If, like me, you masturbate regularly, you might sometimes feel like your masturbation routine is getting a bit stale. That just means it’s time to change things up! The good news that there are loads of things you can do to keep your solo sex time interesting.
Try some of these suggestions…
Experiment with different kinds of touch
Do you always touch yourself in much the same way? Try experimenting with touching yourself in different places, in different ways, and at different speeds and levels of pressure.
Don’t just go straight for your genitals. Try touching your nipples, inner thighs, stomach, arms or anywhere else that feels good.
Take your time, and pay attention to your body’s authentic responses.
Read some new erotica or watch some new porn
No judgement if you always gravitate to the same scene or the same story to get yourself off! But trying out some new erotic stimulus can be a great way to keep yourself out of a masturbation rut.
Try joining a feminist porn site or checking out some new sexy erotica. Keep an open mind and you might be surprised what turns you on!
Treat yourself to a new sex toy
Do you always masturbate with your hands or with the same toy? If you can, treat yourself to a new toy that intrigues you. Sex toys are one of the best ways to experience a world of different sensations all by yourself.
If you’re not already using lube for your masturbation, give it a go! Lube isn’t just for partnered sex and it isn’t just for people who struggle with dryness. Lube keeps everything slippery wet and friction-free, making for a more fun and pleasurable experience. It can also add different sensations, keeping your masturbation routine varied.
If you have a lover you don’t live with, this one is easy. But if you’re single and feeling brave, there are chat sites, cam sites and phone sex lines you can use to enjoy sexy chat with another person while you get yourself off.
Remember: tip well if you’re using a paid site, and never give out any personally identifying details!
What have you done to mix up your masturbation routine?
The Masturbation Monday meme is run by Kayla Lords. Click the logo to see what everyone else is getting off to this week, and please buy me a coffee if you find my work useful! Plus don’t forget it’s #MasturbationMonth and I’m working with Lovehoney to bring you sexy content all month long.
I’ve had these harness briefs and this dildo in my “to review” pile for ages.
Unfortunately, I don’t have sex with vulva owners super often, and the dildo is a little too big for my current pegging adventures with my penis-owning partner, so it took a while for me to have chance to test them. However, I’ve now tested from both the giving and receiving perspective, so I feel prepared to tell you all about them!
I’m reviewing these items together, even though you purchase them separately, because I received them – and tested them – as a pair. Do I think it’s a match made in sexy heaven? Read on to find out…
I LOVE these briefs! The material is a soft and stretchy black cotton/spandex blend, which makes them super comfortable against the skin. They also didn’t leave me over hot or unnecessarily sweaty.
They come equipped with a 1.5″ O-ring (slightly stretchy) which can accommodate most harness-compatible dildos or packers. There are also two strategically-placed inner pockets where you can put a vibrating bullet, ideal for giving some clitoral stimulation to the wearer.
Though I’m cis and pretty femme, I really enjoyed the masculine aesthetic of these boxer-style harness briefs. As they’re comfy enough for day to day wear, they’re ideal for trans-masculine folks who want to wear a packer as well as for play purposes. I enjoyed pairing them with my glitteriest, most ridiculously colourful femme dildo, because fucking with gendered norms is my jam.
They’re even machine washable! Just stick them on a gentle 30 degrees cycle and air-dry, and you’re good to go.
A note on sizing:
The Peepshow product listing helpfully contains the waist circumference of each size of briefs. However, as they’re super stretchy, don’t worry if you’re between sizes or a bit over or under.
Mine are a size Medium. My play partner wears a UK 8 and she was able to wear these comfortably, though they were a touch big for her. I’m currently wearing a UK 16 and the Medium was, though wearable, a little on the small side. I’d be more comfortable in a size up. I’m actually seriously considering buying another pair in Large because I love them so much.
Broadly, I’d recommend a Small if you’re a size 6-10, Medium for 12-14, Large for 16-18, and XL for 18-20 (all UK sizes, I don’t know how that translates across the pond!) Sadly, XL is the largest size they go up to.
I was given the choice of three dildos with my Temptasia harness briefs, and I chose the Jezebel – in part for the beautiful red colour! It’s a gorgeous bright crimson, and the base is a heart shape. Cuteness galore!
The Jezebel is a 6.1″ long (5.3″ insertable) dildo with a diameter of 1.5″ and a gentle curve, making it ideal for g-spot stimulation. The flared suction-cup base makes it ideal for harness play, for sticking to surfaces for hands free fun, and even for anal play.
