overpriced Archives - Coffee & Kink

Header image for Lovehoney review of Heartbeat clitoral suction stimulator

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator

Published on March 4, 2024September 2, 2024 by Amy

Who doesn’t love a sex toy that’s as cute as it is functional? For many of us, the aesthetic of our toys matters and adds to our overall experience. This is particularly true when you’re giving a toy to a lover as a gift. The Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator from Lovehoney certainly fits the bill of “cute.” But how did it fare in use?

About the Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator

This is a petite, heart-shaped clitoral suction toy with the nozzle located in the bottom tip of the heart. If you’re not familiar with this type of toy, it surrounds your clit and stimulates it not with vibrations, but with rapid air pulses that create a “sucking” sensation. (Companies keep insisting on claiming that these toys feel like receiving cunnilingus. They do not. Let’s move on from this silliness, shall we?)

Lovehoney Heartbeat clitoral suction stimulator red clit sucker vibrator

Measuring just 3″ in height, the Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator is light and small enough to fit into the palm of your hand. It is made of soft and body-safe silicone in an attractive, bright crimson red.

The Heartbeat is rechargeable via the included USB cable, with a 60 minute charge giving you around the same in running time. It also has a travel lock function and is IPX7 waterproof – that is, fully submersible for up to 30 minutes.

Settings and Controls

The Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator offers an impressive ten levels of power. The levels are well-spaced and distinctive. Due to the nature of this type of toy, there are no “patterns” to contend with (fuck patterns amirite?)

Lovehoney Heartbeat clitoral suction stimulator red clit sucker vibrator turned on its side to show the buttons

The toy has a two-button interface located on its side. One button powers it on and off, the other changes the setting. For a toy with as many as 10 settings, you really need two-way controls. Having to scroll all the way back through just to go back one level is a recipe for ruined orgasms and annoyance. Otherwise, the buttons are easy to press and the user interface is simple.

In Use

I understand the appeal of a heart-shaped sex toy, but the shape also creates problems. This is one of the least ergonomic clitoral suction toys I’ve ever tried and it is, frankly, a nightmare to hold for any length of time. Every time I’ve used it, I’ve ended up with serious hand cramp.

My other major complaint with this toy is that the nozzle is too small. I don’t have a particularly large clitoral glans, but this toy is still too small to surround it comfortably. If you have a larger or more prominent clit, forget it. Someone in the Lovehoney on-site reviews does note that they have a smaller-than-average clit and that this toy works really well for them as a result, so it might just be a matter of what types of anatomy it is best suited to.

The Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator’s power is decent, particularly on the higher levels. On the top setting, it can make me cum in less than 10 minutes (which is good because I can’t really hold it for much longer than that due to the aforementioned shape issues.) The suction sensation is perhaps a little more “buzzy” than many of the higher-end clitoral suckers I’ve tried. It’s also reasonably quiet, which is nice.

Verdict

Cute, for sure, but ultimately more gimmick than function. This toy has too many flaws for me to fully recommend it, most notably the awkward shape and too-small nozzle.

The Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator retails for £49.99 (UK) or $59.99 (US.) To be honest, it’s pretty overpriced for what it is. I recommend the Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator or the Romp Switch (review) for budget-friendly alternatives, or the Womanizer Liberty (review) if you can spend a little more.

Don’t forget to use code AFF-COFFKINK10 at checkout for 10% off your entire Lovehoney order.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping with them sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you. All views, as always, are mine.

Header image for ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator review

[Toy Review] ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

Published on January 29, 2024April 30, 2024 by Amy

ROMP is a toy brand owned by WOW Tech, the parent company behind brands such as Womanizer, We-Vibe, Pjur, and Arcwave. ROMP toys have a fun, playful aesthetic and come in a range of bright, popping colours. I received the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator (US link) which features in Lovehoney’s top picks for Valentine’s Day, to test.

ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

The ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator measures 4″ in total length and looks like, well, a tube of lipstick (or other makeup product such as mascara.) It wouldn’t look at all out of place in my makeup bag.

The ROMP Lipstick is a clitoral suction stimulator that – like the thousands of other toys in this category now on the market – uses a nozzle opening and rapid pulses of air to provide “touchless” stimulation to the clit. The toy’s body is made of hard plastic, and its nozzle is made of body-safe silicone.

This toy is rechargeable. A full charge (2 hours) gives you around 60 minutes of use on the top setting. It’s also IPX7 waterproof, i.e. submersible in water up to 1 metre for up to 30 minutes.

Things I Like About the ROMP Lipstick

Before I start complaining about all the issues with the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator, let’s talk about the things I did like!

The look. In general, I’m “meh” about the concept of sex toys that are deliberately designed not to look like sex toys. But the aesthetic of this one is cute and fun enough that it gets away with it.
It’s small, light, and comfortable to hold.
The button placement is sensible (on the base of the toy) and the button itself is clicky and easy to press.
It has 7 evenly-graded power settings, which is reasonable for a toy at this price point.
It’s pretty quiet, especially when the nozzle is against the body.

That’s about it, I’m afraid.

Anything I Don’t Like?

