[Mini Toy Review] Satisfyer Balls Kegel Exercisers

What are kegel balls and what are they used for?

Kegel balls, sometimes called Ben-wa balls or kegel exercisers, are duos or trios of small weighted balls that are inserted into the vagina. Supposedly, they help the person to perform kegel exercises more effectively and with better results. There are also claims that they improve sexual pleasure over time, even making it easier to reach orgasm. But there is little actual scientific evidence for any of this.

My hand holding a set of red Satisfyer kegel balls

What the science says

“The potential benefits of doing Kegel exercises on a regular basis include: greater ease in achieving orgasm, increased intensity of orgasm, increased lubrication, heightened control over sensation during penetration, and protection against urinary incontinence and bladder prolapse.” (Bartlik et al, 2010)

When it comes to the difference between performing kegel exercises with and without balls or similar devices, though, there’s less evidence.

One 2013 study examined the effect of “vaginal spheres” (kegel exercisers) in the treatment of stress urinary incontinence and found a statistically significant difference in the improvement shown by women who used the spheres vs those who performed kegel exercises without.

A different study, however, used “weighted vaginal cones” to treat urinary incontinence, and found that “there was little evidence of difference for a subjective cure between cones and pelvic floor muscle training” (Herbison & Dean, 2013.)

So the short answer is that there is limited evidence on one of the claims commonly made about kegel exercisers, and virtually no evidence one way or the other for any of the other claims. Anecdotally, balls may help by making the user more likely to actually do their exercises, rather than making the exercises more effective by themselves – but this is little more than speculation. The literature simply doesn’t exist yet.

(Can some scientists get on this please?)

So why would I want kegel balls?

I deliberated for ages on whether to categorise this review under “Sex Toys” or “Sexual Health Products,” but eventually decided on the former. Dubiously-evidenced medical claims aside, the purpose of kegel balls is simple: they can feel really good!

Walking or moving around with something inside you can feel amazing if you’re a person who enjoys vaginal penetration. I find that on the occasions I’ve worn kegel balls for any length of time, I tend to be at a constant level of arousal for however long they’re in. Wearing kegel balls can also be fun as part of a power exchange game, if you’re into that. I definitely find it hot when my Dom instructs me to go out with my cunt full.

Basically, treat kegel ball as a sex toy and not as a medical device, and you’re more likely to have fun!

So how do the Satisfyer balls measure up?

The Satisfyer Balls come in sets of three, which get progressively heavier (79g, 114g and 150g.) There are also alternative sets available in lighter weights. Each of the pairs of balls is a different colour (blue, pink and red) and they are made of silky smooth, soft and body-safe silicone.

Official product image of the Satisfyer Kegel Balls

Each of the balls have gentle ridges to them, which provide delicious internal stimulation.

The balls themselves and the joins between them feel well-made and sturdy. However, the “handle” loops are ridiculously thin and flimsy! They stretch when pulled, making them ineffective for helping to remove the balls from the vagina, and though mine have held out so far I don’t see them lasting very long.

With that said, these sets are inexpensive and good value (3 pairs of balls for £21.99/$24.95) so if you’re new to using kegel balls and just want to try, they’re not a bad place to start.

Pro tips for using kegel balls safely and pleasurably

  • Remember to use plenty of good quality, water-based lube.
  • Start slowly – keep the balls in for just 10 or 15 minutes at first. You can build up from there.
  • Give your body a break every few hours at least, never sleep with your kegel balls in, and take them out immediately if you experience any pain.
  • Boil-sterilise your kegel balls between uses.
  • If you like, try keeping your kegel balls in while you use a clitoral vibrator or do anal play. The dual stimulation can be fun!

Have you used kegel balls? Share your experience!

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me these to review. All views are, as always, my own. Purchasing through the affiliate links in this post helps to support my work.

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Chorus

There are a number of buzzwords and phrases, frequently used to describe sex toys, of which I am highly sceptical. One of these is “for couples”. Another is “hands free”. The We-Vibe Chorus claims to be both of these things. However, my experiences with We-Vibe over the years have been almost universally positive, so with my hopeful-but-ready-to-be-disappointed face firmly in place, I set out to test the new We-Vibe Chorus for you guys.

First impressions

The We-Vibe Chorus in its box

The We-Vibe Chorus comes attractively packaged in a sturdy box. Inside you’ll find the toy and remote, a USB charging cable, and a dock that functions as both travel case and charging station. There’s also a little instruction booklet and a free packet of water-based personal lubricant. (Second ingredient: glycerin. Ughhhhh.)

The We-Vibe Chorus comes in three colours, and mine is “Cosmic Pink.” It is OBNOXIOUSLY pink. (I asked for the purple, but I guess everyone probably asked for the purple. Ah well.) It’s sort of shiny-sparkly

The matte silicone is squishy and soft to the touch.

Shiny new tech! (Or: How is the Chorus different to previous We-Vibe models?)

The Chorus is the latest iteration of We-Vibe’s signature “wearable” vibrators, a line which also includes the Match, Unite and Sync. But how is it different?

The We-Vibe Chorus and remote

The most obvious upgrade, when we compare the Chorus to the Sync (its most recent predecessor,) is the introduction of the squeeze remote. The tighter you squeeze the remote, the more intense the vibration gets – and vice versa! This is a genuinely innovative touch that I haven’t seen anywhere else. You can turn squeeze control on and off with the small button at the top of your remote. When squeeze control is on, you use the +/- buttons to set the base intensity – that is, the lowest setting it will default to if you stop squeezing. We’ll get more into fun ways to play with this in a minute.

There’s also new touch-sense tech, which responds to your movements against the sensor, changing the intensity of the vibrations to match depending on which setting you’ve selected. You can turn touch-sense off through the We-Connect app, if you want to. I had a play with this function but the responsiveness was mixed. Overall, I found it too unpredictable to be pleasurable, and quickly turned it off. If I’m going to use touch-sensitive tech, I want to to actually be reliable. The We-Vibe Wand achieved this much better than the Chorus does.