The Jezebel is made of 100% smooth, body-safe silicone. Clean with a sterile medical wipe or gentle soap and water, and stick it in a pan of boiling water or in the top rack of the dishwasher to completely sterilise. It’s latex and non-latex condom compatible, and will play best with water-based lube.
How do they play together?
Brilliantly! The positioning of the Jezebel dildo inside the Temptasia harness briefs was perfect for g-spot stimulation (as the receiver) and easy positioning and thrusting (as the giver). These items were clearly designed with use together in mind.
Do I recommend them?
Yes! This is the most comfortable and user-friendly strap on harness I’ve ever tried, and these items pair perfectly together. And at $24 for the briefs and $21 for the dildo, you really can’t go far wrong!
Thank you to Peepshow Toys for sending me these products to review. As ever, all views are my own. If you make a purchase through any of the affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission. Images are by me – do not use them without permission.
So, I finally got my hands on The Butters – the lube that the sex blogosphere has been talking about for as long as I’ve been on the scene. It came free with a toy from my friends at Peepshow, and to be honest it’s been sitting in my “to be reviewed” box making me feel guilty for a couple of months.
I finally gave it a go during an extended play session. Let’s have a look, shall we?
I was first introduced to the existence of this product by my dear friend Kayla Lords. (If you don’t listen to her podcast, it’s wonderful in many ways but it’s worth it just for the way she says “lube”).
It’s created by Jerome Nichols, the brains behind LTASex, who describes himself as a “kinky, polyamorous, black, gay, socially woke stoner millennial“. (You want to be best friends with him now, right? I definitely do). He started making The Butters products in his kitchen in Ypsilanti, MI in 2016 and it’s grown into the amazing business it is today.
The Butters is an oil-based lubricant made from a small mix of simple ingredients. It comes in little tubs which remind me of the tubs of bath and shower products that you get from Lush.
The Butters retails for $5 for 2oz (great for travel, if you’re just testing it out to see if you like it) or $12 for 8oz.
Let’s be clear: this lube has plenty to recommend it. It has only 9 ingredients, and they’re all completely natural, plant-based and healthy for your body. The main ingredients are aloe vera, shea
butter, coconut oil, and extra virgin olive oil. There’s also grapeseed oil, palm kernal oil, soy lipid emulsion (which comes from soybeans), apple cider vinegar, and arrowroot gel. Nothing harmful, toxic or questionable in there!
According to their website, each ingredient is chosen for its specific properties. Shea butter, for example, is moisturising as well as being an anti-inflammatory and having a lovely smell. Coconut oil is amazing for the skin and used to aid treatment of a wide variety of skin conditions, and has long been considered suitable as an intimate lubricant.
The Butters is also vegan, in the sense that it contains no animal-derived ingredients and is not tested on animals. As a vegetarian, it’s really important to me that my intimate products are cruelty-free. A perfect choice if you want a guaranteed cruelty-free oil-based lube.
The Butters Original Lubricant has a lovely, creamy, pale-yellow colour to it, and a nice smell – I guess that’s the shea butter at work. It’s actually marketed as lubricant and moisturizer, so you can also use it to make your skin super soft!
Oil-based lubricants do not play nicely with many barriers, and will break down things like latex condoms and dams. Therefore, The Butters is generally not a good choice for you if you’re using barriers. Stick to water-based or silicone-based lubes in that instance. The one exception is that The Butters is safe with polyurethane barriers.
Oil-based lubes are safe with all body-safe toy materials including silicone, hard plastic, borosilicate glass, treated wood, treated ceramic and stainless steel. It also doesn’t damage leather, should you attempt to slap your own cunt with a piece of leather and get lube on it. Or something. (I can neither confirm nor deny personal experience of this particular issue).
Also: since this lube is in a tub rather than a pump or bottle, you have to dip your fingers into it to get some out. Wash your hands thoroughly first, or better yet use a sterile non-latex glove, otherwise you’ll contaminate your lube with germs and possibly risk giving yourself an infection. Even better still: decant a little bit from the main container into a smaller one with a clean spoon before play.
So did it work for me?
Sadly… not really. I really, really wanted to love The Butters. I cannot tell you how much I was prepared to love this product and rave about it. Unfortunately, it just didn’t really do it for me.
I don’t like the feeling of oils on my hands. When I cook, if I get some oil on my hands I have to wash it off as soon as possible as I find the sensation of it on my skin really unpleasant. Same with massage oils and so on – I can cope for a short amount of time, but the feeling of them in my hands cannot be described as enjoyable. So, I suppose, an oil lube was never going to work super well for me.