Ugh. Where do I begin? I really wanted to love this product, because I was drawn to its bright colours and cute design. Unfortunately, I have far more negative than positive to say about the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator. Namely…

The nozzle is too small! I don’t have a particularly large clit, but I couldn’t even get this thing to enclose it all. The nozzle opening is a tiny 1cm in diameter. If your clit is anything but quite small, I think you’ll struggle with this one.
The suction mechanism is – how do I put this nicely? – absolute crap. I didn’t get any of the lovely fluttering sensations that I get from good clit suction toys. Instead, it just felt like a particularly weak and buzzy vibrator.
The button isn’t always responsive. About 10-20% of the time, I have to press it twice to get the setting to change.
For a toy at this price-point, a one-button interface (meaning you have to scroll through all the settings to go backwards) really isn’t good enough.
It’s far too expensive. £49.99/$59.99 is a reasonable price for a mid-range toy, but feels like a rip-off for something as disappointing as this.

Worst of all is that I knew within two minutes that this thing was never going to get me off. Even with warm-up and some hot content to read, there was just absolutely no way. To be honest, even when I was turned on and my clit was sensitive and ready to go, this toy didn’t even feel particularly good. If “did not give me an orgasm” is a damning statement to make about a sex toy, “did not even feel good” is pretty unforgiveable.

A final and possibly petty gripe: the packaging tells me I can “cancel my next booty call”. This is an immediate ugh from me because I do not think we should be comparing toys to human partners or framing them as replacements, even in jest. It’s also just ridiculously inaccurate considering the speed with which I threw this thing across the room and reached for something effective to finish the job.

Verdict

The ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator is, all things considered, tremendously disappointing. Its nozzle is too small, its suction functionality is lacklustre, and there is simply no universe in which it will ever make me cum.

Sadly, I’m chalking this one up as overpriced and underwhelming. Especially because you can get far better clitoral suction toys for the same price (or even less!) Skip it.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. Using them sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you!

[Toy Review] Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator

Published on September 16, 2023April 30, 2024 by Amy

I’ve long had a mixed relationship with rabbit vibrators. Over the years I’ve tried some absolute gems, a lot of middle-of-the-road and fine-but-ultimately-forgottable toys, and some total trash. I’ll be honest: I rarely reach for them when I’m masturbating or having sex with a partner.

This is partly because I have an on-again, off-again relationship with vaginal penetration (it’s fine and I enjoy it sometimes, but my clit will always be the key to my heart.) But it’s also because rabbit vibes tend to be so goddamn fiddly to use. By the time I’ve positioned a rabbit exactly right so that it’s stimulating my clit without poking me in the vaginal wall, and then messed around with different settings to get the “gentle on the vag, intense on the clit” combo I need to get off, I’m more likely to be annoyed and bored than turned on.

So while the mood for them strikes occasionally, rabbit vibes are rarely likely to be my first choice.

So Why Are Rabbits So Popular?

Even so, the legend of the rabbit vibrator persists and they’re arguably one of the most enduringly sought-after types of sex toys out there. I think that’s partly because of the ways they’ve been portrayed in popular culture (that Sex and the City scene, anyone?)

I think it’s also partly because they connect to the idea of the “blended orgasm” – an orgasm that’s reached through clitoral and G-spot stimulation simultaneously. Many consider this to be a better type of orgasm than other kinds. I’m cynical about this, to say the least. Firstly, because the experience of sexual pleasure is so intensely personal and unique, I’m not sure we can (or should) meaningfully break orgasms down into discrete “types.” Secondly, even if we can, I’m extremely wary about elevating some types of orgasms over others. Some people climax in that way, and other people don’t.

With All That Said, Let’s Look at the Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator

Yoyolemon were kind enough to send me their rabbit vibrator (full title: YoYoLemon Rabbit Vibrator for Women with 9 Thrusting and 9 Vibration Modes for Vagina G Spot and Clitoral Adult Sex Toys. Try saying that five times fast!)

The Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator measures 8.4″ in total length and 4.7″ in inserable length. The shaft is a slimline 0.95″ in diameter at the widest point.

This toy is made of body-safe matte silicone in a dark pink shade. The shaft and the underside of the clitoral stimulator both have a ribbed texture. It is IPX7 waterproof, meaning you can immerse it in water safely – ideal for using in the bath or shower. It’s also USB rechargeable and comes with the necessary cable. A full charge takes about 2 hours and gives you around 90 minutes of continuous use.

Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator: The Good

First of all, let’s look at what I did like about the Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator.

The silicone is lovely to the touch – soft and smooth.
The shaft is a good shape, with a very gentle curve that’s good for targeted G-spot stimulation without being too pokey or pointy.
The texturing on the underside of the clitoral stimulator was nice, providing an additional and different sensation alongside the vibrations.
One of the big problems with many rabbit vibrators lies with positioning. Since all bodies are different and there’s a wide variation between vulvas, rabbit toys with both arms in fixed positions are only ever going to work for a small number of users. The Yoyolemon’s rabbit has a super flexible clitoral stimulator, making it easy to position the toy correctly for your body.
There are 3 constant vibration speeds and 6 patterns, making 9 settings in all. No matter what you like, there’s probably something in there that will suit you.
The user interface is simple, with an on/off button and a settings button. These two buttons are well-placed and easy top press.
It is discreetly packaged in a sturdy black box and comes with a drawstring storage bag.

Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator: The Not So Good

There were also a few notable downsides to this product, including:

Supposedly, the Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator has an automatic warming function, heating up the shaft of the toy to 107F (42C, or just above body temperature) for “very realistic satisfaction.” It is supposed to get up to temperature in 3 minutes. Unfortunately, my toy’s heating function did not work at all even when I left it running for a good 15 minutes.
That flexible clitoral stimulator? While it’s great for positioning, it’s really a bit too flexible. No sooner have I got it on my clit than it flops away again if I change angles even slightly.
The vibrations are not particularly strong and buzzy as fuck. Even on the highest setting and with plenty of warm-up, there’s zero chance this toy will ever make me cum. After ten minutes or so, my clit was so numb I could barely feel anything at all.
The toy isn’t particularly loud, but the sound it does make is high-pitched and whiny with an occasional concerning rattling.

YoYoLemon Rabbit Vibrator buttons close-up

You can’t control the two motors (clitoral and G-spot) separately. For people like me, who want the aforementioned intense clitoral stimulation alongside gentle (or no) internal vibrations, this is a huge downside and renders the toy pretty much unusable.

You can only scroll through the settings one way, meaning a lot of button-pressing if you want to go back to the previous one.

Verdict

The Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator retails for £57.99 (or $69.99 US) which I think is really too expensive for what it is: a fairly basic rabbit vibrator. I’m sorry to say that I’d be feeling pretty disappointed if I’d paid that much for this product considering that it’s never going to get me off.

As with all things sex, this is a personal opinion. It might work brilliantly for you and if so, that’s great! Unfortunately it did not do it for me.

Thanks to Yoyolemon for sponsoring this review. This means they paid me to give my unbiased opinion on the toy. All views, as ever, are mine.

[Toy Review] Womanizer OG Pleasure Air G-Spot Stimulator

Published on April 24, 2023September 2, 2024 by Amy

Every now and then, I will encounter a sex toy that leaves me scratching my head in a “I don’t really know what this is” sort of way. Womanizer’s new OG (the Womanizer OG Pleasure Air G-Spot Stimulator, to give it its full title) is one such product.

I find the concept of this toy confusing, and the execution even more so.

Womanizer OG: The Details

This new toy from Womanizer (purveyers of some of my absolute faves in the clitoral suction toys space) looks like a traditional G-spot vibrator at first glance. It measures 9″ in total length, with a generous curve, and 1.4″ in diameter at the widest point.

The Womanizer OG is made of smooth and body-safe silicone, and available in 3 colours: lilac, aubergine, or dark grey. I received the lilac, and it’s genuinely very pretty. It’s also the exact colour my hair goes when the dye has almost but not entirely faded out, which is pleasing.

This toy is waterproof and rechargeable, with a runtime of about 2 hours on a full charge. The Womanizer OG is also equipped with Smart Silence technology, meaning that the suction function will only switch on when it is in contact with the body. This helps to preserve the battery and is also a useful function if discretion matters to you.

A Suction Toy… For Your G-Spot?

I love clitoral suction toys; I own a lot of them, and use them regularly. I also own a G-spot, and like to have it stimulated sometimes. But the combination of these two things has led to a concept that has me confused: a suction toy for the G-spot? Why?

I don’t know about you, but I have never had the desire to have my G-spot sucked. (Side note: is it just me or does “I will suck on your G-spot” sound like something a Fetlife rando who doesn’t actually understand how bodies work would drop into the inbox of an unsuspecting sub?)

Despite my reservations, I was curious. Perhaps I would be truly surprised, awed, and blown away by this new innovation in pleasure technology. Reader, I was not. I lubed the toy up and slid it into place, then spent some time slowly cycling through all of the 12 intensity levels. (Another small complaint: the buttons are small and hard to push.)

Womanizer OG review picture of toy's buttons

The result can best be described as “nothing” followed by “why?”. When I eventually managed to get the suction nozzle positioned over my G-spot, I found the sucking sensation little more than mildly annoying on the lower levels, and distinctly uncomfortable on the higher settings. I like a little “ouch” with my sex sometimes, but I usually want that to be inflicted by a cute Top, not by my vibrator!

Is it Better as a Clitoral Toy?

By this point in this endeavour, I had established that I do not enjoy having my G-spot suctioned. (Sentences I did not expect to write today…)

I do, however, like using suction toys on my clit. So naturally I tried to use the Womanizer OG in that way instead. Unfortunately, it wasn’t too effective there, either. Perhaps due to the shape and size of the nozzle, it was almost impossible to get a decent seal around my clit.

Pro tip: you’ll want to turn Smart Silence off for this (do so by holding down the + and – buttons at the same time for 3 seconds.) When Smart Silence was on, the poor seal meant that the toy kept switching itself off when I was trying to use it!

