Tag: Mr C&K

Header image for review: text on blue and dark grey background reads "Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo"

[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo

Published on by Amy

Hot Octopuss made some serious waves with the Pulse, the company’s first product and a precursor to the Pulse Duo, back in 2013. I received the company’s latest product, the new and improved Pulse Duo, and Mr C&K was kind enough to test it out so I could review it.

What is the Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo?

The new and redesigned Pulse Duo is the latest iteration of the Pulse penis vibrator, and this time it’s specifically designed with use by couples in mind. It looks like this:

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo "guybrator" sex toy

Based on medical technology designed to help people with spinal cord injuries and similar disabilities to ejaculate for the purposes of taking part in IVF, Pulse toys utilise an oscillating mechanism (known as “PulsePlate”™) to stimulate the penis. As a sex toy, their unique selling point is that the user doesn’t need to have an erection in order to use them.

The Pulse Duo is made of body-safe silicone in a blue-grey colour. It is rechargeable via the included magnetic USB cable. It also comes with a battery-operated remote control and a branded drawstring storage bag.

The toy is waterproof, but the remote control is not.

The user inserts their penis between the flexible silicone “wings”. The plate then stimulates them by rapidly oscillating back and forth. Pro tip: experiment with which way around, and how far along your shaft, you position the toy. The Pulse Duo is designed to stimulate the frenulum (the V-shaped spot that connects the foreskin to the head of the penis), but every penis and every person’s preferences are different, so figure out what feels best for you.

The Pulse Duo is also designed to stimulate a person with a vulva. The suggested use is for the penis-owning person to wear the toy with the top side facing up, and for their vulva-owning partner to straddle them with the toy pressing against their vulva, allowing them to feel its vibrations:

Outline drawing of an AFAB person straddling an AMAB person who is wearing the Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo
Image: Hot Octopuss

Though the Hot Octopuss Pulse range was inspired by medical technology for people who can’t get an erection or enjoy penetrative sex, anyone with a penis can enjoy this product.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo Review: Pros

One of my favourite things about the Pulse Duo is that it centres a hugely underrated sex act: grinding. Many people with a vulva masturbate by grinding against things. There’s now a booming market for clitoral grinders in numerous different designs. Using the Pulse Duo with a partner offers a new way to enjoy close bodily contact and simultaneous pleasure without the need for penetration.

Unlike many “couples’ toys” I’ve seen, the Pulse Duo does not treat the vulva and clitoris as an afterthought. The design features an arched base, designed to part the vulva and target stimulation to the clit. The rigid surface is amazing for grinding against, providing plenty of pressure, and the toy transmits vibrations well, particularly on the higher settings.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo vibrator viewed from the side

Mr C&K reported that the vibrations and oscillations are strong and rumbly. Based on how the exterior of the toy feels, I would agree with that assessment. I’m not sure the vibrations are strong enough to give me an orgasm alone. Coupled with the grinding motion, though, they absolutely could.

The flexible wings mean that the Pulse Duo will fit most penis sizes. Hot Octopuss recommends this toy for anyone with a flaccid penis length of 3.25″ or more, and with a maximum girth of 2.5″. There is no maximum length or minimum girth recommendation.

The Pulse Duo has a four button interface, two on either side of the toy. There are 7 vibration modes to choose from (steady vibration plus 6 patterns) as well as 9 speeds. The controls are intuitive and easy to learn, and I particularly appreciate the dual-directional speed controls. The remote control offers additional flexibility in how you use the toy and has a range of around 3 metres.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo close up of remote control

Unlike a stroker, you don’t need to move the Pulse Duo up and down the penis during use. Depending on your penis size and how it fits, some people will be able to use this toy completely hands-free. Others will need to hold it in place. Of course, if you have a partner straddling you to use the toy in “Duo” mode, their weight will help anchor it in place.

Mr C&K didn’t use lube on his first attempt with the Pulse Duo. He said the toy worked fine without it, but that most people would find insertion easier and may find the toy more comfortable with some water-based lube added.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo Review: Cons

Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo vibrator viewed from the side

The first notable downside of the Pulse Duo is that it’s annoyingly loud. Oscillating toys are often louder than traditional vibrators, but the Pulse Duo is bordering on distractingly loud.

The battery life is also only around an hour, which isn’t great considering a full charge takes 3 hours.

