Tag: penis toys

Header image for review: text on blue and dark grey background reads "Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo"

[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo

Published on by Amy

Hot Octopuss made some serious waves with the Pulse, the company’s first product and a precursor to the Pulse Duo, back in 2013. I received the company’s latest product, the new and improved Pulse Duo, and Mr C&K was kind enough to test it out so I could review it.

What is the Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo?

The new and redesigned Pulse Duo is the latest iteration of the Pulse penis vibrator, and this time it’s specifically designed with use by couples in mind. It looks like this:

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo "guybrator" sex toy

Based on medical technology designed to help people with spinal cord injuries and similar disabilities to ejaculate for the purposes of taking part in IVF, Pulse toys utilise an oscillating mechanism (known as “PulsePlate”™) to stimulate the penis. As a sex toy, their unique selling point is that the user doesn’t need to have an erection in order to use them.

The Pulse Duo is made of body-safe silicone in a blue-grey colour. It is rechargeable via the included magnetic USB cable. It also comes with a battery-operated remote control and a branded drawstring storage bag.

The toy is waterproof, but the remote control is not.

The user inserts their penis between the flexible silicone “wings”. The plate then stimulates them by rapidly oscillating back and forth. Pro tip: experiment with which way around, and how far along your shaft, you position the toy. The Pulse Duo is designed to stimulate the frenulum (the V-shaped spot that connects the foreskin to the head of the penis), but every penis and every person’s preferences are different, so figure out what feels best for you.

The Pulse Duo is also designed to stimulate a person with a vulva. The suggested use is for the penis-owning person to wear the toy with the top side facing up, and for their vulva-owning partner to straddle them with the toy pressing against their vulva, allowing them to feel its vibrations:

Outline drawing of an AFAB person straddling an AMAB person who is wearing the Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo
Image: Hot Octopuss

Though the Hot Octopuss Pulse range was inspired by medical technology for people who can’t get an erection or enjoy penetrative sex, anyone with a penis can enjoy this product.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo Review: Pros

One of my favourite things about the Pulse Duo is that it centres a hugely underrated sex act: grinding. Many people with a vulva masturbate by grinding against things. There’s now a booming market for clitoral grinders in numerous different designs. Using the Pulse Duo with a partner offers a new way to enjoy close bodily contact and simultaneous pleasure without the need for penetration.

Unlike many “couples’ toys” I’ve seen, the Pulse Duo does not treat the vulva and clitoris as an afterthought. The design features an arched base, designed to part the vulva and target stimulation to the clit. The rigid surface is amazing for grinding against, providing plenty of pressure, and the toy transmits vibrations well, particularly on the higher settings.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo vibrator viewed from the side

Mr C&K reported that the vibrations and oscillations are strong and rumbly. Based on how the exterior of the toy feels, I would agree with that assessment. I’m not sure the vibrations are strong enough to give me an orgasm alone. Coupled with the grinding motion, though, they absolutely could.

The flexible wings mean that the Pulse Duo will fit most penis sizes. Hot Octopuss recommends this toy for anyone with a flaccid penis length of 3.25″ or more, and with a maximum girth of 2.5″. There is no maximum length or minimum girth recommendation.

The Pulse Duo has a four button interface, two on either side of the toy. There are 7 vibration modes to choose from (steady vibration plus 6 patterns) as well as 9 speeds. The controls are intuitive and easy to learn, and I particularly appreciate the dual-directional speed controls. The remote control offers additional flexibility in how you use the toy and has a range of around 3 metres.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo close up of remote control

Unlike a stroker, you don’t need to move the Pulse Duo up and down the penis during use. Depending on your penis size and how it fits, some people will be able to use this toy completely hands-free. Others will need to hold it in place. Of course, if you have a partner straddling you to use the toy in “Duo” mode, their weight will help anchor it in place.

Mr C&K didn’t use lube on his first attempt with the Pulse Duo. He said the toy worked fine without it, but that most people would find insertion easier and may find the toy more comfortable with some water-based lube added.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo Review: Cons

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo vibrator viewed from the side

The first notable downside of the Pulse Duo is that it’s annoyingly loud. Oscillating toys are often louder than traditional vibrators, but the Pulse Duo is bordering on distractingly loud.

The battery life is also only around an hour, which isn’t great considering a full charge takes 3 hours.

Finally, and this is an admittedly minor gripe: the plastic battery tab in the remote control would not come out! No matter how hard we pulled it, we could ultimately only remove it by opening up the battery compartment with a tiny screwdriver. Again, minor, but annoying.

Verdict

This is a really well-designed toy and an improvement on the previous iteration in virtually every way. It is an innovative and inclusive product that focuses on pleasure rather than centering penetration. It has a strong motor, good controls, and well-thought-out use cases for both solo and partnered use. Mr C&K and I are both happy to recommend this product.

I’ll leave you with this gem from Mr C&K regarding the Pulse Duo’s aesthetic: “it looks like I have a little helmet on my… helmet.”

The Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo retails for £129/$149 and is available directly from Hot Octopuss and from Shevibe.

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending Mr C&K and I the Pulse Duo to review. All views are ours!

Two gay men kissing and embracing on a bed. Header image for FusyFun WAVE review

[Toy Review] FusyFun WAVE Anal Toy for Two

Published on by Amy

Dual stimulation toys for people with vulvas, from rabbit vibrators to wearable toys and much more, have been abundant for a long time. However, there are far fewer dual stim toys for those with penises out there. That’s why, when FusyFun reached out to me, I was excited to check out their “WAVE” dual stim (and shareable) anal toy.

What is the FusyFun WAVE?

The FusyFun WAVE is a vibrating toy designed for anal and penis stimulation. However, it’s a bit of a misnomer to call this a “dual stim” toy; in certain configurations, it can also stimulate the perineum and the balls, making it a triple or even quadruple stimulation toy!

FusyFun WAVE in box with remote control and cable

It has four main parts: an egg shaped bulb with some gently rippled texturing, a raised textured ridge, a stretchy ring, and a long tail with a rigid vibrating nub at the top. It measures 14.88″ in total length, with the insertable bulb measuring 2.56″ in length and 1.3″ in diameter.

FunyFun WAVE laid flat with remote control

The WAVE is made of body-safe silicone in dark blue. It also comes with a plastic remote control.

There’s a little “how to” video on the product page which can help if, like me, you initially struggle to envision how this toy is supposed to work when you unbox it. It covers both solo and partnered use. (The video also covers consent and communication, as well as use of condoms and lube for safer sex, which was a nice unexpected touch!)

The FusyFun WAVE is USB rechargeable, with a 90 minute charge giving around 60 minutes of use time. Its remote requires one CR2032 battery, which is included. The toy is IPX6 waterproof, meaning that it can withstand jets of water but should not be submerged. In other words, it’s fine to wash it under the tap and it’s probably fine to use it in the shower. Don’t take it in the bath (/pool/any other large body of water you might be having sex in) though! The remote control is also not waterproof.

How the WAVE Works

In a nutshell: the bulb end goes into your anus. The stretchy ring can then sit around either your penis or balls, holding the long thin tail and vibrating tip against either the top or underside of your penis.

FusyFun WAVE how-to image
Image: FusyFun

If you like, you can penetrate your partner with your penis and the toy’s tail, adding a little extra girth as well as some internal vibrations for their prostate or G-spot (depending on what type of body they have.) The instructions are weirdly gendered but they don’t need to be; regardless of whether you’re penetrating a vagina or an anus, the toy works in pretty much exactly the same way.

Things I Liked About This Toy

FunyFun WAVE

The most obvious thing I like about this toy is that its design is something new and innovative that I haven’t seen before. In a world of endless reiterations of the same basic toy designs, I always get excited when I see something a bit creative and different. The FusyFun WAVE is a really creative approach to stimulating multiple erogenous zones at the same time. In particular, I love that it allows for stimulation of the perineum, an underrated and potentially highly pleasurable area of the body on folks of all genders.