It’s also loud in a really annoying way – the sound at the higher levels can best be described as “rattly” – and an ergonomic nightmare when used externally. So no, I do not think I’ll be using this one clitorally again.

What About the Vibration Function?

You can use your Womanizer OG with or without the accompanying vibrations. There are 3 constant vibration speeds, controllable through a single button. This button, like the others, is annoyingly fiddly and hard to press.

The vibrations themselves are lacklustre. They are weak and buzzy, as though they were clearly added as an afterthought. This toy is pitched at the “luxury” end of the market, and there’s really no excuse for shitty motors and buzzy vibrations at this price point.

To give credit where credit is due, the Womanizer OG’s curved shape is excellent. Its flexible shaft also makes it easy to position comfortably. But “it makes an okay G-spot dildo” is not the best thing I expect to be able to say about a £180 toy!

Verdict

This one’s a miss from me. The suction sensation on my G-spot was utterly unenjoyable, and it didn’t fare any better as a clitoral suction toy. Without the suction, it’s just a basic G-spot vibrator (that costs £180!). And it’s a kinda meh, buzzy one at that.

As always, take my review as what it is: one person’s experience. This toy has had a lot of great reviews, so your mileage may vary if you decide to try it.

The Womanizer OG is available from some of my favourite adult retailers including Lovehoney UK*, Lovehoney US*, Shevibe, and of course Womanizer themselves!

[*] Use code “AFF-COFFKINK10” to get 10% off

Thanks to Womanizer for sending me this product to review. All opinions are, as always, my own! Affiliate links appear in this post. If you use them to make a purchase, I make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Header image for review of the Cobra Libre II penis masturbator from Fun Factory and Lovehoney

[Toy Review] Fun Factory x Lovehoney Cobra Libre II Masturbator

Published on May 21, 2021May 9, 2024 by Amy

My lovely partner is very patient and accommodating when it comes to putting various things on his genitals so I can bring honest reviews to you all. He’s also, over the years, got pretty good at identifying quickly whether something will work for him. He was not hopeful about the Cobra Libre II masturbator from Fun Factory and Lovehoney. Even so, we went in with an open mind and gave it a good go.

Was he proven right or wrong? Read on to find out…

Cobra Libre II

The Cobra Libre II is a masturbator for penis owners made by Fun Factory in collaboration with Lovehoney. This version is availavle in an exclusive colourway that is described as “blue” but is really more of a rich sea green.

The Cobra Libre II is a penetratable masturbator with two motors. It is designed to deliver focused stimulation to the head of the penis. The main casing of the toy is ABS plastic, and the sleeve section is stretchy silicone. It is fully waterproof and rechargeable via the included USB cable.

The Good Bits

Well, the materials are body-safe, but that’s really more “bare minimum” than “selling point.”

The Cobra Libre II’s motors are decently powerful and rumbly (though, as we’ll see in a moment, badly placed.) The battery power is excellent, lasting for well over 2 hours on the top setting, and the Cobra Libre II isn’t excessively loud.

Honestly that’s about all I can think to say is good about it.

The Bad Bits

The Cobra Libre II’s actual opening is surprisingly small. The advertising copy says it’s supposed to accommodate 3.5″, but that’s really only going to be true for folks with penises on the slimmer side. Anyone who is even a little bit girthy is likely to find that their penis simply… doesn’t really fit.

Vibrating masturbator silicone masturbation sleeve

And can we talk about that motor placement!? When I turned the toy on, it felt pretty powerful in my hand. But when I stuck my fingers into the opening, the vibes felt a lot weaker inside. This is pretty poor form for something that is designed to be penetrated.

When my partner tried using it on his penis, he confirmed that the vibrations feel very weak when you’re actually using it. If your hand is getting buzzed more than your penis, it’s a poorly designed sex toy.

Finally, the controls are confusing. You press the red “FUN” button to turn it on and off, which is fine, but the up and down controls to cycle through the patterns are really weird.

The + button cycles through the settings one way, but the – button always takes you back to the same setting (the highest constant vibration speed) and then down through the other two constant speeds, no matter where you start from. So if you accidentally skip the setting you like, it can take a lot of button presses to get back to it.

The Verdict

We’d have been seriously disappointed with this product had we paid the full retail price of $129.99. I asked Mr CK to summarise his overall experience of using it and he said “a waste of time and a perfectly good boner.”

If you like very concentrated and relatively weak vibrations around just the head of your penis, you might find it a winner. But if you prefer pleasure along the whole of the shaft (or need very powerful vibrations) then don’t bother.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Cobra Libre II to review. All views, as always, are my own. This post contains affiliate links!

Header image of the Blowmotion Pulse Vibration masturbator review

[Toy Review] Blowmotion Pulse Vibration Masturbator

Published on December 1, 2020July 5, 2024 by Amy

Update 04/03/22: this product has been discontinued.

Happy December, gang! Today is the first day of a very special project I’m working on with my friends at Lovehoney. It’s called the #12DaysofLovehoney and every day from today until December 11th, I’ll be bringing you a new product review. On the 12th, there will be an opportunity to win an exciting prize!