The WeVibe Chorus and remote on the docking stand

Another significant upgrade to this model is that it is adjustable in two places. Not only can you adjust the distance between the two arms, you can also alter the angle of the internal arm for a more comfortable and stimulating fit. I can’t overestimate how appreciated this is! Bodies come in a wide range of shapes and sizes, and one size will never fit all. I find getting poked in the vaginal walls off-putting and the opposite of erotic, frankly, so being able to adjust the Chorus to actually sit comfortably in my body was a game-changer.

Finally, the Chorus is the first We-Vibe product to use a mix of AnkorLink and Bluetooth technology to connect it to the We-Connect app. The difference here was EXTREMELY noticeable – the connection was much more stable and the responses much more consistent.

In conclusion, the Chorus might superficially resemble We-Vibe’s previous offerings, but you get so much more bang for your buck.

The Chorus is waterproof (though the remote is only splash-proof). I got just shy of 90 minutes of playtime from a full (2 hour) charge.

Not just for couples!

Again, I find the notion of “toys for couples” annoying. Anything can be a couples’ sex toy if you use it with a partner! And many so-called couples’ toys can be used just as well for solo fun. The phrase “toys for couples” has come to be near-synonymous with “toys you use while having penis-in-vagina intercourse”. But lots of couples don’t have sex like that, or only have sex like that sometime… and of course, not all couples are cis-hetero! I vote we change the common terminology to “toys for PIV” instead of “toys for couples”.

Anyway, I digress. The We-Vibe Chorus is a great option if you’re looking for a toy to wear during PIV sex. The slender and adjustable internal arm makes for a comfortable fit regardless of your bodies’ shapes and sizes, and the external arm provides powerful clitoral stimulation – which 70 – 90% (depending on which study you believe) of vulva-owners need to reach orgasm.

But it’s so much more than that! I actually really like this style of toy for solo masturbation. Though I do need to use my hands (see below,) holding it against my body requires almost no strength or energy. It’s easy to use a dildo with it at the same time if I’m after more internal stimulation.

Other fun ways to play

Thanks to its innovative technology and design, this toy has so much potential beyond the obvious “wear during PIV” application.

If you’re into power-exchange games, you could give your partner the remote and have them use the squeeze function or buttons to control when and how you get pleasure. Or the person who is wearing the vibrator could be tied up with the remote in their hand, and their Dominant partner could instruct them on when to squeeze tightly (getting more stimulation) and when to release (getting less).

I really like playing edging games with this toy – squeezing tightly until I’m close to coming, then releasing the control to back off again.

Due to the improved app connection and functionality, this toy is also ideal for long-distance play. Wherever you are in the world, simply hook your toy up to your partner’s phone via the app, and you can give them control of your toy while you sext or exchange smutty pictures.

Not really hands-free

As ever, bodies are different and your mileage may vary. But I do not agree that the We-Vibe Chorus is a hands-free toy. However I adjusted it, I could not get it to stay firmly in place. Every time I moved slightly or changed the intensity of the vibrations, it would shift and move away from my clit. I ended up using one hand to hold it in place and the other hand to operate the remote.

Not a huge problem in the grand scheme of things, but if you’re looking for a truly hands-free experience you’ll want to be aware of this. (Also: if you find a sex toy that is actually, effectively, 100% hands-free, please let me know. This is up there with unicorns on the list of “things I am convinced do not exist.”)

Worth noting: the lovely Phallophile Reviews suggests that wearing tight knickers (such as Spanx) helps this toy stay in place. So that’s something to try!

Power play

Importantly, how does the We-Vibe Chorus stack up in terms of power? Frankly, if I’m going to spend close to £200 on a toy, it’d better knock my socks off, power-wise!

We-Vibe have long been known for using excellent, powerful motors in their toys and the Chorus is no exception. For its small size, it packs a punch. The vibrations are strong, rumbly and – in case this is important to you – surprisingly quiet.

The gentle, lay-on contour of this toy, plus the rumbly vibes, feel fucking phenomenal against my clit.

Final thoughts

If you’re looking for the ultimate “wear during PIV” toy, this is it. I’m seriously impressed with the Chorus! But I also really love this toy for solo play. It’s on the pricier end at £179.99 ($199 US) but you get so many nifty features for your money. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

A gem. We-Vibe have done it yet again.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Chorus in exchange for an honest review. We-Vibe’s other new release, the Wand, will feature in my Valentine’s Day Gift Guide, coming out tomorrow, so stay tuned for that! Header image is by Lovehoney and used with permission, all other images by me. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Luxury Prêt-à-porter

The Short Verdict: the same Satisfyer you know and love… but fancy!

So when it comes to the list of Things Amy Does Not Understand, “fashion” ranks somewhere between “football” and “quantum physics.” I don’t get it, I’ve never got it, and I highly doubt I ever will. That’s maybe why I was a bit baffled when the Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter (along with its sister product, the Satisfyer High Fashion) landed on my doorstep. The premise of these toys, as far as I can tell, is “take the same basic technology as all of Satisfyer’s pressure-wave stimulators, but use fancy materials and stick fashion-words on the box.”

I am embarrassed to admit I had to Google the meaning of “Prêt-à-porter.” (It’s “ready to wear,” for anyone curious, which makes zero sense as a name for a sex toy, but let’s run with it.)

What makes the Prêt-à-porter different?

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter is a pressure-wave clitoral stimulator, with a vibrating motor added. Function-wise, it’s very similar to the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration (an enduring favourite of mine.) And when I say “very similar” what I really mean is “functionally identical” – right down to the same ten vibration settings and the eleven pressure-wace intensity settings.