I smeared a generous helping of The Butters over my dildo and rubbed it in, as well as putting some directly on my vulva. Sadly, then I had to stop and wipe my hands on a nearby towel. I didn’t enjoy the feeling of touching myself using this lube. The feeling of the oil was just really… distracting? I don’t want to come away from touching my vulva going “urgh now I need to wash my hands immediately”.
Also getting it off after was a nightmare. As you’ll know if you paid attention in science lessons, oil repels water, so washing it off is a hassle. My cunt still felt unpleasantly oily even after a good wash.
I hate to have to say this lube didn’t work for me, but there you go. Bodies are different and mine goes “nope!” to oily textures.
So do I recommend it?
To be absolutely clear, I don’t think this is a bad product. On the contrary, I think it’s basically a great product. I am 1000% here for natural, body-safe, vegan lubricants. However, this experience has taught me something, and that is that oil-based lubes aren’t for me. That’s not a slight on The Butters by any means – it’s just my preference.
If you don’t like oil-based lubes for the same reason I don’t, this product won’t work for you. But if you do like oils, this might just be the highest quality and safest one you can get.
You can buy The Butters from Peepshow Toys, and send a small commission my way to help support the blog. I really encourage you to try this one for yourselves and see if you like it – so many people love it, and it’s body-safe and cruelty-free, and we should all be supporting the work of queer POC entrepreneurs like Jerome. I’m really disappointed that the lube didn’t work for me, but I’ll be going back and buying some skincare products from The Butters, for sure.
Do you enjoy my toy reviews? Then please consider becoming a Patron! Supporters get bonus content every single week and will receive the first chapter of my new erotic novella by email on signing up.
Peepshow Toys, one of my newest affiliates, already have a track record of sending me great products to review. Did you know that EVERYTHING they stock is body-safe, too? This means not only that the toys are free from phthalates and other toxic components, but also that everything is non-porous and the lubes they stock don’t contain nasty ingredients. Basically, you can buy with confidence from Peepshow!
Let’s meet Madonna…
The Luxe Collection Madonna, by NS Novelties, came in my latest shipment. It’s a straight insertable vibrator of 6.9″ in total length (about 6.5″ insertable). It’s round at the base and then flares into a slightly wider, gently ridged hexagonal shaft, ending in a smooth pointed tip. The Madonna is rechargeable via USB connection to a magnetic charging port on the base. It is fully waterproof, and comes with a storage pouch. I really appreciate when companies include storage bags with their toys and wish more would do so.
This toy is available in two colours, pink and purple. I’m not a fan of pink toys – there are too many of them, and to be they play too much into stereotypical narratives about femininity and “what women want”. I’m much fonder of purple, which is my favourite colour and also The Official Colour of Bisexuality.
The Madonna is covered in smooth silicone, which is soft to the touch as well as non-porous and body-safe. Cleaning this toy is a breeze as it’s waterproof – just use warm water and gentle soap, and/or a body-safe sterile wipe. As the toy is seamless and smooth, there is nowhere for bacteria or nasties to hide.
The shape of this toy makes it condom-compatible, too, so if you’re sharing it without sterilising it first you can just pop a barrier over it for safety. As ever, I recommend a good quality water-based lube.
The Madonna does not have a flared base, and is therefore NOT anal-safe. Please do not ever put something inside your ass that doesn’t have a flared base or long handle, as it could get lost. At best, this is embarrassing and painful, and at worst it’s a serious emergency. Please just don’t take the risk. There are so many fabulous anal-specific toys to use.
As you’ll probably know by now, my G-spot does NOT like vibrations. I have stopped even testing vibrating toys against my inside bits, because there is simply no point – they won’t work for me and I cannot report on their merits with any objectivity. I did try inserting this toy with it switched off, but the texture and ridges of the shaft did not work for me. You’ll want to bear this in mind if you were considering this toy for internal use. Some people love ridges, bumps and textures, but for others they can be seriously uncomfortable.
However, where the Madonna really came into its own for me was – you guessed it – as a clitoral vibrator. As soon as I turned the Madonna on, I was surprised by the strength of the vibrations. Even in my hand, they felt extremely strong. It boasts three constant speeds and four patterns, and each one offers powerful and rumbly vibrations. This toy, paired with some of my favourite smut, quickly brought me to a deep and satisfying climax. I was even able to get some pleasure from the patterns, which are often a complete waste of time for me! I also didn’t get any of the horrible numbness or tingling that so often accompanies buzzy vibrations.
The pinpoint tip of this toy is really nice for precise stimulation. If you prefer broader or less focused vibration, laying the length of it across your vulva and clit is also extremely effective.