First up is the Blowmotion Pulse Vibration, a masturbator for people with penises. Being the good sport he is, ~~my stunt cock~~ Mr CK had ample input into this review. Let’s get started.

What is the Blowmotion Pulse Vibration?

Blowmotion is a range of toys for penis owners exclusively available at Lovehoney. I received the Blowmotion Pulse Vibration masturbator, which looks like this:

It is 6 inches long in total, but the canal (the bit where the penis goes) is only about two inches deep. Powered by electro-magnetic technology, it is designed to deliver stimulation to the head of the penis (the most sensitive part for a lot of people).

The Blowmotion arrived in a sleek black and green box – the packaging wouldn’t be out of place housing a fancy gadget or a high-end aftershave. The toy is also black with green accents. It’s smart and masculine without being aggressively MANLY.

The Blowmotion is USB rechargeable and I got about 40 minutes of play out of a full charge. Passable, but not great. It is made of smooth and body-safe silicone, which is a very welcome change from penis toys made from gross jelly materials and porous TPE! The silicone on one side of the canal is stretchy, allowing for comfortable insertion. Just remember to use plenty of water-based lube.

Settings and controls

The Blowmotion Pulse Vibration features two forms of stimulation: standard vibrations, and the thrusting motion that gave it its name. Settings are controlled via 3 buttons: the middle button switches the toy on and off, the top one controls the thrusting, and the bottom one controls the vibrations.

There are 7 thrusting modes (3 speeds and 4 patterns) and 14 vibration modes (5 speeds and 9 patterns). Since you can control them separately, you can use them in any combination you wish, including leaving either one switched off entirely. The versatility is impressive and makes the toy more likely to be friendly to a range of bodies.

The buttons are a little small and fiddly. I also found that the setting didn’t always change reliably – sometimes I had to press a button twice. And having to scroll through 7 or 14 settings if you accidentally miss the one you like? Yeah, that’s annoying.

How did it feel?

Though we were initially impressed with the look and luxurious feel of the Blowmotion, we found it disappointing in practice. Since the thrusting motion is concentrated in the base of the toy, Mr CK reported that he could hardly feel it. I stuck my fingers in it and switched it on to get an idea of the sensation, and was similarly underwhelmed. The vibrations are okay, but pretty buzzy and nothing to write home about, power-wise.

This toy is also not ideal if you like a lot of attention paid to your shaft as opposed to just the head of your penis. Since it’s only 2 inches deep, it’s really a head-only toy. If you prefer all stimulation focused there, you might find the Blowmotion Pulse Vibration ideal. Otherwise, it probably won’t do much for you.

It’s also worth noting that if you’re above average in the girth department, the Blowmotion might be uncomfortable for you to use. The canal is fairly narrow and that little bit of stretch will only get you so far.

Mr CK wasn’t able to get anywhere close to orgasm with it, and we’re unlikely to use it again.

Final thoughts

While we loved the idea of the Blowmotion, it just doesn’t really deliver in practice. In my opinion, it’s not worth the £74.99 pricetag. You’ll be better off buying a wand and a masturbator attachment.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all toy review posts. Want to support the blog? Buying me a coffee is a great way to do that!

Header image for a review of the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple's Vibrator

[Toy Review] We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couples’ Vibrator

Published on September 26, 2020July 5, 2024 by Amy

[Update: this toy has been discontinued.]

A co-produced toy by one of my favourite manufacturers and one of my favourite retailers? Sign me up! The We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator (woof, that’s a mouthful) recently landed on my doorstep to review as part of my Sex Ed September series.

I’m writing this post on Saturday 26 September 2020, which is Smutathon 2020 day! A group of sex writers around the world are writing for 12 hours to raise money for Endometriosis UK, a fantastic cause that’s very close to our hearts. To that end, if you purchase through my affiliate links today (not just this toy – any product) I’ll donate any commissions dated today to the charity.

And of course, we’d love you to donate and help us reach our £3000 target!

With that out of the way…

Let’s have a closer look at the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator.

This toy is the latest in the line of We-Vibe’s signature U-shaped vibrators, designed to be worn during penis-in-vagina intercourse. The slimmer of the two “arms” anchors the toy inside the vagina, while the outer arm rests against the vulva and provides clitoral stimulation.

This toy is rechargeable via a USB cable, giving about 90 minutes of playtime for a 2-hour charge. While the toy itself is completely waterproof, the remote is not. The WV x LH Couple’s Vibrator is 3.5 inches in total length, and the insertable section is 3 inches long.

What I liked

The We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator is made of body-safe matte silicone. This makes it phthalate-free, non-porous, and a breeze to clean.

This toy’s two arms are separated by a flexible hinge. This allows you to position it at whatever angle is most pleasurable for your body. Since no two bodies are the same, making it adjustable better enables users to get the perfect fit for them.

The We-Vibe x Lovehoney couples vibrator

The slimline design of the internal arm will make it comfortable for the majority of wearers, and prevent it from being too obtrusive during penetrative play.

