[Toy Review] Arosum Vibratwin Strapless Strap-On & Kegelator Kegel Exerciser

Arosum, who both sponsored this double review and recently came on board as a site sponsor, is a rare beast in this industry: a sex toy retailer that does not use gendered language in its marketing. You won’t find Arosum toys grouped into limiting and cissexist categories such as “for women” and “for men.” Instead, toys are categorised by type and body part.

This is such an easy change to make if you want to make your sex toy marketing more inclusive, and yet so many retailers fail.

Arosum kindly send me the Vibratwin Strapless Strap-On and the Kegelator Vibrating Kegel Balls to review.

Arosum Vibratwin Strapless Strap-On

Arosum Vibratwin strapless strap-on vibrator

Strapless strap-ons are a divisive topic in the sex toy space. Some love them and others hate them. I’ve always been quite indifferent. I had a mediocre experience with one in my twenties, and haven’t really bothered again since. So I was curious to see how I’d get on with the Arosum Vibratwin Strapless Strap-On.

Fun fact, as I discovered when doing Google keyword research for this post: Vibratwin is also the name of a dual-action floor cleaning machine!

Vibratwin strapless strap-on details

The Vibratwin is a classic strapless strap-on vibrator, with one arm to go inside the wearer and then a protruding arm for them to fuck their partner with. The main shaft measures 5.35″ in length and 1.57″ in diameter at the widest point, and the shaft for the wearer measures 5.51″ in insertable length (but is very curved) and 1.26″ in diameter at the widest point.

The Vibratwin is made of body-safe silicone in a pretty shade of green. In the box you’ll also find a remote control and a storage bag (though, weirdly, the bag isn’t really big enough for the toy unless you squish it in at a weird angle!)

The Vibratwin is IPX7 waterproof and rechargeable. The battery life – around 45 minutes on a full charge – isn’t great, but is anyone really doing penetrative sex for longer than 45 minutes at a time anyway?

In use: what I liked

Arosum Vibratwin strapless strap-on vibrator

I really like the curved shape of the wearer’s shaft on the Vibratwin, for two reasons:

  1. It helps the toy to actually stay inside me
  2. It presses very pleasurably against my G-spot

Other things I like about this toy:

  • The “come hither” motion of the main shaft. It feels great and it means that, if you want to have strap-on sex without a lot of thrusting, you can just slide the shaft inside your partner and let the toy do the hard work. There are 3 different speeds.
  • The versatility. You can control the come-hither motion and the vibrations separately. Or, if you’re not in the mood for either, just leave them switched off.
  • It takes much less set-up than my regular strap-on, which I love but which always requires several minutes of futzing with straps and rings before it’s ready to go.
  • The remote control is a really nice addition, making it easy to control the toy in use with a partner. It’s fast and responsive.
  • There’s no reason you can’t also use it as a solo toy, if you want.
  • The silicone is really soft and smooth.

Anything I don’t like?

  • The inevitable squeaky whine that accompanies the “come hither” motion. This isn’t really Arosum’s fault, it’s probably almost impossible to make a toy that does this motion without it, but I still hate it.
  • The ridges on the main shaft. These will work really well for some people but for me, that level of texturing is more likely to be painful than pleasurable. As such, I think I’d prefer to use this toy when I’m Topping (assuming my partner enjoys that texture) rather than bottoming.
  • The vibrations are quite weak and buzzy. I don’t really like internal vibrations anyway, though, so I’ll just keep them turned off when using this toy in the future.

Verdict

Surprisingly great! I really like this one and will definitely use it again.

The Vibratwin Strapless Strap-On retails for $99.

Arosum Kegelator Vibrating Kegel Balls

Arosum Kegelator vibrating kegel exerciser

I’ve written about kegel balls and their purported benefits before. Some proponents claim that they can strengthen the pelvic floor, reduce incontinence, or enhance (or make it easier to have) G-spot orgasms. The actual evidence, though, doesn’t really stack up. The data supporting the bladder control claims is minimal and contradictory, and I could find no evidence (beyond the anecdotal) to support the orgasm claims.

Kegel exercises themselves are good for you, helping to prevent incontinence and other pelvic floor problems. It’s a good idea to do them regularly. But do kegel balls or other exercisers really help? The jury is out on that one.

Due to the lack of evidence to support any health claims, I choose to look at kegel balls and kegel exercises purely as sex toys.

With that in mind, how does the Kegelator stack up as a sex toy?

The Kegelator measures 8.27″ end to end, of which 4.33″ is insertable and the rest is the tail. The insertable portion is 1.54″ wide at the widest point, and 0.79″ at the narrowest point. It’s made of body-safe silicone in a dusky pink shade and is the classic “two connected balls with a long tail” shape.

As well as vibrating, the top part of the Kegelator moves in a “come hither” motion to stimulate the G-spot.