Finally, and this is an admittedly minor gripe: the plastic battery tab in the remote control would not come out! No matter how hard we pulled it, we could ultimately only remove it by opening up the battery compartment with a tiny screwdriver. Again, minor, but annoying.

Verdict

This is a really well-designed toy and an improvement on the previous iteration in virtually every way. It is an innovative and inclusive product that focuses on pleasure rather than centering penetration. It has a strong motor, good controls, and well-thought-out use cases for both solo and partnered use. Mr C&K and I are both happy to recommend this product.

I’ll leave you with this gem from Mr C&K regarding the Pulse Duo’s aesthetic: “it looks like I have a little helmet on my… helmet.”

The Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo retails for £129/$149 and is available directly from Hot Octopuss and from Shevibe.

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending Mr C&K and I the Pulse Duo to review. All views are ours!

Header image for a post on how to get over a broken heart

7 Things That Helped Me to Get Over a Broken Heart

Published on by Amy

Heads up: this is not a generic “how to get over a broken heart” listicle. This is tremendously personal and I hope I can trust my readers to be kind.

Yup. It’s been an entire year, and we’re finally talking about this! I have tried to write something cohesive about this experience so many times over the last year, but it didn’t feel like the right time until now. I had to wait until I was sure I was really okay, really truly over it and out the other side, before I could write about it with the benefit of knowing for sure that the pain really does end.

One year ago today, I experienced the most brutal, absolute and devastating heartbreak of my life from someone I thought I would be with forever.

“Blindsided” is not even the word.

It physically hurt. I felt like I was dying.

I still don’t think I have the words to explain the depths of the grief I sunk into, the anger and the confusion, that time I screamed in my car down a deserted road just to let out some of the pressure that felt like it was crushing me from the inside. The nights I spent alternately crying until I felt numb and drinking myself into oblivion just so that, for a few blissful minutes, I wouldn’t have to feel anything.

But this post isn’t actually about that pain, or about the person who broke my heart. It’s about how I got through it. Because that’s the reality of even the worst heartbreak of your life: you do get through it.

One day, you wake up and find you don’t actively want to fucking die. One day, you wake up and you’re not crying before you’re even fully awake, they’re not the first thing on your mind, you don’t see their eyes every time you close yours. Eventually, you smile again. Laugh again. Dance in your kitchen while you make dinner again. Have sex again. Eventually, you even love again.

So this post is for everyone whose heart has ever been broken. It’s for everyone who’s going through it right now, who needs a reminder that there is joy out there and that this too shall pass. But most of all it’s for the Amy of a year ago who felt like she had lost a piece of her soul and thought she might never be happy again. Hold on, sweetheart. Joy is coming back. More joy than you can imagine right now.

This is just my little love letter to seven of the things that pulled me through.

Mr C&K

I have to start with this one because fucking hell, this man showed up for me when I needed him. Supporting your partner through a breakup with someone else is a uniquely polyamorous experience, and my nesting partner could teach the masterclass. He picked me up off the floor (literally, once or twice.) He fed me and took care of the house and the cat and our life in the immediate aftermath, when I could barely get off the sofa. When I woke up in the early hours of the morning already crying, he pulled me close and reminded me I was still worthy of love.

Pretty words and promises are nice, but they mean nothing if they’re not backed up with actions. Real love? Sometimes it looks like someone who’s been by your side for a decade sitting with you while you cry and rage and work through the confusion, and then filling the fridge with all your favourite foods in the hope that you’ll eat something even though your body is so full with the sheer weight and volume of your grief that you can’t imagine having room for anything as trivial as food.

Sapphic music

A couple of months after my breakup, I started making a giant playlist of all the sapphic, lesbian and queer girl music I could find.

It was partly an attempt to reconnect with my own queerness, to remind myself that no longer having a girlfriend didn’t invalidate my identity. I found the angsty breakup songs cathartic. The love songs gave me hope that I might find something like that again someday.

Most of all, it was a feeling of being held by these women. Women I’ll never meet but with whom I feel a kinship because of our shared experience as sapphics in a world that simultaneously invisibilises and hyper-sexualises us.