I often roll my eyes about “hands free” toys. But, to give this product credit where it’s due, it did stay in place reasonably well. I don’t think it can truly be described as “hands free” as it moves around with intense thrusting, but I found it much easier to keep in place than an entirely hand-held toy. For solo sex purposes, I can pretty much use it hands-free.

Finally, the remote control is well designed. It’s very light, easy and unobtrusive to hold, and the controls are intuitive. Two buttons allow you to scroll through pattern settings, the othes change the speed.

Remote control for a remote control couples vibrator

And what I didn’t like

I had high hopes for the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator. We-Vibe is known for producing toys with high-quality, powerful and rumbly motors.

Sadly, the reality just didn’t match up to expectations. I don’t know if We-Vibe decided to use a different type of motor for this collaborative production, but the power in this iteration of their classic design is woefully lacking.

The vibrations are buzzy, surface-level, middling strength at best, and ultimately unsatisfying. I was not able to reach orgasm with it and I doubt I will use it again.

Final thoughts

Honestly, I’m underwhelmed.

I really wanted this toy to be amazing, as a collaboration between two companies I love should be. While the design is great in some ways, I can’t easily forgive a sex toy that completely failed to get me off. While I understand that the We-Vibe name carries a premium price-tag, at £99.99 ($119.99 US), this toy is far too expensive for its quality level.

For that reason, I sadly can’t entirely endorse this product. If you can afford to spend a little more, get the Sync or Chorus instead. If you’re on a budget and looking for something that will fit between bodies during sex, you’ll be better off with a really good bullet vibe.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator to review. All views are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Lovense Lush 2

Published on September 20, 2020July 5, 2024 by Amy1 Comment

Update 04/03/22: the Lush 2 has been discontinued. Links on this page now point to the Lush 3.

To say I was excited to get my hands on the Lovense Lush 2 would be an understatement. Lovense toys have a reputation that precedes them, and I’ve never been able to get one for review before.

So let’s dive in and find out what I thought of the Lovense Lush 2, shall we?

Lovense Lush 2

The Lush 2 by Lovense is a rechargeable, app-controlled “love egg” style vibrator.

It is 8 inches long, of which about 3.5 inches are intertable. The rest is a long, flexible tail. The Lush 2 is made of body-safe silicone in a ridiculously bright, obnoxious shade of pink.

It’s described as a “love egg” vibrator, but the main body isn’t really quite egg shaped. Instead it has a bulge on one side, which I guess is supposed to hit the G-spot. The body and tail shape kinda makes me think of a sperm! Here’s what it looks like:

On my body, the main head of the toy really isn’t long enough or the right shape to hit my G-spot with any degree of precision. Given this and the that I’m not a big fan of internal vibrations, I was more inclined to use it as a clitoral vibrator.

This toy is fully waterproof, and rechargeable via a USB cable (you get around 2.5 hours of use for a 2 hour charge).

App Functionality

Perhaps the biggest appeal of Lovense’s toys is their superior app functionality. Having thoroughly tested my Lush 2 with the Lovense app, I can confirm that it’s by far the best sex toy remote control app I’ve ever used.

This is absolutely a toy that was designed with app-first usage in mind. Without the app, the interface is a single button (located on the end of the tail) that you use to scroll one way through the three constant vibration speeds and four inbuilt patterns.

The Lovense Remote app is free to download and compatible with iOS 9.0 and later, and Android 4.3 and later. There’s also a Mac version, and a Windows PC version (though you need a special Lovense USB Bluetooth Adaptor for the latter).

You’ll need to set up a free account to use the app, which takes a couple of minutes. Then you switch on your Bluetooth and click the link symbol in the top right corner to connect your toy. Unlike other app-based toys I’ve used, my Lush 2 connected in a couple of seconds. The connection is steady and reliable.

Once you’ve connected your toy to the app, you have a number of different options. You can use the “Remote” control panel to change the vibration speed with the swipe of a finger, or create your own repeating pattern using the “loop” feature. In “My Patterns,” you can find the pre-installed vibration patterns and also create and save your own.

The other cool app options include:

“Alarm”, wherein you can schedule the toy to start vibrating at a specific time. (Yes I tested it, and yes it works). I mean, the idea of waking up with this thing buzzing away inside me is not my idea of fun, but some people might enjoy it!
“Sound” makes the toy sound-responsive. You can talk at it, play music, or even just tap gently on something nearby and the Lush 2 will vibrate in time with it. It’s EXTREMELY responsive – at the top sensitivity setting, it was picking up traffic noise from the end of my street and responding to that. So you might want to turn the sensitivity level down a bit. This function has some particularly interesting D/s potential. I have to admit the idea of a Dom making my vibe react with just their voice is hot as fuck. You could even watch porn and sync the toy with the performers’ sounds!
“Music”, which allows you to sync the vibrations along with music. You can use music files uploaded to your device, or link your app with streaming services like Spotify.

Long-distance functions

You can hand over control of your Lovense Lush 2 to your partner using the “Long Distance” tab. For privacy reasons, you can’t search by email address, so your partner will need to set up an account so you can add one another by username.

Again, the connectivity is quick and simple, and remains steady as long as you both have Bluetooth and a stable internet connection.

