to Be Aware Of

I can’t really find anything to “dislike” about this toy. Even though mythical creatures aren’t my kink, I can appreciate the Dildos & Dragons dildo as both a beautifully made piece of art and a fantastically designed sex toy from a sensation perspective.

Just a couple of things to be aware of to help you make the right fantasy sex toy buying decision for you:

There really is no “small” here. This toy’s size options range from “pretty large” to “holy fucking shit, nope.” Take note of the dimensions before you buy, because if you’re used to more standard dildos (or, like, regular human penises) you might be surprised at how eye-wateringly huge these things are. With that said, as I mentioned above, the Dildos & Dragons design lends itself to just using the first few inches if you prefer. And, despite its overall large size, the Dildos & Dragons dildo has a relatively small head diameter compared to many other Mr Hankey’s toys.
Your firmness choice can really make or break your experience. I went with “medium firm,” which seems about right for this toy. I think “extra firm” might make the texturing too intense, while one of the softer levels might not give enough internal pressure. Obviously it’s all down to your preferences. In general, though, firmer silicone = a more intense experience.
The silicone is pretty matte. You’ll definitely need a lot of lubrication with this one. It also picks up a lot of lint and dust in storage, so always give it a quick wash before use.

**Verdict: The Perfect Toy for Adult Dungeons & Dragons Fans**

If you are (or your partner is) a DnD nerd, or if you’ve ever fantasised about fucking a mythical creature, you’ll probably love the Dildos & Dragons dildo. This is a beautifully crafted and well-designed fantasy sex toy that offers aesthetic appeal and functionality in equal measure.

The Dildos & Dragons dildo retails for prices starting from $130.95 for the smallest size in any standard colour. Larger sizes and various customisations increase the price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. Check out their extensive fantasy adult toy store for dragon dildos, monster dildos, extra large realistic dildos, and more!

Text on pink background reads "Mr Hankey's Toys The Big Pop"

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Big Pop

Published on January 1, 2026April 2, 2026 by Amy

Something regular readers will know about me is that I like my toys bright, colourful, sparkly, in unusual aesthetics, and girly as hell. This is one reason I don’t often gravitate towards strictly realistic dildos. However, one of the things I love about Mr Hankey’s Toys is that all their various designs, from the realistic to the fantastical, can be customised from a range of 24 colours. You’ll understand, then, why I felt compelled to request the Big Pop giant realistic dildo in the brightest shade of pink they have for this review.

What is the Mr Hankey’s Toys Big Pop?

Mr Hankey's Big Pop realistic giant dildo in bubblegum pink

The Big Pop by Mr Hankey’s Toys is a realistic dildo available in four giant sizes. Even the size Small measures 10″ in total length and 2.2″ in diameter at the widest point. The largest size, the 4XL, is 17.25″ in length and 4.29″ in diameter at the widest point. I requested the Big Pop dildo in the second size up, which is 12″ in length and has a head diameter of 2.86″, for this review.

The Big Pop is available in four firmness levels. I requested the 75% soft, the second softest option, to offset the sheer size of the thing! If you prefer greater intensity, select the medium firm or extra firm density. If you want to ease into using oversized toys more gently, consider one of the two softer options. Extras such as a metallic effect and vac-u-lock hole for use with a fucking machine are also available.

The design of the Big Pop is based on a circumcised penis with an ultra-pronounced head. The name comes from the “popping” feeling that you can get when you thrust with a toy of this shape. It also has a skin-like textured shaft, lifelike ridge, realistic balls, and a gentle curve.

Like all Mr Hankey’s Toys, this dildo is made of body-safe silicone.

Big Pop Giant Realistic Dildo Review: What I Like About This Toy

Again, I think one of the biggest selling points of Mr Hankey’s Toys is the customisation options they offer. Flesh-coloured realistic dildos aren’t really my jam, but this one makes me smile every time I look at it. It’s such a brilliant and ridiculous shade of bubblegum pink juxtaposed with the realistic design.