Fletcher, MUNA, Hayley Kiyoko, Girli, Chappell Roan, Xana, Girl in Red, Renee Rapp and more wrapped their words around my heart and, on the nights I felt most profoundly alone, their songs reached out a hand and said “we got you.”

Crafting

You know the cool thing about having yarn, fabric, a set of knitting needles or a crochet hook in your hands? You can’t text the person who broke your heart (or pound that ill-advised fourth shot of gin of the night) while you’re doing it.

Sometimes, making things – counting stitches and rows, figuring out pattern instructions, occasionally ripping it all out and starting again – was the only thing that could stop me from thinking about her, calm my racing mind from ruminating on how stupidly happy I had been and how it had all gone to hell so quickly.

I crafted so much in the few months following my breakup that I ended up taking a stall of my yarn-based creations to sell at a Pride event. Every time I saw someone smile and pick out a piece I’d made in their pride flag’s colours, a little bit of my heart healed. I’d turned my pain into beautiful things, and those things brought other people joy.

Slow, careful and mindful attempts at dating

I got back on the dating apps around August. If I’m entirely honest it was probably a little too soon but I decided, fuck it, it’s been six months, maybe I’m allowed to have a little fun now? (Or maybe I just needed the emotional masochism of confirming, once again, my utter certainty that I would never meet anyone who was right for me ever again.)

Only… I did.

I had a nice date with a woman. Things didn’t go anywhere, but going on a date – laughing and eating sushi and getting to know someone new – felt like gently flexing a muscle I hadn’t used in far too long, like taking the cast off a broken bone. Then I dated someone lovely for about three months. We had fun. Then we realised we weren’t romantically compatible and parted on good terms as friends.

And then…

Well. The next bit of the story comes later in this post.

Queer community

There’s an invisibility that often comes with sapphic love. This is doubled (tripled, really) if you’re polyamorous and your relationship isn’t a socially-sanctioned, legally-sanctioned, highly visible, hetero-read one.

So many people in my life didn’t understand that the relationship might have ultimately been short-lived and non-escalator, but that didn’t make it any less real. It fucking mattered. My love mattered. My heart mattered.

It was my queer community, particularly my queer polyamorous community, that understood. Those people witnessed and held the reality of just how much this fucking sucked. They allowed me to be sad then angry then hopeful then hopeless and then sad all over again. They let me go from laughter to sobbing and back to laughter, sometimes in the space of minutes.

And they never told me it didn’t matter because it didn’t last. That I should have known better, or that polyamory is always a recipe for disaster. They didn’t say at least you still have a partner as if that makes a broken heart hurt any less, or any of the other shit that clueless straight people hit me with.

Friends who understand

Sometime around May, three months after my breakup, I went for coffee with a well-meaning friend. When I got home, I said to Mr C&K, “I feel like an alien in my own life.” I felt completely detatched and cut off from just about everyone else on the planet.

There were a very small number of people who made me feel understood and seen. One of them was someone I didn’t even know all that well at the time, who had gone through a breakup around the same time. Over the course of a few months, our two person #BrokenHeartClub (or #BoozyBrokenHeartClub on the more difficult days) evolved into a friendship I’m profoundly grateful for.

My best friend and his boyfriend let me crash with them for a few days in the immediate aftermath while I got my head back on straight. My bestie alternately took me out and got me drunk in healing queer spaces (Eastenders-themed drag? Surprisingly good medicine for a broken heart!) and let me rage-sob on his sofa.

Finding love again

I had to save this one for last. It’s ultimately one of the most significant pieces of this story and the most difficult to find adequate words for.

There’s something a little paradoxical here. After a breakup, we’re not supposed to start looking for a new relationship until we’re fully healed. We’re supposed to get over a broken heart before we try to find love again. Yet, at a certain point, there is a form of healing that happens within a new relationship. If you want to learn to trust again, at some point you need to practice trusting someone. If you want to fall in love again, at some point you need to let yourself fall.

I met my now-girlfriend Em on a dating app in late October. Our connection was fast. We both read the other’s profile and had a moment of “were you made for me!?”. But it was also slow, in that it was over two months before we could spend time together in person. In those two months, we clocked up over 40 hours of phone and video calls.

On January 7th at 8pm, she walked into the bar and she smiled at me and I knew. On January 7th at 10pm, she asked me to be her girlfriend. Then, on January 26th, I told her I love her. Was I terrified to try again? Of course. But at some point, you have to feel the fear and try again anyway.

