What is Extreme Chastity and How Can You Explore It Safely?

Chastity kink is a lot more popular than you might think. Though we most commonly hear about “male chastity” (a bit of a misnomer, since not everyone with a penis is a man), this kink is common amongst kinksters of all genders and can be practiced by people with all genital configurations. But what if you’ve been experimenting with chastity for a while and you’re looking for something a bit more intense? That’s when you might start looking into more extreme chastity play activities.

First, What is Chastity?

In short, chastity is all about restricting someone’s ability to feel sexual pleasure and/or to reach orgasm for the purposes of fun, arousal, and kink. Chastity can be mental (i.e. “I don’t touch myself or orgasm because my Dominant has instructed me not to”,) but it can also involve physical restriction of the cock or vulva/clitoris through the use of a device such as a chastity belt or chastity cage.

People enjoy chastity kink for all kinds of reasons. It can make them feel more submissive, it can feed into a humiliation kink, it can be connected to cuckolding, or it can simply lead to a more intense orgasm when release is finally permitted.

So What is Extreme Chastity?

Sex and kink are inherently subjective. This means that your definition of “extreme” will not be the same as someone else’s, and that’s okay! Ultimately, “extreme chastity” is whatever it means to you. There is no competition in kink and you do not have to live up to anyone else’s ideal of the right way to do things or the right level of intensity to strive for.

In general, when we refer to extreme chastity, we are referring to anything that pushes at your edges and challenges you more than what you have been doing so far. Sound interesting? Let’s look at a few ways you might want to explore it.

Experiment with Longer Lock-Ups

Whether you’re doing mental or physical chastity (or a combination of both), one way to up the ante is to go for longer periods of time between orgasms. If you’ve done a day, try a weekend. If a weekend feels easy, try a week. Once a week feels doable, why not extent to two weeks, a month, or even longer?

Long-term chastity isn’t for everyone, and it’s fine if you only enjoy short lock-ups or periods of denial. But if you find yourself craving more, simply extending your chastity is one great way to do that.

If you’re wearing a chastity device, it’s important to be aware of the safety implications of wearing one for long periods of time. Dan Savage did a great article on this subject, with insights from a urologist on the risks and ways to keep yourself safe.

Add a Little Pain

Not all submissives enjoy pain play. If you do, though, adding pain to your chastity play can be a hot way to take things to the next level. This might include activities like impact play to the genitals, electrostimulation (for example, using a violet or neon wand), urethral sounding, or hot wax play.

If you’re going to do any of these activities, it’s important to get proper tuition and learn how to do them safely. Like all BDSM activities, they carry some inherent risk and applying pain to the genitals is riskier than other areas (such as the upper back or butt.) Most importantly, go slowly and stop if anything doesn’t feel right.

Many people find that they can take more pain when they are very horny. So you might find that, the longer you are in chastity, the more your pain tolerance rises.

Try a Different Type of Cage

Some chastity cages are designed to increase the intensity and extremity of your play. They can have features built in such as sounds, spikes, or electrostim capabilities to add additional pain or pleasure. If you’re used to wearing a device, experimenting with a more extreme chastity cage or device can be a good way to try out something a little more intense to see if you enjoy it.

Play with Ruined Orgasms

When most people think of chastity, they think of a lack of sexual pleasure and orgasm. But ruined orgasms are also very popular amongst chastity kinksters. To give someone a ruined orgasm, you bring them to the point of climax and then stop all stimulation just as they tip over the edge. You can also do it to yourself, of course, though this requires a level of discipline and self-control that not everyone has.

People experience ruined orgasms differently. Some find that they bring some relief from arousal, while others find they make it worse. For some people, they are even painful. To some submissives they are a reward, while to others they are a punishment. The only way to know what’s true for you is to try it out.

Consider Cuckolding

Cockolding is a separate kink and not inherently connected to chastity, though the two often go together. In a nutshell, cuckolding is enjoying watching your partner have sex with another person (or hearing about their adventures after they’ve had sex with someone else.) Many people use it in conjuction with chastity to add an element of humiliation, emotional masochism, voyeurism and exhibition, or other related kinks to their play.

This kink is not to be taken lightly and I could easily write an entire piece on how to explore it. It’s a form of consensual non-monogamy, which isn’t for everyone. It can bring up surprisingly intense emotions in reality even if you’re totally into the fantasy. If you do decide to explore it – especically if you’ve been monogamous until now – then go very slowly, communicate at every stage, and be prepared for intense and unexpected feelings to arise.

How do you increase the intensity of your chastity play?

Thanks to Lock the Cock for sponsoring this post. All writing and views are, as always, mine!