I also love the versatility of the FusyFun WAVE. Not only is it suitable for both solo and shared play, there are also several different ways to use it in each configuration. You can experiment with different positions, and even use the different parts of the toy entirely differently from the “standard” ways if you like.

Some of the other key things I liked about this toy included:

FunyFun WAVE cock ring close up being stretched

  • It came packaged in an attractive and sturdy branded box. It also comes with a storage bag.
  • The matte silicone is lovely and soft, and feels high quality.
  • The main motor is really good! It’s strong and fairly rumbly.
  • The bendable tail stays in whatever position you put it in. This allows you to position it in exactly the right way for your body, and it won’t move until you want it to.
  • If you position it right, you can use this toy hands-free, keeping your hands available to do other things.
  • The texturing, both on the insertable bulb and the perineum stimulator, is excellent. It’s at the perfect level, in my opinion: pronounced enough to feel it, but gentle enough so as not to be uncomfortable.
  • The super-stretchy ring will accommodate most penis and testicle sizes.
  • The insertable bulb is small enough to be non-intimidating and accessible to newer anal players.
  • The buttons are easy to press and the toy is highly responsive to the remote controls.
  • It is fairly quiet in use, particularly once the bulb end is inside the body.
  • The $75 price point is very reasonable for the quality.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Along with all the things I liked about the FusyFun WAVE, there were also a few small things I didn’t like so much.

  • The controls are a little confusing until you get the hang of them. The button on the toy itself only seems to switch on and control the insertable vibrating bulb. The remote allows you to control the bulb and the small vibrating tip independently. You’ll need to remember which button controls which motor, though, or you risk turning the wrong one off at just the wrong moment.
  • The vibrations in the small tip are very weak and buzzy. This is a real shame considering how good the vibrations in the insertable part are! As it is, it feels like the second motor is a bit of an afterthought.
  • The vibrations that transmit to the perineum portion are pretty weak, too. An additional motor here would fix this issue.

FusyFun WAVE: Verdict

FusyFun WAVE anal toy demonstrated on a purple silicone dildo
Stunt cock: Lovehoney Lifelike Lover

This toy really surprised me, in a good way! I was a little unsure about the concept, but it’s actually such a good design overall. Some tweaking to make the controls a little more intuitive and improving the smaller motor in the tip could easily turn the FusyFun WAVE from a really good product into a truly excellent one.

The FusyFun WAVE retails for $75.

Thanks to FusyFun for sending me this product and sponsoring this review. All views are, as always, my own.

Header image for Tantaly Candice 2.0 review featuring the doll on a pink and green background

[Toy Review] Tantaly Candice 2.0 Sex Doll

Published on by Amy

Sometimes, I step back and realise how actually bonkers my job is. One of those moments was when a comically enormous parcel arrived on my doorstep last week. I don’t think I will ever forget the expression on my nesting partner’s face when I explained “it’s a sex doll!” To be exact, it was the Tantaly Candice 2.0 sex doll for me to review.

I have wanted to review a sex doll for a very long time, so thank you to Tantaly for sending me the Candice 2.0.

I’ll say this for Tantaly: despite the conspicuous nature of the box’s size, the packaging was completely discreet. There was nothing on the box or external packaging to indicate what was inside. All Tantaly dolls now also come with a black PVC and polyester zip-up bag. This makes it easier to carry the doll around (no easy task, as we’ll address below!) and also offers a handy storage solution.

Tantaly Candice 2.0 Review: Upgrades

Tantaly Candice 2.0 torso sex doll from behind wearing green lingerie
Tantaly Candice 2.0 torso sex doll from front

The Tantaly Candice was a hugely popular sex doll, and the Candice 2.0 is an updated and revised version. (All Tantaly’s sex dolls have names, I’m not sure who chooses them or how!)

The Candice 2.0 is different from the Candice original in two key ways. The first upgrade “improved the appearance of the labia and skin texture, realistically replicating the shape of the human pubic area”, and the second upgrade introduced the hilariously-named “Tantabosom”, a unique gel formula which claims to make the doll’s breasts softer and more lifelike.

Tantaly also fixed some issues customers identified in this iteration of the Candice doll. These included repositioning the anus to reduce tearing during use and transporation, enhancing the feel and appearance of the butt with (you guessed it) “Tantabutt”, and making the vaginal tunnel slightly wider.

Sex Doll Look & Feel

The Candice is a torso sex doll weighing 42lb (or around 19kg.) That doesn’t sound all that huge, right? Trust me, when you’re lugging it up the stairs in its case, it feels huge. Yes, this doll is seriously heavy, and it’s not even close to the largest in Tantaly’s range. Of course, the size and weight is part of the appeal of sex dolls to some users as it makes them more lifelike. Just be ready for the physical task of moving it. Or have a supportive partner/roommate who can help you.

Tantaly sex doll storage and transportation bag
Tantaly’s doll storage/travel bag

Initially, I was sceptical about the claim that this doll is “life size”, so I got the measuring tape out. The Tantaly Candice measures around 22″ in length from the vulva to the base of the neck. This is a pretty realistic size for a short-ish woman (I measured the same area on my 5’5″ frame for comparison and it was around 25″.) So yes, it actually is a petite lifesize!

Please note that, though pictured wearing lingerie, your sex doll does not come with any clothing. You can, of course, dress it up in anything you like yourself. On the product page, Tantaly notes that TPE dolls can stain easily so it is best to avoid dark fabrics or anything with dyes that might run.

The Tantaly Candice 2.0 is clearly designed to adhere to a very specific and normative idea of female beauty. It has a narrow waist, flat stomach, large breasts, and a vulva that looks straight out of mainstream porn. However, with that said, I am glad that it does not have the cartoonishly unrealistic proportions of some sex dolls out there. (No-one has a 20″ waist and J-cup breasts naturally. They just don’t.)

Tantaly Candice 2.0 sex doll

I’ve said before that I find sex dolls with faces a little creepy in an “uncanny valley” sort of way, but this torso-only design avoids that problem. Mr C&K mentioned that the entire concept felt a little too “disembodied” for him in a way that he found really offputting. There’s no objective answer here—it’s totally a matter of preference.

The first surprise I encountered in this review is how soft the Tantaly Candice is to the touch. Thankfully, it also doesn’t have that weird smell that some TPE sex toys do. I was left with some slight residue on my hands from the powdered packaging, so I recommend giving it a really good wash before you actually use it for the first time. Interestingly, the material doesn’t really conduct much heat, so it tends to be quite cool to the touch even in a very warm room.

Inside, I was also impressed at how realistic the vagina and butt feel. They feature incredibly detailed layers of texturing internally. The vagina even has a G-spot! And if a boob person, you’ll definitely enjoy the lifelike breasts and semi-realistic nipples.

Is the Tantaly Candice 2.0 Sex Doll Body Safe?

This doll is made from thermoplastic elastomer, or TPE. TPE is a type of plastic that has been refined and treated to turn it into a flexible, rubber-like material. In the world of sex toys, TPE is often used as a cheaper alternative to silicone.

So is TPE body-safe?

Crucially (and giving it an advantage over many other common sex toy materials such as jelly), TPE does not typically contain phthalates. These common plasticisers are endocrine disrupters and possibly carcinogenic. In this way, TPE is unlikely to be harmful.

However, a downside of TPE is that it is a porous material. This means that it has microscopic holes which can harbour bacteria, bodily fluids, and more.

