Tag: ideas and inspiration

Two women in bed together with just their arms and part of their torsos showing above a white blanket. Text reads "why do people like ultra realistic dildos?" For a post about Epic Dildos hyper realistic toys.

Why Do People Like Ultra Realistic Dildos? (And 4 Fun Ways to Play With Them)

Published on by Amy

In the years (9 of them! Happy anniversary, C&K!) that I’ve been writing about sex and reviewing sex toys, I’ve learned a lot about both my own preferences and those of others. When it comes to dildos, the ones I most gravitate towards tend to be colourful, sparkly, or otherwise non-realistic. However, the good folks at Epic Dildos invited me to write about ultra and realistic dildos for them, so I’ve been taking some time to think about why so many people enjoy these hyper lifelike toys and some of the fun ways to use them.

Using Ultra Realistic Dildos to Achieve a Lifelike Sensation

I do not believe that sex toys are, or ever can be, replacements for human partners. The term “battery-operated boyfriend” can get in the bin. And let’s not even talk about those vibrators with faces and personalities that the incredible Epiphora reviewed all the way back in 2015.

So no, a dildo cannot replace a penis-owning human. However, if you want to enjoy the feeling of having sex with a person with a bio-cock and don’t have a suitable partner available (or are just in the mood for some solo sex), a realistic dildo is a great option. It’s not entirely identical, of course, but a good realistic toy can be damn close in terms of physical sensation.

Dual-density materials, such as the Flexiskin™ liquid silicone Epic Dildos uses for their hyper realistic dildo range, combine a soft and malleable outer layer with a firm inner core to mimic an erect penis.

Fulfilling Fantasies with Ultra Realistic Dildos

Like all sex toys, dildos can be enjoyed as much alone or with a partner. One of the most surprisingly common uses I hear about for ultra realistic dildos? Fulfilling threesome or group sex fantasies.

Threesomes are consistently cited in various surveys and studies as one of the most common sexual fantasies. However, choosing to have one in real life is a big decision and not to be taken lightly. When done right, they can be amazing. However, if they’re done badly, they’re also ripe for coercion (if one party in a relationship is less keen than the other), can spike jealousy and insecurity, and can damage or destroy relationships.

If you fantasise about threesomes or group sex but aren’t sure if you’d want to do it for real, using an ultra realistic dildo can allow you and your partner to bring the fantasy to life without the risk. You won’t get the emotional or psychological impact of having a third person involved, but you can simulate some of the physical sensations, do some amazing dirty talk, and spin a scene or story together using toys.

Enjoying Dicks of Different Shapes and Sizes

If you’re monogamous, prefer to have sex with only a single partner at a time, or don’t want to have any sexual partners (at the moment or ever), ultra realistic dildos offer a fun and safe way to enjoy sexual variety. Just as all human cocks are different, so are all the varieties of realistic dildos on the market.

Want to experience bigger or smaller, curved or straight, semi-soft or ultra-firm? The amazing range of realistic dildos out there has got you covered. As a bonus, some offer additional features you can’t get with a bio-cock, such as vibrations.

Ultra Realistic Dildos as a Gender-Affirming Choice

My girlfriend Em and I have started referring to my choice of dildos as “gender-affirming.” I’m a femme who is also primarily submissive, and choosing toys that feel like “me” has felt increasingly important as I explore my role as a strap-on top.

Just as sparkly, colourful dildos feel gender-affirming for me, ultra realistic dildos can feel the same way for other folks. Trans men, transmasculine people, and cis men who use dildos or strap-ons are just some of the people who might find that an ultra realistic dildo aligns best with their gender identity and presentation.

Practicing Sexual Skills

None of us get into our first sexual relationship magically knowing how to have good sex. And none of us get into any sexual relationship magically knowing how to have good sex with that person specifically. Sex is a set of skills, from the interpersonal (communicating your desires, paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues) to the physical. These skills can be learned, honed, and relearned throughout your sexual life.

If you want to learn or practice a specific sexual skill, from giving a certain type of blowjob your partner loves to riding a dick in a particular position, using a realistic dildo is one great and low-pressure way to do that.

4 Ways to Play with Ultra Realistic Dildos

Whether you’ve just got your first realistic dildo or are an aficionado looking for new ways to play, here are a few suggestions you might not have thought about.

Strap It On

Strap-on sex is most often associated with lesbian and sapphic sex, but anyone can enjoy it. For strap-on sex, look for dildos with a base that’s wide but not too deep. Think flat base or suction cup dildos rather than those with balls.

Go Hands-Free

Some ultra realistic dildos come with suction cups, allowing you to affix them to a wall, floor, or other flat surface. This gives you an opportunity to play hands-free, using your hands to do other things to your or your partner’s body.

Pair Your Hyper Realistic Dildo with Another Toy

Use your dildo internally while you (or your partner) hold a bullet vibrator against your clitoris. Hold a wand vibrator against the base of your dildo for deep, internal rumbles, Insert your dildo anally (if it has a flared base) then use a stroker to stimulate your penis. Get creative and try out different combinations.

Put On a Show

If you enjoy exhibitionism and voyeurism, putting on a sexy show for your partner can be a hot shared experience. Invite them to watch while you touch, tease, or fuck yourself with your toy. Whether you ultimately let them join in or just drive them wild with the visuals? That’s up to you.

Thanks to Epic Dildos and their hyper realistic range for sponsoring this post! All views and writing, as always, are mine.