How to Keep Long Term Chastity Play Fun and Exciting

Long term chastity play is an incredibly common sexual fantasy and, for some, a kinky reality. Chastity, in a BDSM context, refers to locking the genitals away in a device such as a cock cage or chastity belt in order to prevent stimulation, orgasm, or even erection.

People are into chastity for all kinds of reasons. Some enjoy the stronger eventual orgasm that a build-up of sexual tension and arousal brings about. Others enjoy chastity as part of a power dynamic or D/s relationship. Some find a sense of satisfaction from the physical and mental challenge. All of these reasons, and so many more, are equally wonderful and valid.

What constitutes “long term chastity” is a highly personal question. Some people stay locked up for weeks or months at a time (be aware of the safety implications if you go down this route!) For others, hours to days is their happy place. The only correct length of time is what works best for you and your partner(s.)

One mistake that new chastity players often make is to treat this kink as “set and forget.” But it’s not (usually) enough to simply lock yourself or your submissive in a chastity device. That’s a recipe for boredom and a lacklustre experience at best, and feelings of neglect or resentment at worst. Whether you’re going for a week, a month, or a year, here are four fun ways to keep your long term chastity play fun and exciting.

Do Edging and Denial Scenes

One of the most fun aspects of wearing a chastity device is how sensitive the genitals are when it comes off. You can use this to your advantage by incorporating edging and denial sessions into your chastity play.

Edging just means taking yourself or your partner almost to the point of orgasm, and then stopping. You can do this once, or many times. An extended edging session followed by being locked back into a cock cage or chastity belt can be exquisitely torturous for a chastity submissive.

Depending on your mindset, edging can be its own reward… or its own punishment. Some submissives love it, and others hate it.

Incorporate Other Types of Kinky Play

One of the wonderful things about chastity is that it pairs so well with many different kinds of kinky play. Almost any other activities you can think of can be combined with chastity to create a fun and sexy scene.

If you’re into impact play, for example, you can spank or flog your submissive while they are wearing their chastity device. Some submissives enjoy teasing or humiliation about (for example) how aroused they are getting from the pain, their inability to get hard in their chastity cage, or the fact that the impact play is the only stimulation they will get.

Long term chastity also makes every part of the body more sensitive. This means that even gentle sensations can feel more intense than usual. Sensation play, from stroking with feathers or soft fabric up to playing with scratchers or pinwheels, can be amazing here.

Rope and other forms of restraint can be used to enhance all kinds of chastity-based scenes, from edging to impact play. They can also be a scene in and of themselves.

Use Sex Toys

Even if you are doing a form of chastity play that does not allow for direct stimulation of the genitals, there are still lots of ways you can use sex toys to enhance your play. For example, if your submissive enjoys anal play, having them wear a butt plug can be a fun way to remind them of their arousal all day long.

If you’re doing edging and denial scenes as part of your chastity play, sex toys can be a great addition. Why not allow your submissive to “earn” minutes with their favourite sex toy in exchange for tasks, favours, or good behaviour?

Finally, if you’re an exhibitionistically-inclined dominant, masturbating with toys in front of your submissive while they’re locked up is a delicious tease.

Involve Other People

If your relationship allows for it, involving other people in your play can bring a new kind of excitement and add an extra edge (pun entirely intended) to your chastity kink.

There are numerous different ways to do this. If you’re part of the kink community or have kinky friends, you could approach a friend to do a “double-domming” scene with you. Another way to realise this fantasy is to work with a professional Dominant, or Pro Dom/Domme. Serving two Dominants is a fantasy for many kinky submissives.

If you enjoy exhibitionism or voyeurism, why not go to a kink club and play in the semi-public space it affords? This might include doing a scene in front of other people, or simply having your chastity device on show in the space. There may be the opportunity to play with other people if you want to, but there should be no expectations.

Some people enjoy combining chastity with cuckolding or cuckqueaning. This involves the dominant partner having sex or playing with others while their submissive watches. It might include the enjoyment of feeling “left out” or the eroticising of normally negative emotions such as jealousy. It can also simply be about enjoying a sexy show, feeling horny, and then not getting release. Cuckolding and cuckqueaning can be very emotionally intense. Negotiate thoroughly beforehand and plan to give each other plenty of aftercare and reassurance.

Don’t forget about the potential for involving others online, too. This might include engaging with others on chastity forums or accepting “tasks” from fellow players online. Some online sex workers and Pro Doms/Dommes even offer online-only scenes through text, audio chat, or video call.

One thing you should not do is involve others in your kinky scenes without their explicit consent. This includes doing anything in public that is obvious or where you could reasonably get caught. It also includes making others (including members of the public, serving staff, and your friends or family) uncomfortable. Consent always comes first.