The first thing to know about the Big Pop is that it really is absolutely fucking huge. Seriously, look at the specs and visualise what 10″ or 12″ or 17″ actually looks like before you buy. Over the years, I’ve been asked about giant realistic dildos in body-safe materials more times than I can count. For that reason alone I’m glad this toy and Hankey’s range of other realistic dildos exist.

As always, Mr Hankey’s Toys’ attention to detail is excellent. From the skin texturing and veins to the lifelike balls, it’s clear care has been taken to make this dildo as realistic as possible.

This toy really is about the head. Its size, shape, realistic detail, and pronounced design are what most users will buy this dildo for. If you want a dildo that offers a feeling of fullness alongside some seriously intense and targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation, the Big Pop is the one for you.

This is also clearly a dildo made with thrusting in mind (though, as we’ll see in the next section, this isn’t the only way to enjoy it.) As it slides in and out, the ridge of the head stimulates the sensitive nerve-endings around the vaginal or anal opening.

The 75% soft I requested for this review was the perfect density for the Big Pop dildo, in my view. It’s not so soft that the dildo becomes difficult to insert. But it is soft enough to dial down the intensity a little.

Though it’s a pretty long toy, particular at the larger sizes, the Big Pop giant realistic dildo is a dream toy for serious girth lovers. You don’t need to use the entire shaft if you don’t want to; in fact, you could literally just use the head and the first inch or two if that’s what works best for you. For those who enjoy girthy insertables and a feeling of stretch, the Big Pop allows you to explore this with either deep or shallow penetration.

Things to Be Aware Of

As with all the very large dildos I’ve reviewed, the Big Pop is not a “slip it in and get off quickly” dildo. Using a toy of this size requires preparation, warm-up, patience, and even more lube than you think you’ll need. All of this applies doubly if you’re considering using this toy anally. Don’t put pressure on yourself to take the entire thing side you, now or ever. Listen to your body, do what feels good, and stop straight away if anything hurts.

The key selling point of the Big Pop realistic dildo is that ultra-pronounced giant head. However, some people may find this uncomfortable, particularly if you’ve been used to smoother toys. Again, take your time. If you find thrusting with this toy painful or uncomfortable, try gently wiggling it, rotating it, or even just putting it in and then keeping it still. Many people find consistent pressure against their G-spot or prostate more pleasurable than repeated pounding.

Due to the size and slight curve, this toy also isn’t great for hands-free use. Its weight and top-heavy design means it’s hard to get it to stand up reliably on its own. This isn’t an issue for me as I don’t tend to use toys that way. But if you like to ride your toys in a hands-free position it’s something to be aware of.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Big Pop Dildo Review: Verdict

Far from being yet another generic realistic dildo, the Mr Hankey’s Big Pop is clear about the need it’s filling and does so damn well. For people who want an oversized toy that offers intense stimulation to both the sensitive vaginal/anal opening and the G-spot/prostate, it’s an ideal option. The detailing and customisation options elevate it to a premium product that’s worth the price.

The Big Pop dildo retails at prices starting from $129.95 for the smallest size. Larger sizes are of course more expensive, and customisations and add-ons also affect the final price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this Big Pop dildo review. All views and writing are, as always, my own.

Two women in bed together with just their arms and part of their torsos showing above a white blanket. Text reads "why do people like ultra realistic dildos?" For a post about Epic Dildos hyper realistic toys.

Why Do People Like Ultra Realistic Dildos? (And 4 Fun Ways to Play With Them)

Published on December 31, 2025March 20, 2026 by Amy

In the years (9 of them! Happy anniversary, C&K!) that I’ve been writing about sex and reviewing sex toys, I’ve learned a lot about both my own preferences and those of others. When it comes to dildos, the ones I most gravitate towards tend to be colourful, sparkly, or otherwise non-realistic. However, the good folks at Epic Dildos invited me to write about ultra and realistic dildos for them, so I’ve been taking some time to think about why so many people enjoy these hyper lifelike toys and some of the fun ways to use them.