What I liked about the Kegelator

Arosum Kegelator vibrating kegel exerciser

  • The main thing I like about this toy is its shape. The size and slight curve of the head is ideal for seeking out my G-spot and targeting it with precision.
  • The remote is fast, responsive, and allows you to move between the 10 patterns and settings in either direction.
  • It’s comfortable enough to wear for quite a while, if you want to.
  • The silicone is silky soft.

Anything I didn’t like?

  • That whining noise again!
  • The fact that you can’t control the vibrations and come hither motion separately. I don’t like internal vibrations and would really like to turn them off while still using the other function!
  • 60 minutes battery life isn’t great, especially for something you might theoretically want to wear for longer periods.
  • The vibrations are weak and buzzy.

Verdict

Unlike the Vibratwin, I think the Kegelator is just okay. It’s really let down by the lack of dual controls, and the buzzy vibrations will be a downside for anyone looking for powerful internal vibes.

The Kegelator Kegel Exerciser retails for $79.

Thanks to Arosum for sponsoring this review. Sponsors help to keep the site going! All views, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] Monster Pub Dr Whale 2

You’ve heard of rabbit vibrators. You’ve probably heard of Satisfyer’s famous Penguin clitoral suction toy. But have you ever seen a whale vibrator before? Well, now you have! Specifically, the Dr Whale vibrator, which I recently received to test and review.

Monster Pub Dr Whale 2: Basics

The Dr Whale 2 is a curved vibrator shaped like a little whale. It measures 7 inches in total when stretched out flat (4 inches insertable) and 1.3 inches in diameter at the widest point. It houses two motors, one in the whale’s “body” and one in its tail.

Monster Pub Dr Whale 2

The Dr Whale 2 is coated in soft and body-safe silicone in a pretty shade of pale blue. It is rechargeable via the included USB cable and you get 120 minutes use out of a full charge. You also get a storage bag for the toy.

Confusingly, the website says the toy is waterproof but the included instruction booklet says NOT to submerge it in water. I’m going to assume that means it’s splashproof only, though I’m not entirely sure. I didn’t want to risk breaking it by submerging it. For a toy of this price point, though, I feel like “waterproof” should come as standard.

Monster Pub Dr Whale 2

The Dr Whale 2 features an internal heating element that warms up to a comfortable 42C within a couple minutes of being switched on. Most intriguing of all, it is controllable via the Monster Pub app (available free on iOS and Android).

App-Controlled Kegel Exerciser

One of the advertised purposes of the Dr Whale 2 is as a kegel exerciser. Performing kegel exercises regularly can help strengthen your pelvic floor, which some evidence shows has a variety of benefits from better bladder control to stronger orgasms. I delved into some of the science on kegel exercises a long time ago on this blog, and anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that while using internal exercisers like the Dr Whale 2 doesn’t necessarily make the kegel exercises more effective, using one might make you more likely to perform them regularly.

I downloaded the app and the toy connected easily. The connection is good, reliable and steady as long as you have a stable internet connection.

You have to set up an account on the app, which takes a few seconds. It also asks you to select your gender, but only offers “girl” and “boy” (which is weirdly infantilising as well as annoyingly binary.)

The app then asked me to complete a “Q&A For Girls” which consists of a few questions about whether you’re using the app alone or with a lover and whether you want to share it with a partner. It also, however, includes THIS:

I strongly suspect this is just some really, really bad Google Translate but the last thing I want to see in a sex toy app is talk of being “molested”. Gross. It also gives me pause about the app’s security and safety. Is it likely that someone is going to randomly take control of my toy? Because that’s, erm, deeply concerning if so.

Once you’re in, you can choose from a range of pre-set patterns and those created by other users. You can also create your own using the “Gesture” mode, connect with a partner via chat tools such as WeChat or WhatsApp, or make the vibes respond to movement with the “Action/Reaction” mode.

If you go into the “Health” tab at the top of the screen, you’ll find the various kegel exercise section. In this mode, a voice talks you through a range of exercises. The sessions are pretty short, stating at just 3 minutes, so they’re quite accessible. If you need a little extra encouragement to do kegel exercises regularly, you might enjoy being gently talked through it by the narrator’s soothing voice. I certainly find it helps me to actually bother doing my exercises!

The app responsiveness is good. It’s also fairly intuitive to use, with just a few basic controls to get your head around.

What About as a Sex Toy?

I like the shape and flexibility of the Dr Whale 2. I also really like the gently ridged texture of the silicone on one side of the whale’s body. Its flexy tail means it will work for a variety of bodies and comfortable positioning is easy. The downside of the flexible tail is that, when you’ve inserted the toy, it’s difficult to get a satisfying amount of clitoral pressure.

Monster Pub Dr Whale 2

I’m not really a fan of internal vibrations, though, so I soon turned to using it solely as a clitoral toy.

