[Toy Review] Satisfyer Luxury Prêt-à-porter

The Short Verdict: the same Satisfyer you know and love… but fancy!

So when it comes to the list of Things Amy Does Not Understand, “fashion” ranks somewhere between “football” and “quantum physics.” I don’t get it, I’ve never got it, and I highly doubt I ever will. That’s maybe why I was a bit baffled when the Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter (along with its sister product, the Satisfyer High Fashion) landed on my doorstep. The premise of these toys, as far as I can tell, is “take the same basic technology as all of Satisfyer’s pressure-wave stimulators, but use fancy materials and stick fashion-words on the box.”

I am embarrassed to admit I had to Google the meaning of “Prêt-à-porter.” (It’s “ready to wear,” for anyone curious, which makes zero sense as a name for a sex toy, but let’s run with it.)

What makes the Prêt-à-porter different?

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter is a pressure-wave clitoral stimulator, with a vibrating motor added. Function-wise, it’s very similar to the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration (an enduring favourite of mine.) And when I say “very similar” what I really mean is “functionally identical” – right down to the same ten vibration settings and the eleven pressure-wace intensity settings.

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter side-on in my hand

Aesthetically, the Prêt-à-porter follows the rose-gold-and-white theme that Satisfyer have used a number of times over the years. The main difference – upgrade, if you like – is in the materials used. The underside and nozzle of the toy is silicone as usual, but this silicone feels noticeably softer, smoother and altogether more luxurious than on any of the other Satisfyer products I own. The silicone of the nozzle, i.e. the bit that actually rests against the clitoris in use, is lovely and squishy. The rose-gold accents are listed as being made of “precious metal,” but this is rather non-specific! I’ve seen it suggested that they are aluminium and copper, but have not had this confirmed for sure.

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter in my hand

The top side of the toy is coated in white leather. I have mixed views on this. It does look stylish and sleek, there’s no doubt about that. However, leather is also a porous material, meaning it is impossible to get completely clean. The leather part does not actually go against the body in use, but it is inevitable that some lube or sex-fluids will be transferred, and I really question how sanitary this can be in the long-term. I also acknowledge that a lot of people, especially vegetarians and vegans, have complicated feelings around the ethics of leather as a material.

Other important things

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter is waterproof, making for easier cleaning as well as allowing you to use it in the bath or shower if you wish. It is USB rechargeable and the charge time is a rather long 4 hours for 60 – 75 minutes of playtime.

Disappointingly, and unlike other Satisfyer pressure-wave toys, the Prêt-à-porter’s nozzle is not removable.

At the higher settings, the Prêt-à-porter is also rather loud.

How did it fare in use?

The first time I used this toy, I had not masturbated or had sex in close to two weeks (recovering from surgery is fun, y’all!) So it is perhaps unsurprising that I reached orgasm in record-quick time. In order to give the Prêt-à-porter a fair trial, I tested it two more times on other occasions.

The shape, angle and softness of the Prêt-à-porter’s head is near-perfect for my clit, surrounding it comfortably. The wider rim of the nozzle also means that when the vibrations and pressure-waves are switched on at the same time, your clit receives both direct stimulation to the glans and indirect stimulation all around it as well.

The Satisfyer Prêt-à-porter viewed from the nozzle end

A quick note on positioning: in order to get the nozzle to sit correctly against your clit, hold the toy with the leather side (the side with the buttons) facing downwards. It took me a minute of experimenting to figure this out.

The Prêt-à-porter’s vibrations are very buzzy. The motor that is in this toy would never, ever be enough to get me off on its own. However, I mind this a lot less when combined with the pressure-wave stimulator, because the vibrations are a nice add-on rather than the main purpose of the toy. Still, stronger and rumblier vibrations would improve this toy no end.

The ability to control the vibrations and pressure-waves separately are key to getting the most out of the Prêt-à-porter. I do wish they’d provided a two-button interface for the vibrations, though. With the pressure-waves you can switch up and down between settings, but with the vibrations you have to scroll all the way through if you want to go back a setting. The buttons are easy to press and give a satisfying “click.”

Despite some flaws, I am very happy to report that the Prêt-à-porter consistently brings me to toe-curling orgasm in just a few minutes!

So is it worth the price difference?

I’m going to say… maybe.

By far the biggest plus-points for me with the Prêt-à-porter are the size, shape and squishiness of the head. This alone has won me over! The aesthetic is nice but I don’t care that much – substance is much more important than style when it comes to the things I put in/on/around my bits. The downsides are the noise and – from a hygiene perspective – the use of leather and non-removable nozzle.

Overall, my experience was positive and I will definitely be using the Prêt-à-porter again. However, it retails for a slightly eye-watering $119.95 and you can get the Pro Plus Vibration for literally half the price. if you’re on a budget I’m not sure there’s truly $60 worth of difference between the two.

Support Coffee & Kink by buying your Satisfyer Luxury Prêt-à-porter from Shevibe or Peepshow Toys.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links are used within this post.

Image in header banner is courtesy of Satisfyer and reproduced with permission. Other images are by me.

[Toy Review] Womanizer Starlet 2

Before we dive in: did you see I’ve revised my Patreon? There are new reward tiers, better perks, and more ways to get involved! Go check it out and maybe support me – every single dollar really does help.

Despite saying I was going to do substantially fewer product reviews, interesting things to try out keep finding their way to me! Remember when I said I’d been wanting to get my hands on a Womanizer toy for ages and hadn’t had the opportunity? Well, my cup runneth over, so to speak – as I have yet another new Womanizer product to tell you all about!

Suction Toys

I wrote recently about whether or not I think all suction-based clitoral stimulators are basically variations on the same theme. The conclusion I came to was… sort of. The sensation provided by these toys is remarkably consistent across models and even across brands. However, unique design features can really make or break each specific model. Read on to find out whether I thought the Starlet 2 was a hit or a miss.