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter side-on in my hand

Aesthetically, the Prêt-à-porter follows the rose-gold-and-white theme that Satisfyer have used a number of times over the years. The main difference – upgrade, if you like – is in the materials used. The underside and nozzle of the toy is silicone as usual, but this silicone feels noticeably softer, smoother and altogether more luxurious than on any of the other Satisfyer products I own. The silicone of the nozzle, i.e. the bit that actually rests against the clitoris in use, is lovely and squishy. The rose-gold accents are listed as being made of “precious metal,” but this is rather non-specific! I’ve seen it suggested that they are aluminium and copper, but have not had this confirmed for sure.

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter in my hand

The top side of the toy is coated in white leather. I have mixed views on this. It does look stylish and sleek, there’s no doubt about that. However, leather is also a porous material, meaning it is impossible to get completely clean. The leather part does not actually go against the body in use, but it is inevitable that some lube or sex-fluids will be transferred, and I really question how sanitary this can be in the long-term. I also acknowledge that a lot of people, especially vegetarians and vegans, have complicated feelings around the ethics of leather as a material.

Other important things

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter is waterproof, making for easier cleaning as well as allowing you to use it in the bath or shower if you wish. It is USB rechargeable and the charge time is a rather long 4 hours for 60 – 75 minutes of playtime.

Disappointingly, and unlike other Satisfyer pressure-wave toys, the Prêt-à-porter’s nozzle is not removable.

At the higher settings, the Prêt-à-porter is also rather loud.

How did it fare in use?

The first time I used this toy, I had not masturbated or had sex in close to two weeks (recovering from surgery is fun, y’all!) So it is perhaps unsurprising that I reached orgasm in record-quick time. In order to give the Prêt-à-porter a fair trial, I tested it two more times on other occasions.

The shape, angle and softness of the Prêt-à-porter’s head is near-perfect for my clit, surrounding it comfortably. The wider rim of the nozzle also means that when the vibrations and pressure-waves are switched on at the same time, your clit receives both direct stimulation to the glans and indirect stimulation all around it as well.

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter viewed from the nozzle end

A quick note on positioning: in order to get the nozzle to sit correctly against your clit, hold the toy with the leather side (the side with the buttons) facing downwards. It took me a minute of experimenting to figure this out.

The Prêt-à-porter’s vibrations are very buzzy. The motor that is in this toy would never, ever be enough to get me off on its own. However, I mind this a lot less when combined with the pressure-wave stimulator, because the vibrations are a nice add-on rather than the main purpose of the toy. Still, stronger and rumblier vibrations would improve this toy no end.

The ability to control the vibrations and pressure-waves separately are key to getting the most out of the Prêt-à-porter. I do wish they’d provided a two-button interface for the vibrations, though. With the pressure-waves you can switch up and down between settings, but with the vibrations you have to scroll all the way through if you want to go back a setting. The buttons are easy to press and give a satisfying “click.”

Despite some flaws, I am very happy to report that the Prêt-à-porter consistently brings me to toe-curling orgasm in just a few minutes!

So is it worth the price difference?

I’m going to say… maybe.

By far the biggest plus-points for me with the Prêt-à-porter are the size, shape and squishiness of the head. This alone has won me over! The aesthetic is nice but I don’t care that much – substance is much more important than style when it comes to the things I put in/on/around my bits. The downsides are the noise and – from a hygiene perspective – the use of leather and non-removable nozzle.

Overall, my experience was positive and I will definitely be using the Prêt-à-porter again. However, it retails for a slightly eye-watering $119.95 and you can get the Pro Plus Vibration for literally half the price. if you’re on a budget I’m not sure there’s truly $60 worth of difference between the two.

Support Coffee & Kink by buying your Satisfyer Luxury Prêt-à-porter from Shevibe or Peepshow Toys.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links are used within this post.

Image in header banner is courtesy of Satisfyer and reproduced with permission. Other images are by me.

2019 Round-Up: Best New Sex Toys

2019 has been a garbage fire from beginning to end. So in lieu of an actual end-of-year post, which will just make me cry, I wanted to do a quick rundown of the best sex toys I’ve tried this year (plus a quick honourable mention for the worst, just for fun.)

Let’s dive in, shall we?

Rocks Off Chaiamo

Coming in 5th place is the Chaiamo by Rocks Off, a little gem of a classic vibrator with a tapered tip and a surprisingly powerful motor.

RRP: £39.99 / $54.99.

Available from Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney USA and Shevibe.

The Rocks Off Chaiamo vibrator in black

Godemiche Offbeat

4th place goes to the Offbeat by Godemiche, a brilliant simple masturbator for penis-owners brought to us by everyone’s favourite purveyors of beautiful, colourful silicone creations.

RRP: £20 (small) or £25 (large)

Available from Godemiche.

The Godemiche Offbeat on the side of a bath, around a purple dildo

Satisfyer Power Flower

Satisfyer have churned out a real mixed bag of products this year. My far and away favourite, thought, and taking third place in this year’s round-up of best toys goes to the Power Flower, a strange fluttering thing that brought me to orgasm in less than a minute.

RRP: $49.99

Available from Peepshow Toys or Shevibe.

Womanizer/Lovehoney Pro40

Taking second place this year is this collaboration between adult industry powerhouses Lovehoney and Womanizer. The Pro40 is an intuitively-designed clitoral suction toy that feels absolutely incredible and has become a nightstand staple for me this year.

RRP: £99.99 / $119.99

Available from Lovehoney and Lovehoney US.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

Zumio S

The top spot this year is probably the biggest surprise to me of all! After failing to get on with the Zumio Original, I was absolutely blown away by the new S model with its softer, slightly wider tip. A very deserving winner of Amy’s Top Toy 2019!

RRP: $140

Available from Zumio or Shevibe

And the worst…

Just before we go, let’s have an honourable mention for the worst product that has landed on my desk and genitals this year…

Satisfyer Multifun

I don’t know how Satisfyer manage to absolutely knock it out of the park with amazing products like the Power Flower and my enduring favourite, the Pro Plus Vibration… and then somehow also make this. This absolute inexplicable mess is literally no good for any purpose I could find and continues to simply confound sex bloggers by being bafflingly, bizarrely awful. A worthy winner of Worst Sex Toy 2019, I’m sure you’ll agree.