The Madonna operates via a simple one-button interface. You hold this button down to turn the toy on, press once to cycle through the patterns, and hold it down again to switch off. I do prefer toy interfaces where you can scroll both ways through the patterns and speeds (i.e. turning down as well as up). It’s reasonably quiet in use – if I switch it on in my bedroom, I can slightly hear it from outside the room with the door closed, but I cannot hear it at all in the next room.
Do I recommend it?
Yes, if… you’re looking for a rumbly vibrator for clitoral stimulation – or something for internal stimulation and you like textured or ridged toys.
I have to admit that I wasn’t expecting much from this one. Perhaps this is my bias showing, but I internally went “oh, another vaguely phallic-shaped generic vibrator with crappy power. Yawn”. But simple can sometimes be effective, if done well, and I’m really pleasantly surprised by the functionality of this toy. The level of power and the versatility between pinpoint and broader stimulation are the real selling points for me. Go get yours!
Thank you to Peepshow for sending me the Luxe Madonna Straight Seven vibrator to review. If you purchase through my affiliate links, I make a small commission. As ever, I promise to only recommend products I stand behind, and all views are and will always be my own. Pictures are by me – do not reproduce them without permission.
This is the latest in a series of wand attachment mini reviews. Check the wand attachments tag for the whole set!
Facts ‘n’ Figures
The Deluxe Silicone G-Spot Wand Attachment is a silicone cap that fits over your wand vibrator with a dildo-type appendage to allow for penetration and stimulation of the G-spot. It also sports a series of gentle nubs on the base designed to stimulate the clitoris once the shaft is inserted.
The insertable length is 5 inches and the circumference just 3.5″, making this a slimline insertable toy. It’s also completely smooth, so it’s super comfortable to insert. The colour is a lovely bright purple.
This attachment is made entirely of silicone, which is phthalate-free, non-toxic and non-porous, making it completely body-safe.
If your wand happens to have a porous head (some unfortunately still do, including the famed Magic Wand Original), using a silicone attachment is a great way to make it fully body-safe. Likewise, if you’re sharing your wand between partners and you’re not fluid-bonded, using attachments and swapping them out between users is an easy way to protect yourselves from unwanted fluids and potential STI transmission.
You can clean this attachment with a toy wipe or sterile medical wipe (I buy mine in bulk from medical suppliers,) and throw it in a pot of boiling water/a 10% bleach solution/the dishwasher to sterilise thoroughly.
Remember: this attachment is waterproof, but your wand probably isn’t! And as ever, water-based lube is recommended.
I just… ugh, I really really don’t like strong vibrations inside my vagina or on my G-spot! It’s much more uncomfortable and painful than pleasurable for me. So I cannot honestly say I enjoyed using this attachment.
However, this doesn’t mean it’s a bad product! It’s body-safe and well designed, and will work well for plenty of folks. It just wasn’t for me due to my body’s preferences. Despite this, I’m going to keep it in my collection as I’m certain it will work really well for the vulva-owners I play with who do enjoy intense vibrations on their G-spots.
Do I recommend it?
Yes, if… you like (or are wanting to experiment with) strong internal vibrations. If you like strong dual stimulation it may also work really well for you.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Deluxe G Spot Attachment and a collection of other wand attachments for review. Check out the wand attachments tag for all reviews in this series. If you buy using my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission. All views are, and will always be, my own. Pictures are property of Lovehoney and used with permission.
My sex kit is a weird place. There are the usual suspects, yes – dildos and vibrators aplenty, lube and condoms and dams, paddles and crops and canes (oh my!) But amidst these, there are a few truly unexpected items. I thought it might be fun to share some of them, and the stories behind them, with you all.
1. A balaclava
Here’s a confession for you: I’m kinda ridiculously into hard, dark and scary consensual non-consent (“CNC”) scenes. In particular, I’m really into home-invasion scenarios where a masked stranger breaks in and does all kinds of terrible things to poor helpless me. Him covering his face with a balaclava, with just small eye-and-mouth-holes cut in it, not only adds to the creepy vibe but also helps with the suspension of disbelief – it’s all much hotter if I can forget, even for a few moments, that it’s actually my loving partner under that mask.
Alternate use: a bondage hood without the price tag.
2. A bag of chocolate-coated coffee beans
A pick-me-up after hard play (or any play!) is important. It helps to regulate blood-sugar, bring you back down to earth gently, and stave off the potential for sub- or Top-drop. Chocolate coffee beans combine pretty much two of my favourite things, and the combination of sugar and caffeine is great for a quick energy boost. I’m usually allowed a few of them after a play session.