A little more down-to-Earth…

After the high-end luxury with price tags to match that defines the Womanizer Premium and Duo, the Starlet 2 is a simpler product – more aimed at the everyday consumer, rather than at serious toy enthusiasts with serious money to spare. The Starlet 2 retails at the much more affordable £69.99 (that’s $79.99 to my American friends!) and is an upgrade of the original Starlet model.

It’s a petite toy, only 5 inches in total length, and very light. I have tiny hands and would have preferred the body of the toy to be slightly longer for ease of use, so bear that in mind if you’re a person with big hands. However, for those who find holding larger or heavier toys difficult, the compact nature of this model could be an advantage for you.

The Starlet 2 is USB rechargeable, requiring 30 minutes’ charge for 30 minutes’ playtime. I’m really not impressed with the battery life here. 30 minutes, for me, is often not even long enough to reach orgasm – and the same is true for a lot of people with vulvas. When other toys can do two or three hours on a full charge, this is a major negative in my view.

The Starlet 2 is also fully waterproof, if playing in the bath is your thing. It comes in two colours – a pinkish-orange called “coral”, and a deep blue.

Body-safety, care and cleaning

The Womanizer Starlet 2 sex toy in coral resting on a white sheet

The Womanizer Starlet 2 is made of hard ABS plastic with a silicone nozzle. Like all Womanizer products, this makes it completely body-safe.

The silicone nozzle is removable, so you can remove it and sterilise it in the usual ways – boiling water or a 10% bleach solution. You can also buy replacement nozzles, which are your best bet if you’re going to be sharing the toy with a partner, as it’s not really possible to use a suction toy with a barrier.

Pro tip: swirl a bit of water-based lube around the rim of the nozzle, and put some on your clit too. Lube makes everything better!

Controls & Settings

The Starlet 2 has four possible speeds. This is far fewer than the higher-end models: the Classic has 8 speeds, and the Premium has a massive 12.

The Womanizer Starlet 2 sex toy in coral on a white sheet

Honestly, I think for most people, 4 speeds is probably enough? They’re not as finely graded as they could be, true, but they allow for a steady increase in intensity. But I’m aware I am saying that as someone whose usual play-style with toys is “whack it on the top setting and leave it there.”

The controls are two simple buttons: On/Up and Off/Down. No complaints here – they’re sensibly located in the centre of the main body of the toy, and they’re easy to press. If anything, the Off/Down button could do with being a bit bigger – it’s smaller than the Up button and I see no good reason for this. Overall, though, I’ll give the Starlet 2 points for simple and sensible controls.

So was the Starlet 2 a rising star?

I had high hopes for this toy after my amazing experiences with the Premium and the Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40. Unfortunately, it just really missed the mark for me in practice.

Due to the shape, and how little the nozzle sticks out from the body of the toy, I found it almost impossible to get the right angle against my body. I tried holding the toy in multiple different ways, but all of them either left a gap between part of the nozzle and my body (thus meaning my clit got much less stimulation) or required contorting my hand/arm in uncomfortable ways. A longer handle and a more pronounced nozzle would go a long way to mitigating this issue.

I also really noticed the relative lack of power at the higher settings, compared to other suction toys.

I tried this toy three times, and was not able to orgasm with it on any occasion.

So do I recommend it?

Unfortunately I don’t. I was hopeful about the Starlet 2, but it didn’t live up to expectations for me at all. It’s not egregiously bad or anything, but I was left unimpressed and I doubt I’ll use it again. I recommend splashing out another £30 if you can and getting the Womanizer/Lovehoney Pro40 instead, which is just so much better.

Thanks to Womanizer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are my own and images are by me. Please use the affiliate links within this post if you want to make a purchase; commission helps to keep this site going!

[Toy Review] Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 Clitoral Stimulator

A quick PSA before we start: I’ve revamped my Patreon! There are new tiers (named after types of coffee because of course,) new rewards, and plans for lots of exciting content in the near future! Please check it out and support me if you can.

Many of you may remember from a a while back that I am a Womanizer convert! The Premium was just so damn good. So when I heard that Womanizer had teamed up with Lovehoney to produce a toy together, how could I resist giving the Pro40 a go?

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

Are all suction-based simulators broadly the same?

I’ve been wondering this as I try more of them. And my answer is… sort of. All the air suction based clitoral toys I’ve tried have been, in many ways, remarkably similar. Each one has slightly different features, of course, and some certainly work better for my body than others. But if you like one you’ll probably like a lot of them, and if you hate the sensation of one then you’ll (probably) dislike most of them. They’ve certainly got better over the years (the first time I tried one I did not see what all the hype was about!)

But broadly speaking, one suction-based clitoral stimulator feels very similar to the next. Luckily, the sensation they provide is one that I absolutely love. My clit gets overstimulated easily with direct contact, so the gentle caressing sensation is perfect for me. These things, if I’m in the right headspace, can give me full body, clutching-at-the-sheets-and-trying-not-to-wake-the-neighbours orgasms.

With that said, how did the Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 stack up?

The Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 is a one-off collaboration between these two companies. It uses Womanizer’s signature Pleasure Air technology, which stimulates the clitoris via rapid pulses of air. These types of clitoral stimulators can be a godsend for those who find that vibrators often make them feel numb. (They do not, however, feel like oral sex! Whatever the hype says, I will die on this hill.)

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy in my hand on the background of a white bedsheet.

I’ll be honest: a lot of the time I’ll try a suction toy, review it, and then shove it in a drawer and not bother with it again for months. I fucking love this one, though. I’ve been reaching for it again and again lately, long after all the necessary testing sessions for this review were complete. It’s just really, really good.