Using Ultra Realistic Dildos to Achieve a Lifelike Sensation

I do not believe that sex toys are, or ever can be, replacements for human partners. The term “battery-operated boyfriend” can get in the bin. And let’s not even talk about those vibrators with faces and personalities that the incredible Epiphora reviewed all the way back in 2015.

So no, a dildo cannot replace a penis-owning human. However, if you want to enjoy the feeling of having sex with a person with a bio-cock and don’t have a suitable partner available (or are just in the mood for some solo sex), a realistic dildo is a great option. It’s not entirely identical, of course, but a good realistic toy can be damn close in terms of physical sensation.

Dual-density materials, such as the Flexiskin™ liquid silicone Epic Dildos uses for their hyper realistic dildo range, combine a soft and malleable outer layer with a firm inner core to mimic an erect penis.

Fulfilling Fantasies with Ultra Realistic Dildos

Like all sex toys, dildos can be enjoyed as much alone or with a partner. One of the most surprisingly common uses I hear about for ultra realistic dildos? Fulfilling threesome or group sex fantasies.

Threesomes are consistently cited in various surveys and studies as one of the most common sexual fantasies. However, choosing to have one in real life is a big decision and not to be taken lightly. When done right, they can be amazing. However, if they’re done badly, they’re also ripe for coercion (if one party in a relationship is less keen than the other), can spike jealousy and insecurity, and can damage or destroy relationships.

If you fantasise about threesomes or group sex but aren’t sure if you’d want to do it for real, using an ultra realistic dildo can allow you and your partner to bring the fantasy to life without the risk. You won’t get the emotional or psychological impact of having a third person involved, but you can simulate some of the physical sensations, do some amazing dirty talk, and spin a scene or story together using toys.

Enjoying Dicks of Different Shapes and Sizes

If you’re monogamous, prefer to have sex with only a single partner at a time, or don’t want to have any sexual partners (at the moment or ever), ultra realistic dildos offer a fun and safe way to enjoy sexual variety. Just as all human cocks are different, so are all the varieties of realistic dildos on the market.

Want to experience bigger or smaller, curved or straight, semi-soft or ultra-firm? The amazing range of realistic dildos out there has got you covered. As a bonus, some offer additional features you can’t get with a bio-cock, such as vibrations.

Ultra Realistic Dildos as a Gender-Affirming Choice

My girlfriend Em and I have started referring to my choice of dildos as “gender-affirming.” I’m a femme who is also primarily submissive, and choosing toys that feel like “me” has felt increasingly important as I explore my role as a strap-on top.

Just as sparkly, colourful dildos feel gender-affirming for me, ultra realistic dildos can feel the same way for other folks. Trans men, transmasculine people, and cis men who use dildos or strap-ons are just some of the people who might find that an ultra realistic dildo aligns best with their gender identity and presentation.

Practicing Sexual Skills

None of us get into our first sexual relationship magically knowing how to have good sex. And none of us get into any sexual relationship magically knowing how to have good sex with that person specifically. Sex is a set of skills, from the interpersonal (communicating your desires, paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues) to the physical. These skills can be learned, honed, and relearned throughout your sexual life.

If you want to learn or practice a specific sexual skill, from giving a certain type of blowjob your partner loves to riding a dick in a particular position, using a realistic dildo is one great and low-pressure way to do that.

4 Ways to Play with Ultra Realistic Dildos

Whether you’ve just got your first realistic dildo or are an aficionado looking for new ways to play, here are a few suggestions you might not have thought about.

Strap It On

Strap-on sex is most often associated with lesbian and sapphic sex, but anyone can enjoy it. For strap-on sex, look for dildos with a base that’s wide but not too deep. Think flat base or suction cup dildos rather than those with balls.

Go Hands-Free

Some ultra realistic dildos come with suction cups, allowing you to affix them to a wall, floor, or other flat surface. This gives you an opportunity to play hands-free, using your hands to do other things to your or your partner’s body.

Pair Your Hyper Realistic Dildo with Another Toy

Use your dildo internally while you (or your partner) hold a bullet vibrator against your clitoris. Hold a wand vibrator against the base of your dildo for deep, internal rumbles, Insert your dildo anally (if it has a flared base) then use a stroker to stimulate your penis. Get creative and try out different combinations.