3. A medical thermometer
Another thing I go absolutely mad for is medical play scenes. Something about being “examined” by a filthy minded doctor or experimented upon by a mad scientist (whose “research” inevitably involves extensive sexual frustration) just drives me absolutely wild. The thermometer is used to measure the temperature of my cunt as more and more depraved things are done to me. (We also have swabs, which he uses to take “samples” of my wetness).
4. Drum brushes
Drum brushes look a little something like this. They’re apparently used by drummers to get softer sounds than regular drumsticks. In our world, though, they’re viciously stingly hitty things… and also perfect for poking into inner thighs to keep a naughty subby’s legs spread.
5. A plastic disposable shower curtain
I love hot wax play, but it’s messy as fuck. (Ask me about the time I nearly destroyed my ex’s shower). We don’t really want flakes of wax getting all over our bedroom floor, and venue owners certainly don’t want it getting all over their nice clean club. So we keep a big plastic shower curtain (the kind you can buy for a quid from Wilkos or Poundland) in the bag, and it works perfectly as a huge, easy-clean-up, easy-disposal wax play sheet.
Also useful for blood play, watersports, food play, and extensive squirters.
What about everyone else?
Just for fun, I also threw this out on Twitter and to some of the perves I know. Here’s just a handful of my favourite answers…
In my hook up kit – tea bags (dates always only have coffee apparently)
In my toybag – twine, 10c coins, cotton balls, a bag of laddered thigh high stockings, possum tail, high heel locks
— Siren Vandoll ?Birthday April 30!! (@thesensiren) April 8, 2018
“Plastic cups – for degradation play involving withholding toilet privilege then making me pee in a cup in the garden.” – Anonymous
“Sometimes a small jar of honey – the little ones you get at hotels, in case I drop on the way home and need a pick-me-up.” – Anonymous
“Some condoms from Japan. I’ve never been to Japan.” – Anonymous
I’m still taking answers if you’d like to tweet me and share yours!
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The main thing I’m looking forward to over Christmas, apart from my mother’s cooking, is spending some quality time with Mr CK and having some hot filthy sex. We’ve both been sick lately – first me, then him, now me-again-but-still-him-a-little-bit-too. Combine this with the fact that my day job works me into the ground from early October to late December, and kinky fuckery has been thin on the ground lately!
In the spirit of the holidays – a time when lots of us are visiting or being visited by family – and also the fact that Mr and I will be going on an Actual Honest-to-Goddess Vacation in January, I thought I’d share some of my favourite sexy travel essentials and tips with you all.
These are things that are small enough to throw into an overnight bag or carry-on, easy to use discreetly… and not likely to raise any questions at airport security if that’s a thing you have to contend with.
Sample packs of lube
Lube is an absolute essential to me – I often don’t get wet enough to have intercourse comfortably without it, even when I’m really turned on, plus it’s a great shortcut in those “oh look, the family have all gone to the store, we have fifteen minutes” moments.
A large bottle is problematic when traveling, though. It’s bulky when you’ve got limited packing space, and frankly I’m always terrified it’s going to leak all over my clothes. Sample size packs are perfect – they’re tiny, light, don’t leak, and you can discreetly dispose of the packet at the end of playtime.
Alas, my Doxy is neither discreet enough for sneaky quiet fucks while staying in the family home, nor likely to get through airport security without raising some serious questions. I still want to be able to use a vibe while traveling, though, so the key is to take something small and not too loud.
I’ll be packing my We Vibe Tango and my Rocks Off Bamboo, for sure. Whatever vibe you’re taking with you, remember to travel-lock it or take the battery out while you’re on the move. And don’t forget to pack the charging cable!
Travel-friendly kink toys
The family home is not the place to crack out (see what I did there?) the 6 foot singletail. Things like floggers or even hand-spanking are probably out, too, if you’re sharing space in close quarters with people who don’t want to hear what you’re up to!
(Disclaimer: I don’t promise your sub will be quiet when you use the latter on them.)
Some underwear that makes you feel really sexy
When it’s difficult to find the time or privacy to fuck or masturbate, but I want to remind myself that I’m a sexual being, wearing some really sexy underwear under my clothing helps me tap into my sensuality. When no-one else knows it’s there, it’s my private little sexy secret – all for me.
If a lover gets to see it hours later when I peel off my clothing, that’s a bonus. But the point of wearing it is just to feel good in my body.