I’m a lot less critical of TPE use in penis toys (such as strokers and, yes, sex dolls) than I am of its use in insertable toys, such as dildos and butt plugs. This is because the way that penis toys are used means that the risk of harm and infection is far lower than with insertables.

Ultimately, my recommendation regarding TPE sex dolls? You’re probably fine as long as you follow some basic hygiene precautions. However, you should not share the doll (or if you must, use a condom) because doing so significantly increases the risk of both infection and STI transmission. You should also care for your doll according to the manufacturer’s instructions and check it regularly for tears, cracks, mold, and material degredation.

Care and Cleaning of Your Sex Doll

Tantaly recommends storing your sex doll inside the protective styrofoam packaging it arrives in. This protects it from dust and the elements as well as helping it to retain its shape for longer. They also recommend oiling it 3-4 times per year depending on usage, and applying corn starch if it is going to be in storage for a long period.

It’s important to thoroughly clean your sex doll promptly after use. There’s a full guide here on how to clean, store, and care for your doll. In short though, after each use:

  • Thoroughly wash the areas of the doll that you have used (an enema kit is an easy way to clean the inside of your doll) with warm water and a gentle antibacterial soap.
  • Dry the doll as thoroughly as you can using a soft, clean cloth.
  • Use a drying stick, tampon, or similar to dry out the internal parts. It’s really important not to leave these wet as this can be a breeding ground for bacteria.

You can significantly extend the lifespan of your doll, and keep things more hygienic, by using a condom. Cleanup is definitely a bit of a faff, which is always going to be a downside to sex dolls.

How long will your doll last? That depends on a number of factors so it’s hard to say. Some users in Tantaly on-site reviews say they have had their doll for several years and it’s still in good condition.

9 Things to Do With a Sex Doll (Besides the Obvious)

The obvious basic use for a sex doll is, well, to have sex with it. And if you’re buying a doll for that purpose, the Tantaly Candice is a great choice. But beyond that, what are some fun things you can do with a sex doll like this one? To start you off, I’ve compiled a list of 9 options. As always, take the ones that resonate with you and leave the ones that don’t!

Tantaly Candice 2.0 sex doll in blue and pink bikini

  1. Play out cuckolding or cuckqueaning kinks. In short, this is where someone is “made” to watch their partner have sex with someone else. It is often, but not always, tied in with D/s dynamics and humiliation kinks.
  2. Experiment with exhibitionism and voyeurism. Into the fantasy of watching or being watched during sex? You can fuck the doll while your partner watches… or put the doll in the corner and have it “watch” you masturbate or have sex.
  3. Practice techniques. Want to improve your cunnilingus, fingering, or strap-on sex skills? Practicing on a doll isn’t perfect because it can’t give you feedback, but it can be a useful way to nail those physical skills.
  4. Try out group sex fantasies without the risk. Group sex strikes a chord with many people as a fantasy, but not everyone can or wants to make it a reality. Using a sex doll allows you to play out some aspects of your group sex fantasies without the emotional risk that doing so for real can entail.
  5. Make some sexy content. Many adult content creators use sex dolls to shoot images or videos. If you’re a creator, a sex doll can be a great addition to your repertoire. If not, you can still enjoy making some sexy content for your partner(s) or even just for yourself.
  6. Tie it up. I’ve been really getting into bondage and shibari as a Top in the last few months or so. My immediate thought when I opened my Tantaly Candice sex doll was that it would be an amazing practice bottom for when I don’t have a human partner available. The weight does make this tricky, though.
  7. Spank it. I’d be hesitant to suggest using impact toys on a TPE sex doll as they could damage the material. A good old fashioned hand spanking, though? Have at it.
  8. Dress it up. If you’re into lingerie, latex, corsetry, or any other type of sexy clothing, your sex doll can be the perfect model for trying out different looks.
  9. Have long-distance sex. If you and your partner are apart, activities like phone sex, cyber sex and sexting are great ways to maintain a sexual connection. App-controlled toys were created for just this purpose! Another option, though, is to use a doll. Slip into a hot fantasy with your lover by voice or text, and use the doll to act out the things you’re talking about doing and bring the fantasy to life.

Tantaly Candice Review: Verdict

I was initially unsure what I was going to do with this product, once I’d written up this Tantaly doll review. Not being in possession of a factory-installed penis, I am not exactly the target market for sex dolls. Honestly, I’m still not sure. It is enormous and taking up a lot of space.

The Tantaly Candice is a well-designed and well-made torso doll with impressive attention to detail, particularly in this latest iteration. If you’re in the market for a realistic (but faceless) sex doll, and the weight, maintenance, and storage requirements don’t bother you, the Tantaly Candice is a great choice.

The Tantaly Candice torso sex doll is available from Tantaly UK and Tantaly Europe.

Thanks to Tantaly for kindly sending me this product and sponsoring this review. All views and writing, as always, are mine. Product images courtesy of Tantaly.

FirmTech Tech Ring review featuring a man in business attire holding a question mark symbol over his crotch area

[Toy Review] FirmTech Tech Ring

Published on by Amy

When you’re a sex writer, you occasionally text your friends things that would be objectively weird in any other context. I recently sent one to my dear friend SilverDom (who has kindly helped me with reviews before) that amounted to “hey, do you want to test a dick Fitbit for me?”. Obviously he said yes, because who could resist such an offer? So with SD’s help, I’m pleased to be bringing you a review of the FirmTech “Tech Ring.”

What is a Tech Ring?

FirmTech’s Tech Ring was developed by Elliot Justin, MD, FACEP, an Emergency Medicine specialist, telemedicine expert and sex toy enthusiast. The Tech Ring is a cock ring with a difference. This high-tech device features various sensors which gather information about the wearer’s penis health. It then connects with an app on your smartphone, allowing you to review and interpret this data.

FirmTech Tech Ring on its charging stand

FirmTech Tech Ring smart cock ring

So yes: it’s like a fitness tracker… but for your penis. I will never stop getting joy from calling it the “dick Fitbit.”

The Tech Ring has a penoscrotal design, meaning that it it wraps around both the testicles and shaft of the penis. It provides light pressure on the urethra (which some people say makes their orgasms more intense.) With an incredible 8-10 hour battery life and comfort-focused design, it’s suitable to wear for several hours or even overnight. And, of course, you can also wear it during sex.

I thought it would be easiest to illustrate this review with a demo of how the FirmTech Tech Ring is designed to be worn. To that end, I took a picture with the assistance of my Valm Triple Density Silicone Dildo:

FirmTech Tech Ring cock ring wrapped around a bright orange and pink silicone dildo

The Tech Ring comes packaged in an attractive circular box. It’s not unlike the sort of packaging you’d expect a fancy smartwatch or piece of tech to come in. Inside, you’ll find the Tech Ring, its USB charger, an extra sleeve, a travel pouch, and an instruction manual.

The Tech Ring is not waterproof (though it is splashproof) and it is compatible with all water-based lubes. You can take the sensor out of the sleeve to clean it, but it’s really fiddly to get it back in and there’s also the risk of ripping the material so I wouldn’t recommend doing this any more often than you really need to.

Why Would You Need So Much Information About Your Penis and Erections?

Please note that I am not a doctor or any kind of medical professional. I am sharing the facts as I understand them based on the available data, but please do not take anything in this review as any kind of medical advice. If you have concerns about any aspect of your health (sexual or otherwise) or are not sure whether a product like the Tech Ring is right for you, consult your doctor.

According to FirmTech: “number of nocturnal erections a man[1] has during REM sleep is predictive of vascular health.” They also state that “There is a very strong link between erectile dysfunction and heart disease. Several studies have shown that if a man[1] has ED, he has a greater risk of having heart disease.”

Did you know that? Because I didn’t.

You’ll also be able to learn how various factors, such as medications, alcohol, recreational drug use, and exercise play a role in your erectile health. This can help you to make more informed decisions about your health and lifestyle.