Image featuring a VVD Rider Desire sex machine, a popular Sybian alternative. Text reads: 5 fun ways to use a ride-on sex machine

5 Fun Ways to Use a Ride-On Sex Machine

Published on by Amy

A ride-on sex machine like the Rider Desire Sex Saddle I reviewed last week, as well as pricier alternatives such as the Sybian and Cowgirl, is the ultimate wishlist sex toy for a lot of people. They’re certainly unique, offering a kind of stimulation and intensity it can be hard to replicate in other ways. Having been lucky enough to try a couple of different ones and now to own one… let’s talk about them!

What is a Ride-On Sex Machine?

In short, it’s a vibrating toy that you mount or straddle and then thrust or grind against. Most have some kind of interchangeable attachments, most often penetrative toys. Some, like the Rider Desire, can also be used without attachments if clitoral or other external stimulation is more your jam.

(By the way: ride-on sex machines aren’t only for people with vulvas! Anyone who enjoys anal penetration can also use one, regardless of gender or genitals. Some also come with attachments specifically for penises!)

Historically, most ride-on sex machines (such as the Sybian and its alternatives) have been mains-powered. However, rechargeable and cordless versions are now becoming increasingly available, too.

Why Do People Like Them?

As with anything: all kinds of reasons!

As anyone who has ever masturbated by humping their pillow will know, grinding on something can be an intensely pleasurable sensation. A ride-on sex machine kicks that sensation up several notches.

Some people also enjoy the kneeling or straddling position a sex machine offers. For some it will be more comfortable or physically accessible than other positions, while some enjoy the way it mimics the feeling of riding a partner in the so-called “cowgirl” position. The rocking and grinding motion you can get with a saddle sex machine is also more pleasurable than the thrusting motion offered by handheld dildos or traditional “fucking machines” for a lot of users.

Then there’s the kinky potential a ride-on sex machine offers, if you’re into that kind of thing.

5 Fun Ways to Use a Ride-On Sex Machine

If all you ever want to do with your sex machine is ride it and get off, that’s fabulous! Have the best time. But if you’re looking for some additional ideas, here are a few suggestions for fun things you might want to try out with your ride-on sex machine.

Experiment with Different Positions

The “classic” way to use a ride-on sex machine is, of course, the straddling position. But you can get as creative as you like! As always, the only correct way to do it is the way that feels good to you.

Floor hurting your knees? Try putting the machine on the bed or protecting your knees with cushions. Straddling position uncomfortable for your hips or back? Try a seated position with the toy between your legs instead. Lying down with the toy underneath you and grinding against it that way is another option. Does riding it “backwards” feel better for your body?

Experiment and see what feels good. There are no rules here.

Give (or Take) Control with a Partner

Many ride-on sex machines, including the Sybian and alternatives such as the Rider Desire, come with a remote control. This isn’t just a convenient way to control the toy without needing to fiddle with manual buttons. You can also use it to hand over control to a partner.

If you’re submissively inclined, you might enjoy your partner taking over and controlling your experience, allowing you to get completely into the moment and just feel the sensations. If you’re more dominant, why not make your submissive partner watch you get off with your machine, changing the settings or speed on your command?

Play with Forced Orgasms

In the context of kink and BDSM, a forced orgasm is a kind of kinky game where the submissive partner is “made” to orgasm while trying not to, sometimes just once and sometimes over and over.

Of course, the term “forced” is a misnomer. As with everything in sex, kink, and BDSM, this must only be done with explicit, enthusiastic consent and it is essential to have a safeword or other way the receiving partner can tap out at any time.

A ride-on sex machine can be a great way to experiment with forced orgasm play as the stimulation is intense and relentless by design. If you want to up the intensity even further, consider experimenting with combining your sex machine with bondage or restraint.

Try to Do Something Else While You Ride

Anyone else remember those kinky video clips of someone trying to read aloud while someone went down on them? You can adapt this concept for use with your ride-on sex machine. Try reading aloud, reciting lines, or performing a memory task while you ride the toy and gradually increase the intensity, and see how long you can last.

This is particularly fun if you combine it with power exchange. Perhaps the submissive partner gets punished when they make a mistake?

Combine Your Ride-On Sex Machine with Other Toys

I already said in my review that my favourite way to use the VVD Rider Desire ride-on sex machine is to use it without any of the internal attachments it comes with. As more of a clitoral stimulation gal than a penetration lover, that’s just what feels best to me.

Absolute gamechanger, though? Pairing the Rider Desire with one of my Grind Pads. You get the powerful vibrations of the Rider Desire combined with the textured stimulation of the grinder.

This works best with a grinder that comes with straps, as these will hold it in place on top of the machine no matter how vigorously you grind.

This post was sponsored by VVD and their Rider Desire ride-on sex machine, an affordable Cowgirl or Sybian alternative. All writing and views, as ever, are mine. Header image by VVD.

Header image for sex position wedge article

5 Ways to Use a Sex Position Wedge

Published on by Amy

I recently received Lovehoney’s Ultimate Sex Position Enhancer Set, a two-piece set comprising a sex position wedge and ramp. Instead of doing a straightforward review, I thought I’d do something a little different and tell you about a few different ways you can use these items, from trying new sexual positions to using your wedge as a toy mount.

Sex furniture and sex position aids are having a moment in a big way, and I’ve been wanting to try some for ages. Turns out they are both enormous (Mr C&K when this thing arrived in a comically huge box: “Amy, where on EARTH are you going to keep it!?”) and surprisingly versatile.