She was the final and most crucial piece. She profoundly sees me, understands me, holds me in the messiness and vulnerability of all that I am and have been and all that I might be in the future. With her, I felt able to take that risk. To trust someone. To stare down the fear of opening myself up to that kind of pain again and decide she was worth the risk.

She was – is – everything I needed in a new love. And she found me at the perfect moment.

If you’re trying to get over a broken heart, I hope this gave you a little comfort. I know you’ll get through it. Listen I love you joy is coming.

Header image for review of the Clone a Willy KIit

[Toy Review] Clone a Willy

Published on by Amy

Have you ever wanted a lifesize, silicone replica of your own (or your partner’s) penis? Well, you’re in luck! Clone a Willy is a company that makes kits that allow you to make a replica dick at home. There’s also now a Clone a Pussy, by the way! Lovehoney kindly sent me the Clone a Willy kit for Day 9 of #12DaysofLovehoney, and Mr CK and I had quite the adventure making it.

Clone a Willy Kit
Image credit: Lovehoney

Let’s see how we got on, shall we? Oh, and check out the whole review series here.

What’s in the Clone a Willy Kit?

The Clone a Willy kit comes packaged in a plastic tube, which also serves as the molding tube. Inside, you’ll find:

  • Instruction leaflet
  • Packet of molding power
  • 2 tubs of silicone
  • Mini thermometer
  • Single speed plastic vibrator
  • Stirring stick
Some of the contents of the Clone a Willy Kit

It’s worth noting that the kit doesn’t include every single thing you need. Fortunately, everything else you need is likely something you already have. You’ll need to have to hand:

  • A mixing pot to mix the molding powder (we used a plastic jug to make pouring easier)
  • A large wooden spoon
  • A disposable container to mix the silicone in (we used a well-cleaned plastic takeaway tub)
  • Means of measuring water in precise quantities
  • A way of keeping time (we used the timer function on my smartphone)
  • A square of scrap cardboard
Two pots of liquid silicone mix

How Does it Work?

The process of casting your penis isn’t all that difficult, but it takes a bit of precision and care.

First, you’ll need to cut the tube to size. It should be half an inch longer than your erect penis. Next, you’ll need to measure out 1 3/4 cups (that’s 414ml) of lukewarm water and let it cool to exactly 90F (32C). That’s what the thermometer is for. Be aware that this can take longer than you think!

Once the water is at the right temperature, you mix the molding powder in and stir it for exactly 45 seconds. Pour the mix into the tube, insert your erect penis, and hold it still until the mix starts to set. The instructions say 1-2 minutes, but this wasn’t quite enough. All in, it took around 4 minutes.

Voila, you have a mold! Then all you have to do is mix up the silicone, pour it into the mold, add the vibrator, and leave it to set for 24 hours.

How Hard is It?

The tricksy part of this whole process is the precision – getting the right amount of water, making sure it’s exactly the right temperature, and stirring for the right amount of time. Once the molding power goes in the water you have to act quickly, so make sure the dick being cast is erect and ready to go before you start mixing! (Staying hard is also a challenge when your dick is in lukewarm molding mix, I’m told. Have some porn or a sexy naked partner to hand!)

Mr CK has quite a lot of body hair, so we applied a generous amount of vaseline before we started casting. If you’re on the hairy side, I highly recommend this approach, otherwise you might end up getting an unwanted wax job!

The other thing to bear in mind is that this process can get messy! You have to hold the tube full of liquid against your groin for several minutes in a slightly upward-tilted angle, and some WILL spill out. Put a towel or an old sheet down before you start, and don’t do this in a carpeted area if you can possibly help it.

Clean-up isn’t too difficult. The molding mix washes off skin easily. Pro tip for cleaning your utensils and mixing bowl: wait for the leftover mix to completely dry, and then it will just peel away.

The molding is by far the hardest bit. Once that’s sorted, mixing up and pouring the silicone is a breeze. The one thing to be aware of is that you have to mix the silicone for several minutes (we did about 8 minutes) and then pour it as slowly as possible.

So how did it turn out?