Put On a Show

If you enjoy exhibitionism and voyeurism, putting on a sexy show for your partner can be a hot shared experience. Invite them to watch while you touch, tease, or fuck yourself with your toy. Whether you ultimately let them join in or just drive them wild with the visuals? That’s up to you.

Thanks to Epic Dildos and their hyper realistic range for sponsoring this post! All views and writing, as always, are mine.

Header image for Mr Hankey's cyberpunk sex toy review

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Cyberpunk Dildo

Published on July 21, 2025April 2, 2026 by Amy

According to its Wikipedia page, “cyberpunk” is a subgenre of dystopian science fiction that juxtaposes technological advanvements with societal collapse or decay. It’s a tremendously popular genre that appears in books, films, TV shows, video games, and more. Cyberpunk sex toys, though, is a new one to me. Though, of course, we have fantasy creature toys and alien toys and horror toys and mythical creature toys all kinds of other genres represented in the world of dildos, so why not this one? Mr Hankey’s Toys sent me their futuristic “Cyberpunk” sex toy to review.

Let’s get into it.

Mr Hankey’s Cyberpunk Dildo: A Futuristic Sex Toy

The Mr Hankey’s Cyberpunk Dildo has a wavy shape that reminds me of a tongue. (Specifically, it kinda reminds me of that weird disembodied tongue thing I reviewed ages ago, though – spoiler alert – this is thankfully a much better product.) It has a heavy, rounded base (no suction cup.) Its surface is decorated with patterns designed to evoke cybernetic enhancements.

Hr Hankey's yellow/gold dildo with cybernetic design

The Cyberpunk Dildo is available in four sizes, from the small (8.5″ in total length and 2.2″ in diameter at the widest point) to the XL (14.5″ in total length and 3.9″ in diameter at the widest point.) It is also available in four firmless. I requested the Cyberpunk Dildo in the small size and 75% soft, which is the second softest of the four.

Like most Mr Hankey’s toys, there are 25 colourways to choose from as well as an optional metallic effect. The obvious colourway choice, of course, would be the gunmetal grey that’s used for the sample product displayed on the Mr Hankey’s website. However, I’m rarely one to go for the obvious, so instead I requested my Cyberpunk Dildo in the metallic gold shade. This colour is a little more muted than some of the bright shades I’ve had from Mr Hankey’s in the past, but the shimmery effect is still really pretty.

You can also add on extras such as a Vac-u-Lock hole, if you like.

What I Liked About This Cyberpunk Sex Toy

I’ve commented in the past that at times, even the smallest options from fantasy toy makers can be improbably enormous. The Cyberpunk Dildo in small isn’t anywhere near as eye-watering as some of the other Mr Hankey’s products I’ve tried, making it a slightly more realistic option for my not-particularly-ambitious vagina. Of course, if you do prefer things on the larger side, just size up.

Hr Hankey's yellow/gold cybernetic sex toy

There’s a lot to like about this toy.

The wavy design is a little different from the traditional phallic shape. It’s sort of a cross between a tongue and a tentacle, shape-wise.
The softness and flexibility makes insertion easy and comfortable. If you choose a firmer texture this may differ, but the nature of this shape means it’s likely to always have at least some flex and squish.
The broad, flat underside and widest-in-the-middle design will appeal to people who enjoy girthy toys.
The tapered design means it’s easy to gradually insert it as you get warmed up, without needing to go straight for the girthy middle. And, of course, you can just use the tip if you prefer.
Speaking of the tip, its slight curve and flexibility makes it ideal for targeting the G-spot.
The large and heavy base allows it to stand upright on its own.
The large base makes it anal-safe.
For me, this is effectively a smooth toy (see below). If you want a decorative fantasy sex toy design without the sensation of heavy texturing, the Cyberpunk Dildo toy gets that right.
The shape means this one is surprisingly excellent for external stimulation for those with a vulva. Its shape means it is ideal for grinding against, and the flexible tip can provide a “flicking” kind of clitoral stimulation if you angle it right.