Today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity. They manufacture and sell high quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories, which you can check out through the links included! All views and writing are, as always, entirely my own.

5 Myths About Chastity Devices and Chastity Kink

A quick note on terminology: this post refers primarily to chastity play and chastity devices for a person with a penis (often called “male chastity”, though obviously not everyone with a penis is a man!) Chastity play for people with vulvas is, unfortunately, much more challenging and less practical.

What do you think of when you hear the word “chastity?” Do you think about medieval women forced to wear metal belts to protect their virginity? (Which probably never happened, by the way.) Do you think about religious doctrine urging you not to have sex until marriage? Or perhaps you think about your favourite kink.

In the BDSM and kink world, chastity play refers to having your genitals locked away in a device, preventing pleasure, masturbation, and orgasm. There are no reliable statistics that I could find about how prevalent this kink is, but anecdotal data (and the prevelance of porn and erotica centered on it) implies it’s very, very common indeed.

And as with any popular kink, there are a number of myths about chastity devices and chastity play. Let’s debunk some of them now!

Myth: Chastity Cages Are All the Same

Many new players make the mistaken assumption that one chastity cage is much the same as another. This can result in them purchasing inexpertly made and cheap devices, which may be poorly constructed or even unsafe. It’s always best to buy a device designed and made by chastity kink experts, such as those at Total Chastity.

Even once you’ve found a reputable chastity device retailer, all devices are not the same. They come in different sizes (to accommodate different penis sizes and sensation preferences), different materials (such as plastic, metal, or silicone), different colours, and different levels of security.

There are lots of factors to consider when choosing a chastity device. You’ll need to know your measurements and comfort needs, as well as having an idea of the kind of aesthetic that appeals to you. Take your time and don’t be afraid to shop around.

Myth: Chastity Cages Are Painful

Wearing a chastity device can be uncomfortable at times. For many participants, that’s part of the appeal of a chastity kink! However, your device should not hurt, and if it does that’s a problem.

If your chastity device is painful, you should stop wearing it immediately. Pain is your body’s signal that something is wrong, and ignoring it can cause serious harm. A painful chastity device may be caused by issues such as pinching the skin, compressing a nerve, or restricting blood flow, all of which can be dangerous if not dealt with.

You might experience pain if you are wearing a small chastity cage, have your device on too tight, have put it on incorrectly, or have chosen a material that doesn’t work for your body. Adjusting your device, or trying a different device, may be the answer.

Even if you’re practicing long term chastity, it’s important to let your penis out of its cage at least once in a while. You should also get to know what’s normal for your genitals and check regularly for any changes. If you have any health or safety concerns, speak to your doctor.

Myth: Permanent Chastity Needs to Be the Goal

Many people assume that the eventual goal of chastity play is to accomplish longer and longer periods locked up, perhaps leading to permanent chastity in which the device wearer is locked up 24/7/365. However, this isn’t realistic or even desirable for many people.

If you want to play with chastity long term, have at it! It’s important to learn about the health and safety implications to make sure you are engaging with this kink in a risk-aware fashion. I love this article, in which Dan Savage speaks to a certified urologist about the risks associated with long term chastity play and how to mitigate them.

But if you only want to do chastity play occasionally, or only for short periods of time, that’s equally valid. It’s not a competition and the only opinions that matter are yours and your partner’s. There’s nothing inherently better about staying locked up for half a year as opposed to half an hour. It’s all about what works for you!

Myth: Chastity is About Humiliation

Chastity is often associated with kinks such as sissification and forced feminisation, which tend to be humiliation based. This leads to the misconception that chastity play always has to be linked to humiliation.

Chastity play can be about humiliation, but it doesn’t have to be. It can also be lots of other things. You might choose to wear a chastity device as a symbol of devotion to your Dominant, as a way to test your self-control, or because you enjoy how much stronger your eventual orgasm is when you are denied first. Your attraction to this kink might revolve around submission, physical discomfort, a mental challenge, an increased libido, greater attentiveness to your partner’s sexual needs… or something else entirely!

The beautiful thing about sex and kink is that it’s a choose-your-own adventure situation. You can play with the bits that work for you, and leave the bits that don’t. If chastity appeals to you but humiliation doesn’t, then you get to play with this kink in exactly the way that turns you (and your partner) on.

Myth: You Need a Partner to Do Chastity Play

Perhaps you fantasise about a partner locking you in chastity, but you’re single or your partner isn’t into it. If you think this means you can’t enjoy your fetish, think again!

There are lots of ways to explore chastity play without a partner. You can lock yourself up, challenging yourself to last a certain amount of time (or just stopping when it stops being fun.) Places like Chastity Forums and r/Chastity on Reddit offer places where you can chat, share experiences, and connect with other people who share your kink.