We got a very promising mold from our dick casting! And the silicone is the most gorgeously bright and vibrant colour:

Silicone mix from the Clone a Willy Kit

As per the advice, we decided to leave the mold to set overnight and then pour the silicone the next morning. As such, the final product is currently setting and I’ll add some photos tomorrow. Watch this space!

Clone a Willy Kit in progress setting

The Outcome

Ta-da!

Finished purple silicone dildo made with Clone a Willy Kit

After this adventure, I have a newfound appreciation for folks who make beautiful dildos. This came out pretty well for a first go – its structurally sound, useable, and actually a pretty good likeness to its, erm, source material.

But it’s still a far cry from what the professionals can do. Support your favourite lovely dildo-makers, people!

(But also clone your/your partner’s dick at home with one of these kits, because it’s fun!)

Final Verdict

This whole experience was messy, awkward, and absolutely hilarious. You’ll need a good sense of humour if you want to make a Clone a Willy, but we had tonnes of fun making ours!

The Clone a Willy kit retails for £34.99 from Lovehoney ($44.99 US).

I’ll just leave you with this:

Me: “What do you think people do with their cloned dick if they have a really bad breakup?”
Him: (beat) “Will it blend?”

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Buying me a coffee is a great way to do that!

Header image for Godemiche Offbeat review featuring abstract gold burst

[Toy Review] Godemiche Offbeat

Published on by Amy

I’ve been sitting on this one for a long damn time, in part because it took us so long to get to actually testing it. But after giving it a second trial run this morning, I am ready to tell you all about the Offbeat silicone masturbator from Godemiche.

Godemiche, a UK-based retailer run by husband-and-wife duo Adam and Monika, has been making gorgeous, hand-poured silicone dildos for a number of years now. They’ve now branched out into penis toys as well. (And yes, their marketing copy refers to the Offbeat as a toy for the penis, not the less inclusive but more common “toy for men.”)

What is the Offbeat Silicone Masturbator?

Outside of Godemiche silicone masturbator

The OffBeat is a tube-shaped penis masturbator made of silicone. It is available in five different internal textures. We received “Bumps”, which Godemiche describes as “a balanced texture that’s not too intense, not too light – perfect for first-timers.” The outside has a gentle ripple texture, and the company name is stamped along the rim at the bottom.

Each OffBeat comes in its own little storage tub which looks like a miniature poster tube. This useful addition makes for easy and hygienic storage and travel.

Godemiche Offbeat storage tube

Unfortunately, most of the strokers and masturbators on the market are still made of porous and sometimes toxic materials such as jelly, rubber, PVC, TPE/TPR, and the notoriously vague “Realistic Feel.” So I can’t say enough how good it is to see a body-safe silicone stroker at an affordable price (especially when you consider how long it will last!)

Sizes and Colours and Customisation Galore

The OffBeat silicone masturbator: “Grande” (short) is 2″ in length, and “Venti” (full-length) is 4″. Both sizes are 1.1″ in diameter and stretchy. The Grande is ideal for those who prefer concentrated stimulation around the head of the penis, while the Venti is best for whose who enjoy having their entire shaft stimulated. The Grande is also a great companion to oral sex! If you’re looking for something that feels more akin to penetrative sex, choose the Venti.

We received the longer Grande version to try out.

The Godemiche Offbeat silicone masturbator on the side of a bath, around a purple dildo
The Godemiche Offbeat silicone masturbator on a purple dildo sticking to some black bathroom wall tiles

The OffBeat, like Godemiche’s dildos, is available in numerous colours. Ours is pearlescent gold and it’s absolutely beautiful. You can choose Godemiche Purple or a surprise colourway at no extra cost, or pay £10 more to select your own colour from the 32 (at time of writing) on offer.

Offbeat Silicone Masturbator: In Use

I obviously don’t have a penis, so I turned to my trusty stunt-cock Mr C&K to help me out with this one and asked him to report back.

Apparently, the bobbles on the inside of the toy provided a good amount of friction and sensation without needing to grip very hard at all. This may make it a good choice for people who suffer from hand or wrist pain when masturbating or giving hand sex to a partner. The gentle ripple shape of the outside of the sleeve also means it sits comfortably in the hand, a finger in each dip.