In other words, understanding your erectile and penile health is one way into a broader understanding of other aspects of your health. Pretty cool. This product is also endorsed by various medical doctors and urologists, so I feel pretty confident in saying that it’s not just a gimmick and the science stands up to scrutiny.

Of course, if sex is important to you—as it is to most of us!—the Tech Ring can also give you a bunch of interesting information about your sex life and sexual wellness.

[1] I don’t love the gendered language here. Apparently it’s been used so as not to turn off older men from the product. I have a general policy against gendered language which is why I’ve used “penis owner”/”person with a penis” throughout this review.

FirmTech Tech Ring Review: How Does It Function as a Cock Ring?

On their most basic level, cock rings do one thing: they help to keep blood inside the shaft of the penis, allowing the penis-owner to maintain a firmer erection for longer. They can also be very pleasurable to wear. Many different iterations, including vibrating cock-rings and even remote control ones, are now available.

But how does the Tech Ring stack up as a cock ring?

The exterior of the Tech Ring is made of medical-grade elastomer. It’s unclear whether this material is porous—the information I could find online was contradictory. However, it it is body-safe for external use.

When I first published this review, I said that I couldn’t see why the product wasn’t silicone. However, I’ve since spoken to a member of the team and it turns out there’s a great reason for this!

Silicone is too tight and inelastic a material to be worn for hours. That’s why the advice is typically to wear a cock ring for no more than 30 minutes. Silicone can also choke off the arterial flow into the penis, meaning that silicone rings should be put on when already erect. Trials were conducted with silicone but elastomer was found to be both far safer and more comfortable for overnight wear.

FirmTech Tech Ring smart cock ring

The material feels flimsy and gathers lint and dust something awful, meaning that it starts to look dull and dirty again moments after washing it. It also has a slightly gummy texture that I don’t find particularly pleasant. Unfortunately, elastomer just isn’t as durable as some materials and there is already an area on the back of my Tech Ring where it’s starting to degrade and split.

The FirmTech tech ring’s material is very stretchy and gives a light but noticeable pressure when worn. If you have a girthier penis, though, the Tech Ring may be too small for you. The site says that it will comfortably fit anyone “except above 95% in girth.” In his feedback for this review, SD reported finding the FirmTech Tech Ring too tight to wear for a long period of time.

If you want your Tech Ring tighter for sexual pleasure purposes, though, you can just use the loop or a twist to tighten it. Never do this for overnight or long-term wear.

This product is not primarily designed for pleasure, and it shows. And that’s fine—I would never advocate spending close to $300 on a simple cock-ring! But if you’re primarily looking for something to increase pleasure during sex, this isn’t it.

FirmTech Tech Ring Review: How’s the App Functionality?

The FirmTech app is free to download for Apple or Android. First you’ll need to set up an account. When you do this, the app asks for data such as your height, weight, and date of birth as well as whether you have certain health conditions, drink alcohol, or use recreational drugs. You can choose to skip these questions if you’d prefer.

Warning: if you input your weight and height, a BMI chart will pop up and tell you whether you’re “underweight”, “healthy,” “overweight”, or “obese.” I hate this. Not only because it can be really triggering to people who suffer with body image struggles or disordered eating (hello!) but also because BMI is a massively flawed system.

You can then do something called the “Sexual Health Inventory for Men” which consists of a few short questions and helps you to assess your erectile fitness and identify whether you have any current or potential erectile dysfunction issues. Then, once you start using the Tech Ring, you’ll get access to information such as a “firmness score”, your average number of nocturnal erections, and your total number of erections per week.

Screenshot from the FirmTech app

(FirmTech Tech Ring screenshot shared for review purposes with data redacted for privacy)

Once you’ve set up your account, it’s time to connect the toy. This should only take seconds. Simply turn on the toy by pressing the power button once and then select “pair” in the app.

SD reported some issues with getting the app to connect to the device. He says: “Once charged, I was initially unable to get the device to pair with my phone. The blue light came on to indicate it was ready to pair, but no connection was ever estabished. In the end, I had to delete and reinstall the app and everything worked as it should”. When I tried it on my end, it worked the first time.

The app is fast and responsive, and becomes more and more useful the more you use it. I also found it fairly straightforward and intuitive to use once I’d taken a few minutes to learn what all the different functions did.

Using the FirmTech Tech Ring During Sex

One of the main selling points of the FirmTech Tech Ring, and one of the reasons I agreed to review it, is that you can wear it during sexual activity, including partnered sex and masturbation. Before you begin, simply set your ring to record a “session” and then masturbate or have sex as you normally would.

Screenshot from the FirmTech app

You can then use this data to make comparisons and use it to inform your health decisions. If you experience firm nocturnal erections but struggle to stay hard during sex, for example, that indicates that the problem is likely psychological. A declining number of nocturnal erections, decreased firmness or decreased duration can all indicate potential health problems. (They don’t necessarily, though—so it’s important not to panic and to ask your doctor if you have concerns.)

The Tech Ring is small and unobtrusive enough to not get in the way during sex. In fact, if you’re wearing it correctly and it fits you properly, you’ll likely barely even notice you’re wearing it.

FirmTech Tech Ring Review: Verdict

Retailing for $275, the Tech Ring is a pretty expensive piece of kit. If you’re just looking for a cock ring, skip it and get something much (much) cheaper.

I don’t really think the Tech Ring is a sex toy, to be honest. I’m just categorising it in that way for ease of publishing this review in the absence of a better option. It’s actually really more of a wellness device or a health tracker.

As a sex toy, I can’t wholeheartedly recommend it. But as a health tracker, I actually think it’s pretty damn cool! As with any technology like this, you’d have to use it very regularly to enjoy its full benefits. But if you’re suffering from any kind of ED issues, want to keep track of your erectile health, or are just curious, it can offer you a wealth of data.

I’d love to see the next iteration drop the gendered language on the website and marketing materials. Also: this is an admittedly small gripe, but the print on the provided instruction flyer is tiny. I have near perfect eyesight and I still had to squint to read it.

Thanks to FirmTech for sponsoring this Tech Ring review and to SilverDom for helping out with the testing! All views are, as always, my own.

Pink fancy dress rabbit ears poking over a wall. Text reads: YoYoLemon Masturbator & Rabbit Vibrator

[Toy Review] YoYoLemon Thrusting & Rotating Masturbator and Rabbit Vibrator

Published on by Amy

YoYoLemon recently sent me two toys to review: a rotating masturbator and a rabbit vibrator. Reviewing penis toys can be a challenge for me, not being in possession of a penis. My nesting partner, Mr C&K, is often willing to assist but was unable to on this occasion. I’d like to extend my thanks to my dear friend SilverDom for lending his cock and opinions to the cause of sex toy reviews.

YoYoLemon Thrusting and Rotating Masturbator: Details

The YoYoLemon Male Masturbator with Rotating and Thrusting and Female Moans, Realistic Textured Vagina Pocket Pussy (to give it its full and exhausting title!) is a penis masturbator in the typical “hard outer cup, soft inner sleeve” style. Like many other toys of its kind, it wouldn’t look out of place amidst a lineup of high-end kitchen gadgets. It measures a hefty 10.5″ in length and 3.5″ in diameter. The maximum penetration depth is 5.2″.

The exterior case is hard ABS plastic, while the interior is TPE. This internal part is removeable for cleaning. TPE (thermoplastic elastomer) is usually non-toxic, but it is porous. This means that you can never get it truly sterile. The material will harbour bacteria and begin to degrade after a while.