You can watch chastity-based porn (don’t forget to seek out ethical content!) Another option is to seek out a professional Dominant (ProDom/me) – many professionals specialise in chastity play and keyholding. You can find ProDom/mes who work both online and in person, so you can choose what works for you.

In short, you don’t need a partner to explore chastity and you can have plenty of fun by yourself or by engaging with others through online chat, erotic content, or professional services.

FYI: today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity, purveyors of quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories. I’d like to thank them for their kind support of the site – check out their collections through the links included! All writing and views are, as always, my own.

What is a Female-Led Relationship? FLR 101

Unfortunately, even in 2022, inequality in heterosexual relationships is widely socially accepted and sometimes even expected. 

For example, one UK study recently showed that the average woman in a hetero partnership does 20 hours of housework per week, while her male partner does just 11.5 hours. It is still assumed that when a straight couple has children, the woman will be the one to take time off work to raise and care for them. And then there’s issues such as the persistent gender pay gap, the orgasm gap, and unequal distribution of emotional labour. 

Most of us would agree that eliminating inequality and creating more equal and balanced relationships is a good thing. But for some people, a consensual and negotiated imbalance of power is actually what they want in their relationships. This type of dynamic is often called a Dominant/submissive, or D/s, relationship.

Today we’re taking a close look at one such type of dynamic: female-led relationships, or FLR. 

What Exactly is FLR? 

In general, the term female-lead relationship (FLR) is used to refer to a heterosexual (or hetero-read, because some people in FLRs may be bisexual or pansexual) relationship in which the woman is in charge. 

The level of control in an FLR can vary drastically, depending on what the people involved want. It might be as simple as the woman taking charge of the majority of day-to-day decision-making within the relationship, or as complex as intricate systems of rules with consequences, rewards, and punishments built in. The term FLR is usually applied when the D/s aspect of the relationship extends beyond the bedroom, though this isn’t an absolute rule.  

Some people view FLR as simply “role reversal”, but it’s not quite that simple. A female-led relationship isn’t about reversing gender inequality and placing a man into the role that women have historically been forced to occupy. Instead, it is about consensual and negotiated inequality that exists for the enjoyment and fulfilment of both parties. The cornerstone of FLR and any other form of D/s is that it is consensual and that either partner may withdraw that consent at any time. 

Why Does FLR Strike a Chord with So Many?

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” So goes the possibly-apocryphal saying attributed to Oscar Wilde. 

D/s relationships of all kinds may strike a chord with people because power and sexuality are so inextricably bound up together. This can mean that playing with power and power imbalances in a consensual context can be incredibly sexy. 

There are numerous other reasons why someone might enjoy an FLR dynamic, and the only way to know what is true for any individual is to ask them. For some men who submit to their female partners, it’s about having a break from the responsibilities they have in their day to day lives (many men who are submissive at home have high-flying, high-pressure jobs.) 

Some men also find that taking on a submissive role frees them from the expectations and constraints of toxic masculinity. Submitting allows them to be vulnerable, to stop fearing appearing “weak”, and to be taken care of. 

For dominant women, some enjoy the feeling of power and strength that comes from taking on a dominant role. It can be highly erotically charged to have someone do exactly as you tell them, in or out of the bedroom. 

Many dominant women also find that their submissive partners are more attentive to their needs, increasing their sexual and romantic satisfaction in the relationship. Being dominant can also involve taking care of your partner, and some women enjoy bringing a nurturing side to their dominance. 

The more interesting question is always “why does FLR strike a chord with you?” If you can answer this question, you’ll have the best chance of building the relationship that works for you and your partner. 

FLR and Chastity: What’s the Connection? 

Many, though not all, female-led relationships include an element of chastity play. Chastity refers to restricting someone’s ability to experience sexual pleasure or reach orgasm. It often involves the use of a chastity cage or chastity device, which physically prevents the wearer from masturbating, having sex, and sometimes even getting an erection. 

People in FLRs practice chastity in many different ways. Some do it occasionally as a form of foreplay, increasing desire and ramping up the tension before sex or a play session. Others lock their partners up long term, anything from days to weeks or months at a time. Chastity play may also include periods of tease and denial or edging – bringing someone close to orgasm without letting them go over the edge. 

Chastity play can be hot for so many reasons. Most obviously, not allowing release for a period of time increases arousal and allows desire to build and build with nowhere to go. It can also make the eventual orgasm so much more intense. Handing someone else control of your sexual pleasure is, for some people, the ultimate act of submission. 

Don’t forget to play safe if you’re doing chastity, particularly long-term chastity. Dan Savage spoke to a certified urologist in this article, who offered some thoughts on the potential risks and some of the ways to mitigate them. 