Important bits…

The Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 has an ABS plastic body and uses silicone nozzles. This makes it completely body-safe. The nozzles are also removable, which is convenient when it comes to cleaning. Just pull the nozzle off, sterilise it in boiling water or a 10% bleach solution, pop it back on and you’re good to go! You can also buy replacement heads , should you need to.

You can’t really use a barrier with a suction toy, so I suggest swapping out the heads between users if you’re sharing with a partner. As ever, water-based lube is recommended – I find swiping a bit of lube around the rim of the nozzle makes the whole experience feel so much better.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

The Pro40 is fully waterproof, and is rechargeable via the included USB cable. The battery life is great – I’ve had over 3 hours use out of a single charge.

Price and Aesthetics

The plastic body of the Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 is a pretty mix of black and rose-gold. (The latter of which seems to be VERY trendy for sex toys right now.) It comes packaged in Lovehoney’s distinctive style, with just a shade of Womanizer luxury thrown on top. This toy, and its packaging, lacks the high-end feel of some of Womanizer’s other recent products, but nontheless has a sleek, stylish vibe.

At £99.99, it’s far from a cheap toy, but is more wallet-friendly than the pricier Classic, and the eye-wateringly expensive Duo and Premium.

Ease of use

The Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 is around 6.5 inches long and pleasingly light to hold. Ergonomics-wise, this one is a huge win for me. I have found some suction-based toys cumbersome to hold or difficult to position, but this one feels comfortable in my small hand and fits against my body like a dream. It helps that the nozzle also sticks out a good distance from the body of the toy, making it much easier to angle it effectively against my clit.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

It also has easy, intuitive controls. There’s an on/off button, and +/- speed buttons and… that’s it. The buttons are easy to press, sensibly located on the main body of the toy, large enough, and well spaced out. The only thing that could improve the controls would be to have the +/- signs on the buttons raised, so that the user could easily feel which was which without having to look.

Settings & volume

The Lovehoney/Womanizer Pro40 has six levels of intensity. It also has – praise the sex toy gods – No Fucking Patterns!

This toy is pretty quiet on the lower levels, but does get quite loud when you turn it up to full power. Not as loud as a wand, but definitely louder than your average vibrator. So you’ll want to bear that in mind if discretion is important to you.

Overall, do I recommend it?

Yes. I adore this toy! I was so surprised by how good it was, and how well it stacked up against more expensive models. Fully endorsed with the C&K Stamp of Approval.

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links are used within this post and send a small commission my way if you make a purchase. Images are by me.

[Toy Review] Womanizer Premium

I’ve been wanting to get my hands on a Womanizer for SO long, you guys. I think I missed the buzz (heh) when they first launched as the first few models were already old news when I started my blog, so I was delighted to see that A) there are new models out, and B) Lovehoney were kind enough to provide me with one to review for you all.

The Womanizer Premium on a wooden floor.Now, for those who don’t know, Womanizer were the first company to create clitoral suction toys of the kind that are now made by a whole host of companies. Many sex toy experts hold them up as the original and best, while others say they’re overpriced and the much more affordable Satisfyers do just as good a job. I’m not here to compare these toys today (though I will at some point) but felt that little bit of context was relevant.

Stats & Things

The Womanizer Premium on a wooden floor.The Womanizer Premium is the latest in Womanizer’s line of toys utilising what they call “Pleasure Air Technology”. Essentially, the nozzle creates a seal around the clitoris and the toy provides stimulation via rapid pulses of air.

This toy operates off a simple interface of 4 buttons. The bottom button just above the charging point switches the toy on and off; the one with a little wave pattern on it switches in and out of Auto Pilot mode; and the +/- buttons adjust the speeds. The buttons are easy to press, and well positioned to change the speed when in use without breaking your flow.

It’s USB rechargeable, completely waterproof, and ergonomically designed to fit comfortably in the user’s hand.

Premium Product, Premium Packaging… Premium Pricetag

The Womanizer Premium black box.The Womanizer Premium lives up to its name before you even take it out of the box. The packaging is elaborate and decorated in a style which makes me think of perfume or high-end make-up, with a clear section where you can see the toy. Included with the toy is the charging cable, a convenient storage bag, and two nozzles of different sizes (so you can swap them out depending on what suits your body).

The Womanizer Premium box openNow this toy screams luxury to me. The velvety soft premium silicone (available in three  colours and, praise be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, none of them are pink!) and subtle gold-coloured accents add to the luxurious feel.

This product does, though, come with a premium price-tag. It retails for £169.99 ($198.99 US). Do I think it’s worth it? Eh… maybe. It’s a damn good product from a trusted company, and if you can drop this kind of money on a toy it’ll be an investment that will last you for years. On the other hand, if money is tighter you can forego some of the special features (more on that later) you can get the Classic model or a much cheaper Satisfyer without losing a tonne of functionality. This toy does have some distinct advantages over cheaper models, but whether they’re worth the extra cost is a personal choice.

Body-Safety and Cleaning Concerns

The 100% silicone (apart from the ABS accents) of this toy make it completely body-safe. As it’s completely waterproof, you can submerge it to clean it all over. As an extra hygiene precaution, I recommend taking off the nozzle and sterilising it in boiling water or a 10% bleach solution after every few uses. In between, a sterile medical wipe will do the job just fine.

Sharing suction toys can be an issue, as they are not barrier compatible. Fortunately, this toy comes with two nozzles (and you can buy extras) so I recommend just swapping nozzles between partners if more than one person is going to be using it.

As ever, I recommend water-based lube.

Special Features

The Womanizer Premium has three defining features which set it apart from the lower priced models.

Firstly, it boasts a massive 12 speed settings (the Classic model has only 8), with the lowest setting lower and the highest setting higher than ever before.