Unfortunately, the Dr Whale 2 really falls down for me on power. It’s not the worst by any stretch, and I’ve certainly used more expensive toys that were packing less of a punch than this one. But ultimately the vibrations are of mediocre strength and very buzzy. This toy is highly unlikely to ever get me off.

Verdict

A mixed bag here.

I do think the Dr Whale 2 is a good kegel exerciser. The guided sessions on the app are a nice touch and the vibrations add more pleasure to the whole process. As a sex toy, though, I’m unlikely to ever use it again. It’s just too buzzy and not really powerful enough to be satisfying.

The Monster Pub Dr Whale 2 retails for $119.00 at time of writing.

This review was sponsored, meaning the company paid me to write an honest review. All views and experiences are my own.

[Toy Review] We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator

[Update: this toy has been discontinued.]

A co-produced toy by one of my favourite manufacturers and one of my favourite retailers? Sign me up! The We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator (woof, that’s a mouthful) recently landed on my doorstep to review as part of my Sex Ed September series.

I’m writing this post on Saturday 26 September 2020, which is Smutathon 2020 day! A group of sex writers around the world are writing for 12 hours to raise money for Endometriosis UK, a fantastic cause that’s very close to our hearts. To that end, if you purchase through my affiliate links today (not just this toy – any product) I’ll donate any commissions dated today to the charity.

And of course, we’d love you to donate and help us reach our £3000 target!

With that out of the way…

Let’s have a closer look at the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator.

This toy is the latest in the line of We-Vibe’s signature U-shaped vibrators, designed to be worn during penis-in-vagina intercourse. The slimmer of the two “arms” anchors the toy inside the vagina, while the outer arm rests against the vulva and provides clitoral stimulation.

The We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couples Vibrator

This toy is rechargeable via a USB cable, giving about 90 minutes of playtime for a 2-hour charge. While the toy itself is completely waterproof, the remote is not. The WV x LH Couple’s Vibrator is 3.5 inches in total length, and the insertable section is 3 inches long.

What I liked

The We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator is made of body-safe matte silicone. This makes it phthalate-free, non-porous, and a breeze to clean.

This toy’s two arms are separated by a flexible hinge. This allows you to position it at whatever angle is most pleasurable for your body. Since no two bodies are the same, making it adjustable better enables users to get the perfect fit for them.

The slimline design of the internal arm will make it comfortable for the majority of wearers, and prevent it from being too obtrusive during penetrative play.

I often roll my eyes about “hands free” toys. But, to give this product credit where it’s due, it did stay in place reasonably well. I don’t think it can truly be described as “hands free” as it moves around with intense thrusting, but I found it much easier to keep in place than an entirely hand-held toy. For solo sex purposes, I can pretty much use it hands-free.

Finally, the remote control is well designed. It’s very light, easy and unobtrusive to hold, and the controls are intuitive. Two buttons allow you to scroll through pattern settings, the othes change the speed.

Remote control for a remote control couples vibrator

And what I didn’t like

I had high hopes for the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator. We-Vibe is known for producing toys with high-quality, powerful and rumbly motors.

Sadly, the reality just didn’t match up to expectations. I don’t know if We-Vibe decided to use a different type of motor for this collaborative production, but the power in this iteration of their classic design is woefully lacking.

The vibrations are buzzy, surface-level, middling strength at best, and ultimately unsatisfying. I was not able to reach orgasm with it and I doubt I will use it again.

Final thoughts

Honestly, I’m underwhelmed.

I really wanted this toy to be amazing, as a collaboration between two companies I love should be. While the design is great in some ways, I can’t easily forgive a sex toy that completely failed to get me off. While I understand that the We-Vibe name carries a premium price-tag, at £99.99 ($119.99 US), this toy is far too expensive for its quality level.

For that reason, I sadly can’t entirely endorse this product. If you can afford to spend a little more, get the Sync or Chorus instead. If you’re on a budget and looking for something that will fit between bodies during sex, you’ll be better off with a really good bullet vibe.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator to review. All views are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Flexy Beast Wearable Vibrator

Update: this product has been discontinued.

Sometimes a sex toy makes me laugh and groan (with exasperation, not pleasure) at the same time. Sometimes I just take one look at a thing and immediately know it’s not going to do what it was designed for. The “Flexy Beast” wearable couple’s vibrator from Lovehoney is one such product.

The Pun Game is Strong with This One

It’s a bendy vibrator called the Flexy Beast. How could I resist!? Not only that, but the caption on the box reads “Bends With Benefits.” Well played, Lovehoney. Well. Played.

Anyway, let’s take a closer look, shall we?

The Lovehoney Flexy Beast wearable couples vibrator

The Flexy Beast is a small triangular vibrator with two long and hyper-flexible (they weren’t kidding about that) arms. It’s fully waterproof, and USB rechargeable via the included cable. It is 6.5 inches in total length, of which 3.5 are supposedly insertable (an assertion I question, as we’ll see momentarily.)