Inside of Godemiche silicone masturbator

Mr C&K also said that one of the things he likes about this toy is that it is so simple, but really makes masturbation feel substantially different from usual. He likened it to the difference between masturbating with your dominant vs non-dominant hand, or the difference between touching yourself and someone else stroking you. Basically, if you’re looking to change up your usual masturbation routine for any reason, grab yourself one of these!

The Offbeat silicone masturbator is stretchy, allowing for most users to enjoy it regardless of penis size and then “hugging” the cock once it’s inserted. For maximum comfort and pleasure, I recommend adding water-based lube to both your penis and the inside of the toy.

After Use

The Offbeat can be a little bit of a faff to clean due to all the little ridges and bobbles. I suggest turning it inside out before boil-sterilising it every few uses or before sharing it with a partner. In between uses, a good wash with some hot water and gentle antibacterial soap should do the trick.

Offbeat Silicone Masturbator: Verdict

Mr C&K and I both really like this toy! It’s simple, effective, body-safe, affordable, and should suit a wide range of bodies. We might just go and get all five textures, honestly!

The OffBeat retails for prices starting from £29.99 (Grande) and £35.99 (Venti) from Godemiche.

Thanks to Godemiche for sending us the OffBeat in exchange for an honest review. All views are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for Hot Octopuss Atom review

[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Atom Cock Ring

Published on by Amy

The purpose of a cock ring is simple: by constricting blood flow out of the penis, enabling a stronger and more consistent erection. Vibrating cock rings have built on this by adding stimulation for the wearer and, if worn during penetrative sex, for their partner. It’s a simple premise, but one that is so often executed really badly. Would the Hot Octopuss Atom, the so-called “next generation in cock rings,” break the mold? I received one to review, so let’s find out.

Hot Octopuss Atom cock ring
Image: Hot Octopuss

Hot Octopuss Atom

The Hot Octopuss Atom is a stretchy black silicone ring. There’s a large contact area with a raised nub at one end, designed to sit against the clitoris of the wearer’s partner during penetrative sex. The Atom is adorned with a simple silver-coloured plastic band featuring the speed buttons and the company’s crown logo. The company name is also stamped into the silicone. A drawstring storage bag is provided.

The Atom is USB rechargeable and waterproof. It has five vibration patterns as well as constant vibrations, each of which can be used on any of five speeds.

A word for those with girthier cocks: you’re gonna need lube, friends! This ring’s diameter is only about 1.5″. It is stretchy to accommodate most sizes, but getting it on can be a challenge if you’re not adequately lubricated.

Hot Octopuss Atom Review: What We Loved

Mr C&K and I tested out this toy together. Let’s start with the things we liked.

Most importantly, the Hot Octopuss Atom boasts by far the strongest vibrations I have ever felt from a cock-ring. They are powerful, rumbly, and satisfying on all levels. I love the additional clitoral contact and focused stimulation provided by the “nub.”

Ultimately, I’m unlikely to have an orgasm from a vibrating cock ring used in the traditional way. Unless my partner puts their penis inside me and then just sort of stays still, there isn’t the level of sustained clitoral contact required to get me there. So I have learned to manage my expectations. Even so, it adds an enjoyable extra later of stimulation for both of us.

It was also tight enough to actually have the desired effect of allowing my partner to maintain a stronger, harder and longer-lasting erection.

What We Didn’t Love

The biggest problem with this toy, from my perspective, is in the placement of the buttons. The two speed buttons are situated on either end of the plastic band across the top of the toy. This means that changing the settings during penetrative sex is difficult and will almost certainly interrupt your flow. We had to pause to look more closely at which button was which, and then to switch settings. This could be easily remedied with a remote control.

There is also quite a large seam where the plastic band connects to the main body of the toy. This area could easily be a germ trap, harbouring fluids and bacteria, so take the time to clean it properly.

Atom or Atom Plus?

Hot Octopuss actually released two cock-rings last year, the Atom and the Atom Plus. Though I have not reviewed the Plus, I will tell you what I know about it to help you make an informed decision. The main differences between the Atom and Atom Plus are:

  • The Atom features one motor primarily designed for clitoral stimulation, while the Atom Plus has two. The second motor offers stimulation of the perineum, the area between the testicles and anus, which is extremely pleasurable for many people.
  • The Atom is worn around the shaft of the penis, whereas the Plus fits around both the penis and testicles.
  • The Plus is, of course, physically bigger and more expensive (at the time of writing it retails for £69.95 to the Atom’s £49.95.)