You must assess your own level of acceptable risk. Either way, it’s probably smart to take off your device and give your cock a break once in a while. You should also ensure that the wearer always has a spare key in case of emergencies. You can also read more about chastity safety and hygiene here

What Makes a Successful FLR?

Ultimately, an FLR is still a relationship. This means that all the ingredients that go into making any relationship work still apply here. Trust, communication, and compassion must be front and centre at all times. 

Taking on a dominant role in a relationship is a position of great responsibility. This means that you need a lot of trust, and that this trust must go both ways. The submissive man needs to know that his partner will respect his limits, honour his vulnerabilities, and act in his best interests. And the dominant woman needs to trust that her partner will be honest about his needs and boundaries, speak up if something is wrong, and see her as a full human being and not merely a fetish fulfillment device. 

Even if you are living in an FLR full-time, it is vital to be able to step out of role and communicate with one another as equals when required. I always recommend setting aside time for a regular check-in in any D/s relationship. This gives you time to address any issues and ensures that problems won’t be left to fester. You can also agree on a specific safeword which means “I need to talk to you as equals right now.” 

Compassion means treating each other with kindness, consideration, and empathy. Even in a D/s relationship, life is still life and you will both have good days and bad days. While FLR can be a central component of your relationship, it should never override seeing one another as partners first and foremost. 

How Can I Find a Partner for a FLR? 

Glance at any BDSM forum or discussion space, and you’ll find complaints that submissive men enormously outnumber dominant women. I don’t know whether this is actually true, as there aren’t any reliable statistics on this as far as I know. 

What I do know is that there are likely far more kinky people out there than you think, and that there are things you can do to improve your chances of finding the Domme of your dreams as a single submissive man. All of these guidelines also apply if you’re a dominant woman seeking a submissive, too. 

First, getting involved in your local BDSM community is the best way to meet other people who might be interested in this kind of lifestyle. Complete your Fetlife profile, attend some munches and play events, and get to know people. The trick here is to treat everyone as a potential friend, not a potential partner. You’ll build a positive reputation, start getting invited to more events and parties, and the rest will follow. 

Next, be yourself. There’s no point putting on an act that represents what you think a dominant or submissive person is “supposed” to be. You want to end up in a relationship with someone who loves you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. 

Approach any potential FLR relationship as a relationship first. Compatible kinks and desires are important, but they’re not enough to sustain a relationship by themselves. You’ll also need to enjoy each other’s company, respect each other, have fun together, and have compatible long-term goals. 

Finally, be patient. It can take a while to find the right person, but when you do, the rewards can be tremendous. 

I’d like to thank today’s sponsor, LockTheCock, for their kind support of this post. Check out their wide range of chastity cages and accessories on their website! All views and writing are, as always, my own. 

Kink Product Review: Oxy Bellatrix Chastity Belt

Readers are always asking me for recommendations for chastity belts for people with vulvas (often referred to as female chastity belts.) Something about this kink – being locked up, unable to touch yourself, unable to be penetrated – seems to strike a chord with a lot of people. Perhaps it’s because the idea of giving someone else control over your sexual pleasure and release feels like the ultimate act of submission.

I’ve always been a bit stuck for what to recommend. Cheaper belts tend to not have the desired effect of preventing or inhibiting stimulation. More effective ones tend to be eye-wateringly expensive, easily running to hundreds of dollars. Until now, I haven’t been able to find one that sits at the intersection of effective and relatively affordable.

That’s why, when Oxy (an online kink store with an extensive range) got in touch and invited me to review for them, I jumped at the chance to get my hands on this product.

Bellatrix Chastity Belt

The Bellatrix Chastity Belt is made of stainless steel with silicone surrounds for comfort. The silicone is available in black, white, pink, or blue. I opted for simple, elegant black for mine. It comes with two mini padlocks, each with spare keys, and some spare screws.

Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt

My belt arrived promptly, discreetly packaged in a plain brown parcel. Due to the shape, the belt comes packaged in two separate main pieces, with bubble wrap packaging protecting it. This means you need to put it together. This can take a few minutes to figure out, but it’s fairly self-explanatory (I found that looking at the picture of the whole piece on the website helped.) Some of the screws are quite small and fiddly, so set up your belt in a space with good lighting and be patient.

All belts are made to order in your size and choice of colour. The lead time is 10-15 days, so plan ahead for this one. You can also use this belt with fitted vaginal and anal plugs, if you wish (sold separately.)

Fit, Comfort and Care

My Bellatrix Chastity Belt runs true to size and they’re also quite adjustable. So don’t worry if you gain or lose some weight. Though they’re made to your sizing specifications, there’s always multiple settings so you can tighten or loosen it if you need to.