Lovehoney Ultimate Sex Position Enhancer Wedge Set

This set consists of two pieces, a wedge and a ramp, that can be used together or separately. Both are 24″ wide, with the ramp measuring 34″ in length and 12″ in height and the wedge measuring 14″ in length and 7″ in height. Again: I did not fully grasp how huge these things are. Think very carefully before purchasing if you live in a tiny apartment or don’t have anywhere to store them!

Lovehoney sex position wedge and ramp combo
Lovehoney sex position wedge and ramp combo

The cushions are made of a firm and supportive foam, and covered with a micro-velvet cover that is fluid proof, removeable, and washable. So if you get sex fluids or lube all over it, just whip the cover off and wash it on a normal cycle in the washing machine. The exterior is also soft and non-slippery. I wish they came in a colour other than grey, but at least it’s fairly unobtrusive and will blend in with your decor.

The set retails for £249.99 ($299.99 US.)

5 Ways to Use a Sex Position Wedge or Other Sex Position Aid

There are so many creative ways to use a sex position wedge, position aid, or other types of sex furniture. Here are just a few of my faves.

Try Different Sexual Positions with Your Wedge

This is perhaps the most obvious use for a piece of sex furniture such as a sex position wedge. It is, presumably, what they were originally designed for. But whether you’re having penis-in-vagina, anal, or strap-on sex, a wedge or ramp can make it easier and more comfortable to get into all kinds of sexual positions.

I hear they can be particularly good for missionary position vaginal sex, raising the receiver’s hips to allow for deeper penetration and more precise G-spot stimulation. They’re also great for legs-up positions and for cushioning the knees during receiver-on-top positions.

Make Oral Sex Easier

Do you love going down on your partner for hours but find that neck strain is an issue for you? Yeah, me too (I often use the edge of the bed for this reason, which can work well.) But a positioning aid can be a game changer in this area.

A sex position wedge under the receiver’s hips can make their genitals more accessible and make it more comfortable for the giver. That way, you can lick or suck for as long as you like in absolute comfort.

Get Comfy During Masturbation

Do you ever find it difficult to get comfortable in one position while you’re masturbating, particularly during a long session or if it takes you a while to get off? If so, try using your sex position wedge or ramp to experiment with different positions.

Personally, I find reclining on the ramp while using the wedge to prop up my upper back and neck supremely comfy. Your mileage may vary, of course.

Have Sex on the Floor… In Style

Sometimes you just want to get all primal and fuck on the floor… but then find the idea is better in theory than in practice. Carpet burn or hard wooden floors against your knees? No thanks. But get the ramp and wedge out, and suddenly you’ve got a ready made sex couch wherever you want to put it!

Use It as a Toy Mount

If you enjoy grinding toys, a sex position wedge can make an ideal toy mount. I find the wedge works particularly well with my Godemiche Grind Pads and Vibe Pads. Just fasten them to the wedge with the straps provided, position it underneath you, and you’re good to go.

Of course, you can also get creative with all kinds of sex toys. If you can find a way to hold it in place (I recommend those same straps or a length of rope,) the wedge also works brilliantly as a wand mount.

Bonus: Use It For Totally Unsexy Things

Mine is currently propping up a wet mattress in my guest room while it dries out. It’s… a long story.

Thanks to Lovehoney for supplying me with the product featured in this post to share with you all. All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post. Product images: Lovehoney.

Header image for romantic and sexy gift ideas guide for Christmas

6 Romantic and Sexy Gift Ideas for Your Partner This Holiday Season

Published on by Amy

Have you finished your holiday shopping yet? No, me neither (though I’m doing better than I typically have been at this point in previous years.) Giving gifts isn’t super high on my list of love languages, but I do enjoy the process of choosing or making the perfect presents for my loved ones. That’s why I decided to put together this guide to sexy gifts to help you out if you’re stuck for ideas.

If you have a romantic partner or partners, you might be thinking about getting them something special to show your love, give them the pleasure they deserve, or add to your amazing sex life together.

Gift Guide: Six Sexy Gift Ideas Your Partner Will Love

From sex toys to trips for two and more, I’ve put together six romantic yet sexy gift ideas to get you inspired.

Something They’ll Feel Sexy Wearing

I nearly put “lingerie or underwear” as the heading for this section, then I changed my mind. Because what makes a person feel beautiful, handsome, or sexy is very personal and might not be what we traditionally think of as “sexy.”

For some, that thing will be a set of lacy lingerie or slinky underwear. For others it might be a perfectly tailored shirt, a sparkly gown, a pair of sky-high heels, a leather or faux leather harness, a silk tie, or even a fragrance or piece of jewellery. The trick is to know your partner and their tastes. Not sure? You can always take them shopping so you can choose something perfect together.

A Beautiful Sex Toy

Sex toys can be as beautiful as they are functional, and some of them are real works of art. They can be made of materials from silicone and glass to metal, ceramic, and even some types of stone. They come in all colours, shapes, sizes, and designs you can imagine. A heart toy could be particularly cute for a romantic occasion. Some even have glitter!

Gorgeous toys can be wonderfully luxurious and sexy gift ideas to show your partner that you’re thinking about their pleasure. Just make sure you know them well enough to choose something that will work for their body and preferences. (And maybe don’t buy a lifesize realistic sex doll if they live in a small apartment.)

Giving red roses to your lover is traditional so, if they have a clitoris, how about a red rose suction toy? (Cute, lasts much longer than cut flowers, and says “I care about your pleasure!”) If they’re a strap-on top, how about this red rose harness?

Massage Oils or Candles

Giving each other massages is a wonderful way to connect physically, get close whether or not the massage leads to sex, and tune into each other’s bodies. You can step things up a notch by adding oils, candles, or massagers into the mix. These can make great stocking-filler gifts!