Hot Octopuss Atom Review: Verdict

There are far too few quality, body-safe toys with good motors on the market for people with penises. Hot Octopuss are ahead of the curve in redressing that balance. If you’re looking for some additional clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex, or if you’ve tried vibrating cock rings in the past and found their motors too weak for you, give the Atom a try.

Mr C&K concluded that the Hot Octopuss Atom is “hands down the best cock-ring I have ever used!”

The Hot Octopuss Atom is available directly from the manufacturer as well as from retailers such as Shevibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, and The Pleasure Garden.

A banner ad for sex toy company Hot Octopuss, who sponsored a post on sex and mental health
Image: Hot Octopuss

Thank you to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Atom cock ring to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for Lovehoney Hummer review

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Hummer Penis Masturbator Wand Attachment

Published on by Amy

There are things that are a given when it comes to being in a relationship with me. You must have coffee in the house. I will make puns at you. And now, it seems, I will probably at some point ask you to put strange things on your genitals so that I can overshare about it on the internet. #DoingItForTheReaders. Thankfully, my stunt cock Mr C&K is a good sport, so he agreed to try out the Hummer, a masturbator wand attachment marketed primarily to cis men, so I could bring this review to you all.

Lovehoney Hummer wand masturbator attachment
Image: Lovehoney

“Wand Attachment for Men”: A Note on Terminology

The Hummer wand attachment is described as a toy for men. However, I have chosen to use the gender-neutral language instead, referring to “people with penises” and this toy as a “masturbator“. Gender isn’t defined by genitals.

I would like to invite all sex writers and sex-positive retailers to consider their language in this area and not ascribe genders to body parts or toys unnecessarily.

Hummer Masturbator Wand Attachment

Cis men and other people with penises often assume wand vibrators aren’t for them. It’s true that wands and wand attachments are primarily designed with vulvas and clitorises in mind. However, first of all, wands are for everyone and can feel good on any body part that enjoys the sensation of vibration. Secondly, this is where attachments come in. The right attachments can adapt your wand vibrator for use in various different ways.

The Lovehoney Hummer has a cap that sits over the head of the wand and a tube to insert the penis. When the vibrator is turned on, it transmits the sensations all along the user’s shaft. The Hummer’s tube is lined with ridges and little nodules for addiional stimulation.

The Hummer will fit the majority of wand vibrators. We used it with my Lovehoney Classic Wand and it was perfect, but it will also fit the Magic Wand Original, Doxy Original or Die Cast, and most standard-sized wands. It has a diameter of 2.2″ and is very stretchy, meaning it will accommodate the vast majority of penises.

A Note on Materials and Care

The Hummer masturbator attachment is made of thermoplastic elastomer (TPE). TPE is technically non-toxic in that it doesn’t contain known harmful additives such as phthalates. However, TPE is porous. This means it will harbour mold and bacteria, can only be cleaned at a surface level, and cannot ever be fully sterilised. The material will also become unstable and break down over time.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of masturbators and wand attachments for people with penises are made of TPE or a similar material.

I’m less opposed to TPE for penis toys than I am for insertable toys. The outer skin of the penis is much less likely to pick up an infection than a mucous membrane such as the inside of the vagina or anus. However, I still recommend approaching TPE products with caution and always choosing silicone instead where options exist.

If you get a TPE wand attachment or masturbator like this one, you should clean it with gentle soap and warm water and allow it to dry thoroughly. Do not boil TPE. Check your toy for mold, black spots, or visible damage to the material before every use. With infrequent use, it might last a year. If you’re using it more often, though, I recommend replacing it every few months. Don’t share a TPE toy even if you and your partner normally engage in fluid exchange.

Hummer Masturbator Wand Attachment: In Use

In terms of experience in-use, the Hummer attachment was an absolute hit with Mr C&K.

He needed plenty of lube to slide the Hummer over his cock comfortably. The material is stretchy, but it’s also quite “grabby” so I recommend lubricating the toy generously regardless of your penis size. Water-based lube is your best for TPE toys.

When we switched on the wand, I was immediately impressed with the strength of my partner’s reaction. He described it as “like a wrap-around Doxy.” After reaching orgasm in record time, he declared the Hummer “surprisingly effective!”