Things to Be Aware Of

Yellow gold cybernetic sex toy from Mr Hankey's

Compared to some textured sex toys, the Mr Hankey’s Cyberpunk Dildo features very light and mostly decorative texturing. The futuristic, abstract patterns across its surface look cool, but I really can’t feel them at all in use. This isn’t a downside to me because I often prefer smoother toys, but it’s something to be aware of. If you prefer heavy texturing, skip this one.

For those who prefer to ride their toys hands-free, it’s possible with this toy but the combination of flexibility and lack of a suction cup base means it’s not as easy as it would be with some other dildos.

In addition, though this toy is anal-safe, I’d recommend choosing a firmer option if you want to use it in this way. The 75% soft is really too flexible to be practical for anal insertion.

Due to the size and density of the silicone, this toy is naturally pretty heavy even in the smaller sizes. The silicone is also a little grabby, so expect to need plenty of lube with this one.

Futuristic Sex Toys: Mr Hankey’s Cyberpunk Dildo Verdict

Hr Hankey's yellow/gold sex toy with cybernetic design

If a cyberpunk sex toy appeals to you, if you’re looking for something a little different, or if you just like the look of the shape, I can totally endorse this one. Mr Hankey’s have done a great job yet again.

Prices for the Cyberpunk Dildo start at $129.95 for the small. Larger sizes and additional customisations add to the price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this Cyberpunk Dildo review! All views are, as always, mine.

Header image featuring a set of demon horns and the words Mr Hankey's Toys ONI Demon Dildo

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys “ONI” Demon Dildo

Published on June 2, 2025April 2, 2026 by Amy

I’ve featured a lot of different types of dildos on this blog up to now. Tentacle dildos, dragon dildos, unicorn dildos, and of course, my personal faves: sparkly dildos! A demon dildo, though, is a new one on me. Based on the mythical devil creature of the same name, today we’re looking at the ONI dildo by Mr Hankey’s Toys.

What is the Mr Hankey’s ONI?

The ONI by Mr Hankey’s Toys is a silicone dildo available in four sizes, ranging from Small (7.1″ insertable length, 1.87″ diameter at the widest point) through Medium, L/XL, up to XXL (12.75″ insertable length, 3.26″ diameter at the widest point.) Since even the smallest of these sizes is by no means “small”, I might be inclined to rename them Large, Extra Large, Fucking Enormous, and Oh My God Are You Actually Kidding?, but that’s just me.

The ONI dildo features a demon face, complete with horns, in the centre of the shaft. It is ultra curved and heavily textured along all sides, with ridges, swirls and bumps. It has a thick shaft at the bottom that tapers up to a slimmer head.

Like most Mr Hankey’s toys, it is highly customizable. You can choose from the four sizes I’ve already mentioned, four firmness levels, and 25 colours. You can also add a metallic effect and a Vac-u-Lock hole for a sex machine, if you like.

I received the ONI in size Medium, which measures 10.75″ in total length, 9″ in insertable length, and 2.33″ in diameter at the widest point. I chose metallic green in medium firmness with no Vac-u-Lock hole.

ONI Demon Dildo: What I Liked

The ONI appealed to me because it’s so different to anything I’ve tried before. I wasn’t really sure if it would work for me. But I had to try it just because I don’t have anything similar in my collection. My experience with textured toys has been mixed.

My first observation about the ONI devil dildo is that it’s not really a toy I can thrust with. The in-and-out motion means that the ridges and bumps along the back irritate my sensitive vaginal walls pretty quickly. This is much more a “put it in and enjoy the sensation” kind of toy. (Which is actually convenient because it’s also heavy as fuck, so I imagine thrusting with it would become pretty tiring pretty quickly!)