Create a romantic atmosphere by dimming the lights. I like candles, fairy lights, or lamps with a warm soft glow for this. If you like, you can also play some gentle and relaxing music.

A Sexy Gift Idea That Keeps On Giving: Subscription Box

Subscription boxes are great ideas if you’re looking for sexy gifts that keep on giving. Depending on how long you subscribe, your partner can enjoy regular treats for 3, 6, 12 months… or even longer. They can also be a great way to explore new ideas, rekindle a spark if your sex life has dwindled lately, or just set aside intentional time for each other and your intimate relatioship.

There are now adult subscription boxes in all kinds of categories. You’ll find boxes with sex toys, lingerie, smutty literature, kink and BDSM gear, date night kits, and more. Some are designed with couples in mind, and others can be enjoyed solo. I even stumbled across one designed specifically for polyamorous triads!

A New Collar

This one’s for the kinksters! For many who are involved in BDSM or a D/s relationship, collars are both intensely personal and intensely meaningful. That means that this isn’t something you should spring on someone without warning. Always have a conversation about what collars mean, whether you want them to play a role in your relationship, and the expectations and obligations that they do and do not imply.

With that caveat out of the way, if collars have a place in your relationship then a new one can be a wonderful and romantic gift for your submissive partner. With everything from ornate showpieces to simple metal bands and even totally discreet day collars available, there are plenty of options to choose from.

The Ultimate Sexy Gift Ideas: A Romantic Getaway, Trip, or Vacation

If you’re looking to splash out (or can find an incredible last-minute deal) why not surprise your loved one with a romantic trip together… or choose and book it together as a gift to each other?

A change of scene, having an adventure, and getting a long stretch quality time together are amongst the best things you can do to nurture your relationship no matter whether you’re newly in love or have been together for decades.

Pro tip: plan to go early in the new year if that’s possible for your schedule and budget. Me and my girlfriend are going on our first holiday together in January. December is busy and January tends to suck, so planning something wonderful to look forward to post-Christmas is a strategy I would highly recommend!

Thanks to Inyarose for kindly sponsoring this guide to my favourite sexy gift ideas. All writing and views, as always, are mine.

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How to Incorporate Toys Into Your Sexual Roleplay

Published on by Amy

Have you ever taken on a role other than your usual self in the bedroom? If so, you’re in good company and possibly even in the majority. Roleplay is a tremendously popular and common sex activity, and inventive couples come up with all kinds of kinky roleplay ideas to keep things exciting.

Sexual roleplay allows you to explore dynamics, personas, headspaces, and aspects of yourself that you might not get to tap into regularly. It’s a fun way to keep a sexual relationship fresh and exciting, whether you’re newly in love or have been married for decades. And it can be a safe way to explore fantasies that might be too taboo, risky, or unethical to carry out in real life.

Just a few of the most popular roleplay scenarios include:

There are lots of ways to make your roleplays come to life. One great way? Incorporate sex toys! Here are just a few ideas for how to incorporate sex toys into your kinky roleplay.

Look for Sex Toys That Fit Your Roleplay Idea

If you have a particular kinky roleplay idea or scenario in mind, think about what types of toys those characters might use. This is really more about archetypes and an overall “feel” than being too literal about it.

For example, perhaps that fierce, whip-wielding Master might have a set of butt plugs to progressively train his sub’s ass to take more penetration. Maybe the lonely woman on a business trip who’s going to pick up a stranger at the bar has her favourite bullet vibe in her handbag. White toys can have a vaguely clinical feel which is great for a medical scene. And so on.

Let Toys Help You Step Into Role

Sex toys are highly personal, and many people feel an attachment to their favourite toys. Are there any items that help you to step into a particular role or aspect of yourself? For example, perhaps putting on a sexy strap-on harness helps you to embody a dominant persona that’s very different from your everyday self.

When you’re selecting sex toys, think about your favourite roleplay scenarios or ideas. Consider not just what toys do but also how they make you feel. What sort of mood or aspect of you do they embody?

Call Your Sex Toys Something Else to Match Your Roleplay Ideas

If you already have toys you want to use, there’s nothing to stop you from giving them different names to fit the scenario you’re playing.

If you’re playing a kinky doctor/nurse and patient scene, for example, you could call a sex toy a medical device for the duration of the scene. Maybe you’re pretending to be a Victorian-era doctor, curing a patient’s “hysteria” with a vibrator[1]. Or maybe you’re doing a more “mad scientist”, experimental type scene, in which a device worn on the penis (a cock ring) is used to measure the subject’s response to various stimuli.

Cuckolding and cuckqueaning[2] scenarios can be simulated using sex toys if you can’t or don’t want to bring a third party into your bedroom. Why not use a sex doll or realistic dildo, give it a name, and build a narrative in which one of you is fucking that person?

[1] This never happened, by the way. But it’s still a concept that many find hot
[2] Scenes in which one partner is “forced” to watch their partner have sex with someone else. People are into this for reasons ranging from humiliation and eroticising jealousy through to simple voyeurism

Create Roleplay Stories and Ideas Around Your Sex Toys

Your roleplay scenario can go in any direction you want it to. This isn’t a movie. The goal is fun, not realism. So if you want to craft a story in order to incorporate sex toys into your scenes, have at it.