The Flexy Beast is coated in silicone and the tip is ABS plastic, making it completely body-safe. Because the plastic tip comes off to reveal the charging port, it has a significant seam that could harbour bacteria. Take extra care when cleaning your toy.

The Flexy Beast boasts 3 levels of constant power and 7 patterns. It operates on a single button interface. I can forgive the one-button issue with cheaper toys, but on a product that retails for £70 I really expect to see at the very least +/- buttons, and ideally a remote control.

First Impressions

I have to admit that my first reaction to this thing was that I wanted to stick googly eyes on it and turn it into a desk mascot.

The Lovehoney Flexy Beast wearable couples vibrator with cartoon eyes

My second reaction was “huh, the level of power is actually respectable.” Considering how small it is, the Flexy Beast offers passably good vibrations. They’re a little buzzy, though, whereas I prefer deep rumbles (and so, it seems, do 56% of the people of FilthTwitter, based on my completely scientific study.)

But that’s when it all went sideways…

There are 5 helpful suggestions provided on the Lovehoney site for how to use the Flexy Beast. Of the two that do not require a factory-installed penis, I was… I think “baffled” is a fair word to use?

Diagram of suggested ways to use the Lovehoney Flexy Beast vibrator

I mean, what the fuck is going on here? The first one seems to imply I should shove the whole thing in my vagina and it will just kinda hang out around the entrance with the arms holding it in place somehow. The second one seems to be suggesting I stick the tip inside me and stick the arms on my labia majora, which… why? Half an inch inside the vagina and the outer labia 2 inches from the clit are not the areas that typically produce the most pleasure for most vulva owners.

Let me reiterate: neither of these suggestions make a single iota of sense when you try them on an actual vulva.

So I got creative…

Not one to give up easily, I tried a few other things. I tried twisting the arms together and inserting them to make a sort of anchor in my vagina while I used the bullet part on my clit. This just ended up with it poking me painfully in the vaginal walls (and it fell out in three seconds.)

I tried to essentially attach it to my labia by twisting the arms in such a way as to clamp it on to my fleshy bits. It slipped straight off.

The Lovehoney Flexy Beast wearable couples vibrator

Finally, I tried inserting the main body into my vagina and then bending the arms around to reach my clit. This sort of worked for about five seconds, but if you push the toy far enough inside that it actually stays put, the arms don’t reach the clit. (Plus the body isn’t anywhere near long enough, nor the right shape, to hit the G-spot.)

Sure, you could technically bend the arms into a circle shape and use it as a cock-ring, but why would you want to? You won’t get the effect of restricting blood flow from the penis (the actual purpose of a cock ring) and any sort of thrusting will stop it from providing meaningful clitoral stimulation.

Someone on the Lovehoney reviews under the product claims to have used it vaginally, anally, and clitorally all at the same time (main body on the clit, one arm in each hole.) After extensive testing, I am calling this out as not only something that is highly unlikely to feel good to the overwhelming majority of people, but as something that is physiologically fucking impossible unless you have the shortest vagina-to-butt distance of all time.

….Sentences I never expected to write.

Final verdict

All gimmick, no substance.

Even though the vibrations are actually okay considering the small size, I was far too annoyed by it and all the ways it was supposed to work and didn’t. I ended my testing session completely turned off. The Flexy Beast probably could have got me off from the vibrations alone, but all I wanted to do was throw it across the room and get my Doxy out.

I’m chalking this one up to a neat idea in theory that wasn’t tested on enough actual human genitals before being released. It also retails for a hugely overpriced £69.99 ($89.99 US) which is more expensive than several far better toys.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear within this post.

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Chorus

There are a number of buzzwords and phrases, frequently used to describe sex toys, of which I am highly sceptical. One of these is “for couples”. Another is “hands free”. The We-Vibe Chorus claims to be both of these things. However, my experiences with We-Vibe over the years have been almost universally positive, so with my hopeful-but-ready-to-be-disappointed face firmly in place, I set out to test the new We-Vibe Chorus for you guys.

First impressions

The We-Vibe Chorus in its box

The We-Vibe Chorus comes attractively packaged in a sturdy box. Inside you’ll find the toy and remote, a USB charging cable, and a dock that functions as both travel case and charging station. There’s also a little instruction booklet and a free packet of water-based personal lubricant. (Second ingredient: glycerin. Ughhhhh.)

The We-Vibe Chorus comes in three colours, and mine is “Cosmic Pink.” It is OBNOXIOUSLY pink. (I asked for the purple, but I guess everyone probably asked for the purple. Ah well.) It’s sort of shiny-sparkly

The matte silicone is squishy and soft to the touch.

Shiny new tech! (Or: How is the Chorus different to previous We-Vibe models?)

The Chorus is the latest iteration of We-Vibe’s signature “wearable” vibrators, a line which also includes the Unite and Sync amongst others. But how is it different?