Here’s what else I liked about the ONI devil dildo:

It really is very aesthetically pleasing! I don’t have a monster/demon kink, but I love this dildo’s combination of ornate swirls and the beast-like ridges along the back of the shaft. The metallic green shade I chose is gorgeous. I suppose red would have been more traditional, but I like my toys in bright and unexpected colours.
The tapered tip makes the size far more manageable than many of the extra large toys I’ve tried. By beginning with a slimmer end that gradually widens, the user’s body can warm up and open up to gradually take more of the toy.
That curve tho! The ONI’s curve is so pronounced that you can get amazing G-spot or prostate stimulation from even just using the first two or three inches. Since the chances of me getting this entire toy inside me are slim-to-none, I appreciate that I can enjoy it even so.
When I’m in the mood for it, I do enjoy the texture. I chose the medium firmness, which is a good balance between allowing the texture to be fully felt and ensuring it doesn’t become “so intense it’s painful.”
Even with the medium-firm density of the silicone, it still has a decent amount of flex and a little squish to it. This, too, aids in comfortable insertion and use.
That little lip that sticks out at the base of the shaft could theoretically stimulate the clitoris when the toy is inserted all the way. I can’t actually use it like that because, as I mentioned, there’s no way this entire thing is getting inside me. But you potentially could, if that’s your thing! It’s a cool design feature, anyway.

Bonus pro tip: if you have a clit and you can position the toy suitably to make this work, the texture on both sides of the shaft feels amazing for grinding on. You’re welcome.

Potential Downsides and Things to Consider

Like many Mr Hankey’s products, the ONI demon dildo is… sizeable, to say the least. The combination of the large size and the heavy texturing will mean it won’t work for everyone. If you’re new to textured toys, I recommend getting the smaller size, and if you’re new to extra large toys I suggest starting with a smoother one before you try something like this.

This is a toy that requires a lot of warm-up and a lot of lube. It’s large, it has a lot of texture, and the silicone is pretty matte. This isn’t a “get off quickly and go” type of toy!

Due to the intense curve of this one, it stands up okay on its own but doesn’t balance very well when you apply any kind of pressure or movement. If you’re someone who likes to use your dildos hands-free, this probably isn’t the one for you.

All the ridges and little nooks can make the ONI a bit of a pain to clean. Boiling it is the best way to remove bodily fluids and kill off bacteria between uses.

ONI Demon Dildo: Verdict

A gamble of a choice for me, but one that paid off! This toy is unique and different, with a fantastic curve (thank you!) and some interesting texturing. It’s sure to appeal to monster fans, fantasy toy aficionados and serious texture lovers. I can’t honestly say it’s going to enter my regular rotation of toys, as my tastes generally skew towards smaller, smoother, and simpler, but it’ll definitely get some occasional use.

The ONI demon dildo retails starting from $119.95 for the small size. Larger sizes and additional customisations increase the price accordingly.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sending me the ONI devil dildo and for sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, mine.

Header image featuring colourful spirals. Text reads "Twister Textured Dildo"

[Toy Review] Twister Glow in the Dark Silicone Textured Dildo

Published on May 27, 2025April 2, 2026 by Amy

A textured dildo is a “love-it-or-hate-it” thing for a lot of people. Some people find that texturing adds a lot of additional stimulation to the sensitive vaginal opening and internal walls. Others find too much texturing uncomfortable or even painful. This week I’m reviewing the “Twister“, a textured and semi-clear silicone dildo from Juliet Toys.

I’m somewhere in the middle of the love-or-hate spectrum on textured toys. Most of the time, when I want to use a dildo I’ll reach for a smooth, curved one like my Godemiche Ambit, Godemiche Morpheus, or Njoy Pure Wand. Intense texturing is often uncomfortable for me, particularly on more rigid toys. But a toy with some gentle texturing, particularly if it’s also made of soft silicone, can occasionally be a winner.

(I’m also aware it’s been a hot minute since I posted anything and that my socials have been pretty inactive, too. I’m in grad school hell and barely having time to do anything else beyond studying and the work that pays my bills. Normal service will resume later this year, but content will be a little more sporadic until then.)

What is the Twister?