It’s generally fine to use TPE toys for external use, and the vast majority of penis masturbators are made of this material. However, you should throw it away as soon as it starts to split, smell bad, or show any other signs of material degredation. You shouldn’t share a TPE toy, as this can be an STI transmission risk. Wash it with soap and water after each use, and then dust it with a little bit of cornstarch to encourage it to dry out completely.

YoYoLemon thrusting and rotating masturbator

This masturbator offers both thrusting and rotating functions, as well as audio playing female voices making moaning sounds. I’m equally amused and a little unsettled by the idea of a toy that moans at you as you use it.

The YoYoLemon Thrusting and Rotating Masturbator is rechargeable. A full charge takes 2.5 hours and gives you anything from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours of runtime, depending on the settings you’re using.

Confusingly, the packaging states that the toy is “waterproof” but the instructions then warn you not to keep it in water for long. I have not tested it in water for fear of killing it, but this suggests to me that it’s somewhat water-resistant for cleaning but it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea to use it in the bath or shower.

SilverDom notes that the text on the packaging “reads like it has been run through Google Translate 17 times.” An actual quote: “Do not let go the start of moanin and return to the moanin forward.” The instructions, such that they are, are written in much the same way. Hire an actual translator for your product info, please and thank you.

YoYoLemon Thrusting Masturbator Review: In Use

The YoYoLemon Thrusting and Rotating Masturbator looks and feels well-built and is heavy in the hand. Most people will likely need two hands to operate it.

YoYoLemon thrusting and rotating masturbator

The inner sleeve is lined with dozens of little nubs to provide additional stimulation, and the opening is “vaguely vulva-shaped.” At first, the opening appears quite small, meaning that if your penis is above average in either length or girth you might worry about whether it’ll fit. Don’t worry, though—this toy is stretchy. With a little water-based lube, it will accommodate the majority of penis sizes easily. If you have a slimmer penis, you might find it frustrating as the inner tube is quite wide and doesn’t have the tightest grip. SilverDom reported finding the inner nubs quite rough and not particularly pleasurable.

The toy offers 10 patterns of twisting and thrusting and a single button that cycles through them all. What is lacking, though, is speed control. A scroll wheel or separate buttons would fix this problem. “I found all of the patterns entirely useless to me, largely because I had no control over them. I came frustratingly close to orgasm at least 4 times,” SilverDom says.

There are three buttons on the toy in total. The other two switch it on and off, and control the moaning sounds.

Oh, and those moans? They’re basically low-quality mainstream porn sounds. If this is something you find sexy, fair enough. SilverDom and I both agreed it was mostly weird and distracting. There is a headphone jack if you want to make use of this feature discreetly. The toy’s actual sounds in use are—despite claims to the contrary—also rather loud and distracting.

The YoYoLemon Thrusting and Rotating Masturbator features a suction cup to attach it to a wall or other surface for hands-free use. The suction cup is reasonably sturdy and holds it in place well.

Cleaning is ostensibly easy thanks to the removable inner part. However, it’s actually quite hard to take apart and put back together. This is made worse by the fact that the tube and entrance are two separate pieces.

Rotating Masturbator Review: Verdict

This one’s more miss than hit, unfortunately. There are just too many problems and design-and-execution flaws for me to really recommend it. Speed controls, a non-porous material, a better designed internal sleeve, and removing or improving the weird moaning function would all vastly improve the quality of this product.

This toy retails for $79.99/£65.99. It might be cheaper than other comparable products on the market, but it’s not really worth the cost saving when there’s such a dip in quality. You can spend just a little more and get something much better.

I’m gonna conclude with SilverDom’s TL/DR: “I don’t think a toy has ever made me feel so sexually frustrated… or with such temporary hearing loss!” Unfortunately, the promised “earth-shaking orgasms” were not forthcoming.

YoYoLemon Rabbit Vibrator

I’ve long had a mixed relationship with rabbit vibrators. Over the years I’ve tried some absolute gems, a lot of middle-of-the-road and fine-but-ultimately-forgottable toys, and some that were really pretty bad. I’ll be honest: I rarely reach for them when I’m masturbating, and even more rarely when I’m using toys with a partner.

This is partly because I have an on-again, off-again relationship with vaginal penetration. It’s fine and I enjoy it sometimes, but my clit will always be the key to my heart. But it’s also because rabbit vibes tend to be so goddamn fiddly to use. By the time I’ve positioned a rabbit exactly right so that it’s stimulating my clit without poking me in the vaginal wall, and then messed around with different settings to get the “gentle on the vag, intense on the clit” combo I need to get off, I’m more likely to be feeling annoyed and bored than turned on.

So while the mood for them strikes occasionally, rabbit vibes are rarely likely to be my first choice.

YoYoLemon Rabbit Vibrator

Even so, the legend of the rabbit vibrator persists. They’re arguably one of the most enduringly popular types of sex toys out there. I think that’s partly because of the ways they’ve been portrayed in popular culture (that Sex and the City scene, anyone?)

I think it’s also partly because they connect to the idea of the “blended orgasm”—an orgasm that’s reached through clitoral and G-spot stimulation simultaneously. Many consider this to be a better type of orgasm than other kinds. I’m cynical about this, to say the least. Firstly, because the experience of sexual pleasure is so intensely personal and unique, I’m not sure we can (or should) meaningfully break orgasms down into discrete “types.” Secondly, even if we can, I’m extremely wary about elevating some types of orgasms over others. Some people climax in that way, and other people don’t.

YoYoLemon Rabbit: Details

The YoYoLemon Rabbit (full title YoYoLemon Rabbit Vibrator for Women with 9 Thrusting and 9 Vibration Modes for Vagina G Spot and Clitoral Adult Sex Toys) measures 8.4″ in total length and 4.7″ in insertable length. The shaft is a slimline 0.95″ in diameter at the widest point.

Incidentally, I have no idea why this toy has the word “thrusting” in the title. It does not thrust.

YoYoLemon Rabbit Vibrator
Sidebar: obsessed with my nails in this one.

This toy is made of body-safe matte silicone in a dark pink shade. The shaft and the underside of the clitoral stimulator both have a ribbed texture. It is IPX7 waterproof, meaning you can immerse it in water safely—ideal for using in the bath or shower. It’s also USB rechargeable and comes with the necessary cable. A full charge takes about 2 hours and gives you around 90 minutes of continuous use.

Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator: Pros and Cons

First of all, let’s look at what I did like about the Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator.

Pros

  • The silicone is lovely to the touch—soft and smooth.
  • The shaft is a good shape, with a very gentle curve that’s good for targeted G-spot stimulation without being too pokey or pointy.
  • The texturing on the underside of the clitoral stimulator was nice, providing an additional and different sensation alongside the vibrations.
  • One of the big problems with many rabbit vibrators lies with positioning. Since all bodies are different and there’s a wide variation between vulvas, rabbit toys with both arms in fixed positions are only ever going to work for a small number of users. The Yoyolemon’s rabbit has a super flexible clitoral stimulator, making it easy to position the toy correctly for your body.
  • There are 3 constant vibration speeds and 6 patterns, making 9 settings in all. No matter what you like, there’s probably something in there that will suit you.
  • The user interface is simple, with an on/off button and a settings button. These two buttons are well-placed and easy top press.
  • It is discreetly packaged in a sturdy black box and comes with a drawstring storage bag.
YoYoLemon Rabbit Vibrator

Cons

There were also a few notable downsides to this product, including:

  • Supposedly, the Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator has an automatic warming function, heating up the shaft of the toy to 107F (42C, or just above body temperature) for “very realistic satisfaction.” It supposedly gets up to temperature in 3 minutes. Unfortunately, my toy’s heating function did not work at all even when I left it running for a good 15 minutes.
  • That flexible clitoral stimulator? While it’s great for positioning, it’s really a bit too flexible. No sooner have I got it on my clit than it flops away again if I change angles even slightly.
  • The vibrations are not particularly strong and buzzy as fuck. Even on the highest setting and with plenty of warm-up, there’s zero chance this toy will ever make me cum. After ten minutes or so, my clit was so numb I could barely feel anything at all.
  • The toy isn’t particularly loud, but the sound it does make is high-pitched and whiny with an occasional concerning rattling.
YoYoLemon Rabbit Vibrator buttons close-up

  • You can’t control the two motors (clitoral and G-spot) separately. For people like me, who want the aforementioned intense clitoral stimulation alongside gentle (or no) internal vibrations, this is a huge downside and renders the toy pretty much unusable.
  • You can only scroll through the settings one way, meaning a lot of button-pressing if you want to go back to the previous one.