The We-Vibe Chorus and remote

The most obvious upgrade, when we compare the Chorus to the Sync (its most recent predecessor,) is the introduction of the squeeze remote. The tighter you squeeze the remote, the more intense the vibration gets – and vice versa! This is a genuinely innovative touch that I haven’t seen anywhere else. You can turn squeeze control on and off with the small button at the top of your remote. When squeeze control is on, you use the +/- buttons to set the base intensity – that is, the lowest setting it will default to if you stop squeezing. We’ll get more into fun ways to play with this in a minute.

There’s also new touch-sense tech, which responds to your movements against the sensor, changing the intensity of the vibrations to match depending on which setting you’ve selected. You can turn touch-sense off through the We-Connect app, if you want to. I had a play with this function but the responsiveness was mixed. Overall, I found it too unpredictable to be pleasurable, and quickly turned it off. If I’m going to use touch-sensitive tech, I want to to actually be reliable. The We-Vibe Wand achieved this much better than the Chorus does.

The WeVibe Chorus and remote on the docking stand

Another significant upgrade to this model is that it is adjustable in two places. Not only can you adjust the distance between the two arms, you can also alter the angle of the internal arm for a more comfortable and stimulating fit. I can’t overestimate how appreciated this is! Bodies come in a wide range of shapes and sizes, and one size will never fit all. I find getting poked in the vaginal walls off-putting and the opposite of erotic, frankly, so being able to adjust the Chorus to actually sit comfortably in my body was a game-changer.

Finally, the Chorus is the first We-Vibe product to use a mix of AnkorLink and Bluetooth technology to connect it to the We-Connect app. The difference here was EXTREMELY noticeable – the connection was much more stable and the responses much more consistent.

In conclusion, the Chorus might superficially resemble We-Vibe’s previous offerings, but you get so much more bang for your buck.

The Chorus is waterproof (though the remote is only splash-proof). I got just shy of 90 minutes of playtime from a full (2 hour) charge.

Not just for couples!

Again, I find the notion of “toys for couples” annoying. Anything can be a couples’ sex toy if you use it with a partner! And many so-called couples’ toys can be used just as well for solo fun. The phrase “toys for couples” has come to be near-synonymous with “toys you use while having penis-in-vagina intercourse”. But lots of couples don’t have sex like that, or only have sex like that sometime… and of course, not all couples are cis-hetero! I vote we change the common terminology to “toys for PIV” instead of “toys for couples”.

Anyway, I digress. The We-Vibe Chorus is a great option if you’re looking for a toy to wear during PIV sex. The slender and adjustable internal arm makes for a comfortable fit regardless of your bodies’ shapes and sizes, and the external arm provides powerful clitoral stimulation – which 70 – 90% (depending on which study you believe) of vulva-owners need to reach orgasm.

But it’s so much more than that! I actually really like this style of toy for solo masturbation. Though I do need to use my hands (see below,) holding it against my body requires almost no strength or energy. It’s easy to use a dildo with it at the same time if I’m after more internal stimulation.

Other fun ways to play

Thanks to its innovative technology and design, this toy has so much potential beyond the obvious “wear during PIV” application.

If you’re into power-exchange games, you could give your partner the remote and have them use the squeeze function or buttons to control when and how you get pleasure. Or the person who is wearing the vibrator could be tied up with the remote in their hand, and their Dominant partner could instruct them on when to squeeze tightly (getting more stimulation) and when to release (getting less).

I really like playing edging games with this toy – squeezing tightly until I’m close to coming, then releasing the control to back off again.

Due to the improved app connection and functionality, this toy is also ideal for long-distance play. Wherever you are in the world, simply hook your toy up to your partner’s phone via the app, and you can give them control of your toy while you sext or exchange smutty pictures.

Not really hands-free

As ever, bodies are different and your mileage may vary. But I do not agree that the We-Vibe Chorus is a hands-free toy. However I adjusted it, I could not get it to stay firmly in place. Every time I moved slightly or changed the intensity of the vibrations, it would shift and move away from my clit. I ended up using one hand to hold it in place and the other hand to operate the remote.

Not a huge problem in the grand scheme of things, but if you’re looking for a truly hands-free experience you’ll want to be aware of this. (Also: if you find a sex toy that is actually, effectively, 100% hands-free, please let me know. This is up there with unicorns on the list of “things I am convinced do not exist.”)

Worth noting: the lovely Phallophile Reviews suggests that wearing tight knickers (such as Spanx) helps this toy stay in place. So that’s something to try!

Power play

Importantly, how does the We-Vibe Chorus stack up in terms of power? Frankly, if I’m going to spend close to £200 on a toy, it’d better knock my socks off, power-wise!

We-Vibe have long been known for using excellent, powerful motors in their toys and the Chorus is no exception. For its small size, it packs a punch. The vibrations are strong, rumbly and – in case this is important to you – surprisingly quiet.