The Twister, a translucent textured dildo with flecks of pink, blue and green in the silicone

The Twister is a textured silicone dildo available in three sizes. I received the Medium, which measures 6.9″ in total length (around 6″ insertable) and 1.7″ in diameter in the centre of the shaft. It’s wider towards the bottom of the shaft and tapers to a narrower head. The Small size measures a petite 5.3″ x 1.3″, and the Large measures 8.7″ x 2″, so there’s a good range of sizes to suit all preferences. It has a suction cup base.

“Twister” is kind of a misnomer, since it is actually more of a braided design.

This toy is a body-safe translucent/semi-clear silicone dildo, with flecks of pink, blue and green inside. In daylight, the effect is very subtle, but when the lights are low you get a fun “glow in the dark” effect that allows the colours to stand out.

Twister Textured Dildo: What I Liked

First, let’s look at the things I liked about the Twister textured dildo.

The level of texturing is a nice medium. It’s enough to be felt and to offer something different to my go-to smoother toys, but it isn’t so intense that I find it uncomfortable (most of the time.) The gentle ridges of the braided design feel especially good on insertion, as they stimulate all the sensitive nerve endings around the vaginal opening.
The size of the Twister in medium is just about perfect for my body! Oversized toys have their place, of course, but that place is rarely “in my vagina.”
The silicone is squishy, with a middling density – not too firm, but not too soft either.

Close up of the braided shaft of the Twister, a translucent textured dildo with flecks of pink, blue and green in the silicone

It’s very flexible, which helps with more comfortable positioning and insertion.
As it has a large, round base and is fairly light, this is an ideal dildo for strapping it on if the partner I’m topping wants a more textured dildo than my go-to standards.
That large base also makes the Twister anal-safe, if that’s your thing.
The suction cup is pretty strong and stays put well when you affix it to a surface.
The aesthetic is fun and unusual. A translucent or clear dildo often spells a toxic material, so it’s good to see more silicone options available with this look, and I like the little flecks of colour.

I have mixed feelings on the texturing around the base. On the plus side, it looks pretty. On the negative side, it’s kind of a nightmare to clean. Due to all its ridges, both on the shaft and the base, I’d recommend the boiling method to sterilise this toy.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

For some reason, the Twister dildo had a really strong, chemically “new car” smell when I took it out of the packaging. I flame-tested it and it does appear to be genuine silicone, so I have to assume it’s holding onto a scent from either the plastic packaging or the curing process. It genuinely gave me a headache when it was sitting on my desk. I gave it a very thorough wash before using, and that got rid of some of the smell but not all of it.

My Twister also has some visible imperfections, particularly around the base as well as what looks like a bubble in the silicone part way down the shaft. This doesn’t impact the toy’s performance, but it cheapens the overall effect and may shorten its lifespan.

Close up of an imperfection in the silicone of the Twister dildo

The silicone is very matte. This means that, coupled with the textured design of this dildo, you really need plenty of lubrication with this one.

Finally, I wish it had a bit more of a curve. This is a matter of personal preference rather than a direct criticism of the toy, but the shaft is straighter than I ideally prefer.

Twister Textured Dildo: Verdict

The Twister is a perfectly fine basic textured dildo. It retails $49.90 for the medium size at the time of writing. It does have some imperfections, and the quality of its construction reflects the low price, but I’ll still likely use it again.

Get the Twister here.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sending me the Twister textured clear dildo and sponsoring this review. All views, as always, are mine.

Curved hook hanging on a black chain to represent the curved dildo in this post. Text reads "Mr Hankey's Toys Captain's Hook"

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Captain’s Hook Curved Dildo

Published on April 25, 2025April 2, 2026 by Amy

I’m really pleased to be back with another Mr Hankey’s Toys review following my mini-series last year. The Mr Hankey’s team recently got back in touch recently and asked me to pick another three toys to review. As soon as I saw it, I couldn’t resist the gloriously curved dildo that is the Captain’s Hook.