Second, it has a super nifty body-sensor feature they call Smart Silence, which means the toy turns itself off automatically when it’s not in contact with the body, and then back on again (on the same setting) when contact is reestablished. It’s really cool and I like it a lot. No more fumbling with buttons if your roommate knocks on the door or your child barges in at an inopportune moment!

And finally, there’s the Auto Pilot mode. I hate this, because it’s basically a glorified pattern, but I think a lot of people will love it. In Auto Pilot, the intensity moves automatically between speeds (within a range of 4, which you can turn up or down). Personally, I want to be in control – it can ruin my chances of orgasm if the stimulation changes suddenly when I’m getting close – but others may love this. It could be fun to utilise as part of an edging or orgasm control game?

So how does it actually feel?

Short answer: amazing.

Long answer: it feels like it’s caressing your clit with a fierce determination to rip an orgasm from you whether you want it to or not, and when it does it’s the kind of orgasm that drenches the sheets and wakes the neighbours.

…At least that was my experience.

After a lackluster first try or two last year, I’m a serious suction toys convert. The differences between each model of suction toy are fairly subtle, but I’d describe this one as gentler than some others – even at the higher settings. If you’ve got a super sensitive clit and other toys of this type have been too intense for you, the Womanizer Premium on the lower settings might be the perfect choice.

Anything I Didn’t Love?

Well, that stupid Auto Pilot setting, but it’s easy to forget that exists. It’s also not the quietest, even when pressed against the body. For reference, my partner could hear it in the next room. It’s quieter than a wand but definitely louder than a bullet.

Otherwise, I can’t think of a single thing I didn’t enjoy about this toy.

So do I recommend it?

Yes, if you can afford to drop close to £200 on a toy and want something really luxurious that will last you for many years!

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me the Womanizer Premium to review. All views are, as ever, entirely my own. If you buy through my affiliate links I make a small commission. Thank you for supporting my work when you buy your sex toys! All images are by me and not to be reproduced without permission.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples

Hey, did you see I have a newsletter now? Sign up for a bi-weekly delivery of latest posts, stories of my adventures, sex toy deals and filth straight to your inbox! Now on to the review. 

I try really hard not to be prejudiced against a toy before it’s even been anywhere near my bits. But I have to admit there was a part of me that hated the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples on sight. Perhaps that’s why it’s languished at the bottom of my “to be reviewed” pile for six months. My bias is a little bit because I get pissed off when “for couples” is used interchangeably with “to be used during penis-in-vagina intercourse,” is if that’s the only type of sex couples have. It’s a little bit because I hate the late-nineties text-s  peak tweeness of “4” instead of “for”. And it’s a lot because I looked at this fucking thing and went “there is no way that’s gonna be effective”.

Facts ‘n’ Figures

The Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples lying on my laptop keyboard.

The Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples is one of the models in Satisfyer’s new generation line, which also includes the G Spot Rabbit (which I quite enjoyed) and the Pro Plus Vibration (which I adored). It’s V-shaped, clearly vaguely modeled after other wearable-during-intercourse vibes such as the We-Vibe Sync (which I recently reviewed for Sex Tech Guide). It utilises Satisfyer’s signature contactless stimulation via rapid pulses of air or “pressure waves”.

There’s a large bulky part which sits against the vulva and houses the pressure wave/suction clitoral stimulator. The second arm is shorter, very slim and flexible, and is designed to sit inside the vagina and vibrate.

This toy boasts two separate motors. The clitoral stimulator has 11 different levels of intensity, and the internal arm has 10 vibration patterns. They are controlled by separate buttons and can be used together or independently.

The Pro 4 Couples is fully waterproof and USB rechargeable. It retails for $99.99 on Lovehoney USA. At time of writing it is not available through the UK site.

Care & Cleaning of Your Satisfyer…

Like all Satisfyer products, the Pro 4 Couples is body-safe. The exterior is matte silicone, the buttons are plastic, and the silicone nozzle end is removable for easier cleaning. Being waterproof, you can submerge it to clean it fully, or use a medical wipe for a quick clean-up. It’s not really condom/barrier compatible.

As always, I recommend water-based lube for silicone toys.

The Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples lying on a white lined notebookGood Points

No toy is all bad. (Scratch that: some toys are all bad). It would be unfair not to acknowledge the Pro 4 Couples’ good points, even though the overall product didn’t work for me.

I really like the air pressure technology Satisfyer use for their clitoral stimulators. It provides intense pleasure without numbing, and this toy is no exception.

I also liked that you can control the clitoral arm and the internal arm separately. I hate vibrations inside my vagina, so being able to turn them off was a godsend.

What I didn’t like

Literally everything else?

Though I’m sure it will work for some people, this product just feels really badly designed to me. For one thing, it doesn’t stay in place! I struggled to get it to stay on my clitoris without using my hands when I was using it solo and staying very still. There is absolutely no way this thing would remain in position during any sort of thrusting..

Secondly, I found the internal arm not only provided no pleasure but was actually painful! This is quite a feat considering how small it is. It tapers to a point for some reason, and when I put the toy in the right position so that the suction nozzle was over my clitoris, this pointy end poked painfully into the wall of my vagina.

Third, there’s no way I could get a penis inside me alongside this toy. I tried valiantly with a dildo (a small dildo!) and it just made the painful poking feeling worse.

Finally, the internal vibrations are buzzy as fuck. I tried them on my clit, just for fun, and I was going numb within a few seconds.

I’m willing to accept that this toy might work well for some people as a solo toy, if their vulva happens to be shaped in exactly the right way to fit with it, but as a toy for wearing during intercourse it’s simply not fit for purpose.

Needless to say, I don’t recommend it. But what should you get instead?

If you’re looking for a pressure wave clitoral stimulator for solo use, get the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration. For dual clitoral suction and G-spot stimulation, get the G-Spot Rabbit. Or for a toy to use for clitoral pleasure during intercourse, get the We-Vibe Sync.