What were your favourite products this year, babes?

This post contains affiliate links. All views are, as ever, completely my own. If you’d like to support me in continuing to bring sex positive content to you and review sex toys in 2020, please buy me a coffee.

[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss DiGiT & AMO

I received these products in fairly quick succession, so I decided I’d do something a bit different and try a compareview (that’s a comparison/review!) of Hot Octopuss’s two new toys, the DiGiT finger vibe and the AMO bullet. And, because I enjoy a bit of friendly competition, I’m going to award a point in each section of the review and finish by telling you which one I recommend more!

What’s all the buzz?

Hot Octopuss burst onto the adult industry scene in 2013 with the Pulse III, a toy for penis-owners that utilises PulsePlate, a patented technology based on medical science (read more here if you’re a dork, like me. It’s fascinating.) Since then, they’ve branched out, with products including an oscillating toy for vulvas, vibrating cock-rings, and a mini version of the Pulse. Their latest two offerings are DiGiT and AMO, pictured above.

DiGiT is a finger-vibrator, with two plastic loops at the base. You pop two fingers through these loops and the shaft of the vibe rests against the length of one finger, essentially becoming an extension of your hand while you play.

AMO is a more traditional bullet vibe, with a shaft that widens at the top and offers one side that has a gentle curve and one with a pinpoint tip for more targeted stimulation.

Stats, Size and Other Important Things

DiGiT and AMO are both USB rechargeable, giving around 40 minutes of running time on a full charge. I would really prefer a longer battery life – it often takes me 20-30 minutes to reach orgasm, which functionally means having to charge the toy before every session.

Both toys are USB rechargeable and waterproof.

Size-wise, there’s not much in it either. DiGiT is slightly heavier (58g to the AMO’s 43g) while AMO is a little longer (9.5cm vs DiGiT’s 8.7cm.)

The Hot Octopuss DiGiT and AMO vibrators lying on a white sheet.
Left: DiGiT. Right: AMO.

The main shaft of both toys is made of soft and body-safe black silicone. The bases (and, in DiGIT’s case, the finger loops) are plastic. A generous slather of water-based lube will improve your experience! They’re a bit small to easily use with condoms, though you could if you felt so inclined. Because these toys are waterproof, you can clean them with gentle soap and warm water. To sterilise them more thoroughly, use a body-safe medical wipe before washing normally.

These toys are designed to be used externally. You could use them inside the vagina if you wished, but they are not anal-safe (especially AMO, which has nothing at all to stop the toy disappearing inside – just don’t risk it, please.)

Thus far, it’s a draw.

Innovation

Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking a tried-and-true formula and doing it well! Bullet vibes are pretty much a staple in the adult industry – almost every major toy company I can think of have one in their product line. AMO does, however, have an edge over the standard bullet vibes that are everywhere, in that the unique shape really does add something extra (more on that later!)

DiGiT is a more unusual idea. While wear-it-on-your-finger vibrators do, of course, exist elsewhere, all the ones I’ve ever tried have either been made of unsafe materials, had such weak vibrations that my finger could do a better job by itself, or both. The two-loops design is also something I haven’t seen before and makes the toy more comfortable to wear.

DiGiT wins the innovation round!

Aesthetics

Hot Octopuss toys have a distinct style to them, and these two are no exception. DiGiT’s base and finger loops are a kind of brown/bronze colour with a gold band separating the base from the shaft. The Hot Octopuss name is stamped into the silicone on the side of the toy and the crown logo is embossed on one of the finger loops. After just a couple of uses, though, this logo started to rub off. AMO’s plastic base is a dark red at the bottom which fades to black where it blends with the main body at the join. The company name is embossed on the side of the base. Both toys have the Hot Octopuss crown logo stamped on the bottom of their base.

The base of the Hot Octopuss AMO vibrator with the company's crown logo stamped into it.

Aesthetics-wise, AMO wins for me. They’re both perfectly attractive toys but the red and black is such a stylish and sexy combo.

Settings and Controls

On both toys, the on/off/change setting button is on one side of the shaft and the up/down speed buttons are on the other.

The button placement is kinda awkward on the DiGiT. Because it was attached to the fingers of my wanking hand, I could only change the settings by either curling my thumb under at a really unnatural angle or bringing my other hand into play.

The Hot Octopuss DiGiT on s woman's hand.

Full disclosure, though: I’m left-handed. I did also try the toy on my right hand and this does, indeed, make the button placement feel somewhat more intuitive (the up/down buttons are perfectly placed to press them with your thumb). It loses points for me, though, for being significantly less accessible and user-friendly for lefties like myself.

The button placement is much less of an issue on the AMO simply because of the way you use it. When I used it in my left hand, the speed buttons were well placed to easily push with my index finger.

DiGiT has five speeds and five patterns, while AMO has six speeds and five patterns

AMO takes the point again for user-friendliness and for that one additional speed.

Which is more powerful?

They’re… honestly identical.

I haven’t confirmed this with Hot Octopuss directly but I would be stunned if it was not the exact same motor in both toys.

To a power-queen like myself, these toys are what I would define as middling-powerful. The vibrations are strong and reasonably rumbly, but not blow-your-socks-off. They’re both slow-build toys for me; not powerful enough to get me off in five minutes, but certainly not “vainly smooshing it against my clitoris and vainly hoping I feel SOMETHING” either.

It’s a draw on this one.

My experience in use

I enjoyed using both of these toys. However, I don’t see myself reaching for the DiGiT for solo play very often in the future. AMO, though, has joined the pile of regular, reliable toys which lives in the easy access basket by my bed.

The reason for this is simple: the shapes! DiGiT’s smooth surface felt perfectly nice, but AMO’s pinpoint tip really blew me away. Unless the vibrations in a toy are EXTREMELY powerful, I tend to need fairly concentrated clitoral stimulation to get maximum enjoyment out of it. The AMO’s shape is perfect for angling against my clit for just the right level of direct stimulation. Mmmm!