Extreme Curved Dildo: Mr Hankey’s Toys Captain’s Hook

Mr Hankey's Toys Captain's Hook, a bright pink curved girthy dildo

The Captain’s Hook by Mr Hankey’s Toys is a realistic silicone dildo with an extreme curve. It is available in four sizes, with the total length ranging from 8.25″ to 12″ in overall length. Its central shaft diameter ranges from 2.06″ to 3.23″. It is also available in four firmness levels ranging from very soft to extra firm.

Having had previous experience with Mr Hankey’s products and their impressive sizes, I chose the smallest size for my Captain’s Hook dildo. This means my toy measures 8.25″ in length, 7″ in insertable length, and 2.06″ in diameter at the centre of the shaft. Whichever way you look at it, the Captain’s Hook is a large dildo even in the smallest size.

I requested my Captain’s Hook in the second softest of the four options. As with all Mr Hankey’s products, you can customize your product with your choice of colour. The Captain’s Hook dildo is advertised in a metallic gunmetal grey, but I like my electric UV pink choice better! (Femmes gonna femme, amirite?)

This toy has a large, thick base which allows it to stand up on its own as well as making it theoretically harness-compatible (though, as we’ll see below, this might not work so well in practice.)

What I Liked About the Captain’s Hook

I knew I was going to love this toy as soon as I saw it on the Mr Hankey’s site, and I was right. Curved dildos are amazing for targeting the G-spot, and this is the most extremely curved silicone dildo I’ve ever owned. I’ve also found that they allow me to experiment with larger toys while minimising the risk of hitting my cervix, which is something I find intensely painful.

This dildo’s curve is so intense that I can get plenty of enjoyment from using just the first two or three inches, if I’m not in the mood for full insertion (which the body often isn’t even if the mind is willing.)

Interestingly, th Captain’s Hook is actually listed on the Mr Hankey’s site as a “prostate massager.” I have neither a prostate nor a sufficiently brave butt to attempt anal insertion of this toy, myself, but I’m sure it would feel amazing for folks who are into larger anal toys and target the prostate in the same way as it does the G-spot.

The softness level of this toy is also pretty ideal for me. The 75% soft silicone is a middling density, with a little bit of squish. This enables the toy to be slightly flexible, which is ideal for more comfortable positioning with larger toys. Choose a firmer option if you want something more intense. Or, if you want this toy to be a little gentler, select the softest silicone.

A woman's hand holding an extra large curvy pink dildo

Aside from the level of curve, the Captain’s Hook dildo is realistic in design. It has a pronounced corona (that’s the “rounded border that projects from the base of the glans penis”) and texturing along the shaft to mimic skin and veins. This makes it an ideal toy for those who enjoy a realistic or semi-realistic aesthetic, but prefer the sensation of a curve.

Any Downsides To Be Aware Of?

Due to its size, the Captain’s Hook is a heavy dildo even in its smallest size. This means that, although it is technically harness-compatible, I can’t imagine using it for strap-on sex realistically. The large base enables it to stand upright, but also adds additional weight and bulk.

Mr Hankey’s notes on the product page that for the larger sizes in particular, this toy can be more practical for partnered play due to its size and shape. Due to the shape and lack of a suction cup, it’s unlikely to be suitable for hands-free use.

The surface texture of the silicone is also very matte. I’ve pointed this out before and I think it might just be a feature of the silicone or finishes that Mr Hankey’s uses. This can add to the challenging nature of inserting a toy this large. You should always use tonnes of lube when using an extra large dildo anyway. The grabby feel of this silicone just makes this even more essential.

Captain’s Hook Curved Dildo: Verdict

I love this dildo. My initial impressions were entirely correct here; this design is fucking fabulous. I’ve never tried a silicone dildo this curved before. The closest things I have in my collection are stainless steel or glass, which is of course a completely different sensation.

The Captain’s Hook is a dildo designed with serious targeted internal stimulation in mind, whether you use it vaginally or anally. Its intense curve and girthy shaft up the intensity.

The Captain’s Hook curved dildo retails starting from $125.95 for the smallest size in one of the middle two firmness levels and your choice of colour. Sizing up, choosing extra firm or extra soft, and adding a metallic effect or vac-u-lock hole will all increase the total price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. All views and writing are, as always, mine.