For example, if you’re playing a boss/employee scene, the boss might have caught the employee with a sex toy in their possession at work… definitely contraband and deserving of punishment, right after they show their strict boss exactly how they use it. Or if you’re roleplaying a first time scenario, maybe one of you has acquired a vibrator from a surreptitious visit to your local sex shop. You’re not sure how to use it, but you’ll sure have a lot of fun finding out!

Sex, and especially roleplay, is mental at least as much as physical anyway. So much of what’s hot about sex acts is the stories we build around them, so get creative with your kinky roleplay ideas.

Use Toys as Rewards and Punishments

Many sex games, kinky scenarios, and roleplay ideas contain an element of power play. Power is intrinsically hot and wrapped up with desire for many people. So why not lean into that and include some kind of reward or punishment system in your roleplay scenario?

The person in the more submissive role could be rewarded for good behaviour by having theit favourite toy used on them. Alternatively, they could be punished by being denied that pleasure, getting spanked or having to watch the dominant partner using the toy instead.

Punishment, even in a roleplay situation, can be emotionally intense for many people. Make sure you negotiate thoroughly before you start.

This post was kindly sponsored by BestVibe. My readers can enjoy 20% off all products in their store by using code “coffee” at checkout! All writing and views are, as always, mine.

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How to Keep Long Term Chastity Play Fun and Exciting

Published on by Amy

Long term chastity play, with or without a cage or device, is an incredibly common sexual fantasy. For some, it’s also a kinky reality. Chastity refers to locking the genitals away in a device such as a cock cage or chastity belt. This prevents stimulation, orgasm, or even erection.

People are into chastity for all kinds of reasons. Some enjoy the stronger eventual orgasm that a build-up of sexual tension and arousal brings about. Others enjoy chastity as part of a power dynamic or D/s relationship. Some find a sense of satisfaction from the physical and mental challenge. All of these reasons, and so many more, are equally wonderful and valid.

What constitutes “long term chastity” is a highly personal question. Some people stay locked up for weeks or months at a time (be aware of the safety implications if you’re considering using a chastity cage long term.) For others, hours to days is their happy place. The only correct length of time is what works best for you and your partner(s.)

One mistake that new chastity players often make is to treat this kink as “set and forget.” But it’s not (usually) enough to simply lock yourself or your submissive into a chastity cage and expect successful long term chastity play to follow. That’s a recipe for boredom and a lacklustre experience at best, and feelings of neglect or resentment at worst. Whether you’re going for a week, a month, or a year, here are four fun ways to keep your long term chastity play fun and exciting.

Do Edging and Denial Scenes

One of the most fun aspects of wearing a chastity device is how sensitive the genitals are when it comes off. You can use this to your advantage by incorporating edging and denial sessions into your chastity play, whether you’re playing long term or short term.

Edging just means taking yourself or your partner almost to the point of orgasm, and then stopping. You can do this once, or many times. An extended edging session followed by being locked back into a cock cage or chastity belt can be exquisitely torturous for a long term chastity submissive.

Depending on your mindset, edging can be its own reward… or its own punishment. Some submissives love it, and others hate it.

Incorporate Other Types of Kinky Play Into Your Long Term Chastity

One of the wonderful things about chastity is that it pairs so well with many different kinds of kinky play. Almost any other activities you can think of can be combined with chastity to create a fun and sexy scene.

If you’re into impact play you can spank or flog your submissive while they are wearing their chastity device. Some submissives enjoy teasing or humiliation about (for example) how aroused they are getting from the pain, their inability to get hard in their chastity cage, or the fact that the impact play is the only stimulation they will get.

Long term chastity also makes every part of the body more sensitive. This means that even gentle sensations can feel more intense than usual. Sensation play, from stroking with feathers or soft fabric up to playing with scratchers or pinwheels, can be amazing here.

Rope and other forms of restraint can be used to enhance all kinds of chastity-based scenes. They can also be a scene in and of themselves.

Use Sex Toys

Even if you are doing a form of chastity play that does not allow for direct stimulation of the genitals, there are still lots of ways you can use sex toys to enhance your play. For example, if your submissive enjoys anal play, having them wear a butt plug can be a fun way to remind them of their arousal all day long.

If you’re doing edging and denial scenes as part of your long term chastity play, sex toys can be a great addition. Why not allow your submissive to “earn” minutes with their favourite sex toy in exchange for tasks, favours, or good behaviour?

Finally, if you’re an exhibitionistically-inclined dominant, masturbating with toys in front of your submissive while they’re locked up is a delicious tease.

Involve Other People in Your Long Term Chastity

If your relationship allows for it, involving other people in your play can bring a new kind of excitement and add an extra edge (pun entirely intended) to your chastity kink.

There are numerous different ways to do this. If you’re part of the kink community or have kinky friends, you could approach a friend to do a “double-domming” scene with you. Another way to realise this fantasy is to work with a professional Dominant, or Pro Dom/Domme. Serving two Dominants is a fantasy for many kinky submissives.

If you enjoy exhibitionism or voyeurism, why not go to a kink club and play in the semi-public space it affords? This might include doing a scene in front of other people, or simply having your chastity device on show in the space. There may be the opportunity to play with other people if you want to, but there should be no expectations.

Some people enjoy combining long term chastity with cuckolding or cuckqueaning. This involves the dominant partner having sex or playing with others while their submissive watches. It might include the enjoyment of feeling “left out” or the eroticising of normally negative emotions such as jealousy. It can also simply be about enjoying a sexy show, feeling horny, and then not getting release. Cuckolding and cuckqueaning can be very emotionally intense. Negotiate thoroughly beforehand and plan to give each other plenty of aftercare and reassurance.