No contest in this one: AMO wins hands-down.

Price

DiGiT retails for £59 directly from Hot Octopuss, and AMO retails for £49.

The price difference here makes this an easy one – AMO takes another point.

So which one should I get?

As we’ve seen, these toys are functionally quite similar in a number of ways. I enjoyed using both of them, and will certainly use them again. However, thanks to its aesthetic, that delicious pinpoint tip, and the slightly cheaper price, I personally recommend AMO over DiGiT.

A special discount just for you…

From right now until 23 December 2019, my readers can get 20% off both DiGiT and AMO! Just buy directly from Hot Octopuss using my links and enter code CAK20. You’re welcome!

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me these products to review. All views are, as ever, completely my own. Affiliate links are contained within this post.

[Toy Review] Zumio S

Those of you who have been reading my work for some time may remember that I tried the original Zumio last year. I’d had extremely high hopes for it, as it was touted as The Ultimate Clitoral Toy and, well, clit stimulation is my jam. But I loved it much less than I hoped/expected to, and ultimately it’s sat in my sex toy stash drawers unused for the last year. I just didn’t get on with it

Therefore, when Zumio approached me to review their new S model – designed for those who are more sensitive or didn’t enjoy the intensity of the original model – how could I say no?

S is for… Stats

The Zumio S follows broadly the same model as the original Zumio. It features the trademarked SpiroTIP, a very small head which works not by vibrating, but by spinning very fast in tiny circles. The idea is that many people with vulvas enjoy fast circular motion on their clitoris. The Zumio can achieve this more intensely and for longer than a finger. As sex toys go, it was a genuinely innovative idea. I know a lot of people who loved the original toy.

The Zumio S is a slightly lighter shade of purple than the original. It comes with a cap to protect the fragile tip when not in use. The overall aesthetic can best be described as a slightly futuristic electric toothbrush.

The Zumio S is a rechargeable toy and comes with a little charging cup that you stand the toy in, as well as a cable which you can plug into any USB adapter. According to the copy, the charging time from low battery to full charge is a slightly ridiculous SIXTEEN HOURS. But honestly I found four quite sufficient. The battery life from a full charge is around 4 hours, depending on intensity of use.

This toy is waterproof up to a depth of 0.5 metres, should you wish to take it into the bath or shower. It also has a travel lock, so you can prevent it turning on by mistake in your bag! (Always awkward. Ask me how I know.)

S is for… Safety

The Zumio S is made of ABS plastic with a silicone cover over the plastic SpiroTIP. This means it is completely body-safe. A generous slather of water-based lube will greatly enhance your experience with this toy and reduce any risk of discomfort from the sheer intensity of it.

As the Zumio S is waterproof, you can wash it in warm water with some gentle soap. To sterilise it, sit the tip in a 10% bleach solution for ten minutes then rinse thoroughly, or use a body-safe medical wipe. Click here for a more in-depth guide to cleaning your sex toys.

S is for… Settings, Power and Controls

The Zumio S features 8 levels of intensity and – praise whatever deity you believe in – no fucking annoying patterns!

This toy features a simple 3-button interface, with a small on/off button and the up/down power buttons set in a figure-8 shape just above. The buttons have raised edges, making them easy to feel for without needing to pause to look for them. I did find the power buttons a little fiddly and sometimes had to press them more than once before the setting changed, which was annoying.

I should say, for the benefit of fans of the Zumio Original, that the S is definitely gentler. But “gentler” is also relative and this toy still packs a serious punch.

S is for… (Some of) My Experience

I’ll be honest: my Zumio S hasn’t left my bedside since I first tested it. I really, really like this toy! The slightly wider and silicone-covered (and therefore softer) tip really solves the “so intense it’s painful” experience I had with the original model. And what’s left is just… the glorious kind of intensity.

If I’m sufficiently warmed up, the Zumio S can bring me to orgasm in less than five minutes. For me, that’s very fast. On the other hand, if I’m in the mood for a slower and more involved play session, I like to start out with the S on the lowest setting and slowly build up and up and up.

One thing to note is that this is definitely a “first orgasm” or a “one orgasm” toy for me. I tried using it to get myself off a second time, and found the type of stimulation was all wrong for that. Once I’ve come once, I need broader and deeper stimulation for subsequent orgasms. (Doxy time, anyone!?) As with anything in sex, your mileage may well vary.

S is for… So what’s the verdict?

If you are a fan of intense and focused clitoral stimulation, get yourself one of these! If, like me, you tried the original Zumio and found the tip too small or too hard, the S might just surprise you. A couple of small annoyances notwithstanding, Zumio have absolutely knocked it out of the park with this one.

The Zumio S retails for $140 at Shevibe. I’ve not been able to find a UK stockist outside of Amazon yet, but I’m hoping Lovehoney will get it in stock soon!

Thank you to Zumio for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. As ever, all views are my own. Images are property of Zumio. Affiliate links are contained within this post.

[Toy Review] Womanizer Starlet 2

Before we dive in: did you see I’ve revised my Patreon? There are new reward tiers, better perks, and more ways to get involved! Go check it out and maybe support me – every single dollar really does help.

Despite saying I was going to do substantially fewer product reviews, interesting things to try out keep finding their way to me! Remember when I said I’d been wanting to get my hands on a Womanizer toy for ages and hadn’t had the opportunity? Well, my cup runneth over, so to speak – as I have yet another new Womanizer product to tell you all about!

Suction Toys

I wrote recently about whether or not I think all suction-based clitoral stimulators are basically variations on the same theme. The conclusion I came to was… sort of. The sensation provided by these toys is remarkably consistent across models and even across brands. However, unique design features can really make or break each specific model. Read on to find out whether I thought the Starlet 2 was a hit or a miss.

A little more down-to-Earth…

After the high-end luxury with price tags to match that defines the Womanizer Premium and Duo, the Starlet 2 is a simpler product – more aimed at the everyday consumer, rather than at serious toy enthusiasts with serious money to spare. The Starlet 2 retails at the much more affordable £69.99 (that’s $79.99 to my American friends!) and is an upgrade of the original Starlet model.