You can also create a limited-time “control link”, allowing you to hand over control for a specified amount of time from a few seconds up to 60 minutes. Every link is unique, for one-time use only, and expires if not used within 30 minutes. You can end the session any time by simply pressing “back” on the app.

Lovense provides a useful how-to guide to help you set up.

Cam site connection

The Lovense Lush 2 boasts the ability to connect with cam sites, which I haven’t seen from any other sex toy companies. Cam models and performers can sync any Lush toy with numerous cam sites including Chaturbate, Manyvids, MyFreeCams, and more. You can then create tip-based responses, allowing your fans to “control” your vibe by tipping you.

Of course, it’s also possible to hand over control to your high tippers using the control link function mentioned above.

As I’m not a cam performer, I have not tested this functionality myself. However, I have seen clips of performers using it, and read reviews that are generally very positive about it.

Power

Sadly, what the Lovense Lush 2 has in app functionality and innovation, it lacks in power. As soon as I switched it on in my hand, I was unimpressed. I hoped it might feel better once I was warmed up and using it on my genitals, but alas I remained underwhelmed.

The Lovense Lush 2’s vibrations aren’t exactly terrible, but they’re just… not good. They’re fairly buzzy and, even on the highest setting, nowhere near powerful enough to justify this toy’s price tag.

I’m sad to report that this toy didn’t get me off. After multiple attempts, I had to reach for a trusty wand to finish the job.

Final thoughts

I can only recommend this toy if you’re after app functionality or long-distance capability and if you don’t need very powerful vibrations. The Lovense Lush 2’s app is great, and the tip connectivity option for adult performers is genuinely cool and unique.

Unfortunately, its power level really lets the Lovense Lush 2 down. For a vibrator that costs £139.99 ($139.99 US), a nifty app isn’t enough. I expect it to actually be powerful to get me off. Which, frankly, is a low bar for a supposedly high-end toy to meet.

Without the cool app features, all you have is an overpriced vibrator with a mediocre motor.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Lovense Lush 2 to review! All opinions are, as always, my own. Buying through my affiliate links sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you.

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Flexy Beast wearable couples vibrator

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Flexy Beast Wearable Vibrator

Published on July 4, 2020July 3, 2024 by Amy

Update: this product has been discontinued. Probably for the best.

Sometimes a sex toy makes me laugh and groan (with exasperation, not pleasure) at the same time. Sometimes I just take one look at a thing and immediately know it’s not going to do what it was designed for. The “Flexy Beast” wearable couple’s vibrator from Lovehoney is one such product.

The Pun Game is Strong with This One

It’s a bendy vibrator called the Flexy Beast. How could I resist!? Not only that, but the caption on the box reads “Bends With Benefits.” Well played, Lovehoney. Well. Played.

Anyway, let’s take a closer look, shall we?

The Lovehoney Flexy Beast wearable couples vibrator

The Flexy Beast is a small triangular vibrator with two long and hyper-flexible (they weren’t kidding about that) arms. It’s fully waterproof, and USB rechargeable via the included cable. It is 6.5 inches in total length, of which 3.5 are supposedly insertable (an assertion I question, as we’ll see momentarily.)

The Flexy Beast is coated in silicone and the tip is ABS plastic, making it completely body-safe. Because the plastic tip comes off to reveal the charging port, it has a significant seam that could harbour bacteria. Take extra care when cleaning your toy.

The Flexy Beast boasts 3 levels of constant power and 7 patterns. It operates on a single button interface. I can forgive the one-button issue with cheaper toys, but on a product that retails for £70 I really expect to see at the very least +/- buttons, and ideally a remote control.

First Impressions

I have to admit that my first reaction to this thing was that I wanted to stick googly eyes on it and turn it into a desk mascot.

The Lovehoney Flexy Beast wearable couples vibrator with cartoon eyes

My second reaction was “huh, the level of power is actually respectable.” Considering how small it is, the Flexy Beast offers passably good vibrations. They’re a little buzzy, though, whereas I prefer deep rumbles (and so, it seems, do 56% of the people of FilthTwitter, based on my completely scientific study.)

But that’s when it all went sideways…

There are 5 helpful suggestions provided on the Lovehoney site for how to use the Flexy Beast. Of the two that do not require a factory-installed penis, I was… I think “baffled” is a fair word to use?

Diagram of suggested ways to use the Lovehoney Flexy Beast vibrator

I mean, what the fuck is going on here? The first one seems to imply I should shove the whole thing in my vagina and it will just kinda hang out around the entrance with the arms holding it in place somehow. The second one seems to be suggesting I stick the tip inside me and stick the arms on my labia majora, which… why? Half an inch inside the vagina and the outer labia 2 inches from the clit are not the areas that typically produce the most pleasure for most vulva owners.

Let me reiterate: neither of these suggestions make a single iota of sense when you try them on an actual vulva.

So I got creative…

Not one to give up easily, I tried a few other things. I tried twisting the arms together and inserting them to make a sort of anchor in my vagina while I used the bullet part on my clit. This just ended up with it poking me painfully in the vaginal walls (and it fell out in three seconds.)