Verdict

The Yoyolemon Rabbit Vibrator retails for £57.99 (or $69.99 US) which I think is really too expensive for what it is: a fairly basic rabbit vibrator. I’m sorry to say that I’d be feeling pretty disappointed if I’d paid that much for this product considering that it’s never going to get me off.

Thanks to YoYoLemon for sponsoring these two honest and unbiased reviews. All views are either mine or SD’s.

Habakon B-Warrior masturbator review header

[Toy Review] Habakon B-Warrior Automatic Masturbator

Published on by Amy

I don’t review all that many penis toys on this site for the simple and obvious reason that I do not have a penis. I do, however, have a very accommodating and penis-enabled nesting partner who is often very willing to lend his genitals to the cause of sex blogging (#DoinItForTheReaders! You’re welcome.) This week we received the Habakon B-Warrior Automatic Masturbator and Mr C&K was kind enough to test it out for you all.

Habakon B-Warrior Automatic Masturbator

Habakon B-Warrior male masturbator

The Habakon B-Warrior Automatic Masturbator is a handheld masturbation sleeve designed for people with penises. It measures 9.5″ in length and has an insertable depth of 5.5″.

The exterior (the portion you hold in your hand) is made of ABS plastic. The interior (the part you put your penis into) is made of TPE. I’d prefer it was silicone, of course, but I can forgive TPE for a non-insertable toy. However, it’s best if you don’t share this toy, and you shouldn’t expect it to last forever even with good care as TPE is porous.

Habakon B-Warrior masturbation sleeve

The internal portion is removable for easy cleaning. Pop it out and wash it with warm water and gentle soap, then let it dry thoroughly before putting it back into the case. Some people say that dusting TPE toys with a little cornstarch helps them to retain their quality and structural integrity for longer.

The Habakon B-Warrior is rechargeable via the included USB cable, with a 2 hour charge giving you around an hour of runtime. It is not waterproof, so do not use it in the bath or shower and always remove the sleeve for cleaning.

Habakon B-Warrior In Use

The first thing I noticed straight away about the Habakon B-Warrior when I took it out of the box is this: it’s really, really heavy. This may or may not be a problem for you, of course, but if holding and manipulating heavy objects is problem that’s something to be aware of. I can’t hold it and use it on my partner for very long due to its weight, though he had less trouble using it on himself. I have tiny hands, which probably didn’t help.

"Male masturbation sleeve," or masturbator for penis owners

The TPE interior is really soft and feels lovely to the touch. There’s some heavy texturing inside for additional stimulation. Unlike some penis toys I’ve seen, this one seems to be genuinely suitable for cocks of all sizes. You’d be amazed how many toys we’ve tried in which, without putting too fine a point on it, my partner’s cock simply wouldn’t fit. Not the case here and, with the help of a little water-based lube (necessary as TPE can be quite grabby), he was able to slide straight into it with no discomfort.

The Habakon B-Warrior isn’t too loud, but it’s sound is very distinctive. In particular, when the suction is on you’ll get a sort of squelching noise followed by a squeak. How much that bothers you, though, will be down to individual preference.

Habakon B-Warrior Review: Settings & Controls

The Habakon B-Warrior Automatic Masturbator offers two modes of stimulation: vibration and suction.

The vibrations are incredibly weak, unfortunately. I could literally barely feel them on my fingers and my partner said the same thing about his penis. I don’t know if the problem is the placement of the motor or the quality of the motor (or both), but if you like intense vibrations, skip this one.

The suction mechanism is better. It gives a definite and intense squeeze. “I feel like I’m being milked!” my partner commented. He said he thinks it’s unlikely this toy would ever make him orgasm. But if the idea of having the orgasm squeezed out of your cock with a sucking type motion appeals to you, you’ll love the Habakon B-Warrior Masturbator.

The controls are simple: turn the toy on and off with the largest button, then use the two icon buttons to switch between vibration and suction settings. There are 4 vibration modes, 3 suction modes, and something called “one click orgasm”. The latter involves pressing a separate button on the back of the toy, which then enhances the sucking mechanism. This supposedly “allows you to reach climax any time” but… bodies don’t really work like that. Still, it might up the pleasure if more intense suction is a thing you like!

Habakon penis masturbator buttons

The buttons are large, well-placed, and easy to press.

Verdict

My verdict on this one is a mix. Ultimately, it didn’t work particularly well for us. However, that’s likely to be a matter of preference rather than a direct comment on the quality of the toy. It may work great for you!

The Habakon B-Warrior Automatic Masturbator retails for $66.99. My readers can get 15% off with the code Habakon01.

This review was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest and fair review. All opinions are my own (and Mr C&K’s!)

Header image for Hot Octopuss Jett review

[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Jett

Published on by Amy

Hot Octopuss originally rose to prominence with toys for penis owners, most notably the famed Pulse. The company’s newest offering, the Hot Octopuss Jett, landed in my review queue this week and Mr C&K was kind enough to help me test it for you all.

What Is the Hot Octopuss Jett?

The Hot Octopuss Jett is an interesting cock-ring/vibrator combo. Its main body is a three-part silicone sleeve: one hole is for the penis to go through, and the other two fit the Jett’s two removable bullet vibrators. The bullets are attached with wires to the remote control, which also houses the batteries.

The Hot Octopuss Jett

On a person with a penis, the toy is designed to be worn against the frenulum, just below the tip of the penis. Like this:

The Hot Octopuss Jett on the Godemiche Adam dildo
Stunt cock: Godemiche Adam

The stretchy sleeve expands as the penis engorges, and the toy purports to deliver hands-free orgasms to penis owners. Not having the required anatomy, I cannot comment from personal experience. Other reviews I’ve read, though, imply that this is a pretty accurate summary.

The Hot Octopuss Jett requires four A batteries, which are not included. It comes with a silky Hot Octopuss branded storage bag. Take the batteries out in between uses and they’ll last longer.

The Jett’s sling is made of body-safe silicone, and the bullets and remote are ABS plastic. The Jett bullets are not waterproof, so don’t submerge them in water and take care when cleaning the toy.

Hot Octopuss Jett Review: All About the Bass (and Treble)

So here’s the ridiculously cool thing about the Hot Octopuss Jett: the two bullets vibrate at different frequencies! In sex toy parlance, that means that one of the vibrators is super deep and rumbly, while the other is more surface-level and buzzy. Combined, they provide an intense, two-layered stimulation.

Each bullet has six intensity settings. Because you can control the speed of each bullet independently, you can adjust them until you find the combo that’s perfect for you. It’s basically two vibrators in one.

The buttons are large plus/minus symbols, easy to press and to feel without looking. Pro tip: before you start playing, take a second to work out which button is controlling which bullet. The last thing you want is to turn the wrong one down at a critical moment!

The Hot Octopuss Jett control panel

The Jett also has 10 vibration patterns you can scroll through using the small button in the middle of the remote.