It’s a petite toy, only 5 inches in total length, and very light. I have tiny hands and would have preferred the body of the toy to be slightly longer for ease of use, so bear that in mind if you’re a person with big hands. However, for those who find holding larger or heavier toys difficult, the compact nature of this model could be an advantage for you.

The Starlet 2 is USB rechargeable, requiring 30 minutes’ charge for 30 minutes’ playtime. I’m really not impressed with the battery life here. 30 minutes, for me, is often not even long enough to reach orgasm – and the same is true for a lot of people with vulvas. When other toys can do two or three hours on a full charge, this is a major negative in my view.

The Starlet 2 is also fully waterproof, if playing in the bath is your thing. It comes in two colours – a pinkish-orange called “coral”, and a deep blue.

Body-safety, care and cleaning

The Womanizer Starlet 2 sex toy in coral resting on a white sheet

The Womanizer Starlet 2 is made of hard ABS plastic with a silicone nozzle. Like all Womanizer products, this makes it completely body-safe.

The silicone nozzle is removable, so you can remove it and sterilise it in the usual ways – boiling water or a 10% bleach solution. You can also buy replacement nozzles, which are your best bet if you’re going to be sharing the toy with a partner, as it’s not really possible to use a suction toy with a barrier.

Pro tip: swirl a bit of water-based lube around the rim of the nozzle, and put some on your clit too. Lube makes everything better!

Controls & Settings

The Starlet 2 has four possible speeds. This is far fewer than the higher-end models: the Classic has 8 speeds, and the Premium has a massive 12.

The Womanizer Starlet 2 sex toy in coral on a white sheet

Honestly, I think for most people, 4 speeds is probably enough? They’re not as finely graded as they could be, true, but they allow for a steady increase in intensity. But I’m aware I am saying that as someone whose usual play-style with toys is “whack it on the top setting and leave it there.”

The controls are two simple buttons: On/Up and Off/Down. No complaints here – they’re sensibly located in the centre of the main body of the toy, and they’re easy to press. If anything, the Off/Down button could do with being a bit bigger – it’s smaller than the Up button and I see no good reason for this. Overall, though, I’ll give the Starlet 2 points for simple and sensible controls.

So was the Starlet 2 a rising star?

I had high hopes for this toy after my amazing experiences with the Premium and the Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40. Unfortunately, it just really missed the mark for me in practice.

Due to the shape, and how little the nozzle sticks out from the body of the toy, I found it almost impossible to get the right angle against my body. I tried holding the toy in multiple different ways, but all of them either left a gap between part of the nozzle and my body (thus meaning my clit got much less stimulation) or required contorting my hand/arm in uncomfortable ways. A longer handle and a more pronounced nozzle would go a long way to mitigating this issue.

I also really noticed the relative lack of power at the higher settings, compared to other suction toys.

I tried this toy three times, and was not able to orgasm with it on any occasion.

So do I recommend it?

Unfortunately I don’t. I was hopeful about the Starlet 2, but it didn’t live up to expectations for me at all. It’s not egregiously bad or anything, but I was left unimpressed and I doubt I’ll use it again. I recommend splashing out another £30 if you can and getting the Womanizer/Lovehoney Pro40 instead, which is just so much better.

Thanks to Womanizer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are my own and images are by me. Please use the affiliate links within this post if you want to make a purchase; commission helps to keep this site going!

[Toy Review] Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 Clitoral Stimulator

A quick PSA before we start: I’ve revamped my Patreon! There are new tiers (named after types of coffee because of course,) new rewards, and plans for lots of exciting content in the near future! Please check it out and support me if you can.

Many of you may remember from a a while back that I am a Womanizer convert! The Premium was just so damn good. So when I heard that Womanizer had teamed up with Lovehoney to produce a toy together, how could I resist giving the Pro40 a go?

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

Are all suction-based simulators broadly the same?

I’ve been wondering this as I try more of them. And my answer is… sort of. All the air suction based clitoral toys I’ve tried have been, in many ways, remarkably similar. Each one has slightly different features, of course, and some certainly work better for my body than others. But if you like one you’ll probably like a lot of them, and if you hate the sensation of one then you’ll (probably) dislike most of them. They’ve certainly got better over the years (the first time I tried one I did not see what all the hype was about!)

But broadly speaking, one suction-based clitoral stimulator feels very similar to the next. Luckily, the sensation they provide is one that I absolutely love. My clit gets overstimulated easily with direct contact, so the gentle caressing sensation is perfect for me. These things, if I’m in the right headspace, can give me full body, clutching-at-the-sheets-and-trying-not-to-wake-the-neighbours orgasms.

With that said, how did the Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 stack up?

The Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 is a one-off collaboration between these two companies. It uses Womanizer’s signature Pleasure Air technology, which stimulates the clitoris via rapid pulses of air. These types of clitoral stimulators can be a godsend for those who find that vibrators often make them feel numb. (They do not, however, feel like oral sex! Whatever the hype says, I will die on this hill.)

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy in my hand on the background of a white bedsheet.

I’ll be honest: a lot of the time I’ll try a suction toy, review it, and then shove it in a drawer and not bother with it again for months. I fucking love this one, though. I’ve been reaching for it again and again lately, long after all the necessary testing sessions for this review were complete. It’s just really, really good.

Important bits…

The Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 has an ABS plastic body and uses silicone nozzles. This makes it completely body-safe. The nozzles are also removable, which is convenient when it comes to cleaning. Just pull the nozzle off, sterilise it in boiling water or a 10% bleach solution, pop it back on and you’re good to go! You can also buy replacement heads , should you need to.

You can’t really use a barrier with a suction toy, so I suggest swapping out the heads between users if you’re sharing with a partner. As ever, water-based lube is recommended – I find swiping a bit of lube around the rim of the nozzle makes the whole experience feel so much better.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

The Pro40 is fully waterproof, and is rechargeable via the included USB cable. The battery life is great – I’ve had over 3 hours use out of a single charge.