It’s also more comfortable than I really expected it to be. It sits comfortably around the waist, and the silicone stops the stainless steel from digging into your skin while you’re wearing it. You can wear it directly against your body, or over an item of clothing such as underwear or skin-hugging trousers if you prefer. The plate that sits directly over the vulva has lots of small airholes in it, allowing your body to breathe and helping to prevent overheating.

The Bellatrix Chastity Belt is made of body-safe and non-porous materials which are easy to clean. Wash your belt between wears with warm soapy water, dry it off as well as you can, and then leave it to dry completely. You can also give it a quick interim clean with a body-safe sterile wipe.

Does It Work?

I’ve tried cheaper chastity devices and those made of softer materials, such as leather, in the past. Though sexy as part of a fantasy, none of them were really effective insofar as actually preventing the wearer from touching themselves.

In this regard, the Bellatrix Chastity Belt absolutely delivers. Once it’s properly fitted, the wearer has no way to reach their vagina and clitoris. So yes, it works beautifully.

Is it Suitable for Long-Term Wear?

For many people, the fantasy of a chastity belt is that their partner locks them in and simply leaves them in it for days, weeks… or even months or years. While this is hot in theory, it’s really not practical in reality.

Though it’s theoretically possible for people with penises, it’s possibly risky long term (particularly if you’re regularly wearing the device overnight.) And for people with vulvas, I’m just not at all sure it’s physically possible. Long-term wear of even the most comfortable and well-fitted chastity belt is likely to cause rubbing and chafing after a while. Having stainless steel and silicone around your bits for too long can cause excess sweating and the trapping of bacteria, which could lead to infections such as thrush, yeast infections, and bacterial vaginosis (BV.) As Male Chastity Journal says, “any attempt to block the vagina also blocks its ability to keep itself clean.”

Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt

Full chastity belts can also inhibit your ability to wipe or wash properly after going to the bathroom. So if you’re going to wear it long term, you’ll need to be fastidious about hygiene and probably remove it completely at least once a day to wash yourself and the belt.

Honestly, I think true permanent or very-long-term chastity is in the realm of “doesn’t work in reality.” So no, this belt isn’t truly suitable for long-term continuous wear, but I don’t believe there’s a device in existence that is. That’s no shade to the product (which is excellent) at all. That’s just physiology.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a hell of a lot of fun with the fantasy! In my experience, kink is really not about what is literally true or possible. It’s about playing with ideas, with dynamics, with emotions and desires and the hidden parts of ourselves. Toys and accessories are tools we use to help ourselves get into those mindsets and bring those fantasies to life. Our minds and bodies have to do the rest of the work.

A Few Fun Ways to Play with a Chastity Belt

Curious about chastity play but not sure where to start? I thought it would be fun to include a few ideas to get you started. As always, take what works for you, modify as you like, and leave the rest!

Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt

  • If you go to kink events such as play parties, wearing or having your submissive partner wear a chastity belt at one of these events can add a hot semi-public aspect to your play.
  • Have your partner wear the belt and then tease them by touching every other erogenous part of their body. How long will it be before they beg you to unlock them?
  • If you’re playing solo, wear the belt and then do everything you can to turn yourself on. See how long you can stand it before you just have to take it off and touch yourself.
  • Ahead of a date, have the submissive partner wear the belt. The dominant partner can then text them all kinds of sexy thoughts to turn them on.

A quick note on safety: if you’re going to play with this belt when the wearer and keyholder aren’t physically together, always make sure the wearer has a spare key for emergencies.

Verdict

Sexy and huge fun! I’m really impressed with this belt. It’s well made with body-safe materials, does the job well, and is comfortable to wear. Top marks all around.

The Bellatrix Chastity Belt retails for $130 (that’s just under £110). This is honestly a very competitive price point for a stainless steel belt that is custom made for your measurements.

Thanks to Oxy for sending me this item to review. All opinions and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post. If you make a purchase from Oxy with them, I make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

[Kink Product Review] Dominix Deluxe Lockable Chastity Belt

Update 04/03/22: this product has been discontinued.

If you’ve been reading my blog for more than five minutes, you probably know that I have an orgasm control kink a mile wide. This manifests in lots of ways – edging, denial, forced orgasms occasionally and, yes, chastity.

Chastity belts for folks with vulvas (often called “female chastity belts”, but let’s not gender things unnecessarily!) are tricky to get right. They’re either wildly impractical, wildly expensive, or often both. Unlike the cock cages for penis owners that you can buy from almost any sex shop, they’re considered far more niche kink items.