Hot Octopuss Jett Review: In Use

There’s never just one way to use a sex toy. (I mean, sometimes there are zero ways that make any sense whatsoever, but I digress). Therefore, being the creative sex blogger that I am, I thought I’d set out to find ways to use the Hot Octopuss Jett as a vulva toy.

The most obvious use is to simply detach the bullets from the sleeve and use one or both of them as a clitoral vibrator. I tried this first, and fucking hell.

The rumbly bullet (that’s the “Bass” side) is packing some serious power. I’m not exaggerating when I say this is the most powerful and rumbly battery-powered toy I’ve ever tried. Many rechargeables cannot hold a candle to this. If you like power and rumbles, and don’t mind some slightly fiddly wires, look no further. The Hot Octopuss Jett brought me to orgasm in under 5 minutes, which is an extremely impressive feat for anything that isn’t a mains wand.

Naturally, I tried the buzzy side (the “Treble”) too. It wasn’t bad, as buzzy vibes go, but I’m just not really a fan in general. If you like more surface-level vibrations, though, it might suit you fine.

The other way for vulva owners to use this toy is to keep both bullets in the sleeve and press it against the clit. The advantage of doing it this way is that you can use the cock ring part as a little handle, or even slide two fingers through it and hold the toy in place that way.

The Hot Octopuss Jett in a womans hand

This method was a success, too. The silicone dampens the intensity of the vibrations a little, but not too much. This is the best way to use this toy on a vulva if you want to make the most of the treble/bass combo and the combined power of both bullets.

One little complaint: one of the wires tends to come loose during use, causing one of the bullets to cut out. Luckily it’s the buzzier bullet that has this issue on my Jett, so I don’t care as much, but it’s still kinda annoying.

Verdict

I love the Hot Octopuss Jett. Yes, it’s designed with penises in mind, but it’s brilliant for vulvas too. New to sex toys and not sure if you like buzzy or rumbly vibes? The Jett is a great and relatively inexpensive way to try both and see what you prefer.

The Jett retails for a £59.99.

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Jett to review. All views, as ever, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for Godemiche Offbeat review featuring abstract gold burst

[Toy Review] Godemiche Offbeat

Published on by Amy

I’ve been sitting on this one for a long damn time, in part because it took us so long to get to actually testing this toy. But after giving it a second trial run, I am ready to tell you all about the Offbeat silicone masturbator (stroker) from Godemiche.

Godemiche, a UK-based retailer run by husband-and-wife duo Adam and Monika, has been making gorgeous, hand-poured silicone dildos for a number of years now. They’ve now branched out into penis toys as well. (And yes, their marketing copy refers to the Offbeat as a toy for the penis, not the less inclusive but more common “toy for men.”)

What is the Offbeat Silicone Masturbator?

Outside of Godemiche silicone masturbator

The OffBeat is a tube-shaped penis masturbator made of silicone. It is available in five different internal textures. We received “Bumps”, which Godemiche describes as “a balanced texture that’s not too intense, not too light – perfect for first-timers.” The outside has a gentle ripple texture, and the company name is stamped along the rim at the bottom.

Each OffBeat comes in its own little storage tub which looks like a miniature poster tube. This useful addition makes for easy and hygienic storage and travel.

Godemiche Offbeat storage tube

Unfortunately, most of the penis strokers and masturbators on the market are still made of porous and sometimes toxic materials such as jelly, rubber, PVC, TPE/TPR, and the notoriously vague “Realistic Feel.” So I can’t say enough how good it is to see a body-safe silicone stroker at an affordable price (especially when you consider how long it should last!)

Sizes and Colours and Customisation Galore

The OffBeat silicone masturbator: “Grande” (short) is 2″ in length, and “Venti” (full-length) is 4″. Both sizes are 1.1″ in diameter and stretchy. The Grande is ideal for those who prefer concentrated stimulation around the head of the penis, while the Venti is best for whose who enjoy having their entire shaft stimulated. The Grande is also a great companion to oral sex! If you’re looking for something that feels more akin to penetrative sex, choose the Venti.

We received the longer Grande version to try out.

The Godemiche Offbeat silicone masturbator on the side of a bath, around a purple dildo
The Godemiche Offbeat silicone masturbator on a purple dildo sticking to some black bathroom wall tiles

The OffBeat, like Godemiche’s dildos, is available in numerous colours. Ours is pearlescent gold and it’s absolutely beautiful. You can choose Godemiche Purple or a surprise colourway at no extra cost, or pay £10 more to select your own colour from the 32 (at time of writing) on offer.

Offbeat Silicone Stroker: In Use

I obviously don’t have a penis, so I turned to my trusty stunt-cock Mr C&K to help me out with this one and asked him to report back.

Apparently, the bobbles on the inside of the toy provided a good amount of friction and sensation without needing to grip very hard at all. This may make it a good choice for people who suffer from hand or wrist pain when masturbating or giving hand sex to a partner. The gentle ripple shape of the outside of the sleeve also means it sits comfortably in the hand, a finger in each dip.

Inside of Godemiche silicone masturbator

Mr C&K also said that one of the things he likes about this toy is that it is so simple, but really makes masturbation feel substantially different from usual. He likened it to the difference between masturbating with your dominant vs non-dominant hand, or the difference between touching yourself and someone else stroking you. Basically, if you’re looking to change up your usual masturbation routine for any reason, grab yourself one of these!

The Offbeat silicone masturbator is stretchy, allowing for most users to enjoy it regardless of penis size and then “hugging” the cock once it’s inserted. For maximum comfort and pleasure, I recommend adding water-based lube to both your penis and the inside of the toy.

The Offbeat can be a little bit of a faff to clean due to all the little ridges and bobbles. I suggest turning it inside out before boil-sterilising it every few uses or before sharing it with a partner. In between uses, a good wash with some hot water and gentle antibacterial soap should do the trick.

Offbeat Silicone Masturbator: Verdict

Mr C&K and I both really like this toy! It’s simple, effective, body-safe, affordable, and should suit a wide range of bodies. We might just go and get all five textures, honestly!

The OffBeat retails for prices starting from £29.99 (Grande) and £35.99 (Venti) from Godemiche.

Thanks to Godemiche for sending us the OffBeat silicone stroker in exchange for an honest review. All views are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for a review of the Satisfyer Multifun

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Multifun

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Update 23/04/25: the Satisfyer Multifun appears, mercifully for genitals everywhere, to no longer be available. I normally remove content about defunct and obsolete products, but this Satisfyer Multifun review is staying because I think it’s worth showing you all what truly terrible sex toy design looks like.

It’s here, folks. The winner of the not-so-coveted title of “the worst designed sex toy I have ever had the misfortune of putting anywhere near my genitals.”

I hate being snarky about toys. I really do. I always try to find something positive to say. But in this case, I just… I can’t.

Satisfyer Multifun Review: Basic Details

The Satisfyer Multifun, a pink u-shaped vibrator
First impression: what is this even for?

Satisfyer is known for its suction-based toys such as the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation and Satisfyer Pro Penguin, many of which have been good-to-excellent. That’s why I was a little surprised that this offering is such an absolute, irredeemable mess.

The Satisfyer Multifun is a U-shaped toy with two prongs that come almost together at the top. There are two very slight variations between the Multifun 1 and 2: the Multifun 1 is blue and the Multifun 2 is pink, and the ends of the prongs curve in very slightly different ways on each. Again, the difference is tiny. Calling them two different products is, at best, a stretch.

The Multifun contains three motors, one in each of the prongs (which are operated together with a single button) and one in the base (operated separately with a second button). The toy is about 5 inches long in total, 3.5″ being the prongs and 1.5″ the base.

This toy is waterproof and USB rechargeable.