Don’t forget about the potential for involving others online, too. This might include engaging with others on chastity forums or accepting “tasks” from fellow players online. Some Pro Doms/Dommes even offer online-only scenes through text, audio chat, or video call.

One thing you should not do is involve others in your kinky scenes without their explicit consent. This includes doing anything in public that is obvious or where you could reasonably get caught. It also includes making others (including members of the public, serving staff, and your friends or family) uncomfortable. Consent always comes first.

Today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity. They manufacture and sell high quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories, which you can check out through the links included! All views and writing are, as always, entirely my own.

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How to Make Sex Toy Use More Kinky

Published on by Amy

Given that I’ve somehow built an entire career out of talking about them (I know, it’s still totally bonkers to me too!) it will come as no surprise that I love both sex toys and kink a whole bunch. But what about all the fun ways you can combine them? Using sex toys isn’t necessarily a kinky activity in itself though, as with anything else, what makes an activity “kinky” is mostly in your mindset around it anyway. Someone’s vanilla is someone else’s edge play. One person’s hardcore BDSM is another person’s average Friday night.

Whether you’re a kinkster who loves using toys or a toy aficionado who wants to bring a little more kink into your bedroom, why not try some of these fun strategies to kink up your sex toy use?

Play Kinky Edging and Denial Games with Sex Toys

The reason most people use sex toys? Because toys get them off. Often because toys make them come faster, harder, or more easily than other types of stimulation. But what if you kinda get off on not getting off? Well, sex toys are amazing for playing kinky edging and orgasm denial games.

You can do this with a partner or by yourself. Simply use your favourite vibrator or masturbator (or have your partner use it on you), get close to orgasm, and then… stop.

From here, you have a few options. You can edge as many times as you like and then cum. You can edge as many times as you like and then not cum, allowing that delicious sexual tension and frustration to build. Or you can ruin your orgasm by removing stimulation the second you tip over the edge. Many sexual masochists find ruined orgasms exquisitely painful.

Toys and Bondage

Do you like getting a little tied up or tying your partner up? Sex toys can be a super fun addition to bondage—any kinky activity involving restraining someone or being restrained. Bondage can range from something as simple as immobilising your partner and using toys on them, to complex predicament ties or rope harnesses designed to hold sex toys in place. I find this type of play pairs particularly well with forced orgasms (more on that in a minute.)

You can even play with toys and bondage by yourself. Self-bondage (AKA solo bondage and self-tying) is very popular and you can find tutorials online to help you learn how to do it.

Always follow safety protocols: keep a cutting tool for rope or the keys for any locking restraints within reach, keep your phone within reach in case you need to call for help should something go wrong, and never put rope or restraints around your or your partner’s neck. (Not so fun fact: the overwhelming majority of kink-related deaths are attributed to breath restriction, and autoerotic asphyxiation in particular. Please just don’t go there.)

Forced Orgasm

A forced orgasm is when a consenting person is “made” to cum in a way that may be beyond their physical control. It can work particularly well for those who are multi-orgasmic or for those who find continued stimulation after the point of orgasm painful or uncomfortable in an enjoyable way.

For some people, the kink lies in trying to resist the climax until their body succumbs to the sensation. For others, the hot part is being made to cum repeatedly until they physically (or psychologically) cannot any longer.

Toys are great for forced orgasm play because they can create sensations more intense and overwhelming than bodies can typically produce by themselves. I find that wand vibrators are particularly perfect for forced orgasms because they’re just so intensely and overwhelmingly powerful. They also work equally well on both penises and vulvas. To keep your hands free while you force orgasms from your submissive, try a wand harness.

Sex Toys as Rewards for a Submissive in a Kinky Dynamic

If you’re in a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship or playing with some kind of power dynamic in the bedroom or in your relationship, you may want to incorporate rules, rewards, and punishments in some way. Favourite sex toys can be a great motivator in this type of kinky relationship.

For example, time with a favourite sex toy can be a great reward for an obedient submissive. On the other hand, refusing them permission to masturbate or use toys can be an effective punishment. Remember to negotiate thoroughly in advance to make sure you’re both happy with the rules, rewards, and punishments you agree on.

Play with Threesome or Group Sex Fantasies

Threesomes, foursomes, orgies, and other group sex configurations are tremendously popular fantasies that strike a chord with many people. In fact, according to some sources, having a threesome is the most popular sexual fantasy for people of all genders!

Actually having group sex is certainly possible, and it’s something many people enjoy very much. However, there are many considerations to take into account if you’ve never done it before: jealousy and insecurities, navigating multiple people’s boundaries, and the ways in which your relationship may change are just some of them.

If you’re not ready to go there for real, or prefer to keep it in the realm of fantasy, then you can use a sex toy to simulate your group sex desires without the emotional or relational risk. Realistic dildos, sex dolls, and lifelike pussy-style strokers are ideal for this type of fantasy.

…And Get Creative!

What about you, folks? Any creative or unique ideas on how to get kinky with your favourite sex toys? As with anything in the realm of kink, sex, and toys, you’re limited only by creativity, consent, and your imaginations. So play, explore, don’t be afraid to try things out, and have fun with it.

This post was kindly sponsored by BestVibe, and my readers can enjoy 20% off all products in their store by using code “coffee” at checkout! All writing and views are, as always, mine.

Header image for a post on the best virtual date ideas

Five of the Best Virtual Date Ideas

Published on by Amy

I wrote the first iteration of this post during the height of the first COVID-19 lockdown. Separated from my then-boyfriend by the pandemic for almost a year and a half, getting creative with our virtual date ideas became essential.