I tried to essentially attach it to my labia by twisting the arms in such a way as to clamp it on to my fleshy bits. It slipped straight off.

Finally, I tried inserting the main body into my vagina and then bending the arms around to reach my clit. This sort of worked for about five seconds, but if you push the toy far enough inside that it actually stays put, the arms don’t reach the clit. (Plus the body isn’t anywhere near long enough, nor the right shape, to hit the G-spot.)

Sure, you could technically bend the arms into a circle shape and use it as a cock-ring, but why would you want to? You won’t get the effect of restricting blood flow from the penis (the actual purpose of a cock ring) and any sort of thrusting will stop it from providing meaningful clitoral stimulation.

Someone on the Lovehoney reviews under the product claims to have used it vaginally, anally, and clitorally all at the same time (main body on the clit, one arm in each hole.) After extensive testing, I am calling this out as not only something that is highly unlikely to feel good to the overwhelming majority of people, but as something that is physiologically fucking impossible unless you have the shortest vagina-to-butt distance of all time.

….Sentences I never expected to write.

Final verdict

All gimmick, no substance.

Seriously, what the fuck is this thing?

Even though the vibrations are actually okay considering the small size, I was far too annoyed by it and all the ways it was supposed to work and didn’t. I ended my testing session completely turned off. The Flexy Beast probably could have got me off from the vibrations alone, but all I wanted to do was throw it across the room and get my Doxy out.

I’m chalking this one up to a neat idea in theory that wasn’t tested on enough actual human genitals before being released. It also retails for a hugely overpriced £69.99 ($89.99 US) which is more expensive than several far better toys.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear within this post.

Header image for a review of the Dame Arc vibrator

[Toy Review] Dame Arc Silicone G-Spot Vibrator

Published on June 27, 2020July 3, 2024 by Amy

Sometimes, I unbox a toy and within two minutes, I know exactly what my review is likely to say. I’ll sometimes be proven wrong in the course of the testing process, but more often than not these days my first impressions are bang on. I guess that’s what comes from having tested well over 100 toys at this point.

I opened up the Dame Arc Silicone G-Spot Vibrator and very quickly ascertained that my review was most likely going to say, “great shape, shit vibrations.”

Reader, I was not wrong.

Meet the Dame

The Dame Arc is a curved silicone vibrator with a ridged bulb tip, designed for G-spot stimulation. It is 7.5 inches in total length, 4.5 inches insertable. It’s completely waterproof, USB rechargeable via the included cable, and has a travel lock function.

The Dame Arc retails for £99.99/$115.

I hate this toy’s outer packaging! It comes in a white, pink and blue box with a line illustration of the toy, and frankly the aesthetic makes me think of a medical device[1]. Not sexy.

The Dame Arc vibrator's external packaging. Picture by Lovehoney.

When you remove the outer sleeve, you find a plain pink box the same colour as the vibrator.

The Dame Arc is pink, but it’s a kind of muted dusky pink that I have to admit is quite pretty. It comes with an off-white drawstring storage pouch featuring the Dame Products logo.

The body-safe silicone is super soft and nice to handle. The toy’s body is rigid and it has very little “squish.”

My G-spot loves this shape…

The shape of this toy is fantastic! It curves in exactly the right way to get that delicious come-hither motion against my G-spot, and the bulbed head is firm but not too hard.

It’s comfortable to hold and easy to manipulate, with an ergonomic handle shape. The buttons are also sensibly placed on the underside of the curve (so they point upwards when the toy is inserted) and the controls are intuitive. There’s one on/off button that is also used to cycle between the 5 patterns, and up/down controls to control the 5 levels of intensity.

…The vibrations, though, are sorely lacking

The Dame Arc’s vibrations are pretty pathetic.

Since I’m much more of a clitoral than a G-spot gal when it comes to vibrations, I decided to test this toy on my clit as well as internally. My clit was halfway to numb before I got anything approaching an orgasm out of it.

Obviously not everyone is into the kind of high-powered vibrations that I’m into, but in my anecdotal experience the overwhelming majority of people with vulvas would take stronger and rumblier vibrations over this weak, buzzy offering.

What I’m saying is: if you like gentle vibrations, sure, get this toy. (Except don’t because it’s a hundred fucking quid and a £20 equivalent will do the same thing.)

Do I recommend it?

Meh.

I’ll definitely be using this toy again, but I’ll leave it switched off and use it as a G-spot dildo. I highly doubt I’ll ever reach for it again for the vibrations.

It’s far too expensive for what it is. You can get a decent curved G-spot dildo for less than half the price, and the Queen of G-spot toys for only £30 more. There are both better and cheaper vibrators out there.

So yeah. I called it. Great shape, shit vibrations.

You can buy the Arc from Shevibe.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Dame Arc in exchange for an honest review. All views, as always, my own.

[1] As an aside, the currently sole reviewer on Lovehoney had this to say: “…this toy has been scientifically designed by female sexual-health and well-being specialists for one purpose alone, medical-grade gushing!” Which just made me howl with laughter. What the fuck is medical grade gushing!?