Lovehoney were kind enough to send me the Dominix Deluxe Studded Leather Lockable Chastity Belt (to give it its full title) for review. How did I get on?

A Closer Look at the Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt

The Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt is made of real leather. I’ve spoken before about my uneasy relationship with leather – my kink brain loves it, but my ethical vegetarian brain feels conflicted. You must make your own decisions about how comfortable you feel buying, wearing, and using leather kink gear.

Lovehoney Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt

The Lockable Chastity Belt has a wider panel at the front, which covers most of the vulva, and then thinner straps between the legs and around the back. It is decorated with metal studs on the front, and features three metal buckles, each with a mini padlock. Each padlock comes with two keys. As far as we can tell, the padlocks and keys are interchangeable.

How Comfortable Is It?

The Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt is fairly comfortable once it’s been worn in. The leather is a little stiff at first but it softens up as you wear and handle it. I found that wearing it around the house over my clothing helped to speed up the leather softening.

Some other reviewers have complained about the leather digging into their inner thighs, but I didn’t really find that to be a problem. It might just be a personal thing depending on how it sits on your body.

Lockable chastity belt female chastity belt from Lovehoney

The Lockable Chastity Belt is very adjustable, with ten holes for each buckle. I’m a UK size 12 at the moment and it fits me with plenty of room to spare. According to the product page, the waist adjusts from 26 to 46 inches and the crotch strap adjusts from 14 to 23 inches.

How Secure Is It?

Welllll…. it depends what you mean by “secure.”

The padlocks are pretty flimsy. The wearer could probably break them fairly easily if they were so inclined. But given that the point of being locked in chastity is (presumably) because the wearer wants to be locked in chastity, I don’t really see why they would. If you want to make the belt more secure, you could easily swap out the provided padlocks with larger and more robust ones.

When I’m wearing the Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt, even when it’s fastened pretty tight, I can still get to my vulva… kind of. I can get at least a couple of fingers under the leather. So it doesn’t completely prevent all contact, but it makes it hard to impossible to touch myself in the way that would actually get me off.

Incidentally, the leather is pretty thin and I think I could probably press a wand vibrator to the front and still reach orgasm. So yes, if you want absolute security against any and all stimulation, this probably isn’t the belt for you.

How Practical Is It?

Honestly not very at all, but I think that’s a symptom of the reality of chastity belts for vulva owners rather than anything wrong with this particular product.

When I read erotica about chastity (which, erm, I do quite a lot) the belts tend to be super high tech and allow for all-day wear as well as using the bathroom… and somehow stay hygienic. I’m going to chalk this up to an unrealistic fantasy that doesn’t currently exist. I bave never seen a chastity belt for vulva owners that could even remotely be described as practical. If someone has created one, please let me know!

So no, you (probably) can’t wear the Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt all day and you (probably) can’t sleep in it or anything like that. Incidentally, since leather is porous, this piece should also be fluid-bonded to one person once it’s been worn without clothing underneath.

How Sexy Is It?

The aesthetic of the Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt is a classic black leather BDSM look. It’s pretty sexy in its simplicity and I do like how it looks when I’m wearing it. I think it’d be fun to wear out to a kink club when we can go to those again.

Chastity play, like so much of BDSM, is at least as much about the mindset and headspace as it is about the physical acts. I’ve been doing denial/chastity play with lovers for years and have never really used a physical device until this one arrived.

The fun for me isn’t so much in the device itself, but in what it represents. Even though it doesn’t actually completely prevent me from touching myself, and probably wouldn’t completely prevent me from reaching orgasm, the physical barrier serves as a reminder that while I’m wearing it, my pleasure belongs to somebody else.

And that is sexy as hell.

Final Verdict

My verdict here really depends what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a genuinely secure chastity device that stops all stimulation, this isn’t it. But if you’re looking for a fun and relatively comfortable piece for scene play, kink club outings, or short-term fun, then this is a great buy.

The Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt retails for £39.99 from Lovehoney. Use my code coffkink10 to get 10% off at checkout!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Dominix Lockable Chastity Belt for review. Pics courtesy of Lovehoney because I am way too shy to post pics of myself actually wearing a chastity belt! All views, as always, are mine. Shopping with my affiliates sends me a small commission which supports the blog!

Great Reasons to Try Chastity Play

What do we mean by chastity play? Broadly speaking, it’s a form of kink play where the submissive abstains from orgasm – and sometimes from any form of sexual contact – for a period of time as determined by their Dominant. If you’re not currently in a relationship, you can also play with it by yourself, of course. This might or might not include the use of a physical chastity device such as a cock cage or chastity belt. It’s also sometimes referred to as orgasm denial, orgasm control, no-touch, and other variations.

So what are some great reasons to give it a go?