The gentle, lay-on contour of this toy, plus the rumbly vibes, feel fucking phenomenal against my clit.

Final thoughts

If you’re looking for the ultimate “wear during PIV” toy, this is it. I’m seriously impressed with the Chorus! But I also really love this toy for solo play. It’s on the pricier end at £189.99 ($199 US) but you get so many nifty features for your money. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

A gem. We-Vibe have done it yet again.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Chorus in exchange for an honest review. We-Vibe’s other new release, the Wand, will feature in my Valentine’s Day Gift Guide, coming out tomorrow, so stay tuned for that! Header image is by Lovehoney and used with permission, all other images by me. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Desire Remote Control Knicker Vibrator

One of the requests I receive most often is for remote, “vibrating panties” style vibrators. I’m not sure what it is about this idea that’s so popular. Perhaps it’s the covert, playing-in-public naughtiness of it? Problem is, most of them are rubbish. I bought my first pair when I was 18, tried them once and never used them again – the design was poor and the vibrations weak. So I am really pleased to report that, finally, I’ve found an Actually Effective vibrating underwear style toy, in the form of Lovehoney’s Desire Remote Control Knicker Vibrator.

What’s the buzz?

I’m really into the Desire range as a whole. The sleek black-and-purple designs, smooth body-safe silicone and decent motors make them really solid choices for beginners and toy aficionados alike.

This toy is actually three separate pieces: the vibrator itself, the remote control, and the knickers to use it with. The vibrator is 4″ long, saddle-shaped and made of smooth, rigid silicone, with a single button on the top and a nub on the underside which rests against the clitoris when worn.

The remote control is small and egg shaped, and also silicone-coated. Worth noting is that while the main toy is rechargeable, the remote control takes a single CR2032 battery (included). The main vibrator is waterproof, but the remote is only splash proof so take care not to get it wet.

Including the knickers with this toy is a really nice touch. They’re made of soft black lace and tie at the sides with dark grey ribbons. Because they’re tie-up, they are super adjustable. I wear a UK size 16 and there was tonnes of room left over once I’d tied them on snugly – I reckon they’d fit up to at least a size 20 or 22, easily. The knickers have a little pouch in the gusset where you slip the vibrator to keep it in place.

All of this comes in a stylish and convenient black case, and the toy has a travel lock so you don’t need to worry about it switching on in transit.

The remote control range on this toy is about 8 metres, assuming a clear line of sight.

Power, settings and functionality

The Desire Knicker Vibrator has a whopping 12 speeds. Of course, being the ridiculous power-queen that I am, I simply put it on the highest setting and left it there. The higher settings have a decent level of power, though they’re not as rumbly as I would ideally like. The top level did bring me to orgasm, but I would have liked a setting or two higher. Of course, more powerful toys = more powerful motors, which = more expensive end product, so it’s a trade-off.

I hate patterns. Did I mention that? I fucking hate patterns. I don’t like them and I don’t use them. However, if you’re a pattern fan, then this toy has plenty of variety to offer you, as shown in the handy patterns diagram provided on the Lovehoney product site and in the instruction booklet.

The best thing about this toy’s design is the shape, which sits comfortably along the curve of the vulva. The bump on the end is ideal for brushing against the clit and providing some gentle friction.

Controls-wise, the toy itself has one button which you can use to cycle through the settings without using the remote control. However, you cannot turn the power level up or down on the toy itself. The remote has three buttons: power up, power down, and the centre button which changes the pattern as well as switching the toy on and off. Worth noting is that you need to switch the toy on using the main button on the body of the vibe before it will work with the remote control. Just hold the button down until it lights up.

So can you actually use it in public?

My verdict here is… maybe.

I don’t entirely agree with the description of this product as “whisper-quiet.” It’s far from the loudest toy I’ve encountered, but it does have a distinct buzz. That said, last year we took our play partner out wearing another Desire product under her clothes (the Butterfly, if you’re curious) which we surreptitiously switched on and off during dinner and no-one was any the wiser. So it’s entirely possible that this toy is also discreet enough once masked by layers of clothing and the ambient noise of public spaces.

What I like about the design of the knickers with the little pouch is that they keep the toy in place pretty well, including while walking around.

So do I recommend it?

That depends on what you’re looking for, really.

If you’re after a vibe to simply masturbate with in the usual way to get you off, this is probably not your best choice. I’d recommend going for the bullet or for the pebble clitoral vibe instead.

However, if you’re after a knicker vibe/”vibrating panties” style experience, or something to hand your lover the control to as you go about your day, this is a great option for you.

A sexy present for Valentine’s Day, perhaps?

The Desire Knicker Vibrator retails at £74.99 ($89.99 US).

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. Links in this post are affiliate links and if you use them, I make a small commission. Pattern diagram is by Lovehoney and reproduced with permission.