I can see what Sayisfyer were going for with the Pro 4 Couples, but it just misses the mark in so many different ways. A really disappointing offering from a manufacturer I usually like.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All opinions mine, etc. If you want to support me, please become a Patron, buy me a coffee, or shop using the affiliate links in this post and the right hand sidebar.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration

Spoiler alert: in my eyes (and cunt) at least, this toy is pretty dang close to perfection.

Hello darlings! It’s time for another installment of “Amy puts things on her junk and then writes about it,” AKA a sex toy review.

After a rocky start with the original Pro 2, Satisfyer have won me over with some of their newer products. You may remember the G Spot Rabbit, which I reviewed recently. Well, now it’s time for the next new offering: the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration.

The Pro Plus Vibration boasts the Satisfyer suction wave stimulation we know and love… but with this iteration, they’ve added vibrations into the mix. And ohhhhh godddddd, y’all. I love it. I love it so much.

Before I gush (heh) too much, let’s take a closer look…

The Pro Plus Vibration is a curved toy (shaped a bit like a banana!) and about 6 inches long. It has 11 suction intensity settings as well as 10 vibration settings (3 constant speeds and 7 patterns). These are controlled independently with two separate buttons.

It works by creating a kind of vacuum around the clitoris with a silicone nozzle, and stimulating it via rapid pulses of air. The difference with this version is that the nozzle also vibrates.

The Pro Plus Vibration is fully waterproof and uses a magnetic USB charger.  It is unfortunately a little loud in use, but my partner said he couldn’t hear it from the next room when the door was closed.

Okay. Can I gush now?

The first thing to note is that this latest offering from Satisfyer brought me to orgasm much quicker than any of their previous lines. Yes, the vibration really does make that much of a difference.

I don’t think my clit has ever been quite so happy since the first time I introduced it to the Doxy. I came so hard I’m pretty sure I woke the neighbours.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Pro Plus Vibration retails for $59.95 at SheVibe and Peepshow Toys. In my opinion it is good value for money – and all Satisfyer toys come with a 10-year manufacturer’s warranty for peace of mind.

Materials: ★★★★★
The whole toy is coated in smooth, silky silicone, which is both body-safe and lovely to the touch. The accents are plastic.

Appearance: ★★★★
I quite like the white-with-rose-gold-accents aesthetic of the new Satisfyer line. They’re minimalistic and stylish, as well as standing out by virtue of being so unusual. This one really reminds me of a medical device, even more than the last one did, which… yeah, I have some Kink Feelings about that.

Ease of Use: ★★★★
The curved shape is really ergonomic and fit neatly into my (tiny) hand. The buttons are super easy to press and the controls intuitive – you control the pressure waves with the main up/down button, and the vibrations with a separate smaller button. My only complaint here is that you can only cycle one way through the vibration settings. This isn’t a huge problem for me as I’m a “put it on high and leave it there” kind of girl, but it’s something to be aware of if you like to switch through settings.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The Pro Plus Vibration is silicone and waterproof, so you can wipe it down with a sterile wipe (I recommend buying from medical suppliers) or submerge it in water to clean it thoroughly. The silicone nozzle tip also detaches from the part with the motor, so you could boil this piece separately to sterilise it completely.

Previous Satisfyer lines such as the Pro 2 have included spare nozzles, and I do wish they also put these in with the newer products. Being able to swap out nozzles would be a real plus in the safer sex department.  As with all suction toys, it’s not really possible to use them with a barrier.

Versatility: ★★★★
The Pro Plus Vibration has 10 different vibration settings and 11 suction settings, which you can control independently of each other. It’s also waterproof, in case using toys in the bath is your jam.

Intensity:
★★★★
Full disclosure: if this toy was only a vibrator, I might give it 3 stars for intensity. The vibrations alone aren’t super strong and are a little on the buzzy side on the higher settings. But the vibration is secondary to the suction stimulation, and is just the right level of intensity to be a nice add-on without distracting from the main event. The suction itself is the most intense I’ve yet experienced on any Satisfyer toy, and made my clit very happy indeed.

Overall Score: ★★★★★
Despite some minor flaws, I’m giving this toy five out of five because it just gave me one of the best damn orgasms I’ve had in a really long time.

Thanks to the folks at Satisfyer for sending me their new products in exchange for an honest review! Please support me by buying yours from Peepshow Toys or SheVibe with one of the affiliate links in this post.

Image is property of Satisfyer and reproduced with permission.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit

The first time I tried a rabbit toy, I simply didn’t get what the hype was all about. I found it cumbersome to use, lacking in the kind of clitoral power I needed, and it was ugly to look at. As it turns out, though, I don’t actually hate all rabbit toys. I just hate a lot of them.

(#NotAllRabbits)?

I am pleased to report that I was very pleasantly surprised by the Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit. Given my general ambivalence to vibrations on my G-spot and the fact that my cunt is way too picky and fickle for most dual-stim toys, this is an achievement in itself.

Let’s take a look…

The shape of the Satisfyer G-Spot Rabbit is very much like a typical rabbit style vibrator, only instead of vibrating “ears,” it’s got one of Satisfyer’s signature suction-nozzle pressure wave clitoral stimulators. It’s white silicone with a rose gold button and a tiny rose gold accent around the clitoral arm.

The clitoral arm is rigid, while the insertable arm is flexible and tapers to a gentle point. The whole toy is about 9 inches in length, with an insertable length of 5 inches and a diameter of about 1.6 inches at the widest point. It’s  USB rechargeable and fully waterproof.

How did I find it?

Short version: I enjoyed it.

Long version: I loved it, BUT…

…This is not a “quick wank before bed” toy. It took me nearly an hour to get off with it (I measure this from cold to orgasm). But the whole experience was so pleasurable that I didn’t mind too much. It was a genuinely enjoyable slow build, rather than the sadly too common experience of trying to eke an orgasm out of a toy that I’d really rather just throw across the room.