Thankfully, the lockdown days are long behind us (and so is that relationship, but that’s another story.) But there are so many other reasons why you might want to keep a few virtual date ideas up your sleeve. In a long distance relationship, separated by work travel or family obligations, or feeling too under the weather to meet up in person? If so, here are five of my best virtual date ideas to get you started.

Movie Night

You can use an app like Watch Party to share a virtual movie night, but it’s just as easy to sync up and hit “play” on your Netflix or DVD player at the same time… or even both watch the same movie as it’s being shown on TV (retro!)

You can video, voice or text-chat while you watch, if you wish, or just call each other afterwards and talk about the movie. Pop some popcorn and dim the lights for the full cinematic experience.

Enjoy a Virtual Museum Tour with Your Date

Did you know that museums all over the world have virtual tours of their galleries and exhibitions available online? These offerings exploded during the early days of the pandemic, but many are still offering them several years later.

Meet online to explore a virtual museum and video or voice-chat while you wander around. Check out this list for some virtual museum date ideas and inspiration!

Night at the Theatre

There was a time when live theatre was only accessible to people who would get to major cities and afford the often-exorbitant ticket prices. Cinemas have been live streaming selected shows for years for a fraction of the price of seeing them live, but now thanks to streaming there are hundreds of plays, musicals, ballets, operas, and more that you can watch from the comfort of your couch.

Pick a show, sync up, and hit play. Bonuses of the virtual theatre: you can wear your pyjamas if you want to, your bed is probably comfier than an actual theatre seat, and the drinks are cheaper!

Check out Come From Away on Apple TV+, Hamilton on Disney+, and Next to Normal or The Importance of Being Earnest on NT at Home for some of my faves.

Looking for Fancy Virtual Date Ideas? Try a Cheese and Wine Party

If you’re feeling fancy, why not share an online cheese and wine tasting with your sweetie? Get some interesting cheeses from the supermarket or, better yet, a local farmers’ market or deli. Pick up a bottle of wine or two, or your favourite non-alcoholic alternative. Then enjoy your treats and compare notes on your favourites while you video-chat with one another.

To take it up a notch, dress in your most fabulously extra outfits. Pyjamas work too, of course!

Hot Virtual Sex Date

Of course I wouldn’t be me without saying that some hot online sex is one of the best virtual date ideas of all. It’s fun, it’s free, and it’s a great way to keep your sexual connection alive no matter how far apart you are.

Set aside the time to completely focus on each other and get lost in some deliciously hot phone sex, sexting, or cyber-sex. An app-controlled sex toy can put your pleasure in your partner’s hands from anywhere in the world. Want to kink it up? I have ideas for that, too.

Two people kissing and holding, their faces unseen. Header for a post on the physical touch love language

The Kinky Love Languages: Physical Touch

Published on by Amy

It’s time for the penultimate “Kinky Love Languages” post, in which I explore the five love languages and ways that they can relate to kinky relationships. Today we’re exploring some physical touch love language ideas and how you can make this language work for you.

What is the Physical Touch Love Language?

When people think of the love language of physical touch, they often think of sex first. And, yes, sex is part of this language for many people. But it’s far from the only part. A person whose love language is physical touch is likely to value things like cuddling, holding hands, hugs, and kisses. Even small gestures like an arm around their shoulder as you watch TV or a gentle, affectionate touch as you pass each other can mean a lot.

By the way: people who are asexual, including sex-repulsed aces, can still have this love language. There are so many amazing forms of non sexual touch to explore.

Physical Touch Love Language Ideas for Submissive Partners

A submissive who speaks the love language of touch is likely to place high value on the physical aspects of BDSM. Think the thud of a flogger across their back, the feeling of rope tightening against their skin, the raw intimacy of a spanking, the feeling of your hand in their hair, or the sensation of your teeth nibbling their neck.

If your submissive speaks this love language, it’s more important than ever to make plenty of time for close, physical, and intimate kinky play.

For a submissive who experiences love through physicality, the touch of their Dominant can be its own reward. Caress their cheek when you tell them you’re pleased with them. Give them a few swats on the ass before bed. Stroke their hair. If you want to reinforce certain behaviours or just make your submissive feel loved, give them plenty of physical affection. Touch them lovingly, easily, and often.

When you’re out in public or at a party, gestures that keep them physically close—holding their hand, putting an arm around them, or placing your hand on the small of their back—can make them feel treasured.

Think about physical body positions, too. Some subs who enjoy physical touch may also enjoy things like submissive postures, being human furniture, or sitting at your feet.

Many submissives want to feel taken care of by a Dominant. You can incorporate physical touch into the ways you care for your sub by, for example, washing or brushing their hair, helping them with personal care activities like shaving, or even feeding them from your hand.

Doms Like Cuddles, Too! Physical Touch Ideas for Dominants

People tend to forget that most Dominants like hugs and cuddles just as much as anyone else. For Dominants whose love language is physical touch, submissive partners have so many opportunities to incorporate this into submission or service.

Again, the physical side of kink is likely to be hugely important to your Dominant if this is their love language. So make time for kinky play, prioritise it in your schedule, and do your best to stick to any play dates you arrange. A Dominant who loves physical touch is unlikely to be comfortable functioning as a “service Top” (someone who takes on a Dominant role primarily to pleasure their partner) most or all of the time. Make sure their physical needs and desires are met in your scenes as well.

While sex and kinky play can play a key role in speaking this love language, non sexual touch and general physical affection are just as important.