Mr and I are fluid bonded, so our safer sex kit is small, but we usually pack a few things – especially if there’s any chance at all that we’ll have the opportunity to hook up with anyone but each other. Your preferences will inevitably vary, but some condoms, some nitrile gloves and some dams, a pack of sterile wipes (for toy cleaning on the fly) and some alcohol gel are our essentials. Of course, if you’re on any kind of regular birth control, take that with you too!
Tweet me and tell me what your seasonal travel essentials are!
Affiliate links are contained in this post. All opinions my own.
After my less than “Satisfying” go with the original Satisfyer Pro 2 a few months back, I approached the Pro Penguin Next Generation with a healthy degree of skepticism. This is probably why it’s been sitting on top of my pile of “to review” sex toys in the living room for the last week until today it eventually guilted me into testing it.
(What? Yes, I keep a pile of sex toys in my living room. Doesn’t everyone?)
Cute little thing, isn’t he? (“It looks like a penguin!” said Mr CK, when I showed him the toy without telling him what it was called.)
So how did I get on?
Like all Satisfyer toys, the Pro Penguin Next Generation uses a suction nozzle and pressure waves of air to create stimulation to the clitoris which feels sort of like vibration only… different. Basically, the idea is that the waves stimulate the clit without actually touching it. This means you get none of the numbness or tingling that can occasionally accompany use of more traditional vibrating toys.
So, I applied a little water-based lube (Sliquid, always and forever the only lube I will unreservedly recommend to everyone!) to the nozzle, applied it to my clit, opened up the porn and set to, erm, work.
My first reaction upon switching the Penguin on was that it’s a little loud. But the sound is dampened a lot (read: almost entirely) once the nozzle of the toy is against the body.
To begin with, I must admit I was underwhelmed. Pleasant sensations one second became too intense – so intense as to be painful – remarkably quickly. It’s so precise that the slightest shift in position threw me off my game. This is definitely a toy that takes some practice.
Here’s a thing you should know about me: I always, always, always wank lying on my bed, either flat on my back or slightly propped up against some pillows, with my legs spread wide. I wank left handed (shout out to my fellow lefties!) and depending on the toy I’m using, I usually use my right hand to spread my labia to enable easier application of a toy to my clitoris – or more accurately, the hood or underside, as direct contact on my clitoral glans is usually painful for me. So naturally, I went to this trusty position. The problem, then, was positioning the toy so that it caught the right area without catching the “so intense it hurts” area.
But today I discovered something cool. Turns out I can masturbate with my legs nearly closed! At least, that’s how the Pro Penguin Next Generation worked for me. I don’t quite know why – maybe something to do with bringing all those yummy sensitive bits closer together under the suction cup instead of having them spread out? But it turns out that applying it GENTLY to my clitoral area with my legs almost completely closed was the magic button for me. Once I’d found this, the Penguin brought me to a slow-build, sheet-clutching, oh-my-godddddd orgasm that Mr CK could hear from several rooms away.
Ooof. I guess this suction toy thing can work for me after all. Who knew?
My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)
Price: ★★★★ The Penguin retails for £49.99 at The Pleasure Garden and $49.95 at SheVibe. This will be out of budget for some, for sure, but it’s not an obscene price for a luxury and well-made toy. Satisfyer have consistently lower prices than their main competitor, Womanizer, whose toys start at £84.99.
Materials: ★★★★★ The nozzle piece which makes contact with the genitals is silicone, and the main body is smooth coated ABS plastic. This makes the Pro Penguin entirely body-safe as well as a pleasure to hold.
Appearance: ★★★★ It looks like a little penguin, which is cute and all but also… a bit baffling? I really wish I’d been a fly on the wall of the Marketing meeting where someone went, “we’ve got this brilliant new sex toy technology. You know what would make this product even better? Let’s make it look like a PENGUIN”. Still, the sheer adorableness makes it non-threatening, it’s not pink, and it has a little bow-tie which I find hilarious, so let’s go with it.
Ease of Use: ★★ As outlined above, it definitely takes some work to figure out exactly the right spot to place it for your particular body. My advice when using a suction toy, especially if you’re new to them, is to try to throw out preconceptions about what your body likes and where/how you like stimulation. These toys might feel superficially a bit like vibrators, but they’re actually quite different.
The Pro Penguin Next Generation is small and not too heavy. The shape of the body means it fit nicely into my much-smaller-than-average hand. The main button on the front switches the toy on and off as well as controlling the speed, and is nice and easy to press. A really nice feature this toy has, which was lacking in the original Pro 2, is the ability to turn it down as well as up without cycling through all the settings.
Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★ The silicone nozzle tip is removable, which is useful. That meant I could simply wash it with hot water and soap in the bathroom. I did get some sex fluids on the end of the body of the toy, but that was easy to clean with a sterile wipe. It’s possible that the open nozzle could harbor bacteria, so be extra thorough when cleaning it. It is waterproof so could be submerged for a more thorough cleaning.
The Pro Penguin cannot be used with a condom or any kind of barrier, but the nozzle ends are changeable and you can buy extras. It would be easy to swap them if sharing with a non fluid-bonded partner. One thing that would have been nice would be to have a couple of spare nozzles included with the toy.
Versatility: ★★★ It basically does one thing, but that’s okay because it does it well! You can easily ramp the intensity setting up and down to suit. The toy is waterproof which means it can be used in the bath or shower. (Not being a bath-wanker, though, I have no idea how well this works or if the water affects how the pressure waves feel.)
Intensity: ★★★★ When I first turned the Pro Penguin Next Generation up to max, I thought, “this thing isn’t going to do anything“. (Remember, I’m obsessed with extremely powerful toys.) I was wrong. Remember: it’s not a vibrator, not as such. It works differently. Even at the lower speeds the sensation was meaningful. When I turned it up to maximum speed it delivered a lovely, intense-but-sensual kind of stimulation. I’ve heard some people say it resembles oral sex and I still really don’t understand this comparison, but it might be something to do with the way that this thing caresses your clitoris.
Overall Score: ★★★★ A fun and playful toy that requires some experimentation, but with perseverance delivered a great orgasm. I enjoyed it a lot and am happy to give it a strong endorsement.
This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This does not in any way affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own. Please support the blog by buying through the affiliate links in this post.
There are a lot – a LOT – of sexual lubricants available on the market today. Go into any sex shop and you’re likely to see rows upon rows of them. How do you even begin to know which to choose?
A lot of it is down to personal preference, compatibility with your particular body, and dependent upon what toys, condoms etc. you’re going to be using it with. I can’t tell you the perfect lube for you. What I can do, though, is point out some toxic ingredients commonly found in commercial sexual lubricants (as well as toy cleaning solutions, if those are a thing you use) which we would all be well advised to avoid.
What they are: Parabens (butylparaben, methylparaben, and propylparaben) are preservatives. They are commonly used to prevent bacteria growth in cosmetics and other products.
Why they’re toxic: They’re xenoestrogens – meaning they mimic oestrogen in the body. Oestrogen disruption has been linked to breast cancer and other reproductive issues and in a 2004 study, parabens were found in malignant tumours. What’s more, there’s some evidence that they can be stored in the body and have an accumulative effect over time.
What they are: Pthalates are a common ingredient in cosmetics, lubes and many soft plastic or “jelly” sex toys. They’re used to increase flexibility, durability and longevity in plastics. In lube and other cosmetics they can be used as binding agents or softeners. Why they’re toxic: Research suggests that prolonged exposure to pthalates can alter the cycles of reproductive hormones with effects including delaying or suppressing ovulation. Studies have also linked them, variously, to asthma, ADHD, breast cancer, diabetes, neurodevelopmental issues and male fertility issues. The International Agency for Research on Cancer classes DEHP, a common phthalate, as a possible carcinogen. Some people have even experienced chemical burns when using products containing pthalates on their genital areas.
What it is: A colourless liquid found in all natural plant and animal fats, although it can also be produced synthetically. You’ll find it in lots of lubes because it is a humectant, which just means it attracts moisture to the area where it’s applied. It has a slightly sweet taste so is likely to appear in a lot of flavoured lubes in particular, but it pops up all over the place. Why it’s toxic: Sugars and sugar derivatives simply do not belong in your vagina. Glycerin can increase the presence of candida, and this in turn can lead to yeast infections.
What it is: It’s what makes certain products smell nice. Beyond that? We haven’t a clue – under UK law at least, “parfum” or “fragrance” is a catch-all. It could mean any combination of hundreds of different potential ingredients which do not have to be listed separately.
Why it’s toxic: If you don’t know what it is or what it’s actually made up of, then I strongly recommend not putting it in your body.
Any numbing agent
What it is: Typically found in lubricants designed for anal sex, ingredients like benzocaine or lidocaine are basically anaesthetic agents. They’re used to partially, or even completely, numb the area they’re applied to.
Why it’s toxic: Do I really need to spell this out? If you need a fucking anaesthetic to have sex, then THIS IS SEX YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE HAVING. These products are sold on the strength of the idea that the receiving partner (particularly a female receiving partner) doesn’t actually want to be penetrated, and that anal sex is inevitably going to be painful and unpleasant.