I don’t think I’ll be using it frequently, but it’ll be a toy I might reach for when I’ve got some time and want to treat myself to a long, slow session with a delicious orgasm at the end of it.

I will say that I came so hard I think I woke the neighbours.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Satisfyer G-spot Rabbit is currently retailing for £53.99 at Bondara. This is about in line with Satisfyer’s typical price point. Sadly, it will be too expensive for some budgets, but you’re really paying for quality (and a 10 year manufacturer’s warranty!) so I am happy to recommend it as good value for money if you’re in the position to splash out for a toy.

Materials: ★★★★★
The material is lovely matte silicone, which is beautifully soft to the touch as well as non-porous and body safe. The accents and on/off button are plastic.

Appearance: ★★★
It’s white, y’all! White! I have literally never owned an almost-entirely-white sex toy until now. I kind of like it just for being so unusual. The accents are rose gold, as I mentioned above. The whole aesthetic is quite stylish in a minimalistic sort of way.

For some reason, it being white and so plain kind of makes me think of a medical device, which… yeah, that hits some kinks for me, but it might not work well for everyone.

Ease of Use: ★★
It’s not the lightest toy out there, so that’s something to be aware of if you struggle with heavier toys. The shape is ergonomic and the handle sat neatly and comfortably in my hand.

The buttons take some getting used to. The bottom gold button controls the internal arm, cycling through the speeds and the various patterns of vibration. Unfortunately you can only scroll through one way, which is far too common as a thing in general and always pisses me off. The second white button, situated above the gold one, controls the clitoral stimulator, which has various speed settings. Thankfully, this one turns down as well as up.

The white button is easy to press. The gold one has to be pushed a bit more firmly. I found the buttons well-placed during use of the toy.

The biggest difficulty in use is getting the clitoral stimulator to stay in place without jabbing yourself in the cervix with the G-spot arm.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The Satisfyer Pro Rabbit is silicone and is waterproof, which makes clean-up a breeze. You can wipe it with a sterile medical wipe, or submerge in water for a more thorough cleaning.

Unfortunately, though you can put a condom over the internal arm, it’s pretty much impossible to use a barrier with the clitoral stimulator. However, the nozzle tip is removable for easier cleaning, so you can sterilise it or even swap it out between partners for extra safety.

Versatility: ★★★
This toy has three possible constant speed settings on the and 7 different patterns of vibration. There’s also 11 speeds for the clitoral stimulator. What I really love about this toy is that you can control each of the two arms completely independently of each other.

I really like feeling full but don’t much care for vibrations on my G-spot, so it worked best for me when the insertable arm was inside me but switched off. Your mileage may vary, and the beauty of this toy is that you can mix and match the settings in whatever ways work for you. It’s also waterproof so you can take it in the bath or shower if that’s your thing.

Intensity:
★★★
The clitoral stimulator is about the level of intensity I expect from Satisfyer products, which is plenty. Any more intense and it would probably be painful! The strength of the vibrations on the G-spot arm are mediocre and quite buzzy. This wasn’t a problem for me (again, I don’t like vibrations inside so I just switched the damn thing off and used that arm like a dildo). But if you like strong internal vibrations, you might want to skip this one.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Overall a good toy which I very much enjoyed using. To get a higher score it would need stronger vibrations and better buttons. If you enjoy suction-based toys and enjoy dual stimulation, this might work for you.

Support me by buying your Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit from Bondara.

Satisfyer sent me this toy in exchange for an honest review. I use affiliate links within the post. If you buy through them, I make a small commission which helps me to keep doing this work. All opinions are, and will always be, my own.

Image is courtesy of Satisfyer and used with permission.

2017 “Top 5” Roundup

Apart from my 1 Year Anniversary post on New Years’ Eve (which is written and ready to go,) this will probably be my last post of 2017. In that vein, I wanted to end the year with a roundup post of sorts, some Top 5 lists from the year.

I hope you are all having a wonderful festive season and I can’t wait to keep the conversation about all things sex and kink going with you in 2018.

Top 5 New Sex Toys

#1Doxy Number 3, simply one of the most perfect things to ever have graced my bits.
#2We-Vibe Tango, the only bullet I will ever need.
#3Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation, the toy that made me like suction toys.
#4Come Hither Rabbit, the only rabbit vibrator I’ve ever enjoyed.
#5The Ruby Glow, a revelation in ride-on fun.

Top 5 Sex Blogging Inspirations

#1Kayla Lords
#2Girl on the Net
#3Molly Moore
#4Kate Sloan
#5Emmeline Peaches

Top 5 Awesome Events

#1Eroticon 2017, the one that started it all.
#2 – Autumn CM/nf, where I get to be naked and ogle pretty men in suits.
#3 – Lube & a Laptop, a fun summer social with other sexy writers and creators.
#4 – BiCon 2017, where I got to teach my workshop on “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex Toys” for the first time (while extremely hung over.)
#5 – Sex Blogger Christmas, a super fun (and boozy) event hosted by the wonderful EA and Livvy.

Top 5 Books About Sex

#1Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
#2How a Bad Girl Fell in Love by Girl on the Net
#3Approaching the Swingularity by Cooper S Beckett
#4Enjoy Sex (How, When and IF You Want To) by Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock
#5The Myth of Sex Addiction by Dr David Ley

Top 5 Podcasts

#1Loving BDSM, where Kayla and John bring their unique brand of humour, opinions and adorableness to speaking and educating on all aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. #CricketCrew4Lyf
#2The Dildorks, “dorky discourse on sex, dating and masturbating,” with the wonderful Kate Sloan and Bex Caputo.
#3The Guilty Feminist, which makes me cry with laughter and feel better about all the times my life choices don’t fully match my highest feminist ideals.
#4Polyamory Weekly, a very long-standing favourite about all aspects of unconventional love.
#5Life on the Swingset, the swinging and polyamory podcast.