Price and Aesthetics

The plastic body of the Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 is a pretty mix of black and rose-gold. (The latter of which seems to be VERY trendy for sex toys right now.) It comes packaged in Lovehoney’s distinctive style, with just a shade of Womanizer luxury thrown on top. This toy, and its packaging, lacks the high-end feel of some of Womanizer’s other recent products, but nontheless has a sleek, stylish vibe.

At £99.99, it’s far from a cheap toy, but is more wallet-friendly than the pricier Classic, and the eye-wateringly expensive Duo and Premium.

Ease of use

The Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 is around 6.5 inches long and pleasingly light to hold. Ergonomics-wise, this one is a huge win for me. I have found some suction-based toys cumbersome to hold or difficult to position, but this one feels comfortable in my small hand and fits against my body like a dream. It helps that the nozzle also sticks out a good distance from the body of the toy, making it much easier to angle it effectively against my clit.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

It also has easy, intuitive controls. There’s an on/off button, and +/- speed buttons and… that’s it. The buttons are easy to press, sensibly located on the main body of the toy, large enough, and well spaced out. The only thing that could improve the controls would be to have the +/- signs on the buttons raised, so that the user could easily feel which was which without having to look.

Settings & volume

The Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 has six levels of intensity. It also has – praise the sex toy gods – No Fucking Patterns!

This toy is pretty quiet on the lower levels, but does get quite loud when you turn it up to full power. Not as loud as a wand, but definitely louder than your average vibrator. So you’ll want to bear that in mind if discretion is important to you.

Overall, do I recommend it?

Yes. I adore this toy! I was so surprised by how good it was, and how well it stacked up against more expensive models. Fully endorsed with the C&K Stamp of Approval.

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links are used within this post and send a small commission my way if you make a purchase. Images are by me.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration Masturbator

Satisfyer are really churning them out lately, aren’t they? A few weeks after receiving the now-infamous shipment of 7 new toys for vulvas, I received a parcel the other day containing two new penis toys. They seem very similar, so I got rid of one via a Twitter giveaway, and kept the other one to test make Mr CK test. Meet the Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration Masturbator (hereafter ‘Satisfyer Men Heat’).

Keep your gendered marketing

I’m opposed to gendered marketing of sex toys. Not everyone who has a penis is a man, and not all men have penises! Trans and nonbinary people exist! Unnecessarily gendering toys not only makes trans and NB folks feel ignored and sidelined, it’s also just bad business. Why would you want to alienate a part of your potential customer base? So I was already a bit “ugh” about this product just from the name. But I tried to keep an open mind, I really did.

“A stylish playmate for modern guys”

This is how the Satisfyer Men Heat is described in their marketing copy. I mean… okay, I guess? The colour scheme is black and silver, a minimalistic and stereotypically masculine aesthetic. At first glance, the toy looks like a cross between a portable coffee cup and a torch. One end is closed, and the other is a hole where you insert the penis. The outer is made of ABS plastic, and the fuckable end (sorry, I can’t think how else to describe it) is lined with soft, squishy silicone.

Fuck it, describing this toy is hard, here’s a visual.

The Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration on a white sheet

The Satisfyer Men Heat features a heating function, which warms the toy to three possible levels, the highest being 104F (about 40C, or slightly over normal body temperature). This is designed to make the experience “breathtakingly realistic” which, one assumes, means “it feels like a vagina”. Then there’s “like a blowjob… but BETTER!” as the box claims. I’m skeptical to say the least, but let’s move on.

Size-wise, it’s got about 2.75″ of penetrable depth (so if you like really deep penetration, this isn’t going to be for you). It’s about 3″ wide, and the hole that you penetrate is around 1.5″.

Close up of the Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration

The Satisfyer Men Heat is USB rechargeable and fully waterproof.

Settings & controls

The Satisfyer Men Heat has 4 buttons set into a control panel on the front of the toy. The on/off button is at the top and also changes the vibration pattern. Then you have the +/- buttons to change the speed, and lastly the temperature control button. You can set the toy warming without the vibrations being on, so you might want to give it a few minutes to warm up before playing. It starts getting warm very quickly and the instructions say it comes to temperature in five minutes.

This control panel is really where the problems started. The buttons are not raised at all, so you cannot feel for them with your fingers without a visual. They’re also not clearly marked – thin grey markings on a black background! This means it’s basically impossible to see the buttons properly during use unless you’re in very good light and have perfect vision. In low light, forget it. Mr CK also pointed out that this makes the toy really inaccessible to those with any kind of visual impairment.

Additionally, though you are supposed to be able to adjust the heating function, there is no discernible way to tell which heat setting it’s on. You just get the flashing thermometer icon to indicate that the warming function is on.

This toy boasts “70 different vibration combinations”. I’m not sure how the maths works here, given that by my count it has 8 possible speeds and 6 patterns, making a total of 48 possible options. But what do me and my D in GCSE maths know!?

Care and cleaning

About the best thing I can say about this product is that it is body-safe, which is still shockingly rare for penis toys. Standard masturbators like Fleshlights are all made from porous materials such as TPE, which harbour bacteria and are impossible to get completely clean. Fortunately, silicone is non-porous, phthalate-free and 100% safe. At least Satisfyer got THAT right.

As the Satisfyer Men Heat is waterproof, you can clean it with warm water and gentle soap. It’s a bit of a pain to get clean given the shape, but it can be done with a bit of extra care. If you want to share this toy with a non fluid-bonded partner, you can use it while wearing a condom. As always, I recommend water-based lube – and you’re going to need PLENTY of it if you attempt to use this thing.

So how did it work?

The Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration on a white sheet

“Badly” is, unfortunately, the short and sweet answer. Mr CK was able to fit his penis into the toy with the help of plenty of lube, but he found it uncomfortable. Anyone with a larger than average penis, especially if you’re quite girthy, should avoid this product – you just won’t fit or it’ll hurt! Despite the squishyness of the silicone, it doesn’t have much “give” to make extra room – and one side is completely rigid. This is really a “one size” toy, which doesn’t work at all because penises are so infinitely and gloriously varied. It also makes a squelching noise when you penetrate it, which – while giggle-inducing – is not sexy.

Additionally, the vibrations just didn’t measure up. Even at the highest setting, they’re pretty pathetically weak. Mr CK very quickly concluded that there was zero chance of this toy bringing him anywhere near to orgasm.

When the best your partner can manage is a shrug and an “it’s not… unpleasant?” you know you’re not on to a winning toy.

“But does it feel like fucking a vagina?” I asked. “No,” he said.

“And is it better than a blow job?” “No,” he said again. Never one to waste words.

The verdict

Unfortunately we cannot recommend this product. If you have a penis on the smaller side AND enjoy gentle vibrations, you might get something out of this toy – but otherwise we suggest you spend your money elsewhere. Check out the Godemiche OffBeat, the Hot Octopuss Pulse III or the Hummer wand attachment for some of my most often-recommended penis toys.

Sorry, Satisfyer – I still love you (you’ll have my heart for a while for that amazing flower thing) but seriously, please stop churning things out quite so quickly and develop them more rigorously first.

The Satisfyer Men Heat & Vibration Masturbator retails for $59.95.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as ever, my own. Pictures are by me. Affiliate links contained within this post make me a small commission if you use them to make a purchase.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Yummy Sunshine

I, along with many other sex bloggers, recently received a package of seven (7) sex toys from Satisfyer, who have branched out from suction-based toys and now make vibrators too. After a little deliberation, I kept two: the Power Flower, which I reviewed here, and this one – the Yummy Sunshine.

Bright and cheery…

The Satisfyer Yummy Sunshine vibrator on a white sheet

Long-time readers will be aware of my general aversion to the excessive pinkness of sex toys aimed at people with vulvas. Generally, if there’s a choice between pink and any other colour, I will go for the other colour. One of the reasons I gravitated to the Yummy Sunshine when choosing which Satisfyer toys to keep was the sheer novelty and vibrancy of the BRIGHT yellow colour. Yellow isn’t a colour I particularly love, and this toy honestly makes me think of a banana more than sunshine, but… at least it’s not fucking pink.

Sunshine stats…

The Yummy Sunshine is a fairly large G-spot vibrator. It is 8.75″ in total length, of which 6″ is insertable, and 1.5″ in diameter at the widest insertable point. Given the size, it’s very lightweight.

The Yummy Sunshine vibrator on a black pillow

The Yummy Sunshine has a ribbed shaft and a gentle curve for G-spot stimulation. It also sports what seems to be the Satisfyer vibrator line’s signature ring-handle, which I find comfy and ergonomic to hold. The ring is pretty small, so might be less comfortable for someone with bigger hands.

This toy is USB rechargeable via a magnetic charging pin, and is completely waterproof. It retails for $49.95.

Controls and settings

All Satisfyer’s new vibrators seem to have the same basic control system: a vertical three-button interface, with the on/off button in the centre and the up/down setting change buttons above and below it. It’s a simple and intuitive system to use, and the buttons feel well-placed and easy to press.

The control panel on the Satisfyer Yummy Sunshine vibrator

For some reason, the bottom button is the “up” setting and the top button is the “down” setting, which feels counter-intuitive, so that’s something to be aware of.

Yummy Sunshine has 6 constant vibration speeds and 6 patterns.

Materials & care

The Yummy Sunshine is made of super smooth, super silky silicone. Honestly, the softness and suppleness of the silicone might be the best thing about this product! Silicone is non-porous, non-toxic and free of phthalates or other harmful ingredients, making this toy 100% body-safe.

(I keep promising myself that one day I’ll stop writing this in reviews, since I don’t review unsafe toys… but then I remember that this review might be a reader’s first time visiting this blog, and might even be the first time they’ve ever heard that sex toys can sometimes be unsafe. So long-time readers, if it seems repetitive, I’m sorry – I try to review in such a way that it would make sense to a person who has never owned a sex toy or read a toy review before).

Clean your toy between uses with a body-safe sterile wipe (I get mine in bulk from medical suppliers) or some gentle soap and warm water. To sterilise it more thoroughly, use a 10% bleach solution and then rinse thoroughly (more on cleaning your toys here). If you’re sharing this toy, it’s the ideal shape to use with a condom. As ever, water-based lube is recommended – and you’ll want to use plenty of it for a toy this size.

How does it feel? 

I found this toy enjoyable enough to use, but not perhaps for its intended purpose. I do not like internal vibrations at all – I find them uncomfortable at best, sometimes to the point of painful. My G-spot wants to be stroked, fucked, or left alone – not buzzed, ever.

However, I enjoyed the Yummy Sunshine as a dildo. The gentle ribbed shaft provides lovely stimulation and the curve of the tip is just right to hit my G-spot. The silicone is very soft, and it has a nice flexibility so you can angle it just right.

I also tried it as a clitoral vibrator, which I found fine but not earth-shattering. The vibrations were really neither rumbly enough nor powerful enough for my tastes. I can orgasm with the Yummy Sunshine, but it wouldn’t ever be high up on the list of toys I’d reach for.

The one way in which this toy did really come into its own was when I tried masturbating in a face-down position and grinding on it. The ridges and ripples of the shaft sliding along my vulva felt great.

Do I recommend it?

Overall, I had fun using the Yummy Sunshine, but I was left with the overwhelming impression of a toy that is… just okay. There’s nothing egregiously wrong with it, but it’s nothing to write home about either.

If you’re looking for a mid-price, mid-intensity, ribbed G-spot vibe, this might do the trick for you. But honestly overall I think you can get better toys for your money.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me a shipment of toys including the Yummy Sunshine for review. All view are my own. Pics are by me. Affiliate links are used within this post.