For user experience alone, top marks from both of us.

Lovehoney Hummer: Verdict

My ultimate verdict on this one is mixed.

I’m loathe to wholeheartedly endorse a TPE toy due to the porous material. I’d love to see someone create a version of this made of silicone. With that said, neither of us can fault how enjoyable it was in use.

If you’re willing to replace it every few months, have at it. If you want something that’ll last you forever, this unfortunately isn’t it.

The Hummer masturbator wand attachment retails for $19.99 from Lovehoney US and £19.99 from Lovehoney UK.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Hummer and a collection of other wand attachments for review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are mine.

Learn how to find and work with a sex positive therapist

How to Find and Work With a Sex Positive Therapist

Published on by Amy4 Comments

When my nesting partner, Mr C&K, and I moved in together, we decided to get joint therapy to help ease the transition and navigate some past traumas that were impacting our relationship. However, as kinky, polyamorous folks in a mixed-orientation and age-gap relationship, it was important to us to find a sex positive therapist who wouldn’t pathologise us.

We got incredibly lucky. The first person we found was, and is, absolutely amazing. She listens to us, believes our experiences, doesn’t pathologise our identities or practices, and educates herself on the issues that impact us.

Most people, however, are not so lucky. It can take a long time to find a good sex positive therapist. Folks with marginalised identities such as queer folks, trans and non-binary folks, people of colour, and disabled or neurodivergent people may struggle to find good sex-positive therapy even more.

These are five strategies I found helpful. Maybe they’ll help you, too!

Use an Appropriate Directory to Find a Sex Positive Therapist

There are directories of kink-aware and sex-positive therapists and other professionals, where you can vet your prospective therapist for specific knowledge and competencies.

Try the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (multiple countries, somewhat US centric,) the Open List (US only) or Pink Therapy (mainly UK), or do a Google search for sex-positive therapists in your area.

Ensure Your Therapist is Sex Positive By Putting Everything on the Table Upfront

When I say “upfront,” I mean “ideally before the first appointment.” You’ll probably talk to a potential therapist on the phone or by email, and this is a great time to tell them anything you want them to know before setting up your first appointment.

This can be a difficult and vulnerable conversation to have with a stranger. But if you want to ensure that you’ll be getting informed, aware, sex-positive therapy, it’s so worth it. By the time you get into their office (or Zoom room), you’ll feel confident that they understand and respect you for who you are.

Be Matter-of-Fact

Your identites aren’t the problem, so don’t apologise for them. A sex positive therapist will take on board that you’re queer, non-monogamous, kinky, or however you identify and won’t pathologise you for these things.

If your therapist acts as though your sexuality or sexual identities are problematic, or tries to convince you they need to change, fire them immediately and find someone else.

Not sure how to put it? A great sentence is something like: “Just so you know, for context, I’m queer, polyamorous, and I practice BDSM. Do you know what those things are? What that means to me is…”

Expect Them to Educate Themselves

If you manage to find a sex-positive therapist with lived experience of an identity like yours, amazing. But if they’re not already an expert, educating themselves is their job.

Of course, you will need to talk about what words like “polyamorous” or “kinky” or “sex positive” mean to you. But at the end of the day, you’re paying them to help you. That help includes educating themselves. If they’re taking up a lot of your session asking you basic or 101 questions, suggest some resources and move the conversation on. If they make no effort to learn, they’re a bad therapist.

Don’t Be Afraid to Steer the Conversation

Therapy is your time, so don’t be afraid to steer the conversation in the direction you want it to go. “I’d really like to focus on…” is a useful phrase. Again, if your therapist insists that an aspect of your sexuality is a problem when it isn’t problematic for you, think about moving on.

A good sex positive therapist will never use any expression resembling “you wouldn’t have this problem if you were [monogamous/vanilla/etc.]”

Remember You Deserve Top Quality Care

Therapy is expensive, unless you live in a country with a functioning socialised mental healthcare system (lucky you if so.)

You deserve the best care from your therapist. Good sex positive therapy is a relationship built on trust, and you can end the therapist/client relationship any time if things aren’t working out. Please don’t settle for someone who doesn’t treat you – all facets of you – with the respect you deserve.

If this piece helped you, please consider buying me a virtual coffee to say thanks!