Learning to give a really good back massage or foot rub can be a wonderful gift for your Dominant who loves physical touch. You could also include physical closeness by doing intimate and body-based tasks for them such as painting their nails, styling their hair, shaving their legs, or washing their back.

There are also many ways to demonstrate loving submission through physical affection. Try laying your head on their lap or shoulder, curling up close to them on the couch so they can pet you, or kissing whichever parts of their body they like to have kissed.

Things to Remember No Matter Your Role

Physical intimacy can look so many different ways, and it’s slightly different for every relationship. If you or your partner speaks the physical touch love language, prioritising sex and kinky play might well be important to you. It’s also important to make plenty of time and space for cuddles, kissing, holding hands, non sexual touch, and the kind of easy physical closeness that can come in a long-term relationship.

Physical touch is probably the hardest love language to meet if you’re in a long distance relationship. There are still things you can do if you get creative. Give your partner a soft toy to hug. Give them a shirt that smells like you to sleep with. Invest in some really good app-controlled sex toys so you can touch them sexually by proxy. But realistically, if one or both of you feels strongly connected to the love language of physical touch, you’re going to need to make an effort to see each other in person as often as you can.

Gay couple pressing their foreheads together, for a post about the quality time love language, kinky date ideas and ways to bring this love language into a kinky relationship

The Kinky Love Languages: Quality Time

Published on by Amy

This is the third in a series of five posts covering the five love languages as applied to kink and BDSM. If you don’t know your love language, take the quiz linked above to find out! Today we’re talking the love language of “quality time”, with some kinky date ideas and other ways to make the most of this love language in your D/s relationship.

What is the Quality Time Love Language?

A person whose love language is quality time is all about spending meaningful, connective time with the people they love. Sounds easy enough, right? But in long term relationships, and particularly nesting relationships, quality time often gives way to “we’re just generally around each other a lot.”

Scrolling on your phones at opposite ends of the couch without talking is not quality time.

Quality time can be particularly hard in a long distance relationship. People who work long hours, have children, are disabled or chronically ill, or have a limited income may also experience unique challenges with this love language.

Kinky Date Ideas and More for Submissives Who Love Quality Time

For many submissives, the greatest gift is their Dominant’s undivided time and attention. Focused quality time shows your submissive that they are wanted, valued, and loved.

If your submissive loves quality time, a kinky date night is always a great idea. This might mean staying in and getting your kink on in your bedroom, or it might mean taking them out to a fetish club, kinky event, or play party.

You can also kink up a regular date night. For example, you could order your submissive to wear a butt plug throughout the movie or edge three times before you take them out to dinner.

Not all your quality time together has to be active play time, of course. Even in a D/s relationship, snuggling on the couch is lovely. Non-scene connective time can show your submissive that you love them as a person and partner, not just as a kinky plaything.

Ritual, Routine and Quality Time

Rituals and routines can be comforting and connective for many people who value quality time highly, and particularly for many submissives. They provide consistency and a reliable point of connection at regular intervals where your attention is on each other.

Rituals can be simple or elaborate. They can be seemingly-mundane (“make my coffee for me the way I like it, then sit with me quietly while I drink it”) or have a play element to them. I know of one D/s couple who started each day with the Dominant choosing the submissive’s underwear for the day. Spankings before bed are another common and fun choice.

Connective routines can be as simple as watching an episode of your favourite TV show together each evening ot setting aside Friday nights to be your glass-of-wine-and-debrief-of-the-week time.

Kinky Date Ideas and More for Dominants Who Love Quality Time

If you’re a submissive, it can be tempting to think that all you need to do to make a Dominant happy is show up and get your ass beaten. This might work at first but it’s unlikely to lead to a happy long-term relationship, particularly if your Dominant’s love language is quality time.

Many people assume that date planning is the Dominant’s responsibility in a kinky relationship, but this doesn’t have to be the case. Many D-types love to be wooed and are seriously impressed when a submissive comes up with new kinky date ideas, surprises them with a spontaneous adventure, or goes above and beyond to make them feel loved.

If your Dominant likes surprises, tell them you’re taking them on an adventure. If necessary, give them some bare-bones information on what to wear or pack, then do all the planning to make something cool happen for the two of you. You can easily view making plans that will make their eyes light up as an act of service. If they’re not a fan of surprises, ask their permission to treat them to a date night/day/weekend doing any activity they want to do.

Another possibility for your Dominant is to give them the gift of you, completely available with no interruptions, for a period of time to have their kinky fun with. “I sent the kids to a babysitter, my phone is off, dinner is ready.. and I’m all yours for the whole night!” What a yummy and wonderful gift.

Quality Time in a Kinky Relationship: Tips for Everyone

Regardless of dynamic and role, quality time is key to all relationships. This is especially true if it’s one of your main love languages. Whether you’re a Dominant or a submissive, the best gift you can give to a partner with this love language is an evening, day, or weekend of your undivided attention. Time where you can relax, do fun things together, and enjoy being in each other’s company are crucial. If you don’t live together, this can include remote time.

Planning quality time is also a part of this love language. This might be coming up with kinky date ideas together, sexting about all the things you’re going to do next time you have chance to play, or looking at travel guides together to decide where you want to go on holiday. Having plans to look forward to can be an amazing boost for your relationship and can make people with the quality time love language feel loved and seen.

What NOT To Do

If your partner’s love language is quality time, being consistent and reliable is essential. Emergencies happen occasionally, of course, but being flaky or cancelling plans is just about the worst thing you can do to someone with this love language.

Make plans and stick to them.

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