Top 5 Blog Posts

#1The Tyranny of No Rules: In Defense of Polyamorous Heirarchy
#2I’m Looking for Baggage that Goes with Mine
#3“Pretty” is Not My Success – On Being a Swan
#4#SexNotStigma: Using My Sexuality to Manage my Mental Health
#5“Bring the Collar” – The True Story of a D/s Breakup

Top 5 Accomplishments

#1 – Winning the New Voices Award from Molly’s annual list of the best sex bloggers.
#2 – Placing as one of Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes.
#3 – Starting to earn Actual Money from writing about sex.
#4 – Organising Smutathon 2017 and raising £2,000 for Backlash and Rape Crisis.
#5 – Doing #KinkMonth/30 Days of Ds and writing a post every single day for the month of October.

Top 5 Goals for 2018

#1 – Start a PhD programme.
#2 – Cut down to 4 days a week on my day job and make up the additional income from writing.
#3 – Place in the Top 50 of the Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes list.
#4 – Have a piece of erotic fiction published, either in an anthology or as a stand-alone.
#5 – Finish my sexy novella set at a BDSM convention.

So there you have it, friends! What were your Top 5s of 2017?

Affiliate links are used within this post. All opinions my own.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation

Every time I review or indeed use a Satisfyer toy now, I end up with ‘Satisfied’ from Hamilton going around in my head. I still really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Anyone want to write this for/with me?

This is really not the review I was expecting to write. A few months ago, I tried the original Satisfyer Pro 2 and I really didn’t get on with it at all. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I was just doing it wrong (for the value of “wrong” that means “in a way that didn’t work for my body”) or if the Next Generation model is THAT great of an improvement on the original. Either way, I tried the Pro 2 Next Generation and I loved it!

If you’re not familiar with Satisfyer toys, they boast what they call “pressure wave stimulation”. Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris and the stimulation comes from rapid air pulses. Some vulva-owners say it makes them come in less than a minute. Others describe it as like having the orgasm forcibly ripped from their body. For me, it’s neither. Instead, both times I’ve used it, it was a slow build to a gradual but hyper-intense orgasm that left me with jelly legs for the next half an hour.

Some people describe these toys as “oral sex simulators,” but I can’t feel the resemblance at all. This isn’t a bad thing (oral is fun and all, but rarely gets me off) but you might want to reconsider if getting an authentic oral sex-like experience is important to you.

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product reviewThe Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a bigger nozzle than the Pro Penguin, which I recently tested and also enjoyed, so if you’ve got a bigger clitoris or like a slightly larger area stimulated, the Pro 2 would be a better choice over the Penguin (whereas I’d recommend you choose the Penguin if you prefer a bit more of a pinpoint sensation.)

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation retails for £44.99 at Bondara or $49.95 at SheVibe. It’s also cheaper Satisfyer’s main competitor, Womanizer (whose products start at £84.99.) It’s at the lower priced end of Satisfyer’s range.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle, which is the only bit that makes direct contact with the vulva, is silicone, which is body safe, non toxic and non-porous. (Yay silicone!) The body is ABS plastic.

Appearance: ★★★★
The Pro 2 Next Generation is a lovely rose-gold colour, with the name of the company embossed on the body.

Ease of Use: ★★★
Definitely takes some practice to get it in the spot that will work for your body. One of the most noticeable improvements to the Next Generation model is how much easier the buttons are to press! I found the original Pro 2’s buttons frustratingly difficult and they often stuck, but this newer model has done away with that issue almost entirely.

The other issue they’ve fixed – YESSSSS – is the issue of having to cycle through all 11 settings to get back to the previous one. On the Pro 2 Next Generation, the simple up/down controls mean you can dial it back a speed if you want to, without having to cycle all the way through (which I found threw me totally off my rhythm.) I’m delighted with these improvements. The Pro 2 Next Generation is quite heavy, so I don’t recommend it for people who like or need very light toys.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The nozzle is detachable and you can purchase replacements if you need extras or spares. Being pure silicone, you can wash the nozzles with soap and hot water or boil-sterilise them. I would have upped this rating to four stars if they’d included a spare nozzle or two with the toy.

Though it isn’t possible to boil sterilise the whole toy, the Pro 2 Next Generation is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning, and I recommend you to this as the head is likely to trap lube and sex fluids.

This is a toy that you cannot realistically use with barriers of any kind. For this reason, I would recommend only sharing with a partner you’re fluid bonded to, or giving it a good thorough wash and changing the head between users.

Versatility: ★★★
You can really only use it in one way, but that’s okay for a toy that does what it does well. The Pro 2 Next Generation has eleven different speed settings and is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower. (Not being an underwater wanker, though, I have no idea how that would feel. Would it change the sensation!?)

Intensity: ★★★★
My initial reaction to any Satisfyer, when I turn it on, is “this is too weak to do anything.” (Power Queen over here, #SorryNotSorry!) However: I really can’t grade it in the same way because it doesn’t function in the same way as a straightforward vibrator. The type of stimulation is completely different.

Notably: the Pro 2 Next Generation and Pro Penguin Next Generation are the only toys currently in my collection that I DON’T just ramp up to max and leave there. Even the lower settings are quite pleasurable. A final note: another improvement on the original Pro 2 model is that this one is noticeably quieter. It’s not silent, but when it’s pressed against the body you’d struggle to hear it in the next room unless your walls are made of paper.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Some major issues with the original model ironed out, Satisfyer have delivered a lovely toy that delivered deliciously intense orgasms. A great choice if you’re interested in trying a suction-based toy.