[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples

Update: this product has, I am pleased to say, been discontinued!

I try really hard not to be prejudiced against a toy before it’s even been anywhere near my bits. But I have to admit there was a part of me that hated the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples on sight. Perhaps that’s why it’s languished at the bottom of my “to be reviewed” pile for six months.

My bias is a little bit because I get pissed off when “for couples” is used interchangeably with “to be used during penis-in-vagina intercourse,” as if that’s the only type of sex couples have. (And, indeed, as if a “couple” always consists of one penis-haver and one vagina-haver.) It’s a little bit because I hate the late-nineties text-s peak tweeness of “4” instead of “for”. And it’s a lot because I took one look at this fucking thing and went “there is no way that’s gonna be effective”.

Facts ‘n’ Figures

The Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples is one of the models in Satisfyer’s new generation line, which also includes the G Spot Rabbit (which I quite enjoyed) and the Pro Plus Vibration (which I adored). It’s V-shaped, clearly vaguely modeled after other wearable-during-intercourse vibes such as the We-Vibe Sync (which I recently reviewed for Sex Tech Guide). It utilises Satisfyer’s signature contactless stimulation via rapid pulses of air or “pressure waves”.

There’s a large bulky part which sits against the vulva and houses the pressure wave/suction clitoral stimulator. The second arm is shorter, very slim and flexible, and is designed to sit inside the vagina and vibrate.

This toy boasts two separate motors. The clitoral stimulator has 11 different levels of intensity, and the internal arm has 10 vibration patterns. They are controlled by separate buttons and can be used together or independently.

The Pro 4 Couples is fully waterproof and USB rechargeable. It retails for $99.99 on Lovehoney USA. At time of writing it is not available through the UK site.

Care & cleaning of your Satisfyer…

Like all Satisfyer products, the Pro 4 Couples is body-safe. The exterior is matte silicone, the buttons are plastic, and the silicone nozzle end is removable for easier cleaning. Being waterproof, you can submerge it to clean it fully, or use a medical wipe for a quick clean-up. It’s not really condom/barrier compatible.

As always, I recommend water-based lube for silicone toys.

What I did like

No toy is all bad. (Scratch that: some toys are all bad). It would be unfair not to acknowledge the Pro 4 Couples’ good points, even though the overall product didn’t work for me.

I really like the air pressure technology Satisfyer use for their clitoral stimulators. It provides intense pleasure without numbing, and this toy is no exception.

I also liked that you can control the clitoral arm and the internal arm separately. I hate vibrations inside my vagina, so being able to turn them off was a godsend.

What I didn’t like

Literally everything else?

Though I’m sure it will work for some people, this product just feels really badly designed to me. For one thing, it doesn’t stay in place! I struggled to get it to stay on my clitoris without using my hands when I was using it solo and staying very still. There is absolutely no way this thing would remain in position during any sort of thrusting..

Secondly, I found the internal arm not only provided no pleasure but was actually painful! This is quite a feat considering how small it is. It tapers to a point for some reason, and when I put the toy in the right position so that the suction nozzle was over my clitoris, this pointy end poked painfully into the wall of my vagina.

Third, there’s no way I could get a penis inside me alongside this toy. I tried valiantly with a dildo (a small dildo!) and it just made the painful poking feeling worse.

Finally, the internal vibrations are buzzy as fuck. I tried them on my clit, just for fun, and I was going numb within a few seconds.

I’m willing to accept that this toy might work well for some people as a solo toy, if their vulva happens to be shaped in exactly the right way to fit with it, but as a toy for wearing during intercourse it’s simply not fit for purpose.

Needless to say, I don’t recommend it. But what should you get instead?

If you’re looking for a pressure wave clitoral stimulator for solo use, get the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration. For dual clitoral suction and G-spot stimulation, get the We-Vibe Nova. Or for a toy to use for clitoral pleasure during intercourse, get the We-Vibe Sync.

I can see what Sayisfyer were going for with the Pro 4 Couples, but it just misses the mark in so many different ways. A really disappointing offering from a manufacturer I usually like.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All opinions mine, etc. If you want to support me, please buy me a coffee or shop using the affiliate links in this post and the right hand sidebar.

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Desire Butterfly Hands-Free Vibrator

[Update 30.12.2019: The Desire Butterfly has been discontinued. Links have been updated accordingly.]

I love anything a bit unusual and different when it comes to sex toys. That’s why, when my friends over at Lovehoney offered me the product of my choice from the new Desire range to test and report on, I was immediately drawn to this one.

Facts ‘n’ Figures

The Butterfly is part of the new Lovehoney Desire range of luxury toys. I tested the clitoral pebble vibe a few months ago from the same range. The Butterfly is a wearable vibe which rests against the vulva and is held in place with a strap around each leg and one around the hips.