It’s a great way to enhance your submission/Dominance

Giving someone control over your sexual release is, in some ways, the ultimate surrender. Whether this involves handing over the keys to your chastity device to a “keyholder”[1] or simply pledging not to touch yourself until given permission, needing someone’s say-so to experience pleasure and orgasm is likely to make you feel submissive to that person really quickly! And for the Dominants amongst you, having someone’s release at your mercy is awesome. Hearing them beg for it is a hell of a power rush.

The eventual pleasure is so much better

When I’ve been denied for a period of time, the eventual orgasm is just so much stronger and more satisfying. A bit like that first bite of your favourite meal when you’re starving hungry, an orgasm after a period of chastity is like no other orgasm you’ll ever experience.

It keeps your mind on your service even as you do other things

Going about your day to day life and feeling your chastity device under your clothes or just remembering you’re not allowed to touch is a great way to feel connected to your Dominant and to your feelings of submission, even when you’re not actually playing.

It’s really fun for long-distance relationships

If you’re long distance, you might wish to implement a rule such as that the submissive is always in chastity when not with the Dominant. A less extreme but still fun version is only allowing your submissive to masturbate and orgasm when on the phone with you. Or you could play edging games on the phone, only to lock your poor submissive up again without release at the end. The possibilities are endless, and playing with chastity is a great way to feel close when you’re apart.

Pleasure can act as a motivator

Are you trying to train your submissive and instill desirable behaviours (or break problematic ones)? Chastity can be a great motivator! Perhaps they only get to touch themselves if they drank their 8 glasses of water today. Maybe you’ll only let them orgasm after they’ve got all their writing done. Or perhaps they get an extra day in the belt for every day they forget to eat breakfast. I’m a big proponent of using kink as a tool for self-improvement. Release-as-reward is one fun way to play with this.

Do you play with chastity? What do you love about it? Tweet me or comment below!

[1] A word of safety caution: if you’re using a physical chastity device, ALWAYS keep a spare key in a safe place where the wearer can access it if they need to. You never know when a medical emergency or similar may crop up.

My Favourite Kink: 3 Reasons I Love Orgasm Control

In a revelation that will be a surprise to precisely nobody who has met me and talked about kink: I LOVE orgasm control. It’s my absolute, number one fetish bar none. Something like 95t% of the time, when I’m masturbating, I’m fantasising, reading erotica or watching porn with orgasm control themes. (The other 5%, I’m probably thinking about gang-bangs, but that’s another post.) Seriously, this kink gets me the fuck off. (Which is ironic, really.)

I’m using “orgasm control” as a catch-all here. It can encompass orgasm denial, teasing and denial, edging, ruined orgasms, coming on command, forced orgasms and post-orgasm torture.

Today’s #KinkMonth post comes, again, from Kayla Lords’ 30 Days of D/s. Today, Kayla”s asking about orgasm control and what we think of it. I think I’ve just laid out pretty clearly what I think of it. But I wanted to share a little of the reason behind that with y’all.

So, here’s a quick-‘n’-dirty (so dirty) list of reasons why I fucking love giving someone else control over my release.

1. Because masochism.

It’s not the same kind of pain as being hit with something, but orgasm control is a form of sadomasochism in its own right. When I’ve been teased really good without release, my cunt starts to physically ache. I love it. (I also hate it, but that mindfuck is also part of the fun.)

Similarly, when I’ve been forced (or ordered – I can pretty much come on command with G-spot stimulation) to come over and over and over… it starts to get pretty damn painful. Sometime around the sixth orgasm it starts to get too much. Around the tenth, I’m begging for it to stop (and yet wishing for it to carry on forever.)

And… have you ever had an orgasm ruined? Fucking hell. That’s an ache – and a level of frustration – unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced.

2. Denial makes the final orgasm more intense.

Seriously. You know how if you get really close to the edge a few times while masturbating, it’s better when you do let yourself come? Yeah. That. Only more. Coming after a session of denial, whether it’s a play session of intense teasing or not being allowed to touch at all for a couple of days…. mmmfff. Be warned: doing this to me often results in a temporary loss of ability to walk or make sentences.

3. It makes me feel really submissive

My sexuality is a really, really important part of me. Our sexuality is a a pretty fundamental part of what makes us human! So to give up control over my sexual release to somebody else, even if only for the length of a scene, feels like placing a crucial aspect of my personhood into their hands and saying, “I trust you to use this to have fun and satisfy us both, and not use it to harm me.”

For my subby brain, which is pretty much the part that’s in control in the majority of kinky situations, this is super fucking hot.

Oof. Well. If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go wank now.

Kinky product of the day: Cock rings! Check out this one, which is pure silicone and rechargeable.

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