Buy yours from Bondara or SheVibe.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as always, my own. Purchasing through the affiliate links in this post helps to support the blog.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation

After my less than “Satisfying” go with the original Satisfyer Pro 2 a few months back, I approached the Pro Penguin Next Generation with a healthy degree of skepticism. This is probably why it’s been sitting on top of my pile of “to review” sex toys in the living room for the last week until today it eventually guilted me into testing it.

(What? Yes, I keep a pile of sex toys in my living room. Doesn’t everyone?)

Cute little thing, isn’t he? (“It looks like a penguin!” said Mr CK, when I showed him the toy without telling him what it was called.)

So how did I get on?

Like all Satisfyer toys, the Pro Penguin Next Generation uses a suction nozzle and pressure waves of air to create stimulation to the clitoris which feels sort of like vibration only… different. Basically, the idea is that the waves stimulate the clit without actually touching it. This means you get none of the numbness or tingling that can occasionally accompany use of more traditional vibrating toys.

So, I applied a little water-based lube (Sliquid, always and forever the only lube I will unreservedly recommend to everyone!) to the nozzle, applied it to my clit, opened up the porn and set to, erm, work.

My first reaction upon switching the Penguin on was that it’s a little loud. But the sound is dampened a lot (read: almost entirely) once the nozzle of the toy is against the body.

To begin with, I must admit I was underwhelmed. Pleasant sensations one second became too intense – so intense as to be painful – remarkably quickly. It’s so precise that the slightest shift in position threw me off my game. This is definitely a toy that takes some practice.

Here’s a thing you should know about me: I always, always, always wank lying on my bed, either flat on my back or slightly propped up against some pillows, with my legs spread wide. I wank left handed (shout out to my fellow lefties!) and depending on the toy I’m using, I usually use my right hand to spread my labia to enable easier application of a toy to my clitoris – or more accurately, the hood or underside, as direct contact on my clitoral glans is usually painful for me. So naturally, I went to this trusty position. The problem, then, was positioning the toy so that it caught the right area without catching the “so intense it hurts” area.

But today I discovered something cool. Turns out I can masturbate with my legs nearly closed! At least, that’s how the Pro Penguin Next Generation worked for me. I don’t quite know why – maybe something to do with bringing all those yummy sensitive bits closer together under the suction cup instead of having them spread out? But it turns out that applying it GENTLY to my clitoral area with my legs almost completely closed was the magic button for me. Once I’d found this, the Penguin brought me to a slow-build, sheet-clutching, oh-my-godddddd orgasm that Mr CK could hear from several rooms away.

Ooof. I guess this suction toy thing can work for me after all. Who knew?

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Penguin retails for £49.99 at The Pleasure Garden and $49.95 at SheVibe. This will be out of budget for some, for sure, but it’s not an obscene price for a luxury and well-made toy. Satisfyer have consistently lower prices than their main competitor, Womanizer, whose toys start at £84.99.

Materials: ★★★★★
The nozzle piece which makes contact with the genitals is silicone, and the main body is smooth coated ABS plastic. This makes the Pro Penguin entirely body-safe as well as a pleasure to hold.

Appearance: ★★★★
It looks like a little penguin, which is cute and all but also… a bit baffling? I really wish I’d been a fly on the wall of the Marketing meeting where someone went, “we’ve got this brilliant new sex toy technology. You know what would make this product even better? Let’s make it look like a PENGUIN”. Still, the sheer adorableness makes it non-threatening, it’s not pink, and it has a little bow-tie which I find hilarious, so let’s go with it.

Ease of Use: ★★
As outlined above, it definitely takes some work to figure out exactly the right spot to place it for your particular body. My advice when using a suction toy, especially if you’re new to them, is to try to throw out preconceptions about what your body likes and where/how you like stimulation. These toys might feel superficially a bit like vibrators, but they’re actually quite different.

The Pro Penguin Next Generation is small and not too heavy. The shape of the body means it fit nicely into my much-smaller-than-average hand. The main button on the front switches the toy on and off as well as controlling the speed, and is nice and easy to press. A really nice feature this toy has, which was lacking in the original Pro 2, is the ability to turn it down as well as up without cycling through all the settings.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The silicone nozzle tip is removable, which is useful. That meant I could simply wash it with hot water and soap in the bathroom. I did get some sex fluids on the end of the body of the toy, but that was easy to clean with a sterile wipe. It’s possible that the open nozzle could harbor bacteria, so be extra thorough when cleaning it. It is waterproof so could be submerged for a more thorough cleaning.

The Pro Penguin cannot be used with a condom or any kind of barrier, but the nozzle ends are changeable and you can buy extras. It would be easy to swap them if sharing with a non fluid-bonded partner. One thing that would have been nice would be to have a couple of spare nozzles included with the toy.

Versatility: ★★★
It basically does one thing, but that’s okay because it does it well! You can easily ramp the intensity setting up and down to suit. The toy is waterproof which means it can be used in the bath or shower. (Not being a bath-wanker, though, I have no idea how well this works or if the water affects how the pressure waves feel.)

Intensity: ★★★★
When I first turned the Pro Penguin Next Generation up to max, I thought, “this thing isn’t going to do anything“. (Remember, I’m obsessed with extremely powerful toys.) I was wrong. Remember: it’s not a vibrator, not as such. It works differently. Even at the lower speeds the sensation was meaningful. When I turned it up to maximum speed it delivered a lovely, intense-but-sensual kind of stimulation. I’ve heard some people say it resembles oral sex and I still really don’t understand this comparison, but it might be something to do with the way that this thing caresses your clitoris.

Overall Score: ★★★★
A fun and playful toy that requires some experimentation, but with perseverance delivered a great orgasm. I enjoyed it a lot and am happy to give it a strong endorsement.

This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This does not in any way affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own. Please support the blog by buying through the affiliate links in this post.