The underside of the Lovehoney Desire Butterfly, a purple vibe which is flat escept for a small raised ridge where the head of the Butterfly would be. Black elastic straps are attached.

It’s a smallish vibe, 4.2 inches in length. The underside (pictured right) is flat and smooth except for a bump of around 1 inch which sits against the clitoris. The harness is super adjustable, with a maximum width of 40 inches around the hips. I have wide hips and I found it very comfortable to wear.

The storage cases for Lovehoney's Desire products. A black square zip up case with the Lovehoney heart logo.

It’s remote-controlled. The vibe itself is rechargeable via USB, and the remote control takes one watch-style battery, which should last ages. All Desire toys come in their own stylish black case (pictured right) which is perfect for storage and travel. The Butterfly even features a travel lock, so no worries about it accidentally turning on in your bag!

My Experience

It took me a bit of experimentation to get the Butterfly to sit correctly against my body. I had to adjust the straps a few times to figure out the best placing for them so that the lovely ridge rested against my clit. After a few minutes and some very attractive wiggling in and out of bits of elastic, I found a position that worked and settled down with some smut for a nice wank.

The Butterfly has 8 patterns and 12 speeds, but I just wacked it up to “constant vibration, highest speed,” because that’s how my bits roll. I also realised, not for the first time, that entirely hands-free stimulation, while nice, very rarely makes me come. I prefer to have the toy I’m using pressed somewhat firmly against my vulva so I can grind against it. So I ended up pushing it against my body with one hand. This wasn’t really a problem for me, and wouldn’t be necessary for someone who doesn’t need such firm pressure in order to get off.

I found the Butterfly’s vibrations impressively strong for its size. Not strong enough to get me off in record time in the way a wand can, but thoroughly enjoyable for a nice slow wank! It took me about 40 minutes to go from “cold” to “orgasm” with the Butterfly. This would be a long time for some people but is quite normal for me if I’m not worked up before I start, especially with a toy I’ve never used before.

In conclusion: I really enjoyed this toy.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★
The Butterfly retails on Lovehoney for £74.99, which puts it at the higher end of the Desire toys’ price-range. It won’t be in everyone’s budget for this reason. However, the difference in quality from lower-priced toys, including Lovehoney’s own budget range, is noticeable. These toys look and feel luxurious, but I’m not entirely convinced it’s worth the price when you can get a much more powerful vibe for a similar price.

Materials: ★★★★★
The entire body of the Butterfly – AND the remote – are silky soft silicone. Silicone is my favourite because it’s non-porous, phthalate-free and completely body-safe. I recommend water-based lube with silicone toys (and just in general because it’s gentler on your body.)

Appearance: ★★★★
It’s cute and actually looks like a little butterfly! It also, if I do say so myself, looks really pretty when it’s on. It’s the same purple as the whole Desire range, which is a lovely colour and provides a really nice, stylish look.

Ease of Use: ★★★
This one definitely took some practice. The interface is simple – you switch on the toy with a single button on the body, and then use the remote control to cycle through the settings. There are three buttons – speed up, speed down, and change pattern. It’s the positioning that can be a struggle at first. I suggest taking your time to experiment, try different positions for your body and the toy, and be prepared to adjust the straps a few times to make it work for you.

A quick note for anyone who, like me, has a natural bush: the straps do have a tendency to trap stray pubes if you’re not careful! Watch out for this if you don’t want a non-consensual wax job courtesy of your sex toy.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
Being pure silicone, the Butterfly can be cleaned with a sterile wipe (try the kind from medical suppliers, but make sure they’re body safe!) It’s waterproof, so you can submerge it fully in water to clean it thoroughly. The straps come off easily so they can stay dry when you wash the toy. Not condom compatible. You could use a barrier like a dental dam, if you want to share and are cautious about infection transmission.

Versatility: ★★★
The Butterfly has 8 pattern settings and 12 speeds, so whatever you’re into, there will be a setting for you. It’s great for solo play, but could also enhance pleasure during intercourse. I’m already planning to wear it next time Mr CK bends me over the bed and fucks me from behind! Another way to use it with a partner would be to give your lover the remote and let them control the toy. It is technically waterproof, but I’m not sure I would bother using it in water as it seems like the straps would be a pain to dry.

Intensity:
★★★
Not… bad, but not amazing? I would have preferred the vibrations stronger and rumblier, personally. But they were adequate to – eventually – bring me to orgasm.

Overall Score: ★★★
A nice enough little toy which serves a specific purpose. I’d recommend it to folks who like gentler clitoral stimulation. It’s also a decent choice for anyone who needs a hands-free or low-energy toy for pain or mobility reasons.

Thank you to Lovehoney, who sent me this toy in exchange for an honest review. If you use one of my links to buy, I may make a small commission. This does not in any way affect my views which are, and will always be, my own. The images featured in this post by Lovehoney and are reproduced here with their kind permission.