Safe Isn’t Enough

When I ranted to Mr C&K about how terrible the Satisfyer Multifun is, he pointed out that it’s at least a slight improvement on many terrible sex toys in that it is body-safe. And yes, it is. The entire body of the toy is made of silicone, which is the gold standard for body-safe sex toy materials.

The Satisfyer Multifun, a pink u-shaped vibrator

But, as I explained to him, at this point I don’t see “body safe” as enough. I see it as a bare fucking minimum. At this point in my career, “this toy is body safe” is up there with “this food didn’t give me food poisoning.” It’s not a glowing recommendation, it’s a basic expectation.

So yes. This toy is body-safe. Can I say anything else positive about it? I’m honestly really struggling.

Satisfyer Multifun Review: Multi-NoFunWhatsoever

On the back of the Multifun box, Satisfyer has helpfully (and I use the word “helpfully” in the loosest possible sense) included diagrams of different ways to use this toy on both a vulva and a penis. Being the dutiful and diligent toy testers that we are, we tried all of them (except the “hang it off your balls” one, because even Mr C&K’s tolerance for doing weird shit to his genitals for the benefit of my readers has its limits.)

The Satisfyer Multifun, a pink u-shaped vibrator, hanging on a purple suction cup dildo stuck to a wall.
Feat. our shower wall and the Blush Ruse Jammy silicone dildo.

All 12 of Satisfyer’s suggestions were… equally terrible? Similarly nonsensical?

Pinching it around my clit was mildly painful for the two seconds it stayed on, and then merely annoying as it kept slipping off. Trying to stick it inside me made absolutely no sense whatsoever as it’s entirely the wrong shape to do anything but poke me annoyingly in the vaginal walls. Trying to get it to hang off my nipple like a nipple clamp was merely hilarious (and, needless to say, a complete failure).

Hanging it around Mr C&K’s penis in various configurations produced no greater reaction than “well… that’s kind of in the way.”

Even using it as a straightforward clitoral vibrator didn’t work, because the vibrations were so weak and buzzy that I literally Did Not Feel A Fucking Thing.

Texting a fellow sex blogger friend about this (mis)adventure, I described the Multifun’s vibrations as “akin to a bee buzzing away on my clit. Not even a hive of bees. Just one.”

A Non-Exhaustive List of Other Things I Hate About This Toy

  • The sound. Good God, the sound. This thing doesn’t just buzz, it whines.
  • The buttons. They’re small, fiddly, and hard to press.
  • The ridiculously gendered marketing. The Satisfyer Multifun proudly proclaims to be “for men, women and couples” (ah yes, the three genders?) There are so many better ways to market that your product is suitable for different types of bodies. The diagrams of possible ways to use it with different genital configurations is more than enough (or would be, if any of them made an iota of sense.) And literally anything can be a toy for couples if you use it with a partner. As if this wasn’t bad enough, it comes in exactly two colours: baby blue (Multifun 1) and pastel pink (Multifun 2.) You know, conveniently colour-coded in case you don’t know which one is for you.

Satisfyer Multifun Review: Not Satisfying, Zero Fun, Thanks I Hate It

I hate this toy. I hate it with a burning passion that surprises me. I have never hated a sex toy this much. No, not even the stupid vibrating jelly cockrings like the ones you get out of pub toilet vending machines (is that still a thing or am I showing my age there?) At least we knew those were going to be terrible, and at least they didn’t have a nearly $50 price tag).

I implore you, do not buy this toy. Your genitals deserve better. For powerful clitoral stimulation, get the We-Vibe Tango X. For a decent vibrating cock ring, get the Hot Octopuss Atom. For a great toy to wear during penetrative sex, get the We-Vibe Sync or Chorus. And for your nipples, even a fucking vibrating bra is a better pick than this nonsense.

Satisfyer: what the fuck is this? Please do better. And for the love of God, please test your products on actual human genitals before you mass produce them.

Thank you to Satisfyer for sending me this product to review. Affiliate links appear within this post.


Header image for Hot Octopuss Atom review

[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Atom Cock Ring

Published on by Amy

The purpose of a cock ring is simple: by constricting blood flow out of the penis, enabling a stronger and more consistent erection. Vibrating cock rings have built on this by adding stimulation for the wearer and, if worn during penetrative sex, for their partner. It’s a simple premise, but one that is so often executed really badly. Would the Hot Octopuss Atom, the so-called “next generation in cock rings,” break the mold? I received one to review, so let’s find out.

Hot Octopuss Atom cock ring
Image: Hot Octopuss

Hot Octopuss Atom

The Hot Octopuss Atom is a stretchy black silicone ring. There’s a large contact area with a raised nub at one end, designed to sit against the clitoris of the wearer’s partner during penetrative sex. The Atom is adorned with a simple silver-coloured plastic band featuring the speed buttons and the company’s crown logo. The company name is also stamped into the silicone. A drawstring storage bag is provided.

The Atom is USB rechargeable and waterproof. It has five vibration patterns as well as constant vibrations, each of which can be used on any of five speeds.

A word for those with girthier cocks: you’re gonna need lube, friends! This ring’s diameter is only about 1.5″. It is stretchy to accommodate most sizes, but getting it on can be a challenge if you’re not adequately lubricated.

Hot Octopuss Atom Review: What We Loved

Mr C&K and I tested out this toy together. Let’s start with the things we liked.

Most importantly, the Hot Octopuss Atom boasts by far the strongest vibrations I have ever felt from a cock-ring. They are powerful, rumbly, and satisfying on all levels. I love the additional clitoral contact and focused stimulation provided by the “nub.”

Ultimately, I’m unlikely to have an orgasm from a vibrating cock ring used in the traditional way. Unless my partner puts their penis inside me and then just sort of stays still, there isn’t the level of sustained clitoral contact required to get me there. So I have learned to manage my expectations. Even so, it adds an enjoyable extra later of stimulation for both of us.

It was also tight enough to actually have the desired effect of allowing my partner to maintain a stronger, harder and longer-lasting erection.

What We Didn’t Love

The biggest problem with this toy, from my perspective, is in the placement of the buttons. The two speed buttons are situated on either end of the plastic band across the top of the toy. This means that changing the settings during penetrative sex is difficult and will almost certainly interrupt your flow. We had to pause to look more closely at which button was which, and then to switch settings. This could be easily remedied with a remote control.

There is also quite a large seam where the plastic band connects to the main body of the toy. This area could easily be a germ trap, harbouring fluids and bacteria, so take the time to clean it properly.

Atom or Atom Plus?

Hot Octopuss actually released two cock-rings last year, the Atom and the Atom Plus. Though I have not reviewed the Plus, I will tell you what I know about it to help you make an informed decision. The main differences between the Atom and Atom Plus are:

  • The Atom features one motor primarily designed for clitoral stimulation, while the Atom Plus has two. The second motor offers stimulation of the perineum, the area between the testicles and anus, which is extremely pleasurable for many people.
  • The Atom is worn around the shaft of the penis, whereas the Plus fits around both the penis and testicles.
  • The Plus is, of course, physically bigger and more expensive (at the time of writing it retails for £69.95 to the Atom’s £49.95.)

Hot Octopuss Atom Review: Verdict

There are far too few quality, body-safe toys with good motors on the market for people with penises. Hot Octopuss are ahead of the curve in redressing that balance. If you’re looking for some additional clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex, or if you’ve tried vibrating cock rings in the past and found their motors too weak for you, give the Atom a try.

Mr C&K concluded that the Hot Octopuss Atom is “hands down the best cock-ring I have ever used!”

The Hot Octopuss Atom is available directly from the manufacturer as well as from retailers such as Shevibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, and The Pleasure Garden.

A banner ad for sex toy company Hot Octopuss, who sponsored a post on sex and mental health
Image: Hot Octopuss

Thank you to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Atom cock ring to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.