There may be some discomfort with anal at first – that’s normal and why going slow and using plenty of (body-safe, non-toxic, no-freaky-ingredients) lube is vital IF it’s something both parties are enthusiastically into the idea of doing. (If you’re not: don’t do it. If your partner isn’t: don’t pressure them to do it!) Even more dangerously, pain is your body’s way of signalling that something is wrong. If you can’t feel it, you won’t know if sensitive tissues are being torn. Real damage can be done this way, which at best will be uncomfortable for a few days and at worst can be a serious medical emergency. JUST SAY NO TO A NUMB BUM.
To sum up:
You read the label when choosing foods, right? Please, please do the same when choosing lube, toy cleaner and even condoms (those “delay his climax” condoms, for example? They probably contain numbing agents.)
There are really good, safe, body-friendly products out there made by amazing ethical companies. They’re worth looking for. Ask for recommendations from those in the know, do your research, and above all READ THE LABEL.
My top pick for lube, always and forever, will be Sliquid.
I started this blog, in part, to realise my passion for informed, honest, transparent and freely available sex education for everyone. If the information here was valuable to you, please consider buying me a virtual coffee or even becoming a sexy patron. Thank you!
Hello perverts and gentlequeers! I hope you’re all having a sexy Monday so far. (Is there anything less sexy in general than a Monday morning?)
A quick one today, before I head out to work.
There are so many amazing sexy products out there on the market today – SO many. And we all have our own preferences for our own reasons, which is wonderful. Today I wanted to share my current Top Five bedroom aids with you all. (Subject to change, because I’m always discovering new stuff and also my cunt is fickle.)
The Doxy is the world’s most powerful wand massager. It’s mains powered and a giant beast of a toy. Mine was the first gift Mr CK ever gave me and remains the best present I have ever received from a lover. It’s the only toy that is more-or-less guaranteed, if it’s held in the sweet spot, to give me a quaking clitoral orgasm in ten minutes or less. (Two minutes or less if I’m really worked up.) Seriously, this company should hire me as a sales rep – I don’t even know how many friends and lovers have bought one on my glowing recommendation at this point.
I’m sure we all know the importance of good lube. I’d been having sex for about 4 years before one of my partners introduced me to the miracle of lubricant (the men I’d been with before then had been very much in the camp of “if you need lube, you’re insulting my masculinity. GET WET WOMAN.”) I’ve tried loads of different lubes over the years but Sliquid is my favourite by far. It’s water-based, all natural, body safe, vegan, unflavoured, unscented, easy to clean up, and there’s even an organic range. Particular shout out for the Sassy Booty Gel, specifically designed for anal sex (and ohhhh so good.)
Anyone who knows me will know I looooove rope. I love it for many reasons: the scent (I’m a natural fibres girl and it just smells so beautiful,) the aesthetic, the coarseness or softness against my skin, the safety of being tightly held by my lover’s ropes or the thrill of having them helpless in mine. Most of all, though, I love the versatility. A partner can tie me to the bed for a quick-and-dirty fuck, or they can spend an hour or more doing an intricate tie where the rope itself is the sole purpose of the scene and our underwear doesn’t even come off. Rope can be sensual or painful, loving or cruel, a means to an end or the end in itself. And whichever of these it is, I just love it. (My rope of choice is 4mm or 5mm poly-jute, but you should seek advice and choose what’s right for you.)
Now these are interesting. They’re essentially little weighted silicone balls that go inside the vagina and are held there by the vaginal muscles. They’re great for kegel toning (which can lead to a stronger pelvic floor and, in theory, more powerful orgasms,) but that’s not why I love them. For me they’re a dirty thrill, a sexy little secret: I can wear them under my work uniform, under a ballgown at a posh dinner, under my workout clothes, and no-one is any the wiser. This is particularly sexy when a Dominant lover has ordered me to go out in them, knowing they’ll keep me worked up and horny the whole time they’re in. Not to mention that I can clench my muscles around them repeatedly and bring myself to a vaginal orgasm in less than a minute.
I love gender-fuckery. I love fucking a guy in the ass. I love fucking a woman’s cunt. I love love love watching a partner’s pleasure when they’re on the receiving end of my cock. Is there any wonder I love strapping it on? Strap-on sex is a great equalizer – anyone can wear the toy and anyone can receive it inside them, regardless of gender or anatomy. It removes assumptions of who will be the fucker and who will be the fuckee based on genital configurations. (Mine is the Unisex Strap-on Harness Kit from Lovehoney, but again there are loads of options and you should shop around to find one that works for you.)
A toybag can tell you as much about a person as a bookshelf. What are YOUR top five?